Author's Note

I’m going back to school so expect the next chapters to potentially take longer however, this story will never be on hiatus unless I break my wrist or something, I’d like to see it through and potentially keep writing this story after my planned ending if I enjoy this enough.

Also this part after I just finished the chapter, I’m likely going to take longer between chapters already seeing how I’m burning myself out trying to write these, I really shouldn’t be going this hard every night so ima give myself break nights, not losing interest at all just saying I’m not sleeping enough

Also I had to write some dialogue for Luna in this and I can’t possible describe how much I suffered with this so I hope it turned out okay.

Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter and if you don’t tell me why, I’ll answer any question you might have and respond as soon as I can!

3 Pinkie’s ‘hooman’ Helper

I wake up refreshed, feeling like I was submerging from a pool on a hot summer day. I could get used to this. I glance to check the time. It’s 10 am, rather early for me yet, I feel much more prepared to take on the day than usual with almost a bounce in my step. I get dressed and head down the hall toward the dining room to see some waffles and cinnamon rolls wrapped up in a saran wrap type cover. I fucking love cinnamon rolls, I’ll have to thank Spike or Twilight whoever left this for me later.

I enjoy my breakfast with some water while realizing I had forgot something, the collar. Oh I forgot all about that, really puts a damper on my mood. After finishing with breakfast, I head back toward my room to grab the collar, bringing it with me to the bathroom. After I shower and freshen up, I place the collar around my neck fastening it into a comfortable position. I look at myself in the mirror with shame, this is a new low. I shouldn’t just sulk, I need to ask one of Twilights friends if I could help out, well technically my friends as well but, I don’t know all of them quite well.

I move toward the door leading into the library section of the home, resting my grip on the handle.

Please just be Twilight and Spike

I open the door to be greeted by my favorite purple unicorn, the rest of the room empty. Twilight sits in a chair behind the checkin desk with reading glasses placed on the edge of her nose, holding a newspaper within her magic. Always reading aren’t you? “Hey Twi, how’s today been? I mean you haven’t been open long but, any ponies yet?”

She sets her glasses to the side using her magic along with the newspaper, looking to me before responding. “Slow, besides Derpy making her mail route I haven’t had one pony. Also what about you? Feel different at all compared to yesterday?”

I sit on the edge of the desk, “I fell asleep last night easy, and woke up today feeling way better then normal, I felt juiced up almost” speaking first with conviction, slowly turning to confusion as I realize my current feeling. Just as I finish my my sentence I realize I’m actually starting to get tired, and my morning nausea is starting up as well. “Actually Twi, I’m starting to feel a little more normal right now”

She looks to me confused. “Well what’s normal?”

“Kind of ill, exhausted, fatigue”

Her face quickly changes to frustration, “That’s normal?!? Why didn’t you tell me you felt that way every morning?”

I rub my neck, “Well I didn’t want you to worry I mean once I get myself up and moving it eventually goes away”

“Well you need to tell me these things from now on, how am I supposed to be a good friend if I don’t even know somethings wrong?”

“Sorry, I just don’t like to complain” By now I feel normal for being awake this long, my fatigue becoming a fleeting thought. What changed to make me lose all that energy I had?

“It’s not complaining if somethings wrong that I can help with, now I remember you saying the other day that you have insomnia correct?”

“Yea but since that accident I’ve been able to sleep whenever I want plus I never found anything to help it back when I was on Earth anyway so I wouldn’t worry about it”

She frowns, “Nonsense, in case it comes back I’ll have Spike get you a prescription for insomnia medication”

Medication? Shouldn’t a pony doctor just wave some magic on me? “I don’t understand, why wouldn’t I just have some spell put on me or something?”

This gets her to turn that frown upside down and giggle, “It wouldn’t make sense to go to the doctor every night just to get your sleep now wouldn’t it? Plus the medication ponies use is magic concealed in tablets, it’s the same thing as going to the doctor and getting a spell treatment” enjoying teaching her lesson as she speaks.

Magic pills huh? This sounds like some jack and the beanstalk type shit but way more believable given the circumstances. “I’ll take your word, and that’s really unnecessary but thanks still cause I know you will get them no matter what I say”

She smiles bright enough to show her teeth while closing her eyes. “You know it!”

We laugh a little and I turn my attention over to Spike who walks in from the main entrance carrying a large stack of books much higher then his own head. “Here Twilight I got the rentals you asked for” placing the books on the checkin desk along with a crossed out sheet of names.

“Thanks Spike! Joey would you mind helping put those back where they belong?”

“I was gonna actually help out anyway, and Twilight is there any one of your friends I can help out today? I want to pay them back for their kindness to me since I’ve been here” I say while grabbing some of the books from the table.

Holy shit Spikes strong if he can lift all of those on his own, the few I got are heavy as hell

“Hmmm, well I’m sure Pinkie could use some help, she’s always trying to go the extra mile for everypony and I bet she’d love your company!” Twilight smiled while now shifting through her mail.

Pinkie huh? She’s a handful, way more energy than I can maintain however, she uses it all to make others happy. Although I might find her annoying at times her cause is justified, honestly I’d like to get to know her better. I’m sure we could be great friends one day seeing our similar passion for humor, and maybe she’ll be like Dash throwing a few jokes back my way when I tease her.

“Alrighty, Do you know where she’s at today?”

Twilight puts her hoof to her chin in thought. I continue to alphabetize the books before handing them to Spike to put away. “Well she lives and works at Sugar Cube Corner so I’d try there first, it’s near th-“

“That’s okay Twilight, I think I know where it’s at, thanks” I say while giving a thumbs up backwards to Twilight still focused on organizing the book pile.

After a few minutes of helping Spike I wave my goodbyes to the treehouse fellowship and began my journey just like Frodo with a single step however, mine takes place in a much kinder world without the one ring. Yes that’s a lord of the rings reference, and yes Sam was the true hero.

I start my walk through ponyville before quickly noticing the increased frequency of stares pointed my way. The fuck is going o- oh yeah the collar. My face turns a shade of crimson as I look down, speeding up my walk. This fucking blows, like really fucking blows. I feel sick, and I really don’t want to be outside much longer. A few ponies snicker and laugh, whispering something while looking my way. I even received a few whistles, pervy mares.

One thing that separates my world from this is the complete flip of gender stereotypes. While mares don’t like things males like, they have completely flipped ideology of social norms. In this world, mares outnumber stallions somewhere around 6 to 1, and mares are seen as the more dominant partner in relationships, more often seen as the one to pay for dinner or to pop the question. They are also a lot more horny too, which I find disturbing given my current circumstance right now. I would enjoy being the one courted though in a relationship, that sounds way less work.

I ignore the catcalls and continue my way to Sugar Cube Corner or what I perceive to be the correct way... hopefully. All this added attention starts to build up the panic within me yet not enough to make me lose myself before I reach my destination quickly stepping inside. The air conditioning hitting me across the face, much cooler in here than outside but, that’s likely just the embarrassment heating my face. I look to the counter of the mostly empty shop to see a yellowish stallion wearing a red and white stripped bow tie matching the color of his chefs hat. His eyes a bright green standing out unlike his dull orange mane in contrast to his coat. His mane poking out the front of his hat a little while the rest seems frizzled down the back of his neck not sharing similarity with his tail which is rather straight in comparison. He’s also got one hell of a jaw, it protrudes much farther out then his upper lip.

“Well your quite the tall fellow, how may I help you today?” His eyesight clearly focused on my own thankfully ignoring my neck wear.

“H-hello, umm is... do you know where Pinkie might be? I was told I could find her here” I stutter over my first words trying to avoid thinking about my appearance.

His smile slightly widens, “Actually she’s upstairs right now, I could tell her that she has a guest waiting for her if you’d like?”

I weakly smile, “Thank you that’d be nice”

“Also would you like anything while you wait? Maybe some coffee or..”

“No thank you I’ll be fine” I say while sitting down at a booth near the entrance my gaze going toward the window while the stallion makes his way up the stairs in the back.

Well I made it, that’s something to be proud about. I pull a little at my collar to give myself some comfort, making it looser as well so now it rest around the bottom of my neck like a short necklace. It was getting a little stuffy plus why was I wearing it tight before, it’s not like I’m going to choke myself to death like some dumb animal. A few snickers come from a few booths over as two mates giggle while pointing my way, shame immediately filling me up like a full glass right to the brim only I’m not sure what it would look like if I spilled over, maybe tears?

My own misery is interrupted by a multitude of hoof steps rushing down the stairs as the Pink pony I was looking for jumps into my booth tackling me.

Why does this keep happening

Pinkie pushes off before a torrent of words rush out of her mouth at once, “HIYAHOOMANIFORRGOTYOUWERESOTALLIMEANLOOKATYOUANDYOURSOSMOOTHIMEANWITHOUTFURYOU-“

“PINKIE! That’s quite enough! Can you slow down and speak to me in a language I can understand?”

“But I’m speaking English just like you silly!”

What? I never told her that I speak English, actually I never had to seeing how all these ponies already spoke the same language I did. Twilight told me whatever their language was but I can’t think of it’s name right now, all I can think about is how the fuck she knows about English?!?

My confusion clearly enough evidence to know my next words before Pinkie beats me to the punch. “I know lots of things I can’t tell you about! You’ll have to earn my secrets another way than just asking” she finishes while winking at me.

Was that sexual? Couldn’t be, shes already got me in a box. I can’t believe she’s already beating me at my own game! My brain begins to fizzle out but, not completely before Pinkie smiles and boops my nose snapping me out of my haze.

“I suggested to Twilight that I could help each of her friends for making my adjustment here easier so I’m here today to ask if I could help you with anything, if that’s okay?”

Pinkie smiles, “Twilights friends are YOUR friends too! That includes me, so let’s get that straight Mr. hooman!”

That’s cute. Also her butchering of the word human produces a chuckle out of me. “You didn’t forget my name did you?”

“Of course I didn’t! It rhymes with low, flow, row, toe, yo-“

I cover her muzzle with my hand, her tongue sticking out the side. “Okay I get it Pinkster, no need to go rap god on me” I remove my hand from her muzzle.

“Wow is that cinnamon on your hand? Smells sooo good!” Her smile as wide as possible, if I wasn’t sure I’d say she looks like she could explode from excitement at any moment.

I sigh, “Pinkie it’s really early and I can’t handle all of the energy your putting off, do you mind just scaling it back a little for me?”

Her ears go against her head for a moment, “Oops, sorry” she chuckles. “Now I have today off from work but, I have a few birthdays to plan for and I’ll need help setting them up plus I gave Colgate my word that I’ll decorate her clinic by tomorrow”

“Okay I can do that, sounds easy enough” I reassure Pinkie with a smile.

“Great! Now let’s get going otherwise we will be late” She rushes forward carrying with her a saddlebag on each side of her body with confetti streamers protruding from the top. I follow suit trying to keep pace with the party pony.

While on the way Pinkie looks back to me and giggles saying “So what’s with the collar Joey? Are you and Twi doing some sort of pet thing? Or maybe your trying to set a trend of wearing collars into the mainstream? Ooh ooh or-“

“It’s mainly for pervy Twilight, she said I’d look good in one while we were getting a little intimate last night so here it is” I state, testing Pinkies gullibility. Pinkie stops in place while placing a hoof in front of her open mouth.

“WHAATT?!? You and Twilight are... are like that? That’s really icky Joey you really shouldn’t tell ponies about that stuff” She scolds me almost in a condescending voice.

I laugh, “HA, I’m kidding Pinkie, it’s cause of some accident the other night when Twilight was testing to see if I have magic. I gott-“

“You have magic? I bet you can fly or or maybe you could see through walls” Pinkie interrupts.

I shake my head no, “Nah nothing crazy, apparently I’m just dangerous to myself and if I don’t wear this collar I get sick”

Pinkie frowns, “Well that’s no good, you can’t do anything while your sick! It would be better if it was because of pervy Twilight like you said before” This draws laughter from the both of us.

“Maybe for you, you.... you pervy pink pony”

“Alliteration isn’t always an answer Joey”

“Sometimes saying something silly so... ah shit” I concede Pinkie the win, maybe next time.

We continue our walk toward the first job. We partake in some green mares birthday party with her friends before heading over next to a fillies birthday party in town square. Pinkie provides the guests with entertainment through all sorts of gags and skills like unicycling, juggling etc. I try my best not to take away from the party or be a distraction through my appearance and after a while it’s not the tasks given to me by Pinkie that tire me out but rather the constant surrounding of so many ponies. By the end of the second party I’m exhausted and that’s including a few breaks where I had to step away to compose myself.

The energy I had yesterday clearly an anomaly as just the presence of these ponies is becoming difficult. While me and Pinkie walk away waving goodbye, I start to drag myself along our path to Colgate’s dentist clinic. Pinkie notices my sluggish behavior, quickly reaching into her bag and pulling out a canteen. “Here Joey, you seemed a little tired” A rather serious tone for Pinkie.

“Thanks, I’m just not used to all this.... attention. Plus I’m not very good with talking too much, takes a lot out of me”

Pinkies face shows her concern, “You know you can go back to Twilights if you want I mean you’ve helped a ton already, and you saved me a bunch of time”

I take a swig of the canteen, it’s water which honestly surprises me given the energy of this party pony that it’s not coffee or something. “I’ll be fine, thanks for the water though” I say while handing it back to Pinkie. I start to feel a little better with the added break in time included.

“Okie dokie Joey, but if things get to be too much I won’t blame you for heading out” She says with a concerned smile.

“I’ll be fine, I made a promise to help you out and I’ll see through it” I say attempting to strengthen my resolve.

“Well it wasn’t a Pinkie promise” She says while placing a hoof over her eye and sticking her tongue out to the side.

“What’s a Pinkie promise?”

“Well it’s just like a promise! Buuttt, I can’t break it no matter what! That includes you too if we had, no matter what” She stomps her hoof into the ground as she finishes her statement. No matter what? That sounds useful, maybe I can tell her about why I’m really wearing this.

I struggle with the idea of telling Pinkie as we walk up to the closed dentist clinic. Pinkie greets Colgate at the entrance and helps introduce me to the mare. After some discussion, she’s apparently now my dentist thanks to a certain energetic pony.

We walk inside and start quickly pulling out decorations for some sort of fall festival. Although it’s not really fall yet, I’m assuming this pony wants to get ahead of the curve. Pinkies saddlebags seem to have an endless bottom to them as we work, I mean she just keeps pulling shit out that doesn’t even make sense. As I think this I look to see her pull an entire plastic pumpkin from the bag, like how does that even fit.

The job doesn’t take long as we finish Pinkies last task with the sun still up but, nearing the horizon. “Thanks Joey! You were a huge help!” Pinkie jumps up forcing me to catch her as she hugs me. She jumps off of me smiling brightly “You smell really nice!”

My face becomes flushed with crimson, “Pinkie thats an awfully awkward thing to say” I say facing her.

She giggles, “Well it’s true! Not my fault for noticing!” She jokes. “It’s lavender right?”

I entertain her question, “Yea, it’s the only scent Twilight owns so...”

“Well I think it smells good, I should hug you more often!” Her hoof pressed against her chin in thought.

“Alright easy now Pinkie, getting a little touchy now” I restrain myself from coming off as too uncomfortable.

“But friends hug all the time! It’s totally normal, we honestly don’t hug enough anymore I mean everypony needs a hug every so often” Her head seems to be in a sad place the more she thinks of her brought up subject, the discomfort in her grows. She’s too adorable.

“I mean, ah jeez Pinkie. Look you can hug me whenever you want but don’t go overboard” My face giving off a warning.

Pinkie brightens up at this and hugs me again without jumping up this time. “Thanks Joey, does this mean you see me as a friend now?” The puppy eyes intensify melting the ice around my resolve. Damn you ponies!

“Yea Pinkie, I’m glad to call you a friend” I smile.

We continue our walk back to Sugar Cube Corner walking past the same ice cream cart from yesterday, it’s owner looking much rougher than the previous day. His mane unkept with bags under his eyes yet he continued onward with his work.

Yikes, looks like somepony had a tough night

I ignore my curiosity, continuing on til Pinkie and I reach Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie invites me inside where she takes me up to her room. She tells me to wait outside her room for a second before letting me in. As I open the door I’m surprised by my sight, “Welcome to me casa!” Pinkie says while leaping into the air wearing a sombrero, shaking rumbas back and forth.

Not a good enough joke to rise a laugh out of me but I’m willing to pass a chuckle. “How much you pay to stay here?” I ask while gazing the room. It’s walls mainly banana yellow with pink trim along the ceiling and floor. The window sill is also trimmed pink with a lighter shade of pink curtains as well, along with a oak dresser next to her bed. It’s sheets covering a twin sized frame are surprisingly orange not matching most of the rooms aesthetic. Next to her bed is a pink beanbag and a small yellow table. Her floor is wooden however covered with a large pink rug over most of the center of the room. While not large enough to be considered impressive, it’s nice furnishing with the space provided makes things seem homey enough.

“Well the Cakes don’t actually charge me as long as I help them work the shop, they’re really nice once you get to meet them!” She smiles brightly while heading over to a stove and mini fridge I failed to notice.

“That’s nice.... and what’s with the orange sheets? They really don’t match the whole, pattern I guess” I say while tilting my head to the side.

“My sheets are getting washed silly, now what would you like to drink?” She asked while opening the fridge.

I’m pretty beat and this fucking collar didn’t really help much either, in fact ever since I put this damn thing on I’ve felt like garbage. One thing I do know that helps me feel better is some cold water, it’s always refreshing. “Just some water will be fine”

“Well I got more than just water Joey! I’ve got tea, soda, cider, hot chocolate pretty much anything you can think of!” She says while looking at me practically glowing with her smile.

Her energy is kinda infectious, it cheers me up some from today’s struggle. “You probably don’t have this given you ponies being all healthy and stuff but do you got anything thats called rum in Equestria? It’s like-“

Pinkie starts laughing while holding her gut leaning over. “Ptfft hahaha, of course! You think ponies don’t know how to relax? Your really funny Joey”

Slightly annoyed, I shake it away, “Well give me some rum with soda, whatever flavor you got is fine” It’s not, I’d prefer coke but I don’t really care at this point. I sit down on the bean bag which really becomes more of a lay than a sit as I sink in.

This can’t be good for my back

I watch as Pinkie pours herself something before she brings me my drink.

Maybe I should tell her about the collar

Hold on brain, let’s think about this. IF she really is true to her word with a pinkie promise, who’s to say she’ll actually accept it, I mean if I could tell her anything then, it has to come with a price like doing something for her. She’s been so nice and she just wants me to be happy... maybe, maybe I should.

Pinkie hands me the drink while laying across her bed toward me on her stomach, it’s frame being low enough to reach the table from where she lays. “Thanks... and Pinkie can I.... can I tell you something? Something important?” I ask clearly uncomfortable with the situation. I should do this, she could give me advice or something.

She smiles lightly appearing much more tired than before, “Of course Joey”

I shuffle a little while taking a drink, “I need you to promise me you won’t tell anyone, like that Pinkie promise you said earlier”

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye” As she motions her hoof to cross against her chest in an x followed by placing her hoof directly over her eye.

My palms become sweaty as I chug my glass. “Can I have another please before I say?”

Pinkies face becomes slightly worried however, doesn’t completely falter from her original reassuring smile. She takes my glass and offers me back the refill before laying back down.

“Thanks again, and thanks for letting me in, I know I’m not the most entertaining of guests”

“Joey your fine silly, there’s no need to self deprecate” Her tone completely different than earlier today. What’s she drinking? Whatever it is she’s completely gone from an 11 to a 3 on a 1-10 scale.

“Pinkie my collar, it’s not just for my safety. It’s... I’m dangerous. I’m not safe to be around ponies without it, I can cause mental issues to them” Pinkie raises her brow in confusion but doesn’t say a word. “My magic is hurtful and I can’t control it, I have to wear this collar to keep it from coming out of me” I pull at the collar a little as I say this.

“I think the collar looks fine Joey, you worry yourself too much over silly things” She sips from her drinks while closing her eyes. “Take it from me, I used to be insecure about the girls and their relationships with me. I was afraid it was all fake and that the only reason they spend time with me is because they felt bad”

She doesn’t really bring up the fact I’m dangerous but rather that I should find peace with my new issue. I’m caught off guard by Pinkies openness, it’s rather comforting in a weird way. “You call me silly huh? Who wouldn’t want to be your friend Pinkie? You’d do anything to cheer anyone up, and you only think about others” I stand up and go sit over on the bed next to Pinkie. She puts her drink on the table and flips herself over.

“Would you mind if I lay my head on your lap?” She asks without giving me those cheating puppy eyes but rather stares at me with a tired expression. I guess even Pinkie can get tired.

“Sure, just don’t fall asleep and drool on me or something” I sarcastically remark.

She smiles while closing her eyes and scooting her head into my lap. “Thanks Joey, I could tell you were really uncomfortable today being around all those ponies and you have to wear that collar too. I can’t imagine how difficult that was”

I find myself instinctively scratching Pinkies head while playing with her hair. She smells like cherry candy and her hair is surprisingly soft for how well it maintains its poof. “Your hoofs are wonderful”. Her mislabeling of my hands draws a chuckle out of me. Although all this extra contact is normally uncomfortable for me, I find myself too tired to really care.

“It’s pretty pathetic but, I can’t handle large crowds well or really be around to many peo- ponies without nearly having a panic attack after a while” This makes Pinkie open her eyes to look at me. Her hoof coming up to reach my face pulling me from looking away from her eyes. I become embarrassed at this position quickly.

“I don’t think your pathetic, I think your very brave for doing what you do given your circumstances” Her face also a shade of red. Things finally start to feel too uncomfortable for me. “Here I’ll repay you for today with a back rub, how’s that sound?” She says with lazy eyes and a small smile.

My heart feels like it’s going to leap out of my chest, and my whole body starts to feel hot. “Ummm.... I... can I, I n-need to use the restroom” I stutter and lightly move Pinkie off of my lap before heading to the bathroom a little down the hall.

I splash my face with cold water, and look to myself in the mirror. “Tighten the fuck up, and take the back rub” I say as I slap the sides of my face simultaneously. Im supposed to be repaying her though! She sounded like she wanted to...yea I should just calm down and take the damn back rub. I walk back to Pinkies room to find her sitting near the bean bag looking distraught.

“Listen I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable for being so touchy, I just... -“

I cut her off, “I wouldn’t mind a back rub Pinkie” I say while rubbing the back of my neck looking away.

She starts to cheer up immediately given the news and pats the bed for me to lay down as she hops up. “You won’t regret it! I’m an excellent masseur”

I lay down on the bed on my stomach, “You better be because I’ll start calling you by your initials if I’m not impressed”

“PDP?”

“D? I thought your name would be PP?”

She giggles, “My middle names Diane silly” as she begin to work into my shoulders.

I’d be lying if I said this feeling was anything but heavenly. The contract against my back makes me jolt a little the first few times but I eventually become like clay in Pinkies hoofs. I’d display my pleasure from her work with some sort of noise but that’d be too embarrassing so I settle with just telling her. “You actually are really good” My words slightly muffled by the covers on her bed.

“Is... is it okay if I go under your shirt?” Pinkie hesitantly asked. This question makes me incredibly nervous yet the most I can do in response nod my head as she slides her hoofs under my shirt. Their texture surprisingly soft almost like hands but firm like nail. The embarrassment soon dissipates from the continued work.

After a few minutes I start to lose the battle over my exhaustion. More minutes pass and I find myself succumbing, as I fall asleep.

I’m in a room, a large room at that but the darkness surrounding me makes it difficult to make anything out. The walls appear to be stone as if I was within a castle of some sort, this likely the answer given the incredible height of the ceiling. A tall figure starts to protrude from the dark looming towards me. It’s lean figure quite frightening and dark as it’s eyes appear staring at me, their color either cyan or teal I’m not sure. I back away toward the wall only for it to speak up.

“Thou the human my sister speaks of?” As the figure in question walks into my sight, a dark blue pony standing almost as tall as Celestia would, it’s eyes just at my neck. With a further inspection of the ponies face and the tone of its voice I’d likely say this would be a mare, likely a princess as well as she carried regalia along her armor. I was still frozen in place, her appearance rather pretty however, still terrifying at the same time.

“Y-yes, w-who are y-you?” I ask with my back pinned against the wall. The pony stops and sits where she removes her helmet to reveal her flowing mane, stars and galactic figures covering its flow. Helmet removed, this pony is quite stunning to look at in its full glory.

“You stand before us, princess of the night and guardian of dreams, you may call us Princess Luna” Her voice carrying power, leaving me placed still against the wall. She smiles, “There is no need for fear, we only wished to meet the one they called human” her tone changing to something more comfortable. I pull myself from the wall and look over the pony before asking a question.

“Your the other princesses then right? Where am I and how did I get here?” I ask scratching my head, completely dumbfounded.

She starts with a light chuckle only to fill into a hardy laugh. She wipes a tear of laughter from her eye as she speaks, “Tis been a long time since one has seemed so lost as you. You are in our dreamscape, we traverse amongst dreams ridding them of nightmares, though this instance an exception. We wished to meet thou muzzle to face however, this shall do”

Her English clearly old fashioned however, bits and pieces seemed to be poking through of a more modern version of speaking. She seems to be adjusting to modern English if I was to guess but why?

“I don’t mean this to be offensive in any way but, why do you speak so different then Celestia, or really any other pony?”

Her mood seems to change some, looking more somber, “Tis a question too long to answer for now, please indulge us on who thou is” she asks while lighting up her horn.

Instantly we are moved from the dark stone room into another room, it’s walls still stone with a small table separating me and the night princess along with a fireplace. I find myself sitting in a large comfortable chair, it’s regalia carved into the wood work of its frame. My pack presses against the pelt of some large animal, it’s markings unfamiliar of that I’ve ever seen. The fireplace however, was incredible large in stature, where one could quite easily climb into and almost stand tall. It’s build made of brick, thinning out as it went into the ceiling, while just above it rest two portraits of the pony matriarchs.

I look over to the princess to see her leaning toward me in curiosity, waiting for my response. All this strangeness could be only answered with the assumption that I’m dreaming, likely within my own head talking to the princess. I would be amazed by what’s occurring if wasn’t distracted by the pony near me, I ought to give an answer.

“I guess... I should say my name first” I hesitantly state. “My names Joe, Joe Marshall, you can call me Joey and... well you know I’m a human” I place my hand to my chest while giving a nervous smile. I sit there for a few seconds thinking of what to say next.

Oh god this is awkward, please just ask me a question

The large pony almost as if she could read my mind breaks the silence. “Tell us about this Earth my sister speaks of, it intrigues us”

“Well where to begin? It’s like Equestria honestly, like geographically I mean. We have deserts, mountains, volcanos, and all the same types of regions you see here the only difference being the folk living in them. My kind, humans are the only... only ah shit I can’t think of the word. Umm a word that means intelligent”

“Sentient?” Luna answers.

“Yea, sentient” Really proved the intelligence of humans there didn’t we. “Anyway, humans cover most of the planet and we have different races too, just like how there are different types of ponies”

“Thou do know there are more than just ponies? Equestria carries other sentient beings” She speaks with a smirk.

“I didn’t know that, I’ll have to ask Twilight about that later” I continue, “So like I was saying, there’s different races and religions as well but, we don’t often agree. We even war against each other at times knowing the consequences and now we hadn’t had a serious global war in some time as each country carries bombs large enough to kill us all”

Luna raises an eyebrow, “Seems pointless to carry weapons of such caliber, thou would understand it’s danger and thus not ever use it no?”

I share agreement, “Yea but, we have to. The countries without them are vulnerable, it’s pretty much just to say ‘hey if you bomb us we can bomb you back’. Nobody really wins in that case so I don’t ever see them being used but, I’ll never really know now” I say somberly.

Luna seems to share sentiment with me. “We, excuse us... me. I’m trying to adjust to today’s Poneish, you see as we were banished once. For 1000 years I had been on the moon. We share with your pain of not knowing of what’s happening back home” Her dialogue a battle of two time periods. It’s strange off putting sound draws laughter from me.

Luna stares inquisitively, “What does thou find funny?”

“Y-you” I laugh, “I’m sorry I can tell your really trying to adjust your language but, it sounds kind of funny”

She smiles, “We are glad thou finds this funny and are willingly able to say, most ponies are too fearful to even approach us”

“Well I don’t really have any experience with royalty besides talking with your sister but, I’m sure everyone likes to feel normal sometimes even a princess”

Lunas smile grows wider, “Perhaps we... I could speak with Joe... you more often? Like practice for our speech”

“I wouldn’t mind, it can be like a weekly thing or something. You can just show up in my dream and we can talk just like this”

Luna is positively beaming at this point, “I thank thou for their generosity! We shall look forward to the next meeting” She giggles.

Even the damn princesses are cute, I can’t handle all of this adorable without suffering some sort of complication, it’s just too much!

My mind goes to what she said earlier, 1000 years?!? How old was this pony? “I’m sorry to hear what happened before though, maybe next time you can tell me what happened”

Lunas expression changes from a smile to one of acceptance, “We’ve found peace with our past Joey, tis something to speak about next time”

I start to feel prickling across my entire body and look to Luna. “It appears thou is awaking, we shall see you” Luna smiles as she wishes me off. The room becoming bright til I cannot see anymore.

I open my eyes, it’s dark. I look around to see I’m still in Pinkies room with something warm curled against me. I find myself on top of her bed sheets now on my back with Pinkies body hugging against mine, her head resting on my chest. Her cherry smell overflowing my senses, my heart rate starts in increase. This is uncomfortable for me, I do enjoy cuddling however, but this was uninvited. Looking to the peaceful pony I can’t compel myself to wake her, it feels wrong. I can at least put up with this for all the effort she put into trying to make me comfortable.

I glance to the window it’s curtains shut however, the lack of light tells the story of what time it is, nightfall or shorty after. Twilights probably worried about me. I look back to Pinkie, I start to scratch her head lightly in an attempt to rouse her. She lightly coos and leans against my hand, it’s almost like she’s purring. “Pinkie” I whisper. “Pinkie wake up” she stirs slightly and murmurs something illegible. “Pinkie?” She lifts her head with a small strand of saliva coming from the edge of her mouth to my shirt. That’s pretty gross. Her eyes barely open as she faces me.

“Mornin Joey, how are you?” Completely unaware of her surrounding beside me.

“Pinkie I need to go home, Twilight is going to be worried about me” I plead my case to the drowsy pony. She responds with hugging me tighter against her frame.

“Just a little longer Joey, please” Her final word sounding desperate, almost sad. It’s tone effective enough to persuade me into wrapping my arm around the party pony.

“Okay just a little more, then you have to let me go”

She nods rubbing her head against me. Her warmth very pleasing along with her scent, it’s almost enough to place me into a trance. The previous nap gives me the energy to stay awake however, so I lay there in thought.

Pinkie sounded so sad, it’s just some cuddles I mean I’d be willing to put up with giving some every once in a while. I wonder why she’s so bothered, maybe she’s just tired.

I fiddle with my collar with my other hand. It’s not painful to wear at least. Only if it could be invisible or some shit, that would be cool.

I lay there for some time, lost in thought. Sounds from downstairs of shuffling chairs distract me for the moment, they’re likely cleaning up the place. I scratch Pinkie behind the ear, “Alright sleepy, I gotta go soon” She shakes her head no. “How about this, whenever you need some Joey cuddles, I’ll deliver them, no shipping tax” She grumbles before pulling away and rubbing her eyes.

“Your a good hooman Joey, too good to this pony and I want you to know that” Her speech slow. I get up and pick the pony up and place her under her bedsheets, tucking her in. I sit on her bedside while she slowly starts to fall back asleep.

“Well your too good of a friend, you deserve whatever I can offer” I say while scratching her head one last time. “I didn’t mind that as much as I thought I would, and I admit, your a good masseur” I say with a smile while turning toward her. She already asleep again. I smile for a split second before I turn around and start to leave but, not before tuning and whispering “Thanks Pinkie” shutting the door slowly behind me.

I head out of Sugar Cube Corner giving the cakes a good night as I walk into the street. Ponyville was usually dark at night given the lack of lighting technology yet the roads still carried few lantern posts. Ponies in this world seem to have certain technological advancements however, they still do not have lights and I’m not exactly Thomas Edison so it’s unlikely I could teach them. I made my way toward Twilights without issue seeing how most of the town was now home leaving the streets empty. I’m getting home pretty late, I hope Twilight isn’t mad. Surprisingly, once home there was no one awake and the candles were already extinguished, all but one resting on the checkin desk. I walked over noticing a note left behind, it’s writing that of Twilights.

‘Joey, I know your going to be be late given that your helping Pinkie, she’s likely going to try and keep you all day and night. Don’t be mad at her she’s just a little possessive... and touchy, it’s how she copes with things. She’s been really busy lately helping around town with preparations for the running with leaves so she probably needs a recharge and your the perfect candidate! Anyway thank you and help yourself to leftover dinner in the fridge. Signed Twilight’

That’s considerate but, feels more like a bribe at this point given she knew what was going to happen and didn’t tell me. It’s too late now though so better to leave the past behind. I reheat some of the leftovers and eat then prepare for bed. Once under the covers I lay there for some time, unable to stop thinking back of today’s events. The ponies staring at me, pointing, saying shit about me, I hated it. After some time I realize I can’t stop my brain even as my eyes get heavy. Sleep doesn’t take me for a while that night.