Strange Traditions

by ZeroMonkey

Rating: teen
Tags: Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Spike, Comedy
Length: 2438

Twilight and Spike spend Hearth's Warming with Cadance and Shining Armor for the first time in a while and they learn that the couple has picked up some odd traditions in the intervening time.

Twilight and Spike spend Hearth's Warming with Cadance and Shining Armor for the first time in a while and they learn that the couple has picked up some odd traditions in the intervening time.

This was written for Greatazuredragon as a part of Jinglemas 2020! For more information about Jinglemas, checkout our group!

Published 2020-12-28 06:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-28 06:50:00 UTC

Chapter 1

The heavy door closed with a thud and Princess Twilight Sparkle breathed a sigh of relief. She stood still for a moment, taking a few slow and deliberate breaths. Her wings flapped softly a few times of their own accord, relieving the tension in her muscles.

The entry hall of the crystal palace was grandiose, although today it was much quieter than usual. Only a handful of guards stood apart from Twilight, her young dragon companion, Spike, and the guard that had escorted her from the train station.

“Shiny told me that the ponies here would be excited to see us, but I wasn’t expecting.” she waved her hoof towards the door, “...all that.”

“The crystal ponies sure know how to throw a Hearth’s Warming party,” Spike chuckled, “I kinda feel bad about leaving so soon. They said I was their guest of honor.”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine without you. Let’s go. I don’t want to be late to dinner.” Twilight started walking hastily forwards.

Barely a second later she stopped and turned to look to the guard, “Which way was it, again?”

“Right this way, your highness.”

Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor’s personal dining room was a far cry from the grandiose dining hall downstairs that they kept for important visitors. It was largely undecorated, with only a simple crystal table in the center. The fanciest thing in the room was the chairs, which had been imported from Canterlot to remind the royals of home. A liquor cabinet stood in one far corner of the room, while the other was occupied by a toddler’s playpen, which was currently empty.

A purple aura grasped the room’s door and swung it open as Twilight stepped into the room, followed by Spike. Shining Armor was the first to greet her, pulling her into a hug as he did.

“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Twily.”

Twilight returned the sentiment, then turned to face Cadance as she approached. Their eyes met as the distance between them closed and they both dropped into a pose reminiscent of a playful dog.

“Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake!” they sung while they reenacted a short dance from Twilight’s childhood.

While the two mares were greeting each other, Shining Armor held out his hoof to Spike, who promptly returned the hoofbump.

“How goes it, little guy? How was your train ride?”

“It was fine until we were delayed from leaving Canterlot Station. After that, Twilight spent the whole time worrying about being late.”

“That sounds like Twily. Luckily, you guys are right on time.”

Once the mares had finished with the fit of giggles and then hugging that followed their dance, Shining and Spike joined the conversation.

“It's so good to see the both of you. I just hope we aren’t too late,” Twilight said, her joyful tone turning apologetic.

Cadance smiled. “You’re not late at all, Twilight. I just put Flurry Heart to bed, but we’re still waiting for dinner to be delivered.”

Twilight gave her a quizzical look, “Delivered? From where? Don’t you have chefs here in the palace?”

Cadance and Shining glanced to each other.

“I'd almost forgotten that we haven’t spent Hearth’s Warming together since even before you moved to Ponyville,” Shining started.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, we picked up a sort of tradition in the meantime.”

Twilight looked mostly satisfied with that answer, “That makes sense. Where did you order food from then?”

“Domino’s Pizza.”

“Domino’s Pizza?”

“Yes.”

“How in the name of harmony did you come up with the tradition of eating fast food pizza for Hearth’s Warming dinner?”

“It’s a little bit of a story,” Cadance interjected, “Why don’t we all have a seat. Shining and I can tell it to you while we wait for the pizza.”

Shining Armor and Twilight both answered in the affirmative and everypony walked over to the dining table and took a seat.

Shining looked to Cadance once everypony had settled, “Should we break out the vodka now?”

At Cadance’s unamused stare and Twilight’s continued confusion, he chuckled awkwardly. “Right, the story. This all happened the year before you went to Ponyville, Twilight. If you remember, I hadn’t made Captain of the Guard yet. At that point, I was assigned as Cady’s bodyguard.”

Cadance continued where Shining left off, “That winter, Princess Celestia sent me to negotiate with the griffons. It was actually going pretty well at first. The trouble started on Hearth’s Warming Eve, when I overheard the griffon president arguing with his wife. I didn’t want their holiday to be ruined, so I acted a little rashly. I casted my love spell on them, but they didn’t stop arguing.”

Shining Armor cut in, “So there I was, working out the security plan for Cady’s public appearance the next day, when several guards barge into my room telling me that I need to get out of the manor right away.”

“You’re skipping ahead honey, let me finish what I was saying.”

“Sorry, go ahead.”

“As I was saying, my spell didn’t stop the president’s argument with his wife. It’s important to understand that my spell isn’t unnoticeable. Usually, however, ponies are too distracted by the sudden remembrance of their love for each other and they overlook it. I found myself being berated by both the president and his wife, who were far angrier at me than they had been at each other. I managed to talk the president down from declaring war on Equestria, but like Shiny said, they had kicked us to the curb within the hour.”

“I’m sure you know that Griffonstone is further north than Canterlot, Twilight, but you should also know that they have a very laissez-faire approach to weather management,” Shining added, “So, as the sun was setting, the pleasant light snow was turning into more of a blizzard. And there we were, out on the street with all our luggage and nowhere to stay.”

“We need to find an inn or something before it really gets dark. We should be able to catch a train back to Equestria tomorrow morning.” Shining Armor replaced his worried look with a determined one as his gaze moved from the setting sun to his marefriend.

They had stopped a few blocks away from the president’s manor to catch their breath and figure out what to do next. There were no griffons around and all the nearby stores seemed to be closed. On top of everything else, the snow was gradually deepening.

Cadance halfheartedly agreed and they set off.

They wandered for a while through the snow-covered, cobblestone streets, to no avail. They had yet to see a closed inn, let alone an open one, or even another living creature.

Then, as they turned a corner, something caught their eyes. A blue and red light pierced through the falling snow and beckoned them forward. The both of them picked up their pace, drawn towards the light like sailors caught in a siren’s song. Their destination only came fully into view when they were right in front of it. They looked and beheld a humble brick building decorated with ostentatious advertisements.

“Open 24 hours,” Shining read, “Two medium pizzas for five bits each. Domino’s. Isn’t that an Equestrian chain?”

“I think so,” Cadance replied, “The name rings a bell, but I’m not sure where from.”

“Well, it’s the only shelter we’ve found so far. We can ask for directions at the very least.”

The two of them stepped through the door, expecting to be greeted by warmth.

“It’s almost as cold in here as it is outside!” Shining remarked.

“Welcome to Domino’s restaurant,” a stallion in a heavy coat called from the far end of the counter, “Apologies for the cold. I’ll be right with you.”

As the stallion hurried over towards Shining, Cadance stepped through the door. His reaction was immediate. He dropped into a low bow, almost concealing himself behind the counter.

“Sir Pizza Cutter of House Domino at your service, your highness.”

Realization was dawning on Cadance’s face. Shining looked between the two of them. “House Domino?”

Pizza Cutter’s eyes lit up. “House Domino is a family of noble pegasi. Our family received recognition from her highness Princess Celestia in the year 468, but our history started twenty years earlier when my ancestor Domino received a prophetic dream from-”

“Unfortunately, knight, we have not the time to hear the whole history of your house,” Cadance spoke with an uneasy imperiousness. She turned and spoke to Shining, “They are one of the few landed pegasus houses. They are also responsible for the Domino’s restaurant chain, if you hadn’t gathered.”

“That’s great. Listen, Sir Pizza Cutter, we’re kind of in a tight spot. Could you point us to the nearest inn?”

“Unfortunately, I don’t believe the Equestrian model of rooms for rent has not quite caught on here in Griffonstone. I have yet to meet a single griffon with even the slightest inclination towards traveling.”

“That’s just wonderful. A real Hearth’s Warming miracle this place turned out to be. It’s not even any warmer in here than it is outside.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I’ve been told not to run the heater unless customers pay for it.”

Just as Shining looked ready to explode, Cadance cut in, “Is there anywhere we might be able to spend the night, Sir Cutter? Anywhere at all?”

Pizza Cutter looked very thoughtful, “Well… maybe I could… Mr. Grimm might not… Nowhere nearby will let you stay, but, if you order a pizza or two, I can probably let you guys camp out here.”

“I think we have enough bits in our expenses pouch to cover a pizza or two. How much will it cost us to run the heater?”

Shining managed an indignant grumble. “You’re just going to let him fleece you?”

“We did miss dinner.”

Pizza Cutter spoke up, “I’m not trying to extort you. This restaurant is actually a joint venture by House Domino and a wealthy griffon named Mr. Grimm. I have to run things the way he likes or we’ll be evicted. This location is an important step in the expansion of my family’s business and I couldn’t bear to be responsible for its failure.”

With both Pizza Cutter and Cadance staring at him, Shining squirmed for a second, then conceded, “Fine, here’s the expenses purse.” He produced a sack of bits from under his coat and set it on the counter.

“So what sort of pizza would you recommend?” Cadance smiled at Pizza Cutter.

He returned the smile. “I hope it is not improper to ask, your highness, but were you born an alicorn or…?”

“I think it’s technically a state secret, but I trust you will be discrete. I was born a pegasus. Why do you ask?”

“As the proprietor of a restaurant, it is important to understand that the different tribes of ponies have very different tastes. For you I would recommend our signature pescaroni pizza. Pescaroni being thin slices of fish. As for your guard, unicorns usually prefer our margherita pizza.”

“That sounds great! How much will that cost us?”

“What size of pizzas do you want?”

“It said outside that there was a deal for two medium sized pizzas,” Shining chimed in.

Pizza Cutter gave him an uncomfortable look.

“What is it?”

“See, in fine print at the bottom of those posters, it says ‘in select locations only’.”

“And?”

“Mr. Grimm says not to offer any discounts.”

Shining groaned.

Cadance remained optimistic. “That’s fine. We’ll take two mediums anyways.”

“Alright, that’ll be sixteen bits. You wanted to run the heat as well? It’s three bits an hour.”

Cadance counted out quite a few bits. “Here’s fifty-two. Keep the heater going for twelve hours.”

“Yes your highness. I’ll get right on it. Feel free to take a seat at any of the booths or tables.”

Cadance led Shining over to a booth where they sat next to each other. She snuggled up to him. “Listen Shiny. I messed up earlier and I’m sorry for that. I know this isn’t how you wanted or expected to spend Hearth’s Warming Eve, but we have each other at least. And in half an hour, we’ll have a couple of hot pizzas. It’s better than nothing.”

“You’re right,” Shining sighed, then smiled, “I’ll try not to be such a grump.”

They sat like that for a while. The room gradually warmed up towards a comfortable temperature. Eventually, Pizza Cutter came out carrying two pizzas on top of his spread wings. He looked surprised for a few seconds when he saw the couple cuddling, but he quickly regained his professional bearing and didn’t say anything.

“Here’s a pescaroni pizza for her highness, and a margherita pizza for her guard.”

Cadance gave him a beaming smile. “Thank you, knight.”

“Yes, thank you,” Shining repeated, “Say, do you have anything to drink?”

“Well, the soda fountain is all dried up, unfortunately. I think the pipes are frozen, not that you’d want to drink Griffonstone tap water anyways. Other than that…”

“You have nothing to drink?”

“Well, we do have vodka.”

Shining stared him down for a solid five seconds, “I think we’ll be fine without drinks.”

“Okay. I’ll be at the counter if either of you need anything.”

Cadance lifted up a slice of pizza to her mouth with her magic and took a bite. She had to suppress a gag.

“Shiny,” she whispered, “This pizza tastes awful.”

Shining gave her a quizzical look, then tried one of his own slices. He failed to suppress a gag. Shortly thereafter, his stomach rumbled to remind him how hungry he was.

“Sir Pizza Cutter,” He called out, “We’d actually like some vodka after all.”

“We ended up falling asleep on each other in that booth. The next morning, we caught the first train back to Equestria. Ever since then, it’s been our tradition to eat Domino’s pizza for Hearth’s Warming dinner and wash it down with vodka,” Shining finished.

“It sounds like that was certainly…. an experience. But I don’t get it, why would you want to relive that?”

Cadance smiled. “For one, it reminds us of how good our lives are most of the time.”

“And if we can stomach Domino’s Pizza, then whatever magical monstrosity shows up next week is nothing.”

They all shared a laugh at that. The pizza arrived shortly afterwards. It was just as awful as had been every year before and as it would be every year after. The vodka helped. It was a lovely evening, in an odd sort of way.