The Search for Detective jakkid166by jakkid166ChaptersThe Search for Detective jakkid166A Flight to rememberThe Coldest Land and the Landest ColdCabin in the Not woodsThe Village of the Town of the CityThe Search for Detective jakkid166It was a bright and suny day, in manehattan. but this story starts in Ponyville, where its dark and stormy, so this doesent actually matter. Twilight sparkled into her living room as the melted ice drops of rain clanged on her window, and the thunder shooked th ground and mixed up the oreo milkshake she was makin before she could turn on the blender. "Exellent," said Twilight. "Thunderstorms always help me save on power." she poured the milkshake into a bowl and put it in the freezre to freeze it so it became ice cream, and grab a spoon and she sat herself by the window. She look outside to see the ponyville town she love, being as cool and normal as always while tha ponies ran around like crazy and buildings burned. It wasnt bad or anything this was just ponyvilles annual "Run Around and Steal and Burn Things Day". Suddenly there was a KNOCK at the door! twilight walked to the door and knocked back and the persone behind the door said "Who is it?" "This is Twilight Sparkle, and also the milk shake!" So the parson opened the door and, ho and belold, it was Appledjack! "Thanks parted ner!" said her and she DASH in the living rom and track mud and blood on the carpets. "Twilight you gotte hide me! The COP are after me" "That canot be," said Twilight. "detective jakkid166 was our only cop and also Dick America who actually is here still so I guess that can be! What ded you do?! Why are you cover in blood" "Well" said Applejack "I was tryin to make our patented Apple Family blood pudding, but then I forget you actualy need blood to make blood pudding. But Blood Mart was outta of blood and the Blood King restaurant is closed. So I decide a smart idea, since this is the day of stealing, to steal someone elses blood! So I poke big mac with a pin and all his blood came out, but apparently that count as murder which is not allowed on this day. So I need to get the blood back in Big Mac to make him not dead anymore, so ghost detective Dick America dont arrest me. Partner" "Damn that sucks." said Twilight "Yeah." said applejack. "Also want a slice?" and she held up blood pudding "Not right now," sayed Twilight. "I hav been thinking about things, cause I am a pony who went to college and got a degree in thinking." but just THEN, the DOOR busted down! the door FLEW off its hinges and it smacked Appeljack in the face and she bounced off the door into the wall and bounced off the wall into the door and it got flung back into its hinges in the doorway and it shut. But NOW, there was a the PERSON there! It was... DICK AMERICA! "Applejack!" said Dick. "I have you corner now! You will not get away with the murder of Big Mac." "But Dick that is hippocritical!" said Apple. "You ate at Ghost McDonalds last week, so technically you murdered a Big Mac too." "Yes but I paid for that," said Dick. "Now you will have to pay too, with 20 years in prison." "WAIT!" said Twi. "Dick America, if applejack can find more blood to put in Big Mac to bring him back to life, willl you not arrest her??" "HM." said Dick. "Okay, fine. Besides accordin to jakkid's book of law, it works like with missing people. A dead person only counts as bein dead if they have been dead for 48 hours. So you hav 48 hours!" "Exellent," said Twilight. "How are you anyway Dick? You look tired" "I am tired," said Dick. "Bein the only greatest detective in the world in equestria in ponyville is tiring. It wa so EASY when jakkid did all the work! He wold backflip and throw handcuff everywhere and everyone gets arrested at once. His tricks was indisposable!" "Yes we all miss Detective jakkid166 the greatest detective in the world, I wish he would come back so he can keep solvin crimes." said Twilight. "And he never finish our chess game!" "Yeah it sucks partner," said Jack. "He been gone for like a whole year! How can he abandon us??? We gotta finding him. Then he can also help me investgate where blood might be." "Why arent there more dtectives in Ponyville anyway already?" said Dick. "Why was jakkid the first" "Jakkid was not the first, only the greatest." said twi. "We had dectives before, but they all got fired because they was corrupt and there was a big scandal. We called it investi-gate." "Yea they was bad detectives!" said Applingjack. "Not like jakkid, who would never take a bribe. Unless it was at least two hundred dollars." "That doese it!" said Twilight. "We gotta find where jakkid is. He cannot abandon us! Where coulde he be? If he isnt dead. Nah hes not dead he wouldnt die, thats too rookie of him." "Well what did he tell you before he leave?" said Applejack. "Just that he was going on soul searching journey to find him true self," said Twilight. "I know notheng else, BUT he is still active on FIMfiction and finished the story about Thanos that happened to us a while ago!" "So he is on the internet still?" said Dick. "Wait idea!" and Twilight got on google and typed in "detective jakkid166" and type enter. "There, I did The Search for Detective jakkid166." "But Twilight this doesnt help!" said Dick. "This doesent show where he is, it only shows the jakkid wiki and tvtropes page which both actually exist for some reason." "Wait" said Applejack and she open the wiki. "Look, someone edit Detective jakkid166s wiki page a few minutes ago! It says "To find jakkid166, first grab you jacket166." What cold that mean partner?!" "Shit!" said Twilight. "That must mean we gotta go to a place that is COLD to help find jakkid! But what place in Equestria is cold???" "Right now?" said Dick. "Everywhere. It is winter." "Jakkid must mean the coldest land in all the land..." said Twilght. "COLDLAND!" "But thats so far away!" said Applejackapple. "Im tired from walking" "Too bad we gotta find jakkid! And theres no detective car this time so we gotta go the leg way." "Shold we get the other ponies?" said Applejack. "Nah leave them," said Twi. "They are busy doing cool stuff like stealing and burning things. This is a mission we must do ourself!" "Very wel," said Dick. "It is about time I meet my adopted cousin again for the first tim in forever." "Sweet!" said Twilight and she kick open her fronted door. "Alrighte guys, its time to find jakkid! Team SAD (Sparkle Applejack Dick) GO!" TO BE CONTINUED A Flight to rememberMeanwhile, in a land that is not Equestria but far, far, far ,far, far, far, far, far, far away, a stirring of echo and noise and stuff things came from the deepened caverns. A pony who has 4 legs was running down the halled way, but he was actually carrying stuff in 3 of his legs so he was running on just 1 leg but its fine because hes a good runner and won the Silver medal in the Pony Olympics last year. (that is because i won gold. but thats also dumb because twilight won platinum.) the pony entered the Big Room of Ominosness as the torch fire iluminated his face and also burned it a little. But the people who run this evil lair were using tobaco as torch fuel so he also got a good Nicotine Rush. "Sir! I have news! Well actually just one new." "Can it wait?" said the big Boomering voice of a human man who sat in a big throne of swords that kind of looked like that one from Game of Thrones. He leaned onto his desk and look at the pony with a glare of madding angerness that peerced his soul like a pencil through milk. He pull one of his airpods out to hear what the pony had to say at him. "This beter be good. I am building resources for our evil plot, and cannot afford stinky ponies to disturb me." "I am sorry sir I do not wish to disturbance you," said the pony. "Hows the resource building coming along anyway?" "It is going along well," the man said as he look down at his laptop screen. "I am Twitch Streaming to raise funds! It works cause the people donate in bits and bits are what ponies use for curency." "That is sexcellent to hear sir," sayed the pony. "Anyway, my news. We have found intel on the location of the one and only... Detective jakkid166." "WHAT?" the man bellowed out of his beard loud enough to create sound. "Wait one second." and he look back down at his screen. "Thank you Bootyshit46 for the 50 bit donation." "It is true sir," said the pony. "I got the info mation straight from Admiral Tran Station. They are now on route to Coldland, aboard Horse Airlines. We are deploying the Search Party, the Arresting Party, and the Mario Party." "Hell to the yes," said the white bearded man. "That is totally radical dude. Keep this up and you MIGHT get a 2% raise next year." "Thank you sir you are so generous," said the pony becaus he was brainwashed. (not by the man, but by society into acepting unethical employer practices.) "Will there be anything else?" "No. Begone, I need to finish Dark Souls 3 on streem or else my viewers will laugh at me." "Very well... Father." ~ ONE CHAPTER AGO ~ "Boy oh boy," said Dick America as he relaxed in his plane window seat he had to fight Twilihgt for. "It is a good thing equestria invented airplanes. It skips like so much adventure we wold have to have otherwise." "I agree," sayed Twilight while she was tryin to ignore the idiot kid kicking her seat behind her. "Ow" "Yeah partner this is pretty easy," said Applejack. "Just three more hour and we'll be at Coldland! Good thing we picked Horse Airlines so we could afford to not get thrown outta the plane for not having tickets." "How about we put on a in flight moovie?" said Dick America and he opened the stash of provided movies on VHS. "Wow look, they have Titanic 2!" "Do they have movies about apples," said Applejack. "Uhhhh" said Dick America and he pulled out the movie Steve Jobs. "Sure." "Yeehaw partner!" said Applejack and she shoved the VHS into her ipad and started watching it. ~ TWO HOURS LATER ~ "Attention hut!" barked Admiral Tran Station to his soldiers. Except his soldiers dont speak dog so he said it again but in english instead of barking it. "Search party! Sound off!" "Aye eye, sir!" "Arresting party, sound on!" "Eye, sir!" "Mario party, sound!" "Lets-a-go!" "Right," shouted Tran Station as he begin to speech his soldiers. "You three parteys are the most important armies in Equestria today! You will have one mission and one mission only: Find Detective jakkid166, and bring him to Father!" "What about the othere mission," said one of the Search Party people. "Oh right," said Station. "Make sure to pick up milk on the way back befor these Wal-Mart coupons expire." All the parties CHEERED and WAR CRIED! but then they got shushed by the other ponies on the plane. ~ MEANWHILE ~ "Oh my god I am going to piss my shit," said Twilight. "First this stupid kid is kicking my seat and now there is jerk holes SHOUTING back there? Someone kill me by putting a cockroach in my ear so it eats my brain." and the kid kicked her seat again. "OW!" "Relax Twilight," said Dick. "True detective mind must be able to tune out all the surroundings so you dont go cucoo crazy and murder everyone around you." "Yeah well im NOT a detective!" said Twilight and she jumped up and looked at the kid. "Stop kickin my seat you Roblox player!" and then the kid started crying. "HEY!" said the kids mom. "Dont call my kid that you asshole!" "Then learn to teach your kid to learn how to behave in public!" "Dont tell me how to raise my kid!" "i am the FUCKING PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP i WILL tell you how to raise your kid you Mother Fucker which means you fuck yourself!" and she started to climb over the seat to fight her but Dick grabbed her. "TWILIGHT thats enough!" said Dick. "Ok I will give it to you she is a bad parent but we do not want to cause a scene! Remember we is on a very important secret mission. You can beat someone up later" "Oh fiiiiiiiine" said Twilight and she cross her arm legs. ~ MEANWHILE ~ "Now we will recite the official Father's Army musical number anthem," said Tran Station. "And a one and a three and a- wait what the fuck?" he said as he spin his head around to notice a purpl horse yelling her lungs out. "Holy jesus why is that pony yelling at some kids mom?" "Wait sir," said an arresting party pony. "Thats the Princess of Friendship!" "Really? said Tran Station. "How do you know" "Because she just screamed it." "Huh youre right," said Station. "Isnt Twilight Sparkle the princess of frendship?" "Thats right," said a search party pony. "Shes one of detective jakkid166's closest frends! And look! His adopted cousin Dick America is with them too!" "Hey im here too!" shouted Applejack back at them. "What ar they up to..." said Station. "Wait. We're all on our way to Coldland... could they also be trying to find Detective jakkid166?" "Yes no maybe I don't know can you repeat the question!" said a Search party pony. "We should sneakily investigate and find out." so Tran Station snucked up behind the seats of the three and sat down by the kid and his mom. He tryed to peek around and saw Applejack's movie with the Steve Jobs movie credits playing. "Aha," said Station and he peeked at it. "These names on the screen must be all the people they ar working with in their plan!" and he got out his Galaxy Note 10 phone and started noting down. "Michael Fassbender, Seth Rogen, Kate Winslet..." But then the idiot kid peeked over and said "Hey do you have games on your phone?" "Yeah why?" said Station. "Lemme play im bored!" "What the fuck I dont know you why wold I let you play my phone??" said Station and he kept trying to take notes. "HEY!" said the mom. "Dont fucking swear in front of my kid! Let him play your phone!" "Youre his mom why cant he play YOUR phone?" "Becaus I need it to buy NFTs!" she said and the whole plane laughed at her "GIMME THE PHONE!" said the kid and he reachd for Station's phone but he reached it away and the kid kept trying to get it and Station was saying "HEY stop it you dumbass kid I am doing importat business here!" and they got into scuffle and they were flailing was legs around and Station accidentally kicked the back of Twilights seat really hard. "GRRRRRRRRRR!" GRRRRed twilight and she LEAPED from her seat behind her and started fighting the mom. So now Tran Station was fighting the kid and Twilight was fighting the mom and they were getting rowdy and distracting all the passengers! The flight attendant came over to the ones fighting and said "Would any of you like peanus or soda today?" The four stopped fighting for a second. "No im fine," said Twilight. "Im good," said Station. "Yeah no thanks," said the mom. "I want a soda!" said the kid. "No you cant have a soda," said the mom. "Soda makes you pee and youre not old enough to pee yet." "GRRRRRR!" said the kid and he stopped fighting Station and he went to fight the mom instead! And the fight RE IGNITED and the kid and twilight were now BOTH fighting the mom and they were hitting each other with karate moves and head locks. Meanwhile Tran Station just sat there for a second watching this and said "Okay I am going to leave now." and he did that. "HEY!" said Dick! "Quit fighting you idiots your gonna get us put on the No Fly list!" "SHE started it!" said Twilight while the mom had her in the headlock. MEANWHILE the flight attendants came over and tried to subdue them but Twilight and the Mom and the Kid were too strong and were beating them away by ordering a bag of peanuts from them and shooting them out of a straw at the flight attendants and the salt got in they eyes. "This calls for drastic measure," said the Chief Flight Atendant and she went to the pilot cabin. "Hey pilots some poopasses are fighting in the passenger cabin!" The pilots came out to the fighting trio and said "HEY you boob tubers quit that! Don't make us turn this plane around!" and they grabbed twilight and the mom. "Say youre sorry! Or else we will flush you down the plane toilet and youll get ejected and fall down into the forest below and have to live like in the tv show Lost!" "Fine," said Twilight. "Sorry I yell at your kid." "And I am sorry for being bad parent and for buying NFTs," said the mom. "Good" said the pilot and they put them down. "Good job guys," said Dick america ghost and he walk over to shake their hands. "This is alway the hardest part of a pilots job, huh?" "Thats right," said Pilot 1. "That and flying the plane." "Wait," said Twilight. "Hang on a second. If youse both out here, whos flying the plane?" Pilot 2 looked at Pilot 1. "Oh. Oops" and now the plane was NOSEDIVING! everyone SCREAMED and holded each other and the passengers were sayin their prayers and Twilight and the Mom were Making Out and Dick America wasnt really worried since hes a ghost so he cant die. The pilots ran back to the cabin but it wa too late because one of them tripped on a lego on the way there! "BRACE YOURSELF EVERYONE" said them! and the plane CRASHED to the ground. it skiddified through the skipped over the trees and ran over all the trees and the outer plane shell caame off so it was just the seats now and it came to a complete stop in the middle of the forest partially buried in plane rubble. Dick America regain his bearings. "Holy goodness that was like being on a rollercoaster at Seven Flags. Is everyone ok?" "Yeah we are all okay becaus we were all wearing seatbelts" said all of the passengers and the pilots and flight attendants. "Wait wheres applejack?" said Dick america and he looked around and reach in some rubble and pulle her out. "Applejack are you ok?!" "What in tarnation the fuck?" said applejack. "That movie had nothin to do with apples." The Coldest Land and the Landest Cold"Phew," said Dick Americana. "Like tony Soprano says, thats-a spicy ball of meat." "I am in agreement," said Applejack. "Partner. Also wheres twilight?" "I think she went to go hide in the Poop Chamber," said Dick and he open the toilet door. "HEY!" said twilight. "Do you mind knocking??? I am committing a shitting!" "Twilight just go poopin on the ground like I do," said Appeljack. "It fertilizes my trees!" "First off Wow Okay I am never eating your apples again. Second off none of these is your trees!" "Yeah but all trees eat poop. Unless theyre vegan." "Stop argumentating you two," said Dickles. "We need to figur out where we are and how to get to Coldland!" "Wait," said Twilight. "This didnt get mentioned before but it is true. There is snow everywhere. Is this coldland?" "Shit!" said Dick. "Yea it has to be! Because it is cold! And land!" "Sweet partner," said Apple. "It cant be though cause I dont see jakkid anywhere." "Yes but he could be hiding or running away or dead and buried in the snow," said Twilight. "Oh true" ~ THE MEANWHILE ~ "What do you MEAN setback??" boomed the voice of Father over the phone. "Not to worry sir," said Admiral Tran Station. "we only suffer a minor inconvenience, which was when the plane we was on crashed and blew up and stranded us all and possibly make us die of starvings and other deathmaking things. We will be on track in NO time!" "you idiot planes dont use tracks!" said Father cause he misunderstand english because he is silly. "You all beter get to finding jakkid or else im gonna log into all your social media account and post lots of bad swear word and get you banned from online!" "Hmmm...." said Tran as he eye the others in the plane. "dont worry.... I have a plan." ~ ALSO MEAN WHILE ~ Dick look at his phone and open the "Detective jakkid166 Radar locationator app" to try and find where I might not be, but I wasn't not wasn't there. "Curses I got nothing," he said. "not even Something. If we had something we wold not have nothing! Does ANYONE who is not me and does not have nothing have something?" "I have nothing!" said a voice. "I mean something." Everyone turn their eyes 180 degrees to look at the who the voice was, and it was.. "Hello my name is General Tran Station," said the pony making up a fake name. "I am Detective jakkid166s biggest fan!" "Everyone is Detective jakkid166s biggest fan," said Dick. "He live in all of our hearts, just like Jesus and also blood." "That maybe true," said Tran, "But I bought copy of his book!" and he hold up a copy of my awesom Detective jakkid166 Detective Story Bookization Book that sold an ENTIRE 2 million copies in Equestria and also an ENTIRE like 20 copies in the real world. "Damn that do prove your true dedication!" said Dick (except EVERYONE who read is true dedicated jakkid fan you do not need to buy the book to do that.) "But what ar you doing here talking to us? We are cautious because of Stranger Dangers." "I want to help you figure out where jakkid has jakked away to," said Tran. "hmmmm" said Dick. "What is your qualifications?" "Here is my resume", said Tran and he hoofed it over and Dick tooksee a looksee at it. "Hmmm," said Twilight "can you explain this gap in you employment?" "no" said Tran. Twilight start to get mad but Dick said "Ok thats fine we respect all applicant privacy. Welcome to the SAD team! Feel free to acompany us on our next plan of wandering around and hoping we dont freezes to death." "None you will freeze to death with my special hot chocolat recipe!" said Tran and he gave them all mugs full of it. "The secret to my hot chocolate is that I make it hot." "Genius" said Dick and he took a sip. "Damn this is a good heat chocolate. It doesnt even taste that much like cyanide." "I agree partner," said Applejack. "Im allergic to cyanide so that would suck." "Wait a mimute," said Dick and he look at the steam comin from his cup and compare it to a thing he saw in the distances... "Hey guys do you see that?" "Woah theres steam comin from the mountain!" said Twilight. "That isnt steam!" said Tran. "Its smoke! And its comin from that mountain log cabin house place!" "Sweet we can go in there and ask for direction," said Dick and he took another chocolate sipp. "True good detectives like me are never too pride to ask for help in a stincky situation." Everyone trugg up the mountain, exept the snow was so deep so they have to tie Badminton Rackets to their feet to not fall in the snow and suffocate from breathing in the snow and filling their lungs with snow. But they dident have enough so Applejack have to tie ping pong paddles to her hoofs instead. Eventualy Dick and Twilight and Tran made it to the front door of the house. Dick said a "phew" and knocked on the front door.... but the one who answered... was NOBODY! "Dammit" said Dick and he knocked harder. "I hope whoever live here will lettuce in, not because we are vampires and have to be invite in, but because we are law abiding citizens and do not break into houses without permission." "I agree we are not vampires," said Twilight. "But it is WAY too colds out here! As princess of Equestria that make me princess of all the doors in equestria too, so I hereby demand the door open right now or else it wil face execution by wood chippers!" "Twilight you cant threaten doors," said Dick "They have legal pro tection and might sue you." "Then YOU open the door! It is legal becaus it is princess decree." "Oh fine but only because it is desperate measure!" said Dick and he used his GHOST powers to posess the door. BUT the door had strong resolve, becaus it was made of expensive monogamy wood instead of cheap dried wall. "Damn this is hard! HRRRRRRGH" Dick said while he struggle to make door open. "Open in the name of LAW!" "Hey wait" said Tran and he look under the rug. "Theres a key here!" "Oh" said Dick and he get outta the door. "I mean I coulda opend it in like a week but I guess we can use that" "Sweet!" said Tran and he use the key to bash the door down and it finally open itself to reveal the insideses of the cabin. The cabin was a mass of wood and cabin, fill with remote cabin stuff like fireplaces and kitchens and a big 85 inch flat screen TV. They cold tell whoever live in this cabin was the sort of person who live in a cabin. The walls was ornately decorated with paint and lead paint and chipped off paint, and the faint smell of silence fill the air. "Wow..." say Twilight and she collapsed on couch and sigh of reliefs. "Its so WARM in here i could even fall asleep or die of heat stroke!" Tran went to go warm his hoofs at one of the 7 fireplaces and meanwhile Dick goed to the bathroom to take a ghost pees. Meanwhile twilight got up and looked arond to see if the person who live here had a Nintendo 64 or somethin to keep her from getting bored. But as she looked around, she catch her eye on a thing that surprise her... "Hey this compute is on!" said Twilight lookin at the desk. "Damn this a high end game computer it must have at least 3 RAMs in it." (twilight does not know computer very well.) "But wait... the screemsaver is set to 15 minutes, but it hasent come on yet!" and she start to use the detectife skills she learn over the years working with me. "Could this mean..." Just then Dick come outta the bathroom and said "Guys I think whoever live here is still neerby!" he said and he brought the toilet with him to show everyone. "See the ice water in this toilet bowl isnt even melted yet!" "Shoot that aint good!" said Tran. "What if they legally shoot us to death for breaking in?? We wont even be able to defend ourselfs in court." "Well thats only a problem for you alive people," said Dick. "Wait Twilight what are you doin get off the computer, this is run away time not change the calendar to the month of May time!" "No wait!" said Twilight as she open the internets to see that a certain web site was open. "guys... I think I know who live here." "What" said Tran but then they all heard a sounds, a creak, a woddy CNRRRK sound. Everyone turn their head to the sounding place... the stairs, where a figure step down and yawn with a detectively sound. Twilight gasp. "Aha... so this where you been this whole time," said Dick. Tran didnt say anythin cause he forgot how to say words without not saying words. I stopped walking down the stairscase and looked down at everyone. "wait. what the FUCK?" said me. "WOOOO!" said Twilight. "we did it! We found Detective jakkid166 the greatest detecive in the world! Take THAT Rarity you owe me 5 bucks." "Hell yea," said Dick and he floated over to Twilight and high fived her (exept she has no fingers so its a high zero). "The mission is accomplish. Good job everyone you all get honorary Detectives Medals for your hard work." "I cant believe it," sais Tran. "I finally get to meet my greatest person i am a fan of!" but he secretly pressed a button in him pocket without anyone seeing. "This call for a celebration," said Dick as he gather with Twilight and Tran. "We will now sing the oficial song, "We found Detective jakkid166 after he was missing for a lot of time which sucked a lot", now availble on the official My Little Pony soundtrack. And a one and a two and a-" "STOP!" louded the voice of me and everyone stop and looked at me. I shake my head in shock and confusions. "What the HELL are you all doin here?!" "Huh? said Twilight. "We follow your clue!" "what clue" "The one on your wiki! To find jakkid166, you grab your jacket166." "Yeah so we went to coldland just like your clue lead us to!" said Dick. i stare at them for a minute. "this is not coldland." "Wait what" said Tran. "This is WARMland! You was supposed to go to Coldland and NOT find me, not go to warmland and YES find me!" "Oh that. Well we WERE going to coldland," said Dick. "But the plane crash here and we find you here instead." I faced my palm. "So let me understand this into my head. You all misinterpret my clue, exept you misinterpret it the WRONG way and you found me here on accident anyway?????!" Dick and Twilight look at each other. "Yeah somethin like that." "God DAMMIT" i say and I went downstairs and sat on couch. "I put ALL the hours of work into that sentence and it is down the drains now. thanks a lot Celestia. i dont know how but this probably her fault." "But jakkid" said Twilight "Why didnt you want us to find you?" "BECAUSE" I snappd. "I know you all itching to see me again and have me solve mystery with lots of exciting backflips and gun shooting and taxes doing. But... after all this time, jakkid166 still have not found the Detective in himself." "What do you mean Detective jakkid166 the Greatest Detective in the World?" said Tran. "I am not a detective anymore remember?" said me. "I threw me badge away... I have not solve a crime in over a years." I layed back in the couch and sunk my jakkidness into it. "The truth be... I not sure I want to continue being detective." "GASP" gasped EVERONE. "How can you say this??" they said shockedly. "Its true" I said as I reflected on the past time of the past. "Somthin about my last caszes... something just dont feel right about it, you know? And I will not return to that until I figure it out for reals, and become TRULY frothy of my detective title." "i see..." said Twilight and she sadded. "I get you jakkid" said Dick. "maybe we shouldnt have intrude." "Well," said me. "it is still nice to see you all after all such times. Mountain life get lonely for a Undetective such as meself. You want some classic Detective recipe coffee before you leave?' "Sure that sound good!" said Twilight and they all sat downat the coffee table. I started to pour the coffee outta the table and said to them "So who this new guy? I never met him before." "Im General Tran Station," said General Tran Station. "I am you biggest fan and smallest enemy! Can I have you autograph?" "Sure thing dude" I said and I pull out me old trusty detective pen and sign his eye. "Hell yeah I will never wash this eye as long as I live even if I spill toxic chemicals into it," said Tran crying tears of glee. i think it was glee "So," I say to Twilight. "Just you three come to visit me?" "HUh?" said Twi. "No theres four of us. Me, Dick, Tran, and Applejack." "Applejack?" I say and I looked around. "where is she then" "Wait what." said Dick "Oh shit" ~ OUTWHILE ~ "Stupid fuckin idiots partners who give me ping pong paddles to walk with" said Applejack as she clumb her way through the snows of the mountais. "Ill show them! I will rip their eyes out and play ping pong with them!" Finally she made it to the patio of the cabin and climb onto and colapse in tiredness. "Phew what a workout" she sayed thankful for the Cardio. She lay on her back and look forward at the beootiful skies... "Wait." said her. "What in the tootnation cownope is that?" and she peered into the distances to see somethin heading RIGHT for the cabin... it was a MISSILE! "Who the tarnations ordered missile delivery?!" said Applejacks and she SPRUNG into action. She grabbed her lasso and wait for the right moment... and then she LASSO the missle as it get close and pull HARD! but that didnt work because it worked too well cause it made the missile go to the same place faster. "Dammit partner Im outta ideas!" she say. but then she eyed at the ping pong paddles from her hoofs... "or... maybe NOT!" Applejack grabed the 4 pong ping pongles and used her lasso to ties them up together to make a big pong paddle! She winded up and waited for JUST the right moments... and JUST as the missile get to her she SLAP it away with the pong paddles and it veers off into the snow and explode. Applejack colapse to the floor in exhaust. "Holy SHIT!" said me as I opened the font door. "What on hell was that?!" I say and I look down at the floor. "Oh hey applejack. why are you exploding?" "Oh hey partner166. Ther was a missile headin to us!" and she pointed to the crater of snows. "There was a missel coming to the house so I knock it away like a sasparilla tumbleweed." "Oh hell!" I said. "Damn good job Applejack you deserve detective medal." and everyone else nodded in agreements. "But wait the hell," said Dick. "Why would missile come to us?!" "hmmmm" I said as I thinked hard on posible suspects. I think hard to who could do such thing, but Nothing come to mind... but I have no time to think, because the snows that was knocked into the air by the missle were comin back down! "Oh hell were gonna get snowed up!" I said as the snow was fallin onto the house hard! "EVERYONE INSIDE!" and we all RAN back into tha front door and shut it just before the whole house got bury in the snow of crime. Cabin in the Not woods"Shartner", said Appeljack. "This sucks a cowpie." The 5 of us sat in the cabin living room of the snowed in cabin. It was dark cause the sunlight was too afraid to go thru the cold snow and melt it and drown in the water, and 6 of th 7 fireplaces was also fill with snow so they didnt work, and so we all crowded arond the 1 fireplace to keep warms and see the light so we dont acidentally trip on one of us and drop our gun and it fire and kill everyone in one piercing shot on accident. It was like the Hateful Eightful, except there was only 5 of us and we are not hateful, so it was the Coolful Five. "I know right," said Tran. "Wher could that missile possibly have comes from? I have no idea at all so dont ask me cause I already ask you first." "I am tryin to figure that out," said me at the computer all buntled up in my detective blanket. "But no mater how many times I type 'why did missile go to my house' into google, the only idea it have is 'did you remember to renew your Comcast subscription'." "I guess they might be a suspect," say Dick. "But we need More evidences to be sure. Maybe we check the blast site for fingerprints. If we werent stuck inside I mean." "Sigh," I say as I breathed air out of my mouth kind of like a sigh. "This is NOT how I wanted my day to go! I specifically write in my plans for today that if a missile comes at me it should be BLUE not RED." "Wait jakkid" said Twilight. "Look that notification on your puter!" "Huh?" say me and I looked at my 7th monitor (the 47 inch ultra dultra wide 9K one.) "Oh dang a new email. I havent got one of those since like 15 seconds ago!" "Whats it say jakkid?" "An eye for an eye..." said me. "Thats all it says." "What does THAT mean?" said twilight. "Probably one of those glass eye seller stores," said me. "I will just delet- WAIT A MINUTE" and I look at the Sender Address. "tran.station91@hotmail.com?" and we all looked at Tran Station. "Huh" said Tran. "Must be someone who have the same name as me just as coincidence." "That make sense..." said me, but then I heard a beeps. "What who fuck?" and I run to the wall and open the DETECTIVE RADAR. "Whats goin on jakkid?!" said Dick. "Oh hells!" sayed me. "Theres a bunch of somethings headed RIGHT for us from the skies!" "More missiles?!" said Twilight. "Maybe I dont know," say me. "I cold only afford the Walmart store brand radar. But point be we gotta get OUTTA HERE!" and so we all FRANTICALLY run around the cabin to find a ways to get outta here through the snow. Dick grabbed a hair dryer from the bathroom to try and melt the snow but he had to drink the melted snow to stop it from flooding the cabin and he was gettin too full. Applejack tryed to lasso the snow but it was TOO packed tight and hard and so the lasso bounced off and she acidentally lassoed herself and fall into the sink garbage disposal and I had to get her out before she got appleJacked Up. Twilight tried to use her horn like Ice Pick to mine the ice but she only made beautiful ice sculpture of me on accident instead. Tran Station challenged the snow to a staring contest and won but the snow was a bad sport and didnt melt. MEANWHILE I ran to the Cabin Control Panel and open it and SLAMMED a button but not too hard that it wold break and blow up all of us. the cabin started RUMBING and making mechaninoises like BRR and WHRRR and BRRRMP. "WOAH" said everone as the cabin shake. "Jakkid whats goin on?!" "I dident want to do this for fear of breaking it, but we are in the deeper shit!" I said as a steering wheel rosed up from the floor. 4 wheels popped out from underr the cabin, seatbelts appeared on all the chairs, and rear view mirrors poppd out next to all the windows. "Behold... my newest ivention, the Detective Cabinmobile!" I say and i CRANKED the gear into drive! "Get buckeled in guys!" Everone RAN to the couch and buckle in, except for Applejack who buckld into the toilet just in case. "Brace youselves, I must giving this FULL POWER!" and i JAMMED the gas pedal HARD trying to get the Cabinmobile out of the snow, but it was not budgering! "Twilight, the cabin hungers! Give it a sacrifice" "Got it!" said Twilight and she grabbed Applejack and went to throw her in the fireplace. "NO not that! Use the coal!" "oh okay." said her and she dropped Applejack and grabbed a bags of coals and shoved it into the fireplace for extra more power. I revved the engine HARD and SPUN the wheels and put it into 5th GEAR and opened the DOOR and got on the FLOOR and everybody walked the DINOSAUR. "Hurry up jakkid the missels are close!" said Twilight while they closes in on us ever so fastly. Suddenly "Wait I know what to do." I said. I grab the winch (the one on the inside of the cabin) and tied it to another part of the inside of the cabin and got back in my seat and said "LETS GOOOOOO!" and I JAMMED the pedal one LAST TIME and the cabin PULLED itself outta the snow and got outa the way just in time for the missles to MISS and hit the ground behind us! But, but ,but, the shock wave from the missils was too much, and it caused the snow under us to avalanche, and the cabin started sliding down on the sliding avalance snow whee wee wee all the way down the mountain! "Oh sharters I cant stop it!" said me. "Woah jakkid watch out youre gonna hit that TREE!" said Dick. "Shit" I say. "Wait. before I steer around the tree I must decide. do I go left or right?" "Oh good question," said Dick. "Detective principles do state it is good to weigh the pros and cons of all your options." "This is trues," said Twilight. "If we are to go left, we go off the cliff. But if we are go right, we go into th path with the sign that says "END OF SKI PATH: DO NOT ENTER: YOU CAN DIE AND ALSO MAYBE EVEN GET HURT"." "Hmm," said me. "the way you said the left one sounds less scary and intensifyed. But the right one sounds enticing cause of the forboding sign.... dammit, i cannot decide!" I said as the crushing weight pressures of Detective Decisions wash over my head. "Hurry up jartner we are almost at the tree!" said Applejack. "Yeah jakkid make decision!" said Twilight. "Deal or No Deal!" said Dick i clutchd my head. "NOOOO!" I shouted and I got outta my seat. "This too much for me! Which one of you is qualify to drive a Cabinmobile?" Everyone looked at eachother. Tran Station raised his hoof. "I rode a bike once." "Good enough! You drive" and I grabbe him and shoved him in the driver seat. "Oh shit" said Tran Station and his Admiral Instincts kicked in! He TWISTED the wheel to the right like it was twister. The cabin VEER around the tree right into the danger zone! The danger snowne "Look out tran we gonna hit that fire hydrant!" said Twilight and Tran steered to the RIGHT around it. "Woahly shit look out we're gonna hit that pool of lava!" said Dick and Tran hit a rampjump and JUMP over the pool! "Excuse me partner I do not wish to bother you but I think we will hit that Nuclear Reactor," said Applejack and Tran steer to the right to get around it and I peek out the window for a second to mark th nuclear gauge on my clipboard for this years weekly inspection. "Nice job tran!" I say and we all clap for Tran Station and he feelt genuine accomplisment and appreciation for his bravery. But then all of asudden we started floating as all feel still and notspeedy. "Woah what to hell?" said me as I became into the air. "We didnt steer into space did we? That would suck I never told anyone about this but I am afraid of goin to space. What if I forget its not really night time and I fall asleep on acident and float into the sun?" Twilight airwalked to the window and look outside. "Oh no nothin like that," said her. "We just went off a cliff and are falling to our deaths." "Oh phew," we said in relieves. "OH NOOOO WE GONNA DIE!" screamed Dick in terrors. "wait. shouldnt this be the othe way around" "Oh good point." said the alive ones of us. "OHHHH SHIT CRAP HELL DAMN PISS SWEAR WORDS" And the cabin SMASHED into the ground and the wheels POPPED off and spin off into the distance while all of us who were floating SLAMMED back into the floor (except Dick). The inside of the cabin was ravage, the furniture was broken and the pictures came off the but the 97 inch flat screen TV was ok because I got a good quality wall mount for it. "uggggh" said Twilight getting up. "Dammit Tran?! You almost kill us!" "Yeah partner!" said Applejack who was saved herself by tying herself the ceiling before we hit the ground. "Yeah partner! Why you take so many right turns?!" "They have good points," say Dick. "It was not a good idea for you to take so many rights." "Hey now," said me collecting my detective composure and also one of my detective teeth. "I for one support Tran's rights! It was beter than not turning and then crashing. It was stressful situations." and I walked over to the window and peers outside. "You are right jakkid," say Dick. "I apologize Tran Station. I am glad we are all alive except for me." "Wait guys!" said me and I beckonify them over to the window. "Get over heres check this really cool thing out!" "Huh what is it?" said Twilgiht. Applejack untied herself and smacked into the floor and they all came and look out the window with me, but then they stuck their HOOFS (and hands) UP! Outside the window... was a buncha ponies pointing GUNS at us! "See?" I said in awe and wonders. "Isnt that cool? They dont even have fingers but they can still look at me dead in the eyes and slowly begin to pull the trigger." "Craps!" said Tran. "Why are they doing that?!" "Yeah partner!" said Apple. "Twilights not even wanted in this state!" "Well..." said Twilight. "Hmm," said me. "Well, probably we should surrender so we dont get fill with lead, since that would make it real hard to go through airport security in the future." We all nod and agree and we slowly walk out the front door to the gunny pony mob. "Ponies!" said me. "Why do you point guns at us like some kinda weirdo who points guns at peopel? We come in peace, and only maybe war if you feel like it." "HES SAYING WORDS! SHOOT HIM" shouted a pony. "wait! HOLD your FIRE!" shout a pony from the crowd. An olderly pony with a mustache and an oldness pushed out from the to the front of the crowd and take a good look at us. "Why its none other than Detective jakkid166 the Greatest Detective in the World!" "You know me?" said me. "Yeah we have internet here." said the old pony. "Jakkid you and your friends gotta help us! A great terror has overcome our village!" "Oh." I sighed in tired language. "I supose I can help." "HES GONNA HELP US! SHOOT HIM" shouted the pony again. "Dont worry about him he just had a 5 hour energy." said the old pony. "Just please come along with us quietly so nobody gets too spooked." I look at the otherses. "You guys all good?" "Sounds good to me," said Dick and the others nods. "Alright," said me. "I will comes along quietly." "HES COMING ALONG QUIETLY! SHOOT HIM" said the pony again but someone took his gun away and told him to go home. Meanwhile, while no one was looking, Tran made a phone call... The Village of the Town of the City“...And thats the story of everything tha thas happen to us in the past week,” said the elder pony. “Woah that was a interesting and thrilling story of despair and mystery,” said me as i lay back and file my nails. “i Forgot to take notes of it for when I write about this later though, so tell it all to me again.” “Well you see,” said the elder pony whos name is actually Hoof Hooferton, “It all started a few days ago…” ~ to simulate flashback transition, please look at a plain white picture and then back to the story ~ “Ahhh,” said Hoof hooferton as he laid back in his bath tub of steaming hots water on a cold night. But this cold night was especially cold and night, and he was not satisfy with the warmness of the waters. BUT, because the water was already almost to burning temperatures, he had to think a solution… “Aha I have a idea,” he said and he remember the fact: if you only change the water temprature a couple degrees, you will not notice. So he change the water temperature up by 2 degrees and couldnt tell the diference. And then he did it again. And he did it again. and a bunch more times and more agains until finally the water was the temprature of lava, but he didnt notice so it was fine. “Ahhh,” he said but he noticed a something. he look at the bathtub water as slowly it overcame it self with a color other than nothing… a color of RED! “AGGH” said him and he jumped outta the tub but it was too late, his fur is now dyed red from redness which sucks for him cause his cutie mark normally has the red and blue 3D glassess effect but the red now blends in so his cutie mark now looks boring and 2D like everyone elses. Hoof ran out the door into the street and only got ran over by 3 horse carriages so he was stil able to witness everyone comin outta their houses and freaking the heck out! “Whats going on?? My fire is BLUE!” said the blacksmith pony. “My WATER is RED!” said the watersmith pony. “My bank account has $0 dollars in it!” said another pony. “I promise that is not normal, can someone please fix that for me?” “How could this be happening?” said Hoof. “Is Jesus visiting again?” But then an evil looking pony came up to Hoof and gave him a note and then puncheded him in the face so he would forget what the evil pony looked like and left. Hoof opened the note and looked at it and read it and eyed th words and the note said: GIVE US WHAT WE WANT OR ELSE ALL YOU WATER WILL REMAIN BLOOD FOREVER THIS IS A RANSOM NOTE BTW IF YOU CANT TELL ~ ok do the same thing to transition back to the present ~ “And that is the story of how our water became all red and freaked all the towns shit out of them,” said Hoof. “We been trying to think a name for it. Maybe ‘The Red Scare’.” “That is probably not a good idea.” said me. “But also, what the hell of the hell? A ransom note? Dang heck thats a crap right there. Did you give em what they want?” “Nope,” said Hooof. “dont get me wrong we wanted to. But I think they forgot to actually write what they want on the note. We would ask them for help with this but I do not think they have customer service department.” “hmmmm,” said me. “have your village been colonized by any nations recently?" "Not since last month, but since you talk abot nations and stuff, I did notece the note was wrriten in an italian accent." "hmm...... HMMM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMM. do you have the note?" "Oh sure lemme fax it to you." said Hoof and he put the note in his fax mashine. "Whats your fax number?" "Uhhhh I forget. try 4." "4?" "yeah. 1 was taken by the father, 2 by the son, 3 by the holy spirit. i dont know how they got ahead of me in line." Hooferton sent the fax and I pickeded it up on the "Fax Machine" function in my Detective Gun. i shot the message copy out into my face and grabed it off my face and read it. "Wait a minute," said me, "this is writen on the back of a business card! This has the number for their customer service department!" "Oh." said Hoof. "Huh." "Dick Americas," said me, "can I use your phone? i am low on my Cricket prepaid phone minutes." "Huh what" said Dick while he stopped doing his crossword. "Oh sure" and he gave the phoen to me and I dialified the number. "Ransom Incorporated. They handsome? We ransom! How may I help you todey?" "Uhh, I need to ask-" "If you wish to arrange a kidnapping, press 1." "Ugh" i said. "it is one of tha automated phone systems!" "OH i know the trick for those!" said Applejack. "you press the 0 key!" "Oh cool thanks." said me and I press that. "You have selected the 'Kill All Hostages' option. Do you wish to give them a last meal?" "WHAT NO!" i shouted into the phone. "DONT DO THAT" "Understod. Hostages will be killed without a last meal. Do you hav further requests?" "AGENT!" I shout into the phone. "REAL PERSON. let me talk to REAL PERSON!" "Understood. The CEO, Real Person, wil be with you shortly." "ugh finally!" I say as the serene waiting music came on. "Aw yea I love this song!" said Twilight. "Fuck the police comin straight from the underground" Finally a person answer the line of the phone. "Hello how the hell did you gets this number and who are you even what the hell are you calling me for what the fuck is a phone?" "i can answer 3 of those questions," said me. "But first i will be the only one asking questions here. So mr. Real Person, you thot you could kidnap the transparency out of the water, HUH?" "what" said Person. "What is dis about?" "We got this ransom note writen on your company's business card. I know you been committing the motherfuckery!" "Ok mr. Whoever you are, listen here. our company puts out LOTS of ransom notes. we are third party ransom organization that kidnappers and blackmailers use for our swift and eficient service. It sound like you note is from onea our clients." "DAMMIT!" i said. "ok Mr. Person. or can I call you Real? We need to figure out which your clients made the water red and the fire blue and the pony's bank account have 0 dollars in it!" "NONSENSE!" said Person. "we do not give out our clients blackmail information! what if it gets used for blackmail?" "AHA," said me, "but i have blackmail on you too!" "what" "I know that you ar blackmailing people, and that is crime! And I also know yor name, which is not a crime, but is weird! And I will tell everyone in your company that your name is weeird and they will make fun of you!" "oh no!" "and then also I will arrest you for blackmail. The blackmail im doing right now doesnt count though." "Okay okay fine! The ones who did the blackmails to your town was a client the name of The Mario Party!" "And WHAT do they want?" "...did they not write that on the note?" "No i think they forgot." "oh wow. no wonder you called customer services. Okay fine ill tell you. THey want the artifact known as... the Orb of Sphere!" "OH NO!" I schmouted. "Not the ORB of SPHERE?! that is HORRIBLE! what is that" "I dont know. are you done talking now? i need to go kill the hostages you said to kill earlier." "WAIT! i retract that request!" "Are you sure? we have two for one deal right now!" "YES im sure! just let them go free into their natural habitat!" "Okay alright fine. But dont call here anymor, my wife will think im cheating on her." and he hung the phone up the phone. "UGH!" i bleurghed out as i sits back down. "How did I get roped into this, other than all the events that leaded up to this?" "What did you learn jakkid?" said Dick, in andickipation. "Some dumb things about some people called the Mario Party. whoever they is, they want some thingy called the Orb of Sphere. look can I just go home? You can live by drinking red water probably." "Wait the ORB OF SPHERE?" said Hooferton. "Why would they want that?!." BUT before I could respond a response, the ground SHOOKED. "Woah who farted?" said me. "Wait jakkid thats not a fart!" said Dick pointin out the window. "Thats a bunch of evil mysterious ponies ariving outside!" "GASP." said me. "Alright lets see waht the hell is going on." Dick and me and Twilight and Applejack and Hooferton went out the door to meet the group of more than 2 but less than 4 ponies that was now gathers outside in the air of the night. One was dress in red, one in green, and the one in the middle in Yellow. "Aha," said the Leader Pony dressed in Yellow who step forward, chomping on a piece of garlic. "I see you felt our fart!" "Yea and I see it too" said me. "Im judgin from my detectively deductions from my eyes that you all must be... the MARIO PARTY!" "How very smart of you Mr. jakkid166," said the Yellow Pony as he peeled his garlic and took a bite. "These ar my associates, Marinara and Linguini. And I am the leader... Warlic." "Warlic?" said Dick. "We couldnt think of any italian foods that start with W," said Warlic. "BUT THAT NOT THE POINT! A little birdy told me you showed you detective butt in this town today, jakkid!" "Actually I told you that." said the red pony. "Yea well the bird or pony is right!" said me while I crossed my arms in indiggance. "Now un-red the pony water and whatever else you did!" "Sure thing bro," said Warlic. "But youll need to give us what we want first... and to give us what we want, youl have to FIGURE OUT what we want! Good lucks with that! AHAHAHAHA!" "What, the Orb of Sphere?" said Twilight. "YES, the- wait WHAT the FUCK?" said Garlic as he cough up his warlic. "how the freaking fricklefrack did you know that?!" "Well it wasnt on the ransom note so I just calld the customer service department," said me. "WHAT?! You cant just call suport on us! That affects our reputation and makes the websites algorithms less favorble to us!" "Wait wait wait!" said Hoof. "Are you sayin you didnt WANT us to figure out what you wanted?" "YES that was the whole point!" said Warlic and he stomped his angers into the dirt. "But then how were we supposed to give it to you?" "Oh. uh...... Shit." Warlic stood there tryin to think of a thing to say. "Well you see thats um. Uh." "Hooferton what even is the orb of sphere?!" said me turnign to him. "Why is it so COVERTED?" "Well..." said Hooferton. "Its not." "Oh that makes sense," said me. "Wait NO IT DOESNT! What the hell?!" "Youre right it doesn't," said Hoof. "The orb of sphere isent even valuable! We sell them for like 10 bits each at the gift shop. What is with you idiots! If you were too poor to just buy one you cold just say so! Ill go grab one right now!" "No, thats not-" Warlic lookd around trying to remember what words are. "Guys think of something!" "Mama mia I think we screwed up," said Marinara. "Tran Station's gonna be pissed at us now," said Linguini. "GOD DAMMIT!" said Warlic. "Ok look guys, we dont actually want the Orb of Sphere. We just couldnt leave that field blank when we was submitting the ransom form. We were suposed to stop you from figuring out what we wanted so you wold be distracted and be too busy protectin THAT while we take the thing we actually want." "Okay." said me. "so what is that." "We want... the BLOCK OF CUBE!" "WHAT" said Elder Hoof. "no! it Cannot Be! The Block of Cube have such deep power it can do ANYTHING! like EXPLODE, because its a bomb!" "Heh heh yes indeedy," said Warlic. "so PLAN B which is sort of also plan A kind of! Give us the cube or you water will be red forever and it will never be whatever color water is normaly!" "Hm I do not know" said Hoof. "Maybe we can just get use to drinking red water." "OH NO MY LEVRAGE!" said Warlic. "Linguini go kidnap the Elders daughter." "Got it" said Linguini and he ran off and came back with Hoof's daughter tied up. "OH NOOOOOOO!" said Hoof. "ok fine you can have the thing!" "But Hoof!" I say in despration. "Think of the damage the bomb can does! Think of the greater good! You canot let this Italian Battalion faze you!" "But shes my daughter!" said Hoof. "but the GREATER GOOD!" "WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND MOVE?" said Warlic and he shove us forward to lead him to the Block of Cube. "FINE!" said me and we started walkin but I wasnt happy about it. "stupid stupid dumb dumb stupid dumb" "Well this is a shit," said Twilight. "What hell do we do now?" "Dont worry," said me. "i have a plan..."
The Search for Detective jakkid166It was a bright and suny day, in manehattan. but this story starts in Ponyville, where its dark and stormy, so this doesent actually matter. Twilight sparkled into her living room as the melted ice drops of rain clanged on her window, and the thunder shooked th ground and mixed up the oreo milkshake she was makin before she could turn on the blender. "Exellent," said Twilight. "Thunderstorms always help me save on power." she poured the milkshake into a bowl and put it in the freezre to freeze it so it became ice cream, and grab a spoon and she sat herself by the window. She look outside to see the ponyville town she love, being as cool and normal as always while tha ponies ran around like crazy and buildings burned. It wasnt bad or anything this was just ponyvilles annual "Run Around and Steal and Burn Things Day". Suddenly there was a KNOCK at the door! twilight walked to the door and knocked back and the persone behind the door said "Who is it?" "This is Twilight Sparkle, and also the milk shake!" So the parson opened the door and, ho and belold, it was Appledjack! "Thanks parted ner!" said her and she DASH in the living rom and track mud and blood on the carpets. "Twilight you gotte hide me! The COP are after me" "That canot be," said Twilight. "detective jakkid166 was our only cop and also Dick America who actually is here still so I guess that can be! What ded you do?! Why are you cover in blood" "Well" said Applejack "I was tryin to make our patented Apple Family blood pudding, but then I forget you actualy need blood to make blood pudding. But Blood Mart was outta of blood and the Blood King restaurant is closed. So I decide a smart idea, since this is the day of stealing, to steal someone elses blood! So I poke big mac with a pin and all his blood came out, but apparently that count as murder which is not allowed on this day. So I need to get the blood back in Big Mac to make him not dead anymore, so ghost detective Dick America dont arrest me. Partner" "Damn that sucks." said Twilight "Yeah." said applejack. "Also want a slice?" and she held up blood pudding "Not right now," sayed Twilight. "I hav been thinking about things, cause I am a pony who went to college and got a degree in thinking." but just THEN, the DOOR busted down! the door FLEW off its hinges and it smacked Appeljack in the face and she bounced off the door into the wall and bounced off the wall into the door and it got flung back into its hinges in the doorway and it shut. But NOW, there was a the PERSON there! It was... DICK AMERICA! "Applejack!" said Dick. "I have you corner now! You will not get away with the murder of Big Mac." "But Dick that is hippocritical!" said Apple. "You ate at Ghost McDonalds last week, so technically you murdered a Big Mac too." "Yes but I paid for that," said Dick. "Now you will have to pay too, with 20 years in prison." "WAIT!" said Twi. "Dick America, if applejack can find more blood to put in Big Mac to bring him back to life, willl you not arrest her??" "HM." said Dick. "Okay, fine. Besides accordin to jakkid's book of law, it works like with missing people. A dead person only counts as bein dead if they have been dead for 48 hours. So you hav 48 hours!" "Exellent," said Twilight. "How are you anyway Dick? You look tired" "I am tired," said Dick. "Bein the only greatest detective in the world in equestria in ponyville is tiring. It wa so EASY when jakkid did all the work! He wold backflip and throw handcuff everywhere and everyone gets arrested at once. His tricks was indisposable!" "Yes we all miss Detective jakkid166 the greatest detective in the world, I wish he would come back so he can keep solvin crimes." said Twilight. "And he never finish our chess game!" "Yeah it sucks partner," said Jack. "He been gone for like a whole year! How can he abandon us??? We gotta finding him. Then he can also help me investgate where blood might be." "Why arent there more dtectives in Ponyville anyway already?" said Dick. "Why was jakkid the first" "Jakkid was not the first, only the greatest." said twi. "We had dectives before, but they all got fired because they was corrupt and there was a big scandal. We called it investi-gate." "Yea they was bad detectives!" said Applingjack. "Not like jakkid, who would never take a bribe. Unless it was at least two hundred dollars." "That doese it!" said Twilight. "We gotta find where jakkid is. He cannot abandon us! Where coulde he be? If he isnt dead. Nah hes not dead he wouldnt die, thats too rookie of him." "Well what did he tell you before he leave?" said Applejack. "Just that he was going on soul searching journey to find him true self," said Twilight. "I know notheng else, BUT he is still active on FIMfiction and finished the story about Thanos that happened to us a while ago!" "So he is on the internet still?" said Dick. "Wait idea!" and Twilight got on google and typed in "detective jakkid166" and type enter. "There, I did The Search for Detective jakkid166." "But Twilight this doesnt help!" said Dick. "This doesent show where he is, it only shows the jakkid wiki and tvtropes page which both actually exist for some reason." "Wait" said Applejack and she open the wiki. "Look, someone edit Detective jakkid166s wiki page a few minutes ago! It says "To find jakkid166, first grab you jacket166." What cold that mean partner?!" "Shit!" said Twilight. "That must mean we gotta go to a place that is COLD to help find jakkid! But what place in Equestria is cold???" "Right now?" said Dick. "Everywhere. It is winter." "Jakkid must mean the coldest land in all the land..." said Twilght. "COLDLAND!" "But thats so far away!" said Applejackapple. "Im tired from walking" "Too bad we gotta find jakkid! And theres no detective car this time so we gotta go the leg way." "Shold we get the other ponies?" said Applejack. "Nah leave them," said Twi. "They are busy doing cool stuff like stealing and burning things. This is a mission we must do ourself!" "Very wel," said Dick. "It is about time I meet my adopted cousin again for the first tim in forever." "Sweet!" said Twilight and she kick open her fronted door. "Alrighte guys, its time to find jakkid! Team SAD (Sparkle Applejack Dick) GO!" TO BE CONTINUED
A Flight to rememberMeanwhile, in a land that is not Equestria but far, far, far ,far, far, far, far, far, far away, a stirring of echo and noise and stuff things came from the deepened caverns. A pony who has 4 legs was running down the halled way, but he was actually carrying stuff in 3 of his legs so he was running on just 1 leg but its fine because hes a good runner and won the Silver medal in the Pony Olympics last year. (that is because i won gold. but thats also dumb because twilight won platinum.) the pony entered the Big Room of Ominosness as the torch fire iluminated his face and also burned it a little. But the people who run this evil lair were using tobaco as torch fuel so he also got a good Nicotine Rush. "Sir! I have news! Well actually just one new." "Can it wait?" said the big Boomering voice of a human man who sat in a big throne of swords that kind of looked like that one from Game of Thrones. He leaned onto his desk and look at the pony with a glare of madding angerness that peerced his soul like a pencil through milk. He pull one of his airpods out to hear what the pony had to say at him. "This beter be good. I am building resources for our evil plot, and cannot afford stinky ponies to disturb me." "I am sorry sir I do not wish to disturbance you," said the pony. "Hows the resource building coming along anyway?" "It is going along well," the man said as he look down at his laptop screen. "I am Twitch Streaming to raise funds! It works cause the people donate in bits and bits are what ponies use for curency." "That is sexcellent to hear sir," sayed the pony. "Anyway, my news. We have found intel on the location of the one and only... Detective jakkid166." "WHAT?" the man bellowed out of his beard loud enough to create sound. "Wait one second." and he look back down at his screen. "Thank you Bootyshit46 for the 50 bit donation." "It is true sir," said the pony. "I got the info mation straight from Admiral Tran Station. They are now on route to Coldland, aboard Horse Airlines. We are deploying the Search Party, the Arresting Party, and the Mario Party." "Hell to the yes," said the white bearded man. "That is totally radical dude. Keep this up and you MIGHT get a 2% raise next year." "Thank you sir you are so generous," said the pony becaus he was brainwashed. (not by the man, but by society into acepting unethical employer practices.) "Will there be anything else?" "No. Begone, I need to finish Dark Souls 3 on streem or else my viewers will laugh at me." "Very well... Father." ~ ONE CHAPTER AGO ~ "Boy oh boy," said Dick America as he relaxed in his plane window seat he had to fight Twilihgt for. "It is a good thing equestria invented airplanes. It skips like so much adventure we wold have to have otherwise." "I agree," sayed Twilight while she was tryin to ignore the idiot kid kicking her seat behind her. "Ow" "Yeah partner this is pretty easy," said Applejack. "Just three more hour and we'll be at Coldland! Good thing we picked Horse Airlines so we could afford to not get thrown outta the plane for not having tickets." "How about we put on a in flight moovie?" said Dick America and he opened the stash of provided movies on VHS. "Wow look, they have Titanic 2!" "Do they have movies about apples," said Applejack. "Uhhhh" said Dick America and he pulled out the movie Steve Jobs. "Sure." "Yeehaw partner!" said Applejack and she shoved the VHS into her ipad and started watching it. ~ TWO HOURS LATER ~ "Attention hut!" barked Admiral Tran Station to his soldiers. Except his soldiers dont speak dog so he said it again but in english instead of barking it. "Search party! Sound off!" "Aye eye, sir!" "Arresting party, sound on!" "Eye, sir!" "Mario party, sound!" "Lets-a-go!" "Right," shouted Tran Station as he begin to speech his soldiers. "You three parteys are the most important armies in Equestria today! You will have one mission and one mission only: Find Detective jakkid166, and bring him to Father!" "What about the othere mission," said one of the Search Party people. "Oh right," said Station. "Make sure to pick up milk on the way back befor these Wal-Mart coupons expire." All the parties CHEERED and WAR CRIED! but then they got shushed by the other ponies on the plane. ~ MEANWHILE ~ "Oh my god I am going to piss my shit," said Twilight. "First this stupid kid is kicking my seat and now there is jerk holes SHOUTING back there? Someone kill me by putting a cockroach in my ear so it eats my brain." and the kid kicked her seat again. "OW!" "Relax Twilight," said Dick. "True detective mind must be able to tune out all the surroundings so you dont go cucoo crazy and murder everyone around you." "Yeah well im NOT a detective!" said Twilight and she jumped up and looked at the kid. "Stop kickin my seat you Roblox player!" and then the kid started crying. "HEY!" said the kids mom. "Dont call my kid that you asshole!" "Then learn to teach your kid to learn how to behave in public!" "Dont tell me how to raise my kid!" "i am the FUCKING PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP i WILL tell you how to raise your kid you Mother Fucker which means you fuck yourself!" and she started to climb over the seat to fight her but Dick grabbed her. "TWILIGHT thats enough!" said Dick. "Ok I will give it to you she is a bad parent but we do not want to cause a scene! Remember we is on a very important secret mission. You can beat someone up later" "Oh fiiiiiiiine" said Twilight and she cross her arm legs. ~ MEANWHILE ~ "Now we will recite the official Father's Army musical number anthem," said Tran Station. "And a one and a three and a- wait what the fuck?" he said as he spin his head around to notice a purpl horse yelling her lungs out. "Holy jesus why is that pony yelling at some kids mom?" "Wait sir," said an arresting party pony. "Thats the Princess of Friendship!" "Really? said Tran Station. "How do you know" "Because she just screamed it." "Huh youre right," said Station. "Isnt Twilight Sparkle the princess of frendship?" "Thats right," said a search party pony. "Shes one of detective jakkid166's closest frends! And look! His adopted cousin Dick America is with them too!" "Hey im here too!" shouted Applejack back at them. "What ar they up to..." said Station. "Wait. We're all on our way to Coldland... could they also be trying to find Detective jakkid166?" "Yes no maybe I don't know can you repeat the question!" said a Search party pony. "We should sneakily investigate and find out." so Tran Station snucked up behind the seats of the three and sat down by the kid and his mom. He tryed to peek around and saw Applejack's movie with the Steve Jobs movie credits playing. "Aha," said Station and he peeked at it. "These names on the screen must be all the people they ar working with in their plan!" and he got out his Galaxy Note 10 phone and started noting down. "Michael Fassbender, Seth Rogen, Kate Winslet..." But then the idiot kid peeked over and said "Hey do you have games on your phone?" "Yeah why?" said Station. "Lemme play im bored!" "What the fuck I dont know you why wold I let you play my phone??" said Station and he kept trying to take notes. "HEY!" said the mom. "Dont fucking swear in front of my kid! Let him play your phone!" "Youre his mom why cant he play YOUR phone?" "Becaus I need it to buy NFTs!" she said and the whole plane laughed at her "GIMME THE PHONE!" said the kid and he reachd for Station's phone but he reached it away and the kid kept trying to get it and Station was saying "HEY stop it you dumbass kid I am doing importat business here!" and they got into scuffle and they were flailing was legs around and Station accidentally kicked the back of Twilights seat really hard. "GRRRRRRRRRR!" GRRRRed twilight and she LEAPED from her seat behind her and started fighting the mom. So now Tran Station was fighting the kid and Twilight was fighting the mom and they were getting rowdy and distracting all the passengers! The flight attendant came over to the ones fighting and said "Would any of you like peanus or soda today?" The four stopped fighting for a second. "No im fine," said Twilight. "Im good," said Station. "Yeah no thanks," said the mom. "I want a soda!" said the kid. "No you cant have a soda," said the mom. "Soda makes you pee and youre not old enough to pee yet." "GRRRRRR!" said the kid and he stopped fighting Station and he went to fight the mom instead! And the fight RE IGNITED and the kid and twilight were now BOTH fighting the mom and they were hitting each other with karate moves and head locks. Meanwhile Tran Station just sat there for a second watching this and said "Okay I am going to leave now." and he did that. "HEY!" said Dick! "Quit fighting you idiots your gonna get us put on the No Fly list!" "SHE started it!" said Twilight while the mom had her in the headlock. MEANWHILE the flight attendants came over and tried to subdue them but Twilight and the Mom and the Kid were too strong and were beating them away by ordering a bag of peanuts from them and shooting them out of a straw at the flight attendants and the salt got in they eyes. "This calls for drastic measure," said the Chief Flight Atendant and she went to the pilot cabin. "Hey pilots some poopasses are fighting in the passenger cabin!" The pilots came out to the fighting trio and said "HEY you boob tubers quit that! Don't make us turn this plane around!" and they grabbed twilight and the mom. "Say youre sorry! Or else we will flush you down the plane toilet and youll get ejected and fall down into the forest below and have to live like in the tv show Lost!" "Fine," said Twilight. "Sorry I yell at your kid." "And I am sorry for being bad parent and for buying NFTs," said the mom. "Good" said the pilot and they put them down. "Good job guys," said Dick america ghost and he walk over to shake their hands. "This is alway the hardest part of a pilots job, huh?" "Thats right," said Pilot 1. "That and flying the plane." "Wait," said Twilight. "Hang on a second. If youse both out here, whos flying the plane?" Pilot 2 looked at Pilot 1. "Oh. Oops" and now the plane was NOSEDIVING! everyone SCREAMED and holded each other and the passengers were sayin their prayers and Twilight and the Mom were Making Out and Dick America wasnt really worried since hes a ghost so he cant die. The pilots ran back to the cabin but it wa too late because one of them tripped on a lego on the way there! "BRACE YOURSELF EVERYONE" said them! and the plane CRASHED to the ground. it skiddified through the skipped over the trees and ran over all the trees and the outer plane shell caame off so it was just the seats now and it came to a complete stop in the middle of the forest partially buried in plane rubble. Dick America regain his bearings. "Holy goodness that was like being on a rollercoaster at Seven Flags. Is everyone ok?" "Yeah we are all okay becaus we were all wearing seatbelts" said all of the passengers and the pilots and flight attendants. "Wait wheres applejack?" said Dick america and he looked around and reach in some rubble and pulle her out. "Applejack are you ok?!" "What in tarnation the fuck?" said applejack. "That movie had nothin to do with apples."
The Coldest Land and the Landest Cold"Phew," said Dick Americana. "Like tony Soprano says, thats-a spicy ball of meat." "I am in agreement," said Applejack. "Partner. Also wheres twilight?" "I think she went to go hide in the Poop Chamber," said Dick and he open the toilet door. "HEY!" said twilight. "Do you mind knocking??? I am committing a shitting!" "Twilight just go poopin on the ground like I do," said Appeljack. "It fertilizes my trees!" "First off Wow Okay I am never eating your apples again. Second off none of these is your trees!" "Yeah but all trees eat poop. Unless theyre vegan." "Stop argumentating you two," said Dickles. "We need to figur out where we are and how to get to Coldland!" "Wait," said Twilight. "This didnt get mentioned before but it is true. There is snow everywhere. Is this coldland?" "Shit!" said Dick. "Yea it has to be! Because it is cold! And land!" "Sweet partner," said Apple. "It cant be though cause I dont see jakkid anywhere." "Yes but he could be hiding or running away or dead and buried in the snow," said Twilight. "Oh true" ~ THE MEANWHILE ~ "What do you MEAN setback??" boomed the voice of Father over the phone. "Not to worry sir," said Admiral Tran Station. "we only suffer a minor inconvenience, which was when the plane we was on crashed and blew up and stranded us all and possibly make us die of starvings and other deathmaking things. We will be on track in NO time!" "you idiot planes dont use tracks!" said Father cause he misunderstand english because he is silly. "You all beter get to finding jakkid or else im gonna log into all your social media account and post lots of bad swear word and get you banned from online!" "Hmmm...." said Tran as he eye the others in the plane. "dont worry.... I have a plan." ~ ALSO MEAN WHILE ~ Dick look at his phone and open the "Detective jakkid166 Radar locationator app" to try and find where I might not be, but I wasn't not wasn't there. "Curses I got nothing," he said. "not even Something. If we had something we wold not have nothing! Does ANYONE who is not me and does not have nothing have something?" "I have nothing!" said a voice. "I mean something." Everyone turn their eyes 180 degrees to look at the who the voice was, and it was.. "Hello my name is General Tran Station," said the pony making up a fake name. "I am Detective jakkid166s biggest fan!" "Everyone is Detective jakkid166s biggest fan," said Dick. "He live in all of our hearts, just like Jesus and also blood." "That maybe true," said Tran, "But I bought copy of his book!" and he hold up a copy of my awesom Detective jakkid166 Detective Story Bookization Book that sold an ENTIRE 2 million copies in Equestria and also an ENTIRE like 20 copies in the real world. "Damn that do prove your true dedication!" said Dick (except EVERYONE who read is true dedicated jakkid fan you do not need to buy the book to do that.) "But what ar you doing here talking to us? We are cautious because of Stranger Dangers." "I want to help you figure out where jakkid has jakked away to," said Tran. "hmmmm" said Dick. "What is your qualifications?" "Here is my resume", said Tran and he hoofed it over and Dick tooksee a looksee at it. "Hmmm," said Twilight "can you explain this gap in you employment?" "no" said Tran. Twilight start to get mad but Dick said "Ok thats fine we respect all applicant privacy. Welcome to the SAD team! Feel free to acompany us on our next plan of wandering around and hoping we dont freezes to death." "None you will freeze to death with my special hot chocolat recipe!" said Tran and he gave them all mugs full of it. "The secret to my hot chocolate is that I make it hot." "Genius" said Dick and he took a sip. "Damn this is a good heat chocolate. It doesnt even taste that much like cyanide." "I agree partner," said Applejack. "Im allergic to cyanide so that would suck." "Wait a mimute," said Dick and he look at the steam comin from his cup and compare it to a thing he saw in the distances... "Hey guys do you see that?" "Woah theres steam comin from the mountain!" said Twilight. "That isnt steam!" said Tran. "Its smoke! And its comin from that mountain log cabin house place!" "Sweet we can go in there and ask for direction," said Dick and he took another chocolate sipp. "True good detectives like me are never too pride to ask for help in a stincky situation." Everyone trugg up the mountain, exept the snow was so deep so they have to tie Badminton Rackets to their feet to not fall in the snow and suffocate from breathing in the snow and filling their lungs with snow. But they dident have enough so Applejack have to tie ping pong paddles to her hoofs instead. Eventualy Dick and Twilight and Tran made it to the front door of the house. Dick said a "phew" and knocked on the front door.... but the one who answered... was NOBODY! "Dammit" said Dick and he knocked harder. "I hope whoever live here will lettuce in, not because we are vampires and have to be invite in, but because we are law abiding citizens and do not break into houses without permission." "I agree we are not vampires," said Twilight. "But it is WAY too colds out here! As princess of Equestria that make me princess of all the doors in equestria too, so I hereby demand the door open right now or else it wil face execution by wood chippers!" "Twilight you cant threaten doors," said Dick "They have legal pro tection and might sue you." "Then YOU open the door! It is legal becaus it is princess decree." "Oh fine but only because it is desperate measure!" said Dick and he used his GHOST powers to posess the door. BUT the door had strong resolve, becaus it was made of expensive monogamy wood instead of cheap dried wall. "Damn this is hard! HRRRRRRGH" Dick said while he struggle to make door open. "Open in the name of LAW!" "Hey wait" said Tran and he look under the rug. "Theres a key here!" "Oh" said Dick and he get outta the door. "I mean I coulda opend it in like a week but I guess we can use that" "Sweet!" said Tran and he use the key to bash the door down and it finally open itself to reveal the insideses of the cabin. The cabin was a mass of wood and cabin, fill with remote cabin stuff like fireplaces and kitchens and a big 85 inch flat screen TV. They cold tell whoever live in this cabin was the sort of person who live in a cabin. The walls was ornately decorated with paint and lead paint and chipped off paint, and the faint smell of silence fill the air. "Wow..." say Twilight and she collapsed on couch and sigh of reliefs. "Its so WARM in here i could even fall asleep or die of heat stroke!" Tran went to go warm his hoofs at one of the 7 fireplaces and meanwhile Dick goed to the bathroom to take a ghost pees. Meanwhile twilight got up and looked arond to see if the person who live here had a Nintendo 64 or somethin to keep her from getting bored. But as she looked around, she catch her eye on a thing that surprise her... "Hey this compute is on!" said Twilight lookin at the desk. "Damn this a high end game computer it must have at least 3 RAMs in it." (twilight does not know computer very well.) "But wait... the screemsaver is set to 15 minutes, but it hasent come on yet!" and she start to use the detectife skills she learn over the years working with me. "Could this mean..." Just then Dick come outta the bathroom and said "Guys I think whoever live here is still neerby!" he said and he brought the toilet with him to show everyone. "See the ice water in this toilet bowl isnt even melted yet!" "Shoot that aint good!" said Tran. "What if they legally shoot us to death for breaking in?? We wont even be able to defend ourselfs in court." "Well thats only a problem for you alive people," said Dick. "Wait Twilight what are you doin get off the computer, this is run away time not change the calendar to the month of May time!" "No wait!" said Twilight as she open the internets to see that a certain web site was open. "guys... I think I know who live here." "What" said Tran but then they all heard a sounds, a creak, a woddy CNRRRK sound. Everyone turn their head to the sounding place... the stairs, where a figure step down and yawn with a detectively sound. Twilight gasp. "Aha... so this where you been this whole time," said Dick. Tran didnt say anythin cause he forgot how to say words without not saying words. I stopped walking down the stairscase and looked down at everyone. "wait. what the FUCK?" said me. "WOOOO!" said Twilight. "we did it! We found Detective jakkid166 the greatest detecive in the world! Take THAT Rarity you owe me 5 bucks." "Hell yea," said Dick and he floated over to Twilight and high fived her (exept she has no fingers so its a high zero). "The mission is accomplish. Good job everyone you all get honorary Detectives Medals for your hard work." "I cant believe it," sais Tran. "I finally get to meet my greatest person i am a fan of!" but he secretly pressed a button in him pocket without anyone seeing. "This call for a celebration," said Dick as he gather with Twilight and Tran. "We will now sing the oficial song, "We found Detective jakkid166 after he was missing for a lot of time which sucked a lot", now availble on the official My Little Pony soundtrack. And a one and a two and a-" "STOP!" louded the voice of me and everyone stop and looked at me. I shake my head in shock and confusions. "What the HELL are you all doin here?!" "Huh? said Twilight. "We follow your clue!" "what clue" "The one on your wiki! To find jakkid166, you grab your jacket166." "Yeah so we went to coldland just like your clue lead us to!" said Dick. i stare at them for a minute. "this is not coldland." "Wait what" said Tran. "This is WARMland! You was supposed to go to Coldland and NOT find me, not go to warmland and YES find me!" "Oh that. Well we WERE going to coldland," said Dick. "But the plane crash here and we find you here instead." I faced my palm. "So let me understand this into my head. You all misinterpret my clue, exept you misinterpret it the WRONG way and you found me here on accident anyway?????!" Dick and Twilight look at each other. "Yeah somethin like that." "God DAMMIT" i say and I went downstairs and sat on couch. "I put ALL the hours of work into that sentence and it is down the drains now. thanks a lot Celestia. i dont know how but this probably her fault." "But jakkid" said Twilight "Why didnt you want us to find you?" "BECAUSE" I snappd. "I know you all itching to see me again and have me solve mystery with lots of exciting backflips and gun shooting and taxes doing. But... after all this time, jakkid166 still have not found the Detective in himself." "What do you mean Detective jakkid166 the Greatest Detective in the World?" said Tran. "I am not a detective anymore remember?" said me. "I threw me badge away... I have not solve a crime in over a years." I layed back in the couch and sunk my jakkidness into it. "The truth be... I not sure I want to continue being detective." "GASP" gasped EVERONE. "How can you say this??" they said shockedly. "Its true" I said as I reflected on the past time of the past. "Somthin about my last caszes... something just dont feel right about it, you know? And I will not return to that until I figure it out for reals, and become TRULY frothy of my detective title." "i see..." said Twilight and she sadded. "I get you jakkid" said Dick. "maybe we shouldnt have intrude." "Well," said me. "it is still nice to see you all after all such times. Mountain life get lonely for a Undetective such as meself. You want some classic Detective recipe coffee before you leave?' "Sure that sound good!" said Twilight and they all sat downat the coffee table. I started to pour the coffee outta the table and said to them "So who this new guy? I never met him before." "Im General Tran Station," said General Tran Station. "I am you biggest fan and smallest enemy! Can I have you autograph?" "Sure thing dude" I said and I pull out me old trusty detective pen and sign his eye. "Hell yeah I will never wash this eye as long as I live even if I spill toxic chemicals into it," said Tran crying tears of glee. i think it was glee "So," I say to Twilight. "Just you three come to visit me?" "HUh?" said Twi. "No theres four of us. Me, Dick, Tran, and Applejack." "Applejack?" I say and I looked around. "where is she then" "Wait what." said Dick "Oh shit" ~ OUTWHILE ~ "Stupid fuckin idiots partners who give me ping pong paddles to walk with" said Applejack as she clumb her way through the snows of the mountais. "Ill show them! I will rip their eyes out and play ping pong with them!" Finally she made it to the patio of the cabin and climb onto and colapse in tiredness. "Phew what a workout" she sayed thankful for the Cardio. She lay on her back and look forward at the beootiful skies... "Wait." said her. "What in the tootnation cownope is that?" and she peered into the distances to see somethin heading RIGHT for the cabin... it was a MISSILE! "Who the tarnations ordered missile delivery?!" said Applejacks and she SPRUNG into action. She grabbed her lasso and wait for the right moment... and then she LASSO the missle as it get close and pull HARD! but that didnt work because it worked too well cause it made the missile go to the same place faster. "Dammit partner Im outta ideas!" she say. but then she eyed at the ping pong paddles from her hoofs... "or... maybe NOT!" Applejack grabed the 4 pong ping pongles and used her lasso to ties them up together to make a big pong paddle! She winded up and waited for JUST the right moments... and JUST as the missile get to her she SLAP it away with the pong paddles and it veers off into the snow and explode. Applejack colapse to the floor in exhaust. "Holy SHIT!" said me as I opened the font door. "What on hell was that?!" I say and I look down at the floor. "Oh hey applejack. why are you exploding?" "Oh hey partner166. Ther was a missile headin to us!" and she pointed to the crater of snows. "There was a missel coming to the house so I knock it away like a sasparilla tumbleweed." "Oh hell!" I said. "Damn good job Applejack you deserve detective medal." and everyone else nodded in agreements. "But wait the hell," said Dick. "Why would missile come to us?!" "hmmmm" I said as I thinked hard on posible suspects. I think hard to who could do such thing, but Nothing come to mind... but I have no time to think, because the snows that was knocked into the air by the missle were comin back down! "Oh hell were gonna get snowed up!" I said as the snow was fallin onto the house hard! "EVERYONE INSIDE!" and we all RAN back into tha front door and shut it just before the whole house got bury in the snow of crime.
Cabin in the Not woods"Shartner", said Appeljack. "This sucks a cowpie." The 5 of us sat in the cabin living room of the snowed in cabin. It was dark cause the sunlight was too afraid to go thru the cold snow and melt it and drown in the water, and 6 of th 7 fireplaces was also fill with snow so they didnt work, and so we all crowded arond the 1 fireplace to keep warms and see the light so we dont acidentally trip on one of us and drop our gun and it fire and kill everyone in one piercing shot on accident. It was like the Hateful Eightful, except there was only 5 of us and we are not hateful, so it was the Coolful Five. "I know right," said Tran. "Wher could that missile possibly have comes from? I have no idea at all so dont ask me cause I already ask you first." "I am tryin to figure that out," said me at the computer all buntled up in my detective blanket. "But no mater how many times I type 'why did missile go to my house' into google, the only idea it have is 'did you remember to renew your Comcast subscription'." "I guess they might be a suspect," say Dick. "But we need More evidences to be sure. Maybe we check the blast site for fingerprints. If we werent stuck inside I mean." "Sigh," I say as I breathed air out of my mouth kind of like a sigh. "This is NOT how I wanted my day to go! I specifically write in my plans for today that if a missile comes at me it should be BLUE not RED." "Wait jakkid" said Twilight. "Look that notification on your puter!" "Huh?" say me and I looked at my 7th monitor (the 47 inch ultra dultra wide 9K one.) "Oh dang a new email. I havent got one of those since like 15 seconds ago!" "Whats it say jakkid?" "An eye for an eye..." said me. "Thats all it says." "What does THAT mean?" said twilight. "Probably one of those glass eye seller stores," said me. "I will just delet- WAIT A MINUTE" and I look at the Sender Address. "tran.station91@hotmail.com?" and we all looked at Tran Station. "Huh" said Tran. "Must be someone who have the same name as me just as coincidence." "That make sense..." said me, but then I heard a beeps. "What who fuck?" and I run to the wall and open the DETECTIVE RADAR. "Whats goin on jakkid?!" said Dick. "Oh hells!" sayed me. "Theres a bunch of somethings headed RIGHT for us from the skies!" "More missiles?!" said Twilight. "Maybe I dont know," say me. "I cold only afford the Walmart store brand radar. But point be we gotta get OUTTA HERE!" and so we all FRANTICALLY run around the cabin to find a ways to get outta here through the snow. Dick grabbed a hair dryer from the bathroom to try and melt the snow but he had to drink the melted snow to stop it from flooding the cabin and he was gettin too full. Applejack tryed to lasso the snow but it was TOO packed tight and hard and so the lasso bounced off and she acidentally lassoed herself and fall into the sink garbage disposal and I had to get her out before she got appleJacked Up. Twilight tried to use her horn like Ice Pick to mine the ice but she only made beautiful ice sculpture of me on accident instead. Tran Station challenged the snow to a staring contest and won but the snow was a bad sport and didnt melt. MEANWHILE I ran to the Cabin Control Panel and open it and SLAMMED a button but not too hard that it wold break and blow up all of us. the cabin started RUMBING and making mechaninoises like BRR and WHRRR and BRRRMP. "WOAH" said everone as the cabin shake. "Jakkid whats goin on?!" "I dident want to do this for fear of breaking it, but we are in the deeper shit!" I said as a steering wheel rosed up from the floor. 4 wheels popped out from underr the cabin, seatbelts appeared on all the chairs, and rear view mirrors poppd out next to all the windows. "Behold... my newest ivention, the Detective Cabinmobile!" I say and i CRANKED the gear into drive! "Get buckeled in guys!" Everone RAN to the couch and buckle in, except for Applejack who buckld into the toilet just in case. "Brace youselves, I must giving this FULL POWER!" and i JAMMED the gas pedal HARD trying to get the Cabinmobile out of the snow, but it was not budgering! "Twilight, the cabin hungers! Give it a sacrifice" "Got it!" said Twilight and she grabbed Applejack and went to throw her in the fireplace. "NO not that! Use the coal!" "oh okay." said her and she dropped Applejack and grabbed a bags of coals and shoved it into the fireplace for extra more power. I revved the engine HARD and SPUN the wheels and put it into 5th GEAR and opened the DOOR and got on the FLOOR and everybody walked the DINOSAUR. "Hurry up jakkid the missels are close!" said Twilight while they closes in on us ever so fastly. Suddenly "Wait I know what to do." I said. I grab the winch (the one on the inside of the cabin) and tied it to another part of the inside of the cabin and got back in my seat and said "LETS GOOOOOO!" and I JAMMED the pedal one LAST TIME and the cabin PULLED itself outta the snow and got outa the way just in time for the missles to MISS and hit the ground behind us! But, but ,but, the shock wave from the missils was too much, and it caused the snow under us to avalanche, and the cabin started sliding down on the sliding avalance snow whee wee wee all the way down the mountain! "Oh sharters I cant stop it!" said me. "Woah jakkid watch out youre gonna hit that TREE!" said Dick. "Shit" I say. "Wait. before I steer around the tree I must decide. do I go left or right?" "Oh good question," said Dick. "Detective principles do state it is good to weigh the pros and cons of all your options." "This is trues," said Twilight. "If we are to go left, we go off the cliff. But if we are go right, we go into th path with the sign that says "END OF SKI PATH: DO NOT ENTER: YOU CAN DIE AND ALSO MAYBE EVEN GET HURT"." "Hmm," said me. "the way you said the left one sounds less scary and intensifyed. But the right one sounds enticing cause of the forboding sign.... dammit, i cannot decide!" I said as the crushing weight pressures of Detective Decisions wash over my head. "Hurry up jartner we are almost at the tree!" said Applejack. "Yeah jakkid make decision!" said Twilight. "Deal or No Deal!" said Dick i clutchd my head. "NOOOO!" I shouted and I got outta my seat. "This too much for me! Which one of you is qualify to drive a Cabinmobile?" Everyone looked at eachother. Tran Station raised his hoof. "I rode a bike once." "Good enough! You drive" and I grabbe him and shoved him in the driver seat. "Oh shit" said Tran Station and his Admiral Instincts kicked in! He TWISTED the wheel to the right like it was twister. The cabin VEER around the tree right into the danger zone! The danger snowne "Look out tran we gonna hit that fire hydrant!" said Twilight and Tran steered to the RIGHT around it. "Woahly shit look out we're gonna hit that pool of lava!" said Dick and Tran hit a rampjump and JUMP over the pool! "Excuse me partner I do not wish to bother you but I think we will hit that Nuclear Reactor," said Applejack and Tran steer to the right to get around it and I peek out the window for a second to mark th nuclear gauge on my clipboard for this years weekly inspection. "Nice job tran!" I say and we all clap for Tran Station and he feelt genuine accomplisment and appreciation for his bravery. But then all of asudden we started floating as all feel still and notspeedy. "Woah what to hell?" said me as I became into the air. "We didnt steer into space did we? That would suck I never told anyone about this but I am afraid of goin to space. What if I forget its not really night time and I fall asleep on acident and float into the sun?" Twilight airwalked to the window and look outside. "Oh no nothin like that," said her. "We just went off a cliff and are falling to our deaths." "Oh phew," we said in relieves. "OH NOOOO WE GONNA DIE!" screamed Dick in terrors. "wait. shouldnt this be the othe way around" "Oh good point." said the alive ones of us. "OHHHH SHIT CRAP HELL DAMN PISS SWEAR WORDS" And the cabin SMASHED into the ground and the wheels POPPED off and spin off into the distance while all of us who were floating SLAMMED back into the floor (except Dick). The inside of the cabin was ravage, the furniture was broken and the pictures came off the but the 97 inch flat screen TV was ok because I got a good quality wall mount for it. "uggggh" said Twilight getting up. "Dammit Tran?! You almost kill us!" "Yeah partner!" said Applejack who was saved herself by tying herself the ceiling before we hit the ground. "Yeah partner! Why you take so many right turns?!" "They have good points," say Dick. "It was not a good idea for you to take so many rights." "Hey now," said me collecting my detective composure and also one of my detective teeth. "I for one support Tran's rights! It was beter than not turning and then crashing. It was stressful situations." and I walked over to the window and peers outside. "You are right jakkid," say Dick. "I apologize Tran Station. I am glad we are all alive except for me." "Wait guys!" said me and I beckonify them over to the window. "Get over heres check this really cool thing out!" "Huh what is it?" said Twilgiht. Applejack untied herself and smacked into the floor and they all came and look out the window with me, but then they stuck their HOOFS (and hands) UP! Outside the window... was a buncha ponies pointing GUNS at us! "See?" I said in awe and wonders. "Isnt that cool? They dont even have fingers but they can still look at me dead in the eyes and slowly begin to pull the trigger." "Craps!" said Tran. "Why are they doing that?!" "Yeah partner!" said Apple. "Twilights not even wanted in this state!" "Well..." said Twilight. "Hmm," said me. "Well, probably we should surrender so we dont get fill with lead, since that would make it real hard to go through airport security in the future." We all nod and agree and we slowly walk out the front door to the gunny pony mob. "Ponies!" said me. "Why do you point guns at us like some kinda weirdo who points guns at peopel? We come in peace, and only maybe war if you feel like it." "HES SAYING WORDS! SHOOT HIM" shouted a pony. "wait! HOLD your FIRE!" shout a pony from the crowd. An olderly pony with a mustache and an oldness pushed out from the to the front of the crowd and take a good look at us. "Why its none other than Detective jakkid166 the Greatest Detective in the World!" "You know me?" said me. "Yeah we have internet here." said the old pony. "Jakkid you and your friends gotta help us! A great terror has overcome our village!" "Oh." I sighed in tired language. "I supose I can help." "HES GONNA HELP US! SHOOT HIM" shouted the pony again. "Dont worry about him he just had a 5 hour energy." said the old pony. "Just please come along with us quietly so nobody gets too spooked." I look at the otherses. "You guys all good?" "Sounds good to me," said Dick and the others nods. "Alright," said me. "I will comes along quietly." "HES COMING ALONG QUIETLY! SHOOT HIM" said the pony again but someone took his gun away and told him to go home. Meanwhile, while no one was looking, Tran made a phone call...
The Village of the Town of the City“...And thats the story of everything tha thas happen to us in the past week,” said the elder pony. “Woah that was a interesting and thrilling story of despair and mystery,” said me as i lay back and file my nails. “i Forgot to take notes of it for when I write about this later though, so tell it all to me again.” “Well you see,” said the elder pony whos name is actually Hoof Hooferton, “It all started a few days ago…” ~ to simulate flashback transition, please look at a plain white picture and then back to the story ~ “Ahhh,” said Hoof hooferton as he laid back in his bath tub of steaming hots water on a cold night. But this cold night was especially cold and night, and he was not satisfy with the warmness of the waters. BUT, because the water was already almost to burning temperatures, he had to think a solution… “Aha I have a idea,” he said and he remember the fact: if you only change the water temprature a couple degrees, you will not notice. So he change the water temperature up by 2 degrees and couldnt tell the diference. And then he did it again. And he did it again. and a bunch more times and more agains until finally the water was the temprature of lava, but he didnt notice so it was fine. “Ahhh,” he said but he noticed a something. he look at the bathtub water as slowly it overcame it self with a color other than nothing… a color of RED! “AGGH” said him and he jumped outta the tub but it was too late, his fur is now dyed red from redness which sucks for him cause his cutie mark normally has the red and blue 3D glassess effect but the red now blends in so his cutie mark now looks boring and 2D like everyone elses. Hoof ran out the door into the street and only got ran over by 3 horse carriages so he was stil able to witness everyone comin outta their houses and freaking the heck out! “Whats going on?? My fire is BLUE!” said the blacksmith pony. “My WATER is RED!” said the watersmith pony. “My bank account has $0 dollars in it!” said another pony. “I promise that is not normal, can someone please fix that for me?” “How could this be happening?” said Hoof. “Is Jesus visiting again?” But then an evil looking pony came up to Hoof and gave him a note and then puncheded him in the face so he would forget what the evil pony looked like and left. Hoof opened the note and looked at it and read it and eyed th words and the note said: GIVE US WHAT WE WANT OR ELSE ALL YOU WATER WILL REMAIN BLOOD FOREVER THIS IS A RANSOM NOTE BTW IF YOU CANT TELL ~ ok do the same thing to transition back to the present ~ “And that is the story of how our water became all red and freaked all the towns shit out of them,” said Hoof. “We been trying to think a name for it. Maybe ‘The Red Scare’.” “That is probably not a good idea.” said me. “But also, what the hell of the hell? A ransom note? Dang heck thats a crap right there. Did you give em what they want?” “Nope,” said Hooof. “dont get me wrong we wanted to. But I think they forgot to actually write what they want on the note. We would ask them for help with this but I do not think they have customer service department.” “hmmmm,” said me. “have your village been colonized by any nations recently?" "Not since last month, but since you talk abot nations and stuff, I did notece the note was wrriten in an italian accent." "hmm...... HMMM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMM. do you have the note?" "Oh sure lemme fax it to you." said Hoof and he put the note in his fax mashine. "Whats your fax number?" "Uhhhh I forget. try 4." "4?" "yeah. 1 was taken by the father, 2 by the son, 3 by the holy spirit. i dont know how they got ahead of me in line." Hooferton sent the fax and I pickeded it up on the "Fax Machine" function in my Detective Gun. i shot the message copy out into my face and grabed it off my face and read it. "Wait a minute," said me, "this is writen on the back of a business card! This has the number for their customer service department!" "Oh." said Hoof. "Huh." "Dick Americas," said me, "can I use your phone? i am low on my Cricket prepaid phone minutes." "Huh what" said Dick while he stopped doing his crossword. "Oh sure" and he gave the phoen to me and I dialified the number. "Ransom Incorporated. They handsome? We ransom! How may I help you todey?" "Uhh, I need to ask-" "If you wish to arrange a kidnapping, press 1." "Ugh" i said. "it is one of tha automated phone systems!" "OH i know the trick for those!" said Applejack. "you press the 0 key!" "Oh cool thanks." said me and I press that. "You have selected the 'Kill All Hostages' option. Do you wish to give them a last meal?" "WHAT NO!" i shouted into the phone. "DONT DO THAT" "Understod. Hostages will be killed without a last meal. Do you hav further requests?" "AGENT!" I shout into the phone. "REAL PERSON. let me talk to REAL PERSON!" "Understood. The CEO, Real Person, wil be with you shortly." "ugh finally!" I say as the serene waiting music came on. "Aw yea I love this song!" said Twilight. "Fuck the police comin straight from the underground" Finally a person answer the line of the phone. "Hello how the hell did you gets this number and who are you even what the hell are you calling me for what the fuck is a phone?" "i can answer 3 of those questions," said me. "But first i will be the only one asking questions here. So mr. Real Person, you thot you could kidnap the transparency out of the water, HUH?" "what" said Person. "What is dis about?" "We got this ransom note writen on your company's business card. I know you been committing the motherfuckery!" "Ok mr. Whoever you are, listen here. our company puts out LOTS of ransom notes. we are third party ransom organization that kidnappers and blackmailers use for our swift and eficient service. It sound like you note is from onea our clients." "DAMMIT!" i said. "ok Mr. Person. or can I call you Real? We need to figure out which your clients made the water red and the fire blue and the pony's bank account have 0 dollars in it!" "NONSENSE!" said Person. "we do not give out our clients blackmail information! what if it gets used for blackmail?" "AHA," said me, "but i have blackmail on you too!" "what" "I know that you ar blackmailing people, and that is crime! And I also know yor name, which is not a crime, but is weird! And I will tell everyone in your company that your name is weeird and they will make fun of you!" "oh no!" "and then also I will arrest you for blackmail. The blackmail im doing right now doesnt count though." "Okay okay fine! The ones who did the blackmails to your town was a client the name of The Mario Party!" "And WHAT do they want?" "...did they not write that on the note?" "No i think they forgot." "oh wow. no wonder you called customer services. Okay fine ill tell you. THey want the artifact known as... the Orb of Sphere!" "OH NO!" I schmouted. "Not the ORB of SPHERE?! that is HORRIBLE! what is that" "I dont know. are you done talking now? i need to go kill the hostages you said to kill earlier." "WAIT! i retract that request!" "Are you sure? we have two for one deal right now!" "YES im sure! just let them go free into their natural habitat!" "Okay alright fine. But dont call here anymor, my wife will think im cheating on her." and he hung the phone up the phone. "UGH!" i bleurghed out as i sits back down. "How did I get roped into this, other than all the events that leaded up to this?" "What did you learn jakkid?" said Dick, in andickipation. "Some dumb things about some people called the Mario Party. whoever they is, they want some thingy called the Orb of Sphere. look can I just go home? You can live by drinking red water probably." "Wait the ORB OF SPHERE?" said Hooferton. "Why would they want that?!." BUT before I could respond a response, the ground SHOOKED. "Woah who farted?" said me. "Wait jakkid thats not a fart!" said Dick pointin out the window. "Thats a bunch of evil mysterious ponies ariving outside!" "GASP." said me. "Alright lets see waht the hell is going on." Dick and me and Twilight and Applejack and Hooferton went out the door to meet the group of more than 2 but less than 4 ponies that was now gathers outside in the air of the night. One was dress in red, one in green, and the one in the middle in Yellow. "Aha," said the Leader Pony dressed in Yellow who step forward, chomping on a piece of garlic. "I see you felt our fart!" "Yea and I see it too" said me. "Im judgin from my detectively deductions from my eyes that you all must be... the MARIO PARTY!" "How very smart of you Mr. jakkid166," said the Yellow Pony as he peeled his garlic and took a bite. "These ar my associates, Marinara and Linguini. And I am the leader... Warlic." "Warlic?" said Dick. "We couldnt think of any italian foods that start with W," said Warlic. "BUT THAT NOT THE POINT! A little birdy told me you showed you detective butt in this town today, jakkid!" "Actually I told you that." said the red pony. "Yea well the bird or pony is right!" said me while I crossed my arms in indiggance. "Now un-red the pony water and whatever else you did!" "Sure thing bro," said Warlic. "But youll need to give us what we want first... and to give us what we want, youl have to FIGURE OUT what we want! Good lucks with that! AHAHAHAHA!" "What, the Orb of Sphere?" said Twilight. "YES, the- wait WHAT the FUCK?" said Garlic as he cough up his warlic. "how the freaking fricklefrack did you know that?!" "Well it wasnt on the ransom note so I just calld the customer service department," said me. "WHAT?! You cant just call suport on us! That affects our reputation and makes the websites algorithms less favorble to us!" "Wait wait wait!" said Hoof. "Are you sayin you didnt WANT us to figure out what you wanted?" "YES that was the whole point!" said Warlic and he stomped his angers into the dirt. "But then how were we supposed to give it to you?" "Oh. uh...... Shit." Warlic stood there tryin to think of a thing to say. "Well you see thats um. Uh." "Hooferton what even is the orb of sphere?!" said me turnign to him. "Why is it so COVERTED?" "Well..." said Hooferton. "Its not." "Oh that makes sense," said me. "Wait NO IT DOESNT! What the hell?!" "Youre right it doesn't," said Hoof. "The orb of sphere isent even valuable! We sell them for like 10 bits each at the gift shop. What is with you idiots! If you were too poor to just buy one you cold just say so! Ill go grab one right now!" "No, thats not-" Warlic lookd around trying to remember what words are. "Guys think of something!" "Mama mia I think we screwed up," said Marinara. "Tran Station's gonna be pissed at us now," said Linguini. "GOD DAMMIT!" said Warlic. "Ok look guys, we dont actually want the Orb of Sphere. We just couldnt leave that field blank when we was submitting the ransom form. We were suposed to stop you from figuring out what we wanted so you wold be distracted and be too busy protectin THAT while we take the thing we actually want." "Okay." said me. "so what is that." "We want... the BLOCK OF CUBE!" "WHAT" said Elder Hoof. "no! it Cannot Be! The Block of Cube have such deep power it can do ANYTHING! like EXPLODE, because its a bomb!" "Heh heh yes indeedy," said Warlic. "so PLAN B which is sort of also plan A kind of! Give us the cube or you water will be red forever and it will never be whatever color water is normaly!" "Hm I do not know" said Hoof. "Maybe we can just get use to drinking red water." "OH NO MY LEVRAGE!" said Warlic. "Linguini go kidnap the Elders daughter." "Got it" said Linguini and he ran off and came back with Hoof's daughter tied up. "OH NOOOOOOO!" said Hoof. "ok fine you can have the thing!" "But Hoof!" I say in despration. "Think of the damage the bomb can does! Think of the greater good! You canot let this Italian Battalion faze you!" "But shes my daughter!" said Hoof. "but the GREATER GOOD!" "WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND MOVE?" said Warlic and he shove us forward to lead him to the Block of Cube. "FINE!" said me and we started walkin but I wasnt happy about it. "stupid stupid dumb dumb stupid dumb" "Well this is a shit," said Twilight. "What hell do we do now?" "Dont worry," said me. "i have a plan..."
