Princess Celestia sat quietly in her dark bedchambers, a quill flicking this way and that as she wrote a somewhat scathing letter to a rather crude nobel. She had no doubt that the uppity youngster had been incensed by Celestia’s condemnation of his recent tax suggestion. She made sure to include plenty of references to her disappointment in him as well as a promise she hoped she hoped she didn't have to commit to.
She hoped it would remind the stallion that it was not his place to dictate policy.
No matter how rich he was.
Her candle flickered, her ears stood up, and all at once she realized something was amiss.
“Hold, for a moment,” she spoke, softly yet firmly. “I would ask you a question before you do what you are here to do.”
After several moments of silence, Celestia sighed, and took the quill in her hoof, hastily finishing her letter, before sealing it in wax. Once done, she spread her hooves across the old, mahogany desk keeping her wings tight to her side and her horn unlit.
“Do you know what it's like to kill someone?” She asked the seemingly empty room.
The candles flickered occasionally, and behind her Celestia could hear a slight breeze enter from the now open doors of the balcony. After a long moment of complete silence, the alicorn sighed, and shook her head.
“I thought not,” Celestia remarked. “It is not something a pony ever forgets you know. Even the deaths of the foulest of creatures, and most terrible of monsters leaves a mark on the killer.”
“It's not something that ever truly goes away you know, not unless you do it from very far away, and you never see the body,” Celestia continued, her gaze growing distant. “It is why I prefer to smite my foes from afar. To deny them the chance to live on in my memories forever more.”
She sighed. “But that is not what I hope to speak to you about. I want to ask if you are ready for what comes next. If you succeed.”
The drapes fluttered briefly before falling still once more.
“I will do you one last kindness, if you will let me,” Celestia offered. “I will tell you what it's like to kill someone.”
The wind shifted ever so slightly, and the scent of aged leather as well as oiled metal drifted past the alicorn’s nose.
“If you have a blade, then I hope you brought more than one,” Celestia began. “It takes dozens and dozens of tries to hit something vital on a target that knows you’re coming. While this is happening they will fight back viciously, biting, punching, kicking, and attempting to gore you if possible.”
“Unless you land a killing blow in one strike, it can be a long, and brutal battle that will leave you wounded and soaked from head to hoof in your enemy’s blood,” Celestia declared. “Ponies have over two litres of the stuff inside of them after all and it has to go somewhere.”
“Even you land a hit at the base of the neck you’ll still be in for a bit of a struggle,” Celestia exclaimed in a strangely experienced manner. “With death so close at hand your target will fight like a being possessed by the most vile of demons. They will have nothing to lose, and so long as they have the strength to fight they will do so until they finally expire.”
Celestia brushed a hoof across her desk. “But let's say you get lucky, and go straight through the back of the neck and up into the brain. Then you’ll still have to retrieve your weapon lest it be tied to you. Even in that situation your target will be flopping around, gurgling as their body struggles to come to grips with its own demise.”
“The struggle may not even last long, but the killing, now that takes time,” Celestia remarked, her gaze lingering over the many paintings of dead ponies which lined her wall.
“You could attempt to strangle your enemy, perhaps even garrote them,” Celestia continued. “I wouldn't recommend it as I am most likely more than a match for you physically but if you were to succeed it will still take up to five minutes of constant pressure to get what you want.”
“And trust me, those five minutes will not be pleasant,” Celestia added, a wince creasing her face.
“You’ll have to stare into the eyes of a desperate, scared individual as you slowly but surely rob them of their very life,” Celestia all but whispered as she looked up at the ceiling above her. “You’ll see their hate, their love, their regret and you will be made a receptacle for it all.”
Her jaw tightened, and the alicorn shook her head. “It is a horrible way to die, and perhaps an even more horrible way to kill.”
The room was silent for several long seconds, with only the sound of the breeze and the slight flicker of the candles to fill the void.
“You’re confident. You have something, some ace you believe will aid you,” Celestia mused. “A spell perhaps? No the wards wouldn't allow it, and forensic analysis would point right back to you.”
“No, it has to be poison,” Celestia declared.
A passing cloud briefly hid the moon from the night sky, casting the room in an even deeper darkness.
“Ahh so I was right,” Celestia remarked. “What pray tell is your weapon of choice? Perhaps it is the deadly asp venom which you have used to coat your weapon.”
“Back before I abolished the death penalty it was my weapon of choice you know,” Celestia continued. “It brings on an intense desire to sleep as well as a heaviness without the accompanying spasms of pain.”
“It is also not perfect,” Celestia stated.
“It takes quite a while for it to kill, and with my precautions being what they are I would likely be up and walking before court tomorrow. Perhaps I’d even be fully conscious by the time you are caught,” Celestia exclaimed.
A candle flickered out.
“Ahh, my apologies. I didn't mean to insult,” Celestia quickly stated. “You don't know what poison you have, do you?”
The room was as silent, and as empty as the void for several long seconds before Celestia again spoke.
“If I had to choose, I would probably pick the Russel’s viper venom for my assassination,” mused Celestia, who glanced back at her balcony out of the corner of her eye. “Which is something I would not use on my most hated enemy.”
“Do you know what it does?” Celestia inquired. “Of course not. You likely wouldn't be here if you did. It makes your blood clot, and it leads to one of the most horrible deaths you can imagine.”
Another candle flickered and died.
“The panic on the pony’s face is immense, the agony is nearly unbearable as every drop of blood in their body clots within minutes,” Celestia explained, the alicorn driving down the bile which threatened to rise in her throat. “It's a death that will stay with you for the rest of your life.”
“That is the kind of kill that you will see whenever you close your eyes. It will be in every dream, every waking moment your mind is not put to task will be spent reliving it until finally you cease to be,” Celestia all but whispered. “It's right up there with burning a pony to death and watching as he dies not from the injury, but the sheer amount of agony he is experiencing.”
Celestia sighed and took hold of her letter. “So, is that something you are willing to do?”
The clatter of metal on stone was like music to her ears and the alicorn gently stood up from her seat before extending a hoof towards the curtains. “Here. Take this to your master and tell him I send my regards.”
“Oh and don't worry. If you do this one simple thing for me I will be merciful,” Celestia added. “You have my word.”
A lightly armored hoof snatched the letter from Celestia’s grip before the curtains rustled, and billowed outward.
From her vantage point Celestia saw a dark shape slip into the night, their wings carrying them far from the castle and deftly through her perimeter.
Celestia sighed. “If you cannot live with your actions before you have even committed them then how do you expect to spend the rest of your life with that experience?”
Author's Note
Not supported by anyone. Just another random story I found lost in my sea of tabs and after finding, cleaned up and completed.
Author's Note
This ending is non-canonical.
Luna
The clatter of metal on stone was like music to her ears and the alicorn gently stood up from her seat before extending a hoof towards the curtains. “Here. Take this to your master and tell him I send my regards.”
“Oh and don't worry. If you do this one simple thing for me I will be merciful,” Celestia added. “You have my word.”
A deep blue hoof extended from the curtains, followed closely by the rest of a familiar dark alicorn.
"What the fuck, Celestia?" Luna demanded.
Celestia blinked. "Wait. That was you?"
"Yeah! I was getting a midnight snack and the chef mentioned you had ordered a slice of cake so I brought it up to you," Luna exclaimed, gesturing towards the floor near the open patio door.
Celestia looked down to find that a slice of red velvet cake had been spilled on the ground, its delicious sugary goodness ruined for all time.
The solar alicorn frowned. "You didn't have to drop it."
"You scared the crap out of me!" Luna angrily declared, throwing up her hooves.
"Why did you even stand there the whole time anyway? You could have interrupted me at any point," Celestia pointed out.
"I thought you were doing a bit. That it would end with some big joke. Like you were going to hand me a note and it would just say gotcha or something," Luna explained.
"Who says that isn't what happened," Celestia replied, raising her eyebrows expectantly.
Luna frowned, but said nothing, using her magic to undo to remove the letter from its envelope. The note was a soft eggshell white and written on the finest paper in the castle. The actual words contained within were minimal, in fact, there were only two of them.
"Fuck you," Luna muttered, looking up at Celestia. "This seems something you would send a scheming noble."
"Or a silly little sister who doesn't know how to use doors," Celestia replied. "Huh, didn't think of that did you?"
"I..." Luna paused and ran a hoof down her face. "I don't care anymore. Goodnight sister."
"Goodnight Luna, sweet dreams," Celestia replied with a smile.
The sun princess watched as her sibling leaped from the patio and soared off into the night, quickly disappearing. Leaving Celestia's smile to slowly morph into a frown of deep discontent.
"Another good monologue wasted," Celestia muttered. "I really must learn how to be not quite so long-winded."
