Protocol Says

by Camaleao

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Bon-Bon, Mr. Cake, Slice of Life
Length: 1504

A newbie SMILE agent tells a builder pony from Vanhoover he'll be moving to Ponyville. He doesn't even know where that is.

Mr. Cake not always lived in Ponyville and not always had that name.

Once he was just a pony stuck in a grey room in the SMILE headquarters, waiting to go home. Unfortunately, protocols says he won't be going back to Vanhoover just now.

Written for the Original Pairings Group's Speed Writing Contest.

Published 2021-01-01 07:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-01-01 07:10:00 UTC

Looks like frosted cake to me

The yellow earth pony took a sip from the plastic cup right in front of him. The coffee inside was watered down and could use some more sugar but the warmth made him feel better about the whole thing.

He wasn’t sure how long he was waiting in the small room inside the headquarters of SMILE. The grey walls, interrupted only by a mirror, were dull and misled his perception of time. The uncomfortable back of the wooden chair wouldn’t help either and the stallion adjusted himself.

The door squeaked and a mare in a suit and sunglasses entered, carrying a yellow folder under her arm.

“Good afternoon, Mr--” she stopped herself a second, “Sorry, protocol says we shouldn’t use your real name anymore.”

“You’re not Agent Furlong,” he noticed, “Where is he?”

“Senior Agent Furlong was called on an urgent mission. I’ll be the one guiding you through the next steps of the program. I’m agent Sweetie Drops.”

The mare offered a hoof and he took it. Then she sat down across him and placed a few papers over the table.

“I have here with me some forms you need to sign so we can start the relocation process.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You will be relocated from Vanhoover to Ponyville.”

The stallion furrowed his ginger brows in confusion. “Where is that?”

“It’s a small town surrounding Canterlot, next to the Everfree Forest. Many ponies from our Witness Protection Service were sent there over the years. It’s a perfectly safe place.”

“Oh, no, there must be a mistake,” he smiled, “your boss said I could go back as soon as the Diamond Gang was caught.”

"That's correct, but the reports say more branches were found all around North Equestria,” Agent Sweetie Drops rummaged between the files until she found one specific piece of paper, “so we’ll follow the protocol and keep you away from the area until they’re gone for good."

“There must be another way."

“The other option is to send you to our base under the Canterlot Castle and keep you there until we figure it’s safe. Could take a few months.”

“Months?”

“Even a year, maybe. We have agents working on it day and night, but finding the heads can take some time.”

The earth pony stared at the mare in front of him, his head dizzy. She seemed to be a few years younger than him and the way she scrambled the reports across the table gave him the impression she was new to the job.

He bit his lip considering his options.

“Maybe I can’t go back home for a while. But what about Manehattan or Baltimare? There are plenty of ponies there and I could hide in plain sight, right?”

“The relocation plans come from the office above, you see. If the matter was in my hooves I wouldn't mind sending you somewhere else, but in this case, the destination is final."

“In a big city there will be plenty of walls to build, what am I going to do in a place like Ponyville?”

“About that,” she cleared her throat and shifted in the wooden chair, uncomfortable as his, “our intelligence team planned some adaptations for your new life.”

“Adaptations? What do you mean?”

“Means you’ll get a new name and occupation.”

“You can’t be serious, look at me. I’m just a builder from Vanhoover and I’ve been piling up rocks my whole life. That’s what I do.” He took a sip of the coffee, now cold and not so comforting anymore.

“You could try baking.”

“Baking?”

“Agent Furlong thinks it would be the perfect disguise for somepony with a cutie mark like yours.”

“How’s that? It’s clearly three snow-covered rock blocks.”

“Looks like frosted cake to me,” she smiled, “and to the ponies in the intelligence department as well. They even selected a few names you could use if you agree to this part of the plan."

She slid a paper in front of him. In the white sheet with the logo of the agency were written three names: Carrot Cake, Tiramisu, and Almond Torte with capital letters.

"But I like my name and I never baked even a cookie before," he protested.

"Assigning you a new identity is standard procedure" the mare took her sunglasses off and placed them on the table. Her cyan eyes sustained a caring look, despite the trained behavior of her body.

"I know leaving your old life behind can be scary and maybe Ponyville doesn't seem that exciting, but it's only temporary."

"I never asked to find the Diamond Dogs hideout, I was just doing my job when I fell on that mine."

"I know," she gave him a reassuring smile.

“And now you say I have to leave my home behind.”

"Face it like that: you get to start over somewhere else, live a new life for a few months. Meet some new ponies, stay away from Mr. Brick for a while."

"How do you know the name of my boss?" The stallion faced her with lifted brows.

"I've read the reports. He can be a bit harsh, can’t he?"

"You could say that I guess," he chuckled, picturing the old ill-tempered unicorn and his messy white beard. He knew he wouldn't miss the pony yelling at him all the time.

"Try something new. Many ponies get stuck on the same job once they get their cutie marks. It could be fun."

"What if I fail, agent Sweetie Drops?"

"I don't think that will happen. According to Agent Furlong's notes, Chiffon Swirl is a very patient pony,” she searched amidst the papers and slid one in front of him. Two pictures were attached to it with paper clips.

“Who’s that again?”

Her watch, a square piece attached to her wrist biped two times, taking his attention out of the sheet. The mare in front of him bit her lips, glancing at the mirror.

“Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

The yellow stallion watched the agent leave the room without fuss and directed his attention back to the files. His eyes found the blue mare in the picture, a chubby earth pony caught laughing at the camera. Was she an agent as well? He found it hard to picture her with the black suit and the glasses for some reason.

Would she be his teacher? His employer?

The report just mentioned she was the owner of a bakery in Ponyville, the Sugar Cube Corner. The facade of the pink building was stamped in the second photograph, bright and flamboyant.

He considered for a moment taking a job at that place. He pictured the paper hats and aprons covered in flour, an outfit almost alien to the stallion used to hard hats and safety boots, and the mental picture made him open a side smile.

Mr Brick would certainly make fun of him for even wondering about something like this. Nopony in the construction sites liked Mr. Brick and the earth pony was no exception. It would be nice to get some time away from the old unicorn after all.

The stallion was single. He had a few buddies from the job that he could catch up again when the Diamond Gang was gone.

He would just need a few items from his apartment, a matchbox flat he could barely move inside in the old part of town.

It was scary to move from his life, but maybe, just maybe, going to the middle of nowhere as somepony else for a while could be a good vacation from real life. Ponyville was warmer than Vanhoover and he wouldn’t have to deal with Dogs kidnapping ponies over there - a situation he was still trying to forget.

Besides, he liked the smile on the picture.

The stallion watched himself on the wall mirror. He glanced at the names chosen for him over the table and back to his freckled face.

“Almond Torte”, he called himself and frowned.

Sounded like a snob pony.

“Tiramisu,” the pony raised a brow, convinced that was a mare’s name.

“Carrot Cake.”

“Carrot Cake,” he repeated with intention.

The yellow pony opened a smile.

“Carrot Cake”, he said one more time, convinced that the name matched him. It was odd to call a name so far from his own, but he liked the sound of it. If he would have to be a baker in Ponyville, he would like to be Mr. Cake.

His head was light and dizzy with the acceptance of that fact.

He waited in the gray room for agent Sweetie Drops to come back, adjusting himself in the uncomfortable wooden chair. She had a steaming cup of coffee for him when she crossed the door to discuss the rest of the protocol for his temporary new life.

It would be just for now. He would be fine.

Author's Note

~~Then he falls in love, Ponyville starts to feel like home and the rest is history.~~