Sunset Shimmer
There aren’t a lot of things I miss about Equestria if I’m being totally honest. The fact of the matter is that, while it’s definitely a magical place, it’s also kind of backwater compared to the Canterlot of this world.
I mean, come on, Equestrian movies are still in the nineteen-twenties by comparison, and as nice as it would be to have my magic back I don’t know that I’d be able to go back to a world where I can’t fuck around on my phone for three hours at a time browsing the whole of human knowledge interspersed with six-second videos of cats getting themselves into improbable situations.
That said, I do miss Hearths Warming Eve.
Christmas here in the human world is… nice… but it’s not the same.
“Got any plans for Christmas?” Pinkie asks as she passes me my coffee.
One black coffee. My usual. Although normally I get it from Cuppas, this time I wanted to swing by to wish Pinkie a Merry Christmas.
“Not really,” I say as I take a sip. It’s less burnt than usual. “I was hoping to spend it with Wallie, y’know? Just a quiet night in.”
“That sounds great!” Pinkie grins broadly as she turns to start fixing up the next set of orders.
How she manages to do that while holding a conversation is a little beyond me. I used to think bar work in a coffee shop was an easy gig, except I tried it once and the sheer number of things you have to keep track of during a drink rush almost drove me off the deep end.
I gained a lot more respect for Pinkie that day.
“It’ll be your first Christmas together, right?” She asks as she drops two lattes on the counter and calls out their owners’ names before looking back at me. “What’re you gonna get her?”
My grip tightens on my mug, and Pinkie’s grin falls a little.
“I… I don’t really have any extra money right now,” I say quietly before taking another sip.
I’d started at Canterlot University right away, and my student aid was all spoken for between my living expenses, bills, and having fallen off a couple of the social programs that ended with my high school career. I’ve already applied for a work-study program as a tutor but the application is still under review, meaning I’m not going to hear back from them until the new year.
So I’m stuck with my current, basically non-existent, funds.
“She’ll be happy, you know,” Pinkie says as she sets out another mug of what looks like cocoa. “Just being with you will be enough.”
“But she deserves more,” I reply tightly.
Pinkie blows out a small sigh as she finishes the last pair of drinks, calls them out, and then flags down one of the owners from the back.
“Missus Cake! Mind if I take a break?”
Cup Cake peeks out at the dining area, then smiles and nods.
“Of course, dearie, go ahead, I’ll cover the counter.” She sweeps out, wiping down her hands on a clean white towel before moving up front as Pinkie sidles out to join me.
We walk to one of the smaller corner booths near the back and settle in, and I sip at my coffee for a few silent moments.
“I should have saved something up,” I say as I lower my mug. “Even if it’s just like, forty bucks or something, I could’ve done it.”
“Pff, only if you wanted to skip meals,” Pinkie says wryly. “Things are tight sometimes, Sunny, and that’s okay! She’ll understand!”
“I know she will but that’s not the point, Pinks,” I grumble. “The point is that she deserves something more than just…”
“Than just what?”
I fiddle with my coffee for a minute before answering.
“Just me.”
“Sunset…”
I shake my head. I don’t want to hear it. What I want is to be able to give Wallflower the kind of gift she deserves. What I want is to be the kind of girlfriend that Wallflower deserves, and what she deserves isn’t someone who’s dirt poor and can barely make ends meet.
“She’ll love whatever you give her, Sunny,” Pinkie says gently, reaching out to put a hand over mine. “Even if it’s nothing. Even if it’s just you. I know it’s cliché but it really isn’t about the gifts, it’s about the people… Christmas alone is—”
“I’m aware.”
The words come out harsh and grim, and Pinkie startles, her expression shifting briefly into hurt before it fades into quiet sorrow.
“Sorry,” I say softly. “I know it… shit, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, it’s okay,” Pinkie says.
Over a year has gone by since that little incident with the online profile, but it’s still a raw wound, and I don’t know if it’ll ever fully heal. It basically hit me in every single one of my insecurities at once and even though I’ve forgiven the girls—and even their sisters—but it’s still a subject we’ve all kind of quietly agreed to never bring up again.
Nothing good will come out of that conversation.
“But that means you know, y’know?” Pinkie says weakly. “Wallie just wants to spend time with you.”
“I want to get her something, though,” I reply. “Even if it’s small.”
“You’ve already given her a home, and I think all she really wants is a place to belong,” Pinkie says, smiling a little more widely. “And I’m pretty sure you two belong together.”
I laugh softly and nod. I hope so. I really, really hope so. But I didn’t help her onto those social programs on my own, and I certainly didn’t do it as a gift. Besides, the lion’s share of the work was done by Sticky Note. That man is a miracle worker as far as I’m concerned. All I really did was give her a place to sleep in the interim.
Giving her a place to belong, though…
The notion wedges itself into my brain and kickstarts a train of thought. The familiar sensation of an idea that’s either really good or really bad—which is arguably most of my ideas—sends a spark down my spine, and it must show on my face because Pinkie’s grin gets broader.
“Did you think of something?” She asks, practically vibrating.
“I… I think I might have,” I say as I slug down the rest of my coffee and stand up.
It’s a little crazy, but anyone who knows me will know how incredibly on-brand that is for me. Besides, it’s Wallflower Blush and pretty much everyone knows that I’m crazy about her.
I leave behind a grinning Pinkie Pie and run for the bus. It’s Christmas Eve and between that and the snow, the whole of Canterlot is set to shut down early. If I want to get this done then it has to be now.
The sidewalks are slick with fresh snow, but I run anyway, stumbling here and there as I race to the bus stop. It’s a near thing; the beat-up old commuter bus is just pulling in as I arrive, wheezing and shivering, to clamber inside before swiping my bus pass and dropping into a seat.
Rubbing my hands together to force some warmth into them, I watch the city start to trudge past as the bus picks up speed. Canterlot is a beautiful city in a few different ways, not the least of which is because of its flaws. As miserable as I sometimes was in this old town, I still love it. I have too many memories here not to, and even though not all of them are good, they’re mine.
Maybe tonight, I’ll make another good one.
I pull out my phone, tap the speed-dial, and start to rock back and forth on my seat as it rings.
//Hello?//
“Hey, Wallie!” My voice cracking a little as I speak up. “I uhm, we’re still getting together tonight, right?”
//Oh, uhm… y-yeah? I thought so anyway, are… are you busy? I mean, it’s okay if—//
“No! No!” I have to keep myself from shouting the words. “I just… I’m gonna be getting back to my apartment around five or six because I’m out running an errand, so I just wanted to let you know, okay?”
//Okay,// she replies, her voice must softer now. //Uhm… I… I don’t really have any… uhm…//
I can hear in her voice the same tremor that was in mine less than fifteen minutes ago back at Sugarcube Corner; the weak tinge of shame, the guilt, the feeling of being unwelcome.
“Wallie, it’ll be worth it just to spend Christmas with someone I love,” I say warmly. “Please?”
Low key, I kind of hate my manipulative streak, but at least now I only use it for good.
//I… okay.// There’s a quiet kind of defeat in her voice, but it’s not bad.
Wallflower is the kind of person who has to be gently bullied into letting people be nice to her, and over the six-ish months we’ve been dating I feel like I’ve gotten pretty good at it.
Back when we were living together while I was trying to get her onto the housing program that I’m on, I went overboard a few times, and I think I scared her a little, but I’ve learned to mitigate that response a bit better now. I don’t want to run roughshod over Wallflower—she’s had people doing that her whole life, she sure as Tartarus doesn’t need it from her girlfriend—but she also has a tendency to turn away from the good things in her life, and I’ve made it my job to stop that from happening as much as possible.
It’s a slightly Sisyphean task, but she’s worth it.
She always is.
“Okay,” I repeat. “I’ll see you tonight okay?”
//Yeah, tonight, I uhm…// My heart kicks up a notch for a second, but she trails off. She still hasn’t said it. //y-yeah, tonight.//
“Okay.” I mask the disappointment and smile. “I love you, Wallie, see you soon.”
I glance up as I lower the phone and end the call. I can see my destination coming up near the next stop and pull the cord that runs down the length of the bus. It lets out a tinny chime and I get to my feet on cold, shaky legs, and make my way to the front. Whatever happens tonight, I want it to at least be a happy Christmas for Wallie.
She deserves that… and so much more.
In the end, it took me a lot less time than I thought to do what I needed to do. It took longer to find a small box and a place where I could wrap it than it did to actually get the damn thing, and I ended up having to swing all the way out to the Crystal Emporium Mall to use one of their free wrapping stations.
Whatever, it’ll be worth it.
Especially since it only cost me about twelve bucks all told.
I stare down at the small wrapped box in my hands. I’d chosen bright green wrapping paper with swirls that look a little like flowers to me. I hope she likes it. If I can make her smile, that’ll be enough.
Taking a deep breath of the cold winter air to brace myself, I pass through the double-locked doors and stuff the box into my pocket before taking a seat in the lobby to wait for Wallflower.
It’s just a little past five and if I know her, then if she’s not already here she will be in about—
Before I can even complete the thought, I see her step into the vestibule. She must’ve been almost right on my heels, despite coming from the opposite direction.
Her morning glory green hair carries little tufts of snow in the messy curls, and she looks for all the world like a Christmas tree in miniature, and the thought brings a smile to my face as I get up to punch in the code to open the door.
“Hey,” I say, opening my arms.
Wallflower slips in and buries her face against my shoulder, and I hug her tight, taking a deep breath as I do. For one reason or another, it always feels like can breathe so much easier around Wallflower.
“Hey.”
“I love you.”
Wallie lets out a quiet, happy whine as she squeezes me a little tighter, then lets go and looks up at me.
“How was the walk?” I ask as I take her hand and turn to call the elevator.
I ask her that mostly to fill the silence while we wait for the race between the arrival of the elevator and the heat death of the universe to be decided. I’ve got my bits on the elevator but it’ll be a narrow thing.
“Cold,” Wallflower says with a wan smile. “But uhm… not bad. I stopped by Saint Easels this morning and stayed through some of the afternoon.”
“Oh yeah?” I brighten at that. “How was Sister Willful?”
“Good.” Wallflower leans her head against my shoulder. “I helped cook Christmas dinner. It was nice… I see why you do it. It feels good to help.”
“It does,” I agree. “I owe that place, and Sister Willful, more than I can say.”
Not just for what they did for me, either. I owe them so much more for looking after Wallflower before I knew she was homeless. That was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life… seeing Wallflower in that cafeteria food line looking like death warmed over and then forgotten in the microwave until the next day? It almost killed me.
Really. I think my heart actually stopped for a second.
Ding
“Finally,” I mumble, and Wallflower laughs softly as she follows me into the elevator cab.
I lean against the rear wall of the cab and Wallflower settles in against me. She’s gotten a little more comfortable with physical affection—at least from me—and it’s been good for her I think.
She’s still not so great with things like Pinkie Pie Parties, but hopefully, she’ll get there, and if she doesn’t, well, that’s fine too. I mean, it’d break Pinkie’s heart a little, but to each their own, and Pinkie knows that.
I wrap my arms around her and run a hand up and down her arm as she settles herself comfortably against her favorite spot, right at the crook of my neck, and lets out a soft, happy hum.
For once, I don’t mind how slow the elevator is. In fact, if it could slow down and take a little longer so I can enjoy just holding onto Wallflower like this, I’d be much obliged.
Unfortunately, the thing is as stalwart and steady as it is slow, and the door creaks open with a weak chime. The hall smells faintly of pine thanks to all of the various Christmas trees that have been dragged through it and which no amount of vacuuming ever manages to chase out until well after the new year.
Wallflower breathes in the verdant scent as soon as she steps out, and when she lets out the breath she’s smiling even more broadly.
“I love that smell,” she says, grinning.
“Me too,” I say as I sling an arm over her shoulder.
We get to my apartment and I fit the key, throw the deadbolt, and then shoulder the creaky old door open. It’s like this every winter. The wood is old and warped, and every time the temperature changes drastically in one direction or the other, the door gets hard to open.
“Oh wow.” Wallflower’s face lights up as she steps into the apartment.
Thanks to some timely help from Rainbow Dash and Applejack, I managed to string Christmas lights all over the walls and around the rails of my loft bedroom, and Applejack even managed to find what amounted to a pygmy fir tree for my den which was sitting just off to the side from the television set.
“Nice, right?” I ask, nodding at the room as we step in and close the door, kicking it shut for good measure.
“Want to uhm… wanna help me decorate the tree?”
Rather than answer, Wallflower just sniffles quietly, the takes a deep breath as she turns back to me, blinking fiercely and rubbing at her face before nodding.
My sole claim to decorations is a box of ornaments Applejack gave me. They were mostly older, store-bought ones that accrued over time with her family, and that she claimed she never had space for on her family’s Christmas tree.
Too many hand-made ones from the family to find places for, apparently.
I crack open the musty box and start pulling out the cases of red and green bulbs. There were also boxes of ones shaped like bells in shades of silver and white that I prioritised most because I liked the look of them a little better.
“Would you believe I’ve never decorated a tree before?” I ask as we sit on opposite sides of the small tree and trade ornaments.
“Really?”
“Yup,” I reply with a laugh as I hang a silver bell. “The trees in the castle were always decorated by the servants, and once I came over to this side I never really had the time or money for a tree. So this is my first-ever Christmas tree!”
Wallflower goggles at me for a moment then laughs. Her soft, bell-chime laugh is probably my favorite sound ever.
“That’s so weird to think about,” Wallflower says quietly as she hangs a white bell near one of the red globes. “It’s so… so normal to me, I guess.”
I shrug. “I mean, there are people who never celebrate Christmas even on this side of the portal, right?”
“I know,” she replies. “I guess I’ve always had a Christmas tree in one form or another… except for…”
My smile fades.
Except for the winter when she was homeless.
I set the last few ornaments down. There’s no more room for them anyway, the poor little tree is already covered in them, but fortunately, Applejack had chosen one with a stout trunk so it was bearing the weight with a fair amount of grace.
“Here,” I say softly, holding out a small golden star to cap the tree off with. “You put it on.”
“But it’s your first tree,” she replies, not reaching out.
I don’t draw back though. I keep the star held out to her, and smile.
“And I want you to put up the star,” I say with a smile. “Please?”
Wallflower picks the star out of my hand haltingly, then turns and holds it up to the tree, giving it a few tries before finding a good angle to fit the cap before pulling it down to fit it snugly over the peak.
“There,” she says quietly before turning back to me. “How’s it look?”
I’m not looking at it. I don’t really have to.
“Perfect,” I say.
Her cheeks flush slightly as Wallflower giggles, nods, then sits up before standing a little shakily. I’m in the same boat. I let the blood redistribute to my legs before hobbling over to the couch, dropping onto it, and picking up the remote.
“C’mon,” I say, gesturing for her to join me. “I wanna watch some old, cheesy Christmas movies. Applejack says it’s some kind of tradition.”
“Can we watch ‘It’s A Wonderful Life?’” Wallflower asks as she settles in beside me. “I uhm… I actually really like that one.”
“Sounds good to me.”
We settle in for our Christmas movie night under a massive bundle of blankets. Applejack had lent me some of the aforementioned traditional movies, and among them is It’s A Wonderful Life. I’ve never seen it and, honestly, I’m not sure I would have ever watched it if not for Wallflower, but throughout the whole of the story there's a strange kind of melancholy and nostalgia to it that got me right in the heart.
Something about the main character learning to appreciate his life hit home in a way I didn’t expect, to the point that, at the end of it, I actually tear up a little.
“That was surprisingly good,” I say, laughing as I wipe at my eyes. “Remind me to thank AJ for making me cry, again.”
“Are you okay?” Wallflower asks, her brow furrowing as she tightens her grip on my hand beneath the covers.
“Oh yeah, I’m fine,” I say, shaking my head. “I’m… ugh… I’m just kind of a crybaby sometimes, but—!” I pull my hand out from beneath the blankets to put a finger to her lips— “you can’t tell anyone that! I’d lose all of my street cred.”
“You have street cred?” She asks, raising an eyebrow.
I laugh and wince playfully. “Wow, savage… I mean, not any more apparently.”
She starts laughing, and after a second I realise…
“Wait… did you just…” My jaw drops open and I start laugh from the belly. “Written’s Quill, you did! You just made fun of me! You little—!”
Wallflower’s borderline impish expression lights a little flame in my heart as I tackle her onto the couch, going for her sides as she flails with helpless laughter.
And then I’m holding her, and then we’re kissing, and that warmth in my heart ignites to a full-fledged bonfire, chasing away the perennial chill of Canterlot and leaving behind the kind of warmth I’ve been trying to hold onto all my life.
I roll onto my back on the couch, and Wallflower curls up on my chest, settling in her favorite spot as she hugs me nestles in close.
“Thank you,” I say a little breathlessly.
“For what?” She asks, not looking up.
I shake my head and look down at her, stroking her long, thick hair, and weaving my fingers through it as I do, and shrug.
“Nothing, just… for being here,” I say. “For being with me.”
Wallflower laughs softly and hugs me a little tighter. As she does, I wrap my arms around her and sit up, earning a small squeak of dismay from my girlfriend as I set her down beside me and stuff my hand in my pocket.
“So uh,” I start, drawing out the small wrapped box, “I didn’t really have anything saved up this year, but uhm, n-next year I’ll do better.”
I hold out the little gift, and the Christmas lights glint off the shiny green packaging as Wallflower’s eyes go wide.
“But I didn’t get you anything,” she says, looking up from the gift.
“I don’t care,” I say, laughing and smiling ear to ear. “I’m so happy right now that I probably couldn’t tell you what else I’d want if you put a gun to my head.”
Wallflower stares at me for a long moment before swallowing thickly and taking the present. It’s kind of cute watching her open the gift. She pries at the tape, loosening it, then slowly undoes the wrapping like it’s an origami crane, and somehow she manages to unwrap the whole thing without tearing it. More than once I’ve been a little in awe of how deft and delicate Wallflower is with her hands, and this is one of those times.
The box is small and made of cheap cardboard with a glossy white finish from the wrapping station at the Crystal Emporium, and Wallflower pops the lid off, then frowns down at the contents.
“A key?” She draws out the copper key that I’d printed at the hardware store down the road. “What’s it a key… to…”
Her tone fades as her eyes widen, and slowly she turns to look back at the front door of my apartment.
“It’s uh… not much,” I say weakly. “But I just wanted you to know you’ll always have a home with me if you need it, no matter what.”
Wallflower turns back to me, still wide-eyed and looking like she’s in shock as she grips the key with both hands and hugs it to her heart before doing an odd little shuffle forward on her knees on the couch, and then curls up against her with her head pressed to my shoulder.
And she mumbles something.
“W...What?” My voice comes out brittle as I put my arms around her. “I… I don’t I…”
She said something, and I thought I heard it but I… I can’t really be sure because I’ve never heard her say it before so I don’t want to assume. But I want to hope. Oh… Quill, I really want to hope.
“I said,” Wallflower sobs out in an oddly dry, wracking tone, “th-that I love you.”
“Oh.” It’s a noise, more than a word, that comes out of me.
“I love you, Sunset,” she repeats as she slowly uncurls her arms from where they’re pinned between us, and wraps them around me. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” I say, swallowing hard as tears start to roll down my cheeks. “And I always will… I love you, Wallie!”
I’ve never seen Wallflower cry, and I still haven’t, but I think this might be the closest I’ve ever seen her get to it as she looks up at me with slightly red eyes and a creaky smile before leaning in to kiss me warmly. I think my lips must taste like salt because of all of my tears. I can’t remember the last time I cried this hard while being happy.
Maybe I’m crying for the both of us.
“Merry Christmas, Sunset,” Wallflower says as she pulls back.
“And Happy Hearth’s Warming, Wallie,” I say, through one of the widest smiles of my life.
I curl up around her as I set the next movie to play. Outside it gets colder, and the wind picks up, but between the blankets and our body heat, neither of us feels it. In here, in my cramped little apartment, I have everything I’ll ever need.
And Wallflower doesn’t let go of the key all night.
