Desperation… can do things to a pony. It can overwhelm us; slowly gnaw away at our soul, day by day, until it has completely seeped through us; controls us; makes us susceptible to its will.
It… it could have all gone so well.
It was almost a year ago when I had come home from a long day at working on the market. Just like every day, my wife; my… my lovely Charcoal Bakes had been awaiting me at home, bearing that same heart-warming smile.
Although… something had been off. The look on her face; the blush on her cheeks, and the thrilled anticipation in her eyes as she had told me that she had news for me.
Pessimistic as I was, my mind had automatically jumped to the worst conclusions: was she sick? Had something happened to the house? Had the crows eaten the seeds again?
But she had just laughed -a sound that had lifted my heart even after years of marriage- and commented on me always worrying my head so much. A brief shootout, then she had finally broken the news… and made me fall back onto my haunches.
She was… pregnant.
That… had been quite the reveal for sure. Not that it couldn’t have been foreseen, but nevertheless, it sure wasn’t among the things I had been expecting.
But at the same time, the second she had said it, the second I had known deep inside that it was… right. I loved her; and she had often hinted at her wish for foals.
And really, while I knew that feeding a third mouth with what little the farm had been yielding this past year, I knew that becoming a mother would make her happier than anything else in this world; and as long as she was happy, I was happy.
Unfortunately… that had been the last happy moment I could recall.
They didn’t know what had happened to her. Nopony knew.
Just like that; overnight, like it was but a simple cold, it had happened.
My wife; my beautiful Charcoal… had become sick.
It started off with just a light coughing and a bit of nausea in the mornings. She hadn’t even mentioned anything to me at first, and being the hardheaded fool I was, I… I hadn’t even noticed how her condition had gone from good, to bad, to worse.
She kept insisting that it was nothing major; just a little cold; an upset stomach, maybe… or a light flu.
And I… I had taken it from her. Harvest season was coming closer, and I had both my hooves full with taking care of the farm. She had offered to help me, but with her slowly growing belly, and her ever-worsening coughs -I swore I saw her cough up bile, but she would never admit anything- I had insisted she’d stay inside, deciding to sacrifice our meager savings and hire a farmhand while she was recovering.
It… wasn’t until a few weeks later that her symptoms had become so bad -we could barely sleep at night from her tear-inducing coughing-fits- I could finally convince her to come with me to the next village and see a doctor.
Unfortunately, that didn’t turn out to be the remedy I had been hoping for.
They didn’t know what it was. Nopony.
We had visited four different doctors, all across the region. None had any idea what this mysterious disease could be.
And it only got worse.
Driven by desperation about my wife’s ever-worsening condition, I had tried to expand my attempts onto more… unconventional options.
But… Celestia help me, none of it worked. I visited all of the local faith healers and ‘alternative medicine’-institutions. Heck, I even consulted a local zebra to see if she couldn’t help.
But it was all in vain.
My poor wife… the apple of my eye… the light of my life… she wouldn’t… she… she would…
Things had only gotten worse. Even in those rare occasions when Charcoal would actually manage to sleep, if only out of sheer exasperation, I would find no rest. Thoughts were keeping me up; worries. About our future, about the farm, about… her.
It was late at night when I felt myself arising from our bed once again, unable to sleep despite standing on my last leg. My dear wife was passed out next to me, her breathing sounding... rough. Like she was constantly fighting for breath.
I closed my eyes, averting my gaze, unable to bear the sight of my dear Charcoal going through such ordeals. Like in a haze, I found myself walking over to the window where the bright light of the full moon was pouring in, creating a rectangle of light on the wooden floor. I shook my head, my entire body aching from worry and sheer exasperation as I constantly found myself wanting to look over my shoulder again to check on my wife. To see if she was still… breathing.
I drew in a choked breath, feeling tears well up in my eyes once again as I saw her body shake in a barely contained coughing fit.
“Oh dear Celestia…” I whispered under my breath, my voice barely able to express the sheer agony my soul was feeling. “What am I going to do?” I asked into the emptiness, my sad eyes resting on the mare’s sleeping form. “I can’t lose you.”
I closed my eyes, letting my head sink as Charcoal’s coughing settled down again, the mare wrapping herself deeper into the blankets. A harsh fever had been plaguing her for several days now, and it tore my heart in two seeing her suffer like this.
“Celestia won’t help you.”
I startled, my heart skipping a beat as I could suddenly hear a voice. My gaze darted around the darkened room, frantically searching for the origin.
“Charcoal?” I heard myself whisper, my mind subliminally hoping that my dear wife had suddenly grown healthy enough to speak to me.
But no, what I’d heard wasn’t Charcoal’s voice. It was a mare’s voice, yes, but… in no way comparable to the lovely chime my wife’s voice carried.
No, this voice sounded deeper… imposing… menacing.
“Do not be afraid, child. I am not here to bring harm upon you.”
The voice once again spoke to me, leading my ear to twitch as I frantically looked around the room. “Who are you!?” I hissed under my breath, not wanting to awaken my sleeping wife. “What do you want from me!?”
“Come closer~” the voice cooed, leading the hair in my neck to stand on edge. The voice… I couldn't tell where it came from! It was like… like if it was in my head! “Bask in the glory of my light.”
My head darted around the room, heart pounding as I felt myself threatening to panic. Was I… was I hallucinating? Was the lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion causing me to hear things that weren’t there?
“Don’t be afraid.” I once again could hear the voice, feeling as though it was originating right inside my brain. “Come closer…” the voice once again beckoned me.
My breathing was starting to get shallow, single beads of sweat forming on my forehead as I felt fear’s cold grip wrap itself around me. Quick steps carried me over to the window, my gaze darting from side to side to see if somebody was playing a sick joke on me.
But there was nobody.
No.
No, the only thing I could see was…
Was…
“Do not be ashamed. The sight of my power has left many mortals speechless.”
The moon.
It was… as if it was lit up. And bigger. By Celestia the moon seemed to be twice, if not three times its regular size. And imprinted on its surface, a monument to Princess Celestia’s power for the past 1000 years, was the image of a mare.
But not just any mare…
“Nightmare Moon.” my voice, barely louder than a whisper, faded into the night.
And suddenly, I could feel an all new surge of emotions flow through me. Awe, anxiety, but most importantly… fear.
I’d been but a foal when I’d heard the legends about the “mare in the moon”, and truth be told, I’d never paid much mind to them, putting it off as a pony tale one would tell to scare young foals.
But this… this wasn’t a mare’s tale. This… was real. I could sense a supernatural presence; could feel the aura of something far mightier than anything I’d ever seen around me as I stood in the moonlight.
And by Celestia, it filled me with fear greater than I’d ever known.
Feeling myself tremble, ears folding back, I found myself wanting to turn and run, but seemed to be frozen in place. It was like… like my own legs wouldn’t listen to me anymore.
“What a delight to see a mere mortal still recognizing me, a thousand years later.” the voice cooed in my head, the moon above me seeming to light up even more. “Do not be afraid, foal. I have no intentions of bringing harm upon you.”
I merely swallowed, seeming unable to bring out even a single word. My… my mouth seemed fused shut, lips refusing to part, tongue unable to move.
“In fact, I can help you. … Or rather, your beloved Charcoal.” the voice spoke, and I swore I could hear delight in her voice as it mentioned my infirm wife.
“Stay away from her!” I wanted to scream, but still was painfully incapable of voicing my thoughts.
I could hear the voice giving a bemused laugh inside my head.
“If I wanted to hurt her… or any of you mortals… I would have already done so.” the voice assured me, still sounding slightly bemused, “But I see you are in despair. And I will offer you a bargain. A bargain you will find impossible to refuse.”
I could feel myself wanting to shake my head. No. No! This was… this was wrong! Nightmare Moon was evil! Anyone foolish enough to be tempted by her would-
“Quiet.” the voice in my head cut through my thoughts, and I was shocked to see my own thoughts inadvertently coming to a halt. That voice… it carried such power… such… regalty. It seemed nay impossible for me to ignore it.
“She will die.” the voice proclaimed. Those words, simple as they were, carried such cold-heartedness; such… cold, calculating realism, that I could feel a shudder run down my spine, a new wave of tears flooding my reddened eyes. “Very soon, in fact. No mortal soul can cure the disease she carries… and without a miracle, she will not live to see the sun rise again.”
I felt myself tear up further, my face contorting into a pained grimace. I wanted to yell at the voice. Tell it to stop telling its wretched lies! To make it shut up and-
“You know it to be true.” the voice declared softly, carrying no malice or spite. Just plain, cold clarity. “Do not close your eyes to reality, mortal.”
I felt a choked gasp escape my throat, my entire body shivering as it seemed to fight against what the voice was saying. This… this couldn't be true! There was no way that my… my dearest Charcoal would…
As if on cue, the mare lying in our shared bed broke into another violent fit of coughing - the third one in this night… and they seemed to get longer and longer.
I swallowed, feeling my lip begin to tremble. She… she wasn’t… she wouldn’t…!
“You can save her.” the voice once again spoke in my head, though this time it sounded smooth… engulfing. Tempting. “It is not too late yet.”
I could feel tears freely running down the side of my face, legs trembling from sheer desperation. As much as I wanted to put this off as just another hallucination… as much as I wanted to forget about all this and go back to sleep… deep down I… I knew I would be in denial. My dearest Charcoal was on her last leg… and hope was rapidly dwindling.
Slowly, my entire body shaking, I found myself raising my gaze, looking up at the brightly lit moon through tearstained eyes.
The mare in the moon seemed to smirk victoriously.
“Join me.” the mare spoke, her mighty voice sounding sweeter and more tempting than ever before. “Witness the uncontainable power of the night… leave the shackles of mortality behind…” the voice spoke, the moon seeming to shine brighter than ever. “And she will recover. You will save her.”
My breath became shallow as I stared out into the night… at the moon.
Something seemed to come over me. To… grab a hold of me. The moonlight itself seemed to surge through me, leading my muscles to tense up as, for a brief moment, I felt more alive than I had ever before.
“Thissss is but a fraction of my power!” Nightmare Moon’s voice thundered through my head as I felt the energy surge right through me. I was feeling alive! Stronger than ever! I could do anything! I could cure Charcoal! I could-
No.
No!
For the love of Celestia, no!
I felt my breath catch in my throat as my body suddenly spasmed, second thoughts overrunning and threatening to suffocate me.
This was… this was Nightmare Moon I was talking to! The antithesis to Princess Celestia! To everything I had ever believed in! I was about to make a deal with the devil herself!
I gasped, opening my mouth to scream out my concerns, but my breath caught in my throat as my airpipes seemed to be crushed by an invisible force.
“Has Celestia not let you down!? Has she not allowed your wife to grow sick in the first place!?” The calm, alluring voice of Nightmare Moon was now replaced by a vicious, almost feral hiss, leading my ears to fold back in sheer awe as I found myself forced to stare up at the moon’s glaring light. “Thisss is your chance for salvation, right in front of your eyes! How dare you deny it!?”
“I…” I gasped, but my tongue seemed to be tied, “I’m not-”
“This is your last chance, mortal.” the voice returned, calmer this time, yet still with the tone of a stern ruler… a teacher who had just reprimanded an insubordinate student and was now giving them one last opportunity to prove themselves. “Accept this gift I am offering you… or watch her take her last breath before the sun will rise.”
My words caught in my throat, the mere mention of these words sending another shudder down my spine. Charcoal had fallen into another coughing fit behind me. Unable to turn around, I could only hear her coughing… wheezing… fighting for breath.
This was… this was wrong. This was wrong on so many levels. Heresy of the worst kind!
But… but what shall I do? Shall I just stand there? Watch the love of my life die? Watch her life slip through my hooves like fine sand?
…
My mind inadvertently went back to earlier. Earlier, when Nightmare Moon had given me a glimpse of her power. Such might… such force. So many… possibilities.
I felt my heart seeming to come to a standstill for a few moments, leaving me only with the dead silence of my surroundings, and the bright light of the moon shining down on me.
Then…
“I accept.”
The words had left my mouth before I had even fully thought about them. Determination to save my dear Charcoal was overwhelming; hearing her struggle for breath was agonizing to my poor ears, and I’d do anything… anything to save her from this ordeal.
It wasn’t until a few seconds later that I heard the voice give a low, triumphant laugh. It sent shivers down my spine.
“Very well, mortal.” Nightmare Moon spoke within my head, and I could feel the light of the moon shining down on me again, seeming to shine right into my soul.
“Accept this gift…”
I could feel the moonlight engulf me completely, power surging through my body, leading me to let out a low, ferocious growl.
“Leave behind the shackles of mortality…”
I felt a sensation of weightlessness overcome me as I felt myself being lifted off the ground, my hooves shaking as they lost contact with the floor, and I was lifted through the open window as if by magic.
“And become one with the night.”
I was floating, further and further upward, my body seeming too petrified to really fight back or show any sort of resistance. The sounds of my wife fighting for breath became more and more distant as I was lifted into the night sky, moonlight surrounding me… embracing, and engulfing me. My eyes grew wide as I watched my coat light up in the moonlight, my very fur seeming to glow in the pale light of the moon, before…
For just a split second, a flash of unimaginable agony shot through my entire body. Pain, worse than everything I’d ever felt in my life combined, flared up within me, surging through my entire form, leading me to tear open my muzzle for a wordless scream as my very body seemed to evaporate, before-
In a flash, it was all over. My vision faded to black, and I could feel myself drifting away, now part of something new. Something bigger. Something… stronger.
***
Charcoal Bakes gave a soft, wistful sigh as she looked up at the night sky. Today was a full moon night; just like four weeks ago when he… when her husband had… had…
She felt her throat getting tighter, the fear of falling into a coughing fit surging up in her mind, but was relieved as she only felt herself give a brief gasp.
She… didn’t know… she didn’t dare think about what had happened that fateful night her husband had disappeared. Part of her seemed to insist that he couldn't take the pressure anymore and had run off, but… no.
She didn’t know where he went; how he had disappeared. What she did know was that her sickness had disappeared, almost over night. Within a few days her fever was entirely gone, and she was ready to pick up the farm work again. And just a week later, she had… she had given birth to a wonderful little filly.
Without a doubt, the circumstances of his disappearance still left her filled with worry, and for some unknown reason, she had already found herself giving up hope of him ever returning.
However, on nights like these, looking up to the brightly lit night sky with its countless stars shining down on her…
She could feel him. Feel his presence. Feel his embrace. Feel him guarding over her and her daughter like a guardian angel.
Charcoal gave a soft sigh, feeling a single tear run down her cheek as she took her gaze off the full moon, turning away from the window to look after her daughter.
Yes. He was with her. And he would be… for all eternity.
