Why are our legs so long?!

by TechnoNerd

Rating: everyone
Tags: Equestria Girls, Comedy, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 7 (EqG), Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1239

Twilight here asking the REAL questions.

Ever since Twilight entered the mirror portal for the very first time, a question has been burning at the back of her head...

Why the heck do humans have such long legs?

Actually, make that two questions.

Can they give her some of their height?

Warnings: OOC Twilight, the brutal murder of the random tag, and the risk of your knees being stolen tonight by none other than Twilight Sparkle herself.

Published 2020-11-28 10:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-28 10:10:01 UTC

your knees, hand 'em over.

Twilight was having a good day. We were all having a good day.

~~And then the Fire Nation attacked.~~

Nah, just kidding. In reality, she was currently sitting on the ground in front of Canterlot High, screaming her lungs out because she was some weird bald ape thing with stubby flesh tentacles instead of hooves.

Oh wait, that's a human person kind of thing.

So anyway, Twilight did her screaming and people did their staring and Sunset did her stealing and blah blah blah, Equestria Girls plot, Rainbow Rocks, more movies that the author really didn't care much about, and boom, we're now at the present day!

Twilight screamed.

"Rarity! I never realized just how tall we are!" She gestured at her legs. "I mean, look at us, we're practically standing on stilts in comparison to how tall I must've been as a pony!"

Sci-Twi leaned towards Sunset. "Is... she okay? The other me, I mean."

"Yeah, this is pretty standard for my world's Twilight."

Twilight squat down. "How tall would I be against myself in this body? Maybe... this high?"

Rarity raised a brow. "Darling, are you saying that you're only up to our thighs as a pony?"

"Yes!" Twilight nodded. "That's exactly what I'm saying! I don't have all that much to go off of for reference, but just from memory, I believe that the journal Sunset uses to communicate with me is the same size in both this world and Equestria. I distinctly remember that the book seemed larger from my perspective as a pony than it does here, where I'm a... hoo-min, that's the word, right?"

"Human, and... yeah, I think you've got the right idea as far as journals go." Sunset shrugged. "Can't really tell for sure though without going back to check myself. Why are you asking this, anyway?"

"Because I'm supposed to grow taller now that I'm an alicorn! I've already grown a little, but it's still practically nothing in comparison to Celestia, or even Luna for that matter! Sunset, you know what I'm talking about! The leaders of Equestria have historically been tall, looming figures of awesome power! I'm supposed to be that someday, but how am I supposed to loom threateningly over the populace when I'm only up to the thigh-level of humans?"

"Er... you... don't?"

"But without height, how would ponies recognize me as legitimate? I don't even have the spooky flowy mane that Celestia and Luna have, and neither does Cadance! The only difference is that Cadance is normally in the Crystal Empire, where far fewer ponies have seen the towering heights that the alicorns of Canterlot stand at!"

Applejack facepalmed. "Twi, don'tcha think you're blowin' this a little bit out of proportion? You've already put Rarity on edge as it is!"

Twilight glanced at Rarity, who was currently on her fainting couch™ in the corner of the bandroom.

"Ooh, Twilight! I know what you can do!" Pinkie gasped. "You can actually stand on stilts! That way, when you start growing taller, you can make the stilts shorter and shorter until you don't need them anymore!"

"Pinkie... no, I'm not going to wear stilts for however many years until then. It'd be far too obvious to the public, first of all, and secondly, I'd doubt that world leaders would respect me if I were standing on stilts the entire time during conferences or diplomatic visits. Also, how old am I in this world? I'm old enough to be a major political figure back home, but in this place, I'm only in high school!"

"We've always been in high school, and we always will be..."

"What was that?" Twilight glanced at Fluttershy. "Didn't catch you there."

"Nothing!" Rainbow Dash cut in. "Just... a joke! Funny funny existential crisis joke! So anyway, who wants to get back to practicing for our next recita--"

"Leg extensions."

"...come again?"

Twilight lifted a leg."Leg. Extensions."

"Seriously, Twi? We're already pretty tall as it is. Couldn't you just, y'know, wait a little longer instead? I'm sure peop--er, ponies already think you're pretty awesome even though you're apparently short stuff back in horse-land."

"Leg. Extensions." She pointed a finger at Rainbow Dash's knees. "Give me your knees. This is a new tax."

"Wait, wha--"

Thunder flashed behind Twilight as the lights went out. "YOUR KNEES, HAND 'EM OVER."

"What? No! These are my knees!" Rainbow Dash shrunk away. "Go take someone else's knees, Twi."

The sound of chairs scooting filled the room for a hot second as everyone distanced themselves from the clearly-crazy Twilight Sparkle.

Sci-Twi was the first to speak again. "Um... question."

"Yes?"

"If you're now one of the most powerful ponies in Equestria, then couldn't you just... make yourself taller? And same goes for the flowing hair, too. I wouldn't be surprised if the Celestia and Luna of your world use some kind of constantly-flowing air current to achieve the effect."

Meanwhile in Equestria...

The limp-maned Celestia burst into the room. "LULU! DID YOU TAKE ALL THE DOUBLE-A BATTERIES AGAIN?!"

Luna narrowly missed her sister's face with her Wii remote swing.

"Fine then. I'll take the batteries from your invisible magic fan. See how you like that."

"Have fun smelling like Mountain Dew then, Celly!"

"Wait, what?"

"No-thiiiiing!"

"No. Give me your knees, me. Actually, you know what? Give me your legs. Lend me your height. Let me tower over them all!"

Sunset sighed. "Okay, Twilight, let's get you back to Equestria and close the portal behind you."

And so she did. Twilight, for her part, landed face-first in front of Spike back in Equestria, and proceeded to spend the next five hours in that same position formulating a spell based around her counterpart's suggestion of making herself taller. Just like how our new Grow-o-Matic Bone Stretcher™ (patent pending!) can help make you taller! In just sixty-nine easy payments of $420.69 plus your rights to grow facial hair for the next three months, you too can grow to the heights of giants! Buy now from the Flim and Flam ~~Scam~~ Quality Products corporation! Act fast, 'cause our stock is limited! In fact, we are receiving reports at this very moment that scalpers have already acquired large portions of our stock in advance, with plans to sell it all on the Cardboard Market to make a quick buck! Sure, every single one of those scalpers is either Flim or Flam in another disguise, but our point still stands!

Act now, and you'll get a copy of our new self-help book, "How to enjoy pond scum", today!

And now, back to our regularly-scheduled programming.

"Eureka!" Twilight cackled, scaring the living daylights out of Spike. "I have formulated domesticated tallness!"

"Twilight, that is a ladder."

"Neigh!" Twilight booted the ladder out of their plane of existence, where it promptly landed at your local thrift store in the outdoor hardware yard place. "The ladder served merely as a point of reference! Behold--"

She lit her horn.

"OH DEAR ME WHY DID I LET HER BE AN ALICORN?!" Celestia screeched as another towering leg of Twilight Sparkle crashed down on a nearby building. "I'VE DEALT WITH EMPTY CAKE STORES AND LUKEWARM TEA BEFORE, BUT THIS?! I MUST SEND TWILIGHT SPAR--oh wait. Welp, I screwed everypony in Equestria."

A distant roar echoed over the remnants of Canterlot. Nothing was left, save for Tall Twilight...

...and Sweetie Giraffe.