Close Your Eyes And Count To Three
I broke her heart. Again.
And it isn’t even because she asked me out, honest. It’s not that I’m not into her at all. It’s just because, well... I kinda froke out. I really like her back. She’s really pretty - I would say “for a changeling,” but that just sounds... really racist.
So it’s not because I think she’s ugly, or anything. Because it’s not. I could list a crap ton of beautifully quirky features she has. She’s got these dainty little freckles on her cheeks, these big, blue bug eyes that make you feel like you’re about to drown in some bottomless whirlpool, and that flawless, baby blue chitin that’s in the perfect cuddling condition.
I hate that she’s pretty.
Pretty things tend to attract dragons like me, and, well... you know how that goes. It makes me want to throw her onto this pile of treasure and never let her leave.
I don’t want to do that to her.
So I broke her heart instead. And I’m horrible for it, I know. My friends don’t hold it against me - they know how I feel about her. But I can’t help but feel like I shouldn’t feel the way that I’m feeling.
Does that make sense?
Not really.
I remember it exactly from earlier today. It was a nice day after school, and Ocellus asked me if I had plans after class. I told her no, because what else would I be doing besides sleeping?
We went to this cool bakery place. What was it, Sugarcube Corner? That’s it, I believe.
I went to sit down at an empty booth by one of the big windows. The seat was firm, like a rock, but a cushion. I liked them. I wondered why we couldn’t get anything like them back at the School.
Back to Ocellus.
I caught a glimpse of her leaning toward one of the owners behind the counter, whispering something I couldn’t hear. I assumed she was trying to keep it a secret, so I decided to humor her and stop listening in.
She strode back over with two cupcakes. One with red frosting and hoof-cut rubies (my favorite), and one with blue frosting. I assumed this was for Ocellus herself, since changelings couldn’t eat gems.
I licked my lips, then grinned thankfully at Ocellus. “I didn’t think you knew these were my favorite.”
Ocellus flushed, sitting with her hooves holding her head in place. She watched me with admiration, and I was a little surprised to she she wasn’t digging in to her own cupcake.
“Of course,” she purred, sliding the cupcake over. “You thought I wasn’t paying attention?”
I chuckled, taking the cupcake in my claws and biting into it. The salty flavor of the rocks embedded in the cake added just the perfect kick to the sweet of the cupcake. It made my body tinge in satisfaction.
Looking back on this, it makes me feel horrible. She’d been so generous, buying me that cupcake, which was at least three times the amount of a normal one.
And still I turned her down.
And I know I was wrong to do such a thing. But now I’m gonna make it right for her. I had some time to think on it; and I really like her back. I shouldn’t be afraid to like her back.
So I’m going to apologize. I’m going to tell her that I love her. And it’s probably gonna be a little bit before she can accept me again after how I treated her, but... it’s now or never, right?
So I get ready. I straighten myself up for her the best way I know how. Fixing my scales, washing my face, brushing my teeth for the third time in a row.
I’m gonna make it worth her time.
When I’m finally ready, I leave. Her dorm’s just two doors away, how hard could this be, right?
Hard.
Suddenly, I start thinking about earlier. What I said to her. How I broke down, how I hurt her. My footsteps grew heavy, and I wasn’t even that damn close to the door yet.
My heart skipped a beat each step closer. I counted to three, then four, then five. And now I was at ten and about to have a heart attack. And just when I thought it could get no worse, I reached her door.
“...eleven, twelve, thirteen...”
Everything in my mind told me that I had to stop. I should just cut my losses and retreat. Return to my room and cry myself to sleep, or something.
But then I realized once again. Ocellus probably needed this. I needed to be there for her right now. I need her to understand that I didn’t mean any harm.
So I knocked.
Her door came open, as expected, but with reluctance. She stared at me from the space between her door and the frame, surprise, fear, and sadness in her eyes. “...h-hello...?” She asked. Torch, that voice. It made my heart break into a million pieces just hearing it.
“...Ocellus? Can we talk?”
She opened the door even wider. Her gaze was still incredibly saddening. Those wet eyes, fresh with tears. I know she’s still been crying - her tears made her face wet. Drenched those adorable, freckle covered cheeks.
“...Sure... come in,” she said. I was surprised she obliged to my rather sudden request.
I made my way into her room, and she shut the door behind her. I sat on the bed, right on the edge. Surprisingly, she sat right there next to me, hoof on my claw.
I can’t believe she still finds the courage to even look at me after what I did to her. Even then, that’s one of the greatest things about her that not every creature sees. They don’t see how courageous she really is.
It frustrates me all the time.
She lay her head on my shoulder; I can feel the moisture from her face blotting onto my scales. And yet I don’t say a thing.
I rest my head on top of hers. I still don’t dare say a thing. This was one of those moments the slightest murmur could ruin.
So I didn’t speak.
Ocellus pulled me closer. I felt my heart skip a beat when I wrapped my arm around her on impulse. I heard her laugh a pitiful giggle as she tugged at me.
“...So you lied.”
“I did?”
Ocellus giggled again. “You lied and said you didn’t have feelings for me.”
“I did.”
And I do have feelings for her. And I’m pretty sure she knew from the jump.
I just think it hurt that I denied it so hard.
