Lifeless life lessons

by crazydude

Rating: teen
Tags: Cutie Mark Crusaders, Sex, Slice of Life, Main 6, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2925

Gravestone Ponyville's gravekeeper finds her self with a self aware zombie whom also is a womanizer. Can she keep Ponyville in the dark about a zombie on the loose?

Gravestone, Ponyville's grave keeper, embalmer and mortician. She lives in a house on top of hill of a graveyard. she have been Ponyville's grave keeper for ten years now and loves her job. Not many ponys would like to work at a graveyard because of its creepy atmosphere. Just a month ago her little brother desired to live with her from now on. Now what happens if a dead pony rise up from his grave. Now what if i told you this zombie is self aware...
(If you don't like reading about organs popping out then don't read this)

Published 2012-09-03 23:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-03 23:24:02 UTC

Chapter 1: It woke up...

It was lovely dark night in Ponyville. The beauty of the night sky and the lovely glow of Luna’s moon shining the sky along with the stars. One of the perks of working at Ponyville's graveyard to a specific unicorn mare. Her coat was a dark blue and her mane a dark purple, it was long and straight and her tail is all wild, she never really care to brushed it. Her cutie mark is a coffin with a flashlight making an X complete with a full moon and cloud in the background. She wore a gray hoodie with a black cap that said "Might as well jump!" stitched on it and the color of her eyes is a mixture of blueish green. The graveyard itself is located in the most secluded part of the town. Not exactly popular to the townsfolk unless...its nightmare night however there are pones that come by from time to time to pay their respects but only in the daylight. It was just out of town to be precise its distance was as far as sweet apple acres is to the town.

She was the grave keeper among other things that relate to her profession. As in having to cut open the dead to preserve they're innards before they enter the coffin. Not many pones would like that as a profession however she find her walks around the graves peaceful. The grave yard weren’t anything fancy, just regular tombstones can be found along with a few crosses and some tombs all made from stone some made of wood. There was a light fog with some trees around and an occasional hoot from an owl. The mare walked around with a flashlight glowing a dark blue aura around it. She then started to skip to a tune in her head. Then she started to whistle the tune and brought the rear end of her flashlight close to her face and began to sing.

"I get up...and nothing gets me down."
She skipped down a row of tombstones and lean down to one. Her face close to be able to read its contents.

"You got it tough...I've seen the toughest around." Here lies Dibbs he thought he could fight a manticore.

"And I know...baby, just how you feel." Silver Dig depression got to her. The mare gave a frown and trotted to the next tombstone.

"You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real." Parson Boxking didn't know when to quit in a boxing match.

"Oh can't you see me standing here,"
"I've got my back against the record machine." Jukebox Ironically the name of thing that fell on her.

"I ain't the worst that you've seen." Behind her the ground in front of one tombstone was shaking.

"Oh can't you see what I mean?" she found her way to one of the stone paths and leaped into the air. to mesmerized in her song to notice the activity behind her to notice.

"Might as well jump." a hoof came out of the ground.
"Might as well jump." another hoof came out and started to lift itself out of the ground.
"Go ahead, jump." The mare turned to see a grave with a fresh hole. She then approached it.
"Go ahead, jump." Funny I don’t remember this hole here? Is there a new arrival that she forgot? She was thinking to herself.

A second voice came in startling her a little. it was raspy and defiantly male.
"Aaa-ohh Hey you! Who said that" The mere turn to see a figure in the darkness.
"Baby how you been?" She shrugged.

"You say you don't know, you won't know until you begin." it walked to a nearby tree and lean on it.

"Well can't you see me standing here,"
"I've got my back against the record machine." The mare smiled 'he knows this song' now full of glee and pointed the flashlight to get a glimpse of this pony but when she did the figure went behind the tree she only saw what looked like a brown suit. Then her flashlight died, she gave a frown and got closer.

"I ain't the worst that you've seen." the figure pop out.

"Oh can't you see what I mean?" The two now in a duet.

"Might as well jump. Jump!" The two got closer.
"Go ahead, jump." The two leaped into the air.
"Might as well jump."
" Jump!" The two were now back to back.
"Go ahead, jump."
"Jump!"

The suited pony then did a power slide on the stone path doing the best a pony could do with an air guitar mimicking the notes he played. He did a flip over a tombstone and started to spin around going "MEEDLY MEEDLY MAOW" then with the last note rose a hoof in the air.

The mere just sat there now playing an invisible keyboard also mimicking the notes she played. Her hoofs danced around quickly going "DIDDLYDIDDLYDIDDLYDIDDLYDIDDLY...DOO. DOO. DOO. DOO. DOO. DOO." then slowed down to the last notes.

The two look like a couple of idiots having a great time.

'He' got in front of her both still playing they're imaginary instruments and the two continued singing now jumping to the song.

"Might as well jump."
" Jump!"

"Go ahead, jump."

"Get it and jump."
" Jump!"

"Go ahead, jump."

"Jump!"

"Jump!"

"Jump!"

"Jump!"

The two landed and started to laugh. The suited stallion began ."Oh man I haven't heard that song in ages." He then tripped over with an 'oof'. The mere winced "Oh are you ok?" The mare's flashlight came back back to life. She pointed the light to him. All she could see from her angle is his suit a faded brown with dust or dirt on it, it was also ripped up. On his head he were a fedora same color and condition as his suit. His mane was black and short and his tail was messy and short.

"Here let me help you up." Her flash light now pointed at the floor as she help the stallion up. she felt something poke her side but disregard it. The stallion turned to her, his hat hiding any facial features.
"Thanks miss..."
"Oh you can call me Gravestone."
"Gravestone...thanks babe now the Cats usually call me Eddie Losorgin"
"PFF more like lost organ you seem to have dropped your leg." A few seconds of silence went by before her comment kicked in.
She looked at the floor, Eddie holding on her for support, the flashlight was on the item of interest on the floor. It was a whole leg that had a mixture of patches of fur, muscle, and bone sticking out and its knee was just exposed bone
"Eddie...what’s that on the floor?" Fear now taking hold.
"Gee babe don’t know why you would ask me that since you answered it yourself." He reached down and picked it up with his mouth and forced the leg back in place with a loud SNAP. Eddie started to flex his reattached leg. "Ahh much better." He said then turned looking at a now nervous Gravestone. She was just staring at the ground breathing heavily.
"That’s...really your...leg." She turned her head to face him and pointed her flashlight at him and she gave a squeak. His face was so thin you could see his skull his coat was a dark gray with missing patches of fur showing sickly green skin. His eyes were a lifeless gray, one missing a pupil. she looked down at what was poking her. There was a hole on his side exposing bone from his ribcage along with some exposed organs, his flanks were ripped showing only the meat of his muscle. "Please...don’t eat me." He smiled "Don’t worry ill just take a nibble." Her eyes shrank and shoved the zombie away from her and ran screaming "HELP ZOMBIE PONY!" Her hat flew off as she jumped over tombstones running as far as her legs can go. Grave made a turn passing by a statue of a pegasus with a halo on its head. She turn her head seeing the zombie RUNNING at her. 'Oh great its one of those zombies' she thought to her self.

She tripped and landed near a tomb her back against its stone wall. The zombie started to slow down and stumble closer and closer. Gravestone just shrank and curled up into a ball her heart was just going crazy beating as fast as a jack hammer. It gave a wicked smile as it just keep getting closer. She used her legs to cover her face not daring to look. she felt a muzzle on her head and braced for pain and teeth going inter her skull 'Death by a dead man oh the irony' she imagine being in her tombstone...she heard a sniff "My babe! What kind of shampoo you use that smells the Cats pajamas." 'Of course wanting to smell its dinner before it devoured It...wait? what? cats pajamas? what is this the 1920?' she thought "I...I use Flur de shampoo" she responded. Now shaking in fear and a tad confused by his lingo.
"Well babe keep using that a guy could really fall for a sent like that...Oh by the way you dropped this." she felt her hat return to her head. That caught her off guard. She looks through her hoofs "Aren’t you going to eat my brain?"
He looked at her with a confused expression on his face "Now baby you gon and got me balled up WHY would I do that." Ok what? She slowly rose up "Isn’t that what zombies do? You know eat the flesh of the living, making more zombies, never ending hunger? zombie apocalypse starting?"
"Looks like somepony is watching too many movi-" his jaw fell off now his tongue drooped down hanging. he gave a frustrated groan as he picked his jaw backup and wiped it before he shoved it back place. Eddie made some chewing motions then continued "sorry as I was saying you have been watching too many zombie movies"
"WHAT who are you to tell me that zombies don’t do that!" Gravestone huffed.
"An ACTUAL zombie that’s who" Eddie shot back.
"but you said you were going to eat me!"
"No I didn't but I wouldn't mind eating you if you know what I mean." Eddie said arcing a brow with a smile.
Gravestone's face turn a bit red and felt disgusted.
"BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO NIBBLE ON MY FLESH!"
"Wait you actually thought I was serious." he then fell over laughing "Oh man. Gravestone that’s just funny" Grave's face more red now. "I nearly got a heart attack you jerk!" she yelled.
"For someone who works in a graveyard I would have expected you not to be scared of dead pones." he said getting up.
"Well yeah dead, not undead. It’s not every day a dead guy gets up from his grave you know, and how are you talking. Zombies can’t talk, just moan."
"Well that depends on how damaged your vocal cords are as you can see mine are perfectly fine. I just having a gaping hole in my side, speaking of which." Eddie reached in to his open rib cage and began to pullout a kidney "hold this" he throw the organ at Grave she caught it with her magic. It was decaying and looked like it might have shrunk a size or two. He keep pulling out organs making squishy sounds as he handing them her. Grave soon was surrounded with flouting organs all around her were intestines, bladder, lungs, ect. all decaying and rotten.
"OH COME ON WHERES MY LIVER WITHOUT IT I CANT. Ah there you are." he pulled it out it was dark gray and had many bumps on it.
"Sheesh whoever was the grave keeper when you were around must have been lazy. Didn’t even takeout any organs."
"Well I was murdered so I wasn’t even given a proper burial" pointing at the hole in him "I think it was some kind of explosive spell."
"WHAT THAT’S HORRIBLE. Why would anypony kill another pony?"
"Lose ends" Eddie looked down then back at the fleet of his innards "Can I have my organs back?" Gravestone looked at him. "Yeah...sure but I’ll put them back in for you don't want them to fall out while your walking...come on" The two made their way up hill in the graveyard. Out there sat a lonely house. "Well this is pretty cliché." Eddie said looking at the house, which looked like it was from an old horror movie it was two stories high with a complete attic, the windows were darkly tinted and yet very clean. They reached the door and Gravestone stopped and turned "Umm my little brother is sleeping and I don’t want him to wake up so...please be quiet."
"Copacetic." was Eddie's response.
"What?"
"Got it."

She opened the door and entered along with floating organs and Eddie behind her looked around. It was a small hall with two doorways and a stair case the walls were littered with pictures and paintings on the wall of pones looking like they date back to the first years of Ponyville. They turn to the left doorway and they were in the living room it had a fireplace a piano a large couch and a table. They walked to the back wall there sad a lonely door. They reached the door and Grave opend it up with her magic. It lead downstairs to the basement which looked like an operating room for surgeons There were tables everywhere covered with blankets and jars there was a large light in the middle pointing at an empty operating table below next to it is two smaller tables on holding variety sharp tools and pincers and other kinds of equipment. The other table full of empty jars in various sizes.

"Sit here please" Gravestone instructed and Eddie sat on the table. Grave then put the organs in individual jars from force of habit. Then a noise came from upstairs "Quick play dead!" Grave frantically whispered "already am dead." Eddie respond.
"Shut up, lay down and sit still."
"If I had a bit every time a mare said that to me..." Eddie said with a smile.
"SHH" she slammed Eddie on the table. "Ow so aggressive." Eddie whispered.
A yawn came from behind, 'Shoot my little brother is awake' she thought. Gravestone turned and saw a little colt making his way down stairs, sleep still in his eyes with the same eye color as older sister. His mane was short and black just like his tail and his coat is blue.
"Sis your back.” he gave a smile looking at his older sister, which disappeared after looking behind her "Who’s that."
"Um that’s Mr. Losorgin he passed away as you can see and I’m taking care of him." The colt then said "Losorgin? Like lost organ?" Gravestone gave a smile "yeah I guess you can say that.Why are up at this time anyway."
"I’m nervous." he said looking on the floor.
"Why is that?"
"First day of school in a new town." he looked a little sad now. Grave moved slowly to her little brother and wrapped her hoof around him "Now now you have been living here for a month and you already know the town."
"Yeah but I don’t know anypony all I did was wandered around town with you whenever we go out."
"You know pinkie pie remember the party she thrown for you?" "yeah but I was too shy to talk to anypony."
Gravestone gave her brother a hug, then looked at her little brother in the eyes.
"Stepstone you have nothing to be afraid of, I mean you live in a house with a bunch of dead pones everywhere and you aren’t even scared. I'm actually still surprised when you first came here to watch me work I was expecting you to be scared out of your mind and ran back to mom and dad." Step gave a small chuckle "yeah for a week I thought you were a mad scientist trying to take over the world with zombies or something." They two laughed "Now come on I have work to do to and you mister need to go back to bed." "Ok...oh...Grave can you walk with me on my first day...if you’re not too busy." Grave smiled warmly "yeah I’ll come with you...Now back to bed I don’t want you to sleep in" "ok" Grave gave a peck on Steps forehead and wished him good night.

The little colt wondered up stairs and the door gave a loud slam. Then a muffle 'Sorry' came from the other side. She gave a sigh. "Well that was close." "AWWW it warms my dead beating heart to see such an adorable family...well I think I does, can't tell since now it’s in a jar," Eddie said pointing at a jar containing his heart.
Grave turn seeing Eddie siting up "Shut it. I’m still mad at you for tricking me." "Would you prefer me to actually eat you. I can still do it...just like this" Eddie then held up his hoofs and began to chomp on an imaginary head. "Brains....uhhhhh" then his left hoof fell off "OH FOR PETE'S SAKE!" Grave giggled "Here just relax and let me do all the work."
"That’s what she-"
*SMACK*
"Stop it..."