Under the starlight the moons glow cascades me in an ivory shine. I sigh, sitting out on my rooms balcony reading through a copy of Quantum’s journal. Frustrated at the lack of discovery I impatiently stand up and head back inside, beginning to pace the room.

This has become unbearably slow. It’s been over a week and we still have nothing to show for it! Not the trip to the morgue, not reading these stupid journals! I need something more, something out of the box

“If you keep pacing like that I’m going to scream”

“If you keep pacing like that, leave me alone you wouldn’t understand”

Rolling her eyes she goes back to her writing. “Guess I’ll just have to share this juicy rumor I heard about princess Luna and the weird human stallion staying at the castle…”

“You already promised you wouldn’t, don’t be stupid”

“I’ve been told I’m pretty stupid before so it wouldn’t be a surprise”

“Novella do you even understand-“

“Ah ah ah, what’s my name again?”

Thought gritted teeth I reply, “Im not calling you that”

A disgustingly large grin grows on her face, “But you must”

“How about this, I’ll call you Novy. How’s that? It’s a nice nickname, it’s not degrading…”

“I don’t like it”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t!”

Pinching the bridge of my nose I sit down on a chair next to the desk. “You know at some point you’re going to have to tell me an actual reason instead yelling at me”

“Actually I won’t”

“What if I asked Luna?”

Placing the quill back in its ink, she stares at me with an angry scowl, “My story is not your business”

“It kind of is cause every time anything gets slightly inconvenient you yell at me and leave. Don’t you want to finish your fuckin book? Guess what, you can’t do that unless you’re in my room and Luna thinks I'm writing the story so I have to be here too!” I stand up almost ready to leave. “If we can’t even talk for more then five minutes without an issue then what do you want me to do huh? Sit here in silence?”

“That’d be nice”

“Yeah it sure would, wouldn’t it?” I shake my head at a breaking point. She had been rude the entire week up to this point, more so since the incident. Whatever reason it was beyond frustrating at this point. This was the last straw, I was done being nice. “Everypony has problems, stop acting like a filly and grow up”

Slamming her hooves on the desk her eyes glare to me with a sudden rage, “Oh yeah?! What would you know about anyponies problems silverspoon? You’ve probably had it since day one! Oh what wine should we use for the banquet? Does this suit make my ass look big? Buck you! You don’t have a clue what a real struggle is!”

Within me I feel something snap. Standing tall I walk over slowly, “I don’t have a clue what a real struggle is? Do you even have a clue what I’ve been through? Do you even fucking know half the shit I’ve done?! I’m not born from some royalty Scribble, I’m born from another fucking world! I came here lost and alone, told there was no way back on day one! Do you know how many people I left behind? How many people think I’m dead?!? It eats at me every fucking time I even think about my past to the point where I can’t even discuss it! Then I come to this fucking new world that’s supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows and you know what happens next? I get fucking raped! Violated! Abused! Spent over a month trying to get over that, not before I tried to kill myself of course. Oh and did I forget to mention the collar?!” I grab at it pulling violently against my neck.

“Let’s not forget about the fact I have some weird magic illness that kills anypony I get close to unless I wear this highly fashionable sex collar! Fucking embarrassed the shit out of myself every day until the shame became something I don’t even feel anymore. Then it turns out the pony that raped me had a weird rape family and fucking abducted me into their creepy cellar. Guess how I got out of that one? I bet the news didn’t say anything about what really happened Novella! Please take a guess”

By now I’d backed her into the corner leaving her scared and shocked. My aggressive stature leaving her too stunned to speak. “I… uh…”

“I killed them, I had too” the memory causes me to back away with a lump in my throat. “I still have nightmares about that day, about what I saw. About the smell… oh god the fucking smell” a tinge of copper meets tongue. I have to lean against the wall just to keep my balance. “And then even after all that I try to be a nice guy and help you out but, you were right. I didn’t do it just for you, I did it because I was afraid I would be lonely. Because the pony I love most is back in Ponyville while I’m on this trip and I can’t bother Luna all day so I have to be alone sometimes. It’s pathetic I know but, it’s my worst fucking fear”

By the end of my rant, my voice is nearly a whisper, “So what possibly could have happened to you that would make you unable to even talk about it?”

Still shocked, she takes a few steps from the corner and sits along the wall with me, eyes never moving from me. “I… I didn’t know… I’m sorry. I thought…” rubbing her foreleg she seems uncertain about the next move.

I meanwhile was exhausted, completely out of patience and out of time. Novella’s continued silence was all the answer I needed so I left the room. Honestly I half expected her to stop me but, I guess she was still too shocked to talk. Maybe she’ll tell other ponies what I said or maybe she’ll quit her job, I didn’t care at this point. All I wanted was to see Luna.

Unaware of any issue, Luna had just finished up her night court and was expecting a day off from either working on my case or spending time with me. She hadn’t even planned anything with her sister, deciding today would be a perfect spa day.

Humming a song I’d recently taught her, she found her way back to her room briefly as to put away her attire. Couldn’t afford to damage any of her expensive regalia, it’s worth more then most ponies livelihoods. It’s not like she enjoyed the flashy wear rather, she felt it was necessary as a sign of the country’s wealth. That and her sister deemed it mandatory after her first return to night court. How was she supposed to know wearing battle garb was considered unprofessional during these times? In her eyes the regalia seemed ridiculous, a disconnect between the common pony and nobility. It was a discussion for another time, one with her sister and a few glasses of wine.

Unfortunately for Luna her spa day would seem to be in jeopardy, a few knocks on her door at this hour only meaning a few possible things. Trotting over to answer she pondered over the possibilities. To her surprise it was the least expected, an emotional looking human clearly in distress.

“What has happened? Were you not with miss Novella working on your novel?” Without responding I fall to my knees hugging Luna weakly, needing the touch. Reflexively she protects me with her wings, wrapping me in a double layered hug. “Joey? Are thou okay?”

“I did a bad”

“Hm?”

“I snapped Luna, I snapped at Novella”

“Well it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she received a scolding, the mare can be very impertinent-“

“No Luna, I mean I really snapped”

“How bad?”

“Like spewed my guts out, tell my whole life story kinda bad. No details left out”

“Oh…” she took a moment to process what I had said, stroking my back with a hoof in a desperate attempt to calm me. “I’m sure she will be fine”

“Am I pathetic?” I have to separate myself to see Luna’s genuine response.

“No, what makes you ask that? Was it something she said or…?”

“Because I do stupid shit for stupid reasons. Like I… Luna I gotta be honest, the only reason I have Novella has a maid is to keep my company so I don’t bother you all the time”

“You do not bother us Joey, you know this. Do not be swayed by such nonsensical thoughts. We understand the fear for becoming… overbearing? I’m not sure the word for it but, we understand where you come from. It is a fear of ours as well, to be a burden on our sister. We had only her to rely on and no friends otherwise making our choices limited on who to spend time with. But, as I worry of her patience with us, I still understand she is still our sister and would be willing to spend time with us whenever. Perhaps understanding my love for thou is undying could help weigh down on such worries”

“You’re not mad I didn’t tell you the truth? The whole truth at least”

Giggling she boops my nose with her own, “Neigh, how could we find anger in such a cute admittance. Why if thou was just worried about being lonely then you should have just said so, our room is always available to you and my ear as well”

“But.. isn’t it kinda pathetic? That I was afraid enough of being alone that I would have you get me my own private maid?”

“Better then the reason we feared”

“What’s that?”

“I had her figured to have caught thine’s eye, she is but a minor you know”

“Wait what? She has fillies, as in plural!”

“Wha-.. HA! We should have cleared that up for thou. She has carried no foal, she refers to her siblings as such. Maybe it would be better if we explained her past given the reluctance”

“Please because it feels like every time I say something that makes her uncomfortable she just yells at me and runs away. I wanted for her to tell me herself but, she’s so fuckin stubborn!”

“You must be patient with her, as my sister was with me”

“Lu she sent you to the moon”

“Not after years of persistent blow ups! We were unstable and stubborn, dangerous with power. Had she not done what was necessary, I can only wonder the damage we would have done”

“I think a better example would be myself honestly. I might still be stubborn and stupid but, I can admit I’ve gotten a lot better”

“Yes, it would have taken nothing short of a disaster for thou to admit the same lie but a few months ago”

“A disaster? I wasn’t that bad was I? Okay please stop staring at me like that”

Putting away her judgement face she leads me over to the bed to discuss Novella’s story. “If we are to explain everything it would be best I started with how we met. This was around the time of our return, less then a month had passed. Celly wanted us to be seen in a better light with the public and in wanting such scheduled us for several public relations type meetings. One in particular would be the first meeting between myself and miss Scribble. You see, she was an orphan, born to have never know her father and left by her mother. The one thing she could be certain of is that the other two fillies with her were of her own blood. As the oldest of three, she took it upon herself to protect them as if they were her own foals, keeping them from any adoption in order to avoid family separation. Selfishly she might not have understood at the time she was taking away any opportunities of her sisters living normal lives, too young to understand their predicament”

“Are her siblings still living in that orphanage or..?”

“One I believe is still there while the other has found a home with a lovey couple in Manehattan”

“So why didn’t her other sister become a maid like Novy?”

“We shall explain. Once we met, she told me of most her story, explaining her issue in a hope I could in some way be a help. We felt the pain she endured as she spoke and knew we must do something so in response I asked for miss Scribble to be our own personal maid at the palace. She would be given training and taught up like any other worker only much younger and more as an assistant at first. The problem however, was her younger sisters ages. I am no baby sitter nor does the palace generally fund for one so the issue became present immediately. We made it clear if she were to come with us then her sister would be left behind but, I made promise I would personally see to it that the families looking to adopt them were suitable. Her younger sisters pushed for her to find purpose outside of watching them, so she came with us”

“How old is Novy then?”

“She is nineteen, a couple years from maturity. Any younger and she too would be unable to work as a maid”

“Wait, so how come she isn’t your personal maid? I thought you said she came here to be yours?”

“She was, only I would not need her presence always. At times she would need to be useful attending others. That was at least until thou asked for her in specific”

“Wow, so maybe that’s why she’s all pissy with me, cause I took her away from you”

“Perhaps that might be one of the many reasons. Another is she seems to have a heavy distain for stallions given her hatred for her father. It’s misplaced and misguided only she refuses to believe us when we say”

“Yikes, count me for two strikes before I even got up to the plate”

“There is also an inkling we have on why she might be so brash at times”

“Cause it seems like she’s never had anypony to trust besides you her entire life?”

“I fear she hates herself for leaving her sisters even if it was their desire”

“I don’t blame her, I hate myself all the time for reasons less then that”

“Ourself as well”, She seems bothered by her words but continues, “It is easy to seek perfection with our lives even if it is found nowhere. Even our sister falls victim at times. Either way, that is the origin of her plight. Use this information as you will and may I suggest one thing? Do not tell her you know, let her tell you herself”

“Trust me I wouldn’t tell her, I just wanted to avoid any more arguments between us. It was getting unbearable”

“We can tell” she chuckles while playing with my hair. “We hope you two can become friends by the end, it would make us very happy”

“Long as she can hold up her end of the bargain”

“What is it that she gets out of this anyways? I never would have expected her to be so willing at first”

“You know how she’s supposed to be helping me write my book, she’s actually writing her own. I told her if I said it was mine that I could convince you to help get it to the public so she can become an author like she wants”

“Using our own love for personal gain? So devious”

“You’ll still help her get it public will you?”

“Is that what you desire?”

“Please. After hearing her story it kinda strengthened my resolve”

“Then it shall be done” giddily she can’t help but bounce up and down. “Oh we are excited! I truly believe this whole thing will be beneficial for you both!”

“Speaking of beneficial, I’m not gonna lie Lu, you’ve been pretty good tonight with your speaking”

“Have we really? I never noticed”

“Keep it up and maybe we can move on to contractions”

“How would birthing canal movements benefit our linguistic skills?”

“Jesus Luna”

“What? We are confused”

After a little cuddle session and some english lessons, Luna explained to me her plan for the night and honestly, it sounded like a pretty good time. I’ve never been to a spa before but, I know they all usually have one thing. A masseur/masseuse. I didn’t really care the gender, I just wanted the massage.

In pursuit of relaxation I followed the lovey moon mare the entire way without much banter. I was tired, not feeling very chatty and Luna took notice.

“Tis not like you to say so silent”

“Tired”

“Then this experience will be even better! Nothing beats a trip to spa after a long shift, specially a shift like tonight”

“What happened?”

“Prince Blueblood”

“Prince Blueblood? Who the fucks that?”

“A cousin of Cadance and a distant nephew of our sister and I. Consider yourself blessed to have not met him already”

“That bad?” Widening her eyes and nodding it appears, it’s that bad.

“So he showed up and bothered you?”

Before answering my question we arrive upon a set of majestic silk curtains displayed over a large opening. Doorless, the entrance did lead to a curtained off locker room or that was my guess at least. She led me through both door ways and into the dressing room, it’s appearance that of a large closet in some ways. Several stitched bins of some sort of soft rope like material surrounded the walls leaving multiple places for me to leave my wear. Embarrassed I have to ask the question.

“Luna do I have to go in naked?”

“Huh? Oh tartus we forgot! I am sorry Joey, we did not remember thou’s issue with clothing. Should I ask for a towel to cover yourself?”

“Please” heavily flushed I hate to be that guy but, I still have human principles. I wouldn’t be able to get over issues like this anytime soon, maybe ever. Returning shortly with a towel she gives me an apologetic look.

“We truly are sorry”

“It’s fine Lu, thank you for the towel”

Curious, she edges closer to me in a whisper, “Is it because of the lack of hair that you need it?”

“Luna I don’t… I don’t have a way to hide my… my stuff”

“Your genitalia?”

“God that word sounds gross”

“Surely it can’t be that embarrassing? What, do all humans wear clothing when they swim as well?”

“Yeah”

Dumbfounded her mouth remains aghast, “What?! Then when do you disrobe? Ever?”

“Usually during really private moments Luna”

“Like bathing alone?”

“Like bathing alone or… when having sex. We don’t get naked often”

“I see.. so in exposing yourself thou might feel as if the situation is more intimate then actuality?”

“More like I’d die from embarrassment”

“Has miss Pie seen you in your entirety?”

“Jesus Luna boundaries!”

She has to hold back her laughter, cracking under the urge. “Thou are so easy to rile! Relax, we are here to enjoy this moment”

“I’d like to. Back on earth we had things like this as well but, I never went. Always wanted to though. Probably would’ve been called gay though”

“It is homosexual to enjoy the spa?”

“No it’s… it’s complicated, maybe I’ll explain what I mean later”

“Please do, your culture seems awfully intriguing”

“Not as much as yours”

“We would beg to differ”

I had almost completely undressed at this point leaving nothing but my briefs on while Luna still stood there unaware of my discomfort.

“Um, would you mind looking away or something?”

Confused she obliges, “Thou makes such a large deal about being seen unclothed. It seems like too much trouble to be worth the hassle”

“Think of it this way, my body’s like a present for you to open when I feel comfortable enough to show you”

“Do you not trust us?”

“I trust you it’s just… it’s more complicated then you’re making it seem! I like you Luna and I really do trust you but, we only started seriously dating less then a month ago. Most human relationships avoid any sort of… private shit like that for way longer then that. Most heathy relationships I should add”

“That does not sound any different then Equestrian culture however, we find it taboo to wear certain clothing in public that you might find regular. Like those inappropriate socks you insist on publicly displaying”

“Again with the socks, you know Pinkie likes seeing me in them”

“Because she is of a perverted mind!”

“Eeehhh, yeah you got me there”

“We will agree that there are cultural differences between us and as long as we make them public to one another, we can avoid any possible issue. So if it is uncomfortable for us to see thou naked, I shall respect your feelings on the matter”

“Thank you”

“But you must cover those socks when possible, we can hardly hide our blush as times!”

Entering deeper into another set of curtain doors, Luna and I found ourselves laying parallel on matching massage tables. The room was steamy and dim, a strong scent of incense filling my nostrils. Besides the massage tables in the room’s center, a small cabinet filled with assorted candles, towels, and oils rest against the far wall. Near it rest a decorative fountain, it’s flowing water leaving the room with a tranquil and oddly pleasing sound. It was layered, coming from the next room beyond as well. I could only assume there was a large bath or some sort of sauna.

Our wait isn’t long, two mares with matching white fur enter, taking their places beside us both. I lay flat down making me feel slightly vulnerable but, I wouldn’t let my nerves ruin this for Luna. Time to suck it like a big boy.

While we are on the topic of big boys, did I fail to mention I was almost too large for the masseuse? There was such a large discrepancy between us in fact that she had to practically stand atop of me just to reach most my back. Apologizing profusely as she worked, I remained mostly silent beside the occasional ‘that’s fine’ or ‘I’m okay’. Although a little heavier then I would’ve liked, the mare does a pretty good job grinding into the nooks and crannies of my back. Only after a few painful starting minutes does the experience begin to reward, leaving me with an urge to close my eyes and wish sleep.

Filled with pleasured grunts, the mare beside me seems to have reached the same conclusion as I. A peaceful bliss, surrounded by a ocean of pleasantries. Luna was the first to speak.

“Are thou enjoying this as much as I?”

“Yeah… it’s surprisingly… I guess I shouldn’t say surprisingly given the whole poin- oooh that was good” the sudden push against my lower back interrupts my thoughts.

“Wonderful! It is not often we get to do this let alone with our Co- *ahem*, friend” I catch her slip up and brush it off. The whole experience likely has her too distracted to even notice the company, even if they’re hoof deep into her back.

“We’ll have to do this again before I go”

“Mmm yes, we should”

With all the laying around and relaxation, my mind can’t help but wander, creating a question I must have answered. One that would have to wait given the other two present.

“Luna could you remind me after this there was something I wanted to ask you?”

“Of course, is it something that needs addressing soon?”

“Yes, it’s about one of the reasons I’m here actually”

“We will absolutely remind you after this”

Then as sudden as our conversation ends, the weight above me is lifted. Stepping down from a stool close by she is followed by her familiar leaving me and Luna alone.

“Uh should I ask you now?”

“Neigh, wait a moment for their return. They will provide us both… they will provide me with a towel for the bath”

Looking down to my towel I huff, “And you made fun of me for wearing it”

“Hah, yes! Thou still looked ridiculous wearing that during a massage!” She laughs, “At least you have ridden yourself of those socks. We could not have stayed if you had not removed them, the second hoof embarrassment would be impalpable”

“Stop being such a drama queen or I’ll start wearing them over my hands too”

Her voice is full of skepticism, “Thou would not dare”

“Try me”

One of the white mares sneaks between us holding a towel over her back, “Your majesty”

Taking it with her magic she drapes the cloth around her in an odd fashion. Although weird it’s the only way she could cover herself when I give it thought. Wrapped around her lower half it strangely holds tight around without falling off.

“Thank you both for the pleasure! We are both sure to return soon”

“The pleasure is all ours princess”

Smiling brightly Luna takes a second to conjure some sort of spell blinding the room with a light flash. In replace of the sudden light, a bottle of exotic wine hovers over to the masseuse.

“Consider this a bonus for your ability to impress us each visit. Share with your sister as well, I’m sure she is just as deserving” Luna finishes looking to me.

I answer quickly once I realize she’s asking me a question, “She was really good! This whole experience was awesome”

“Thank you, and thank you princess! I’ll be sure to let her know you enjoyed. You two have a wonderful time with the bath!”

“Tis our favorite part. Come Joey, this way”

As we pass I give a small wave and smile letting her know I was actually rather pleased. I hadn’t felt this refreshed in a long time. Just following Luna became a task on its own, my legs feeling rubbery from the massage.

“Wow that mare really worked my ass”

“W-what?! Did she sexually assault thou?”

“Huh? No! What are yo- oh…. HA! Luna I meant she worked me pretty good. She didn’t touch my ass”

“Why say it in that way then?! Mercy! About gave us an anxiety attack!”

Chuckling I scratch her behind the ear briefly, “Heh heh, silly Lulu”

“Anypony would have had that misconception!”

“Maybe, but nopony would have looked as funny as you just did. You should’ve seen the look on your face”

Pouting she flips her mane to knock away my hand, “’Twas a fair mistake”

Reaching the end of our steamy marble hall, Luna and I come across the source of the running water. Within a large room filled with various wooden screens, a large bath rests in the center, several detours splitting around its edges. These detours were pockets of elevated seating beneath the water, private areas for groups who otherwise wished to avoid others. Privacy still wasn’t a given however, as the screens themselves carried several hexagonal holes in their faces. All in all they were they more for aesthetic then for purpose. Along the walls remained the marble walkway, to and from the many exits and entrances. There were bathrooms, another set of locker rooms and even a bar which currently rests untended. The whole room was painted white yet the dim lighting made things much easier on the eyes, that and the occasional break from white pillars created from many elegantly painted wall murals. It was a hell of a sight and even through the hazy steam filled room, I could still tell we were the only ones here.

“I’ve never been in a public bath before but this… this is amazing”

“We thought the same our first time back. This is much more impressive then the one we had before. While I might find my artistic touch with the morgue, our sister always found pleasure in creating the perfect bathhouse. Currently this is her most prized possession”

“I can tell” I say glancing over a similar piece of artwork. It’s appearance reminds me of my question from earlier. “I almost forgot, I have this question I wanted to ask you”

“First let us enjoy the waters for a moment before getting into any serious conversation. It is easiest to think when we are at our coziest”

I don’t argue, stepping into the water without hesitation. It’s hot, like break a sweat hot. Even at its massive size it still carries such a heat! Without thinking I take off my towel and use it for a head rest once I sit down. Behind me Luna is quick to look away once she realizes what I’m doing, still trying to keep my privacy. When I look back I see she’s put her own towel around her head, her horn still protruding from the front. Her face is heavily flushed as well.

“Water too hot?”

“S-something like that”

“… did you…”

“We looked away as fast as we could”

“*sigh* sorry” not wanting to sit there in a pool of our own embarrassment, I begin to ask my question. “You know how Celestia wanted to reform Discord and all that? I was just curious on how all that went cause I haven’t gotten a letter from Pinkie in like three days and that might as well be three years when talking about Pinkie”

“Ah yes, I believe that should have been decided whether or not to be considered a failure by now. Should I ask for our sisters report on the matter?”

“If it isn’t too much. I tried asking Twilight in a letter the other day but, she said she was still really busy. I didn’t want to bother the girls if Discords really as dangerous as I’ve heard”

“Dangerous? Why that word does not do him justice. His potential is enough to rule over all of Equestria! With magic powerful enough to rival our sisters and us combined, had we not had the elements of harmony, defeat would have been unavoidable”

“Jeez, and you all wanted to free him for a chance at redemption? Seems kinda crazy to me”

“We would agree with thou at a certain point in our life. Now reformed myself, I can truly see from both sides” staring to the ceiling artwork she reminisces of a time now passed. “You never realize how much you desire help until it is too late. We are just glad to be here right now then to be banished to Tartus or to the moon… or wherever I might have been” with a gleam in her eyes she leans into me resting her head on my shoulder. “Perhaps in time thou might become friends with Discord although that is quite a frightening thought”

“It was only easy becoming friends with you because you’re actually a great pony Lu. If that Discord dude is as bad as you say then I doubt I’ll find common ground with the guy”

“We are not a good pony”

Smacking my lips in disappointment, I boop her nose with a wet finger, “Don’t be a doofus! If you keep talking like that you’ll be no better then me”

“A wonderful pony?”

“A mess, now pick that chin up be proud of the mare you are today. Think about it, not many ponies could go through what you went through and come back. I know I couldn’t”

“How are we supposed to consider ourselves good after the atrocities we’ve caused? Because we ‘changed’ now? Because we feel remorse? These feelings do not change the past!”

“Yes but, they show that you’re a better pony now and that you are trying!” Hugging her close I put my forehead against hers. “Trust me when I say this, you’re a wonderful person”

In an attempt to make her feel my honesty even more, I refer to her as I see her. As another person. Not as a pony or an animal or anything else but, as an equal. When I lift her head to see her reaction I notice the heavy blush surrounding her shocked expression. She looks like she’s seen a ghost!

“Luna?”

“W-we… WE COULDN’T HELP BUT LOOK! You had our head facing straight down, what were we to do but look!”

Blushing myself now I cover my privates with a hand, “Luna what the heck! I was giving a whole pep talk and you go and peek a look!?”

“This was no peek! Oh no, it felt as if we were only a foot away!”

“W-what?! You could’ve just lied or something! Could’ve said you didn’t see it!”

“But we did and it was so small! Surely your friend grows does he not?”

“LUNA! Of course he grows!!”

Placing a hoof to her forehead she looks as if she’s about to pass out, “We have lied to you and to our sister! You are our first suitor, our first true suitor and I have never seen a stallions… thing before so close! Oh I might feint”

“Luna this is.. this is a whole lot to take in”

“Unlike your friend”

“Are you trying to kill me?!” If I was any more hot in the face I might die. “What’s with all the sudden honesty?!”

“We are trying to distract ourself but, it has failed miserably! We only now keep imagining thou’s member even more vividly!”

“Luna!”

“I am sorry! Please forgive us!” By now she’s so red that her original coat color has completely been erased.

“We should probably get out, you look like your going to pass out” I go to help her when her wings shoot straight out nearly smacking my face.

“EEP! Please ignore that!”

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

“We can’t help it! Tis too embarrassing to explain!”

“Did you just get a wing boner?”

“Ignore it!”

“How come you get to make fun of my friend but, I can’t make fun of your boner?”

“Tis not a boner!”

“Totally is”

“T-tis not!”

“Stiff. Can’t help it. Possible sexual tension. I don’t know, sounds like a boner”

“We… we are not…” Standing up she starts to wobble, clearly overwhelmed from all the heat.

Starting to fall, I catch her taking her back to the locker room to cool down. She had feinted and was unconscious in my arms. Resting her down I rush to go find some water. Once she’s finally come to, I had already laid her head down on my towel covered lap. Thankfully her face had changed back to its navy blue color, only a thin haze of red remaining. Dizzy she can barely open her eyes, “W-what… happened?”

“You got too hot. Here drink this please” I help lift her head up so that she can take a drink, the cold water visibly bringing the life back to her. She chugs the whole things with a gasp. “Feel better?”

“Does anypony know of what happened?”

“I figured you might get embarrassed so I didn’t tell anypony. They thought it was just some weird human thing I needed so much water. Here I got another one for you” taking the glass bottle she starts drinking again, this time not finishing the entire bottle right away.

“We are sorry for getting so easily riled up. I imagined I would be fine seeing you so exposed so close… this is all new for us please understand”

I huff, either from relief or from disbelief. I can’t really tell. “You’re so forward all the time I just figured this wasn’t your actual first relationship, that and you’re like thousands of years old. To be honest though, I’m just glad your okay”

Blushing once more she looks away, “At least a thousand of those years thou must excuse. There are no suitors on the moon and for the other thousand, we had no interest other then to avoid Celly’s teasing”

“So what changed with me?”

“You are… different, like us. Never have I spoken with a pony who understands us more”

“That’s fair but, why were you not interested in courting at all?”

“Things were… we were… it felt pointless” placing the bottle down she sits up on her own next to me. “What is the point to courting one who is mortal? Would we not suffer the sad fate of watching our loved one die slowly before us, leaving us alone to grief? We were afraid of such fate. Afraid of losing one dear to us”

“What changed?”

“We realized we could not enjoy life if we did not suffer. Grief and pain is a part of life just as love and joy is. It only took us thousands of years to finally grow up and realize this” she leans back into me nuzzling her face against my neck. “It led us to here so we can not complain”

Hugging her close I let her cool herself down some more before we start to get ready to head back. Eventually she’s good enough to stand and I dress myself back up leaving the only thing left to do finding our way back.

We pace ourselves to whatever speed she requires, her first few steps awfully wobbly. Like a newborn fawn she eventually gets a good stride going and most of the walk goes without break. I wait to really question Luna more until we’ve made it back safely, both of us resting on her bed. My skins still red from the bath while Luna still suffers from a hazy lightheadedness.

“You never answered me earlier, what was with all the honesty? Like why hide all that shit in the first place from me only to reveal it now?”

“We could not hide it from thou forever. As for our behavior I shall come clean, I owe you this much” sitting up beside me she faces away toward the window. “Consider our boldness a type of coping mechanism. We always found pretending to be courageous or fearless worked just as well as the actual self felt emotion. It is not important that the pony leading should feel convinced, only that their followers believe the actions are genuine”. Spinning around to look at me I can see the worry plastered on her face. “I am a fraud. A pitiful excuse of a ruler. A hypocrite”

“What? No you’re not! I’ve seen you in night court deal with all sorts of… princess issues AND I saw you fight that scary changeling mare at the wedding! You’re not going to tell me that wasn’t brave are you?”

“You misunderstand! Why do you believe we attend a night court instead of the day court with our sister? The unimportant, hardly attended, court of the night”

“It’s not uni-“

“We barely handle over a handful of requests a night, requests that very well could wait until the morning. We host the night court because we lack in the same ability our sister holds. Our knowledge less advanced, our social abilities lacking, tis an excuse created by our sister in order to prevent further embarrassment!”

“But I’ve seen you solve issues that I couldn’t answer let alone understand!”

“Anything of any actual importance we abstain from solving, pushing the issue to our sisters care. We do not have the capability to run this country Joey and it is a wonder our sister even provides us with the responsibility we hold. I fake and evade any real problem, still the lost little filly our sister banished to the moon all those years ago…”

“Luna…”

“Even our speech is a falsity, displaying some sort of high intellectual cognitive ability or wisdom we truly do not have. Thousands of years Joey, thousands and we do not feel any different then our first twenty”

“Luna”

“And then our relationship! Why I pretend to be anything but terrified yet, my hooves shake just being near you! We can’t help but feel light and.. and our insides ticklish, hay we are nervous right now!”

“LUNA!” Startled by my shout she freezes. “It’s okay to be all of those things, to be nervous, to feel unprepared. There hasn’t been a moment in my life we’re I’ve felt like I have everything planned or that I’m where I need to be. Shit I know I’m not mature but, that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you fake it to make it Luna because you wanna know why?”

She rolls her eyes, “Because we try?”

“Because no matter how scared or awful you feel you still go out and kick ass doing your best. Every. Damn. Night”

“But we lied to you, that is not our best”

“You lied to yourself but, to me? You’re exactly the mare I already knew. Somepony strong enough to deal with anxieties and worries most ponies wouldn’t even be able to comprehend. Honestly, you spilling your guts out to me right now made me even more confident in my belief in you. You’re a princess, my princess, the princess of the fucking moon so are you gonna just sit there and doubt yourself while I keep rooting you on?”

“But… even if we are not qualified as a ruler?”

“Even if you can’t even take the throne as princess, I’ll still be there”

“Surely you realize how pathetic we are?” Her voice cracks, eyes looking for any inklings of agreement.

“All I’ve realized is that your problems are my problems Lu… let’s get over them together” Reaching out I hold her hoof in my hand.

Overwhelmed with emotion the tears brimming in her eyes begin to spill over and her trembling lip forces itself down into a frown. I hug her without hesitation as she lets out the frustrations poring over her current threshold. This was pent up emotions, emotions held for who knows how long. She needed me here.

She must’ve cried for almost an hour until sleep overtook her exhausted body. To tell you the truth I was distraught by her wailing, never once imagining a pony of such power could be so hurt. It was humbling as well, to see her like any other individual broken and defeated. In a strange way this felt like our roles were reversed, that somehow I’ve become the rock of this relationship and to be honest it was sorta refreshing to not be the one always relying on others. Sadly it came at the cost of another’s pain but, I could still be there for her, helping every step of the way. But this left me with question. Should I tell Celestia? Perhaps ask Pinkie what to do? Fluttershy? Shy always seemed like the one to know what to do in situations like this. All this worry came with nothing but a headache so I stored it away for another time, focusing my attention to Luna.

Restless she tossed in her sleep even with my arms wrapped around her. I was still shocked over everything, so much anxiety and worry. I had her figured as such a dependable figure, unbroken, unshaken. To know what I know now has completely changed what I originally thought. She needed my comfort and support, enough to get her back on her hooves. Mumbling in her sleep I can feel a cold sweat brewing over her. My poor princess. I give her shake to stir her from the nightmare.

“Hey, Lulu. It’s okay, you’re with me. It’s okay”

Against tear stained fur and tired eyes she fights to look up at me, still broken in spirit. “We are sorry… please forgive us”

“Shhh shh shh, you’ve done nothing wrong”

“We are a failure”

“You are beautiful”

“I am foolish”

“Honest”

“Irresponsible”

“Admirable”

“Immature”

“Empathetic”

“Please stop we are none of those qualities!”

“I’ll stop when you stop lying to yourself”

“How could it be a lie? I have hid this… this embarrassing fear, this cowardice truth from even our sister. We couldn’t bare to let her know how we really feel, she would be too quick to blame herself. A quality kept only by one deserving of the throne”

“You blame yourself for literally everything Luna what are you talking about?”

She ignores my reply, attempting to change the subject, “We were not ready before and we are not ready now. What else could she had done but banish us? A nuisance of a sister!”

“How do you know how she feels? Have you ever asked her or did you assume?”

“Presumably that is her true feelings, should they not be? What have we done to prove our worthiness?”

“Who said anything about needing to be worthy? Why are you so insistent on being perfect? Luna nopony is perfect! I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, hell even Celestia isn’t perfect!”

“She is far beyond our capabilities”

“She fucking lied to me because she felt like it was the right thing to do, not because she knew what I wanted but because she knew what she wanted. If that’s not the most opinionated, selfish decision you know then name me a another”

“…”

“Can you… can you please just do me one favor. Stop beating yourself up. You’re a good pony, I know you are so for my sake, try to be more forgiving with yourself. You said it yourself earlier, nopony is perfect”

She doesn’t answer instead nuzzles me down onto my back, resting her head on my chest. Letting out a deep exhale she relaxes, obviously done with tonight.

“…sorry”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for”

Writing a letter to Scribble, I make it clear she is to have the day off. The last thing I need is for anypony to see Luna like this. She was at her lowest and needed help picking herself back up.

I trace a finger through her light blue mane as she slept, her form changing to its proper shape over the night. She was smaller, much more closely related to an average pony then her public appearance. Her coat a strange blueish purple I could never describe, wings small and proportionate. She looked vulnerable, much younger then either of her other forms. I always assumed this was how she was supposed to look. Also, in a way it made me realize this is how she felt inside right now. Small and weak. Appearing small enough to look as if she needed protection.

Naturally it seemed I always wanted to panic and this situation was no different. I was beginning to worry.

Maybe I should tell Celly or maybe I shouldn’t. What would Luna think if I told her against her will? But what would happen if I didn’t tell her? Would Luna think I didn’t trust her? Should I even put this much trust in myself to help her alone? Can I ever calm the fuck down for one moment?!

Worrying wasn’t going to help me out and neither was procrastinating. I needed to do something. With a look back to Luna I started walking out the door.

“I’m sorry Lulu”

If there was one lesson I’ve learned in Equestria, it’s to ask for help when you need it even if it felt bothersome or annoying. Celestia needed to know and I needed her help.

Author's Note

Hola readers I hope you’ve all had a wonderful day/night and merry Christmas! If you don’t celebrate Christmas then I hope whatever your holiday is, is filled with joy and happiness!

Chapter was a little shorter then usual to fit before Christmas so sorry bout that. Also I didn’t like how I wrote in this one so you’ll have to tell me if it’s poop!

This chapter although integral for the story, was also meant to be read in a way that bred thought. Is it truly okay to lack responsibility in our lives, specially in situations requiring more then usual? Truthfully, no. We should always try to take as much responsibility as we can for both our actions and our decisions whether or not we feel things are fair towards us.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced a situation where we were hopeless and felt like giving up but, can you recall any of those situations where you still tried? Where you still gave your best? What was your takeaway? For me, even if I still was met with a result less then desired I could still move on without regret and with some pride for myself knowing I did my best. And if things went well against the odds? Then the success was even tastier then usual!

What I guess I’m trying to say is, to show some grit. No matter the circumstance or situation, you can always have more grit, more effort then anyone else and that’s something to be proud about. Something more to love about yourself

Thanks for reading and I hope any of you suffering with self deprecation like myself find love with the person you are because even if you don’t care about yourself, know that I care about you :)