Anon Filly beats up Celestia.

by FIM Fiction

Rating: everyone
Tags: Anon, Comedy, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1750

Exactly what the title says.

Anonymous goes and beats up Celestia. What else is there to say?

Published 2020-12-10 15:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-05-27 14:28:16 UTC

A fight is surely brewing!

Anonymous was an average Joe, but never called himself Joe. He met a pony named Donut Joe, after he was summoned into the world by Twilight the Unicorn and Celestia the Alicorn trying to summon something else. He lived comfortably there for some time, until Suncheeks (Long may they be THICC) and Twilight ("The Adorkible" Long may she smort) tried to do him a big favor by trying to send him to his home universe.

This made him angry for a few reasons. One, he didn't ask to be sent back to his original universe. Two, he possessed a child. Twilight says he was transformed into a filly, but Anonymous knew better. He was know the vengful spirit of a human possessing a dead child's body which he decided to call Anon. Honestly not much changed.

These events gave Anonymous a mission. Save the filly. But first, he needed the power to do that...

Anonymous rubbed her chin. "Twilight!" she suddenly shouted into Spikes ear.

"Agh!" Spike exclaimed, nearly falling off the ladder. "Anon, what are you doing in the bookshelf!?"

"I'm looking for Twilight. But maybe you can help." Anonymous answered.

"Sure?" Spike said, rubbing his ear. "Just as long as it's within reason."

"How to I become a goddess slash Alicorn?" Anonymous asked.

Spike stared for a moment. "What?" Anon simply stared, her green eyes glowing. This greatly creeped out Spike, despite how cute the filly was. "I guess you'd have to be a princess?"

"What if that's not possible yet?" Anonymous asked, eyes glowing stronger, but not brighter. "Or whats another way to become a princess if I can't actually ascend?" she asked, leaning closer so her nose booped Spikes.

"I- uhh... replace the Princess?" Spike nervously said, sweating slightly.

"Thanks!" Anonymous said, giving Spike a small kiss on the nose. She shoved him off the ladder, grabbing him at the same time, and fell to the ground, landing harmlessly on the scaled creature. Well, harmlessly for Anonymous and the body of the child. Spike was heavily dazed and stunned.

Twilight entered the library. She let out a gasp, seeing her assistant/brother/son on the ground, with Anonymous sitting on him. "Anonymous! Did you beat up Spike!?" she exclaimed in shock.

Anonymous blinked, before her eyes lit up with a light bulb above her head. "Yes." she said, before bolting past Twilight. She ran and dived into an Air Ballon. She lifted Pinkie and threw her out, while laughing like a maniac. Anonymous soon drifted far away, towards Canterlot.

*

"Pinkie! Are you alright!?" Twilight asked, rushing up to her friend. She quickly helped the pink pony off the ground.

"Sure! But I think something's wrong with Anon! She never laughed after she lost her... ya know..." Pinkie shook her head. "And now she's laughing like she's gone nuts!" Pinkie cringed at her unintended pun.

Applejack exited the library, Spike on her back. "He, yall mean. Now Twi, did ya let Anon near any dark magic thingys?"

"No! I don't even own any!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Well Spike keeps sayin how Anon's gonna replace Celestia." Applejack answered.

*MEANWHILE/LATER

The doors to the throne room burst open, a small filly having bucked them open. "CELESTIA!" she proclaimed. "I'M HERE TO BEAT YOU UP!"

Celestia raised an eyebrow, looking at those attending day court around her. "Anonymous, why on Earth would I ever fight a child? Much less a frien-"

"Luna is a faggot."

Celestia threw her table aside, cracking her neck. "It is SO on!"

Ding Ding!

WARNING: This Chapter contains Child Abuse, Abuse of Power, Assault, Assault on Royalty, and Illegal gambling.
In other words Anon Filly and Celestia fight while others make bets.
*EARLIER

Two guards stood outside the throne room, where Celestia was doing Day Court.

"You ever wish something happens around here?" the younger guard asked.

"The only time something happens, it's usually massive, beyond our power to due much help, and ends with cut paychecks to repair the damage." the senior replied.

"Oh." the younger said. There was a slight silence.

"But yes, I do wish something happen." the senior guard finally said. "At times I wish the throne room wasn't sound proof, so we could hear what their saying... Then again the snobs talk a lot of crud."

"Do you... hear something?" the younger asked.

The senior's ears swiveled. "It sounds like... screamin-" the window shattered as a Hot Air balloon came crashing through, sending a child flying into the younger.

"Oof!" The younger hit the ground hard. "Hey are you alright!?"

The filly smiled in a way that made the younger very uncomfortable. "I am now, sweet cheeks." the filly said, rubbing the stallions face. "And I'm referring to the other cheeks."

"I-er what!?" the younger said. The senior frowned and began walking over. "ACK!"

"FOR THE CHILD!" Anonymous screamed, jamming her hooves into the younger's eyes. She left off and charge at the senior. She smashed the lightbulb against his head.

"Stop tha-" The air ballon exploded, sending the guards flying out the window. Anonymous's height somehow saved her from flying out the window as well. She walked over to the doors, bucking them open.

*NOW

"It is SO on!" Celestia shouted.

"RAHHHHHH" Anonymous screamed as she charged at Celestia.

"YAAAHHHHHHH!" Celestia screamed as well.

Anonymous tackled Celestia, somehow sending her back into her chair. She bit Celestia in the arm, drawing blood. Celestia punched Anonymous in the gut, before rolling across the ground. Blueblood raised his eyebrow. "Auntie! How is a child beating you?"

Fancy Pants tilted his head. "I say, this is madness!"

"Who do you think will win?" Silver Saucer asked.

"I bet 500 bits the child licks Celestia." Gleaming Copper said with a nod.

"That's absurd!" Golden Crown exclaimed. "My money on Celestia."

"I bet 1200034 the kid whups my auntie's tush." Blueblood said.

"That is absurd! Keep the betting around 500 to 10000!" Fancy Pants exclaimed. He internally groaned as the other nobles began making bets, thinking Fancy Pants approved. "Put me down for 2000 on Celestia." he said, giving in.

"Duck!" a noble said.

"What duck?" Blueblood asked. "OH!" He quickly ducked as Luna's throne nearly took off his head.

"Where are the guards?" Perfume asked.

"Who cares!? This is the most interesting thing to happen for years!"

"RAA!!!" A very bloody Anon filly punched Celestia in the face, before kicking her in the stomach. A Celestia with small cuts and bruises was kicked off, but quickly leaped onto her hooves. Her chest plate had been torn off and was being used as a shield by Anonymous. Anonymous and Celestia charged again. Celestia rammed into the shield, sending the child into the air. Anonymous landed on Celestia's back, biting hard into the wings.

Celestia froze. Her head turned slowly, eyes open wide. "The buck did you just do? Do you even know what you just did?" Anonymous pulled off her crown, before slamming it against the Alicorn's temple. The thousands years old Goddess of Equestria crumbled like a sack of potatoes, wings still stiff.

"HALT!" The doors would have slammed open, had they not been broken down during the fight, via Alicorn lasers. Luna and the Mane Six stood, staring in shock and horror.

"Anon, what have you done!?" Twilight asked in shock. Anonymous in response threw the crown at Luna's face, knocking her unconscious.

Anonymous strode over the Celestia's throne as Twilight quickly used the magic of water to revive the Alicorns. The two awoke with a groan to see Anonymous sit upon Celestia's throne.

Suddenly, a burst of white, golden and rainbow light shot down upon Anonymous. He returned to his human form. The body of the filly arose out of him, wings unfolding and horn standing proudly. The Alicorn filly gently floated to the spot where Luna's throne should have been, before plopping to the ground with a thud.

"Anon. What have you done." Twilight said in utter shock.

The light faded, showing Anon in a crisp suit, his tie a ruby red and a golden band on his fedora. His shirt was silk. "What I have done..." he said, "Is become a god. But even better?" He stood, his aura strong yet gentle. "I have saved the filly."

"I DIED WHERE THE HECK AM I!?" the filly exclaimed.

"See? Told you." Anonymous said smugly. "Hey kid, what's your name?"

"Uh..." the girl looked at the weird creature. "It's Jessica. What are you?"

"Anonymous the Human." Anonymous answered. "Oh. Luna, you're into mares, right?"

"I-what!?" Luna exclaimed in shock, rubbing her head.

"Yes or no question."

"Yes, but we fail to see what that has to due with anything." Luna said, looking with concern.

Anonymous strode over to Celestia. He smiled at her face. "Luna's a faggot." he said, before flying through the roof with Jessica.

"I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!" Pinkie said.

"So Anon's a princess now?" Fluttershy asked.

Applejack considered this, before turning around and walking out. "Nope nope nope nope nope nope..." Her nopes faded to silence as she walked out of hearing range.

The End.

Bonus

Discord entered reality, ready to cause some chaos and pull many pranks. He froze, looking around the throne room. It was blasted to bits. Luna's throne laid in shambles among the chairs for daycourt. "I..." he saw Celestia with a large lump on her forehead. "Uh..." Luna carried a large bruise on her cheek, while two guards had glass in their manes. "Um..."

"Aha! See, Discord's behind this!" Discord glanced down at the purple mare pointing at him, a frantic look on her face.

"As much as I think I would love to take credit for this, I have no idea what took place." Discord stated. "And -"

Anonymous and Jessica materialized. Anonymous slammed the sun crown onto Celestia's head, before slapping her. She suddenly super charged, energy restored and wounds gone, while Anonymous's clothing turned back to normal cloth and Jessica turning into an Earth pony. Anonymous saluted, grabbed Jessica and tucked her beneath his right arm. He saluted again, used his saluting hand to tap his fedora. A propeller popped out, and he proceeded to fly back out of the hole he came from.

"SOOOOOOOO MANNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY QUESTIONSSSSSSSSSS!!!" Pinkie screamed.

Discord scratched his chin, before snapping his fingers and taking any food you happened to be snacking on. He chewed on that, before returning it. "I am confused and I love it."

De And!