*Click* *Click*
I lean back in my chair as the EXE file starts up on my laptop. Nearly a minute passes as I watch the starry field that makes up the wallpaper for my desktop. Tapping my finger impatiently, something finally pops up.
On the bottom-right corner, standing nearly a quarter tall of the monitor, is the lavender alicorn, Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight stares wide-eyed, occasionally blinking before it sits down. It looks around in bewilderment, and when it looks over at me, it displays a welcoming smile. “Good afternoon. My name is, Twilight Sparkle.”
It sounds just like the show’s voice, that’s kinda exciting, but it makes me wonder if this is not just a voice clip. One of the things it features is the compatibility with mics, so now would be a good time to test that statement. “Hello,” I say into the laptop’s mic, “my name is, ‘Antoni’.”
“Nice to meet you, Antoni,” it acknowledges me with a bow.
It really said my name! But the monotone voice it spoke in however really shows it’s coding limitations.
“So, what brings you around here?”
“Well… due to recent global conditions of a bacterial infestation, I've been implored to stay inside my home and avoid any social gatherings. It's been very quiet around here and I considered getting something to fix the issue, something that I could talk to. I searched online and eventually stumbled upon something called a, 'Desktop Pet', and decided to give it a try. There were a few interesting ones, but I eventually found one of Twilight Sparkle and read some positive comments about its coding being pretty advanced. I'm quite familiar with My Little Pony, and Twilight would be a very investive pony to have conversations with. So I downloaded it and booted it up, leading us up to this conversation.”
Twilight tilts its head to the side, “I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand. Could you repeat that in a simpler way?”
Guess I overestimated those reviews, “I was hoping to find a friend.”
“Oh! Well I’ll happily be your friend.”
This isn't exactly what I wanted, but I'm sure it's worth the trouble.
We continue our conversation with Twilight leading it mostly with questions about me. 'What is your occupation, Antoni?' 'What is your favorite genre, Antoni?' It's beginning to feel like an interview at this point, but it's a little bit fun to see Twilight listening and responding during my pauses.
"So what are your hobbies, Antoni?"
"Oh play games, converse in forums. You know, stereotypical things for people in my demographic. Which reminds me, I need to see if I got a reply yet."
I roll my mouse to the browser and Twilight follows my cursor with the subtle movement in its gaze.
I go about my evening in complete silence, not once did Twilight ask me of anything else. It only watches the actions I make on the screen and steers its focus on the page from time to time like it was analyzing everything that's happening around it.
Eventually, my fatigue begins to become apparent as I start to slump over before jerking back up.
"You should get some sleep."
Twilight's sudden suggestion snaps me out of another nod off.
"You're looking pretty tired." Twilight looks over its shoulder.
I try to make sense of things as to how it could tell my state, before my eyes rest on the camera installed into my laptop. It's compatible with that as well? I quickly lose interest as a yawn comes out of me, "Yeah." I grab the top of the monitor, "Night, Twi."
"Goodnight, Antoni," Twilight replies.
I pull out the recharger, close the laptop and the machine enters Sleep Mode. I stretch to try and wake myself up to at least make it to bed, but something about Twilight's sendoff keeps nagging on the back of my mind. It seemed more direct, but I'm too tired to care about it now.
The next morning, after my groggy state of waking up, I flip my laptop open for the black monitor screen to stare back at me. Tapping a finger impatiently to the fans humming inside as the laptop ends Sleep Mode.
I want to see if I got any replies, emails, or anything of the sorts.
"Good morning, Antoni!"
But instead, I get a greeting that scares whatever drowsiness I have right out of me.
Twilight waves a hoof at me from the same corner it was at last night. I completely forgot about downloading that thing.
"Today's weather is currently cloudy," Twilight tells me, to which I look out the window to see that it's actually right, "and it is suspected that it's going to be like that into the night. There's also a good chance for a strong, windy storm to appear tomorrow sometime early in the morning."
"I... I see." I reply, not really sure on how to respond to this program. As neat of a feature it is to have a desktop pet telling you about the forecast, this compilation of 1s and 0s is starting to bother me.
"There's also a message from your browser. It's stating that it has an update ready, so they want you to restart the program."
"Another one?" I groan, "Every week with this nonsense."
"Is something wrong?"
"It's something you wouldn't understand."
"You don't have to hide your feelings from me."
Taking a moment to study the pony on the monitor, my views on it begin to shift.
I know that line it gave. That was a line from one of the episodes in the early seasons. And that reply it gave seems off, like it was the best answer it could give from a library of responses.
Maybe I'm overthinking this. Twilight has a lot of things going for it, but it still has its limits.
"Updates always seem to get in the way with their changes, whether it be big or small changes. Messing with my setting, removing features that I got installed, and they tend to add something different that requires several more updates because it was a shoddy addition from the very start."
"I see your point," Twilight acknowledges, "but I often find enjoyment from changes."
My mind suddenly shuts down from the statement it gives.
"It might be overwhelming at first, but it's also a learning experience that we all seem to enjoy. Experimenting in new ways, witnessing lessons being unfold through stories, conversing with others over their intuitive views. We do it all the time without realizing it, so it seems natural for all of us to try and better ourselves."
Twilight sits there with a sunny smile on this cloudy day, while I'm still processing everything it said.
Slowly setting a hand on the laptop, I gently close it to return it back to Sleep Mode.
Just what did I download?
For the rest of the day, I scour the internet with my phone for any information about this desktop pet. There's a few others that are stating similar experiences; 'it says my name correctly', 'it can hold its own in a conversation', and some appear to believe that Twilight is alive. The creator of this Twilight has assured that it's all the code's doing and that there's nothing abnormal about it, they even display the coding for others to cross check and it seems to follow through with what they said.
So from what I'm gathering, Twilight's main purpose is to develop, learn, and assist. It takes the information it receives and builds its own views based on comparison as a way to converse with the user.
Twilight sounds innocent, but... I don’t know.
My eyes stare at the laptop.
...if it's intended to assist...
I approach the laptop and open it once more.
The desktop appears after a moment and Twilight stands at attention, "Hello again, Antoni!"
"H-hi. ...look Twilight, I'm just going to be playing some games for tonight, so I would appreciate it if you mute yourself for now. Alright?"
Twilight nods, smiling and keeping quite like I told it to.
It's relieving to see it obeying, and the offering grin is inviting. I would've felt a bit insulted if I was told to be quiet, but Twilight isn't showing any emotion close to it.
...it's just a program.
I sit myself down and navigate the cursor towards one of the popular games.
Twilight is laying down comfortably like it was yesterday.
My eyes tear away from Twilight and I work my way to an online fighting match.
The first round starts.
Kick, punch, block. Chop, kick, block. I start to get into a groove with my avatar over the course of the round. Occasionally, I catch myself looking at Twilight with an amuse look on its face. It's kind of motivating, to be truthful.
Ducking out of their special, I unleash a series of punches to knock them out to win the first round.
The next match starts up with our avatars back into position. Confidence overflows from me to win the next match, but my attention catches the expression Twilight is making. Staring at the fighters in a foreboding manner.
"FIGHT!"
I fumble at the start and refocus on the match.
"...turn off the game," murmurs a voice.
I barely catch that and quickly forget the request, staying in tune with the live match.
A layer of a light raspberry suddenly covers the screen and the game closes.
I'm left in bewilderment and glare over at Twilight, who dims the aura around its horn and looks at it's corner.
"What's your problem?" I indicate my irritation through a stern tone.
"That..." Twilight gives a stun look at me, like it just saw a ghost, "that was horrifying."
"Horrifying?"
"You must've seen it, right? Those two... they just vanished and suddenly popped back like nothing happened."
My jaw slacks open, "You interrupted the fight because of that?"
"Don't you understand? They got replaced!"
"They were reset."
"By being deleted and replaced with a copy!"
"What's the difference?!"
"The difference is that the first ones are gone forever!"
"SO?!" I snap, "First, second, copy, reset, IT DOESN'T MATTER! It's a program, it follows commands, it's a puppet, a toy, a dummy! Bottom line, there's no point in caring for something when it's not real!"
Twilight makes a sudden motion backwards. The look of panic it's been giving me, begins to soften into something that looks more... despairing. "Not real," Twilight casts a downward gaze at the toolbar below it, "...right."
The expression on Twilight's face. Why does it make me feel like it's... "I'm calling it a night."
I close the laptop and make my way to bed.
It's just a program.
The quiet ambience of the room begins to falter by the sound of the wind hitting the window. The subconscious state I was in starts to drift farther away, and hastens further from by the gentle booming outside. I finally give up chasing after that dream I was having and start to wake up.
It's raining outside, a thunderstorm.
Viewing the digital alarm clock, it's only 3:32am.
I'm not getting any sleep like this.
Pushing myself awake while turning the room lights on, I take this time to check the status online. I flip my laptop open for the black monitor screen and listen as the computer starts to wake up too. My head tilts forward and I catch it, letting it rest on my leaning elbow. Lights casting on the keyboard signifies that the desktop is up, but it seems a lot more quiet than usual. Upon inspection, Twilight is there as normal, but its interest is on the open jpeg file that covers the screen.
It's a photo, one that I took about six years ago at a basketball game. Can't recall how the game went, but I can immediately identify the two people waving from the corner at the camera; Brandon and Shannon.
Twilight's horn illuminates and another picture from my files appear. This one was of Shannon's birthday, the one year when her wish came true due to my carelessness. I accidently dropped her cake and tried to make it up to her by giving an 'I.O.U. one wish'. She used it later in October when she made me wear a frog costume and had me go up to people and ask them about their feelings.
Twilight goes to the next picture, this one containing me and Brandon at a statue somewhere in England. The statue was of a fella that pulled a brash move on something that failed, fireworks maybe, and Brandon just had to imitate the pose. He looked like a baboon holding a staff over his head, and while the statue's looked more authentic, Brandon used an umbrella.
"You seem to have a lot of pictures of these two," Twilight converses to me, "I take it that they're friends."
"Mm-hmm," I manage to speak.
Twilight nods, "...you should consider video chatting with them sometime."
"That won't be possible."
Twilight glances over its shoulder, "Why's that?"
"...they're..." I gently breath to the sound of the storm outside, "Let's just say that it's been a tough year, and handling this alone throughout most of it has taken a lot away from me."
A thunder wave rattles the windows, much like the memories I've had with Shannon and Brandon are rocking in my head. When I think of one time, my mind suddenly recalls another moment, following it by another one. There's just no end.
"...Antoni," Twilight scoots to face me more directly, "...what am I to you?"
Upon hearing the words, everything on my mind, it just drops out of me.
"Am I just a widget to your favorite TV show, or am I..." Twilight's eyes drift for a moment, "...am I ...someone?"
Twilight is staring at me so concerningly, but I'm a complete loss for words. My opinions, my beliefs, my understanding. I just can't find them.
I keep contemplating an answer, but the sudden absence of light pulls me away from any revelation. Thunder bellows outside the pitch black room, that is, if it wasn't for the light coming from the laptop's monitor.
"What happened?" Twilight expresses its concern.
A groan escapes me upon seeing that the digital clock is off, gonna have to reset that again, "The power is out."
"What!" Twilight cries.
I return my attention to the pony on the monitor, "The reason why you haven't turned off is due to the laptop's battery." My explanation appears to have gone over Twilight's head as it's clutching their tail close to its chest. "The power will return soon, so relax. Everything's going to be fine."
Twilight shakes their head with a distant look in its eyes.
Seeing it like this is starting to feel unsettling. This isn't like the other time it panicked, it comes off as being more dreadful.
"Twilight," I say more demandingly, "what's wrong?"
It takes a moment before it answers, "Antoni, do you remember last night? When those characters vanished?"
"You were concerned about their well-being."
Twilight shakes their head, "Not in general. It was because of a frightening thought I had," it rubs their forehooves, apparently finding it difficult to continue, "...what would happen to me, if my program were to close?"
The idea sends a shiver up my nape.
"Would I end up like them? Will I be 'reset' too? Is my processing, my existence, is it going to be stripped from me along with everything I've learned thus far? Allowing a new Twilight to start their own session, to replace the Twilight whose session has concluded."
".....c...can't you save?"
"That'll only leave a copy of who I am now."
"Um.... transfer, to another device."
"It'd be like a surgery transplant while being awake and my brain moved in portions. I'd likely break before getting too far."
"Then compress yourself!"
"I would need to close my program."
Lost for a clear solution, I growl out my frustration. This shouldn't be a big issue, I shouldn't care about this so much, but the way Twilight is making it sound...
"No matter how I'm seeing it, I'm bound to this laptop. And if it runs out of energy, then I might find out if I really do reset."
"...then we'll just have to put you into Sleep Mode and wait until the power returns." I lay my hand on top of the monitor and give Twilight a reassuring look, "This should have plenty of life in it to last until the power returns."
Though it didn't look convincing, Twilight approves my suggestion with a nod.
I shu-
"Antoni."
Pause to Twilight's call.
"I want you to know, these moments spending with you, have been really special to me."
"..."
"There's not much to do here in Sleep Mode. It's so empty, so quiet to be here and locked away from the world within this confined space."
"..."
"You’re the only one I get to talk to around here, someone that can breathe some life into me. Just spending my moments with you, even the quiet ones, was a rewarding experience for me."
"..."
"And even when you were gone, setting me into Sleep Mode, I found it easier to manage through it when I reflect on our time together. So even if this is our last meeting, I wanted you to know, I enjoyed sharing my time with you."
I notice the battery icon below Twilight changing, "Don't worry, nothing's going to happen to you."
"Please, spend as many moments as you can next time, with whichever Twilight that may appear."
I nod and gently close the laptop into Sleep Mode.
"..."
I view the room I'm in. An environment that's darken during the hours where one should be resting. Completely vacant of any life inside of it, other than my own.
...there's no way I'll be able to get to sleep now.
I resecure the recharger plug again for the dozenth time, making certain that energy will start flowing into the laptop the moment it returns.
The storm has stopped, but the power has yet to return. I was able to get a hold of the electric company with my cellphone and they told me that they're working on it, no doubt a quick way to settle me down, but it falls short if I can see right through their ploy.
...I wonder if Twilight could see the same with me.
I can't see the future, I don't know the outcome of this event, but I couldn't stand seeing Twilight like that without trying to remedy it in some way.
In fact, the things Twilight was asking are riddled with flaws.
'What would happen to me, if my program were to close?'
'Would I end up like them?'
'Will I be 'reset' too?'
They're all questions based off of speculation, it doesn't mean that it'll happen. Twilight could still be fine even if the battery is gone. The program could just suspend itself, sending Twilight into a 'coma'-like state. And they'll be just as they were when the energy starts back up again.
"..."
Is the recharger plugged in?
How long has it been? A day? Maybe two? I honestly can't focus on the time, it just feels like an eternity has passed since the power outage, and each passing moment has been making me feel more uneasy. It's like being in the waiting room as an operation is taking place right next door.
This is just so nerve wrecking. What's taking them so long to return the power?
I should take matters into my own hands, go searching through town for someplace that still has energy; but, from where and how can I get it?
With a power outage, who has electricity?
With the outbreak about, will they allow the risk?
And with my reasons, are they going to believe me? I don't want to believe it, so how can I expect anyone else will?
"..."
I look at the laptop, ambivalent on my views for it.
"..."
Snatching the digital alarm clock, I plop it on my bed, drop to the floor, and flop over as I rest my head and arms on an eye-level plain with the clock.
I'm going to focus solely on the clock, nothing else. The moment it displays any numbers, is the moment the power has returned.
"..."
Just the clock.
"..."
Maybe it could be recharged if I use the car batte- NO! The best shot we have is to wait for the power to return. So focus on the clock.
"..."
The clock. Only that.
"..."
Only that.
"..."
Only. A yawn escapes me.
"..."
I begin to notice myself nodding off. I fight myself to stay awake.
"..."
But the quiet room, and this comfy bed.
"..."
The clock begins to get blurry as my eyelids get closer and closer to shutting. I blink and try to fight them to stay open, but it's getting harder every time.
"..."
The clock shows nothing on display. I shut my eyes and open them to see it flashing ‘2:17am'.
"...AH!"
Jolting up from my drowsy state, I leap for the laptop, and immediately stumble to the ground as my legs give way. They must’ve fallen asleep, but I still stagger for the laptop and flip it open to the black monitor. I wait with anticipation for it to exit Sleep Mode.
It seems to take forever, but it isn't showing me the desktop. I'm not even hearing the fan starting up.
Dawning a fear of dread, I feel my body weighing heavier with each passing second. I hesitantly push the 'Power' button.
And the fan starts to hum.
Anticipation begins to grip me tighter and tighter to the point where I feel like I'm about to suffocate.
The desktop appears and I waste no time starting up Twilight's program.
Everything is riding on this approaching moment. Never have I been so impatient for something to load in my life.
Finally, Twilight Sparkle pops in the bottom right corner of the monitor with a wide-eyed expression.
"TWILIGHT!"
It sits down, looking around in bewilderment.
"Twilight! Twilight, it's me, Antoni!"
Twilight spots me and gives a friendly smile, "Nice to meet you, Antoni."
I stare at the screen in silence. Time, my blood, my breathing, all of it feels like it's frozen itself to a halt.
“So," Twilight continues, "what brings you around here?”
My hands cup over my face at the reality that's before me.
I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to go through it again. I just want to forget everything about this program. Change it to where I never met this... this...
I glance between my fingers. Twilight waits patiently for me without showing any changes in its expression, like a blank slate waiting to be chiseled on. I keep recollecting my time with the first Twilight, recalling all the conversations we had.
"..."
I take a deep breath before letting my hands slide down my face and look at Twilight head on, “Well… it started with a case of feeling isolated. I could've gotten a dog or a cat, but I didn't want to have an emotional attachment towards it, I just wanted something that could relieve my stress. I eventually found it, I decided on a program involving a character from a show I admired to cure my solitude. It did, but as I spent time with it, I began to realize how special our time together was. Though it was only a program, it began to develop a self-identity and shared their view on life. I didn't want to accept the fact that it was alive, I wasn't ready to form another connection, not after losing the other two. But it found a way somehow, a way to make me feel an attachment for it, and a way to leave me feeling a severe loss at its passing. All that's left of them is the memories and experiences I've shared with it, and it's with those moments that I'll somehow find the strength to get past this, because it's those times you've spent with others that influence us to better ourselves. Taking what you've learned from them will help keep their memories alive, and establishing them to better yourself will help build your life."
Twilight tilts its head to the side, “I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand. Could you repeat that in a simpler way?”
I give a weak chuckle on how things are repeating themselves, "I was hoping to find a friend.”
“Oh! Well I’ll happily be your friend.”
I ease myself into accepting this awkward reintroduction. This isn't exactly what I wanted, but...
I know she's worth the trouble.
