Punk Saves Hearth's Warming
Author's Note
This was written for Lil Biscuit as a part of Jinglemas 2020! For more information about Jinglemas, checkout our group!
Cover art is a pre-existing piece of vector art from artist IronM17. https://www.deviantart.com/ironm17/art/Raripunk-704916268
Punk Saves Hearth's Warming
Rarity was hunkered down behind a low stone wall, crouching on a Manehatten sidewalk just outside one of the city’s largest parks. The sky was overcast, the clouds heavy with a snowstorm that was just waiting to be unleashed. She was belly down on the cold cement, but the mild discomfort of the chilly stone on her body was the lesser evil of her current situation.
“It was supposed to be nice and simple,” Rarity said, her eyes currently focused on her hooves as if the cozy winter boots she was wearing were the prosecutor in a trial. “It was just supposed to be a short, easy friendship mission before Hearth’s Warming. It was an excuse to come to Manehatten, do some last-minute shopping. I was looking forward to it. And even when we got here, we found the problem quickly.
“And it was a fashion problem. Just two friends wanting help getting gifts for one another. If anypony could solve a friendship problem about fashion solo, it would be me: Rarity.”
At that point, Rarity looked up from her boots and turned to the stone wall she was taking cover behind. She could hear the shouts coming from the far side of the wall, harsh words filling the air like falling snowflakes. Swallowing nervously, she pushed herself up off the ground, daring to peek over the wall.
“Yet, somehow, because of you, we’ve incited what is likely the most extreme snowball fight in the history of Manehatten.”
What Rarity beheld was surely was a scene of utter snowball carnage. In one of Manehatten’s larger parks, dozens upon dozens of ponies were currently throwing snowballs with malicious intent. There were no giggles of laughter. Instead, the air was filled with hurled insults and hateful words. Truly, the amount of anger and disharmony coming off the park surely held the power to draw in at least a few wendigos.
And Rarity found it only more disheartening knowing that the source of the conflict was punk fashion.
It just began with two friends, a young colt and mare that Rarity was sure were more than just friends. They were suffering decision paralysis about their Hearth’s Warming gifts. Their past attempts at getting one another gifts had been lackluster, and it was causing them distress in the present.
Yet Rarity was able to see the problem and think of a solution quickly. Both of them were fans of punk fashion, but each enjoyed their own unique flavor of punk fashion. The colt liked pleather jackets and spiked belts. The mare liked her spikes in her ear piercings and to wear shirts with rebellious symbols and messaging. That alone wasn’t the problem, but it was the root of their gifting issue.
Each one was trying to force their sense of fashion on the other instead of buying something their friend would truly appreciate.
It also felt like such a simple lesson. Rarity would just help them buy the right gift, they’d exchange presents, and then see how happy they made one another. But then—
Ppisssshhhhh
It all blew up, not unlike the cold, wet snowball that had just splattered against Rarity’s face. She quickly ducked back down beneath the wall. Now, it seemed like every fan of the punk aesthetic was in the park, drawing battle lines and fighting about which version of punk was the best. Pleather jacket vs rebellious shirts. Spiked collars vs spike piercings. Mane styles. Colors. Truly, every defining aspect one could use to describe a variety of punk fashion was being torn apart and shouted about between the many ponies in the park.
Rarity used her magic to brush away the snow from her face before glaring over at the creature that was meant to be her partner on this friendship mission. The unmistakable draconequus was floating lazily above the sidewalk. In his right paw, he held a magazine. In his left claw, he held a paper coffee cup that appeared to be filled with an iced latte of some variety. And through some form of chaotic magic, any off-course snowball that might strike him veered away at the last second to hit someone else.
“Well, don’t you have anything to say for yourself?” Rarity snapped.
Discord did not take his eyes off his magazine. He just took a leisurely sip of his coffee before opening his mouth to speak. “I perhaps can take some credit for stirring the pot, but I assure you all this trouble was just hiding below the surface. In fact, you should be thanking me. If you had been here with anyone else, you would have helped only two ponies repair their friendship. Now you get to help all these ponies. Isn’t that better?”
“It’s only better if I can help them, and I can’t help them right now when they’re trying to give each other concussions with snowballs!!” Rarity stood up, throwing a hoof in the direction of the snowball fight, only to be immediately struck with another stray snowball. The snow in the park was heavy and wet. The ball that struck Rarity splatted heavily against her face, almost knocking her off her hooves and sending a cold shiver down her spine.
“Discord!” Rarity shouted, startling a few ponies who had been passing on the other side of the street. The frustration behind Rarity’s shout was finally enough to get Discord to glance away from his magazine. He snapped the toes on his dragon claw foot, and the snow that had struck Rarity quickly lifted itself off her face, formed back into a snowball, and then went whizzing back into the park to strike back at the pony that had thrown it in the first place.
Another claw snap and Rarity found a steaming hot tea in a paper cup in front of her. She could tell Discord was trying to bribe her in some capacity, but currently, she was too cold to care. She took it in her magic, took a long sip, and then managed to smile and breathe a sigh as the warmth flowed from her throat and belly to the rest of her body.
“Feeling better?”
“A little,” Rarity admitted as, with another snap of Discord’s claw, a scarf appeared around Rarity’s neck. It went perfectly with her boots and had the added benefit of being enchanted. When another snowball dared to start flying towards Rarity, the scarf sprung up like a snake and struck it down before it could hit the fashionista.
Altogether, this bit of kindness was helping to soothe Rarity’s frayed nerves.
“I am sorry. It is unfair to blame all this tension on you. You may have placed the straw that broke the camel's back, but that doesn't mean there wasn’t a mountain of straws already there. That, however, does not change the fact we must stop this snowball fight before somepony gets hurt. That and before their outfits, the very things they’re arguing about, are ruined.”
Discord’s eyes went back to his magazine, returning to the page he had open as he brought his cold drink towards his lips for a sip. “Well, you said at the start you could solve this yourself. Why don’t you go out there and solve it?”
Rarity frowned, turning to look at the snowball fight. To step out there now would only result in her getting buried under a pile of snow. She looked back to the tea she had been given and took another sip. “I… I can’t solve all this by myself. And I shouldn’t have tried to solve this by myself from the start. If I alone was enough to fix this, the map would have only sent me.
“But it sent both of us,” Rarity said as she looked back up at Discord. “Yes, I believe I am the one that has the answer to the problem, but without you, all the rest of this conflict would have continued to boil under the surface. As has been proven in the past, the friendship map sends just the right creatures to fix a problem. So… I’m sorry that I didn’t work with you from the start.”
“And I’m sorry that I perhaps caused a bit more chaos than needed,” Discord replied before grinning. “Look at us, already having our own, personal friendship lesson. That is the one thing to be said about in medias res. You get right to the point.”
Rarity arched an eyebrow. “Beg pardon?”
“Nothing,” Discord chugged the last of his iced coffee and tossed the empty cup into a nearby waste bin. He then floated down to Rarity’s level. “It would be my pleasure to collaborate with one of Equestria’s premier fashion designers, and I may just have an idea. I think you know what needs to be said to those ponies out there. I think your message can help all of them get over their differences of opinion. The only problem we face right now is getting them to listen.
“And as you and your friends know, I am very difficult to ignore when I want to get attention.”
“You do have a knack for being unignorable,” Rarity said before taking another sip of her tea. In that moment of calm on the edge of the ongoing snowball battle, Rarity was beginning to notice her tea was singing. She had heard from Fluttershy of Discord’s singing ginseng tea. It was quite a good tea, and it was evening performing a lovely Hearth’s Warming carol.
“And you can command a room as well. The only problem you’re facing right now is they don’t want to listen to a fashion-forward fashionista. They’d rather listen to somepony that appreciates the punk aesthetic.”
“But I do appreciate it,” Rarity said. “Truly, I believe there is something to be appreciated in almost every style of fashion. Yes, I do tend to design for the chic and magnifique, but let’s not forget I won a fashion contest using a hotel-themed fashion line.” Rarity’s eyes wandered for a moment, thinking back to that particular contest and all the drama that had surrounded it. “I’m still not quite sure how I managed to pull that off.”
“Well, I’d say it was the same tenacity that let you pull this off,” Discord said as he closed his magazine and turned it so the front cover faced Rarity. It was an older copy of Vanity Mare, one featuring the most beautiful manes in Equestria. Staring back from the cover, Rarity saw a familiar picture of herself.
Though Rarity remembered the first time she saw that cover fondly, at that moment one hoof went up to clutch her mane as she quickly realized what Discord was suggesting. “Oh no. Oh no no no. I appreciate that you felt I made the most of a rather trying situation, after some encouragement from my friends. But it took me months to grow my mane back after that incident. Surely we don’t have to go so far.”
“Honestly, I have to wonder why, when you ponies have such perplexing and chaotic problems, that you never come to find me.” Discord snapped his free claw, making the magazine disappear before he reached up to his head. With a metallic click, he popped off the line of black hair from his back. He then snapped it back, only to drag his claw across the strands. The hair made a sound to someone dragging a hoof across a harp, and with each plucked note, his hair turned a different color.
Rarity watched this display, first feeling rather silly for not considering consulting with Discord back during that particular misadventure. Second, her mind worked as she turned her head and peeked over the park wall, seeing the snowball war was still very much in motion and was growing only more intense.
“Even with that outfit, I might not be able to get their attention. We’d need to do something big, bold, and dramatic.” Rarity kept looking out across the park for a few moments, and then a spark of inspiration formed in her mind. She looked at Discord.
“Oh, you’ve got an idea. A wonderfully chaotic idea,” Discord said, his eyes locked with hers as Rarity’s spark of inspiration became infectious. After all, they were both creative souls. She made dresses with fabric, and Discord made wonders with the fabric of reality. “Give me your vision, Rarity, and let’s make it a reality.”
“Spikes are for dog collars!”
“At least my spikes aren’t in my ears!”
Snowballs flew with reckless abandon. It was an all-out brawl of a snowball fight, with every small group getting pummeled. Defensive walls were being hastily formed, and more and more clothes were getting uncomfortable damp with the heavy, wet snow. Truly, it would only be a little longer before every pony in the park would have some part of their outfit ruined by the fighting.
So intense was the battle that no pony noticed the nearby amphitheater suddenly had a set of black curtains covering the stage. None heard the first taps of drums and the strums of tuning guitars.
But none could ignore the sudden surge of fire and fireworks that shot from the stage. The fire flashed, blooming into the air and sending a wave of heat across the park. The fireworks screeched skyward, eventually popping with loud, sharp bangs.
Every punk in the park stopped, some dropping snowballs they had been on the verge of throwing. All eyes turned to the stage as rolling smoke began to spill from beneath the curtain. Then the heavy black fabric began to slide open, retracting towards the side of the stage as someone began plucking on a bass.
The notes were deep, just a few chords repeating. But they carried with them a sense of danger and a soul of rebellion. Lights on the stage flicked to life, illuminating figures that had been only silhouetted before. There was a drummer, a bass player, and a support guitarist. They were all copies of Discord, though each was wearing some variation of punk attire. The Discord on the drums was a full pleather jacket and spikes. The one on the bass was pierced in just about any reasonable place and with a shirt that had a graffiti styled version of Celestia’s cutie mark with a red cross over it.
The final Discord, the support guitarist, had a look that was in the middle between the two. A pleather jacket hung open to reveal a shirt with Rarity’s diamond cutie mark on the front, formed of sharp, scratchy lines. He had no spikes on his clothes, but he had an impressively large mohawk that had metal rings near the tips.
In the center of the stage, balancing on her back hooves with a guitar and rocking her Vanity Mare look, was Rarity. Her mane and tail were short and died with additional colors of yellow and green. Her mane was now styled in a rough and tumble mohawk. She wore a pleather vest and accents with metal studs in a few key places.
Rarity looked out over the crowd of punks, who were gravitating towards the stage, drawn by her inescapable attraction. Yet she did not smile. She did not bat her eyes or strike a pose as she would when modeling one of her fashions.
Rarity then lifted her hoof before dragging it intensely across the strings of the guitar. The hard, sharp note joined in harmony with the continuing chords of the bass playing Discord. Then the drummer Discord began to tap his sticks together, counting loudly.
“One… two… one two three four!”
“Rarity, that concert was amazing!”
Rarity smiled as she stood just in front of the stage, the crowd of punk aesthetic fans dispersing back into the city, now in mixed groups. The snowball fight was over, and now the many ponies that had been pulled into the conflict were, instead, swapping fashion tips and sharing their opinions on the impromptu rock show they had just witnessed.
The latest compliment came from the two friends that had been at the heart of the friendship problem that had brought Rarity and Discord to Manehatten. When Rarity first saw them, they were a distinct example of dueling aesthetics. Now, like many of the other ponies leaving the park, they were embracing the wider spectrum of the particular fashion. The colt had given his coat to the mare, and the mare had shared a few of her piercings with the colt.
“Thank you, but I’m just happy to see you two getting along again. And it does look like you were able to figure out the perfect Hearth’s Warming gift for one another.”
“At least for right now,” the colt said. “I intend to go out and get something I know she’ll like, something that’s entirely her instead of what I tried to get her at first.”
“And I’m going to do the same for him,” the mare added.
“Your hearts were in the right place, and that is what matters most. Just remember, everypony has their own fashion and finding it can be a lifelong journey. Trust me, I’m rediscovering how to shine from the inside out with every season.”
“Well, Rarity, I think you’re lucky that you can make anything look good,” the mare said.
Rarity chuckled and waved her hoof. “Oh, you’re too kind. Still, you two better run along. And have a Happy Hearth's Warming.”
“Happy Hearth's Warming,” the two echoed back. They then turned, walking away shoulder to shoulder. Rarity couldn’t help but admire the budding young couple. Yet her attention was drawn to her flank, where she felt and saw a familiar glowing pulse coming from her cutie mark. The friendship mission was complete, and it was another job well done.
“I must say, Rarity, I didn’t know you could shred on guitar like that,” Discord said.
Rarity didn’t turn to look immediately at Discord. Instead, she focused back on watching the young couple walk away. They were already at the park entrance, and would soon be out of sight. “Well, even I had my rebellious phase, though I could tell your magic was helping me. I certainly haven’t been able to play that well in years.”
“Maybe we should take this show on the road. One of Equestria’s premier fashion designers and a world-famous punk rocker. I’m sure you could pull it off.”
Rarity chuckled, “Oh no, I’m plenty busy enough already balancing a fashion career, the school of friendship, and the occasional friendship mission.” Rarity finally turned to look at Discord. He was floating next to her casually. He was doing nothing, and yet Rarity’s smile fell into a frown and her eyebrows furrowed.
“Discord?” Rarity said firmly.
Discord flashed a smile and batted his eyes. “Yes, Rarity?”
Rarity focused her eyes on the top of Discord’s head, where he was now sporting a full head of purple, luxurious, and very familiar hair. “Are you wearing my mane?”
“Yes, and honestly I think I wear it better,” he said as he used his lion paw to bounce Rarity’s trademark curl. “That and really, you pull off punk so well. Honestly, I don’t know why you’d want to go back to this look. Yes, it’s classic Rarity, but your current look is just so modern.”
“Discord, if even a hair is out of place—” Rarity began to threaten, only for Discord to smile and to start floating away. He was doing it leisurely, slowly, like a balloon with barely enough helium that had managed to escape from its owner.”
“Discord?” Rarity said more firmly as she trotted after him.
Discord continued to float away. He didn’t gain too much more altitude, but it was still high enough off the ground that Rarity had no hope of reaching him without jumping from a high window or using magic. As he continued to float towards the park entrance, Discord began to quietly hum to himself.
“Discord!” Rarity reached a full gallop, trying to get ahead of the draconequus as he exited the park and began to float down the sidewalk. Other ponies began to take notice, first marveling at Discord and then quickly clearing a path for Rarity as she continued her intense pursuit.
“And as the pair ran off into the streets, gentle snow began to fall across the city. The fresh flakes began to erase the marks of the great punk snowball war. Yet, while the snowball fight would be forgotten quickly, the punks who got to witness Rarity would always fondly remember when they got to witness the first, but perhaps not last, performance of Rarity and the Discords.”
“Discord! Quit narrating, get down here, and give me back my mane!” Rarity bellowed, her voice booming across the city streets as Discord just continued to smile and float leisurely just out of reach.
