Author's Note

Alternative title: The Obligatory Friendship Quest Part One

Reluctant Roadtrip Part One

Swift grunted as he bucked yet another storm cloud. As everypony had expected, the cloud sparked and discharged a heavy thunderbolt from the bottom, though there was nothing for it to hit. Looking up from his work, Swift gave a nod to the assembled ponies, who returned the signal, grabbed the cloud, and flew it away to wherever it was needed. Thunder Snow then grabbed a new storm cloud from the generator, and flew it over to Swift.

"You getting worn out yet, buddy?" he called out to Swift. "We can switch places any time."

"No thanks!" Swift called back. "I needed the exercise. Besides, you always buck the clouds too hard."

Thunder chuckled at what they both knew was a joke, as Swift continued the work. The past few days had been somewhat low key at the weather factory. Equestria had officially entered spring, and while there was still a need for spring showers, there hadn't been a call for any crazy weather recently. Right now, Swift was helping to build a rain storm that would cover Las Pegasus for a few days, making him grateful yet again that he hadn't chosen to live there. Cloudsdale, being a cloud city, had almost no need for stormy weather.

After bucking about a dozen more clouds, Swift had to lay down on the ground for a second to rest his weary legs. "Hey, Thunder?" he called. "Can we trade places now? My legs kinda hurt, and I could use some time to stretch my wings."

"Sure thing, Swift!" Thunder replied. "I could use the—WHOA! What's that?!"

"What's what?" Swift turned around, finding Thunder was pointing at him with one shaking hoof. "Is there something on my face?"

"It's not your face, it's your Cutie Mark!"

Swift raised his eyebrows. He'd been going without wearing his pants ever since he'd gotten his Cutie Mark, but he was still getting used to it. Curious, he turned his head, looking at the image on his flank. The picture, a pony foreleg lifting another one up, was glowing, with a white light surrounding the picture.

"What's going on with it?" asked Thunder.

"I don't know!" replied Swift, his confusion creeping into his voice. "It's never done that before. I've never seen..." He trailed off, as his brain remembered the Friendship is Magic show. His ears drooped as he realized exactly what a glowing Cutie Mark meant. "Oh, no..."

"What? Is something wrong?" asked Thunder.

"No, but let's say I'm gonna need to use some of my paid time off," replied Swift, unable to keep the annoyance out of his words. "Listen, I'm gonna need to take a trip for a day or two. Don't know where I'll be going. Could you feed Bruce while I'm gone?"

"Of course I can," replied Thunder. "But I don't understand. What's going on?"

"Remember how I said I knew Princess Twilight and her friends? Not that well of course, but we knew each other?" Thunder nodded. "Let's just say that comes with certain...obligations." Swift spread his wings and took off without another word, heading for his direct supervisor's office.

As he flew towards the Castle of Friendship, Swift swallowed the fear building in his chest. He'd never had any reason to suspect this could happen, but he guessed he shouldn't have been that surprised. The Cutie Map had a habit of summoning anypony it deemed necessary for solving friendship problems, and while nobody outside of the Mane Six (except Sunburst and Starlight) had been summoned before, there was never anything to suggest that this was outside the realm of possibility.

"Stupid Tree of Harmony," he grumbled, touching down outside the castle. "Even when it's destroyed, it never stops."

He trotted up the few stairs that led into the castle, and knocked with one hoof. Twilight wouldn't be here, of course, but he was sure Starlight would help him out. He waited a few seconds, before the door was enveloped in turquoise magic, and slid open. On the other side was the pink unicorn he'd been expecting.

"Oh, M—I mean, Swift!" she exclaimed, blushing a little at her mistake. "I was just about to send you a letter. Sorry, I didn't mean to—"

Swift waved a hoof. "It's okay, Starlight. Just try not to do it in the future."

"Okay. Anyway, I'm sure you already know the deal."

"Yep." Swift pointed to his glowing Cutie Mark. "Looks like the map will send just about anypony on a friendship quest these days, won't it?"

Starlight gave a small laugh at that. "Don't worry. If the map called you, you've got the skills to solve the friendship problem. At least, that's my experience."

Swift sighed. "If you say so. Let's get this over with."

The two ponies trotted through the halls of the castle, reaching the throne room in minutes. Starlight lit up her horn once more, opening to doors to reveal the Cutie Map. The circular table displayed a life-like hologram of Equestria and the surrounding nations. To the southeast of Ponyville, Swift's Cutie Mark, along with a mark shaped like a tornado, floated and spun around.

"Okay, two questions," Swift began. "One, where is that? It looks like a giant desert. Two, whose Cutie Mark is that?" He pointed at the tornado.

"That's the Equestrian Badlands," replied Starlight. "It's basically an abandoned wasteland. Even with earth pony magic, nothing really grows there. As for your second question..." She studied the tornado mark closely. "I...actually don't know. I've never seen that mark before."

"Any idea how we find out who it belongs to?" asked Swift. "I don't want to go on this mission alone if the map called somepony else."

Starlight opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted. That interruption took the form of a loud popping noise, followed by a flash of bright light. Swift and Starlight both yelped and fell onto their sides. When they looked up there was a very familiar figure floating above them, eating a bucket of popcorn.

"Greetings, every creature!" proclaimed Discord, taking a mock bow. "Thank you, thank you, you're all too kind. Please, don't throw flowers, just send money."

"Can't you ever just walk through the door like a normal creature?" demanded Swift, as he and Starlight both climbed to their hooves again.

"Oh, look, it's Swiftie!" Discord responded with a laugh. "It's tempting, but as you know, I'm no normal creature." He threw another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"Discord, what are you even doing here?" asked Starlight. "We're in the middle of a friendship problem, don't you have more important things to do?"

"Normally, you would be correct, Glim-Glam," replied Discord, "but today is special. Today, I discovered this little beauty on my back." He contorted his body, pointing at where his flank would be if he were a pony. There was a small picture of a twister that matched the one floating above the Cutie Map. "Now, I didn't put this on myself, so what I'm thinking is that Twilight's Cutie Map has finally seen fit to select moi for a friendship quest!" He clapped his mismatched hands together. "So who's my ally on this mission? Is it Fluttershy? Please say it's Fluttershy!"

"Sorry, Discord," replied Swift, pointing to the map, then at his own Cutie Mark. "Looks like we're stuck together on this one."

Discord frowned. "Really? I finally get called for a quest, and it's not with my best friend? What's the matter with this thing?" He began lightly smacking the map table with his lion's paw.

"Whoa, whoa, hey!" said Starlight. "Careful with that, we don't know how fragile it is!" She lit up her horn, pushing Discord's hand away with her telekinesis. "Still, this is interesting. It's the first time the map has called some creature other than a pony for a mission. Twilight will want to hear about this for sure!"

Discord rolled his eyes so far back they did a complete one-eighty in his skull. "Yes, yes, we're all aware of our princess' penchant for being a nerd. Can we just get on with this? Where are we going?"

"The Equestria Badlands," replied Swift. "Starlight, does any creature even live out there? How are we supposed to solve a friendship problem if nobody actually exists to have a problem?"

"As far as I know, no creature has lived there for ages," replied Starlight. "But the Map wouldn't send you there for no reason. There has to be some sapient...thing living there."

"I guess." Swift sighed. He really had no interest in solving friendship problems (not to mention no experience in doing so), but he supposed there wasn't much of a choice here. "Alright, Discord, let's go. We're gonna need—"

He hadn't even finished his sentence when Discord snapped his fingers. There was a blinding flash of white light that obscured everything, forcing Swift to clamp his eyes shut. When he opened them again, the castle of Friendship and Starlight were gone, and he and Discord were standing in the middle of an expanse of brown sand, with nothing green visible for miles. A pair of dark green saddlebags were mounted on Swift's back. Celestia's sun beat down on them far harder than it had in Ponyville. A tumbleweed drifted by them, propelled by a weak gust of wind.

"Well, we're here," said Discord, pulling out a pair of binoculars. He began looking in various directions. "I don't see any creature with a friendship problem."

Swift, startled by the sudden change in scenery, made a large leap into the air, accompanied by a frightened yelp. "DISCORD!" he yelled. "Will you please warn me before you decide to warp us miles away?! Seriously, I almost had a heart attack!"

"Oh, please. If Trixie can not freak out when I do that, certainly you can." Apparently satisfied with his search of the surrounding area, Discord tossed his binoculars into his mouth, chewed them up, and swallowed them. "Fluttershy wouldn't have any problems with it."

Swift groaned. "I get it, you'd rather be on a friendship quest with your waifu. Guess what, so would I, but we don't always get what we want in life."

"Fluttershy is not my waifu, you uncultured swine!" Discord growled. "Though I am curious as to who yours is..." His eagle talon began reaching for Swift's ear, only to find itself quietly pushed away by a crimson wing.

"Don't even think about it!" Swift snapped.

Discord sighed. "Fine, whatever. I suppose that wouldn't be a very friendly thing to do, now would it? Then again, I am stuck on a mission with a pony who knows less about friendship than I do."

"Is that so?! Remind me again, which one of us thought orchestrating an attack on Twilight's coronation was something a friend would do?!"

The two glared at each other for a few more minutes. All the while, the Badlands around them showed no signs of change, and the heat only grew more intense.

"It would seem we're at an impasse," Discord noted, scratching his beard.

"Yes," replied Swift. "Unfortunately for us." He sighed again. "Look, neither of us want to be here, so what do you say we call a truce until this is over?"

"Works for me," said Discord. "No more cracks about Fluttershy, alright?"

"As long as there are no jokes about my situation." Swift stuck out one leg, and Discord shook his hoof. "Now, we need to find whoever has the friendship problem. Any reason you can't teleport us directly to them?"

"To do that, I'd have to interact with the magic of the Cutie Map," explained Discord. "If you'll recall, the map was born from the Tree of Harmony, which is the direct antithesis of chaos. You can probably see where this is going. My magic doesn't mix well with Harmony."

Swift cocked his head. "Would it turn you to stone again?"

"I don't know, and I have no desire to find out."

"Which means we're basically flying blind," Swift summarized. "Great. Fantastic. Alright, we'd better start looking. Let's stay together for now."

"If you insist," replied Discord. "There's camping supplies in your saddlebags. Just in case we're stuck out here for longer than we expected."

"Let's pray to whatever gods exist in Equestria that it doesn't come to that," grumbled Swift.

About two hours later, the situation hadn't changed much. The two had combed over what seemed like every inch of the Badlands without so much as one sign of life. At Discord's insistence, Swift had taken to the air and done a flyby over the area, but he'd seen nothing living in the area besides the draconequus himself.

"At what point do we consider that the Cutie Map may be malfunctioning?" Swift panted as sweat dripped down his muzzle.

"I don't know," replied Discord, "but I hope we hit that point soon. I can't take much more of this walking." His mismatched legs fell out from under him, and he landed on his butt.

Swift decided to follow suit, plopping down onto his rear as he thought. The Cutie Map had never been wrong before, so he couldn't see any reason why it would be now. By that logic, there had to be some living creature in the Badlands experiencing a friendship problem. But if that was the case, where were they? Underground? Did they only come out at night? Why couldn't magical maps come with sets of instructions?

As he fanned himself with his wings, Swift looked in every direction once more. Unsurprisingly, nothing had changed. There was one large rock, about the size of a house, off to the west, but they'd both dismissed it as inconsequential. It still looked like nothing, but Swift figured there was nothing better to do.

"I'm gonna go check out that boulder," he notified Discord. "I'll call if I find anything."

"Whatever," replied Discord, apparently having too little energy to care.

Shaking his head, Swift took off, flying towards the rock. He reached it within one minute, and began investigating. From outwards, it appeared to be an inert, orange stone, sitting in the sand. There was nothing on the top, and a quick loop around told him there was nothing on any of its sides. Swift groaned in frustration, and was about to buck the rock when something caught his eye.

On one side of the stone, there was a section where the outcropping didn't appear to line up perfectly with the rest. It was faint, easily missable, but it was there, nonetheless. Swift cocked his head to the side, looking curiously at the strange phenomenon. He reached forwards with one hoof, slowly, but where it should've met solid stone, he passed through the rock like it was air. Swift's eyebrows shot up.

"Discord!" he yelled. "I think I've got something!"

About one second later, Discord appeared right next to him with a pop. He stretched his arms and yawned.

"What is it, Swift?" he mumbled. "And please make it quick, I'm fading fast."

"Do you even need to sleep? Actually, never mind. Look at this!" He pointed to the irregularity in the rock, pushing through it with on hoof. Discord actually took notice of this.

"An illusion spell?" he breathed. "But...how?"

"Yeah. Looks like this place might not be as uninhabited as we thought," said Swift.

"There's also the fact that I can't sense this," Discord continued. "Normally, my connection to Equestria's magical field is so strong I can feel any magic in the nearby vicinity. But I didn't pick up on this at all. Even now, I can't feel anything."

"Does that mean anything to you?"

"As far as I can figure, there are two possibilities. One, this isn't being caused by magic, which is unlikely. Two, whoever cast this..." Discord shivered. "...is more powerful than me."

"Who could be more powerful than you?" asked Swift. "The only one I could think of is Tirek with the magic of everypony in Equestria, but we know it can't be him."

Discord continued to shake, and actually took a step back. "I don't like this," he muttered. "Maybe we should just defy the Cutie Map and leave this place."

Swift rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, you big baby," he admonished. "There can't be anything that scary in there, or somepony would know about it by now. Come on, let's check it out."

Discord groaned. "Do we really have to?" he whined. Swift gave him a flat look. "Okay, fine. But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

"We established that neither of us like this two whole hours ago," Swift pointed out, taking a few steps into the rock. Discord followed him, but he was slouching the whole time.

The cavern inside the stone, if it could be called that, was pretty much what they'd expected. It was a wide, single room area, with nothing standing out in the way of sights. The walls were shrouded in darkness, and there were occasional insects crawling beneath the sand. Looking off towards the end of the cave, Swift saw what looked like a fire burning, surrounded by half-eaten loaves of bread. A few worn-out sheets were piled into a makeshift bed in the corner.

"Somebody's been living here," Swift deduced. "The question is who? And why?"

"Good questions," replied Discord. "Why don't you work out the answers while I go home?" He turned to run out of the cave, only to stop when Swift stomped a hoof on his tail.

"Why are you so freaked out?" he demanded. "Seriously, there's nothing here to suggest—"

"Let's just say the energy here makes me uncomfortable and leave it at that," replied Discord, pulling his tail out from under Swift's hoof. "Now could we please—"

"Please do what?" came a masculine voice.

Swift paled, and his ears drooped. Discord's eyebrows shot up, and his shoulders dropped. The two turned back towards the entrance of the cave, where a figure had appeared, hidden by the shadows. The only thing visible to them was a pair of eyes, blood red, with horizontal rectangles for pupils.

"Oh, no," Discord groaned.

The figure began to step into the light, revealing more and more of his body. He was a blue-colored ram, with curved horns jutting out from his skull, along with a white beard. A collar, lined with golden bells, and an unoccupied hook, hung around his neck. Swift swallowed in fear. He wasn't super familiar with generations of My Little Pony outside of Friendship is Magic, but he knew who this was.

"Grogar," he breathed.

"Indeed," replied the ram. "Hello, Discord."

Discord rolled his eyes. "Hi, Dad," he grumbled.