Vacant Mind

by Valuable Ashes

Rating: mature
Tags: Sad, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Suicide / Self Harm
Length: 1149

When the last words are exchanged. All we would feel is loneliness.

When the last words are exchanged. All we would feel is loneliness. It will cloud the mind and weaken the soul. It will make us remember the good and the bad. It will render us into an unstable state until we let it go or let ourselves go.

Published 2020-12-24 11:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-24 11:10:00 UTC

An empty room

The clock ticked away. Creating a repetitive sound that grinded the ears of a lone pony. He sat in the middle of the room gazing into a wall. His mind too blank and empty to do something. On a nearby desk laid pieces of paper and a typewriter. Mounted on the walls were pictures. Photos of himself and many others. Picture frames were spread out, full of life and memories. While the contents of each photo were full of joy, there were some that expressed love.

Among the pictures, there were two ponies in almost every picture. One of them was himself and the other was a pastel red mare. If a normal pony would glance at the pictures they would think that they are best friends, close even and they would be correct. Two ponies who became happy with each other's company. Two ponies who found out they need each other. Two ponies who would...

"But that did happen, didn't it?" The unicorn scowled at himself. He knew the risks and he took it just so he could know what love is again. To experience what it felt like again. To not make the same mistake he did in the past. But what happened now? He screwed up again and there was nopony to blame but himself.

"What did I do wrong?" He asked himself the same question over and over again yet couldn't answer. "There must be something, there has to be. Am I too weak? Am I too cowardly? Celestia, damnit! Give me the reason!"

The yellow unicorn paced around in the bedroom. The moonlight shining through his window. He muttered silently, not even listening to what he said. His muttering gave way to a much louder tone. Soon, he was shouting profanities. Louder than his normal voice. Yelling at nothing until he could no longer speak. Afterwards, he held his head with both of his forelegs and crumbled to the wooden floor.

The unicorn laid prone and had no intention of standing back up. His thoughts moved to more happier times. On one clear morning he and his marefriend sat next to a lake. He could see the smile on her face as she moved in to hug him. Another memory came and he found himself cuddling next to her on a snowy day. The warm feeling caressing his body as he hugged her felt like he was at peace for the moment. However, it faded out quickly, leaving him emotionless on the floor.

The stallion stood back up looking at the quiet room before grabbing a picture frame of them both. He headed out his home and traveled down the stone road. The night was silent and the stars looked nice from his point of view. He headed out of town and onto a dirt path. While he was contemplating on his walk, another memory came into view. He saw himself galloping on the dirt road followed by his marefriend. She pounced at him and they both tumbled on the path. The memory faded as the two laughed at each other.

The lone unicorn shook his head and continued on as he was close to his destination. The lake that they used to hang out. He sat on one part of the small body of water and looked at the reflection of the moon. He dipped his yellow hoof in and watched the water ripple. He took a nearby stone on the shallow parts of the water and threw it into the center of the lake, watching the rock sink to the bottom. He looked at the place he last saw the rock and laid there in thought.

"What if... What if I..." He put one hoof into the water. He felt the cool liquid touch his hoof. He shuddered and retracted his hoof. A primal part of his mind fought against the growing thoughts. At the same time, the new thoughts kept growing larger. His right foreleg was stuck in the air not knowing whether to stay on the dirt or move into the water. At last, the foreleg dipped into the water.

Peace. It was right there. All he had to do was walk into the deeper parts of the water and he could be free. No more sadness, no more hate, only the cold embrace of death. He knew he couldn't swim, his rational mind knew that, and yet he was slowly moving to his soon-to-be resting spot. A thought brought him back to reality and it was when the two promised each other to be together no matter what would happen.

He took one more step before thinking once more. Not to the past but to the future. What if he died alone at the bottom of the lake? What would happen? Would ponies care? Maybe a few. Maybe none at all.

Would his marefriend care?

The unicorn waded through the shallow water until he was neck deep. This was it. Anymore steps and he would sink and drown. This felt like he was at the gates of life and death. He held the key, it was only a matter of choice as to whether open the gate or retreat. The back of his mind screamed. Called out to him to not do it. The unicorn lifted his hoof...

...and stepped forward.

The lack of solid ground at his next step alerted his instincts to search for anything to cling onto but it was too slow. In a desperate attempt to retreat back to the shallow shores, the yellow unicorn turned around to grab something but it was no use. He sank under the water. He felt the water seep through his nostrils bringing out the bubbles of oxygen away from him.

He felt like he needed to move and escape this fate he put himself in. However, what was the point of escaping something if you were to do this in the future again. Nothing awaited him if he somehow swam back up to shore. Nopony would be there to greet him back home if he were to return to his house. Nopony would comfort him when he was weak.

The corner of his eyes began to darken as the last of his oxygen escaped his breath. Death was near. Peace was upon him. After many years of being in constant pain and anxiety creeping up to him almost everyday, he could finally rest in peace. His body bumped the bottom of the lake but he was no longer there to feel it.

Author's Note

I suppose this is a story for venting. Hope you like it, despite being so close to Christmas day. My English may not make any sense yet I think it's understandable anyways. To be perfectly honest? I fear this story is too meta and will be taken down.