Farming? Really? A mare of your talents?
A tall, shapely young mare slowly trots the long hallway that connects her tower to the castle proper. The evening sun filtered through the many stained glass windows which flanked either side of her. Each one of which depicted a smiling pony of some kind, who had been Twilight Sparkle’s personal protege at one point.
Burn Willow knew each one of their names, though not because her teacher had instructed her to learn them, but rather simple curiosity had driven her. Their stories were fascinating to the young student, and knowing that she was but one of a long line of them made her proud. The other students varied greatly in appearance, and though they were mostly ponies there was even a gryphon, a minotaur as well as a short red dragon.
The young earth pony could have spent hours simply observing the ancient windows, watching as they shifted from one scene to another. Each time they changed they displayed another important point of the other student’s history, including her own. Though that particular window only changed once, going from a smiling younger version of herself to the much older one depicting when she had helped bring life back to a particularly nasty part of the badlands.
Pride swelled in her chest, and for a moment she stood a little straighter, her short curly purple and blue mane bouncing ever so slightly. Pushing those thoughts from her mind, the pony continued towards her destination, remembering that she was here for a reason. Namely to ask Twilight when she would have time to help her with a spell the earth pony had been working on for the past few days.
Sure the alicorn was busy with her monthly secret staff meeting, but it couldn't be that important right? After all, Twilight always said that Burn Willow could interrupt her meetings so long as she kept such disruptions brief. After passing through the hall she quickly approached the door she knew Twilight resided within.
No guards stood outside, though they had long since been rendered obsolete by the castle’s automated security and had been relegated to serving as tour guides. The young pony’s hoof hovered over the handle, wondering it was really okay for her to interrupt a meeting she was warned against intruding on. In the end her curiosity got the better of her, and after undoing the rather antiquated locking spell placed on the door, she hesitantly pulled it open.
Gazing within, Burn Willow was surprised to find that the usual ivory columns of Canterlot Castle had been replaced with crystal. Crystal which reminded her of Friendship Castle, a place no one had stepped within for nearly two centuries at this point. Voices echoed off the walls, and the pony slipped quickly inside, shutting the door behind her before trotting deeper down the hallway.
“Are you loco in the cocoa? That would never work,” claimed a distant, echoing voice that sounded like it was produced by the undulations of some strange liquid.
“The fella clearly knows he did wrong,” countered a slow, ponderous tone that reverberated off the walls.
“Really darling, is it that far fetched to believe that he has learned from his mistakes?” countered another strange voice, which sounded weirdly alien in a way Burn Willow couldn't quite explain.
“It was a Pink-Pinkie Promise!” Exclaimed a rather brash tone that overlapped with itself, as if the speaker was so fast that they were getting ahead of their own words.
“You know foooolks these days dooont understand the significance of the promise,” whispered an odd, echoey voice.
“Girls please. Doom Shadow may have broken a Pinkie promise, but he’s learned his lesson,” the familiar tone of Equestria’s current princess claimed. “Besides, it's what my character would do.”
Burn Willow’s crept forward until she reached a second door, pulling it open just enough to see through the crack. Only to immediately gasp in surprise when she noticed that her mentor and current ruler of Equestria was sitting at a table with five beings which could only be described as monsters. Unfortunately for her, Burn Willow was noticed almost immediately, with Twilight turning towards her and frowning in disappointment.
“Burn Willow. What did I say about coming in here?” Twilight demanded.
“To not do that? But also it was fine to interrupt if I only wanted to ask you a small question?” Burn Willow replied, her gaze flicking to the five strangers. “Um, who are they?”
Twilight sighed, and removed the cartoonish wizard hat from her head before setting it aside. “I suppose introductions are in order.”
A strange mass of pink surged from its chair, the vaguely pony shaped creature bouncing over to the earth pony and extending a hoof. “Hi I’m Pinkie Pie, and you must be Burn Willow. Twilight’s newest student! You have no idea how excited I am to finally meet you!” exclaimed the creature in a slightly gurgled tone.
Burn Willow shook the offered hoof awkwardly, only to find that her limb was covered in something sweat smelling the second it was returned to her.
“It's just ic-icing,” exclaimed a strange rainbow maned pegasus mare who seemed to be rapidly phasing in and out of reality, body distorting constantly.
“It's nice to meet you Pinkie Pie, though I thought you were dead,” Burn Willow remarked in a dry tone, her gaze shifting to Twilight.
Who nodded. “The answer is a little more complicated than what your likely imagining. Suffice it to say that most of my old friends have for one reason or another been brought back from the dead.”
“Or went so fa-fast that they slipped out of the flo-flow of time itself!” Shouted the pony Burn Willow assumed was Rainbow Dash, who pumped a hoof into the air.
“Yes, well not all of us were so lucky as to break reality,” deadpanned the half rotted remains of Rarity in her strange tone of voice.
“You didn't use necromancy di…” Burn Willow began, only to wince and stop herself.
Twilight shook her head. “None of this was my doing, though I suppose a little explanation is in order. Pinkie, why don't you start?”
“Oh great idea!” exclaimed the bouncing mass of pink icing. “I had like, all of Discord’s magic for like a minute and totally accidentally turned myself into icing. It's fine though, I never go bad and since I can make a near limitless amount of sugary goodness I control ninety percent of the frosting industry!”
“Wait so Pinkie’s Super Special Funtime Icing is made from you?” Burn Willow asked, her stomach churning at the thought.
“Yupper doodle! But don't worry, it's not like I can feel each individual particle of icing as it slides down your throat and gets broken down in your belly!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed before bouncing back over to her seat.
“I told you not toooo say it like that, now she's even mooore grossed out,” whispered the ghostly shade of Fluttershy.
“Why don't we just keep this going. What about you Applejack?” Twilight pressed, glancing expectantly at the skeleton partially consumed by a towering apple tree.
Who nodded her great green head in agreement. “In life I tended to the many trees of the family orchard with love and attention.”
A wistful look crossed the strange being’s partially skeletal, mostly plant covered face. “I named each and every one of those trees and cared for them as if they were family.”
Applejack took a long pause, her green eyes staring off into the distance. “Why I could remember it like it was yesterday. Up at the crack of dawn to water Herbert, Josh, Baker, Wallace-”
“We ge-get it you like tre-trees!” Rainbow Dash shouted, the pony leaping into the air only to suddenly return to her seat as if she had never left.
The undead plant monster nodded its head. “I never had any kids to call my own. Trixie passed before we could ever really try. So I took to treatin the trees like they were my own flesh and blood. Turns out that if your good enough friends with one, they’ll do their best to make sure you stay with them, forever.”
Burn Willow blinked as the skeleton stroked the trunk growing out of her neck. “That shouldn't be possible, but then again then seems to be the norm around here,” she muttered.
“Yes well, my friends are rather unqiue, wouldn't you say so Fluttershy?” Twilight offered.
“Oooh yes,” exclaimed the ghost who smiled when she turned to Burn Willow. “My stoooory is much like Applejack’s. After my accident, the animals couldn't let me gooo so they brought me back and made sure I could never get hurt again. The sweet little things.”
“How?” Burn Willow questioned while rubbing her temples. “Animals don't even have magic!”
“They have a sort of gestalt consciousness though, which does have magic,” Twilight pointed out. “Magic strong enough that should it be put to use, could alter the fabric of reality itself.”
Burn Willow sighed. “How does that even happen? You know what, I don't even want to know.”
“It's not that complicated darling. After all, we live in a world with chaos gods, and ancient monsters born before this reality even came into existence,” Rarity pointed out.
“Let me guess, you're not actually a zombie then and were actually brought back by some sort of ancient artifact or the love of your clothes?” Burn Willow deadpanned.
Rarity chuckled. “Oh no. I am indeed a lich born from the twisted machinations of dark magic and brought back from death’s embrace by the power of necromancy.”
Burn Willow’s jaw hung open.
Twilight however, merely sighed. “It was an accident.”
“An accident?!” Shrieked the younger pony.
“Look, it was this whole thing because she was focusing on creating these clothes and she died,” Twilight poorly explained.
“How is that even possible?” Burn Willow retorted.
“That's wha-what I said!” Exclaimed Rainbow Dash, who suddenly appeared next to Burn Willow. “They didn't eve-even tell you the best part though! She die-died because she forgot to eat.”
“Yes well, that is no longer a concern of mine,” Rarity remarked in a slightly dismissive tone.
The younger pony sighed. “And let me guess. You’ve closed down friendship castle in order to give them a place to live without scaring the public while probably giving them disguises?”
Twilight smiled and clapped her hooves together excitedly. “Wonderful deduction Burn Willow.”
“It's how I can keep running Sugarcube Corner LLC!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.
“And how I can keep watch over the Everfree,” Fluttershy offered.
“And the farm,” Applejack added.
“As well as my thirty seven Boutiques,” Rarity remarked in a proud tone.
“Pffft, y'all need to rela-rela-relax more,” Rainbow Dash repeated before banging a hoof upside her head. “You should do what I do and spend each day on a different continent.”
“Not all of us can fly through the fabric of reality,” Applejack droned.
“Through the…” Burn Willow collapsed into a heap, her curly mane slowly turning straight one hair at a time.
“Oh my, it seems like we’ve broken her,” remarked Rarity.
“Is this a bad time?” Asked a nervous tone.
Everyone turned to the entrance where a crystal golem shaped like Shining Armor stood.
Burn Willow groaned and threw up her hooves. “I quit! I’m going back to my village to be a farmer.”
“Good on ya kid,” Applejack exclaimed.
“Wait, hold on! What about your love of learning!” Twilight shouted, the alicorn scrambling after her student.
“I don't care anymore, this is too much for me!” The pony paused at the entrance, and gave the room a wave. “Goodbye everyone, I’ll remember you all in therapy!”
When the door slammed shut, Twilight sighed. “Damn, that's the third one this decade.”
“So, are we goin-going to finish our dungeons and dragons gam-game or what?” Rainbow Dash demanded, having appeared back in her chair.
“We might as well since our paladin is back,” Twilight murmured. “Though I should probably go talk to my student.”
“Too bad, I brought hay burgers,” Shining Armor replied, pulling several bags of take out from a pocket dimension.
“Ahh she's probably fine,” Twilight muttered, sitting back down.
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon!
Join me over on patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: John, MestreJ, Starless, Gear Change, DioKyo, Tacocat598, Canary in The Coal Mine, Ceepert, Doomgoey, Tiwake, Vigilant Watch, Joshua, Nfreak, Facinus, M, John, Rhys, Corey, Blade Tech, Mephia, Peter, Apollyon, Nightwing, 浩民 簡, Hannibal, Dragon's Sheperd, BeenMcsqueen, Mop Hop, Dale, Xvos, Nathan, Octavia and Lowbar, Lich lord krosis, Prysm, Mike, Astor, Travis, Soundtea, Menthol Qtip, Craig, Mirvra, Ivar, Pacsik, Kali, Makani, Steven, Fiamgoku, free, GruB, Todd, Megatyrant.
