Pony Trading Cards! Buy Now!
APPLE PRODUCTIONS, LTD.
A/N: Pickle. PICKLE. PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKLE.
Hazmatt was on their tail, and shut the farm down.
Recently, the Apple Family's apple quality had gone down by 55 percent, due to a stream of applepox going around Ponyville, which half the residents were afflicted with.
Unbeknownst to Applejack, applepox was spread when F&F Co. Fertilizer was used for trees. It was shown on the warning at the bottom; as big as a pin.
F&F Co Fertilizer is made by hard-working entrepreneurs and apple-working owners.
F&F Co. is not responsible for any cases of applepox or dysentery, and all cases of drunks. By buying this bag, you verify that-
"Boring!" said the author.
"Let's see what else is on."
Since the change, ponies only had one source of food: Sugarcube Corner.
Apples were healthy, rich treats.
Cupcakes were unhealthy, sweet, and fattening.
This had an effect on Ponyville immensely.
Ponies gained weight.
Not half-ton colt weight, but still, a lot.
Scared of their neighbors seeing them, most families lounged on their couch for half the day, watching TV.
And this only made the problem worse!
The entrepreneurs, the consumers, the foals; they were all unhappy. And immensely overweight.
The only ponies that were happy were the rivals: Sugarcube Corner, bathing in their filthy bits.
Could it get much worse?
The orchard was shut down, but the barn was kept.
What kind of business would the Apples start now?
"All right, everypony. Y'all have no talents other then pickin', buckin', and plowin' apple fields. And we ain't got no more of those. We need to find a new business, and fast. Does anypony have any ideas?"
Applebloom raised her hand expectantly, waving it around madly.
"What is it, sis?"
At the chance to make one of the most important decisions of their lives, Applebloom almost fainted from excitement.
"Well, sis, I figured that tha' most appealing thing to us fillies are our cutie marks," Applebloom stuttered with joy.
Oh no, not this again... Applejack thought.
"And most of us fillies have ah' cutie mark by now, and maybe we could... sell them?"
Applejack facehoofed.
"How in tarnation would we sell cutie marks? We can't just slice them off our thighs and strap them to a fancy piece of cardboard-"
"Wait a minute..."
Crescent Cards and Co. was- and is, for a fact- the best pony card center in Equestria.
And hasn't made a single card- ever.
Oh, sure- they had the supplies, the resources, the time- but they were simply too lazy to do any of the work.
Why would they waste their time trying to make something nopony would even like?
Profit was out of the question, obviously, but all the workers were well-paid middle-class for just watching football in the lounge and thus sucked off the bosum of no work every day, nor any day.
And the workers continued that phase. . .
at least until the day that the Apple Family came barging in.
"All right, everypony! We're here to start a-"
Applejack looked down at her index cards (a handy skill she learned from Twilight) again.
"Let's see, all right, start, bu-si-nuss . AH-HA! THAT'S RIGHT! We're here to start a bu-sin-ess with you ah-risto-craps and sell cutie marks by makin' cards of em.
The aristocrats were horrified by 3 very big problems at the moment:
1: A dirty, western family had trodden in on their sacred ground of the card "factory", only to be touched by the highest of the nobles and the middle class. These "apples" didn't even know the difference!
2: The proposalers didn't know a thing about business; they never said anything about shares. Actually, maybe that was a good thing...
3: They were getting a REQUEST to participate in a schizophrenic, homicidal operation to slice cutie marks off the flanks of innocent bystanders.
And judging by these 3 very awkward requests, everyone in the factory dropped from shock.
"Really?" droned Applejack.
The Apples had, within a week, completely transformed Crescent Cards into a booming business. Once the process was thoroughly explained, the aristocrats agreed whole-heartedly. The hooves of the workers here had never even come close to doing work, so they got their 51% of the shares, and the Apple Family provided the labor as the ~~aristocraps~~ aristocrats had hard cider poured into their glasses.
Of course, Granny Smith fit right in.
"Zap Apples earned a net worth of 7.32 bits per ounce last year per zap apple jam season!" yelled Granny Smith to the Shark Tank.
"Hmm," pondered the bald guy. "Isn't it only a semester a year you sell that? No wonder the prices got so high."
"Of course, you whippersnapper!" snapped Granny Smith.
[insert business talk here]
While you're waiting, please listen to Benny Hill as these ponies discuss their "charity".
The trading cards were a booming success. All around the world, blank flanks and ponies opened packs to find their own and complete their collections of seven-hundred-thousand cards, all the cutie marks of all the different ponies.
Foals could trade their magical Twilight Sparkle cards for laugh-box Pinkie Pies.
Adults collected them because. . . well, they're pictures of flanks.
Fillies could collect the mane 6 and get an instant set of harmony necklaces. If you found the correct six, you would get the real ones! I can't believe Celestia agreed to that.
Colts could collect the special military-edition packs to get a real-live gun!
Mares and stallions alike could collect two married couple cards and... well...
I hope the foals can't find a Ms. and Mr. Cake.
After a backbreaking month of work, the Apple family walked in on a champagne party of the higher-class and a very drunk Granny Smith to ask for their first paycheck.
"Excuse me," Applejack said as she took her hat off her head and moved it to her chest.
The room went silent.
"Um... it's time for paychecks, so ah humbly offer mahself to collect the money," said Applejack sternly as she walked over to the pile of gold bars and picked one up.
"Not so fast, farm pony," frowned Cocao Cash as he slapped away Applejack's hoof.
"This is our company, apples, and since we hold 51% of it, we're taking the executive decision and getting you kicked out of here. GUARDS?" yelled Cocao.
Six burly pegasus guards hoisted the Apples by the shoulders and kicked them onto the curb.
"GO GET A JOB WITH THE ORANGES, MISFITS!" yelled Cocao to the jeering applause inside.
Over the next few centuries, the rage of the card business went down, then up, and, on its last leg, ended up with ads like this:
These magically-enhanced trading flanks are the coolest!
And the best part?
If you collect your own cutie mark and traded it to someone else, you'll swap flanks! Pretty awesome, huh?
You would even inherit their talents!
This is out to you, blank flanks!
And that's how Equestria ended from the Cutie Mark Crusaders Mark VII.
**A/N: Thanks for the peanut brittle, and a happy new avatar! I was inspired to finish this by http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Wisher THANKS A LOT!
Author's Note
Stor-eee. Weird word, when you think about it.
