"Proverbial," and Other Very Short Stories

by Mockingbirb

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Equestria Girls, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Death, Anthology, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 4176

How did Trixie get her hooves on that cursed 'Alicorn Amulet,' the evil artifact that drove her even more insane than usual?

Sometimes a story's natural and proper length is somewhere between 1 and 999 words.

In the newest mini-story (most recent 'chapter'):
Spike visits one of Equestria's largest construction sites, where he discovers an enormous problem...or a whole collection of them.

(In the first of several mini-stories, Twilight learned more about Luna's role as goddess of the Underworld.)

These stories are closer to "E for Everyone" than to "T for Teen," but I'm rating cautiously.

I've also rated each story individually as E or T.

Some of these stories were originally written for the Flashfic 150 group and contest.

#flashfic #flashfic-150

Published 2021-05-17 17:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-12 06:00:31 UTC

"Proverbial" [Comedy; Rated T for the mildest of 'profanity']

"What a vulgar thing to say!" Twilight complained. "Of all ponies...I would have expected better of you."

Celestia smiled. "Twilight...old sayings and stories sometimes hold hidden wisdom. Didn't most ponies think Nightmare Moon was just a silly fable for foals?"

"But I did RESEARCH! In BOOKS!"

"Books of ancient breezie tales, published to entertain the young. Let me show you something." Celestia led the way to Luna's room, and knocked on the door. "Luna, my dear?"

Luna said flatly, "What."

"I need to go adventuring with Twilight. Take care of the sun for me, would you?"

(Sigh.) "Sure."

"Thank you!"

***

Several weeks later, after many adventures, Celestia led Twilight through one of the Underworld's better neighborhoods.

"Wow!" Twilight said. "This is so much nicer than Tartarus!"

"Yes." Celestia looked at an hourglass strapped to her fetlock. The hourglass had been enchanted to have its own local gravity field, so it would always keep accurate time. "I'm glad we're not late."

A golden door opened, and an enormous donkey came out. The donkey ate hay from a golden trough, and drank mead from a fountain. Afterwards, the donkey walked to the center of a courtyard, and stood rigidly on all four legs.

"This is important!" Celestia said. "Tell me what everything smells like."

Twilight inhaled. "That's some really good hay. And that golden liquid...is it honey? But it smells fermented, too."

"Very good. But this next part is even more important."

A golden sphere fell out of the donkey's backside, and rolled across the ground. It softly glowed.

"I never thought I'd actually see such a thing," Twilight said. "Golden horseapples. One of them, anyway."

"Yes. Keep paying attention."

After a minute, the sphere rose into the air, and flew away eastwards. As it flew, the sphere seemed to swell up, and glow brighter and brighter.

"Where's it going?"

"The Eastern Gate of the Underworld."

"Who is that donkey? Why does she live in the underworld?"

Celestia explained, "As you might know, Luna is the principal deity of the Underworld. So that donkey is sacred to my sister. And another thing: did the golden horseapple smell like anything, to you?"

"Well...nothing bad. Maybe a little metallic?"

"So you see what this means."

"No. Tell me?"

"Her horseapples really DON'T stink. And the sun really DOES shine out of my sister's ass. "

Author's Note

This story is dedicated to the ancient Egyptians, who also had a sense of humor.

"A Song for Cocklebur" [Adventure; Rated T for Teen (Death)]

7363903

A Song For Cocklebur

Cocklebur Note was the luckiest and the unluckiest pony in Equestria. After years of practice, she wrote a song so sweet it could almost make you forget to breathe.

After two local ponies asphyxiated, the village council ordered her to give up music forever.

One night, she vanished.

She awoke in a castle's highest tower, secret prisoner of a blonde pegasus prince, who desired fame as a songwriter. After three months, she wrote a song for him.

I shine like the sun, I fly like a bird,
I travel all over the world.

My feathers are bright, I gleam in the light
My power can grant nearly any desire.

In all of the city, my home is the first
and the last touched by light of the sun and the moon.

Gold thieves broke into the tower, freeing Cocklebur. Years later, the Singing Bandit finished making the prince a pauper.

Author's Notes

I think every proper riddle has at least one proper answer.

I wrote all or practically all of this story by October 31st. Thereafter just I sat on it for a while. So any accidental similarities after that point are at worst [specifically, a rhyme used in a lyric] just ambient cliche unoriginality, with no particular person at fault. Sorry about that.

A few hours before the Nov. 21st deadline, I made minor edits for formatting, and to this Author's Note.

Author's Note

This is what I entered in a November 2020 "Flashfic 150" contest. (Who knew the judge liked preexisting, copyrighted Christian hymns that much? But seriously, it was a tough bunch of competitors. :twilightsmile: )

"Hide and Seek" [Mystery; Rated E for Everyone]

Celestia gestured with a forehoof. "I am Princess Celestia. To my left sits Luna. To my right, Cadance." Celestia frowned. "But one of these things I say is not true."

Twilight blinked. "Not true?"

"Not true. My little student, can you tell me which one?"

Twilight trotted closer, to carefully examine the suspects. Twilight said, "Sunshine!" Cadance and Twilight danced, reciting a rhyme about ladybugs. Twilight cast a barrage of spells at each supposed alicorn one by one, and at all of the alicorns together.

After her final pyrotechnics, Twilight panted with effort. "I don't know. I don't know! Where's the falsehood?"

Celestia smiled. "One of these things I say is not true."

"That was the lie?"

Celestia nodded.

"But that's a paradox! It's neither true NOR false!" Twilight snorted scornfully. "The Celestia I know would never cheat at a game. Unforgivable!"

Twilight threw several fireballs. "Look, I found Chrysalis!"

"Children of the Sun (Flunked Math, But Passed Applied Astronomy)" [Comedy; Rated E for Everyone]

When Twilight stepped into her mentor's bathroom, she saw a giant alicorn covered with roaring flames.

Twilight screamed.

The flaming creature cannonballed into the bathtub. Surrounded by steam, Celestia said, "Don't worry. It's just today's lesson."

"A lesson in what?"

"Alicorn genealogy. Long ago, we needed somepony who could create and control a sun at will."

"Create?"

"You don't think suns just happen, do you? But unicorn magic wasn't strong enough. An alicorn princess knew we needed more firepower than unicorn magic alone could provide. So she married a kirin."

"Ok."

"Their daughter was half kirin/nirik, half alicorn. So she married another kirin. THEIR daughter was two halves kirin/nirik, one half alicorn."

"I don't think that's how math--"

"Generations later, the combined powers of many halves can create and control a sun at will!" Celestia preened herself. "And that's how we have sunlight whenever we need it today!"

Author's Note

Obviously takes a bit of inspiration from "Twilight Takes a DNA Test," for which it suggests extra backstory.

"When Nothing Else Remains" [Slice of Life. Rated E for Everyone]

Twilight said, "I don't even see what's wrong with this paper, except for some spelling mistakes. But your teacher says you need to rewrite it and resubmit it so it gets at least a B, or you won't pass the class?"

"Yeah. If I flunk, I won't be allowed to play for Canterlot High in any tournament games until I get my GPA back up."

"Hmm," Twilight said, "At Crystal Prep, they thought winning was everything. So if you transferred there, maybe they WOULD give you passing grades in all your classes, just so you could play and help them win their championships."

"But you HATED that school. They were a bunch of jerks!"

"They were. But that's the price you sometimes have to pay, to 'win' no matter what. That, and someday after you graduate, you might discover you have problems because there's a lot of useful stuff you don't know, like how interest rates work on credit cards, or that Canadian ISN'T a real language."

"Hmmph," Rainbow snorted. "You're not really helping. Eyes on the prize! I need a B or else, you know?"

"Sure. Let me try to figure out what's wrong with this paper. But just in case...what was the original assignment about?"

"Here's the handout." Rainbow passed a sheet of paper across the table to Twilight.

Twilight's eyes scanned at almost superhuman speed. "Rainbow? This is the easiest assignment I've ever seen. It's pass/fail. All you need to do is write the assigned number of words on ANYTHING, anything at all. The only reason you got an F is...I guess you can't count?"

What? But I DID count the words. One, two, three, four..."

A moment later, Twilight interrupted. "A hyphenated word is just one word. So if you spell them right, twenty-four is one word, not two. So are clean-cut, double-cross, co-worker...no, you spelled that coworker, so you counted it right by mistake...front-runner, runner-up, toss-up..."

"So I got everything wrong?"

"Sometimes rules don't seem to make much sense. Like when I first saw this paper, I thought it was pretty good. I'd never thought about these lessons you can learn from soccer and apply to the rest of your life. I think what you wrote was a lot better than just getting the right number of words."

Rainbow grinned. "What can I say? I'm so awesome at sports, it leaks out into the rest of my life and makes me awesome at other things too!"

"This paper makes a surprisingly good case for that. What really impresses me is, you said so much in even fewer words than you were supposed to use. That's like...better than laconic."

"What's laconic?"

"When something is short like 'This is SPARTA!' except it's actually clever."

"Oh. I hated that movie. It was just so...yellow, you know? And that's NOT how proper sports training works. Kicking people down wells just makes it harder to stay properly hydrated."

Twilight nodded. "I've never seen 300, but I'll trust you. But at least this paper is easy to fix. We just add some extra words of any old garbage, and you'll pass your class!"

"But...my paper was good. You said so yourself. Why should I make it WORSE just to follow some dumb old rule?"

Twiliight sighed. "Sometimes that's just how the real world works."

"Drama Queen" [Comedy, Slice of Life; Rated E for Everyone]

"Everypony? Is there anycreature here who can't pull their legs up onto their chair?" The hostess looked around. "Great!"

Minutes later, a flood had submerged the room to a depth of three hoofwidths. On a small rowboat with a fake sail and a Jolly Roger pirate flag, two ponies fought with swords.

"Avast ye!"

"I shall never yield!" But a sword pierced the speaker's naval uniform. "Aaa!" The pony fell dramatically into the water. The splash drenched Twilight's hayburger, washing away the pickles.

The winner rowed the boat back into the kitchen.

When the flood drained away, Twilight got up to leave. The hostess stopped her. "What did you think?"

Twilight sighed. "It was...unique."

"I KNOW! I only have one question."

Twilight shook her head.

"What's a good name for a fast casual restaurant where the employees show off their acting talents?"

Without a word, Twilight left.

Author's Note

"I don't ~~always~~often write feghoots. But when I do, I try to find a way to make them work in 150 characters or less without putting any puns inside the story."

In the United States and at least twenty other countries, there is a very well-known fast food chain named "Dairy Queen." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dairy_Queen#Global_operations)
I like to think this story works ok (if differently) even if you've never heard of that chain.

"Daring Do's Third Most Embarrassing Mistake Ever (A Shortage of Wisdom)" [Adventure; Rated E for Everyone]

In the depths of a monumental granite maze, Daring Do leaped between different paving stones, each marked with its own symbol or pictogram. As she leaped, she recited to herself, "Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, bee...ay!"

One of the wall's stones rotated, exposing a secret chamber.

"Yes!" Daring said. She scooped out exotic gold coins, old documents, and a chalice bedecked with precious stones.

Behind her, a donkey cleared her throat.

Daring spun around. "What? Are you here to congratulate me on solving the Mystery of the Ancient Donkey Temple of Wisdom?"

The donkey snorted. "The Ancient Temple of Donkey Wisdom is half a mile away. This is the Third National Bank of Donkeystan. You just hacked my pin number, and stole everything out of my safety deposit box."

Daring Do blushed. "Sorry," she said. "I always get the Old Donkish runes for wealth and wisdom confused."

Author's Note

Moderators: my 2022 April 5th one-on-one discord discussion with ElDorado could be relevant here.

"The Forbidden Dance of Confusion: Twilight Sparkle Versus an Angry Swarm of Bees" [Slice of Life; Rated E For Everyone]

"...and do a little shake!" Twilight and Cadance chorused as they waggled their hindquarters.

The alicorns giggled.

Cadance said, "Don't panic--"

"AAAAAA!" Twilight screamed.

"...but you have a bee on your mane."

Twilight laughed nervously. "One little bee. I can handle--"

A cloud of bees surrounded the pair.

"AAAAAAAA! BEES BEES BEES A SWARM OF ANGRY BEES AAAAA--"

"Maybe if we just stay very still and ignore them, they'll go away."

As the bees circled, Twilight stood rigid with fear.

"So it turned out our "sunshine, sunshine" dance is too much like the dance bees do to show their sisters where flowers are...but ours is a confusing, nonsense version. So Fluttershy made us promise to never do it again."

"Huh," Pinkie said. "Where IS Fluttershy anyway?"

In a faraway meadow, thousands of creatures transformed from bees (and one pegasus) into changelings. "They'll never do that annoying dance again!" Chrysalis gloated.

Epilogue

If you want to read another story about about honeybees' communication through dance, you can read articles such as https://mahb.stanford.edu/blog/dance-bees/, and Pineta's story "Bee Kind and Waggle On."

"Gift Exchange (Pranks of the Magi)" [Comedy; Rated E for Everyone]

The stylist glanced at the gift certificate, and stared at the customer. "Are you serious?"

"You style manes and tails here, right?"

"Yes...but not for just ANY pony. If you know what I mean."

Princess Celestia nodded, shaking her ethereal mane. "Is there anything you COULD do for me?"

"This would be a special exception...but do you have a dog?"

***

Using a can opener (just because), Discord opened his envelope. "A gift certificate for up to three hours of assistance from Prim Pencil's Home and Office Organizing Service. 'We make chaos a thing of the past.' VERY funny, Celestia."

He shrugged. "Time to regift. And I know just the pony to give this to."

A few days later, Twilight Sparkle opened her mail and gasped.

"Does somepony have a REASON to send this to me? What am I doing wrong?" she wailed. "Spike! Fetch me a blank checklist!"

Author's Note

In a pleasant surprise, this story won the 2021 December round of Loganberry's Flashfic 150 contest. (link)
:twilightsmile:

"Legendary" [Slice of Life; Rated E for Everyone]

Spike leaned against a bookcase. "This part of the library confuses me. The sign says 'Myths and Legends.' But aren't all these things real?" He read aloud from a book with colorful pictures. "A thousand years ago, Nightmare Moon threatened to steal the sun, and plunge the world into eternal night."

Twilight said, "You're right! Nightmare Moon was a real alicorn gone bad."

Spike held up another book. "Grogar the Goat Monster."

"Based on real history! Most ponies have forgotten about the Evil Goat King. But the Grogarian Calendar of Doom predicts Grogar could someday return."

Spike touched a storybook. "How the Easter Bunny Ruined Spring Festival by Hiding Eggs Where Nopony Could Find Them, So Everyplace Would Smell Like Rotten Eggs."

Twilight's eyes bugged out as she stared at the giant bunny on the cover. "Ohmigosh! We have to put together a plan to TAKE THAT MONSTER DOWN!"

Author's Note

I wrote this for the 2022 March round of Loganberry's Flashfic 150 contest, themed "Myth and Legend." (link)
:twilightsmile:

Story's Original Author's Note, in the Contest Itself

At that particular point in history, Grogar as Evil Goat King was an understandable misunderstanding, considering how many years had passed since anypony had last seen him.

Nothing Like This Should Ever Be Built Again (This Is Not a Place of Honor) [Comedy; Rated E for Everyone]

"I do feel kind of insulted," a little purple dragonling said.

"We followed the specifications!" insisted a pony wearing a yellow hard hat.

Spike read a pillar-mounted plaque in front of the bizarre landscape which covered the Equestrian Evil Artifacts Repository:

"This place is not a place of honor...no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here...nothing valued is here.

What is here is dangerous and repulsive to us."

"Really?" Spike said with an expression of disgust. "What is WRONG with you?"

The pony pointed at a document. "To make the place unappealing and keep ponies out, we're supposed to cover it with ugly spikes. Page 3904, paragraph three. Read it yourself."

Spike tapped a page. "But look at the diagram. You're supposed to cover the landscape with sharp, pointy obstacles. You're not supposed to cover it with grotesque, twisted statues of ME making hideous faces and picking my nose!"

Some inspirations:

https://www.damninteresting.com/this-place-is-not-a-place-of-honor/

https://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/rants/nothing-like-this-will-be-buil.html

Author's Note

I wrote this for the 2022 May round of Loganberry's Flashfic 150 contest, themed "Just This Once" (link)
:twilightsmile:

This story's win secured me the happy privilege of choosing the following month's Flashfic 150 contest theme.
:twilightsmile: 🏳️‍🌈

"Most Cats Can't Fly" [Comedy; Rated E for Everyone]

Author's Note

"Forum > Cat" (link) was a very short story in reponse to a forum question.

Some people might think "Most Cats Can't Fly" (link) was better as that short short, before I added more chapters. :twilightsmile:

"Most Cats Can't Fly" [Comedy; Rated E for Everyone]

"Growing the Family Tree" [Comedy; Rated E for Everyone]

Author's Note

"This chapter is for the 'Arboreal Yearnings Story Contest I' (this text is a link.)" But that isn't true! This is just a FORMAT EXAMPLE, NOT a real contest entry!
:twilightsmile:

How to make the colored and underlined link style shown above:
[u][color=blue][b][url=https://www.fimfiction.net/group/216891/arboreal-yearnings-id-like-to-be-a-tree-fluttershy-said/thread/512229/arboreal-yearnings-story-contest-id-like-to-be-a-tree]"This chapter is for the 'Arboreal Yearnings Story Contest I' (this text is a link.)"[/url][/b][/color][/u]

This is an example of how even if a 'mini-story' isn't long enough for fimfiction.net to allow the mini-story to be published to fimfiction.net as a 'story' on its own, a story contest could still have a rule to allow the mini-story as an entry.

This mini-story wouldn't really qualify for the "Arboreal Yearnings Story Contest I," because (1) it's by a judge and contest runner, (2) mini-story's first publication wasn't during the contest period. Also, it's barely about TREES at all, is it?

"Growing the Family Tree" [Comedy; Rated E for Everyone]

"Dahwhinny had it pahtly wrong, and pahtly right," Filthy Rich opined.

"What do you mean, daddy?" asked Diamond Tiara.

"He said all creatures evolve bah the survival of the fittest. An' you know what that means."

"I'm not sure I do."

"Some ponies think fittest means the fastest."

"Well, running or flying super fast can be useful."

"Some ponies think it means the strongest."

"Once I saw Bulk Biceps rescue a pony who was trapped under an overturned cart."

Filthy nodded. "Twilight maht think the smahtest is the fittest t' survive."

"Smarts are good too," Diamond said.

Filthy smiled. "But if you want to use somepony's speed, or strength, or smahts, you know what it takes."

Diamond batted her eyelashes. "I'd ask my daddy to use his money. Just hire them."

Filthy chuckled. "Richest is best. And that's why tomorrow, you're marryin' the richest, ugliest pony in Equestria."

"What?!"

"Shooting Stars (A Mordetwi Fanfic)" [Slice of Life; Rated T for Teen (Death)]

In the ruins of a coconut plantation on a deserted tropical island, a nerdy-looking girl sat wearing glasses and ripped, torn clothes. She scratched her dark, magenta-striped hair.

On the beach in front of her, a row of three signal fires burned. She doubted anyone but herself would ever see them.

She looked up at the night sky. Another meteoroid entered the atmosphere, burning a glowing trail across the heavens.

She sang, "Can we pretend that shooting stars...in the night sky...are AEROPLANES? Cause I could really use a RESCUE now. I could really use a RESCUE now."

She heard birdsong from a nearby tree. The girl picked up a rock and threw it. A moment later, a bird fell to the sand.

She bent over it, studying its blue plumage. "Huh. What's a Cyanocitta cristata doing here?" She shrugged. "At least it's something I can eat that isn't another coconut."

Author's Note

So, I heard there's this thing called Mordetwi. :twilightsmile:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjcELflSkJE

If you want to see more short short stories by me, you can look at "Proverbial," and Other Very Short Stories.

"Ponies Don't Have Fingers (,Piles/ /of/ !!/Pretentious ;Punctuation!!!)" [Slice of Life; Rated E for Everyone]

"Ponies Don't Have Fingers (,Piles/ /of/ !!/Pretentious ;Punctuation!!!)" [Slice of Life; Rated E for Everyone]

Beside Twilight was a cart. Its cloth cover hid her mysterious invention.

In front of Twilight sat three grumpy ponies, the All-Equestria Invention Contest judges.

Twilight announced, "I've built a typewriter for ponies!"

"Nonsense!" the contest's chief judge scoffed. "Writing Equestrian requires DOZENS of letters, so a typewriter needs DOZENS of keys. And hooves are so big, we simply can't fit enough keys onto a single typewriter. So Equestrian-language typewriters are impossible."

Twilight smiled. "Letter keys are overrated."

She yanked the cloth aside. Her invention looked like she'd scrambled three typewriters together, cut off all the human-style keys, and bolted on a few hoof-size paddles instead.

Twilight sat her plot upon a bench, pointing all four legs towards her mechanical monstrosity.

"Get out! Go away! Not another word!" the assistant judge warned.

Using all four hooves at once, Twilight banged out three lines at a time...using only small-print punctuation marks.

```

; ; ;-- ; ; ;--; ; ; ;--; ;-; ; ;- ;-; ;-- ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;-; ; ; ; ; ; ;-- ;-- ;-- ;--; ;-;-; ;--; ; ; ;-- ;-

```

Author's Note

For anyone using a screen reader, the punctuation marks spell out "HELLO WORLD."

This story was written for a "Break the Rules!" theme. Some example 'rules of writing' are at this link (in case you want to break some, and follow others.)

I broke Elmore Leonard's rule against sadisms (rule #3 at this link.) I think Leonard has a point, but on fimfiction.net, avoiding saidisms risks alienating some people.

Also, some people have a rule against sentence fragments. :twilightsmile:

But primarily, using punctuation marks to get 'free words' that aren't counted by the official word counter would usually (in most months) violate the spirit of the Flashfic 150 Contest rules, I think.

https://wordcounter.net/ is the Flashfic 150 Contest's official word counter.

"Unbelievable" [Slice of Life; Rated E for Everyone]

Unbelievable

by Mockingbirb

Cotton Candy said cheerfully, "Equestria has Gods too! Celestia and Luna move the sun and the moon, and sometimes they even hear ponies' requests in court. They live in that palace over there."

Sebastian gazed longingly at the marble edifice. "Maybe they can help me get home to Earth."

***

When Sebastian returned, Cotton Candy asked cheerfully, "Did you see the princesses?"

"The clerks said I have to fill out some forms first. Can you help?"

"Sure!" Cotton's mouth picked up a pencil.

***

A day later, Sebastian held out a new form. "Ink only."

***

Sebastian returned, looking weary. "Relocation Subservices said we've been using the wrong document series. Time to start over."

***

"I've tried so hard to see them...but I've always failed." Sebastian massaged Cotton's shoulders. "I'm not sure they even exist. I think...I've become an atheist."

"What does that mean?"

"Less time with paperwork." Sebastian smiled. "More time with you."

Addendum

(Yes, Sebastian might be a little imprecise or off about the formal definitions of atheist vs. agnostic, thank you. He didn't bring an Earth dictionary.)
:twilightsmile:

Author's Note

I wrote this for the 2022 February round of Loganberry's Flashfic 150 contest, themed "Bureaucracy." (link)
:twilightsmile:

"High-Pressure Sales Tactic (How It Really Happened)" [Drama; Rated E for Everyone]

Deep within Pony-Chan's Magical Emporium, one cursed artifact whispered to its owner continually. No matter how far the proprietor went, its voice somehow reached his ears. Even in the little ponies' room.

"You're driving me mad," he grumbled.

"Not mad ENOUGH! Sell me to some innocent victim!"

"No. I know what you'll do to anypony who wears you."

"True...when placed around a pony's neck, I shall overpower that pony's personality with my own madness. But--"

A cloaked unicorn approached the counter. "The Great and Powerful Trixie returns! She demands to buy that necklace."

"No," the shopkeeper said. "I've warned you before! The Alicorn Amulet is far too dangerous."

She whined, "Trixie wants it!"

"Young mare, you are the most obnoxious pony I have ever--"

He looked at the amulet, then at Trixie again. "I doubt the amulet's mind-warping powers can make you any more annoying than you already are. Sold!"

Author's Note

I wrote this for the 2022 April round of Loganberry's Flashfic 150 contest, themed "The Haunting." (link)
:twilightsmile: