The train's rhythmic thudding didn’t pair well with Lightning Dust’s weary spirit. Everytime she began to shut her eyes, the train would rock her back into the waking world. She let out a breath of air in frustration, her head pounding away much like the tracks below her. Even the effort of grumbling was too much for her to bear.
She slouched further into her seat, absentmindedly staring out the window. The sun was just setting below the horizon while the heavy downpour of snow covered the land. It obscured the sights, but it added to the atmosphere.
Lightning Dust yawned. Despite the train’s best effort, she eventually found rest.
When Lightning Dust opened her eyes again the train had stopped. Lethargically, she looked to her surroundings. Nopony.
Groaning, she got up from her seat, making her way down the aisle. Before she reached the door before her, it opened up to reveal the conductor, a stallion with deep sunk eyes, and a sneer across his features.
“We’ve arrived at Ponyville station. Last stop.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I’m leaving.” Lightning Dust brushed passed him, making her way to the exit. She could hear him huff in annoyance.
The moment she trotted down onto the station’s floor she instantly felt the frigid air around her stab into her skin. Her coat did little to help against such frost. Shivering, she continued onward. She was still outside town, but despite the storm, it wasn’t too hard for her to find her way to it. It was Hearth’s Warming Eve, and the small town was alight with the festivities of ponies in cheer.
Lightning Dust stopped at the base of the bridge connecting into town. She stared down at it, and then up to the town across the other side. She took in a deep breath, and exhaled heftily. One hoof in front of the other and soon she found herself across the bridge.
Lightning Dust folded her ears as the wave of noises that hit her was almost too much for her dreary mind to handle. She expected as much, as most of the country had its own fair share of noise, but she was none-the-less put off by it.
She groaned, gritted her teeth, and pushed past the ponies that began to block her way. Some of them tried to shove back at her, but she just put more force into it, ignoring the glares she received.
It doesn’t matter what they think.
After tossing aside a few more ponies, it came to her that she had wings for a reason. Shaking her head to clear her mind, she took to the skies to get a view of the town.
Where is she?
Even from up above it was hard to see through the sea of ponies. Everything was so packed, from the stalls of baked goods, to the outdoor diners.
As she began to fly around, trying to find the pony she was after, she took note of the eyes on her. Their glares, their judgement; the other pegasi made an effort to avoid flying near her. Lightning Dust huffed, flying at an even greater pace.
She felt her muscles tense up, and she tried to relieve the sensation by adjusting her flight pattern, but much like the looks she received, it never truly went away.
She stopped flying.
Lightning Dust closed her eyes, her mind growing restless as the thought of ponies watching her flooded it. Their faces were a blur, but their eyes... They refused to leave her mind.
Lightning Dust hit herself upside the head, growling in frustration. “Just get the hell away from me, dammit!” She looked around to see if they were still there, sweat dripping down her brow. Most of the pegasi had departed, but some of the more curious ones lingered.
“Parasprites fly in your ears or somethin’? Get the fuck away from me!”
With a whimper, the ponies left her alone in the sky. It marginally helped Lightning Dusts nerves as her heart rate began to go back to normal.
Celestia fucking damn it all…
Lightning Dust took flight again, her eyes narrowed on the streets below. Despite how busy it was down below, she had to find the pony she came her for to begin with. She flew from one side of the town to the other, circled back around and did it again and again and again.
Yet she was nowhere to be found.
Lightning’s chest grew tight, her breathing picking up pace again. Knowing all too well what this meant, she decided to take a break and fly down to ground level. There was some sort of performance going on where she decided to land, an earth pony mare playing a cello on stage in front of a surprisingly quiet crowd of onlookers.
Spotting a somehow empty chair, Lightning Dust capitalized on her luck and took it for herself. Despite finding comfort in sitting down, the frigid air around her refused to give her a moment of peace.
It will have to do.
She just sat there and tried to enjoy the music for what it was. Classical wasn’t her style, but honestly, anything was better than listening to the small talk of ponies that engulfed all other noises outside this performance.
Lightning’s eyes grew heavy as she stared up at the mare playing the cello. She looked happy, no, content would be a better way to describe it. She looked as if all the pieces in her life were in place, and the music she shared today was a reflection of the jovial nature of such an accomplishment. Just another chapter in the book of everypony else having it all figured out while Lightning was stuck in her rut.
Lightning Dust shook her head. Cut it, you’re just projecting.
She went to sit up to continue her search, but somehow she found herself lacking the strength to do so. Her eyes even heavier than before. She ultimately decided to stay and continue listening to the mare play her beautiful music.
Maybe it ain’t so bad...
Thunk!
Lightning Dust’s eyes shot wide open. “Ugh. Huh, what the fu-”
“Enjoy the performance?” Asked a voice unfamiliar.
Lightning turned quickly to the sound of the voice, and was greeted with a surprise. “Hey, weren’t you just playing up on the stage?”
“Mhm. Indeed I was. However I’ve finished my piece for tonight.” She took a swig of a drink Lightning knew had to be alcoholic.
“So...” Lightning turned to and fro, seeing that almost all of the ponies from before had dispersed and gone elsewhere. “Jeez. How long was I out?”
“No idea. Was my music really so dull as to put you asleep? Shame. I modified the piece to add a bit more energy than usual for the purpose of keeping everypony entertained. It seems more work is necessary.”
“Huh? The hell are you talking about? I wouldn’t have stayed and listened if it wasn’t any good. Ya hear?” Lightning looked her square in the eyes. “Wait, shit!”
The mare looked puzzled. “Is something the matter?”
“You could say that. I’m looking for somepony. I don’t have time to waste, I gotta go!” Before Lightning Dust could take off, a hoof pulled her back down to her seat.
“Would you wait just a moment? It’s hearth’s warming. Nopony is leaving town tonight. I wanted to ask you something myself.”
Lightning Dust groaned. “Better be a damned good question.”
“Must you be so abrasive?”
“Eat me. Are you gonna criticize me, or are ya gonna spill what’s on your mind or what?”
The mare cleared her throat. “Ahem. So, considering you were ever so attentive on my performance tonight, I need your input on how to improve it so I may do better next time.”
Lightning Dust rolled her eyes so hard she swore they could have fell out her face. “Are you shitting me? That’s what you desperately needed to ask me.”
“Yes, indeed it is. I personally find feedback from a complete stranger more honest than those of good company. So are you gonna continue to mock me or spill your thoughts?”
"How about this for a thought: you shove off and let me get back to what I was doing. And while you’re at it, how about you tell me why you’re really talking to me. I know when somepony’s beating around the bush. Lay it on me. Are you gonna give me shit like everypony else for what happened with the Wonderbolts, because if so you’ll get bonus points for saying something I haven’t heard yet.”
“The what? Excuse me, what are you going on about?”
“Don’t play stupid with me, you journalists are all the same. Looking to scrape every last damn bit out of a pony and then shit them out when you have your story. Well, you ain’t getting anything from me.”
“What on Celestia’s green Equestria? Wonderbolts, journalists? Miss, are you alright.”
“Fuck if I am. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
The mare simply sighed in reply, taking another swig of her drink. “Something tells me there’s more to you than meets the eye. Could just be a hunch. After all, what foul mouthed foal has something to hide?”
“Watch your tongue!” Barked Lightning.
“As if I’m taking a threat about language from the likes of you! I just wanted to sit down and ask a watching audience member a simple question, and I get this! You know, ma’am, perhaps concerts aren’t your scene. There is a mental hospital down the street however, that may be more your speed.”
Lightning was on the verge of exploding, but after taking a long look at the mare before her, she decided to take a deep breath and relax in her seat. “Just forget it. I’m just not… here right now.”
“Couldn’t tell,” replied the mare. “I’m Octavia by the way, since you’re now in the mood for pleasantries.”
“Lightning Dust.” Grumbled the pegasus. “Yeah, that one. Don’t even think about talking about it.”
“Well, it seems you have a bit of an ego, to say the absolute least. I don’t even know who you are if I’m being completely honest.” Octavia rolled her eyes, downing the rest of her drink.
Lightning Dust didn’t reply right away. Her mouth opened, but nothing came of it.
“So now you lack words as well as a nice personality?”
Lightning’s eyes narrowed. “This ain’t some trick, right?”
“Oh, dear. Here we go again.” Octavia groaned.
“I’m serious! You ain’t doing me dirty here? Gonna blabber on about how you messed with the pony who deserved it the most?”
“Again. You grotesquely overestimate your own reputation.”
“Better be telling the truth.” Lightning Dust leaned back and looked off into space. “Came here to settle a score with somepony I once knew. Haven’t found her yet, obviously.”
“Mind telling me who? I might know them,” Octavia said.
“You and the rest of the nation. Rainbow fucking Dash. Bet she’s having just a grand ol’ time right now.”
Octavia laughed. “Yeah. You’re not seeing her tonight. She’s most likely off with the other element bearers on some Hearth’s Warming adventure. Or just some place quiet we’re not invited to. Who honestly knows.”
Lightning Dust sighed. “You’re probably right…”
“And a score to settle, huh? What, did her ego rub off on you like the rest of the town?”
Lightning Dust turned away from Octavia. “Rather not talk about it.”
Octavia lightened her demeanor somewhat. “You don’t have to. I won’t pry, though it does leave me rather curious.”
“Might as well leave that curiosity at the door. It ain’t getting humored.”
“Are you kidding me? I just told you I wasn’t going to pry!” Octavia growled. “Ah, whatever. Forget it…”
They sat in silence, both looking off in the distance. After a while of sitting in the cold, absentmindedly letting the time roll by, Lighting broke the lull in conversation.
“You really don’t know me, do ya?”
Octavia chuckled. “No. I honestly have no idea who you are. Should I?”
“Celestia no. You don’t want that.” Lightning shared her laughter. “Fuck no, I prefer if you didn’t. I’m not exactly the most well respected pony.”
“Could it possibly be your foul mouth?” Octavia sardonically questioned.
“I fucking wish.” Lightning joked in return. “Could actually have something going for me… At least then I’d be known for something besides mistakes that were made and chances that got blown.”
“Mmm?”
“I have nothing, Octavia. Zilch, nada!” Lightning threw her hooves in the air. “Can’t keep a stable job before my reputation follows me, can’t keep friends without them shunning me over time for being a damn idiot and failure. My life is essentially just paying bills and waiting to die. I’m not living as much as surviving at this point in life.”
“Is it really that bad?” Octavia tentatively asked.
“Yeah… Celestia.” Lighting turned away from Octavia yet again. “I just wish it wasn’t like this. I try so fucking hard to turn a new leaf, make something of myself. Tartarus, I’d settle for the quiet life if it wasn’t so soul crushing to me. You know how some ponies get to actually count sheep to fall asleep at night? I get to think back on all my mistakes instead. My pride is literally eaten by shortcomings.”
Lightning sighed. “I came here too, I don’t know, get back at the pony who got me into this mess to begin with. Yeah, sure, I was reckless or whatever, but if it was any other pony than Twilight and friends, I wouldn’t be here now.”
“I see.”
Lightning turned back to look Octavia directly in the eye. “Why is it so damn hard for the world to move on and forgive me?” She sighed. “I try so hard, I really do.” She then looked down between her hooves, drawing circles in the snow. “What the hell am I even doing? This is literally just me distracting myself again to avoid the whole self-reflection thing. My best years are going down the shitter with every word in this damn conversation and all I can do is complain about it! Fucking Pathetic…” Lighting sighed. “Maybe a simple life is enough for some ponies, but I never wanted to be ordinary. But like, I had my shot lined up and I missed. Or maybe I never took the shot in the first place? Was I too scared? Lazy? Weak? I don’t know. Everything wrong that I’ve done just runs together at this point.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to find forgiveness, I think. Especially when we’re trying to forgive ourselves.” Octavia interjected. “Not going against you, Lightning. I think we actually connect well, at least from what I see here. I just think sometimes there are ponies out there that you can’t forgive, for whatever reason.”
“You saying ponies can’t seem to find forgiveness in me, or something?” Lighting quietly let out.
“Maybe. Maybe not. I just know there are ponies you just can’t seem to forgive. You might have a good reason, or maybe you don’t.” Octavia tilted her head. “Do you think your reasons are justified?”
“Of course!” Lightning huffed. “I mean… I don’t know. I just… I just…” She growled in frustration. “I just want it all to go away! I want myself back… but I don’t know where I am”
“Lightning. I think I might know how you feel. I had a pony in my life who did…
“Octavia! Where in the world are you!” Shouted an enraged stallion.
Octavia whimpered, hiding away in her closet. She was barely able to make out what was going on on the other side. The binds of the closet were slim, but just enough to see through. Just a little.
Her bedroom door slammed open, nearly breaking off the hinges. “I thought we went over this last time you did this poorly!”
He ripped the blankets off Octavia’s bed. “Where are you? You told me you were gonna improve your grades and work on your cello lessons with utmost care.”
The stallion then lifted the bed up with his magic, slamming to back down, and breaking the frame in the process. “I’m serious, Octavia. Why did you think it was okay to skip lessons and only score a B on your last english essay? You just don’t care, do you?”
He looked off towards the closet, a wicked grin spreading across his face. “You know if you don’t succeed nownow, you’ll get nowhere in this world. That’s apparently what you want, though, isn’t it?”
One step forward.
“And you’ll disappoint not only me, but your dear old mother.”
Another.
“Most importantly, you won’t be able to support your family with your success, your talent, but again, that’s what you want,” He threw the closet door open, “ my neglectful little filly.”
“AAAAAAAAAAA!”
“Unpleasant things… To say the least.” Octavia finished.
“I see.” Replied Lightning Dust. “I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to forgive, Dash, to be honest. Say, if I’m ever mentioned around here, you think you can put in a good word for me?”
“I think you again might overestimate your own reputation. But, if you ever are mentioned in a negative light, I can see what I can do.” Octavia smiled for a brief moment before sighing.
“Yeah. I feel that. Thanks.” Lightning sighed in turn.
“You still gonna try and find Dash, Lightning?”
Lighting Dust looked down to the ground for answers, then to the passing ponies across the street. She then turned back to Octavia. “I don’t know. Would be a damn shame to waste what little bits I had to get here for Dash, only to just leave without accomplishing what I set out to do.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Well. I may not forgive her, but something sorta came up while we were talking. I just don’t think it’s gonna solve anything. Hell, might just make things worse. Maybe your words have some power behind them to give me some kind of clarity.”
“Or maybe you’re just an indecisive mess.” Octavia joked.
“Stuff a dick in it, Octavia. I’m serious!” She looked to the ponies across from them again. “I honestly want to move on from all of this. I thought confronting Dash would settle it… Not so sure anymore. I just wanna say I spent my time doing something worth-while.”
Lightning took a deep breath, the snow starting to come down again, though it was slowly transitioning back to rain. “Maybe I can just sleep tonight off, let it all wash away, like tears and rain or whatever the saying is.”
“You a poet now?” Octavia raised brow.
“Nah, read that somewhere once. I thought it was a nice line. Anyway, it was nice meeting you, Octavia. I need to find some motel or something to crash tonight. Or some dry corner down an alley, whatever comes first.”
Before she was able to take off, Octavia pulled Lightning Dust back down again.
“How about you stay the night at my place?”
Lightning’s eyes went wide. “What? No! I can’t do that!”
“I insist, it is Hearth’s Warming after all, and you seem to be in need of a good night’s rest.” Octavia beamed. “So, I shall not accept ‘no’ for an answer.”
Lightning Dust rubbed the back of her neck. “Jeez. Well, guess I shouldn’t let this little bit of good luck in my life pass.” She got up and stretched her wings and back. “Thanks, Octavia. For everything. I’m still not entirely sure where I’m at right now, but I’m getting there...”
“I understand.”
Author's Note
I personally have dealt with those in life I dub unforgiven, much like Lightning Dust and Octavia. So, this story comes from deep within.
Sometimes you can't find forgiveness, but what you can find is acceptance. I only hope I did it justice in this story.
Merry Christmas, Penguifyer. Little did you know I love both of the ponies you requested for Jinglemas.
