Hearts and Hooves Day Madness

by BrawnyBold

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Feather Bangs, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Romance
Length: 5071

Feather Bangs uses some magic soap that makes him attractive to nearby mares.

Feather Bangs feels a bit down considering that tomorrow will be Hearts and Hooves Day where most happy couples would spend time with each other. That all changed when Zecora offers Feather a special bar of soap that will make him more attractive to mares. Little did Feather know, he will get more than what he had bargained for.

This idea was given to me by superfun.

Published 2021-02-14 12:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-02-14 12:40:00 UTC

Mare Troubles

As Feather Bangs trotted down the streets of Ponyville, he looked around to see everything the town had to offer. Feather spotted different kinds of stores and booths that were run by different ponies. He believed that this town has a lot more variety than what Starlight's village has. Feather thought staying at Starlight's old village was fine until he grew bored there. He chose Ponyville because it was a nice town with more ponies in it. Feather also had to admit that there were also a lot of cute mares in Ponyville as well. Feather instantly spotted some mares who he thought looked really attractive.

'Man, I'm in paradise.' Feather said in his thoughts. Feather's daydreaming vanished when he noticed that most of the buildings were decorated with reddish hearts and flowers. Feather also saw that couples were spending more time with each other than usual. Of course this would happen considering that Hearts and Hooves Day is tomorrow. Feather loves Hearts and Hooves Day as he enjoyed the concept of ponies expressing how much they care about their loved ones. This also meant that stallions would try their hardest to show how much they love their mares. Feather couldn't help but feel envious for the stallions as they were able to attract such pretty mares. Unfortunately, Feather couldn't completley enjoy the holiday since he doesn't have a special somepony. Feather thought that he was a total mare magnet considering that he has good looks, great charisma, and all sorts of talents. But he still doesn't have a special mare he could spend time with. Feather spots a couple of mares who look like they don't have any stallions with them. 'Maybe I could score a date with one mare by using my natural charm.' Feather thought as he brushed his manes with a sense of confidence. He trotted up to one mare and started to speak.

"Hey there," Feather with in a flirty tone. "it looks like you could use some company. Mind if I fill the part?" Feather then flipped his manes as a way to attract the mare. The mare just stared awkwardly at Feather.

"Um, no thanks?" The mare said before she started to back away and trots in the opposite direction. Feather was a bit surprised that his charm didn't work. He pondered on why the mare declined his offer.

'Aw well, maybe the next mare will say yes.' Feather thought and moved on with more mares to flirt with.

"No way," The next mare said in disgust.

"Not happening," Another mare said with disinterest.

"Can't, I got errands to run." A mare said before she trotted away.

"I have a coltfriend." One mare said while she pointed behind Feather. He turned to be face to face with an angry-looking stallion. Feather quickly galloped away to avoid getting beaten up.

'I can't believe nopony would want to go out with me, especially when Hearts and Hooves Day is tomorrow!' Feather thought as his head hung low. 'Maybe I'll just go get dinner and just mope for the rest of the night and tomorrow'. Feather began to trot towards the market area of Ponyville. He looked around until he found a cafe and ordered a sandwich to go. Feather was prepared to make his way home until he heard a female voice.

"Excuse me, stallion with the nice manes," Feather turned to see that the voice came from a female zebra who had a booth set up across from the cafe. The zebra had grey stripes and wore a tall mohawk on her manes. Feather was a bit surprised as he had never seen this zebra in town. Another thing that caught Feather's attention was the zebra's booth since it had all sorts of glass bottles full of strange-looking substances. "come to my booth as I might have something you want to attain." The zebra finished. Feather was a bit confused but he decided to trot closer and see what this zebra wanted.

"What do you mean you have something I want to attain, Miss?" Feather asked.

"Zecora is my name," Zecora replied. "and I have something that could help you in the dating game."

"How did you know that I had problems in that department?" Feather asked with some suspicion in his voice.

"I could tell from the sight of you," Zecora answered. "although that is something most ponies would go through."

"I guess?" Feather said while rubbing his manes. "I just want to spend time with a mare during Hearts and Hooves Day."

"Hearts and Hooves Day is not just about spending time with lovers," Zecora said. "it is also about how much you care about others."

"Yeah, but all I want is that special connection with the perfect mare." Feather said.

"Love can be hard to find if you search too quickly," Zecora said. "you might end up with a mare who is very prickly."

"But how long do I have to wait?" Feather questioned. "It could take me a thousand years before I find my special somepony!" Zecora only gave Feather a blank stare before she went under her booth to find something. Zecora came back up after a few seconds.

"Here," Zecora said as she held out what looked a light pink bar of soap with a red heart on the center. Feather was confused with what Zecora offered.

"I'm pretty sure I smell just fine." Feather said while waving his hooves. "I bathe regularly."

"If a special somepony is what you need, then this bar of love soap will do the deed." Zecora said. "Rub the soap on yourself while you shower. Then the mares will start coming to you like bees to flowers."

"Really!?" Feather asked in excitement. But then Feather's face of glee turned to that of suspicion. "This has better not be a scam." Feather warned. "One time, I bought some mane gel from a pair of stallions who dressed up like they were from a barbershop quartet. They said that I would look so stylish that mares would line up to just gawk at me. The actual outcome was that my manes hardened so much that I didn't need to wear a helmet if I went bike riding."

"This is not a trick, I swear." Zecora waved her hooves. "I will even offer you this bar of soap for free to make this deal fair."

"Sweet, thank you for the soap!" Feather said as Zecora gave him a brown, paper bag with the love soap inside.

"I must warn you that you must lather with the soap only once," Zecora said. "if you do not follow that warning, you are a dunce."

"Yeah, yeah," Feather said while waving his hoof. Zecora watched as Feather skipped his way home while carrying his dinner and his newly acquired soap.

"I believe that I must prepare for tomorrow," Zecora said to herself. "in case if that stallion face lots of sorrow."

Back at Feather's house, steam was coming out of Feather's shower as he was washing himself up. Feather took a deep breath before he picked up Zecora's soap and started rubbing it all over his manes and body. The smell from the soap bar reminded Feather of fresh flowers from a garden. Feather continued to lather the soap on himself until the soap was completely gone. Once Feather was done, he wrapped his manes with a towel and exited his bathroom. He took a good look at his mirror to see if his appearance changed in a good way. To Feather's disappointment, he didn't notice any difference.

'Great, I got ripped off.' Feather thought as he looked down in defeat. 'Looks like I'll be celebrating Hearts and Hooves Day by myself again. I better be ready for any nasty side effects that soap might give me.' Feather made his way to his bed and slept for the night. As Feather fell into deep slumber, his whole body started to glow with a strange, pink aura. A few seconds passed before the pink aura vanished. There were no changes on Feather's body and he continued to sleep until morning.

It was around the afternoon when Feather trotted through the streets. Although Feather was dreading today since it is Hearts and Hooves Day, he didn't want to spend all day moping around in his house. Just to Feather's luck, he starts to see couples trotting around while acting all lovey-dovey with each other. Feather grumbled since he didn't have a mare to spend this day with. Feather trots by a large booth that sold all sorts of flowers. Attending the booths were Ponyville's three flower mares: Daisy, Lily Valley, and Roseluck. They were busy selling their flowers until they all stopped and sniffed the air. They turned to see Feather pass by their booth. The mares took a long look at Feather until they formed heart-shaped pupils in their eyes. Feather continued to trot while feeling sad until he stopped when he heard a voice.

"Hey there," said a mare's voice. Feather slowly turned to see the three flower mares standing in front of him.

'What could the flower mares want?' Feather thought. 'Maybe they're going to offer me a discount for flowers since it's Hearts and Hooves Day?'

"Um, hi?" Feather replied awkwardly. The three mares giggled in response to Feather. Feather was a bit confused as he didn't say anything funny.

"You're cute when you talk, Feather Bangs." Daisy said.

"Thanks?" Feather responded. "Wait, you know my name?"

"Of course," Lily Valley said. "you're that cute stallion who sometimes buys flowers to give to mares you flirt with. There were even times when you bought flowers from each of us. Then you gave it back to us because you said that they were gifts for us." Feather remembered that did happen. The outcome was that all three of the mares denied the flowers because they had no interests to Feather.

"Yeah, I kinda thought it would work. That was until I realized it was sort of stupid of me to give flowers to a mare I just bought the flowers from." Feather said while rubbing the back of his manes.

"It's alright," Roseluck assured. "It was rude of us to deny those flowers in the first place. You were only trying to be nice." Roseluck then moved closer to Feather which made him a bit uncomfortable. "If you wanted to pick some flowers, I would've been an excellent choice. After all, roses do symbolize love." Daisy bumped Roseluck out of Feather's sights.

"You shouldn't pick roses, Feather." Daisy suggested. "Roses also have thorns that can really sting if some poke your hooves. How about me? I would make some really cute daisies." Daisy said while bating her eyes to Feather. He became confused from Daisy's advances. Daisy was then bumped away by Lily and it was her turn to speak.

"Daisies are so boring to look at." Lily mentioned. "Lillies on the other hoof have such lovely appearances. You should definitely pick me as a flower, Feather. Or better yet, pick me as your special some pony for Hearts and Hooves Day." Lily gave a tender smile that made Feather's heart skip a beat. A part of Feather screamed in excitement as this was the opportunity he was looking for, getting asked by a mare to be her special somepony for Hearts and Hooves Day. Before Feather could give an answer, Daisy and Roseluck stood in front of him.

"You could pick me as your special somepony, Feather!" Roseluck suggested. "I would also love to spend time with you even after Hearts and Hooves Day!"

"I would spend all day and every day with you, Feather!" Daisy added. All three of the mares started to glare at each other while making some imitating growls. Feather was lost for words on what was going on. He took the opportunity of the mares getting distracted and quietly trot away to avoid getting more involved.

Feather continued to trot until he arrived to the lake near Ponyville. He decided to sit down and tried to process what had happened with the flower mares. Feather thought it was strange that those mares suddenly took an interest in him. Feather thought maybe the flower mares were playing some kind of joke on him and he didn't take the bait. He doubted that idea as it was too complicated. As Feather continued to think about it, Cloud Chaser and Flitter were flying by.

"I hope Thunderlane and Bulk Biceps will like what I'm bringing for our double date." Flitter said while looking at the large picnic basket she was carrying.

"I'm sure they'll be putty in your hooves after they take a bite from your sandwiches." Cloud Chaser said. Both of the pegasai stopped in their tracks while they passed Feather. The mares turned to sniff the air before they stared with heart-shaped pupils at Feather. Feather continued to figure things out until he heard another mare's voice.

"Hey Feather," Feather turned to see Cloud Chaser and Flitter approaching him. He could easily recognize the mares as they are usually a part of the Weather Control team in Ponyville.

"Oh hey Flitter and Cloud Chaser, what's up?" Feather asked. He then noticed something strange about the two mares. They were looking at him with half-lidded eyes.

"Oh nothing," Flitter said while twirling the tip of her manes with her hoof. "I was just wondering if you would like to have a picnic with us. I got some food in this basket that you would definitely enjoy." Feather felt his stomach growling when he sniffed something good from the basket.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt since it's lunch time." Feather said as the pegasus mares squealed in delight. Feather and the mares started to prepare the picnic area by placing a blanket on the ground and put plates on top. Once the mares were done, they patted a spot between the two of them where Feather could sit. Feather shrugged as he sat down between Flitter and Cloud Chaser. "So what should I start with?" Feather asked while looking at the various foods.

"You should try this." Flitter said while she offered Feather a cucumber salad sandwich. "I made these sandwiches myself." Feather took a bite from the sandwich and it tasted really good.

"You really did great with these, Flitter." Feather commented. Flitter couldn't help but blush from hearing Feather's praise. Cloud Chaser grew jealous and picked up some peeled apple slices.

"Here Feather, try some of these apple slices that I cut and peeled all by myself." Cloud Chaser said as she fed Feather an apple slice.

"They're very good, Cloud." Feather commented. The pegasi mares decided to make feeding Feather a contest to get the most praises from him. Unfortunately, all of the mares' feeding caused Feather to get stuffed from so much food that he couldn't eat anymore. Cloud Chaser and Flitter were in the middle of feeding Feather different kinds of pudding.

"Here Feather, chocolate is most ponies' favorite kind of pudding." Flitter said as she offered a spoon of it to Feather.

"Why not banana pudding, Feather? It has a unique taste than common chocolate." Cloud Chaser said as she tried to feed Feather. Feather nudged away from the spoons similar to a foal denying baby food. This ended up with Feather's cheeks splattered with pudding.

"Oh Feather, you're a mess." Flitter said as she picked up a napkin. She turned to be shocked to see Cloud Chaser licking the pudding off of Feather's cheek as if she was a dog. Feather turned bright red from the feeling of getting licked by a mare.

"Hmm, pudding tastes much better when it's on you, Feather." Cloud Chaser said in a flirty tone. Flitter grew angry and joined in on licking Feather's cheek so she didn't fall behind. Feather didn't know what to do as he never been in a situation like this before.

"What in Equestria is going on?!" A stallion's voice yelled. Feather turned to see Thunderlane and Bulk Biceps standing behind him. Both of the pegasai stallions looked completely unsatisfied with what they are seeing. Thunderlane looked at Flitter and Cloud Chaser. "We were waiting for you two and this is where you have been?"

"Get lost you two," Cloud Chaser said rudely.

"Yeah, we found a better date." Flitter said as she wrapped her hooves around Feather's arm. Feather grew nervous as Thunderlane and Bulk Biceps started to approach him.

"I can't believe that our dates stood us up for this wimp!" Thunderlane said angrily.

"Yeah!" Bulk Biceps agreed as he cracked his hooves. Feather quickly began trotting for his life to avoid getting beaten up. Thunderlane and Bulk Biceps flew after Feather.

"Come back here, you coward!" Thunderlane yelled while trying to catch Feather. Feather did his best to outrun the stallions. The pegasi stallions were catching up due to being more athletic than Feather.

'I got to lose them!' Feather thought as he ran as fast as he can. He spotted some bushes and came up with an idea. Feather quickly entered the large bushes while the pegasi stallions followed in pursuit. The pegasi stallions exited the bushes to realize that they have lost Feather.

"Dang it! Where did that coward go?!" Thunderlane said. "Let's check that direction." Thunderlane suggested as he pointed somewhere.

"Yeah!" Bulk Biceps agreed and followed Thunderlane. A few seconds passed before Feather's head popped out from the large bushes. He breathed in relief as he was able to lose those stallions.

'I better play it safe and hide until those two give up on finding me.' Feather thought as he looked around for a good hiding place. His hope rose when he spotted a nice treehouse nearby. 'Perfect, I can stay in there for now!' Feather hurried up the steps and opened the door. Once Feather slammed the door, he slumped down on to the floor while feeling so relieved to be inside. He felt so tired from all of the running that he decided to take a small nap. While Feather slumbered, the treehouse's door opened to reveal three small shadows casted upon Feather.

Feather slowly woke up from his nap and yawned out loud. He opened his eyes to see a pair of lidded green eyes staring at him.

"You're so cute when you sleep." said a filly's voice. Feather quickly got up to see that it was Sweetie Belle who was watching him sleep.

"Sweetie Belle?" Feather said to the filly.

"Right you are, cutie." Sweetie Belle said as she gave a flirty wink. Feather was a bit confused until he saw the treehouse's new decorations. The walls were covered with nothing but pink and red hearts. Feather also noticed that the decorations also had pictures of his face plastered on most of the hearts.

"Sweet Celestia!" Feather said in shock. He turned again to see that Apple Bloom and Scootaloo also appeared in front of Feather. Just like Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo stared with lidded eyes and flirty grins at Feather. Feather gulped as he remembered his previous encounter with Cloud Chaser and Flitter.

"We're so glad that you woke up, Feather." Apple Bloom said.

"Although, I wouldn't mind watching Feather sleep all day." Scootaloo said before she giggled with her friends. Feather slowly got up and stretched.

"Well, I appreciate the company. But I must be going." Feather said as he started walking to the door.

"Wait! We want to give you something." Sweetie Belle said before she and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders held out their hooves with what look like heart-shaped cards decorated with all kinds of ribbons, glitter, and fake gemstones.

"We made these cards for you for Hearts and Hooves Day." Scootaloo said as she and the fillies gave Feather the cards.

"Ah, thanks, you three." Feather said as he patted each of the fillies' heads, the CMC blushed in response.

"There is one question we want to ask, Feather." Sweetie Belle informed.

"What is it?" Feather asked.

"Will you be our special somepony?" the CMC said at the same time. Feather was completely shocked from being asked out by three small fillies.

"W-What?" Feather asked nervously.

"We like you so much, Feather! We want you to be our Prince Charming!" Scootaloo said while leaning on Feather. Feather backed away so the CMC wouldn't come any closer.

"B-But I'm too old for you three." Feather said. "You three probably have some colts your age who could be your special someponies."

"The colts we know don't compare with the charm you have, Feather." Apple Bloom responded.

"So what do you say?" Sweetie Belle asked. Feather immediately dashed out of the door and ran as fast as he could to get away from the treehouse. He couldn't help but let out a terrified squeal as he had no idea what was going on.

Feather was once again in the streets of Ponyville while he tried to process what had happened.

'This day has been nothing but crazy!' Feather thought. 'First, those flower mares were arguing over me, then the pegasai mares feed and lick me, and finally the CMC ask me to be their special somepony! What made them act in such a way!?' Feather then remembered the bar of soap Zecora had given him. 'The soap! That zebra must've added the wrong ingredients to that bar of soap! I got to find her and get her to cure me!' Feather was interrupted when something tackled him to the ground.

"Ow," Feather groaned while trying to recover. He turned to see the mail pony, Derpy, was the one who landed on top of him. Feather notices that Derpy's eyes had heart-shaped pupils.

"You smell like muffins!" Derpy said as she moved closer to Feather's ear. "I think I'll have a nibble." Derpy started nibbling on Feather's ear. Feather felt completely grossed out from the feeling of his ears getting nibbled. He quickly pushed Derpy hard enough for her to get off of him. Feather started trotting as fast as he could to get away from Derpy who was flying in pursuit. As Feather ran, he started to pass some nearby mares and they suddenly joined in on chasing him. Feather panicked as he didn't want to be overwhelmed by such a large amount of mares.

Zecora was trotting through town while pulling her cart full of potion jars. She stopped when she saw a mob of obsessed-looking mares running while looking for something, specially somepony. Zecora then watched as the mare mob ran away while leaving clouds of dust behind. Zecora blinked a few times before she heard something from a nearby bush.

"Psst, psst, Zecora!" said the bush.

"Why hello, little hedge," Zecora replied.

Feather's head popped out and he whispered. "It's me, Zecora!"

"Feather? Why do you look like you are on edge?" Zecora asked.

"I'm hiding from the mares. No thanks to that bar of soap you gave me!" Feather explained.

Zecora smiled. "Ah yes, the soap that causes mares to give you affection. Do you now feel grateful that mares are giving you more attention?"

"No! That soap made those mares act all crazy for me!" Feather complained.

"I don't see a problem as this is what you desired." Zecora mentioned. "It was out of my control from what had transpired."

"Yeah, I wanted mares to like me for me! But this is just over the top!" Feather yelled.

"The soap's only purpose is to have mares notice you even from afar. The effects worsen if you have used the whole bar." Feather cringed as he remembered that he did use the whole bar of soap.

Zecora shook her head in disappointment. "You only had one rule to follow and yet you broke it. I should have known since you lack a sharp wit."

"I'm very sorry, Zecora. I messed up for not heeding your warning." Feather said while looking down. "But now I'm begging you to help me fix this!"

Zecora walked to her cart to pull out a potion bottle with blue liquid inside. "Show me your manes so I can pour this on your head. I made this so you won't end up dead." Feather moved his head down just as Zecora instructed. Zecora uncorked the bottle and poured the potion all over Feather's manes. "This elixir will help you not fret. The only downside is that the soap's magic will now last until sunset."

'I hope I can survive for that long.' Feather thought with worry. He suddenly realized something. "Hey Zecora, how come you're not getting attracted to me since I used the soap?"

"The soap's effects don't work on me." Zecora explained. "It is because I'm so used to my potions' aromas that you have no reason to flee." Zecora and Feather suddenly heard a mare's cry from the distant. They turned to see a mare who had spotted Feather.

"There he is!" The mare pointed, causing some more mares to notice.

"Aw geez!" Feather cried before he ran away while the mare mob was after him. Feather ran as fast as he could until he noticed something was in front of him. It was another mob made up of angry-looking stallions who were growling when they saw Feather. Feather grew more scared when he saw that Thunderlane and Bulk Biceps were also part of the stallion mob.

"There he is!" Thunderlane yelled. "It's that stallion who stole all of our mares!"

"Let's get him!" Another stallion cried out.

"Yeah!" Bulk Biceps yelled in agreement. Next thing Feather knew, he was being chased down by a mob of mares who want to love him and a mob of stallions who want to destroy him.

'Sweet Celestia, why?!' Feather panicked in his thoughts as he continued to run for his life.

It was during the late afternoon when Feather finally lost the mobs of ponies. The mares and stallions searched every nook and cranny to look for Feather. Some of the ponies were searching around the lake, but they couldn't find him there. Unknown to the ponies, Feather was actually hiding underwater while using a long straw to breath.

'This is perfect!' Feather thought. 'Everypony will be too busy to find me on land! I can just wait it out in here until sunset!' Feather continued to swim while staying completely still. Feather suddenly got startled as he spotted Derpy also using a long straw to breathe. She started swimming towards Feather which made him swim in panic. Bubbles started to appear in the water until Feather splashed out while crying in fear. This got the attention of the nearby ponies and they ran towards the lake. While Feather ran, he took a look at the sky to see that the sun is almost setting from the sky.

'Come on! Just a little longer!' Feather thought as he continued to run. He made his way inside the park when some mares blocked one of the paths, Feather tried turning but more ponies also blocked the other path. Soon, Feather was surrounded in a circle of love-obsessed mares and angry stallions. Feather was shaking all over as he thought he will be a goner. He looked at the sun to see that it was about to reach the horizon.

'I'll be trampled before the sun sets!' Feather thought as he closed his eyes and was ready to meet his doom. All of the ponies started running and they were about to jump towards Feather. All of a sudden, some bottles flew in the air and landed near Feather. The bottles broke and large amounts of mist appeared out of nowhere, causing everypony to be completely confused. Feather didn't know what happened, but he quickly took this opportunity by crawling away from the crowd of ponies. He quickly hid inside another bush and looked at the sun. The sun finally set and the mares started to become confused as they had no idea why they were suddenly in the park. Feather looked at himself to see that pink aura glowed from him but then it completely vanished. He sighed in relief as he knew that this was a sign that the soap's magic finally wore off. Feather continued to watch from the bush until all of the ponies were gone. When Feather exited the bush, Zecora approached him.

"Hello Feather, I see that you are not hurt." Zecora said.

"Yeah, I was able to get away thanks to that mist." Feather replied.

"It is thanks to my mist potions that caused those ponies to avert." Zecora said as she showed Feather one of her mist potions. "I often make these for a certain magician mare. She would use these to make ponies think that she appears out of thin air."

"I appreciate your help, Zecora. I would've spent a few years in the hospital if I was attacked by that crowd." Feather said.

"If you want to show more thanks for my services, you can pay me some bits as those potions were considered your purchases." Zecora said as she lifted her hooves for bits. Feather willingly gave a whole bag of bits to Zecora. "So what will you do now since this day is done? Will you continue to pursue mares until you have won?" Feather stared at the sunset as he needed to think of his answer.

"I think you're right that I need to wait for the right mare to look for me." Feather responded. "There are still things that I should be experiencing before I find a special somepony." Zecora smiled and nodded.

"I am glad that you have finally embraced this lesson." Zecroa said before she turned. "So try not to worry and turn this search of love into an obsession." As Zecora left, Feather waved good-bye. Before Feather was about to head home, he was tapped on the shoulder. He turned and started to sweat when he saw his three admirers: Swoon Song, Dear Darling, and Fond Feather.

"Hey Feather Bangs," The three mares said while giving flirty winks at Feather.

"Ah!" Feather yelled and started running towards the sunset.

Author's Note

Happy Valentine's Day, everypony!