A feeling

by Hoping for death

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Anon, Suicide / Self Harm, Self Insert, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 1039

Anon wants to be dead.

Anon has a feeling that he is going to take his life.

Published 2021-01-18 17:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-01-18 17:50:00 UTC

A very bad feeling

Author's Note

BEFORE we begin. I would like to express that I suck at writing so get out while you still can

A very bad feeling

It's Hearths Warming Eve and I'm alone in my house in the middle of our street in Equestria. I've been through way too much the past 12 moons.

My friends all moved on and got new lives. I graduated from high school which I'm not proud of. I also visited a hospital for teens and young adults with problems in their lives. Which was big and that's pretty much it. But above it all, it was hard for me.

I fell into this insane depression with no help whatsoever but honestly, It's not like I wanted help. I just wanted to be dead. Over the whole of this year I had this really stuck feeling that I still can't shake. I feel like I let down so many people. I was hospitalized for ten days and it was rough. But despite getting the help I needed I never felt much better afterwards and I had even lost touch with everything I love.

With the combination of my suicidal thoughts and actions and admitting to being depressed I lost my way. I knew I still had a home and people who loved me and lots of potential and also patience, but none of that seemed to matter because I was feeling depressed. And one day when I was at a swimming hole. I was in the middle of a busy road ready to take my own life. I ran and I tried to jump off that bridge, but my legs just froze in place right at the tip of the bridge. I was crying hard as my mom ran over to grab me. She said we were going to get me some help by taking me to Hasbro's Children's hospital but that didn't work because I was the adult age so they recommended Butler Hospital in Canterlot.

When I went there I felt like I was trapped with no way out. I just wanted to end my life. I realized, what I had to do was take things as they came, day by day.

While I was there I met several new ponies who struggle with the same things as I do. I was in a much better mood when I came out. Unfortunately that didn't last too long three months later I came back.

Now, I'm not looking forward to what this year will bring. With all the pain and isolation in Equestria, there seems to be no reason to live anymore. Don't expect me to stick around for the next generation, I as Anonymous will live no more in Equestria. So in the next generation if you see me try to take my own life, please don't stop me. You'll only give me another reason to do it.

A letter to the princess

Dear Princess Twilight,

It's been a while and I know I haven't seen you in a while. I am writing to you to inform you that I want an end to this friendship. I have been through too much in the past several moons and I as a person have nothing to look forward to. So you as a pony will have to move on without me. My speech for taking my life will be long, hopefully, so if you don't wish to hear me, kindly dispose of this scroll.

Over the last several moons I have gone through too much. Especially with you and your friends getting new lives. You must be pretty proud of yourself as ruler of Equestria. I have gotten to see you change so much as a pony and I am so proud of how far you have come.

Unfortunately, I myself have failed you as a person, With no reason to continue living I give to thee my final words:

I was once a nobody until one Princess Twilight Sparkle came into my world and changed my life. I have been with her from beginning to end until I knew the journey was over. It was so many things, mainly an emotional roller coaster. I knew I had to be there for her every underlying step of the journey throughout everything I learned from the Princess of friendship herself. I have since reflected on the pain the adventures caused me. But never with the confidence to express what hurt me.

Lately I have suffered insane depression for what seemed like an eternity. The inhumane amounts of self hatred and Self harm have given me the intent to take my life. All the world had been lost and gone for me. As for the princess herself, I wish to thank her for all she has supported me through. I had known how useless I was since the day I was born and all was lost from the minute I had almost jumped off that bridge. With all the pain of the world the last of my words are as follows: This is it for me, this is the last of my life.

To be dead is an anticipation for someone of my condition, all the discrimination and happiness in this world is no longer of any use to me as such the intent to take my own life may be out there and to the point. If you see me, kill me. I wouldn't want it any other way. Equestria would be better off If I didn't appear as a bother to anyone. Stuck in my head, isolated and in pain with no concern for my own well being.

This is the path I chose to take. Thus, my world shall close itself in for it's own safety.

In conclusion, I thank everypony who has always been there to support me during these struggles. Even if I can no longer reach out to them, I will watch over them by day and by night. I will be enclosed in my thoughts. A worthless piece of scum was the life I chose to live and it won't be long before I am gone.

Singing off for the very last time,
Anonymous