Author's Note
I often write using music to set the tone of my stories. Should you wish to listen along as you read, the two parts were written while listening to the following tracks.
Part One: Lunar Eclipse III, by Frozen Night and PrinceWhateverer.
Part Two: A Longing Introspection, by Osoch.
Without further delay, I present Memories in Moonlight, and hope that you enjoy it.
Hearts Breaking Night
Part One
The demands on the time of a Princess were considerable. Celestia loved her subjects, and did her best to serve them how she could. But there was one night a year in which she absolutely, without exception, refused to set any kind of appointment, refused to see anypony. And hadn’t for over 200 years.
That night was the night immediately following the Summer Sun Celebration. The night that Celestia had taken to calling Hearts Breaking Night.
Oh, how the royals pressed to know why she would not meet with them. After all, so many of them insisted, they traveled great distances to attend the Celebration, and yet there she was, refusing to honor their humble requests to meet shortly after.
She had offered them no explanation. She never did, no matter how much they asked. The smarter ones had learned to stop asking long ago, but occasionally one of the less-bright members of their ranks would make an offhand comment, or still more rare, openly ask.
She gave them the same response every time. “Even a Princess needs a night.”
Most of them took it to mean that she needed extra rest after the celebrations of the night prior, and she allowed them to think that. The truth was something she was not prepared to share…no, that wasn’t it. It wasn’t that she wasn’t ready; it was that they were unworthy to hear it.
“Princess?”
Celestia turned from the window she had been gazing out of, her eyes locking onto the Captain of the Guard, an older stallion named Flying Lance. “Yes, Captain?”
“The Palace is secure, and I’ve made sure your route is safe.” He flashed a small smile. “I hope, Princess, that you understand that my role requires me to ask if you’re sure you want to undertake this journey alone.”
Despite the heaviness weighing on her heart, she returned a fond smile of her own. “I appreciate the offer, Captain. And I thank you for understanding that I must do this alone.”
The Captain gave a small bow of acknowledgement before leaving her alone. Flying Lance was one of the few ponies she suspected understood the real reason for her annual departures on this night, but he had the good sense not to pry. Discretion was an excellent trait in a guard.
It would be a shame when he had to retire. It seemed like only yesterday that she’d first seen him in the Castle, but time had a funny habit of slipping by when you were immortal. Blink, and thirty years passed by without so much as a whisper.
While the small carriage clock on a nearby table – a gift from an unsuccessful suitor, which had simply been too nice for Celestia to throw out - could have told her that evening was fast approaching, Celestia didn’t need to look at it to know it was time to go. The balcony stood clear, inviting and well-lit as always, giving her a perfect spot to make her escape without alerting the whole palace of her departure.
The air was fresh and clear as she sailed through the sky. She rarely got to fly by herself anymore, this new settled world preferring to coddle its princess with chariot rides, soft pillows, and servants waiting on her at every moment.
In her weaker moments, Celestia couldn’t help but long for the early days, when she had wandered the land on adventures, righting wrongs and working to bring that very stability that now caged her. Even so, any time she started to think about the idea for too long, something would happen to remind her that her place was now in Canterlot, serving both as leader and symbol. And deep down, she knew such adventures wouldn’t be the same anyway.
One night. That was all she asked in return for giving them all her other nights. She didn’t think it was too much to ask.
That familiar heaviness on her heart began to increase, as it always did when she saw her destination on a Hearts Breaking Night.
There was nothing enjoyable about returning to the place where your dreams had died.
Despite the gaping rents in the roof and walls, she always forced herself to land at the entrance to the Castle of the Two Sisters. Doing otherwise felt disrespectful in light of what had happened here.
She stood in the cooling air for a few minutes, her eyes closed. She could still feel the strength of the enchantments cast in this place that fateful night, when she had been forced to take all the Elements of Harmony for herself to defeat the nightmare.
That she could still feel that power, more than two centuries past the casting, was enough to kill any nascent hope in her heart. How could someone, even someone as powerful as she was, overcome that?
Sighing heavily, she walked up the stairs and entered her former home.
The banners still hung proudly despite their increasingly shabby state. Reminders of better times…and worse ones, as well. She forced herself to look not just at the gold ones meant to represent her own glory and power, but the blue ones as well, those meant for her departed sister, Luna.
Yes, this was the part in the ritual when she would first allow herself to think of Luna. To think of how much she missed her sister. Her fiery temper, her blunt yet caring nature. The pranks she loved to play. The passion she had for her duties. How she had loved ruling the night, a love that had proven to be her undoing.
This was the part in her ritual when she renewed her acceptance that Luna’s banishment had been the fault of none other than Celestia herself.
Oh, all her subjects had been quick to reassure her at the time that nothing else could have been done. Even Star Swirl had come to tell his one-time student that she had chosen the only course available to her. Allowing Nightmare Moon to plunge Equestria into eternal night was simply not an option.
“But if it was my only course available,” she had told him, “that is because my earlier actions closed off the alternatives.”
Star Swirl hadn’t dared reply. How could he?
She proceeded into the throne room, where the ruined remains of the twin thrones remained much as they had been that blight-cursed night. After she had banished Nightmare Moon, Celestia had moved the operation of the kingdom elsewhere, only allowing a select few castle staff to remove certain items before declaring the entire castle off-limits.
Had it been shame, she’d sometimes wondered, that caused her to do that? It was easy to think so, but Celestia preferred to think of it as preserving what little dignity her sister had left. It was one thing to hear that a princess had gone mad. It was quite another to see the destruction that princess had caused in her futile quest to overthrow the crown by killing her sister.
And perhaps it was for the best if Equestria forgot what alicorns were capable of. Only Celestia knew that Nightmare Moon had been no more powerful than Luna herself was, and it was hard to govern a country with kindness if ponies thought you were capable of vaporizing them with a thought.
Motes of dust drifted in the light spilling through the ruined window over the thrones, and she looked up to see the sun, waiting for her to lower it, continuing the ritual.
This part grew harder with every passing year. Not the magic itself, certainly; Celestia was the most powerful being in all of Equestria, and moving celestial bodies was mere child’s play to her at this stage in her existence.
Confronting her own emotions and guilt took strength of a different kind.
As the sun lowered, she turned her focus to raising the moon, spinning around to look through the destroyed roof at the misty orb that hung in the darkening sky. And, as always, let out a gentle sigh at the sight of the Mare in the Moon.
“Hello, Luna,” she whispered quietly, inclining her head. As always, there was no response, but it felt wrong to do otherwise.
Mission accomplished for the moment, Celestia continued with her ritual.
The castle was not especially large, but empty as it was, it felt positively labyrinthine. No, not empty,she thought. Gutted. Hollowed out. In many ways, Celestia saw the ruined, rent state of the castle as a reflection of her own self. An image of how she had felt since that night.
She returned to the Great Hall, taking each of the hallways in turn on her slow journey through the castle. Celestia would not sleep this night, as she had not on each of the prior 237 nights.
The suits of armor, crafted by the finest artisans of their day, still gleamed where they stood, protected by enchantments that would keep them pristine until the end of time. Luna had loved the armor, working carefully with the makers to ensure the black was just right, and driving them near mad in the process, Celestia recalled with a flicker of amusement.
When the time had come for Celestia to commission new armor for the Royal Guard, she had deliberately avoided any designs that would remind her of these.
In fact, much of the design of this castle had derived from Luna’s ideas. There were plenty of secret places, an abundance of dark spaces, statues depicting things of the night. Far earlier than anyone realized, Celestia had worried that her sister felt left out and underappreciated. Allowing her to do as much as possible had seemed like a good idea at the time.
For all the good it did.
The Organ to the Outside was one of the few things Celestia had requested be added, despite Luna’s teasing. She loved music, loved the subtle melodies and the harmony of the pipes when the organ was played just right.
Or had, rather. The absence of an organ in Canterlot Palace was intentional, for it pained Celestia too much to hear such things now. But she would willingly cope with that pain for her sister, and each year on this night she played several songs that both she and Luna had loved.
As her hooves trailed over the keys, she could not stop the heavy sigh that escaped her lips.
“Why do I do this?” she asked aloud, knowing that only one pony remained to answer her.
Because you love your sister, her mind whispered back.
“Is this really the best way I can show that?”
The only one who can decide that is you.
Despite her melancholy, her heart was lighter as she played the music. If she focused just enough, she could imagine Luna sitting next to her on the bench, playing her part of their duet. Celestia remembered how, even just a few weeks before Luna had finally snapped, her sister would smile a rare smile as she played, her too-often strained face looking carefree and at peace.
Celestia would give anything to see that face again.
A few tears fell from her eyes, splattering against the keys. She left them there as she played, committed to seeing the last song through to the end.
As always, the last stop in the ritual was their private study. The room where they had laughed, and cried, and argued. The place where countless pranks had occurred.
It was also the place where Celestia had last spoken to her sister as she was, not as the monster she became only a short time later.
Settling onto the lounge, she stayed there, silent and unmoving, as the weight of memory both caressed and choked her. Inevitably, it proved to be too much. The tears resumed again, and Celestia once again made no move to stop them.
“I’m sorry, Luna,” she whispered. “I’m so, so very sorry.”
It never felt adequate. And yet, a humble apology was all Celestia could offer.
When the time came to end the night and bring back the day, she had cried out all her tears. Returning to the throne room, she took flight, sailing through the roof as she had done all those years ago, and completed the task she had done by herself for all these many years.
“Goodbye, my sister,” she said, as the moon slid below the horizon. The rays of the rising sun bathed her in warmth, allowing her to think for a moment that they were a message from above.
A heavenly hug, if you will.
When she was satisfied that the sun was in its proper place, she moved into the sky, aiming for Canterlot. As had happened after every one of those prior visits, she left with her hope renewed. For Celestia knew that one day, Luna would be redeemed. There were many more years before that could be done – so many that it made even an immortal shake – but it would be done.
One simply did not say ‘no’ to a Princess.
Part Two
For the first time in a thousand years, Celestia did not make her trip to the Castle of the Two Sisters.
With the object of the visits sleeping soundly beside her, she didn’t see the point. Her sister had been returned to her, and this time, Celestia thought her heart might break not from sadness, but from an overabundance of joy. This time, as she continued her vigil, she wore her tears proudly.
This time, she would do things right.
“Tia?” Luna’s voice was still weak, and her eyes only opened the barest amount, showing a mere hint of their lovely color. How Celestia loved to see them again.
“Yes, sister?”
“I…could hear the music. When you would play.” Luna swallowed. “Thank you for always playing the music.”
Celestia felt raw shock, which was exceedingly rare for an immortal alicorn who had seen and heard far too much. She had held no illusions that Luna could hear her…and yet, somehow, she had.
Clearly struggling to stay awake, Luna continued, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to play with you. You always felt so sad…and it was my fault.”
Celestia closed her eyes, a single tear leaking out. “Sister?”
“Tia?” Luna responded weakly.
“You’re back with me now,” Celestia whispered, lowering her head to nuzzle her sister. “Next year, we’ll play the songs together.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
And for a wonder, Luna smiled before drifting back to sleep, her face looking just as Celestia remembered…unlined, and worry-free, highlighted by the gentle light of the moon streaming through the windows.
No Hearth’s Warming gift could ever match the one she had been given this night. None would dare.
Finally, for the first time in a thousand years, Princess Celestia lay down her head on a Hearts Breaking Day, and rested, her vigil ended…and her heart mended.
The End
