Last Christmas

by Atom Smash

Rating: mature
Tags: Suicide / Self Harm, Fluttershy, Tragedy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death, Narcotics, Drama, Rainbow Dash
Length: 7056

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash celebrates their last Hearts Warming together

Rainbow Dash has lived one amazing life. As but a foal she performed the first Sonic Rainboom to be seen in modern time. As an adult she went on to save Equestria multiple times with the aid of her friends. As if that was not enough she achieved her dream of becoming a Wonderbolt and married the love of her life, Fluttershy.
Sadly, all things must come to an end, and Rainbow would rather be known as a star that shone bright than one that faded away.

Content Warning: This story deals with the topic of death and euthanasia when the patient is unable to take their own life. Dark stuff I know, so please, I implore you, do not read this story, unless this is a topic you are comfortable with. Then it is on you, you have been warned.

This was written for Applejackisbest as a part of Jinglemas 2020! For more information about Jinglemas, checkout our group!

Published 2020-12-28 13:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-28 13:10:00 UTC

The pony on the bed

There's only one thing you can give me.

The words rang in Fluttershy's head as she trotted into the hospital.

The scene that met her was a hectic but festive one. Nurses, doctors and patients sat, stood or bustled about. Many looked stressed or in obvious pain. Still even in what had to be one of the hardest times of an already tough workplace, somepony had found the time to decorate for the season. It warmed your heart, it really did.

Evergreen and serpentines hung from the ceiling and one corner of the reception was dominated by a large tree, decorated with sparkling streamers and coloured balls.

She took a moment to thank those ponies who worked during the holiday. In fact, the nurses had been incredible in helping her cope.

But Fluttershy was not here for them. She was here to see her wife, and to deliver a gift.

The mare took a deep breath, and walked into Rainbow's room.

"Hey!" A raspy voice greeted as she entered. "Is it time for my spongebath… yet? Or did you just feel…. like reading for me?"

The pony on the bed must have mistaken her for a nurse.Not surprising, Rainbow hadn’t even turned her head to look at the door. Fluttershy felt her heart breaking all over again at the reminder that her wife couldn’t even do that anymore.

Oddly, that somehow made her task easier. She took a few moments to compose herself before she stepped into Rainbow's field of view.

“Please, if it's books... no more Daring Doo… I’ve heard them all like... a hundred ti- Heey!” The raspy voice cut off and her bored expression lit up, returning some life to the pony.

“Fluttershy, I’m… so happy to see you… Did you bring me... a present?”

The mare in question suppressed the urge to wince. The voice sounded more alive now, but it was still a far cry from natural. There were traces of the mare she loved there, but you could also hear that she was not in full control even of her voice. The spell that kept her lungs breathing did not allow for change in speed or volume the way a normal pony would, it just kept on pumping, forcing the mare to adapt to it, breaking up her speech as she struggled to say what she needed on the exhale before the next raspy breath cut her off.

“I uhm.”

It was always like this. For the first weeks Fluttershy had been hopeful, supportive, horrified by the accident. These days she just felt numb. She hardly recognized the pony in the bed anymore. What she saw whas an empty shell, a far cry from the pony she had married. An echo.

Fluttershy hated herself for feeling that way, but it was true. What lay before her was more magic than mare at this point. There were spells that kept her lungs bellowing, another that pumped the blood through her veins, squeezing the heart that could no longer pump for itself. This was not a pony anymore, it was an animated corpse. The only real life to be found in the pony on the bed was in her face, the accident having robbed her of everything except that. From the neck down her withering body was kept alive by magic, unable to feel or move ever again.

“Aw, you should….. n’t have.” Came the ‘cheerful’ reply, reminding the yellow mare with another stab of guilt that the creature before her was still Rainbow Dash, the mare she had sworn to love until death did them apart.

Well, she wiped away a tear, that wow weighed harder than ever with her beloved clinging on with three hooves in the grave.

You’re right, I shouldn’t have. But what else could she do? It was what Rainbow Dash had begged her to do. Begged her for weeks, months, ever since it became clear that her condition would never improve.

The first time she asked Fluttershy had fled the room in disgust. How could she even suggest something like that!

Over the weeks she had, against her better judgement, grown more accustomed to the idea. Weeks of seeing somepony you love suffer, imprisoned in their own body, was enough to shake even the firmest of convictions. Fluttershy had always believed in the sanctity of life and it had taken the worst experience of her life, drilled into her every day for a year to realize that sometimes life could be a curse as well.

Rainbow Dash was meant to fly. She was the best flyer in Equestria for peeve’s sake. Her whole life revolved around flying. The mare never even put a hoof on the ground unless there was a good reason for it. She had performed a Sonic Rainbow, a feat so difficult most ponies believed it impossible. And she had done it while just a filly, barely old enough to fly!

Rainbow Dash had impressed the judges of every competition she entered, even won the respect of her idols, the Wonderbolts and went on to become their captain. Fluttershy could still remember the smile on her wife’s face as she finally achieved her dream that first time she put on the gold and blue costume.

She could also remember the crunch of bone the last time she had worn it…

Fluttershy felt the tears start to pour as she remembered that fateful day a little over a year ago. Why hadn’t she done something? Twilight had reacted instantly, teleporting down to care for her crashed friend. While the pony that should have been the first to her side, her peeving wife, had just stood there, paralyzed by shock as the horrified shouts of the audience washed over her.

But what could she have done? Rainbow Dash would never have agreed to slow down. It just wasn't the kind of pony she was. Whatever hardship she faced Rainbow would push through it, to stubborn to give up, to bullheaded to give in a single inch.

Even as age started to catch up to her she had dealt with it the same bullheaded stubbornness she dealt with everything else. She had struggled until she could rise above it.

During her career the mare had accumulated an impressive list of injuries, but every single one of them only served to make her push herself harder to overcome them. Aching joints, torn ligaments, broken bones, they were all healed or ignored.

What she had lost in agility she had made up in pure wingpower. Spending every single day training to break her limits. Ever pushing herself harder, faste, higher, refusing to accept defeat at any cost.

Until she pushed herself too far.

Fluttershy could still remember the shocked screams of the crowd as one of the proud Wonderbolts slammed into the ground. A stunt gone wrong, her wing tearing just as they pulled out a dive. There was nothing anypony could have done, it happened so fast. In less than a second the world’s best flyer had ended her career, and almost her life.

“Hay! I’m… talking to you!” The voice finally managed to break through the horrible memories and Fluttershy felt herself returning to the here and now, facing the results of that terrible event.

Her wife was laying on a hospital bed, dead looking and.. shouting at her? Well not shouting, her artificial breathing would not allow it, she certainly looked annoyed though.

“Helloooo! Equestria to Flutt…ershy!” Her amelodic voice did sound annoyed as well.

“Uhm, yes.” Fluttershy managed to push her darker thoughts aside and give her wife a weak smile. “Sorry.” She apologized, though not exactly sure for what, zoning out probably.

“Hay, we talked.... about this.” Rainbow said, her eyebrows already relaxing their frown. There was more love than irritation in her rebuke. “You shouldn’t say... sorry when you’ve... done nothing wrong,... okay?”

“Okay, sorry.” Fluttershy agreed, a weak smile playing across her face before she grimaced. “Oh shoot.”

That comment made Rainbow burst out laughing, well as close to that as she got. The monotone, hacking, “Hahahaha...hahaha...haha.” had about as much in common with real laughter as the static on a radio. It just sounded wrong coming from a pony's mouth, unattural. If it weren’t for the blue pegasus’ face lighting up with a smile as those horrible sounds escaped her throat Fluttershy would never have believed them to be a sign of mirth.

Noting the pained expression on her wife’s face Rainbow quickly quieted down. “Oh Fluttershy… never change.” She said, rolling her eyes.

“But… you always tell me I need to change.” Her wife spoke timidly, just the barest hint of accusation in her voice.

That drew another short non-laughter from the blue pony. “Yeah, but I’m an idiot, you shouldn’t listen to me.”

Fluttershy couldn’t help but smile at that. They’d had this argument so many times during their marriage, and even before. She knew what Rainbow meant. If it hadn’t been for her best friend pushing her throughout their childhood she would never have become the pony she was today. She would have hid away when Nightmare Moon returned, or Discord after that.

Rainbow had always been part of her life, if it wasn’t for Rainbow's constant encouragement she would never have been brave enough to admit her feelings for the amazing pony. She most definitely would never have dared to propose.

Fluttershy couldn’t help but giggle at that particular memory. She had gathered courage for months, the ring burning a hole in her pocket, until she couldn't take it anymore. In a fit of madness she had gone down on one knee and told the mare that she wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, and would she please maybe say yes, if she wanted to, it was fine if she said no, really, but please say yes?

Rainbow’s answer had been perfect. Not a ‘yes’, not a ‘maybe’. She hadn't dodged the question or even let out her customary sarcasm.

No the blue pony had just smacked herself on the forehead and exclaimed. “Why didn’t I think of that first!?”

It had been 110% pure Rainbow, and Fluttershy loved her for it.

Rainbow's next words had made Fluttershy her wife. "Huh, I guess you beat me to it, but I’m glad you did. I wouldn’t want to wait any longer to marry you than I have to" Fluttershy felt herself getting lost in the memory, she had so few happy memories these days.

“You’re zoning out again.”

Once more Fluttershy was pulled back to the present, only this time the tears on her face were of joy.

“Did you… did you just laugh?” Rainbow’s voice sounded amused, pleased even and Fluttershy realized that she had been.

“Seriously that’s aw… awesome. I have… haven’t seen you laugh… in ages.” Yes, she was definitely pleased, more than pleased, Rainbow sounded happy.

Fluttershy felt herself blushing. “Sorry, I’m-”

“Appappapp!...None of that.” Rainbow cut her off. If she could have she would have waved a hoof at her blushing wife.

“Don’t apologize, it’s… really great to… hear you laugh… I was afraid I’d… never get to hear... it again.” The smile on her face could melt your heart, it certainly worked on Fluttershy as the pony felt herself relax.

“It’s my favourite sound.” Rainbow continued, making Fluttershy blush with happiness. “Well, that... and your singing of course.”

Fluttershy felt her ears go warm and she hid behind her mane at the barrage of compliment. However Rainbow’s next words made the blood freeze in her veins.

“Hay, can’t you.... sing for me as… as I die?”

Fluttershy froze, her eyes flew open and she could feel her pulse race, it competed with her breath as her body threatened to hyperventilate.

“Sorry, was I too blunt?” Rainbow’s voice sounded far away, Fluttershy could barely hear it over the ringing in her ears.

“It was, wasn’t… it?” The pegasus sounded apologetic. “Sorry.”

The shivering mare managed to pull herself together enough to stammer out a reply.

“Y-y-yo-you ha-ha-ve have no-nothing to apologise f-f-for.” She squeaked out, still shaking.

“Yes I do.” The mare on the bed was almost shouting, almost. “I really do.”

Fluttershy just shook her head. “N-na-no.”

“Yes I do.” Rainbow repeated herself, ears flicking in irritation. “I’m a blunt plothole… constantly putting... a hoof in my mouth… I don’t even know… what you ever saw... in me.”

That broke through Fluttershy’s shock. “S-s-stop it!” She cried out, glaring back at her wife.

“Oh, but when you say it… it’s okay?” Rainbow shot back, if she could have she would have folded her hooves across her chest.

“You can... put yourself down… whenever you… feel like it?” She scowled. “But when I do it you… you get mad?...That’s not fair Fluttershy.” She accused.

That made the yellow pegasus flare out her wings in anger. Not fair, how dared she? Rainbow Dash was feathering perfect! She wasn’t like Fluttershy, she was bold and brave, and charismatic and, and a lot of other good things. How dare she say otherwise?

“That’s not the same!” She shouted back, well for Fluttershy it was shouting, even the pony on the bed could raise her voice more. “I’m nothing special and you’re-”

“Useless.” Rainbow finished for her.

The word felt like a punch in the gut and Fluttershy reeled from it.

“No you’re not, you’re wonderful, and awesome, and radical and, and… and amazing!”

“You forgot cool.” Rainbow muttered, already slipping back to her gallow’s humour.

“Yes I did.” She replied, wiping a tear from her eyes. “You are very cool. The coolest.”

“I was.” Rainbow agreed back, bitterness in her amelodic voice. “Now I’m useless."

"No, you're not." Fluttershy protested feebly, she knew Rainbow was right, at least a little. Fluttershy knew she was a horrible pony for even thinking it once and she could never bear to admit it out loud.

"Bulldroppings." Her wife shot back. "I just made my wife cry… and I can't even… trot over there and… put a hoof around… her shoulders." She blew a raspberry on the exhale. "If that's not the… bucking definition... of useless. Then I don't know... what is."

It was then that Fluttershy realized what she had been doing. She had been yelling, at Rainbow Dash at her wife!

Without further comment she launched herself at the bed, curling up next to the body in it. She wrapped her hooves and wings around her wife and squeaked a stream of.

"Sorrysorrysorrysorry!"

"Hay… it's okay." Rainbow whispered back. She would have given every medal she ever earned to be able to stroke her wife's mane as she spoke, but she couldn't so she had to do the best she could.

She stuck out her tongue and licked Fluttershy's cheek. Disgusting maybe, but it was the best she could do. If she could she would have folded every limb she had around the quivering mare. She would have happily given one of her legs, given it gladly if it meant she got to wrap the other one around Fluttershy. To hold her and tell her everything was alright until it was, but she couldn’t, she was useless.

Her wife however seemed to appreciate the gesture, she snuggled closer, letting Rainbow reach her with her lips. She spent the next few minutes kissing Fluttershy’s cheek while the mare cried herself out.

"So…" She began when the sobbing started to wind down. For once making a deliberate pause as she picked her words. The breathing spell exhaled several times as she said nothing. Eventually Fluttershy lifted her head to look at her with tearstained eyes. It was nothing for it, Rainbow opted for bluntness, it was the only thing she was good for anymore.

"Soo, you're still… going to kill me,... right?"

That caused the mare on top of her to burst out in tears once more, but it couldn't be helped. Fluttershy needed to cry herself out and say goodbye if she were ever to manage what Rainbow had asked of her. What she had selfishly asked of her

"There there." She spoke ineffectually. "It's okay." She said, even if she knew it wasn't.

"It sucks… I know it sucks." She said after a while, that felt a lot more genuine. It seemed to work as Fluttershy's ears perked up, even if she still buried her face in Rainbow's chest. Oh how she wished she could feel it.

"It sucks." She repeated. "It sucks donkeyballs." She said, drawing a sobbing snort from her wife.

"I didn't ask for… any of this… and it sucks. I wanted to… to grow old… maybe retire… You know, not… completely, just… like only do one race each week… and only train on… on weekdays so… so I could spend more ti…time with you… Fluttershy."

She was pouring her heart out, and it was working. Fluttershy was no longer sobbing uncontrollably. The mare was now silently weeping as she listened to what could have been.

"Yeah, spend some more… time with my family,… with my wife… Heck, maybe I'd take… up teaching once I... got too old to… to compete myself."

She let out her robotic laughter again but this time it didn't seem to pain Fluttershy as much, so she continued.

"Can you... imagine me as… as a coach, eh Fluttershy?" More hacking laughter, only this time it was joined by the sobbing chuckles of her lover.

"Yeah, I actually think… I would have… been good a… at it. Or at least... not terrible. Hay, no laughing at me." She stuck out her tongue again this time because she couldn't give the mare a friendly elbow in the ribs.

"Yeah yeah, laugh… laugh all you want then… I still think that… i would have made… A good teacher. I'm the best… after all." She said, not hiding the smugness, it wasn't bragging if it was true, right? Some fighting pony had said that.

"And I'm good at… at motivating ponies." She finished. Well, after all, she was trying to talk the kindest mare in the world into murdering somepony. If she could pull that off she had earned the badge of best motivator by a landslide.

Not murder. She corrected herself. Mercy kill.

It couldn't be murder if it was what she wanted, right? It was more like putting her out of her misery. It was actually kinder than leaving somepony to suffer if you looked at it for long enough. And Rainbow had had precious little else to do for the past few months than pondering that dilemma.

Oh She knew it was selfish, she was well aware of the fact. It was a total jerk move to ask that of her wife, but what else could she do? Rainbow truly was useless, she couldn't even off herself.

They just lay there for what felt like hours. Fluttershy gently sobbing while Rainbow Dash talked and talked. Eventually Fluttershy snuggled closer again, burying her muzzle in the crook of Rainbow's shoulder. Even with the crying, it still felt like heaven to Rainbow as she felt the heat of the other mare against her cheek.

She was glad she got to feel that before she went. Actually, buck that. She'd be damned if she left this planet without giving her wife one last kiss goodbye.

"Hey, Fluttershy." She called out, rousing the mare.

"Kiss me." She asked once she had the mare's full attention. "Kiss me." She urged again.

Slowly, carefully, as if she was afraid she'd break something, Fluttershy leaned down and pressed her lips to Rainbow's.

It was magical!

It almost felt like the old times as their tongues entwined, almost, as now Fluttershy was the one on top, but Rainbow didn't mind that part, neither of them did.

"Feel better?" Rainbow asked when the kiss finally ended and Fluttershy pulled back.

"Mhm." The shy mare nodded, blushing.

"Me too." Rainbow rasped. She then hesitated, her mouth felt dry. She didn't want to bring it up and ruin the moment.

"You said you had... a gift for me?" She probed, both hoping like tartarus that her shy wife had chickened out and gotten her a new book or something, and hoping just as much that she hadn't.

Her wife froze at the question. For a long moment the mare did nothing, confirming Rainbow's guess. After a while she nodded reluctantly.

"I did."

"Awesome!" Rainbow called out, faking the enthusiasm she wasn't feeling. In fact she was terrified.

"Let me see." She knew it was just like any other fear, she had to push through it. It wasn't harder than performing a sonic rainboom in front of an audience of hundreds of ponies, the wonderbolts and The Princess herself, surely? Everypony died eventually, so how hard could it be?

At least that's what she told herself as Fluttershy reached down and produced her present.

She held it up in trembling hooves towards Rainbow, who eyed the elaborate wrapping paper and bow.

"Yeah, I'm gonna… need some help... to open that." She stated bluntly, very pointedly not taking the package in her hooves. This was good, keep it funny and sarcastic, then it wouldn't be as scary. Then she wouldn't scare Fluttershy away. She couldn't show her true fear, she just couldn't. This might be her only chance to end it, and she couldn't live with herself if she made her sweet adorable kind wife feel like she did it against Rainbow's will. Okay that last part was maybe moot, but it still didn't make it okay.

Fluttershy on her side didn't notice the internal monologue, she snatched the present back with a sheepish smile.

"Sorry." Then she sighed as she saw Rainbow roll her eyes, she knew what was coming.

"Don't apologise." They said in unison, after which they smiled at each other.

"Sorry." Fluttershy said, and stuck out her tongue, showing she did it on purpose.

The sound of Rainbow's artificial laughter echoed around the room, and it was soon joined by Fluttershy's timid giggling, which soon turned into full on laughter by itself.

This was so much better than crying.

"So... what are you waiting for?" Rainbow said when the laughter died down. They could totally do this.

"A miracle." Fluttershy replied sadly and bit down on the silk band around the present. With a pull of her teeth the beautiful bow unfurled and fell to the bed.

Slowly, and with trembling hooves, she lifted the lid and revealed the box's contents.

"Sweet." Rainbow exclaimed. "Nopony's ever... given me one of those… before." She reached out a hoof towards it, and then remembered. Being paralized sucked. In lieu of anything else she could do she continued to talk.

"So that's like a ten… out of ten for radicalness." She praised Fluttershy's gift. "But as… rad as it is… what is it?"

She knew what it was, the opened present held one thing. It was the best gift she could hope for in these terrible circumstances.

Rainbow grinned widely at her wife. It was the best gift she could hope for under these horrible circumstances. It spoke to how bleak her situation felt that this was the gift she was grateful for. If things were normal, it was the kind of gift that would have gotten Fluttershy locked up in prison.

But things weren’t normal, and she eyed the large syringe with fearful anticipation.

“It, it’s a syringe.” Fluttershy replied, struggling to to get the words out without breaking back into sobs. It broke Rainbow’s heart to see her wife this sad, but it wasn’t that much worse than the sorrow she had seen nearly every day since her accident. Fluttershy always tried to put on a brave face, always playing the supportive and hopeful wife.

Rainbow had seen through it every time. She knew seeing her lover like this was killing her. Slowly but surely, Fluttershy was killing herself. Every time she looked at her wife, a little piece of her broke, and Rainbow had to do something while there was still something left unbroken in the poor mare. She had gotten letters from their old friends too. They were all worried about Flutterahy. She barely went out anymore, barely saw her friends or even ate. She knew from Applejack that her wife had given away most of her animals because she couldn’t care for them. Not when she spent every day taking care of Rainbow Dash.

Heck, when you thought about it like that, offing herself was almost a noble thing.

If Rainbow could keep telling herself that, maybe she wouldn’t feel like such a monster for doing it. She wasn’t just doing it for herself, she was helping Fluttershy too. The mare needed to let go, or she would surely follow her wife into being a broken shell of a pony, another living dead.

That thought scared Rainbow more than anything else she could imagine. Fluttershy could move, she had wings. If she ever got as far along as Rainbow was now, it was only a matter of time before she jumped off a cloud with her wings tied.

Rainbow could never let that happen, never!

“Duh! I know that.” She said, rolling her eyes. Taking refuge in the present and the gallow humour once more. Buck, if she herself would consider taking her own life if something happened to Fluttershy, the roles reversed, as they already stood made her even more frightened. She pushed the mind numbing horror away and plastered a smile on her face.

“Like... what’s in it? She said, hurrying to fill the air with words, sweet distracting words. “Is it water? Looks like…. water. Oh, is it vodka?”

“Even better.” Fluttershy replied bitterly. “It’s Morphine.”

“Morphine? What’s that?” Rainbow already had a vague idea, but that was a drug wasn’t it, not a poison?

“Yes, morphine.” Fluttershy replied, taking the syringe out of the box. “It’s a painkiller.”

“Oh yeah.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Because I’m in sooo much…. pain right now. Hey why don’t… you pinch my leg,... see if I feel that,... or chop it off… with a blunt axe.”

Fresh tears spilled from Fluttershy’s eyes as she lowered the syringe and met Rainbow’s magenta eyes.

“You’re being kind of mean right now.”

“Yeah, well I’m scared… okay? I’m about to… bucking die here… I get to be scared.”

She could see the yellow mare almost breaking at that, and feeling like a heel she doubled back, pretended like the last exchange hadn’t happened.

“Soo… morphine… what does it do? Aside from killing pain?” She asked, doing her best to put a comforting and curious smile on her face.

“Just killing.” The mare sobbed out, looking away from Rainbow and once more starting to cry, it was a wonder she had any tears left.

“It’s too much, and overdose is lethal to ponies.” Fluttershy squeezed out between the sobs.

“And... Are you sure… that little is enough... to do the job?” Rainbow asked before she could stop herself. Stupid mouth.

“Yes!” Her wife shrieked back, so loud that Rainbow worried the nurses would come running. She might not have much time now.

“Excellent... just jab it into my leg.” She urged, was that hoofsteps she heard? If Fluttershy got caught they would both be in soo much trouble.

“I can’t.” The mare sobbed, dropping the needle. Rainbow tried to crane her head to see it fall but it’s landing was obscured by the edge of her bed bed. She heard it clatter againdt the floor, but she didn’t hear any glass breaking, that was good, all was okay. Sure it was on the dirty floor, but it wasn’t like she would have to worry about infections.

“Fluttershy.” She croaked, lifting her eyes from the spot the syringe had disappeared to focus on what was really important. “Fluttershy… look at me.”

“Look at me.” She repeated when the mare refused to meet her eyes.

“Please.” It was such a rare thing for Rainbow to beg for anything that it made Fluttershy look up, for one moment their eyes locked and Rainbow seized on it.

“You can do this.” She urged. “You’re the bravest… mare I know.”

That last statement made a pink eyebrow raise in obvious scepticism.

“I mean it.” And Rainbow really did. “You are the bravest... pony in Equestria, you... defeated Discord for ponies sake,... and Nightmare Moon!”

Fluttershy shook her head, her mane threatening to once more become a barrier between them.

“I’m, I’m not.” She replied bitterly.

“Yes you are!”

“No, I didn’t defeat Discord, I befriended him, and Luna wasn’t so scary once we got to know her and…”

“You defeated Discord... by befriending him,... Princess Luna too... That’s even more brave... than kicking their plots… which we did too… at first.”

Still the timid mare shook her head. “I wasn’t brave." She protested. "I was terrified. Every single time we went out I was scared out of my skin.” She admitted, it wasn’t a secret, not since Rainbow had complained about it during every adventure they went on together. But it was still something she was ashamed of.

“Yeah.” Rainbow agreed. “And that’s... what makes you the... bravest pony alive.”

That made the mare peek out from behind her mane, curiosity written on her face.

“You were scared… and you still… did it. That’s what… courage is…” Their eyes met once more. “I’m not really brave… I just never... get scared.” Rainbow lied.

“Yeah… maybe.” Fluttershy hesitated, not even noticing that she was starting to sound like her wife. “Maybe I did all those things, but I had you with me for that, and my other friends.”

She looked up only to find Rainbow grinning back at her.

“And... you have me now.” She said, like it was a finishing argument. “And I could never... have done those... things without you... either.”

Now that made the yellow mare’s eyes open wide.

“What, really?” She said.

“Really.” Rainbow wasn’t sure if that was actually true, but she meant them nonetheless. Having Fluttershy there had made every challenge that much easier to face. Made every hardship easier to bear. Fluttershy was her rock, her support her safe haven.

“We made all those…. impossible things... together.” She felt the love pouring out of her own voice, and she did the best she could to convey the impression of holding out a hoof for her lover to grasp.

“So let’s do this thing… together.” She blew a kiss. It didn't matter that it was corny, it was what she wanted to express.

Whatever it was that reached her, Fluttershy nodded. She picked up the syringe and leaned over Rainbow’s bed. Tears were streaming through her eyes, but she was still doing it. Rainbow couldn’t help but marvel at the bravery her wife was showing. Not even the fear coursing through them both could dim the love they shared.

The syringe hovered over Rainbow’s leg. The limb that had once been thick with muscle looked thin and frail, it was easy to find a vein, they pulsed visibly under her papery skin, the blood moved around by the spell that kept her once strong heart beating.

“Wait!” Rainbow croaked just as the needle was about to go in.

Fluttershy who had been so lost in her own mind, trying to numb the pain of what she was doing jabbed the syringe in her own leg, so started was she.

“Rainbow!” She hissed.

“Sorry.” The blue mare had a sheepish look. “I just have… one last request.”

Fluttershy shook her head, she had waited with it until now? And then it hit her. Rainbow hadn’t believed she would actually go through with it.

“What?” She asked, after taking several deep breaths. Fluttershy knew that whatever Rainbow had been more reluctant to talk about than her own death would be something immensely painful.

She was right.

Rainbow waited for their eyes to meet before she spoke, the words clearly paining herself as well.

“When I’m gone… you gotta promise to… not marry anypony else.”

Fluttershy started. The notion that she could ever find a mare that could replace Rainbow Dash was unthinkable. However there was something about the statement that seemed odd. As horrible as the thought was that she would have to spend the rest of her life without the most important pony in it, it just didn’t seem Rainbow’s style. It felt too cliche, as repulsive as the thought was now, she doubted Rainbow would want her to spend the rest of her life lonely and in grief. Sure, she obviously would, but for Rainbow to outright ask it of her?

The next chuckling breath from Rainbow cut that train of thought as she delivered the second half of her request.

“Not unless they're... at least half as… cool as I am…. Okay? You gotta promise… me that." Her next breath was again full of the closest thing to a snorting laughter she could conjure up. "Don't marry anypony who… isn't good enough for you."

“Rainbow!” Fluttershy nearly slapped her for that one, she was that high strung. This was no time for jokes! It was so inappropriate, so blunt and tactless and so, so Rainbow Dash that Fluttershy felt herself smile despite the anger that was bubbling up.

“Oh you, you prankster!” She hissed. “You just had to get one last joke in, didn’t you.”

As morbid as the joke had been it did somehow make Fluttershy feel a bit better. It was a statement full of blatant ego, confidence, love and concern, it was 100% the mare she loved.

“I did.” Rainbow admitted between her fits of laughter. However she soon quieted down and met Fluttershy’s eye with a serious frown on her brow.

“I’m serious though… You deserve to be happy… always. I’m glad I got to… to spend my life… with you.” She waited while the spell took another few breaths before she spoke again.

“But you.. you get to keep on living.... You need to be happy… happy even when… I'm gone... If you meet somepony… somepony else that… makes you happy… don’t let me stand… in the way.”

“I can’t just forget you!” Fluttershy sobbed back, not wanting to hear what her wife was saying. It was just too unthinkable.

“Of course not.” Rainbow hissed back, a bit of her old bravado slipping back into her voice. “I’m awesome. Nopony should… forget about me.” The thought seemed offensive to the blue mare.

“I want to be… remembered.” She said with decisiveness. “I want everypony to… to talk about the ...youngest wonderbolt... for centuries. The first pony... in modern times to do.. a sonic rainboom,... the mare who helped save Equestria... like six times. Me! I want to be remembered.” She was practically begging by this point, if her hooves could they would have been clutching her wife’s.

“It’s all I… have left.” She croaked, real fear in her voice. “It’s all I’ll leave… leave behind!... Just memories.”

Fluttershy did the clutching instead, gripping her wife and pulling her in a comforting embrace. “Schhh, it’s okay.” She hummed.

“I’m scared.” Rainbow croaked. “And not of dying…. I’m scared that if I don’t... nopony will remember me as… as I was! I was awesome!”

“You really were.” Fluttershy agreed, her own tears soaking into Rainbow’s unfeeling shoulder.

“And the longer I... spend in this bed,... the more scared I am that... this is how they will remember me…. Not the Rainbow that... spread across the nation,... dazzling everypony she met…. but as… as the has-been who... spent 40 years wetting her bed... before she finally croaked,... leaving her wife and friends to… to care for her useless plot... for the rest of their own lives.... I don’t want that Fluttershy… It’s the worst thing... I can imagine. It's… worse than dying.”

And Fluttershy did understand. It should feel wrong, but it didn’t, she understood perfectly. It was the thought that she had suppressed for the last year. Something she had never let herself think, not until Rainbow laid it out.

It had been better if Rainbow had died in that crash.

What had held on to life with the help of magic and doctors was not really Rainbow Dash, how could it be? Most of the things that defined the mare had been left behind at that stadium. The echo in the bed could never really be herself again. She could never be a hero, never save Equestria, never chillax with her friends or please and support her wife. She couldn’t even lift a hoof to feed herself.

While Fluttershy would never agree that the pony in the bed was useless, no matter what it said, she had finally accepted that it was a pale shadow of the real mare.

“Any last words?” She whispered, preparing the syringe once more, this time with a steady hoof.

Rainbow Dash looked surprised at the kind mare’s sudden resolve but slowly a relieved smile spread across her muzzle.

“Just two.” She whispered back, and then they came. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Goodby.” And as she spoke the last words she would ever get to say to her wife, she poked the needle into the pale blue leg and squeezed the morphine into the mare's bloodstream. She then collapsed in tears, not even bothering to take the needle out as she cried for the life she had lost. Her wife, her friend, her lifelong companion, the most awesome pony that ever lived was go-

“There there.” A familiar voice croaked, making Fluttershy raise her eyes in shock. It hadn’t worked? She looked at the syringe, it was clearly both empty and lodged into a big vein in Rainbow's withered leg.

“It didn’t take?” She hissed in confusion, disappointment and a shameful surge of relief.

“Oh I think so.” The dead mare replied. “It wasn’t… meant to be instant… was it?”

Fluttershy could have kicked herself, of course not, but it would be quick.

“How do you feel?” She asked the poisoned pony.

“Hard to tell…. I’m feeling… loopy.” Her eyelids had already started to close and her speech was slurring. “Feels okay.. like being really drunk… thought dying would… feel a.. feel a…” She let out a yawn. “Feel a lot worse.”

“That’s the morphine.” Fluttershy replied numbly, patting a blue leg. She couldn’t believe what she had just done.

“That’s… thatsch… good schtuff.” Rainbow slurred, her eyes now closed, drool running down the side of her mouth. “You schould get… get schome more… Applejack will… like it.”

And that seemed to be it, Rainbow seemed to be melting back in the bed she had spent the last year of her life in, finally stilling.

“Wait!”

Apparently not entirely dead yet, the mare in the bed opened her magenta eyes for the last time and met Fluttershy’s with a horrified gaze.

“You forgot to sing!” She whined. “I can’t go… cant go out without… some epic music!”

Fluttershy, completely frozen by that last comment could only nod. She started to hum the first song that came to her.

“Hush now, quiet now.” She began. “It’s time to go to bed.”

“Already am in bed.” Rainbow mumbled, but she seemed to relax anyway, the last ounce of fear leaving her body as the morphine spread through her system.

“Hush now, quiet now. It’s time to lay your sleepy head.”

“Mm, sleepy.” Rainbow purred in agreement.

“Hush now, quiet now. It’s time to go to bed.
Said Hush now, quiet now. It’s time to lay your sleepy head.”

Fluttershy sang, tears streaming from her eyes as Rainbow closed her own for the very last time.

“Drifting off to sleep
Exciting life behind you
Drifting off to sleep
Let the peace of heaven find you

I said hush now, quiet now
It’s time to go to bed
Hush now, quiet now
Time to lay your sleepy head

Drifting off to sleep
Drifting off to sleep
Hush”

It wasn’t until the song ended that she heard the high pitched beep that told her she was now the only pony in the room with a heartbeat.

And she cried.

She slumped over the bed and bawled her eyes out over the body of her late wife, the body she had helped make.

She did not fight when the nurses wrestled her off the corpse.

There was nothing they could do. Nothing more anypony could do.

They had done all they could. For over a year they had done everything they could, and it hadn’t been enough. Still she could never be mad at the hospital staff. They had done everything they could, and that was all you could ever ask.

As they led her away she threw one last look at the pony who had been her wife. Strangely she didn’t see the wasted body it had been minutes ago, the one she had watched wither away over weeks and months into a breathing corpse.

No what she saw was the pony before the crash. The strong and athletic mare that had challenged the skies every day of her life. Unlike Fluttershy she wore her age well, her rainbow mane had just started to fade and turn into steel. The gray hairs along her temples only made the mare look more impressive, muscles having swelled to replace the nimbleness of youth. Rainbow Dash looked every bit the Wonderbolt she was, the captain no less. Funny, she was wearing her jacket, Fluttershy could have sworn she hadn’t worn it a minute ago.

Slowly, as understanding dawned, a smile spread across her lips. It did nothing to quell the tears, but it made them bearable. It turned out Rainbow Dash’s last wish had come true.

Ponies saw her how she had lived, not how she had died.

Forever a hero.

Forever Rainbow Dash.

Author's Note

So anypony that likes classic movies can probably spot the main inspiration for this one. It is one I saw many years ago, but it has stuck with me.When I saw the prompt I knew this was the kind of story I needed to tell.

Hope you like it.