“You think too much!”

by DatZigga

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Human, Anthology, Sad, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3376

Avon “Anonymous” Smith has a small talk with Pinkie Pie at the end of all things.

Avon “Anonymous” Smith has a small talk with Pinkie Pie at the end of all things.

(My final story, written as closure for myself and all I’ve written)

Published 2020-12-23 22:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-23 22:10:01 UTC

“When are you gonna do something?”

Avon sits at the edge of all things. It was a tiny cliffside, only about an eternity long on both ends. He idly dangles his legs over the edge, kicking his legs back and forth. Down below, he sees everything. Specifically, he sees the future. Even more specifically, he sees every possible future.

To his right, he sees Spike and himself. They were in a far off land, perhaps in the scorching hot desert. The small drake sits upon Avon’s shoulder, perched like a parrot or a pet lizard. Avon holds a small rubber ball, painted orange with black curved lines. He faces a group of Diamond Dogs, wearing bandannas, sporting flashy jewelry, and bearing curious, if disinterested gazes.

“Alright, boys!” Avon bellows, his voice echoing in the endless expanse. “I’m gonna teach you guys a little b-ballin’!”

“B-ballin’?” One Diamond Dog asks, who’s name was probably Bandit for some reason.

“Basketball!” Avon answers. “It’s a competitive sport from my homeworld. There’s two teams, two baskets called hoops, and one ball. The goal of each team is to throw the ball into the hoop, which scores them a point. The team with the most points wins.”

“Sounds simple enough.” The dog named Bandit scratches his ear, still unamused. “So, who’re the teams? I’m callin’ team leader!”

Avon sucks his teeth. “Actually, I’ve already picked your team beforehand. Um, Spike?” Avon turns to the drake, who’s smile becomes more forced. A bead of sweat rolls down his forehead. Spike flies across the void, to a door that magically appears at one end. Spike opens the door, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Capper steps out, along with several other Abyssinians.

Bandit leaps to his feet. “YOU BROUGHT THE CATS?!”

All of the Diamond Dogs stand, assuming a battle position. Capper’s crew did the same.

“Well, if that isn’t a typical greeting from a Diamond Dog.” Capper retorts, shrugging. “Who would’ve guessed?”

Bandit starts charging towards Capper, only for Avon to step in front of him.

“Woah, woah, woah! Chill the hell out, B’Dawg.” Avon tries to soothe the canine, reaching out and petting his arm. Bandit relaxes, if only a little.

“You didn’t mention anything about bringing our sworn enemies here!”

“If I did, would you have come?”

“No!”

“Exactly. I lied to you.”

“And this is supposed to make me feel better?”

Avon ponders for a brief second. “Well, no, but here me out! This is a competition, right?”

“Right…” Bandit raises an eyebrow.

“Right. So, this is almost-not quite, but almost-like your usual fights for the city, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Bandit scratches his head, a look of confusion and realization dawning on him.

“Yeah, you’re gettin’ it, B. Now, if this is a competition, that means you can use this moment to prove to Capper’s gang that you’re the best, right?”

“Yeah!” Bandit’s voice raises as his understanding grows. “Yeah, we can show ‘em that the Jewel Runners are the best B-Ballers in Klugetown!”

“Atta boy!” Avon pats the Diamond Dog on his back. “Now, pick your best five players and meet me at the center of the court.”

Avon looks over at Spike and shoots him a thumbs up. Spike throws a thumbs up back. Capper shakes his head.

Meanwhile, the Avon on the cliffside turns his head slightly left. Before him, a new scene appears.

Diamond Tiara sits on a swing set, a swing set that one could identify as the set near Ponyville’s schoolhouse. She wears an elegant dress, indelicately stained with mud and grass. Mascara runs down her cheeks as she chokes down sob after sob, the only other sound being the squeaking of the swing. That is, until the sound of leaves being crushed faintly grow behind her. A pit forms in her stomach.

Avon, wearing his tuxedo stained in a night’s worth of decedent chaos, rests on the bar. Diamond doesn’t even glance in his direction.

“What do you want?” Diamond finally asks, hoping that he doesn’t respond at all.

“Oh, you know,” Anon scratched at his neck. “Figured I’d give the swing set a go, but uh…” He lightly pushed one of the swings with his foot. “...still a little too small.”

“Maybe you should go find another swing set.” Diamond Tiara didn’t so much as open her eyes to address Anonymous, letting her head hang low as she swung back and forth. “Maybe a swing set that doesn’t embarrass you.”

Avon sighs. “Diamond, you’re still young. Though you have a cutie mark, there’s still a lot in the world for you to learn.”

Diamond does not respond, she just keeps swinging.

“Look, I won’t sugarcoat it. You and me? It’s not happening. It can’t happen. I, in good conscience, can’t let it happen.”

Diamond’s face scrunches, as she feels herself ready to burst again. Avon kneels down and strokes her messy mane. Diamond leaps off the set and cries into his chest, muffling her to the empty void. Avon keeps stroking her man, but remains silent. This goes on for a couple minutes.

Then, the crying stops. Likely due to the poor filly being cried out. Avon sits on the swing set, letting the filly stay in his lap.

“You know, the benefit of me being significantly older than you means that I am more knowledgeable of how the world really works.” Avon continues, as the filly whimpers. “Doubly beneficial is that I’m literally from another world entirely. The longer I’ve stayed here, the more I’m starting to notice the similarities.”

“What are you even talking about?” Diamond speaks up, her voice still muffled as she looks up at the human.

“Come on, you know there’s a method to my madness. Now hush.” He shoots her a warm smile, which causes her to smile back. “Anyway, the point of all this is I have a good idea of what’s really going on under that tiara of yours; you’re lonely.”

“Duh.” Diamond responds, her smile fading.

“It’s a little deeper than that. Despite your father’s love, he never pays attention to what you really want from him. Despite suffering the same loneliness, you and your mother can’t empathize with each other. Despite being the most popular girl at school, no one really knows you. And despite having Silver Spoon, you’re just aching to get into a romantic relationship. Because, after all, every good story tells you that when you find someone to love, everything ends happily ever after, right?”

Diamond Tiara doesn’t say anything. Her eyes focus off into the distance.

“Despite everything, despite the most well connected girl this side of the country besides the Elements, you can’t confide in anyone. That is, until you met me. Another lonely individual who literally defines himself by a lack of identity. It’s amazing the connection complete strangers can form when they have similar desires. In fact, it’s almost like that’s the secret to how one makes friends~!”

Diamond Tiara sits up straight and glares into Avon’s eyes. “Did you just sneak a friendship lesson in your speech?”

“I’m still your tutor, aren’t I?” Avon asks coyly. Diamond punches Avon in the shoulder, causing him to laugh with a hint of pain. “Ahaha, that hurts. Anyways, Diamond, just because we have chemistry doesn’t mean we’re meant to be. And frankly, you shouldn’t even be rushing into relationships like that anyway. Especially with adults.

“But-“ Diamond starts, before Avon places a finger to her lips.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.” Avon cuts her off. “Everyone needs a special somepony. For one, I don’t think that’s true. I’ll happily die alone!” Diamond punches him again.

“Okay, okay, it was a joke, chill! But the point is that you shouldn’t be living your life to find a date. That’s a waste of a life. You should be living your life to pursue what you personally want.” Avon crosses his arms. “So, pop quiz. What does Diamond Tiara want?”

Diamond places a hoof to her chin. “To skip this quiz?”

“Come on, take it seriously! What does Diamond Tiara want?”

“To...take over my dad’s business?”

“No, that’s what the daughter of Filthy Rich wants. What do you, Diamond Tiara, want?”

Diamond sits in silence, looking away again. “I guess...I guess I just want to be seen. To not feel pressured to be or do anything I don’t want. I want to be free to make my own choices and have people recognize that I made them! I want to support others and I want them to support me. I...I…” Diamond takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Avon suddenly stands up, lifting the filly in his arms. Diamond looks at the human, sporting a dopey grin, with her own puzzlement.

“Good news, kid. You’re not alone. You have your family, your town, and your friends.” Avon starts towards the Filthy Estate, where the lights shine brightly in the distance. “But least importantly of all, you got me, your shitty tutor.”

Diamond wraps her hooves around Avon’s neck, tearing up again. Avon pats her back.

“Now, come on, brat. I owe you a dance.”

Avon shakes his head toward himself from the top of his Cliff of Judgement.

“Fuckin’ pedo.” Avon whispers to himself, silently joking at his own expense. His gaze pivots further to his left, tilting slightly upwards. A new vision parts in the endless horizon. A reverse echo reverberates through the world, filling his head with a voice he’s never heard. The voice tells him a story.

Day 52

It’s almost been the equivalent of two months since that day. That seems wild to me. Two months. Two whole months since I’ve been gone. By now, I imagine my school thinks I’m dead. They’ve likely held their service in my honor and have promptly forgotten me. My time in the news cycle has probably come to an end. The last journalist has their last editorial on my disappearance and is taking a well deserved vacation. Even my mom has to at least be attempting to reconcile with my loss. For her sake and mine, I hope she has. I don't want her to grieve her entire life.

On a brighter note, I’m starting to feel sensation in my legs again. Twilight mentioned that I’ve slowly begun the process of acclimating to magic, which means all those mending spells are starting to take effect. For the umpteenth time, she apologized for dropping me several stories into Equestria and for the umpteenth and second time I told her she was forgiven. Well, I say she’s forgiven, but I’m not sure I mean it yet. That’s probably why she keeps saying it.

Pinkie came in earlier too. She’s been visiting me every day at this point, more so than the other ponies. She continues her tradition of bringing cookies, candies, and other sweets. I swear, one of these days my teeth will be pouring out of my mouth. After that, we talked about how my recovery was going. Or, to be more honest she talked to me about what Twilight told her, who already told me. I didn’t have the heart to tell her though. It really felt like she was trying to find every reason to stay. It took Spike having to drag her by the tail before she left me alone. Even then, she promised she would visit again tomorrow.

Speaking of Spike, he hasn’t exactly warmed up to me yet. I can still feel his cold glare through the door every time I hear him walk past. I’ve tried everything I can to be on good terms, but each time he rebukes me. I still feel for him. After all, I’m essentially the “youngest” child of this family. All the attention centers on me, while he’s pushed to the side and forgotten. I’ll still try though, or get him to stop serving shards of gems in my food.

Last thing of note today is when I woke up. I found Twilight sitting by the bedside, a little too close for comfort. When I asked her about it, she said she was just “checking up on my condition.” She said that the last couple times and each time I’m becoming less convinced.

Something feels off. I want to like Equestria, but I’m getting that familiar feeling that that’s what they want.

Oh well, here’s to a new day.

Avon yawns. He feels as though he’s been at this for as he could remember. As he gazes into the distance, he sees more snippets of different futures.

Down below, he sees himself sitting on a couch with a mare he’s never met. Starlight frames him and the mare with an old school film camera. Trixie stands off to the side with a clapper and a bloody nose.

“Scene one of ‘Mature mare seduced and cuddled by human with big arms’, take 4! Act-“

“Can we please change that title?” Avon interrupts, flustered beyond belief.

“If you want this tape to sell, then we’re keeping it!” Trixie shouts, a little too defensively. “Now, ACTION!”

Avon blinks twice. The less said about that one, the better.

“Heya, Nonny!” A voice echoes from behind him. Avon looks over his shoulder to see his familiar pink roommate bouncing towards him. “Whatcha doin’?”

“You know, I’d ask how you managed to follow me in a thematic representation of my mind but I already know the answer: Obviously.” Avon quips, before turning back to stare off into the horizon.

Pinkie plops her flank next to him, scooting over til they were pressed together. Avon sighs.

“You’re not gonna leave me alone until I answer your question, are you?”

“Wouldn’t be the Manic Pixie Dream Girl if I didn’t! Besides, we both know the answer to that question is-“

“No.” Avon finishes, sighing. “You will not.”

Pinkie flashes a big, toothy smile. The smile that Avon was weak to.

“Fine, you twisted my arm.” Avon sets his hands in his lap.

“I’ve just been sitting here for, shit, I dunno. Minutes? Hours? Millennia? Can't tell, time’s convoluted. Point is, I’ve been sitting here thinking; thinking about what’s next for me. What am I gonna do after college? What am I gonna do in college? Will I be able to get a job? Will I like my job? What if I wanted to work for myself? Is that feasible? Would anyone care? If I just said screw it and jumped off a bridge, would I regret it halfway down? Will I have a legacy? Do I want a legacy? Can I make a legacy? Am I unhealthy? Am I mentally unwell? Are these even legitimate questions to ask or is it all pointless because you can’t plan for anything?”

Avon looks over to Pinkie for a response, only to find her smiling at him. Avon frowns.

“Is there something wrong with me because I can only find comfort and meaning through you? Not just you, but Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Trixie, Starlight, Spike, Celestia and everyone else in Equestria? Am I so broken that I can’t imagine a world better than yours? Is it bad that you all are my only friends? And what would I do if I outgrew you? I did before, once upon a time. Then, I fell harder into you again, when I realized that I didn’t outgrow shit. I still feel like a kid and my life hasn’t started yet. I just...I don’t know.”

Avon sits his head in his hands, closing his eyes. There is silence for a moment. Then, Pinkie bellows with laughter

“Nonny, you think too much.”

Avon pulls his hands away and looks at Pinkie with a deadpan expression. “What.”

“You think too much!” She repeats innocently.

“Not everyone can be a total airhead like you, Ponk.”

“But it’s true!” Pinkie bemoans. “Ever since you’ve gotten here, all you’ve done is think, think, think!”

“Uh huh. And your point is…?”

“When are you going to do anything?”

Avon raises an eyebrow. “Huh?”

“I mean, sure. Maybe you don’t know what the future holds. You might not know what you want to do or where you wanna go. And perhaps I may or may not be the right person to tell you. But you can’t expect to just sit there and think about it! You have to do something, silly?”

“That’s very vague platitudes.”

“Think about it, Nonny. I am a party planner. So, I happen to do a lot of thinking of my own. And let me tell you, it’s booooring. So, instead of thinking about what my friends want, I ask them! If they won’t tell me, I observe them and see what they like! Then, I gather all my supplies and I get work setting the scene!”

Pinkie stands herself up. Avon looks at her curiously. With a wiggle of her rump and a look of determination in her eyes, she leaps off the cliff. Avon instinctually tries to grab her, only to find that she has become part of the horizon itself.

“I say, ‘a few streamers would look nice here!’ and throw my streamers at the spot. But then I go, ‘ooh there should also be streamers over here too’ and throw some streamers over there! I build the party as I go, making sure to account for everypony’s needs!”

As she works, the sky fills with streamers. Balloons rise from below the cliff’s edge and fly high into the endless sky. Tables spontaneously appear with gifts of various sizes and deserts of a wide variety. Avon stands up slowly as he watches the seemingly empty void fill with wonders only imagined. The cliff side is no longer beneath him. Instead he stands in the center of Sugarcube Corner.

“My friends always ask me, ‘Pinkie, how do you come up with such crazy ideas?’. Truth be told, I don’t come up with anything! I just...act. When I have an idea, I entertain it. I build upon that idea until it gets bigger and bigger! If the idea’s a bust? Oh well! I’ll keep it in mind for next time. But I’m always doing something. My hooves are always busy. Thinking is good and all, but what does it matter if they all stay up there in your head?”

Pinkie pokes Avon’s head, dangling from the ceiling. She drops down onto her hooves and trots over to a small round table. She takes a seat and eagerly bounces, waiting for Avon to join her. Avon relents and joins her at the table. Two milkshakes magically appear before them.

“And, if you want my perfectly, super duper, absolutely honest opinion? There’s nothing wrong with having me, or any of my friends, as your friends! You don’t have to think of yourself as less because you are the planner of your own party! I’m just here to help you along the way. It’s ultimately up to you to figure out where to go from here. But, no matter what you choose, don’t think about. Just...go. I’ll be by your side the entire way!” Pinkie taps the side of her head with a hoof. “Right up here!”

Avon shakes his head, in disbelief. “I can’t believe your candy colored ass is what serves as my voice of reason.”

“It could’ve been. Trixie could’ve been your voice of reason.”

“That’s rude.” Avon jokes, sipping from his milkshake glass. Pinkie leans on the table, suddenly dejected.

“You know, now that we’re at the end, there was one story that I’m bummed we never published.” Pinkie rubs her hoof in tiny circles on the table. Avon rolls his eyes.

“Fine. I’ll let you say it once.” Pinkie pops back up, a huge smile on her face. “Once!”

Pinkie takes a deep, deep, deep breath. Avon cringes preemptively, regretting his decision.

“N-word!”

Author's Note

I can’t believe it. Pinkie Pie said the n-word.

If it wasn’t clear, those snippets were from the cancelled stories and directions I wanted to take each one in. They exist as only memories now, echoes of what could’ve been.

Happy Holidays, everyone. Or Happy Hearth’s Warming, God forbid.