And She Was

by Bicyclette

Rating: teen
Tags: Maud Pie, Pinkie Pie, Human, Narcotics, Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Zecora, Treehugger, Comedy
Length: 3003

Ellie tries to get high in Equestria with the help of her Ponyville friends. It doesn’t go well.

Ellie tries to get high in Equestria with the help of her Ponyville friends. It doesn’t go well.

Really six microstories when you think about it. Just some light bits to snack on. Part of a series but should be self-contained.

Mostly excited that I finally get to write something with Maud in it, who is my avatar right now. Ugh, I love her so much.

Published 2020-11-14 03:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-14 03:30:00 UTC

Various

Applejack disliked the human.

She knew that she had to be patient with her, as she was still getting used to Ponyville ways, but she wouldn’t have thought that the human needed to learn how waiting in a line worked. The concept was very simple: pay the one bit to Granny Smith, take the crisp, refreshing mug of Apple Family Cider from Apple Bloom, and go. Optionally, you drink the cider in one gulp right then and there and/or add a “Thank you” or “Thanks”. What you don’t do is stand there trying to start an argument.

“But, look, see the suds?” Ellie practically shoved her mug into Applejack’s face. The mug of cider had just as much foam as anypony else’s. “It’s carbonated!”

“Yes, that’s what makes it so crisp!” Applejack said with a frown. She wondered if it was a human custom to yell obvious facts at each other.

“But the carbonation has to come from somewhere! If it’s not being fermented, you have to be adding it at some point in the process.”

“Ah don’t know whatta tell ya!” Applejack said, frustrated. “We just put the apples in the cider machine and it comes out like that. Been doin’ it that way since Ah was a filly.” Applejack glanced behind Ellie to see the line of ponies stretching out behind her. The ones nearest to her were growing more frustrated. Ellie did not seem to notice.

“Look, I know there’s a foal here,” Ellie indicated Apple Bloom, “and it’s the middle of the day, and I’m not from here so I don’t know how you ponies do these things but, uh, this can’t be it, right?” she asked pleadingly. “You gotta be keeping the good stuff somewhere! I mean, you’re farmers! You have to know how to ferment! Or even run a still, maybe?” She paused. “Wait, is that racist for me to say that?“

Applejack was offended, though not at the last part, which she just plain didn’t understand. “There’s only one kinda Apple Family Cider! It’s all ‘the good stuff’ and we would never do nothin’ different!”

“But that doesn’t make sense!” Ellie insisted. “If it isn’t alcoholic, then why is there a whole line of ponies waiting all day to have some?”

“Because it’s refreshin’ and delicious!?” Applejack yelled angrily, having had enough. “Now are ya gonna just stand there and insult mah family all day, or are ya gonna get movin’? You’re holdin’ up the line!”

Tree Hugger was put off by the human.

Her aura just felt edgy and nervous, but Tree Hugger tried to move her feelings past that, tapping into her reservoir of harmony and peace.

She exhaled mindfully as she moved into the Mountain Pose. It was difficult for ponies to maintain bipedal poses for any length of time, and Tree Hugger actually had done a lot of work in training herself to do so, to the point where she was frequently invited by pony artists to pose for them. Yet the creature next to her could just stand on two legs without struggling or having to balance her chakras or anything. But no, that certainly wasn’t why she was put off by the human. It was the aura, for sure.

She opened her eyes to take in the beauty of the scene around her, in a field just outside Ponyville. The warmth of the sun on her face. The breeze blowing through her dreadlocked mane. The grass on the ground of a richer green than that of her coat.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the sitting human spit up a mouthful of her homemade brownies into her hand, then inspect it. If she were capable of thinking such a thing of anycreature, she would have thought of her as rude.

“Huh,” Ellie mused, poking at the green bits.

“Is something harshing your buzz?” Tree Hugger asked as she shifted into the Tree Pose, hoping that resolving the problem would smooth out her aura.

“It’s just that when you said ‘grass brownies’, I just thought…” she trailed off. “I mean, I should have seen this coming, since you’re all horses and all. That you meant grass from the ground.”

“Dude, you are so right!” She was delightfully surprised by the wisdom of the human’s words. “Grass is from the ground!”

She fell back down onto all fours, then bent down to clip a mouthful of grass with her teeth. She communed with the earthy flavor.

“I am totes going to call it that from now on. The ground feeds and nourishes all of us. It’s, like, so important to remember that.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Ellie wasn’t paying much attention. Again, if she were able, Tree Hugger would have thought that rude. “So, how do you make this stuff, anyway?”

“Oh, nothing spesh. Milk. Eggs. Flour. Sugar. Chocolate. Grass, from the ground.” She winked. She shifted back into the Tree Pose. “Then there’s the most important ingredient of all, of course. The one I take in, like, every day to sustain my harmonious state of mind.” She opened her forelegs out to embrace the world, emphasizing her point.

“Oh?” Ellie sounded hopeful, taking another look at the uneaten chunk of brownie in her hand.

Tree Hugger took a breath, in order to add meaning to her words.

“My love for every creature that has ever existed, of course… Each perfect and unique in their own way…”

“Oh.” Ellie sounded disappointed. Then, confused. "Wait, are you telling me that you're just like this?"

Zecora did not mind the human.

Most creatures came to her just to ask for her help, which she was happy to do as part of her calling. Some creatures came just to experience something different, which she did not mind. Some creatures came just to gawk at how different her ways were from Equestrian ones, which she did mind. She could not tell which of these categories the human fell into, but she knew it was not the third. Both Ponyville and her own culture would be equally foreign to her, and Zecora felt an odd kinship to this fellow traveler in another land.

She laid down the sap-filled branch in her mouth against the cauldron in the center of her hut. She turned to the human to speak in an instructive tone.

“The sticky sap— just add a twig, and make sure it is not too big.” She tore off a section of branch and added it to the mixture in her cauldron. A surge of foamy bubbles rose up from the liquid, but not high enough to flow over the top.

“I see,” Ellie remarked in a way that was obviously just being polite. Zecora did not mind, as she could not expect everycreature to share Apple Bloom’s level of interest in potions, but she wished the human could at least make herself more comfortable. Ellie had positioned herself in an odd way ever since they had gotten back to her home, sitting with her hands beneath the knees of her outstretched legs.

“Add the mushrooms while it bubbles, and you’ll see the effect doubles.” She used her teeth to grab the purple mushrooms they had picked on their walk, and dropped them into the bubbling cauldron. The surface of the liquid glowed as the fungus added its magical energy.

“That makes sense,” Ellie said matter-of-factly. “That’s why you call them ‘magic mushrooms’.”

Zecora could sense the tinge of disappointment. A sharp contrast to the excitement the human had shown earlier in the day when she had first heard Zecora say that two-word phrase. Zecora thought back to the things Ellie had said while following her on her foraging walk through the Everfree Forest, and seized on a key two-word phrase of her own.

“I understand well why you came. Of your intentions, have no shame.”

The human looked sheepish. “Oh, you do?”

“The questions you asked had a common theme. I was not as lost as I had seemed.” Zecora smiled knowingly. “If it’s an ‘altered state’ that you seek, the plant Poison Joke might make your week.”

Ellie averted her gaze. “Yeah, that’s why I tried that stuff as soon as we got back here. That’s how I got these.”

She held up her wrists to show that her arms now ended in hooves. Zecora frowned at the sight.

“You do have an antidote for this, right?”

Maud liked the human.

Not just because she wore clothes every day, which made Maud feel a bit less alone in her eccentricity, but also because she didn’t just humor her like most ponies did when she said that rocks could have powerful magical effects. She actually believed her. At least, believed her enough to follow her all the way down into the depths of the gem cave.

She also liked the fact that she didn’t have to say any of those things, or say anything at all. The human was content to follow her in silence. Well, silence beyond the complaints she made whenever she skinned her knee or hit her head on the top of a tunnel meant for pony heights. Maud didn’t like that part so much.

They finally reached the cavern, lit by a mining light Maud had installed the first time she had found the place. The light shone on the centerpiece of the underground room: a large blue rock embedded into the wall, streaked with brilliant gold.

“So this is it, huh?” Ellie asked.

“Yes,” the Earth pony replied, economizing her words as always.

“The rock that induces a state of euphoria?“ Ellie sought clarification.

“Yes,” Maud confirmed, communicating all of the information Ellie needed to fulfill her query and nothing more.

They sat in silence for a few seconds.

“So, how long does it take to work?” Ellie asked.

"It's working right now,” Maud replied. “As you could tell from my tone of voice earlier, I was very upset. I had an argument yesterday with my boyfriend, Mudbriar. Boulder still won’t talk to me after what happened last moon. My favorite rock pick broke.” She blinked, continuing in her monotone. ”But now, I am happy. To say overjoyed would not be an exaggeration."

"Right…" Ellie trailed off. They sat in silence for a few more seconds.

“So, uh, how does it work? Is it magic, or something?”

“Yes,” Maud began. “The processes that create this particular rock,” she indicated the blue with her hoof, “and these streaks”, she indicated the streaks, “are uncorrelated and geological in timescale. Yet for their separate effects to occur together like this, they must have started within a pony lifetime of each other. The chances of such a thing happening are—” She paused to give Ellie a meaningful, expressionless look. “Astronomical.”

She blinked. “So in the sense of producing a rare and remarkable result, yes, it is magic. Contemplating it directly never fails to put me in a state of joy.”

She turned her gaze back towards the rock. “But in the sense of having a supernatural physical effect on the world, no.”

“Oh,” Ellie frowned, disappointed. “I just…” She sighed. ”Never mind.“

Maud realized what Ellie had intended to say but did not.

“Oh, I see now.” Maud turned back to her. “When you asked me if there was a rock that induces a state of euphoria, you should have asked instead if there was a rock that would induce a state of euphoria in you. Then you would not have had to follow me all the way down here.”

Ellie slapped her forehead as Maud turned towards the rock once more.

“You should really learn to be more specific,“ Maud said.

Pinkie loved the human.

She had been worried at first since the newcomer’s intake interview had ended with a dossier that was completely blank except for the words “does not like welcome parties”. She couldn’t even put in an entry for her birthday, which made planning her next birthday party doubly difficult! Not to mention the surprise gifts and the spontaneous songs she loved doing for all the ponies and creatures she knew. So she was worried that, horror of horrors, the human and her would not become friends.

But the human was a lot more open the second time they had met! She had even paid her a compliment! At least, she thought that “You seem down for doing some pretty weird stuff without judging me or asking questions” was a compliment. So they bought the equipment and went up to her apartment above Sugarcube Corner to do the pretty weird stuff, and she loved it.

"This just so great!” she shouted. “I mean, when I found out you don't like welcome parties I was worried you wouldn't have a sense of humor. But I should have known!” Pinkie laughed. “My sister Maud doesn't like parties either and she's literally the funniest pony I know! And this is just so hilarious and creative!"

“Um, thanks?” Ellie didn’t really know how to respond to that. She was definitely not matching the energy Pinkie was bringing.

"I mean, what creature would ever even think of doing something like this?” Pinkie asked rhetorically. “Spray-painting the inside of a paper bag and putting your face into it!? That’s just so wacky and random!”

Pinkie burst into another fit of laughter.

Ellie despondently brought her bag up to her face again and took a halfhearted breath. Still nothing. She sighed.

Pinkie caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection of her mirror, setting herself off again.

”My muzzle is silver! Silver!!"

She howled like a hyena and began rolling around the floor uncontrollably, knocking the spray cans on the ground into each other. She did not seem to notice or mind.

Ellie smirked.

"I'm glad at least one of us is having a good time."

She looked down into the paper bag, disappointed.

"Well, I don't know what I expected…"

Ellie loved the book horse.

She loved her extensive collection of scientific references. She loved the at this point extremely bizarre, statistically and logically impossible correspondence between their two worlds.

"Kingdom Plantae, genus Cannabis?" she asked, voice filled with hope.

Twilight lifted the scientific tome in front of her with her aura, and flipped through the pages.

“No, doesn’t exist here,” Twilight replied.

Well, life can’t be too easy, she thought, and sighed.

"Kingdom Plantae, genus Salvia, species divinorum?" she asked.

Twilight flipped through more pages.

“Nope.”

Always got too real for me anyway… she thought.

"Kingdom Plantae, genus Piper, species methysticum?" she asked.

More flipping.

“Nope.”

But that one barely even does anything! she thought.

"Kingdom Plantae, genus Papaver, species somniferum?" she asked.

Two page flips.

“Nope.”

Probably for the best… she thought.

"Kingdom Fungi, genus Psilocybe?" she asked.

Twilight set the book down and picked up another, much larger one. After a slightly longer search, she looked at Ellie and just shook her head.

What? All of them? she thought.

“Kingdom Plantae, genus Nicotiana?” she asked.

Twilight put down the book and picked up the first one again to flip through it.

“Nope.”

Probably for the best, too… she thought.

"Kingdom Fungi, genus Clavi… cord? Or —ceps?" she asked.

Twilight rolled her eyes as she picked up the larger book again. She flipped through some pages, then shouted in surprise.

“Wow, actually found something this time! Genus Claviceps!” she said triumphantly in that adorkably nasal voice. “Common name: ergot! Hah, that’s funny.” She looked up at Ellie, who did not seem to get why that was funny. She looked back down to read some more.

“It’s an… agricultural blight on cereals? Are you sure this is what you meant?"

"Yeah, that's it,” Ellie confirmed, then shrugged. “Figures it’s the one thing I wouldn't know what to do with. Should’ve majored in chemistry instead of just enjoying it," she said with regret.

Twilight looked unamused. Ellie didn’t seem to notice, and continued on.

"Kingdom Plantae, genus Cannabis?"

"That’s the first one you said!" Twilight pointed out, annoyed.

"Yeah, but I really want that one!" Ellie whined in response. But she got it. It was time to stop.

"So what do ponies do when they're stressed out and need to relax?” she asked. “Like, if they have too much of the work they’re doing voluntarily or if they just realized that they’re stuck in a world of magic talking horses without any idea of when or even if they can go home." She looked up at Twilight. “You probably can’t relate to that last one.”

Twilight chose to ignore the second part. "I don't know, spend time with friends? Go to a party? Or even just stay inside and read a nice book?" She smiled. “That’s what I do.”

"Yeah, I know that what you're supposed to do, things that are actually fulfilling and good for you both physically and mentally,” Ellie said begrudgingly. “But what if you just want to let go of everything instantly without having to talk to anyone or actually do or think about anything?"

“I don’t know…” Twilight searched her thoughts. "Cake?"

Ellie blinked. "Yeah, cake's pretty good, isn't it?”

Maybe it was for the best. This world, this society was all rounded edges. She couldn’t see herself facing anything here that was actually too big to take on directly. Why would she ever need to take the edge off?

In addition—she realized with surprise—she now had friends here. If she ever did have something that was too much for just her, she could overcome it with the magic of, ugh, friendship. Maybe Twilight’s whole deal wasn’t so silly after all.

Ellie chuckled to herself. “You know, if I replaced everything I used to do back home with cake, I’d get diabetes in, like, a week!”

Twilight blinked in confusion. “Dia-betes?” she said, sounding out the unfamiliar word. “What’s that?”

Author's Note

Continued in Part 5: School of Friendship