Why Can’t I Sleep?
The Golden Oaks Library never felt quite as lonely or dark as it did then. After being awake for sixty eight hours this place was starting to feel more like a prison than a home. Twilight sat down on the smooth wood floor looking at all the thousands of books surrounding her. Each one was filled with words, emotions, history and personality but they all lacked the one thing that her heart ached for so much; love.
How often had she found herself in this position? Spike gone hanging out with Big Mac or one of the girls and her without a current passion project to focus on. Her inner thoughts and unspoken desires creeping up on her and making her brain itchy. Usually she’d have several new books to read, to delve into and forget all the painful hardships around her but this time felt different. To forget the kiss she saw that still cut burning lines across her soul.
Twilight skimmed through the many books, reading titles one by one until they all just blurred together. She had to get this out of her head. She grabbed a book at random and opened it up. There were words inside here, many of them, but no matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t read them. Her eyes were stinging now, it had to have been the lack of sleep right? Certainly not from seeing the pony she wanted kiss another.
She put the book back and realized with sudden horror that there were too many books. She couldn’t possibly go through them all trying to find a way to get this feeling in her heart to stop. To get this pain to go away. Twilight spun in circles looking at all the books. So much information, but zero answers.
She tripped over her own leg and fell to the hard floor. For a moment she tried to pick herself up only to find her legs completely drained of power. Twilight closed her eyes and let out a sob. “Oh, no.” She pleaded. “Please no.” Twilight covered her head with her hooves. She had seen it. She knew she’d seen it but she couldn’t erase it or forget it now. “Why did they kiss?”
Just saying it out loud was all that she needed to break down completely. It was a few days ago, but her mind ran around senselessly reminding her of what she’d seen. She’d seen Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy kiss. Of course they would, they had been friends for so long, they’d obviously had feelings for one another, but Twilight couldn’t ignore the fact that she had blown her chance to get Fluttershy to notice her instead.
Another broken sob escaped her lips. This was miserable. Her heart felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly with a rusty jagged knife. Her mind kept replaying the moment in her head over and over. Twilight had just been studying Fluttershy in her natural habitat from a local bush, for scientific purposes obviously, when she saw Rainbow Dash swoop down. The two of them talked for a bit before Rainbow Dash kissed Fluttershy, right there, at Fluttershy’s home, on the cheek.
If it had been any other pony maybe Twilight could have pretended it wasn’t romantic but Rainbow Dash was never close like that to others. She hated to even give out hugs for crying out loud. So a kiss on the cheek spoke volumes. Oh Celestia, why did Twilight have to take her time in trying to just tell Fluttershy how she felt?
Now here she lay, a complete and total wreck and all because she couldn’t be brave enough to just ask Fluttershy out. Facing down the likes of Nightmare Moon and Discord had felt so easy when compared to just asking a simple, innocent question. She didn’t expect Fluttershy to ever really return the interest but she could have at least attempted to ask right?
Another pitiful sob escaped Twilight’s lips. The sob broke out into another and more until she just couldn’t stop. She tried to muffle the sounds of her voice but couldn’t. On the edge of her hearing she heard the door downstairs open and close. Spike must have been home and he’d be up here to hold her soon. That’s all she needed right? Was to be held until the pain stopped?
Seconds crawled by but she didn’t hear the pitter patter or the click clack of Spikes movements. She heard nothing. Maybe he had just grabbed something and left already meaning she was really still all alone. This wasn’t fair, why did she have to be all alone?
A gasp came from the doorway leading downstairs. It wasn’t Spike. Twilight pulled her head up, it was so hard to move, it was like a lead sheet was covering her head. She looked over but her vision was a blurry mess, she couldn’t even see through the tears. She just laid her head down and continued to sob.
She felt something warm lay next to her. Something warm and soft covered her back and she heard a pony gently making a noise. “Shhh.”
Twilight wailed. “She kissed her! She kissed Fluttershy!”
The warm thing over her back tensed up for a moment but quickly relaxed. Fluttershy’s voice came out as soft as silk. “Shhh, It’s okay, T-Twilight. I-I just wanted to come and ask why you've been spying on me but...”
Twilight shot her head up and looked over. She still couldn’t see much through the tears but she could see the yellow blur next to her. It was Fluttershy. Fluttershy was the one consoling her. Twilight wanted to die inside, this was somehow worse than the fact she’d seen the kiss. Twilight laid her head down and sobbed more.
Fluttershy patiently lay there holding Twilight close. Seconds turned to minutes before Twilight finally calmed down enough to speak. Her throat was dry and her voice broken. “W-why? Why did you kiss her?” she already knew the answer but she just needed the confirmation.
Fluttershy shook her head. “I d-d-don’t think I k-kissed anypony.”
“You kissed Rainbow Dash.”
Fluttershy’s wing tensed up again. “O-oh… me and her used too… we were closer than friends once upon a time. Sometimes she does that to show she stills c-cares.”
Twilight sniffled. “Used too? As in, ‘snif’ you aren’t currently dating her?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “N-no, so um… if you like Rainbow Dash you c-could probably ask her out.”
“I don’t want to date Rainbow Dash!”
Fluttershy swallowed. “O-oh… I’m sorry. I misunderstood.”
Twilight let out a quiet sob. “She’s not the one I want.”
Fluttershy’s voice came out just a touch louder. “Oh! Um, I mean, r-really? B-but… does that mean you w-want to d-date um…”
There wasn’t much fight left in Twilight’s bones. Everything just felt numb as she said, “I want to date you.”
Fluttershy’s wing gripped tighter over Twilight’s side. Fluttershy laid her head down over Twilight’s. “M-me? B-but… are you sure?”
Twilight swallowed. “I know I’m not good enough, I know you like Rainbow Dash, but I can’t help it. I still want you.”
Fluttershy giggled. Twilight cringed inside, was it really such a bad idea it was laughable. Fluttershy’s wing stroked Twilight’s side. “Twilight, you are good enough. I d-didn’t think anypony would be interested in dating me… b-but if you want, I’d be willing to um… to try.”
Twilight rolled her head over to the side prompting Fluttershy to lift her head up and meet her eyes. Twilight sniffled. “You sure? I’ve never dated before, I… I might be really bad at it.”
Fluttershy’s other wing reached out with a tissue and wiped at Twilight’s nose. “Of course I’m sure.”
Twilight wanted to cry. Actually she did cry. At least this time she wrapped her legs around Fluttershy and buried her face into that yellow fluffy chest. This was probably the worst start to a relationship ever, of all time, but it was more than she ever expected. She couldn’t help but to whisper, “Thank you.”
Fluttershy’s wing wrapped around Twilight covering her in a blanket of warmth. “N-no need to thank me. I-I like you too… so um… I think this will be really good.”
Twilight might still feel like a crazy mess but at least she was a happy crazy mess. With her heart starting to finally calm down, and a warm loving pony embracing her, Twilight closed her eyes and felt herself growing tired. Not sleeping for so long was sure exhausting sometimes. So it was with much enjoyment that Twilight managed to fall asleep next to Fluttershy. Next to the pony she was lucky enough to start dating. Next to the pony she loved.
Author's Note
Wrote this in the middle of the night once when I had not gotten any sleep. Had to write ponies before sleep could occur.
