Author's Note

With apologies to Daniel Ingram.

Chapter is just for fun and isn't really canon to the rest of the story. Then again... I think the ending turned out really adorable, so maybe just consider that part canon? Yeah, let's go with that!

Bonus Chapter: Rainbow Want Sum Fuk

The girls stepped into the mid-afternoon sun, their eyes quickly tried to adjust to the harsh light compared to the dim dance club they’d just walked out of. As they began to head further into town, Rainbow Dash suddenly stopped and let out a whine of frustration.

“It’s not fair Twilight. Everyone around me seems to either be packing meat or has gotten stuffed by some. Why can’t I find a real good pounding? Heck now I even find out half the girls here have got the goods?” she pointed a hoof accusingly towards Applejack.

The farmer gave a sheepish smile and rubbed one forehoof against the other in embarrassment.

Rainbow Dash sighed and rolled her eyes before turning back toward Twilight. “You said you’re part of some snazzy order that helps ponies out with this kind of thing, right? So help me smash Twi, you’re my only hope!”

Twilight’s eyes sparkled and she grew giddy with excitement. After shared looks of worry between her friends she started belting out, “Now, Rainbow, my dear, I cannot express my delight! It's abundantly clear that somewhere round here, is a dick that will suit you just right!

An annoyed looking Rarity leaned over to Applejack and whispered, “Tell me she’s not-”

Applejack nodded with an equally annoyed look on her face. “She is.”

Rainbow’s eyes shimmered with hope, her excitement causing her wings to flitter, lifting her off the ground a bit as she sang back. “I can't wait to get started! But first let’s set a few rules. It's of utmost importance the dick that I get is attached to somepony that’s awesome and cool!

Twilight nodded in understanding. “Awesome, cool, got it! I spy so many wonderful choices, just wait, you will see.”

Rainbow Dash quickly lifted a hoof adding, “I need something that can pound like a bullet to satisfy me.”

Twilight flew off real quick before returning with a lithe pegasus stallion. The slightly frightened looking stallion was unceremoniously dropped in front of Rainbow before Twilight continued. “Sure! How about this buddy? His dick is cutesy and wootsie and pegasi are as quick as can be!”

Rainbow Dash scoffed. “Cutesy? Wootsie? Have you even met me?”

Twilight put down the shivering pegasus before flying closer to Dash. “Rainbow have faith! See the Solace will bet you, somewhere around here is a dick that will wet you! Come with me the sky’s the limit!”

Rainbow Dash nodded enthusiastically. “Sky is good, I’d like somepony that can fly.”

Twilight landed again and galloped into a nearby café, slowly dragging an annoyed looking unicorn stallion away from his tea before hovering into the air to present him to Rainbow.

“Really? Because I think this handsome unicorn stallion has your name written all over him.” she maneuvered him with her magic, pressing his annoyed face into Rainbow’s uninterested one.

“Oh look, he likes you!”

“Ma’am I’m pretty sure this is sexual assault.” the annoyed stallion blurted out, causing Twilight to drop him a few feet to the ground.

“Pass.” Rainbow said dismissively before gliding higher into the air.

“Twilight pal, this won’t cut it, I need a real dick to satisfy me. Something awesome! Something massive! With hardness that defies gravityyyyy!” she finished soaring up into the air with arms outstretched.

Twilight caught on. “I’m sensing you want a stallion that’s hung?”

Rainbow gave Twilight a deadpan look. “Ya think?”

Twilight suddenly wrapped her hoof around Rainbow’s neck pulling her along as she continued singing. “This town has plenty of ponies with huge dicks to catch your eye!” she directed Rainbow’s gaze to a nearby shop, “like that sweet stallion shop owner or that pegasi delivery guy!”

Rainbow Dash threw up her hooves, “better, but bigger!”

Twilight nodded. “I see. How about that pony with a scowl, or that boss, or this dude with a spray-tan, there’s plenty of dicks the likes of that!”

She pointed to her left, “There’s Fluttershy” -the yellow pegasi ducked her red face behind a wing- “and this guard pony, they are both quite substantial!”

Twilight paused, sweeping her hoof to her right towards a bench. “But perhaps what you need is a dark and mysterious batpony!”

Said batpony looked confused before yelling, “Hey! That’s racist!”

Rainbow ignored him. “Now you’re talking!” after a moment her limbs drooped slightly as she came to a realization. “well now instead of just one big dick, now that’s too many! So many choices and such penises aplenty!”

Twilight raised an eyebrow and blew a lock of her multihued hair from her eyes. “Doesn’t sound like a bad problem to have if you ask me.”

Rainbow darted closer to the batpony on the ground. “That batpony would be awesome, but Fluttershy I’m digging too." She pointed at his mane. "do you have something in a yellow-striped batpony?”

Now the batpony was scowling. “Oh come on!”

Twilight shook her head while pointing down towards an earthpony. “No, but I’ve got a hot pink pony here just dying to buck you.” Pinkie Pie smiled and waved at Rainbow.

Now Rainbow seemed troubled. “Oh what to do? What to do?!”

Sudden realization dawned on her fuzzy blue face and she pulled Twilight into a hug. “A prize, that’s it! There’s really just one way, to find out which pony bucks best!”

She hugged tighter. “We’ll hold a contest of speed, agility and spunk” -Rainbow let go and began to corkscrew through the air- “that will put each dick to the teeest!”

Twilight caught up and eagerly shook Rainbow. “Don’t forget technique, that should be considered!”

Rainbow nodded excitedly. “Yeah, then we’ll know for sure who’s the best of the buckers!”

Twilight threw Rainbow into a twirl before singing. “The one who’s awesome and cool-”

Rainbow finished, “Just like me!” she quickly landed on the ground with Twilight right behind her.

“I won’t cum for less ‘cause I’m the best.”

Twilight joined in once more and they finished in a duet, “so a contest we will see, who’s got the perfectest dick in the world for meeee!” they both raised their forehooves into the air. "may the bucking begiiinnnn, and may the best cock win!”

A few hours later

The afternoon sun was just now peaking on its journey through the crisp winter sky. Underneath a large tree near the center of town sat several stallions, including one frazzled-looking bat pony; All wore satisfied smiles as they gently cradled their well-worn crotches and passed around a tobacco pipe.

Meanwhile, a happily chatting group of mares began to walk towards the other side of Ponyville.

“I just can’t believe that Pinkie won so readily.” Twilight said to the traveling group as they made their way through town. Rarity rolled her eyes and did her best to forget the sweaty display she’d witnessed.

Applejack spoke up next, “Believe it Twi, if there’s one thang you should know by now, it's that an earth pony can pound y'all into next week.” she lifted a hoof, having it quickly met by Pinkie Pie with a satisfying *clop*.

“Yeah Twilight, no one’s left standing once they witness the firepower of my fully armed and operational party cannon!”

Twilight smacked a hoof against her already bruised face. “Of course you named it ‘party cannon.’”

Pinkie Pie stood next to Twilight now, nodding sagely. “It was either that or Pinkie Pie Jr. and that just seemed… weird.”

Further back a dejected looking pegasus followed the group of happy mares, her head hung low to the ground. A smaller blue pegasus started to slow down (a rare sight indeed) until she was matching the yellow one’s slow trot.

“Hey Shy, what’s got you down so low?” Rainbow Dash asked the sad looking pegasi, before gently wrapping her into a hug with a blue wing.

Fluttershy was doing her best not to cry as she looked towards Rainbow Dash while they walked. “I just- I just wanted you to be proud of me Rainbow!”

The butter-yellow pegasus came to a sudden stop and started bawling into Rainbow’s chest. Rainbow didn’t resist, she just nodded slowly in understanding and held her oldest friend tight to her barrel.

After a few minutes of letting Fluttershy vent, she used a hoof to lift Fluttershy’s face. “Fluttershy, you have no idea how proud I am of you!”

Fluttershy’s eyes twinkled with a small spark of hope. “You- you’re proud of-of me?”

Rainbow Dash nodded gently before giving her friend a warm smile. “Of course! Think about it, not only did you tell everypony about your secret stallion parts today, which I might add are hooves-down the largest in town! But in front of total strangers you were willing to try to buck me raw!”

Fluttershy’s eyes welled up as the dam threatened to break again. “But-but we didn’t even… well you know…”

Rainbow blew some of her frazzled mane out of her eyes. “I know, and it’s ok. Honestly you probably would have won if you hadn’t been so concerned with hurting me. You don’t need to worry about injuring me.” she paused for a moment, puffing out her chest floof. “ ‘Cause I’m just that awesome!”

She released her friend from the hug. “Really Flutters, you go practice a bit, and you’ll be the most desirable buck in town!”

“But-but I don’t want anypony, I just want to be your most desirable… uh, buck… Rainbow....” Fluttershy whispered.

Rainbow Dash frowned for a moment before leaning close to Fluttershy. “Alright Flutters, I’m going to let you in on a little secret, you ready?”

Fluttershy let out a small “eep” nodding her head.

“Good.”

Rainbow leaned in so her muzzle was almost touching the bottom of Fluttershy’s ear. “I hate all the soft, cutesy and wootsie things with a passion, I’m too cool for all that kinda stuff, ya know?”

Fluttershy nodded sadly before Rainbow continued.

“That is with one exception. It’s something I love and cherish more than anything else in the whole world, even more than the wonderbolts.” She paused, letting her words sink deep. “it’s you, Fluttershy.” she finished by leaning up to the taller pegasus, planting a gentle kiss on her cheek before quickly trotting off to catch up to the rest of the group.

Meanwhile Fluttershy collapsed into a happy puddle on the ground, blushing deeply with one front hoof draped over the other she sighed and smiled happily as she watched the energetic pegasus trot away.

“I love you too, Rainbow Dash…”