The Most Dangerous Dame

“Okay, you two. Ground rules.”

You really are trying to listen to Princess Cadance. Honest, you are. She’s very quickly become one of your favorite people in this crazy horse world, as she has a uniquely high tolerance for your general brand of bullshit. She seems to understand that you’re very rarely malicious in your dickheadery, so she doesn’t hassle you very often when you fuck around with her. So, out of respect and appreciation for the only member of the Equestrian Royal Family that doesn’t actively want to kick your ass, you give Cadance a thumbs up, trying to convey that you’re giving her every bit of attention that you can manage.

“Oh boy…” she sighs, shaking her head. “The castle is your home, too, so I’m not going to patronize you by being too anal about how you go about your business.”

You snicker somewhat at the word “anal”, and Princess Cadance rightfully ignores you to continue on.

“But I do feel compelled to point out a few things… Castle staff is always here to help, but please try to treat them with respect and dignity. They’re family, not slaves. The cleaning staff doesn’t get paid enough to clean up your… private messes…” Cadance clears her throat, pulling your attention back to her. “So try to clean up after yourself. Oh, and Shiny is very insistent that I remind you, if you break it, you buy it. You actually still owe us a set of silk sheets from two years ago.”

You grunt a very particular grunt, the tone dancing the line between agreement and dismissal. Cadance narrows her gaze at you, frowning somewhat at how you’re handling the situation.

“Okay, I was going to give you the chance to do it without me asking but…” Cadance pinched the bridge of her nose tiredly. “Can you and Umbra please stop tongue-wrestling? For like, 30 seconds, tops.”

Finally, after distracting you for the past few minutes, Queen Umbra pulls her lips from yours, letting her long, forked, serpentine tongue hang from her mouth as she choked down her first proper breath since you two decided to start making out in Cadance’s throne. The Queen of Shadows laughs, not bothering to give Cadance even a backwards glance before leaning in to lick up the side of your face.

“Clock’s ticking, Love Princess,” says Umbra, leaning in to kiss and nip at your neck. “I have been working on a new trick to show my King, and trust me, you do not want to be here to see it.”

“If it’s anything like that thing she does with her tongue, then she’s right,” you snicker. You can almost feel Cadance’s leer, so you shake yourself and turn to the Princess of Love. “Sorry, Cadance. We got it. Be nice to the help, don’t get jizz on anything expensive. Anything else?”

“Just that Shiny and I are taking Flurry to Twilight’s tonight, and we’ll probably come by again on Sunday morning to make sure everything is okay before we actually go on vacation.”

“What, you don’t trust us?” cackles the Queen.

“First of all, no. Last time I left you alone, you hijacked my kingdom. Second—”

“My kingdom. Playground rules, Heart-Ass, I was here first.”

“Second of all, it’s not me. That one is from Shining,” says Cadance, thoroughly unamused by the nickname you had given her (and Umbra had subsequently adopted). “Says he doesn’t trust the newlyweds to keep things orderly.”

“Ugh. Does that guy ever relax?” you snort. “He needs to get laid or something.”

“Dude, I’m his wife and I am right here.”

“Yeah, and I wasn’t gonna ask because I thought that it wasn’t my business as to why you’re not giving your man any pussy.”

“It’s not your business!” Cadance blushes for a moment as she realizes the trap she had just fallen into. “And I… I don’t… You know what, it’s not important, because it’s none of your business how often me and my husband have sex.”

“Ooh, I can tell you how often me and my husband have sex!” says the Queen excitedly. She turns back to face you, staring you down like a hunk of meat. “Every single goddamn day…”

"Yeah, that reminds me… We might wanna talk about some, er… preventative measures," says Cadance. "I am totally supportive of your guys' relationship—"

"You pronounced 'jealous' wrong, Heart-Ass."

"That being said, I think it would do you, me, Equestria, and the collective fabric of existence a world of good if we slow down the flow of potentially super-powerful, world-threatening children until we can figure out a way to keep a hold on them." Cadance pointed to Umbra, particularly her large baby bump. "I've seen a lot of ultrasounds in my day, and I've never seen readings like the numbers I'm getting off of whatever the hell is in you right now."

"So you steal my kingdom, disturb me while I am enjoying some private time with my King, and then insult my unborn child." Umbra turns, leering at the Princess of Love. "And yet you wonder why I don't care for you."

"I didn't mean—"

"Well, would you look at that, your thirty seconds are up," says Umbra. She turns back to you, letting her serpentine tongue hang from her mouth. "Now, about that trick…"

"Is there anything else, Cadance?" you ask, though you can already feel Umbra working her tongue into your mouth. "I kinda have to handle this…"

"Just behave yourselves…" sighs Cadance. She pinches the bridge of her nose tiredly, shaking her head as she departs. "Please? Last thing I need right now is another thing for me and Shiny to fight about."

"You and your trophy husband wouldn't fight as much if you put out," snorts Umbra. She cackled sinisterly, bouncing and grinding on your leg before leaning in to lick the side of your face. "You never see my King and I fighting, and that's because I am constantly doing my wifely and queenly duties by ensuring that he is satisfied."

"Thank you, Umbra. This is me, the Goddess of Romance, a woman whose middle name is literally 'Love', thanking you for the marriage advice." Cadance isn't normally one for sarcasm, but when she goes for it, she shoots to kill. "You, of course, being a warrior-queen who owes each of your few, short, historically unhappy relationships to either winning or losing a fistfight. I sincerely value your experience in the delicate matters of the heart, your wisdom in that department truly eclipses mine."

"Happy to help, Heart-Ass. Now get out of my castle. Unless you feel like watching my King split me in twain with his almost comically large cock, of which you are most assuredly jealous to not have."

"Okay, yeah, this catfight would be hot, but I think you brought this up to an 11, when we really only needed a 4 or 5," you admit. You give Umbra's plump ass a spank, fighting the urge to grin at her breathy moan. "Bring it down a bit, Queenie. Be nice."

"Fine. You'll have to forgive me, your highness. Hormones and all that." Umbra seems to be at least somewhat genuine in her apology, which is for sure progress. "We'll be good while you're gone. Or as good as we can be, anyway."

"Thank you. I have to go, Shiny is waiting for me." Cadance lit up her horn, charging it with her cyan magic. "See you guys in a few days."

With a loud crack, the princess was gone, leaving you and Umbra as the highest ranking members of Crystal Royalty. Ordinarily, you might be concerned that Umbra's ambitious, warlording side would rear its ugly head, but you two spoke about this the night before (Well, you spoke. Umbra mainly just moaned and nodded deliriously). In any case, the Shadow Queen had given you her word; No attempted coups. So, with world domination off the table, you’re left trying to come up with something to occupy your time.

Judging by your queen’s devilish smirk, it looks like Umbra has a few ideas.

“Queenie…” You narrow your eyes at your wife, concerned by her demeanor. “You’ve got that look on your face…”

“If you look to the lawbooks, you’ll see that, in Equestria, Queens outrank Kings, which means I’m in charge for now,” cackles Umbra. “And, as the ruling Queen of the Crystal Empire, I decree that it is now unlawful for royalty to cover themselves whilst in the castle.”

“Did you just legally mandate nudity?”

Umbra snaps her fingers, causing onyx flames to consume your clothing (the same harmless fire that she uses for everything from undressing to womanscaping to getting rid of soda bottles when she can’t be bothered to get up and toss them out). Once you’re nude, Umbra turns her black flames onto her own robe, scorching them away to reveal her own perfect body. Pregnancy has somehow made Umbra even thicker, causing her already sizable breasts swell and occasionally leak milk from her ultra-sensitive nipples. She’s put on a few pounds, understandably, and the weight settled mostly on her hips and ass (as if she needed more cushion back there). Even still, with the additional weight, she still has notable definition in her arms and thighs, and it’s clear that she’s going to have absolutely no problem regaining the six-pack she had lost over the last nine or so months. No matter how many times you see her, you can’t seem to avert your gaze.

“I did, indeed.” Umbra glances down, wiggling her hips as she feels your dick grow harder in between her legs. “And I take it my king has no qualms with this new decree?”

“None at all,” you say with a smirk. “What else do you have in mind, my queen?” Umbra laughs, leaning in and licking up the side of your face.

“Let’s give these peasants a weekend to remember.”

Umbra was nowhere to be found when you wake up the next morning, which is nothing new for the two of you. You’re something of a late-riser, and Umbra was trapped in ice for like a thousand years, so she’s probably good on sleep for the rest of her life. Most days, she was out of bed before you, likely slithering around the castle to harass the staff until you were conscious enough to chase her down. You don’t doubt that she’ll turn up sooner or later, probably once she smells the bagels toasting in the kitchen.

But first, shower time. After the night you had, you were a bit sweaty, and nothing got your day started like a nice, long, hot shower (aside from maybe a nice, long, hot blowjob, which wasn’t out of the question when Umbra was on the loose). You roll yourself out of bed and stretch, only mildly confused by your lack of boxers. The previous night comes forward in your memory, and you chuckle at Umbra’s so-called royal decree. With a shake of your head, you cross the room to your dresser and pull open the top drawer to get yourself an outfit.

Empty. Aside from a stack of photos (hard copies you have from your topless photoshoot of Equestria’s royalty), the drawer was entirely desolate. You smirk at Umbra’s thoroughness, unable to help but respect the dedication. She really took every single garment you had to your name, even your socks. You shrug, deciding to go on with your day as planned. Clothes or no clothes, you still needed a shower. You figure you can probably find a robe or something once you chase down Umbra and make her cum a few times.

You make your way out of the bedroom and to the bathroom, where you turn on your shower to full blast. The Crystal Empire, in general, is way colder than it has any right to be, so you tend to let the water run for a while until it gets as hot as it can possibly get. Once your shower hits that perfect, nearly-scalding temperature, you step in and begin the task of getting clean before you get dirty.

You barely have time to get all sudsy before something strange and decidedly Umbra happens; In addition to water, thick, black smoke begins to pour from your showerhead, floating down behind you and condensing in on itself. Before you even have time to turn around, the smoke’s arms become corporeal, wrapping around you and gently pulling you back against the smooth curve of Umbra’s belly. She reaches around you, grabbing your cock with both hands and slowly stroking you to full attention. You smirk, craning your head back to kiss your Queen.

“Really? A handjob?” you joke. “That’s not like you at all. You normally hate wasting cum.”

“Who said anything about waste?” says Umbra with a sinister laugh in her voice. She traces her tongue from your lips across your face and down to your neck. You don’t know for sure, but you always thought that Umbra’s penchant for licking you was a method of marking her property, like when you’d cough on your fries in the cafeteria to stop your classmates from stealing them. She could be quite the jealous type, which is probably why she butts head with Cadance so frequently.

“So, what’s the plan for today, now that we have the castle to ourselves?” you ask. Umbra cackles, squeezing you a bit tighter as she stroked you. “Mm… Unless you plan on jerking me off all day.”

“Charming as usual. No, I had something far more interesting in mind, my King.” She moves her left hand to your tip, rubbing your head while she strokes your shaft. “I have a little game planned, if you’d like. A contest of wills, in fact.”

“Oh? This gonna be like our little duel back when we first met? Cause I don’t know how I’d feel about kicking your bubble butt again, seeing as you’re the mother of my child and all.”

“Remember your place. I let you win, you insolent worm…” Umbra can’t help herself, letting her pride and fiery temper bubble to the surface for just a moment. “This was all part of my brilliant strategy to reclaim my kingdom. It just so happened to be a stroke of luck for me to get a king out of the deal.”

“Right…” You roll your eyes, thoroughly unconvinced by Umbra’s thoroughly unconvincing facade. “You’re here for the kingdom. Not at all because I fucked the psycho out of you.”

“Oh, that’s adorable.” Umbra threw her head back and laughed, jerking you even faster. “You think you got the psycho out!” She leans in and nips you on the neck. “You’re going to have to fuck me a lot harder if you want to accomplish that.”

“Is that an invitation?” you ask. Umbra just laughs, and you give her another kiss. No matter how crazy and “evil shadow queen” she can get at times, you know she means well, and she just wants to be with you. You let out a little grunt as she continues to work your meat, bringing you closer to the edge. “If you’re serious about not letting this cum go to waste, you might wanna do something about it. I’m pretty close…”

“Oh? Is that so? Sounds like a good time to talk about our game!”

Umbra snaps her fingers, filling the shower with a crimson light that seemed to condense around you and, more specifically, your cock. You glance down and raise a brow at what you see; a halo of red light around the base of your dick, with multiple different arcane runes surrounding it. Umbra never stops stroking, which gives you precious little time to investigate the magic at work. You’re too distracted by your approaching orgasm to worry about your wife’s witchcraft. Umbra can tell how close you are, and she strokes you even faster until finally, you cum.

Except you don’t, because nothing happens.

“Uh… The fuck?” The sensation is strange, to put it mildly. You can feel the cum trying to leave, but it just doesn’t happen. There’s a strange tightness around your junk, not painful by any means, but incredibly disconcerting when you were expecting a satisfying nut-busting. “Queenie…”

“And so, here’s the game,” says Umbra with a sinister giggle. “I’ve placed a spell around your… Impressive appendage. A chastity spell, meaning you will be unable to cum until the spell is broken.”

“Sounds more like a curse to me.”

“A rose by any other name… In any case, the spell can only be broken by me, and only if I say a very particular word.” Umbra releases her grip on you, strolling around and running a single finger down your chest. “Your goal, big boy, is to somehow get me to say that word. If you fail to do so before Heart-Ass and Trophy Husband return… I get to ride your face as long as I want, whenever I want, for the next two weeks. No matter what you’re doing, you drop it all to serve your queen.”

“Uh-huh. And when I win?” you say. Umbra smiles at you, apparently amused by your cocky display.

“Then you get to bust the nut to end all nuts.”

“And this word I have to make you say?”

“Well, it’s no fun if you know what it is. You’ll just have to get it out of me somehow,” says Umbra. You smirk in spite of yourself, raising your hands in defeat. “So I take it you agree to these rules?”

“Sure, why not?” You shrug your shoulders, reaching forward to grab Umbra in the hopes of getting off to an early start. As soon as your fingers make contact with her body, her body bursts into smoke, becoming an almost formless mass with just her horn, eyes, and fanged grin as visible features.

“Did you think I was going to make this easy for you? The bathroom will be locked for two minutes, which I think is an ample head start,” explains Umbra. “Once the door opens… The hunt is on.”

“Alright, fine. I’m game. You better get running, Queenie,” you say with a smirk. “That precious cargo you’re carrying is bound to weigh you down a little.”

“Two minutes, Anon, and then… Anything goes.”

Her smokey form dissipates like the steam in your shower, seeping down through the drain and ending up who knows where. You stand there for a bit, staring down at the magical cockring Umbra had conjured around you. Could this be the trick she had alluded to yesterday? It didn’t ultimately matter, right then. What was important was tracking down your queen and forcing some magic word out of her somehow. You already have some plans on how to coerce her to spill the beans, but you’ll need to find her first.

The door clicks and swings open, and you step out of the shower to dry yourself with a nearby towel. You grin again, the challenge of the coming hunt and promise of “the nut to end all nuts” more than adequate motivators for you.

“Alright, Umbra,” you say, stepping from the bathroom. “Game on.”

Umbra, at the end of the day, is a warrior, a determined soldier trained in many different forms of combat. She’s well-trained in intelligence, siege, defense, strategy, torture, destruction, and more. She’s told you stories of past battles, entire castles that she sacked with little more than a sword on her hip, a spell in her palm, and a team behind her to move the bodies out of her path. Truly, she’s a formidable force, one that you would be hard-pressed to get the better of in a combat scenario.

Umbra is also a bougie, melodramatic, prima donna, diva of a queen, which left her with a few notable weaknesses. Specifically, a weakness for the spa.

You don’t see much of Umbra for a while, but you have a hunch of where you’ll find her after lunch. She was always a fan of a nice, long soak at about midday, which meant she would likely be taking a visit to the indoor hot springs that she thought you didn’t know she loved. Luckily, you pay more attention that your wife gives you credit for. You know her habits and her weaknesses well, well enough that you’re prepared with a water breathing potion to allow you to wait beneath the surface of the warm, soothing water.

You can hear her footsteps approach, a bit slow and uneven because of the baby, and you lay still as you prepare to strike. Umbra sits at the edge of the spring, letting out a wistful sigh as she gently lowers her feet into the steamy water. She says they don’t hurt, but you’ve known for days about her sore feet, if for no other reason than the way she “forces” you to massage her feet before bed. You decide to give her a few moments in the spa to enjoy herself before you leap onto her.

“What in seven hells?!” Umbra shrieks in surprise when you jump out of the water, grabbing her by the hips and immediately diving between her legs. You kiss and lick at her fat pussy, wriggling your tongue into her cunt before wrapping your lips around her clit. “A-Anon! Oh, Gods…”

She grabs you by the hair, scissoring her legs around your head and pulling you in as close as possible. Umbra’s grip on you only tightens as you work your tongue deeper, as you suck and kiss her pussy. She moans, tensing and quivering around your tongue, threatening to squish your head with her powerful thighs from the sheer pleasure of it all. Even with the threat of “death by snu-snu” steadily looming, you work your tongue faster, hoping to get Umbra to let out that secret word once you sufficiently pleasure her.

"Mm… this is what it's going to be like when you lose, you know," snickers Umbra. "You, beneath me, obediently serving your queen. Might as well get used to it now.”

You say nothing, only partly due to the fact that you’re tongue-deep in your wife, and instead focusing the energy you’d normally spend on a smartass remark on making Umbra cum. It’s never especially difficult, something about you and her click very easily in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean you’re about to slack. In fact, quite the opposite; You double your efforts, gripping Umbra’s thighs tightly and almost throwing her back to attack her pussy even more aggressively. She moans wildly, and you can feel her quiver and tense before she finally lets out a long, sustained, satisfied squeal. She jerks her hips towards you, burying every last bit of your tongue into her as she cums. You can feel her sharp nails digging ever so gently into your scalp, holding you tight while she rides her wave of pleasure.

“Ready to quit?” you ask, smirking smugly at the heavy, labored breaths Umbra was taking. “Or do you need more convincing?”

“If your… Goal… Is to free your cock…” Umbra took a moment to compose herself, smiling a bit dizzily. “Then maybe you shouldn’t prove that you can make me cum without it.”

“So that’s a ‘no’, then?”

“Loud and resounding.”

“Oh well. Then looks like it’s Plan B,” you say with a sigh. You slink down into the water, retrieving a small bottle of enchanted, waterproof lube that you had stowed there earlier. “Remember, Queenie. You asked for this.”

“Is that supposed to scare me?” she laughs. “Dear boy, I am a conqueror! I do not frighten easily, certainly not from the idle threats of a mere mortal, even if that mortal is— EEP!”

With just one hand, you grab Umbra around the waist and yank her forward, dragging her into the water with you. Meanwhile, your other hand is busy unscrewing the cap to your lube, as well as squirting a healthy amount on your magical erection. Once you were good and slick, you spin Umbra around and bend her forward. Though you can’t see her face, you can imagine her devious smirk as she wiggles her hips, bouncing her fat ass against your cock and somehow making you even harder. She thinks she has the driver’s seat and, ordinarily, she might be right.

Instead, you take control by setting your sights a bit higher than usual; As soon as you prod her tight, dark ring with the dip of your dick, Umbra’s entire posture changes. Before she could protest (although, given what a kinky slut she could be, that was unlikely) you force yourself in and begin pounding her juicy ass to pieces. You move slow, a bit slower than usual, for no other reason than to tease her. Umbra had let slip once that she was a bit obsessed with anal, particularly of the rough variety, but you were always hesitant to really let her have it.

Right now, such hesitation is as far from your mind as could be, and you grab a fistful of Umbra’s hair. You yank her head back and give her bountiful booty a sharp, wet slap before you really let loose. Umbra moans and gasps and yelps, some combination of pain and pleasure making her mind go foggy. Her mouth hangs open, letting her long tongue loll free as you pound her, shaking her entire frame with each harsh, unforgiving introduction of your hips to her ass.

“Just say it…” you growl into her ear. Umbra, to her credit, matches your intensity, perhaps even surpasses it, with the wild, untamed energy of her response.

“You’re gonna have to fuck it out of me!”

“Alright, fine.” You jerk her head back even more, wrapping your other arm around her throat as you did. “Have it your way…”

Careful not to actually choke out Umbra, you squeeze your bicep around her neck, taking her breath away in more ways than one. She lets out a croaking sort of moan, manically begging for more with nothing but snarls, moans, and growls. You supply her with more, just as she requests, and fuck her ass until her legs are shaky and she seems ready to collapse if not for your arm keeping her up. You feel another phantom orgasm coming along, but your mind was so consumed by how hot and tight Umbra was that you had temporarily forgotten the situation you found yourself in; It was primarily frustration that you felt when your pleasure reached its apex, just to slide back down without release.

Umbra had no such limitation, and she cums hard around your cock. She taps three times on your forearm, the agreed upon signal for “you can stop choking me now, thanks”, and you release her. Rather than move your hands entirely, though, you try one last-ditch attempt at getting the secret word out of her; Umbra lets out another sustained squeal when you pinch her sensitive nipples, tweaking and teasing them until she cums again, this time with the addition of a spray of milk from her sizable tits. You finally let go and, before you can grab her to try again, she vanishes into smoke, leaving you alone in the tub.

“Alright, Umbra. You’re tougher than I gave you credit for,” you mumble, to no one in particular. “But I’m gonna get you. You mark my words!”

Your stomach snarls and growls in protest, reminding you that the only thing you ate for breakfast was Umbra’s muff.

“I’m gonna get lunch first,” you amend. “But then, I’m gonna get you!”

You’re barely paying attention to the show that’s on television, some weird Equestrian comedy show that ran throughout the weekend. Really, you just needed someplace to sit and think while you finish off your sandwich and chips. You haven’t seen Umbra since the hot spring incident, which you doubt is an accident. Umbra learns from her mistakes, and she’s unlikely to let you get the drop on her again. You’re gonna have to play smart in order to get a leg up.

“Playing smart” has never been your strong suit, so you decided to lounge about on the couch for a bit until something comes to you.

“Alright, handsome. My turn.”

Before you have a chance to react, black smoke blows into the room, swirling together into Umbra’s form, just at your feet. She’s on her knees, pulling your legs apart and, with little more than a sultry wink to serve as a warning, she dives forward to take your cock into her mouth. Even though Umbra is more than capable of throating you with little effort, she takes it slow, working her way down your pole bit by bit. She’s teasing you. Two can play at that game.

You raise your right foot up between her legs, grinding the top of your foot against her sopping wet slit. Umbra chokes out a moan around your cock, wrapping her thin tongue around your shaft as she sucked you. She looks up at you expectantly, giving you another firm suck until you move your foot faster against her pussy. As she matches your speed, you realize what she’s doing: Your cock is supposed to be a throttle, dictating how fast your foot goes. Smart, but you’re not about to give Umbra any more control over the situation.

With a cocky grin, you rub her cunt as fast as you can manage, shaking her body with both pleasure and the sheer force of your leg. Umbra trembles and quivers, and it’s clear that you’ve got her on the ropes. It would be very easy to just keep going, foot-fuck another orgasm out of her, but you think better of it. You stop entirely, watching as Umbra’s face fell into a frown (or, at least, as much of a frown as she could manage you with a mouth full of schlong).

“Say the word and I’ll finish you off,” you promise. Umbra narrows her eyes at you, slowly pulling her head from your dick. She bites her lip thoughtfully, clearly contemplating her options. You can tell by the look on her face that she’s not about to lose that easily, though. “Umbra, don’t—”

Just like before, she vanishes again into a puff of smoke, blowing away in the wind. You look down at your dick, slick with your queen’s slobber and throbbing to break free from this magical cockring, and you frown. Not again, you say to yourself. Not like this. With no regard to whatever you were formerly watching, you leap from the couch, and chase the cloud of smoke out of the room.

Perhaps predictably, Umbra’s smoke found its way to the throne room, and you’re right behind it. Her smoke form coalesces in the large, crystalline chair in the middle of the room, Princess Cadance’s rather gaudy throne that she only ever really uses for ceremonial purposes. Umbra, by contrast, has almost a fetishization level of obsession with the Crystal Throne. She’s always coveted it, and when Cadance left the Empire, it was only a matter of time before Umbra went for it, your agreement regarding coups be damned.

“Alright, knock it off with the smoke thing,” you say with a frown. “It’s not fair.”

“Oh? Is that frustration I hear in my king’s voice?” Umbra’s voice was, noticeably, a lot more humored than yours, and dripping with pleasure and satisfaction. She spreads her legs and licks her fingers, running her hand down the curve of her belly before sliding into her cunt. No doubt trying to get off again, to taunt you. “If only there was something we could do to alleviate that stress…”

“Oh, I plan to, Queenie.” You boldly stroll across the room and, with a narrow glare, drop down to your knees. Umbra laughs as you bring yourself nearer her pussy, even moving her hand away to give your tongue someplace to go.

“Eating me out didn’t work last time, but I respect the determination,” says Umbra. She pats your head condescendingly as you plant a single kiss against her lower lips. “Maybe if your tongue makes me cum again, I’ll consider freeing you.”

“Oh, I’m not using my tongue.”

“Hm?”

“No, I was just kissing this pussy goodbye.” You grab Umbra by the hips roughly, seemingly frightening her with the strength of your sudden grip. “Because I’m about to fucking ruin it.”

You give Umbra just enough time to yelp in surprise before you hoist her up by the hips, turning fluidly and taking the throne for yourself. You spin her around in your lap, facing Umbra away from you, and grabbing her arms behind her back with one hand. With the other, you boost her up, and lower her back down on your thick, hard, throbbing cock. From there, you’re off to the races.

You slam your hips up and into Umbra, piercing her with your rod with a level of ferocity you very rarely displayed. Since you’re more or less the only person Umbra can easily have sex with, given her otherwordly power and unnatural heat, you never have to try especially hard to get her off. Now, though, you’re not really worried about that. Umbra has been poking the bear all morning, and now it’s finally woken up and broken free of its chains.

With the hand that isn’t currently restraining Umbra’s arms, you reach up and grab a fistful of her hair, yanking sharply on her ebony locks as you fucked her to pieces. You give her no pause, no time to breathe or acclimate or prepare. You just slam her, force every last inch of your cock into her pussy with each savage, unforgiving thrust. It’s obvious she loves it, her moans and gasps never ceasing, save for when she scrounges up enough breath to ask for more.

Even as she cums, you give her more. You don’t stop, not even as you feel her tense and convulse around your length. If anything, you go harder, a feat Umbra sure thought to be impossible. She moans, fighting futilely in your grasp for some reprieve from the pounding she was enduring. You feel your own limit approaching, but instead of shying away from it like before, you go straight towards it. Why not? Not like you can cum anyway. You may as well drill Umbra even harder.

She responds with another orgasm, and another, each time she cums making her hole clamp down even tighter around you. You just keep plowing, keep tugging on her hair, going harder, faster, rougher in pursuit of what should be your fifth or sixth time cumming. Instead of letting that frustration dissuade you, you use it as fuel to drive you. You wrap your hand with Umbra’s hair, giving yourself a better grip, and pull harder, arching her head as far back as it would go, so you can look her in the eye as you pipe her to oblivion. Finally, as she nears yet another orgasm, you see a look of defeat in her eyes.

“F-fine! You win!” she says. “I love you, now fuck me harder, thundercock!”

Umbra’s magic dissipates and, almost immediately, you reach your breaking point. A groan escapes you, perhaps a bit more airy of a sound than you’re usually comfortable with making, and you absolutely erupt. Fat, hot ropes of cum shoot from you like a pressure washer, and you swear the force of your cumshot nearly propels Umbra from her seat on your dick if not for your tight grip on her. You empty yourself into her, a seemingly never-ending flood of jizz pumping into Umbra, ballooning her belly even more. She eventually reaches capacity, with cum spraying out of her cunt and dripping down your lap and onto the floor when your supply overtook her demand. You let out a satisfied, exhausted groan as Umbra wiggles her hips, milking you of every last drop, until your head goes light and you very nearly pass out.

“Wow… ‘the nut to end all nuts’ was not an exaggeration,” you pant. You finally release your grip on Umbra, wrapping your arms around her a bit more tenderly as you two recover. “Holy shit…”

“How… Is it even possible… To cum this much?” breathes Umbra, her eyes glazing over but her smug, satisfied grin perfectly intact. “Are we sure you’re mortal? I was convinced it would take the work of a godly being to get me to say the release word.”

“Yeah… What was it, exactly? Was it the ‘thundercock’ thing or…?”

“It had to be something I was unlikely to say by accident, in the heat of passion.”

“Yeah, but you also said something else there that—”

“What the fuck?!”

You look up from Umbra, a sheepish grin working to your lips as a very particular married couple enters the throne room. Shining Armor is pissed, but that’s normal for him, and you don’t really care. What’s noteworthy is that the agreeable, good-natured, Princess Cadance, your only ally in the Equestrian Royal Family, is beaming forward enough raw fury to kill a man.

Umbra laughs manically, which does nothing to help things.

“H-hey, you guys,” you say nervously. “You’re home early…”

“We got a call before we left for the resort. Our vacation package got upgraded,” says Shining dryly. “Cadance thought we should come back and see if you two would like to join us.”

“Oh… That’s actually super nice of you…”

“You said you wouldn’t make a mess,” snarls Cadance.

“Whoops?” you try.

“Anon, I have been so unnecessarily patient with you, because I like you. I think you’re a good guy who just so happens to often have his head up his own butt—”

“Pretty apt assessment, honestly…”

“I invite you into my home, I make nice with your psycho girlfriend who brainwashed my entire people and attempted to kill me and my friends, and who constantly talks down to me and my marriage because she hates me for no reason at all!”

“Don’t be a drama queen, Heart-Ass,” cackles Umbra. “I hate everyone I’m not fucking. If you’re interested, though…”

“And, despite all evidence saying I shouldn’t, I trusted you alone in my castle to follow the most basic rules of decency, and what do you do?” Cadance just keeps ranting, as if she hadn’t been interrupted. “You and your wife have sex on my throne! Do you have any idea how disrespectful that is? Only I should get to have sex on my throne!”

“I feel like you missed the point on that one, honey…” droned Shining.

“Shiny, I am so peeved right now that I swear to God I will take Umbra up on her offer and leave you as the only person here to not have sex in that chair.”

“Look, Cadance, I’m sorry. Honestly, I am,” you say. “Things got way out of control here, and I’m more than willing to do whatever it takes to make things right with you.”

“It doesn’t matter if you mean well when you keep doing stuff like this!”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. We’re sorry.” You nudge Umbra. “Apologize.”

“Oh, fine, I guess it’s not that funny. I’m so—” Umbra freezes, her eyes going wide. “Oh fuck…”

“Now who’s being dramatic,” asks Cadance, rolling her eyes. “You hate me so much that even when you know you’re in the wrong, you just can’t bring yourself to apologize to me, when all I want is—”

“My water just broke.”

Everyone stops for a moment to comprehend that. Once everyone is on the same page, all attention then goes to Cadance, who has only one response.

“Oh fuck…”