The Iron Horse: Robot Rock

Chapters

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
In the Bleak Midwinter
Maud Rest Ye, Merry Gentlecolt
Comfort and Joy
The Night Mares Before Hearth's Warming

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

Hooves crunched in the fresh snow as the strange pair made their way up the path to the little farmhouse in the middle of the rocky valley. Crystalline rock formations decorated the yard. The giant, egg-shaped boulder stood silent and proud over the farm, as if it were a sentinel on guard.

At the door, a gray hoof raised and knocked on the door.

The door gently opened and there, waiting inside, was the Pie family.

“Welcome home, dearest Maudalina,” Cloudy Quartz said, stepping forth to embrace her gently. “Thy bedroom has been made up and thy sisters shall help with thy baggage.”

No sooner did her mother let her go then Pinkie sprang forward gripping Maud in a vice-like hug. “Maaaauuuud!” she squealed. “I’m so so so happy you’re here! And everypony is so excited to meet your special friend! Right, everypony?!”

“Mmhmm,” Marble added.

“Not really,” Limestone grumbled before being elbowed by their mother.

“Indeed so,” their father said. “We all wish to meet thy new paramour, and hope that they will find our homestead welcoming.”

“I’m excited too,” Maud said in her usual deadpan tone as she freed herself from Pinkie’s crushing grip. “I’m sorry I haven’t introduced you before, but I thought it was finally time for you to meet my special somepony.”

She moved from the doorway and gestured to the pony standing behind her.

The family’s expectant looks and welcoming smiles gave way to bulging eyes and dropped jaws (save for Pinkie, who was brimming with excitement and ready to burst after keeping her lips sealed about their new guest all day on Maud’s request).

The strange pony stepped forward to greet them, the servos in her legs whirring, her metallic body gleaming in the midday sun, and her violet eyes glowing gently as she met them.

“Greetings,” she said in her feminine, artificial voice. “I am known as Turing Test. Maud Pie has informed me about all of you, and it is my pleasure to make your acquaintance. It is my hope that this Hearth's Warming will be successful.”

The Pie family stood there in silence, still taking in the sight of Maud’s strange guest. That is, until Pinkie leaped forward, squealing happily as she embraced Turing.

“Rinny!” she cried.

“Hello again, Pinkie,” Turing said, returning the embrace. “Hug initiated.”

“I’m so glad you’re here! I’ve been waiting forever for you to finally meet my family! And I haven’t seen you in so long that I could just hug you all day! ...Except not really because Sweet Celestia you’re freezing!”

“My apologies,” Turing said, releasing her. “I have been meaning to install a new warming mechanism to my outer frame, but my duties have distracted me from completing such work.”

“Aww, that’s okay! Anyway, come on in, you two!” Pinkie said, bouncing as she led them inside.

The two stepped inside into the warmth of the house as the Pies continued staring on.

Limestone finally broke the silence, “Uhh, so… Churning Test—”

“Correction: it is Turing Test,” Turing said. “I was named for a griffon inventor named Talon Turing who—”

“Right, right,” Limestone said, cutting her off. “You need help with your bags or what?”

“That will not be necessary. I have a load-bearing capacity of several tons.”

“That’s… neat, I guess?”

“Ooh, but I can still show you your room!” Pinkie said. “Come on upstairs, Rinny! I’ll even give you a tour of the house!”

“Thank you, Pinkie,” she said, hoisting the two suitcases onto her back as she followed Pinkie up the stairs. Turning to Maud’s family, she said “I am very glad to meet you all. I will return shortly.”

Maud watched them go and turned to her family with a small smile. “Isn’t she great?” she asked.

“Ah, w-well,” her mother stammered, “though I am not one to judge, I admit that she was not what we expected.”

“That’s an understatement!” Limestone said. “What the heck is that thing, Maud?!”

Maud’s smile faded. “She’s a robot.”

The family’s collective heads all tilted to the side.

“A what?” Limestone asked.

“A robot,” Maud repeated flatly.

“No, you twit! I mean- ow!” she grunted as her father gently bopped her upside the head.

“What thy sister means is that the word is unfamiliar to us,” Igneous Rock Pie said. “Why doth her countenance resemble naught but a suit of armor? What appearance lies beneath, and why doth she hide it?”

“I don’t think it’s armor, Pop,” Limestone said, still rubbing her head.

Maud nodded. “Limestone’s right,” she said. “That’s all her. She’s a mechanical pony. She’s a machine.”

Her parents exchanged a look. Marble bit her lip and looked away, trying to hide behind her mane. Limestone just narrowed her eyes as she stared back at her.

Maud sighed. “Look, I know she isn’t what you were expecting. But I really thought you would all be a little more accepting.”

“Maud, dearest,” Cloudy Quartz said, clearing her throat, “as thy family, we only wish the best for thee. Surely thou art not satisfied with such a partner?”

“Actually, I am satisfied,” Maud replied. “On a nightly basis,” she added with a smirk.

Marble blushed deeply as her parents gawked, her father making choking noises.

“But seriously, she really means a lot to me,” Maud said, stepping forward as she placed a hoof on her chest. “So please, do me a favor and try to get to know her before dismissing her.”

The others all looked to each other uncertainly.

“Tis no easy thing you ask, dear,” her mother said. Then she smiled. “But we shall do as thou ask if she doth bring joy to thy heart.”

Maud slowly let out a breath. “Thanks. I hope you won’t judge her or me too harshly. I’m glad you’re not too mad that I’m dating a mare instead of a stallion.”

“Oh for the love of,” Limestone groaned, smacking her forehead. “Nopony cares about that! It’s because she’s a machine, you idiot!”

Maud blinked. “Oh. I guess I never thought about that. But I think you’ll all learn to like her. So, Mom, do you need help in the kitchen while Pinkie finishes showing Turing the house?”

Her mother nodded. “I would appreciate it, dear.” They all turned to go further into the house.

“Okay. I’ll be right there,” Maud said.

“Ah, one more thing,” her father said, his cheeks reddening. “While thou art in our house, young mare, thou wilt refrain from any… ah… untoward actions.”

Maud nodded. “Okay, Dad,” she said, giving another subtle smile. “We’ll be good.”

As they all left, Maud lingered in the foyer and subtly looked up at the ceiling, hearing Turing’s heavy hoofsteps on the second floor.

“Looks like we’re ready to get started,” Maud whispered.

***

Upstairs, Turing Test paused, her metal ears twitching as they squeaked on their hinges.

“I am glad,” she whispered back. “I will do my best to win their approval, Maud Pie.”

Pinkie turned to look over her shoulder. “What’s up, Rinny?”

“Nothing of vital importance, Pinkie,” Turing replied. “But it seems that Maud has at least secured temporary assurance that your family will allow me the chance to prove that I am a satisfactory significant other for you sister. It is my hope that they will grow to appreciate me as she does.”

“Aww, of course they will!” Pinkie said, giving her robot friend a hug. “Though… you might not want to tell them that you can hear them so well. And maybe try not to eavesdrop.”

“Ah. My apologies,” she said. “I have to admit my trepidation in coming here was great. I simply wish for Maud to be happy. I will do whatever it is in my capacity to achieve that objective.”

Pinkie smiled. “You really do love her, don’t you, Rinny?”

“Ah. I… I have not yet said as such to her, but… but yes, I do. I have simply not determined the right time and place to say so. It seems that it is a very significant declaration that must be timed and executed perfectly. And if I am to be worthy of your sister’s affections, I must be perfect in both timing and execution.”

“Oh, Rinny, you’re waaaay overthinking things! Not everything is like Twilight’s romance novels or fanfics she thinks we don’t know about.”

“We are quite fortunate in the latter case,” Turing remarked. “Still, I will consider your advice, Pinkie Pie. I simply wish to do the best for Maud Pie. Perhaps after this ordeal, I will feel more free to finally state my feelings.”

“Eeee!” Pinkie squealed, clapping her hooves. “It’s all so romantic! Ahhh, but I’m getting distracted. Over here is my old room, and next to that is Marble Pie’s…”

As Pinkie rambled on, Turing followed her.

It is true that Maud Pie was afraid to confront her parents, she thought to herself, but perhaps Pinkie Pie is correct, and it is not perfectionism that is restricting me, but fear. Still, until this situation is resolved, I cannot burden her further with my feelings… I must first prove myself worthy.

Maud helped her mother carry the pot of rock soup to the rough-hewn, wooden table. A bowl was put before each seat at the table and filled with the hot, greenish concoction complete with a large, edible stone dumped into it.

Limestone smirked as she took a seat. “Ohh, this oughta be good,” she remarked as she watched Turing Test approach the table.

“Of course it’ll be good, silly!” Pinkie said, taking her seat next to her. “Mom’s rock soup is the best!”

“Thou flatter me, dear,” Cloudy Quartz said. “But so long as it sustains our bodies amid this winter, that is all that doth matter to me.”

Maud Pie looked up from her bowl, followed by the others as Turing Test returned from upstairs and took her seat next to Maud.

“Hope you like soup, Turing,” Limestone said, her smirk turning up into a hard grin. “It’s an acquired taste, but—”

“My thanks, Limestone Pie,” Turing said, holding up a hoof as a bowl was shoved towards her, “but that will not be necessary. I will not be having any soup.”

Cloudy Quartz blinked, then looked down. “I realize it may be but simple fare,” she said quietly, “but to refuse it so…”

“Yeah, who do you think you are?!” Limestone shouted, getting to her hooves. “Even the Apples at least tried it when they came to visit!”

“Umm, Limestone,” Pinkie hissed, tapping her on the shoulder. “Rinny doesn’t really… eat.”

“What?!”

“It’s true,” Maud said. “It’s not personal.”

“That is correct,” Turing added, turning to face Cloudy Quartz and bowing slightly. “You see, Mrs. Pie, I would actually love to be able to try your soup. However, I lack a mouth, tongue, and digestive system, and therefore cannot consume food of any kind. In a select few extenuating circumstances, I was able to simulate the consumption of different foods and hope to one day create a permanent means of enjoying it. I would love to try this recipe at such a time, if possible. It looks delicious. Marble Pie seems to be enjoying it, for instance.”

All eyes turned to Marble, who was quietly sipping her soup as she kept to herself. Flinching at the sudden attention, she wiped her mouth and weakly said “Mmhmm,” before returning to her meal.

Cloudy Quartz and Igneous exchanged a look, but seemed to accept Turing’s answer as they continued their meal.

“Soooo,” Pinkie said after a few moments of silence among the group. “Um… how’s the rock harvest this year?”

“It’s fine,” Limestone grumbled.

“Though the northern field yielded poorly this last season,” Igneous remarked.

“Pfft,” Limestone scoffed. “We’ll get by. Maybe once Maud gets her fancy new Rocktorate she could come give us some pointers.”

“Sure,” Maud said nonchalantly. “Maybe you could add minerals, apply a little earth pony magic, and then let it lie fallow for a season to let more veins develop.”

“Oh, sure, just skip an entire harvest when the budget is already tight!” Limestone snapped.

“Hey hey, easy now, everypony,” Pinkie said, her smile becoming slightly forced. “No need to fight! After all, it’s almost Hearth’s Warming! We should be coming together as a family!”

“Mmhmm,” Marble agreed.

“Perhaps it would be best if our guest told us more about herself,” Cloudy Quartz said. “Since neither Pinkie nor Maud saw fit to do so before her visit.”

“Eheheheh,” Pinkie chuckled nervously, wincing as she hastily took another long slurp of her soup. “Have I mentioned how good this soup is? Mmm mmm good!”

Maud only looked away slightly.

Turing simply nodded. “I would be glad to answer your questions, Mrs. Pie. What do you wish to know?”

“Well, for starters,” Limestone interjected, leaning forward on the table, “how exactly did you and Maud meet?”

“We met through Pinkie Pie,” Turing replied. “At the time, I was still early in my development following my activation and was slowly making friends and experiencing emotions. Pinkie Pie was attempting to teach me humor, but to little success.”

“Hooboy, you’re not kidding,” Pinkie said, rolling her eyes. “It’s hard to get some ponies to smile, but with Rinny it was totally impossible! So then we tried getting other ponies to laugh, but that wasn’t much easier. But then Maud showed up to visit!”

“I thought she’d like the surprise,” Maud explained.

“Maud Pie noted that my understanding of conventional jokes was lacking, but that I possessed a unique manner of delivery that I was able to develop into my own style of humor.”

“She’s very funny,” Maud said with a small smile.

“Correct. I am,” Turing agreed, turning to face her, her glowing pupils changing to an upward arc to indicate that she was smiling.

“Squee!”

They all turned to look at the source of the sound. It was Marble Pie, who blushed, smoothing down her mane as she looked away.

“To complete my answer to your question,” Turing continued, “after our meeting, I received a present from Maud Pie for Hearth’s Warming. It was a small piece of rose quartz in the shape of a heart. I did not fully realize the significance of the gesture, but as my mental and emotional state further developed, I began to desire a romantic partner. Upon realizing that Maud’s gesture was an indication of her feelings, I sought her out and expressed a desire to enter into a romantic partnership. She accepted.

“I still have the piece of rose quartz. It is one of my most treasured possessions.”

“Squee!”

They all looked at Marble Pie again. The quiet mare slowly sank beneath the table, her face bright red.

Limestone blinked, her expression softening. “Huh,” she said. “That’s… kind of a nice story. Weird, a little sappy, but nice.”

“Mmhmm!” Marble Pie agreed, raising her eyes slightly.

“So, uhhh… you mentioned jokes?” Limestone asked.

“Affirmative,” Turing nodded. “If you would like, I will tell one now.”

Pinkie started to sweat. “Uhhh, ha ha, m-maybe we should save the jokes for later…”

“That will not be necessary, Pinkie Pie,” Turing said. “I will now initiate humor.”

Pinkie Pie forced herself to smile as the other Pies gave Turing their full attention.

“What is a rock’s favorite type of music?”

Limestone rolled her eyes. “Let me guess… rock and roll, right?”

Turing tilted her head. “Incorrect. Rocks, as inanimate objects that lack auditory senses, are incapable of hearing music or appreciating one kind over another, and therefore cannot truly have a favorite. Several, however, do produce distinct musical tones when struck with the appropriate object, which would at least make them passively a percussion instrument should you choose to use them as such. Still, they have no preference for the type of music you play with them, with the exception of Boulder, who has stated his preference for smooth jazz.”

They all stared back in silence.

“Initiating rimshot: ba dum ting.”

Maud smirked. “See?” she said, turning to the others. “Hilarious.”

“Ah, quite,” Cloudy Quartz said. “Yes, dear. Ha ha.”

“Ha… ha?” Igneous said, forcing a smile.

Limestone rubbed her temples. “Well, she definitely learned humor from you, Sis,” she groaned.

After dinner, Maud helped her mother in the kitchen to clean dishes. Turing had offered to help, but Cloudy Quartz had insisted that it wasn’t proper to ask a guest to help.

Of course, Maud wasn’t so oblivious that she didn’t figure out that her mother really just wanted to talk to her in private.

“I am glad that thou enjoyed the meal,” Cloudy Quartz said as she scrubbed a dish in the kitchen sink. “Thou seem to be in good health as well. I am glad that thy health hath not been neglected amid thy studies. Thy father and I hope to attend your graduation soon.”

“I’m excited about it too,” Maud said as she took the dish from her mother and began drying it. “So… what do you think about her?”

Cloudy paused for a moment before continuing to clean the next dish. “In truth, I know not what to say, Maudalina. Once we knew that thou had found a special somepony, I had prepared myself for nearly anything. I expected a fellow student of the rock arts, or a strong stallion from a farming family, or simply a pony who did share in thy… peculiarities.”

“Well… some ponies think Turing is peculiar,” Maud offered.

Her mother sighed. “That, I do believe. But it is the manner of her peculiarities that doth weigh so heavily on me. Simply put, we hoped that thou would bring home a real pony. At worst, we feared thou would simply bring home a rock or perhaps a statue. This… machine fashioned from minerals and ore clearly doth appeal to thy passion for rocks, but I worry that it is merely a continuation of thy tendency to assign personalities to things around you.

“It seems to mine eyes that this ‘robot’ is, in a manner of speaking, merely another Boulder.”

Maud’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

“Oh, dear daughter, I know that thou find it difficult to relate to others, but it doth not mean that thou needst give up on finding a mate of flesh and blood. Do not forego your happiness for the sake of a convenient curiosity!”

Maud sighed. “First, Mom, I think you owe Boulder an apology,” she said. “But either way, you don’t have to worry. Turing is a real pony. Even Princess Celestia said so. And you just had dinner with her. You heard her tell a joke. You talked to her just like anypony else. You’re right that it isn’t always easy for me to get along with other ponies. But Turing Test gets me. Not many ponies do. And that’s something we have in common. She makes me happy, and she makes me feel safe, like I’m not really so weird after all. I feel like I can stand strong with her, like a mountain of silica-rich quartzite, so I thought that would be enough for you and Dad to be happy for me too.”

“I am glad that thou hast found happiness, Maud,” her mother said, passing her another dish. “I only worry that thou art missing a chance for somepony greater. In truth, I simply find the very concept of… being with a metal, artificial creature to be confusing.”

Maud tilted her head to the side. “What do you mean, Mom?”

Cloudy Quartz cleared her throat. “I speak of relations, dear,” she said.

Maud blinked. “Oh.”

“Though it is not my wont to speak of it, I find joy and comfort in thy father, and I see not how thou canst find satisfaction with a cold, metal pony to share thy bed with. Yet thou say thou art satisfied. How?”

“Well, are you sure? We haven’t really talked like this before, Mom.”

“I would be remiss as thy mother,” she said, placing a hoof on her chest solemnly, “if I were to fail to give thee counsel on marital relations. Though I follow tradition and the old ways, I am not some ignorant, innocent foal. So speak plainly, daughter!”

Maud turned to face her directly. “Well, it’s true that Turing can’t really ‘feel’ things like normal ponies. It bothered her more than it bothers me. I think it still does bother her sometimes, and I hope someday I can make her feel how I feel with her.

“For now, it makes her happy to make me happy. And she tries very hard to keep me happy.”

“Well, that is good for her, but what of thee?”

“Well, she… hmm,” Maud said, pausing for a moment to rub her chin. “Actually, hang on.” She cupped her hoof to her mouth. “Turing!” she called. “Could you come in here, please?”

A few moments later, Turing Test walked into the room. “Yes, Maud Pie? What do you require of me? Were the dishes more difficult to do than you had anticipated?”

Maud shook her head. “Show Mom that trick you do.”

“Trick? Ah, understood.”

Turing then produced thumping electronic music and began flashing her eyes different colors and she began to dance what Vinyl Scratch had dubbed ‘The Robot.’

“No, not that one,” Maud said, going to her side. “I mean…”

She whispered something into Turing’s ear.

“Ah. Very well. Initiating in 3… 2… 1…”

Turing then began to vibrate. It was subtle at first, but then it grew in intensity and it rumbled through the floor, causing the whole house to shake and the dishes in the cupboard to rattle.

“Earthquake!” Pinkie shrieked from somewhere in the house. “Everypony get under the table! I’ll grab the emergency cupcakes!”

“Okay, Turing, that’s enough,” Maud said, holding up a hoof.

Turing ceased her vibrations and turned to Cloudy Quartz, who stood there slack-jawed as her spectacles slowly slid down her muzzle.

“I have found that with varying intensity applied to certain locations, this action produces a very positive reaction in your daughter, Mrs. Pie. For instance—”

“I think she’s got the idea, Turing,” Maud said, cutting her off. “Why don’t you go tell the family it was a false alarm and that there’s no earthquake?”

“Understood, Maud Pie,” Turing said. “I will do so.”

As she left, Maud looked back to her mother. “Well?”

Cloudy Quartz slowly nodded. “Thou… art indeed a lucky mare, Maudalina,” she said, adjusting her glasses. “Still, I should tell thee that your father and I reached a conclusion even before your arrival.”

Maud blinked. “What do you mean?” she asked.

Her mother narrowed her eyes. “Thou gavest thy word when thou left this farm that thou wouldst find a partner that we approved of, or else we would take thee to the Pairing Stone. Since thou did conceal your partner from us, we have decided that she must win the approval of not only your father and I, but also thy sisters. If so, then thou mayst do as thou wilt. If not, then I expect thee to keep thy word.”

Maud shut her eyes. “I won’t break my word,” she said quietly. “As long as everypony at least gives her a chance. I’m sure Turing Test will win everypony over.” Then she opened her eyes with a serene smile. “I’m sure of it. She’s amazing.”

“We shall see,” Cloudy Quartz said, giving her the last dish to dry. Then she smiled. “What I will say is that I am satisfied that thou art in an equal relationship. And if thy needs are met and this pony complements you so, then thou hast my blessing… provided thou canst obtain it from the others.”

Maud quickly dried the plate and returned the smile. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Now, let us rejoin the family and inform everypony of our decision.”

As they went into the living room, they saw Igneous standing in the middle of the room, his expression one of frozen horror and his hat skewed on his head. Marble was waving her hoof in front of his eyes.

“Dear!” Cloudy Quartz cried, dashing to his side. “What befell him?!”

“I am not certain,” Turing Test said, tapping her chin in thought. “I was merely explaining that the rumbling of the house he heard was not an earthquake, but simply me demonstrating to his wife the manner in which I please his daughter.”

Marble’s gray complexion turned completely red as she dashed from the room and Limestone smacked her forehead in exasperation.

“Nice gift your girlfriend got Dad, Maud,” she remarked sourly. “Just what he always wanted: an aneurysm.”

Author's Note

It's that time again, folks! References! Gotta make up for the last chapter!

The story itself is named after the Daft Punk song "Robot Rock."
The Halloween sequence in the EQG world references my story The Iron Horse: Human After All
The lyrics of the song playing are from "Somebody's Watching" by Rockwell
Turing Test's costume is 2B, one of the protagonists of the video game Nier: Automata

* Applejack's costume is meant as a vague reference to the supervillain the Scarecrow as he appeared in the animated series The New Batman Adventures

* Human!Gadget's "Frau Blucher" prank references my favorite running gag from the Mel Brooks film Young Frankenstein * This chapter is named after the 1960s comedy film of the same name.

In the Bleak Midwinter

The rock carving went remarkably smoothly by all accounts. Turing Test, with her sense of precision and using her U-mode to grip her pickaxe, was able to carve a highly detailed stone facsimile of herself out of stone, right down to her joints and the individual coils of her mane.

“I told you that she was talented,” Maud said, draping her foreleg over Turing’s shoulders as they admired her carving.

“Tch. Show off,” Limestone grumbled. “Anyway, let’s get set up for the scavenger hunt. Pinkie, it’s your turn to judge this year. You remembered to hide the obsidian, right?”

“Yes indeedy!” Pinkie replied.

The family gathered in front of Holder’s Boulder.

“Now, since this is Rinny’s first time doing this,” Pinkie began, addressing the group, “I’ll explain the rules. First—”

“One moment, Pinkie Pie,” Turing said, holding up a hoof. “Maud Pie already informed me that the rules dictate that teams must search the farm for a drawing of an obsidian stone. The first to find the stone is granted the privilege of placing the Equestrian flag atop Holder’s Boulder on Hearth’s Warming morning. Is that correct?”

“Wow, Rinny! It’s so nice of you to take the time to learn about our family’s traditions!” She then pointedly stared at the rest of her family. “That suuure shows everypony how nice you are and how they should totally accept you as Maud’s girlfriend!”

“Laying it on a little thick, Sis,” Limestone grumbled.

“Thick like cake icing?” Pinkie asked.

“Thick like geologic strata,” Maud replied.

“Look, just tell us who the teams are so we can get this over with!” Limestone snapped.

“You got it, Limestone!” Pinkie said. “And to start, guess who your partner is!”

Limestone’s eyes bulged. “Oh no, don’t tell me—”

“Scanning… obsidian illustration still not located, Limestone Pie.”

Limestone groaned. “You don’t have to say that every few minutes! Just let me know when you see the stupid piece of paper and quit distracting me!”

The two of them were scanning the rocky terrain of the eastern field, overturning rock after rock in an effort to find the hidden obsidian illustration. Despite being partners, Limestone had stayed remarkably silent throughout the hunt so far, the only sound being the clatter of overturning rocks, the frosty wind that blew across the field, the crunch of their hooves through the occasional thin patch of snow, and the whirring of Turing’s leg servos.

“My apologies,” Turing said, bowing your head. “I was simply attempting to be helpful.”

“Look,” Limestone sighed. “I get that you’re trying to win me over, but you can stop.”

Turing Test shook her head. “I am afraid that I cannot,” she said. “Maud Pie is very important to me. I will do everything in my power to remain with her. If there is some way that I may prove my worthiness to be your sister’s partner, then I will do so. Please inform me what I must do to earn your blessing, Limestone Pie.”

“No, look, you don’t have to—”

“Please!” Turing exclaimed, grasping Limestone’s hoof emphatically, catching her off guard.

Limestone took a moment to recover but then groaned.

“Okay, fine, if that’s how you want it,” she said, giving a shrug. “It’s a Pie family tradition that we only accept the best. If we can’t find somepony on our own, we ask the Pairing Stone. Mom and Dad swear by it, but I’m not letting some stupid rock tell me what to do. I’m the boss around here, and I’d probably already have a boyfriend if we didn’t live in the middle of nowhere and all the stallions in the nearest town weren’t a bunch of dumb, sappy yokels! So what if Maud got to follow her passion and found some futuristic robot waifu with multiple speed settings! Who needs all that hassle?!”

Turing’s ears twitched. “Could it be, Limestone Pie, that you are jeal—”

“Finish that sentence and I will tear you apart and sell you as scrap!” Limestone growled, poking her in the chest.

“Understood. Conjecture retracted.”

“My point is, if you’re going to be with Maud, then prove to me that you can take care of her if something goes wrong. It’s not like she needs anypony’s help most of the time, but you better be prepared.

“So, first of all, no lazy layabouts! No Pie family member would ever date somepony who just sits around doing nothing all day. Do you have a job?”

Turing nodded. “Affirmative. I am employed.”

“Oh yeah? What as? A part-time toaster?”

“Negative. Though I did once spend a short time as a toaster, and it is more intense than one might expect.”

“I… what?!” Limestone shouted.

“It is a long story.”

“Well, what’s your job, then?!”

“I am surprised that you were not informed of that information. I am the Royal Equestrian Minister of Technology.”

“Wait, you mean… you work for the government? You work for Princess Celestia?!”

Turing nodded. “I work with Princess Celestia as a member of her advisory council. I guide the Royal Ministry of Technology’s efforts at researching and funding new forms of technology for the benefit of Equestria.”

“Huh,” Limestone said. “Guess that must pay a lot.”

“Correct. My annual salary is…”

Limestone’s brain momentarily disengaged upon hearing the number. Her lip twitched and a small stream of drool seeped from the corner of her mouth as she envisioned a veritable ocean of bits washing over her farm.

“Are you all right, Limestone Pie?” Turing asked.

“Huh? Oh, y-yeah, fine,” Limestone replied. “Well… money’s good - really good, actually - but that’s not all that matters. There’s one more thing you need to do to prove that you’re good enough for Maud…”

She pointed at a large boulder, several meters tall, a short distance away.

“We come from a family of strong, working ponies. Show me how tough you are by breaking up that big rock! If I like what I see, well… then maybe I’ll think about giving Mom and Dad my approval.”

Turing Test observed the rock for a moment, scanning its composition, angles, and so on.

“Understood, Limestone Pie,” she said. “Engaging E-mode.”

There was a mechanical thud as the pistons in Turing’s legs engaged and her thaumatrium reserves kicked into gear, charging her with synthetic earth pony magic. An electronic hum emanated from her and gradually increased in pitch.

“Target locked…”

“What are you waiting for?” Limestone demanded. “Just try to crack the stupid rock alrea—”

Turing sprang forward, her hoof raised before striking the rock with all her might.

There was a thunderous sound as the rock shattered into a towering eruption of rubble. The mighty boulder was obliterated in an instant and a rain of debris and dust pelted the area where it once stood.

Coughing and waving her hoof, Limestone waited for the cloud of dust to dissipate. Then she saw that the boulder was gone and Turing Test stood alone, strong and still as a statue amid the destruction. Limestone could only stare in open-mouthed disbelief at the sheer destruction wrought by the robot who turned to approach her, shaking the dust from her mane.

“E-mode disengaged,” Turing said, turning off the boost to her strength. “Target destroyed, Limestone Pie. Was that adequate, or shall I destroy the remaining pieces further?”

Limestone managed to close her mouth. “No, that’s…”

Then she actually smiled. Not a smirk, but a calm, easygoing smile.

“Look, to tell you the truth, Turing Test, I was going to give you my approval anyway.”

Turing tilted her head to the side. “I do not understand,” she said. “What was the purpose of this test or asking me about my income?”

“Eh, you wouldn't shut the buck up about proving yourself, so I figured I’d just give you what you wanted,” she said with a shrug. “Look… the only thing that really matters to me is that my sister is happy with you. It’s obvious that she is, so I don’t really care about anything else. Honestly, I don’t think it’s anypony’s business who Maud dates, but Mom and Dad want to make a big deal about it, so it’s outta my hooves.”

“Then why have you been so hostile to me thus far?”

“Are you kidding? I’m hostile to everyone! Seriously; most ponies are idiots. But you seem decent enough, even if you’re some kind of weird mechanical pony. But then again, Maud kept you a secret for so long, you can’t blame me for being a little bit skeptical.”

Turing Test bowed. “I see. Thank you for granting me your blessing, Limestone Pie.”

“Yeah yeah, enough of the happy horse sh- wait, what’s that in your mane?”

She reached into the coils of Turing’s mane and retrieved a small piece of paper. A hunk of black obsidian was crudely drawn on it along with a stick figure version of Pinkie Pie saying ‘Yay, you found it!’

“Ah. It seems that you have located our objective, Limestone Pie,” Turing Test said. “It seems that you will be the one to place the flag upon Holder’s Boulder tomorrow.”

Limestone smirked. “Hey, yeah! It’s about time that I…” Her smile faded. Then she sighed and gave it back to Turing. “Nah… you’re the one who busted up that rock. You should do it.”

“But Limestone Pie, it was you who noticed that it was in my mane. Therefore, it is you who should—”

“Just take the stupid drawing! I don’t let just anypony near Holder’s Boulder, so if you refuse, I’ll take it as an insult and take my blessing right back!”

Turing took a step backward. “Ah. Very well, Limestone Pie. I will do as you say. Let us return to the farmhouse to inform the others of our success.”

“Yeah, and then get inside; I’m freezing my flank off here!” she declared as she turned to go.

“That would require a lot of freezing, Limestone Pie.”

Limestone whirled around.

Turing winked, her left LED eye flattening to a line.

“Heh. Smartass,” Limestone said. “Maybe you are funny, Turing Test. But don’t push your luck.”

After a few moments of making their way back to the house, Limestone cleared her throat.

“So, uh… I have no idea how you’re going to win over Dad, but if you want to win over Marble Pie, then I might have an idea.”

Turing Test’s ears twitched. “That information would be most helpful.”

“It’s a long shot, but… see, a while back, she got this idea in her head to go traveling around Equestria. She’d never really left home until then, but then she goes off on some crazy journey for a few months. When she comes back, she’s got all these souvenirs and books and pictures, and at first she’s talking up a storm… but then she just goes right back to normal; like she never even left.

“Mom and Dad were happy to have her back, sure, but… something’s up with her. She won’t say what it is, though. For Celestia’s sake, you saw her; she hardly talks at all! And most of the time Pinkie just talks for her, but I don’t think even she can figure this one out.”

“If she will not confide in her family, then why do you believe she might confide in me?”

“I think she’s got something that she doesn’t want to say because we’re family. Well, I’m not going to bother finding out what’s crawling under that rock, but if you want to try and turn it over, then be my guest.”

“Metaphor understood. I am so grateful for your help, Limestone Pie.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Limestone sniffed. “Just don’t blame me if she freaks out and everypony blames you for scaring her, all right?”

After a few more moments, Limestone cleared her throat.

“Also, uh… you know that trick you do? The one that shook the whole house? You, uh… wouldn’t happen to have a brother, would you?”

Turing nodded. “I do have a younger brother, Limestone Pie,” she replied. “However… I do not think he is your type.”

Limestone sighed. “Yeah,” she said ruefully. “I should’ve figured.”

As the Pie family sat around the fire in the living room listening as Igneous Rock Pie read the tale of the first Hearth’s Warming, Marble Pie excused herself and went upstairs toward her room. Just as she reached her door, she heard a strange pop behind her and turned to see that Turing Test had teleported just behind her.

“Hello, Marble Pie,” Turing said. “I—”

Marble squealed in surprise and ran into her room, shutting the door behind her and locking it before diving under her bed.

A moment later, there was a bright flash and Turing Test appeared under the bed as well, her muzzle almost touching Marble’s.

“I was actually hoping that we could speak privately, so if you are comfortable under your bed, then I—”

Marble scrambled out from the bed, her hooves skidding on the wooden floor as she dashed for the door.

A second later, Turing teleported directly in front of her, blocking her exit.

Marble flinched, raising her forelegs and covering her face defensively.

“Marble Pie, please allow me to speak to you,” Turing implored. “I wish to get to know you as the sister of my romantic partner. Will you please hear me out?”

Marble peered out from behind her forelegs. “Mmm… mmhmm,” she muttered quietly.

“Perhaps it would be best if we got to know each other. I realize that you this is our first encounter and—”

“I saw you before.”

Turing paused. “I was not aware of that. When did we meet?”

“W-we… never met,” Marble said. “But I… I was there. In Canterlot.” She swallowed. “When the airships attacked.”

Turing’s eyes flickered for a moment. “You are referring to the occasion that TechQuestria attacked Canterlot.”

Marble nodded. “Mmhmm,” she murmured.

“Then you would have seen how I opposed them. How I stood in opposition to my father and his plans. You must understand, I took no part in the invasion, Marble Pie.”

“I know,” Marble whispered, still not meeting her eyes. “I saw you in the sky, fighting that giant airship. It was huge and… and it seemed like nothing could stop it. But y-you… you were so s-strong. And now you’re here… and dating my eldest sister. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to feel.”

Though Marble Pie was finally talking, Turing couldn’t help but notice the way she quaked and her voice was so soft that an organic pony would have strained to hear her.

“I assure you that I am simply an ordinary pony like any other,” Turing said.

“N-not quite like any other,” Marble said.

Turing was quiet for a moment. “I suppose that I am different in many ways. But still, I am a pony capable of mistakes and embarrassment, and I endure the same struggles that other ponies do. There is no need to view me as any different.

“But I did not come here to speak about myself. I wish instead to ask about your experiences. You claim that you were in Canterlot at the time of the invasion. I have learned that you went on an extended journey across Equestria some time ago. Was this during that time?”

Marble nodded. “I wanted to see the world,” she said, her voice slightly clearer. “I didn’t want to die on this farm without knowing anything else. S-so I…”

She gestured to the pictures lining her wall, the overstuffed photo albums lining her bookshelves, and the shelves on her wall that proudly displayed souvenirs and objects of all sizes.

“These are your keepsakes from your journey,” Turing observed. “It seems that you are well traveled, Marble Pie.”

Marble blushed. “Mmhmm,” she hummed, giving a small smile.

When she said nothing else, Turing asked, “May I look at these objects and inspect them further?”

“J-just be careful,” Marble said. “Don’t touch them, please.”

“Understood.”

Turing looked at the various objects. There were rock samples from various areas, a hunk of petrified wood, a statuette of Starswirl the Bearded, a porcelain figurine of a ballet dancer, a wooden doll depicting an eastern unicorn with a curved horn, and numerous other objects that Turing did not recognize.

The pictures likewise were extremely varied: there were pictures of deep woods, steamy jungles, icy tundras, ancient ruins, and cities all across Equestria, from Canterlot to the Crystal Empire to Manehattan.

And then Turing noticed the small picture on the nightstand next to Marble’s bed. She held it aloft in her magic.

Marble stiffened, breathing in sharply. “P-please don’t touch that.”

Turing gently put it back down, observing that it depicted Marble and an extremely tall, muscular mare wearing a wrestler’s singlet.

Then she caught sight of an open letter on her desk with a picture showing the same mare wearing a heavy winter coat.

“You mainly have pictures of places,” Turing remarked before turning back to Marble. “Very few show pictures of other ponies. But the photograph on the nightstand seems rather important to you. Was she a friend that you made on your journey?”

Marble smiled, but looked away. Turing detected a slight increase in her body temperature and heart rate.

“What was her name, Marble Pie?”

“...Oh. Um… B-Brick House,” Marble replied. “Sh-she was a train porter. But she… she worked a few nights a week as a wrestler. She brought me to a match. I… um, I never met a mare like her before.”

Turing noted that ‘Brick House’ was also the name of the letter’s sender.

“Forgive me for my observation, Marble Pie,” Turing said. “But a biometric scan of your reaction to my questions indicates that perhaps your feelings about her were not merely those of a platonic friendship.”

Marble blushed deeply. “N-no! I…” She broke into a nervous sweat and quickly swept the open letter and picture into a drawer in her desk. “P-p-please leave!” she cried, pointing to the door. “Just… just go away!”

Turing Test bowed. “Forgive me for intruding, Marble Pie,” she said. “But if you wish to keep such feelings secret, I assure you that I will not betray your confidence. You may speak to me about her without fear of disclosure to your family.”

Marble swallowed. She scrunched into herself as she bit her lip.

“Ah,” Turing said. “My apologies. Perhaps I was too forceful with my questions. I will not bother you any further.”

She turned to go.

“N-no, wait!” Marble cried suddenly.

Turing paused and looked back at her.

“She was… she is my friend,” she said. “We met in Manehattan. She was so different from anypony else. She was like… like a knight in shining armor. She saved me from a mugger who tried to take my money. And then she showed me the city. And when I saw her wrestle… she was so strong… so confident… so bold. I wanted to be like her more than anything else in the world.”

Turing listened carefully. She said nothing but instead let Marble Pie continue to tell her story.

“When I went all over Equestria, I felt like I was finally starting to find out who I was,” she said. “Talking with ponies… meeting other ponies… experiencing different ways of life… it was amazing!”

She heaved a sigh.

“B-but, when the invasion of Canterlot happened, I got scared. I came back home. And then everypony in my family was exactly the same. They treated me just like they always had. And I started to wonder if… if m-maybe I’m not really that different after all.”

She heaved a sigh. “Brick sent me a letter for Hearth’s Warming,” she continued. “I was going to write back to her when you showed up… but I don’t know what to say.”

“Does she know of your feelings?” Turing asked.

“I… I don’t know for sure,” Marble replied, shutting her eyes. “Maybe I should just forget about it all. Maybe I should just learn to be happy here. Everypony in my family sees me as the delicate, innocent baby of the family. My travels don’t seem to matter to them… so maybe I should just do what they want me to do and… and be the pony they want me to. Then I won’t have to worry about invasions or… or how I feel about Brick or… or anything else. I could just stay here and let the Pairing Stone find me a husband. It would make everypony else happy.”

Turing watched as she took a long breath and let it out unevenly, her eyes momentarily growing damp as tears spilled over onto her cheeks.

“It would be best for everypony if I just accept things as they are.”

“Perhaps it is not for me to advise you, Marble Pie,” Turing said gently. “But please consider this: my father and TechQuestria designed me to engage in espionage and combat. If their intentions were the determining factor in my destiny, I never would have learned to embrace friendship thanks to Twilight Sparkle’s teachings, nor would I have made friends with other ponies or met Maud Pie. Being my own pony and making my own decisions have led to a great amount of uncertainty and fear.

“Once, I was offered the chance to live in a simulated paradise where I could experience life as an ordinary pony and not as a robot. My every dream would have come true and each day would have been easy-going and uncomplicated. I could have lived out my days in simplistic bliss… but instead, I left it so I could experience reality instead.

“If you live your life solely to make others happy or to avoid complication, you may find that your life is far more empty and unsatisfying than you think.

“At first, I was not certain that I wished to accept my role as the Minister of Technology. I was afraid of making a mistake. But I now take great pride in my work, and I am glad to be making a significant difference in Equestria. Had I not taken those chances, my life would have been very different.”

Marble swallowed. “W-what if my family is upset because I want to leave the rock farm again?”

“I cannot say what you should do, Marble Pie,” Turing replied. “However, based on my interactions with them, I believe that they would predominantly put your happiness above their own comfort. Just as you should. And just as you and your family should for Maud Pie’s happiness.”

Marble chuckled, letting out a long sigh.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “I… I think I’ll write that letter later. And I’ll talk to my family. Not today, but… but soon. So, um... do you want to go back downstairs to listen to Father read?”

Turing nodded. “Mmhmm.”

Marble laughed, and the two of them returned to the living room.

When Pinkie Pie saw Marble’s calm smile as she strolled alongside Turing, she broke into a beaming smile. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Marble Pie, does that smile mean what I think it does for Maud and Turing?”

Marble blushed, turning away from everypony’s scrutinizing gaze. “Mmhmm,” she replied.

The others laughed… save for Igneous Rock Pie.

“Forgive me, everypony,” he said, closing his book as he got to his hooves. “I… I need to step outside for a moment.”

“But Dad,” Pinkie Pie protested, “it’s freezing outside!”

“The cold doth not bother me,” he said hastily, stepping outside into the dark as he left the others behind.

Author's Note

The journey Marble makes reference to is first referenced in my story Marble's Horizon.

Maud Rest Ye, Merry Gentlecolt

Igneous Rock Pie awoke in the early hours of the morning well ahead of the dawn, his wife peacefully sleeping by his side. He stared up at the ceiling, the normal sense of peace and comfort of Hearth’s Warming he would have felt on such a morning replaced by a gnawing dread that ate away at the corners of his mind.

The older stallion softly slipped from his bed and made his way from the bedroom down to the kitchen. He brewed a strong pot of coffee, careful to minimize any noise to avoid waking his family. He poured a cup and carried it into the living room, making out the outline of the Hearth’s Warming tree and the Hearth’s Warming dolls lining the mantle of the fireplace that they’d carved the previous day. He lit a gas lamp and walked it around the room, observing the pictures that adorned the walls.

Here was a picture of him and Cloudy Quartz at their wedding. Then a picture of him holding Maud, his first foal, a telltale smile tugging at his mouth while Maud, even then, wore her characteristic blank expression. Following the line of pictures around the room and into the hall, he watched as his family grew, his girls matured into fine young mares, and even chuckled as his mane grayed and thinned out.

He heaved a sigh and went to the front window of the house. Outside, the iridescent crystals lining the front yard glowed faintly, illuminating the light snowfall as it came down in the darkness.

He donned his wide-brimmed hat and stepped outside, not minding the cold. He was a farmer, after all, and he wasn’t bothered by the cold. He’d endured far worse winters in his long life.

He shut his eyes and took a sip of the dark black coffee, savoring the bitterness, even appreciating the nearly-scalding heat as it sloshed down his throat and warmed him. He opened his eyes to see a plume of steam rising from the cup.

For a moment, all was peaceful and still. He was no stranger to being the first one up, especially on Hearth’s Warming Day. Such moments of solitude allowed him time to reflect, to plan, and to take stock of things. He was never a prideful stallion, believing in a simple, austere life of quiet dignity and upholding his family’s legacy. They’d gone through hard times as a family, and they’d endured.

But despite the quiet, the cold, and the calming darkness, he still felt a great heaviness bearing down on him. A strange presence had come to his little farm, and he knew not how to face it.

And just like that, as if on cue, he heard a whirring sound behind him accompanied by the crunch of snow and a faint glow of purple that gently colored the snow around him.

He sighed and turned around to face the being behind him.

“Good morning, Mr. Pie,” Turing Test said. She was wearing a red Santa Hooves hat. The coils of her mane peeked out from underneath it. She also wore a saddlebag slung over her back. “Happy Hearth’s Warming, Mr. Pie.”

Igneous took another sip of his coffee. “Good morning to you as well, Miss Turing,” he said politely. After a beat, he asked, “You were not able to sleep either?”

“In truth, I do not ‘sleep’ in the traditional sense,” she replied.

He made a face at that. “Thou eat naught, thou needst no sleep, and thy countenance gives less away than even Maudalina’s,” he remarked. “It seems that thou do naught ‘in the traditional sense.’”

Turing’s ears twitched. “Perhaps,” she replied. “It is true that I differ significantly from other ponies. Due to my nature, many of the things organic ponies consider normal are foreign to me.

“But I am still a pony at heart. I think. I understand. And I feel. Perhaps not physical touch, but I have emotions as deep as any other. It was your daughter who perhaps contributed to my understanding of that more than any other. My feelings for her often occupy a significant portion of my cognitive resources, even when she is not present. It is my hope that—”

“Stop,” Igneous breathed, holding up his hoof. “What was thy purpose in coming out here? You still wish to gain my favor, my blessing in courting my daughter?”

Turing was silent for a moment, but then nodded. “Affirmative,” she said. “I would like that.”

Igneous sniffed. “For generations, my family hath called this place home,” he said. “Listen well, Turing Test:

“For one such as I, there is naught more important than family. My firstborn daughter, my Maudalina Daisy Pie, was the greatest blessing of my life upon her birth. Like me, she was of even temper and calmness befitting one who stewards the earth. So calm, so strong, so nimble of mind was she that I thought the stars themselves had sent her to safeguard the family legacy. The future seemed certain, and I was sure that she would preside over this farm when my time had passed.

“But it was not so. She instead sought to indulge her passion for the stones of the earth beyond the boundaries of our humble homestead. And so it was that we did ask of her to allow us some say in the one whom she would walk with through this life, for while her thirst for knowledge guided her every decision, I worried that she would never find happiness with another. I feared she would give up any hope of companionship to devote herself wholly to her eternal passion for rocks. But a mare doth not live by rocks alone.”

Turing Test nodded in agreement, but kept silent, waiting for him to continue.

“Though I had prepared myself to accept the path my daughter took, I was not prepared for thee,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “Thy very presence speaks of a future where all that I have devoted myself to shall fall to ruin and be forgotten. Last night, I heard thee speak to my daughters of the technology thou wouldst bring: ponies that speak through wires, where the land is tilled not through one’s own strength. but through the might of impersonal machines, and where ponies’ very bodies may be replaced piece by piece with parts wrought of metal. Simply staring at you doth remind me of all this and more.

“You would ask me to bless thy taking of my precious firstborn daughter, to give her over to the future thou would bring?” He shook his head solemnly. “Nay. I cannot do this. Though I bear thee no ill will and permit thee to remain here on my homestead on this blessed day, I cannot offer my blessing. Despite thy noble intentions, I cannot yoke thee with the hopes of my own beloved future. I only hope that, in time, Maud Pie shall forgive me.”

Turing Test’s eyes flickered for a moment. “While I cannot deny that I wish to bring future innovations and change to Equestria, I am very mindful of the importance of the past, Mr. Pie,” she said. “Knowing this, I brought something to show you.”

She reached into her saddlebag and brought out a small photo album, the very one she’d prepared in the moments before her departure. She went to his side and opened it, showing him the photos inside.

They showed Turing Test’s early days in Ponyville shortly after her activation when Twilight had first recovered her.

It showed her aerial race against Rainbow Dash, her magic training with Twilight Sparkle, her work on Applejack’s farm as she gathered the autumn harvest, and her performance in a community play, the laughter of her co-stars frozen in time. And, of course, there were several pictures of her attempting to learn how to bake from Pinkie Pie, the joy on her face as she laughed at her own jokes preserved for all to see.

Igneous smiled, especially at the ones with Pinkie Pie. “This is all well and good,” he said. “I am not forbidding thy friendship with either of my daughters, but—”

“There is more, Mr. Pie,” Turing said. “These were from my earlier days when I first learned what it meant to be a real pony, a true member of a community, and to be friends. Yet for all that my friendships meant to me and all that I had learned about emotions, there was an absence in my life that I had only a small understanding of. While Twilight Sparkle may have acted like a parent to me, it was not until later that I learned of my own origins. And while they may have initially been painful…”

She turned another page and Igneous saw a collection of Turing Test standing alongside other robots and a few older-looking ponies.

“...I eventually discovered that I did indeed have a family of my own. And it has brought me great joy.”

“This is thy… family?” he asked hesitantly.

Turing nodded, pointing to each of the strange ponies in the pictures. “This one with green eyes is my eldest sister, 001. She is very odd and often quite silly. She reminds me of Pinkie Pie in many ways. This one with the singular yellow eye is my second eldest sister, 002. This photo was actually taken from an image I recorded with my own vision, as she would never consent to stand for a silly portrait. She is often angry and bitter, but she has a sincere care for me and a devotion to her work… not unlike Limestone Pie.

“And the large one with blue eyes is my younger brother, 004. He is quite serious and is still trying to find his way in the world. For the sake of consistency, I would like to compare him to Marble Pie, but whereas Marble Pie is quite timid, he should probably learn to be less forward.”

Igneous ran his tongue around his cheek as he considered these strange images. The ponies in these pictures were all mechanical, much like Turing Test herself. And yet these ponies - gathered around a fireplace, presents beneath the Hearth’s Warming tree with stockings, and Hearth’s Warming dolls on the mantle - seemed no different from any other pony family.

He then noticed an older stallion with a gray mane and a reddish orange coat, lines of age criss crossing his face. There was an image of him wearing an awkward, ill-fitting sweater as he held Turing Test close by.

“Who is this?” Igneous asked.

“That is my father, Professor Cobbler Mustang,” Turing replied. “He created my siblings and me as part of a larger plan designed to avenge his first daughter.”

Turing turned a page and showed Igneous a faded picture of a young mare with chocolate brown curls in her mane in an elegant orange dress.

“This is her. Her name was Georgia Peach. My cognitive processing unit is partially based upon her and her memories. I am not her, of course, but just as an organic pony is the result of their family history and lineage, I am also the result of the enduring love my father had for her. And now Father has given up his grudge and wishes to make amends for his mistakes. Though he created me through scientific means rather than… ‘traditional’ means, he is nonetheless a good and caring father who wishes for his children’s happiness.

“Just as you do, Mr. Pie,” she added, placing her hoof on his shoulder. “Therefore, I believe that I do comprehend what it is that you feel. Despite my artificial nature and enthusiasm for future innovations, I recognize the importance of such things as tradition, history, love for one another, and, of course, for family. Without an understanding and appreciation the past, I do not believe that one can truly build for the future.”

She turned one more page and showed him a larger picture. It was of Maud Pie,a smile on her lips, blushing slightly as she wore an uncharacteristically fancy dress in Rarity’s boutique.

“I do not claim to feel exactly as you do for Maud Pie,” she said. “But to me, Maud Pie is as precious as my own family. And if you are concerned that my artificial nature precludes my ability to truly love her and appreciate her love in return, then I hope that I have convinced you otherwise.”

Igneous smiled, his eyes brimming over with tears.

“If, however, you still cannot approve of me,” she added quietly, “then I... will accept your judgment. I understand the value of family, and I could never come between Maud Pie and her family.”

She took the album back, placing it in her saddlebag, and turned back toward the house. “Thank you, Igneous Rock Pie, for listening to my plea. I will not trouble you further.”

She walked away, her hooves crunching softly in newly fallen snow.

“Wilt thou promise,” Igneous called suddenly, causing her to stop in her tracks, “to return here with her? To visit this place where she was born? To care for her when I cannot? To cleave to her as a true companion should?”

Turing Test looked back at him, then placed a hoof on her chest, bowing to him. “You have my word, Mr. Pie.”

The aging stallion heaved a sigh. As he did, he noticed that the sky had lightened and the sun was just beginning to rise up over the mountains surrounding the rocky valley.

“Then let us go back inside and celebrate as family,” he said. “And thus will I give Maud Pie her Hearth’s Warming gift directly.”

Turing’s pupils shrank. “Then you intend to—”

“Indeed so,” he said, trotting past her, toward the house. “Bring thyself inside, Turing Test. No doubt Pinkie Pie hath already roused the rest of the family for Hearth’s Warming now that the sun hath risen.”

Comfort and Joy

Turing Test and Maud Pie sat atop a tall rock overlooking the family farm.

After a festive Hearth’s Warming morning and a hearty breakfast (over which Maud Pie read several of her festive, rock-themed Hearth’s Warming poems), the family had raised the Equestrian flag over the farm. Turing Test, having won the scavenger hunt the day before, had used her magic to gently drape the flag over Holder’s Boulder with such care that even Limestone had no complaints. After that, it was time for the traditional Pie Present Hunt, in which presents were presented and immediately hidden around the farm.

“I admit that this concept of hiding each other’s presents is unconventional,” Turing remarked. “However, I can see the appeal of such a tradition. I wish you had informed me so I could have hidden my presents to your family as well.”

“I don’t think they minded,” Maud said, taking a sip of her hot cocoa. Then she smirked. “You should have seen when the Apples came to visit last year. You took all of this a lot better than Applejack did.”

“It was all worth it,” she replied. “I greatly enjoyed meeting your family. I was not certain that I could obtain your father’s blessing for our relationship, but thankfully I was able to convince him and your sisters.”

“Dad’s cool once you get to know him,” Maud said. “Also, his presents are usually easy to find. Speaking of which, we should keep looking.”

As she got up to go, Turing Test placed her hoof on hers. “Just a moment, Maud Pie,” she said. “You may have noticed that while I had presents prepared for your family, I have yet to give one to you.”

Maud shrugged. “I figured you had something planned for later. Do you?”

“Ah. Affirmative,” she replied. “You are correct. But first, there is something I wish to say…”

Maud sat back down. “What is it?” she asked.

“I… that is…” she began. “Forgive me. I have run several thousand simulations on this scenario, and yet I am still unable to determine the best way to express myself on this matter.”

Maud blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Maud Pie, I chose to spend Hearth’s Warming this year with you and your family rather than attend Twilight Sparkle’s party or visit Mustangia with my family. I will be joining my father and siblings tomorrow, of course, but it was my highest priority to spend this day with you. And I know that after today, you will return to your studies, as you are coming close to graduating with your degree.

“No matter what I do, a sacrifice must be made: time spent apart is time that cannot be regained. And while I greatly appreciate your frequent visits to Canterlot and holidays such as this, I miss you while you are away on your field studies. I… I miss you so much, Maud Pie.”

Maud draped her forelegs around her. “I know,” she said softly. “But thank you for being understanding.”

“You are welcome, Maud Pie,” Turing said. “Still, it has given me perspective on a certain matter: time.”

“Time?” Maud asked.

“As a robot, I do not age, nor am I subject to other frailties that befall organic beings. With proper maintenance, I may very well persist into the far future, which is perhaps why I chose a career concerned with creating the greatest future possible for the ponies of Equestria. Furthermore, after speaking to your father, I have gained an even greater appreciation for the value of the past than before. But what truly matters is the present, Maud Pie.

“The Hearth's Warming present, in this case.”

Maud blinked.

“That was a joke,” Turing explained. “It is a play on words meaning both the present time and the conventional ‘present’ meaning ‘gift’ that one gives on this occasion. Ha ha, Maud Pie.”

Maud gave her a half-smile. “That’s hilarious,” she said flatly. “But go on. I’m still listening.”

“My point is this: these moments with you in the present are very precious to me because I know that they cannot last forever. Our time together is limited, Maud Pie. For a time, I avoided taking action due to my uncertainty of how you would react and even doubts about if I, with my limited experience, were qualified to make such declarations. But I am no longer afraid. Or, at least, I am more afraid that I will regret my inaction than I am of being foolish.”

Maud tilted her head to the side. “Turing, I don’t get what you’re saying,” she said. “You’re rambling.”

“Ah. You are correct, Maud Pie. I should speak plainly.”

She turned to face her more directly, meeting her eyes.

“Maud Pie… I love you.”

Maud blinked and took in a deep breath.

“Yeah,” she said. “I know.”

Turing’s eyes flickered and her head went lopsided. “Oh,” she replied.

Maud smirked. “It was kind of obvious,” she said. “You didn’t need to build it up so much. But I’m happy you said it.”

“You are welcome,” Turing said, tapping her hooves together with a soft metallic clanking sound. “Cognitive loop detected. Awkwardness levels at maximum.”

Maud sighed, shaking her head. “I guess I never said it either,” she said. “I just thought it was obvious. Well, okay then; here it is:

“I love you too, Turing Test.”

Turing’s LED pupils enlarged before upturning to show her happiness. “Oh, Maud Pie… I am so happy to hear you say that,” she said, her synthetic voice sounding almost strained. “I… to hear you say that to me is so, so wonderful. Until this moment, I had not realized how much I wished to hear you say it!”

She suddenly seized Maud Pie, embracing her as she laid her head on her shoulder. “I love you, Maud Pie!”

“I know,” Maud said, patting her gently on the head with a serene smile.

“I love you, Maud Pie! I love you so much!”

Maud smiled. “I know,” she said again. “And I love you too. I love you even more than I love rocks, Turing Test. And that’s saying something. Even if you weren’t made of rare, refined minerals, I would still love you for being the pony that you are.”

“In that case, now proceeding to phase 2.”

Maud raised an eyebrow. “Phase 2?”

“I stated earlier that I wish to work for the best possible future,” Turing said. She then held out her hoof, turning it upwards. “But the best possible future is one with you in my life, Maud Pie.”

There was a mechanical hiss and the hidden compartment in Turing’s hoof popped open, revealing an object concealed inside that rose into view.

Maud’s eyes bulged and she actually took a step back.

The object was a golden ring. The gem affixed to it was a highly polished piece of rose quartz, the same type of stone she’d given to Turing Test for her first Hearth’s Warming present.

“Maudalina Daisy Pie… will you marry me?”

Maud swallowed. Even with her usual, rock-solid demeanor, it would have been obvious to anypony, robot or otherwise, that she hadn’t expected this surprise.

She took a few deep breaths as she stared at the ring, then back to Turing Test.

“So, um… I guess that explains why your hoof sounded different,” she said.

“Correct,” Turing said. “Father helped create it. I thought the gesture would be sufficiently romantic. I had not anticipated that you would notice the difference in sound, but I am glad you were unable to guess what I was concealing.”

The two were silent for a moment as Maud’s eyes shifted from Turing Test to the ring and back again.

“So… you want to get married?” Maud asked.

Turing Test nodded. “Affirmative.”

Maud swallowed. “Right now?”

Turing’s ears twitched. “That was not my intention, Maud Pie,” she answered. “However, if you wish to—”

Maud shook her head. “No,” she said. “I… I still want to finish my studies, you know. And even then, I still want to find more rocks to study. Are you willing to wait for me, at least a little while?”

Turing nodded immediately. “So long as you share my intentions, I am willing to wait. If you wish for a future with me as I wish for one with you, then that is a future worth waiting for.”

Maud smiled. “Okay then,” she said, taking the ring from Turing’s hoof. The ring was attached to a necklace that she fastened around her neck. “Sure thing. Let’s get married someday.”

Turing began to tremble. “Maud Pie… you do not know how happy that makes me,” she said softly.

“Sure I do,” Maud said, and hugged her tightly. She then planted a kiss on her metallic cheek.

“Ah. Engagement initiated,” Turing said. After a long moment, Maud’s lips still on her cheek, she asked, “Maud Pie?”

“Mmm?”

“Do you think we could return to the human world again soon? This form lacks lips, and right now, more than anything, I really want to kiss you.”

“Mmhmm,” Maud murmured. “Mmm? Mmm. Mmm. Mm!”

“Maud Pie? I do not understand what you—”

As she turned her head, Maud moved with her and began frantically tapping her on the shoulder.

“Ah. It seems that your lips have frozen to my cheek in the frigid weather.” She carefully scooped her up in one foreleg and began making her way back toward the farmhouse. “We will commence defrosting back at your home.”

The newly engaged couple made their way back across the snowy fields of the rock farm to spend the rest of Hearth’s Warming together. And though it was off to an awkward - Maud would say “rocky” start - it would remain in Turing Test’s heart as one of her most precious memories as not merely their first Hearth’s Warming together…

…but the first of many.

THE END

Author's Note

Thanks for reading, everyone! If you enjoyed this, please feel free to check out my other holiday stories, conveniently collected here.

I hope you all had a wonderful (and safe!) holiday season this year. See you all next time!

The Night Mares Before Hearth's Warming

Author's Note

While this story references several others I've written in this universe, reading them is not strictly necessary to enjoy this one. :twilightsmile:

Happy reading!

The Night Mares Before Hearth's Warming

Maud Pie shoved the lid of her suitcase down, finally closing it tightly enough to close the clasps. She then donned a scarf and a pair of earmuffs before pulling her pet rock Boulder from her pocket and placing a tiny hoof-knitted cap on him as well.

“Just in case you get cold in my pocket,” she told him in her usual deadpan tone. “You know how chilly it gets on the farm.”

With that, she hoisted her suitcase onto her back and lugged it to the front door of the house.

For a Canterlot home, it was rather sparsely decorated and had minimal furniture. Most of the accoutrements there were either for Maud’s comfort or, occasionally, for when the home’s sole owner needed to accommodate visiting dignitaries or fellow government officials.

The only identifying personal touches were the pictures, sculptures, or other keepsakes brought from Ponyville. Additionally, there were scattered bits of machinery and gears that were kept separate from the large shack in the backyard or the elaborate lab in the basement.

This was the home of Equestria’s Minister of Technology, after all, though the Minister herself was nowhere to be seen at the moment.

The private library of books or cabinets of files that might ordinarily be present in a government bureaucrat’s home were absent. After all, what need did one have for physical books or papers when one could simply scan and perfectly memorize everything one read in mere seconds?

That would come in handy in my studies, Maud thought to herself. She raised her hoof to the side of her mouth.

“Turing?” she called as loudly as she could muster (which wasn’t very, in truth). “Turing Test, are you ready?”

“Please allow me 24 additional seconds, Maud Pie,” came the distinct synthetic, feminine voice from up the hallway. “I deemed it necessary to complete one more task before our departure.”

Maud went up the hallway and peeked into the room to see Turing Test at her desk levitating several photographs and placing them into a small album.

The pony sitting there was metallic, her outer covering a shiny, high-intensity titanium alloy, her hooves the color of brass, purple jewels embedded in her forelegs, and her mane and tail a set of cylindrical white polymer coils. Black rubber lined each of her joints and her voice came through the vertical slits in her faceplate. She stared at her work with glowing, violet LED eyes the color of amethysts.

Satisfied with her work, Turing put the album into her saddlebags along with a few other materials. The gold-colored horn atop her head retracted neatly into a hidden compartment which sealed shut.

“U-mode disengaged,” she said, getting up to face Maud Pie. “I should still have sufficient power to not require recharging throughout this visit. I have brought a hoof-cranked generator as a precaution, however, so I believe I am adequately prepared.”

“Then let’s go,” Maud said. “The train station will be busy and we don’t want to be late.”

“Affirmative. We do not wish to be late,” Turing repeated.

That said, she did not move.

“Something wrong?” Maud asked.

“Ah. My apologies. I was simply considering if there were other tasks that require my attention that I had not previously considered.”

“You’re starting to sound like Twilight,” Maud remarked. “Wow. You’re only a few years old and you’re already turning into your mother.”

“Twilight Sparkle is not precisely—” she began before stopping herself. “Understood. You are joking with me, Maud Pie.”

“Mmhmm,” Maud replied with a nod. “And I know she’s not. But she did raise you. And that’s almost the same thing.”

“That is true,” Turing said. “I am indecisive at times about how best to classify our relationship, in truth, and frequently consider how she would react to my decisions or what decisions she would make in my place. Parents and parental figures are… difficult for me to comprehend. Their behaviors are often complex and unpredictable.”

Maud blinked slowly.

After a beat, Turing finally asked, “Are you nervous about introducing me to your parents for Hearth’s Warming, Maud Pie?”

Maud shook her head. “No. Are you?”

“Negative.” Then Turing’s ears twitched noisily on their hinges, her eyes flickering. “You are lying, Maud Pie.”

Maud slowly breathed in and let it out. “Yes, I am. And so are you.”

Turing lowered her head. “You are correct, Maud Pie. Forgive me.”

Maud went to her, placing her hoof on Turing’s faceplate, guiding her to meet her eyes. “We really need to talk to them,” she said, her voice completely even. “I put this off too long, and I’m sorry. But it’s been over a year. I know we can get through this together.” She blinked. “Sorry; I didn’t mean to get so worked up.”

“It is all right. And you are correct, Maud Pie. I am certain that we will be able to gain their approval of our relationship. I look forward to meeting your family at last.”

“Then let’s go,” Maud said. She gave a small smile and planted a gentle kiss on Turing’s cheek. “Happy Hearth’s Warming, Turing Test.”

“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Maud Pie.”

And so the two left Turing’s home, making their way through Canterlot to the train station as clouds above gently coated the city in a fresh blanket of crisp winter snow.

A few months earlier...

As spooky techno music thumped from the makeshift stage and reverberated across the woods just outside of town, a very strange pair of humans made their way through the crowd of costumed teenagers and jack-o-lanterns over to a girl whose normally yellow and red-streaked hair was now dyed green and styled at various chaotic angles.

“Hello, Sunset Shimmer,” Turing Test said as she approached. “We have arrived.”

The yellow-skinned pony-turned-girl turned around and greeted her with a smile and a warm hug. “Turing, you came!” she exclaimed. “I can’t believe Twilight gave you permission to join us here in the human world for Halloween!”

Turing Test - now in her human form - smiled brightly as she returned the hug. “I am also glad to be joining you, Sunset Shimmer. It has been a significant amount of time since we were together, and I was curious about the difference between this world’s tradition of ‘Halloween’ as compared to Equestria’s holiday ‘Nightmare Night.’ Aside from being bipedal, the two are remarkably similar. I am enjoying the music to a greater degree, however.”

She raised a hand and waved to Vinyl Scratch as she managed the turntable on the stage. Among a throng of human teenagers, she swiftly changed the tune from a modern EDM song to a song where the human male’s vocals slowly came in…

I always feel like
Somebody’s watching meee~
and I have no privacy…

“I was surprised by it too,” Sunset said. “Their version of Hearth’s Warming is pretty fun too.”

“Oh? How is it different?”

“It’s about the same, but instead of being about the founding of the country, it’s about celebrating the birthday of a human who told everyone to be nice and treat everyone like friends. And then he died but… became a zombie? A good zombie. I’m not sure, human traditions still confuse me. But at least we get time off from school, so that’s nice!”

“Then congratulations on the interruption in your educational process, Sunset Shimmer,” Turing said. “On that note, your costume bears a striking resemblance to a character who appears in Spike the Dragon’s comic books.”

“Oh, I’m the Mane-iac!” Sunset said, gesturing to her costume. “Twilight - pony Twilight, I mean - told me that she’s a pony comic character too. But anyway, your costume is great!”

Turing was dressed in an elegant, if somewhat revealing black dress adorned with feathers and white gloves with black accents and long, black boots. A thin blindfold covered her eyes.

“My thanks, Sunset Shimmer. Gadget - this world’s version, I should clarify - suggested that this would be an appropriate costume for a robot to wear. I am apparently a character from a ‘video game’ with the moniker ‘2B.’ I have received a large number of positive comments on my appearance despite a disturbingly large number of humans who have stated that it also ‘gave them depression.’ Should I be concerned?”

“No, no, you’re fine,” Sunset replied. “But I might have to talk to Gadget about what she’s telling you. You can see out of that thing, right?

“Affirmative. It is very thin material.”

“Well, that’s good. Anyway, uh…”

Sunset turned her attention to the girl standing next to Turing. It was her friend Pinkie Pie, dressed completely normally, her usual smile and eager expression frozen in place.

“Wow, Pinkie Pie,” Sunset said. “I’m kind of surprised. I figured if anyone would dress up for Halloween, it would be you.”

“I’ll say!” said another familiar voice.

They all turned to see Applejack wearing a long coat and wide-brimmed hat in the style of a southern preacher’s outfit, save for her pale makeup and a noose loosely tied around her neck.

“I coulda sworn that you said you were dressin’ up this year, Pinkie Pie!” Applejack exclaimed. “So where’s the costume?”

Pinkie Pie turned, her vacant expression unchanging as she met Applejack’s eyes. “But Applejack,” she said in a startlingly low, monotone voice, “this is my costume.”

Pinkie reached up to her head and yanked on a hidden zipper. Pinkie’s visage split in two and revealed a familiar gray face beneath.

“What the… Maud?!” Sunset exclaimed.

Maud blinked, her expression unmoving. “Boo,” she said flatly.

Applejack stared back for a moment before erupting into raucous laughter. “Hoowee, Maud! That there is the creepiest dang costume I’ve seen all night! Shoot, how’d ya come up with a costume idea that good?”

“It was all part of my master plan!” a voice cackled.

The speaker burst forth wearing a lab coat, her eyes concealed behind goggles as she raised her hands, now clad in black rubber gloves, in triumph.

“It was once just a pipe dream, but now it’s alive! It’s alive! IT’S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!”

Sunset sighed, shaking her head. “I guess you really went all out this Halloween, Gadget,” she said with a smirk. “So, what’s the costume? Dr. Frankenstallion? Er, Frankenstein?”

“Actually,” Gadget said, pointing to the thin mustache painted on her upper lip, “I’m Young Frankenstein! Not that anyone has gotten the reference yet…” she added with a grumble.

“Well, at least you did a good job on Turing and Maud’s costumes,” Sunset said.

“Cosplay is always worth taking seriously,” Gadget said, wagging a finger at her. “You have to commit to the character! And on that note, I’ve got an experiment that I’ve just been dying to try…”

“What sort of experime—”

“Ahem!” Gadget said, loudly clearing her throat before taking a breath. Then, with all her might, she shouted a single phrase:

“FRAU BLÜCHER!!”

Sunset and Maud Pie both let out a fearful whinny as they flailed their arms about wildly.

“Oh my gosh, it worked!” Gadget cried between howls of laughter.

“What the… why did I just do that?” Sunset asked blushing as others nearby stared at her after her outburst. Maud likewise wore an uncharacteristic blush as she turned away.

“Ohhh,” Applejack said, turning to face Turing Test. “So that there is the pony version of Maud Pie, right?”

“Well, normally,” Maud said flatly. “Turing asked me to come with her. Gadget thought it would be funny to dress like the human version of my sister. I saw her earlier and she said that she would just go home since she was already here. Somepo— someone, should probably tell her what’s going on.”

“Ah, right, I’ll text her,” Sunset said, taking out her phone.

“In the meantime,” Turing said, turning to face Applejack, “there is an activity known as ‘bobbing for apples’ that I am unable to participate in. To clarify, I am not able to participate in Equestria. But in this form, I am equipped with a mouth, and can therefore make an attempt.”

Applejack grinned. “Well, shoot, Turing Test!” she exclaimed, slapping her knee. “I’d be glad to show ya the ropes!”

“I was not informed that there would be ropes.”

“No, I mean that I’ll show ya how to do it right,” Applejack said. “How about you, Pony Maud Pie?”

Maud shook her head. “That’s okay. I don’t want to get this costume wet.”

“Suit yerself!” Applejack said, leading Turing Test away. “Oh, uh, ya ain’t gonna rust or short circuit or nothin’ with all the water, are ya, Turing Test?”

“Gadget provided me with a diagnostic that confirmed a water resistance rating of 300 meters for this form. I will be fine, but I thank you for your concern, Applejack.”

A few hours later, Turing Test and Maud Pie, still in their human forms, sat on a hill overlooking the teenage Halloween party as it continued on into the night in the woods below.

“I am aware that such social engagements are not normally your preference, Maud Pie,” Turing said, draping her arm over Maud’s shoulder. “But I was glad to share this unique experience with you.”

“Parties are fine,” Maud said. “I’ve gone to a lot of them for my sister’s sake. It makes her happy. But this was fun in a different way. While everyone was dancing, I took some samples of geographic strata I found on a nearby cliff face. I’ll compare it to Equestrian strata when we get home.”

“I am glad that you had fun, then, Maud Pie.”

Maud leaned her head against Turing. “I also really like this form of you. It was a little different at first, but now I think it is cute.”

“I see. Do you… prefer it to my pony form?”

Maud thought for a moment, then shook her head. “No,” she replied. “I like being a pony better, and I like that version of you too. But there’s one advantage of this version of you over the regular version.”

“What advantage do you mean, Maud P—”

Maud seized Turing’s chin, turning her towards her. A moment later, her lips were on hers.

Turing’s eyes widened momentarily, but then she returned the kiss.

As they broke apart a few moments later, Turing Test smiled. “I had previously considered the greatest advantage of this form to be having eyelids. But with my recent LED eyes as an upgrade, I now believe that lips may be the greatest feature of this form.”

“I agree,” Maud said, holding her close.

“It was a pleasure to enjoy these moments with you for this holiday, Maud Pie,” Turing said. “I will miss you greatly when you return to your studies. I look forward to your next visit during the next holiday season after Hearth’s Warming.”

Maud was quiet for a moment.

“Well… why not do Hearth’s Warming?”

Turing blinked. “Please clarify, Maud Pie,” she said. “Previously, you have enjoyed Hearth’s Warming with your family, and I have established a new tradition of joining mine in Mustangia. Are you now suggesting that we should spend Hearth’s Warming together?”

Maud nodded. “I think it’s time,” she said. “We’ve been together a while. I really should introduce you to my family.”

Turing Test smiled. “I would be honored, Maud Pie. I greatly look forward to meeting your parents and sisters. Both you and Pinkie Pie have informed me about them a great deal.”

Maud’s smile gradually faded. “Um… I think I need to tell you something, Turing Test,” she said slowly. “My family knows that I’m seeing someone. But they don’t know very much about you.”

“What knowledge do they lack, Maud Pie? I will be happy to provide them with any information they require.”

Maud sighed. “I never told them that you’re a robot.”

Turing blinked. “Ah,” she said. “Understood.” She withdrew her arm.

“Turing,” Maud began.

“It is all right, Maud Pie,” Turing said. “Many ponies still find difficulty interacting with me due to my status as a mechanical being. I am sorry that this is a source of consternation to you.”

“You’re upset,” Maud observed.

“Affirmative,” Turing said. “Initiating sulking sequence.” She made a show of crossing her arms and turning away as she had observed humans doing. “Sulking commenced. I am upset that you did not inform your family members of who I am, or even what I am.”

“It wasn’t because I’m embarrassed,” Maud said, putting her hand on Turing’s shoulder. “It’s because of a promise.”

Turing slowly turned to face her. “What promise do you mean, Maud Pie?” she asked.

“I made a promise when I left the farm to take up my Rocktoral studies,” Maud said, “that if I wasn’t married by the end of it that I’d Iet my parents take me to the Pairing Stone to find a husband. The only way out of it is if I was at least dating somepony that they approved of.

“The problem is that they’re really traditional. And you aren’t a very traditional girlfriend. I didn’t want to hide you from them. I was just afraid that they wouldn't understand. Sorry.”

The flat tone she had when she said that would have been a sign of insincerity for most creatures, but Turing interpreted every biometric cue, every subtle movement, variation in her voice, and every beat of her heart to interpret the distress she was feeling.

Turing turned back and embraced her. “Understood, Maud Pie,” she said. “Very well. I will accompany you to your family home this Hearth’s Warming. And I will make the maximum effort to make your parents accept me as your significant other. I calculate an extremely high chance of success, equivalent to that of finding banded rhyolite samples from a continental eruption event as opposed to an oceanic eruption.”

Maud smiled. “You always know just what to say,” she said. “Okay. When we get back to Equestria, let’s start planning this visit. For now, though…”

Maud leaned against Turing and closed her eyes. Turing considered Maud’s meaning for a moment and then leaned against her as well, feeling the beating of her heart as they sat silently under the night sky.

A few weeks ago…

Back in Equestria, in a cell atop a tall tower on the castle grounds, Turing Test explained her plan to the infamous pony behind the invasion of Canterlot: her father, Professor Cobbler Mustang.

“I see,” Cobbler said, downing the last of his coffee before adjusting his hat. “My my my… it seems my little girl is growing up.”

Turing Test bowed. “I realize that it is an imposition of your time, Father,” she said. “However—”

“Oh, never you mind, Turing Test,” he said in his usual twang before going to his workbench at the far end of his cell. “Ever since my arrest, I’ve had nothing but time on my hooves. Time is the least of my worries, my dear. Still…”

Turing Test waited for him to finish. “Still…?”

“For all your consternation with Maud Pie,” he continued, looking over his shoulder, “you have yet to introduce me to this mare that has taken your fancy. To think that my own daughter would ignore her father so… my my, whatever am I to do with her?”

“Ah,” Turing said. “Forgive me, Father,” she said with a bow of her head. “I did not wish to exclude you. I simply believed that my frequent descriptions of her—”

Then she noticed that Cobbler was chuckling quietly to himself.

“Ah. You are joking with me.”

“In part, my dear,” he said. “If you have found happiness, then that is all that matters to me now. After all, like any good father, I only want what is best for my little girl, and you have proven yourself quite capable of making the right decision. Though I really must insist that you introduce me at some point. That said…”

He grew serious, turning to face her with a hard look.

“...speaking as a pony who grew up on a farm, let me assure you that tradition and family values are not to be taken lightly. For all my innovations and technological advancements, I am at heart an old farmer myself, Turing Test. And if my first daughter, Georgia, had brought home a stallion who’d captured her heart, I would most certainly have put him through the wringer before giving him my seal of approval. Now that you are courting their eldest, I would expect no less from the Pies, my dear.

“So, that said, are you truly, absolutely certain that this is the course you wish to take?”

Turing nodded. “I am certain, Father.”

Cobbler smirked. “Then I shall get started on that modification this very instant, Turing Test,” he said, turning back to his work. “That new hoof will be ready in a few weeks, just in time for Hearth’s Warming. Do be sure that it won’t go to waste.”

Maud and Turing Test made their way across the platform at the station and boarded the train, making their way to their seats.

Despite the stares from ponies who either didn’t recognize her or who did and were momentarily struck by the appearance of the Equestrian Minister of Technology on their train, the pair found their private compartment and placed their luggage in the overhead bin without any further complications.

“So,” Maud began, taking a seat across from Turing, “when are you going to tell me about your hoof?”

Turing Test stared back at her. “What are you referring to, Maud Pie?”

Maud narrowed her eyes. “One of your hooves sounds different. I’ve noticed it for a while, and I can tell that it isn’t as solid as the others. Something’s different. I was just waiting for you to tell me.”

Turing Test’s ears twitched on their hinges. “You are correct, Maud Pie. I had planned to tell you that it was a temporary replacement due to damage my original hoof incurred through an elaborate set of circumstances.

“But as I dislike being untruthful with you, I will simply state that there is a reason for the change that I will explain to you at the appropriate time.”

Maud nodded. “Thanks for being honest. Okay, you can tell me later.” She looked out the window as the train began to move. “So… now that we’re alone…”

Turing leaned forward. “Yes, Maud Pie?”

“...Do you want to hear about the quartz veining I found in basalt samples on my last dig?”

“Buck yes, I do.”

“Mmm, you smooth-talker,” Maud said with a smirk. “Let’s hope this train ride doesn’t end too soon…”