Starlight's Suicide Story

by Mockingbirb

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Drama, Comedy, Suicide / Self Harm, Rarity, Starlight Glimmer, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Profanity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death, Alternate Universe
Length: 1519

Starlight Glimmer goes to a mandatory counseling session about suicide. Also, somepony might be dead by the end of the session. Because it's just that kind of day.

Starlight Glimmer goes to a mandatory counseling session about suicide.

Also, somepony might be dead by the end of the session. Because it's just that kind of day.

Published 2020-12-11 17:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-11 17:50:00 UTC

Mandatory Counseling

Starlight wiggled and squirmed upon the couch. No matter what she did, she just couldn't get comfortable.

Maybe that was the point.

"So," Fluttershy's soft voice said, "you're here for today's mandatory counseling session. Before your food ration."

Starlight sighed. "Yes, Fluttershy."

As the candlelight flickered, Starlight heard Fluttershy's notes rustling on the table, between the pegasus' hooves.

Fluttershy asked, "Are you still feeling that everything wrong in the world is pretty much your fault?"

Starlight shook her head slightly. "For a long time, I did feel that way. I felt like it hardly even mattered whether I lived or died. The only reason I bothered to keep living...just inertia, I guess. I didn't care enough to even bother to kill myself."

Fluttershy was silent.

Starlight continued. "But now I see that I shouldn't only think about myself."

"Oh?" Fluttershy said in an encouraging tone. "Please, tell me more."

"My problems aren't just about me. I should think about other ponies too. There was a time when I was living the way I wanted to live, and I was happy. I had friends. I was a success. An entire village looked up to me."

The candlelight dimmed. "Starlight?" Fluttershy said. "If you wouldn't mind...the candle rations are a bit short this week."

Starlight's horn softly glowed. Fluttershy blew out the candle.

"Thank you," Fluttershy whispered. "I suppose I shouldn't take advantage but...what can we do, nowadays? There just isn't enough of anything, anymore."

Starlight snorted. "I agree. We should do the best we can. Even if sometimes I feel like that's nothing at all."

Fluttershy smiled at Starlight. "Don't say that. There's always something we can do to make a difference. Some way we can help other ponies."

Starlight didn't reply.

Fluttershy rustled her notes again. "A lot of ponies, when they feel trapped in a world that seems not to care about them...they make up stories about how they're important. Sometimes they even blame themselves for the world's problems, just so they can feel significant."

Starlight groaned. "How many times do I have to tell you? I was the most powerful unicorn mage in the world! I went back in time and changed history!"

Fluttershy's tongue clicked against her teeth. "You told me that story. But if it were true, why wouldn't you go back and change history again? To fix things."

"I TOLD you! I DID go back and change history again! I changed history so many times! Until finally I couldn't get back there again!"

Fluttershy waited a moment before she replied. "I understand that you're hurting. I understand that you feel confused. When you were found coming out of the Everfree, you had a pretty bad bump on your head. And those scars! It's a wonder you're even alive."

"Just let me into the place where Twilight's castle used to be! If you let me go back there, I can fix everything!"

Fluttershy took a deep breath. She got out of her chair and walked out of the room. When she returned, she said, "Do you know what always used to make my friend Rarity feel better? Ice cream!"

The pegasus set a small carton down on the table between the two ponies. On top of the carton were a small bowl and a spoon.

Starlight forced herself not to move. But she looked at the carton, with frost condensing out of the air onto the sides. She could still remember what ice cream was like. Her mouth watered. Her stomach gurgled.

"Of course," Fluttershy added, "because of professional ethics, I DO have to make sure you know it's poisoned. You understand that, right?" Fluttershy shivered. "But it still hurts less than dying of starvation, like everypony will soon enough. The poison is painless. You just fall asleep, and never wake up."

Starlight shouted, "You birch! Do you know you were one of the ponies who ruined my happy little village? You and your friends ruined everything! You and your friends are why I had to go back in time and change the past! It's YOUR fault the sun hasn't come up in years! It's YOUR fault nopony can grow any food except for a few mushrooms! YOU!"

Fluttershy looked Starlight in the eye. "Last time you told me that story, you said I was different from my friends. You said I was the one who DIDN'T try to ruin everything. You said I appreciated what you were doing." Fluttershy sighed. "I guess you just can't keep your own story straight."

The pegasus frowned. "Even though you're not supposed to go into the restricted area around Ponyville, I ALREADY went to a lot of trouble to get special permission, so I could take you inside. It's really scary in there. So many spooky ruins. So much rubble. And so many gravestones. Don't you even remember when I took you there?"

Fluttershy whispered, "We were in there for hours. I was so patient, and I took you everywhere you wanted to go. And there was no 'Cutie Map' anywhere. Or is it a 'Cutie Table?" Fluttershy looked searchingly at her unicorn patient. "You can't even keep that much straight in your mind."

A tear leaked from Fluttershy's remaining eye. "I wish I could help you. But face it, you've broken under the strain. And I can't blame you. The famine is bad enough, but your head injuries on top of that?" She shook her head slowly. "I understand that you wish there was some magic way you could fix everything. I really do.

"If you want to do something, you could at least attend Sky Admiration for more than one hour every day. That would at least be TRYING to help. It probably won't change Luna's mind, but at least you'd be doing SOMETHING. But you won't even do that. You're just lost in antiheroic fantasies about a past that never happened."

Feeling hopeless, Starlight Glimmer let her horn's light go out. Darkness surrounded the two ponies.

Papers rustled once. Then again.

After a minute, Fluttershy spoke. "I can't find the candle."

"We don't need it," Starlight said. "It won't fix anything."

Starlight noticed a tiny glow. "What is THAT?" she asked.

"What is what?"

"Something is glowing. Look!"

"I don't see anything."

Starlight reached out towards it. Her hoof bumped into something soft and fuzzy.

Fluttershy squeaked, "Starlight! I don't do that kind of therapy!"

"Sorry. I was just reaching for the glowing thing." Starlight watched the tiny, dim glow swing back and forth. "Fluttershy, is that on your CHEST? Are you wearing it as a necklace?"

"Oh!" Fluttershy said. "Could you turn your hornlight back on?"

Starlight barely lit her hornglow to the lowest, dimmest level. "How's that?" she asked. "I see it! It's swinging around in your chest fluff."

Fluttershy looked stern. "Pinkie Pie gave it to me, while she was still alive. She made me promise on our friendship, that I would always wear it when I did counseling sessions. She said someday, it would cure somepony." Fluttershy laughed bitterly. "Pinkie Pie was kind of like you, Starlight. I guess she believed in impossible things too."

"But it's glowing. Don't you think that means something?"

"Lots of things glow." Fluttershy reached up with a forehoof and unfastened the necklace's clasp. She hoofed the necklace to Starlight. "Want to see it? I don't know what else I can do for you."

Starlight's magic lifted the necklace and laid it gently upon the table. "It's not just glowing. That tiny little glow is my cutie mark." She hopped up and down excitedly. "This must be a piece of the Cutie Map!"

Fluttershy looked doubtful. "It is weird." She squinted at the glow, and at Starlight's flank. "What does this mean?"

Starlight grinned. "It means Pinkie just saved the world. Pinkie, and your promise to her. I had no idea that pony would ever do anything to help me! But she did."

Starlight's horn lit up brightly. A tiny green spark of light appeared just over the tiny pendant, and grew.

Fluttershy stared at the widening disc of light. "Is that some kind of portal?" She whispered, "I don't like portals. They're scary. You never know where they lead to. Or what might come through."

Starlight's horn glowed brightly as she hopped onto the table. "What might come through it? I'M going through." She gave Fluttershy a slow, appraising look. "I never appreciated you as much as I should have, Fluttershy. When I destroy all my enemies, I'm going to leave you for last. But first, I'm going to bring the sun back."

The unicorn leapt into the portal.

Fluttershy didn't even have time to eat some ice cream, before her universe disappeared.

Author's Note

I just think more of fimfiction.net's depressing stories about suicide should have happy endings, you know? Is that too much to ask? :twilightsmile:

If you want another story about suicide, there's always Monochromatic's "The Choices We Make."

(I made the story image for "Starlight's Suicide Story" by editing MLP screencaps.)