“Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? In the lane, snow is glistening… A beautiful sight. we're happy tonight walking in a winter wonderland~!”
Christmas music rang out from an old stereo placed carefully near the windows, so the music could echo out in the street and fill passersby with a warm little feeling. Snow covered the streets, little flurries falling down like the feathers of angel wings. There were still a few days before Christmas, but already you could feel the festivities in the air.
Mind, festivities weren’t exactly what one pair of humans had in mind. More like a bit of fun actually. This would be a holiday season to remember, indeed! It would go down in history!
Oh, there would be yuletide merry. Just not the variety that everyone was expecting!
But hold up, I should really explain how this one got started. Like all great prank wars, something had to set it off. Every fire needed it’s spark and to find it...
...let us flash back just a week or so prior, right before Canterlot High let out for the holidays.
“Uuuuuuuuuuuugh,” Rainbow groaned, slamming her head into her locker. “I can’t wait for this to end! Just a few more days, and we’re out for the winter! It feels like an eternity!”
“You’ll survive,” Sunset said. “It’s not like you’re going to die or anything.”
“How do you know that?” Rainbow refuted. “For all you know, every hour in class could be sapping my very soul! In a few days, I’ll be just a lifeless husk and Principal Celestia will be to blame for not letting us out sooner!”
“You’re being overdramatic, Rainbow,” Sunset deadpanned, having no time for her friend’s nonsense. “You’ll make it.
“And how do you know, Sunny D,” Rainbow drawled, pretending not to notice the little twitch Sunset’s eyebrows did at the already hated nickname. She had a million of them, actually. “Are you an expert on souls?”
“...I did read a little bit on soul magic back when I was the Princess’ student, so yeah, I think I know a bit,” Sunset shrugged. “Long and the short of it, don’t bind your soul to anything. Like, really. Don’t do it!”
“...not even to your loved ones?” Rainbow leaned in, as if going in for a kiss. Sunset shoved her away.
“You’re not funny,” Sunset grumbled. “...just be glad nobody in law has worked out soul magic, then we’d all be in trouble. Nobody reads the fine print to begin with, now imagine if actual magic was attached to it!”
“You may have discovered our next magical threat, Sunny-Bunny!” Rainbow grinned.
“Don’t even joke,” Sunset replied in return, giving her friend a dirty look.
“Why, am I irritating you, Shimmy-Sham?” Rainbow grinned with the most unrepentant expression.
“No, at least no more than usual,” Sunset replied before realizing her mistake. Silently, she smacked a palm to her face already knowing what was coming.
“Good!” Rainbow Dash grinned, still looking pretty unrepentant. “Oh after all is said and sun, you should know by now that I’ve got a million of those nicknames just for you. I will get my sunny’s worth after all! It’s all sun and games to me after all!”
“...wow, three in one sentence,” Sunset drawled. “I’m almost impressed. ...honestly, I didn’t think you had the smarts necessary to string together more than one!”
“Really, jokes about my intelligence?” Rainbow rolled her eyes and Sunset felt a sinking feeling already knowing exactly what was coming. She wasn’t disappointed, though in reality she was actually very disappointed. “Haven’t we been there, sun that?”
The resulting groan was audible throughout the entire hallway, along with the slam of Sunset smashing her head against the locker. Rainbow’s cackles soon followed after.
“I see you love my puns. Good! Seeing your expression? Getting there is half the sun!” Rainbow said before frowning. “...okay, I admit, there have been better puns made by yours truly. Some of these I feel, have been sun to death!”
“Just… just stop okay?” Sunset asked, her face one of pleading for mercy.
“Nope, sorry, never!” Rainbow grinned. “Annoying you is how I get through the day, how I pretend that the soul-crushing madness of high school doesn’t exist! Isn’t that right Sunny Bunny Honey Chummy?”
“...wow, you actually put some thought into that one,” Sunset drawled, sounding impressed but not really impressed at all. “Put a little more thought into it, and I’ll reconsider your brains having been knocked loose by one too many soccer balls to the head.”
She had never been so thrilled to hear the bell for their next class ring. Sunset debated firing off a series of equally annoying puns back at Rainbow, see how she liked it. Then, she quickly realized that Rainbow would probably like that. No, she had to get creative.
She knew she was probably playing with fire, but honestly Rainbow was so annoying at times. Sometimes she deserved a taste of her own medicine. So, later that night as night fell, she set to work.
Jimmying the lock on Rainbow’s front door -don’t judge, she’d picked up a few things!- she ever so carefully stepped inside loaded with a sack of not toys but other things. Not quite the early Christmas present Rainbow was probably expecting this year. But then again, Sunset wasn’t Santa Claus. More like the Krampus.
“Last chance to back out now…” Sunset thought to herself. “...no, you’ve come this far! You might as well go through with it!”
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, but Saint Nick wouldn’t be there for a few more days yet. Mind, that wasn’t going to stop Sunset from leaving a few gifts of her own!
Tip toeing around the house like the Grinch did all over Whoville, she didn’t steal anything but she did leave things behind. It wasn’t until morning that the resident would find out what. Hopefully, she could make it out onto the lawn without raising such a clatter, otherwise the joke was blown and Rainbow wouldn’t come to see what exactly was the matter.
Riding off into the night, when morning came she’d hear of the results of her little escapade…
Poor Rainbow though! She barely got a wink of sleep. At 8:00, the first alarm went off. Rainbow groaned, and trudged her way to the kitchen where she found an alarm clock bring-bringing.
Sighing to herself, she grumbled: “...Pinks, really? I thought we talked about this.”
At 12, as she was beginning to head back to bed from a midnight snack, it came again. Briiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnngggg!
Another alarm clock found itself punted out the window.
A few more hours passed, and Rainbow had found herself slowly drifting off to sleep. But then, at 3 in the morning just as she thought herself safe… There came the infernal sound.
She nearly screamed. Pinkie was really getting a talking to come the morning, and they were all so lucky it was just a Saturday.
That’s when another went off, and another and then another. All three were smashed to bits, and thrown in a trash can. “...okay, message delivered. Whatever I did to tick you off, I’m sorry okay?”
Finally, sleep welcomed her and no more disturbances. Mind, she did get a text come the dawn. From Sunset of all people. “Will we stop with the puns for a week?”
Next to it was a little devil face.
“I’m gonna kill her.”
“...relax sis, it was all in good fun right?” Scootaloo commented the next day as Rainbow ranted about her troubles. “I mean, to be fair, from the sounds of it you did kinda annoy her pretty good! She’s allowed to get her own back, right? Besides, eye for an eye makes the whole world blind and all that right? It was a joke.”
“Not a really funny one, honestly…” Rainbow muttered while sipping her coffee. It was extra caffeinated, kept Rainbow’s brain racing as she thought up the perfect revenge plot. “I barely got any sleep!”
“...I’m not going to be able to stop you, am I sis?” Scootaloo admitted.
“Probably not, no!” Rainbow replied honestly. “...’sides, I’ve been looking for an excuse to go on a pranking spree for Christmas anyways!”
“...you’re thinking of gifting someone a hippopotamus for Christmas aren’t you?” Scootaloo surmised. “Sneaking it out of the zoo or something?”
“...no,” Rainbow denied a little too quickly. “...sounds like you’re getting into the spirit of things though, really! You sure you don’t got some ideas lurking around in that head of yours squirt?”
“...you’re turning me into your elf aren’t you?” Scootaloo deadpanned. “Your Santa’s Little Helper?”
“No, Santa’s Little Helper is a pill actually!” Rainbow deadpanned, enjoying the rather disgusted look that her little sister tossed her. “But turning you into my little elf, or rather my gremlin? Now there’s an idea!”
“...alright, as long as we prank everyone equally, nothing too cruel okay?” Scootaloo advised.
“Everyone?” Rainbow grinned. “...is there something you’re not telling me squirt? Is there someone who’s putting a bee in your bonnet?”
“...okay, Diamond Tiara’s been lording her wealth over a bit too much lately okay? She mentioned a Christmas party and how none of us were invited!” Scootaloo grumbled, crossing her arms. “...honestly, I bet it’s not even cool anyways!”
“Not as cool as the party that I know Lemon is planning on throwing!” Rainbow pointed out. “She knocks it out of the park every year from what I’ve heard, and this year we’re invited!”
“...yeah, it’ll probably be epic,” Scootaloo admitted, sending her sister a grateful smile. “...thanks.”
“Oh, you’ll be thanking me even more when I work out something perfectly devious to pull on that rich brat!” Rainbow grinned, looking awfully like the Grinch as she rubbed her hands together. For a moment, Scootaloo wondered if she should really be concerned for Diamond, but quickly changed her mind after remembering how the heiress was pretty much flaunting her wealth all over town.
“...No,” Scootaloo said, and Rainbow looked at her oddly before she continued. “I said no, Diamond Tiara is mine.”
“See, I told you that you had it in you!” Rainbow said, clapping her little sister across the back. Grinning and cackling, she danced around the room. “Oh hoo hoo hooooooo! This will be a holiday season that nobody is ever sure to forget!”
It would take a bit to gather the things that she needed to pull this off, and a bit of spare cash. But the reward was totally worth it, honestly. It would be completely worth it to see the laughter on everyone else’s faces as they realized what was happening.
Rainbow thanked whatever deity that was listening that she had super speed, otherwise pulling these pranks off all at once would be next to impossible. The first came for Sunset, and it was in all honesty a particularly cruel one.
She needed to get up to go to the bathroom, and threw on the lights as she walked down the hall. But as soon as she turned on the light, came a voice. “Holiday joy is in the air! Sniff, sniff. And it's not alone!”
After a shriek and a quick realization she wouldn’t need her baseball bat, Sunset gathered her wits and inspected the room. She quickly found the culprit. On her bedside table was one of those particularly annoying snowmen she knew Pinkie possessed. Sunset sighed, shaking her head. Clearly Rainbow wanted a bit of payback.
“...and this isn’t even your best work. What is this, amateur hour?” Sunset grumbled.
But it wasn’t over, as when she stepped into the bathroom the voice came again. “Happy Holidays to my #1 favorite visitor! Or maybe you're #2 this time?”
Resting on the sink was… you guessed it, another snowman. Sunset’s eye twitched. It wasn’t that annoying, really! But to be on the safe side, both found themselves tossed into the street.
Little did she know that Rainbow was just getting started. Amateur hour was over. Now the real fun began.
Pinkie, the Princess of Pranks found herself a few surprises of her own.
As soon as she entered her room, there came the blare of an airhorn. It howled long and loud, singing it’s song to all who would listen. And I do mean all, as the sound echoed out her open window.
“HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKK!!”
Pinkie, upon further inspection found an air horn duct-taped to the wall. As soon as she opened the door, it swung inwards and set off the air horn. Giggling to herself, she tried it a few more times. Her neighbors probably hated her just a bit, but nothing a few parties and apology cakes wouldn’t fix!
“Silly Dashie…” she giggled.
Oh, speaking of! There was this box of eclairs gifted to her. Rarity said they were a thank you for modeling those dresses for the New Years Eve party. And well… no good sweet should ever go to waste! That would be a true tragedy really!
But biting into them… “Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! What the…?”
Upon further inspection, Pinkie quickly realized these were most certainly not Rarity’s eclairs. They had been delivered by someone whose name started with an R though!
“These are cursed objects, truly evil things! Baked bads!” Pinkie muttered. “Mayo stuffed eclairs! The devil’s work! And like all cursed objects, they need to be freed from evil! ...alas, that means me eating them all! Oh well, sacrifices for the greater good and all that!”
Steeling herself, she dived in…
All across town, there were similar troubles for Rainbow’s other friends, general acquaintances and just a few of her enemies. Nobody was truly safe. As Scootaloo had promised, everyone got an equal share.
Twilight found herself gifted a mysterious box, reading: “Don’t wait till XMAS! Open now!”
Naturally, she was suspicious but she figured she might as well get it over with.
In the next few minutes she was trying to explain why her bedroom smelled like rotten eggs, as inside that box was actual honest to god legitimate garbage. She didn’t even know why she hadn’t smelled it before, was the box really that thick to mask the smell?
“...well, I suppose it could be worse,” her mother said, giggling. “I mean, from what you tell me of this Rainbow Dash well! She could have been a lot crueler!”
“Mom!” Twilight shouted, scandalized.
“...well, I do appreciate a good joke,” Velvet admitted. “Even if this one will require a bit of air freshener!”
“Forget the air freshener,” her daughter grumbled. “Why don’t we just skip straight to the hazmat team?”
Her mother was right though, it could have been worse. Gilda found herself gifted with donuts that were in actuality filled with…
“Tamales!” Gilda grumbled. “Rainbow, I swear!”
She laughed sarcastically.
“...that joke got old years ago,” she grumbled. “Honestly, you’re stealing from frat boys now? What next, are you forcing people to run outside in their underwear?”
...actually, she probably was, now that Gilda thought of it.
Apple Bloom and Applejack got something a bit less cruel, though admittedly just as irritating.
One box arrived on their doorstep. Inside it? A brand new sewing machine.
“...huh, must have been what Granny Smith ordered,” Applejack muttered to herself as she lugged it out of the box, setting it on the kitchen table with a gentle thud. A thought occurred to her, the farmer eying her own clothes with a sigh. “...they are a bit tattered aren’t they?”
Attempting to start the machine up, however, was another matter! No matter what she did, it refused to start!
“...are you sure you’re doing it right sis?” Apple Bloom pondered. “Like, are you sure that there’s not some button you’re not pressing somewhere?”
“I know how to operate a sewing machine, sis. But dagnabbit, this one shouldn’t be this complicated!” Applejack grumbled. With another sigh, she tried the on and off switch yet again. Nothing happened.
“...I’m beginning to wonder if they shipped it with all the parts…” Apple Bloom muttered. She didn’t know how right she was!
“...yeah, I’m beginning to suspect we got cheated!” Applejack agreed. Again, she didn’t know how right on the money she actually was!
“...I’ll go have a word with the delivery people,” Applejack finally decided. “Did anyone happen to see what the delivery guy looked like?”
“...well, now that you mention it, I barely got a look at him but I think I saw some purple hair peeking out and he was awfully short for a...” Apple Bloom started before she realized what had happened. “Oooooohhh.”
“Dagnabbit!” Applejack groaned. “I told her aunts that Rainbow was a bad influence!”
A few hours later, a box full of batteries showed up.
Another good prank was Rarity’s own. She woke up, and walked down the stairs only to hear a pop.
And then another pop.
And then another. How curious!
She looked down and nearly screamed in rage. Her entire parlor had been covered inch to inch in bubble wrap! “...and here I thought we had a collective unanimous ban on giving Pinkie any more of this stuff.”
With a sigh, she made her way to the kitchen, popping following her every step. Oh well, it could have been a worse prank. As things went, this was actually pretty tame, if not a tad annoying. She would give Pinkie points for being silent as a ninja though, why she hadn’t heard her giggling in the middle of the night was beyond her! It was actually pretty amazing for the baker actually, Rarity thought.
It was then she heard a cackle and saw a dash of prismatic hair outside her window, running out of the bushes. Rarity was forced to reevaluate her previous statement, and with a sigh thought to herself: “Mhmmmm, perhaps we should have a unanimous ban on giving Rainbow Dash access to this stuff as well!”
Then came the night of the party, and it like promised was one of the biggest bashes of the year. Lemon tried to top herself every year, apparently, and Sunset was wondering just how she’d manage it next year.
Christmas trees were everywhere she walked, lights around every corner and Last Christmas blared over the radio. Because, you know, corny and overplayed Christmas songs were always ‘welcome’. ...oh well, at least it wasn’t that Twelve Redneck Days of Christmas piece that Applejack had ‘introduced’ her to.
Scratching herself again, Sunset stepped out into the main room where the music came fast and loud. Going for the punch bowl, she downed her drink and sighed. She was going to have to find a good way to get Rainbow back for the prank she’d pulled a few nights back.
“...I gotta say, Rainbow’s topped herself this month!” Rarity grumbled in passing, wearing an equally ugly Christmas sweater, covered in cats. Oddly, she was scratching as well, if being a bit more subtle about it. A lady did no such thing in public, after all! “Bubble wrap in my parlor! The whole parlor!”
“Pffff, that’s nothing!” Pinkie said, Sunset noticing she was itching as well. Suddenly, she got that sinking feeling again. Could it be…? Oh, surely not! “She gave me some baked bads! Eclairs filled with mayo! I still had to eat them, free them from their curse but still!”
“...oooh, that is cruel!” Rarity shuddered before finally taking notice that all three of them and probably the rest of their friends as well were feeling that same itch. “...Pinkie, Sunset, I hate to ask, but are you both…?”
“Itching like hell?” Sunset confirmed with a nod.
“Feeling like I was covered in a million zillion bug bites?” Pinkie nodded.
It dawned upon them who must have been responsible. And then came the laughter as Rainbow and Scootaloo strode up, wheezing and slapping their knees.
“Oh man! I was wondering when you’d notice!” Scootaloo wiped a tear from her eye. “I thought you’d never figure it out!”
“Yep, I admit it. We were responsible for everything this week!” Rainbow continued laughing. “Consider this payback Shimmer!”
“...If this is revenge for the alarm clock bit, why hit everyone else?” Sunset accused.
“Because we had so many good prank ideas, and we figured they shouldn’t go to waste right?” Scootaloo shrugged before handing over a box filled with new, non-itching powder laced sweaters. “Go change, I promise, these are completely safe!”
“...yeah, you’ll forgive us if we don’t take you at your word,” Sunset drawled, not even attempting to reach for the box. “Not after this week!”
“Pinkie Promise we haven’t laced them with anything. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in your eye,” Scootaloo said, her and her big sis going through the motions. All three girls shared a look, before taking the sweaters and going to go change. But, of course, they did have questions. Namely, on how the two actually pulled all of this off. Scootaloo was all too happy to explain. “Well, firstly…”
The streets were a blur, buildings passing by like lightning, Rainbow zipping around town via the power of her geode.
The first house hit was Gilda, her regular donuts swapped with something a little less sweet.
Then came Rarity, with the floor covered in wrap before anyone could notice. Rainbow was in and out in a flash.
The eclair prank? Took a bit of bribery. But eventually after Rainbow promised to babysit the Cake Twins for their parents date night, Mr. and Mrs. Cake let her do her good work.
Scootaloo meanwhile had a few of the tougher pranks. Delivering the box full of garbage to Twilight was a bit tricky, not to mention utterly disgusting. She had to go dumpster diving all throughout town to find the most rotten of foods.
“...all the dirty jobs!” Scootaloo uttered, stuffing as much trash as she could into one box. Spraying it with fruity smells, she wrapped it up nice and then off to the delivery truck it went.
Now, the sewing machine bit? Well, she had to go straight to her uncle’s workplace. He looked skeptical about all of this though, asking: “...aren’t you a little young to be a delivery driver?”
“Yes,” Scootaloo answered. “Yes I am!”
Scootaloo finished the story, Rainbow and her still sharing the same devious grin. Sunset gave a little sigh, shaking her head. She really had nobody but herself to blame, she supposed.
“...okay, I think we’ve all learned our lesson here haven’t we?” Rarity admitted. “Nobody plays a prank on anyone else, not without expecting some form of retaliation.”
“Totally!” Rainbow grinned. “And I’d totally do it again!”
“That’s really reassuring, dear…” Rarity deadpanned.
Then it hit Rainbow, and Scootaloo as well for that matter.
“...wait, did you get…?” Scootaloo pondered.
“I swear I did…” Rainbow muttered to herself. “I mean, it was that kind of thing that if I didn’t do, it would ruin the whole thing!”
“...you better have,” Scootaloo replied. “I want to hear about her reaction!”
“Well, with any luck, you should hear about it tomorrow on Facebook,” Rainbow shrugged. “...presuming she doesn’t think it’s an actual legitimate Christmas present from her daddy.”
“It could go either way really!” Scootaloo admitted. “...I mean, did you absolutely utterly have to pull that one though?”
“Well, duh! Of course I had to,” Rainbow said, giving her a deadpan look. “It’d ruin the whole experience if I didn’t!”
Rarity and Sunset looked at the two, wondering if they should question what exactly they were talking about, but figured it would probably be best if they didn’t ask.
What did Rainbow do exactly? Well, let us travel to Diamond Tiara’s manor where past imposing walls and wrought iron gates rested the Isles of Elysium. At least, according to the girl. And now these isles had one more resident.
“Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” Diamond shrieked, seeing a hippopotamus sitting outside in the pool. Scootaloo and Rainbow heard the shriek, and grinned. Mission accomplished.
Author's Note
So... Merry Christmas, Hamster!
Okay, a few thank yous are in order. One goes to The Stratovarian for putting up with some of the prank ideas I tossed around. Another goes to, believe it or not, to the Miraculous Fanworks Discord for helping me come up with some of the pranks. And another to Flutterpriest for hosting this again. I'm happy to make someone smile, after this extraordinarily crappy year.
