She knew why she was here. She had been wondering about this day for years now, but she hadn’t been sure when the right time was. Maybe after they had defeated Nightmare Moon- but then she had been sent away. After the Gala disaster perhaps- but that was really too minor. Insignificant, really. After Discord and the Changelings and the Crystal Empire she had wondered- and remained unsure. But now she was a Princess, too. An Alicorn. And she was no longer a student. She was, just maybe, an equal? Surely this was the time, if ever there was one. Still, she felt the flutter of nervousness in heart that always reared up when she went to see her ~~teacher~~... friend?
Shaking her head, Princess Twilight Sparkle trotted up the grand staircase and through the long hallways into the throne room. Her former teacher stood up to greet her. “Princess Twilight Sparkle. How wonderful to see you. What brings you here to Canterlot?”
“Princess Celestia,” she said. She paused. “I... umm... I wanted to discuss something important with you....” Her resolve was weakening. Was she being too brazen? How would Celestia react?
“Twilight Sparkle.” The voice was compassionate. “I can tell when something is bothering you. Come, let us take a walk in the gardens and you can tell me about it.”
Twilight smiled. “Just like when I was a filly?”
Celestia laughed. “Humor your old teacher, will you?”
Twilight laughed too, and Celestia informed the guards that they were going to discuss official Princess matters and they mustn’t be disturbed. Then they trotted over to the Canterlot Gardens.
Twilight breathed deeply, taking in the pleasant scents of the exotic flowers in the Gardens. The hedges were trimmed perfectly and the statues glowed slightly during the dusk’s light. She had gone on many a walk here as the Princess’s apprentice. So many fond memories here.... Her thoughts were interrupted by Celestia. “So, my faithful student, what is on your mind? I expect it is related to your ascension to Princess?”
“Kind of,” Twilight admitted. “It’s- well- since I moved to Ponyville, I’ve made amazing friends. They’ve taught me more about myself- and magic- than I ever thought possible. It’s thanks to them that I even have these,” she said, gesturing with her new wings. “and you, of course.”
“Of course,” Celestia smiled. “I couldn’t be prouder of you, Princess. But I expect you haven’t come all the way to Canterlot just so I can extol your virtues, hmm?”
“Oh-no!” Twilight said, blushing. “It’s just- you wanted me to make friends for years, Princess. Way before I actually moved to Ponyville.”
“That’s true,” Celestia said conversationally. “And I hope that now that you have actually taken my advice you see why I wanted you to.”
“I have!” Twilight exclaimed. “But it’s just- I remember when I was a foal- when you told me to make friends- I once asked if I could be- if I could be your friend.” There. She had said it. She paused, not daring to look up at her mentor’s face. Would Celestia accept her now, unlike then? She remembered that conversation so clearly....
They are having tea in the Gardens, and Twilight is scared. The Princess is disappointed in her, she can tell. “There is truly nopony in your class you would want to be friends with?” she asks.
“I just... would rather learn magic with you... I like that better than other ponies anyways. Is friendship really that important?”
Celestia sighs. “You’re the youngest pony I’ve ever taken on as my apprentice, Twilight Sparkle. Most of my other ones were closer to adult aged. I don’t want you to be isolated because of me. And there is a lot of magic to be found in friendship, too.”
“I guess,” Twilight says. She smiles. She just had a great idea. “Princess, I like spending time with you. Can you be my friend?” She looks up at her teacher. Celestia knows more magic than anypony in Equestria! And she raises the sun and moon every day and night. She’s the most amazing pony in the world!
Celestia gazes back down at Twilight. “I’m honored that you want to be my friend, Twilight Sparkle,” she says slowly. But she’s not smiling. She always smiles when she’s pleased with Twilight. “But I don’t think I’m a good friend for you.”
“Why not?” Twilight says in a small voice. She shrinks back. Isn’t she the Princess’s most faithful student?
Celestia speaks gently. “You are a filly, Twilight Sparkle, and I am... very old and very busy. You need to make friends with foals your own age.”
“Oh,” Twilight says softly. “Can we... can we be friends when I’m older?”
“Maybe,” says the Princess. Seeming to notice how dejected Twilight looks, she adds, “We’ll discuss this another time. I promise.”
“Yes, I remember that,” Celestia said. “Is there a reason you bring this up now?”
“The thing is,” Twilight said. “I am a lot older now- and I have friends my own age. Great friends. But now I’m a Princess. I’m not your student anymore. I just wanted to know- am I old enough to be your friend?”
She finally had the guts to look up. Celestia was staring at her with an inscrutable expression. She wasn’t smiling. Her face was completely neutral. She spoke gently. “Continue,”
Twilight was rambling now. “It’s just- I’ve known you for so long, Princess Celestia... and you know me so well. You can always tell when I’m upset and how to make me feel better... the perfect gift for my birthday... everything! But I... barely know anything about you. I mean obviously I’ve read history books. Not in a stalker-ish kind of way, of course!” she added quickly. “And I know some stuff- like your favorite cake or flower- but I barely know you. I didn’t even know you had a sister until the Summer Sun Celebration. I mean, there aren’t a lot of Alicorn Princesses in Equestria, right, so we have to stick together?” Nervously, she laughed. Celestia didn’t.
Twilight wished she had never brought up this topic.
Celestia spoke in a measured voice. “Twilight Sparkle, you are not the first- nor will you be the last- of my apprentices who ask to truly know me, pony to pony, rather than just as student to teacher.”
Twilight looked at her, not daring to breathe. “And what did you say to them?”
Celestia continued, “Slightly different answers for all of them, but on the same general theme. They all had different reasons for wanting to know me, of course. Some were scholars who wanted to study me, foolishly believing they could somehow understand me. Some were power-hungry and felt they could learn to be like me. Some were infatuated with me and arrogantly believed that they could win my heart, if I would only open up to them. Some pitied me, a goddess alone in a mortal world, and naïvely believed they could bring me comfort.” She snorted. “You, however, are the first one to offer your hoof in friendship to me.”
Twilight could scarcely speak. She wasn’t sure she was being complimented or insulted. She looked down at her hooves. “So... umm... Princess... does that mean... you...?” she trailed off, unsure how to continue.
Celestia put her hoof under Twilight’s jaw and lifted it up to face her. Her eyes were serious, but not unkind. She spoke softly. “Twilight Sparkle, I would like to be your friend...”
Twilight’s heart soared. She was beginning to doubt, but how could she! She was the Princess’s most faithful student, after all. Imagine, the most powerful pony in the Universe, the pony she had most admired for all her life, wanted to be friends with her-
“If such a thing were possible.” Celestia finished.
Her heart sank down to her hooves. What was she thinking? She was nothing, and Celestia was the Princess of the Day. Nopony could stare directly at the sun. What a fool she was, to think she could befriend a goddess. She wasn’t worthy, she was only “Twilight Sparkle!”, a mortal-turned-Alicorn, but still only a mortal in the end, she-
“Twilight Sparkle!” She turned, after hearing her name again. Celestia was looking at her strangely, but then her face turned tired and she sighed. “It was only natural that you would ask this, Twilight Sparkle, and as much as I hoped this conversation would never come up... you deserve an explanation.”
Twilight stared at her uncertainly. She felt Celestia’s soft white wing draped upon her back. Celestia pursed her lips and asked Twilight a question, like she had done at so many of their lessons. “Do you feel sorry for me, Twilight Sparkle?”
“Whatever do you mean, Princess?” she responded. But that wasn’t entirely true. She had some idea of where this was headed.
“Living so long, I mean.”
“Oh, well, I guess it must be hard- but umm- I think you must be very strong.” Twilight wasn’t sure that was the right answer. The way Celestia was looking at her now didn’t give her any reassurance.
“But why is it hard? Why would I be ‘strong’, as you put it?” Celestia pressed her.
Twilight thought carefully about how to frame her answer. “Well- everypony you care about you outlive- except for Luna, but she wasn’t there for a thousand years. So anypony you befriend, you know that they’ll grow old and die while you... don’t. And that’s really hard. Not only do your friends all leave you, they can’t even understand what you go through. And to do that for a thousand years- you would have to be really strong.”
Celestia was smiling now, the way she smiled when Twilight had the right answer. She motioned for Twilight to follow her as they walked deeper along the paths of the Garden towards some of the older statues. By now, it was nightfall, and everything was covered in soft moonlight. Celestia glanced around. A nostalgic look crossed her features, one that Twilight had scarcely seen. “I remember that there was a time when I had friends,” she said softly. “Not acquaintances, mind you, or staff, or even students- all of whom I care deeply about- but real friends. The kind you care about forever, no matter what.” She paused. “That was a very long time ago. Eventually...”
“They passed on,” Twilight finished. She felt a sort of pity in her, but she wasn’t altogether sure that Celestia wanted her to. “So you decided that friendship is too painful, that it’s not worth it if it won’t last. But,” she was going to be bold now, bolder than she would ever be were she still a student. “Princess, you shouldn’t give up on friendship just because it has to end! The memories you have with your friends- they can always be cherished. I know it must have been very painful to you when your friends died...”
“Oh, it probably was,” Celestia said, almost cheerfully.
“What do you mean, ‘probably’?” Twilight asked, now thoroughly confused.
“I wouldn’t know. I don’t remember.”
“You... don’t remember?” Twilight wasn’t sure what to think of this. Celestia didn’t remember the pain now? The details of their demises? Had losing loved one after loved one caused her to block out memories of their passing? “You don’t remember when they died?” she asked slowly.
Celestia shook her head. “I don’t remember anything,” she said. “I remember that there was a time that I had friends- and I remember that I was happy then- but that’s all. I have lived a very long time, Twilight Sparkle, and time is... different for me. There is so much that has happened in my life, I couldn’t possibly remember it all. Truthfully, I don’t think I would be able to bear it if I did. And so, I forget.”
“Everything?” Twilight asked in a small voice. How could somepony forget something so important, even after so many years? She couldn’t believe it.
“Everything,” Celestia confirmed. “First I forgot the details of our time together but I still remembered them. But over the years I started to forget their names and faces. And they lived a very long time ago, so they weren’t exactly... in the history books. All that was left with me was the happiness we shared. But then I forgot that too. Now all I can say for certain is that at some point I was happy, although the nature of that experience I cannot say.”
“How can you just forget all your friends?” Twilight said in disbelief. “Maybe those ponies just weren’t so important to you?” she ventured shyly.
“Perhaps,” Celestia said noncommittally. “I cannot say for certain, although I believe they were in fact dear to me.”
Celestia gestured towards the statues surrounding them, and Twilight realized that they were standing in a graveyard. “Some of my faithful students are buried here.” Celestia said.
“Which ones?” Twilight asked, before realizing the question was meaningless to Celestia.
“I do not know,” the other replied. “I suppose we could try to find markings on the graves that haven’t yet worn down, and if we cross-referenced that with historical records from the School for Gifted Unicorns we could surely identify some of them.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Twilight said quickly. The air was still around them, the shrubbery overgrown and wild unlike the rest of the immaculate Gardens. It could have been an abandoned field, if not for the rows of tombstones and the faint outline of Canterlot Castle in her peripheral vision.
“I promised them I’d remember them, you know,” Celestia said suddenly. “I didn’t want to forget. They would beg me to remember them, and I would promise I would. I thought if I just tried hard enough, made enough unique memories, spent an extra moment with them- then I’d remember. But alas... I still forgot.”
“How many times did you promise before you... gave up?” Twilight asked weakly.
“I cannot say,” Celestia responded. “After all, if I remembered making the promise to anypony, I would have to remember them as well. All I can say is that I made it a lot... but in the end- an immortal’s promise is worthless. Given enough time, anything will happen. All rules will have an exception. All promises will be broken.”
Twilight didn’t want to believe it. “But still... you really believed those promises when you made them, didn’t you? You meant them! It can’t be totally worthless.”
“That may have been true the first time, but it doesn’t excuse the rest,” Celestia said firmly. “Twilight Sparkle... you have had a fair amount of birthday parties, have you not?”
“I-“ Twilight was thrown off by the question. “I guess so, Your Highness.”
Celestia nodded. “And did you enjoy the birthday cake at these parties?”
“Of course,” Twilight said, still unsure where this was going.
“Excellent,” Celestia said. “Now, at your birthday, say, seven years ago, what kind of cake did you have?”
“I’m not sure,” Twilight admitted. “Chocolate, I think?”
“So you admit that you enjoyed the cake, yet you no longer have a recollection of it. How do you know, then, that you enjoyed it?” Celestia asked.
Twilight stopped and thought. “I mean, it’s birthday cake. How could I not enjoy it?”
“So you don’t recall enjoying it, but being that it was, in fact, birthday cake, you can deduce that you likely did. Now, did your mother bake you these cakes?” Celestia said.
“Yeah. She bakes me a cake on all my birthdays.” Twilight said.
Celestia looked intently at Twilight. “At your next birthday, if after you ate your cake, you thanked your mother and told her you would cherish its delicious flavor for the rest of your life, would that be true?”
“No,” Twilight said. “I guess not. For a few years maybe, but not for the rest of my life.”
“Yes, it would be lie,” Celestia agreed. “A kind, well-intentioned lie, but a lie nonetheless. Now, I for one don’t think it’s particularly troubling for somepony to lie about how much they enjoyed a dessert. But when it comes to friendship, which is meant to be based on mutual trust and honesty....” she trailed off, letting the implications linger in the cold night air.
Twilight was beginning to understand. “So if you agreed to be my friend....”
“It would be a lie,” Celestia finished. “I could tell you I cared for you, that I’d treasure our bond forever, but I would be lying. I could promise you anything- and I myself could believe it- and it would still be a lie. I could say that you were different, that you were eternal, the best friend, the most faithful one....”
Twilight froze. Most faithful. How many times had Celestia called her “my most faithful student”? And to how many other ponies had she made that same claim? Doubtless, some of their remains were under her hooves right now. When Celestia said that, did she mean it? Did it matter, in the end? Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. How many cherished moments of hers meant nothing to Celestia? How much praise had she received that was ultimately empty? The night felt even darker and chillier. Finally, she spoke. “Is that all I am to you, Celestia?” she asked quietly. “A chocolate cake?”
“Twilight Sparkle, I-“
“Something to be enjoyed but ultimately forgotten?” She was brazen now, no doubt, but her fear as a loyal student had suddenly vanished. She felt so angry, so betrayed. She couldn’t bring herself to even look at this... this pony... creature whom she didn’t even know. To whom she was just... what? A cake? A pawn? Some slight entertainment to pass the time? She didn’t know anymore.
“Twilight Sparkle, look at me!” The voice was loud and firm, and Twilight obeyed, in spite of herself. She looked up, into the other’s eyes. Celestia sighed deeply, and her eyes were old and tired, showing the burden of a thousand years.
“Twilight Sparkle, I care for you deeply. You are the pony I care about most, aside from my sister, Luna. However... I will forget you. I do not want to, but I will. This is simply a certainty. One day you will die, whether you like it or not. I cannot blame you for that, as it is only natural. All mortals will die, and all immortals will forget.”
“So that’s it, then?” Twilight said. Her voice sounded hollow even to her own ears. “You can teach me and know me for years, and, and claim to care for me, but you accept that you will forget me and so we can never be considered true friends. You just accept that. You don’t even try to fight it.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far,” Celestia said, a sad smile pulling at the corners of her lips. “Why do you think I had you write me so many letters?”
