In a land long lost to the rest of Equus, a broken country laid torn in anarchy. Stallionica once was a paradise to ponies and creatures of all places, but upon the assassination of Lord Tango and Mistress Phantasia, with no living heirs or royal family capable or willing, the Great Kingdom of Stallionica became a world of darkness and despair. But something extraordinary happened 50 years after The Fall, in a prospering, walled-up city called Mareburn…
Fancy Mark slammed his front door, right in the muzzle of a solicitor selling manure scented air refresheners. Who, in the name of Tango the Merciful, would want something that makes their house smell like feces? Fancy shook his head disapprovingly, walking back to his desk. Just as he had sat down, a loud thunk came from outside his door. “I already told you,” he shouted, “that I don’t want your freaking air refre-“ he stopped his rageful outburst as he opened his door.
A mare twice the size of him sat on the floor of his chartree wood porch, rubbing her head. Her lavender coat and wings were matted and wet with snow; her body covered in cuts, bruises, and embedded rocks. Not only did she have wings, but a long horn large enough to run a pony through from belly to spine. The immensely terrifying appendage stuck out of her cubically cut, three coloured purple mane. The three coloured, purple-themed hair floated out like a flag in a soft wind, constantly moving, although there was no wind present. A golden gorget hugged her chest, being held up by a golden band around her neck. Her golden shoes on each hoof glittered with light from his lanterns.
“What the hay are you?” Fancy managed to blurt after a moment of stupor.
“I’m an alicorn, one of few. You’re Fancy Mark, correct?” the purple pony inquired.
“I am, who are you?” Fancy Mark stood his ground, ready to fight if necessary. His naturally strong muscles tensed.
“I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, ruler of Equestria. My horn led me here after casting a spell to find you.” Fancy Mark’s jaw dropped, and he quickly bowed in respect and fear.
“Y-your Highness!” He stammered.
“Please, rise, I mean to be a guest, not a tyrant.” Twilight laughed.
Fancy Mark felt foolish, and asked, “May I speak to you as a friend would? I can continue to treat you like royalty if you wish.”
“Oh, no, no, I’d like to be treated as a good friend. Assuming you know what friendship is…” She gave him a suspicious stare. “You do know what friendship is, right?” Fancy Mark nodded vigorously, not willing to show he was lying. “Oh good, I was really hoping to not give a friendship lesson today.” Twilight gave a little shiver. “May I come inside?” She looked around, then hugged one hoof around her chest. “It’s awfully chilly out here.”
Fancy Mark stepped inside, beckoning her to follow suit. “Oh, do you have a shower I can use? I’d rather be in a much more presentable state.”
He gestured to the stairs. “Up the stairs, to the left, and third door down is the shower. Please try not to make a mess.” Twilight dashed up the stairs ever so un-princess-like, and the sound of running water filled the house.
When Twilight returned to the main room, she flaunted a very lush coat, which seemed to move fluidly as she walked.
“So,” Fancy began, “why is there-“
“A princess from some land you’ve never heard of before inside your cozy little cottage?” Twilight finished with a goofy grin.
Yes…” Fancy Mark pulled out a guest cushion and tossed it on the floor. Twilight plopped down like a filly and drew in a breath.
“I came here to get a book signed.”
“A book, eh?” He gave an awkward but hearty laugh, trying to hide his gruff attitude toward guests, especially this ever so attractive one. “What’s the title?”
“Um,” Twilight’s horn lit up and a book popped into existence. “Tesseract. It’s a strange prospect, using quantum rules for a fiction story!” She let out a little squee as Fancy grabbed the book from the aura surrounding it.
“Hoof-stamped or signed?” Fancy prepared his ink and quill, setting the book down on the floor.
“Can I have both?” Twilight asked.
“Sure, why not; you are a princess after all.” Fancy wrote his name on the inside cover of Tesseract, and used the quill in his mouth to paint his hoof up, which he quickly plopped down above his name. “Alright, there. Now, you’ll wanna let it dry, so do you have anything else you want while you’re here?”
“I’d like to know why your land is so strange.” Twilight sat back against the wall behind her, touching a hoof to her chin. “The fields weren’t as bright of a green as they should be.” Her eyes widened. “A-at least, compared to Equestria’s grasses.” She gave a sheepish grin. “What happened?”
“Here, read a book.” Fancy grabbed his copy of The Fall of Stallionica by Hist O’ree. “I think you’ll find it to be very educational, as I don’t know much about it. All I know is ever since Lord Tango died, life in Stallionica hasn’t been as vibrant as it used to be.”
“The life magic generated by your ruler was destroyed with his death, hence the darker colors…” Twilight marveled. “Something similar happened with the Crystal Empire when King Sombra ruled, due to his true nature disappearing.”
“I’m sorry, who and what happened?” Fancy inquired. Twilight had already cracked open the book and ignored him, busy with her thoughts. “Ah, never mind.” The Princess read late into the night.
Fancy Mark awoke the next morning to a familiar bubbling sound, to which he scampered out of bed and fell down the stairs into his living room. There, he stood and shook off his dizziness, and saw his guest trying coffee. A gag quickly followed her sip, and she dumped the terrible mixture down the sink. She turned her head and froze. “Uh oh.”
“Terrible, isn’t it?” Fancy asked. The Princess nodded vigorously. “I don’t drink coffee anymore, but nopony else has wanted my coffee maker. Must’a collected some dust.”
Twilight considered this and nodded slowly, visibly understanding the plausibility of how the dust contributed to her negative experience. “I guess I can go without my morning drink today!” The Princess’ bloodshot eyes widened.
“Were you awake reading all night?” he inquired.
“Yup.” Twilight sunk to the floor with a crazed smile on her face. “But I learned something that might help your country out!” Fancy looked on expectantly. But much to his dismay, his guest uttered the words he never thought he never wanted to hear: “I’m sending you to retrieve the Elements of Druidism.”
Fancy trotted around his living room, in terror, as he contemplated all that could go wrong on this unfortunate adventure. I could be killed! I could get lost and get killed; I could get captured and killed; I could get lost, then captured, then killed!
He came to a conclusion and hurried back into his kitchen. “I’m sorry, Princess, but I can’t do this!”
“Why not?”
“I’m not fit for this at all!” Fancy growled. “How the hay am I supposed to go down into dangerous territory and survive? I’m an author, not an adventurer!” He was now visibly stressed, his yellow and blue striped mane beginning to fray from his grey fur.
Twilight stood, and lowered her horn upon his head. It glowed for a few seconds, then she moved away. Fancy smirked, and said, “I understand now. I already have what I need, although I may not feel like it. I’ll do it, but only,” he jabbed a hoof at The Princess, “because I fear I’ll get shish-kabobbed on that horn of yours.”
Twilight let out a hearty laugh and sent him to pack.
