The Cutie Mark Ripper

“Next stop, Ponyvillie!” The conductor yelled.

“Finally!” Luster shouted, watching the window as the train stopped. She imminently noticed two things: One, four guards waiting at one of the doors and the draconequus himself, Discord, waiting at the station with one of the Princess' friends, Fluttershy. As soon as the doors opened, Luster rushed out to meet with the guard, “Hello officers.”

“Greetings Luster Dawn.” One of the stallons said, “Discord is right over there, but before you go, can you please tell us what Jokes Kard looks like?” He asks as the other guard stops anyone from leaving the train.

“Oh yes yes!” Luster got excited, “She’s a kirin mare, blue coat, purple mane, green details, and dark green eyes.”

“Thank you, Luster Dawn.” The guards quickly became organized and filed everyone to look for Jokes Kard. Luster for her part walked up to Discord and Fluttershy, who seemed to be having a conversation.

“Now Discord, when working with Luster Dawn, can you promise me you won’t be too chaotic? She isn’t used to your chaos magic.”

Discord rolled his eyes, “Oh fine. But I’ll only do it because the author of this fanfiction can’t seem to figure out how to write me.”

“Oi! No breaking the fourth wall!”

“Sweetie, the audience can guess the ending from a mile away, you aren’t fooling anyone.”

“What?! You don’t know what I have planned.”

“I am a Spirit of Chaos, oh dear author Bravery, I have ears everywhere.”

“Well fine. You can break the fourth wall but that is it. Also, don’t tell characters things they should know yet.”

“Oh ok fine. But you aren’t any fun.”

“Who are you talking to Discord?” Fluttershy perks up.

“Oh, no pony important.”

Jerk…

Luster Dawn walks up to them, “Uh… Hello. I’m sure you’re Discord, right?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe I’m just Discord’s cousin, Princess Eris.” With a snap of his claws, Discord transformed his head into a pink bird with ram’s horns and peacock feathers, “Oh look at me, I’m Princess Eris! I am the alternate-universe Lord of Chaos and I keep evil Celestia on a leash!” He quickly changed his head back to normal, “Oh how I dislike her. Yes, I am Discord.”

“Oh! That’s good.” Luster shifted a bit and took out her notes, “Now uh… Can we go somewhere private? I don’t want anyone to hear.”

“Oh of course! I know a bunch of places. How about-” Fluttershy steps in before Discord could snap his fingers.

“You can review your evidence in my cottage. It’s far away enough so no pony will bother you.”

“Thank you, Fluttershy.” Luster Dawn said. She then turned her attention back to Discord, “Teleport us to Fluttershy’s home!”

“Oh ok fine! No need to shout, I’m right here.” With a snap of his claws, teleport the three of them away.

Meanwhile with the guard, one of the mare guards exits the train as it leaves the station, “Anything?” One of the stallion guards asks.

“No… There were no kirins on this train.”

“Any changelings?”

“No. No changelings on this train.”

“That’s… Unusual… We must report this to the Princess.”

“Ahead of you sir.” The other mare guard says.

“Ummm… Sir?” The other stallion guard peeps, “Do you think this could be one big wild goose chase?”

“Maybe.” The veteran says, “If this Jokes Kard wasn’t on this train, we might as well have been hoodwinked! Tell the princess at one!”

“Yes sir!” The other guards say while saluting.

The veteran stallion steps aside and looks to the town, “In Ponyville… Anything could happen. Whether that’s for the better or the worse…”

Luster Dawn sits at a couch, watching as Discord reviews the evidence she had collected, reading glasses and all. Fluttershy comes out with a cart of tea and cucumber sandwiches, “Tea anypony?” She asks. Luster nods her head and Fluttershy pours a cup of tea and hands it to Luster.

“Goodness, even Celestia’s horn writing isn’t this bad.” Discord comments.

“Discord…” Fluttershy rebukes.

“It’s legible, but I must say, you need to work on your horn writing Luster.” Discord levitates a teacup and the teapot, flipping the cup upside down as the tea pours upward into it, “Although, I must say, you truly are Twilight’s student if you are this diligent in your research.”

“Thank you. But I know I’m missing several pieces of information. Which is why I came to you.” Luster takes out more parchment and a quill, “I need to know if this ripper is taking the magic for themself or just killing ponies.”

Discord rolled his eyes so far they rolled onto the floor. He picked them up and popped them back in, “In case you didn’t know already, I can sense if there’s a magical imbalance.” He snapped his fingers on his lion’s paw and reappeared a few feet away from the crouch, along with a large wooden box with buttons and lights, with a consent stream of paper that has a spiky red line, “As you can see here in the paperwork, you can clearly see that… That…” Discord took a closer look at the graph, “That can’t be right.” his tone shifted to one more serious, “No no no, this magic is identical to Tirek’s magic stealing magic… But he’s still trapped in stone, how could this be possible.”

Fluttershy and Luster Dawn exchange looks of worry. Luster gets up from her seat and to Discord, “Is there a problem, Discord sir?”

“Is there a problem? Is there a problem?!” Discord gets into Luster’s face, “Twilight’s right about this being a crisis!” He snaps the equipment away and starts pacing around the room, “This is major! Equestria never faced a threat like this! Not when Nightmare Moon returned, not when I returned, not when Chrysalis attacked, not when Sombra returned, not when Tirek returned, not when the Storm King invaded, not when Cozy Glow drained the magic, not even when Chrysalis, Tirek, and Cozy Glow got powered up!” With every villain named, DIscord made a small figurine of them. He then threw them across the room, “None were as dangerous as they were, because they never killed any pony to get their magic!”

“Discord, you have to calm down.” Fluttershy flies up to him and hands him a paper bag to breathe with. Instead of the bag inflating, Discord’s neck inflates. He calms down and makes the bag disappear. He then hugs Fluttershy, “Oh Fluttershy! How I fear you may be next and I may not be there when you need it! I wasn’t there when the changelings captured you all those years ago!” Fluttershy pats Discord’s back.

“Ummm… Should I still be here?” Luster Dawn asks.

“Oh? Did you get the information you need? Fluttershy asks.

Discord immediately answers, “Whoever this Cutie Mark Ripper is, is stealing magic in a similar fashion Tierk did when he stole everypony’s magic way back when. I should also point out that they are masking their antics with various spells so the magic becomes more dispersed. That’s why I didn’t detect anything sooner. Got all that L.D?”

While Discord was talking, Luster was furiously taking notes, “I think I do. Thank you for your time Discord.”

“It’s no problem at all.” With a snap of his fingers, he takes the saddlebag Luser has been carrying around and plops it onto her back with all her notes in it, “Now hurry along, go make Equestria safe!” Luster nodded and trot out of the cottage, off to figure out the case, “You know, author, you wrote me quite well.”

“Why thank you Discord.”

“Who are you talking to, Discord?” Fluttershy questioned.

“Oh, no one important Fluttershy.”

He he, Fluttercord forever…!