The Parrot

by -TheStoryteller-

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Fluttershy, Flim and Flam
Length: 1095

On a day trip to Canterlot, Rainbow Dash finds a pet shop selling a rare parrot, and has to buy it. It doesn't go well.

Rainbow Dash decides to do something nice for her friend Fluttershy and buys her a rare parrot.

It isn't long before she discovers something not quite right about the bird...

Yet another MLP/Monty Python compilation.

Published 2020-11-15 08:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-15 08:50:00 UTC

Nailed to the perch

"Now you're sure this is a one-of-a-kind parrot?" Dash asked the shopkeeper.

"Absolutely!" replied the sleazy pet store owner, wearing an obviously fake beard and sunglasses. "Yeh won't find a nicer bird in all o' Canterlot!" He lit a cigarette before casting a bleary eye on the rainbow-maned mare. "Yew look like an intelligent, dicernin' lass. Surely ye won't pass up the opportunity teh make yer friend 'appy?"

Rainbow looked at the parrot, completely still in its cage, and asked, "Why isn't it moving?"

The shopkeep smiled. "Oh, that's just a quirk of the Norwegian Blue! It's just tired after a long squawk! It's got beeyootiful plumage, dunnit?"

"Well...if you're sure..."

The shopkeep smiled again. "Sure as mah name's 'Honest Dennis!" Trust me miss, yer friend will luv it!"

Dash's face lit up. "Sweet! I'll take it!" She handed over a stack of bits, and happily took the parrot in its cage with her.

The "shopkeeper" smirked to himself after she left.

"Sucker."

A few hours later

The door to the pet shop slammed open as an angry pegasus barged through the door, birdcage in hoof.

"Hey! There's something wrong with this parrot!" she cried as she set the cage down on the counter.

The shopkeep looked casually at her over his sunglasses. "The Norwegian Blue? What's wrong with it?"

"What's wrong with it? What's wrong with it?! I'll tell you 'what's wrong with it!' It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!" She stood there breathing heavily as she glared at him.

He smiled a confident smile as he smoothly replied, "Nah, miss. It ain't dead. It's restin.'"

Rainbow's eyes widened and her brow furrowed as she yelled, "Resting?! Then why did it fall flat on its back a few hours after I got it home?!"

"The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on its back. Beeyootiful plumage, yeah?"

Dash stomped her hoof on the counter. "The plumage don't matter! This bird is stone dead!"

He shook his head. "Obviously, yew don't know the first thing about parrots, miss. Why don't you show it to your animal caretaker friend?"

"I did!"

Several hours earlier

"Rainbow...why are you giving me a dead parrot?" asked Fluttershy.

Rainbow looked aghast. "It's not dead! The pet store owner told it was just tired after a long squawk!"

Fluttershy sighed. "I assure you, this is a dead parrot."

Rainbow stared closely at the bird through the cage. "Then why is it still sitting on its perch?"

Fluttershy joined her at looking at the bird, particularly at its feet. She pointed to it and said, "That's why..."

Rainbow looked carefully where Fluttershy was pointing, then scowled.

"That lousy, no good..."

"So when we examined the bird, we discovered the only reason it was still on its perch, was because it had been nailed there!"

The pet store owner lost none of his composure. "Well, of course it had been nailed there! I done yew a favor, mate! If I hadn't nailed it down, it would have muscled up to those bars, pried 'em apart wif 'is beak, and then? Vroom! Off 'e'd gone!"

"VRoom?! Buddy, this bird wouldn't "vroom" if you put four million volts through it! It's completely dead!"

He shook his head, the smile never leaving his face. "Nah...it's just asleep."

Dash clenched her teeth as she said, "Fine! If it's asleep, I'll just wake it up!" She bent her head low over the cage and shouted, "Hello, parrot! Wakey, wakey!" Quick as a wink, the shopkeep shot out a hoof and hit the cage.

"There! See? He moved!"

"No, he didn't! That was you nudging the cage!"

The shopkeep looked shocked and held a hoof to his chest. "Wha, me?! I never did!"

Ignoring him, Rainbow opened the cage, took the parrot out, and slammed it a few times on the counter. "Wake up, parrot! WAKE UP!" She then threw it into the air, where it flipped over twice and landed on the floor with a thud.

They both stared down at it as the silence grew. Finally, Dash said, "Now that's what I call a dead parrot."

The shopkeep cleared his throat. "Hmm, well, I guess I'd better replace it then, shall I?"

Rainbow stared at him. "Would you? That would be peachy."

The shopkeep left and went to the back of the store, while Dash stood there tapping a hoof. When he came back, he said, "Well, I've just 'ad a look around, and it seems we're right out of parrots."

Dash let out a frustrated sigh. "I see. What have you got?"

"I...um...I've got a slug." He grinned at her hopefully.

After staring at him for a few moments, she asked, "Does it talk?"

"Dennis" looked sheepish as he answered, "No, no not really."

"Well then, that's hardly the same, is it?"

"Tell you what," he said as he produced a business card and hoofed it over to her, "...if you go to my brother's different pet shop three doors down, 'e'll replace yer parrot."

Dash raised an eyebrow as she asked, "With a live one?"

"Dennis" put one hoof over his heart, the other in the air. "Sure as my name's 'Honest---" but she cut him off.

"I've heard that before." She picked up the cage and turned to go. "Three doors down?"

He nodded. "To yer left, miss."

She snorted then left the store. As soon as she did, the shopkeep got on the phone.

Dash paused only long enough to read the words, "A Different Pet Shop" over the door, before shaking her head then pushing her way in. She looked up to see another pet store owner, completely identical to the one she'd just left, in the process of hanging up a phone. He turned to her with a sunny smile.

"Sumthin' I can do for yew, miss?"

Dash grit her teeth as she said, "Yes. Yes, there is." She slammed the cage down on the counter. "You can replace this bird."

The brother's eyes grew wide. "The Norwegian Blue? What's wrong wif it?"

She was just drawing in breath to scream at him when suddenly they were both interrupted by a pony in a colonel's uniform barging into the shop. "Right, then, that's quite enough! Stop this sketch at once!"

Both Rainbow and the pet store owner exchanged glances. "Why?" they said at the same time.

"Because it's gotten silly! I'm head of the Department For Non-Silly Sketches, and this one has gone too far!"

Rainbow stared at him.

"What a stupid concept."