If a Pony Catch a Pony

When I woke up the next morning, I didn't even remember falling asleep. The first thing I noticed—I have no idea why—was that my scarf was missing. I didn't remember taking it off at the club the night before, though. At first I was a little frantic and started tearing the room apart looking for it, but then it just seemed unimportant. It was just something I had bought in Canterlot—not some irreplaceable heirloom.

My head and stomach were still hurting a little thanks to the drinking the night before, so I jumped in the shower and stayed there until I had used up all of the hot water. I slipped a little getting out and almost killed myself, and for a second I thought I was going to throw up, but I just sat there in the floor for a while and kept it all together. While I was sitting there, though, I got pretty worried again because I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to be meeting Symphony, and I had no idea what time it was since there was no clock in the bathroom and I hadn't looked at one when I got out of bed.

Fortunately, I still had a couple of hours before I was supposed to meet her, but instead of just waiting around the hotel, I decided I would go ahead and go to the skating rink right then. Ever since I got back to Manehatten, I'd been trying to reconnect with some kind of happy memory, something to get the taste of Canterlot out of my mouth, and every time it had failed. The skating rink was kind of my last chance, and just in case things went bad with Symphony once she showed up, I wanted to make sure that I had a little time there to myself to just sit and feel good about things.

You had to get off at one of the bigger stations in Manehatten to get to the skating rink, and as soon as I did I started to feel happier. There were vendors everywhere selling hot food, and all the Hearth's Warming decorations were pretty and inviting—not the kind of chintzy, tacky stuff you see in most of the big cities these days. Best of all, though, there were ponies everywhere even though it was a Sunday morning. It was a typical Manehatten crowd. Everypony looked like they were in a hurry to be somewhere else, parents were shoving their kids along, all that. But it was the first time that year that I had felt like a big holiday was coming up, and that ponies were looking forward to it. I grabbed one of those miniature chocolate waffles from one of the vendors and scarfed it down as I was walking up the stairs to street level. I hadn't even realized how hungry I was until I got something in my stomach.

The streets were even better than the station had been. They were even more crowded, but everypony seemed at least content to be there, if not excited. I noticed for the first time that the sky was completely white, and the snow was back to the kind of sparkly dust that it had been when I first showed up, only now it seemed right instead of foreboding.

The skating rink was the best, though. Like everywhere else so far that day, it was completely packed, mostly with fillies and colts, but a few older ponies, as well. The huge tree they put up at one end of the rink was there, like it always was, but this one looked even healthier and taller than any that I could remember since I was a filly. I started down the stairs to the seating area around the rink, where they had some benches and tables, and started looking around for a place to sit. Most of them were taken, but I did finally find a place, one of the small tables made for just a couple of ponies to sit at. Even though I still had at least an hour before Symphony was supposed to show up, I sat down to make sure we'd have a place to talk when she did get there.

Normally in situations like that, I'm bored out of my mind, but this time I wasn't. I was kind of having the time of my life, just watching ponies skate—or in some cases, try to skate, but falling all over the place, their legs shooting out in all directions. It was the exact opposite of everything that had been bothering me last night. I'm no athlete, but I've always kind of respected the way nopony can look all pompous and phony while doing athletic things. Sure, there were the mares on the ice who obviously practiced and were wearing frilly little skirts and all, but at worst they just looked a little out of place for being able to stay upright longer than anypony else. They didn't look like they were going out of their way to put on a show just by being there.

I got so wrapped up in just sitting there watching the skaters that I didn't even realize what time it was until, out of the corner of my eye, I got a glimpse of a mare with a yellowish coat and purple mane coming toward my table. Symphony. Out of nowhere, my stomach dropped and I felt nervous as hell. I had almost managed to forget what I was going to have to tell her when she showed up. I couldn't even look, and I was almost hoping it wasn't really her.

“Octavia!” It was definitely her. Nopony else I knew in Manehatten ever sounded so happy to see you. I stood up and tried to put on my best face for her. Even with all the nerves, it really wasn't that hard.

“Symphony!” As soon as I opened my mouth, she was hugging me so hard I could barely breathe. I almost started crying again, but I had gotten it all out of my system the night before.

“I've missed you so much! Why aren't you still living here?” I guess that would have been the perfect time to just spill everything, but it would have been too out of nowhere. And anyway, I wanted the happiness of being with my best friend, in what felt like the best place in all of Manehatten, to last as long as possible before I got into all that.

“I've missed you, too. Believe me, if I could have dragged you to Canterlot with me, I would have.”

Symphony finally let go of me, and then went to buy us a couple of coffees before she sat down. That was when I realized that I had forgotten the record I bought her the day before. That really did almost make me cry, for some stupid reason. It wasn't like that was the only chance I was ever going to have to give it to her. When she got back, she still had her huge, ear to ear grin on her face. It was such a rare thing to see. In a way, I couldn't believe she really came from Manehatten.

“So how's everything in Canterlot? I can't wait to hear what you've learned. My classes are finally starting to get into a little more advanced stuff, but it's all been a little boring so far.”

“Canterlot's not much different,” I said. “Loads of music theory and analyzing the great compositions and all that. I could go for a little more practical application of what we're learning.”

She really got a kick out of that. “Really? Are you finally starting to get interested in composing?”

“Nowhere near as much as you, but I guess I wouldn't mind giving it a shot someday, if I ever feel like I have something worth saying. I mean, right before I left, I actually finished a composition that my roommate was working on for one of her classes, and I kind of enjoyed it.”

“See, you go off to Canterlot and you start helping your friends cheat on their assignments, you get interested in composition...it's like I don't even know you anymore!” She was just joking, of course, but even then, hearing her say that stung a little. We kept the small talk and catching up going for a little bit, and thankfully she kept avoiding all the really big topics. Finally, though, she got around to one of the subjects I was trying to avoid.

“So how's your family doing?” My first instinct was just to dodge the question, but I knew we'd have to talk about it eventually. I thought I might as well take the opportunity and get it over with.

“To be honest, I haven't seen them since I got back into town.”

“But haven't you been here since Friday night? Where have you been staying?”

“I'm staying at a hotel until tomorrow morning. Look, there's a bunch of stuff I haven't told you—stuff I should have been telling you for the past year, but I had no idea how to start. Things aren't really going all that well in Canterlot. I...don't think I'm going to go back after break.”

Symphony didn't say anything right away. She was just sitting there looking kind of shocked. “I don't get it. I thought...I don't know. I guess I just thought you would have told me if things were going bad. Not that I could have helped or anything, but...”

I almost thought she was going to start crying at that point, so I started talking right away. It was the last thing I wanted to see. “All my music classes are great. The faculty loves me, or at least that's what I've heard. But everything else is terrible. I can hardly stand anypony there, I'm failing or almost failing every class that's not about music, I'm fighting with my roommate because somehow she ended up going on a date with Vinyl Scratch, of all the ponies in Equestria...and the worst part is, I thought I could fix it all by coming back here and falling right back into my old routine, but instead I've just got drunk and made an idiot out of myself a couple of times, and now I've made Star Gazer hate me, and I even forgot to bring the record I bought you.”

“Octavia, slow down.” I stopped and looked over at Symphony. Before I thought she was going to cry, but I could see then that she wasn't. She was just looking at me, kind of concerned, but not as surprised as she had been before. “First of all, you should know by now that you can tell me anything, any time. I'm not upset that you didn't. Honestly, I'm more worried, because you always have before and I don't know what's so different this time.”

“I was just tired of letting everypony down. I wanted to know I still had somepony who wasn't completely disappointed in me.” I was starting to realize how childish I sounded, but I was hoping that I was getting it all out of my system. I could tell Symphony was thinking hard about something, and for a minute neither of us said anything. Finally, she looked down at the table and started talking.

“Try not to be too mad at me for what I'm about to say, but it's something I kind of wanted to tell you before you left for Canterlot. I guess I should have, even though I don't know if it would have stopped this from happening or not. As much as I love you, and as much as I could never ask for a better friend, I've been worried for a long time now that you were getting so negative toward everything that something like this was inevitable. It was happening when we finished high school—you hated half the teachers and pretty much all of the students except Star and me. Half the time, it even seemed like you resented music, which I could never figure out, because you're about the most talented pony I know.”

“That's not true, Symphony—you're so much more talented—“

“No, I'm not. And I don't know if that's the problem—that you just sell yourself short on everything, and so you end up angry and resentful. I had always hoped I could pull you out of it just by showing you that somepony really cared and thought the world of you, but I guess it hasn't worked.”

“Symphony, this would all have been so much worse if not for you.”

“But I can't be your only friend, and I feel like that's the point it's getting to. I don't know what happened with Star, and I don't know why Vinyl reacted the way she did before. But I do know that, for whatever reason, I've watched you go from somepony who was so passionate about music, and so great at it she got a cutie mark, to somepony who almost seemed to be trying to sabotage herself.”

“I'm not trying to sabotage myself. Like I said, all my music classes are going great. But it's not because of some stupid picture on my flank. It's because that's what I want to do with my life, it's what I love. If I could make that mark go away, if I could stop feeling like one of Star's pompous hipster friends, I'd do it in a second. I don't care if everypony knows what I'm good at. I'd play the cello in the damned closet if I had to. I'd play even if I was the worst cellist in Equestria. But I'd be choosing it, not the other way around.”

I had gotten myself so worked up that I was almost panting. Symphony was staring at me, her gray eyes all wide open but still as smart as ever. She's lying when she says I'm a better musician, and I'm nowhere near as smart as her. Never have been. I knew what I was in for, and I was dreading it, but kind of wanting to hear it at the same time.

“Wait, is that really where this is coming from? You think having a cutie mark means you're showing off?”

“Not showing off, not intentionally. But, yeah, it makes me feel like, somehow, we have to parade around what we're good at. Especially when mine is so literal.”

“No, listen, Octavia. You're telling me that since you have a cutie mark—something everypony in Equestria gets eventually—you feel like you're constantly bragging about being a great musician. Even though you want to perform music in front of an audience as a career. And you're letting that wreck your chances of graduating from the best university in Equestria? Look, I understand that you don't want to be like Star's friends, I really do. I'm glad. I don't want you to be like them, either, because you've never had to draw attention to yourself to be interesting and wonderful. But you can't let yourself hate the possibility of that so much that you just give up.”

“I haven't given up, I—“

“No, you have! You may still be doing great in your music classes, but that's not going to matter if you flunk out of school because you didn't try at anything else. And then when you do you can blame your teachers for being horrible ponies that you didn't want to reward by doing well in their classes, because that would have made them look like good teachers! Guess what, some ponies are annoying and pretentious and self-obsessed and desperate for attention, and they tend to congregate in performing arts departments. But if you love music and love playing for ponies as much as you say you do, you'll get over that and take the bad with the good, and stop making excuses for failing when the only reason you're failing is that you've chosen to.”

Boy was I glad I had cried so much the night before. Instead of bawling, which was kind of what I wanted to do, I just sat there, staring back at Symphony. I must have looked angry, because I could see her determination start to fade.

“Go ahead,” she said. “Tell me I'm wrong.”

The thing was, she was right. I knew she was right. I wasn't at the point just yet where I was willing to take her advice—I wasn't about to go galloping back to Canterlot right then and undo all the problems I had spent the first two years causing for myself. But I was willing to consider it.

“No, I'm not going to tell you that. Because you're not. But even if I do decide that I want to go back to Canterlot, which I'm not sure I do, I may have dug myself too deep to climb back out.”

Symphony wasn't looking at me anymore, and I could tell she was upset. I felt like hell for ruining her day, when she had been so happy to see me. But then she surprised me again, looking up at me and giving me one of the prettiest smiles I've ever seen. “That's all I want,” she said. “Just don't give up. Especially not because you're afraid ponies you've never met will think you're sompony you're not. If they really listen to you play, they'll know better.”

We didn't talk for a while after that, just sitting there watching the skaters and drinking our coffee. After nearly twenty minutes, Symphony finally smiled at me and took my hoof. “So, are we going to go skating or not?”

“Come on,” I said, “Let's go.”

My skating hadn't improved since the last time I tried, but Symphony was as good as ever, and stayed right by my side the whole time. I could hardly stop laughing the whole time I was wobbling around on the ice, even though I still felt a little sick and hungover. We kept skating until we could hardly stand up anymore, then returned our rented skates and made plans to see each other again after I talked to my parents the next day. At first I was afraid to go back to my hotel, afraid to be by myself again, but for the rest of the day I didn't worry about anything. For the first time in years, everything felt right.