Roight, wot's all 'dis 'den?

by -Watcher-

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Discord, Human, Main 6, Anon
Length: 1380

Local human, Anon, is a pretty normal guy. He goes to work, comes home, hangs around his apartment until bed, sleeps, and repeats. One day though, his friends notice something. . . off about him.

Local human, Anon, is a pretty normal guy. He goes to work, comes home, hangs around his apartment until bed, eats, sleeps, and repeats. Sometimes, he even spices things up and hangs out with his friends.

One day, his friends notice something. . . off about him.

I. . . I don't even know what this is. Enjoy?

Also, I just wanted to say I'm not trying to make fun of anybody what with could be called an anglo-derivative accent. I just thought it would be funny to take it to the extreme.

Published 2020-11-11 06:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-23 17:37:27 UTC

Chapter 1 - Animal Loicense?

Today was a good day for Fluttershy.

None of her animals were being fussy, not even with each other, and the sky was a marvelous cerulean. The clouds that did dot the sky were small, almost tiny, unnoticeable blobs of white and were almost swallowed by the warm light from above.

Her chores, which normally took her at least until noon, had been done by ten today, with the help of her little friends of course. The extra time allowed her some rare relaxation before heading to the preservation to check-up on how her new employees were doing.

It was a surprise to her when Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon volunteered to help her with the preserve, but it was a welcome one. Those two worked so well with the animals that Fluttershy rarely spent as much time as she used to there. Angel even approved of them, which was probably the most surprising thing.

And so, after her daily visit, she found herself laying near the small, humble garden beside her cottage, basking in the sun’s comfort and letting the soft breeze carry her worries away.

Today was a good day.

The serenity of her moment was interrupted by her ears flicking toward a noise coming from in front of her. It was a distinct clicking noise, like something was contacting a hard stone repeatedly. Slowly, she noticed it getting closer.

Fluttershy furrowed her brow slightly, her thoughts suddenly flooding with worry.

Tentatively, she opened one eye, wincing in preparation for whatever was disturbing the silence around her cottage.

Immediately, her eyes settled on a tall, two-legged figure approaching her at a brisk pace, arms folded behind it. She softened her expression considerably, a warm smile combing over the grimace.

After studying him for a brief moment, rose to her haunches and offered him a friendly wave of her hoof, which he immediately answered with a relaxed, two-fingered salute. He, too, was smiling a warm smile.

It was Anon, and even though he seemed in a pleasantly happy mood, Fluttershy’s smile faltered just a little.

She had gotten a good look at him now, and cocking her head to the side, she noticed something.

What in the world is he wearing?

Before she could continue her thoughts, Anon had reached her.

“Good afternoon, mum. How ‘as the day been treatin’ ya so far?” he said, gripping the tip of his strange hat and nodding slightly.

For some reason, his smile unnerved her.

It took her a few seconds to collect herself and focus on what he had just said. And how he said it. As her mind first truly heard what he had said, she found herself more and more confused.

Realizing she had still yet to answer his question, she stumbled out, “I-it’s been fine, Anon. . . how, um. . . how about you?” She couldn’t help the incline in her voice. Though, if Anon had noticed, he didn’t show it.

“Oh, it's been a roight ‘ole time fer myself, thanks fer askin’!” he said, a little too excitedly for Fluttershy’s liking.

It didn’t help that she could hardly understand what he was saying.

For a moment, she thought she should ask him to repeat what he had said, or to explain what he was wearing, or why he was here. All these questions would help her immensely, but she decided that pursuing the last one would be more appropriate.

“That’s. . . um, good I think?” She paused, looking up to him to gauge if that was the right response. When he simply smiled and nodded, she continued, “So, um. . . what brings you here, Anon? Not that I don’t enjoy your company of course,” she quickly added.

His confused expression at her question sent a bit of panic down her back, but it was quickly gone once he nodded in understanding.

“Oh, that’s roight, that’s roight. Where are my manners?” He stopped briefly to clear his throat before continuing, “Mum, I’m ‘ere to verify yer animal loicense.”

If Fluttershy was confused before, she was completely lost now, and she did nothing to hide that.

“M-my. . . excuse me, my what?” she said with as much confusion and complete non-understanding of the words spoken by Anon as she could muster.

He did not notice.

“Yer animal loicense, mum,” Anon calmly said, his smile never moving and his eyes ever losing their luster.

That did nothing to help her. Sighing, Fluttershy thought for a moment before speaking.

“Anon,” she began softly, “What’s an ‘animal loicense’?” she asked, trying her best to mimic how he said the word.

For the first time since they had started talking, Anon’s smile faltered and his eyes hardened slightly.

“Mum, are you tellin’ me ‘hat you don’t ‘ave an animal loicense, ‘hat you don’t even know wot one is?” he said, fixing her with a strangely harsh stare that made her shrink slightly.

She didn’t answer him right away, mainly because she couldn’t.

Looking down at her hooves, Fluttershy began sifting through what he could be wanting in her mind. She had never heard of a “loicense” for taking care of animals before, at least not in the way she was. She wasn’t profiting or anything from taking in animals or helping other ponies’ animals. She wasn’t even profiting from her semi-professional preserve, which did have an official decree of approval from Princess Celestia, though Fluttershy didn’t have documentation of such a decree at hoof. She had nothing to give him.

She had nothing to give him.

She had nothing to give him, and now she has to say that. To him.

The thought, for whatever reason, filled her with much more anxiety than she thought it should. It was like she was compelled to feel anxious, even if it was over something she was pretty sure wasn’t even a thing.

She tried to shake off the feeling, but it wouldn’t leave her. Somehow, she squeaked out a, “No,” which only made Anon shake his head in his seemingly infinite disapproval.

She shrank down even more, her eyes moving to his shoes, which were solid black and polished to a sheen.

How did those click in the grass?

Anon cleared his throat, and Fluttershy looked up to meet his eyes as he spoke.

“‘Hat’s a shame, mum, a roight shame. Gonna ‘ave ta wroight you up fer this,” Anon said, summoning a notepad and pen out of nowhere, which only confused Fluttershy more.

Finding her voice, Fluttershy began to ask what he meant by that, but Anon cut her off with a hand.

“No, no, you won’t be convincin’ me otherwise, I’m afraid.” He paused to write down something on the pad before speaking again, “Whelp, ‘hat’s all I ‘ad fer you. Should be gettin’ a loicense soon, though. Proices get steeper after the first one, mum.”

Before she could ask what he meant (again), he tore off a page from the notepad and held it in front of Fluttershy’s muzzle. Reluctantly, she took in her teeth, before grabbing it with her hooves to read it.

For what felt like the thousandth time today, Fluttershy cocked her head in confusion. She looked up to find that Anon had already started walking away, his shoes impossibly clicking on the grass.

“Good day, mum,” he called, not turning his head, his hands clasped behind as he strode away.

Fluttershy would have said goodbye, but her mouth was hung open, dazed by what had just occurred.

The grass shifted beside her, and she looked to find Angel hopping up to her foreleg.

Turning toward Anon’s form just disappearing over the hill, she finally murmured, “What just happened?” It was all she could think of to ask.

She looked at the paper once more and another question came to mind. She turned to Angel, who was tapping her foreleg.

“Do you know what a ‘1,000 pounds’ means, Angel?”

Her companion only offered a shrug in response. Fluttershy looked to the sky, closed her eyes, and took a long breath.

It wasn’t even 1:30.

Today was a weird day for Fluttershy.

Author's Note

I honestly don't know what to tell you.

I think I've finally lost it.

Chapter 2 - Business Loicense

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 3 - Strange Mornings

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.