The Level 98 Swordmage

Chapters

Prologue: So... what did I do again?
Chapter 1: "Great" first introductions
Chapter 2: Dungeons & Dragons
Chapter 3: Discussions regarding racism, slavery, and taxes
Chapter 4: Once in a Bluemoon
Omake 1: Beating up old men is my favorite pastime
Omake G5: A New Generation (and it sucks)
Important Notice

Prologue: So... what did I do again?

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more. There will be no mourning, crying, or pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

— Revelations 21:4

It was a bright and sunny afternoon on the plane of Terra (stereotypical world name, I know). In the middle of the plains of endless grass the natives deemed "The Wilds" stood a tall, mismatched tower. The castle was over 300 feet tall and was arranged like child stacked different colored and shaped building blocks on top of each other.

In this massive home, a small ten year old boy with lightly tanned skin, brown eyes, overalls, messy brown hair, and a dirty brown cap sat in the middle of a luxurious dining room. He was writing arcane runes in a leather tome with a quill while taking an occasional sip from a cup of cranberry juice. This boy is Trevor, the adopted son and apprentice of a very powerful swordmage I cannot reveal the name of just yet (unless you read the description of this fic, then you already know). He was humming a tune to himself while working on his magic when suddenly, the entrance way door was opened with extreme force.

A huge, arcane hand forcefully opened the door on the opposite side of its hinges, meaning the door broke off and splintered on the wall. With a resounding SMASH, the door opened and stood before it was a man who was a little bit shorter than your average person. Like Trevor, he had brown eyes but unlike him, he has messy hair which was black as the night sky and very white skin. He has a crimson robe that has stripes of gold, a long red scarf which seemed to move on its own with blackened runes on it was well, and dark red cape with a blue gem on the neckpiece. He wears simple brown sandals and has a belt fashioned from hemp rope. On his left hip, he has a sheeted sword while his right hip holds a blue and silver spellbook. This man is Malrick Roscuro, the father and master of Trevor. He is also a master swordmage and has extreme amounts of physical, magical, and supernatural power. After a tiring day of work, Malrick's face looked drained and empty, but the moment he saw Trevor, his face lit up and showed a bright smile.

"Hey Trevor! Working on your spells is great and all, but shouldn't you be outside playing with your friends on a day like this?"

"Dad, we live in the middle of nowhere and I have no friends." replied Trevor with an annoyed look on his face.

"I know, I know, I'd like to live in the city, but the cities these days are so dangerous with all of the cults and thieves guilds, plus I wouldn't get as much entertainment as I usually do with the mailman!"

"Speaking of which, the mailbox tried to eat the mailman again today."

"Oh, did Munchy go postal again? I swear one of these days he's going to catch and eat someone, maybe I should give him a digestive system..." Malrick said while pondering in thought.

Trevor rolled his eyes at Malrick while handing him a small, cardboard box, "He dropped off this package by the way, what did you even order?"

Malrick looked at the package with a wide smile, "This my boy, will be the solution to all our problems!" Malrick proudly exclaimed as he ripped open the box.

Trevor looked at Malrick with a confused expression, "'Solution to all our problems?', what exactly did you buy?"

Malrick reached into the now open box and pulled out a silver ticket with the symbol of the planes engraved on it, "This is something called a Planar ticket, this little thing took forever for me to get and it costs a fortune too. It allows the user to travel to a named place, even if the place isn't known by anyone! Meaning even if you say something like Vase-Clown-Monkey-Bench, you'll go to that location."

Trevor looked at Malrick with an even more confused expression, "'Vase-Clown-Monkey-Bench?' there is a place in the multiverse with that name?"

Malrick shrugged, "Eh, probably, there are infinite planes of existence Trevor, so there has to be a place that has that name. Since there are many different locations with that name, the ticket will transport us to a place that best aligns with our desires, so if I want to go to a place with purple skies and lemonade rains while saying 'Vase-Clown-Monkey-Bench', it'll take me to the location, be it city, planet, or plane with those attributes."

Trevor looked at the ticket with wide eyes and wonder but then quickly realized something important, "Wait, why did you buy that thing anyways?"

Malrick looked at Trevor with the expression of 'Did you live in a mayonnaise jar for the past 3 years?', "Trevor, you know that we are constantly being hunted down by multiple different wizardly, religious, and relic-hunting groups, but we get chased mostly by the Emerald Guard." Malrick said the word Emerald Guard with particular scorn, "Everytime we try to go somewhere else they always find and follow us, whether it was in a volcano, underwater, underground, the moon, outer space, or OTHER PLANES OF REALITY!" Malrick screamed in rage, Trevor jumped a bit and looked at Malrick with wide eyes from hearing Malrick scream out in fury. Malrick quickly calmed down and said in a quieter tone, "This ticket can transport us to places that even Gods don't know of, this could be our chance to go outside without worrying about someone trying to murder us, to talk to people without them shitting their pants at the sight of us, to... live...".

Trevor was thinking about this really hard. Going to a plane is one thing, going to a random one is another, but going to a random plane and LIVING there? That is the issue. Having a new life is very appealing to Trevor, he and Dad were always under the threat of death and enjoying life wasn't something he was able to do without any friends or family. Trevor realized there wasn't anything to lose by leaving since he had nothing here, so after some deep thought, Trevor looked at Malrick with a determined face and replied, "Alright, I'll go with you".

Malrick was initially surprised, but surprised quickly turned into happiness and relief, "Thanks Trevor, it means a lot to me that you would rather come with me to a random place instead of staying here, you're the best son/apprentice a father/master could ask for."

Trevor had a small smile, Malrick rarely said anything nice since he never had anything nice to say about anyone or anything, but the few times he did were special moments indeed.

Malrick then inhaled clapped his hands, "So, we just have to name a random place (preferably a plane) and hope that the natives don't want to kill us 24/7. We don't need to pack our stuff since the castle and its contents are linked to me, I can just dismiss it to a pocket plane and summon it back on whatever place we end up on. So as long as nothing comes and disturbs us, we should be ready for an extended vaca-"

Before Malrick could finish his sentence, a cannonball crashed through a window and almost hit Malrick and while Malrick didn't flinch at the cannonball smashing through his house, Trevor jumped out of the chair in a panic.

"THIS IS THE EMERALD GUARD! WE HAVE COME TO ARREST YOU MALRICK, COME OUT WITH YOUR ARMS UP!" a male voice screamed outside.

"GODAMMIT" Malrick yelled out in rage and annoyance, "Every fucking time I'm happy, those assholes have to show up and ruin it!"

Trevor changed his look of fear to a chastising one towards Malrick, "That's not neccessarily a bad thing, remember when you turned half the population into chickens?"

"Pff, it was hilarious."

"That ancient dragon begged to differ..."

Malrick and Trevor stood in front of a cave mouth on the side of a tall, reddish mountain, a rough and dark voice spoke with a hint of anger in it's tone, "What foolish mortals dare enter the cave of Karythos, the lord of cin-"

"HEY KARYTHOS, CATCH!" Malrick yelled into the hole as he fired a beam of orange energy from his finger into it. The bolt traveled down the cave and then flashed bright orange. A few seconds later, a small chicken emerged from the cave with a furious stare at Malrick which would've brought fear to even the most powerful of Gods... if it weren't for the fact he was a chicken.

"Worth." was all Malrick had to say about that situation.

Trevor sighed and looked outside through the broken window and then paled considerably. Instead of the usual hundred or so guards, there were thousands of soldiers or differing variety, wizards, clerics, griffon riders, cannons and other seige weaponry were outside all ready and armed. The people wore their signature silver armor and bore the symbol of the Emerald Guard and all of them had a look in their eyes like they were bent on taking down Malrick one and for all. Trevor looked at Malrick with terror in his eyes, "Malrick, they are now here with thousands of soldiers, hundreds spellcasters, and whole lot of artillery, what are we supposed to do now?"

"Don't worry Trevor, just like many other situations in life, I can bullshit my way out of this." Malrick replied calmly.

Malrick traced a sigil in the air and muttered some arcane words. He projected his voice outside and made it ten times louder, "Oh, hello Emerald Guard, it's nice to meet you all, but before anything else happens, can you tell me exactly why am I being arrested?"

The Captain of the Emerald Guard had a twitch in his eye as he screamed with a voice-amplifying spell, "'WHY AM I BEING ARRESTED?! AFTER ALL THIS TIME YOU DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE BEING ARRESTED?!"

"Well... can you at least give me a recap on all of my crimes so I know I'm being arrested for an actual reason this time?"

The Captain growled and turned to a soldier on his left, "Bring me the book on all of Malrick's crimes." the soldier saluted and walked off and returned minutes later with a small book. He handed it over to the Captain to which he opened it up and turned some pages until he reached a certain section and amplified his voice yet again.

"Marlrick, you have been charged with 892 counts of first degree murder, 2,923 counts of second degree murder, 1,385 counts of third degree..."

"Heh heh, that'll buy us some time" Malrick said with pride in his voice.

Trevor looked at Malrick with an unhappy stare, "You do realize that if you didn't kill anyone who would enter your property we wouldn't have to travel to an unknown location in the multiverse, right?"

"Hey, they know who I am and how I deal with thieves who break into my home, take my stuff, kill my employees, and try to kill me or you. Technically, since most of the deaths are on my property and the most of the people I kill outside of it get resurrected by me, I shouldn't be charged with a majority of these crimes. Besides, it's not my fault that my job requires the murdering of certain individuals."

"... 3,324 counts of Vandalism..."

"That however, I am 100% guilty of."

Trevor looked a little bit baffled, "Ya know, with you being a mass murderer and having your own section in the Captain of the Emerald Guard's personal journal, I'm surprised I've never heard 'Tax Evasion' as one of your crimes."

Malrick's face showed a hint of fear, "Listen Trevor, even though I have powers that rival that of the Gods, not even I mess with the IRS..."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE FORMS ARE EXPIRED?!" Malrick screamed at the top of his lungs.

The individual Marlick was screaming at was a large, red devil who was sitting behind a desk and wearing a black business suit. The devil looked at Malrick and calmly replied, "I mean that I cannot take the forms. If you had turned them in at 8:30 PM today I could've accepted them, but now I can't since they expired."

"IT'S 7:38 PM RIGHT NOW! THEY SHOULDN'T BE EXPIRED!"

"That document you want to turn in follows the time zone of Phelgethos, the third layer of Hell." The devil stopped talking and looked down at his wristwatch, "And right now it is currently... 11:47 PM over there."

Malrick heaved out a furious sigh, "Fine then, may I have another form so I can fill out my taxes?"

"We normally would give you one, but since you didn't write your middle initial on record three-two-one-C, we have to transfer you over to floor 22 in section four-A and have you wait for twenty minutes so the folks up there could give you folder nine-five-B so you could transfer that to the accounting department at floor 12 at section seven-C and wait around twenty minutes again so they could return file nine-eight-F which would allow you to fill in your middle initial in the previous document you didn't fill in properly (which was packet six-five-D I believe) then after filling that in, you return it to the records department at floor 28 in section-"

Malrick screamed out of desperation.

Malrick shuttered at the bad memory.

"We should probably go somewhere private to use that ticket." Trevor said, interrupting Malrick's flashback.

"What's not private about the room we are in right now?"

Trevor gave Malrick an "are you serious?" look as he pointed to the open doorway Malrick ripped the door from and then moved his finger to the now gaping hole in the window caused by the cannonball.

"Yeahhh... I can see your point."

Malrick and Trevor rushed into the living room (but not before Trevor finished his cranberry juice) as Malrick quickly scribes down the runes needed for a high-power conjuration circle on the floor.

It took about ten minutes in total to inscribe the circle (Malrick kindly asked the Captain to repeat some crimes and what they meant exactly a few times) before the runes lit up and glowed a faint yellow-orange.

"Alright Trevor, they circle's up and running, anything you wish to do before we leave?"

Trevor took one last look outside, taking in the beautiful landscape before him (minus the thousands of soldiers) and looked at the sun in the middle of a cloudless sky. Trevor took a deep breath and exhaled before saying goodbye to this plane and the time he spent here, it wasn't the best life, but it was still a life nonetheless, "Okay, I'm ready."

"Alright then, what should be our ideal destination? How about a new unknown plane that has magic, similar time systems, and similar language since you and I do NOT want to spend over 300 hours learning a new language."

Trevor could agree to those terms (especially the similar language part), but one question still remained: "Um, don't we need to have a name for our destination?"

"Hmmm..." Malrick pulled a dictionary out of his pocket (a literal "pocket" dimension) and flipped through the pages randomly, "Lithium... sail... abacus... equestrian, equestria, Equestria! That's a name I can use!"

Trevor was a little unnerved that Malrick chose the name of their next home for the foreseeable future by randomly flipping through a dictionary, but he will admit, "Equestria" does sound nice and has a ring to it.

"So, Equestria it is then!" Trevor happily (and somewhat nervously) exclaimed.

Getting the confirmation, Malrick and Trevor stepped inside the conjuration circle as Malrick held the ticket high in the air and muttered the spell under his breath. As he did, the runic circle on the floor began to light up and everything in the room began to float, including Trevor and Malrick himself, but before Malrick completed the spell, he had one last thought cross his mind.

"Hold on, I need to do something before I go too."

"... and 4 counts of littering, is there anything else you have to say?" The Emerald Guard Captain was surprised, usually when he listed off Malrick's crimes, he would rudely interrupt him, try to blast him, or teleport away, but this time, he actually listened and even asked a few times to go more into detail. This instilled the Captain with hope that Malrick will actually turn himself in.

Unfortunately, not all hopes and dreams come true, especially when the hopes and dreams involve Malrick Roscuro.

Malrick projected his voice again as he decided he should say a farewell to the Captain.

"Yeah, there's something I would like to say: I stopped listening to you like ten minutes ago. Thanks and have a good rest of the day you piece of shit!" Malrick said happily.

When the voice spell ended, the Captain looked at the mismatched tower for a few seconds, and then yelled out in fury.

Malrick sighed in contentment as he felt like he ended things with the Emerald Guard Captain on a good note.

Trevor heard what Malrick said to the Captain and can still hear the screams of the Captain outside. Needless to say, Trevor wasn't all too surprised that Malrick replied the way he did since he lived with him for so long.

Malrick completed the incantation by loudly yelling out "EQUESTRIA!" to finish the spell. As the ticket he still held into the air burst into blue flames, the runes on the conjuration circle glowed a blinding orange light as a portal opened on the floor.

"Alright then, here we goooOOOOOOOOO!" Malrick shouted in joy as he and Trevor were being sucked through the portal, but Trevor didn't show the same enthusiasm as Malrick as he was screaming the whole time.

While going through the portal, Malrick snapped his fingers to dismiss his tower into a seperate demiplane so he could transport his home, employees, and belongings with him.

The Captain was breathing heavily after screaming for so long. A lower-ranked guard next to him looked a little concerned and wanted to check if he was okay.

"Um... sir? Are you okay? Do you still want us to-"

"YES! ARREST HIM NOW! USE ANY MEANS NECESSARY!"

"Ummm... you heard the man! Arrest him!" The guard said as he turned back to his fellow comrades.

The army gave out rambunctious shout as they all charged towards Malrick's abode. However, as they gave their battle cries, the mansion was consumed in a bright white light. The army shielded their eyes from the light and when their eyes opened again, all that was left of the house was some dust and a small piece of paper which gracefully landed on the now bare, dirt floor.

Everyone was quiet and the army looked at each other in a mixture of surprise, confusion, and rage. Then, they all shifted their gaze towards the guard Captain who was silent the whole time, staring at the now empty plot of land where the tower once was.

Suddenly, everyone's brains kicked into "self-preservation mode" as they all decided to cover their ears.

If you were quiet and listened to the wind that day, you could hear the faint screaming of a man who was unfortunate enough to have encountered Malrick Roscuro.

Malrick and Trevor were flying through the multiverse, their minds not mentally prepared for the type of travel they were experiencing. Random colors, divine light, and the void of space surrounded them as their brains tried to comprehend the multiple universes that were passing by. Time was backwards, space was upside down, and matter and energy were being created, destroyed, and changed simultaneously. This would've been a mind-melting experience and would've required an epilepsy warning at the beginning of this chapter.

If it weren't for the fact that Malrick and Trevor were traveling at five miles an hour.

So instead of an experience reminiscent of Star Trek's warp drive, it was more like a really slow panorama.

"Um... Dad, is planar travel supposed to be this slow?"

"Well, the ticket I bought wasn't a 'fast travel' one since those were VERY expensive, so I took the so called 'economy seat' of planar travel if you will."

"So... how long will this take?"

"Taking account the time of departure, our exact position in relation to the mana ley lines, the properties of our plane, and air humidity, I estimate we will arrive at our destination in... approximately nine hours."

Trevor groaned in boredom as he realized he would be spending his Saturday afternoon floating through outer space at roughly the same speed of a lawnmower.

"..."

"... In the meantime, want to play 'Sorcery the Assembling?'" Malrick asked hopefully as he pulled out a few deck-boxes.

"... Heck yeah."

Author's Note

Hey (hopefully) new reader! This was something I've thought about since late-middle school and I'm so happy that I finally have a chance to show the world the (mis)adventures of Malrick and Trevor. Though they weren't originally supposed to be in Equestria, I decided "Why the heck not?" and put them in there anyways.

Thank you for giving this random, stupid story a chance.

Remember to exist
- flub

Chapter 1: "Great" first introductions

"Truly the light is sweet, and a pleasant thing it is for the eyes to behold the sun."

— Ecclesiastes 11:7

Trevor was thinking hard for his next move, as it is crucial if he wanted to take control of the board once more, "Alright, so first I will turn my two lakes and one volcano to spawn Steam-fire elemental in offensive mode, then I will reposition my Magma frog to go behind this Rip-tide wall-"

Malrick interrupted and then started to turn a couple of his biomes, "In response, will play Forced retreat, which returns a creature back to your hand if it ever moves backwards, so I will target your frog with that and it bounces back into your hand."

Trevor smirked, Malrick played right into his hands "HA! You activated my trick card: Hunt for treasure! If a creature I own is ever returned to my hand, I can bring it back and gain 4 energies of different types! The types of energy I will get will be: Ivory, Violet, Orange, and Lime."

Malrick looked at Trevor confusingly, "What's with the different types? You're playing a Crimson and Cyan deck, why not choose those types?"

Trevor chuckled sinisterly, "Because Malrick, with this energy I can summon my Prismatic Golem! For each different energy used to spawn this guy, he gains either a plus three to power, plus three to health, or plus one to movement. Seeing as I spent six different energies to spawn this guy, I just spawned a seven power, seven health, three movement creature! And I know there's nothing you can spawn in this stage of the game that can match my-"

"I cast 'Counterspell' on the golem. He's dead"

"..."

"... So anyways, I will unturn my biomes..."

For those of you who have no idea what's going on, Malrick and Trevor are traveling REALLY slowly through realities and are passing the time by playing "Sorcery the Assembling", which I don't need to go into detail since it's one of the most played and famous games in the multiverse.

... Wait, you don't know this game? What are you a nerd?

Anyways to get back on track, Malrick and Trevor have been floating through outer space for about nine hours now, and although deep space is a beautiful sight to see (except for that one eldritch horror they passed by), even you will get bored of seeing the stars if you traveled at five miles an hour for nine hours.

Malrick was about to wipe the floor with Trevor until he noticed something in the distance, "Light! I see the light!"

"Huh, what?"

When Trevor turned around, he saw a huge portal only around a mile away that shined bright, white light. Trevor noticed that he and Malrick were picking up speed and started to go faster towards the gate.

"Alright Trevor! It's time to go towards the light at the end of the tunnel!"

"That... doesn't sound too reassuring."

"Relax, we'll be fine! We chose the destination ourselves and I'm pretty sure something like 'apocalypse' wasn't a destination preference. Besides, the angels who made this Planar ticket want to make sure we go to our correct destination because when the customer gets sent to an unknown hellscape instead of the original destination, they usually leave a bad review."

Trevor felt a little better about going into a completely unknown plane, but he was still a little nervous (like any normal person should be).

Malrick however, was completely estatic and was either oblivious or just plain ignoring the dangers that could be present with going to an unknown plane of existence.

Malrick and Trevor were very close to the portal and were feeling the gravitational power of the portal sucking them in.

"Alright Trevor, hold onto your butt 'cause here we GOOOOO!!!"

"AHHHHH!!!"

Malrick and Trevor were completely sucked into the gate and closed their eyes to shield themselves from the blinding light within the portal. They both held their breath and were excited/scared to what the future may hold for them.

Now, normally in these "Human goes to Equestria" fics, the human usually ends up in the Everfree Forest and fights a bunch of timberwolves shortly thereafter. Unfortunately, Malrick and Trevor were special cases since the only name they gave for their desired location was "Equestria", meaning that they could've ended up ANYWHERE in Equestria. They could've end up somewhere in the Ponyville or in Manehattan if they were lucky, or could've been 10,000 feet in the air or be shunted somewhere underground if they weren't. Thankfully, they didn't die immediately, otherwise this would've been a VERY short fic and fortunately for the flora and fauna, they didn't end up in the Everfree Forest either (Malrick + Forest, Forest = Trees = Flammable, I don't think I need to go into further detail).

However, if you asked the ponies of Equestria, many would agree that the place Malrick and Trevor arrived in Equestria through one of the worst ways possible.

It was early morning in Equestria and the moon was still in the sky. The sun did not rise yet and the one responsible for it was still in bed trying to get a few more minutes of sleep. Princess Celestia was lying in bed with her eyes still closed trying to get some more shut-eye before eventually waking up. Just before she decided to get out of bed, she could feel a disturbance in the air, like a subtle vibration in her bedroom. Even with her eyes closed, she suddenly saw and felt a bright, divine flash of light in her room, followed by two unknown weights that landed on her, then to top it all off, she heard what sounded like the scattering of playing cards all over the room.

She was very reluctant to open her eyes, as she didn't know what to expect. Her original assumption was that her door got opened and let light and two guards inside her room while the cards they were playing with got thrown all over the room.

She couldn't have been any more wrong.

Malrick, Trevor, and Celestia had their eyes closed at the moment but after a few seconds, they all decided to open their eyes to face what Malrick and Trevor landed on or in Celestia's case: What landed on her.

Malrick and Trevor opened their eyes first and were surprised to see a large, white horse with wings and a horn. They both knew that unicorns and pegasi existed as they have seen them before, but they never saw a horse with both a horn and wings. They also noticed that they arrived in some sort of lavish bedroom and were on top of the said large, white horse with wings and a horn.

While Trevor was silently freaking out on the prospect of being on a high-ranked member of authority, Malrick was thinking about the more important question of "I wonder how that works biologically? For that to work, they would have to be in the same genus, but pegasi are celestial creatures while unicorns are fey creatures... maybe the pegacorn was made in a lab, Frankenstein style...".

Celestia braced herself and decided to open her eyes shortly thereafter so she can see what the hell happened and what landed on her. Now imagine waking up in your bed to see a weird monkey-thing three inches from your face right on top of you, a smaller monkey-thing on top of the bigger one, and odd-looking cards scattered all over your bedroom.

Naturally, you would be freaking the fuck out.

Malrick and Celestia stared at each other for a few more seconds before Malrick decided to say something.

Now, I should sell the importance this moment right here because I think some of you don't understand the significance of the situation. This random alien appeared inside her BEDROOM and landed right on top of PRINCESS CELESTIA. You know, the ruler of this land, all-powerful alicorn, mover of the FUCKING SUN. So these next few words that will come out of Malrick's mouth will determine whether he survives another day or if his vacation will become a VERY short one.

"Hi, your hair feels nice."

Godammit.

Celestia's face went from nervous fear to utter bafflement, mostly because of the... interesting question Malrick decided to ask, but also because this random alien spoke perfect Equestrian.

"Ummm... thank you?"

"Your welcome, I do wonder how your hair flies like there's an ethereal wind around it?"

"My runoff magic escapes through my mane, making it sway and giving it its color, and now for my question: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEDCHAMBERS?!"

"Yeesh, not so loud lady... well, we chose to arrive to this place, but didn't exactly choose how to arrive here, so I could've been plane shifted a million feet up or at the center of this planet if I were really unlucky."

Celestia decided to ignore the entire "plane shifting" part for now and calmed considerably knowing that the unknown creature is being talking to her without any hostility for the time being, but just to be safe, she telekinetically grabbed both of the monkeys in a golden aura and gently lifted them off of her and suspended them a few feet in the air. This didn't bother the bigger one, in fact, he seemed to be enjoying this whole experience, the smaller one however, had a look of pure terror in his eyes. Celestia decided to say her next few words more calmly in hopes of breaking any tension in the air, "And for my next question: Who are you two?"

Malrick thought for a moment before responding, "That depends, do you want to know about who we are, what we are, or how we are?"

"I would prefer if you answered all three of those questions if you don't mind."

"Only if you agree to answer some of our own."

"Fair enough."

"Okay then, for who we are, I am Malrick Roscuro, a grandmaster swordmage who murders things for a living, and this is Trevor, my adopted son and apprentice. To answer your question of what we are, we are both male humans from the plane of Terra. Trevor is ten years old and I am 1,267 years old but also 32 years old... it's complicated," Malrick added in that last part after seeing the raised eyebrow from Celestia, "As for how we are, I'm pretty excited and happy since we haven't died yet on this plane, Trevor over here though... is trying really hard not to shit his pants, which I don't blame him for considering we're in a foreign plane and inside the bedroom of a powerful figure of authority I assume."

Even when lifted in the air, Trevor was practically shaking in fear. Celestia noticed this and tried to reassure him that she wasn't going to hurt him or his father, "Do not worry little one, we won't harm you or you father, just take a deep breath and calm down."

Initially, Trevor was breathing really fast, but over time, his breathing slowed and he became calm, "O-Okay Ms. Horse Lady, c-can you please tell us about who, what, and h-how you a-are?"

Celestia smiled and proceeded to answer Trevor's questions, "My name is Celestia. I am a female, alicorn princess who rules over the land of Equestria and I'm over a thousand years old. To answer your question of how I am, I was very nervous, confused, angry, and a bit terrified when I saw you two appear on top me in my bedroom, but right now, I am feeling much more relaxed and curious."

"Just to be clear, is an 'alicorn' a unicorn-pegasus hybrid? Was one of your parents a unicorn and the other was a pegasus or were you made in a lab?" Malrick interrupted.

Surprisingly, Celestia wasn't offended by his question at all, in fact, she was lightly chuckling at Malrick's comedic personality and odd curiosity, "An alicorn is someone who possesses all three of the pony traits: Earth Pony, Pegasus, and Unicorn. Earth ponies are stronger and have a connection with the earth, Pegasi have wings and can control the weather, and Unicorns can channel their magic through their horns. I use my unicorn magic every morning to raise the sun to begin the day and every evening to raise the moon to begin the night."

Malrick was looking at Celestia like she grew another head, "Wait, you use your magic to raise the sun and moon? Does the moon not orbit around the planet? Wouldn't that mean that the sun and moon orbit this planet? Do the sun and moon rotate because if they don't, that would imply they don't have an electromagnetic core but gravity should still take effect and have smaller things orbit around larger things so does that mean the sun is smaller than-"

Trevor decided to step in as he didn't want Malrick getting a brain aneurysm thinking about this, "Okay dad, that's enough. I'm just as confused as you are but just stop thinking about it. We're in a foreign world ruled by talking, colorful horses-"

"Ponies." Celestia corrected.

"Sorry, ruled by talking, colorful ponies so of course there will be some oddities here and there. Don't over think this."

"Are you saying that you don't want me overthinking it because I will go insane trying to find the answers to my questions?" Malrick asked.

"No, I'm afraid that you will find the answer you're looking for, thereby shattering everyone's perception of reality, remember the incident where you debunked the process of lichdom?"

Malrick was sitting in a leather couch in what looked to be the living room in his tower. He was reading a black, dusty tome that depicted many horrific scenes and a few sentences of an unknown language on the cover. He was reading out loud on the liches and how to become one.

"'A lich is someone who had transferred their soul into a vessel known as a phylactery. They are most commonly wizards who practice the dark arcane arts but anyone who is able to cast the spell can become a lich.'"

Malrick was then skimming the next few pages to find what he was looking for, "'... after transferring one's soul to the phylactery, drink the poisonous brew (created in chapter 9) to kill yourself. This last act of killing yourself ensures that you will rise as an undead with your soul still in the phylactery...'"

Malrick then was silent for a few seconds as he was deep in thought before he asked himself a simple question, "Well... what if I didn't kill myself..?"

"Trevor, I think you're just jealous that I redid a grizzly process that normally required a hundred souls of the living into a simplified version that only needs a rubik cube and a handful of trail mix to complete."

Celestia was taken aback at the fact that Malrick not only knew the secret of lichdom, but changed it so efficectively that only a puzzle-cube and a small amount of snack food was needed to cast the spell. Needless to say, Celestia was starting to get worried and began question herself on how truly powerful is Malrick?

"What's with the butt tattoo?"

Celestia thoughts were ended abruptly after Malrick posed a... unique question about pony physiology, "I'm sorry what?"

"You know, that picture of the sun on your ass." Malrick explained while pointing to her flank.

"You mean my cutie mark? They appear when a pony discovers their special talent. My cutie mark means that my talent is raising the sun everyday for my little ponies." Celestia said with a hint of pride in her voice.

"That's stupid."

Celestia raised an eyebrow, "I beg your pardon?"

"Firstly, why are the called 'Cutie marks?' Why not something cooler like Fate symbols or Destiny signs? The name 'Cutie mark' sounds like it was made by a five year old girl. And secondly (and more importantly), why does a picture on my butt determine what I'm good at and not good at? If my cutie mark was a chef's hat, would I be forced into the cooking business because I wouldn't be good at anything else? What if I originally liked drawing, would I be mediocre at drawing forever and have to give it up for something else that I don't like to do at all just because I am better at it? Sure I could still draw as a hobby, but I am forced to cook everyday because it's the best thing I can do and I have to make money somehow."

Celestia was now thinking about the question Malrick posed. She had to deal with quite a few ponies who disliked their cutie marks because of what they represented. She would tell them to embrace their cutie marks and then after a while, they would be happy and follow what their cutie mark tells them to do, but wouldn't that mean that they were forced into liking something they didn't like? Was that really the right thing to do? For the first time in a long while, Celestia was stumped.

"I... I don't know..."

Malrick sighed, "This is why people need me in their lives, I ask the questions no one else asks because if they did ask them, they wouldn't be able to fall asleep at night."

"No, you ask the questions no one else asks because you're basically insane." Trevor decided to point out.

"'Who invented the Hokey Pokey?' Is a legitimate question that needs to be answered! I'm just a very curious person, there's no shame in that!"

"Don't you know that curiosity killed the cat?"

"Does the cat have extreme strength and dexterity, insane levels of magic, obscene amounts of money, magical items left and right, and an army of animated objects?" Malrick countered.

"Well... okay I see your point." Trevor relented.

Celestia started to chuckle at the minor scuffle she saw between the father and son. So far, everything is going pretty good! Celestia hasn't seen Malrick and Trevor as threats to her kingdom and they haven't done anything stupid enough to have Celestia see them that way. Everything is fine, this chapter won't end in a disaster (and although comical, a disaster is still a disaster), and nothing bad will happ-

Celestia's laughter and smile suddenly stopped as her eyes opened in recollection, remembering a very important thing Malrick said earlier that she glossed over. Malrick and Trevor must have noticed this too, since they immediately stopped their bickering and had their eyes focused on the blank face of Celestia.

Celestia's face showed no emotion as she asked her question in a serious tone, "Malrick, what did you say earlier about murdering things for a living?"

Shit.

Malrick and Trevor slowly turned their heads to see in other, both of their faces showed fear and tension. Malrick turned to Celestia and took a deep breath before continuing, "Alright lady, there's no way to explain this lightly, so I am going to be very blunt with you. Are you mentally prepared for answers that will make you depressed, uncomfortable, and terrified at the same time?"

Celestia still didn't show any emotion on her face but she steeled herself. She slowly nodded at Malrick to indicate she was ready.

Malrick was silent for a few seconds, seemingly thinking about how to go about this, "Yes I have done really horrible things like murdering people, destroying private and public property, and beating up nerds, but I have also done really wonderful things like healing people, donating to orphanages and hospitals, and beating up nerds. I wouldn't consider myself as evil or good, just someone who would go to... extreme lengths to get the things I want. I have killed thousands of people willingly without any regret or remorse, and although thirty percent of my murders are undone since I bring those people back to life through means of resurrection, there are those who don't get the same privilege. Around ten percent of those murders were because I either hated them and wanted them dead or they were genuinely evil like a demon or something, forty percent of the murders were because they broke into my home, take my things, and then try to kill me, Trevor, and/or my servants, but more half of my overall murders are because of my job."

"And what is your job?" Celestia asked, she was leaning forward and trying to absorb all of this information.

Malrick was very uneasy as talking about his job could get him in trouble with the higher-ups, "You have lived for over a thousand years correct? I assume this means you are immortal?"

Celestia nodded, "We alicorns are immortal and though we can die, we cannot die from age."

Malrick was scrunching his face in thought as was deciding what to do in this situation, "Alright, I think I'm allowed to say this to you, but I don't want this getting out to anyone else, okay?"

Celestia closed her eyes and held her right hoof up, "As the raiser of the sun and alicorn princess of Equestria, I assure you that all information revealed to me in this room will not be revealed to anypony else." Celestia swore.

Malrick calmed down a little and braced himself for the inevitable 'WHAT?!' he was going to receive, "I work for a God of Death." He stated VERY bluntly.

"WHAT?!" Celestia was taken aback at the very unexpected answer she received. She had originally thought Malrick was an assassin or a crime boss, but working for the literal personification of DEATH was a completely different job than what she had in mind.

"Yeah, I mean, it's a pretty good job, it pays well, nine sick days a year, having a closer relationship with some of the more powerful, divine creatures of the multiverse which many other corporations don't give to their employees, and of course free dental because free dental is always important when working in a company, if you ask me, the best jobs are the ones who can provide free dental like dentists and-"

"YOU'VE MET THE GOD OF DEATH AND YOU WOULD RATHER TALK ABOUT FREE DENTAL?!" Celestia screamed out loud at the fact that Malrick has met one of the most powerful universal entities known throughout ponykind and said it like it was nothing, yet he will ramble on at the prospect of free dental of all things.

"HEY! The most important thing one could have is a good smile! And just to correct you, there are MANY different Gods of Death, I just work for A God of Death. On a different note, I have met many other Gods in my life like the God of Life, Magic, Storms, Light, and a couple others. I should also probably mention that I've 'gotten rid of' a few Gods, but only because they were evil and most of the pantheons wanted them gone, so I did their jobs for them so I can brag about how I'm better at their jobs than they are."

Celestia's left eye began to twitch as her poor alicorn brain was short-circuiting because it was trying to process the amount of power Malrick truly had. Now, what happened next was a combination of fear, xenophobia, panic, and waking up very abruptly (you would be very calm if an alien landed on you and made polite conversation immediately after you woke up), so please do not fault Celestia on this. She is still a wonderful pony and you would react similarly too if a random alien who can perfectly speak your language appeared on your bed one day while you were sleeping.

"GUARDS!"

The moment she yelled out that word, about twenty royal guards rushed in her room. They were all very surprised and confused at seeing both Malrick and Trevor, not to mention the hundred or so cards scattered throughout the room. However, when they saw the two monkeys held up with Celestia's magic, they all automatically assumed that these aliens tried to rob, kill, and/or do something VERY M-Rated to Celestia which, I'm not allowed to say since I do not want to put an additional tag to this story. Ready to protect their ruler, they all aimed their spears towards the two floating aliens.

Trevor was verbally freaking out and trying to get out of Celestia's telekinetic grasp by violently wiggling in the air which, of course, did not work. Malrick on the other hand, was about to comment on how bad of an idea it was to point their spears towards him and Trevor but before he could do so, Celestia wanted to explain her actions.

"Do not worry, you two are not in trouble, I am just taking cautious measures so we can learn more about your histories and your abilities. You both will have room and board in the castle and may request anything to make your stay more comfortable." Celestia said while looking a bit guilty after calling in her guards.

Trevor let out a huge breath of relief realizing he wasn't going to be jailed or executed.

Malrick wanted to change that.

"Celestia, I will probably do everything in my power to escape this castle, so if you want us to stay here, you are going to have to make us."

The guards glared at Malrick for not only referring to their ruler without the title of 'Princess', but also because he outright said he will try to escape even after Celestia was kind enough to give them a place to live in the castle. Celestia however, had a devilish grin that contained a hint of amusement, "Oh? You will try to escape the castle unless I make you stay here?"

Malrick had a challenging grin on his face, "That's right, and I believe that there is nothing you can do that can keep us contained."

Now Celestia had the same grin towards Malrick, "Challenge accepted."

Something shattered within Trevor that day.

Somewhere under Canterlot castle is a gray, cubical, stone room that contained two hairless apes. The smaller one was shackled there with only one cuff and chain on his leg while the larger one had every possible measure against him to prevent escape. He was chained with extremely powerful shackles that can never break and also prevent teleportation, several anti-magic rings on his fingers, and was even turned to stone. The smaller ape was sitting there with a scowl on his face as he was put there in the same room as the larger ape because SOMEBODY said he would've destroyed the city otherwise. The aforementioned larger ape had a confident smirk on his face even though his body was turned to rock.

"So... how long did it take until I got in trouble with royalty this time?" Malrick telepathically said to Trevor.

"About ten minutes." Trevor said with venom in his voice.

"... NEW RECORD!" Malrick exclaimed happily.

Trevor sighed loudly then smacked his face with both of his hands and let them slide down slowly, today was going to be a LONG day.

Chapter 2: Dungeons & Dragons

"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

— Joshua 24:15

"So... why are you still mad at me?" Malrick telepathically asked.

"Because Dad, if it weren't for your big mouth, we would've been in a regular room and not bound in chains!" Trevor sneered at Malrick.

"Relax Trevor, I would have never agreed to being so heavily bound by Celestia unless I know I can get out of this."

"WHAT ABOUT ME?! WHY WAS I BOUND?!" Trevor screamed.

"I told Celestia I wanted you slightly chained just to prevent you from helping my escape, plus I can use this moment to teach you about the deconstructive aspects of transmutative magic."

Trevor took a big, long sigh because even though he's lived with Malrick for over three years, he still does things that many people would deem "incredibly stupid" or "insane", and no amount of time will ever change that.

"Fine Dad, I forgive you, but how the heck are you going to get out of this? You can't use magic, you can't teleport, and you're turned to stone which makes all mobility impossible."

Malrick lightly chuckled, "It's the power of the mind over the flesh, how do you think I'm talking to you right now without opening my mouth and saying the words?"

"My brain cracked back in the bedroom and now I'm hearing voices because I've gone insane?" Trevor said with a blank face.

"Not yet, but no. I'm telepathically talking to you through means of psionics. Basically I'm transfering energy through my brain. Best of all, this act of communication requires zero magic! So even though telepathy by magic is much more powerful and efficient, I can use this even when unconscious or in a dead-magic zone!"

"Dad, that's great and all, but how is talking to me gonna get you out of there? I can't help you as I am also shackled." Trevor said while shaking his leg a little, making his chains rattle a bit.

"Who said psionics can only be used for telepathy?" Malrick smugly replied.

After a few seconds, Trevor watched in surprise as the anti-magic rings around Malrick's fingers began to slowly wiggle free from his fingers, each of them dropping to the floor.

Trevor looked at Malrick's unmoving from with wide eyes, "You did all that without magic?!"

"Yeah, I did, but these chains will be harder to remove as they are much more anchored to me. I would normally teleport away or disintegrate these chains, but these particular set of chains prevent me from teleporting and they can't be easily destroyed or broken down. Thankfully, I have a solution to this problem."

"What are you going to do?" Trevor asked in awe.

"This." Malrick simply replied. The moment he did, the chains gained a small purple aura as they began to wiggle a little before staying still once more. Trevor was a little confused at what Malrick did, but he was going to explain himself.

"Alright, I think I need to say this audibly for this to work." Malrick said out loud, transferring his voice echoing around the room.

"Hey, chains, buddy, you know I gave life to you and all, so can you please loosen yourself and let me free?"

Now, if you were an outsider in all of this, you would think Malrick is more insane than he already is, but one thing I forgot to mention about Malrick's skill set is his aptitude for bringing inanimate things to life. Suits of armor, piles of rocks, dead bodies, and even different kinds of energies are some of the many things he can bring life to, making them move on their own with a degree of sentience. In fact, it isn't too rare to see a walking table, a skeletal butler, or a living lightning bolt in his tower. Unfortunately, the chains don't seem to budge as they were focused on keeping the "prisoner" bound.

"Come on, I gave you the ability to think and move on your own! You should at least pay me back in kind!" Malrick pleaded.

"..."

"I did something for you now you should do something for me. Isn't that how 'tit for tat' works?"

"..."

"I'll... get you nachos?"

The moment he said that, the chains began to slither downwards and unwrap themselves from Malrick. They moved to one of the corners of the room and started to bob up and down happily, seemingly excited at the prospect of nachos. Trevor watched this spectacle with surprise and confusion.

"You bribed the animated chains with nachos?"

"Of course I did, food is one of the best ways to diffuse tension and bribe people. Besides, who doesn't like nachos? Now then, time to break free from this stone prison."

Trevor watched as the statue of Malrick began to slightly move and crack, scattering chips of rock and dust throughout the room. Slowly, but surely, the rock containing him began to fully break and released a very sore Malrick.

"Ack! Being turned to stone is so uncomfortable! I can't believe people can live through that for years on end! Not even someone as big of an asshole as me would subject someone through that."

Trevor looked at Malrick and was VERY impressed, he managed to break though something that seemed impossible to break out of, and yet, he did it in about thirty seconds! Trevor started to think about his apprenticeship with Malrick and wondered if he will be able to do cool things like that in the future.

"Trevor, you won't be able to do these things in the future because you can do them already. You have all of the tools, you just have to use them." Malrick telepathically said.

"Wait... you can read minds?!" Trevor thought back to Malrick .

"Well of course I can! How do you think I know exactly what to get on your birthday?" Malrick responded.

"And exactly what ticks me off?" Trevor replied bitterly.

Trevor was navigating his maze-like house as Malrick wanted to show him something on the eighth floor.

"Man, I wonder what Malrick wanted to show me, I just got finished watching a really scary movie on bugs so I hope it isn't anything bug related." Trevor thought.

As he arrived on the eighth floor, an animated suit of armor guided him towards a door that Trevor couldn't recall ever being there. As he neared the door, Malrick appeared around the corner and faced Trevor with a grin.

"Hey Trevor! How have you been doing?"

"Um.. pretty good? Why did you bring me here?"

"Well, I just made a new room in the tower and I want you to go inside with me so we can test it out."

"Um... okay?"

Malrick reached forward and twisted the doorknob. and slowly opened the door. Inside was a quaint little room with a wood floor a few wooden chairs and a large, stone table. There was a flower vase on the table and a nice carpet in the center of the room. There were a few paintings of different landscapes on the walls and a curtained window which showed some nice forested mountains.

All in all, it was a nice room. Too nice of a room...

"Alright, what's the catch?" Trevor asked.

"There's no catch, it's just a regular room without anything scary. It's the best fake-out don't you think?" Malrick replied.

Trevor was very doubtful that the room wasn't trapped in some way, but he slowly relented and sat on one of the wooden chairs in the room, to which Malrick followed suit.

"So Trevor, how's the room?"

"It's... nice."

"Hey, can I ask you something? Just like a personal question."

"Um, sure?"

"Do you like spiders?"

The moment he said that, literally everything in the room started to collapse into spiders. The chairs, the table, the paintings, the floor, the window, and even the air they were breathing started to break into piles of spiders. Trevor screamed and ran towards the door, but to his horror, as soon as he touched the doorknob, the entire door scuttled away as the spiders making up the door crawled all along the walls.

Trevor then promptly blacked out.

"Okay, I'm going to be 100% honest, I didn't read your mind back then. I just wanted to show you a room I made that can collapse into spiders." Malrick replied.

"Yeah sure..." Trevor coldly said, but the thing about Malrick that Trevor knew all too well is that you can never tell if he's lying, telling the truth, or saying something completely random without any thought put into it whatsoever.

"Well, you're still chained to the wall, so I can't do much until you get yourself out." Malrick said as he pointed to the chain that held Trevor's ankle to the wall.

"So... how do I get out?" Trevor inquired.

"Don't know, don't care, teleporting, disintegrating, oxidizing, slashing, bludgeoning, freezing, dissolving, melting... there are many different ways you can get out of those chains Trevor."

Trevor looked at the chains that held him. They weren't special by any means, no enchantments placed upon them and it seemed to be made out of iron, "Hmm... how about this?"

Trevor raised his hand in the air and slowly muttered an incantation. Blue energy gathered at his hand which he fired toward himself. The moment the beam struck him, he shrunk down in size considerably, easily slipping his leg out of the manacle that bound him.

"Reducing huh? That was quite unexpected." Malrick noted.

A few seconds after Trevor freed himself, he quickly grew back to his normal size, "Hey, that wasn't as hard as I thought it was!" Trevor said mostly to himself.

"You don't know how bad something truly is until you experience it yourself." Malrick sagely said. He looked around the room until he saw a barred door on one of the walls. "So we could leave right now... but I think Celestia would go into a panic if the overpowered alien was loose in her kingdom..."

"So, what do we do?" Trevor asked.

"Until she gets back, we make ourselves comfortable..." Malrick said with a chuckle as wispy, purple energy came out of his hands.

Celestia was walking down the stairs towards the dungeons with a group of guards. The Canterlot dungeons haven't been used in over twenty years, but they were still in top condition. Celestia was going to check on Malrick and Trevor in the dungeons as she wanted them to be released so they could talk with her. She doesn't know where they came from, why they came, or even the full extent of Malrick's abilities, so she decided it was for the best if she could gain this information through a friendly discussion.

"Maybe I was too harsh with the amount of measures to prevent Malrick's escape, but he did insist on me 'doing my worst' to contain him..." Celestia thought.

She chuckled a little bit as she was facing the door to the room that contained Malrick and Trevor, "Although, I shouldn't worry too much, he did agree to me doing this, plus, it should be impossible to break out of those bindings. I don't think there could be any way for Malrick too esca-"

When she opened the door, she saw a very escaped Malrick and a very escaped Trevor inside of a larger room that wasn't the stone dungeon it originally was. It was a very nice room with red walls, a white ceiling and baseboards, and a dark brown, wooden floor. Malrick and Trevor were sitting in leather recliners sipping on what looked to be cranberry juice in crystal glasses. Trevor was reading some sort of comic book while Malrick was reading a newspaper titled "The Daily Divine" which contained a bunch on unknown languages written all over the paper.

However, everything else in the room was a combination of random and weird. There was a large wooden table with human legs instead of wooden legs, long, rattling chains that were resting on a pillow in the corner while nacho chips were being grabbed and absorbed into it, and different paintings all over the room, some depicting Malrick and Trevor, others landscapes, and one which showed gruesome scenes of human violence.

On the floor, there was a tall lantern made out of stitched up flesh and bone, a fireplace where instead of a fire, was a huge block of black ice which somehow radiated heat, a large aquarium with pebble flooring, aquatic plants, and a little note which read "WNT 2 GO 2 THE BTHRM, BRB - Eels" inside it, a doormat which read "Shut Up" near the entryway, a grandfather clock where instead of numbers on the face were nine letters that spelled out "CRAZY TIME", a terracotta pot which housed a tall, blood red cactus which had many arms that grew in unnatural directions, and a large, grand piano that had frantic eyes on the sides which rapidly looked every which way and a row of pointed, yellowish teeth on the lid with it's tongue rolled out on the side.

On the table was a globe that had a few arrows sticking out of it with a bloody message on the wall near the globe that read "I shot an arrow in the air", a flower vase that contained a living squirrel that scurried in and out, a teacup that was shaped like a watering can with a few cups that looked like flower pots, a mostly completed puzzle of a castle inside a forest that had a lot of connected pieces that were shoved in incorrect places with a message written in marker on the puzzle saying "Don't follow the rules, create your own world", and a gramophone that had a human mouth in the horn that opened and closed in accordance with the ballet music it was playing.

Basically, just think of a bunch of random shit and that's a pretty good image of what's in the room.

When Malrick and Trevor acknowledged Celestia was there with a group of guardsponies, she had a face of utter bafflement. Whether it was because of their escape or the new room, they couldn't tell.

After a few seconds of VERY awkward silence, Malrick decided to break it, "Just so you know, I animated the chains that were use to bind me, so just keep that in mind when I give them back. Also just as an FYI, the next time you imprison me, make sure you put a lead helmet that's at least one inch thick on me."

Yeah, maybe not the best thing to say right now...

"HOW DID YOU ESCAPE?!" Celestia hollered in confusion. The guards that were with her wanted to ask the same thing but were too busy with covering their ears in pain after hearing the Royal Canterlot Voice near point-blank.

"I did something called T H E B I G T H I N K." Malrick said with a loud echo near the end.

"AND WHAT'S WITH THE ROOM?!"

"I got loads of magic and I'm lazy, what do you think? As for the random crap around the room... to be honest, I don't know, sometimes people give me their junk and other times I go seeking for it. It makes me feel... important..." Malrick mused.

Celestia breathed in and out multiple times to calm herself before speaking once more, "I need both of you to come with me."

Malrick raised an eyebrow, "Why..?"

"So we may exchange information about each other. This will help me determine the extent of your abilities and learn more about you and your world."

"So an interrogation?"

"More like a Q&A."

"Hmm... sure, why not?" Malrick shrugged.

Celestia smiled, "Alright, may you please come with me to a more private room?"

"Why not here? It's a pretty nice and private room and it's much closer than whatever room you have in mind. Don't worry I won't harm you, that wouldn't make me a very hospitable man now would it?" Malrick added in that last part after seeing worry on the faces of the guards.

"Malrick didn't do anything harmful to anypony in the hour or so he's been in Equestria and he could've easily ran away from Canterlot Castle after escaping, but he chose to stay instead." Celestia thought.

"Alright, I suppose I we can talk in this room." Celestia said while still smiling.

Malrick and Trevor flashed smiles of their own, but as soon as Malrick turned to face the squad of guardsponies, he faced another dilemma, "Um... since this is going to be a private conversation between me, Trevor, and you, they are going to have to stay outside." Malrick said as he pointed to the guards.

"We have to stay with the Princess to make sure she is safe from the likes of you." One of the male guardspony retorted.

Malrick sighed and decided he wasn't going to to hold out his thoughts any longer, "Alright, I'm going to be brutally honest here: Your existence will mean nothing if me and Celestia duel. All of you guys combined do not have enough power to match up with her and DEFINITELY not enough power to match up with me. Even if every royal guard were here, you guys couldn't even give me anything worse than a nosebleed. You will all likely die from the crossfire between the battle of me and her, so if you value your life, just... DON'T."

The guardspony sputtered, "B-But, we have to be with the Princess at all-"

"It's either stay outside or get turned into furniture, I won't mind if you choose the latter." Malrick said while his left hand crackled with foul transmutative power.

Celestia didn't want to find out if Malrick could do something like that, so she turned to her guards, "Don't worry, I will be fine. He had many opportunities to escape or harm me and yet he didn't, so please trust him for a little while?" Celestia said sweetly.

After a few seconds, the guardsponies relented, "Okay your majesty, we will stand outside of the room, but please be careful."

Celestia nodded and walked into the room, a few moments later, the door magically closed behind her.

When Celestia walked into the room, she noticed that Malrick had somehow conjured an additional leather recliner for her in the short time she wasn't looking. She was grateful for his hospitality, but she had to know something first.

"Why did you threaten my guards in such a manner?" Celestia asked.

"Because back where I lived, violence was the only way to make people do what I want." Malrick muttered grimly.

"You could've asked nicely."

"Try being nice to a group of weirdos who break into your home five times a week to wreck your shit and try to kill you. After the twentieth break-in, I gave up being nice to them since they just wouldn't listen."

Celestia was about to say something else, but Malrick asked something else of importance, "What do you want to drink? I have ordinary things like water, tea, and coffee, other things like soda, juice, and seltzer, I have all sorts of alcohol like ale, wine, and even cocktails, and more interesting things like lava, hydrochloric acid, and liquid space."

Celestia tilted her head, "Liquid space?"

"Liquid space it is then!"

"Wait, no, I was just-"

Malrick then grabbed the teapot and started pouring out a liquid that was black with dots of white. There were blue and purple nebulae swirling around the cup with a few larger, red colored giants. It was a beautiful sight all contained in a cup.

But beauty to the eye does not always translate to the touch, much less to the stomach.

She looked inside the cup in astonishment before carefully sliding the cup away from her as far as possible. Malrick was a bit confused on why she requested Liquid space for her to push it away, but was also a bit relieved that she didn't drink it.

"I'm really glad you didn't drink that, I know you're immortal and all, but I'm pretty sure ingesting something with the temperature of 2.7 Kelvin will give you some serious indigestion."

Celestia stared at the cup for a little while in slight fear before Malrick snapped his fingers and made the cup disappear, "Would you like something else to drink perhaps?"

Celestia smiled, "Just some tea please?"

"Okay, what kind?"

"... Surprise me." Celestia said confidently.

Malrick gave a light-hearted chuckle before pouring the teapot once more into a new cup, the liquid that poured out was a translucent, blue liquid. When Malrick finished pouring the tea, he levitated the cup towards Celestia, who had her horn glow a golden light as a yellow aura wrapped around the cup as she picked it up in her grasp. The moment her tongue touched the beverage as she took an apprehensive sip, her eyes started to dilate as her pupils grew three times larger with a sparkle in her eyes. The tea had a taste reminiscent of hibiscus mixed with lime and strawberries. A few seconds later, she immediately downed the tea in one go. Malrick and Trevor laughed out loud while Celestia blushed embarrassingly.

"It's good tea isn't it? The flowers used to make it only grow in certain conditions on the plane of Elysium. They are very hard to come by, but I have a private garden on the plane so they are much more available to me." Malrick explained as he poured another cup.

Celestia's eyes widened in shock, "Elysium?! As in the Blessed Fields?! The four layers of paradise?! The pony afterlife?!"

Malrick's eyes began to widen as well, "You know about Elysium? I guess that means some known planes are connected to here." Malrick said with a hint of worry, "As for what you said earlier, that's the place where ponies go for the afterlife?"

Celestia recovered from her shock and nodded, "That's right, it's the place where all ponies go to when they die."

"Hmm... we'll talk about afterlives at another time since it may take us a while to discuss... Hey Trevor! Is there anything you'd like to say to Celestia?"

Trevor, who has been mostly quiet throughout this whole ordeal, jumped a bit when Malrick called him out, "Not really... actually, Ms. Celestia, what did you do with all of those cards that were scattered all over your bedroom when we arrived?"

Celestia chuckled in mild amused at Trevor's childish ways, "You can refer to me as Celestia Trevor, as for the cards, some of the unicorn mages have them and are currently experimenting with them. They are laced with all sorts of magic and are very well-protected. However, what's interesting is that a researcher from Neighpon saw that the card text changed to Neighbonese for her while everyone else perceived the text as Equestrian."

"Yeah, there is some illusion magic mixed in the cards that changes the language of the words to the most proficient language of the reader. It's how those wizards make a killing on those cards." Malrick explained.

Malrick suddenly leaned forward with a dark look in his eyes. The light in the room seemed to dim and the air grew cold, "Are there any cards that were damaged or destroyed?"

Celestia was surprised at how dark Malrick's tone went, but she remained unfazed, "No, all of the cards are still in mint condition as they were."

Malrick then exhaled and visibly relaxed as he sunk back in his chair, "Whew! I was so worried you guys damaged our cards. They are all pretty expensive, one card costs around a silver piece... one silver is enough to buy an a pound of iron by the way." Malrick added in that last part as he realized that Equestrians probably don't use the same type of currency like he does. Normal people would see this as a problem, but over the years, Malrick has found a very general rule of economics in the multiverse: Every intelligent race likes gold to some extent, so it can always be used to trade for goods and services.

Celestia was sipping her tea until she took a sideways glance at the piano and how it was staring directly at her. It was starting to creep her out as the usually manic eyes were looking at her eyes like they were trying to burn a hole into her soul. Malrick must have noticed this as he gave a smile towards Celestia and calmly spoke, "Don't worry about the piano, it's just very curious. It is very well-behaved and hasn't tried to eat anyone... except for that one time." Malrick said as his smile faded near the end.

This did NOT calm Celestia, "I'm sorry what?"

Malrick scratched his head, "Something about a plumber inside a ghost mansion? I can't recall... I remember getting that piano from a group of spherical ghosts saying something about a painting portal that's a gateway to a demiplane and how this plumber was jumping through them to save the princess of a bunch of mushroom people from an evil turtle man? It was a VERY weird day and I am not sure if I was drunk or not..."

Now Celestia and Trevor were both confused on not only the origins of this piano but how when Malrick said the word 'plumber', the piano closed its eyes and its lid, making it look like a regular, old piano.

Malrick clapped his hands as he was ready to truly start the Q&A. The clap got the attention of both Malrick and Trevor as they faced a happy, grinning Malrick, "Well then, anything you want to know princess?" Malrick inquired.

Celestia smiled as she began to ask the first of many questions.

About thirty or so minutes passed with Celestia, Malrick, and Trevor in the room. They talked about geography, politics, magic, and preferred ice cream flavors (of course they talked about it, it's important information) among other things.

The guards outside were starting to get worried since Celestia has been in there for a good while now without any updates.

"What's taking her so long?" one of the guardsponies said.

"We haven't got any updates from the princess." said another.

"M-Maybe she d-died!" a guardsmare nervously stuttered.

"That's ridiculous, Celestia wouldn't lose to a battle to that thing!" One of the stallions exclaimed, albiet a bit nervously too.

"So what if they're both locked in a battle!"

"But wouldn't she have already won?"

"But she hasn't!"

"Then we need to go in there and help her!"

The royal guards all looked at each other with paranoid glances. Malrick already mentioned that he wouldn't harm Celestia and that if they were to fight they should run the fuck away instead, but when someone important to you is seemingly in danger, you forget about reason and do REALLY brave and/or stupid things.

On the count of three, the four of them all barged down the door to see the terrifying sight of-

"So I unturn my biomes at the start of my turn?" Celestia asked.

"Yeah, and you also draw a card and do the effect any items that trigger at the beginning of your turn-"

Malrick's head slowly turned to the left with an audible creaking sound. He showed an unnaturally wide smile which showed many pointed, white teeth as he faced the guardsponies. His white scleras of his eyes turned blood red as his pupils began to expand to the size of quarters, covering his brown irises. His eyelids lost their eyelashes and replaced them with small, white teeth, making his eyes look like two additional mouths.

Even though Malrick's mouth was closed, he still somehow managed to speak in an echoing, demonic voice, "And what did I say about staying outside?"

After seeing Celestia unharmed and Malrick's horrifying face (rude), the guardsponies decided to quickly slam the door shut.

Malrick's face turned back to normal as he faced Celestia once again. Celestia was in shock after seeing this terrifying transformation of his while Trevor had an eyebrow raised, not really reacting after seeing this display of... something.

"What was that?" Celestia asked in a quiet voice.

"Sorry about that, I just let the scary side of me blink in for a bit on accident." Malrick said a little embarrased.

"He uses it when he doesn't want to fight trespassers but still want them to get off of his property" Trevor explained.

"... Out of curiousity, what would've happened if they decided to stay?" Celestia asked.

"I they decided to stay, I would've done something very... illegal." Malrick said with the demonic echo coming back near the end.

"..."

"What? All I asked of them was to not enter the room while we were talking and they entered the room while we were talking. I get very irked when people don't do the simple things I ask of them."

"..."

"I wouldn't have killed them, I would've just turned them into furniture for a few minutes. I said I would do that in the beginning of the discussion remember? Besides, I'm pretty sure you and guardponies' friends and family would be very sad of their passing if I had killed them."

Celestia was very surprised that someone as violent, powerful, and utterly random as Malrick would have thought about the consequences of their actions, "You think about how others would be affected by a death you caused?"

"Not as much if it's a death that's caused because of my job, but yeah. Why do you think the first thing I say to those I'm about to fight is remind them about how much their friends and family would miss them? Before any major fighting starts, I tell them about how much their death will affect those around them and give them the opportunity to leave my house peacefully. Sure it works only about ten percent of the time, but I can say that at least I tried." Malrick said with a shrug at the end.

Celestia was silent as the new information of Malrick's considerate nature soaked in. After a few seconds of processing, she started to smile so brightly that Malrick swore she radiated light and brightened up the room considerably.

"I can't tell you how happy I am that someone of your power has so much compassion running through your heart." Celestia said while still smiling brightly. Malrick was a little confused on why Celestia was so happy that he shared pre-existing information to his opponents while Trevor started to smile as well as Celestia's happiness was extremely infectious.

"Umm... thanks? It's very uncommon for me to get praise so I don't know exactly how to react to it."

Celestia chuckled a little at Malrick's apparent discomfort at getting a compliment, "You know, we've discussed much in terms of our worlds, but we never talked about our own lives and stories."

Malrick seemed to tense a little at the hearing of that, "Yeah, I really don't like talking about my life, even more so now since unlike this world, my backstory isn't all sunshine and rainbows..."

Celestia's smile fell a little, "You know, even though I rule a kingdom of little ponies, my life story isn't all too happy either." Celestia replied.

"I assure you, whatever your tragedy is, it will pale in comparison to mine... but let's not talk about that yet. I'll tell you all about my life at a later date since this discussion went longer than I thought." Malrick said while looking at the grandfather clock in the room.

Celestia was a little confused why Malrick was looking at the clock that read 'CRAZY TIME', but still nodded in confirmation, "I suppose you're right. We can end the conversation here... but can we talk about one more thing?"

"What?"

"Can you finish teaching me how to play Sorcery the Assembling?"

Malrick and Trevor looked at each other in surprise, then smiled in realization: They will be getting a new opponent soon.

Malrick and Trevor were walking through the halls of Canterlot Castle. After explaining the rules to Celestia and playing a few practice matches, they decided to leave the room. The guradsponies were still waiting outside and may or may not have shit their metaphorical pants a little after seeing Malrick, but Malrick (after much encouragement from Celestia) apologized to them and promised that he will not kill them unless his job requires it.

It didn't quell their fears.

It was about two hours since the whole landing on Celestia thing in happened in the morning, so it is currently early afternoon. After the Q&A, Malrick and Trevor wanted to explore the castle, so after a little convincing and promise that nothing won't be destroyed, Celestia allowed them to wander around while she attended to her princess duties. She also asked the castle staff help guide them around and find their way back (which Malrick didn't need since he could just find locations, objects, and people/ponies through means of divination magic).

After a few turns, a set of stairs, and a no-clip here and there, Malrick and Trevor ended up in the Canterlot Castle Library, a grand and beautiful collection of thousands upon thousands of books. Where the most studious and powerful unicorns go to study magic perfected by great mages such as Star Swirl the Bearded, the most important-

"OW! FUCK! What the hell was that?!" Malrick screamed as a thick and heavy book fell right on his head. Trevor jumped at the loud and unexpected yelling while a chorus of shushes in the library from ponies who wanted quiet in the library. The ponies then started to stare in surprise, curiosity, and a little fear as they realized that there are non-pony things are in the library. Malrick didn't notice this though as he didn't take too kindly being shushed, he snapped his fingers which conjured a textbook above any shushing ponies' head, which resulted in loud yelps of pain throughout the library.

"Shhh! Quiet in the library please!" Malrick said obnoxiously, receiving a few glares from some ponies, "Yeah, hurts doesn't it?!" Malrick said spitefully.

"You know, you didn't have to do that." Trevor said.

"I didn't, but I did so anyways." Malrick replied. When he looked up to find the perpetrator who dropped the book on him, he saw a small, purple lizard on top of a ladder trying to balance a stack of heavy books, "For the sake of my head and your back, let me help you with that." He raised a hand as the books were telekinetically picked up and levitated safely to the ground. The lizard watched in surprise and awe as he saw this unknown creature do magic with a flick of a wrist.

"Thanks for that!" the lizard replied.

"How come you aren't running away in fear like most of the ponies were doing in the hallways?" Malrick asked quizzically.

"When you are the only dragon in Canterlot, you get a few looks here and there as well, so I didn't want to extend the same courtesy to another non-pony when I have experienced the same amount of mistrust and fear."

Malrick almost completely lost it on the prospect of this large gecko being a dragon, but he managed to hold it in and started smiled at the maturity of this... dragon (he'll get used to it).

"Hey! What's your name?" Malrick asked.

"I'm Spike the Dragon! Twilight Sparkle's best friend and number one assistant!" Spike replied.

Malrick turned his head sideways a little, "Twilight who now?"

Right on cue, a lavender unicorn with indigo hair, purple eyes, and a star cutie mark turned the corner while still rubbing her head (probably from the book Malrick conjured a few seconds ago), "Spike? Who are you talking to? Did you get those books for-"

This is Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Celestia and soon-to-be Element of Magic looking at... whatever Malrick is supposed to be (she doesn't know yet). Now, Malrick didn't have a good first impression with almost anypony in Equestria so far, but maybe after the first twenty or so failures, he'll be able to learn from his mistakes and introduce himself properly to somepony.

"So, what's with the slave?"

Yeah, remember what I said about hopes and dreams that involve Malrick in some way in the Prologue?

Chapter 3: Discussions regarding racism, slavery, and taxes

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

— 2 Corinthians 3:17

I think many of you already know this, but Equestria is a wonderful place. It's a place where magic exists, the air is clean, the economy is great as everypony is employed and working a job they enjoy, wars are basically unheard of, and everpony is happy all the time. There's a reason why "Human in Equestria" stories are so plentiful and popular, it's because Equestria is, sadly, a MUCH better place than "Shit-outta-luck three" (Sol III, i.e. Earth). Many humans who end up in Equestria comment on how wonderful the place is as they enjoy their lives being friends with the Mane 6 as they live in Ponyville. Now, with all this in mind, where did we last leave off?

Oh, I remember!

"So, what's with the slave?"

The lavender pony who was initially curious of this monkey-man suddenly backed away in shock as her eyes (which are normally the size of tea saucers) grew into full dinner plates at this random and highly insulting question.

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"Wow, this is going off to a great start." Trevor muttered as he facepalmed.

"You heard me correctly: what's with the slave? It's a pony dominated society, he's the only dragon here, and he isn't held in high regard considering he's your assistant, I mean, come on it's pretty obvious." Malrick replied.

"SPIKE ISN'T MY SLAVE!" Purple horse screamed at White man (his skin color is pale white, I said it in the prologue. This sentence isn't racist considering I didn't say anything that insulted any white peoples. I just had to say this to make sure I don't get a dislike or something).

The library started to loudly shush them because Purple horse said something over thirty decibels. Malrick didn't want to deal with the constant shushing as he can tell this will be a very loud conversation, so after a hand motion and some words towards the ponies, he turned his head back to Purple horse.

"Just to let you know, I just casted a Mass Deafening spell on all of the ponies here, basically we can scream as much as we want and they can't hear us. Now where were we... so you said he isn't your slave, but you didn't say anything about being anotherpony's slave."

Purple horse, who would’ve normally had her mouth open in awe at the display of powerful magic instead took a deep breath and replied calmly, "Spike is my number one assistant. He is nopony’s slave, nor is anypony in Equestria a slave as slavery is strictly forbidden. What you said was very disrespectful to me and Spike and I request that you apologize."

But Malrick pressed on, "Do you pay him?"

Purple horse scratched the back of her head with a hoof, "Um... well, I don’t pay him any wages if that’s what you’re asking... BUT I TAKE CARE OF HIM!" she screamed out that last part.

"...So you’re like his mother? How would that even work?" Malrick said that last part under his breath.

"Well, I did hatch him as part of my entrance exam to the School of Gifted Unicorns." Purple horse said with pride.

"Yeah... that doesn't make it any better... in fact, I'm pretty sure you just made this worse."

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE!" Purple horse screamed (again).

"Oh yeah, names and all that. I'm Malrick, master swordmage, human, not from this plane, grim servant of death, and professional bowling champion three years running among other things, and over there is Trevor, my apprentice and adopted son." Malrick said as he pointed to Trevor who looked like he would rather be anywhere else right now.

Purple horse (last time I promise) was very surprised on the fact that this... human came from another universe entirely, but she didn't think too hard on it and just introduced herself , "My name is Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Princess Celestia-"

"Personal student? Celestia never told me about that!" Malrick interrupted.

"Wait, you've met Princess Celestia?!" Twilight yelled out in surprise, but Malrick didn't seem to hear or care.

"Hold that thought, I'm going to talk to her about this!"

"But isn't the Princess in her day cour-"

But her words reached deaf ears as Malrick quickly opened a palm above the ground as gray smoke quickly shot out of his hand. In the blink of an eye a large plume of smoke puffed out and covered Malrick. When the smoke dispersed a few seconds later, Malrick was no where to be seen.

There was an awkward silence between Twilight, Trevor, and Spike.

"... Does he always act like this?" Twilight asked Trevor.

"He's not acting, he really is like this..." Trevor replied with an annoyed sigh.

Celestia was sitting on top of her throne listening to a rather snobish noblepony. She was in the middle of her morning duties and it was boring. She was crossing her... hooves? That something interesting would happen, but until then...

"-and that's why us nobleponies should get a fifteen percent tax reduction." said the noblepony.

Celestia nodded with a smile, but in the inside, her brain was thinking something along the lines of this:

"Please, Please, Please, PLEASE let there be something to interrupt this pony. He's been going on for over forty minutes now and I would rather deal with ANYTHING else than him, heck, even a surprise dentist appointment, just somepony, ANYPONY other than-"

And just like that, God had answered her prayers.

She felt a huge mass suddenly appear within her hair as a cloud of ash and smoke puffed up from behind her. It was unusually heavy for a pony and nopony would be stupid and/or insane enough to just suddenly appear in Celestia's mane... except...

"Wait... I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT-"

"AY! What's a crack-a-lackin big smackin?!" Malrick said with utter glee.

Celestia slowly turned to look behind and sure enough, Malrick's head was sticking out of her mane.

"Hello, Malrick..." Celestia said in a low voice.

"Hi Celly-Belly! Can you just explain to me something real quick? Afterwards, I'll be right out of your hair, figuratively and literally! Man, I'm good!" Malrick whispered out that last part.

After a long sigh, Celestia relented, "And what would that be?"

"I didn't know you have a personal student! You never told me!"

Celestia raised her eyebrows and smiled a little, "Oh, you've met Twilight?"

"Yup! And I introduced myself in the usual Malrick way too!"

Celestia's face started to sour as her smile slowly fell, "... What exactly did you say to her?" Celestia asked in a nervous voice.

"Umm... something about indentured servitude and dinosaurs? To be honest, I stopped listening to Twizzlers after she started screaming for the third time..."

Before Celestia could inquire any further, Malrick turned his head to see the noblepony in the room, who was still looking at him in shock, "Um, was I interrupting something (hopefully) important?"

Celestia looked at the noblepony before turning her head back to Malrick once more, "Not really, this noble just wanted a reduction on his taxes."

The moment Celestia said "taxes", Malrick's face showed a hint of fear as he quickly teleported in front of the noblepony who jumped back in surprise.

"Listen, I don't know who you are or how the tax system works around here but heed my words: Always pay your taxes."

Before the noblepony could say anything else, he took a look into Malrick's eyes. The irises were blood red and his gaze was cold and demanding. The noblepony decided it was best of him to be quiet and leave the room now.

"R-Right, I'll be on my way then!" The noblepony sheepishly said as he slowly trotted off.

After a few seconds, the noblepony left the room. Malrick slowly turned around to Celestia with a knowing grin, "You wanted him gone, didn't you? After being around royalty for so long, I kinda know these things."

"Um, well, I didn't exactly want him to stay any longer..."

Malrick laughed out loud while Celestia tried to cover a light blush on her face. After three or so seconds, his laughter abruptly ended as he looked at Celestia with the same cold stare he just used on the noblepony, "But seriously though, always pay your taxes." He then slowly creaked his head to look at the reader, "And that goes for you too..."

Celestia tilted her head in confusion, "Who are you talking to?"

"Just some divine entities beyond the mortal veil." Malrick said matter-of-factly.

"Okay... why are you so dead-set on ponies paying their taxes?"

Malrick clenched his teeth, "Because I'm afraid of the IRS, the collectors." Malrick said with a shutter near the end, "I refused to pay my taxes only once, never again..."

"So you didn't pay your taxes?" Trevor inquired.

"Yup!" Malrick said without care.

"You do know that's illegal, right?"

"Yup!"

"And that they'll just tax you more?"

"I won't pay those ones either!"

"... This is going to bite you back." Trevor warned.

"Pff, how? I have powers that rival that of the gods Trevor, what could they possibly to do?"

"I don't know, but it won't be good..." Trevor said as they both took their seats the dining room. Trevor had an apple in his hand that he took a bite out of, but to his surprise, the apple tasted bland and... grainy. Trevor immediately spat out the apple which turned into a cloud of white dust. He looked down at his apple which started to turned white and chalky.

"Um... Dad? Did you buy these apples from the plane of ash?" Trevor asked.

"No, I got them over in Arborea, why do you-" Malrick stopped his response as soon as he saw the plaster-like apple, which began to crumble in Trevor's hand, "What the-"

Malrick's train of thought suddenly stopped as he fell backwards in his wooden chair. He painfully landed on the floor on his back as he yelped in pain. He stood up only to notice that one of the chair's legs crumbled into the same chalky, white stuff like the apple did.

"Uh, Dad, you might want to look at the walls..." Trevor said with fear.

Malrick looked at the walls as patches of them began to whiten and crumble into dust, "How in the–this house is made out of pure magic! It should be basically invulnerable! What the fuck is going on?!"

Malrick then started to hear knocking on the front door. He slowly put his right hand on the hilt of his sword as his left hand cracked with red lightning as he made his way to the door. When Malrick opened it, he saw a yellow-brown devil with long, curved horns and a pitchfork wearing a black business suit.

"... You got to be kidding me. I assume you guys are the reason why my house is being slowly disintegrated?" Malrick said with annoyance.

"If you don't pay your taxes, we'll take away your property to pay them off." The devil calmly replied.

"HOW ARE YOU EVEN DESTROYING MY HOUSE?! I PUT SO MANY DIFFERENT WARDS ON THE THING THAT IT BASICALLY RADIATES MAGIC! ARCHANGELS, DEMON PRINCES, EVEN GODS CAN'T DAMAGE MY HOUSE!" Malrick screamed out in frustration.

"We have our ways." The devil said mysteriously.

"How the hell do you guys keep following me and taxing me wherever I am?! You guys even taxed me when I lived outside of the universe temporarily!"

"No matter where you go there will be land, and where there's land there's property, and where there's property there's us." The devil said with a wicked smile and low chuckle.

"... Just give me the stupid tax forms." Malrick sighed with a defeated tone.

The devil's smile grew wider, "As you wish, swordmage."

"Look, I'll happily take on demon lords, entire kingdoms, and even unfathomable horrors beyond the realms, but I will NOT take on the IRS!"

Celestia slowly blinked and took in the implications that the beings more powerful than Malrick were not only devils, but tax collectors... she's going to need to check in with the royal tax collectors after her day court if that's the case.

Malrick pulled out a platinum pocket-watch from his, pocket, "Anyways, I think I need to take my leave, I don't want to leave Trevor with Twinkle Twinkle little Star and Spyro the Dragon too long, I just met them after all, but if anything happened to Trevor I'll probably turn them into crabs and call it a day since I really do not want to commit another genocide right now."

Before Celestia could ask about the key words "another genocide" Malrick left the same way he came: By conjuring a huge cloud of ash and smoke.

While Celestia's hair was covered in soot, she took a moment to look around her throne room. It was strangely quiet and empty without Malrick. Sure her personal guards were there, but they were all in so much shock at the sudden appearance and the total lack of any respect from Malrick to their princess that they were all in near-catatonic states, besides, even if they weren't traumatized they were so boring and formal to her that any conversation was treated as if it was an order. The nobles weren't any better as they only really talked to her if they wanted something out of her and even then, they said so many three-syllable words and adjectives that they could turn mere sentences into full essays with a thesis, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Malrick on the other hand was very straight to the point and treated her like any other pony. Granted, he had no respect towards any authority whatsoever, but after describing his futile attempts to make peace with multiple kingdoms only for them to turn on him and constantly send people to try and kill him, she doesn't blame him for being so disgruntled. Honestly, it was a breath of fresh air to have somepon-person to talk to that doesn't see her as a princess, but as a normal mare. Celestia chuckled a little at the thought, perhaps she should invite him and Trevor over for lunch.

Just after she washes all the ash from her mane.

Trevor was in the middle of reading some type of cookbook before a huge puff of smoke appeared right in front of him. Stepping out from the cloud of ash, Malrick took a quick glance at his surroundings before smiling at Trevor.

"Hey Trevor! Glad to know you're not dead but uh, where is the violet duo?"

"After a few minutes of really awkward silence between us, Twilight said she had better things to do and left the library with a mountain of books."

Malrick raised an eyebrow, "Was the bipedal lizard the one carrying the books?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so."

"... I really need to ask Celestia about the basic legal rights for employees..." Malrick said while looking away and scratching his chin.

Trevor sighed as he closed his book, "So what books should we get?"

Malrick looked at Trevor with a sideways glance "Pardon?"

"What books should we get? Historical, Biological, Mythical, Magical, Political, Economical? It was the whole reason why we came here remember?"

Before Malrick could answer that question, he took a quick glance at the remaining ponies in the library, "Actually, I think we should leave."

Trevor looked confused, "Huh? We came to the library to get books and now we are leaving the library without any books? Why's that?"

"Because I think they are starting to realize why the library is so quiet." Malrick said while pointing at a group of ponies who were in the library. They were all looking at each other panic as it slowly dawned on them that none of them could hear a thing.

Before Trevor could object, his hand was grabbed and being pulled by Malrick as they were walking towards the library exit, Trevor wasn't the one to just run away from a problem, but he also didn't want to be public enemy number one on the first day here, so he decided to go with it.

When they were a fair distance away from the library, a thought suddenly occurred to Trevor: "Hey, how long does that Mass Deafening spell last?"

Malrick scrunched his brows in thought, "Hmm... I think it lasts forever if I'm not mistaken..."

Trevor suddenly stopped in his tracks and looked at Malrick in horror, "... Does that mean that those ponies are going to be deaf forever?" he asked quietly.

Malrick stopped as well to keep pace with Trevor, "Well, not forever, just until I cast a Dispel Magic spell."

"And when are you going to do that?"

"... Later." Malrick said simply while happily walking through the castle.

Trevor started at Malrick for a few seconds before facepalming, shaking his head, and sighing loudly again today. Even in a totally random and unknown plane of existence ruled by magical, talking, rainbow-colored ponies with butt-tattoos, he still lived and acted the same as he did back at home:

Without any care.

Chapter 4: Once in a Bluemoon

"A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted."

— Proverbs 12:16

After the whole library debacle, Malrick decided to wander around the castle some more while Trevor followed behind to make sure Malrick didn't do anything short of committing a homicide because although so far everything done by him is considered extremely mean by normal pony standards, Malrick usually does WAY worse. In fact, the only reason why he hasn't done any permanent public/private property damage is because Trevor is with him and he doesn't want to make him upset. Trevor gulped at the thought of Malrick being unattended and the fact he hadn't destroyed the castle because of his presence. Of course, less bad doesn't exactly mean not bad as currently, both Malrick and Trevor were both waist deep in gold coins.

"Dad? I don't think we're supposed to be here." Trevor unsure.

"Of course not, why did you think I polymorphed the guards near the doorway?" Malrick replied.

"Isn't Celestia going to be unhappy when she finds out her guards got polymorphed?"

"Finds out? All of the guards here look literally the same, down to coat color. She will not notice if a few guards are missing."

"By 'few' do you mean forty?"

"No witnesses Trevor! I had to polymorph the ponies who saw me polymorph the guards, and then polymorph the other ponies who saw me polymorph the ponies who saw me polymorph the guards, and then polymorph-"

"Okay okay! I get it! I still don't know why we're in the royal vault though."

"I wanted to see the treasures of this place, but I see mostly gold coins and gems, so nothing out of the ordinary."

"So we can leave then?" Trevor asked.

"Sure, I guess." Malrick said with a shoulder shrug.

While they were walking out of the royal vault (Malrick temporarily turned off all of the wards), a few small crabs were trying to pinch at Malrick's toes to no avail.

"Why do you always polymorph others into crabs?" Trevor asked.

"Eh, frogs and sheep are done to death. I like to do things differently."

While the duo was walking in random directions again, they were discussing about the respiration system of crabs and how long could they live without being submerged in water.

"But I always see crabs walking at the bottom of the ocean!" Trevor countered.

"I know! But they can breathe air, they just need to have their gills moist." Malrick explained.

"So those the guards will still suffocate!"

"Actually, crabs can live out of the water at a maximum of 24 hours, the polymorph spell will end long before then."

"Unless you made the spell last longer, which I'm pretty sure you can-ack!"

Malrick and Trevor accidentally bumped into a pony in the hallways while they were walking.

"Oh! Sorry about that..." Trevor apologized, "I wasn't looking where I was going."

But Trevor didn't get a reply as the blonde-maned, white, unicorn stallion started at them both with an open mouth and wide eyes.

"EW! I got touched by a dirty monkey! I just got this suit washed and now I have to wash it again!"

"Oh my god, you're one of those people aren't you?" Malrick said in utter annoyance while facepalming, "Alright then, who might you be?"

"AHHH!!! IT CAN TALK!!! (Even though Trevor apologized literally three seconds ago but he must've not heard it I guess)."

"You know what? I'm not sitting through another one of these freak-out sessions. I already had over thirty today."

Malrick conjured a cup of water and splashed it right into the unicorn's face, seemingly breaking him out of his screaming stupor.

"Are you done looking like an idiot or are you going to continue?"

The unicorn seemed to go back to normal mode, which in this case meant: "How dare you insult the royal prince Blueblood like that?!"

Malrick scoffed, "Blueblock is it? Well I am so sorry my son bumped into you and tainted your shirt." Malrick said with clear sarcasm.

"My name isn't Blueblock, it's prince Blueblood."

"That's what I said, Blueboy"

"No, now you just said Blueboy, my name is prince Blueblood."

"Blue jeans."

"Blueblood"

"Blue-mer." (Bloomer)

"Blueblood!"

"Blue butt."

"Blueblood!"

"I don't care what your name is Blue balls! If you don't have anything important to say to us then just get out of our faces and leave! Your presence is already intoxicating enough, we don't want to deal with your voice on top of that as well!"

Blue basket at this point looked less annoyed or disgusted and more furious as a vein popped on his head and his left eye started to twitch, "YOU PEASANTS! I'LL HAVE MY AUNTIE KNOW ABOUT THIS! YOU MONKEYS SHOULD BE PUT IN A ZOO INSTEAD OF-"

"You know what? I've had enough of you." Malrick said with malice as he outstretched his hand. His palm glowed with orange light as a bolt of energy leaped off of his hand and landed on Blueprint. There was a crackle and then a puff of dust, and where Blueberry once stood a blue crab replaced him.

There was dead silence in the room as Trevor was in shock from the events that transpired.

"Man, being a quasi-immortal is exhausting, I could really go for a snack right now." Malrick said as he picked up the crab.

Trevor eyed Malrick and the crab with worry, "... Dad, whatever you do, please don't-"

"*Gulp* Eh?"

Trevor facepalmed for the third time that day.

After some more wandering, talking, (and a lot of poor decisions on Malrick's part), they arrived in some sort of dining room. How did they know it was a dining room?

Long table, that's how.

Thankfully, before the room got affected by Malrick's... presence, Celestia turned to face them in surprise. She was in the middle of talking with a few guardsponies and before anything was said to Malrick and Trevor, she quickly dismissed them.

"Oh! I was just about to send some of the castle staff to come and find you for lunch," Celestia said with a smile, "But could you tell me why I heard my nephew screaming and then a sort of popping sound shortly thereafter?"

While Trevor's face went immediately blanched at the word "nephew", Malrick showed no reaction to the new information, "Oh, you mean Bluebell ice cream?"

"No, Blueblood."

"That's what I said, Blue-per." (Blooper)

"... Yeah, we know why he was screaming..." Trevor interrupted. He looked down at the ground as he knew that those words just sealed his fate.

"Oh really? Could you inform me why?" Celestia asked before she looked around in worry, "He isn't hurt is he?!"

"Nah, he ain't hurt." Malrick calmly replied, "Though, he's a little... different now."

Trevor looked at Malrick confusingly "Wait, he's not dead?"

"Wait, WHAT?!" Celestia screamed out, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WAIT, HE'S NOT DEAD'?!"

"I turned him into a crab and ate him." Malrick said happily.

"But that's the thing Dad: you ate him." Trevor pointed out while trying to not look into Celestia's face since he can only imagine the anger on it.

"Yeah."

"So, shouldn't he have, I dunno, be digested by now?"

Malrick shook his head, "While it is true that I did eat Bluebird, he isn't inside my stomach cavity." Malrick explained.

"Then where is he?" Celestia said with a dangerously low tone of voice.

Instead of being scared, Malrick chuckled a little, "Cellular data, if I answered that question in full, we would be here all day, but don't worry, he's completely fine and unharmed!"

"Then, can you bring him back?" Trevor asked hopefully.

"... Do we have to? I mean, it's not like anyone would really care if-"

"Now." Celestia commanded coldly.

"Ughhh... Fiiine..." Malrick said like a whiny teenager. Malrick outstretched his arm as a blue light emerged from his hand and a few seconds later, Bluebonnet appeared on the dining room floor, except-

"Oh yeah, I forgot I turned him into a crab beforehand." Malrick said while watching the frantically skittering crab.

"Yeah, you should probably fix that too." Trevor said while trying to avoid the crab.

"..."

"... Are you going-"

"But he's so much quieter this way!"

"Now!" Both Trevor and Celestia yelled out in annoyance.

"You guys are no fun." Malrick grumbled as he snapped his fingers to reverse the spell. The crab reverted back into a unicorn stallion with a blonde mane, blue eyes, and blue coat-

Wait.

"AGHHH! I'M BLUE!" Blue poppy screamed in horror.

"Um, Malrick, I think there was a mistake in the reversal process." Celestia pointed out.

"Trust me, that was not a mistake." Malrick said while looking at the panicking Blue whale with amusement.

Blue iguana stopped screaming and looked around to see the monkey with the brown hat, his beloved auntie, and... him. Blue tang had a face of pure race and his blue coated face started to turn a little red (which made it turn into a shade of purple, which Malrick found extremely hilarious). He faced towards the creature and spoke with pure hate, "Turn me back to how I was right now or I'll-"

"Okay." Malrick said as another ray of orange leaped from his hand and onto Blue-ringed octopus, turning him back into a blue crab once again.

Celestia slowly turned her head and looked at Malrick, who saw with surprise that there was actually steam coming out of her ears and her mane started to catch fire. Malrick decided that he had enough fun for today and rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers again. This time, Blue crayfish returned to normal, coat color and all.

Yay...

As Blue poison dart frog checked to make sure that he was really back to normal, he calmly walked towards Celestia and looked at her with pleading eyes.

"Oh lovely auntie of mine, can you please punish those disrespectful, monstrous-"

"She can't and she won't" Malrick calmly replied with a smile while Trevor was in the background freaking the fuck out at Malrick's outburst.

"What makes you say that?" Celestia asked genuinely curious.

"Technically, I haven't done any damage to him, physical or phycological, so you can't really punish me."

"But you turned him into a crab, there has got to be some sort of law against that, right?" Trevor asked.

"Not really, transmutative laws have always been very flimsy since you could do so many different things with even a simple polymorph spell, so to keep things simple as long as the target isn't harmed in any way, you can't get charged. Keep in mind, I'm assuming that this is how it works here. I'm just basing off your laws in this world with the ones in my world."

Celestia tilted her head in confusion, "Anyone can polymorph anyone at anytime without being punished as long as it doesn't harm them? Wouldn't that cause a lot of chaos in society?"

"Surprisingly, not really. Most of the mages strong enough to cast the spell work for the government. The ones who don't work for the government are either evil, insane, or overpowered, so you know, people the government try to get rid of."

Celestia returned to looking at Malrick with a hard glare, "Still though, I cannot allow you to polymorph my nephew whenever you please."

"I only did it in retaliation." Malrick calmly explained.

Celestia raised an eyebrow, "Retaliation? For what?"

"For disturbing the peace, yelling at my son, and being a racist bastard overall."

"You're the one who keeps mispronouncing my name!" Blue algae screams out.

"I don't know what you're talking about Bluebottle fly."

Malrick smirked at the raging pony and clapped his hands, "So! Am I guilty of any crime?"

"... No, you aren't" Celestia said with a sigh. Malrick had a huge "shit-eating grin" on his face while Trevor looked extremely relieved. Blue milk mushroom on the other hand...

"WHAT?! You are going to let this barbarian get away without-"

"What? A fine for a couple gold coins which I can easily pay off? Sending me to the dungeons I've escaped from a few hours ago? Executing me just to have me come back to life?" Malrick sneered, "I also think both of you are forgetting about the ridiculous amounts of power I possess."

Celestia turned to Bluebeard with sympathy, "I'm sorry, but just like Malrick said, the laws regarding transmutative magic have always been very vague because of how diverse transmutative magic is," Celestia looked at Malrick with a bit of concern, "not to mention that normally, unless they are extremely evil, ponies usually don't transmutate others for amusement."

After looking at Celestia's consoling face and shaking head and Malrick's mocking smile, Bluestacks realized that the alien will go unpunished, something he would not stand for, "Fine, if Auntie will not punish you, then I will do it myself." He used his magic to summon a fancy looking rapier and telekinetically grasped the hilt and pointed the blade at Malrick, "I challenge you to a duel!"

Malrick looked at Blue screen of death like he said the stupidest thing in the world (because he did), "You... challenge me... to a duel..."

Blue jay looked at Malrick and smirked, "Correct, a duel to determine which of us is superior than the other. Me versus you, last one standing, right here, right now-"

"Alright." Malrick said simply as he outstretched his arm again. Another flash of orange light exploded from where Blue sea slug was and for the third time that day, he was turned back into a blue crab.

"*Sigh* He really needs to learn from his mistakes. You would think that after being turned into a crab two times in the same day he would learn not to bother me, but I guess not." Malrick looked at both Trevor's and Celestia's faces of sheer disappointment, both alternating between him and Blue baby, "So, now that's all taken care of, what's for lunch?"

Omake 1: Beating up old men is my favorite pastime

"Don’t fuck with Malrick okay? Trust me on this, the last time I did is when I replaced the milk for his cereal with glue and he ripped me three new assholes. I am still recovering from the horrific experience and I am currently undertaking intense therapy to deal with the physical and mental trauma from the extreme ass ripping I have endured. Do you even know what it’s like when trying to take a shit when you have three additional-
[The rest of the verse is redacted for obvious reasons]"

— The Bible 2.0, verse 18’4;3A

Malrick was walking around the crowded halls of Comic-Con. He wasn’t normally the one to attend social gatherings but he wanted to try everything least once in his immortal life, so he begrudgingly went. It wasn’t that Comic-Con was bad by any means, Malrick enjoyed it so far, it’s just that when Malrick goes to any social event, things usually go downhill.

Now I know what you’re (probably not) thinking: "Comic-Con? He’s in Comic-Con? Does that mean he can go to our world? Do I have to live in constant fear hoping he doesn’t find me so I don’t experience what the dude in the totally real Bible verse described?"

Well, no, he’s not in the Comic-Con you’re thinking of. It’s more of an interdimensional demiplane Comic-Con which doesn’t really have any humans, (however, there are angels, demons, and the like), but yes, he can traverse to your reality if he ever feels like it.

So have fun sleeping tonight!

Anyways, Malrick was perusing the merch stands, seeing if anything was catching his interest. But alas, when you’ve lived for hundreds of years, nothing ever seems new to you.

"*Sigh* I should probably head back to Equestria right now. I already went to a few panels, got some more books, and I even got to meet the author of ‘Two Kick Dude’... Looking at the stalls, there isn’t anything I want right now.. well, except for one thing."

What Malrick was talking about was the Staff of Black Souls needed to complete his cosplay of the lich lord Shakas-Hamn. He still has the staff with him right now, but it isn’t the genuine one which means yes, all of his "props" are the real deal magical items and with the combination of a few polymorph spells, Malrick has now become one of the best cosplayers in the multiverse.

But why is is cosplaying on his first trip to Comic-Con?

Because he’s going to show up in fucking style that’s why.

However, whether it was by fate or cliche, Malrick just so happened to spot the staff he needed on a table near merch stand. Although he was initially very confused because he could sense the magical essence from the staff and could tell it was the real deal, which is very suspicious considering that there was only one copy of that staff in the entirety of the multiverse...

Meh, that’ll be a problem for future Malrick, and present Malrick gives zero fucks for future Malrick.

When he walked towards the stand, he noticed that the person operating the stand was selling a whole bunch of random stuff. This stuff included masks, swords, different trinkets, and other things that belong to your favorite pop culture characters. What peaked Malrick’s interest however was the fact that each item had some kind of magic radiating off of it. The magic that was laced in the many objects were a combination of transmutative, dimensional-shifting, and a bit of mind magic. Needless to say, Malrick was interested even further and decided to ask the man running the stall.

Speaking of which, the man who was running the stall had a large cloak on which was heavily obscuring his form. Almost no part of his body was visible, not even his face as the cloak covered his head so well that looking at the open part of his hood was like staring into an endless abyss. The only part of his body that showed skin was his hands, which were long and thin like a skeleton’s.

That’s pretty sus.

Malrick just shrugged and walked up to the merch stand.

"Hello good sir! I was wandering around, looking at these stalls, when I suddenly came up upon yours. I am very curious about all of these items you have in your possession and was wondering how you got them?" Malrick inquired.

"Well... I’m sure someone like you knows that I can’t reveal all of my trade secrets, but I will tell you that I get these items through... special means." the man behind the stall eerily replied.

"Vague answer, not a good sign..." Malrick thought. Most people by this point would’ve left, but Malrick curiosity grew even further from this... Merchant and decided to play along for now.

"Well, I came here because I was so interested in that staff." Malrick said as he pointed to the item in question.

"Ahh, the Staff of Black Souls. A very good choice indeed."

"How much is it?"

"800 gold pieces."

"... That’s pretty cheap for a legendary magical item... I’m getting serious ‘bad guy’ vibes from you, but sure, okay, I guess."

After Malrick paid the Merchant in full, he gave Malrick the staff. Malrick was pretty satisfied and twirled around his newfound staff.

"... Okay, now what?"

"Have fun!" the Merchant said creepily and cryptically.

"Wait, what the heck are you-"

But Malrick couldn’t even finish his sentence as suddenly, a bright, white light took over his vision as he felt himself falling.

"DAMN YOU PAST MALRICKKK!!!"

"Ugh, where am I?" I said as I slowly got up from the floor. I also noticed I sounded more hoarse and looked at my hands. They were gray and rotten, just like Shakas-Hamn’s. I looked around and saw the Everfree forest surrounding me. "Great, I’m not only Shakhas-Hamn, but I got displaced to Equestria by the merch-"

"Did you actually think that would work?"

Ha ha, fake out :).

The Merchant slowly turned around and saw that Malrick was standing right in front of him in his usual crimson robe atire with his wood sandals on his feet and his sword and spellbook on his sides.

And he looked pissed.

"W-What?! How did you come back? You were supposed to turn into Sharkas-Hamn and be displaced to Equestria!" the Merchant said while slowly walking backwards.

Malrick slowly walked forwards while he was seething in rage, "Well listen here old man, cause’ you forgot three very important pieces of information about me: 1. I am a master of planar traveling and polymorph spells, and even in a different form I can still cast them perfectly, 2. I currently live in Equestria already you fool, and 3. I’m Malrick Roscuro," Malrick snarled as red lightning came out of his hands, "and do you know what happens to those who anger Malrick Roscuro?"

"Um... perhaps I can interest you in some other items?" the Merchant said fearfully.

Malrick yelled out in rage and charged.

Unfortunately, I cannot describe what transpired within the next ten or so minutes because if I did, I would have to add the "Gore" and possibly "Horror" tag to this fic, so I’ll do my best to explain what happened using several key words.

Malrick, Merchant, blood (the Merchant’s of course), broken bones (especially around the facial area), fire, lightning, punches (a lot of punches), and the phrase "ripped him several new ones".

The various entities that attended Comic-Con that day watched this massacre from Malrick upon this old man with very little care. Many of them knew Malrick and the consequences of angering him, but a select few of them knew the Merchant and his trickery and were pretty happy seeing the beating the old man deserved.

A couple of the newbies wanted to try and intervene but the more experienced veterans held them back and told them not to, because when someone tries to stop Malrick’s mayhem, they become part of Malrick’s mayhem, and nobody wanted to endure what the Merchant was dealing with right now.

Eventually, Malrick got bored beating up what was essentially a punching bag and stood up as he brushed some dust off his robes.

"Welp, now I’m satisfied! Thanks for the stress relief though, I really needed it. You won’t mind if I take some of your things right?"

The Merchant didn’t respond because he was knocked out cold from Malrick’s brutal attack.

"... Thanks!"

Malrick got all of the Merchant’s wares and put them in a cardboard box he just conjured up. After he hauled all of his loot, he snapped a finger and a bright flash of scintillating light erupted from where Malrick once stood. The onlookers had to avert their eyes from the light and after a few seconds, the light faded. Where Malrick once stood, a scorch mark took his place. The various creature that attended Comic-Con started for a few more seconds before continuing their day as it nothing happened.

Things like this happen all the time in Comic-Con.

Author's Note

Sorry for the delays guys, I’ve been busy quite recently. I made this little Omake Chapter as to not be too absent from this story and I am currently working on 2 Chapters and another Omake right now.

Thanks for all of the support thus far!

Carrots taste like purple
- flub

Omake G5: A New Generation (and it sucks)

Malrick laughed.

Hard.

It's pretty normal for Malrick to laugh at the misfortune of others, but this was a special case since there was nothing that caused him to laugh in the first place.

As Malrick fell on the floor rolling around while cackling madly, both Celestia and Trevor watched this with surprise and concern.

"Welp, he broke," Trevor dryly remarked.

"Is this... normal for him?" Celestia inquired.

"Nope, I have never seen this happen in my three years of living with him," Trevor said. You would think that Trevor would be looking at Malrick in worry but after dealing with Malrick for so many years, he kinda built up an immunity towards Malrick's randomness.

"Err... Malrick, are you okay?" Celestia asked in concern and worry.

"Hehe, oh man, I-ha, had the funniest *snerk*, thought."

"Which was...?" Trevor asked.

"So Cellophane Wrap, you know how a long time ago all the ponies were racist but then they stopped being racist and became all united and crap?"

"Ummm, yes?" Celestia replied. She could only assume that "Cellophane Wrap" was the nickname that was bestowed upon her by Malrick since Malrick rarely ever called anybody by their actual names.

"Well, I just thought of something really funny and stupid."

"Go on..."

"So imagine in the future, and I mean WAY in the future, Earth ponies, Pegasi, and Unicorns suddenly become racist again just... because. No outside threats or influences, they just became racist again even after over a thousand years of peace. And to add insult to injury, they hate each other so much that magic just... isn't. Magic in the world where 'friendship is magic' doesn't exist no more since their racism apparently makes all magic in Equestria go bye-bye."

"... Malrick... that's..."

"Insane," Trevor stated.

"Well, I was going to say 'highly unlikely' but yes, that too."

Malrick was about to say something, but then he held back, "You know what? You guys are probably right. Even for me that thought is pretty out there... Yeah, I really don't see something like that happening anytime at all..."

"Why am I always right with things that don't involve schoolwork?"

Malrick had a heavy scowl on his face as he looked down from the clouds. Not much has changed about him from the last time you saw him. The only two notable changes were that he was more glowy and had a halo of grey, jagged shards of blood-stained metal floating on his head (which was also glowy because apparently ALL divine beings are shiny, yes that is a universal constant). Malrick also had some 3-D glasses on, a bag of popcorn on his left and a large cup of soda on his right while sitting on a leather recliner.

"You know Dad, it's not like I enjoy you being right since it usually hurts us in some way," Trevor replied.

Trevor was much older as he looked like he was in his late 20s. His brown hair was still wavy and his skin was still tanned, but he looked more focused and relaxed in an odd way. He still had his trademark brown cap, but he instead wore a breastplate with silk arm and leg guards. Like Malrick, he had a spellbook and a sword that was light gray and blue instead of black and red. Trevor's halo was the basic ring of light, but it was instead colored a light silver and glowed softly.

Celestia meanwhile had both of her hooves on her face and looked like she was going to explode any minute now. She looked the same, just without the royal regalia. There on top her head (which had multiple veins visible) was another halo, but this one shone with brilliant sunlight and was larger than both Malrick's and Trevor's halos.

"I had to banish my sister for a thousand and years and rule by myself in that time, then I had to train an autistic, anti-social pony as my student so that she and her friends can HOPEFULLY bring my sister back, then they had to learn about friendship in Ponyville for years while also stopping villain attacks like Discord, Queen Chrysilis, Tirek, Sombra, Cozy Glow, Storm King, and others I haven't mentioned, then they built a school of friendship and united all of the races of Equus and THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS THE MOMENT WE ARE ALL GONE!?" Celestia screamed out near the end. She was so mad that her mane became a huge blaze of flame.

Trevor patted her back (while also tying to avoid her flaming mane) in order to try and calm her down.

"Celestia, why are ponies like this? They are racist, and then aren't racist, and then are racist again and since I've been around your kind for long enough I know they are going to sing some song and become not racist again," Malrick complained, "I mean, can't they be consistent? At least humans are relatively consistent when being racist."

"Didn't you say a few days ago that basically most, if not all humans are racist?" Trevor asked.

"I stand by what I said."

They all shared a chuckle at that and continued watching an orange pony and her escapades. Her name was... Sunspot? Sun Flower...? It was Sun-something, Malrick was pretty sure of it.

"Man remembering names is hard," Malrick thought, "I really need to do better at that. Fluttershy hates it when I forget someone's name and replace it with a stupid (but hilarious) nickname... I think I gave Twilight over eighty-thousand different nicknames. To make new ones, I had to make them in different languages and I'm on my forty-sixth. Wait, Twilight..."

"Oh man, I just had another funny thought," Malrick said out loud.

"Oh boy, what is it this time?" Trevor said with an amused smirk.

"Remember when Twilight got better feets and two flappy things alongside the bone-cone on her forehead?"

"When she became an alicorn? How could I forget?" Celestia said with a smile.

"What if that happened again? What if, after all this time without an alicorn princess, another one just spawns in. That orange pony down there just becomes one. And for gicks and kiggles, I won't feel a wave of otherworldly anger like I did when Twilight became princess for basically no reason."

About eighty minutes later...

"Fuck my afterlife."

Author's Note

Hi! I'm not dead (yet), this story isn't dead (somehow), and you're not dead (I think)!

Really sorry for the huge delay, but I had to do a bunch of school stuff and language stuff and engineering stuff and traveling stuff (basically a lot of stuff) and wanted to do other things besides writing this story like drawing and reading more. That and I had to rewrite the 5th chapter a few times to get it just right. It also doesn't help that I've been inactive on Fimfiction for a few months now.

But I'll post the 5th chapter... sometime? I guess? I can't make (or keep) any promises though...

Hickory Dickory Dock
- flub

Important Notice

Hi!

I've been dead for a while!

So yeah, thanks to a combination of life, reading other fanfics from other sites, and really reviewing at this story, I've basically halted writing this fic!

However, as someone who has read many good fanfics that have sadly gone unfinished for unknown reasons, I'm not one to leave my few readers hanging by cancelling the story all of a sudden, so here's what is going to happen:

Chapter 5 is probably going to get done, but after that, this fic will be dead.
Thankfully, I'm (planning) to rewrite this fic from the ground up, making it less lore heavy, the chapters not as long, and basically make it better. So be on the lookout for The Level 98 Swordmage (with a Level 3 Sidekick).
However, in the case that I quit writing this universe altogether, I will post one final chapter, detailing the plot of this fic and what I originally had planned with a Q&A in the comments section to answer any final questions.

Although I am sad that I have to scrap my first ever fic, I feel this is for the best for everyone.

Thank you for everything thus far.

Strawberry Sunshines
- flub