Author's Note

So here it is, my first ever story, and its a clop story with Dr. Strangelove references... God help us all.

I honestly have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to writing, but I did have a strong urge to write this smut. I did notice some of the formatting got a bit messed up by importing/pasting into fimfiction's editor, so I tried to fix that as best I could.

Please feel free to criticize and provide feeback, but do be gentle, we didn't establish a safe-word. :P

I'd like to hold off judgment on a thing like that

Luna could no longer hold back a sarcastic laugh as she stared at the scrolls in front of her with incredulity. Public Indecency laws? Sex outside of marriage illegal? And what the buck is incest?! Luna’s dark blue muzzle twisted into a frown. Has Celestia become such a prude in our absence? she snorted at the thought, sending a cloud of dust into the air as she continued to read.

Slowly her thoughts began to drift as the dry legalese of the scrolls gave way to memories from before her banishment. As the guardian of the night, Luna herself had brought the comfort of companionship to thousands of stallions and mares over the years, oftentimes in public places. She had become renowned for turning even the coldest hearts warm or making the stiffest hooves as soft as butter with her own skillful touch. While she had never been able to conceive a foal, something that had ultimately driven her towards the Nightmare, she had nevertheless celebrated the countless lives her elder sister had started back in those days.

Also often in public places! Tarturus! Luna thought, Celestia alone is probably responsible for most of Equestria’s population!

The thought sent a shiver down her spine.

But now here in this dingy library of dust encrusted legal documents, where Luna did her best to catch up on modern Equestrian Law, she couldn’t help but blow an undignified raspberry at the absurdity of her promiscuous sister enacting anything that would reduce sex among their little ponies.

Luna had made up her mind. I shall not abide such silly laws as these, we are Luna, Guardian of the Night! We shall continue to bring comfort to all who endure the dark alone.

None too gently, Luna rolled up the fragile scrolls and placed them back on their respective shelves. She then stood up shaking dust from her mane and wings before jumping out a nearby window and soaring into the cool night air. The dark blue alicorn gained altitude quickly as she flew above Canterlot. Flapping her broad wings, Luna hovered for a moment as she focused; her horn glowing brightly as she slowly raised the nearly full moon. Satisfied with her task, she directed her heading out into the surrounding territories.

The wind whipped past Luna’s twinkling mane as her powerful eyes scanned the countryside below, carefully looking for any lonely stallions or mares, burdened to wander her night with no companion. Luna didn’t have to fly for very long. She soon spotted a lonely unicorn mare walking along the twilight-lit path. The alicorn began her gentle descent, landing a few feet behind the unicorn on the packed dirt while making almost no noise.

River Sparkle sighed as she slowly trotted home on the road leading to her cottage. No lights marked the path -she knew it by heart- so even as the sky darkened and the moon was obscured by clouds, she moved with certainty.

Not like that extended to any other part of my life, she thought to herself morosely. I still can’t believe I didn’t work up the courage to ask Golden Petal out again. What the buck is wrong with me?! she sighed once more, examining herself as she continued down the pathway. Oh right, I’m a dirt-poor, unattractive mare that got a cutie mark in fishing... What would a successful and pretty shop owner like Petal ever see in my dull life? Tears stained her cheeks as she continued her nightly ritual of berating herself while walking home alone, always alone.

Luna gently trotted behind the quietly sobbing mare, finally deciding enough was enough she made her presence known. “Sweet mare with the silver hair, what troubles thee?”

River Sparkle stopped dead in her tracks as the nearby voice gently wafted into her ears. Spinning quickly, River searched for the owner of the musical voice. She gasped as she spotted the Lunar diarch standing only a few feet from her. Quickly bowing on instinct, River gasped again when she felt a cool wingtip lift her face.

The Lunar Princess smiled as she examined the lonely mare up close. River had a strikingly beautiful silver mane that was currently pulled back into a ponytail and complimented her more subdued bluish-gray fur, contrasting wonderfully with her sparkling green eyes. On her flank was a cutie mark showing a fish jumping from a stylized river.

The unicorn mare was more or less frozen in place as she watched Luna’s eyes roam over her. She could hardly think let alone form the words to ask what the princess wanted. Thankfully she didn’t have to wait long, Luna’s voice touched her ears gently. “My dearest pony, why do you find yourself alone on such a peaceful night as this, and why do tears stain your pretty mane and fur?”

The few thoughts River Sparkle had begun to form in her mind violently died in a multi-cart collision as the words echoed through her skull. Wait, did a Princess of Equestria just say my mane was pretty?

Ever since she was a foal, River had often dealt with ponies that made fun of her more subdued colors. Outside of some of the more eccentric Canterlot families that bred for dull colors, Equestria was a land of vibrantly colorful manes and coats. Being mostly grays, River stood out and not in a way that helped her self-confidence.

Luna was a master of reading body language and ticks and she could sense the mare’s inner doubts. Self-doubt was a feeling Luna knew well herself; how it could cause one’s mind to wander towards darker and darker thoughts. She decided to cut it off at the source, and prove to this mare that every pony under her night sky had worth.

Luna moved her wingtip from River’s chin and brushed her feathers along her cheeks, slowly drying the tear stains. After a few moments, Luna asked, “Child, what is your name?”

River Sparkle’s mind was a mess of conflicting thoughts, here stood one of the most beautiful mares she had ever seen, a Princess no-less, stroking her cheeks with a soft wing and asking her for her name. Her name... Crap! My name, my name, what’s my name?! River simply sputtered, “buh…” a dopey grin on her face as she leaned a little into Luna’s wing.

“I see.” Luna answered flatly, trying to hide a smile. “Perhaps it would be best if we continued this conversation somewhere comforting and familiar? Would you be so kind as to lead us to your home?”

River Sparkle’s legs began moving on autopilot. Yes, home good...she has such a pretty mane...home… walk… home. Luna simply followed the silly unicorn as she continued awkwardly down the road.

They soon reached the door to River’s small cottage, and even in the dark Luna’s alicorn eyes drank in the details of the quaint dwelling. While small, the stone cottage had been built on a lovely plot that sat adjacent to the gentle slope of a hill leading up to a copse of trees. A moderately sized garden filled with seasonal vegetables stood to the left of the entrance, promising a bounty for the upcoming Running of the Leaves Festival.

River Sparkle struggled with her magic for a moment before finally getting the cottage’s worn wooden door open, coming to her senses a bit, she turned and bowed to the Lunar Princess, gesturing a hoof towards the entrance.

Luna gave a small nod of acceptance and slowly ducked through the small entryway before stepping inside. The inside of the cottage was a bit cramped for an alicorn, but what it lacked in space it made up for in charm. The interior was mostly lined in a rich wood paneling and lit by the warm flickering mana lights embedded in the ceiling. Near the middle of the room, seating was placed in a semi-circle around a cozy looking stone fireplace, a fixture that would no doubt see much use in the coming months. Above the fireplace sat a large fishing rod with an intricately carved handle, the rod was mounted on a plaque made of silver. The plaque itself was enchanted to glow with a dim light, instantly drawing Luna’s inquisitive blue eyes to it. She stepped forward and began to study the finely crafted tool.

Luna’s study was interrupted as her host cleared her throat gently. “It was my father’s fishing pole, he gave it to me shortly before he was recalled to Canterlot a few years back.”

Luna knew what was coming next and swallowed a lump in her throat.

“He never came back. The...the Guard told me he was killed protecting the palace from changelings. So I placed it up on the mantle where he usually kept it, always told him it looked too pretty to fish with anyway.”

Luna studied the mare for a moment, ready to comfort her but was surprised when River Sparkle simply shrugged and walked into the adjacent kitchen. Soon after her voice carried out, “Princess, would you like any tea or coffee?”

Luna thought for a moment. “Lemon-mint tea if you have any, otherwise coffee would be most acceptable, thank you.”

River soon returned with a couple of steaming cups of sweet smelling lemon-mint tea, she used her turquoise magic to float one of the cups toward Luna who caught it in her own blue magical field. River stood stock still for a moment before nervously rubbing the back of her neck with her hoof. “I’m River Sparkle by the way Princess, sorry about earlier.”

Luna smiled gently and took a sip of her tea. “Mhmm, we find this most soothing,” Luna said, her smile growing. “Now, please let us sit and enjoy the comforts of an evening palaver,” she paused for a moment, “and please, just call us Luna.”

Soon Luna and River found themselves dancing between topics ranging from current events to how River Sparkle’s dad had helped her get her cutie mark. The now lit fireplace cast a flickering glow on their features as they chatted.

Luna listened intently to the young mare and occasionally shared her own stories, like the time when her and her older sister had tried to personally run a small crab fishing vessel back in their younger, more adventurous days. Luna ended the story as she pantomimed trying to rip a crab from her muzzle, causing River to let out a cute laugh.

Both mares grew more relaxed with each other as the night wore on and Luna found it opportune to begin steering the conversation towards more personal matters. “We wonder, dear River, if we may ask? Why does one such as yourself not find themselves walking home wrapped in the arms of a dashing stallion or eye-catching mare?”

River gulped, maybe it was the tea or the relaxing conversation, but regardless she pushed down her fear and replied, “But Princess, I DID come back with an eye-catching mare.”

So she does have some inner fire after all! Luna thought proudly to herself. Now she just needed to give the flame a gentle stoking to help burn away the unicorn’s inner doubts. A mischievous smile gracing her lips, Luna looked directly into River’s eyes before responding. “Indeed you have, fair maiden, now what shall this eye-catching mare do with you?”

Shit! Shit! River’s mind was on fire, Why did I say something so stupid to the mother-bucking goddess of the moon? And her answer, is she interested? Is she making fun of me? What do… what do?!

Luna once again could sense the building doubt in the small mare, she snuffed it out with ease. “Oh little pony, we are very much interested.”

Rivers' eyes grew wide. Can...can she read my mind? Oh buck me sideways!

Luna let out a small growl before huskily saying, “Oh, we intend to.”

Many hours later as the sun began to rise the worn green door of a small stone cottage opened to reveal a unicorn mare beaming happily into the cool morning air.

River Sparkle stepped onto the dirt path outside with newfound confidence and grace, stopping for a moment to turn back and wave to the blue alicorn that was now stretching her wings; preparing them for a long flight.

“Don’t forget to come by some time and we can go fishing in the nearby river!”

Luna smiled as she stretched and happily called back, “We will River Sparkle, and we very much hope your soon to be mare-friend, Petal will join us!” With that, Luna galloped along the road before flapping her powerful wings, taking off into the rising sunlight.

The silver-haired River Song continued her trip back to the nearby fishing town. Smacking her lips she realized she could still taste Luna. Blueberry and mint, delicious. Her thoughts turned towards her new quest and her smile became dangerous. Golden Petal doesn’t stand a chance in Tartarus.