My Heart Breaks To Heal Your Pain

by Onyourleft

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1996

Love is freely given. Even when you don't deserve it.

Starlight struggles to come to terms with her past. How could somepony ever forgive her? Moreover, why is she receiving love and forgiveness when she doesn't deserve it? Why? In her mind, she deserves nothing but damnation and eternal hatred. So why does this magenta Alicorn continue to fight for her? Starlight is broken. And she does not want to be repaired. No, she doesn't deserve to be repaired. Love brings nothing but heartbreak, so why love at all?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This short story explains what happened after the episode: The Cutie Remarking. It is directly related to my own universe, however, you do not need to read anything else to understand or enjoy this narrative.

Published 2020-11-21 23:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-21 23:40:00 UTC

My Heart Breaks To Heal Your Pain

Author's Note

I felt compelled to write this. I apologize if it feels rushed or like too many emotions smashed together. I personally love this scene, I can relate a lot to these struggles. I hope you enjoy. (FYI: The first quote is my own take on "A picture is worth a thousand words.")

-OYL

My Heart Breaks To Heal Your Pain

A picture is worth a million words.

A word is worth an emotion.

A story paints a million pictures.

Our lives are the greatest of stories.

Life is the most beautiful picture.

Cold and fearful tears of regret slowly flowed off of a distressed face, the pain evident in her blurry eyes. The mare charged through the downpour, uncertain of where she was headed, or why she was running. She just knew she did not belong.

As her vague form flew by, the citizens of Ponyville warmly huddled together, shielded from the rain and loneliness. Light streamed from their homes, casting spotlights into the void and empty street. The windows gave glimpses of the love and joy inside each and every home, all oblivious to the despair that whisked by.

The innocent ponies knew naught of suffering, and so, ignored its very presence. Little did they know that their lights of love and companionship cast unseen shadows. This hideous darkness landed upon the unwanted and destitute, forcing them to accept the gloom.

These brightest of stars cast the longest of shadows, the shadows and gloom that the abandon seek to escape. One such star was Twilight Sparkle, and one such abandon, was Starlight Glimmer.

Her tears fell in rhythm with the rain, concealed and invisible to the joyous ponies around her. Not a head was turned, or an ear twitched. Why should they notice her? All they ever wanted could be found at their side.

Starlight's hoofs fell heavy, weighed down by her regret. The burden which had once been a comforting friend, was now strangling her from behind. The weight was immense, and should have halted her dreary escape. But somehow, she ran.

The river that had once been a road, parted for the unicorn as she plummeted down. Though her hooves carried her forward, her broken heart fell back. She had no choice but to leave this virtuous town. She was an axe, and Ponyville was an elegant tree. The only possible result of her staying, would have been destruction. Starlight was born into power and greed, and that was all she ever was. No, it was all she would ever be.

Starlight Glimmer desperately wanted to save this place and the ponies within. And she was willing to do anything to keep them safe and sound. If only Twilight could understand, then this departure could have been exponentially easier. But alas, she was too pure to allow such dispiriting logic to invade her mind.

A sad smile was painted upon Starlight's face as she approached the Everfree forest. She slowed to a slouching walk as she trekked on. Her tears which had previously been hidden amongst the rain, were now falling alone. Her choked and sporadic sobs remained voiceless among the rustling leaves and distant pitter patter of rain.

Starlight looked down at her mud covered coat, dripping with sweat and dark rain. It was a reflection of her soul. Her atrocious crimes and selfish ambitions had led to nothing more than the tainting of her once vibrant soul. In a vain attempt at emotional reconciliation, Starlight pawed viciously at the mud, attempting to remove her shame. Nothing improved. Her sins only became more and more apparent as she put forth effort to change. It was hopeless, she was hopeless.

Starlight tried repeatedly to forgive herself, but this proved to be too much. No matter how hard Twilight had tried for the past month, nothing had changed. She was still the defeated, pointless, and dirty villain. There is no place for a stone among gems.

At the thought of her only friend, Starlight’s depression deepened. Not only had Twilight given her a second chance, but she had moved heaven and earth to keep her out of prison. Moreover than that, Twilight had completely forgiven her, and promised to be her friend. Starlight had known from the start that she was worthless, but at seeing the ponies of Ponyville, and how they treated one another. She had thrown any worth she might have held out the window.

Starlight Glimmer did not deserve any love. She did not deserve any forgiveness. It was her fault, all of it. There was no mind control, or any outside manipulation. It had just been her, choosing to be bad, choosing to hurt others. She was a terrible pony.

Her thoughts began to get the better of her as she fled to the inner depths of the Everfree. Her tears had not ceased, and after sobbing for hours her breaths seemed to be labored and lacking the vital oxygen she required. Timberwolves howled alongside the wind, attempting to break the spell upon the despondent unicorn, but all failed. Her mind was a prison, and her emotions held the key.

Thorns and vines attempted to snag her and pull her back to safety, but they as well were fruitless. The blood, the mud, the rain, the void and abandoned forest, and a soaked pony. There was no hope here. There was no love. In the place where the tricked and deceived souls go to die is where Starlight was found.

Princess Twilight descended from on high, her elegant wings swinging back and forth, displacing the cold air with her own warmth. The ever aware trees of the Everfree backed away at her presence, fleeing from her serene purity, and leaving the pitiful unicorn alone once again.

As the Princess neared the black ground, leaves flew away in flurries of wind, sliding past the lifeless form of Starlight. She lifted her gaze from the ever welcoming darkness and stared at the glowing shape of Twilight. She lifted her forehooves and shielded her eyes. She did not even deserve a glimpse of this mare's glory, why was she here?

Twilight wore her sad smile like a badge of honor. Almost as if nothing pleased her more than being right here, standing above the dreg of society, wanting to help. She met Starlight's bloodshot stare and began to cautiously inch forward. However, the instant she began to creep, Starlight shot onto her hooves and inched away.

Starlight shook her head as she nervously gulped.
“You you, shoulddnt be heere.” Her usually pleasant and silky voice shook and faltered as her frozen teeth chattered. She held no confidence in her stance, and her pleading words only confirmed her distress.
“I need to leave. To keep, keep everyone safe.” Starlight's body was wracked with violent shivers, as her soaked mane caught the ice cold wind. All the while, she kept her eyes fixed on the ground, as if she was too insignificant to speak.

Twilight's sadness grew at the words, and her holy glow faded to a light pulse. The alicorn stopped for a moment and considered her friends words. Though she had no intention of leaving without Starlight, she knew this was her one chance to truly reach her distant friend, and she could not make a mistake.

“Starlight. You should really come home. It’s rainy and cold. By the way you are quaking, I think you might already be sick…... Please, let's go home together. There is nothing out here for you.” Twilight’s voice, as always, flowed like honey through the air, enticing any that heard to listen. Though underneath, there was audible worry and slight desperation. She understood the situation.

“Twilight. You and I both know that I will always be the villain. There is no hope for me. All I can do is drag you down.” Starlight had regained some of her voice, though it remained a croak compared to her normal forceful sound. She paused for a moment, then continued.
“Even if I could change, I don’t deserve this second chance. I don’t deserve your love.” That line hit home for Twilight. She knew that Starlight had been struggling, but she could not comprehend why. Now, she understood.

“Everypony deserves a second chance Starlight.” While she spoke Twilight slowly sat down, allowing the damp dirt to mix into her coat. The rain continued to fall, but the end of the storm was near.

“No Twilight! This isn't a second chance! I have made far too many major mistakes to deserve any of this! You need to leave!.......Please.” She started off almost yelling, allowing her bottled fury to be unleashed, but by the end, her tone drifted into being nothing less than lifeless. When Twilight did not leave Starlight buried her face in her hooves resuming her everlasting flow of tears.

Twilight sat for a moment, staring heartbroken at her devastated friend. Starlight had made mistakes, but everypony makes mistakes. Maybe her mistakes were worse, so what? True friendship and true love does not care. It breaks all barriers and opens all doors. It is the only truly unstoppable force.

The Princess of Friendship considered her options. Starlight was seemingly unreachable, consumed by her guilt and terrible mistakes. How could she break this disgusting cycle? No words could move such emotion. That's when it hit her. It would be painful, and likely to last a long time, but it was worth it.

Twilight stood up, and then before Starlight could register what was happening she was wrapped in a deep heartfelt hug. A first there was screaming, accompanied by thrashing limbs as Starlight attempted to escape. Her guilt and fear washed over her, causing uncontrollable panic. The only phrases she could repeat where, ‘No’ and ‘I don’t deserve this’. Twilight held on tight, allowing her friend to emotionally struggle.

Neither of the two could remember how long the battle lasted. Starlight screaming how she didn't deserve a second chance, and Twilight crying for her lost friend. It was a storm of emotions, and a battle of will. Anypony else would have let go and allowed their friend to run away, it was their choice after all. But Twilight, she could not. She would not let go until Starlight was calmed down.

The fighting slowed until it ceased all together. The horrible phrases had been restricted to a quiet almost inaudible whisper. And all the while Twilight held on. Her coat was now streaked and matted just like Starlights, and her tears fell in a wonderful parallel to her friends, creating a sad yet beautiful scene. Finally, Starlight Glimmer gave in. She hugged her friend back, consuming the love and affection that she secretly needed. Twilight stroked her mane lightly, and began to speak.

“I can’t convince you that you deserve it. But what I can say is that Love is given freely. And you have all of mine.” She breathed the life saving words into Starlights ear, causing it to twitch slightly in the air. Starlight then sank into Twilight, praying that she could stay in the warm and feathery embrace forever. New tears blossomed in her eyes, but they were warm tears of joy. As Starlight calmed down, and eventually gave in to a deep sleep, Twilight looked up. Above the pair, there stood a beautiful and elegant rainbow, its colors reflecting off of the pools of rain.

The once dreary opening in the Everfree now glowed with stunning light, surrounding the two mares in a heavenly aura. There was always a rainbow after the storm, she just had to make it to the other side. Looking down, Twilight noticed the fact that Starlight had fallen asleep, a calm smile dancing across her face. The princess formed a smile of her own, and then laid her own head down in the soft dewy grass. Everything was going to be alright. Love will always remain victorious.