Joyous laughter is heard through the quiet streets of Canterlot, the bright moon in the night sky emitting its brilliance down to the city. The cool wind soothes whoever accepts its intimate embrace.
A pair of ponies walk down a street from a nightly get-together. They have smiles on their faces, truly enjoying their time together. For a yellow-furred unicorn stallion like Bright Hope, it is a respite he truly needed. To many who know him, he always has a smile on his face, always seemingly joyful, almost infectious to whoever is with him.
Walking alongside him is a mare, another unicorn, named Amber Lily. It has been a long time since Bright had time to catch up with Amber. Ever since they’ve graduated from high school together, they’ve been focusing on their careers. Due to this, he has always feared that he’d eventually lose one of the few ponies he came to truly call a friend.
He knows he is supposed to enjoy his time with his best friend, to have her enjoy her time. Why does it feel like it is all useless?
As the duo walk away from the city centre, more of his thoughts continue to drift. Soon, they see less ponies the more they walk towards the residential district
Bright’s posture seemingly slackens, almost as if he was holding it for a long time and only relaxed at this moment. A sigh inadvertently escapes his lips. This didn’t go unnoticed by Amber, who rose an eyebrow at this change in body language.
“Bright, are you okay?” she asks, her bright fiery amber eyes sparkle due to the moon light as she looks towards him. As she does so, her flowing red mane moves across her neck as she cranes her head towards her friend. “You’ve been acting a bit odd today.”
It’s true, while they had a great time overall, Bright had moments where he seemed much more… distant, less motivated. He is much less enthusiastic than when they were both still in high school.
Bright, on the other hoof, snaps out of his stupor when she calls out his name, and quickly composes himself. He turns towards her, giving her his signature smile. His short, spiky brown mane stubbornly keeps its shape, pointing towards the heavens, as he swivels his head towards the mare.
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be fine?” he replies, tilting his head seemingly in confusion. “Don’t worry about a thing! We had a great time, didn’t we?”
His answer would be convincing to most people, but it rings false to Amber.
“Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything, Bright. That’s what friends are for” she explains. Has something happened since the last time they’ve been together?
Bright slows to a stop, Amber stopping with him, and proceeds to place a hoof on her amber-furred back, hoping it would help convince her that everything is fine.
“Really Amber, don’t worry about it.” he says, giving her a small smile, “Everything is fine, I’ve just been… tired lately. I promise.”
It hurts to lie to her, but he doesn’t want her to know.
Before he could dwell more into his thoughts, he notices that they are close to a T-junction, one way leading to Bright’s home, and another leading to Amber’s. He looks towards the intersection and then back at her.
“Well, it seems this is where we part ways, Amber. It was nice catching up with you!” he continues, letting go of her back and allowing his hoof to fall to the ground. “Just like old times, huh?”
“I… just remember that you can always come to me when you need to, alright? I’m always there to help.” she finally replies, then sighs, “I’ll see you around, alright?”
He nods, and begins to walk again. “See you around, Amber.” he then turns left of the junction, walking towards his home.
She watches as he walks away, still unsure what to do. She stays there for a little while before eventually walking right, towards her own home.
Amber doesn’t know what to do. She knows something is wrong with her friend, and it hurts not to know how she can help him.
However, as she walks the cold urban road towards her abode, she can't help but look back towards the road Bright took. There’s something wrong. She just doesn’t know what yet.
She should just take his word on this, that he is fine and there is nothing wrong, but she knows that he’s hiding something. She stops as she mulls it over and finally decides she can’t just ignore this.
Bright has always had her back when they were both still at school. He always brightened up her day whenever she felt down. She remembers one memory fondly, when they were only teenagers.
When she ran into trouble in her family life, he was the first one of her friends to comfort her and hear her out. He immediately sprung into action, making sure she felt better. He went up and beyond for her, to make her smile. To some this may seem like something anyone could do, she appreciated it till this day. This is why she still thinks of him as her best friend.
It’s time for her to return the favour.
The quiet is almost mind-numbing.
Ever since he left Amber, he began to let go of more of his previously held composure, and his smile fell into a small frown. The night’s chill seems to burrow into his very soul. With each step, his mane deflates a bit, and his composure slackens. By the time he makes it home, his jovial demeanor is completely gone.
He stands in front of his home, the key held in his magic, just thinking.
It did not work. He doesn't feel any different, he still has this… inescapable feeling.
When he was with his friend, somepony he never had the time to hang out with until that moment, he believed that it would solve whatever illness that was currently ailing him. However, he feels no different than when he left his home.
He shakes his head, trying to give himself some respite before he has another episode. He doesn't want that to happen outside. After breathing in a lung-full of air, he shakingly breathes it all out. After composing himself, he opens the door to his home and enters. He lets the door slowly close behind him as he walks straight for the bathroom.
Entering the bathroom, he slowly walks towards the sink, his hooves’ clip-clopping echoes throughout the quiet washroom. He then looks towards the mirror above the sink, seeing his reflection staring back at him.
Bright can only sigh when he looks into his previously bright blue eyes, now empty and devoid of life. To an untrained eye, this would be the only odd thing about his appearance.
After a few seconds, his horn glows for a second to dispel the illusion he had active throughout his outing with Amber.
Looking back at the mirror, he sees two dark circles around his eyes, which seems more sunken than normal. To Bright, he looks horrendous. He could never bear to let his friends, let alone his best friend, see him like this.
He magically opens the tap and proceeds slowly to wash his face with his hooves. After a while he simply lays his head on the sink, retreating into his thoughts.
He truly hoped that it would work, that his time with his old friend would get him to stop having these horrible feelings. He couldn't even call it a feeling, it feels more like a void. An inescapable void
He couldn't simply call it sadness, it feels much more than that. He lost most of his motivation, all will to do anything. At some point in his post-graduation life, he felt that his life had stagnated. He couldn't get out of this unending cycle, an unending loop of nothingness.
Picking his head from the sink, he sighs once again and turns off the tap. Walking out of the bathroom, he goes into his living room. Entering the quiet room, he spots a set of pictures on top of the fireplace, pictures of… them.
His parents.
Walking towards the fireplace, he inspects one of the pictures, which is an old family photo. It depicts a much younger Bright, when he was only a colt, flanked by his parents.
Taking the picture with his magic, he stares intently at the picture of his parents, both looking absolutely… joyful. Just like he used to be. He misses those days, when he had no care of the happenings of the world, and no worries. No void.
Bright sighs as he remembers trying to approach his mother about his illness, distressed and desperate for familial warmth, the warmth of safety. He tried to explain to her about what he's feeling, wondering what to do. He wanted advice… She never understood. He remembers her words clear as day.
"You're just having a bad day, dear. Don't worry too much about it, it'll pass eventually." his mother told him.
However he knew it wasn't just a bad day, he had bad days before. This made bad days seem miniscule in comparison, it was almost crippling.
"B-But mom, it's not like that. It feels different somehow, like a constant sense of falling but without an end. I just feel…" he didn't know how to explain it to her. There wasn't a word remotely close to explain what was ailing him.
"Sad? You're feeling sad?" his mother said, looking towards him with a raised eyebrow.
Bright shook his head in the negative. "No, it's more than just sadness, it's not that simple."
"Oh Bright, don't be silly. Whatever you're feeling, just try to be happy! Try taking up a little hobby, I bet you that you'll be fine quicker than you think!" she replied, giving him a smile.
"But Mom, it's not—" as he tried to explain more to his mother, he was cut off.
"Look Bright, it's not hard. You just need to look beyond that sadness. Just try to be happy!"
'Just try to be happy'
Try to be happy… She never understood what he was feeling. His own mother couldn't help her only son.
As he gazes at the picture within his magical grasp, he could only continue to hear his mother's useless advice continue to echo through his head. A non-stop chorus.
"Stop…" he weakly says, still staring at the picture.
The memory continued to be replayed in his head, echoing within the mind, non-stop.
"Please… s-stop."
Eventually, he couldn't take it, it was too much. He cannot handle this. He is alone, he had no hope. Everything is hopeless. He cannot stand it.
"STOP!" he screams, flinging the picture across the room and hitting the wall beside the entrance of the living room. The picture frame shattered, the glass broken.
He then hears a gasp.
Worried that his house was broken into, he quickly looks towards the entrance.
It’s Amber, staring wide-eyed, mouth open in shock.
She is the last person he wanted to see him in this state. He never felt so vulnerable as he did at this moment. He feels cold, his heart filled with unending void. He couldn't take it anymore.
His legs buckle underneath him, and he slumps to the cold ground..
He feels pathetic. All of his confidence is gone, blown away like sand. All he can do is close his eyes and sob.
That’s when he hears her approaching him.
However, he doesn't open his eyes, nor does he move from his place. He just doesn’t care anymore. Why wouldn’t she just leave him be? He's acting like a child after all. He's just being silly… just as his mother told him.
A couple of seconds pass, he then feels a warm body laying down beside him. He knows who it is.
"... How did you get in?" he asks defeatedly, his voice hoarse.
"You left the door unlocked… I was worried about you, you know." she replies, her tone gentle and comforting, her eyes looking towards him. "I knew something was off, but I didn't think—"
He cut her off, "Amber, please… You wouldn't understand, no one does. Please don't waste your time with me." he continues to look forward, never looking towards his best friend in the eyes. He doesn't want her to see what he has become. "It's not worth it."
"Bright, I'm your friend. You're always worth it. Just please just talk to me!" she quickly replies, almost desperately. "You don't need to hide it, especially from me. If you think I'll turn you away in your time of need, you're wrong."
Bright doesn’t know what to say or even think. One part of him is telling him that this is a fruitless endeavor, and nothing of worth will come out of it. However, another part of him is imploring him to open up to her, that she is his friend and that he should at least try.
It feels like years before he knows what to say.
"... Have you ever felt a sort of feeling… something unlike anything you'd ever feel in your life." he begins, speaking slowly but clearly. “Something almost like a black hole, sucking away all of your confidence, self-esteem, and motivation in life, locking it away in an inescapable abyss… far away and out of reach."
He then turns to look towards Amber, letting her see his sunken, dull eyes. Eyes that used to sparkle during the day, but now devoid of any of that old joy. It made Amber gasp softly, having not had a good look at his eyes until now. However, the stallion continues.
"I've been living this… nightmare for a long time, Amber. For many months I've felt that my life has stagnated, that my skills aren't enough. I feel... useless." he then looks down for a moment, before looking back up to her. "I don't expect you to understand this, Amber. I-I just… I needed someone to at least hear me out for once, to understand even a little bit of what I'm feeling. It's not just sadness. I can't just pretend everything is fine, because it's not fine… and the worst part is that I'm not even sure what's wrong either."
He lifts himself to a sitting position. He sees Amber mimicking his action as well. He looks towards his friend, fully prepared to hear her echo the same advice he was given time and time again from his own family. He just wants to be done with this.
However he doesn’t get that.
He feels two hooves wrap around his chest, pulling him into a hug. His face turns to one of confusion. Before he can question what Amber is doing, she speaks.
"I know this isn't much, but it's something right?" she starts. "You're right, I don't know what you're going through, and probably never will… but it doesn't mean I'll never have your back whenever you need it, Bright. I'm always here for you, that's what friends are for, right?" she then releases him and simply looks towards him. Bright’s eyes had a look of confusion and surprise. "I know this won't be solved in a day, week, month or even a year, but it doesn't mean we can't start the journey now. I won't abandon you now, Bright Hope. Not now, not ever. Friends to the end, remember?" she asks, smiling.
Bright didn’t say a word, he only stared at her. It stayed like that for a few seconds. However, soon he felt his eyes well up again. He wraps his hooves around Amber and simply cries on her shoulder.
No more words are exchanged, they simply sit there. He still feels the void, like a cancer, eating away at his soul, slowly consuming him. But at least, he has someone who cares and tries.
