Mutually Assured Fluffiness

by M48 Patton

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Tempest Shadow, Science Fiction
Length: 1792

Tempest Shadow travels to a cafe for breakfast and receives a lesson as to why humans are insane.

Tempest Shadow is sent by Twilight Sparkle to meet with a human soldier over breakfast, however the soldier explains his true purpose is to protect Equestria from a terrible threat: Humanity.

A brief look into the background behind the war games.

Published 2020-11-22 06:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-22 06:10:00 UTC

Negotiations over Pancakes

Mutually Assured Fluffiness

======================

Negotiations over Pancakes

Tempest Shadow stalked through the streets of Manehattan, throwing dark looks at anything that glanced in her general direction. Even at two in the morning, ponies were still out and about, although they were of a far seedier nature than those of the daytime variant. The street walkers in ostentatious makeup and sleazy outfits offering to cuddle anypony for a few bits, Sugar Suppliers offering the latest from the Mexicolt sugar farms to anypony looking for a buzz, and pillow packers waiting to club anypony that looked like they could afford to lose some of their coins.

If she were being honest with herself, Tempest wished one of those muggers would try and make a move on her. She was dying for some good old fashioned bone breaking. Their bones, of course.

However, the imposing mare was not in Manehattan for pleasure. She was to meet a contact from “The Other Side” or something like that.

Following the directions provided by Princess Twilight Sparkle on a well detailed and hoof drawn map, complete with random trivia regarding nearby architecture and recommended tourists spots, Tempest Shadow arrived at the doors to a seedy looking cafe hidden down a back alley.

Dine and Dash had an interior that matched the exterior, with rusted bar stools at the counter and torn fabric on almost every seat, with at least two corners bathed in darkness and several unstable looking floorboards. Behind the counter stood an overweight earth pony with a cigar sticking out the side of his mouth.

The stallion barely even acknowledge her presence and continued to spit shine a glass.

“Ahem.” Tempest Shadow stepped up to the counter. “I am here to meet with an old friend by the name of Scorched Earth.”

The stallion gestured with his head towards the door leading to the kitchen. Tempest eyed the stallion with a glare that could melt steel, but he didn't even flinch, continuing to clean the glass and chew on his cigar.

Following his vague directions, Tempest walked through the door and was immediately greeted by two Royal Guards standing ramrod straight in front of vault door.

“Commander Berrytwist!” The guard on the right said in crisp military tones, causing Tempest to cringe as her real name was said allowed. “You are expected, the portal will be open in just a moment!”

“My name is Tempest Shadow!” Tempest screamed in the guard's face.

With a loud foom! the vault door imploded into a swirling vortex that opened into a pleasant view of a diner in stark contrast to the dingy dining establishment Tempest currently stood in.

“Enjoy your meal Commander.” The guard on the left said.

Tempest looked between the guards and the portal, but said nothing as she stepped through.

“Berrytwist.” The guard snickered as the portal closed behind Tempest.

The mare spun in place and growled, but it was too late and she was left staring at a blank wall with a sign that simply read “Stay Back Five Feet”. There were steps behind her that attracted her attention, causing Tempest to turn around once more and find out just who was approaching her.

The sight she was greeted with was unexpected, but not unsurprising. Before her stood a human, a creature from across dimensions that the portals led through. He was tall, with broad shoulders and a square jaw. His uniform was impeccably kept, deep blue jacket and pants with gold trimmings. Silvery hair with streaks of black running through it and keen eyes finished the look of a veteran who was not a stranger to combat.

“Commander Tempest Shadow?” He asked.

Tempest nodded slowly.

“I am Commander Mitchum, United States Navy.” The man introduced himself. “I have a booth if you would like to sit.”

Tempest followed the man through the diner, noticing that there were other patrons seated at the tables. In one was none other than the former Princesses Celestia and Luna while sitting across from them were a rotund orange man and a somber looking human with gray hair. In another booth sat a younger human that looked to be prime fighting material sharing a large bowl of ice cream with a thestral mare.

Mitchum motioned for Tempest to sit in a particular booth and sat across from her, picking up a mug of what Tempest assumed was coffee from the smell.

“Now, let's not waste time.” He began. “I assume you know of Earth and all pertinent information.”

Tempest took a moment to compose her answer, choosing her words carefully. “I only know what was deemed relevant for my job.”

Mitchum shrugged. “Well, I'm not going to sit here playing guessing games with you to try and figure out what you may, or may not know, so I'll give you what I think is relevant for this conversation.”

He took another sip of coffee, inhale deeply and then spoke. “I know that Equestria has been extremely limited on what gets out to the public regarding the interdimensional travel between our two worlds, however Earth is far more secretive with the information. Practically nobody actually knows that humanity has established contact with another sentient species. However, that does not mean we are not preparing for a possible breakdown in negotiations.”

“You mean war.” Tempest stated with a scowl.

“I mean there's always the possibility.” Mitchum nodded. “It is something that humanity has become rather adept at. Celestia herself was. . . reticent to open up negotiations to us at first after learning just what humans were capable of inflicting upon each other. Fortunately, the promise of technological trades was enough to bring about the great exchange.”

Mitchum paused for a moment, as if contemplating where his conversation was going. “This, of course, led to the creation of 'The Games', a series of wargames between Equestria and several of Earth's military elements.”

“I am aware of these events.” Tempest said as a plate was slid in front of her by a friendly looking mare. The plate was loaded with flapjacks coated in syrup with a set of hoof utensils to side.

“Well, if you know about them, then you probably know the score.” Mitchum continued. “Equestrian forces won the first two by a large margin, at which point our eggheads had reverse engineered thaumic energy. Magic. That was the game changer.”

“Your forces have been successful all eight subsequent games, have they not?” Tempest remarked.

“Nine, if you count the war of Flurry Heart.” Mitchum corrected her, getting his cup refilled by the same mare. “Of course, these were all conventional battles, fought in closed environments. No, the war I am alluding to is one that is far beyond anything Equestria can even imagine.”

Tempest raised an eyebrow at this. “Commander Mitchum, surely you must know of Equestria's greatest battles? I myself have even waged war against the princesses.”

The man nodded while sipping his coffee before setting down his cup and sighing. “Commander Tempest, if we are going to be completely honest with each other, Equestria downright terrifies the United States, and because of that we have gone through various measures to ensure that any war waged between our two worlds would end in your complete annihilation, if not ours as well.”

Tempest blinked, trying to process what she had just heard.

“What?”

“Mutually Assured Destruction.” He explained. “We might lose the war, but so would you.”

“To what ends?” The mare asked, suddenly feeling very nervous about the two princesses sitting just a few tables down.

“To end the war before it even starts. You never start anything, neither will we.”

“That's ridiculous!” Tempest protested. “How does that even make sense?”

Mitchum sipped his coffee again. “You know how powerful Discord is?”

Tempest shook her head.

“A creature that can literally bend reality to its will, and can do it all with a snap of its finger.” Mitchum sighed. “And a set of magical friendship rocks that can stop such power, what a ridiculous cliche. Too bad humanity could never figure this whole harmony thing out, instead we just bashed each other over the head until one day we realized that we were about to kill ourselves.”

“But what does Equestria have to do with this?” Tempest asked.

Mitchum reached into his jacket and pulled out a small box. “Tempest, what I am about to tell you is going to put the very survival of Equestria in your hands, er, hooves.”

Tempest leaned forwards as Mitchum lowered his voice.

“You are the commander of Equestria's entire defense force, answering to Princess Twilight Sparkle herself.” He whispered. “Therefore, I expect that you will handle the following information with the care and subtlety required. The United States has created a series of ballistic missiles capable of trans-dimensional travel, each of them armed with a new typed of warhead combining elements of Equestrian magic, chaos power and nuclear yield. These bombs, once launched, cannot be stopped by Discord, Celestia, or us, and will end life as we know it on a planetary scale.”

Tempest leaned back, her jaw hanging low. “You're all insane.”

“Yes.” Mitchum said as he sipped more coffee.

“How could Celestia ever offer your kind the knowledge of magic, I will never know.” The mare said incredulously. “You get magic and the first thing you do is make a BOMB with it?”

The man finished his coffee and slid the box over to Tempest's side of the table.

“Inside you will find a way to save Equestria.” He said. “There are instructions on how to create Rift Field Dampeners to prevent portals from opening in Equestria, and a kill switch that once activated will destroy every portal generator on Earth.”

Tempest blinked, shocked and amazed at how insane the past fifteen minutes of her life had just been. Mitchum took no notice of her and stood, leaving behind a few strips of green paper.

“Our world is a dangerous place, Tempest.” He said. “But there is nothing more dangerous than the people living on it. I, and certain members of my government, trust that you have the sound judgment to use what we have given to you wisely. Please don't disappoint us.”

Tempest was left sitting by herself in the booth, pancakes laying forgotten as she stared at the small box in front of her. It was an unassuming little container, but to Tempest it looked as big as the whole world.

Author's Note

A brief foray into what I think would occur behind the scenes in a situation like this. I didn't really have a plan or know where this was going, but it seemed to turn out okay. Thanks for reading.