To Exist
by theswimminbrony
The curtains had been drawn, the lights shut off, and the doors sealed, turning Princess Luna's quarters into a fortress of darkness and silence. Its walls were impenetrable to even the loudest of sounds, and its moat uncrossable by even the brightest of lights. Inside, she was the Queen of Solitude, The Duchess of Darkness, the Lady of Shadows.
But still she could not sleep.
She had tried everything. The age-old practice of counting sheep didn't help, nor did the imagining of pleasant and peaceful thoughts (which, to be fair, she had experienced few of in the past millennium). She had tried humming lullabies of old to herself that her sister had sung to her so many years ago, but the lyrics escaped her mind just as the slumber she so desperately craved escaped her eyes.
Come little children, I'll take thee away
Into a land of enchantment.
Come little children, the time's come to play
Here in my... my land... no, my...
Blast, she thought, yet another melody fading into obscurity. She tossed in her bed and turned over one of her many pillows, plopping her head on its surface. The side was cool and comfortable, but sleep did not come to the peeved Princess. The feeling aggravated her beyond belief. She had just gone through a several-hour session of Night Court filled with speeches from boring and stuffy ponies; she should be tired, not lying wide awake in the middle of the day.
With a groan, Luna slammed her head down on the pillow that sat in front of her, impaling it with her impressive horn in the process. She growled in frustration, and threw the tattered remains of the pillow in the direction of the curtains on the opposite side of the room. While it flew towards the ground, she zapped it with a bolt of magic, effectively incinerating the pillow to a pile of ashes. The pulse of the magic caused one of the curtains to flourish, exposing the harsh light of the sun to Luna's room. The Princess winced, inwardly cursing herself for her foolishness.
But when she opened her eyes, the darkness refused to return. Not in full, anyway. For in the middle of the room, hanging in the air around the spiraling feathers of the destroyed pillow, hovered a purple, pulsating cloud of stars. Its shape was never constant and changed as though it were a liquid that desired to conform to the shape of a nonexistent container. Luna watched in silence as the cloud moved about the room, its ever-changing form drifting with care, as though it were searching for something.
Or somepony.
Much to Luna's dismay, the cloud came to a rest above her bed. The Princess of the Night couldn't help but feel that the cloud was staring at her, looking her up and down as it awaited a response.
"You," Luna finally said.
Us, a voice confirmed in a tone that was neither masculine nor feminine. It was a soothing voice that echoed in Luna's mind rather than the air between them. Its words hypnotized her, drawing her closer as a brilliant flower attracted a swarm of bees. It certainly has been a long time, honorable Princess of the Night.
"Not long enough," Luna replied coolly. She sat up in her bed and regarded the cloud with annoyance. Her horn became enveloped in a blue aura, illuminating a small circle in her vast quarters. "I suggest you explain your business here before I personally see you out."
The cloud chuckled. False threats will get you nowhere, Princess. We think you know very well that you cannot harm us with something so childish as magic.
Luna's face fell, and the light extinguished.
Better, the voice said, though it is a shame you had to put that light out. You are even more beautiful than we remember, dear Luna.
"False compliments will get you nowhere."
Touché.
Silence.
"I asked you before, and I would hate to have to ask again: what business do you have here? Or have you forgotten that I no longer desire to be tied to you and your schemes?"
The voice laughed again.
"What's so funny?" Luna asked, unaware that her horn had reignited.
It would do you good to not jump to conclusions, Luna, the voice advised. We never said anything about a 'scheme', as you called it. No, Luna, we can promise to you that we come here with only friendly intentions. We simply desire to... talk.
Luna raised an eyebrow. "Surely you jest."
No, Princess, we speak with sincerity, the voice promised. Is it such a problem for two old... accomplices to catch up? And talk like old friends?
The covers rustled as Luna flared her wings. "We are not friends. The very idea is laughable," she said. She pointed an accusatory hoof at the cloud. "I hate you." She lowered her hoof and spoke the name of the entity in a voice laced with venom.
Your words sting us so, Princess, the voice said, feigning sadness. Though we would ask you to refrain from taking our name in vain. After all, how could you hate the one that gave you so much, and asked for so little in return? We gave you everything you asked for, and yet you despise our existence.
Luna roared and exploded out from under the safety of her bed. She narrowed teary eyes at the cloud, the emotions of a thousand years present in the captivating pools of blue. All the while, she stood tall and strong in an attempt to look intimidating. "You gave me nothing!" she shouted, "And instead took from me everything! A thousand years you stole from me! Thousands of chances to make memories with family and friends, gone forever! All because of your lies!" Despite the hostility she felt from the being, Luna refused to cease her tirade. "You promised me respect, but you only brought me fear! You promised me admiration, but brought infamy unto me instead!" She took a step forward and lowered her voice. "You promised me love, but I only received hate."
The room was silent. Luna breathed in a short, rhythmic manner, while the cloud simply continued to hover in its hypnotizing style.
Princess Luna, the voice began. Luna's ears turned upwards attentively. Its voice was calm, yet she could sense anger in its words. Does one not respect what they fear?
The question surprised the Princess. "Well, yes, I suppose, but—"
And does one not admire those that acquire such a height of infamy as you?
"In a way, yes, but—"
And without hatred, how could there be love for you, my Princess, when you finally returned from your imprisonment to your sorry, old, lonely sist—
"Enough!" Luna shouted. Had she been outside and in her element, a lightning bolt would have cracked behind her, revealing an expression of disgust. "Speak what you will about me and my habits, but you will not speak of my sister in that way." She gritted her teeth. "To do such is an insult to not only her, but to me, as well as the entirety of the kingdom of Equestria."
Silence again.
"Is that clear?" Luna asked.
Of course it is. We all know how terrible it is to insult the great Princess Celestia.
Luna growled. "What are you saying?"
You know very well what I'm saying, Princess, the voice taunted.
Luna cringed. The voice was right; Luna understood its message loud and clear. They were powerful words, hurtful words. Words that she knew she had heard before, somewhere in an ancient castle long ago.
Is everything quite alright, Princess?
Princess Luna jumped. The voice was louder this time, almost as if it were part of her own mind.
"Y... yes," Luna stuttered. "Everything is just fine."
Then would it be so troublesome as to interrupt your peaceful day with a question?
"A question?"
Why, yes. It is why we came here, after all. Did we not say we only wished to talk?
Luna frowned and set her haunches down on her bed. "Speak your mind, then, o Nightmare."
The Nightmare let out a low laugh that echoed throughout Luna's consciousness. She could almost hear the being smile its malicious smile, its devious plan no doubt coming to fruition. But she was ready; she knew all of the being's old plots, all of its cunning methods of manipulation. She had almost let her guard down once that night, but now she was prepared for any sort of 'question' this... thing had to offer.
Princess, are you happy?
"I... what?" the Princess responded, perplexed beyond belief. "You come here in the middle of the day and disturb my efforts to get some well-deserved rest only to ask me such a childish question?"
Answer the question.
Luna sighed. "Of course I am happy. Why wouldn't I be? I'm free of your dirty clutches and have started a new life."
And was it worth it? The Nightmare quipped.
Luna paused. "I beg your pardon?"
Throwing away... everything. Everything we had worked for together. Was it worth it?
"Of... course it was," Luna calmly said. "In case you haven't noticed, your little plan failed miserably."
But for a while, you were—
"The most hated pony in the history of Equestria, yes," Luna interrupted. "A thousand years is hardly qualifying of 'a while', Nightmare." Luna gave a devious smile of her own. "In fact, I think I have everything I've ever wanted now. Maybe all I needed to do was ask."
Suddenly, Luna was overcome with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. The pulsating cloud that was the Nightmare seemed to slow its movements, almost to a complete stop.
Thank you... Princess, the being said.
"I..." Princess Luna sighed. "Now I suppose I must ask you: is everything quite alright?"
Hmph. We thought you hated us, Princess.
"I do," Luna said.
Then why does it matter? the Nightmare questioned. What does anything matter, when everything you've ever worked for has been all for naught? When everypony you've ever cared for despises you?
Luna's face went flat. "It was evil."
But you seemed to agree.
"My heart was black and my mind young," Luna explained. "I have learned many lessons since my return to the throne. Lessons that I feel you could stand to learn, Nightmare."
There was a long silence as the Nightmare settled itself on the bed.
It's not that simple, the Nightmare said. We can't learn in the way your kind does; we act purely on instinct. On a primal sort of desire that precedes the existence of you and your sister by centuries. We cannot simply learn, we can only feed on the wishes and dreams of ponies. Ponies like you, Princess.
Princess Luna's eyes were empty. The Nightmare was an evil being; that was for sure. Yet...
"Anypony can learn," Luna insisted. "It merely takes the right circumstances. Circumstances that I think you have yet to experience."
Save your words for ears that can listen, the Nightmare lamented. We cannot be taught, we cannot learn, we cannot feel. We can only exist.
A deafening silence overtook the room.
A tear fell from Luna's eye and landed with a plip on the bed she and the Nightmare rested upon. Despite the hate of a thousand years she held towards the ethereal being, she couldn't help but feel pity and deep sadness for it. She had always been told that ponies could change for the better; that even the blackest of hearts and the darkest of souls could learn to coexist in the perfect unison that they all called harmony. Yet, here lay a being that was fated to be corrupt for the entirety of its miserable existence, a servant to its own dark impulses.
"Celestia has plans for you," Luna said, wiping her eyes. Her soft, soothing voice seemed to garner the Nightmare's attention, as the stars inside of it seemed to regain their previous brilliance.
Does she now? the Nightmare responded, a hint of interest in its voice. We should have expected this sooner or later. She cannot simply allow a destructive being to wander Equestria aimlessly, now, can she?
"It's not what you think!" Luna insisted. "I... she... you must believe me when I say this: she wouldn't harm you."
Tch. She wouldn't be able to if she tried, the Nightmare said. Princess...
"Yes, what is it?"
Tell us, Princess... what does it mean... to exist?
The question caught Luna off guard, and she mentally recoiled. "I... I'm afraid I don't follow. We both are here, talking, so do we not exist?"
But is there not more to an existence than simply being? the Nightmare questioned. Is there not more to what makes a pony than what they are meant to do?
Luna's head fell.
We are sorry, Princess, we did not mean to upset—
"Love."
We... love?
"Love," Luna confirmed. "Not necessarily of the romantic variety, either. Platonic relationships are just as important, if not more so, than that of a tie to a lover."
We see... the Nightmare said. Luna could have sworn she saw the mass of cloud nod its understanding. Thank you.
And with that, the cloud rose from its resting place on the bed and began to float away.
"Wait!" Luna shouted.
The cloud stopped.
"Are... are you... leaving?"
We are... tired, Princess, the Nightmare explained. We are not as powerful as you may remember us. We have received the answers we desired, and now we must go.
"But..." Luna bit her lip.
We must go, Princess.
Luna sighed and nodded. "Farewell, then, o Nightmare."
Farewell, Princess of the Night. We thank you for your company this day.
"The feeling is mutual," Luna said. "And Nightmare..."
The cloud paused once more.
"You may have changed more than you think," Luna said with a smile.
Appearances can be deceiving, the Nightmare warned. Goodbye, Luna.
And then, as suddenly as it had appeared, the Nightmare vanished.
Luna awoke with a start, her body and face enveloped in a cold sweat. Her lungs cried out for air. She repeatedly gasped, each acute breath eliciting a sharp pain in her side. She bobbed back and forth as her vision swayed, a slight crack of light illuminating the room from the door that led to the halls. As her breathing slowed to a steady pant, she struggled to right herself, her head pounding with each beat of her heart.
And then, all was still.
"How long?" she questioned the darkness between breaths. "How..." She covered her eyes with her hooves as the cascade of tears began.
"The guards informed me of a commotion coming from your room not an hour ago," the darkness answered. "I rushed here as soon as I could."
"Not that!" Luna exploded, pounding her sheets in frustration. The figure in the darkness backed away in surprise. "How long must I be subject to this torture? How long until I can feel safe with my own mind?"
Luna buried her face once more as the sobbing returned to fill the room.
"You are making progress..."
"Progress means nothing!" Luna snapped. "All I want to do is to live like a normal pony, but instead I have this... thing to torture me whenever I fall asleep!"
"Baby steps first, Luna," the voice cooed. The words had a calming effect on the Princess of the Night, as if they were laced with sedatives. "I assure you, everything will be okay. You just need to believe that, too."
Luna sniffled, her tears slowing their fall. "Thank you... sister," Luna said, forcing a smile. "I will try."
"What are sisters for?" The two sisters embraced, elation present in their thin smiles. "Can you fall back asleep?"
"I... I think so," Luna said. "I have to try."
Celestia nodded and smiled. "Good day, then, dear sister."
"Good day," Luna repeated.
Celestia's majestic figure strode towards the door, swinging it wide open with a golden aura.
I can give you anything you want...
A gasp.
"Sister!" Luna cried out, just in time to catch Celestia as she took her first steps out of the room. The elder Alicorn stopped in her tracks, surprised by her sister's sudden outburst.
"Yes, Luna?" she asked, her head still facing towards the doorway. "What is it?"
"I, uh..." Luna began. "It's about that test you have planned for Twilight Sparkle."
Celestia gave a light smile as she slightly angled her head towards her sister, revealing an iridescent eye of purple. It was always one eye, Luna thought, one taunting, purple, mysterious eye that she saw. Never the pair. "What of it, Luna? Is there something you wish to say about it?"
"Don't do it!" Luna shouted. Celestia's eye widened, a frown replacing the inviting smile she had previously worn. "Um, my apologies, sister. I just think that it is... not the greatest idea."
"And why not?"
"Because, sister," Luna explained. "I think that... er, what I mean to say is..." She sighed in exasperation as she collected her thoughts. "Celestia, she will surely fail."
Celestia hesitated before turning her head straight once more.
"That is my intention," came her cryptic answer. Luna's body shivered, but before she had a chance to respond, Celestia had vacated her quarters, and shut the door in the process.
She was alone.
Her fortress had returned, but its walls had crumbled, a victim of her own mind.
The End
