A Demon's Second Chance

by Perfectly Insane

Rating: teen
Tags: Violence, Slice of Life, Crossover, Dark, Death, Alternate Universe, Sad, Anthro, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Fluttershy, Undertale, Suicide / Self Harm, Profanity
Length: 296510

Humans, monsters, both of which I've spent so much time with. Too much. Eventually, I stopped expecting anything new. Then, there were ponies.

So many resets, so many changes; all just to blur together after a while. The void became, well, not my 'home', but not quite not a home either. I was content with the nigh nothingness I experienced while I waited for Frisk to reset, only to suddenly end up somewhere else entirely.

I'd seen all kinds of humans, all kinds of monsters. A muscular seahorse, a talking bowl of water obsessed with cleaning. What I didn't expect was an entire world of talking pony people who, despite being the only human there, they treat with kindness.

But, once again, the happiness didn't last; it never does.

Now with a reading!

*Takes place after the events of season 2 but before season 3.*

*This is an undertale crossover fic, but you do not necessarily need to know anything about undertale to enjoy it.*

Huge thanks to Phaoray and DekaSkittalz, and Reily for helping with editing and proofreading!

Now with a dedicated illustrator!

Cover art done by one of the best artist I've ever had the pleasure to work with! I am eternally grateful.

Support the patron if you'd like to see chapters as they're written, art as its drawn, and anything else related!

Currently taking side chapters, both canon and non; dm for further details if interested!

translator!

Featured: 6/10/21 onward. Thanks so much! I wasn't expecting anyone to like this story.

Published 2021-01-10 11:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-12-07 10:29:39 UTC

Chapter Two: To Live Again.

C-Chara, please wake up. I don’t like t-this plan anymore, I don’t want you to die!

You like chocolate? I think mom keeps some for baking in the kitchen.

Come on, Chara! Do your creepy face!

Yeah, we’ll be best friends forever!

Are you okay? That was a long fall. What’s your name? Chara, huh? That’s a nice name. My name is

“Asriel!”

I screamed as I jerked awake, feeling something small and light go flying off my chest. My hand reached out to grab him, only to see he wasn’t really there. Asriel wasn’t there, I wasn’t in The Underground. Instead, I was in someone’s bedroom, someone who apparently lived with birds, judging from the amount of birdhouses and nests on the roof beams. There was a fireplace on the left side of the room unlike any I'd seen before, various large and small windows with bright light shining through them that told me it was early in the day, and the floor was made out of wood with one dark red carpet at the foot of the bed.

My breathing was heavy and I couldn’t get my heartbeat under control, I retracted my arm and placed it against my face as I closed my eyes. “Just a dream. I can...dream again, huh? That’s good to know.” Images of Asriel’s face with tears running down it as he carried my corpse to my old village, just to get struck down, coming back to The Underground and dying right in front of his own parents flashed in my mind. I clutched the blanket on my legs tightly as regret reared its ugly head, unwilling to let me forget.

“Or maybe a nightmare.”

I flinched as I heard a thudding noise, raising my head to see a...rabbit? It was against the wall across from me and picking itself up. It must have been that thing that launched off of me when I sprang forward like that, was it sleeping on me? It was about half a foot tall, snow white fur with a fluffy round tail and pointy ears. Unlike any rabbit I’d ever seen before, it stood primarily on its back legs, crossing its arms and giving me a very upset and distinct scowl.

He stuck his tongue out at me and opened a door, slamming it behind him as I could make out his tiny, rapid footsteps descending down what sounded like a flight of stairs.

I had to pinch my cheek to double check that I wasn’t dreaming; everything I have seen in this world had been so surreal so far, even compared to The Underground. I took the chance to examine my own body, surprised by how uninjured I was, besides some soreness in my...everything.

I was still in the same clothes as before, with the blood stain on the shoulder of my shirt. I peered down at my hands, strangely, there was not even a slight scratch from the dozens of splinters that had dug into them earlier. Made only stranger without any bandages on them, or anywhere on my body. A headache reminded me I was still alive, sure, but there was no lingering pain at all.

Did everything with those wood dogs actually happen? What about that thing that showed up at the end and saved me? Was I healed by them or something? The longer I was in this place, the more questions I had and the more confused I get.

I heard rapid footsteps again, though these were different. They were louder, and...denser? They didn’t quite sound like normal footsteps, I couldn't place it.

The door swung open, revealing the same person that saved me last night, I could tell since her fur was the exact same shade of pale yellow. Now that I wasn’t on the brink of unconsciousness and my body didn’t feel like I was the pack’s chew toy, I could make out her features more. She wasn’t as tall as I thought she was, actually just a few inches above me. Then again, I was delirious when I first saw her.

She had wings on her back that were currently extended out to the sides and big enough to probably cover my entire body. She had pink hair much longer and straighter than mine. A thick green shirt covered every inch of her torso except for her hands, and I assume wing holes, along with a long blue skirt that reached her ankles. Since I could see her feet now, which were hooves, I knew she was a horse person like that trio earlier, and that was why her footsteps sounded different. Or hoofsteps, I guess?

“Oh my gosh, you’re awake! Are you ok? Don’t move, I asked Twilight to heal you but I’m pretty sure you’re still really sore. Does it hurt anywhere? Do you need anything?” She bombarded me with incessant questions like Toriel whenever I or Asriel hurt ourselves after playing, her concern was obvious in her voice as her eyes: cyan and as wide as saucers.

I might have called her Toriel because I was delirious and very possibly on the edge of resetting, but seeing her like this made me realize she really was like her. Some part of me was expecting her to call me ‘my child’ in that sweet voice only Toriel could have, but I think I’d break down crying if she did.

She was beside the bed in a second, her legs momentarily leaving the ground as her wings fluttered. I confirmed long hair sucked for everyone else as much as me when her curtain like hair, or mane since they’re horses, fell down and covered most of her face as she tried to tuck as much of it as she could behind her ears, which wasn’t much.

“I’m...fine. Grateful to be alive, honestly.”

“Are you sure you’re okay? I can check your shou-”

“No!” I shouted out when she reached for me. I did it without even thinking about it, like a reflex. I turned my face away from her, but I could make out the surprised expression on her face.

My hands were shaking and I felt tense, I tried my best to hide it, but I think she could tell.

“No, please, you’ve done enough.” My voice was meek, a strange sense of foreboding came over me at the thought of being touched. It was familiar, I could vaguely remember being the same way with The Dreemurr family when I first fell down. It took months before I was ok with it, and even then my body would always tense up at any physical contact with anyone but Asriel, it was involuntary. Even though their goat fur was soft and they were always so gentle when they touched me, even when I touched their arm first and they patted mine in kind, I still went rigid and was briefly filled with fear.

The reason I refused to linger on, the echo of adult voices and the primal fear associated with them was motivation enough for me to think about something else. I clutched the blanket and swallowed the fear, pushing it back down with the rest of the memories I refused to think about.

“You...mentioned that your friend Twilight healed me? Does she have a horn like one of those three?”

I was trying to change the topic. I could tell my outburst made her more concerned about me, but right now that was the last thing I needed. I didn’t want someone as kind as her worried about someone like me. I was also just assuming that they used horns to cast magic, I have no real idea how magic worked here.

“Yes. She is..oh, you remember!” She suddenly perked up, leaning closer to me. “They wouldn’t stop talking about you! You really saved them!”

“No, I really didn’t, I just bought time. If it wasn’t for the fact that you showed up, those wood dogs would have devoured me.”

“Wood Dogs?” she asked as she tilted her head. “Are you talking about the timberwolves? Did you not know what they were?”

“That’s…” I felt a bit of embarrassment as my cheeks turned a bit redder than normal, that name made mine seem stupid in comparison. “That name is way better than mine.”

I’ve always been kind of bad with names, I think I got it from Asgore.

“Now that you bring it up...what kind of animal are you? I’ve never seen a species like yours, and you speak a lot more fluently than almost any critter I know except for Angel.”

She...thinks I’m an animal of some kind? Well, the only things I’ve seen so far that could talk were horse people, which made me think that whatever place I’ve ended up in was dominated by them just like how humans dominated the previous one. That wasn’t too strange to me considering I was raised by talking goats. Which also implied that humans didn’t exist in this world if she didn’t recognize me as one, I couldn’t deny that thought made me a bit happy.

“I’m a human.”

“A human? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that...where are you from?” She moved a bit closer to try to hear me better, a lot more interested in me than I thought was normal.

“I…” Crap, I haven't had time to think of a backstory! I’ve been so busy with things that I didn’t actually think of a lie to tell them if they asked. The truth wasn’t an option, they’d throw me right back onto the forest if they knew anything about me or my species, not to mention I’m not even sure how I got here.

I stayed silent as I tried to come up with something, appreciating that she was either nice or patient enough to wait for me. “I’m...not sure, I think I have amnesia or something. I just kind of woke up in the middle of that forest and ran towards them when I heard them scream, I have no idea why or how I got there.”

Well, that was half true. I just had to hope she's naïve enough to believe me, I've never been particularly good at lying. She brought her hands to her mouth as her eyebrows knitted together and her eyes widened, I recognized it instantly as sympathy; it was the same look Toriel gave me when she first saw me.

This horse woman might not have been a goat, but her personality reminded me more and more of hers the longer we talk.

“That’s so sad...so you don’t know where your family is or anything? Your species must be really smart since you’re wearing clothes, they’re probably looking for you as we speak!” She exclaimed, a much more slack expression on her face as she rested her hands on the bed beside my legs.

I couldn’t stop myself from sharply inhaling at the word ‘family’, my eyes half closing as I lowered my head. They weren’t looking for me at all, they’d moved on, taken Frisk in as their new child. How could I blame them?

I killed their only child in a selfish, stupid revenge scheme.

I pushed Asgore to declare war on humanity and start killing children that fell down, destroying their marriage and creating an unclosable gap between them.

If they knew I was alive, why would they ever look for me?

“No...I don’t.” I mumbled after a few tense seconds, trying to squeeze my eyes as tightly as I could to push down the memories. “Is it...normal for animals to talk?”

I tried to change the topic once more. Judging from the bird nest in her house, how curious she was about me because she thought of me as an undiscovered animal species, and that I’m fairly sure that rabbit from earlier was her personal pet, she really likes animals.

“Oh no, not at all. Which is really sad because they like to talk, but ponies generally can’t understand them. I have a special talent where I can talk to them, but it's mostly very small words. That’s why I’m so impressed with how fluently you’re speaking, Angel the only one I’ve met that can speak as well as any pony.”

She explained with admiration in her voice, I’m not sure if I should be proud or not that I could speak as well as an animal named Angel.

‘Pony’. So they were ponies specifically? I didn't know the difference between a pony and a horse, but I guess I’d just call them ponies too and they’d correct me if I was wrong.

“Uhm...Are you sure you’re the only one who has it? Those kids understood me pretty well.”

At least, I think they were kids. Seeing the pony in front of me and seeing how much more physically mature she was compared to them suggested that, or I could be wrong.

“They...could? Are you sure?”

She spoke in a genuinely surprised tone of voice, and a hint of disappointment. I’m not sure if that meant she's surprised or disappointed by the fact that she wasn’t the only one who I could talk to.

“Pretty sure, yeah. Also, how did you get their alpha to listen to you like that? It was dead set on eating me whole until you showed up.”

I chose not to mention that it did in fact eat me whole before. I don’t think telling them about my save/load ability would be a good idea, for a lot of reasons. The biggest one being that if they knew I could reset and do whatever I liked with none of them being the wiser, it’d make it near impossible to get them to trust me, whether I actually did anything or not.

They’d have every right to be suspicious. Sans didn’t trust Frisk for the same reason, and he was terrifyingly right.

“It wasn’t really that hard. They were only attacking because you went too far into the forest and they were afraid you’d hurt their home, I’m more surprised you didn't get attacked by any sooner. Timberwolves are just guardians of The Everfree Forest, if you’d just left you would have been fine. I’ll make sure to give those three a stern talking too about going that deep, they had us worried sick!”

Her voice took on a stern tone, probably a very similar one to when she lectured the alpha. She placed her hand on her chest and let out a deep sigh, her body noticeably relaxing. “I’m just glad you didn’t wander off to somewhere more dangerous, like Froggy Bottom Bog.”

I couldn’t help but smile a bit at how silly that name sounded. The Everfree Forest was kind of cool, Froggy Bottom Bog just made me think of a pond with a bunch of frogs. “What’s so dangerous about that place?”

“Well, it’s hard to move around because of how much water there is, but what makes it scary is a Hydra that lives there. He’s never hurt a pony or anything, but a lot of animals I’ve talked to are terrified of it and are too scared to go anywhere near there because of it.”

At the mention at the Hydra, I felt my blood run cold and my heart stopped as the color drained from my face. In the chaos of everything, I had almost forgotten about my first death, perhaps I was trying to.

The raw, petrifying fear it struck into me was enough to make my entire body break into a cold sweat. I would've liked to think of it as nothing more than a nightmare, but it was so vivid! I could almost feel the pain in my limbs again, hearing the sound of my bones crunching and flesh tearing as they ripped me apart, covered in my own vomit tears and pee as I was unable to do anything but scream and beg.

I lurched forward as the urge to throw up hit thanks the nauseating terror that threatened to overwhelm me. I brought both of my hands to my mouth, forcing it to stay closed.

“What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

She asked desperately, panicking as she jumped forward, one hand rubbing my back and another on my shoulder as she tried to comfort me, ignoring the fact that I made it obvious I didn’t like being touched to try to help me. I wasn’t upset either, nor was I as bothered by the contact as I would normally be; I was too concentrated on trying not to upchuck whatever little there was in my stomach on the bed she’d let me rest in, which I’m fairly sure was her own.

Once I calmed myself, or at least wasn’t on the edge of spewing my stomach contents out of my mouth, I tossed the blanket off and hung my legs over the other side as I stood up and shrugged off her hands. It hurt in my lower back particularly to get to my feet, but I grit my teeth and dealt with it, feeling the necklace dangle as I did.

I grabbed it as my lips curled into a hollow smirk, bringing all the good memories it reminded me of to mind, and ignoring the bad ones. “I’m fine, just…” I ran my thumb over the delta rune symbol engraved on the front, scoffing at my past self that genuinely believed I was the one meant to save them. “Stomach cramps. I think I need to eat something. Sorry for worrying you.”

“That…” I didn’t need to turn around to tell she didn’t believe a word I’d just said, I could almost taste the skepticism in her voice. “Makes sense. You’ve been asleep for over a day, I don’t know when the last time you ate was.”

She's choosing to believe my obvious lie, or at least wasn’t going to push it right now. It set in a few seconds later what she said. I swiftly turned to face her, mouth my dropping in disbelief. “I’ve been asleep for a day?! How d-”

“Fluttershy? Are you up there?”

I was interrupted by a voice coming from downstairs, distinctly feminine and a little higher pitched. The first part sounded like a name, which I guessed was the name of the pony in front of me.

I kind of felt bad now, I’d forgotten to even ask her name.

“That’s Twilight. I had Angel go tell her you’re awake, she wanted to ask you some questions. If…” She straightened her body and twiddled her thumbs, her hair covering half of her face and leaving only one eye visible, which was looking away from me like she was too afraid to make eye contact. “You don’t mind, that is.”

Her voice was much more meek now, making me see the ‘shy’ part of her name. I was admittedly nervous about answering questions, my lying skills had always been mediocre and I’m sure there were things they’d ask me I hadn’t thought about. This Twilight is the same one that healed me too, and since I knew next to nothing about how the magic in this world worked, she could have a spell or something that can see through lies.

But, at the same time, saying I didn’t want to be asked any questions would just make them suspicious of me. I needed them to trust me, that was the only way I would be able to learn about this world I’m in and try to find out how and why I was sent here.

“I don’t mind. As long as she doesn’t mind if I ask her a few too. I don’t really know anything except my name.”

“And...what is your name?”

Now I felt worse, I had totally forgotten to give her my name. I wasn’t going to use a fake one, way more hassle than it was worth.

“Sorry for not saying it earlier.” I said as I extended my hand. “Greetings. I’m Chara Dreemurr, th-” I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying the rest of that. I’d become so used to introducing myself like that to Frisk that it’d become something like a reflex. I didn’t know if they had anything like demons in this world, but saying I am one couldn’t have been good.

Even if it were true, they didn’t need to know that. This world was a chance to start again. I didn’t deserve a second chance, not one bit, but I got one anyways. I was going to bury every bit of my past.

Fluttershy didn’t seem to notice, reaching her hand out to meet mine, but stopping just before my fingers. “I...thought you didn’t like being touched?”

The fake smirk that I’d perfected dropped. “I normally don’t. But...handshakes are fine.”

“...Alright.” She hesitantly shook my hand, her grip was so weak and her hands were so soft. “My name is Fluttershy. It’s nice to meet you!”

If my heart was made out of pure ice, that smile she gave me would have melted it and I would have died on the spot. It was so small, little more than a slight uplift of the corners of her lips, not even showing any teeth. However, it was so genuine and kind, tender and gentle like everything else about her. The type of smile to make all my worries go away, to make all my problems seem like nothing.

She was so nice to animals, and even me. She's more than just a pony, she's Mother Nature herself. I swore to myself in that moment that I would protect her no matter what. I couldn’t save Toriel, the mother who gave me everything, but I could protect her, the mother who's giving me a second chance.

After I recovered from that, she led me down the stairs, keeping her eyes on me and staying close in case I fell. While every step caused a flash of dull pain in my lower back, it wasn’t something I couldn’t ignore, and I made it down without issue.

Fluttershy’s living room was about what I expected; bird houses and cages, a door where the top and bottom were separate for animals to get through, a very small bed for smaller animals that had various pillows, and a pile of animal food in the corner. A green chair and couch, and a large rug were in the center. I found it a bit strange that there were no actual animals around. Maybe she asked them to stay outside? Depending on what those three said to Fluttershy, she could think I’m dangerous.

Which, in all honesty, I was.

I could see she had a separate room for the kitchen, but I was paying more attention to the new pony person in the room. She was roughly my height give or take, a pale purple coat and dark blue mane that was short and straight, combed forward in something pretty similar to a bowl cut. A single streak of it purple and bright pink like a highlight, with an identical one in her tail.

That was actually the first time I saw their tails, I glanced at Fluttershy and saw she had one too that matched her mane. Not sure how I missed that before, maybe I'm just not as observant as Frisk was.

She was wearing a thick, brown sweater and long pants, a horn like the one I saw on the white one before protruding from her forehead, though this one was the same color of her coat. She was wearing shoes, which made sense since she was in someone else’s house. That did beg a question though: Do they just call them normal shoes, or horseshoes?

“Oh, hello! It’s good to see you awake. I was worried my healing magic wouldn’t work properly. I hate to admit it, but restoration is my weakest school.”

She gave me a nervous grin, her arms awkwardly hiding behind her.

“Other than some annoying soreness, I’m ok. You did a pretty good job, I think.”

Her eyes widened and mouth opened and closed a couple times wordlessly, her ears pricking up a bit. “You...you can talk?”

“Yeah.”

She was in front of me in an instant, a sparkle in her eyes and a smile that reached from ear to ear, absolutely overjoyed at the fact that I could talk to her. “This changes everything! If your species can talk, then does that mean you have your own language? Do you live out somewhere in the woods and have remained hidden until now? Where did you come from? Why can yo-”

I tuned out her questions as I realized that she was that kind of person. This pony had a strong sense of curiosity, similar to Gaster but hopefully she wasn’t the mad scientist type like him. He had always been enthusiastic about his experiments, almost always to the point of foregoing morals. As long as she didn’t have some scientific stuff in her basement that she ran experiments in, I wasn’t going to waste my time worrying about it.

“Hold on, can you please slow down?” I asked as I put both my hands out in front of me. “I don’t mind being asked questions, I’d just prefer if you kept it at a slower pace I can keep up with. Also, do you mind if I ask some? I...have amnesia and don’t really know much of anything, about this world or even how I showed up in those woods.”

I could see the disappointment on her face, her energy leaving her like air from a popped balloon. “Oh...well, I was hoping to learn more about your species, but it's not your fault if you have amnesia. However, since Fluttershy doesn’t have to translate for us, there’s something I’d like to ask you to do. Can you…” She glanced to the side, a slight blush on her cheeks as she awkwardly twiddled her thumbs. “Take off your clothes?”

I raised my eyebrows, confused as to why she’d ask me that. I'm glad she was somewhat more willing to believe my blatant lie than Fluttershy was, but I was also concerned she might see me more as a scientific thing to study than an actual person. I got enough of that treatment from a certain distorted skeleton.

“Why?” I asked as I turned to Fluttershy, who had been extremely quiet and was resembling a turtle hiding in its shell, but with her mane. She was just standing beside me and watching nervously from the one eye poking out, maybe she was really shy around other ponies but not animals? That would explain why she was like this now but not earlier when she thought I was an animal and someone else was here.

“Well, when I was healing you, I discerned that you had some big differences anatomy wise, but were still really like us in a lot of ways. I was just curious about it. If you don’t want to, I’ll understand.”

I wasn't not entirely sure why she was making a big deal about it, was it considered embarrassing in this world for others to see you with less clothes? It was never a problem when Azzy and I took baths together. Then again, It was hard to say if I could use them as a point of reference, they understood humans about as well as humans understood monsters before they threw them in that mountain and put up that barrier.

“I don’t mind. Just…don’t touch me, I don’t like being touched.”

She shot me a strange look, her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth pursed curiously. Her lips parted as she was about to speak, but her eyes turned to the left like she noticed something, and she abruptly closed her mouth. I followed her eyesight to Fluttershy, who receded further into her hair.

Twilight spoke suddenly and a bit forced, like she was trying to pull my attention to her. “That’s ok, I’m a visual learner anyway. You only have to take off your shirt, pants, and shoes, not your underwear, if you’re wearing any.”

I was a little suspicious, but I decided not to question it. Not now, at least. Admittedly, I was a bit curious about my new body myself. Other than being heavier, taller, and having to deal with annoyingly long hair that kept getting into my eyes no matter how many times I pushed it behind my ears, I didn’t really know anything.

I grabbed my shirt by the bottom and lifted it over my head, laying it gently on the ground as I intended to put it back on, I didn’t have anything else to wear. My pants and shoes followed, it was honestly relieving to be able to take them off and relax after what happened before.

The bra I'm wearing was bright yellow, and felt like there was a small hook of some kind attached at the back that kept it on. The underwear went down to my upper thigh and was dark green, strangely the same colors of my shirt, minus the striped pattern.

“Huh. So you don’t have a coat at all?” Twilight asked curiously, walking forward and leaning over. “You have a belly button, so you’re definitely a mammal. Then why don’t you have any fur anywhere? You have breasts, but no tail?”

She was mumbling to herself, barely audible and definitely wasn’t expecting me to actually answer her, not like I could. The spiral horn on her head lit up with a raspberry aura, the satchel on her side that I hadn’t noticed until now opening up, a book and a pen floating out of it shrouded in the same color. The book opened to a random page and the pen began writing, following Twilight around as she moved and talked.

I couldn’t help but be astonished by this. Telekinesis had always been a really interesting ability to me, and I’ve only seen it used a few times. Even then, I’d only seen it used to lift objects, I’d never even thought of using it to write. Either magic in this world could do a lot more complex things than I thought, or she's extremely good at multitasking. Whatever the case, it was an amazing spectacle to see.

“So...can any of you use magic? Or is it just unicorns?” I said the last part hesitantly. Unicorn was something from my world told in myths, I had no way of knowing if that word existed here or not.

“That’s...a complicated question with a complex answer. Most subscribe to The Universal Magic theory, which states that all three kinds of ponies can use magic. Earth ponies can use magic that makes them stronger and better at things like farming, Pegasi can manipulate weather, and Unicorns can do more advanced things like teleportation, levitation, etc. Though I’ve met a few…” The floating pen stopped for a moment as her nose, or muzzle I guess, scrunched up. “Anomalies that don’t apply. One of my friends in particular defies everything I’ve known, sometimes I wonder if she even is a pony or not.”

She went off on a bit of a tangent but didn’t lose any of the passion in her voice, it reminded me a lot of whenever Gaster would ramble about another alternative universe he’d found. Now I knew what they were called, and that there were three of them.

“What about you? Can your kind use magic? I don’t see anything that could be used as a conduit. Actually, do you mind if I check if you have any magical capabilities? I don’t have to touch you to do it, it’ll be like I’m...shining a light on you.”

“...Sure?”

As far as I was aware, I couldn’t use any magic. Only certain bloodlines could, and I don’t think I am a part of any. In a way, I’m relieved that I can’t.

An identical light encompassed my body, as a weird sensation went over me. It was only comparable to the shiver I get whenever I’m really cold and walk into somewhere warm, but in reverse?

“That’s...not a type of magic I recognize. You have traces of conjuration magic, which is rare, but there’s something else there that just feels...wrong. It’s powerful but unnatural, I can tell it doesn’t belong there. Maybe if I…”

The same light enveloped my body, this time carrying a much more forceful weight to it. I was being lifted off the ground, her head tilted to the side as she strained, though it looked more like because she was searching for something rather than struggling to lift me up. I tried to break out of it as a sense of fear and weakness began to wash over me, but it was pointless, like trying to push through the strong winds of a storm.

I began to hyperventilate, becoming afraid so quickly and I wasn’t even sure why. I was only inches off the ground, falling from here wouldn’t have hurt me, so why was I terrified? I shut my eyes and tried to calm down, which was a terrible mistake.

What welcomed me wasn’t darkness, but something much more similar to a lucid dream. I didn’t recognize it at first, having been so long since I was last there that the cylindrical pillars dotting the hallway and yellow-brown checkered floor were only vaguely familiar to me.

My heart dropped when I heard the unmistakable, rapid flashing sound of entering combat, the entirety of The Judgment Hall turning black and white. My hands were covered in a blue light now, not raspberry. The soul rattling sound of the gaster blasters filled my ears as they surrounded me, bones coming out of the ground under me like a pit of death.

Sans stood in front of me, leering at me with his malicious, flashing eye. His right hand hovering beside him, pointer finger and thumb pressed together about to snap. His empty, unforgiving grin prominent. I could never forget the rage behind it.

The last thing I heard before I opened my eyes were the gaster blasters shooting as he snapped his fingers, and I screamed.

“PUT ME DOWN!”

My voice was loud and shrill, putting every raw emotion I could into it. Twilight jumped as the magic vanished, my body falling to the floor with a weak thud. I collapsed to my knees instantly, trembling so violently I couldn’t stand. My heart was beating so hard and loud that it hurt, I clutched my chest as I let out shallow breaths. The pendant dangling from my neck, I tried to focus on it and calm down.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop shaking.

Fluttershy was by my side in an instant, trying to hug me with her angelically-soft feathers. It normally would have been comforting, but the sudden contact sent an icy shiver down my spine that shattered my attempts at composing myself. I let out a sharp yelp as I moved away from her, extending my right arm to keep her at a distance and my other still tightly gripping my chest.

“Please, don’t.”

I couldn’t stop my voice from quivering, I sounded so weak and helpless, I hated it. I closed my eyes and began to say ‘it’s not real’ to myself over and over again, trying to remind myself that I wasn’t there anymore. I had seen everything through Frisk’s eyes in that hall, every brutal death they experienced at the clawed hands of that skeleton. I may not have experienced the actual pain, but if I had a body then, I would have thrown up.

However, now that I was alive again, it was different. I’ve experienced death like that, and that made it all the more terrifying.

“I’m…” I don’t know how much time passed before I was relatively calm again, opening my eyes and seeing both of them before me. Fluttershy was worried and Twilight was afraid and guilty, she thought it was her fault. It was, but I couldn’t blame her, I didn’t even know I’d react like that. “Ok now. Don’t ever do that again.”

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know…” She pouted as her lip quivered, more like a child than however old she was. That gave me the impression that while she's very book smart, she's much less mature. “I’ll...leave, I’m sorry I wasted your time.”

“No. Don’t leave, it’s fine.” I said as I stood to my feet, opening the pendant of my necklace and running my thumb over the ‘Best Friends Forever’ engraved in the center. “It’s not your fault. I just had a bad reaction, let’s just pretend that didn’t happen.”

“Are you sure? We can just do it later.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I know I just slept for a day, but I feel like I’m going to sleep forever after this, so I’d rather just get it over with.”

I could tell by the concerned expressions on their faces that they didn’t buy that I was ok, and they’d be right. My ears wouldn’t stop ringing and my heart beat was erratic, I couldn’t quite stop shaking either and I just wanted to curl up in a corner, plug up my ears, and scream until I felt better.

I couldn’t do that. No, I refused to do that. For too long I could do nothing but stand by, unable to help the people I cared about, or myself. I was weak, helpless, useless, and just as much of a child as when I first fell down there. I didn’t deserve a second chance, but I got one, and I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes as before. I owed The Dreemurr family that much, even if they hated me now.

“If you’re sure…”

Fluttershy looked like she wanted to say something, but remained silent instead. I was sure she was going to say something when Twilight left, assuming she’d even still want me here.

“So...you said I had conjuration magic? What exactly does that mean?” I tried to get the conversation back on track, my right hand tracing up to my shoulder where I was bit by the Timber wolves. I could tell there were scars there, I guess the healing couldn’t completely get rid of it.

A strange sense of dread filled me as my eyes wandered to my wrist, mixed with a sense of morbid curiosity if that was the first scar on this new body or not.

“Conjuration is...well, It’s hard to explain. Out of all the schools it's the rarest, and no user of it is the same. If I remember correctly…” Her horn emanated that aura again as the pen and book appeared by her head and began writing again, another book coming from her satchel and hovered in her face as the pages flipped. “Ah! ‘Unlike any other kind of magic, a conjuration user cannot use their magic innately, they must attune themselves to it if they’re capable. There seems to be no limit to how complex the things it can create are, one case even showed the ability to make things as complex as a crossbow. There have only been a few dozen recorded cases of a pony being capable of it, and it is impossible to know what one can do until they have become attuned’.”

“Attuned? What does that mean?” I asked as I glanced up at her. I couldn’t describe the tightness in my chest I got after seeing there was nothing on my wrist, something akin to...disappointment. I knew very little about the magic from my world, but that word in particular didn’t make any sense to me. Nor did conjuration. Several monsters could make things appear like projectiles or something, but I had no idea if that was what this was or not.

“It’s a process that I thought was only used when a pony is having trouble with magic. Every now and again, a unicorn will be born but can’t use any kind of magic, and it's usually something to do with them being cut off from their Manik System. Oh, I should probably explain what a Manik system is.” She paused as she closed the book in front of her, putting it back in her satchel effortlessly, though the pen never stopped writing.

“The Manik System is very similar to the central nervous system, but is for the single purpose of using magic, and is concentrated the most in horns of unicorns, wings of a pegasus, and hooves of an earth pony. I wasn’t aware that it could work like that, or that anything other than a pony could have one. Wait, I think this makes me the first pony to discover a species other than a pony who has a Manik System! I could write a thesis about this, or maybe even a book of theories, an-”

“Can you do this attunement thing for me? Or do I need to learn to do it myself?” I had to deal with her type so often that I could practically see the spark in her eyes when she was about to ramble about something that I could only understand every other word of.

“I...suppose I could do it for you. I’m not familiar with the process, it’d take me a day or so to learn to do it.” She tapped her chin as her eyes wandered off to the side.

“I don’t mind waiting, not like I have anything else to do. Problem is, I don’t have anywhere to stay. S-”

“You can stay here.”

The yellow pegasus’ voice was small, but there was a firmness to it that pierced into the conversation.

“...really? You already let me sleep in your bed, I couldn’t ask you to trouble yourself by-”

“No, it's no trouble, no trouble at all. You saved those three, and you don’t have anyone else, there’s no way I could leave you alone after that. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need, as long as you don’t mind the other animals.”

Her kindness was almost smothering, she was so trusting of me that I found it staggering someone hadn't taken advantage of it yet. “I...can’t thank you enough, really. But I insist you sleep in your own bed, I can take the couch.”

She clearly didn’t like that from the way she pursed her lips, but I wasn’t going to give in and I think she could tell that. I walked over to the pile of clothes on the floor, the gaping hole in my shirt much more noticeable now that I wasn’t wearing it.

“I hate to ask for more, but is there somewhere I can get clothes? I don’t have any money, but if you could just lend me one set, I’d be fine.”

“I can talk to Rarity. We have our weekly spa trip together tomorrow. I’m sure she can give you something if I ask her, you did save her sister after all.” She chuckled a bit as she said the last part, bringing her right hand to her mouth.

I didn’t know who Rarity was or why Fluttershy was recommending her, but getting something else from her only worsened my guilt. I didn’t have a problem with how kind she was, my issue was how terrible it made me feel. Healing me, letting me sleep in her bed and her house, giving me new clothes, I didn’t deserve any of this. I only saved those three because it was the only chance I had of getting to any kind of safety, it was for a selfish reason, and I could never repay what she was doing for me now.

“Actually, that reminds me…” Twilight walked up to me, her eyes lowering as she examined me. “While you have all the distinguishing traits of a mammal, you’re the first creature I know of that has a Manik System. You also came from The Everfree Forest: A place known for abnormalities. You had to have come from somewhere, so how does your species reproduce? I think you’re a female, but I’ve heard of a few mammals that can lay eggs.”

“Reproduce?” That was the question that had confused me the most out of anything she’s asked. “What do you mean?”

Twilight’s face scrunched up, I can tell my response worried her for some reason. “How do you produce offspring? You know like...make babies?” She blushed as she broke eye contact, the pen abruptly stopping in the middle of writing.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. ”

Twilight and Fluttershy glanced at each other, the same expression of slow apprehension and concern on their faces. “Chara...how old are you?”

I paused as I tried to recall what age I was when I went to Mt. Ebott. While my body is more developed than it was then, I have no way of telling how old I am now physically, so I'll just go with what age I was then. “Twelve, I think?”

“And you...don’t know where babies come from? Does the word ‘sex’ mean anything to you?”

I’d never heard that word in my life. She could have told me that it was from a different language or that she was pronouncing the number six wrong, and I probably would have believed her. “No?”

“Oh...my.” I heard Fluttershy gasp, both her hands covering her mouth.

“Excuse me, for a second.”

Twilight went over to Fluttershy, the book shutting and the pen going back into the satchel. They turned away from me and began to talk about something, Fluttershy’s voice somehow quieter than usual, though Twilight wasn’t as good at whispering. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I could make out an occasional word like ‘should’ and ‘tell’.

Since she shut the book, I assumed she was done asking questions, which meant I could put my clothes back on. I wasn’t cold or anything, this place was actually at a really warm temperature, I just didn’t like the feeling of not having clothes on. Sure, it was relaxing to take them off every now and again, but staying that way too long made me feel...vulnerable.

I was in the middle of slipping my shirt back on when their muffled chattering stopped, both of them facing me again. Fluttershy fidgeted uncomfortably, trying to look anywhere but at me.

“Um, Chara,” Twilight said in a much more hesitant tone than she’d used before. “When...two ponies care about each other very much, or two creatures want to keep their species alive…”

The good news is I finally learned what breasts were for, the bad news is I will never be able to look at them the same again.

Twilight left after that, saying that she needed to learn how to do the attuning thing, but I’m sure it had nothing to do with that...unpleasant explanation. Physically I felt fineish, but mentally I was exhausted and needed to relax as I tried to process everything. I sat down on the couch, the white rabbit from earlier showing up again and kicking me in the shin. It wasn’t painful, but I’m pretty sure it was more to show he was upset because of the way I sent him flying into that wall.

“Hey...I’m really sorry about that.” I said in the gentlest voice I could muster, reaching down and rubbing one of his ears. I began to trace my finger around the ridges, his ears were similar to Asriel’s, so I know how to touch them in a way that feels good. At least, from how Asriel used to react I think it felt good. “I was having a really bad dream, and I didn’t know you were sleeping on my chest. We’re going to be living together now, so I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

He began tapping his foot rapidly against the floor, I couldn’t help but smirk as it reminded me of all the dogs I used to pet. His face relaxed into a dopey one as he had a dimpled smile and his eyes glazed a bit, which let me know I was doing it right. He bounced up into my lap, my hand pulling back as the sudden action startled me.

He jumped up to my hand and grabbed it with his little paws, bringing it to his head as he gestured for me to continue. I chuckled as I scratched the back of his ear with one hand, tracing my finger around the edges of it with my other.

I’ve always had a strong fondness for animals, even the ones who didn’t have soft fur like lizards were cute to me. They were innocent, and simple, just giving them food and affection was more than enough to earn their trust. Dogs in particular were so loyal and caring, more so than any human I’d known, and were incapable of things like greed and cruelty. I had little confidence in myself or things I knew, but I could say without a doubt that I cared deeply for animals. Maybe that contributed to why I warmed up to monsters so easily.

“I’m impressed, I’ve rarely seen Angel let anyone pet him other than me. How did you know he likes having his ears played with?”

Fluttershy asked, having returned from talking with Twilight about something. I couldn’t help but be somewhat afraid, even though I really shouldn’t have been. She was going to ask about what happened earlier, and it was one of the last things I wanted to talk about right now.

“I...just kind of knew. I think I’m good with animals.”

She sat down beside me on the couch, her complacent smile dropping into a frown that didn’t fit her tender face. “Chara, I know you don’t have amnesia.”

There was no hostility in her voice at all, I'm actually pretty convinced she wasn't capable of being angry. However, her words did make my entire body more tense, my hands stopped playing with Angel’s ears as I passively stroked his head. I could tell he was displeased by that, but wasn’t doing anything.

“What gave it away? You know, other than my terrible lying.”

“There are a few things, but the most important is...your necklace.” Her eyes lowered to the pendant on my chest. “The way you held it earlier, I could tell it means a lot to you. Did it belong to someone special?”

“It belonged…” My words caught in my throat as I was about to say his name, but I didn’t want to have to explain who that was. I brought my hand to it, rubbing my thumb across its surface, feeling it in my hand again was reassuring in a way nothing else was. “To someone...I still care about a lot.”

Angel hopped off my lap, scampering away to somewhere. He could probably tell where this conversation was going, and that my mind was in a different place entirely. “I’m sorry that I lied to you. You saved my life and helped me, and yet I wasn’t even honest with you.”

Fluttershy’s eyes raised with a sad glint behind them. “That’s the fourth time you’ve said you’re sorry since you’ve been awake, why do you apologize so much? I’m sure you had a good reason for lying.”

Had I really done that? If I had I didn’t notice it. I know Toriel asked me the same thing, it was a...habit I got from my experiences. That, and...I really was sorry, about everything. There were so many things I wanted to take back, but couldn’t. Regrets I’d carry for the rest of my life, but no amount of apologies would make me feel any better. I didn’t even consider that I’d still do it, some habits came back with me I suppose.

“Fluttershy, I know you think I’m a good person, but I’m not. I’ve done...reprehensible things, I would have killed those timberwolves if I could have. You should be afraid of me, humans are the most dangerous animals of all. If you knew what I’ve done and what I’m capable of, you’d throw me out and hope I never came back.”

Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful more than I could put into words for what she’s done to help me, I didn’t want to get thrown out. Yet I didn’t want them to think I was a good person, people have already made that mistake, and paid the price for it.

I’m not even sure what reaction I was expecting, but her eyes narrowing in a disapproving way wasn’t it. She moved closer to me, her eyes drifting off as her mind went elsewhere. “My special talent is being able to talk to animals, and I couldn’t be happier. Ponies weren’t always so nice to me; I used to be bullied for being frail, weak, and not nearly as good at flying as any other pegasus. I don’t get treated like that anymore, ponies are friendly to me now and I have a lot of friends I care about, but it's hard for me to get over my shyness from back then. Animals were kind to me then and they’re kind to me now, I’m only trying to repay what they did for me. In a lot of ways, animals saved me.”

Her story struck a chord with me, I knew cruelty like that. It seemed ponies in this world are capable of the same kinds of things humans were, I could only hope not nearly to the same extent, or I’d just be right back where I started.

“I’ve met all kinds of animals, so many that I could never pick a favorite, sometimes I feel like a mother to them. Some of them were alone for so long they're too afraid to trust me, but after a few days of showing them how much I truly care and that I won’t hurt them, they come around. But, every now and again…”

Her voice was grave and solemn, not wavering in the slightest as she spoke. Her eyes were narrowed and her mouth dropped in something close to a frown, it was the most serious expression I’ve seen on her face so far. She extended her left wing, wrapping it around me as gently as she could. My entire body got as rigid as a rock at the contact, despite the fact that I tried hard not to ne. She was trying to comfort me, her wings were softer than any fabric I’d ever touched, yet even this shook me to my very core. I hated it so much.

“I’ll find an animal who was treated more unfairly than even I was. Ponies can be so mean sometimes, even to pure little animals who don’t deserve it. They can hurt those weaker than them, and it...affects them in ways that makes me want to cry. They’re so afraid of ponies and even their own kind that they can’t trust any of them, biting anything that tries to touch them. They are traumatized from the abuse they suffered and it takes months before they let me comfort them, even longer until they can relax around me. Chara,”

Her voice was a firm as it was benevolent, a stark contrast to how soft spoken it normally was. I didn’t verbally respond, raising my legs to my chest and wrapping my arms around them before burying my head in my knees. I knew what she was going to say, I could hear the unspoken words before they even left her lips.

“Did...someone hurt you? Is that why you don’t like being touched?”

Bullying did not cover what they did to me, nor was it restricted to the children. Others that were supposed to protect me, even the people I was supposed to trust did things to me I could never forget. Humans weren’t evil because they were born evil, but because they could be and chose to be. If it justified their hatred and fear, humans could bring themselves to do anything, I’ve seen that myself many times. I’ve done it myself many times.

Once again, I couldn’t stop shaking, my hands gripping my legs so tightly it hurt. There was a knot in my chest that made it hard to breath, I don’t know if she pulled back her wing or I was that overcome by my emotions that it didn’t register, but I couldn’t feel her touch anymore.

“Was it a unicorn? Is that why you...reacted the way you did when Twilight used her magic on you?” Fluttershy’s brows pulled together as she hesitated to speak, likely as afraid to ask as I am to answer.

I could tell she was trying to be nice, like another one of her animals. To her, I am another animal, just one that could talk. She wanted to help me, I couldn’t be mad at her for that, but she couldn’t help me. The Dreemurr family couldn’t, and I didn’t deserve her help. I'm worse than any animal, I'm human.

“I…” My throat got dry as I tried to say something, my voice barely louder than a murmur. At the reminder of what happened with Twilight, flashes of Frisk’s fight with Sans appeared in my mind. The sound of their flesh being stabbed by bones, or the crinkling as they were turned to ash by the blasters. The deafening thud as Sans picked them up and slammed their body against the ground or the pillars; the countless, agonizing ways they died.

Sans was merciless, never hesitating even once, not that I could blame him for it. Frisk was a dirty brother killer, just like me.

“I can help you, Chara. You aren’t alone, you just need to-”

“Please, don’t.” I begged, one of the only times I’d ever done so in life, I rarely believed begging would work. It never had before. My voice croaked and I couldn’t keep it steady, talking made it hard to keep the lump in my throat that was a wretched sob. My eyes were so watery that everything was a blur, I couldn’t think straight and the memories were so close to resurfacing I could almost hear them. My nails were digging deeply into my legs. I think they were drawing blood, or that could have just as easily been cold sweat.

“I don’t want to talk about my past. I don’t want to relive it. I want to forget it! I don’t know how I got here, but it's a second chance, one I never thought I’d get.” I bit my lip as a tear went down my face. I could see Fluttershy retract her wing, I didn’t dare glance at her face, I’m sure I’d break down if I did. “I’m begging you, let me pretend I have amnesia. It’s easier for me that way. If you want to help me, then let me start over!”

I didn’t mean to yell at her, I tried really hard not to, but I did. I couldn’t keep the emotion out of my voice, or prevent myself from sounding as desperate as I truly am. I didn’t look at her, but I could tell from the way she moved she had recoiled as if I’d struck her, somehow I think I wouldn’t have felt as bad if that is what I did.

“Chara, if you do that, you’ll never be able to move past it. I just-”

“I will move past it. I have to.” I wasn’t sure if I was saying that to convince her or myself. “If I can’t, I’ll tell you. Right now, I need to work through it by myself, please.”

I didn’t really know whether I could get over everything myself, I am weak, but being alone was something I hated that I’d become used to. It was also exactly because I'm a lost cause that I couldn’t accept her help, it’d be a waste. I also knew I couldn’t move past it, there was no fixing what was wrong with me. I’d do what I’d been doing, what’s been working: Suppressing it. I’ll pretend I don’t remember anything until it becomes true, that’s the only hope I had. Put on a meaningless smile, act like I wasn’t broken on the inside, lie so often I convince even myself it's true. I did that for the first few months under Mt.Ebott, and that was the closest I ever came to being happy.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” I should be the one apologizing, hearing her say those words with such genuine guilt only made me feel worse when I was the only one to blame. I could tell through my blurred vision she was almost hiding behind her mane again, both her hands against her chest. “If that’s what you want. I just wish...you’d see that you deserve to be helped. I don’t believe you’re a terrible person, you wouldn’t have risked your life to save three complete strangers if you were.”

I was about to tell her that I only saved them to help myself, but my stomach chose then to audibly remind me of how empty it was with a growl. “Can you cook?” I questioned with an awkward chuckle, a stupid thing to ask considering what we were just talking about.

She raised her head as her eye met mine, cocking her head and touching the base of her neck with confusion at the sudden shift in topic. “Oh, well, I can, but I only know the basics. I can roast vegetables, bake pie, make grilled cheese, a-”

“Pie? You can bake pie?” My voice picked up as I asked that, a tone of excitement making it more vibrant.

“Not as well as Pinkie Pie, but yes. Though I don-”

“Can you bake cinnamon butterscotch pie?”

I wiped my face as I shifted my body to face her, a sense of delight overtaking the near despair that had threatened to swallow me just seconds before. My shaking had calmed down and it was becoming easier to breath, I think my mouth was actually watering and there was a longing in my heart I couldn’t quite explain.

Fluttershy pulled back a bit, surprised at my sudden movement.

“I think so? That’s very specific, but I’m pretty sure I can. It will take at least an hour and a half, longer if I didn’t always have dough prepared. Are you sure you don’t wan-”

“Yes. I can wait.”

I couldn’t put into words how much I wanted it. It was childish and immature, I know. Asking for even more from her should have been followed with a stab of guilt, but if so it was buried underneath the need and desire I was feeling. I didn’t even understand it myself, but I wanted it more than anything else in that moment. Besides, I could wait a little longer, being hungry wasn’t something I was unfamiliar with.

I think my sudden response to the fact that she can bake pie both startled her and made her more worried. She got to her feet, or hooves, her fingers interlocking as her hands lowered worriedly. She didn’t want to leave me alone for that long to bake a pie, but this is the first time I’ve gotten visibly excited in front of her. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, the idea of having that pie made me happier than finding out I didn’t die from the alpha again.

The next hour and a half passed in silence, other than occasionally hearing Fluttershy making the pie. There were nail marks and dried blood just below my knees, but they were barely noticeable. Angel returned, hopping into my lap eagerly with a face that told me he was demanding me to pet him like I had before. I obliged the spoiled, adorable thing, his fur was soft and warm, his body relaxing at my touch.

This is what I enjoyed most about animals. They can just tell when I’m upset and came to comfort me, animals were a blessing I didn’t deserve.

I smelt the pie before seeing it, hearing Fluttershy’s light hoofsteps from the kitchen. She was holding a plate with one slice, I’m sure the rest of the pie was in there and she’d bring it to me if I asked, though I’d rather get it myself.

“I’ve never made this kind of pie before, I’m sure I messed up somewhere, but I hope you like it.” Her voice was back to being soft again, her hair no longer covering half her face as she gave me a small smile. I could tell she was nervous by the way the corners of her lips were quivering, I don’t think she cooked for others that often and wasn’t that confident in her skills.

I grabbed the plate when she offered it, hearing Angel let out something like a disapproving grunt when my hands left him. The plate was warm and I could feel how hot the pie was, a fork resting beside it. I couldn’t concentrate on anything else, that nostalgic, intoxicating aroma filled my nostrils. My hands were shaking again, though for a very different reason than earlier, as I picked up the fork. Even as I cut a piece of it off and brought it to my mouth, I was hesitant to bite it. I gulped as I placed it on my tongue and began to chew.

I was...at a complete loss for words, the taste couldn’t be more perfect. The sharpness of the cinnamon, complemented perfectly with the rich, creaminess of the butterscotch. The pie crust was soft but still crunchy.

Exactly like Toriel used to make.

Anytime I was upset, or mad, or had a bad dream, or anything, she would bake me this pie. It didn’t matter how late it was or how stupid the reason, she’d do it with a patient smile while humming a song. Then, she’d cut me a slice, sit down, and hug me as I ate. She’d tell me everything was going to be alright, that she took care of me like I was her own child, and sometimes, she’d even sing me to sleep when my nightmares wouldn’t leave me alone.

“Are you ok? You’re crying…”

Fluttershy’s voice was a bit muffled. She was leaning forward with her hands out in front of her like she wanted to comfort me. I couldn't tell if she was more worried about me or if her pie was as bad as she was afraid it would be, which couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I didn’t even know that I was until she’d said something, hot tears rolling down my faces one after another.

“Yeah, yeah, I just…” I could hardly speak as my voice quaked, yet even as I cried I kept eating the pie. It filled more than just my stomach, it filled my heart with a warmth similar to the sun itself. I didn’t feel any worries or fears, no despair or sadness, nothing but a pleasant tingling throughout my entire body that almost made me want to laugh.

“I’m...happy to be alive.”

Chapter Three: New Friends And Old Hobbies.

I wasn't sure whether it was because I was that hungry, nostalgic or a mixture of both, but I ate at least half of the pie myself. I couldn’t get enough of it. By the time I was done, I think I actually felt my stomach get a little bigger. Fluttershy looked concerned, but she also didn’t stop me, she was probably shocked by how happy I was and didn’t want to risk ruining it.

I honestly didn't even remember closing my eyes either. After eating as much of the pie as I could and cleaning my mouth with a napkin, I laid back down on the couch, a wide, content grin on my face as my chest rose and fell. When I blinked, as if I moved forward in time, or I just didn’t notice time passing, I fell asleep. The only indication that any time had passed at all was that the light shining through the window was brighter than before, my stomach did not feel nearly as full, and I had a near overwhelming urge to use the bathroom.

Angel was sleeping on my chest again, curled up and just small enough to fit in the spot between my breasts. I’m admittedly a bit jealous, animals his size were tiny enough to fit into spots that looked so comfortable. I could feel his warmth and his soft breathing, it almost made me not want to move him at all.

Sadly, the tingling in my heart I got at seeing him sleep so adorably was not nearly as pressing as my desire to relieve myself.

I placed my hand on his head, giving his ear the lightest tug I could manage. He begrudgingly woke up, rubbing his face as he blinked rapidly.

“Sorry, I really gotta go to the bathroom. I don’t know my way around this place yet, do you think you can lead me to it?”

He scowled as he crossed his arms, raising his chin and rapidly tapping his foot against my chest like he was waiting for something. I think I knew what.

“Please?”

He nodded and hopped off me, waiting for me to get up. I sluggishly raised my body, placing my hands on the edges of the couch as I stood. I wasn't sore anymore, but my lips were dry and I had a slight headache. I'm fairly sure I was dehydrated. Now that I thought about it, I didn't think I'd actually drank anything, and all my water was in the backpack. I forgot how mentally exhausting it was to have to manage a body. I had to feed it, make sure it was hydrated, and clean myself regularly or I’ll start feeling gross like I do right now. As much as I want to enjoy a nice, refreshing bath again, that was going to have to wait until I had a change of clothes.

Once again, my annoyingly long hair got in my face, but was being particularly more of a pain to deal with than usual. My face was somewhat sticky, likely from the tears before, causing the hair to get stuck. Luckily, that could be dealt with with just a brief face wash in a sink.

Angel led me up the stairs, the hallway between Fluttershy’s bedroom and the stairs had a door in between where the bathroom was. He waited outside somewhat impatiently as I relieved myself and washed my face, seeing my reflection for the first time since coming here in the sink’s mirror.

My cheeks were as naturally rosy as I remembered them being, making it look like I'm constantly slightly blushing. My skin was deathly pale, which made sense considering how much time I had spent underground. My entire face slimmer and looked much more mature and adult like, but the same otherwise, which was a problem. I couldn’t help but scowl as I peered deep into my own crimson red eyes, a sight some part of me prayed I’d never see again. I had hoped that with this new body I’d have new eyes, blue or green or even yellow, I didn’t care. No, I wasn’t that lucky, I got these same eyes.

These eyes, which I had been shunned for by my own kind.

These eyes, which were considered the sign of a demon-spawn where I was from.

These eyes, which are a curse.

I ran my finger across my face as I bit the inside of my cheek and shook my head, I didn’t want to think about it anymore than I had to.

I made a note to put a towel over the mirror for now on, and left the bathroom.

“Oh, you’re awake! I was just going to come check on you.” Fluttershy greeted suddenly, apparently just having woken up and having the same idea for the bathroom as me. Her clothes were a bit loose and she was still adjusting some of it, her mane mostly the same but some strains of it were sticking out, giving it a more raggedy appearance. I guess even ponies get bed-head.

“Just woke up, actually. I was going to look around and get more familiar with this place since I’ll be staying here for a while, if that’s ok with you.”

“Of course, this place is as much your home as mine now, along with all the other animals that live here. Although…” She peered to the side worriedly as she brought her hand to her mouth. “I’m a tad afraid the other animals won’t get along with you at first. They’re usually very friendly with anyone that comes here, except Dashie for some reason.”

I don’t know who ‘Dashie’ was, but animals were a really good judge of character. If they didn't like someone, it was usually justified.

“Don’t be. I meant it when I said I’m good with animals, they’ll come around to me sooner or later. Besides, I have Angel to-”

I turned to where Angel was and gestured to him, only to find he wasn't there. I glanced back at Fluttershy, seeing the prideful rabbit had hopped up onto her left shoulder, using his paws to fix her mane with a disgruntled expression on his face. I was a little taken aback by this, it wasn’t something I expected him to do. He liked being pampered, sure, but this was different.

At the same time, it made sense.

Fluttershy was undeniably the type who would think of everyone but herself, her kindness selfless in an almost self-neglectful way. If I understood Angel, he was the type who hated feeling like he owed someone. Fluttershy provides him with a place to live and food, he probably constantly feels like he owes her, and him taking care of her like this is his way of giving back. With how unfazed she remained as he did so, I’m guessing he had been doing this for a while.

“Help me.” I finished my sentence, though it was kind of pointless now.

“Well....I was actually hoping you could feed them while I’m gone? Today is my weekly spa trip with Rarity, and I’d really appreciate it if you could do that for me since I won’t be here when they’re usually fed. Rainbow Dash always comes by to do it for me, but since she doesn’t get along well with the animals, it might be better if you could instead. Plus, it’d be a great way for you to meet them all! I won’t be gone long, I should be there and straight bac-”

She was interrupted by a certain snow white bunny lightly tapping his foot against her shoulder, her mane straight as a curtain like usual. The pegasus jumped a bit as she turned to look at him, her face scrunching up as he made light chirping noises, which I think was how he talks.

“I know your birthdays in a few days. I asked Pinkie to make you a carrot cake, and she-”

He let out a particularly loud chirp, placing his paws on his hips and raising his right eyebrow.

“Yes, I asked for her to put in extra carrots. She said it was going to take another day or two. I promise I won’t forget.”

Angel gave an approving nod, then glanced over at me. He pointed towards me even though he was still talking to Fluttershy, who was listening to him intensely.

“Of course I would, but I don’t even know what she likes. It’s not really much of a surprise if I have to ask her, right?”

He brought his right paw to his chin as he pondered her response, extending it as he offered an answer. I couldn’t understand a word of it since it was all just high pitched chittering to me, but judging from the way her eyes lit up and she excitedly smiled to whatever he just said, it was probably a good idea.

“That’s a great idea! I’m sure Bon Bon has some, and I have a few extra bits. Do you promise to help her with the animals if I do?”

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. I didn’t need Fluttershy’s special talent to tell that he just said ‘obviously’ with strong sarcasm. I could tell they were talking about me, and I think Angel suggested for Fluttershy to get me something from someone named Bon Bon. I wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to get me anything, I hated feeling like I owed others too, but my gut told me she would get them anyway.

I also wasn’t sure what ‘bits’ were either. The context made me think it was this world’s currency, but I’m fairly certain that a bit is the part of the horse riding equipment that went into their mouth. I doubted that was the case here since ponies were the superior race so nothing would ride them, but that does suggest there were some very interesting parallels from the world I’m from.

“Angel would be happy to help you with the animals, he can show you where the food is kept. Everything should be fine, and-oh! Before I forget.”

She stopped abruptly in the middle of what she was talking about, opening her bedroom door and walking back in, Angel hopping off her shoulder onto the ground beside me. I raised my eyebrow curiously as I asked him with my face what she was getting, he shrugged his shoulders, apparently just as ignorant as I am.

“I found this in the same clearing you were in, and it didn’t belong to any of The Crusaders. This is yours, right?”

My mouth dropped and my eyes widened in disbelief, I rubbed my eyes and blinked rapidly to make sure I'm seeing things right. It was the backpack, but completely whole, exactly how it looked when I first woke up and saw it. I gently took it out of her hands, just as weightless as before.

There was no gaping hole in the front of it where the woo….timberwolf dug its teeth into the front, and I know there was one because I threw it to the ground when I couldn’t use it as a shield anymore.

“Did you...sew this back up?” I asked hesitantly. There were no marks or anything, so I kind of already knew the answer.

“Why would I need to do that? Is there a hole in it or something?” Fluttershy asked innocently with a tilt of her head.

Her response put a lump in my throat, one that was hard to swallow. I know for a fact that this backpack was ruined, yet here it was in my hands good as new. I was already aware it wasn’t an ordinary backpack, since it apparently also functioned as a pocket dimension to items that were a part of my inventory, but being able to regenerate itself? That was as amazing as it was terrifying. Did that mean it was indestructible? What would happen if it was destroyed to nothing but shreds?

All these questions just increased and led back to the first and biggest mystery since I’ve come here: How did I get here?

“No...I just thought they would have tried to tear it apart or something.” I muttered as I slipped the backpack on, barely even noticing it against my back. I made a mental note to make sure the inventory worked later. “I think I can handle it as long as Angel’s here.”

“I’m sure you will. Do you need anything before I leave?”

Her tone reminded me so much of Toriel’s it hurt. I tried to think of anything I might need, my irritating hair falling into my face again, which actually gave me an idea.

“Do you have any…” I hesitated as I was about to ask for hair ties, realizing that they probably called them mane ties here. “Mane ties? Or anything to keep my hair out of my face while I’m feeding the animals?”

“I think...I might have some bands in the living room? We can check on my way out if you’d like.”

“Yeah, I would.”

She gave me a warm smile as she walked past me and down the stairs, waiting for me to follow her. Angel hopped on my shoulder this time, impressing me a bit with his leg strength, he was clearly a very abnormal rabbit. Or maybe he was considered normal in this world? I honestly didn’t know.

There were hair...mane bands in the living room. On the fireplace, oddly enough. After giving them to me, she asked if I was sure I wanted to feed the animals and that it was ok if I didn’t want to. Then she told me that I was free to anything in the kitchen if I was hungry, and reminded me she’d be back as soon as she could.

To most her incessant questioning and worry might be annoying, but to me it was more than welcome. I couldn’t stop my mouth from stretching into a grin as she asked, a warmth arising in my chest I hadn’t felt in a long time.

After she was gone, I looked down at the mane bands in my hands, Angel staring up at me curiously. I decided I was going to tie my hair back and keep it that way until I got it cut, I just was not sure how. It had been a while since I had hair to tie, but I distinctly remembered two simple ways to do so, which were into a bun or a ponytail. I didn’t really care for my appearance, but I couldn’t recall which was more comfortable.

I chose a ponytail because it was less of a hassle, and while I was doing so, I asked myself what they called a ponytail in this world. They obviously tied their manes up if they had these, but were the names the same? There are so many things I wanted to know, my curious nature seeming to be one of the things that carried over from my past life.

“Well, what do you think?” I asked Angel after I was done, my hands hovering just a few inches away in case I messed up and it fell apart.

He responded with a thumbs up and a smirk, which meant he either liked it or just didn’t want to hurt my feelings. As much as he put up a prideful front, Angel was the most sensitive animal I’ve met so far, though that didn’t mean much.

I spent about an hour memorizing the layout of Fluttershy’s house. It was bigger than I thought, and I skimmed through some of the books on the shelves to try to get a better understanding of everything. Predictably, most of them were about animals. Some of them about their anatomy and biology, others about how to take care of them, and some just had random facts about the animals, which hit me with a wave of nostalgia. There was only one or two about anything else, none of which really told me anything other than I didn't want to ever go back into those woods again if most of what these books were talking about actually lived out there.

I wasn’t sure why, but I felt extremely apprehensive about going outside. My hand tensed up as soon as I touched the doorknob. I was outside when I came here, so why hesitate now? I shook my head as I opened the door, Angel following me into the outside world.

I covered my eyes from the sudden sunlight shining on my face, stronger than I was expecting it to be. Once I could see semi-decently, I found it hard to breathe out of pure amazement of the beautiful sight in front of me. There are luscious grass and flowers, trees with birdhouses of all shapes and sizes, even a river with a small bridge! Birds chirping and some other rabbits frolicking around, Fluttershy’s house itself was a large cottage covered in moss and bushes.

I didn’t know what I was expecting, but jaw dropping utopia for animals wasn’t it. Seeing all these animals so happy filled me with a sense of peace, especially with how much even the animals themselves enjoyed the place. There were fences, but they might as well have been there for decoration, yet the animals didn’t leave at all despite the fact that they could whenever they wanted to.

The last time I was this awestruck was when I first saw the field of flowers that Toriel had been taking care of. The more I learned of Fluttershy, the more similarities I saw between them.

I felt a slight tug on my pants, seeing Angel trying to get my attention and pointing towards something. A small, wooden shed that looked like it was just cobbled together and barely standing, nails sticking out and some of the planks weren’t entirely straight. I’m not sure who put it together, but it was both impressive and sad that it hadn’t just completely fallen apart by now.

“That’s where the food is, right?” He gave me an affirmative nod. “I can get it myself then. Can you round up the animals in one place for me? I think it’d be easier that way.”

He gave me a salute and went off to a nearby group of birds, pointing back at me and chittering something, then the birds flew over to the fence and perched themselves on it. I found myself appreciating that some of the first creatures I came across were so nice and willing to help me. Without them, I would be completely lost.

My suspicion that the shed was on the edge of collapsing was confirmed when, just by opening and closing the door, the entire shed violently shook. I made a mental note to be as gentle as possible when opening the door.

The only thing inside were bags, lots and lots of large bags like for dog food. They all had words on the front of them, some of them had herbivore, carnivore, or omnivore. I had just assumed she only kept herbivore’s here since having carnivore’s would risk them getting eaten, but these bags make me think they've never had that problem. Fluttershy must really trust them.

The bags were a lot lighter than they appeared, I could hold one in each arm. I wasn’t sure how Fluttershy did it, so I just got one of each and laid them in front of the shed. I was greeted by dozens of pairs of eyes large and small, more animals and a larger variety of them than I think I’ve ever seen in one place. Birds, rabbits, squirrel’s, raccoon’s, mostly small ones with Angel at the front saying something to them.

An almost nauseating wave of nervousness overcame me, suddenly facing the fear that they won’t like me head first. I brought the herbivore and omnivore bags, lying them on the ground in front of them. I turned to get the carnivore one, bumping head first into something with very soft fur but a very hard body.

My jaw dropped as I looked up, seeing a giant bear standing in front of me, holding the carnivore bag in his hands. I was completely petrified, unable to stop shaking or make anything more than a croaking sound with my throat. It felt just like encountering The Hydra again. It wasn’t nearly as large, but with its teeth and claws, it could tear me apart just as brutally.

I got snapped out of my terror induced trance when it extended its arms, offering me the bag. Then his mouth curled up, showing me every single one of his sharp teeth, in what I think was an attempt at a smile. When my eyes rested on the bag, realization hit me.

“Are you...one of Fluttershy’s animals?” I struggled to stop my voice from trembling as I spoke, I failed.

He responded with a feverous nod, which was only slightly reassuring since his teeth were sharp and clean enough that I could almost see my reflection in them. I grabbed the bag in his hands, gripping it a lot more tightly than I intended to in an attempt to calm myself down.

“T-thanks.” I stuttered out. I could tell he was trying his hardest not to scare me, but I was unable to stop myself from sweating as my instincts told me to get as far away as possible. My mind knew that the animals here were very different and wouldn’t hurt me, but they were identical to the animals from my world who were dangerous; it was a hard adjustment.

As I turned back to the animals behind me waiting for the food, Angel hopped into my hands as I laid down the bag. His little eyebrows were scrunched up into a concerned expression, I think he was trying to ask me if I was ok.

“I’m…” His eyes made it impossible for me to be afraid, his tiny, soft body in my hands made the urge to pet him nearly impossible to resist. I patted his head as I took a deep breath, my heartbeat getting back to normal as I tried to remind myself the bear towering over me was not going to eat me instead of whatever is in the bag. “Fine. Thank you, Angel.”

I placed him back on the ground and gave the most convincing smile I could to the other animals, but I don’t think I did a very good job of that judging from some of their faces. “Greetings, I’m Chara Dreemurr, and I’ll be living here for a while and feeding you from now on.” I crouched down and extended my hand, it’d been a long time since I tried being welcoming rather than intimidating, and I’m sure it showed. “I know I might seem scary, but I promise I just want to get along with all of you. Can you at least give me a chance?”

The raccoon who I offered my hand to was staring down at it skeptically, then glanced at the other animals as if asking what they thought. Some of them shrugged, some of them nodded, and others made noises I didn’t understand. Angel made a chattering noise that brought all their attention to him, whatever he was saying was surprising some of them as their eyes widened.

The raccoon’s sight was on my hand again, then he put his paws on it and shook it, making a chittering noise that was noticeably deeper than Angel’s. Most of the others made some similar kind of noise, even the bear behind me made something that sounded like it was supposed to be an approving grunt, but came out as more of a growl.

“Thank god…” I said as I let out a relieved sigh, I'm going to give Angel extra-good petting later for whatever he said, and do my best to make sure I didn’t mess up this chance he gave me. “Now for the food.”

The bags were easy to open, and had about what I expected. The Herbivore bag had herbs and berries, Carnivore had chunks of meat that I didn’t want to ask where they were from and assumed they were being preserved through magical means, and the Omnivore bag had a mixture of both.

The problem is how do I dispense it? There aren't any scoops or anything, so did I just pour it out? Or-

My answer came in the form of Angel, who kicked the bags over, causing their contents to spew onto the ground. I expected that they’d all just swarm it, but they were actually really organized. Other than the bear, there were very few carnivores, while there were plenty of herbivores and omnivores. The animals actually got into lines for each pile, and had an animal at each one. The bear at the carnivore, Angel at the herbivore, and the raccoon from earlier at the omnivore.

All the animals got a portion of the food from the pile, being watched over to make sure they didn’t take too much. The carnivores got to take larger portions, likely due to their smaller numbers, but overall there were no issues or anything. A lot of the animals even went to eat their food by the river, drinking from it.

These adorable creatures just continued to surprise me. I’m not sure whether Fluttershy taught them to do this, or they started on their own, but the fact that they were doing this out of respect for her showed how much even her animals cared about her. What was I even worried about?

I leaned against the fence, the last bits of tension leaving my body.

“You don’t look that awesome.”

I jumped off the ground by a few inches, the sudden voice almost causing me to have a heart attack. I did a one-eighty as I tried to see who it was that spoke, seeing another pony person. It was a pegasus, made obvious by her massive wings, outstretched to her sides and fluttering as she floated off the ground. Her coat was a pale blue, matching her wings, with her mane and tail a literal rainbow of all things. She wore a dark blue t-shirt and shorts that went down to about her knees, and there wasn't an ounce of fat on her body. Her arms are crossed but I could see her muscles, and her thighs looked big enough to squish my head like a grape.

When she saw my reaction, her serious demeanor dropped as she began laughing and holding her stomach. “Oh man, you actually jumped! You’re just like Fluttershy!” She said in between laughs.

As she chortled like I’d told the best joke she’d ever heard, her wings retracted as she landed on the ground, quickly gaining her balance since she was only a foot or two off. I waited with a scowl on my face, I hated being startled like that.

“I take it you’re ‘Dashie’?”

Her loud chuckling stopped abruptly as she glared at me, placing her left hand on her hip and right hand sternly pointing a finger at me. “Hey, only my friends get to call me that! My name is Rainbow Dash, but you can call me Rainbow.” she offered as she puffed out her chest proudly.

This was only the third pony person I’ve met so far that I knew the name of, but I did notice there was somewhat of a pattern with how their names worked. Fluttershy’s made sense, she was shy and she didn’t really ‘fly’ when she used her wings so much that she fluttered. Twilight Sparkle’s was much more roundabout, her color pattern somewhat resembled ‘Twilight’ which was what it looked like when the sun set, it was the ‘sparkle’ part I’m more confused on. Maybe the sparkle in her eyes when she gets interested in something? That was a bit out there though.

For ‘Dashie’, the Rainbow part of her name was obvious. The Dash part was something I’d have to see, but I’m sure it had something to do with flying since she’s a pegasus. “Alright Rainbow. Fluttershy said that she wanted me to feed the animals while she’s at the spa today so I can also meet them.” I extended my hand to her like I had before, it was honestly more of a reflex when introducing myself than anything. “Greetings, my name is Chara Dreemurr. I…” I sharply inhaled before I spoke, reminding myself that I don’t have to say a certain line anymore. “I’ll be living here for a little while, I hope we can get to be friends.”

I gave her a smirk that felt a lot more convincing than the ones I gave the animals earlier. The multi-colored mare looked at my hand, her eyes widening a bit when I mentioned I’d be living here, I guess she wasn’t expecting that. Nor was I expecting the mischievous grin that came across her face, I could almost see the lightbulb appear above her head as some idea came across her mind.

When she gripped my hand, I could feel the calluses and how rough the skin was, further telling me that she probably worked out a lot. Her grip was already very firm, but she tightened it to the point where it was painful. I pulled my hand out of her iron clutch, letting loose maybe the girliest gasp I’d ever let out in my life. I held my hand to my chest as I rubbed it, a bit embarrassed at the noise I just made.

“Oh shit, are you okay?”

She sounded genuinely concerned, her forehead scrunching up and eyes widening as she pulled her hand back. The pain in my hand was dull and already fading, I think she just squeezed it really hard.

“Yeah...I ju-”

I was interrupted by some very angry chittering from Angel, which was a lot more aggressive and rapid than anything I’d heard before. I peered down at him, noticing he was scowling as he pointed one of his paws at Rainbow. Clearly very upset, it was the angriest I'd seen him so far.

She recoiled in response, just as startled by the outburst as I was. Her ears, which were a bit bigger and more horselike than mine, lowered like a dog being scolded by their owner.

“I can’t tell what you’re saying, but I'm pretty sure you’re telling me off. I wasn’t trying to-” she extended her arms outward, her retort being interrupted when Angel stomped his foot.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the display, my heart warming at how protective he was being. I’m not sure what I did to deserve it, but I had a feeling it had something to do with him seeing my breakdown yesterday. I hated that he saw me like that, but at least it was just him and Fluttershy.

“It’s alright Angel, I’m ok.” I said as I lowered my hand, scratching his head right behind his ear. “She didn’t mean to hurt me, but thanks for trying to help.” I could feel he was still tense. He looked up at me with furrowed eyebrows, a single chirp coming out of his mouth as he tilted his head. I'm pretty certain if he was asking if I was sure.

I responded with a nod. He turned around, leering over his shoulder at Rainbow and pointing his fingers at his eyes and then at her in a ‘I’m watching you’ gesture.

“I swear, I just find it funny to hear what kind of noises people make when I do that, I didn’t mean to actually hurt you. Your bones are way less dense and I-”

“My bones are less dense? What do you mean?” I asked curiously as I crossed my arms and raised one of my eyebrows.

Rainbow had been trying to apologize, but stopped at my question. “Well...I could tell you weren’t a pony from looking at you and your weird ears.” She said blatantly as she pointed at one of my ears, making me feel self conscious as I ignored the urge to cover them. Are they really that conspicuous? “When I squeezed your hand, it felt like I could break it like it was nothing. I know I’m awesome, but it shouldn’t feel that easy, y’know?”

“No, I don’t know. You’re the third pony I’ve actually talked to.” I responded curtly, clutching and unclutching my hand.

I knew I would be weak compared to horse people, where I’m from an adult horse could kill a human with one kick if you weren’t careful, but hearing that even my bones were easy to crush was a grim reminder of how helpless I was in this new world.

“Huh. So you haven’t talked to any ponies before? Weird, then how do you know how to speak our language?”

“I don’t know. I just...kind of do.”

“Then why did you bother to save Scoots and the rest? I mean, I could have done the same thing if I was there in a way that would have been twenty percent cooler. From what she told me you were really awesome, they think you’re their hero. But honestly? I don’t see it.”

I reflexively bit the corner of my lip at the word ‘hero’, uncovering the unbearable guilt and regret I associate with it. I averted my gaze. “You’re right, I’m not a hero. I saved them so they’d lead me somewhere safe, and I would have died if it wasn’t for Fluttershy. There’s nothing ‘awesome’ about me.”

I couldn’t keep the sardonic tone out of my voice, my not-so-fond memories of the last time I tried to be someone’s ‘savior’ all too easily available. I didn’t see what expression she made, but judging from how silent she was after I said that, I just made things awkward and probably another person concerned about me. Great job Chara, your social skills were as good as always.

“Well, good.” She said abruptly with a dismissive scoff. “Ponyville’s already brimming with awesomeness, we don’t need a seventh big shot.”

I’m guessing Ponyville was the name of the town near here that she lived in. I actually almost laughed at the name and had to stifle a chuckle, that was as ridiculous as Asgore naming his new place ‘New Home’, I could only hope the rest of this world has such silly pony names. I would have asked about that, but I was a bit more interested in what she said at the end.

“Seventh? What do you mean?” I asked as I turned back to her.

“Wait, you...you don’t know who I am? Did Flutters or that egghead not tell you?”

I paused as I tried to think of anything that Twilight, who I assume was who she was talking about if the term ‘egghead’ meant the same thing here, might have said that would explain what Rainbow was talking about. I shook my head when I came up short.

“Really? She didn’t tell you about how we’re The Elements of Harmony?” She asked in an exasperated tone, pointing one finger to her face like I’m supposed to suddenly recognize who she is.

“The Elements of Harmony? That sounds like the name of a music group.”

“I mean...we do sing a lot and pretty well, but that doesn’t have to do with us being The Elements of Harmony! Come on! We kicked Nightmare Moon’s butt, turned Discord back into a statue, and beat the crap out of the changelings so bad they got launched out of Canterlot! Is any of this ringing a bell?”

Well, the changeling part was, yet another mythological thing from my world that was real in this one. What’s next, Dragons? “Can’t say they are, no.”

“Have you been living under a mountain or something? How can you not know who we are? We’ve saved Equestria at least three times.”

I decided not to comment on the validity of that question. “I have amnesia. The last thing I remember is waking up in those woods and then I came across those three, then I woke up in Fluttershy’s home.”

“Amnesia? Doesn’t that usually happen when you hit your head?” She asked curiously, her eyes glancing past me to the animals. I looked behind me and saw that all the food had been taken out and shared with the animals, and that the bear was picking up the empty bags and taking them back to the shed.

He tried once again to give me a reassuring smile, which turned into a halfway scowl when he noticed Rainbow. Her attention switched immediately to the bear. She nervously chuckled as she defensively raised her hands, visibly sweating.

“H-hey there Harry. I’m just here to meet Chara and I won’t be here long. No hard feelings because I messed up last time, right?”

He gave her a glare that would have made me collapse to my knees, and then deeply snorted from the back of his throat as he continued to the shed. She let out a relieved sigh, her confident aura quickly returning.

“Fluttershy was right, the animals really don’t like you.”

“It’s just cause they’re jealous of how awesome I am.” She said half-heartedly, not anymore convinced of it than I was.

For whatever reason, the animals didn’t like her. I couldn’t entirely blame them, she came off as a bit arrogant and overconfident. However, if she’s anything like a certain fish person I knew with a strikingly similar personality, she's genuinely a good person who cared about others. This might even be her way of trying to thank me for saving one of those three girls who Rainbow referred to by name, which reminds me that I didn't even know their names at all.

“Wait, which one was Scoots? I never got their names.”

“Scootaloo was the orange one, she’s like a kid sister to me. So…” She coughed as she awkwardly rubbed the back of her head. “Thanks for saving her, even if you didn’t mean to.”

I was taken back, I didn’t think she’d say that so directly. If I spoke my mind, which was something I’m quickly realizing isn’t a good idea, I’d tell her she shouldn’t be thanking me because I did it for myself. I need to stop, I hate making others worried about me and feel like they need to be careful around me. It’s infuriating. Pity was the last thing I wanted.

“I...feel like we got off on the wrong…”I paused as I realized I’d have to rephrase that saying to make it more appropriate, or I’d come off as stupid. I’ll just blame it on the amnesia. “Hoof. How about we start over? Minus the ‘squeezing my hand’ part would be nice.”

I extended my hand out to her the same why I had before, plastering on that complacent smile. “Greetings. I’m Chara Dreemurr, the human from The Everfree Forest who has no memory and no idea where I am, please to meet you!”

I put as much enthusiasm in my voice as I could, but no amount of practice could stop it from sounding forced to me. She hesitantly stared at my hand, her eyes darting to the left of me, which I assumed was at Angel who was glaring at her.

“No hard feelings?” She asked, in a much more questioning tone than the same way she asked Harry earlier.

“No hard feelings.”

She shot me a smirk. “Alright, then I’m Rainbow Dash.” She shook my hand with a noticeable amount of care. “Element of Loyalty, and soon-to-be Wonderbolt.”

I made a mental note to talk to Twilight about these ‘Elements of Harmony’, something about them bugged me. I’ve also realized that I’ve been making a lot of mental notes recently, I might have to start jotting these down in a book or something.

“I don’t mean to be insensitive, but what exactly is a ‘Human?’ You’re the first thing that’s come out of that crazy place that can actually talk. Other than Steven Magnet, but he never really leaves.”

I had to think about my answer in a way that fit with my amnesia story, which wasn’t as easy as I thought it’d be. I know I’m bad at lying, but I didn’t think it’d be this hard. “I...don’t know, amnesia. From what I can tell, I’m a lot like you just...no fur or tail, and different ears.” I mumbled the last part.

“...Huh.” She said somewhat delayed, raising her head and her eyebrow at something behind me. “What’s with the backpack?”

I was confused for a moment before I followed her gaze, the backpack still on me. I had honestly completely forgot it was even there, it didn’t get in the way or weighed me down. Cons of having a completely weightless backpack I suppose, hopefully the only ones.

“I…” Well, I couldn’t exactly tell her that it was actually a pocket dimension that, as far as I know, had infinite storing capacity. Also apparently the ability to restore itself from any damage, maybe I should experiment with that later. “Just kind of forgot it was there.”

“Huh.” She said again. I couldn’t tell whether she had something to say and was trying to figure out how to say it, or she was just bad at conversing. Not that I’m any better. “Listen, Scoots really wants to thank you for saving her personally. I...sort of grounded her for going that deep into the Everfree, but she’s promised she won’t do it again if you talk to her. So…” she fidgeted a bit. “Can you come see her? Twi told me that you’re going to be coming to Ponyville soon to get some new clothes, so It’d be cool if you could just stop by for half an hour or something.”

Rainbow clearly isn’t used to asking people to do stuff like this, nor did I think she really liked it that Scootaloo thought someone other than her was awesome. I don’t remember Twilight mentioning that I’d have to come to Ponyville, but it made sense that since I’m a different species that a tailor or something would have to measure me for clothes.

“I mean, I don’t know my way around the place, but I don’t really mind.”

“Psh, don’t worry about that! Just ask Pinkie, she’ll show you around. I’m sure she’d be happy to-” Rainbow stopped, her eyes widening in horror as if she’d just realized something terrible. “Oh crap! I forgot that I left Pinkie to watch Tank while I’m gone. She’s probably going to try to teach him tricks and tire him out.”

Her wings suddenly sprung out full mast, a fairly strong wind coming from them as they flapped and she lifted herself off the ground. “I gotta go, bye!”

She shot off like a rocket, leaving a rainbow trail behind her as she went off. I shouldn’t have been fazed by how fast she was with a name like ‘Rainbow Dash’, at least I understood what the Dash part was for. Were all Pegasi that fast or just her? I hadn’t seen Fluttershy actually fly, but I had a gut feeling I shouldn’t use her as my point of reference.

Angel tugged on my jeans, making some painfully cute noise that I was somewhat glad I couldn’t understand. I turned around to see that all the bags had been taken to the shed and there wasn’t even a single scrap of food left, most of the animals had finished eating and were playing or had gone off somewhere else. I got a sharp tap on my shoulder that was a tad painful, I had a pretty good idea of who it was.

Harry was standing behind me, awkwardly tapping his claws together. It would have been cute if he wasn’t a bear that could turn me into trail mix on a whim. I gulped as I tried to keep calm, reminding myself that these were Fluttershy’s animals, and they’d never hurt me.

“Thanks for helping Harry. I, uh, hope we get along?” I said with a nervous chuckle as I extended my hand.

Harry let out something resembling an excited gasp as he picked me up like a...well like a stuffed bear and hugged me. I was terrified for a moment, he was more than strong enough to snap my spine in two, but he didn’t. He was actually really gentle, his fur softer than I thought and warm enough to make me relax in an instant. I let my head rest against him as I hugged him back, or as much as I could since my arms couldn’t reach around him.

This bear was extremely good at giving hugs, I’m so calm I actually forgot where I was until he put me back on the ground, a strange chill came over me as the rest of the world seemed cold in comparison. I didn’t tense up at all when he held me, which made sense when I kept thinking of them as animals. That irrational fear of mine never triggered with dogs or such, it only seemed to apply to those I could talk to.

“Wow...I needed that, thanks again Harry.” I said as I patted him. I was definitely going to be coming to him for hugs now if I really needed one.

With the animals fed, I went back inside, having little to do until Fluttershy came back. Looking at the clock, I could see that it was a little past noon, but that didn’t mean much since I didn’t know what time she’d be back. I tried to read a calendar too. I could recognize the numbers, but not the names of the months.

I searched the books once more, this time actually looking for something. There were a couple of notebooks, I flipped through the pages and tried not to read anything that might be in there on the off chance it was something private. I found one that had nothing in it, and a few pencils on the table. I’m not entirely sure why Fluttershy had blank notebooks and pencils here, did she write down notes on the animals or something? I didn’t intend to ask her about it. I’m curious, yes, but not nosy.

Usually.

I sat down on the couch and opened it to the first page, writing down all the mental notes that came to mind. There wasn’t as much as it felt like, there’d probably be more soon enough. I closed it with the pencil inside, taking my backpack off and placing it on the ground. I was about to open it, but then I saw Angel watching me, I had kind of forgotten he was there. He could be terrifyingly quiet if he wanted to be.

“Hey Angel, how good are you at keeping secrets?” I asked in the most innocent voice possible, something I’ve always been terrible at.

He responded by making a motion like he was zipping his mouth shut. Angel wasn't the type to tell a secret, that much I could see. This wasn't a bad secret either, it was more that I’d rather not have to explain it to anyone since I barely understood it myself.

I extended my hand, summoning the menu in front of me. A quick glance confirmed that Angel had no reaction whatsoever. “Can you see this?” I asked as I pointed at it with my other hand.

He shook his head, furrowing his eyebrows in something similar to irritation. Alright, so the menu wasn't visible to others. Good, that made it much easier to hide it. I crouched down and opened the backpack, dropping the book in it and closing it. It appeared in my items, labeled ‘My Journal’. I opened the backpack and wasn’t surprised to find the book not there, the inside void of anything at all. When I clicked on it in my menu, it appeared out of thin air at the bottom.

I double checked that it was the same, the pencil was where I left it and my writing remained untouched. I could only guess that the backpack worked identically like the chest in The Underground, being an access point to a pocket dimension where I could store things. The only differences now were that there didn't seem to be a limit, and I could keep it on my person at all times.

“Chara? Are you in there? I’m home.”

I tensed up at Fluttershy’s voice, immediately putting my journal back in my backpack and withdrawing my hand, the screen vanishing before my eyes. I managed to slip it back on before she opened the door, Angel just watching from the sidelines and not entirely understanding what I’m trying to hide.

After hearing that she was going to a spa, I expected her to come back wearing makeup and in a different hairstyle or something. But no, her appearance barely changed, other than her face being a bit cleaner and a content smile.

“How was feeding the animals? I hope they weren't too much trouble, they can get really upset when they’re hungry for too long.”

She was asking me, but Angel jumped up in her hands and said something. I waited till he was done to respond. “Not at all, they were angels, him included. How was your trip to the spa?”

Fluttershy chuckled at my bad joke, walking up to me as she talked. “It was great! Rarity’s always so nice to talk to. Oh! Before I forget!” She held up a finger signaling me to wait as she reached into a satchel on her side, the same one she left with earlier.

She pulled a handful of small yellow things out, gesturing for me to hold out my arms. I did as she dropped them into my hands. They were hard and in transparent plastic wrappers, resembling candy but not any kind I knew of.

“What…” I paused as I picked one out and began to unwrap it. “Are these?”

“They’re butterscotch drops! Angel thought since you liked that pie so much, you might like these.”

I popped one into my mouth, able to tell immediately it was a hard candy and you were supposed to suck on them rather than chew them outright. The sweet flavor of butterscotch filled my mouth as it landed on my tongue. It wasn’t nearly as good as when combined with cinnamon and in pie form, but it was enough to spark a tingle of joy in my heart and make even the biggest of my worries seem insignificant.

The amount of petting I owed Angel just kept getting larger, not that I minded.

“They're amazing, thank you.” I said gleefully as I smirked at her, putting the rest in my backpack. “Did you ask Rarity about getting me new clothes?”

“I did! She’d be happy to make clothes for the person who saved her sister, she just needs to take your measurements and she can make whatever you need. She’s the best seamstress I know.”

My guess that Rarity is a tailor of some kind turned out to be right. “What time are we going? Tomorrow?” I didn’t want to seem too eager, but a change of clothing was definitely in order.

“Tomorrow? What do you mean? We’re leaving now, no reason to wait.” She asked as she tilted her head curiously.

“...Oh.”

That was not an answer I was expecting. Dealing with a handful of ponies and some animals were one thing I could handle, even if just barely, but an entire town full of ponies? Who I might have to meet, and would be staring at me because I was different?

It would be far too similar to how I grew up, and I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for that.

Chapter Four: New Home, Part One.

I told Fluttershy to give me a moment as I retreated from the room, hearing a concerned and confused ‘ok’ from her before I left. I went up to the bathroom, draping a towel over the mirror as I sat down on the toilet. My chest felt tight and hurt with each erratic breath I take; I was short of breath and borderline heaving, a sensation like pins and needles stabbed every inch of my body and took over my senses as I couldn't stop shaking.

I’m extremely familiar with this feeling, though it had been so long since I’d experienced so severely that I’d nearly forgotten: This was anxiety.

I’ve had serious anxiety for most of my life, yet another persistent problem from my days in that village. It got much better when I fell down Mt. Ebott, but it never really went away. Some days it was barely even there, others I was on the very edge of an anxiety attack, something I’ve fortunately only experienced a handful of times. It only flared up in big crowds or when I was being expected to do something, which explained why it decided to hit me now!

It wasn't that I was afraid of meeting new ponies or going to new places, it was more that I stood out so much. Back in the village anytime I left my...where I lived, I was glared at by everyone who lived there for my eyes and various other reasons. Sometimes they’d throw things or say things, which was preferable to the look they gave me.

Disgust, hatred, occasionally pity, and so many other emotions in their cold stares that drilled a gaping hole in my soul, one that would never leave and that I could never forget. In this world I’m a different species than most, and when I enter Ponyville that’s the first thing they’ll notice. Maybe it won’t be hatred or pity, curiosity and interest instead, but the feeling was the same.

All those eyes staring at me.

All those eyes watching me, curious what I’ll do next.

When it comes down to it, it wasn't that different. My mind knew that these pony people wouldn’t hurt me and didn't carry an ounce of disdain towards me, they knew not of the evil humans are. But my body and my emotions couldn’t tell a difference, and that’s why I sat on the toilet of Mother Nature’s home about to throw up.

“It’s fine...you’re fine….everythings fine!” I said through gritted teeth, trying to force myself to calm down.

It was been much worse than this before, this was tolerable, if only a minor distraction. My heart beat began sounding less like a drum and more like a distant echo in a cave, my shallow breathing finally coming down to a level where it didn’t sound like I’d just run for an hour. I couldn’t fall apart, not here, not now. This wasn't something to be afraid of, in fact, I should see this as an opportunity!

I’ve been saying that this is my chance to reinvent myself, to become a better person, even if I didn’t deserve it. I need to pretend I’d forgotten my last life like I told Fluttershy, which meant trying to let go of my baggage. The one I want to get rid of the most was my crippling fear of touching others, and it was by far the hardest with how deeply ingrained it is in me, but I have to try. First, I just need to get them to trust me. That’ll be the hardest part to getting them to like me. I’ll put on my best front.

I got to my feet and took a deep breath, repeating ‘It’s fine, I’m fine’ to myself over and over like a mantra until I believed it. I barely even noticed that I had been clutching desperately to my pendant, I loosened my grip on it and closed my eyes, thinking of the tune Toriel used to hum when she was baking pie. I found it impossible then to be anxious or upset at all, and recalling it now brought on a soothing sense of nostalgia that had a similar effect.

I left the bathroom, taking the towel off the mirror and placing it back on the towel rack.

“Are you okay?” Fluttershy asked, her voice thick with concern as she worriedly held her hands against her chest.

“Yeah, just....needed to be alone for a moment.” I responded solemnly as I walked back down the stairs. “I’m ready to go if you are. It’s just that I’m…” I rubbed the back of my head awkwardly as I tried to come up with something. “Really bad in crowds.”

Not a lie, just had to hope she didn’t ask me why. Angel tugged on the end of my jeans, I pet him to try to convince him I’m ok.

I don’t think it worked, I’m not even really convinced myself.

“I understand. I almost hate to admit it, but I’m terrible when it comes to other ponies.” Fluttershy said as she walked up to me, her body relaxing a bit but still keeping her gaze fixed on me. “Even around my friends it’s hard for me to speak up and I can’t help but feel a little scared. Around ponies I don’t know, I can barely talk and I shake like a leaf.”

She chuckled like she was telling a joke, but I can make out the nervous undertone behind it. I wouldn't claim to understand someone I basically just met, but from the way she bit the corner of her lip and her jaw clenched, I guessed it was something she hated having to deal with more than anything else. For me, well…’bullying’ really wasn't the right word, but that was what it was. I knew from what she told me last night that ponies in this world were capable of that kind of cruelty, though I doubt to the extent that humans could be.

I wouldn't ask her about it. The last thing I want to be is nosy. Curious, yes, not nosy.

If I could help it.

“However, the ponies in Ponyville are some of the nicest I’ve ever met, I’ve watched them forgive somepony who threatened to take over Equestria. They make mistakes sometimes, but…” She reaches her right hand towards me, then stopped right before it touches me, receding and letting it hang at her side awkwardly. “‘Everypony there is good and won’t hurt me’. I tell myself that every time I go there, and it rings a little more true each time. I know my words aren’t enough to convince you, so please, just trust me.”

She gave me a warm and gentle smile, one which the genuineness behind it could not be faked. It was nothing more than a small uplift of her lips, yet the impact was huge. I couldn’t entirely believe her words, fear was never rational, but I could believe that she wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.

As I hesitantly relaxed and allowed the relief to wash over me, I dropped my gaze to Angel. He remained at about ankle level. I picked him up and held him to my chest, his soft body felt like placing an ice cube on myself during a really hot day.

“Can...I bring Angel as my emotional support animal?”

I tried to ask it in a joking way, but it ended up coming out a lot more desperate than I wanted it to. I hate how weak and childish it made me seem.

“Of course. If it makes you feel better, it took me weeks before I could leave without a flock of birds following me. There’s no shame.”

I pondered on her words as I tightened my grip on Angel. I moved him around and held him like a baby in my arms, giving him an absent minded belly scratch. He didn’t seem to like it that much, must be more of a dog thing.

“...Ok.” I muttered silently, Fluttershy waited patiently until I answered.

The trip to Ponyville itself wasn’t stressful or even that long, maybe five minutes at most. The scenery was as beautiful as I expected it to be, though sadly there were less and less animals the closer we got. Fluttershy walked by my side, staying a fair distance and out of my personal bubble. I noticed she steadily got a little more rigid as we walked, her wings fidgeting like she wanted to either fly away or use them to cover her body and cower, I couldn’t tell which.

Angel himself was...styling my hair? I couldn’t see it and couldn’t say for sure, but he was jumping between my shoulders with impressive agility, and a very uncomfortable, but not painful, tug on my hair followed each time. I didn't know what he was doing with it or why, but it kept it out of my face so I was going to choose not to complain or stop him. I’m going to be getting my haircut anyway, so it didn’t make a difference.

Ponyville itself was much bigger than I expected or had ever seen. The village I lived in could support maybe fifty at max, though I knew there were much bigger that could hold more. But this? It had more buildings than I could see, and so much better built it made where I used to live look like Fluttershy’s shed in comparison. Not to mention it has rivers with bridges, it was clean, and I could even make out a huge farm not that far from it!

I stopped as my jaw opened, staring in astonishment at the sheer size of the place. I was expecting a few dozen ponies, but they could probably house thousands of them! My heart began to palpitate and my entire body froze as I imagined thousands of pairs of eyes leering into my very soul, time seemed to distort as that nightmarish picture flashed in my mind. My anxiety hit me hard, my knees buckled and gave out as I collapsed, I winced as every hair on my body stood straight.

Luckily, there wasn't anyone around to see. Angel halted whatever he was doing and jumped on the ground in front of me, his small eyes looking up at me worriedly as he tried to think of what to do. Fluttershy reacted without hesitation, crouching down in front of me and wrapping one of her near angelic wings around me. The contact made my entire body tense up, but compared to the overwhelming unease, it wasn't much. It also helped that with how soft and gentle her wings were, it was easy for me to think they weren't even a part of her. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine it as an extremely soft blanket, which helped immensely.

“Hey...it’s ok. It’s ok, no one’s going to hurt you.” She said in a silvery and soft tone, choosing her words carefully and speaking in a tone reminiscent of my real mother. “I promise, as long as I’m here, nothing’s going to happen.” She inhaled deeply as she rubbed my back with her wing, I tried to focus on the sound of her voice and the warm feeling of her touch.

“If….it’s ok with you,” Her tone suddenly shifted to a much more hesitant and nigh desperate one, prompting me to open my eyes. I was so focused on myself that I didn’t even notice Fluttershy, her entire body shook and her lower lip quivered. She’s incredibly anxious too, worrying about me probably didn’t make it any better, I felt a tinge of guilt at how selfish I’m being right now. Her hand was outstretched, offered to me, but it shook like the rest of her body.

“You can hold my hand. It might help.”

“I….I could,” I tried to relax my grip on the necklace, but I couldn’t, it was almost like a muscle cramp. “I c-could hurt you.”

She responded with an Angel-tier adorable giggle. “Chara, I massage a bear and also work as his chiropractor. I can take some strong squeezing.”

If anyone else had said that I would have thought it ridiculous, but considering I’ve met the bear she’s talking about, I found it believable. “Wouldn’t that...be embarrassing?”

The butter-colored pegasus lightly touched my free hand, I reflexly recoiled and bit my lip immediately after, more guilt striking me at reacting that way to her help. A few tense moments passed by as her hand hovered over mine, which I held to my chest like a wounded animal.

“...Chara.” She whispered in that motherly tone of hers, reaching once more for my other hand. She gently pulled it towards her, slowly lacing our fingers together. After each one, she waited a few seconds for me to respond. When I didn’t, she continued, until our hands were completely interlocked.

When she touched me, my stomach dropped and the inside of my cheeks turned sour like I was going to throw up. A tiny voice in the back of my head told me to get as far away as possible, my fear screaming that she was going to hurt me. I clenched my teeth and choked it down the best I could. I didn’t want to be a slave to my emotions, not anymore. Not ever again.

“What’s embarrassing about helping a friend?”

Her words were like a revelation that made me feel stupid for not realizing myself. ‘Friend’. Only one person has called me that before, and despite how that turned out, I know what it meant to be called someone’s friend. To me, a friend was someone you can trust, that was why being called one impacted me in a way very few things could.

Fluttershy...trusts me? I’m a stranger, she even caught me in a lie. Despite that...she trusts me? An indescribable heat overcame the chilling anxiety, and I found myself able to breath again.

There was no judgement in her eyes, no fear as she looked into mine, just kindness.

I glanced at our interlocked hands; mine was sweaty and I couldn’t relax at all or stop shaking, hers was firm and soft without any sign of wavering. As much as I couldn’t stand the feeling, I remained incredibly tense during the physical contact. Simultaneously, my anxiety receded into the very depths of my mind. ‘Safe’ wasn't the right word, reassured fit more. My body couldn’t trust Fluttershy, but my mind could.

She wouldn’t hurt me, because she’s my friend, and that was all I needed to hear.

“Thank you.” I whispered as I gripped her hand, getting to my feet.

I couldn’t get rid of the rigid tension that filled every bone in my body, but that was something I could tolerate. The comfort Fluttershy gave me with her touch made it worth it.

The rest of the trip through Ponyville, while I couldn’t shake some apprehension that didn’t want to leave, was nice. Angel hopped back on my shoulder and continued to do...whatever he was doing with my hair, now with a noticeable hesitation like he was watching out of concern while doing it.

Every now and again, I’d glance at her, my cheeks a darker shade of red than normal from the embarrassment of us holding hands like mother and child. She actually looked more...relaxed? Before it was obvious she was nervous, but when we started holding hands there weren’t any signs of it. Her wings weren’t twitching anymore and her lips weren’t quivering, in fact there was no emotion on her face at all except a tiny, content smile. She didn’t even react to how tightly I was squeezing her hand. Which, to be fair, I could attribute to my bones being less dense than theirs.

There weren't nearly as many pony people around as I thought there’d be, maybe most of them are busy? The few that were around didn’t outright stare at me which I appreciated, but they curiously peeked like they were trying to see something behind a curtain. They clearly wanted to know who and what I was, and probably why I am holding hands with Fluttershy. If Rainbow was anything to go by, those three that I saved told others here that I helped them and how ‘awesome’ I was. While I know they were trying to paint a good picture of me, there were always those few that get afraid, and they had every right to be.

Also thanks to Rainbow Dash, I couldn’t get rid of the childish insecurity that they were staring at my ears. Sure mine didn’t point upward and weren’t covered in really soft fur, but they weren't that weird...right?

“We’re here.” Fluttershy suddenly stated as we stopped in front of a building.

The building itself was massive and very decorative. About two stories tall with the bottom part being the widest, getting skinnier as it went farther up, somewhat resembling a wedding cake. Various kinds of patterns and ribbons of bright yellow, blue, and pink, even some hearts sprinkled in. It honestly resembled an extremely fancy dress rather than a building, whoever decorated this must have put a lot of effort into making it look good, and it showed as the color combination was somewhat pleasing to the eyes.

The things that stuck out the most were two pony weathervanes on the front, which I found odd as the only weathervanes I’d seen before were of animals. A red flag on top, and the two windows on the front.

“This is where my friend Rarity lives. She’s very nice, but she can be....” Fluttershy let go of my hand, shifting her eyes to the side as she tapped her finger against her chin. “Passionate. She’s going to ask you a lot of questions at once and you’re going to feel overwhelmed, I promise she means well.”

I felt a strange emptiness when her hand left mine, mixed with a tinge of relief at the breaking of physical contact. My body finally relaxed, but without that constant reassurance it became harder to keep my mind straight. I immediately started thinking that maybe Rarity wouldn’t like me, first impressions were always incredibly important.

I watched as she knocked on the door, my throat getting suddenly dry as my body reminded me I still haven’t drank anything. Angel got off from my shoulders onto Fluttershy’s, apparently done with my hair. My curiosity got the better of me as I peered into one of the windows, my reflection showing me what he did. Luckily it was one of those windows that gave more of an outline of my reflection than a mirror, so I could look at just my hair and not my eyes.

He...braided my hair. My hair had never been braided before, not like this, especially since I stopped letting it grow out a long time ago. He did so exceptionally well for a creature with such adorably small paws, it made me think he did much more than just fix Fluttershy’s mane. He somehow pulled it all back into one big braid, or maybe I was just too distracted by the embarrassment and anxiety to notice. With the added benefit of no stray strands of hair getting in my eyes, which I’m fairly sure was intentional.

I turned to thank Angel, my appreciation never left my mouth as the door opened. The pony that opened it was...flamboyant fit but didn't quite do her justice. The first thing I noticed was that her coat was pure white like sheep wool, complimented by azure eyes that practically sparkled with life, and dark purple hair that was both luscious and spiraled in a way that made it obvious she put a lot of effort into styling it. I could also see a spiraled horn sticking out prominently from her forehead, telling me she’s a unicorn.

Not only was she a natural beauty, she also had an eye catching fashion sense and knew how to make herself stand out more than she already did. Black eyeliner, bright blue eyeshadow, and eyelashes that made her eyes pop. Her ears pierced with what I think were diamonds, and a shoulderless, teal top that ended at a belt with a gem shaped buckle. A purple long skirt that went down to her knees, light brown stockings covering the rest of her legs as I could just barely make out heart shaped garters at the top of them. Topped off by pink high heels that glittered.

“Fluttershy! So nice to see you so soon again darling!” She said with exaggerated excitement, an accent in her voice that didn’t sound entirely genuine. She embraced Fluttershy in a tight hug, one with so much affection and care it almost made me nostalgic. “And I assume this is the brave soul who saved my dear-”

As Rarity pulled out of the hug and turned towards me, she paused, her eyes widening slightly as her sight landed on me. Surprise wasn’t quite the look in her eyes, more like...intrigued? Curiosity? It actually reminded me a lot of Twilight when she learned I could talk, though at least then I knew why. Rarity walked up to me wordlessly, staring not into my eyes, but focused on something else.

I really hoped it wasn’t my ears.

“Your mane…” I heard her mumble, an undertone of fascination in her voice. She brought her left hand forward and stroked my hair, then ran her fingers through it. “It’s...beautiful, I haven’t seen this shade naturally in quite a while. I know mare’s who would kill for a mane this long and straight. Are you sure you want to cut this?” She asked in disbelief, her mouth agape as she glanced up at me questioningly.

Her sudden touch made my entire body freeze, clenching my hands into fist as I tried to resist the urge to jump back. “Y-yeah...I don’t like how it gets into my eyes and-”

“Your eyes?” she asked as she squinted at my face, then widening like she’d just noticed some major detail that’d been in her face. “Oh yes, your eyes!”

She suddenly cupped the sides of my face, her grip soft but firm as she steadied my head. She got close enough to where I could feel her breath on my face, blinking rapidly as she looked into my eyes.

A crippling wave of nausea hit me, I found myself unable to breath and my entire body shook violently. I closed my eyes, but darkness wasn’t what awaited me..

He was.

I could almost smell the alcohol coming from his wretched mouth, a hand around my throat so iron-tight no air could escape. My feet off the ground as he held me, a disgusted sneer on his face like my very existence made him sick to his stomach.

“Why the fuck won’t you just die already? You demonic parasite!”

My eyes shot open, an extremely worried expression on Rarity’s face as she let go of me, her lips moving but I couldn’t hear what she said over my own blood flowing. Fluttershy had put her hand on Rarity, I think she had tried to stop her from getting too close to me, but was too late.

I stumbled back onto the ground, that memory so vivid I was almost convinced I had actually been sent back there. My body was absolutely drenched in cold sweat as I sat on the ground, tears and darkness in the corner of my eyes as I could hear nothing but my own erratic breaths and heartbeat. I squeezed the pendant so desperately that if it had any sharp edges I’d be bleeding, I stared at the center of the ground and dared not look anywhere else.

I wanted to scream, but couldn’t bring myself to. I wanted to run, but I couldn’t feel my legs, I pressed one hand against my eye as a headache threatened to overtake everything and my eyes pulsated painfully. I was close to passing out, to giving in to the panic and anxiety and slipping into unconsciousness.

I was snapped out by Fluttershy, once again wrapping me in her wings to comfort me. She’s reluctant to touch me with anything but her wings, which was a level of concern I appreciated more than I could put into words. Angel hopped onto my lap, pressing a paw against me and trying to help me.

She didn’t say anything, she didn’t have to. Their help was enough to remind me. I wasn’t in that village or near him, he’s long dead. I wasn’t in The Underground either. I’m in Ponyville, and here I didn’t need to be afraid.

I’d keep telling myself that until I believe it, just like everything else.

I also tried to ignore the shame at the fact that this was my first time in Ponyville and I’ve already almost had two breakdowns. I’d get better, I had to.

“Thanks.” I mutter as I wipe my face.

Fluttershy retracted her wings and gave me a patient smile as I got to my feet. Rarity stood in front of me, a guilty expression on her face.

“Are you ok? I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m terribly sorry.”

The exuberance in her voice was gone, filled instead with a thick regret. Her apology was real, not like I blamed her in the first place. I had somewhat expected Fluttershy would have told her I didn’t like being touched, but Fluttershy also seemed the type who didn’t like talking about other people’s problems.

“It’s fine. I just…” I picked up Angel and began to pet him. “Don’t like being touched. What were you doing, anyway?”

I found myself calming down a little more every time I felt his soft fur in between my fingers, even more so with Fluttershy standing beside me like she was guarding me.

“Oh, I was just...admiring your eyes.” She responded with a surprising amount of timidness in her voice. I was starting to feel bad for how bad she felt about it.

“Admiring...my eyes?” I had a sudden urge to touch one of my eyes, but one of my hands had a bunny in it, and the other one was petting him. No one had ever said anything nice about my eyes before, I’d been around so many other monsters who had red eyes that they weren’t anything special.

“Yes, they’re an extremely rare shade that I don’t get to see often. Yours in particular are very fetching and contrast perfectly with your hair, I’m already thinking of dozens of dresses you could wear that would make you fabulous!”

I could see what Fluttershy meant when she said Rarity was passionate. The second she started talking about fashion that light in her eyes came back, which made sense considering she ran a boutique. What really startled me was what she said about my eyes. Was that...a compliment? I don’t think I’ve ever been complimented before, not even Asriel said anything about me being pretty. I’m a girl but I never cared about being appealing or cute. Even if I did, I’d always thought my eyes made me ugly, that was what I’d been told over and over.

Being told they were attractive? That someone didn’t hate me for them? It made me feel something warm in my chest as I smirked, I couldn’t explain why.

“Thank you, you’re the first to compliment my eyes.” I said with as much sincerity in my voice as I could muster.

“Really? But...They’re so beautiful, and I-oh silly me! I forgot that you came here for clothes and a manecut, would you like to come in?”

Rarity stopped in the middle of what she was saying, gesturing to the door she left open. I kind of forgot what I came here for too, not that I’m in any particular rush. I walked in with Angel in my hands and Fluttershy behind me, a little taken aback by how the inside looked.

It was about as fancy and decorated as the outside. Various shades of pink curtains, hearts, and a light purple floor. Lots of mirrors in the room, which included the left side with chairs, so I’m guessing that’s where the hair gets cut. The right side had a small, circular stage with a flower pattern on it and three large mirrors. I think that was for taking measurements and seeing how certain clothes looked, which meant I’d be having to go up there.

Other than some stairs in the back, the only other thing in the room that stuck out to me were...mannequins in the shape of ponies. So...ponyquins? They kind of creeped me out. Due to previous experiences with inanimate objects like those, I’m going to opt to stay away from them if I can help it.

“Now, allow me to introduce myself!”

I turned around, seeing Rarity with one hand on her hip and the other prominently on her chest paired with a wide smile on her face. “I am the eternally beautiful Rarity, The Element of Generosity and the owner of this Carousel Boutique!” she spread her arms to the side to signal to the building we were in, showing me she’s just as confident and proud of the building as herself.

I raised my eyebrow when she mentioned that she’s The Element of Generosity, these ‘Elements of Harmony’ were something I couldn’t help but be curious about. From what I’ve heard, they reminded me of the seven traits Gaster would go over every now and again, though there were seven of those and six Elements according to Rainbow. Kindness in particular was the same name as the trait here, whether that was a coincidence or not was something I’ll have to figure out from Twilight.

“It’s a delight to meet you! I promise I’ll make you absolutely shine.”

Rarity was about to extend her hand to shake, but pulled it back almost immediately. I was about to tell her shaking hands was fine, but that would be awkward and I’m trying my best to get better socially now that I’m the one talking.

“I don’t really want to ‘shine’. I just want to cut my hair and get some new clothes, I’d prefer not to stand out.”

“Not stand out!? My dear, not to be the bearer of bad news, but you're an entirely different species that nopony has ever seen before. If you must stand out, then why not for all the best reasons? With your absolutely stunning eyes and your beautiful mane, it'd be absolutely dreadful to think you'd want to waste a single ounce of your natural beauty by merely blending in."

I knew that, but hearing it be stated like it was an obvious fact made my heart drop. I hated that she was right. I’m just thankful that there weren’t more ponies out, or I don’t think I would have made it here even with Fluttershy and Angel’s help.

“Believe me, I’m aware, but that’s why I don’t want to dress up. I want to fit in, please.”

I spoke with a bit of desperation, my voice quieter than I intended it to be. More than anything I just wanted to go back to Fluttershy’s and fall asleep in Harry’s warm embrace. I could recognize that Rarity was trying to be nice to me and help me in her own way, and I’m already grateful that she’s willing to do so free of charge, but making myself look pretty and drawing attention?

That’s not me, and it never could be.

“But…” she sighed dejectedly, lowering her arms limply to her sides and briefly closing her eyes. “I understand, I’ll make you something casual. Just promise me if you want to make yourself as exquisite as I’m sure you can be, you’ll come to me first?”

She held her hands together like she was begging, her eyes opening and widening in what I could only describe as ‘puppy dog eyes’. I’m somewhat immune to any attempts of being cute that come from things that aren’t innocent animals, but it did make it harder for me to say no.

“I promise.” I responded with some reluctance.

She let out a delighted squeal, extending one of her fingers as a gesture for me to wait. “Just let me get my measuring tape.”

She went behind a gate, Angel hopped out of my hands and into Fluttershy’s as she walked up to me. “She’s a bit overwhelming, but she only has good intentions. Rarity is one of my closest friends. You can trust her, Chara.”

The problem was, I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be called trust issues if I could trust others that easily.

“I’m trying. It’d be easier if she was less...touchy.”

She came back in as soon as I said that, her horn lit up and a roll of measuring tape surrounded in a light blue aura hovering beside her. Rarity also now donned a pair of red reading glasses, which I genuinely wasn’t expecting her to wear since it didn’t go with the rest of her outfit.

“If you’d kindly get on the stage, I assure you this won’t take long.”

I slipped my backpack off and placed it on the ground beside the stage, stepping up on it and facing opposite the mirrors. Rarity didn’t question it, levitating the tape up to me and extending it.

“Stretch out your arms please.”

I did, extending them outward like I’m trying to pretend to be a tree. Fortunately, she didn’t actually have to touch me to measure me, it could be summed up as her pressing it against my body at various angles and me flinching because of the sudden pressure and cold. She made a humming noise every now and again, but otherwise stayed silent as she took my measurements. The only time anything changed is when she noticed the blood stain on my shoulder, I have no idea how she didn’t notice it earlier.

She understandably grimaced out of disgust at it, but didn’t react to much else. When she got behind me I heard her sharply inhale, I got the impression she wanted to say something but didn’t quite know how to say it.

“Chara…” I felt the tape hovering behind me as it stopped. “From the bottom of my heart, thank you for saving Sweetie. If something had happened to her...I don’t know what I’d do.”

It took me a second to understand what she was saying, until I remembered Fluttershy mentioning that Rarity would be more than willing to help me because I saved her sister. I thought about it a bit and realized one of those three in the woods had a coat that was the same shade of white as Rarity, so I’m guessing that was Sweetie.

“No need to thank me, really. I only saved them so they would lead me somewhere safe, I don’t deserve any praise for it.”

As soon as I said that, out of the corner of my eyes I saw Fluttershy frown disapprovingly. She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, then closed it.

“Now, now, there’s no need to be modest. You put yourself in huge danger to save them. And from what Fluttershy’s told me about how beat up you were before Twilight healed you, you went much further for them if you really were just in it for yourself.” she went back to measuring me, her voice somewhat more upbeat. “If you don’t mind, can you tell me about yourself? I’ve found I make clothes much better the more I know you, and I’ll admit I’m curious. I’ve only met one other creature from The Everfree Forest that could talk, and he’s a delight!”

“There’s...not much to tell, I have amnesia. I woke up in that forest with a backpack, heard their screams and decided to help them, and now I’m here.” I paused as I tried to suppress a shudder, my deaths remained fresh in my mind almost like they just happened. “All I know is my name, that I’m a human, I can speak your language, and that I think I’m about twelve years old.”

Rarity didn’t say anything about the amnesia, which meant Fluttershy didn’t tell her. Not that I expected she would have, I was just paranoid that someone’s going to see through my lies, I’ve never been good at it.

However, when I finished her entire body tensed up. “T-twelve? That’s younger than Sweetie Belle! Are you sure that’s your age? You look older than that, maybe…” She stopped as she got back in front of me, briefly scanning my face and then my body with a near inquisitive expression. “Nineteen? Are humans a species that mature very quickly?”

I couldn’t exactly correct her, I didn’t know my actual age. While there are similarities with pony people and humans, I didn’t know if they had the lifespans of humans or if it was different, all I could do is improvise. “Not sure, amnesia. Twelve is just the first number that comes to mind.”

“That doesn’t quite-” She cut off mid sentence, her eyes widening as they focused on my chest. “And what is this marvelous piece of jewelry? I haven’t seen a necklace like this before.”

Her magic surrounded the pendant and lifted it upward as she examined it. I bit the inside of my cheek as my hand clenched, I struggled not to just reflexively grab it. “I…woke up with that, I’m not sure either.”

Fluttershy noticed my distress, walking up and placing a hand on Rarity’s shoulder. “Rarity, she doesn’t know. Why don’t you ask her about the clothes you’re making for her?”

She frowned for a moment, then the light around the necklace vanished as she placed the measuring tape in her hand. “You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s just...when I heard that you were wearing clothes I thought that meant there was a species in that forest that had a sense of fashion! I was excited to make an entire line with a theme based on it, but if you have amnesia, I suppose there isn’t much that can be done about it.”

She took the glasses off and looked up at me. “Now, what would you like me to make for you? I was thinking perhaps something pearl white to go with your hair? Or maybe a royal blue to go with your eyes? Oh you would look dashing in a black blouse with-”

“Actually...I was hoping you could just make a copy of these clothes, if that’s alright?” I didn’t like interrupting people, but if she kept going with a bunch of flashy color combinations she’d just be more disappointed. “I don’t doubt your judgment that I would look good with other colors, but right now I’d rather just wear something I’m used to.”

She went slackjaw, surprised like I said something in an entirely different language. “Truly? But yellow and green is so...bland.”

Rarity put much more emphasis in that than I felt was necessary. Then again, she’s a tailor who could make high quality clothes and I’m asking her to make something that’s probably dull by her standards, so I can’t really blame her for being shocked.

“Maybe, but I don’t really mind that.”

“If that’s what you want.” she pouted as she said that, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. “I assume you’re wearing underwear, what about for those?”

“You can make those whatever you like, not like anyone but me is going to see them.”

Something about the way that she smirked unnerved me, I’d almost describe it as devilish. “I can work with that. Give me…” She glanced to the side as her lips moved wordlessly like she was counting something to herself. Then she put up her hand with all of her fingers extended. “Five minutes.”

Rarity went back into the backroom behind the stage, the only sound was her singing something. I stepped off the stage, scrunching my forehead perplexed at what she’s doing. “What’s she doing back there?”

“Making your clothes.” Fluttershy responded in a matter of fact tone.

I turned towards her. “Wait...already? Doesn’t that take time? I expected it to take at least a day before I’d get them.”

“Not for Rarity. She’s made several sets of clothing in a single night, and she really wants to pay you back for saving her sister. If she says she can make your clothes in five minutes, I believe her.”

If it were anyone but Fluttershy I’d find that hard to believe, but she said it with such sincerity and a genuine smile on her face that it even made me believe she could do it. “Wow, you really have a lot of trust in her.”

“I trust all of my friends, Chara. You too.”

Her voice lowered as she said that, walking up to me with Angel on her shoulder. I don’t know how, but he somehow managed to fall asleep on her shoulder. I found myself jealous of how peaceful he looked.

“Why did you tell her you only saved them for yourself? I know that’s not true Chara, you aren’t selfish like that.”

I paused as I brought my hand up to my chest, clutching the pendant as I tried to think of a response. “Because the last thing I want people to think I am is a hero. I’m not and never will be…” I closed my eyes as I pictured Asriel’s face. “I learned that the hard way.”

I whispered the last part in a harsh tone, I’m not sure if she heard it or not. I saw her extend her hand out of the corner of my eyes, but she pulled it back and held it against her chest, her eyebrows knitted and lips shaking in concern. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Whatever happened to you that you don’t want to talk about...you can tell me.”

“I can’t tell you, if I did….you’d hate me.”

“Chara, I could never hate you.”

I opened my eyes and scoffed, letting go of my necklace and turning away from her. “I wish I could believe that, but I can’t. Especially when I’ve heard it before.”

I heard Fluttershy sharply gasp behind me, taking a breath like she wanted to say something, but stopped herself. Hopefully she could tell that this wasn't something I wanted to talk about right now, certainly not here.

“~I’m dooooone!~”

Rarity came back soon, singing in an actually very impressive opera-like voice. There was a pile of clothes identical to mine hovering behind her shrouded in her magic, neatly folded from smallest to largest. She began walking towards us, noticing the awkward tension in the room immediately.

“Is everything ok?” She asked hesitantly as she lowered the clothes to the ground beside the stage.

“Ye-”

“Everything’s fine Rarity. We’re just...worried about Twilight. We need to visit her after this so she can see if Chara has any magical capabilities.”

I found myself stunned. Both because Fluttershy interrupted me, and because her lie was...actually convincing and not entirely false, I actually completely forgot about the whole ‘attuning’ thing with Twilight.

“Oh yes, I briefly recall her saying something about that. Don’t be worried. When it comes to magic, Twilight is the best unicorn I’ve met. Though I do wish she would get out more. She spends far too much time inside for a mare her age.”

Rarity used her magic to pull out something from between the clothes, I recognized them as a pair of scissors and a comb. “All that’s left is for me to cut your mane. I do hate that I have to ruin such well done styling however. Follow me.”

She walked over to the line of mirrors and chairs on the left side of the room, patting on one and gesturing for me to sit down. A wave of nervousness hit me as I realized I had little choice but to look at my reflection. I sat down and tried to focus on Rarity’s reflection and not mine, but that proved a bit difficult with how much she moved around.

“How would you like me to cut it? I’m more of a styler than a barber, but I’m sure I can manage.”

I brought my hand up to my neck, which wasn’t easy without looking. “Can you just cut everything below here? I prefer it to be short.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to do anything with it?”

“I’m sure.”

She unbraided my hair and started cutting it. With each audible snip, followed by the feeling of some of my hair leaving my head and hitting the ground, an invisible weight left my shoulders. It was more than just not having to deal with it getting in my face anymore. Having long hair made me absurdly paranoid and worried, and I know why that was.

Hopefully, I’ll never have to explain it.

“I don’t mean to pry, but do you have any plans for today?”

I’d usually be worried if someone tried to have a conversation with me while holding a sharp object near my eyes, but with how easily and professionally she made an entire set of clothes for me, I held little doubt in her.

“Not particularly, no. Rainbow Dash wanted me to come talk to Scootaloo and find someone named Pinkie Pie to lead me to her, but I think I’ll just do that tomorrow. I...don’t do well around others and today has already been overwhelming.”

“Fluttershy was the same way when she first came here. Don’t worry, you’ll fit right in soon, everyone here gets treated as an equal pretty soon. As for Scootaloo and Pinkie Pie…” she combed some of my hair back and then moved to the other side. “You don’t find Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie finds you.” an ominous pause followed that statement as she stopped cutting my hair for a moment, my chest tightened as air felt almost trapped in my throat.

The tension left as soon as I heard the sound of another snip.

“It’s a rare occasion, but I do agree with Rainbow. You should talk to Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom, they feel terrible for getting you hurt because of them. I don’t want them to have to wait another day, but I’d hate to ask you to do something you wouldn’t want to do, so tomorrow it is. Also,” I grunted as she abruptly tugged on my hair, straightening it out and began cutting some of it again. “If you're coming back to Ponyville, I would be more than happy to style your mane for you if you like. I can make you look even more beautiful than you already do. You'll be getting more than a fair amount of attention until the ponies here get used to you, might as well be for the right reasons."

"I'd rather not have any attention at all." I muttered as I struggled to stay as still as possible. "I get that everyone's going to be staring at me because of what I am, but I don't want them to think I want the attention by dressing up."

"Darling, wouldn't you want everypony to see you as pretty as you are? It might even do you some good if you want to make some friends here, and maybe even make you feel better about yourself."

"Not everyone likes attention, Rarity." Fluttershy chimed in. "Remember what happened with Photo Finish?"

"All too well." Rarity whispered solemnly under her breathe, her movements stiffening. "And I apologize again for pushing you into that. However, I just don't want Chara afraid to shine as brightly as her eyes do. It's not like I'm asking her to go on a stage, either. Fashion is the best way to combat insecurities like hers."

"Anxiety doesn't care how big the audience is, and I don't have insecurities either. I just..." I sharply inhaled as I gripped the ends of the chair I'm sitting on. "I don't like being watched, and I really don't like being touched, or just being social at all."

"Oh...oh!" Rarity gasped like she just realized something. "I'm so sorry, Darling. I misunderstood. If that's really how you feel, then it can't be helped. Just know that if you're ever interested, all you have to do is ask."

The rest of the haircut proceeded in silence, which lasted maybe a minute before she stopped, the comb and scissors floating away from my head. Rarity tilted her head slightly as she peered down at my hair, observing it like she was looking for something.

“I did better than I thought I would, given I haven’t cut a mane for a month or so. What do you think?”

I silently gulped. I looked at my reflection, trying to look only at my hair and not my eyes. My hair was exactly how I remembered, not a single out of place curl and going down to my neck. My bangs reaching the spot between my eyebrows but not reaching my eyes. I failed in not looking at them as I began to hear the distant insults of the past.

My hands trembled violently as I bit the corner of my lip, I tried to shut them out. Here, these were not the eyes of a demon, they were just eyes. Crimson eyes that I was born with, crimson eyes that were beautiful.

I tore my gaze away from the mirror, the voices receding, awaiting to be summoned again. Even if that were true and the eyes meant nothing here, I couldn’t escape what they meant before. I promised myself that one day I would be able to look at my reflection without breaking down, I wanted to move past it just like everything else.

I told Fluttershy that I’m going to pretend like I forgot everything, I owe it to her to try.

I put on my best fake smile, an art I had perfected too well, and stood up.

“It’s perfect, thank you.”

Chapter Four: New Home, Part Two.

I didn’t put on the new clothes Rarity made for me and stuck them in my backpack instead. I’d rather put it on after taking a bath whenever we get back, it would have felt pointless to put them on when I was going to have to take them off anyway. We left the Carousel Boutique soon after, Rarity enthusiastically inviting me back whenever I needed new clothes and that she’d be happy to do so free of charge.

No offense to Rarity, but I didn't think I’d be visiting her anytime soon unless I really needed to; my social skills were terrible and she’s a bit overwhelming. Maybe when I get better at interacting with others and really need new clothes.

Somewhat less reluctantly than before, Fluttershy and I held hands to help me deal with being in public and stared at by so many curious eyes. My entire body tensed up and my chest tightened at the physical contact, but it was much more tolerable before. However, this time Fluttershy was somewhat uncomfortable. Her lips firmly pressed together like she wanted to say something, her movements noticeably more rigid and her grip not as gentle as usual.

I’m pretty sure she wanted to talk to me about some of the things I said when Rarity was gone, which I honestly should have expected. If she thinks something was bothering me she’ll ask about it because she wants to help me, even if she can’t. Like every other problem on my ever growing list, I’ll deal with it when I have to and just focus on what I’m doing now.

Getting to Twilight’s place was somewhat easier than Rarity’s, and I couldn’t quite place why. My background anxiety was creeping in like darkness about to consume a fading flame, my entire body trembling and stiff as if I was having a full body cramp. Yet it just didn’t feel as bad or overwhelming as before, which was as relieving as it was worrying.

We stopped in front of what I first mistook as a big tree in the middle of Ponyville, then I noticed the door, several windows, and even a balcony and a sign in front of it that read 'Golden Oaks Library'. It reminded me of a treehouse, but rather than the house being in the tree, the house was the tree. It was rather large too, just as big if not bigger than Fluttershy’s house.

“Twilight....lives in a tree?” I asked skeptically, Fluttershy letting go of my hand as she walked up to the door.

“Yes, her and Spike. She’s the librarian too, all the town's books are in here. Though they don’t get a lot of visitors besides us.”

“Spike?”

Fluttershy smiled with glee. “Her baby dragon, he’s adorable! He’s Twilight’s assistant, so please be nice to him.”

Angel tugged on a strain of her hair, jerking her head in a way that looked a bit painful. He crossed his arms and lets out a series of chirps, the frown on his face disappearing when she pet him with a warm smile. “Of course not, no one’s as adorable as you.”

I was extremely taken aback by the word ‘dragon’, especially with how casually she said it. I was being sarcastic when I asked myself if dragons would be the next mythological thing from my world that's real in this one, but I should have expected they would be with my luck. There were plenty of monsters in the underground, and then there were the ones I'd heard stories about but were told they weren't real.

Somehow, that made them more terrifying than the ones that were.

Fear struck me in sync with her knocking on the door, the image of a giant dragon that could breathe fire hot enough to melt my bones flashed in my mind, as childish as that sounded. However, considering the fact that this world had both magic and titanic sized creatures like that Hydra, it wasn’t as unrealistic as I wished it would be.

A shudder of anticipation went down my spine as the door opened from the other side. I held my breath as I coiled my body, preparing to leap away at a moment's notice.

“Hello? Oh, hey Fluttershy!”

Only for a small, more lizard like creature to answer. I paid more attention to the dragon part of what she said and not the baby, which explained how small this ‘dragon’ really was. He’s maybe three feet tall, counting the dark green spikes that went from his head to his pointed tail. His entire body was covered in bright purple scales, except for the front of his body starting at his chin that was an extremely pale light green. He had reptilian green eyes and claws, though surprisingly, no wings, maybe they just hadn’t grown in yet?

He’s kind of cute in the same way that I found animals cute, I felt kind of silly being afraid of him now.

“You’re a dragon? I expected you to be a lot...bigger.”

He turned his gaze to me, obviously made a little upset by my comment from the way he crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m twelve years old. I’ll get bigger, I think.” He said with an ounce of doubt, not entirely sure of that himself.

Spike’s eyes lowered as his eyebrows raised curiously, like he just now noticed something about me. “You’re the human that saved The CMC, right? I thought you’d be more…” He paused as his eyes wandered a bit, the feeling of someone staring at me made me feel immensely uncomfortable, though admittedly not that different from what I’d already experienced on the way here.

“Awesome.” The dragon muttered out hesitantly.

I already felt like I’d heard that word too often recently, and I had a feeling that I’m going to be hearing it more.

I glanced past into the library behind him, which looked about what I expected it to. I could see dozens of books on shelves that were carved inside the tree, a couple of book stands and a ladder with some kind of fern like plant in the center. The flower-like pattern on the inside of the walls with a giant sun on the ceiling I found a bit unusual, not that I knew much about living in a tree. I think what happened was a giant tree grew here, and someone in a stroke of poetic irony decided to turn it into both a house and library by carving out the inside of it. I’m a bit surprised by how homey and comfortable it actually looked.

“Yeah...you’re not the first to say that. Can we come inside, I’d…” I peeked over my shoulder to see some of the ponies around us. Some actually weren't even paying us any attention, which surprised me, but a few didn’t bother trying to hide their stares. It was hard to tell whether it was just pure curiosity or if they were judging me. Regardless, I felt unbearably uneasy in my own body all the same. “Like to get this over with.”

He appeared confused for a moment but then just shrugged his shoulders, opening the door the rest of the way to let us in. Fluttershy thanked him as we entered, the door shutting behind us. I shuddered as a wave of relief washed over me now that I wasn’t being watched by dozens of pairs of eyes, letting out a shaky breath as some of the tension left.

I could see a bit more now that I was inside, though there wasn't a lot else. There were some light brown wooden stairs with pink hearts on each step, which I presumed lead to Twilight’s room or something. A dark wood door in the back of the room that lead somewhere else, maybe the kitchen? I can’t say for sure, the layout of this place was a bit odd.

“So, where’s Twilight?” I asked Spike as I turned to him.

“She’s in her secret lab doing some weird magic stuff.”

“Her…” I paused as I registered what the miniature dragon just told me, as I realized that two of my internal comments had become true, hopefully the only ones. “Secret lab?”

“Well, it’s kind of an ‘open secret’, y’know? It’s just one of those things that everyone knows but you’re not supposed to talk about.”

Fluttershy glanced at the door beside the stairs, an absentminded expression on her face as she pet Angel. “I’ll go down and get her, there’s...something I wanted to ask her in private.”

Angel looked up at her in slight concern, letting out a brief chitter. I couldn’t hear her response but I did see her lips move. She walked towards the door and opened it, revealing a staircase that went down and quickly descended it. My gut was telling me that she was going to talk to her about me, but maybe I’m just being paranoid. Not everything was about me after all.

I peered down at Spike, curious myself if any of the myths about dragons from my world were true at all. “Can dragons really breathe fire?”

“I mean..I can in small bursts, but I don’t know if all dragons can. I’ve only met a handful of them.”

“Really? Are they endangered or something?” I inquired as I walked over to a nearby bookshelf, picking out a book at random. I only briefly flipped through the pages, but it was about someone named ‘Nightmare Moon’ who was trapped on the moon. Must be a fairy tale or something, unless they have the magical capabilities to do something like that in this world.

“No, they actually have their own kingdom. It’s more that dragons and ponies just don’t get along that well. Twilight hatched me herself so I’ve been raised by ponies, and the few dragons I did meet didn’t even consider me one of them. Honestly, they were kind of jerks.”

‘Jerks’ didn’t come close to how dragons were described in the myths. Towering beasts that would raze villages killing hundreds at a time; ‘beast’ didn’t even do them justice. However, my encounter with that Hydra showed me that some of them are as brutal as the legends say. Maybe it was a case by case thing? Hopefully, I wouldn't have to find out.

“I’m surprised how open you are to me. I’m basically a total stranger.” I remarked casually as I placed the book back, giving the others a brief look over. This section was full of fairy tales for children, which was made more obvious by a sign above them that read ‘Fables for foals!'. The few I saw were ‘Ponyrella’, ‘Derring Do and The Forbidden City of Clouds’, and ‘Ponyio and Juliet’. I couldn’t say I was particularly interested in any of them, but I might read a few just to see if there are any similarities to the ones from my world, though I only knew of the ones that Toriel kept around.

“I get that from being around ponies all the time, they’re all about friendship and being open. And why shouldn’t I be? It’s not like I have anything to be ashamed of.” He responded while crossing his arms and a near spiteful tone in his voice.

I got the feeling he said that more to convince himself of it than me, but I didn’t intend to push it. I trudged over to another section with a sign above it saying ‘History of Equestria’. I picked out a book at random, and it was about the relationship Equestria has had with other nations. Griffons were real here and had their own nation, apparently having an issue with money. I scanned over a chapter or two of things called Diamond Dogs, Yaks, and a list of other species that had much smaller sections. A lot of these names I recognized as mythical creatures from my world, others are things I’d never even heard of.

“What about you? I’ve read every book in here three or four times, and I’ve never heard of anything called a human. Do you like...live in The Everfree or something? All kinds of weird things come out of there.” There was a very short pause after he said that, then his eyes widened in realization as he sharply inhaled and put his arms out in front of him and shook them dismissively. “Not that you’re weird! Just...The Everfree’s such a strange place and stuff like giant serpents and wolves made out of wood come out of there and…”

He sighed defeatedly as his arms dropped to his side. “Great job on making a first impression, Spike.” I heard him mumble to himself as he brought his hands to cover his face.

I couldn’t help but half smile at how awkward he was being. It was....kind of refreshing to see someone else as lacking in social skills as me, makes me feel like I’m less of a freak.

“It’s fine, I understand what you mean. Sadly, I can’t really answer your questions, I have amnesia. The farthest back I can remember is waking up in the woods, I have no idea if there are other humans or not. I could be the only one in this whole world for all I know.”

Mixing in the truth with the lies is how I’ve managed so far, with the exception of Fluttershy. However, the expression he gave me was the last one I expected. His eyes widened as he laced his fingers together, the sympathy obvious in his near apologetic expression.

“Wow, that sounds...really lonely. I’m sorry.”

My grip on the book in my hands tightened as every muscle in my body coiled, I winced uncontrollably for a reason I didn’t understand. Whether it was what he said or how he said it, it stung. A lot more than I expected it to. It sat in my gut like something I couldn’t digest properly, air hitched in my throat as I struggled to breathe.

I tried not to dwell on the unsettling feeling I couldn’t identify, trying to think of some way to change the topic. “Do…” my throat felt drier than usual as I put the book in my hands back on the shelf. “Do dragons really hoard gems, gold and stuff?”

His demeanor shifted at the drop in my voice, tilting his head to the side, obviously worried that he said the wrong thing. I pulled another book from the shelf and pretended to read it, but actually I just needed to look at something other than him.

“...Sort of?” Spike said after what felt like an infinite number of tense seconds. “I don’t know if it’s just me or other dragons, but I have a problem where if I get too greedy I get reallybig, even bigger than this tree!”

I could see out of the corner of my eyes as he waved his hands around as he gestured to the tree we were in to emphasize what he was saying in the most childish way I’ve ever seen. It was cute in its own way, but also scary if true. If he could really turn into a gigantic dragon from the legends because he wanted to take an extra cookie from the jar or something, and he’s a baby, then dragons might shoot up to the top of the list of things I needed to avoid no matter what.

“I shrink back whenever I calm down though, as long as I keep myself in check it shouldn’t happen again. Gems are different, I guess it’s because I just consider them snacks?”

“Snacks?” I asked as I turned toward him, my eyebrows briefly furrowing in confusion, then relaxing as I realized what he meant. “Are you saying you eat gems?”

The thought of sinking my teeth in something like a diamond or ruby made me cringe, they’d get chiseled down to nubs before I even got a nibble. Then again, I could see that his teeth were incredibly sharp, ones carnivores have for eating meat. Would they be able to break gems? Maybe but I couldn’t see why, I doubt shiny rocks had any nutritional value.

“Yeah, but they’re just for flavor mostly. Like, Rubies are spicy, emeralds are kind of like green apples, sapphire’s are blueberryish? It’s a lot like candy but...with a different texture?” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, struggling to put into words what he’s trying to describe. “Hold on, it’d be easier to describe if I actually have one.”

He put his finger up as he went to the other side of the room, stopping at the middle where there is a stump with a large fern in the middle. He extended his hands but then stopped, turning back to me with a sheepish smile.

“Are you good at keeping secrets? Twilight would freak out if she knew I had a stash of gems here.”

I had to stifle a chuckle, asking me the question was silly since he already told me the secret, but I managed to keep my expression neutral. “This would be the first secret I’ve been told, so I guess we’ll find out.”

He gave me a look like he couldn’t tell whether I was joking or not, then shrugged and gripped the fern on both sides, ripping it out of the pot it was in and setting it on the ground. “Twilight leaves me in charge of keeping the plants alive, so she doesn’t even know I replaced it with a plastic one.”

The spot where the fern was where dirt would be was instead filled with gems, more than I’ve ever seen in my life. They didn’t shine like I expected them to though, they really did resemble colored rocks in a lot of ways. I watched as Spike reached in and grabbed one, taking a chunk out of it and chewing it as a sound similar to glass being stepped on or crushed with every bite, his teeth having no problems doing so.

“They’re really good, but I only have them every now and again. Twi thinks they’re bad for my growth, but I’m pretty sure she’s just overthinking it like everything else.”

Talking with a dragon so casually while he ate a gem felt like something straight out of a fever dream, then again that could be said about my entire time in this world so far. Yet it was happening right in front of me, so real I could reach out and touch him if I wanted to.

He tossed the rest of the gem in his mouth, the sound of the crunching as he chewed it audible even with his mouth closed. “See...the thing about gems and flavour is…” He paused as he swallowed it, which made me cringe a bit as I couldn’t help but imagine the sharp edges of gem shards stabbing my throat if I swallowed them. “Their formation is important too. Being made from liquids is like eating candy with a jelly core, but ones made from pressure are more like hard candy you’re supposed to suck the flavor out of, but I just chew them anyway. Oh! And when the ridges get formed just right...”

He made an ok gesture with his right hand and a sort of stop motion with his other, his eyes closed as he made a pleasant humming noise. “My taste buds sing!”

Something about the way he said that with a childish excitement made me let out a light giggle, which is rare since I couldn't remember the last time I came that close to laughing. “You know Spike, for a legendary dragon that can breathe fire and grow large enough to snap this tree like a twig, you’re pretty goofy.”

“...Thanks, I think?” he responded with a nervous chuckle. “I don’t think I’ve ever been called goofy before, but-”

He practically jumped at the muffled sound of hoofsteps coming up the stairs from the basement, making a high pitched ‘Eep’ noise and then frantically putting the fern back in place, hiding his secret stash of extremely hard, and apparently flavorful, candy.

I’m a bit sad that I couldn’t learn more about Spike and dragons; his innocence makes me relaxed, he’s a child in the best ways. However, I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread in the back of my mind when I look at him, and I knew it was because he reminded me of someone I wish I could forget.

“I’d have to read up on some psychology books, but what you’re describing sounds a lot like Closed Heart syndrome. Which is extremely uncommon, one hasn’t been recorded in a pony for over two decades. Is it one of your animals you're worried about?”

“I...suppose you could say that, yes.”

I heard the back end of their conversation when they got to the door. I’m not sure what they were talking about, but they stopped as soon as it opened. Twilight looked mostly the same, but now wearing a white lab coat that fit her quite well.

“Oh, Chara! It’s nice to see you, I like what you’ve done with your mane. I assume you’re here for the attunement?”

I opened my mouth to respond, but stopped, finding my throat dry and having to cross my arms so they wouldn’t see that my hands were shaking a little. I couldn’t help but be unsettlingly nervous, more than usual anyway. The reason hard to place, am I scared of what might happen if I get my own magic? Or is it my paranoia that they were talking about me when they were down there? It could be all of those things, but it didn't matter as long as I can put up with it. I gave her a silent nod instead.

“Spike, can you get the bag of birchwood ash? I have the symbol and the process memorized, but it needs to be written in the ‘dust of a white, fallen tree’.”

“Yeah, yeah I got it.” He retorted with a dismissive wave of his hand, running up the stairs.

I peeked at Fluttershy, who was standing beside Twilight and half hiding behind her mane. The other half being used by Angel as a blanket, the spoiled rabbit taking a nap against her neck. I’m not sure whether it was because he was tired or bored.

“Do you...need me to do anything Twilight?”

“No, I’d actually prefer it if you didn’t do anything. I have this whole process out in my head, and one unplanned variable could mess it up.”

Fluttershy nodded silently, trying not to move around too much so she didn’t wake up Angel. I hated how uncomfortable I felt. I know Fluttershy wants to talk to me about something, but I’m certain she’s going to wait until we’re back at her cottage. I’m just glad Twilight was socially oblivious, or she would notice and probably say something.

“Chara, come stand over here and don’t move. This shouldn’t take longer than thirty minutes. Not accounting for probability of error, of course.”

She didn’t even look at me when she said that, pointing at a random spot beside her and then turning to a bookshelf. She pulled out several books with her magic, checked the titles, and put them back until she found the one she was looking for.

“This is a pretty big bag Twilight, are you sure you need this much?”

“Zecora only had them in big bags. She uses them for a lot of potions, apparently. Alchemy is interesting, I just wish she didn’t speak in riddles all the time so I could learn a lot more about it from her.”

Spike handed her a brown bag about half the size of his head, Twilight took it with her magic and turned it upside down, pouring lines of ash on the floor. I know it wasn't dust, but seeing something so dustlike on the ground brought flashes of the genocide runs to mind. I grit my teeth and tightly gripped my arms as I tried to shove down the unease those memories came with.

“Chara, it’s ok. Twilight’s an expert, you don’t need to be worried.”

If the room hadn’t been so quiet I wouldn’t have even heard her meek voice, even still it startled me. Twilight was so focused on drawing symbols I didn’t recognize that she didn’t hear it. Fluttershy was telling the truth, there really was no point in me being worried. I could hear that or be told that a hundred times, but it wouldn't get rid of the tightness in my chest or pit in my stomach.

“Alright, I’m done. Get in the center of this, and don’t leave it until I tell you to.”

Her tone was somehow both stern and dismissive, not even giving me a glance as she gestured towards the strange assortment of hieroglyphs on the wooden floor drawn in tree ash.

I got in the center where there was a spot, a line surrounding it that looked a lot like a barrier.

“So, what is this for exactly?”

“When I attune you, the best way to get your magic flowing would be with a magic surge, so we’re going to try to start one. However, magic surges are notoriously hard to control. I had my first one when I was really young, and I ended up hatching Spike and turning my parents into plants.”

I raised an eyebrow skeptically at her, that story sounded like an absurd book for children that’s meant to teach them self control or something. I glanced at Spike, who sighed and gave a reluctant nod. Which actually made me a little afraid of Twilight. If she did that by accident when she was a child, what could she do now as an adult and on purpose?

“Alright, so what are these symbols for then? Helping force it?” I asked.

“I wish. If there was a spell that could force a magical surge, every unicorn would get it done at a certain age just to get it out of the way.” Twilight walked in front of me, the tip of her horn sparking as she closed her eyes. “It’s more for keeping it restrained so we aren’t in danger or anything. I’ve never seen a magical surge from a conjuration user before, so I don’t know what to expect.”

I took a deep breath as that familiar raspberry aura began to encompass my body, my heart about to jump out of my throat as it beat so hard and erratically.

“Chara, calm down. I’m not going to need to lift you up, I just...need to open up your channels, kind of like clearing up your sinuses. It’ll tickle at worst, you’ll be fine.”

She tried her best to calm me down; even if she was bad at it, it was sincere. I kept my eyes closed and focused on my breathing as I could feel the magic spread all over my body like warmth from a fire, but more...tingly? It didn’t quite tickle, more similar to the feeling whenever my arm falls asleep and I suddenly move it, but everywhere.

Thankfully, it didn’t last very long. As soon as it reached my feet the feeling abruptly stopped, my eyes slowly opening afterwards. I didn’t feel any different, other than less tense now that there was no magic on my body.

“What now?”

“Now that’s the part that’s up to you. As much as I’d like to train you in proper magic control, I’m…” She paused as she turned away for a moment, cringing in embarrassment at something. “Not good at teaching. Plus, I don’t even know where to start with you. At its base, magic feeds off your emotions. The best way to force a magic surge is to draw off some emotion, usually I would ask you to think of some time you felt strongly about something. But, your case is more difficult with your amnesia.”

“I...might have something that’ll work.” If strong emotion was what was required, I had more than enough of those. I’m guessing anxiety didn’t work, or I’m sure I already would be surging. “What kind of emotions does it take?”

“Anything intense. Anger, love, there’s a long list of things that could work. As long as it is something you can feel intensely, it'll do.”

“What was it for you?”

Twilight opened her mouth and extended her hand to answer, but then stopped, placing her finger against her mouth and furrowing her eyebrows thoughtfully. “I was going to say frustration, but now that I think about it, that doesn’t sound right. No, I think what really pushed me then was...fear.”

The feeling of utter agony as the Hydra tore me apart flashed like a reopened wound, the absolute terror I felt in that moment as I died was hard to forget. “Fear?”

“Yes, fear of failure. I studied rigorously before that day, I didn’t even sleep, I was so anxious! I wanted to prove myself to my parents, and to Celestia. Which is ironic since I learned later that that test was designed to be failed, but it doesn't really matter that much now.”

I wanted to ask her who Celestia was since she mentioned that name with such respect, but I focused more on trying to remember something that would work. The fear from my previous resets was bad, but I don’t know if it was enough. It had to be stronger than that, something that the near thought of threatened to make me feel it again as if it had just happened.

Something… “Intense, huh?”

Anger would be easy, but that was the problem. It was a constant in my life, even now. I needed something that was more than that, some singular moment, something that hit me. I dredged up everything from before I came to this world, every instance of anguish. So many options to choose from, the genocides, waking up for the first time…

Abandoning Asriel.

The thought of my brother brought up something in particular, a memory so distant now it was more like a foggy dream than something that actually happened. It was the end of the first pacifist run Frisk did, they were almost a different person then. It was before he had started his first genocide, when I believed he wasn’t like other humans, that he was better.

How wrong I was.

He fought The God of Hyperdeath Asriel Dreemurr, saving everyone in The Underground and freeing them. I thought he would leave with them, but to my surprise he went back to the flowerbed from the start. I don’t know if he was looking for something or knew, but Asriel was there. Not the all powerful Asriel who had absorbed the souls of six humans and all the monsters, but not the soulless Asriel either who took the form of a flower and called himself Flowey.

It was just...Asriel, like he’d never died. Like I’d never gotten him killed.

They talked for a while. First Frisk tried to convince him to talk to his parents, but he wouldn’t, I don’t think he had very long. Then he asked Frisk why he came to the mountain in the first place, going on to say that I did for a very unhappy reason. I’m glad he didn’t elaborate.

If I had a body then I would have cried, so elated that my brother was alive again, even if deep down I knew it wasn’t permanent. When he started comparing Frisk to me, my not beating heart sank. My hatred for humanity, our similar color pattern, but one thing in particular stuck with me. One thing he said about me I’ll never forget.

“The truth is...Chara wasn’t really the greatest person. While, Frisk… You’re the type of friend I wish I always had.”

Those words, he spoke with such innocence and a genuine smile on his face, broke me. It might have been the nicest way to say it, but he regretted ever being friends with me. In fact, he would have preferred Frisk, who I later watched slaughter every monster in The Underground just because he could. I couldn’t blame him, I’d gotten him killed and tore his family apart.

But to hear him say it so blatantly? I...couldn’t take it.

Even now as I think back to it, I struggle not to collapse to my knees and break down. I strained to hold back the tears, I didn’t want them to see me cry. They’d ask why I was crying, and I don’t know if I could stop myself from speaking the truth.

As the despair hit me, a strange surge of power flushed throughout my body, more energy than I’d ever felt before. I steadily opened my eyes, seeing that my body was now enshrouded in a magical aura, this one a crimson red, the same shade of my eyes unlike Twilight’s gentle raspberry. Along with that it was a different...shape? Twilight’s had been much more solid, like someone had drawn wavy lines around whatever she picked up. This was more wispy, similar to smoke from a fire. I outstretched my arms and moved them around, the aura following my movements.

“...What now?” I asked Twilight as I peered up at her, who had that sparkly look in her eyes as she was obviously amazed by my magic.

“I’ve never seen magic like this before, it’s so condensed and- oh! Sorry.” She snapped out of it and stared at me, I got the feeling she was looking more at my magic than me. “Hm...think of your body as a storm, and your right hand as the eye of the storm. Focus all of your magic into there, think of it as your conduit.”

I closed my eyes and tried to do so, my magic spiking up as I tried to concentrate it down to my right hand. My short hair began to stick up, my clothes began to almost hover off my body and the palm of my right hand got heavier. It began to sag as I struggled to keep it up, all the magic had moved there and was now a small orb, with much more weight than most would think.

“This is…” Twilight began to look around as her own mane had started to move like there was a strong wind in the room, some of the books on the shelves began to vibrate. “Strong. Um, concentrate on your mind's eye. Picture something you’re really familiar with, so much so that you can imagine what it feels like. Its weight, its texture, how it would feel in your hands. Every detail matters.”

As soon as I tried to do so, a searing migraine struck me as my eyes began to violently and painfully pulsate, buckling under the weight as I collapsed to my knees. The pain began to spread, starting just behind my eyes and beginning to course like a poison in my veins.

When it reached my pupils, they began to...leak. Some kind of ichor began to drip down my eyes, but I could tell they weren’t tears. They were too big and thick, and they weren’t warm or cold, having no sort of temperature.

I brought my left hand to the side of my face as I grunted in pain, too afraid to do the same with my other one still having the magic in it. As I lowered my head, I saw that the lines the symbol was made out of had begun to burn, but the ash it was made out of rather than the floor itself.

“What? That shouldn’t be possible, it takes an absurd amount of magic to overpower symbols like these. And...this feeling, it’s the same kind of magic I sensed yesterday. I…” I raised my head as she abruptly stopped, panicking as her eyes darted around the room. The wind had become stronger, books were being thrown off the shelves and the windows were cracking. Fluttershy was holding Angel close to her chest, and Spike was visibly shaking.

“What is this? Chara you have to stop!” Twilight warned me.

“I…” My voice came out shrill as I closed my eyes, trying to push the magic back in. “can’t.”

“You have to! I...I can’t...you’ll hurt yourself or someone else, I’m not sure what’s going on but somethings wrong. Just calm down. Usually it’s easier to just wait until you burn out, but that won’t work here. Think of something positive, please.”

“I…” Power was flowing through me, more than I could handle. I was on the brink of exploding, both metaphorically and literally from the agonizing vibrating and pulsating of not just my head and eyes, but my body being burned with magic. When I opened my mouth to speak, it all seemed to flow out of me. “CAN’T!”

I couldn’t remember the last time I raised my voice that loud, something about it didn’t sound like mine either. It was...nearly demonic, and reverberated throughout the library. Twilight looked at me in response and shrieked, taking a few steps back as her horse ears lowered and eyes constricted to pin pricks.

I shifted my gaze to Fluttershy, who had a similar reaction, pushing herself against the wall to escape from me, clutching Angel as desperately as I do the necklace. What hurt more was when I glanced at Spike, who...was hiding as much behind Fluttershy as he could. I could barely see him, his grip on Fluttershy trembling along with his entire body, resembling a child hiding behind their mother afraid of something.

He’s...afraid of me.

They are all...afraid of me! My power, my voice, they’re scared that I’m going to hurt them. An innocent child, a mother figure who wanted to help me, a scientist with only the best intentions. All people who have been trying to help me and be my friend...and they’re afraid of me.

As soon as that realization hit, everything stopped. The wind, the headache, the magic surging through me, the weight on my hand and body, halted. The windows stopped cracking and the tossed books stopped having their pages flipped by an invisible force. I retracted my left hand from my face, examining it as I could tell there was something on it.

Solid, close to vantablack colored liquid, and I use the term liquid loosely. It had more of a gel texture, but had the appearance of ink. I know what this was, I’m extremely familiar with it and what it means. I wiped it on my shirt as I raised my head and drew a breath, the deafening silence in the room worse than the leftover ringing.

“Twilight?”

She didn’t hear me or didn’t notice, her eyes still constricted and fixated on me. Or what I thought at first, then I followed her gaze as it was lower than that. I somehow failed to sense the weight in my right hand, having been so light compared to the magic orb before that it nearly didn’t register.

I couldn’t hear my own heart beat, my breathing completely stopping with a last gasp as everything froze as if someone had taken a picture of the moment. I knew this feeling well, the black grip that fit nicely in a hand, the way the front of it lowered itself from the steel it was made out of, and how it curved in the middle to make for easier movement. Yet, despite having the weight of steel, bright red took its place. Like my magic had been turned solid.

It was a knife; there’s a knife in my hand.

Chapter Five: Don't Forget.

I shuffled to my feet sluggishly, my mind in a state of total shock as I couldn’t focus on anything but the knife in my hands. The ringing in my ears so intense I could barely hear anything else, the skin on my knuckles began to pale the tighter I gripped the knife's handle. It was so familiar, and yet so different to the knife I’d seen in Frisk’s hand so many times, the only difference was this one wasn't covered in dust.

The worst part is how...right it felt. Like it belonged in my hand, like anything else would be wrong.

“...ra? Chara, I need you to listen to me.”

Fluttershy’s voice sounded far more distant than it was, like it was on the other side of a cave than a few feet away from me. I raised my head, seeing that Fluttershy was standing right outside of whatever was left of the symbol I stood in, Angel still completely asleep. I glanced to the side to look for Twilight. She still stood where she had before, though this time watching me intently with furrowed eyebrows and her horn enshrouded with magic. I got the feeling if I made one move she didn’t like I’d either be pinned on the ground or off it.

I could make out Spike standing behind her, shaking and too afraid to even look at me.

“Chara, drop the knife. Please.”

Her voice was so soft that it almost masked how scared she was of me, almost. Despite her attempt at a motherly tone she was begging me to stop, she couldn’t even look me in the eye.

I gripped the wrist of my right hand with my left, struggling to relax myself. More than anything in that moment I wanted to let go, but it was harder than it should be. The muscles in my hand tightly coiled and the handle dug into my skin to the point of being painful, however it was like my hand has a mind of its own.

It doesn’t want to let go.

I forced it open with a concerning amount of effort, but what worried me more was the lack of sound after the knife slipped out of my grip. One moment it was halfway out of my hand, the next it evaporated into nothing. Along with it any speck of magical power that was left over vanished, leaving me with a physical fatigue that I can only describe as ‘nearly totally drained’.

At least my mental state matched my physical one now, more or less.

I ran my eyes over the room to see how much damage I caused, relieved to see it wasn’t as bad as I was afraid it would be. It didn’t get any worse than cracked windows and books thrown off shelves, which I still felt bad about. I can only hope Twilight had some sort of spell for mending them, and none of the books thrown off the shelves were damaged at all.

“Twilight, she’s not dangerous. Please, calm down.”

Twilight’s eyes darted to Fluttershy’s, hovering there and squinting for a moment as dozens of ideas and questions raced through her mind, then stopped as she let most of the tension leave her body. Her horn dulled as she closed her eyes, bringing her hands together and lacing them as she took long, drawn out breaths. It might have been my imagination, but I think I could make out her lips moving wordlessly.

“I’m sorry about that. It’s just...something about that magic made me afraid in a way only Nightmare Moon did. You sounded like you were using The Royal Canterlot voice, and your eyes were...scary.”

“My...eyes?” I felt an urge to find something with my reflection to see what she was talking about, but I ignored it and rubbed my face against my sleeve to try to get rid of the irritating stickiness and black stuff that came from my eyes.

Even after getting most of it off and my sleeve almost painted black, I didn’t feel any better

“No, I’m sorry. About the windows and books and…” I brought my hands to my shoulders as I shuddered, a wave of cold washing over my body like someone poured a bucket of ice over me, but from inside. “I just...lost control and I don’t know what happened, I don’t want to hurt anyone. Really.”

My head dropped in shame. I really hated the fact that I’d been trying to keep myself in check since coming here, only to lose it when it mattered most. Fluttershy glanced at me out of the corners of her eyes, noticing my sudden shivering and frowning in concern. I couldn’t tell if she’s worried about me or afraid I would lose control again, and that thought made the pit in my stomach deeper.

The deafening silence didn’t last long as I heard Twilight sigh. “No, it’s my fault. You’re a new species with a kind of magic I’m not familiar with, and a magic surge is already an innately hard to calculate thing. I should have taken more precautions, been more prepared.”

Spike was still hiding behind Twilight, but began peeking around and looking at me in alarm. He took a deep breath and stepped out, his hands behind his back and smiling sheepishly as his eyes darted around in every direction but mine.

“I-I, uh, definitely wasn’t scared. With all the stuff flying around I didn’t want anything to hit me and break, you know?”

The irony was not lost on me that the dragon I was terrified of meeting not that long ago is now terrified of me, something I took no pride in.

“Are you alright, Chara? You’re getting pale.” Fluttershy asks as she leans toward me, placing the back of her hand on my forehead to check my temperature. I reflexively clutched my hands at the physical contact, but managed to stifle any other reaction. I’m more or less getting used to it from just her, which I’m certain was because she reminded me so much of Toriel.

It was everyone else that I’m unsure I could be ok with.

“You’re cold, are you feeling ok?”

“My body feels a bit weak, but otherwise I think I’m fine.” I also had a headache that didn’t feel like leaving, but I don’t like complaining.

“I was worried about this, sounds like magical exhaustion. It happens every now and again during a magical surge, but conjuration is one of the most demanding schools. I should have factored in that Chara hasn’t used magic before, it’s possible she ended up using almost all of it and that’s why it was stronger than I expected. But, if that is the case, then why d-”

I stopped being able to hear her as she rambled on, her voice lowering until it became muttering. Judging from the way Fluttershy was nodding and Spike sighed while rolling his eyes and crossing his arms, it was a normal occurrence.

“Is it permanent?”

My question snapped her out of her tangent as she looked up at me, her horn lighting up again. “No, it usually passes on its own. However, I recommend keeping your body temperature up as you’re a lot more susceptible to getting sick. Here, this should help.”

My body flashed with magic, the sinking heaviness leaving and a comforting warmth began to overtake the cold as energy coursed through me. Similar to when I tried coffee once after Toriel left her cup in the kitchen, but without the bitter taste.

“That was an invigoration spell. It should last long enough for you to get back to Fluttershy’s. Take it easy for a bit while I look into a few things, and start cleaning up this mess.”

There was a hint of annoyance in her voice that made me cringe out of guilt, watching as she turned to one of the windows and enshrouded it in her raspberry magic. The cracks began to disappear, like it was breaking in reverse. The magic in this world has a lot more utility uses than I thought.

“Here’s...your backpack.”

I glanced down and saw Spike holding up my backpack, his face behind it and his hands shaking. I’m glad the backpack was apparently impossible to completely destroy as his claws were digging into the fabric.

“Thanks.” I took it out of his hands and slipped it on. “Spike, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t! You just...startled me, that's all.”

I gave him an empty smirk, but I don’t think it convinced him anymore than he convinced me.

Fluttershy and I started heading back to her cottage, the trip there somehow more awkward than to Twilight’s. While physically I was energized thanks to Twilight, the constant trepidation from being watched left a feeling of conflict and unease that kept me on edge the entire time.

However, there was one thing that happened that kind of stuck out. An absurdly pink pony person who literally bounced with every step halted mid-jump when she saw me, like all of time stopped just for her. Her eyes locked on to me and froze in place as her jaw dropped, somehow staying balanced on one leg.

I wanted to say something but I wasn’t sure if I should, unable to take my sight off the pony to see Fluttershy’s reaction. I almost said something but the second I opened my mouth she squealed excitedly and shot off, leaving a smoke outline of her that got blown away in the wind, despite there having been no wind at all.

What bothered me about that the rest of the trip back was how no one else even batted an eye at her. I remember Fluttershy mumbling something along the lines of ‘I was wondering where Pinkie’s been’, and then we just continued without a question.

I know I heard the name Pinkie somewhere before, but seeing her made me realize how fitting that name actually was.

I let out a relieved sigh whenever the door shut behind us, the animals around the cottage and some of the birds in it a very welcome sight. The clock said we’d only been out for two hours, but it felt much longer than that. Fluttershy began walking forward and talking to the perched birds, then shaking Angel awake. He gave an annoyed chirp as he adorably rubbed one eye, glancing at me and chirping something else at Fluttershy, who said something I couldn’t hear.

I took the backpack off and pulled out the clothes Rarity gave me and hung it over my left shoulder, pulling out one of the butterscotch drops and placing it in my mouth. This is the second time I’ve had butterscotch by itself so I found it good, but missing something. Ironically cinnamon wasn't the first thing that came to mind, something stronger would fit. Something with more texture…

“Needs chocolate.” I muttered to myself, deciding not to get another one and picking up the backpack in my other hand.

“What needs chocolate?”

“Nothing. I’m...gonna take a bath.”

I began walking up the stairs as hastily as I could, trying to push off the conversation I dreaded more the longer it didn’t happen.

“Chara.”

I stopped halfway up the stairs, Fluttershy’s firm voice something I didn’t have the gall to pretend I didn’t hear. I gripped the rail and kept my gaze straight, unable to bring myself to look at her.

“I’m here for you if you need to talk, always.”

Something about the way she said that made my chin tremble, the tightness that’d been in my chest since our talk at Rarity’s loosening. I let out a shaky breath and walked up the rest of the stairs.

Once the bathroom door clicked, a comfort washed over me now that I’m alone. I enjoyed being around Fluttershy most of the time, but meeting new people and being watched by dozens of pairs of eyes left me more exhausted than almost anything else.

Everyone needed their alone time, I just needed more than most.

I walked up to the toilet and lowered the lid, lying the clothes Rarity made for me on top and backpack beside it. I turned the bath on and walked to the mirror, not putting the towel over it yet. I needed to check my eyes.

My fear was somewhat alleviated when my reflection showed very little black ink still on my face, so little it resembled leftover mascara and easily removed with water. I began taking off my clothes, almost anxious about seeing the bite scar on my shoulder. I’ve had plenty of chances to look at it before, but like most things I didn't want to deal with, I kept putting it off.

It looked a lot older than it was, likely due to whatever magic Twilight used to heal it. A bright white and faded outline of the teeth that covered most of my shoulder, so deep that I could make out each tooth. I ran my finger over it and felt how rough the skin was compared to everywhere else, a sensation eerily familiar to me.

“The more things change the more they stay the same. Right, Azzy?”

A ghost of a chuckle left my lips, the hand that was on the scar hovering to the locket. I closed my eyes as I held it and pretended I’m back at the Dreemurr home, tracing the symbol as I’d done many times before.

I sighed and opened my eyes, taking the necklace off along with the rest of my clothes. Once folded, I laid them on the ground with only my underwear left on. The black stain on the sleeve of my shirt reminded me that I needed to get them cleaned, but that was a problem for future Chara.

Even though this was my first time taking off a bra, it strangely felt natural as I reached around and undid the clasp, the cloth holding my breasts falling to the floor.

The second it left I let out an involuntary gasp, surprised at how...nice it felt not to be wearing one. I could breathe much better and the freedom made me never want to put on a bra again; even when I do I’m pretty sure I’ll just be thinking of taking it off.

Realizing the satisfaction of removing underwear made me remember the suspicious smirk Rarity had on when she said something about the set she made me. I lifted the shirt on the toilet and discovered the marshmallow diva put the underwear set in between the shirt and pants so I wouldn’t see them until now.

They’re less simple than the ones I had before, a dark black with one ribbon on each strap. I can tell the cups were going to fit near perfectly without having to put them on, but some part of me knows I’d still prefer not to wear them.

I turned around and put them in front of me so it looked like my reflection was wearing it. I don’t understand why Rarity went out of her way to make me something so frilly, especially when no one but me will be seeing it, unless Twilight needs to inspect my body again for some reason. I couldn't really complain, I did tell Rarity she can do whatever she wanted when making it.

The only problem I really have with it was the color. Black...wasn't a color I’m very comfortable with.

I put them back in the pile, turning off the water and dipping my hand in it to make sure it wasn't too hot. I almost couldn’t control the moan that came out as I lowered my body in, the sensation of entrenching myself into near perfect temperature water a feeling I had no idea how badly I missed until I experienced it again. By the time it reached my shoulders there wasn’t any tension left in my body, all the exhaustion dispersing into the water along with the gross feeling I’ve had ever since waking up in Fluttershy’s bed.

For a few moments, I was at peace. No background dread or anxiety sitting in my stomach, just the calming sensation of warmth and sound of water droplets from the faucet. I smiled as I slowly closed my eyes, the idea of taking a nap and shutting the world out nearly too tempting.

Then my mind drifted to Twilight’s library, the moment I thought back to Asriel dredged up memories I’ve been trying to keep myself from thinking about. Every memory with him an instance of happiness followed by regret, the kind no amount of answerless questions I asked myself will get rid of.

My head dipped below the water, holding my breath and leaving my eyes open. The burning did little to distract me from my morbid desire to go back to the void I had lived in as a ghost. I’m grateful for being alive again, but some part of me missed not having to think often and feel even less. Nothing to be afraid of and nothing to do but wait, I could be as careless as I wanted to be.

I almost stopped holding my breath and let myself drown, but along with half a dozen other thoughts, resetting came to mind. Even if I had the resolve to die here, I would just come back to life against my will. I couldn't say whether it would be back in those woods or if it was changed, I could only hope I wouldn't have to find out.

I surfaced and rubbed the water out of my eyes, blinking until my sight focused on my right hand, opening and closing it as I vividly recalled how the knife felt. When Twilight told me I’m a conjurer and explained to me what that meant, I wondered what the object I’d be able to summon would be. Even when she told me it would be something I’m familiar with, the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind that it’d be a knife.

Now that I’m alone, I realize that it couldn’t be anything else. Before The Underground I was ‘familiar’ with them, with Frisk even more so. It would be so easy to close my eyes and imagine everything about it right now, but I didn’t want to accidentally summon another one and mess up Fluttershy’s bathroom.

I'm enough of a burden.

My back hit the wall as I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them in the fetal position. With nothing distracting me, everything I’ve been pushing down until now rushed to the surface, my eyes beginning to burn again.

Humans, the genocide runs, the hydra, the wolves; so many things I didn’t want to give the time to list. Each one made the swelling in my heart more painful. I silently sobbed, the first time I really let everything out since coming here.

I don’t like giving him credit, but there was a conversation with Gaster that I didn’t hate. We were discussing our past, he emphasized that despite the pain, remembering them is necessary and they make us who we are.

The only good advice he ever gave me was that, no matter what, when it comes to memories, we…

“Don’t forget.”

Chapter Six: Bittersweet.

I fell asleep at some point during my bath. Judging from how very little past my fingers had wrinkled, it wasn’t for very long. It didn’t take me more than a few minutes to dry myself off and slip on some clothes, but the inside of my mouth still felt dirty. I opened the mirror and saw a cup full of toothbrushes, one of them having the initials ‘F.S’ written on it, and the rest I assumed are spares.

The toothpaste tube actually had a pink mare's face on it, which was cotton candy flavored. I gave it a try and it actually tastes just like cotton candy, though still with the gel-like texture of toothpaste.

I left the bathroom feeling really refreshed, and somehow more well rested than when I woke up on the couch last night. It’s a little past six according to the clock, however, it’s getting darker out as the sun sets. If the seasons work the same here, then that means it’s near the end of fall and approaching winter. That was basically the only way the village was able to tell when winter was upon us, that and the temperature, along with the lack of animals.

I made a mental note that the next time I’m at Twilight’s to find a book about this world's weather, which I would need to write in my journal. Assuming there is a next time and she’s not afraid of letting me in her home, that is.

There aren’t any animals in the living room, but I could hear Fluttershy in the kitchen. I didn’t want to bother her any more than I already have today, so I sat on the couch as silently as I could and pulled my journal out and made some adjustments to my ‘mental notes’ section. Which, as of right now, was the only thing in there. I don’t intend to use it as a diary.

Maybe it’s just my trust issues at work, but I don’t want to put my thoughts where someone could read them. I’d rather keep all my ruminating and extreme paranoia to myself if I can help it.

“Chara? I didn’t hear you come down. How was the bath?” Fluttershy asked as she walked around the corner, eyes perking up as they landed on me.

I couldn’t help but jump a little at the sudden voice, so absorbed in trying to remember all the questions I had recently that I didn’t notice her. Or she’s just that quiet.

“It was great, actually. I feel a lot better now, thank you for letting me use it.”

“You don’t have to thank me Chara, this place is as much your home as mine. Uhm, if you don’t mind me asking, what exactly can you eat?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but paused when I couldn’t remember the word for it. I tapped the eraser against my mouth and closed my eyes. For sure I know I saw it in some of Toriel’s books about snails and on one of the food bags for the animals. “Omni….omnivore, I think? I can eat plants, meat, fruit, just about anything edible. I don’t have any allergies, either. At least none that I know of.”

“Would you like a sandwich? I haven’t seen you eat anything since that pie, which wasn’t exactly the healthiest thing.”

“I could eat, yeah.”

Fluttershy nodded and walked out. I waited until she was around the corner to put down my pencil and summoned the menu, selecting one of the bottles of water and pulling it out. The bottle and liquid inside is extremely cold, which made me wonder if the pocket dimension within the backpack kept things at whatever temperature they’re put in at.

I wrote the words ‘Backpack Experiments’ at the top of the next page, writing a few ideas under it I wanted to try later. The way I see it, I have a lot to learn and a lot of free time. I might never learn why I’m here, or why I have the reset ability, but I can learn just about everything else.

About two minutes passed before Fluttershy came back. Around the time I ran out of things to put in my journal, for now. I put it back in my backpack and set it beside me, taking the sandwich when she offered it on a plate. I had it halfway to my mouth before I actually looked at what’s on it, causing me to freeze in place as everything down to my heart stopped.

Flowers, there were flowers in my sandwich.

Sunflowers, to be specific. Very similar to buttercups, my last meal. The idea of eating them put a bundle of knots in my chest, bringing up the vivid memory of my death. Puking up my own blood as it leaked out of every orifice I had, the absolute agony as my organs failed, and yet it wasn’t enough. I had to keep eating more of them, my brother unable to do more than beg me to stop, only to have to watch me die.

While I did my best to ignore the urge to throw up, I placed the sandwich back on the plate and then beside me. I didn’t make a sound and closed my eyes, doing my best to visualize shoving the memory into a bottle, throwing it into the ocean of my mind along with countless others.

I’m starting to hate whatever sent me here more and more. Either they had an incredibly dark sense of humor, or just genuinely enjoyed seeing me suffer. Maybe there isn’t much of a difference.

“Chara, are you ok?”

“Yeah, I just...lost my appetite.”

Fluttershy kept her gaze on me for a moment, her eyebrows knitted like she’s worried to take her eyes off of me for a moment. She took a bite out of the sandwich, sitting there in tense silence as she opened and closed her mouth a few times. I got the feeling there’s something she wanted to talk to me about but is trying to figure out how to ask it. Usually, my dread and desire to avoid talking about myself would drive me to shift the conversation somewhere else. However, I just don’t have the mental energy to do it right now.

“Is it...normal for humans to change their eyes?”

I flinched a bit at the question. I actually felt a little dumb for not expecting it. “No, it’s not. I don’t know why they do that.” Not technically a lie since they did do that before, just not when I had a body.

“I’ve met a few animals that have grown to look big and scary, but are actually just sweethearts. Manticores, Chimeras, it’s not that strange. I can even think of a few animals off the top of my head that rely on their eyes to survive. I admit, they scared me at first, but if it's something your species needs to survive, I get it.”

Fluttershy’s unhesitant sympathy is simultaneously refreshing and painful, I didn’t feel like I deserved it. “I don’t think that’s it, pretty sure it’s tied to my magic somehow.” I absentmindedly played with the now half empty bottle of water, finding it a lot easier to articulate my thoughts if there’s something in my hands. “Fluttershy, I don’t want to use my magic again. It scared you guys, it scared me, it still scares me!”

I raised my voice more than I meant to, the sound of the plastic crinkling as I squeezed it grating to my ears. I didn’t even have to think before my body shifted into the fetal position, ironically the only position I ever feel comfortable in.

“That’s ok, Chara. It’s alright to be afraid.” I felt the unique softness of Fluttershy’s wing as she rested the tip on my head, patting my head a lot like how I pet Angel. It’s more pleasant in the sense that it helps me feel calm, rather than making me go doe-eyed like he does.

“Magic is scary, not just yours. Even Twilight messes up every now and again, and she’s been studying magic for as long as anypony has known her. Twilight might be disappointed, but you don’t have to use your magic ever again if you don’t want to.”

“But...what if I need to? What if someone’s in danger again?” I could only hope I won’t get put in a situation like with the Timberwolves before, but I’ve never considered myself a lucky person. The most I can hope for is that I never have to reset again.

Her patting stopped as I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, only just noticing that she had already finished her sandwich without making a sound.

“Chara,” she pursed her lips for a moment as she retraced her wing. I found myself a little surprised that I already missed it. “Have you heard of The Elements of Harmony?”

“Rainbow said that’s what you guys are, but not what that means other than apparently you can sing very well.”

Fluttershy chuckled as Angel bounced in, hopping up to the spot beside me and chirped something as he pointed at my sandwich. I tilted my head as I tried to understand if he’s trying to ask me why I didn’t eat the sandwich, or if he wanted it himself. “I’m not hungry. You can have it if-”

He started nibbling on it before I even finished my sentence.

“I don’t understand it very well myself, but I believe it means the six of us embody each element, mine being Kindness. Using the artifacts themselves, we use some of the most powerful magic short of Celestia or Luna. Together we could defeat just about anything, you couldn’t be more safe.”

I could tell she’s just trying to make me feel better, and I appreciate it, but words have rarely been enough for me. Sometimes even seeing wasn't enough. I gave her a fake smile so she’d feel like she helped, eventually she’s going to see through them. I relaxed my body a bit, letting my legs dangle off the edges of the couch.

“So, uhm…” I peeked over at Angel as I tried to think of something to shift the conversation to. Angel managed to get half of the sandwich down and is now sleeping on the other half with a full and visible belly. I couldn’t help but smirk when I pet him and his leg kicked. “Who are Celestia and Luna? They sound important.”

“They are very important. Equestria would have collapsed a long time ago without them.” Fluttershy said with heavy emphasis, picking up my plate with half the sandwich on it and taking it with hers into the kitchen. Angel ended up on my lap, his stomach protruding as he laid across my thighs, as limp and relaxed as I’ve ever seen him.

“I’m so jealous of how easy you have it.” I muttered as I poked him, his stomach jiggling a bit.

“Celestia and Luna are sisters, and have been around as far back as Equestria has. Celestia controls the sun, and Luna controls the moon.” I heard Fluttershy as she came around the corner, holding a glass of what looked like tea in her right hand.

“Really? They must be pretty powerful if they can do that.” I don’t know much about the sun and the moon from my world other than the moon went through phases, but I could say for almost certain that they weren’t being controlled by anyone. Then again, I know next to nothing about the actual capabilities of magic in this world, so I can’t really say what’s impossible and what’s not.

“They are. In fact, they're the most powerful ponies in the world! They’re both princesses and something called alicorns, which means they have wings and horns. Luna was…” Fluttershy’s voice trailed off as her eyes darted to the side as she sat down. “Away for a while. She’s back now and is trying to help keep things stable. Celestia is Twilight’s mentor and is the reason we met in the first place, you’ll probably end up meeting her sooner or later. She visits every now and again, but occasionally we go to Canterlot where she usually is.”

I couldn’t help but smirk at the name despite having heard it before, whoever decided on all these horse related names must have been having the time of their life. Fluttershy took a sip from the tea as I put the water bottle in my backpack, being as careful as I can be so I don’t wake Angel up.

“I know you aren’t going to like it, but there’s something I want to talk to you about. And I know you want to pretend you have amnesia, but this is important, and all you have to say is ‘yes’ or ‘no’.”

I tensed up at the serious tone in her voice, biting my lip as I gently picked up Angel and held him against my chest. His soft fur and warmth soothing unlike anything else, I can only hope my erratic heartbeat doesn’t wake him up.

“Ok.”

Fluttershy sat in silence, I wondered if she even heard me. Then I heard her place the glass on the table beside the couch, a pause, and then her taking a deep breath. Tons of thoughts went through my head as I tried to guess what she wanted to ask me, and whether I’d lie about it. I hate lying to her, but there are plenty of things I’m not ready to talk about now, if ever.

“Did your parents' eve-”

“Flutters, are you and Chara here?”

She was interrupted by Rainbow Dash, who flew in through one of the windows that had been left open, her wings extended to her sides and were rapidly beating as she hovered slightly above the ground. My entire body jumped, while Fluttershy barely flinched, did she do stuff like this often?

Rainbow looked between the two of us as she raised her eyebrow. “Am I interrupting something?”

“No, not at all. What did you need?”

I glanced at Fluttershy out of the corner of my eyes, surprised at how casual her voice and her expression were. She’s better at hiding her feelings than I’d expect her to be, which might come from when she used to be bullied.

“Chara, you remember when I asked you to come see the CMC when you can? Well, I kind of need you to do that now. Like, right now.”

I forgot who the CMC are for a second, then I remembered Spike referred to the trio from the woods as that, though I have no idea what it actually stands for. The urgency she said that with bothered me a bit, luckily Fluttershy asked the question I was just about to.

“Did something happen? Why do you need her to come right now?

“Well, uhm…” Her voice cracked as her eyes darted back and forth, trying to look anywhere but at us. I think I could even see her sweating. “It’s important. They’re at Sugarcube Corner with Pinkie, and they’re waiting for us.”

She gave an extremely over exaggerated wink to Fluttershy, which seemed to equally confuse the both of us judging from the way she briefly frowned. After a second or two her eyes widened like she realized something, then she opened her mouth, closed it after glancing at me, then furrowed her eyebrows as she turned back to Rainbow.

“I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea, at least not right now. I’m sure it can wait.”

“You know how Pinkie is, she can’t really wait. It’s better to just get it over with. Plus, you know how she gets when ponies don’t show up.”

Even someone as socially inept as me can tell they’re talking about something they don’t want me to know about, which really set off my anxiety. I didn’t even notice how tightly I pressed Angel against myself until he let out a chirp and pressed against me.

“Sorry.” I mumbled as I traced the edge of one of his ears, which quickly earned his forgiveness.

“It’s not really up to us, it’s up to Chara.”

I raised my head when she called my name, Angel not appreciating that I suddenly stopped showering him with affection.

“Chara, do you want to go see them now or at some other time? Whatever you want to do is fine.”

Rainbow hovered behind her and fervently nodded in approval and shot me a thumbs up, which Fluttershy caught and gave her a disapproving scowl in response.

Saying no is almost too tempting, some part of me whispering that I’d done enough today and I deserved the rest of the day off. However, as nice as it would be to sit around and be lazy, I hate doing nothing. I can’t go to Twilight’s, the animals have already been fed, and the only thing waiting for me here is either awkward silence or rigid conversations with Fluttershy.

Still, I hesitated to answer, the comfort this place offered along with the animals something I don’t think I could find anywhere else. My dislike for disappointing others won out, imagining the sad faces of those three if I didn’t show up was the final push.

“Yeah, sure. It’s not like I have a busy schedule anyway.”

“Yes!” Rainbow yelled triumphantly.

“We better get going then. Some animals like to get midnight snacks if I’m not here past eight.”

I placed Angel, who is already somehow back to sleep, on one pillow of the couch. My legs are more wobbly than usual when I stand up, but otherwise feel fine. I’m sure if I hadn’t taken that bath and nap, I would be exhausted and would have said no.

After walking out of Fluttershy’s cottage, I found myself in awe at how beautiful nighttime was here. Night was my favorite time of day in the village, seeing the eye-catching fireflies and the breathtaking stars reminded me why. I reflexively clutched the necklace as I recalled how Asriel and I would go to Waterfall every night to stare at the gems in the ceiling and pretend they were stars, so badly did I want to show him real ones just once.

“Come on slowpoke!”

Rainbow’s voice reminded me of where I am, and gave me little time to bask in the night's tranquility. Fluttershy looked like she wanted to ask me something, but held her tongue. Likely another question she’ll ask me later, however this one I don’t think I’ll mind answering.

The rest of the way was uneventful, more so than my first trip was. Judging from the lack of ponies outside, I’m guessing that a lot of them go to sleep relatively early. Considering how close they live to something as dangerous as The Everfree Forest, I can’t say I blame them.

When we got to the actual building, I stared in awe for a very different reason. All the other buildings in this town were relatively normal for this world, while this one looks like a giant gingerbread house. A cookie roof with frosting lining, a cake that I’m pretty sure functions as a chimney, and everything below that was normal. A sign dangling in front of the door with a cupcake on it told me it’s a bakery, which would fit well with a name like Sugarcube Corner.

“Are you ready?” Fluttershy asked as she let go of my hand and turned to me.

“I guess.”

Rainbow opened the door, the sound of a bell dinging as she did, confirming to me this was a bakery, and gestured us inside. I wondered why she didn’t enter first, but I shrugged it off.

Fluttershy entered first and I followed behind, the slow sound of the door closing instilling a sense of dread. There was no light inside at all, nothing but vague shapes. The near blinding darkness didn’t last long as I heard a light being flicked on, followed by shouting.

“SURPRISE!”

I heard everyone in the room shout in sync, except for Fluttershy and I. I reflexively flinched and shut my eyes, before opening them and taking a look at the room. Confetti rained from the ceiling where there were balloons, a cake on the counter, and a pink banner strung above me with the words ‘Welcome To Ponyville/Thanks For Saving Us’ written in blue crayon.

“Oh no.”

Chapter Seven: Party.

Though I’d never been to one myself, I recognized a party when I saw one. Suffice to say, it could not have been further down on the list of things I was expecting to happen when I walked in there. Especially for something I didn’t want to make a big deal about.

I lowered my gaze and quickly scanned the room, recognizing almost everyone. Pinkie stood proudly behind the cake with her arms in the air like she's cheering, the CMC beside her were doing something similar, with Rainbow hovering next them with her hands held to her chest awkwardly.

The only one I didn’t recognize was a rather bulky pony-person standing at the opposite end of the counter; she's the only one other than Fluttershy who wasn't cheering. She wasn't much taller than me, but she’s still fairly large. She looked strong and athletic like Rainbow, but Rainbow Dash’s body was lean, while hers was more muscly. I could actually see the outline of her bulging arm and leg muscles, the rest of her body being relatively toned in comparison. Her orange coat blended well with her emerald eyes and blonde hair, which was tied in a ponytail and mostly covered with a cowboy hat. Her plaid shirt, skinny jeans, and boots made her look like a cowgirl.

“Chara?”

I heard Fluttershy’s voice, but couldn’t bring myself to turn to her. All of their eyes were on me, watching me, expecting me to react.

“W-wow, you guys…” I clutched my necklace as I tried to keep the nervousness out of my voice, and failed miserably. “Really surprised me, ha ha.”

Nice Chara, real nice.

“Yah don’t seem that surprised at all!” The yellow one with exclaimed.

“Oh no, did we do something wrong? Maybe if we all said surprise in sync?” The marshmallow one asked out loud, whose name was Rarity’s sister named Sweetie Belle.

“Well, I guess we’re not getting cutie marks for being really good at surprising.” The orange one muttered, I’m pretty sure she’s Scootaloo. I lightly bit the inside of my cheek at the memory of her having a chunk bitten out of her wing that likely would have prevented her from flying. I’m glad I was able to prevent that from becoming a permanent reality, even if it costed me my life.

The smile on Pinkie’s face faded as she lowered her arms, an expression I couldn’t quite read. It only lasted a second as she leaped over the counter and began bouncing towards me with that ear to ear grin, though I think I’m the only one that noticed.

“Hiya, it’s nice to meetcha! I’m Pinkie Pie, Ponyville’s resident Party Planner!”

The pep in her voice was nothing short of vibrant, yet it fit her so well I’m not sure how I expected her to sound any other way. Unlike a certain smiley trash bag, her smile and joyfulness felt genuine, not a mask she put on; her happiness was almost infectious, making me nearly forget the minor anxiety I was experiencing just a few minutes ago.

“I’m Chara Dreemurr, I’ve heard a lot about you.” she feverishly shook my hand with so much energy that my entire body vibrated. It took me a few seconds to speak after she let go. “I, uh, really like your toothpaste?”

Her eyebrows raised and lips briefly pursed, then she snorted like I’d told the best joke she’d ever heard. “Toothpaste? Are you crazy? That’s, like, the least thing I’m known for!”

“Well Pinkie, to be fair, ya are known for some pretty weird stuff.” The orange one with the cowboy hat said as she stepped forward, the drawl in her voice almost identical to the small yellow one except deeper.

“Hey there, partner. I’m Applejack, but you can call me AJ.” admittedly, I felt a small blot of fear when she offered her hand after what happened with Rainbow. To my surprise, although I could feel each callus on her hand; she had a really soft grip.

“Ahm sure you’ve heard this more times than you can count, but darn it, it don’t sit right with me if I don’t thank ya.” AJ gently rests her hand on my shoulder as she made direct eye contact with me. “So, from the bottom of muh heart, thank ya for saving Applebloom. Her, Big Mac, and Granny are the only family I've got. Ah don’t know what ah’d do without ‘em.”

The yellow pony, who I now know as Applebloom, blushed a bit and looked away awkwardly. My body went rigid at the contact and I’m sure she noticed it, but the sincereness in her words made it hard to focus on anything else. Out of all the thank you’s I had gotten so far, that one felt the most sincere.

It made me realize how important those three really were, and it was the first time I didn't feel the need to say that I only did it to be selfish.

“You’re welcome. Don’t mention it, seriously.”

She looked like she was about to say something, but my vision suddenly filled with a pair of bright baby blue eyes, a spark in them that I found very similar to Twilight’s.

“I’ve got like a bazillion questions for you! Can humans eat candy? What’s your favorite kind of candy? What about donuts, muffins, cakes? I made a cake for you but I went with vanilla because I didn’t know what you liked but I-”

Her tangent got interrupted when Fluttershy grabbed her by her ear, which looked more painful with their pony ears than with mine. Making the first time I'm glad I had such weird ears.

“Pinkie, I need to speak with you in private.”

“Ow, owkay, ow.”

I couldn’t help but smirk a bit at the stern motherly tone in her voice, once again finding myself thankful to her. I need to figure out some way to pay her back, or it was going to eat away at me.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Pinks can be really overwhelming sometimes, but she means well. You’ll get used to it.”

Rainbow flew over with a plate in her hands, enjoying the cake that actually looked pretty good. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever had cake. Toriel didn’t bake a lot besides pies, not that I ever complained.

“Hey,” I turned to her as my body reminded me with slight hunger pains how little I’ve actually had to eat recently. It was also easier for me to stay calm if I focused on one of them and try to pretend there weren't multiple pairs of eyes on me at any given moment. “There aren’t any flowers in that cake, right?”

“Pfft, I wish. Pinkie didn’t want to put any in because she wasn’t sure what you ate, even making it with a bunch of substitute stuff in case you’re allergic to anything. I mean, Pinkie made it so it's still a great cake, so it's cool I guess.”

“Hey, didn’t ya say you’re on a diet?” AJ asked with a raised eyebrow and a cross of her arms.

“Yeah, but…” she paused as she finished whatever was left of the cake. “Today’s my cheat day.”

“That’s your third cheat day this week. Maybe if ya had less cheat days, ya wouldn’t have had to use your wings to beat me in some parts of that Iron Pony competition.”

“Hey!” she shouted as she laid the now empty plate on a nearby counter, getting up in her face and pressing her finger against AJ’s chest. “Pegasi rely on our wings for a bunch of stuff! Asking us not to use our wings is like asking earth ponies not to use their….” Rainbow’s expression dropped as she backed away, tapping her finger against her mouth and then shrugging. “hands I guess?”

I didn’t hear whatever AJ’s retort was as I’d started walking towards the cake. I could tell by the smiles on their faces that those two were good friends, most ponies in this town so far have been nothing but friendly. It was making me start to wonder if there were any bad ponies in this world at all.

There wasn't anything special about the cake, but I couldn’t help but be a little excited since I’d never had any before. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw the cake was already pre-cut, handling a knife would make me really uncomfortable right now, probably for the rest of my life.

Just a few feet away, the CMC were whispering, or at least trying to whisper, about something. Making various expressions and gestures, before Applebloom pointed at Scootaloo, and then Sweetie pushed her towards me.

“You ask her! She pushed you out of the way so you wouldn’t get your wing chomped!”

“Fine! Geez.”

As I put one slice on a plate, Scootaloo approached me with the other two right behind her. She’s obviously nervous to talk to me, which I didn’t get at first. Then I thought about it a bit and realized that, to them, I really do look like a hero that came in and saved their lives for no reason. They’re kids after all, and they’re really impressionable if Asriel is anything to go by.

“So, Chara. W-what’s your cutie mark?”

I paused as I cut off a piece of the cake with a fork and had it halfway to my mouth, trying to register what she just asked me.

“My...my what?”

“You know, your cutie mark? Humans do have cutie marks, don’t they?”

The term ‘cutie marks’ sounded so silly I almost questioned if they’re joking or not. The fact that I’m now living in a town full of pony people, about to eat a cake in a building that looked like a giant gingerbread house, made it pretty obvious their definition of ‘silly’ differed greatly from mine.

“I...maybe? I have amnesia, so I can’t really say. Can you describe what it is to me? It might jog something.”

It's possible that I have whatever they’re talking about and I just know it by a different name. I directed my attention back to the cake, putting the first piece that I cut off earlier into my mouth. The texture and taste of it were better than I thought it would be, it's sweet like candy but still creamy. I think I see why others like it so much, however Rainbow’s right, it would be better as something other than vanilla.

“Cutie marks are awesome! They show up when you’re doing something you like in a flash of light that’s super cool!”

“Yeah, and they tell ya what you’ll be good at for the rest of ya life!”

“Plus, they’re way better than being a blank flank.”

Applebloom and Sweetie said as they walked up beside Scootaloo, having completely lost their agitation. Clearly, they’re very passionate about cutie marks. If they’re telling the truth about them and they really are things that appear and tell you what you’re good at, I can kind of understand why. It would have certainly made my life easier if I had something like that.

“I don’t think so? Maybe if you show me?” I didn’t even look at them when I asked that, my interest more in my first cake than some magical mark that tells me my talent.

“Well, we don’t have any of our own...yet. But I know someone with an epic cutie mark. Hey Rainbow?”

Rainbow stopped in the middle of saying something to Applejack, turning to Scootaloo. “Yeah, squirt?”

“Chara hasn’t seen a cutie mark before, can you show her yours?”

“Woah, seriously?” Rainbow asked me as her eyes widened. I shrugged. “Yeah, gimme a sec.”

She flew over to us while still facing Applejack, which I think was impressive judging from how poorly Scootaloo failed to suppress her squealing. Rainbow pointed at her face and then at AJ’s in a ‘I’m watching you gesture’, AJ responded with a ‘come and get me’ gesture.

“Oh, she’s gonna get it tomorrow! Anyway, you really haven’t seen a cutie mark before? Do humans not have them?”

“Don’t know, amnesia.”

“Oh yeah. Geez, sorry.” She turned to her side and lifted her shorts to her upper thigh, revealing a mark that I wouldn’t exactly describe as ‘cute’. It's not much more than a small cloud with a lighting bolt coming out of it, the lighting bolt itself was completely rainbow instead of yellow or blue. In fact, the same pattern of Rainbow as her hair.

“I got this baby doing my first ever sonic rainboom. To date, the most awesome thing I’ve ever done.”

“The most awesome thing you’ve ever done...is getting a butt tattoo?”

Rainbow stared at me, completely still except for the beating of her wings. Then she burst out laughing, somehow laying on her back in midair with her hands clutching her chest like she’s struggling to breathe.

“Oh my gosh, haaha, butt tattoo?! That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard them called!”

“They’re not butt tattoos, Chara! They’re cutie marks and they’re important!” Sweetie stated with her cheeks slightly blushing.

She seemed embarrassed to say that, Scootaloo wasn't even trying to suppress her giggling, and Applebloom just looked...confused.

“What’s a butt?”

“It’s another word for your flank.” Sweetie offered.

“Why would anyone wanna get a tattoo on their butt that’s not a cutie mark?”

“That’s...a question for your sister.” Rainbow said between breaths, wiping a tear from her eye.

Applebloom began walking towards AJ, who had been watching us. I snickered a bit when I saw her open her mouth and Applejack’s tough exterior drop at the question, eyes darting back and forth as she stuttered something I couldn’t hear. I didn’t really get why someone would get a tattoo on their butt either, but it was surprisingly funny to watch Applejack flustered.

After quickly finishing the rest of my cake, I found myself a little envious of how ignorant she was. That kind of innocence is something I could never get back, I’m not sure if I ever had it to begin with.

“Well, whatever they’re called,” I put the plate back on the counter and grabbed one box of apple juice that sat there, one of my favorite drinks from my time at Toriel’s. “I don’t think humans have them. I could be an abnormality, and I can’t remember other humans, but I’m pretty sure I won’t get one.”

It's hard for me to lie about this without revealing I didn't have amnesia. Humans and monsters never had any marks on their body like that, but I couldn’t say that. I really need to sit down and write a list of hypothetical questions I might be asked and try to come up with answers, or at least give more thought to them first.

“That’s...kind of sad.” Sweetie muttered.

“Why’s that?”

“Well, if you don’t have a cutie mark to tell you what you’re good at, how do you know what to do in life?”

The sound of me putting the straw into the carton was in sync with the feeling of my stomach dropping at her words, my fingers shaking as I pinched the straw. A wave of intense queasiness overcame me as I leaned against the counter.

“I don’t know. w-I never really thought about it.” her question made me a lot more uneasy than I was expecting. I always did my best to avoid thinking about humans, but now being asked about them made it hard.

Humans never really had a goal in life, most of them just focused on surviving. The period I came from was difficult to survive in, though I couldn't say if the same was true for when Frisk lived. Some would dedicate their lives to religion, others didn’t believe there’s any purpose at all, just living how they want to and giving into any impulse and desire they had.

Then, there were those like me, who committed their life and death to something as petty as hate fueled revenge.

“What do I…” but now I’m alive again. The only human in this world and everything I do will form impressions about my species. What I say, what I do, who I am. Who am I? And… “want to do?”

“Did I ask a bad question?”

“Uhm, no Scoots. I just don’t think Chara was expecting you to ask her about her purpose in life. Let’s...hm.” Rainbow looked around the room, glancing at Pinkie and Fluttershy whispering about something out of earshot, and then at Applejack who appeared to still be struggling to talk. “Let’s go over to AJ and see how she’s doing explaining why someone would get a tattoo on their butt.”

Rainbow and Scootaloo went over to them, with Scootaloo halting for a moment as she closed her eyes and fluttered her wings. For a moment, her body actually lifted itself off the ground, only to land back with a dull thud. She sighed dejectedly and followed Rainbow.

“Hey,” Sweetie looked back at me as she began walking away. “Sorry about that. Scootaloo’s a little insensitive sometimes. For what it's worth, I think you’re pretty awesome, even without a cutie mark.”

She gave me a small smile that almost melted my heart, and then caught up with the others. Applejack put her hands on her hips and said something to Rainbow, who snorted and gave a retort I couldn’t hear.

I took a long sip from the box. Sweetie's words made me feel a bit better, but it didn’t get rid of the nagging questions that plagued me. My main goal right now was to learn everything I could about this world, and maybe even how I got here, but after that? Nothing came to mind. Do I just sit around Fluttershy’s, playing with animals until I die of old age? As peaceful as that sounded, the idea just didn't sit right with me.

Of course, I have to obsess with thinking about this now. When I’m at a party that they threw because I saved them, or probably just to try to help me fit in and feel better about being here. My terrible timing strikes again.

“Great job, Chara. You just ruined the party with your existential crisis.”

“That’s no biggie. I’ve done that once or twice.”

I got startled and nearly jumped at the sudden sound, the second time that’s happened in recent memory. This time it's Pinkie, and she seems a lot more toned down. She’s still smiling and practically radiating joy, but not bouncing and almost literally shaking with energy. I’m guessing Fluttershy told her I’m liable to be overwhelmed and to calm down a bit around me. Which, to be fair, I completely am.

“Really? You seem like you’ve got it all together. You set up this entire party in half a day.”

“Please. On average I could set up something like this in an hour, I’ve just been a little off recently. You’ll see if you stick around here long enough.” she paused as she picked up one of the apple boxes. “I’m hoping we can be friends. I’ve got a four thousand two hundred and zero win/loss for friends right now. It helps that I love making everyone I see smile.”

I smirked as I watched Rainbow and Applejack exchange banter just out of earshot. “Well, if I’m being honest, I don’t really know what being a friend means, other than trusting someone. I can’t remember if I ever had any before, it's almost too much how nice everyone in this town is.”

Not entirely a lie, Asriel was more like a brother to me than a friend, even if I knew the difference. Then again, I didn’t know enough about friendship to say there’s much of a difference. I watched countless times as Frisk befriended everyone in The Underground, but that didn’t mean I understood it any better. Much like most of the things he did.

“You’re overthinking it, silly. Being a friend isn’t something you try at, you just do it. Playing games, pulling pranks, just hanging out with whomever you like to and enjoying it. If you push it and think of it as a chore, you’re already doing it wrong.”

“Thanks, Pinkie. I’ll work on it.” I said sarcastically.

She snorted as she turned to me, her smile dropping and eyebrows knitting. “I don’t like how good you are at faking your smiles.”

My heart skipped a beat at the sudden drop in her voice, I questioned for a second if it was even her that said it. I lowered my gaze to the straw, unable to bring myself to keep looking at her.

“What do you mean?”

“I know other ponies don’t take me seriously most of the time, but part of making others happy is understanding why they’re sad. I pay attention to everyone that attends my parties, and you...haven’t given a single genuine smile since you walked in.”

My mouth opened and closed multiple times as I tried to say something, but I couldn’t form words as they never left my mind. My body remained in an uncomfortable turmoil, breathing raggedly and unable to loosen my grip on the box.

“Fluttershy cares about you a lot, and she wants to help you the way she’s helped a lot of animals, but she doesn’t know how. I get it if you don’t want to talk about what’s wrong, but no one can help you if you don’t.”

“I…” the words struggled to come out, I barely managed to keep my voice from cracking. What should I even say? It sounded like she knew I didn't really have amnesia, but does she? Should I bother lying, or is she going to just see through that too? “Don’t know how.”

The silence afterwards made the knots in my chest tighter. I couldn't even understand why I’m so suddenly afraid. Am I really that bothered by people being worried about me?

“Then take your time. It’s ok to not be ok, Chara. You can’t appreciate being happy if you’ve never been sad, I know that better than anyone else should. Just remember to ask for help when you need it, because someone really cares about you.”

I shuddered at how close her words were to some I’ve heard before. I’m starting to think that this world goes out of its way to make sure I don’t forget where I’m from. Rainbow’s laughing brought my attention back to them as I lifted my head, pulling me out of my near stupor. Applejack had calmed down a bit and they’re exchanging banter, Scootaloo and Sweetie were enjoying it. Applebloom was also, but she’s clearly still a bit frustrated at whatever lack of an answer she got from AJ.

It amazes me how well they get along and how kind they are. I couldn't stop my irrational fears and paranoia anymore now than I used to, but at least this time I’m surrounded by good people, or ponies in this case.

Hopefully, I won’t mess it up this time.

“Pinkie, can you do me a favor?” I asked as I turned around to face the counter. My chest raised and fell as I took a deep breath, placing the box on it and tightly gripping the sides.

“Sure!”

The pep in her voice came back instantaneously, like she flipped a switch. It actually scared me a little how quickly she could switch between serious and silly. I picked up the plate from earlier and put another slice of cake on it, closing my eyes and focusing on the happiest moment I can think of.

The day I first met Asriel.

“I think….I think I’d like to have a party with you and everyone else again. But next time,” I opened them and took a bite from the cake, trying my best to capture the pleasantness that memory gave me with a smile. The most genuine one I can muster.

“Do you think you can make it a chocolate cake?”

Pinkie let out a slight gasp, then smiled.

“Okie Dokie Lokie!”

Chapter Eight: Beguile.

Pinkie’s party was a few days ago, but remained pretty high on my list of memories I’m fond of. I almost didn’t want to leave when it was over. Then I reminded myself that Pinkie would throw another party if I asked in a heartbeat.

The conversation with Fluttershy when we got home was as awkward as I expected it to be. That said, at least by then I had an extremely rough idea of what to say. She wanted me to talk about my problems, so I basically rehashed the advice Pinkie gave me about waiting to talk when I’m ready. She understood, but, even now, I could tell she was worried about me and wanted to help me however she can.

At times, it’s overwhelming. I never felt like I deserved her kindness, and I still couldn't come up with a way to pay her back for everything she’s done for me.

I also decided that I wanted to work on being able to go to Ponyville by myself. Not only that, but I didn't enjoy having to drag Fluttershy with me everywhere and rely on her more than I already did. There are a few ponies I met there that I really liked, not to mention Twilight’s library. Sure, there were a couple of books at Fluttershy’s cottage, but those were all about animals. As much as I liked animals, there were dozens of other things I wanted to know.

Fluttershy was hesitant about me doing something that clearly made me so uncomfortable, but I convinced her it was what I needed to get better. It was hard and took almost two weeks. I'd get right on the edge of town and see various ponies walk by and already be inches away from a breakdown. It got a little easier each time, and I got a little farther every day. It helped a lot that the more I went there, the less they paid attention to me. After a while, they didn’t even stare at me anymore.

Thankfully Twilight’s library is pretty close to the edge of Ponyville, so I didn't have to go too far to get to the safety of being inside. Once I managed to make that much progress, she let me read her books, and even got a little excited when I asked.

I sat in Twilight’s library, reading through another book. I rarely stayed long, mostly just a few hours at a time, and then I took a pile of books with me back to Fluttershy’s and finished them there. The anxiety of being away from somewhere safe and in somewhere I didn't entirely know yet would get to be too much, but each time I lasted a little longer until I could be out for a handful of hours at a time.

It didn’t take me long to get through the kids' section that was labeled ‘Fables For Foals!”, most of them were pop-up books or drawings with few words, but they gave me a good idea on the kinds of stories that were told in Equestria. None of them had any similarities to the ones I knew. Then again, the ones I knew were made for monsters, so it was hard to say for certain if there are parallels or not.

The history section was a bit more lengthy, but they only focused on events in Equestria, rarely touching on anything else. Other nations clearly existed but only briefly mentioned, like the Kingdom of Abyssinia, full of cat people called Abyssinians, but very little was stated about them. I found it strange with how much they wrote about Equestria, but I guess it didn't really matter if I never go anywhere else.

What I’ve been reading recently were the books in the ‘Relationships & Romance’ section. The name itself sparked my curiosity. My experience with romance as a whole was extremely limited, limited to what I saw through Frisk’s eyes. I didn’t understand how anyone could make an entire book about it, even more so enough to fill a section in a library; So I started reading them.

And kept reading, then I got hooked on them.

There was a pile of books beside me as I flipped through one, the library empty of anyone but me. Usually, Spike would be here awkwardly chatting with me, but not today for some reason. I could tell he’s still scared of me. However, he’s trying to get over it, and I guess that was the most I can ask for.

Twilight was typically in her ‘secret lab’, upstairs, or just not there. She has only actually talked to me a couple of times, one of which was me telling her I didn’t want to have anything to do with magic, and she responded by pouting and giving me an extremely dejected ‘ok’. Despite being the most intelligent pony I’ve met so far, she might also be the most childish.

“Oh, hello Chara.” Twilight said with a yawn as she walked down the stairs, taking a sip from a steaming cup of coffee hovering right beside her. Her mane was somewhat frizzled so she must have just woken up, which would be strange since it was almost midday, but she was apparently trying out something called a ‘Biphasic Sleep Schedule.’ “Good morning.”

“It was past noon when I left Fluttershy’s, so good evening.”

“Hm.”

She scanned the room as she got to the bottom. “Spike’s not here? Must be doing chores for Rarity again. I’m glad he’s getting out more, at least.”

As she took another sip from her coffee and walked towards her lab, she paused and her ears flicked as I flipped the page of the book I was reading. I saw her glance at the title, and then her eyebrows raised as she turned to face me.

“‘Withering Heights’? That’s a romance book. I thought you were reading history?”

“I was, I got done with them.”

“All of them? Already?”

She turned around and began walking towards me. Despite her movements being sluggish since she just woke up, Twilight’ visibly pretty relaxed as she gets closer. I admit that I was really worried about coming back here daily, but she got over any fear she had of me pretty quickly.

I’ve come to think of this library as one of only two places I particularly enjoy being at. Other than the constant background anxiety I had from being away from Fluttershy, I could actually relax there. For a little while, at least.

“Yeah. Is it that surprising?”

“A little. While most of those books don’t go nearly as in detail as I’d like them to, there’s still a lot. I just meant,” Twilight peered over at the history section as she sat, sipping the coffee again as she turned back to me. “That’s impressive reading speed and comprehension, especially for someone recovering from amnesia.”

I almost asked her what she was talking about, then I froze and remembered that I said I have amnesia. It’d been so long since someone brought it up, I almost forgot. However, I couldn’t tell her that I spent a lot of my time at Mt. Ebott reading dozens of books, and then dozens more when there weren’t any more books about snails. It made sense I got good at reading when it's almost all I used to do, but now it's pretty much all I could do.

“I used to read a lot... I think. I can’t say for sure, but it rarely takes me long to get through a book and I haven’t found a word I don’t know yet.”

“That’s great! I can test your reading level for you if you’d like? The library sadly doesn’t get many visitors, so having someone other than Spike to talk about books with would be wonderful.”

“Maybe later. I’m a little more interested in actually reading at the moment.”

Twilight pouted a bit, but spun her attention to the pile of books I’d picked out. “What stories did you pick out? I can tell you the best ones, I’ve read every book here.” she darted her eyes to the side almost shamefully. “...twice.” she muttered.

Hearing that she’d read every book in a library of this size more than once shocked me a bit. There were easily hundreds of books in here, and some of them I struggled to get through as the content was boring. Did she really like learning that much, or was she just bored?

“Well, I kind of just picked out the ones that have the most interesting titles. I’ve only read a couple so far.” I decided it would be better not to question it. I grabbed the pile of books and read through some of them out loud. “‘Ponies We Meet On Vacation’, ‘The Lusty Draconian Maid’, ‘Outr-”

“The Lusty Draconian Maid!?” Twilight screamed as a bit of coffee spilled from her cup, the magic around her horn flaring as it enveloped the book and also the coffee, putting it back in the cup.

The sudden shout made me jump, the book in my lap falling shut under the disturbance and caused me to lose my place. She brought the book really close to her face like she’s trying to make sure I couldn't see what’s inside and opened it, the floating cup shaking a bit.

“How did this get in here? It wasn’t with the rest when I read them! Then again, that was a few months ago. And why was it in that section of the library!? I would never categorize something this…” her eyes rapidly danced back and forth as she skimmed the book, her cheeks blushing and getting redder with each passing second until her entire face was flushed. “Salacious!”

My curiosity about whatever was in that book only grew, but I’m almost certain I couldn’t convince her to let me read it if I tried. Twilight slammed the book shut and floated it up the stairs to what I presume was her room, mumbling something along the lines of ‘when Spike gets home’.

“SO!” Twilight said with emphasis and an extremely forced smile. “What got you into romance?” she asked calmly as her face slowly faded back to its normal color.

As tempting as it would be to push the topic a bit, even I could see how little she wanted to talk about whatever is in that book. It’s really entertaining, and even a little funny, to see her freak out like that. But it would be really hypocritical of me to knowingly make someone that uncomfortable, especially just for my amusement.

“Honestly? I’m not really sure.” I opened the book and tried to find my place again, briefly considering just dropping it since it’s quickly losing my interest. “It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I get liking someone a lot, but how it’s described is in a way I don’t understand. Why is holding hands with one person romantic, but nothing special if it's with a family member? And what’s so passionate about pushing your lips against someone else’s? That just...sounds kind of gross to me.”

What made me so frustrated was that I’ve had relationships similar to what the books are talking about. I was close to Asriel, we held hands a couple of times when he got scared of things, but our relationship was entirely platonic. I understood caring about people, but the connection that’s being described in the books was obviously different, and I couldn't quite comprehend why. It’s sucked me in and keeps me reading more, hoping that one of them will clarify what I’m not getting.

It’s like I have all the pieces of a puzzle laid out in front of me, but I’m missing just one piece. I’m so close to getting it, I almost understand it. That might be more irritating to me than anything else.

“Trust me, I get it. Before coming to Ponyville, I was a complete shut-in and had no real friends. Even after making some, there’s still a lot about friendship and relationships I don’t understand. It's hard sometimes, but I always learn and write a letter to Celestia about it.”

I felt one book in the pile hover past me and float in front of Twilight. She opened it to the first page and smiled slightly. “Rarity has told me a mare my age should be going out and looking for a stallion while I can, but it's not that easy for me. When it comes to romance, I know even less than the average pony.”

I think this was the first time I’ve heard Twilight actually sad. She spends a lot of time in this library. I kind of just assumed she’s an introvert; But she clearly wanted to be social and was just as bad at it as I am.

I had to stop making assumptions about others, along with half a dozen other bad habits I needed to break.

“It's just, what makes it so different from being friends? They do almost all the same stuff friends do, but there’s a bond there that’s special? If there weren’t so many books about it, I’d assume they were just making it up.”

“Well, hold on. I’m never one to turn down a mystery. How about we...hm,” Twilight flipped through the pages of her book with her lips pressed together, then abruptly shutting it when she got to the end. “What do you like most about them? That might help.”

I’d asked myself that same question a couple of times, rarely giving it enough thought to come up with an answer. A few scenes from the ones I’ve read played in my mind, most of them having a couple of constants, like they all followed the same formula. I could mark off a few for certain. Kissing is gross, hand holding could be nice, but it's clearly portrayed as different between a couple than two friends or family.

My fingers tapped rhythmically against the bottom of the book as I tried to organize my thoughts, resisting the urge to chew on my fingernails. Fluttershy told me that’s a gross habit to have and that I should stop while I could.

“Hugging. I like it when they hug.”

“Really? Huh, that’s a first. Why hugging?”

“It's...hm, how do I put it into words?” The tapping stopped as I closed my eyes, trying to envision being hugged. When I was with The Dreemurr Family, they held me multiple times, especially Toriel, but I never hugged back. I’d never gotten physical affection like that before. I was afraid and completely froze up.

Now, I wish I had hugged them when I could.

“For me, hugging someone else, not an animal like Harry or Angel, would mean I trust them a lot. It’s hard for me to be ok with touching or being touched, as much as I hate it. Having someone that I feel a connection with already sounds like it's hard to find. The idea of someone I feel so comfortable with that I let them pull me close, hearing their heartbeat and feeling their warmth. Holding each other as tightly as we can with no fear they’ll hurt me, knowing without a doubt they care about me and actually enjoy being with me. That…” a memory of Asriel and Frisk hugging came to mind. Another instance of him experiencing something I didn’t get to. “Sounds too good to be true to me.”

As I opened my eyes and turned to Twilight, I noticed my hand had drifted to my necklace. Twilight herself said nothing. Her head dropped to where I could only see the almost unnoticeable frown. If it weren’t for the coffee still floating beside her, I might have assumed she passed out or something.

“Chara,” Twilight’s voice was extremely quiet and somewhat rough, hesitant to even speak. “What does love mean to you?”

I immediately tensed up at the question, my grip tightening on the sides of the book and wrinkling the paper. Despite the word ‘love’ showing up many times in what I’ve read so far, some part of me desperately hoped I wouldn’t hear it. Of course, I know now that it meant something else entirely. But, because of my first experience with it, I can’t help but regress to that first definition.

I can remember his monologue word for word, at least I never have to see his never shifting smile or haunting eyes again. Outside my nightmares, anyway.

“Something terrible.”

“I...see.” Twilight muttered, bringing the coffee to her mouth and taking out a drawn out sip. “Maybe it's a good thing you have amnesia, then.”

My eyebrows raised as I opened my mouth, the words not getting the chance to leave as she stood up and began slowly walking over to the door that led to her lab.

“It's been nice, Chara, but I should really get to work. I’ve got a...project I need to get done today.”

Twilight made nervous gestures as she faced away from me, something I said must have bothered her. I don’t know what it was, but I should at least apologize. I really thought my social skills had improved over the last couple of days.

“Wait!” I shut and placed the book in my lap with the others. “I’m...sorry for whatever I said. I di-”

“Chara, you didn’t say anything wrong, really. I just,” Twilight hesitantly looked over her shoulder at me, her gaze then drifting over to the side as she contemplated something. “Realized something is all.”

“Well, can you at least tell me where books about stars are? I’ve looked and I can’t find any.”

“Books about s-you mean like astronomy? What are you interested in astronomy for?” she flipped around to face me, tilting her head as the magic around her horn faded as she opted to just hold her cup.

“I...:” Crap, I really should have expected she’d ask that. My interest in them was mainly because I always found them beautiful at night, one of the few things I looked forward to at the end of every day. Drawing shapes with them was entertaining. Reading some books in The Underground and learning those shapes were real things called constellations, and Asriel’s desire to see them just reinforced that for me. “Like them a lot. They’re pretty and I read about constellations in a couple of the books and I want to know the stories behind them.”

“Oh! Some of them are fascinating, like Porion! Hmm, if I remember correctly, Dark Moon checked them all out a couple of weeks ago. They’re overdue, but he was the first one to check them out for a while, so I wasn’t going to bother getting them back until someone else wanted them. I’ll have Spike go pick them up when he returns.”

“Actually, I can go pick them up for you if you want. It would probably be easier for me to just get the books now instead of having to wait for them tomorrow, it's not like I have anything better to do.”

“I don’t mind, but are you sure? You’d have to walk to the observatory, that’s ten minutes south of here, where he works and should be right now. I know it wasn’t easy for you just to make it here.”

While she’s entirely right, I’ve been meaning to explore more of Ponyville, but I keep coming up with excuses not to. I’m going to be living here now so I should at least get used to it, with a goal and place in mind. That should be all the motivation I needed to go through with it.

“Yeah, I think so. I’ll be in and out, a ten-minute adventure.”

“Well, if you’re certain. It's ok if you can’t go through with it. Believe me, you do not want to push yourself when it comes to your social comfort zone.”

I nodded and got up with the pile of books, taking them to where I got them and put them back. My backpack wasn't with me today, I rarely took it with me to the library, so I’ll just have to carry the books. Here’s hoping they weren't big and there weren't a lot of them.

“Chara?”

Twilight called out to me right as my hand grabbed the knob. She looked at me in concern for a brief moment, about to say something, before closing her mouth again and shaking her head dismissively.

“Never mind. Just be careful, though I don’t see how you’d run into any danger in Ponyville as long as you stay away from The Everfree.”

“Thanks. Good luck with your project, or whatever you’ve got going on in your lab.”

It really did only take me ten minutes to get to the observatory, though I’d only seen them in one of the history books, so this was my first time seeing it in person. On top of a small hill overlooking Ponyville, it almost looked like a giant metal eyeball with a slit for the pupil and a telescope coming out of it, but smaller than I thought it would be.

Other than some intense heart palpitations and relatively minor anxiety, it wasn’t as hard for me to get here as I expected it to be. I was getting to the point where none of the residents of Ponyville pay any special attention to me and gave more than a glance, though I still wish I could bring Angel with me sometimes. His soft fur soothes me no matter what I’m doing, most of the time.

I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing to calm myself down as much as I could, cathartically rubbing the pendant of my necklace. When I opened them, I recognized some nearby birds as Fluttershys, who had been following me ever since I started going out by myself. She insisted on at least having some of her animals near me at all times so they could tell her if anything happened, and also so she knows I’m safe. I’m sure she’d worry herself sick otherwise.

I let out a sigh of relief as some tension finally left. Fluttershy really was my guardian angel with how she watched over me.

The sign on the door read ‘Ponyville Observatory: Open To The Public’, which I’m pretty sure meant I could just walk in. Sure enough, I turned the knob, and the door was unlocked. Somehow, the inside was even smaller than I expected. Roof and walls of the top half being one and the same in the shape of an enormous dome, the primary light source being the sunlight shining through the slit and a couple of lamps that weren't turned on.

There wasn't a lot inside besides the giant telescope. It actually looked a little abandoned. The second floor didn't have anything on it that I could see, and the first one had very little. The walls were covered in pictures of stars and comets, each one having a plaque, and none of which have been cleaned recently since I could tell from here how dusty they were.

A large cabinet with clothes sticking out of it, and what looked like a mini fridge beside it were on the right side of the room. Even some various sized boxes are spread around, some of them with stuff sticking out like plates and forks. There’s a door on the left side of the room that, I’m guessing, was some sort of storage room for stuff.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it looks like someone’s living here.

“Hello? Is anyone here?” I asked, my voice echoing a bit.

“Oh crap, someone actually showed up?”

I raised my head to the second floor, seeing someone peek over the rails and then rush down the stairs. He looked male, and not much bigger than me. Spiked and raggedy smoke grey hair with a matching tail, his coat a shade of gray so dark it's almost black. Wearing a rose-red t-shirt and white sweatpants, he frantically ran down the stairs towards me. His cerulean eyes wide and panicked, his horn now visible.

“Frick, there’s like a whole spiel I’m supposed to give that I totally forgot.” he said out loud, talking more to himself than me.

He walked towards me and looked around, exhaling and visibly relaxing when his gaze turned to me. “Good, it’s not a tour group or something. Oh hey, you’re the human girl, right? What are you doing here?”

“Uhm, Twilight sent me to pick up some overdue books on astronomy. Are you…” I glanced over his body. His casual clothing didn’t look like something someone who worked here would wear. “Living here?”

The stallion noticeably tensed up. “Why? Are you an inspector or something?”

“No, just a little concerned.” I said hesitantly. The worried tone in his voice unsettled me a bit. Twilight said this guy worked here, did he want to keep it a secret that it's also his home? “That sounds like it would break some rules, and it’s probably not the best place to live either.”

“I mean, it does, yeah. But, I’m not sure if you noticed,” he gestured to the rest of the room, spinning around until he faced me again. “This place is pretty much abandoned. Ever since Princess Luna came back, ponies in Ponyville just lost interest in the stars, I guess, not that it was popular around here in the first place. So, rather than having to pay rent, I just…moved in here. It’s got everything I need.”

“What about bathing? Cleaning your clothes and stuff? Wait, if no one comes here, how do you make any money?”

He tilted his head and raised his eyebrow. “You ask a lot of questions…?”

I didn’t get why he trailed off like that and then gestured towards me, then realization hit, and I realized I hadn’t given him my name yet. After clearing my throat and keeping my left hand on my necklace to keep the anxiety from overwhelming me, I extended my other hand.

“Chara Dreemurr.”

“Dark Moon.” he shook my hand, his grip a lot firmer than I expected it to be. “Ponyville’s resident astronomer, as little as that’s worth.” Dark muttered begrudgingly.

“And, well, technically, I’m on unemployment.” he retracted his hand and shrugged. I brought mine to my side, finding myself growing more nervous the longer I’m here. “But, since I don’t have to pay bills or anything, I get by. I use the laundromat for my laundry. After moving some stuff around, a buddy of mine installed a shower in the bathroom here. I got everything I need and pretty much all the free time I could ask for.”

“That sounds kind of boring, and lonely.”

I crossed my arms, making sure to keep the necklace in one of my hands.

“It is sometimes. Which is why I read a lot. Speaking of which, gimme a sec.” he ran over to the cabinet, opening it and confirming my suspicion that he’s been using it as a wardrobe. Clearly looking for something, he moved around his clothes until abruptly stopping, receding from it and now holding three books.

“Got done with these a while ago. They’re pretty good, but the ones in Canterlot are a lot better. Kind of expected Spike to come pick these up actually, how’s he doing?”

“Thanks.” I said as I took the books, finding myself thankful they’re light. “He’s doing fine. Though he’s started spending more time with Rarity than at the library recently.”

“Pfft, please. Like he has a chance with Rarity. I love the little guy, but he’s a hopeless romantic sometimes.” his eyes drifted to the books. “What got you interested in astronomy, anyway?”

This time I expected the question, more or less.

“I’ve been learning a lot about Equestria, but I find constellations really interesting. I enjoy learning about their shapes and history.”

“One of those books will tell you a bit about all of them, and some comets. Sadly, the illustrations kind of suck and don’t even have any color. They’re way better to see in person.”

“Yeah, I thought that might be the case.” I glimpsed through the books. Only one of them focused on the history of constellations and comets judging from the titles, and that's the biggest one. The other two were much smaller and just talk about stars generally. “The drawings in the books I’ve read so far are all lacking, except the ones for children funnily enough. I wish there was a way to see them better.”

“There is.” he said as he pointed to the giant telescope behind him. “This baby still works, it's pretty much just a giant rod with magnifying glasses on both ends. You can come back later tonight, and I can show you pretty much anything you want to see.”

His offer excited me at first, then I realized that it meant I would be alone with him for some time, and that I’d have to come back out. If I go back and pet Angel for a while, I think I could handle it for an hour or two. But I was usually terrible at being alone with others if we’re not doing something. My small talk skills were absolutely awful. Which is partly why conversations with Fluttershy were always awkward.

Dark noticed how quiet I’d gotten and furrowed his eyebrows. “What’s wrong? Are you scared I’m going to do something to you? Don’t worry, I’d never hurt a cute girl.”

Everything froze.

For one of the first times since I’ve come to this world, every thought going through my head stopped, and there was briefly nothing. My breath hitched in my throat, and I’m certain my heart didn’t beat for a few seconds. The books pressed against my chest as I gripped them tighter. My entire body, primarily my face, got numbingly warm.

I’d never been called cute before, not by Toriel or anyone. Never. Nor did I ever go out of my way to make myself look good. I borderline hate seeing my reflection. Even Rarity’s compliment about my eyes was something I still didn’t get. Yet this guy found me...cute?

“I...” the bones in my legs turned to jelly as they shook, threatening to give out. What should I say? Do I compliment him back? Is he flirting with me, or am I looking too into it? The books make it a lot easier to tell than it is. I don’t want to assume and say the wrong thing and come off as a total weirdo, so what do I say?

I buried my face in the books, opening my mouth, but nothing came out.

“Oh man, was it something I said? You got really quiet all of a sudden.” he asked in concern, reaching forward and resting his hand on my shoulder.

The embarrassment and confusion that filled me was quickly stifled, being replaced with an almost nauseating sense of fear and panic at the contact. I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent myself from making any noise, reflexively backing away from him.

I clenched my necklace, my palms sweaty and knees still a bit weak. While I would never say I’m thankful for it, my near inability to tolerate touch made it a bit easier to calm down. At least nigh crippling terror I know how to deal with, to an extent.

“Oh crap! Sorry, I di-”

“Ok.”

Dark paused as he retracted his arm, understandably perplexed by my behavior. “...What?”

“I’ll come by later tonight. I’d really like to see them. Just…” my meek voice trailed off as I backed up, reaching around for the knob and opening the door once my back hit it. “I need to go home first.”

I didn’t give him time to respond as I left, just barely hearing him about to say something before the door closed. After going over to the nearest tree, I fell to my knees while lying against it, finding it hard to relax my grip on the pendant. My exhaling was a lot heavier than I’d like, struggling to get my breathing under control.

Once I did, and my lower body didn’t feel like it could turn into slime at any given moment, I started making my way to Fluttershy’s. I started reading the top book to try to get my mind off what happened until I got home. Which, since it wasn't very far, worked well enough.

The gorgeous cottage and various animals scampering about was an extremely comforting sight, the kind that would make anyone forget about their worries. As I let myself in, I couldn’t help but smile at seeing Angel napping on the couch. I put the books beside the couch next to my backpack, sitting down and holding him in my arms.

“Hey buddy, I missed you today.”

He opened his eyes and snuggled up to my chest, chittering something.

“I still don’t know what you’re saying, so I’m just going to assume it was ‘you too.’”

“Oh, welcome home, Chara!”

Fluttershy entered the room holding a cup of something, then sitting down beside me. “How was your day?”

“It was fine, mostly.” I could never get used to the fluffiness of Angel's fur. A pillow made of something even half as soft would make falling asleep a lot easier. “Met someone new today. He’s a friend, I think.”

“I’m glad you’re meeting new ponies. It's good for you to get out, even if Angel gets lonely without you.”

In response, Angel angrily chirped and pointed at her, making several expressions and gestures. Fluttershy’s eyes widened and she turned away, pressing her lips together and then taking a sip from her cup.

“I don’t do that...much.”

As entertaining as the exchange was, I had to interrupt and tell her now or I’d forget. “Actually, I’ll be going back out later. Dark said he wanted me to come back later tonight. So, even if Angel gets lonely,“ I played with the edges of his ear, running the tip of my finger against it, which he enjoyed a lot. “I’ll be back soon. No longer than an hour or so.”

“Did he ask you to come back by yourself?” she asked as she turned to me.

“Not the by myself part, but I get the feeling it’d be awkward if others were there. More than it already is, anyway.”

Fluttershy said nothing for a few seconds. “Chara,” she paused as she placed the cup on the table beside her. “ I could be wrong, but it sounds like he asked you on a date.”

“It’s not…”

There was a strange sensation in the back of my mind when she said that, like the feeling I get when I understand something I was struggling with before. To Angel’s dismay, I stopped playing with his ear. My smirk dropped as my lips parted.

“Oh crap, it might be a date.”

Chapter Nine: First Date.

I’m such an idiot.

How could I not see that this might be a date? I’ve literally been spending the last two days reading nothing but romance books; I should be able to recognize a date when I see one. He even called me cute! I’d been trying not to think about it as it's hard for me to process, but looking at it now, it couldn’t be more obvious.

He’s a guy that lives by himself, has a lot of free time, and is either a loner or just really socially awkward. Which checked off pretty much all the same things the guys in the romance books did. It's like I walked into a scenario made to test everything I learned from what I’ve been reading, and I didn’t realize that’s what it was until I left.

“Chara? Are you okay? I think you’re hurting Angel.”

I snapped out of my trance as I released my grip on Angel’s ears, not realizing my fingers had tightened and were squeezing them. It didn’t look like it actually hurt him. Just left him...somewhat disgruntled.

“Sorry buddy. I wasn’t paying attention for a second there.”

The spoiled Prince Angel responded with an angry scowl, bringing my hand to his stomach and demanding me to rub it. I obliged his highness, which helped me calm down somewhat.

“What do I do? I’ve never been on a date before. I didn’t even think about it being a date until you said something. Should I get ready and take a bath? Or put on some makeup or something? But I don’t even have any makeup or know how to put it on. Or e-”

“Chara, calm down.”

I didn’t realize how tense my body had slowly become until she gently wrapped her wings around me, so soft compared to how rigid my body was. Over the weeks, I’d gotten more accustomed to her touch, though I didn't know if I’d use the word ‘comfortable’ to describe it. The uncontrollable flinch and slight terror was still there, just much less than it would be for anyone else.

“Sorry.” I muttered as I closed my eyes. Staying quiet until my breathing got to a level where it didn’t sound like I was hyperventilating.

“You don’t have to apologize. Let’s just talk through it together, ok? Are you interested in him that way?”

“I…” that should have had a simple answer, but I still didn't understand what it means to be interested in someone romantically. It took me longer to articulate my thoughts than it really should have. “Don’t really know. He’s nice, I guess? Nothing really stands out about him, other than he’s sort of self-sufficient, lives by himself and is doing fine. I don’t really have any feelings for him one way or another, we only talked for a few minutes.”

“And did he seem interested in you at all?”

“He…” I froze up, my face getting numbingly warm again. I’m sure my cheeks were getting redder than usual. “called me cute.”

I lowered my head and did my best to hide behind my short hair, likely the only time I’ll miss it being long. After a moment of silence, Fluttershy let out a brief chuckle.

“Well, you can be sometimes.”

“I am not cute!” I retorted, picking Angel up and holding him beside me. “Angel is cute. With his adorable eyes and his small and fluffy body, I can barely resist the urge to smother him to death every time I see him.”

Angel, after having his ego stroked as much as his body, put his hands on his hips and raised his chin as he harrumphed.

“What’s cute about me? The bags under my eyes? My weird looking ears? I don’t get it.”

“Chara, your ears aren’t weird. There’s nothing wrong with your appearance, I promise.” Fluttershy reached forward and brushed her hand against my face. “I’ve been called cute a couple of times, too. I don’t really get it either, but apparently being shy is cute to a lot of ponies. You’re trying your best at socializing, and I’m proud of you. However, there are some things that you just might not understand at first, and that’s fine.”

Her soothing tone as she firmly looked me in the eyes made it hard to argue. She receded and picked her cup up off the table as I lowered Angel, an expression on his face that I could only describe as smug.

“I still don’t get it. There are dozens of mares in Ponyville, why take an interest in me?”

“Well, I don’t know him personally. Maybe he’s a flirt? What were you talking about before he asked you?”

“Stars, mostly. I went there to pick up some books he had checked out, and we sort of have a shared interest in the constellations. I said I wish there was a way to see them better, and he invited me back to the observatory at night and let me use the telescope to see them better.”

“Wait, the observatory?” she tilted her head. “Does he work there?”

I hesitated to answer, contemplating whether I should mention that he’s living there too. He clearly didn’t want others knowing about it, it’s also not my secret to tell.

“Yeah, he really likes his job from what I could tell.”

“It might not be a date at all, then. I thought you meant he wanted you to go back to his home, but the observatory makes sense.”

I bit my lip, resisting the urge to tell her that he did. “But what if it is? I don’t want to ruin my first date because I didn’t know it was a date!”

“Then why not just not go? I’m sure he’ll understand if you explain it to him later.”

“Maybe, but that would be rude.”

Angel hopped off my lap, going towards the kitchen and quickly coming back with a carrot nearly twice his size. Once again placing himself on my lap, this time on his back with one hand behind his head as he slowly nibbled at it. Looking up as he listened to our conversation.

“I didn't think you would be interested in dating at all, what changed?”

“That was before I started reading romance books. Now I want to understand what it means to like someone like that, and the only way to get it is to be in one.”

“Chara,” my entire body hardened at her motherly tone. The firmness of it is a sharp contrast to how soft it was normally. “You shouldn’t get into a relationship with someone just because you’re curious about what it’s like. That’s using them and is selfish.”

Her words hit a lot harder than she probably expected them to. I struggled to keep it together as my hands shook, something Angel evidently noticed as he stared up at me in concern.

“Believe me, I know.” I whispered as Angel gave me the carrot, holding his head back and gesturing to his mouth as he dragged one of my hands to his stomach. I giggled as I fed him like his servant. “I don’t know if I want to get into a relationship with him, but I don’t want to lead him on either. What should I do?”

“Sometimes, that’s what a first date is for. Getting to know each other and figuring out if you want to be together. I’ve always been terrible with most ponies, so I’ve never been on a date myself. But, on our spa days, Rarity tells me about her dating life and has given me a lot of advice if I ever do.”

Fluttershy stood up and retracted her wings, leaving a chilly feeling where they used to be. I actually shuddered a little. Pegasi wings, while not as soft as Angel’s fur, were so warm and comforting that they overshadow the inner turmoil and tightness of my chest.

“On a first date, you should be yourself. Every relationship should be built on trust, and honesty is the best start. Making yourself look your best is second to knowing they care about you as an individual, and aren’t interested in you just because of your beauty as a lady.”

If I’m being honest, I doubted Rarity said it like that. I didn't think she was lying, just that Rarity seems the type to rant a lot once she gets started talking. However, she probably said something along those lines. Fluttershy likely just filtered out all the unimportant stuff.

“But I don’t really know who I am.”

“What better time to learn then now?”

For once, I didn’t have a retort. Angel had already finished the carrot, right down to the leaves. Despite it being bigger than him, his stomach didn’t look any bigger at all. Rabbits must have fast metabolism.

“So I don’t have to worry about looking good?”

Fluttershy smirked at me as she leaned down and picked up Angel, whispering something to him and then placed him on her shoulder. “You can take a bath if it will make you feel better.”

Taking a bath sounded like a great idea. I glanced at the books I’d brought in and the bathtub, then at the clock to see how much time I had. He didn’t specify a time other than just later tonight, so until it turns nighttime, I think I have time.

“I think that’s what I’ll do.”

After picking up my backpack with my only other pair of clothes, I began walking up to the bathroom. I heard Angel chitter something as he crossed his arms, Fluttershy smiled in response to whatever he said and pet him.

“And Fluttershy? Thank you.”

She turned to me and grinned, a wholehearted smile that sent a warm feeling throughout my entire body.

“You don’t have to thank me, Chara. Helping you with your problem are what friends are for.”

I didn’t take very long with that bath, much shorter than I had any time before. Even after soaking myself in the pleasant water, relaxing felt just one step away. Somehow, I actually felt more anxious the longer I was in there. I always hated waiting.

Reading one book didn’t help much either. I hardly retained anything, questioning whether I actually read a sentence after just reading it. The thing I remembered the most was that Dark was completely right; the illustrations sucked.

Once it turned dark enough outside to see the stars, I found myself unable to wait any longer. The anxiety was killing me, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t try making myself look good or anything, mostly because I had nothing I could use to do so, even ignoring the fact that my make-up skills and sense of fashion were non-existent.

Now, as I sit right outside the observatory at night, I rub my pendant and try to stifle my trembling to a minimum. I almost wanted to practice some things I would say or questions I would ask to try to keep the conversation going, but I already know I would forget all of them and completely clam up when we actually start talking.

I took a deep breath, trying to recall the comfort of Fluttershy’s touch or Angel’s fur, and exhaled. I opened the door and walked in before I had the time to regret it or question if I even should enter.

Dark Moon was cleaning the giant telescope in the middle, and doing a surprisingly good job with how clean it was compared to before. It almost looked brand new. What surprised me even more was how delicate he’s being with some parts of it, which made sense if it's really just gigantic pieces of glass like he mentioned before. He didn’t give me the impression that he can be gentle like that.

I really need to stop making assumptions about people.

“Oh, hey! You’re here.” he said as I got closer to him, hopping down with a rag and a bottle of something. “Honestly, I wasn’t entirely sure if you were going to show up. Especially not so soon. It’s been night for, like, twenty minutes.”

“I didn’t really have anything better to do.”

I pressed my arms to my side, the question of what this was constantly in the back of my mind and just wouldn’t leave me alone.

“I’m not complaining, not exactly a social butterfly myself. I just me-”

“Is this a date?”

My hands went over my mouth as soon as I said it, but it was already done. I would have preferred to build up to it, if it weren’t for how much it was nagging me.

Dark tensed up, eyes darting away as he stood absurdly still. Then he turned around and sat the bottle and rag down on a box beside the telescope.

“Do you want it to be?”

That wasn’t the response I expected. A yes or no I was prepared for, but not another question. I twiddled my thumbs as I tried to come up with some kind of response, lowering my head as I could feel my cheeks start to get warm.

“I….I’m not sure. We don’t really know each other, and pretty much everything I do know about romance comes from books. But,” my heart beat got faster as my voice got so quiet it was barely audible. “You called me cute. I’ve never been complimented by a guy like that before.”

He turned to face me, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head and purposely trying to look at anywhere but me. “When I said that, I was kind of talking out of my flank. It’s been a long time since I talked to someone for longer than a few minutes, and my social skills suck. I just...saw you were upset and figured a compliment would make you feel better. I didn’t mean anything by it. Sorry.”

“So,” something about what he said left a sinking feeling in my stomach, almost like disappointment. “You don’t think I’m cute?”

“No, no! That’s not what I meant.” he said as he raised his arms defensively. “I just don’t want to say anything to weird you out if you aren’t interested in dating. The last thing I want to come off as is ‘the creepy dude who lives in the observatory’. And…” he sighed as he covered his face with his hands. “I’m talking out of my flank again.”

I couldn’t help but smirk at how he fumbled over his words. It’s not exactly ‘funny,’ more relieving in a strange way. “Fluttershy told me that, sometimes, first dates are about getting to know about each other. If you want to give it a chance, as awful as we both are at socializing, I guess I am too.”

Despite my utmost efforts at putting even an ounce of confidence in my words, it ended up coming out as somewhat brittle and it infuriated me.

“And you’re nice too? Celestia, I really gotta not mess this one up.”

My eyebrows furrowed at his words, curiosity sparking at his choice in them. I opened my mouth, but closed it just as quickly. Asking about previous relationships is not a good way to start one if any of the books I’ve been reading were anything to go by.

“So, constellations! Let me show you some that aren’t crappy drawings in a book.”

Dark hastily jumped back up to the telescope, leaning down and peering into the eyepiece. While he adjusted the dial, I got closer and noticed some kind of switchboard nearby.

“I left it pointed toward a couple of them, but I can rotate the dome whenever you want to see more.”

That answers what the switchboard was for.

“Maybe. I don’t plan on being here longer than an hour. I promised Fluttershy I wouldn’t be out for too long.”

Telling a lie wasn't a good way to start a relationship either, but I didn’t want him to know about my anxiety issues yet. If at all. While a cuddling session with Angel and my talk with Fluttershy recharged my social battery, an hour really is all I could handle.

“I can work with that. Aha! Found one, though it doesn’t really have a story behind it. Come take a look, its name is ‘Pegasus’.”

“Wait, like the race of ponies? They named a constellation after themselves?"

I leaned down and pressed my eye into the eyepiece. The night sky was much prettier than I was prepared for. Seeing it like this puts it into perspective how beautiful it really was. Stars are brighter than they looked at night, some of them I’ve never even seen before. I might even be able to see some of the planets I’d read about.

Asriel would have loved it.

“I can’t see it. Are you sure it's there?”

“Yeah, you gotta use your imagination a little. Four of the stars are connected like a big rectangle, and the two on the right connect to some stars tha-”

“Are the hooves! Yeah, I get it now. Wow, that’s really cool.” my voice trailed off as the image all but formed in front of me. Like a pony in the sky made entirely out of stars. I could barely keep the excitement out of my voice. “It's gorgeous. Were the pegasi the ones who actually found this?”

“Ha, no. I’ve never met a single pegasus who would sit down long enough to even look through a telescope, but they hopped right on it when an astronomer said one constellation sort of looks like one. I haven’t heard one brag about it in a while. It happened forever ago, so hopefully they forgot about it.”

“Pegasi aren’t all jerks like that.” I said as I pulled away, the memory of Rainbow squeezing my hand a little too hard coming to mind. “At least, they don’t mean to be. Fluttershy is the sweetest pony I’ve met so far.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m not saying all of them are. The first ones I met were in Canterlot, and they were real jerks, so it kind of skewed my opinion of them. I got over it though.”

“Did you live there?” I asked as I turned to him, having heard the name before regarding the giant city in the mountain that overlooks Ponyville. “You mentioned that the books are better. Did you spend a lot of time in Canterlot?”

He flinched at the question, the smile he usually kept on his face faltering. “Yeah.” Dark fumbled over his words a bit as he spoke. He walked back a few steps and rested his elbow on the switchboard, turning some of the dials on it. “I grew up there, actually. Until I moved here a few years back.”

A loud scraping sound followed as the dome moved, the slit revealing a distinct part of the night sky. Once it stopped, he came back over and adjusted the telescope, lining it back up with the slit. He looked into the eyepiece and turned a dial on the side of it.

“I’m sorry, did I ask something too personal?” I said as I rubbed my pendant. Judging by the shift in his demeanor, something about Canterlot bothers him. Learning about a stranger almost felt like stepping on eggshells; I didn’t know what questions would upset him or were fine.

Is this what it felt like for Fluttershy when she was trying to get me to talk about myself?

“Nah, you didn’t. I haven’t thought about Canterlot in a while. Not exactly my happy place.” he cleared his voice as pulled away from the telescope. “Ponyville was just closest, but I ended up liking it here. Monster attacks and all. The ponies are nice and it's simple, most of the time.”

“Do you mind if I ask why?”

“Family issues.”

I sharply inhaled at his blunt response, and I’m not even sure why. It should have been obvious since he lives by himself. I’m not sure why it surprised me.

“Come check this out. It’s my favorite one.”

This time, there were two different clusters that stick out. “What are they?”

“Those are The Big Dipper and The Little Dipper. They’re cool because they make up two other constellations called Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. Which are bears made of the stars.”

“Huh.” as he said it, the invisible lines began to connect themselves between the stars and made two bears. Almost like a mother and its cub. It made me wonder about the kind of imagination the individuals who first found and named these constellations must have had. “What’s the story behind them? I didn’t get started on the constellation book.”

“There isn’t one. They were named after an actual species that lives in The Everfree, pretty much those constellations but real.”

“Wait, seriously?” I did a poor job of keeping the panic out of my voice as I moved back from the telescope and turned to him. “They don’t leave it often, do they?”

“Not usually. They like to stay deep in there. There’s been no attacks on ponies as far as I know. However, there was some show off that attracted one here because they wanted to flex their magical skills or something. I think her name was Trixie Lulamoon? Or something like that, I'd steer clear if you meet them. They bailed and Twilight handled it, though I slept in that day. I heard it was huge, bigger than some buildings, so maybe that was for the best.”

The stroke of fear that hit me left as soon as it came. I’d really like to avoid thinking about The Everfree as often as I could, but the mention of these other monsters nearly makes me think I got lucky. The Hydra may have been awful, a giant bear would have been worse.

Hearing that Twilight ‘handled’ a giant star bear is more than a little surprising. In fact, other than when she lifted me up, I didn't think I’ve seen her use any kind of magic other than basic levitation. She clearly knows a lot about it, was she really powerful or something?

“Can I ask where you got that?” Dark said as he pointed at my necklace, bringing my thought process to a halt. “It doesn’t take a genius to see it means a lot to you, especially by the way you rub it when you’re nervous.”

I glanced down at it, rubbing my thumb across the symbol on the front. The pendant opened, the words ‘Best Friends Forever’ engraved inside.

“Is it that obvious? I don’t even notice half the time.”

“A little.”

“It…” as it closed, I took a deep breath. “Belonged to someone important to me. They’re gone now.”

He dropped his gaze, putting his hands in his pockets. “Sorry to hear that. I won’t tell you I understand, since I’ve never lost anypony myself, but I’m sure it’s awful.”

There was an awkward silence as I held on to my pendent, coming up blank for anything to say. I raised my head and closed my eyes, drowning out any sound, which was very little other than his breathing. Being in a place so large and open, with no noise or light, reminds me of being in that void.

Some part of me misses being there. Feeling nothing physically or emotionally, no goals in mind and nothing to do besides wait for Frisk to come back. Simple.

I was alone. And I was ok with it.

“Do you ever get lonely, Dark?”

“Sometimes. Every now and again, I wake up in bed and look at the spot next to me, hoping that maybe somepony is there. Then reality hits, and I remember I’m just some loser with maybe two friends.”

“You’re not a loser. You just,” I tapped my fingers against my thigh as I tried to figure out what to say. “Suck at socializing. You’re self-sufficient and know a lot about astronomy. I don’t think you’re a loser.”

He tentatively smiled, once again rubbing the back of his head. I’m starting to think he does that when he doesn’t know how else to respond. Not like I had any right to judge.

“I think that’s the closest thing to a compliment I’ve gotten since I came to Ponyville. Thanks.”

“It’s nothing. Show me something else, Starboy.”

Dark scoffed as turned a dial on the switchboard. “‘Starboy’? I’ve been called a lot worse. Are we onto nicknames already?”

“If you’re okay with it?” I flinched as I lightly bit the inside of my cheek. Maybe I shouldn’t have called him that. It just crossed my mind and slipped out with barely any thought. “Some of the romance books I’ve been reading had the couple call each other nicknames, and sometimes it helped them get more comfortable with each other.”

“You read romance books too? I think the last one I read was Ponio and Juliet, if that even counts.” the brief sound of the dome shifting filled the room. Once he stopped, he adjusted the telescope until it faced the slit again. “I don’t mind. Give me a bit to come up with one for you, though. I’m not exactly creative, so it might take me a while.”

I don’t think I’ve ever had a nickname before, unless ‘my child’ counted. After Dark adjusted the dial on the telescope, he gestured for me to come over and look into it.

“This one I feel conflicted about. It’s not one constellation, but a bunch of them called The Zodiac Family. Most of them are animals, like Cancer is a crab and Scorpius is a scorpion. There’s an entire story behind them, but I’m sure you’d rather read about it than hear me paraphrase it.”

Admittedly, it took me longer to ‘see’ the constellations this time than the other ones. The shapes were more vague, and I lost my place more than once when looking for the others, but I got it eventually. Some of them were just vague shapes that I can kind of see them being what they’re named, but only if I look at them a certain way.

“Why do you feel conflicted about them?”

“Because of this thing called ‘astrology’, the pseudo-science that won’t die. Basically, if you’re born in a certain month, then you have certain traits and are compatible with certain people. Even had a buddy of mine get turned down because apparently Leo’s and Scorpio’s aren’t ‘compatible’. I just think it’s stupid.”

I brought my hand to my eye, tracing my finger around the edges of it. Maybe it’s just because I’m looking out for any parallels between my world and this one, but that sounded similar to how most monsters used to treat me because I was a human. Even some humans because of the color of my eyes.

“I agree. It sounds stupid. But, I think I kind of get why. People will always have superstitions and stuff like that. A lot of them are just afraid of not having an explanation for something, so they come up with things to believe. Maybe there’s some truth to it sometimes.”

“Superstitions, yeah. Not with pseudo-sciences.” Dark Moon said with a scoff and dismissive wave of his hand. “If there’s any truth to them, it's because they want there to be. It’s a psychological thing. Pretty much the only thing I remember from my minor in Psych.”

“Minor in Psych?” I asked as I tilted my head. “What do you mean?”

“Wait, you don’t know what college is?”

I’d seen the word once or twice in the history books I’d read, some of them named after important figures. However, none of them explained what it was, so I shook my head.

“It’s pretty much super school. Incredibly stressful, but you might need to go there depending on what you want to do. My…” His voice dropped, expression shifting to a ghost of a frown as he turned his head away from me. “Parents made me go.”

I’ve seen this a lot in the books, where a character will mention a topic that makes them upset. Usually because, on some level, they want to talk about it with someone. Something about his family made him upset, and it made me feel bad leading the conversation back to them twice. I gripped the side of my shirt as I wondered if I should try to shift the topic to something else, or ask about it.

It could be too soon and I’d seem nosy, but I could just as easily come off as uncaring if I didn't say anything. Not to mention that there’s a good chance he’ll ask about mine, and I didn't want to have to lie to him about having amnesia if I wanted this relationship to work. Even that being something I’m not sure of.

“I know it’s none of my business,” I inhaled deeply, trying to keep my voice somewhat stable. I think I could live with being nosy. “Do you mind If I ask what happened with your family?”

He stayed silent for much longer than I would have liked. I would have assumed he didn’t hear me if it weren’t for the fact it was deafeningly quiet other than our voices. I wanted to say something else, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to hear my words over my heartbeat.

“They had a lot of expectations for me, more than anypony should have to deal with. It was like I couldn’t breathe a certain way unless they told me it was the right way to do so, and I hated every minute of it.”

I let out a relieved sigh, glad he wasn't upset at me for asking. It's the part of me that’s uncertain that caused an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

“What kind of expectations?”

“Everything. Maybe it would have been easier if I had any siblings, but they never had any more kids. They’re both scholars and wanted to pass down their legacy. All the knowledge and secrets of generations, and they wanted me to find answers to all the questions even they couldn’t with all their wisdom. And I just…” he paused as he closed his eyes, visibly shuddering. “Couldn’t handle it. After I graduated, we had a big argument and I ran away, hopping onto a train to the nearest place. Which ended up being here.”

I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that the first pony I met that I might want to date ended up having a similar relationship with their family as mine, only if partly. I didn’t leave my original ‘family’ because of expectations, but I ran away from them. Ironically, it was expectations that caused The Dreemurr family to fall.

And no one but myself is to blame for it.

“I know what you’re thinking: That it was a stupid thing to do. That I made them worried sick, and that it was dumb and selfish an-”

“I ran away too.”

Dark’s mouth hung open as his widened eyes drifted to me.

“Not for the same reason, but I did. It was hard, but I felt more alone with them than I did by myself. I couldn’t stand one more day with them, so I left. Maybe it was childish and selfish and stupid, but I can’t say I regret it. If I never left, I wouldn’t have met Fluttershy or any of the others.”

I glanced down at the delta rune symbol and solemnly smiled, realizing just how true my words were as I said them. I’ve been focusing so much on the consequences that came from what I did, that I’ve been neglecting the good. For a while, I was happy. Now I was in a world full of ponies, being taken care of by one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. Surrounded by animals and people who care about me, leaving me very little to complain about.

As much as I hate how things played out, I had a second chance and I should make the most of it. Otherwise, I’ll never crawl out of the pit of misery I dug for myself.

“Wow, I feel like a total doofus now. I was just ranting about my problems like you wouldn’t understand, but you...actually do. Sorry.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. I’ve never told anyone. I haven’t even told Fluttershy because I’m afraid of how she’ll react.”

“Yeah, I get ya.” Dark Moon rapped his fingers against the switchboard, furrowing his eyebrows in thought before letting out a reluctant sigh. “Alright, I give up.”

“Give up on what?”

“Coming up with a good nickname for you. I got nothing. I’m not exactly a natural at it like Pinkie is. You’ll just have to deal with ‘Char’.”

My heart skipped a beat, a tingling sensation going up my spine that nearly made me gasp. Asriel called me that dozens of times, and I didn’t realize until now he was the last one who did. Shockingly enough, not even Pinkie had done so. Being called that brought a strong feeling of pleasant nostalgia. So potent that I couldn’t help but genuinely smile.

“Yeah, I’m more than happy with that.”

The rest of the date went better than I thought it would. I left a bit early, but he didn’t seem to mind. We looked at a few more constellations, with some awkward small talk about them. There wasn’t any more talk about families or anything else, and I’m fine with that.

Even as I walk back to Fluttershy’s, I couldn't say exactly how I felt about it. I’m glad I went, but I’m still unsure what I want with him. While content with the friendship we have now, do I want to pursue something else?

“Maybe I should just sleep on it?” I muttered to myself as I opened the door.

Usually, I’d just plop down on the couch and pass out, preferably with Angel. However, Fluttershy is sitting on the couch with someone else. I didn’t recognize Pinkie at first, the vibrant aura she always had, along with some of the color in her coat and mane, faded almost to the point of grey. Her mane itself wasn't as bouncy either, the ends of it straighter than normal.

She sat beside Fluttershy, who was holding her hand in what I’m pretty sure was an effort to comfort her. Pinkie said something I couldn’t understand, barely speaking louder than a whisper.

“Chara, you’re back from your date?” Fluttershy asked as she stopped whatever she was saying.

Pinkie’s ears perked up as she turned to me. “Date? You’re dating now?”

“I’m...no, that’s not important.” I said as I walked forward. “Why are you here? Is something wrong?”

Pinkie’s grip on Fluttershy’s hand tightened as her feeble smile dropped. She looked at Fluttershy, closing her eyes and nodding, as if giving her approval to tell me.

“There are Diamond Dogs at Pinkie’s Family’s home.”

Chapter Eleven: A Moment's Peace.

The inside of their home was...less dilapidated than the outside would suggest. Still bleak and with almost no color that wasn't dull, but still well put together. The floor was nearly spotless, aside from a large carpet in the center of the living room with a circular pattern, sitting in front of a fireplace that was currently inactive. Various knick knacks lined the shelves of cabinets against the walls, along with occasional stands that had rocks, crystals, or even large gems sitting on top of them.

No patterns of any kind on the walls, and the primary light source being older lamps. I noticed another room in the back that might be the kitchen, and stairs leading to the second floor. Everything about this place fit the term ‘old-fashioned’ perfectly, and couldn’t be more of a stark contrast to Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie lives now.

Even Pinkie’s father spoke in an older way, using terms such as ‘Thy’ and ‘Thou’, mentioning his father as he introduced himself to us. His amber eyes and skin fit well with his light gray mane extending into almost shaggy sideburns. Wearing a sleeveless suit with a hammer on it and a gray undershirt, his hat with a gray band along with his black pants and shoes makes him look like he’s always dressed for a funeral.

Her mother gave off the same impression. Cold as ice blue eyes, covered by a pair of reading glasses, connected to her head by two strings of golden beads. Her mane, a duller shade of blue than her eyes, tied up in a perfect bun that I’m admittedly a little jealous of. Wearing a white, buttoned blouse with a plaid black and white collar and a three rock symbol on her chest, matching the skirt she’s wearing. She didn’t say much other than her name, but talked the same way he did.

They sat on a couch that somehow looked older than them, explaining to Twilight what rock farming comprises of because she asked about it. While I understand the curiosity, he quickly delved into a bunch of terms I didn’t understand, not to mention it just completely lost my interest.

Rainbow and Applejack had gone outside, while Pinkie took Rarity and her ridiculously large bag of luggage upstairs, where she said we’d be sleeping. Fluttershy, and so also me, stayed down here to talk to them and learn what happened. I’m certain that Fluttershy wanted to learn what she could about Diamond Dogs, but since the conversation quickly shifted to rock farming, she’s probably as uninterested as I am. However, she’s not showing it. Choosing to instead gently smile and occasionally nod her head as he spoke, which is probably what she does at her spa trips with Rarity if I had to guess.

What I found most odd had to be the pictures on the wall along the stairs. Her parents were in each one, eerily unchanging like they didn’t even age. The first picture had four other ponies in it, one of them obviously Pinkie from the mane and coat color, though her mane was straighter than I’d ever seen. She’s absent from the rest of the pictures, but the other ponies, who I’m guessing were her siblings, were in each one.

The first one had an identical mane to Pinkie when she was younger, but with violet eyes, light gray coat, and darker gray mane that covers half of her face. The second has bright green eyes that bordered on yellow, a blueish gray coat and a more opal mane that’s actually close to mine in style. Longer, especially the bangs, and hanging more to her side, but similar.

The last one somehow looked even more expressionless than the others, her turquoise eyes strikingly bright and full of life despite how bleak she looked. A blue-grey coat and a grayish violet mane that’s bangs are combed downward, but otherwise completely straight. Pinkie mentioned somepony named Marble, so that has to be one of them. Judging from the fact that the parents and at least one of her siblings have a rock themed name, the other two probably do as well.

Pinkie doesn’t, but sticking out in some way was something I’ve come to expect from her.

“That is why the age-old tradition of having rocks as pets persists, and we provideth the tradition to those who still believe it at a generous price.”

I tuned in on the tail end of whatever Igneous was explaining to Twilight, my bouncing knee back, but more out of boredom than anything else. At some point, Cloudy had started knitting. She didn’t get up at all, so I can only assume she already had the needles and yarn either on her or nearby.

“Interesting. You must have plenty of buyers considering how well furnished your home is. I’m sure this plot of land wasn’t cheap either.” Twilight said as she glanced around the room, a floating pencil writing into the floating book hovering beside her head and shrouded in her magic.

“Whilst true that this family does not lack in terms of currency, we have inherited most of our possessions from previous generations as invaluable heirlooms, and kept in pristine condition with our utmost efforts. The Pie family is many things, but avaricious is not one of them.”

“Uhm, Mr. Rock?” Fluttershy spoke up, which she visibly strained to do as she fidgeted uncomfortably. “I-I hate to interrupt you, but can you tell us about the diamond dogs?”

Igneous’ expression remained emotionless as he turned his gaze to her, then briefly at me. I honestly expected that Pinkie’s family would react to me being a human, even to the point of being afraid of me. Luckily, they didn’t seem to care, or didn’t say anything if they did.

“Certainly. Providence has favored this family for generations, but creatures such as them have been a nuisance that will exist as long as we profit. We’ve tried the same methods to remove them as before, yet they persist.”

While I still paid attention, I found watching Cloudy knit strangely soothing. Maybe it’s a mixture of the satisfying sound of the needles and watching her turn a dull ball of yarn into a layer of clothing, with an expertise that showed how many years of experience she actually has with it.

However, I couldn’t ignore the nostalgia it brought up. One of Toriel’s hobbies included knitting, usually by the fireplace while I read something. I couldn’t have asked for better background noise. It had also worked as a constant reminder that she was there to watch over me if I needed anything.

I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I heard it again.

“I suppose it makes sense you’d have dealt with them before, considering your line of work. What’s different this time?” Twilight asked.

“The creatures have remained for much longer than ever before. They have waited on the edges and refuse to come within a certain distance of us, nor have they made any attempts to rob us like expected. Recently, they have begun moving closer to our home, and I fear what their intentions are.”

He bit his lip and grimaced while peering to the side; The first time he’s shown emotion that I’ve seen. Cloudy even stopped knitting for a moment, briefly frowning and closing her eyes before quickly returning to it.

“That almost sounds like they’re waiting for something. Hm.” Twilight paused as she thoughtfully tapped her pencil against her lips. “At least they haven’t hurt anypony. Is there any chance you have a map of the farm and could show me where they’ve been seen? It’s unlikely, but maybe there’s a pattern to what they’re doing. They had high enough cognitive functions to comprehend language and clothing, strategy might not be beyond them.”

Fluttershy’s head dropped, brows knitted in blatant confusion as she muttered something to herself. I could vaguely hear the sound of Rainbow Dash and AJ talking as they returned from whatever they were doing. While I couldn’t make out what they are actually saying, their voices were distinct enough to be unmistakable for anyone else.

“That can be done with ease. This family has traversed the land so often that drawing it out would barely be an afterthought. However, it will soon be time for supper, and you will have to wait until afterwards. Thou are welcome to join us, as soon as thy daughters return fro-”

“Hey! Touch Holder’s Boulder again, and I will thrash your flank!”

An ardent and distinctly feminine voice came from outside. Rainbow said something in response, but was more muffled like she’s using a quieter tone than before.

“They have returned. I shall go prepare. Dear, will thou be joining us?”

“Neigh.” Cloudy responded. I tried to hide my smirk at the unintentional horse pun, or maybe it was intentional? It’s hard for me to tell anymore. “I wish to finish this first.”

Her eyes darted up at me for just a moment, then back down to whatever she’s making. It might be halfway done, I can’t tell what it was. Looks like the corner of a blanket or something, but I won’t know until it’s finished or I ask. Interrupting her would be rude, though.

“Oh, that’s fine. I could eat, I guess.” Twilight said dejectedly as she placed the pencil and book back in her satchel.

Fluttershy was about to say something, but was interrupted by the door violently thrashing open as several figures came in. Rainbow and AJ the first two, and the others I recognized from the photos as Pinkie’s sister. One of them was the sister with yellow eyes, wearing clothes strikingly similar to her fathers. The only difference was that she’s not wearing a hat or tie like him, and the symbol on her vest was a lime and two salt rocks rather than a hammer.

The other one’s dark gray mane was as long and straight as Fluttershy’s. Like Fluttershy, she’s doing her best to hide herself behind it; Only one eye was visible. She took more after her mom in terms of clothing; wearing a long black dress that ended in a long skirt just under her ankles. A white blouse underneath.

“I said I was sorry, ok? How was I supposed to know that that rock was more important than all the other rocks?!” Rainbow exclaimed, her arms shooting upward as she got face to face with the yellow-eyed girl.

“Holder’s Boulder is not just another fucking rock! It is the most prized damn possession of this family and is our best good luck charm. So ex-fucking-scuse me for getting pissed that some bi-”

“Limestone.”

She stopped immediately at the sound of his voice, mouth slamming shut in the middle of what she was saying and turning towards him. Her head dropped and eyes fixed to the ground, arms at her side and as still as a statue. He didn’t even raise his voice, saying her name in the same tone he was speaking to us just a moment ago.

It’s a good thing he did, too. Applejack looked like she was about to say something, but was stopped by the other sister by some kind of mumbling noise. I involuntarily flinched in the middle of what she was saying. Something Fluttershy noticed, even if I wish she hadn’t.

“These ponies are guests in our home, having heard our plight through Pinkamena and coming here out of nothing but pure altruism to save all we hold dear. Ignorant of our traditions, yes; But not malevolent.”

“But sh-”

“Didn’t do anything with the intent to harm or destroy.” he interrupted her without a beat, shutting down her response before it even started. “She apologized, and does not intend to do it again. Is Holder’s Boulder damaged?”

“I…” Limestone awkwardly rubbed her shoulder and sighed. “No.”

“Then there is no problem. However, you aggressively insulted one of Pinkamena’s friends despite her admittance that she made a mistake that she bears no will to repeat. Apologize, then we can proceed to supper.”

I couldn’t bring myself to say a single thing; I’m sure that's how everypony else felt. Except for Cloudy, who didn’t even glance up. The tension in the room was close to tangible, yet Igneous’s tone didn’t increase at all. It’s stern parenting through respect, not fear.

“Yes, daddy.” She said reluctantly, her cheeks almost as red as mine as she turned back to Rainbow. “I’m…” Limestone closed her eyes and sharply inhaled. “Sorry I yelled at you.” she said while intensely glaring at her.

Rainbow stared at Limestone’s extended hand, perplexion etched on her face like bold letters on paper. “Dude, that’s literally the worst apology I’ve heard in my life.” her sardonic tone only intensified Limestone’s glare.

She stared at Limestone’s extended hand for a few seconds, letting out a sigh. “But, you are Pinkie’s sister, and I didn’t listen to you the first time and I was being kind of a dick. So, yeah.” she reluctantly shook Limestone’s hand. “We’re cool.”

The handshake lasted about two seconds before Rainbow smirked and then tightened her grip. Limestone smirked back and tightened hers. Almost immediately Rainbow yelped, wincing in pain and yanking her hand out of Limestone’s. She started shaking her hand trying to ease some of the pain.

“Fuck, that hurt. Guess I know how Chara felt now.” she glanced down at her hand, which didn’t appear to be bruised. “Damn, her grip might be stronger than yours, AJ.”

“Pfft, yah right.” Applejack retorted with a scoff. “Ah’ve only met one pony whose grip is stronger than mine, and that’s muh brother.”

“Please, cowpoke.” Limestone chortled sardonically. “You kick trees, I crush rocks. I don’t know what roy g biv over here does other than fly.”

“Roy g-hey!” Rainbow shouted as she pointed at Limestone. “No making fun of the mane! It’s awesome and you’re just jealous it's more colorful than this entire farm.”

“Yeah, ok meathead. I’ve seen rocks mo-”

“Limestone. As entertaining as this banter is, we need to start supper soon. Your mother will not be joining us, so I require your and Marble’s assistance. Please set up the table with our guests in mind while I prepare the food.”

Igneous, sometime during this, walked to the edge of the room where I assume the kitchen is. He left after saying that, the sound of his hoofsteps getting farther.

“Fine. Come on Marble.”

“Mm.”

The other sister, who I now know as Marble, followed Limestone into the next room. As she went out, Limestone pointed her fingers at her eyes and then at Rainbow in a ‘I’m watching you’ gesture. Rainbow maturely responded by sticking her tongue out.

“What a piece of work she is. I almost can’t believe she’s Pinkie’s sister.”

Rainbow waited a minute before saying that, crossing her arms and staring at the doorway to the next room.

“Ah kind of get it. Yah really shouldn’ta provoked her, to be fair; We are in their home.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Let’s go see how Rarity and Pinkie are doing. Roy g b…whatever.” Applejack muttered as she casually slapped her on the back.

I turned my head to Fluttershy, who looked a lot more relieved than she was a few moments ago. Twilight had been silently observing, and Cloudy was smiling for some reason.

“Thank Celestia, I thought Rainbow was going to do something…rude. I wish Pinkie’s sister hadn’t been so mean, Dashie doesn’t take well to bullies.”

“My daughter is not a bully.”

Cloudy’s sudden voice caused Fluttershy to jump, probably having forgotten she was there. She turned to Pinkie’s mom with her wings to her side, arms up defensively as she nervously tried to talk.

“I-I didn’t mean t-”

“Limestone and Marble spend much of their time on this farm, socializing with only each other and us. With Maud away on her studies, the responsibility of the farm will fall on her when we pass. Limestone means well, but is very protective of this farm and everything on it. I do not blame thou for mistaking it as cruelty, as long as the mistake is not made again.”

“Yes. Sorry, ma’m.” Fluttershy murmured, lowering her head as her wings retracted.

I pursed my lips as I crossed my arm. Something Limestone said is really bugging me. Like an itch in the back of my mind I can’t scratch.

“Hey Twilight.” I gave up. I couldn’t figure out what she said had to do with Rainbow’s mane. “What does ‘roy g biv’ mean?”

“What, you weren’t…oh yeah, you wouldn’t know.” Twilight trailed off. Awkwardly clearing her throat as she turned to me. “It’s a mnemonic; something that helps a pony remember something. Roy g biv is taught to ponies to help them remember the colors of the rainbow, red orange yellow green blue indigo and violet. Pegasi in particular have to have it ingrained in their memory so they can know if something’s wrong since they manipulate weather.”

“Wait, Pegasi manipulate the weather?”

I’d seen Rainbow napping on a cloud a couple of times, but I just assumed that’s a pony thing. Strangely, nothing like that has been mentioned in the books I’ve read so far. Twilight might have mentioned something about that when I asked her about magic, but a lot of what she said went over my head and I didn't remember it all. Maybe it’s something so widely known and basic that they don’t feel the need to put it in any of the books?

“Yes. It’s ac-”

“Supper is prepared.”

Igneous’ sudden voice startled me, my hand clutching the necklace almost as quickly as my heart skipped a beat.

“Oh. I can tell you about it some other time, Chara. I might have a book on it here, actually.”

Supper was…potentially the worst thing I’ve ever put in my stomach. They called it ‘Rock Soup’, and it’s exactly what the name suggests. Some kind of green, chunky liquid that I don’t think I even want to know what it is, with a large rock in the center. If I pinched my nose and didn’t think about it, I could scarf it down, but the rock? No way.

At first, I thought the rock was complimentary or something. Then I, along with the others that aren’t pie family members, watched in horror as they bit into them like they were bread, and with just as much ease. Limestone, after consuming her stone, gave Rainbow a grin that I can only describe as insidious. Daring her to take a bite.

Obviously, Rainbow couldn’t back down. She picked it up and tried, until she very nearly chipped a tooth and finally gave up. Limestone laughed.

There were a handful of conversations going on at once; Pinkie trying to catch up with her family, which shocked me because I wasn’t sure if Marble could even talk. Twilight, having become increasingly curious after seeing them eat rocks, began trying to learn what she could about their family history. Rarity and Rainbow were talking about something I couldn’t hear, and Fluttershy and Applejack were talking about AJ's dog Winona. Apparently dogs aren’t that common in Equestria and she wanted to get her a boy dog.

I felt growingly more anxious the longer I stayed there. I’ve always been terrible in group settings, barely able to hold a conversation with just one person. On the surface, it looked like it would be easy. So many different conversations to join in on, which is my problem. There were too many options and it’s overwhelming for me, plus I don’t want to interrupt someone’s conversation just because I wanted to join in. I hate being rude.

It didn’t take me long to realize I’d be better off sitting with Cloudy and trying to read some of the books that Dark gave me. Or maybe I just want to sit in a room with a fireplace while reading a book and listening to a mother knit again.

Fluttershy watched me leave with concern. I did my best to word where I was going, but I probably looked almost as stupid as I felt. Cloudy hadn’t made much progress with whatever she’s knitting, and I still can’t make out what it is. When Toriel knit clothes, it’d sometimes take her all night for a glove. Cloudy was faster and more efficient, making more of whatever she’s knitting since she started than Toriel did in half a dozen hours. I’d be surprised if she wasn't done by the morning.

After I got a few pages in, it got harder to read. The light from the windows got progressively duller, followed by a chill as the temperature dropped. It soon got too dark for me to read, forcing me to set it to the side.

I must have been right about winter coming soon. It hasn’t been long since we got here and it’s already getting dark and cold, probably even worse here where the sun was mostly blocked and the sky was full of clouds.

On top of all that, I’m not a fan of the cold either. Figures.

Luckily, the fireplace had everything ready. No ash, so it’s clean. Plenty of wood and a bin beside it full of newspaper that I assume was the tinder, and a pile of twigs for kindling with a poker placed against the wall.

“Do you…” my voice trailed off as I nervously swallowed. “Mind if I use the fireplace?”

Cloudy stopped her knitting, peering up at me and furrowing her brow. “Thou knows how to?”

“Yeah, Fluttershy has one and she showed me how to do it for when it snows.”

A half lie. There was a fireplace in her cottage, but I knew how even before that. Hopefully, I’m not so awful at lying that she’ll catch that.

“Thou may.” Cloudy muttered, dropping her head and returning to her needles.

It’d been so long since I’d actually used a fireplace. Thankfully, I’d done it so many times it was like getting into an old habit. Though it started off weaker than I’d like, I got it started.

I sat down beside it and opened the book again, but this time I barely even got past the first page. That irrational part of my brain kept whispering that I might drop the book in the fire or something, even though I was gripping the book so tightly there’s almost no way that would happen. The paranoia grew so distracting that I could barely remember what I just read, so I gave up and put the book back in the backpack through my inventory.

In the place of paranoia came boredom. I stared at what Cloudy was knitting, once again trying to figure out what it was, but couldn’t. I could ask if I wanted to take all the fun out of it.

“Thou has not been mentioned in Pinkamena’s letters. Can I assume thy have become friends with my daughter recently?”

I raised my head, awkwardly rubbing my hands at the abrupt question. “Yeah, I haven’t even been in Ponyville for a month.”

Silence again as I tried to come up with something to say. She didn’t seem uncomfortable with just me, but she could also be just as hard to read as her husband.

“You haven’t asked what I am. I’m clearly not a pony, yet you treat me like one without even a single question.”

“Does that bother you?”

“I…” It does, but I’m not sure why. Some of the ponies warmed up to me not being a pony pretty quickly, but most of Ponyville took longer not to stare at me, some still do. Part of me expected the same thing to happen here. “A little.”

“Hm.” Cloudy took off her reading glasses, setting them to the side and getting back to the knitting. “We have received a surplus of travelers here. Some look for work, some stricken with wanderlust. Most are ponies. Occasionally, something new. Once a griffin, telling tales about meeting species we have never heard of or thought possible. The Pie family has kept the ways of the old world, but this does not make us ignorant. We are aware that there are many things out there that are new to us, but known widely elsewhere. I am not curious about what thou is simply because I know there are things I do not know, just as I do not know what I do not know.”

Strangely, I could kind of relate to that. I didn’t think monsters were real until I met them, and then I kept meeting ones that got stranger and stranger. I rarely asked each one about what they were or how they worked because they were monsters that could use magic, and it became easier to accept that.

“That…” I stood up and got the poker, moving around some of the firewood. “Make sense.”

“What I find strange is, though thou have said that thee has not been friends with my daughter for even a month, thou has still come here to help her and a family thy does not know. Why risk limbs and life for somepony thou knows so little?”

The fire began to burn much brighter; the warmth irradiating from it making me even forget how cold I had gotten moments ago. As I lay the poker against the wall again, I tried to think of how to respond. I couldn’t tell her what I told Fluttershy, but I couldn’t come up with a lie that would make sense either.

“I-”

“Chara?”

Once again, Fluttershy came to my rescue. Along with the others. Rainbow, AJ, Rarity, and Pinkie went upstairs, Fluttershy standing in the doorway with Twilight, and Igneous and Pinkie’s sisters were probably cleaning up the table.

“Is supper over?” I asked as I stood up, slipping the backpack back on.

“Yes. Uhm, the Pies go to sleep whenever it gets dark out, but Igneous is going to stay up with Twilight to show her where The Diamond Dogs are. I was going to go ahead and go to sleep. You can stay down here if you like.”

At that moment, Igneous walked in with a book that’s probably a journal, and a large piece of paper with a carpenter’s pencil. Twilight’s eyes practically sparkled when he grabbed a small table and sat it in front of the couch, pulling out her own pencil and book with her magic.

Cloudy wasn't getting up, so that probably means she’ll be content to sit there and knit while Twilight and Igneous talk. If I stay, then I’d have to tune out whatever they’re talking about. I’m not sure if I could handle that again.

“I think I’m tired enough to fall asleep.”

There are two beds in the room we’re sleeping in, four since they’re both bunk beds. Not much else other than some gems spread out that irradiated a little light, a nightstand with a lamp on it in between the beds, and a rug identical to the one in the living room.

Rarity had already unloaded her luggage, or as much as she could. Some of her clothes were sticking out from the nightstand, whatever was left is in the bag that she forced under her bed. I didn't envy whoever was going to have to help her get it out.

“So, your sister left a rock farm… to learn more about rocks?”

Rainbow asked as she hovered in the center of the room, laying horizontally and propping her head on her hand.

“Maud is really into rocks. Like, realllyyyyy into rocks! Jokes too. When she was getting her bachelor’s, she also got a minor in comedy.”

“No way. She’s getting a Rocktorate, and she tells jokes about rocks? I’m starting to think you might not be the weirdest one in your family.”

“Thanks! I think.”

Applejack set her hat on one of the bed poles, while Rarity tried her best to fit a sheet she brought onto the corners of the bed. Three of them fit fine, but the fourth one doesn’t want to and the growing frustration was showing, despite her attempts otherwise.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but where are Chara and I supposed to sleep? There’s only four beds.” Fluttershy asked.

I was about to say that I can sleep on the couch out of habit, but then I remembered Twilight is on the couch and stopped myself. Where we’d be sleeping didn’t even cross my mind this morning. I did just rush in and said yes without putting much thought into it.

“Uh…oh! There should be a guest room reserved for travelers. Marble told me they come by enough that dad made it for them. The bed is queen-sized, so it should be big enough for the both of you.”

“Both of…we’d have to share the bed?” Fluttershy squeaked, wings twitching as she noticeably tensed up.

“Yeah, isn’t that normally how you sleep?”

“No.” I blurted out. “I usually sleep on the couch.”

“Wait.” Applejack said as she reached up to Rarity’s bed, Rarity’s magic vanished as soon as she did and casually lifted the entire mattress with Rarity still on it to fit it under. “Yuh’ve been staying with ‘Shy this whole time, and only slept on the couch? That sounds like it’d be awful on yer back.”

It was some mornings, but I’ve slept in much worse conditions. Not that I’m going to say that.

“Geez, Flutters. Are you guys having a fight or something?” Rainbow asked as she searched around in a small bag she brought, pulling out a Q-tip and cleaning out her ears.

“No, nothing like that.” Fluttershy shook her head as she held her hands to her chest. “I’m barely ok with her sleeping on the couch. She just doesn’t want me sleeping on the couch, either. If Chara doesn’t wa-”

“It’s fine.” I interrupted. “It’d be nice to sleep on a bed again. I’m ok with it.”

I tried, and miserably failed, to hide the agitation in my voice. I’ve only ever slept in the same bed with one person, mostly because it requires a level of trust I never thought I could have again.

That was before Fluttershy.

With her, I think I could be ok with sleeping in the same bed. My mind knows she won’t hurt me, though I’m not sure how much sleep I’ll actually get.

“I don’t know about you girls, but I see this as an opportunity!” Rarity exclaimed as she jumped down from the top bunk. “While it could have gone better, the sleepover with Applejack and Twilight was a fantastic bonding experience. I think we should have a sleepover!”

“Oh no! Ah am not wearing a mud mask again!”

“Wait, Rarity got you to put one of those on too?” Rainbow blurted out, eyes widening as she cleaned out her ear. “Did I say that out loud?”

“I love it!” Pinkie zoomed across the room, lifting Rarity’s entire body off the ground in a tight hug. “I haven’t had a sleepover in forever! We can tell ghost stories and do truth or dare, and spin the bottle! Well, maybe not that last one.”

“Ah’m pretty sure the only pony Rainbow wants to play spin the bottle with is Limestone.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rainbow asked as she tossed the Q-tip behind her, landing in a trashcan without even having to look. “You think I like Pinkie’s sister? She’s as dense as the rock she’s named after!”

“Actually, Dashie. Limestone isn’t th-”

“That didn’t stop yah with Gilda. That griffon was the biggest jerk ah’ve ever met, and you two got along like butter on bread until she got too big for her britches.”

Rainbow opened her mouth to retort, little more than a croak coming out as she couldn’t think of one. “Yeah, I got nothing for that.”

“P-pinkie, breathe!” Rarity wheezed out.

“Oh! Sorry.” Pinkie dropped her, bouncing over to me while still facing Rarity. “I’m going to take them to the guest room, then we can start as soon as I get back.”

I waited until we reached halfway down the stairs to tug on Pinkie’s shirt, gesturing for her to lean towards me.

“Pinkie, can you do me a favor and not tell Rarity that I was on a date last night? I know how she’s going to respond and I really don’t want to deal with that right now.”

“Sure!” she whispered.

Pinkie did a poor job of hiding her crossed fingers.

The guest room looked pretty much the same as the other one, with the bed much larger, like the bunk beds fused into one. I’m not sure if the gems also doubled as a heat source, but this room was noticeably colder, and the blankets did little to help.

The awkwardness between Fluttershy and I made it somewhat worse.

Asriel and I always wore ourselves out before bedtime, making falling asleep a breeze. With Fluttershy, even though we’re far enough to not be touching, I can’t pretend she’s not there and I’m not tired enough to fall asleep within seconds. The room’s so quiet I can hear her breathing, the way she shifts around every now and again tells me that she’s not having an easier time falling asleep, either. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s not comfortable sleeping in the same bed as someone else, or if it’s because she wants to say something, or if she even knows I’m still awake.

What’s worse is that the bed was actually really comfortable. The room was almost completely dark other than the gems, and the cold, while annoying, was ignorable. I’m certain she’d already be fast asleep if I wasn’t here and she didn’t have to worry about me.

“Do you know that you sleep talk?”

Her voice was barely above a whisper, but the room was so blaringly silent that I could make out each syllable. I don’t think I’ve ever sleep-talked before, or Toriel never mentioned it if I did. It could be a new thing, and that’s partly what worried me so much. I rarely remember my dreams, but when I do it’s always something I wish I’d forgotten. Whatever I’m mumbling can’t be much better.

“I do?”

“Mhm.” she shifted around again, this time flipping to face me. “I usually have to get up at least once a night to use the bathroom. I make sure to check on you while I’m up, just in case. Sometimes, you curl up like you’re cold, so I bring you a blanket. Every now and again, you’ll say something. Once or twice, it was you thanking me, other times…” Her voice trailed off as it got more quiet.

I always assumed that I had gotten up and grabbed those blankets and just didn’t remember doing it, never would have guessed that was Fluttershy, even though maybe I should have.

“What did I say?” my heart and mind began to race, a list of all the things I could have muttered making it impossible to concentrate on anything else than what she’s going to say next.

“I can’t always make out what is, and it doesn’t always make sense, like that you used to be a ghost. One time, you just…kept apologizing and saying something that sounded like a name. It…” her voice trailed off again, followed by a swallow loud enough for me to hear distinctly.

“Who’s Asriel?”

Of course.

Most of the dreams I remember include him. They also tend to be the more tolerable ones. There hasn’t been a day that passed where I haven’t thought of him once. I’ve been trying to avoid accidentally bringing him up, but I guess my unconscious thinks about him just as often.

“Chara?”

I curled up my body under the blankets, pressing my knees against my chest and trying to push my head as deeply into the pillow as I can while still being able to breathe. It’s tempting to just hold my breath until I pass out and not have to deal with this right now, but that’d just make Fluttershy even more worried.

I’m not ready to talk about this. I don’t think I’ll ever be. I can’t even talk about where I’m really from or the humans in my village. The underground is way too far. Lying isn’t an option, either. Not only because I can’t come up with one that would be convincing, but it would be beyond disrespectful to him.

“If you don’t w-”

“He was my brother.”

I froze, every racing thought halting and being immediately replaced with questions of why I’d say that. I could tell her that I’m not ready to talk about it, which would be true and she’d leave me alone. But then we’d be right back to awkward silence and a near inability to fall asleep, and I’d be plagued with another question I know I’d have to deal with at some point.

Maybe I…just don’t want to be afraid of bringing him up anymore.

“Not by blood. We weren’t even the same species. But he was my brother in every way that mattered.”

Fluttershy didn’t make a sound, even her breathing had become quieter and barely noticeable unless I focused on it. I tried to uncoil my body, relax my muscles at all, but it just seemed to make me more rigid. The pendant dug into my chest, the coldness of it sticking out from the growing warmth that encompassed me. It made it easier to ignore the sweat and dryness of my mouth.

“His family took me in without asking even one question. They didn’t see me as an intruder or a threat, just a child that needed a home. Before long, their home became mine, and I had a family. A mother and father who loved us unconditionally, and a brother who was as pure as the snow we sometimes played in.”

I heard a flickering noise as she uncurled one of her wings, the slight sound of the bed creaking as it reached over and wrapped itself over me and the blanket. Even though I expected it, my entire body shook at the contact. A noise coming out of my throat that was something between a wheeze and a groan. Fluttershy sharply inhaled and didn’t move anymore, but didn’t pull her wing away either.

“We spent a lot of time together when I wasn’t reading. He was such a crybaby too; he once cried for over an hour because he scraped his knee. He didn’t care that I was different, barely even asked me anything about myself. I didn’t think I deserved how much he cared about me, still don’t.” the filter that separated my thoughts and what I say is slowly being corroded by the cascade of self-contempt.

I wrapped my arms around my legs, burying my face so deeply into the pillow I can’t tell if my eyes were open or not. I could almost see his face, his soulful smile and adorable little fangs are always the first thing that comes to mind. My hand drifted to the inside of my shirt, gripping the pendant as a hollow chuckle slipped through my lips.

“W-we…got matching necklaces, so we’d never be apart. ‘Best Friends Forever’ is engraved on them both, to solidify the promise we made to each other to be friends forever. But, it’s not really a promise if it isn’t kept, is it?” My voice cracked, despite my best efforts.

“...Chara.”

“Asriel always trusted me no matter what, and I abused that. I convinced myself that I was doing it to help them, but deep down I knew…I just wanted revenge.” I’ve ruminated over this so many times, and I’ve come to that same conclusion every single time. The shame is just as unbearable now as it was when I first realized my selfishness.

I just got used to it.

“It was so easy for me to just say the right things. I hated it, but I hated them more. After a month, I convinced him to agree and it…I-” I choked on my words, unable to say what I wanted to. Saying it makes it real. More than anything, I don’t want it to be real.

But it was.

“Asriel d-died. I…I ki-”

Her arms slowly wrapped around me, her body pressing into mine. One of her hands came to rest on top of my head, which was so firmly against her chest that I could feel each one of her erratic heartbeats. Fluttershy’s breathing is still so soft, the warmth and comfort she offered making the chill in the room nearly non-existent.

“It’s not your fault.”

I wanted to scream. To break out of her embrace, sit in the corner, and cry. To tell her all the dozens of ways it was my fault, all the things I could have done instead. How I had happiness in the palms of my hands, and ruined it and the perfect family because of who I was, who I still am!

I couldn’t. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t bring myself to move. Fluttershy’s grip was nothing but gentle and reassuring, letting me know that the last thing she wants to do is hurt me.

“Yes it is. You don’t even k-”

“I don’t care.” my breath hitched as she held me tighter. Every inch of me screeched to break away, to thrash out of her hold, but I had no strength left. “It’s not your fault.”

“Fluttershy, he’s dead!” my voice cracked. I wrapped my hand around her forearm as tightly as I can muster, which was very little. I didn’t even realize how much I was shaking until I tried to stop and couldn’t. “I didn’t knock over a vase or poison someone by accident, I killed him. He was innocent and I got him k-killed.”

“And it's not your fault.”

Not once did the tone of her voice waver. Staying softly spoken and never hinting at any disapproval, gentle as her touch. I grit my teeth, sharply inhaling and exhaling through them, the tears getting progressively harder to hold back.

“I could have saved him, or just done nothing and been happy. Instead, I ruined the best thing that happened to me.”

“If you could do something different, then you would. You made a mistake, it’s not your fault.”

“What I did,” I can barely speak, biting the inside of my cheek to prevent another sob coming out. “Was unforgivable.”

“Well,” she leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “I forgive you.”

It’s like time itself stopped. I can’t hear the ticking from the clock right outside of the room, or the sound of my own breathing. With that act of kindness, a wave of relief washed over me that forced every muscle in my body to relax. The sheer kindness of her words, the tears streaming down my face, withered away the last shreds of my resolve. I tried to not make any noise, and just let Fluttershy hold me.

For the first time since I’ve come here, I let go.

Chapter Twelve: Incursion

I don’t even remember falling asleep; Fluttershy’s warm embrace in the otherwise cold room was the last thing that came to mind before everything went blank. The dull sunlight shining through the windows let me know that the sun is up and that it’s time for me to follow, though I found it somewhat unsettling since it’s not paired with the sound of birds chirping like I’d gotten used to.

Despite how gently I tried to get out of Fluttershy’s grip, she woke up soon after me. Rising out of the bed and stretching her arms and wings. My face was annoyingly sticky from last night, but my sleeves weren’t good enough to get rid of it. I’d have to find a bathroom soon, or it’d bother me all day.

“Good morning, Chara.” She said with a stretched out yawn.

I gripped the sides of the bed, trying to ignore the urge to say something about last night, which was coupled with the awkwardness of not knowing what to say. In a moment of weakness, I told her one of the worst things I’d ever done. I expected her to be horrified, to question why, maybe even some part of me expected her to ridicule me for it.

Instead, she forgave me.

Asriel, the sweetest soul I’d ever met, was the only one who I thought could forgive me. Not that I deserved it; I’m not even convinced I do now. My actions tore apart his family and all the underground. However, if I had told her all that, I’m certain her forgiveness wouldn’t have come so easily.

“Chara?”

“...Thank you.” I sharply inhaled as I grasped my pendant. “For forgiving me. I think I needed it.”

She wrapped her arms around me, holding me to her chest and caressing me. Even after last night, I couldn’t help but flinch at the contact. As much as I trust her, that irrational part of my brain struggled to be ok with it. There’s a good chance I never really will be.

“You’re welcome. I know there’s a lot you don’t want to tell me, but I promise I won’t judge you.”

“It’s easy to say that, a lot harder to convince me it's true.” I whispered as I closed my eyes, trying to get my body to relax, even just a little. “I want to tell you some things, but I-”

A loud banging noise interrupted me as someone knocked on the door. I jumped in response, right out of Fluttershy’s arms and onto my feet.

“You guys up? Twilight’s got a plan, and she wants everyone here for it. There’s breakfast, but it’s…uh.” Rainbow made a gagging noise loud enough to hear from the other side of the door. “That rock soup stuff again. I can’t blame you if you don’t wanna eat it, it gave me the sh-”

“We’ll be out in a minute, Dash.” Fluttershy interrupted as she got out of the bed.

“Aight.”

Rainbow’s hoofsteps signaled her leaving. I took deep breaths as I tried to steady my heart beat, shuddering at the idea of putting that disgusting liquid in my mouth again. My backpack sitting in the corner reminded me of a delicious alternative that I brought from Ponyville.

With my back facing to Fluttershy and hiding my arm the best I could, I pulled the caramel cupcake out of my backpack through my inventory. The sheer deliciousness of it eliminated any leftover morning grogginess. The cupcake itself was perfectly soft, and the sweetness of the caramel mixed with the frosting would have been overpowering if not for the salt sprinkled in. Besides Toriel’s pie, it might have been the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.

“Chara, where did you have that cupcake?”

I froze, having completely forgotten that Fluttershy was there for a second. “My backpack.” I mumbled.

“Wouldn’t you have gotten frosting all over the inside?”

“I’m…” As tempting as it would be to tell her that my backpack also functioned as a pocket dimension, I couldn’t say if telling her about my abilities would be a good idea or not. At least, not until I have a better understanding of them. “Really careful?”

Of course, she didn’t believe me. Not that I actually expected her to. Thankfully, she didn’t ask me about it again as I finished it. I used some tissues resting on the nightstand to clean myself, and put my backpack on before going down to the living room with Fluttershy.

That familiar, creeping dread made itself known as we descended the stairs. I couldn’t say for sure how long we’d been asleep, but Twilight’s certainly spent most of that time wringing Igneous of everything information wise she could, Diamond Dogs or otherwise. The image I’ve formed didn’t exactly fill me with confidence in dealing with them. However, with what I’ve heard about Twilight’s magical feats, along with how physically strong Rainbow and AJ were, I stand a better chance now than I did with the timberwolves.

Twilight sat in the same spot I saw her last night, drinking from a steaming thermos I presumed was filled with coffee. A map with various markings sat on the table in front of her. Igneous and Cloudy weren’t here, they probably didn’t go to bed until after Twilight was done with them and were sleeping in longer than they usually would. Applejack and Limestone were having an arm wrestling contest with Rainbow as the referee, I couldn’t quite tell who was winning. Pinkie, Rarity, and Marble were in the corner talking about something just out of earshot. Judging from how they glanced at me when I came in and their expressions changed, it was probably related to me somehow.

I had a feeling Pinkie told Rarity about my ‘date’, likely during their truth or dare. Hopefully, that’s just my paranoia again.

“Oh, Chara. Good morning.” Twilight said as her horn enveloped in magic, lifting something on the ground beside her and began floating it towards me. “Pinkie’s mom finished this and told me to give it to you when you wake up.”

My eyes saw it for what it was, but my mind refused to process it. It’s a scarf, long enough to wrap around my neck once or twice with some left over. It’s also a shade of red, almost crimson like my eyes, but slightly darker. My hands shook as I reached out and grabbed it, the soft texture of it doing little to calm me down.

It looked just like…

“That’s very nice of her. You should thank her when you see her next, Chara.”

Fluttershy’s words barely registered to me. I couldn’t relax my grip no matter how much I wanted to. The chances of her making a scarf that’s identical to one I was so familiar with were astronomical, but my life had been a string of coincidences recently. She made it for me, probably because it gets cold out there around winter time, and noticed I didn’t have fur like they did.

Even so…I don’t know if I can wear this.

“Chara?” Fluttershy asked with an ounce of concern.

“I…” the sharp pain from biting the inside of my cheeks did little to distract me from the growing weight in my chest. Pushing down the desire to throw up the cupcake I just ate didn’t help much either. “I’ll put it on later.”

Wearing that scarf would be beyond disrespectful, but not wearing it would also be disrespectful to Cloudy. She made this for me, because she’s proud and doesn’t enjoy accepting help without offering anything in return if I had to guess. I do have a strong dislike for the cold, but was that enough justification to wear a scarf almost identical to his?

I shook my head and slipped the scarf into my backpack, which only made Fluttershy more concerned. Not to mention Twilight was watching me, my reaction couldn’t have helped her suspicions of me. I’m almost expecting her to corner me at some point and ask me whatever she was going to say before she was cut off on the train.

Which won’t happen if I just stay with Fluttershy the whole time we’re here. Probably.

“Come on, AJ! You’ve got this!”

Rainbow shouted as Limestone began to win, trying to keep a smug smirk but was clearly struggling with her clenched jaw and visible veins. Applejack wasn’t trying to conceal her effort at all, gritting her teeth and not breaking eye contact for a second. I worried if the poor wooden table could take it.

My concern proved right as she pushed more into it and win against Limestone. The wood began to crack where their elbows were and the legs began to shake. Limestone let go and pulled her hand away, caring more about breaking furniture than winning.

“What in tarnation?! Just as ah was about ta win ya pull out? What, you that much of ah sore loser?”

“What? No way, I was just about to beat you!” Limestone said with heavy emphasis, rubbing her wrist. “I just don’t want to break this table. Cleaning it up is almost as much a pain in the ass as making one would be.”

Applejack scoffed in response. “That’s gotta be the poorest excuse ah’ve ever heard.”

“Hey, fuck you!” Limestone retorted as she stood up, slamming her hands against the table. Which turned out to be the last the table could handle as one leg snapped and the rest couldn’t support its weight, collapsing to the ground with a thud. In response, she let out a loud grunt and rubbed the sides of her head in frustration. “Shit, dad’s gonna make me fix that later.”

“Girls, can we get started? The longer we’re here, the higher the chance that something will go wrong at Ponyville. We haven’t had our monster attack this month.”

For a second, I thought that was a joke. Then I remembered it was Twilight and her jokes were always terrible.

Fluttershy, Pinkie and I sat across from Twilight. Rarity and Applejack sat down beside her while Rainbow hovered like usual. Limestone was mumbling something to herself as she picked up what was left of the table and took it to the next room.

Marble just…kind of existed in the corner.

“Hey, Chara.” Pinkie leaned down to me, a tone in her voice I couldn’t quite recognize. “Sorry ahead of time. Rarity…squeezed it out of me and knows you were on a date the other night.”

I bit the corner of my lip as I glanced at Rarity, who had a sparkle in her eyes that downright scared me.

“I’m guessing by ‘squeezed it out of you’, you mean she asked you something in truth or dare and you couldn’t lie, right?”

“Welllll, that and I’m horrible at lying.”

I sighed as I fidgeted on the couch, and caught Fluttershy smiling out of the corner of my eye. “I should have made you Pinkie Promise then.”

She playfully hit herself on the side of the head and smiled with her tongue sticking out of her mouth, almost making me forgive her. Almost.

“From what I understand, the diamond dogs won’t go into the quarry or the crystal mine, or they at least haven’t been spotted there if they have.” Twilight explained, pointing at two spots on the map. “Assuming they haven’t, that’s very peculiar, as they’re borderline obsessed with gems and pretty much anything shiny. If that’s what they’re here for, that should be their first target. Especially since there are no unicorns here for them to locate and find gems, which means they have to have some ulterior motive.”

“Darling, I don’t mean to interrupt, but that doesn’t sound right.” Rarity chimed in. “The Diamond Dogs I met didn’t care for anything other than gems. Even going so far as to neglect their hygiene, giving them their ghastly appearance!”

“We get it, Rarity! They’re gross!” Rainbow exclaimed.

“I agree, it doesn’t sound right, but it’s what they seem to be doing.” Twilight said as she leaned forward, drawing circles around dots on the map that seemed random to us. “They’ve been seen on all four sides of the farm, sometimes in groups and other times one at a time. They never get too close, but always make sure they’ve been seen. If they just wanted to hurt Pinkie’s family, they would have done so already. I thought knowing how they’ve been moving and where they’ve been would tell me what they want, but it just further reinforced the conclusion I came to before; They’re waiting for something.”

“Do yuh think they might be waiting for more diamond dogs?” Applejack inquired.

“No, what would be the point?” Twilight responded with a dismissive shake of her head. “Igneous said that they rarely saw the same diamond dog twice, and that they have distinct enough features that they can make out different ones. They have little around a dozen at least, which is more than enough to attempt whatever they want to do. Waiting for others would be a waste, not to mention the possibility that they’ve been here longer than we thought and only just recently made themselves known for whatever reason.”

The growing frustration became more evident in her voice as she spoke, I didn’t even notice the bags under her eyes until she took a much longer sip from her thermos. I began to wonder if the Biphasic Sleep Schedule she’d been trying to get into was more trouble than it's worth.

“Is it possible they just want help with something, but don’t know how to ask?” Fluttershy breathed.

“Doubt it. Diamond dogs don’t like ponies at all for some reason, we’re the last ones they’d ask for help if they needed it. That, or what they require help with has made them so desperate that they have no one else to ask for but us. Which might just be even more worrying.”

“Then…what can we do?” Pinkie whispered, the low tone and meekness of her voice similar to how it was when she came to Fluttershy. Just as unsettling now as it was then.

“Well,” Twilight drew big x’s on the map, one in each of the four directions. “There have been a few holes around the farm that weren’t there before, large enough for the diamond dogs to have made and for us to explore. Assuming they have a den like before, at least one of those tunnels would lead back to it. We have to at least try to establish contact with them, but if we all only go into one tunnel at a time, it could take days before we find them, especially if they don’t want us to find them. So,”

She pulled markers out of her satchel, drawing tally marks for the numbers one to four and different parts of the map for each direction. Each number was a different color.

“There’s nine of us in total, enough to split into three groups of three. There are four tunnels, and their den has to be in one of these four sections of the farm. If one group goes to one of them, then we’ll be able to search three of the four in one day. No matter what we find, we’ll learn either where they are, or where they aren’t. If we don’t find them in any of those, we’ll know for certain they’ll be in the last by process of elimination alone.”

“And…what happens if we do find them?” I asked, voicing the question I knew had to be on everyone’s mind.

“Pummel them, obviously. I’m not cool with how they tried to ride us last time.” Rainbow offered while cracking her knuckles and scowling.

“First, we have to at least try to talk to them. As the elements of harmony, peace should always be our first option. In the scenario that they don’t want peace, we’ll have to force them to leave somehow. Although I’m hoping to avoid that. Violence should be the last resort.” Twilight said as she glared at Rainbow.

“I can try whining again, I don’t see why it wouldn’t work this time.” Rarity added.

“Regardless, we should focus on finding them first, and how things go depends on how they respond.” her magic enveloped a coffee cup full of thin, wooden sticks with their tips highlighted in red. “If one of the groups finds the diamond dogs, they should come back here immediately, it’s too risky otherwise. Don’t go farther than you can trace back, Diamond Dogs are notorious for making complex tunnel systems. We should all meet back here before the sun goes down. Now,”

She hovered the cup in the center of the room, shaking it and stirring the sticks around. “I thought I would make this a little fun by having the groups be randomly selected. Pull a stick!”

Right as Rainbow was about to pull one, Twilight abruptly tugged the cup away as her eyes widened, causing Rainbow to let out an annoyed groan.

“Oh! Last thing, I promise.” with the cup of sticks hovering just beside her, she used one of the markers to draw dozens of smaller circles on each section of the map. Only taking a minute before it looked like someone sneezed ink on it. “Strangely, there are way more tunnels than there really should be. From what we know about Diamond Dogs, they scarcely make more than a couple because they’re mostly for travel. Apparently they’re not a fan of the surface. So, then why would they dig so many tunnels? Are they…searching for something, but haven’t found it and that’s why they’re still here? I don’t get it.”

Her voice trailed off as she tapped the marker against her lips, staring blankly at the map and quickly becoming lost in thought.

“Oh my Celestia, can you get to the point egghead?” Rainbow groaned as she rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, sorry. Anyway, this farm is a lot bigger than it looks. Each section of it is more than large enough for their den to be just beneath it, so we have to check each one to find it. Statistically, we have a three in four chance of getting it today. The sooner we get started, the better.”

Her magic on the marker vanished as she dropped it back into her bag, gently placing the cup full of sticks onto the map. “This time, I really am done. Go ahead.”

I nervously gulped as I watched the others pull one, some of them happy with what they got, others raising an eyebrow almost disapprovingly. Knowing Twilight, she probably put Fluttershy and I on one stick since she knew I wouldn’t exactly be able to handle being away from Fluttershy that well. It’s whoever the third’s going to be that I’m more worried about.

Even if Twilight wouldn’t confront me with Fluttershy around, there’s no way Fluttershy wouldn’t be able to notice the tension between us. Being in those tunnels, knowing that giant dog-like creatures could pounce out at us wouldn’t help, I don’t think I could handle it.

Rarity, while it would have been easier to tolerate her, I wouldn’t want to deal with either. I can’t be completely upset at Pinkie for telling, it’s not like I expected Rarity to never find out, knew that the moment I decided to go on that date with him. I don’t hate Rarity either, I just really don’t want to deal with all the questions I know she’s going to have when I’d barely had time to think about it myself.

All I can do is hope I luck out.

I didn’t.

I was right about Twilight putting Fluttershy and I on one stick, she’s a bit predictable for someone as smart as her. The problem was that I pulled Rarity’s stick. Some part of me suspected that Rarity had made a nefarious deal with Twilight to get me to pull her stick. Whether there was any truth to that or I was being paranoid again, I’ll likely never know.

After giving us a smaller version of the map, we split off into our separate groups after wishing each other safety. One team turned out to be Rainbow, Twilight, and Marble, which I pictured would be incredibly awkward. Pinkie, AJ, and Limestone were the leftovers and didn’t have to draw. Considering that Limestone was visibly still pissed about almost losing that arm wrestling contest and accidentally breaking that table, I felt a little bad for Pinkie having to mediate that.

It was unfortunately colder outside than what I was expecting, not that Rarity and Fluttershy were bothered by it thanks to their fur. Fluttershy noticed and extended her wing, offering to embrace me in it for warmth. As tempting as that was, I couldn’t help but feel that would be too awkward, especially with Rarity there.

At first, I did my best to ignore it. The icy wind blowing against my face and the chilling sensation in my hands didn’t help, and I hated that I couldn’t stop shaking and chattering my teeth. With heavy reluctance, I pulled out the scarf and wrapped it around me the best I could, leaving just a bit of it dangling off my shoulder. It didn’t help too much with my hands, but it certainly made my neck and lower face warmer. I actually at first thought it would be too large, but Cloudy somehow made it exactly my size like she knew my measurements at first glance.

Yet, there was that part of me that remained unsettled the moment its soft fabric touched my skin. I had to keep telling myself it wasn’t his scarf.

Just like Twilight told us, there were a good amount of holes to tunnels. Various sizing and all spread out, but impossible to tell the depth from just looking down at them. We picked one at random, and entered carefully. I was surprised that it curved rather than going straight down, though I really shouldn’t have been. It was kind of like the slide at the playground near the schoolhouse the CMC convinced me to go down when I told them I’d never been on one before, but a lot rougher until it straightened out.

The silence didn’t last that long as Rarity practically bounced up to me, a light in her eyes that was identical to when Twilight first learned I could talk.

“Sooo, what’s his name?” Rarity chimed, incapable of keeping her ecstatic excitement from filtering out.

I groaned, burying my face in my hands and rubbing my eyes. Even though I knew it was coming, that didn’t make me anymore prepared for it.

“Rarity, go easy on her.” Fluttershy said in a both serious and playful tone. “It was her first, and she was really nervous about it. I know you like to live through others' dating lives.”

“I do not!” Rarity retorted, speaking in a more hushed tone as we entered the tunnel. “I assure you I’ve gone on many dates, just…not many that stuck, unfortunately.” The genuinely dejected tone in her voice shocked me, maybe the first time I’ve heard the elegance and energy not present in it. I glanced at her and saw she was sincerely frowning. Not in a pouty way like I’ve seen before, but sincerely sad.

I hadn’t really thought about it until now, but is Rarity really that bothered by being single?

“I only want to guide others to a treasure I cannot currently possess, is that so wrong?”

With a bat of her eyes, her graceful exterior returned as she turned to me. We continued walking down the tunnel as we talked, which was lined with lanterns hanging from the wall and ceiling. They weren’t lit at all, and it was hard to tell if they had been lit recently. Luckily, Rarity’s horn could illuminate more than enough for us to see, though it wasn’t so dark that we couldn’t see in front of us without it, anyway.

“If Chara doesn’t want my advice, all she has to say is ‘no’, and that’d be the end of it.”

For a moment, I was tempted to just say no and dismiss the whole topic. After giving it a little thought, I realized that Rarity really might be my best option for romantic advice. The books clearly couldn’t tell me what I needed them to. Plus, even though Fluttershy rephrased it, the advice she gave me did come from Rarity.

At the very least, it’ll keep me distracted from how eerie the tunnel we’re in really was.

“His name is Dark Moon.” I said reluctantly, awkwardly rubbing my pendant as I tried to avoid eye contact with Rarity again. “He works at the observation tower; We met when I went to pick up some books for Twilight.”

“Dark Moon?” she paused, pursing her lips. “I don’t believe we’ve met. What is he like? Is he dashing?”

“I guess? I don’t really care that much about physical appearance.”

“That’s good, Chara; You shouldn’t. I’m proud of you.”

Hearing Fluttershy say she’s proud of me put a smile on my face, a euphoric tingling sensation spreading through me that was so potent I couldn’t help otherwise.

“While I agree, it can still be important for a partner. At the very least, their physical appearance can tell you how well they take care of themselves, and how well they’ll take care of you. A relationship is a two-way street after.”

“He takes care of himself well enough for someone who lives by themselves and graduated college recently.”

“Oh, so he’s a scholar! A stallion with intelligence, is he a scientist who studies the stars?”

“He’s….hm.” Scientist or scholar weren’t exactly words I’d used to describe him, even if they’re technically correct. Fluttershy seemed to agree from the way she giggled at Rarity’s questions. “Sure.”

I noticed that, unlike when I usually interact with others, I didn’t really feel that social anxiety I’d gotten increasingly used to. Sure, I couldn’t entirely relax because of where we were, but talking to Rarity wasn’t as nerve-wracking as it would normally be. Fluttershy being there helped, of course.

However, there’s been this cloud of relief hovering just in the back of my mind that’s been there ever since I confided in her last night. It eased my worries knowing despite what I said, she wouldn’t treat me any differently, and I just found it harder to stress out over everything like usual.

It won’t last. I’m sure I’ll be back to coming up with the worst-case scenario and hyper focusing on them before I know it.

“And was he the one who approached you and asked you on a date? Did you bond over the stars and the romantic stories behind the constellations?”

“A little, but you’re making it out to be more than it was. It was just casual conversation, and he asked me out.” I muttered, purposely leaving out the part where he called me cute. I could already picture in my mind the squeal she would let out if I did, and I’d rather not hear it echo off the walls of this tunnel.

“You say that, but a couple months from now I’m sure you’ll see it as magical as it really was.” Rarity chimed in a sing-song voice, clearly struggling to keep her voice quiet. “What about the date itself? I’m sure with your…” she paused as she laced her fingers together, pursing her lips and humming like she was searching for the appropriate words to use. “troubles, it can’t have been easy for you in the first place.”

“It wasn’t, but I wanted to give it a try. He was nice and offered to show me the constellations in person, making it hard to say no. Plus, I’m… kind of the one who turned it into a date in the first place.” Rarity practically radiated glee at that, Fluttershy did little more than wear a patient smile and listen.

“I haven’t really gotten to think about the date itself, with everything going on. It was,” I hesitated to mention some of the things we talked about. Considering I didn’t even disclose that with Fluttershy because of my uncertainty about how she’d react, I couldn’t mention that just yet. “Fun. I liked it more than I thought I would.”

“Pray tell, what got you interested in dating at all? I mean no offense by this, but you seemed barely able to go to Ponyville by yourself. I thought dating would have been beyond you for quite a while.”

“A couple of days ago, I would have agreed with you. That was before…” I trailed off as I debated bringing up the romance books I’d been reading. Rarity was a hopeless romantic, and so there was no doubt in my mind she’d read probably twice the amount of romance books as I had. After Twilight’s poor but well-meaning advice, Rarity’s the only one that came to mind that might understand. Fluttershy’s advice did come from her in the first place, even though Fluttershy herself didn’t have any dating experience.

“I started reading-”

I cut myself off as my foot hit something other than a rock. As I reached forward, Rarity’s light illuminated the wall in front of us, showing that the tunnel had ended. I peered upward and saw that the last unlit lantern was right before it ended, like they intended for it to stop there as they made it.

“It stopped? That’s odd, the tunnels we went through last time were much longer. Twilight said they might be looking for something, maybe they found it?” Fluttershy asked out loud as her wings twitched.

“I suppose it could be that all the other tunnels were used to search for whatever it was, and we happened to pick out the one where they actually found it?” Rarity followed up as she crossed her arms.

I pressed my hands against the dirt wall, feeling for anything out of place or missing. But there was nothing, not even any holes where gems might have been. Some part of me wanted to dig through and see if they put up a fake wall to keep us out, though that would have been pointless if they did since they didn’t bother to fill all the other tunnels and just left them for us to find.

“That would make us really lucky if so, or unlucky maybe.” I murmured as I backed away from it. “I guess all we can do is check a few more of the other tunnels.”

With a dread filled silence, we checked the others. The longer we did, the more tense we got. Rarity’s eagerness was quieted with uncertainty, much more reluctant to speak. Fluttershy hovered closer to me than before, no doubt feeling protective of the danger all of us feared we would run into at any moment.

None of us would say it, but we knew that any of these tunnels could end in us encountering the diamond dogs. I had a feeling that despite how they had tried to reassure each other before that they could handle them, that confidence wasn’t as prevalent when they were separated.

By the time we had decided to call it quits and head back to the farm, the sun had already reached its peak brightness for the day. It made it hard to tell if it was actually getting darker out, or there were so many clouds in the sky blanketing us from its light that it made it hard to tell how late it was.

Applejack’s group had already made it back before us, and seemed to have been waiting for a while. Limestone was pacing with her arms crossed in front of the house, biting her lips and quickly running out of patience. AJ sat on a chair, leaning over with her arms laying across her legs.

Pinkie looked the worst out of the three of them. The color from her had become so faded it was almost an entirely distinctly different color, and her mane had lost any sign of its curliness. Fallen to completely straight like the curtains on the windows, along with the fact that she was sitting on the opposite side of the porch from AJ in the fetal position, it made it impossible to tell what expression she had. If her ears hadn’t flickered at the sound of us approaching, I would have presumed she had fallen asleep.

Limestone stopped where she was as soon as we entered, her head snapping towards us. She approached, peeking over us like she was looking for something. “Did you see Marble out there?”

“I’m…afraid not.” Rarity responded, her voice wavering.

“...fuck.” she muttered under her breath, slowly walking towards a few scattered rocks. Several of us jumped when she kicked a large one and shattered it, whispering what I was pretty certain was a string of expletives. “I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to split us up. Sparkle Butt just had to convince me that we’re the only fucking ones that can navigate this shithole, so it’d be better if we were in different groups in case they get lost. Now she’s stuck in some Celestia damn hole full of fucking mutts!”

Limestone was visibly straining as she clenched her teeth, hands tightly resting on her hips as she narrowed her eyes. I questioned for a moment why she was restraining herself, then I remembered that Igneous and Cloudy are probably awake and sitting inside. She doesn't want them worried.

I tried my best to hide my physical flinch at her cursing, but Fluttershy noticed it again. She frowned and opened her mouth, but shook her head and turned to Limestone. “Maybe she just got lost?”

“Fucking doubt it. Marble has the best memory out of all of us, except for maybe Pinkie. She doesn’t get lost, she could navigate this entire farm with her eyes closed. Struggle a bit underground, maybe, but not lost.”

“Not ta mention Twilight’s with’em. They shoulda’ gotten here before us, after both of us gets me worried something fierce. Especially with Rainbow Dash. The second something went wrong and she didn’t think they could handle it themselves or even found the den, Twi would have told her to come back here and bring us to help. The fact that she didn’t…” Applejack spoke up, voice trailing off as she stood up and clenched her fist.

“For once, we agree buckeroo. We’re going to have to go find them. Sitting here bitching about what could have happened is stupid when we can go and find out.”

“I don’t mean to insult your navigation skills darling, but how are we supposed to do that? They could have gone in any number of tunnels.”

Limestone scoffed in response, dusting off whatever pebbles remained of the rock she just demolished. “Don’t worry about that. Marble,” she paused as she straightened her back, trying to place her mane as much as she could behind her ears and blow the bangs out of her face. “Doesn’t really feel comfortable around anyone that isn’t family, she can’t even bring herself to speak most of the time. A few hours with strangers who are here to help us she can take, any longer than that her separation anxiety kicks in and she…doesn’t do too well.”

I bit the inside of my cheek at the familiarity of what she was saying, her description just as easily fitting me as her. I’d even say that Marble sounds like what I’d turn into if I never got better, or if I just never left that village.

I’m not even sure how long I would have lived if I did stay, but certainly longer than if I hadn’t done what I did.

“In case something like this happened, I told her to put a crystal on the ground beside the last tunnel before she entered. So, she places it when she enters one, and picks it back up after leaving. We find the crystal, we find them and figure out why they haven’t come back yet.”

“Did me leaving…really affect Marble that much? She was fine when I was here and in her letters.” Pinkie croaked, her voice so brittle and meek I couldn’t even recognize it as hers.

“Yeah, it did.” Limestone retorted, but didn’t turn to face Pinkie even though she was speaking to her. “You were pretty much the only one who tried to encourage her out of her shell, when you left, she blamed herself. Marble receded even further and now it’s hard for her to talk to anyone, it got even worse after Maud went off to get her Rocktorate. If I wasn’t here, I don’t know what would happen to her.”

I just barely saw one of Pinkie’s eyes behind the curtain of her silk-like mane, still blue but nearly completely devoid of the light in it that was always present. It widened at Limestone’s words, and then squinted as a tear rolled down her cheek as she retreated further behind her mane.

“I’m sorry.”

The way her voice cracked as she apologized was painful to hear. Once again, I didn’t know how to help her. I wanted to tell her it wasn’t her fault, but I couldn’t honestly say it wasn’t because of how little I understood.

Not to mention I know what it's like to blame yourself for something, and no amount of ‘it’s not your fault’s' will really convince you. It’s never that easy.

“I’m…not sure whether to praise you for planning ahead, or be offended at the distrust you have in my friends. We’ve dealt with them before, and I assure you we know how to handle them now.” Rarity said, likely just to fill the awkward silence and shift the topic back.

“Look, princess!” Limestone stated as she pressed a finger against Rarity’s chest. “I don’t fucking trust you or any of your friends, and I don’t give a shit how you dealt with them then, only now. We’re going to go save my sister from whatever fucked mess they’re in, and we’re only going to be able to find them because I don’t trust you and your friends. So, we’re going to leave right now while they might still be ok. Got it?” Rarity gasped, pressing her hand against her chest after Limestone pulled her finger away and about to retort.

Then she glanced over at AJ, who shook her head back and forth as if telling her not to. The marshmallow diva took a deep breath, putting on a patient smile.

“Very well. Then we should go with haste.”

“Good.”

Limestone huffed and began walking toward where Twilight’s group went, slow enough for us to catch up with her. Pinkie begrudgingly got to her hooves, wiping her face and catching up to her sister, saying something to her just out of earshot.

“Try not to hold it against her Rarity. Her kin’s life could be at stake. The only reason ah’m not the same is because ah’ve got trust in Twilight and Rainbow to handle whatever happened. She’s right about us needing to hurry though. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can get back, and the sooner you can take a bath. Ah’m sure you want to get that dirt out of your mane almost as much as I wanna get back to Ponyville.” Applejack said firmly.

Rarity’s eyes widened as she grabbed a braid of her hair, closing her mouth and letting out a muffled shriek as she tried to remove as much of it as she could. She gave up a few seconds later, letting out a dejected sigh.

“I know. I just wish she wasn’t so rude about it. The occasional swear is fine, doing so with such frequency is just…uncouth.”

As we caught up with Limestone, I noticed Fluttershy watching me out of the corner of her eyes a couple of times. I’m sure it was because of how I reacted when Limestone swore a lot, and I can’t blame her. To most, it would seem like a very odd reaction to have, one that might even imply I dislike swearing as a whole.

Which was as true as it was false. I know why I do it, and I hate it just as much as I do everything else about myself. I’ll have to tell her about him at some point, just not now. Not anytime soon if I could help it.

It didn’t take us very long to get there, or to find the crystal poking out of the ground. It barely stuck out at all. If Limestone hadn’t been searching for it so feverishly, it would have been very easy to miss. The tunnel curved more too, taking a few seconds longer to straighten out. Whether or not that meant something was yet to be seen.

Most of us didn’t want to say anything, following Limestone who insisted on taking the lead without having to say anything. She brought a lantern from the house and lit it as soon as we entered the tunnel. I noticed it was similar to the ones already in the tunnels, where did the Diamond Dogs get them in the first place.

The only ones who were talking were Rarity and Pinkie at the back, whispering so quietly it wouldn’t be audible if we weren’t in a tunnel void of anything but tense silence and lightless lanterns decorating the ceiling.

I heard my name once or twice, along with Dark Moon’s. I’m guessing since Pinkie knows everyone in Ponyville, Rarity decided to learn what she could from her, both to sate her own curiosity and to try to cheer Pinkie up. Her color was gradually coming back and the tips of her mane were starting to curl, so it’s clearly working somewhat.

I just wish I could have done something myself.

“Hold up.”

Limestone’s sudden voice halted whatever gossiping they were doing. Fluttershy’s wings flicked again, reaching out towards me for a moment before receding back, looking uncomfortably rigid. It couldn’t be more obvious that she wanted to protect me under her wing, her body language all but screaming it.

It made me wonder if the embarrassment of letting her embrace me in her wing was worse than not doing so when she so obviously wants me to, and I admittedly would appreciate the feeling of safety it would give me. Even though I was aware it would be false and Fluttershy could do little to actually protect me if something went really wrong, a fact I’m sure she was aware of.

“There was a scuffle here.” she murmured as she crouched down. “And it didn’t end well for someone.”

I peeked over her shoulder to see what she was talking about, my heart freezing at the sight of blood. It wasn’t a lot, some on the ground and splattered on the wall, but it was more than enough to push our worries into full on panic. Rarity’s efforts to cheer up Pinkie proved futile when the brief color faded once again and her mane flopped. She actually somehow looked worse than before.

“Are they…” Applejack’s voice was low but strong, speaking when the rest of us were too afraid to. “Alive?”

“I can’t tell. I’m not a detective or anything, all I can see is that someone got hit big time and that they went deeper in. If it was Marble…”

I could tell just from looking at her how much she wanted to run deeper into the tunnel to find her sister, or at least scream and let out a chorus of curses. The only thing stopping her was us; she couldn’t just abandon us like that, no matter how much she wanted to. Instead, she clenched her fist so tightly her knuckles went white.

“Like you said before, ain’t nothin’ gonna get done standing here.” Applejack said solemnly as she stepped forward, patting Limestone’s shoulder. “We gotta go now. Ah’m sure Rainbow’s getting tired waiting for us.”

She made a rough growling noise, then cleared her throat and stood up; Wiping something from her mouth and extending her arm that held the lantern. “I’m telling you right now; I don’t give a donkey’s tail if you guys are the Elements of Harmony or whatever. If there’s a single scratch on her, you’ll have a tough time talking to them when they’ll have to eat through a straw.”

Fluttershy looked like she wanted to say something, probably about how the diamond dogs are protecting their territory and are just scared, but decided against it.

We went on, the thickness of heavy foreboding weighing down on all of us. No one dared to say anything, the only sound being the echo of our steps. I found it hard just to breathe, the tension in the air filling every inch of my body. I couldn’t say how much longer I’d be able to take it, I almost wanted something to happen.

“Wait.”

We stopped at Limestone’s command without a second thought. She raised her head, appearing to be searching the ceiling for something. Slowly, she placed the lantern on the ground, getting on her hands and knees as she placed her ear against the ground.

“What…is that?” she muttered, closing her eyes and scowling. “I think something’s coming, but I can’t tell what it is. It’s like an earthquake, yet…”

As she said that, the ground beneath us began to vibrate. I’d only ever experienced a minor earthquake before, this felt similar to it at first. Then, as it grew more intense, I could tell the difference. The earthquake didn’t have a source or any area where the shaking was particularly strong, this one grew by the second and even seemed to come from a direction. It increased to such an intensity I struggled to keep my balance.

Limestone’s eyes snapped open as she jumped to her hooves. “Move!”

I didn’t get to hear anything afterwards as the ground in front of me exploded, something moving out of it faster then I could see. There was barely any time for me to react as a large object jutted towards me, piercing straight through my torso with terrifying ease. I barely even noticed it come out of my back, so swift and efficient that I didn’t have time to process what happened.

There was screaming, all their voices so loud they overlapped and I couldn’t distinguish between them, though I’m certain at least one of them was my name. The thing that stabbed me was what I at first thought was some kind of metallic pillar, gray and maybe even larger than my entire body. Then I realized it was an arm from the hair on it, and the veins I could see on the grotesque muscles. The arm was so large that I hung a few feet off the ground; it was holding me there with such effortlessness that it was like I was a stuffed doll.

Moving was almost impossible. I could hardly bring my arms up, scratching the limb that penetrated me, as pointless as I knew that was. Blood began seeping out of my mouth, down my chin, and dripping onto the ground. Surely the same could be said about the hole in my chest, if it wasn’t mostly plugged up by the extension of this creature.

My vision started getting darker. Whether that was because something happened to Limestone and Rarity, or I was blacking out, I had no idea. I couldn’t look down, but I’m sure from how rapidly my strength was leaving that I’m losing enough blood to be unconscious any second now.

Strangely, I didn’t feel afraid like with The Hydra. In fact, I didn’t feel much of anything. No pain, which I’m sure was a blessing. Nor could I feel the skin of the arm, or it protruding from my back. So lacking in strength I couldn’t even talk if I wanted to, or move my head to see if the others were ok. As life seeped from me and I died, I just felt…

Cold.

Chapter Fourteen: Making Deals Again.

I don’t know how long I cried in her arms.

Ten minutes? An hour? Too long.

But I needed it.

The unconditional sense of safety and tenderness Fluttershy offered at a moment’s notice made even my deepest anguish seem insignificant. I gripped her tight with my hands, trembling from desperation and fear, without a word of complaint from her. In fact, I don’t think she said a single thing the entire time. She let me bawl like a child without even asking why, stroking my head and staying completely quiet.

I failed her, twice.

More than just failed, I let her die twice. She and the others, including Pinkie’s family, who we were supposed to help. Or maybe not. Perhaps Applejack and Limestone beat the diamond dogs by brute force; I died before I could know.

I came into Ponyville a complete stranger, yet they all helped me in their own way, or tried at least. Admittedly, I only joined because I didn’t want to be away from Fluttershy for that long. The Pie Family, while having been more than hospitable, were hardly more than strangers.

Even so, after that party and the advice Pinkie gave me, I owed her. To save them, to save Fluttershy, I had to give my life.

However many times it took.

“Chara, are you feeling better?”

I wanted to bury my head deeper and pretend the outside world didn’t exist, that there weren’t diamond dogs hiding in the ground we walked on prepared to kill us. That wasn’t an option though, not that I would have taken it if it was; I’ve already wasted enough time. I didn’t even hear Rainbow Dash knock on the door and ask if we were awake; she probably heard me through the door and decided to leave us alone.

Which meant everyone downstairs was going to be staring at me. Great.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong? It’s ok if you don’t.”

“I…” the memory of Fluttershy and Twilight’s mutilated cadaver’s flashed in my mind. The gurgling as Fluttershy choked on her own blood, trying to say her last words that I’ll never know, a sound that I can never wash from my mind. “Can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s ok. You can when you’re ready. Are you alright to go downstairs with me? I’m sure Twilight and the others are waiting for us.”

I knew they were. Not only that, but I could even tell her how things are going to play out down to what each of them are going to say; practically even hear the sound of the table’s legs giving out. Part of the reason I didn’t want to get out of bed was not wanting to experience all that again.

I can’t fathom how Frisk did it so many times.

“You’re right. Can we stop by the bathroom at least? My…” I bit my tongue as I began to inch away from her, rubbing my hands against my shirt as I tried to get rid of the unnerving sensation. Though some part of me was aware it was more in my head than anything else.

“Face is sticky.”

“There are tissues on the nightstand. If you want to go to the bathroom though, we should have time.”

I glanced at the box she was referring to, having completely forgotten about them even though I’d used them before. “Oh.”

While my face actually was sticky, it’s not why I wanted to go to the bathroom. I needed to be alone for just a minute or two. The last reset told me a lot, and I have to try to come up with some sort of plan. As much as I appreciate Fluttershy, her presence made it hard to focus sometimes.

As I opened my backpack, I only got the pencil and notebook out this time. The cupcake was by far one of the most delectable things I’ve ever tasted, but I didn’t have any appetite left. I’m not sure if I’ll even be able to eat until everything is over.

I put the fourth tally mark in, just as quickly depositing them back in my inventory and slipping my backpack on. It’d become such an automatic thing that I almost questioned if I’d even done it. All the resets began to blend together when it came to minor stuff like that.

The bathroom was small, but had all the necessities. Fluttershy stood outside patiently when I locked the door, making my way to the sink to turn on the water. It was easy to wash my face and get my annoying hair to stop sticking to it, but my hands…

Scrubbing them with a nearby bar of soap did almost nothing. My hands felt raw; the skin on my fingers was pruning up, but I still couldn’t get rid of the feeling that there was residue in between them. No warmth, just the consistency of blood that wouldn’t go away, Fluttershy’s blood.

Rationally, it wasn’t there. I was aware that the feeling was superficial, that it was in my mind and no amount of washing would make it go away. Despite that, I had to make the effort, as pointless as that was.

Eventually, I sighed in defeat as I placed the soap bar back. While using a nearby rag, I exhaled and closed my eyes. Trying to ‘compartmentalize’, as I heard Twilight say a handful of times.

“Ok, what do I know for sure?” I muttered to myself, turning my back to the mirror. “The diamond dogs don’t want to negotiate peace; Whatever they’re here for, they want it badly enough to kill. Or are they being forced to? Would explain why they apologized afterwards, well, why one of them did.”

I’d already felt like I'd spent too long in the bathroom; the idea of making Fluttershy stand outside bored out of her mind or worried about it didn’t help. I pulled the journal out again, flipping to the next blank page and drawing a bare-bones copy of Twilight’s map. I could say for certain that two of the areas were safe, and that the third one was a trap. Meaning the fourth one Twilight was saving for tomorrow had to be their den, right?

It could also be that we were close to their den, and they were attacking us because we were getting too close? It’s a gamble either way, one I had to take. Either the fourth one was their den, or the third one was and whatever group went there would just end up getting killed.

Unless I could convince Twilight to not send a group there; a hurdle of its own considering she’s already suspicious of me and wasn’t a fan of her plans being messed with.

“Even if I get there, what do I do then? There’s no way those three are the only diamond dogs here. There has to be more of them. Hiding out in the den? Why? Were the others hiding in the den? Wouldn’t it be better to have them split up in groups to attack all of us? Unless they weren’t expecting us to split up.”

I absentmindedly doodled on my drawing of the map; putting x’s over the two sections I knew they wouldn’t be, skulls over the one I did, and question marks on the one section I didn’t know about.

“I doubt Marble would be much help, and Fluttershy…” I bit the tip of my fingernail on my thumb, then stopped as soon as I started. “I’d rather avoid bringing her if I can help it. What about that anti-magic rock? Only one of them had it. Do any of the others? The other two didn’t, but maybe they split up into groups like we did and each group has one? How do I know so much, but still so little? It’s so-”

“Chara?” Fluttershy asked through the door after knocking. “Are you talking to someone?”

“No.” I retorted, hoping she couldn’t make out much of what I’d been murmuring. “Just myself.”

“Oh.” she awkwardly paused. “Sorry for interrupting your conversation, but are you ready?”

“...not really. But I don’t want to make them wait any longer.”

I found some relief in that the living room had changed, even if the changes were only minor. The table had already given out and its part moved to somewhere else; Applejack and Rainbow Dash were standing where it was and talking about something. Pinkie was sitting down beside Twilight and was placing random objects on the map like it was a strategy board game. That left Rarity in a corner with Marble, the former had a strand of the latter’s mane and was presumably saying something about its straightness.

Rarity was glancing at me, and Rainbow was doing a very poor job of trying not to. She almost certainly heard me crying and mentioned it to one of them; Who knows what she overheard? Some of them were undoubtedly concerned about me, which would only make things harder.

“Good morning, Chara. Are you alright? Rainbow checked on you earlier, but she said you needed more time.”

“Yeah, I’m…” as I made eye contact with Twilight, I remembered how she looked when she was forced onto the ground and her throat was gouged out. So sure until she couldn’t teleport us, just as quickly struggling to breathe. I turned away from her, wrapping my hand around my pendant. “Fine. The rock soup last night left me a bit queasy, that’s all.”

Twilight didn’t believe me, as to be expected. I was almost tempted to just tell her the truth to see what would happen, but deep down I knew that would either only make things worse or they wouldn’t take me seriously. Some of them would play it off as a joke. Fluttershy would probably be able to tell I wasn’t joking or anything and become even more worried about me than she usually was.

“Hm.” Twilight lifted the thermos and took a sip from it. “Oh well. Here, I should give you this before I forget.”

I didn’t even try feigning surprise when she floated the scarf towards me. Hastily shoving it into my backpack as soon as she dropped it into my hand, trying to hide how I froze up as soon as I felt it.

I couldn’t wear that scarf again. I just…couldn’t. I’ll deal with the cold.

“I’ll make sure to thank her for it later.” I responded. It was the same thing I’d said before, but this time much more monotone and without even an attempt to smile.

If Twilight was suspicious of me before, she was untrusting of me now. The way she narrowed her eyes and pressed her lips at me was telling enough.

“It gets pretty cold out here, from what Igneous told me, but suit yourself.” Twilight said with a shrug of her shoulders. Dropping the thermos beside her with her magic and opening her bag to pull out the markers. “We should get started, we’re already behind schedule an-”

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you, Twilight. In private.”

She gave me an annoyed and confused glare, resting the markers on the map. “Can it wait?”

“No.”

Fluttershy peered down at me wordlessly. Furrowing her eyebrows as she was just as confused as Twilight was, but with more concern. It was completely justified; I could only imagine how erratic my behavior must have looked to her and the others.

“Chara?” Fluttershy whispered, nearly inaudible.

“It’s important, really.”

Twilight got up and walked into the kitchen, gesturing for me to follow her. No one else said anything; even Pinkie just watched in silence. I found it somewhat odd, yet I was a bit thankful I didn’t have to deal with any more questions.

She sat down at the table we ate at just the night prior, and I did the same across from her. I half expected to be nervous when I was alone with Twilight, but I was strangely unbothered. Even as she looked at me with hesitation and heavy skepticism, her leer didn’t unsettle me like it did before.

“What is it?”

“I…need a favor.” I stuttered out as I crossed my arms, awkwardly rubbing my pendant. “I know you put Fluttershy and I on the same stick. While I appreciate the forethought, I want to go with a group by myself. I also know it’ll mess with the group numbers, but I need you to trust me on this.”

“How…” Twilight leaned forward in her chair. “Do you know that?”

“Because,” this was the part where I’m basically throwing dice. If it works, I will have to find a way to thank Pinkie extensively. “I can see the future.”

She stared at me for what felt like forever.

The embarrassment that washed over me as I realized how absurd what I said was hit hard. I wanted to recede into my shirt like a turtle and never come out again. Unfortunately, my shirt wasn’t big enough and I was not small enough.

“Chara, that’s a bold claim. However, it would explain certain things.” Her voice trailed off as her eyes drifted to the side, just as quickly turning her attention back to me. “I still find that hard to believe. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to prove it somehow.”

“Well, uhm…” I drummed my fingers against the table as I tried to come up with something. I really should have figured she wouldn’t just blindly believe me. What could I even tell her? I could paraphrase the explanation she gave about her plan. Though it’s doubtful that’d convince her, unless I could repeat it to her word for word, which I couldn’t.

Telling her that diamond dogs are going to attack us wouldn’t prove anything, either. Maybe bring up the anti-magic rock they have? No, she barely believed it when it was right in front of her. I’d just come off as desperate.

There’s nothing I could tell her that would convince her. At least, nothing I could think of. I have no choice but to try and compromise.

“I’m not lying to you, really. I can see the future, but I can’t prove it. So…” I closed my eyes and deeply inhaled, preparing myself for the can of worms I knew this would open. “If you please just listen to me, I’ll let you do whatever experiments you want, and…tell you whatever you want about humans and where I come from. No more lying, no more on-the-spot excuses.” I lowered my head, admittedly somewhat missing not having hair that covered my face. “For better or worse.”

The widening of her eyes and a glimmer of a sparkle gave away her blatant interest; her lack of shock that I’d been lying up to this point all but confirmed that she’d known I’d been lying. For how long? Where did I mess up? Honestly, I shouldn’t even be surprised. I knew I was terrible at it and I suck at being consistent with them. Twilight, while not as observant as Fluttershy or Pinkie when it comes to some things, was still the smartest person I’d yet met.

I should consider it a blessing it even took this long.

“That’s tempting, but…” she bit her lip, visibly relaxing. If only slightly. “I want to trust you, Chara. Fluttershy’s always had an excellent judge of character. If she trusts you, that should be more than enough. Yet, you just admitted to lying about having amnesia, and your magic…how do I know for certain that you’ll actually be honest with me?”

As easy as it would be to get upset at her, Twilight had a valid point. If I was in her place, I’d be just as cautious, likely more. What could I even offer? I peered down at the pendant in my hand, briefly considering giving it to her until we got back. I haven’t exactly tried to hide how important it is to me. However, I couldn’t bring myself to lift it off my neck. When I tried, the idea of not having it on me at all times just became too much.

“What if…” I tapped the tip of my finger against it, something Pinkie did the other night coming to mind. “I Pinkie promise on it?”

“You know about Pinkie promises?”

“More or less. Fluttershy made Pinkie do one the night she came over. They both seemed to take it pretty seriously.”

“It’s very serious!” Twilight exclaimed, slamming her hands against the table. “Pinkie only makes her closest friends Pinkie Promise on really important things. Nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise. If you do, you’ll completely break her trust and the trust of whomever you made it with. And it’s hard to be friends with somepony you can’t trust.”

“This is very serious to me.”

I raised my voice a lot louder than I intended to, startling Twilight and probably whoever was trying to listen in.

“Chara…” she whispered, frowning and lifting her chin. “Say I believe you can see into the future. What’ll happen if I go ahead the way I plan to?”

“You’ll…” I tried and failed to meet her eyes, tightly gripping the edges of the table as I tried to keep my voice steady. “Die. And whatever group you’re in, along with whoever comes after you. They’re not interested in talking, Twilight. They want to kill us. I’m not even sure if peace is an option.”

For a few gut-wrenching seconds, she stayed quiet. Chewing on her lip and staring at a spot on the table in thought.

“No, I don’t… I can’t believe that. I have to try.” she whispered to herself. It was so low I don’t think I was meant to hear it. “Do you know how to do the motions? That’s the most important part.”

I replayed the scene in my head, the motions and what she said coming to mind with relative ease. “I think so.”

“Good. Make a Pinkie Promise that you’ll explain everything when we get home, and I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

I let go of my pendant, placing my hand on my chest. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eyes.” I repeated as I did the movements, closing one of my eyes and pressing my fist against it.

“Hey, did someone make a pinkie promise in here!?”

I jumped out of my chair as Pinkie poked her head around the corner, though only her eyes were visible and she was somehow sticking out horizontally without her hands holding onto the side of the door frame.

“Yeah, Chara did. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she keeps it.”

“Oh, okay!”

She was gone as fast as she showed up. I wondered if she had been listening to us the entire time, or if she really did just know when a pinkie promise was made. I couldn’t decide which was more worrying.

“How did she…?” I didn’t finish as I turned to Twilight.

“Pinkie just sort of knows when somepony makes a Pinkie Promise. I’m afraid to ask if it’s a part of the pinkie sense, or something else entirely. Honestly it’s…” she nervously chuckled as she dropped her gaze. “Kind of scary.”

“Anyway,” Twilight continued. ”What did you want me to do?”

“Uhm, one sec.” I reached into my backpack and pulled out the journal, flipping the page to the mock map I drew earlier and placing it on the table in front of her. Pointing at the sides where I drew the x’s. “These two sections are safe, but-”

I was interrupted by her abruptly giggling like I’d told a joke. “You drew this?”

“Yeah…” I squeaked out. Scanning the sketch over to find what’s so funny about it. “Why? Is there something wrong with it?”

“No, nothing at all. It’s just…” she cleared her throat, using her magic to move her chair forward and leaning closer to get a better look. “I’ve always thought you were smart; you have a well above average reading speed and comprehension, and a remarkable ability to articulate your thoughts. But seeing you draw these in such a childish way is,” she gave a genuine smirk as she used her magic to turn the book towards her. “Such a stark contrast to the image I have of you in my mind. I couldn’t help but laugh a little.”

My face got warm, a flurry of emotions storming inside me. Twilight thinks I’m smart? Sure, we’ve had some in-depth discussions about some of the books I’ve read and events talked about in the history books. But that doesn’t mean I’m particularly smart. Having above average memory and reading speed wasn’t really something I’d consider intelligent.

“I…” the tip of my ears burned as I glanced at my journal, mentally comparing them to some of the few drawings I’ve seen in the books. They aren’t as detailed, yeah, but… ”are they really that childish?”

“A little, but it's kind of cute.” she muttered as she looked over it. “Can I assume the x’s are the sections where the diamond dogs aren’t? If so, then are the skulls where they are? Is that their den?”

“I’m not sure.” As I sat down in the chair, I tried to compose myself. “I know there are at least three of them there and that they’re waiting to attack, but it’s also possible they’re just protecting their den. I don’t know for sure.”

“Shouldn’t you? You can see the future, can’t you?”

“I can see a future.” I corrected. “It doesn’t work the way you think it does. It’s frustrating sometimes. I think when I look into the future, it changes because I looked at it.”

“Still more useful than Pinkie sense.” I heard her say under her breath. “Then the question marks are what you don’t know about? It could be safe?”

“It could be safe, yeah. Or it could be their den. I want you to send whatever group I end up in here so I can check. Hopefully, it’s just a dead end. Either way, please just don’t send anyone to the west. This way, there’s a good chance no one gets hurt. Then we can all go to the west together, and we should be able to handle them.”

“And what if you do find their den?” Twilight asked in a warning tone. “Who you end up with is randomized, so I don’t know if I’ll be there with you or not. Say you find their den, and they try to attack you. What will you do?”

I didn’t respond immediately. Not because I couldn’t, but because I knew she wouldn’t like my answer. She was right in saying that there was no way to know who I’ll be grouped up with; I had two in mind who would be the best for it, but I’ll have to pull the right stick and that’s nothing more than a gamble.

When it comes down to it, that’s all this is; a gamble. There’s so little I know, telling Twilight all this might end up being pointless. It’s not like I have another choice. I have to keep trying until something sticks, for her.

“Whatever I have to.”

Twilight scowled, closing the journal and sliding it across to me. “Chara, no, Ponies. Don’t. Kill. No matter what. Whoever you go with will try just as hard as I will to make peace with them. We have magic on our side and we’ve dealt with them before; This doesn’t have to end in anypony or anydog getting hurt.”

“Magic won’t,” I bit my tongue, stopping myself from letting that slip. There wouldn’t be a point in telling her about the anti-magic rock, at least not yet. I need to know where the den is first. “I know. I’m just saying that, if it comes down to it, I’ll do whatever needs to be done. After all, I’m not a pony.”

She glowered at me for a solid minute, her leer unwavering as I slipped the journal back into my backpack. Eventually, she let out a sigh and rubbed her temple as she got to her feet. Politely pushing in the chair.

“Alright. I can’t help you convince Fluttershy to let you go by yourself, but everything else is reasonable. However, I need you to promise me you won’t kill any of them. If you do, I’d have,” she didn’t finish her sentence, closing her eyes as her arms dropped to her sides. “Please don’t. Chara. I’m imploring you to do anything else.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, a tinge of fear blotting in my gut. I was curious what she was going to say; would she stop me if I killed one of the dogs? Lock me up? As tempting as it was to ask, there’s no way it would lead the conversation anywhere good.

“I promise.”

Once we got back into the living room, Twilight sat down and almost immediately started explaining her plan to the others. None of them tried to ask about what happened in the kitchen. Not even Rainbow, who was doing the worst job of hiding her curiosity out of them.

Everything played out pretty much the same, right until she offered the cup of sticks. Her smile dropped as she extended it a little closer to me than any of the others, something only Fluttershy seemed to notice. Since this was my third time doing this, I had a really good idea of whom each stick belonged to. Thankfully, Twilight didn’t change how she shook it. I was worried she might this time, but she didn’t.

I gulped as I reached for one as swiftly as I could, carrying a hope in the back of my mind that I was right.

Third time was indeed the charm.

I got exactly who I hoped I would; Limestone and Applejack. Unless I misunderstood how earth ponies worked, their magic shouldn’t have anything to do with their sheer strength. The anti-magic hopefully won’t have an effect on them at all.

I hate relying on hope, but my options were very limited at this point.

Rainbow Dash would have also been a good option, just not one I had confidence in. While undoubtedly being the most physically strong non-earth pony, and unquestionably the fastest, that wasn’t as useful in the tunnels as it would be otherwise.

Applejack and Limestone have an absurd amount of strength from what I’ve seen. Limestone wasn’t exaggerating when she said she could crush rocks, and Applejack kicks trees for a living. If anyone can take down the diamond dogs without magic, it would have to be them.

If I fail again, then… I have no idea what to do.

“Chara, you said you’d stay by me. I don’t like not being with you, especially not after this morning.” Fluttershy whispered, not attempting to hide the concern in her voice.

We stood just a few feet away from Twilight explaining something to the rest. Though she was talking to her, her eyes kept glancing towards me, and she was doing a horrible job of trying to hide it. Fluttershy had quietly pulled me to the side after I told her that I wanted to go by myself with my group, even though my stick had both of our names on it.

“I know what I said, and I hate going back on it.” I muttered solemnly, flinching at the touch of her wing more than I would normally. My hands still felt sticky. “But, I don’t want to be too reliant on you. I’ve been trying to be ok with you not being around; it’s part of why I started going to Ponyville on my own in the first place.”

She dismissively shook her head. “That’s not what I’m worried about. Well, that’s not all I’m worried about.” she said as she glanced back at Twilight, who handed a map to AJ. “What if the diamond dogs try to hurt you? Applejack isn’t exactly the best when it comes to talking things out, and Limestone might actually be worse with her family in danger. Diamond dogs can be dangerous if they want. I hate thinking about what might happen to you.”

My hand reflexively went to my chest, the sensation of being so easily pierced through and killed I can only wish I’ll forget one day. “I don’t either. I don’t like thinking about what could happen to you, even if there’s not much I can do if I was around. However, I think I’ll be just as safe with them as I would with anyone else. The moment something goes wrong, I’m sure AJ will protect me.”

Despite my best efforts, there wasn’t an ounce of confidence in my words. Rationally, I knew what I said was true. Yet there was a cloud of doubt hovering over every thought, making me question every single one.

“Chara,” her voice dropped to an even more hushed tone than usual. “What are you not telling me?”

“A lot.” I whispered as I dropped my gaze. My glued together stability wouldn’t hold under her stare. “It’s better if you don’t know, not right now anyway. If I could tell you everything right now, I absolutely would. Let me do this, please. I’ve asked so much of you already, and I hate needing to ask for more. Trust me, please.”

I begged, and I hate begging.

I couldn’t see her face, but I could see her lace her fingers together. Rigidly shaking and her wings flickering between opened and closed. Of course, I could lie. I could make something up to get her to agree, or make up some excuse. Instead, I chose to trust her.

If she trusts me even half as much as I trust her, I wanted to know.

She suddenly embraced me, holding my head to her chest and using a much stronger grip than I thought she would be capable of.

“Ok. Just stay safe.”

At the moment, I didn’t even care that she was hugging me in front of all the others. Giving into it and closing my eyes, I let her warmth and the soothing sound of her heartbeat override everything else.

“I’ll try.”

The problem was, the only place I ever felt safe was with her.

Instead of taking us straight to the section on the map we were supposed to, Limestone actually brought us to behind their house. Back there was a shed which, compared to the one in front of Fluttershy’s cottage, was very well made. Though it was smaller, I assumed that was because their shed wasn’t meant to hold the food for a drove of animals.

She opened it a bit oddly, too. Grabbing the knob and lifting the entire door upward before pushing it open. Inside were various tools, most of which were for mining. Pickaxes, hammers, shovels. Even a small, very old-looking birdcage that sat on a table in the back corner. Some of them didn’t look like they’d been used for a long time, others I didn’t even know the name or purpose of.

“It’s pretty dark underground, we’re going to need one of these at least.” Limestone stated as she walked in, moving to a shelf lined with various lanterns. She lifted one and carried it with her outside the shed, shutting the door behind her with a visible firmness.

Limestone raised it to her side, using a small hook on the lantern to attach it to her pants. It held strong, barely even dropping as she let go of it.

“You should probably put on that scarf my mom made for you.” Limestone remarked as she turned to me. “It only gets colder out here this time of year.”

“I, actually…” I didn’t even notice how much I started trembling when we went outside, trying my best to ignore the stiff wind blowing on my face and prevent my teeth from chattering. “Like the cold.”

Applejack furrowed her eyebrows, narrowing her gaze at me. “You’re an awful liar, Chara.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but decided against it. She was completely right; any further excuses would just be disrespectful.

For most of the way there, I didn’t say anything. Most of my focus was just on trying to tolerate the cold, listening to the occasional thing the two of them would say. Applejack brought up the arm wrestling contest, which Limestone vehemently denied ever even being close to losing. It didn’t take long before she started asking Limestone about what Pinkie was like as a foal.

As it turned out, she used to be completely miserable. No parties or anything. Getting out of bed every morning was a struggle. She never even smiled once. Apparently, it wasn’t until something called a ‘sonic rainboom’ happened that the Pinkie we knew was born. After that she threw her first party, and then left the farm to spread the happiness she felt. She never even visited the farm anymore, just communicating with them in letters. Limestone didn’t even try to hide how much that upset her.

We reached one of the holes right as Limestone brought up Maud. I watched intently as she unhooked the lantern, setting it on the ground in front of her and withdrawing a packet of matches from her pocket. She picked one at random and struck it on the base of the lantern, lighting it up on the first try. She swiftly opened the lantern and used the match to light the fire inside it, managing to close it before the icy wind could blow it out.

“That’s impressive, partner. Ah haven’t seen anypony other than Granny Smith light up a lantern that fast.”

“Yeah, well. We use these lanterns a lot more than you cowpokes do. Like I said; it gets really dark underground sometimes. You either learn how to work a lantern properly, or you mine in the dark. I’m actually in charge of maintaining them, and made sure they were full last night. We should have enough to explore most of these holes, but I’ll say uncle when we need to start heading back.”

“Mighty appreciated.” Applejack stated as she patted Limestone on the shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go.”

They started to go down, stopping only when they saw I wasn’t right behind them. I felt stuck in my place, shaking for a reason other than just fear. There was roughly a fifty fifty chance that a pack of diamond dogs were waiting for us. My life was in the hands of the reaper, left entirely to a coin toss.

“You coming kid?” Limestone inquired as she turned to me.

“Yeah, just,” I slapped my numbed hands against my face, sharply inhaling and putting all my willpower in walking. “A little anxious.”

I needed to keep moving forward; Until all my friends were safe.

Chapter Fifteen: The Den

Every time I came back to the tunnels, I remembered how startlingly musty the stale air was. I paid attention to it the least out of anything else; which was likely why it was the first thing I forgot when I reset. Yet, when I entered, I questioned how I could forget it.

The darkness, while much more tolerable thanks to the lantern Limestone brought, loomed over us. It left us washed in dread and soaked in an unassuagable tension. The stale air and dirt made it hard just to breathe; I still slightly wrinkle my nose with every inhale.

It would seem I can’t even enjoy breathing in this hellish place.

Limestone and Applejack didn’t look like they minded it at all. I’m certain Limestone has come across some foul stenches working in the mines before. Applejack runs an apple farm; I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s come across more than her share of dead animals or rotten things. Who knows what else she’s seen as an Element of Harmony? Though I am just assuming since they weren’t making any facial expression suggesting it bothered them.

Being with them, knowing their strength, brought me just a sliver of relief.

That sliver was dwindling under the silence shared among the three of us.

The possibility that the diamond dogs could ambush us at any moment never left my mind, nor that we could just as likely stumble into their den. What I was hoping for most of all though, was that this would be a dead end like the other two. There was no way to know until something happened, or how long that would take. Maybe they’d hop out right now, maybe we wouldn’t hit the end of this tunnel for thirty minutes or so like some others lasted.

I didn’t know. There were no words to express how much that bothered me.

Just like before, I tried to think of some way to pass the time. Something to talk about and distract me. My gaze shifted to Limestone’s back; I couldn’t say I knew her well. She had a temper, but cared deeply about her family. That was the extent of it.

Well…

“Limestone, can I ask you something?” I asked hesitantly.

Her ear flicked, but she didn’t turn to me.

“Shoot.”

“Do you…” I knew I’d be treading on sensitive ground with this. However, it’d been bugging me ever since the first loop. If things work out this loop, we’ll be leaving the farm. I wouldn’t get another chance to ask, or try to make things right. “Hate Pinkie?”

I dropped my head when I spoke, so I didn’t notice she froze until I walked right into her. Bumping my nose into her rigid back.

“Why would you think that?”

There was no tone in her voice at all, steady as it had always been. It struck instantaneous, rattling fear in me. I struggled to come with a response, even though I just had one in mind.

Maybe bringing this up now was a bad idea.

“I,” of course, I couldn’t bring up what she said to Pinkie about what happened to Marble after Pinkie left. That didn’t happen in this loop. The only thing I had to go off this time was the way Limestone spoke about her earlier, but that should be enough. “You haven’t talked to her since she’s been here, not that I’ve seen. Almost like you’re avoiding her. Along with the way you talked about what it was like when she was on the farm…” I trailed off.

“That doesn’t mean nothin’, Chara.” Applejack spoke up. “It’s just been a while since they’ve talked. Hate is a strong word, especially for kin. Family shouldn’t ever come to hate each other. Sticking together through thick and thin is what family is for, after all.”

“Except I did.”

Her tone became gruff, straining like she was struggling to keep any emotion out of it. Applejack snapped her attention from me to her, intensely narrowing her eyes.

“At least, I thought I did. For a really, really long time, I thought I hated Pinkie. It took me a while to realize…” she stopped talking, shaking her head and stood still for a few stiff seconds. Limestone took a deep breath and started walking forward again, lifting the lantern to illuminate the area in front of us.

We followed with hesitant steps, waiting for her to continue, if she was even going to.

“And…why did ya think ya hated Pinkie? I can’t imagine her doing anything that would make anypony hate her. Or her leaving things on bad terms.”

“You’d be absolutely right: Pinkie’s not like that. Ever since that rainboom thing happened, she did a total turnaround. I’ve never seen my parents smile like that: It was impossible to be miserable around her. She loved it so much that she wanted to spread it to the rest of Equestria, so,” the surrounding light shook. Limestone’s grip on the lantern wavered as the rest of her body tightened, though she didn’t stop moving. “she fucking left. Just like that. Of course, she cleared it with dad first and he was ok with it. But it was just so damn sudden.”

“Lime, you know it was for the best that she did.” Applejack spoke up. “If she hadn’t left for Ponyville, she never woulda’ became an Element of Harmony, and none of us would ever see the sun again.”

I raised an eyebrow at what Applejack said. I’d kept meaning to ask one of them about some of the stuff they’d done as Elements of Harmony, or just about them at all. Every time I hear them talk about another feat I remind myself to, just to forget again anyway.

“I know that!” Limestone barked, peering over her shoulder at us. “I’m well a-fucking-ware how good it was for the rest of the world that she left! How many ponies she’s helped, how many times she’s saved Equestria. I hear about it all the time, and there’s not much to do on this farm but think. Still…” she winced, frowning grimly as she squinted. “We might have been miserable for a long time, but we at least had each other. Marble depended on Pinkie, and Maud cared about her a lot.”

Limestone tightly clenched her free fist, so tightly that I could see her knuckles whiten paler than her coat. I almost forgot where we were and what we were doing; the visceralness of what she was saying made it hard to pay attention to anything else.

“When she left to go throw her damn parties, I was so pissed. Pinkie just fucking abandoned us to work on the farm by ourselves. Giving us a taste of genuine joy, just to let us drop back into the pit. I know she didn’t see it that way, and just didn’t want others to ever be as sad as we were, but I couldn’t help how I felt.” there was a tinge of regret in her words, which she poorly tried to cover by loudly clearing her throat. “I never read her monthly letters, didn’t want reminders of how happy she was away from us. Then, I heard about what happened at The Summer Sun Celebration, and I,”

She slumped her shoulders, bowing her head like she was stuck staring at the ground.

“I realized I was just jealous. As the oldest, the farm is my responsibility. I’ll inherit it when mother and father eventually die. With Maud getting her rockotorate and planning on exploring Equestria for her rock research, the farm is up to Marble and I. Mom and dad are getting old, it’s probably only a couple of years more before they start struggling to do the heavy work. I hate keeping Marble here, but there’s not really anypony else. As much as I hate it, the farm’s my responsibility; I can’t just leave like she did. I don’t hate Pinkie, I never could. I just…hate being reminded of the life I could be living if I wasn’t stuck here.”

Some part of me was tempted to say that I understood and offer a piece of advice, but I had none. Responsibility was just another word for expectations, something I understood exceptionally well. However, it’s also something I had no right to give advice on.

Everything else was beyond me; I was never jealous of Asriel, not like that at least. We were raised by the same family, and treated the same despite the difference in species. I was given happiness because I ran away. In a sense, I made the same choice Pinkie did and ended up the same way. For just a little while at least.

“Have yah…ever thought about leaving? Taking a day or two off every now and again? Even Big Mac and ah have vacation days.” Applejack offered.

“When I have to, yeah. For holidays or something. I’ve made a friend or two, and it’s nice. At first. The problem is I can’t really relax when I’m away from the farm, you know?” Limestone stated, rubbing the back of her head and glancing back at Applejack. “I try to ignore it, but there’s always this annoying fucking thought at the back of my head that I’ll have to go back there eventually. Hard to enjoy myself away from this shithole when I can’t stop thinking ‘this won’t last. You’re gonna have to go back soon.’, and I just fucking…” she made a muffled groaning noise, tapping her finger against her temple. “Can’t leave here mentally. It’s like a parasite that leeches all my happiness.”

I’m thinking I have more in common with The Pies than I’d like.

“Believe it or not, ah’ve sorta been in your boots.” Applejack disclosed while adjusting her hat with a light frown. “Ah left Sweet Apple Acres to live with some family in Manehatten, thought ah was more suited to a ‘glamorous lifestyle'”. She let out a brief chuckle and shook her head. “But ah never felt happy, not for a second. When ah saw that sonic rainboom, ah realized it was my family ah missed. Ah went back, and ah earned my cutie mark that way. Ah can’t help ya with the rest, but I get ya. If only a little bit.”

Limestone scoffed, grinning at AJ and then turning her head forward again. “You know, I thought as one of the elements, you’d patronize me or something. Tell me to just get over it, that it’s selfish and I should be happy for what I do have. Saying you understand some of it is…refreshing. You’re really cool for a cowpoke, your parents did a great job raising you.”

An uncharacteristic grimace formed on Applejack’s face as she visibly stiffed. It could have just been in my mind, but the tunnel felt a few degrees colder.

“Ah’m sure they would have. Unfortunately, they passed away soon after ah was born. They hardly got a chance to raise me and Big Mac at all. Granny Smith did a darn good job in their place.” Applejack said solemnly.

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, I can’t even imagine that.”

“No harm done, ya didn’t know. Ah miss them sometimes, which is odd since ah barely even knew’em. They were only around when ah could barely buck a tree, and Macintosh had just started working on the farm around Apple Bloom’s age. But ah don’t like dwelling on it. Ah’m happy with what ah have. All thinking about what could have been does is prevent ya from enjoying what is. Have ya thought about talking with Pinkie? Making ponies happy is what she’s best at.”

“Every time I look at her. It’s annoying as all Tartarus when it’s the only thing on my mind when she’s around, makes it hard to enjoy some of the few times she’s around. Even if I wanted to,” she paused, her voice noticeably dropping. “I know how she’d react: Blame herself and apologize, do whatever she can to make it right. Despite the fact that it’s a problem with me, not her. I’d just feel more like shit than usual.”

Applejack let out an airy chuckle. “Ah think ya underestimate her a bit. Pinkie can probably tell something’s wrong, but is giving ya your space for when you’re ready. She pays attention to stuff like that, it might surprise ya what she notices. Ah think ya should at least talk to her about it. Otherwise, she’s just gonna wonder what she did wrong until she gets sick over it.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Limestone said with a reluctant sigh. “I just need to figure out how to word it, and when. Not until after this whole Diamond Dog bullshit is over with though. Before she leaves I will, I mean it.”

There was brief sincerity in her words as she nodded her head. Limestone coughed to fill the awkward silence afterwards, glancing back at me.

“So, Chara. Since we’re getting stuff off our chest, mind if I ask you something?”

“Huh?” I muttered as I looked up at her. I nearly forgot I was even here, felt more like I was listening in on their conversation than actually being a part of it. Not like there was anything I could actually add. “I mean, sure? I don’t know what I could actually tell you, though. I have-”

My eyes darted to Applejack: her comment earlier about me being terrible at lying came to mind. Twilight figured out about my amnesia, or at least had suspicions about them before I confirmed it. That was thanks to her intelligence. Applejack is good at seeing through my lies like Fluttershy, or I could just be that bad at lying.

Plus, they’re being honest and opening up about themselves. Not doing the same and lying would be rude and disrespectful-They deserve better than that. I just have to be somewhat selective with my answers, depending on what her question is. I don’t want them worried about me anymore than they already likely were.

“Yeah. What is it?”

“Why do you flinch every time I swear? Do you have a problem with it?”

“Oh…” I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly feeling like I stood out more than I did. “You noticed?”

That was a dumb question, but I didn’t know what else to say. I should have guessed she’d noticed. I haven’t exactly been doing a good job of hiding it, despite my best efforts.

“It’s harder to not notice it, sugarcube. Ya do it every time. Ah first thought ya just didn’t like it, but ah’d bet it’s more than that.”

“It’s not that. I don’t have a problem with the words themselves, it’s more…” my breath hitched in my throat as he came to mind, peeking his revolting face out of the deepest hole at the back of my mind. I closed my eyes, envisioning pushing him back down. He was still there; waiting, watching, preparing to take advantage of my weakness when it shows up.

Like he always did.

“My first exposure to it is from a very,” I needed to be careful with exactly how I worded this. “Bad experience. When I hear someone swear a lot, it reminds me of that and I just haven’t entirely gotten over it. I’m working on it.”

“I…can try to stop-”

“No, please don’t.” I interrupted, which visibly startled her. “People swear, it’s a normal thing. Even if you stop while I’m around, I’m probably gonna run into others who still do; It’s something I just have to deal with. I don’t want to inconvenience you because it's a problem I can’t deal with yet.”

Applejack’s small smirk fell into a frown as she looked down at me. Raising her hand like she wanted to touch me, and stopping with a widening of her eyes before dropping her hand back to her side.

“Chara, you don’t nee-”

“Hey, the tunnel ends here.”

Limestone’s declaration cut through the tension, thankfully directing the attention away from me and to the wall of dirt standing in front of us. It was the same as all the previous ones, as far as I could tell. Since we didn’t get ambushed, and this wasn’t their den, that at least narrows it down.

Of course, there’s the possibility that one of the other tunnels had an ambush waiting for us. Or that, for some reason, this tunnel didn’t lead to the den. I couldn’t say since I didn’t know what their den would be like.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to-”

“Hold on. There’s something here.”

Limestone set the lantern down beside her, digging at a spot in front of her I couldn’t see. Soon, a small light separate from the lantern began to shine through it. She stopped and pressed her head and hands against the wall, peeking through the hole she’d made.

“It goes on past here, as far as I can see. The lanterns lining the ceiling are lit.”

“Do ya see any of the dogs?”

“Uh,” she moved around a bit, widening the hole. “Nope. Guess they left the lights on? I think this is their den, but then why would they bother to put up this wall? Is that like their way of locking and shutting the door or something?”

“No, I don’t think so.” I said as I tried to think back to the other walls. Was it possible that the other dirt walls were the same? Wouldn’t any of the others notice that? If not, at least Limestone would have in one of the tunnels they checked with previous loops and said something. “Maybe it’s to make us think there’s nothing here?”

“Yah really think they’re that smart? Those dogs barely even take care of themselves.” Applejack said with a skeptical raise of her eyebrow.

“They could be. If they’re smart enough to talk, why not? Though they didn’t do a very good job of it if we noticed something.”

Applejack made a thoughtful grunting noise, which was followed by the sound of smashing as Limestone smashed her fist through the wall. I jumped as I turned to her, seeing that she was elbow deep in as the wall lost integrity and collapsed around her. In less than a moment, it was gone. Little more than piles of dirt were strewed on the ground, which she casually stepped over after picking up the lantern.

“Hey now, partner. Hold on a second.” Applejack said as she grabbed Limestone by the wrist, preventing her from going any farther. “Twilight told us we should head back and wait for them when we found the den.”

“Actually, no. That’s not what she said.” Limestone retorted as she pulled out of Applejack’s grip, visibly straining to do so. “She told us to come back if we saw any Diamond Dogs, not if we found their den. If we see any, I promise I’ll be right behind you when you run with your tail between your legs.”

Applejack didn’t even try to hide her dislike for that answer as she furrowed her eyebrows. “Can ya guarantee we won’t get lost? Ah’ve been in Diamond dog tunnels before, and ah’ve also been in a maze before; Ah’d pick the maze any day of the week.”

Limestone scoffed, rolling her eyes with immense exaggeration. “Is that right? Well, I’ve been going through tunnels like this my entire life. Usually, with only one lantern. They lined this ceiling with them! If we get lost, I’ll just dig our way out. Haven’t had to do it for a while, but I should be able to.”

“Hm.” Applejack stared at her, crossing her arms as she contemplated. “For what? We’re here to try to talk to them and get’em to leave. What’s snooping around their den gonna do?”

“I don’t know, honestly.” Limestone admitted with a shrug of her shoulders. “The diamond dogs don’t seem the type to leave around journals or whatever. Tartarus, I wouldn’t even be surprised if they can’t read or write. Doesn’t matter though, we’re here now and they aren’t. Sparklebutt won’t be back for a while anyway, so we’d just be sitting around back at the farm. Might as well, we could find something, and I don’t want to go back empty-handed.”

Limestone was actually making valid points, ones that I agreed with. If they’re not here, then it’s probably the best chance we’ll get to try to learn why they’re on this farm in the first place. Especially since I knew first hand that they weren’t willing to just tell us, or even talk things out at all. Learning anything about their plans would be helpful.

The diamond dogs may even come back while we’re gone; noticing that we took down their dirt wall and prepare for our return. Sure, all of us would be there. However, Twilight mentioned there were at least a dozen of them. Whatever they’re doing, I’m sure more than three of them would lay here for us.

And if they have those anti-magic rocks, I like our odds even less.

“She has a point, AJ.” I blurted out. “I…really want to go home and just have this whole thing settled. There’s a chance going in there now will make that easier.”

“Well,” Applejack closed her eyes thoughtfully for a moment. “If we leave as soon as any diamond dogs show up, ah reckon it wouldn’t be any harm.”

“Finally!” Limestone said as she began walking down the tunnel. “Let’s go then. I’d rather not waste any more oil than I have to.”

“Chara,” she reached out her hand to touch me, immediately retracting it and trying to play it off as adjusting her hat. “Stay close to me, alright? I owe ya a lot for saving Applebloom; it wouldn’t be right if ah didn’t at least protect ya like ya did her.”

“You don’t owe me anything, but thanks.”

As we trailed behind Limestone, I couldn’t shake the growing feeling that something was very wrong. Somehow different from the usual dread, it was closer to a gut feeling. One I couldn’t rationalize away despite my best attempts.

I couldn't believe that, after all the things that went wrong, something was going right.

The further in we went, the wider the tunnel became. Eventually it resembled a cave more than a dog-made tunnel. The lanterns became more spread out, resulting in little patches of darkness between them. Though not enough to worry over.

A lot sooner than any of us expected, we ended up in some kind of large chamber. I was quick to spot other entrances on different sides of it that must have been other tunnels, letting them travel to other sections of the farm. The center had a stone table with a few things on it. Crude doorways were carved out on some of the walls with brownish metal doors on them. I couldn’t tell if they were meant to be cells or where they slept, but they didn’t look comfortable either way.

The only other thing of interest was a minecart full of gems, way more than I’d ever seen before. Its variety and the way it sparkled made Spike’s Secret Stash look like nothing in comparison; I was tempted to take one or two and bring them back to Spike so he stops being scared of me. Even if just a little.

“Geez, do these guys have no taste?” Limestone said as she walked over to the cart, picking up one of them at random and scowling in disapproval. “Come on! These are the kind of gems ponies in Canterlot wear to look fashionable. They really do just care about what’s shiniest, huh? Maybe I was giving them too much credit.”

Applejack had her hands on her hips, scanning the chamber like she was looking for something. I followed her gaze, but couldn’t spot anything that didn’t fit.

“Don’t y'all think this place is a little small?”

Limestone paused, giving the place a once over before going back to digging through the gems.

“Not really? They’re just dogs, aren’t they? Looks like plenty of space to me.”

“Nah, they aren’t like Winona. Thar much bigger than yer average dog, some of them were even bigger n’ us. If Pinkie’s dad is right about there being around a dozen, then shouldn’t this place be bigger? On top of that,” she trotted over to one of the other tunnels, peering into it like she was expecting the dogs to come back at any moment. “Last time, they had guard dogs with armor and spears. Where are they now? My gut’s telling me they weren’t that confident about the walls they put up.”

“Armor and spears?” Limestone asked, not even trying to hide the tone of doubt. “Didn’t you say they aren’t that smart? Where’d they get stuff like that?”

She raised her finger to explain, mouth agape and eyes widening. “Huh.” she tapped her finger against her chin thoughtfully. “We never really talked about it afterwards, but yer right. Twilight might have looked into it.”

Armor and spears on dogs immediately reminded me of Undyne’s Royal Guard. Most of which were in Snowdin and dogs, wearing heavy armor, and I even saw one who used a spear. I remembered them vividly thanks to the dozens, maybe even hundreds, of resets Frisk went through. It was easy to recall all the wonderful memories with them, and the overwhelmingly bad ones.

I tried to ignore the memories as I moved over to the stone table, searching for anything of significance. On it was a map, very similar to the one Twilight made. Except this one has much more detail, like from a cartographer or something professionally made. I highly doubted that they made this themselves.

Then again, I could be underestimating their intelligence. I didn’t know nearly enough about them.

My foot rubbed against something small and wooden. I peeked under, finding a small chest about as big as my backpack. It was heavier than I thought it’d be, but I managed to lift it onto the table. It had a lock, yet they left it open. I had little trouble opening it, only further confused by what I found inside.

It was a necklace.

Strangely, it was the only thing inside the chest, making it look tiny with all the surrounding space. I reached inside, pulling it into the light to get a better look at it. The end of the necklace somewhat startled me: being a medium-sized antler; Pure white and not showing anything to show its age. Was it from a deer? Or did it belong to some other species?

What bothered me most was the fact that I did not know what animals in this world were as intelligent as ponies. If whatever this belonged to was, and it was kept as some sort of trophy, then these Diamond Dogs were much more cruel than I first thought.

The rest of the necklace was made out of a chain, a golden one similar to mine. Actually, closing my eyes and tracing my finger along the chain, I realized that it’s identical to mine. The same shade of gold, same amount of chains. The antler and pendant couldn’t have been more different. Although, if they were switched, I wouldn’t be able to tell which chain was the original.

“Hey, Chara.” Applejack said, startling me as I hadn’t even heard her move. “Where did you say you got your necklace?”

“I,” as I frantically dropped the antler necklace back into the chest. I tried to stutter out something that was close enough to the truth to not be a lie. “Woke up with it on me.”

“Awfully strange thing to leave on a stranger. Though, Ah can tell it means a lot to yuh, so ah won’t push it.”

I let out a sigh of relief, watching as she gripped the antler itself in her hands and examined it. Limestone saw the necklace and walked over, just as curious as I was.

“Yeah, this belonged to a deer, alright. Just recently turned into an adult, probably.” she pressed her lips together. “Granny Smith has some antlers in her room; She said she would find them after deer had shed them, and that they brought her good luck. Once, she showed me them, and taught me what you can learn about a deer from just their antlers.” Applejack explained, tracing her finger against the edges of the antler. “It’s age, how many sheddings it had, how long those antlers were there. Amazing what somepony with the right eyes and know-how can learn from just a pair of antlers. Ah might only know what ah understood from Granny, but something about this antler ain’t right.”

Even as I followed her suspicious gaze, I couldn’t tell what she meant. The movement of fingers, like she was following a line only she could see, was completely foreign to me. Limestone peered over her shoulders and watched, crossing her arms and just as lost as I was.

“Whatever it is, they must have brought it with them. There haven’t been deer here since my dad was a colt: even then it was just a passing herd. Whatever deer they got this from wasn’t anywhere near here.”

“Ah’m not entirely sure this came from a deer in the first place.” Applejack slowly shut the chest. Shoving the odd trinket into her pocket, surprisingly fitting with a barely noticeable bulge. “Ah’ll take it back to Twi; Maybe she can get a read on the thing.”

“Do you think it’s magical?” I asked as I looked over the chest. It didn’t make any sense for a chest like that to only hold one object. Were there other necklaces that the others were wearing for some reason? Identification or ranking, maybe? No, I assume that’s what the collars were for. Then, perhaps this chest was just for that necklace? Once or twice I’d seen a large chest holding one object despite its size, because the thing inside was very valuable.

If so, what was so special about that necklace?

“Could be. Ah don’t know. Something about it bothers me like a crooked picture on a wall. At the very least, it might tell us something about them.”

“Aren’t you glad we went in then? This way, we’re walking out with something.” Limestone remarked, turning around and giving the place one more look over. “We might as well-head back. I know for sure that one of the other tunnels must lead to where their supplies and stuff are. They’ve been here a while and have to be eating something, no point in sticking around and making that thing us.”

“Don’t be silly. Diamond Dogs don’t eat ponies.” AJ’s smile faltered, eyes narrowing for just a fraction of a second. “Ah’m pretty sure. We should head back before they get and see we took their…thing.”

I let out a sigh of relief as we began on our trek back to the farm. We got lucky and the dogs didn't come back while we were in their home. However, that didn’t mean I could put myself at complete ease. The necklace sitting comfortably in Applejack’s pocket still bothered me, but for a different reason.

Rarity mentioned that she hadn’t seen a necklace like mine before, although I am unsure if she meant the golden chain or the pendant. Assuming she meant the chain, and hesitantly using her as a basis since she knew the most about jewelry out of anyone I’d met so far, that meant that golden chains for necklaces are rare in Equestria. Did that mean that whoever made that necklace intentionally made it similar to mine? There have been one or two things like that so far.

If so, why? No one outside Ponyville should even know I exist, so much as where I’m from. Were they expecting me to go there in the first place? That would assume they knew I’d be going down there at all. Then again, this entire thought process was an assumption based on nothing but conjecture.

In all honesty, I’m probably just being paranoid again.

“This tunnels getting awfully dark, Lime. Are yah sure this is the right tunnel?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Limestone said, lighting the lantern backup in an instant. “Mostly.”

I drew my attention to the lanterns lining the ceiling, seeing that the lanterns were becoming less spread out. The tunnels were becoming thinner, soon evening out to the same size it was when we entered. It became darker the further we went in, fewer lanterns were being lit. It felt like we should at least be seeing the dirt piles from knocking down the wall earlier.

“What?” Limestone abruptly shouted.

“Won’t get lost, huh?”

I lowered my head, settling on the dirt wall in front of us. It looked similar to the one earlier, except for some rocks sticking out of it, along with no small hole. At least, not one that I could see.

“Look, I know this is the way we came.” she said as she turned to us, gesturing to the obstacle before us. “You watched me knock this down. Maybe they came back and just, I don’t know, saw it was gone and assumed whoever was supposed to build it forgot to and did it for them?”

“Then, why wouldn’t they go further into their den?” I asked. “If they came back here, then that must have meant they finished whatever they were doing and wanted to rest or something. Why come down into this tunnel just to do that?”

“Chara’s got a point.” Applejack agreed, taking off her hat and dusting it. “As strange as it is, that seems to be what they did. Otherwise, we woulda ran into them on the way back, right?”

“Hm.” Limestone placed her free hand on her hip, leering at the dirt wall and then shrugging. “Whatever. I’ll just break it again, then we can do all the speculation you guys want with Twilight.”

“No, pony, you won’t.”

The gruff, appallingly familiar voice of a diamond dog struck my ear like a sour note. It took whatever strength I had that wasn’t sapped out of me to not collapse; it became harder to take in the rancid air, nauseating terror coursing through every inch of me. My heart beat so quickly it hurt.

My teeth began chattering for a very different reason.

“Oh wow. You guys are way more fugly up close.” Limestone remarked, setting the lantern down beside her.

I want to turn around, to see how many of them there were. There’s no way there was only one of them. However, I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. I couldn’t gather the resolve to just turn around, like my feet were rooted to the ground.

“Chara?” Applejack whispered as she stood next to me. “Listen, you’ll be alright. Ah promise. Ah’ve fought my way out of a horde of changelings before. This ain’t nothing.”

She pushed out her chest and stood tall, the confidence in her words almost reassuring. I wish I could believe them. I had what I thought was unwavering trust in them on the way here. Yet, standing here I realize how easily shaken that trust really was in the face of near certain death.

Even so, it helped just a little. I clutched my pendant so tightly that it hurt, dragging my feet as I turned around to face them once again.

There were three of them that I could see, though there were certainly others either underground or on their way. The ones on the right and left were exactly how Applejack described earlier: wearing armor and holding spears. Much more shabby than what I pictured. A steel chest plate with occasional spikes, and a similar helmet that only covered the top of their heads and barely had space to see. The rest of their body was left unprotected.

The spear itself was a wooden rod with a sharpened gemstone on the end. Either they didn’t have more armor and weapons, or they just chose those for some purpose. The one in the middle gave off a strange impression compared to any of the other’s I’d met so far, not wearing any armor or brandishing any kind of weapon. Instead, he wore a disgusted sneer, like just the presence of us revolted him. His pale yellow fur wasn’t as matted or blatantly dirty, and his vest actually looked clean with only one or two tears. In fact, he might be the only diamond dog that tries to take care of himself.

“Just like you ponies to care so much about appearances.” he remarked, spitting on the ground in disapproval.

As he approached us, I couldn’t help but fixate on the vertical, jagged scar down his left eye; Stark white and visible even through his fur. The eye itself was milky white, like a small cloud of mist had trapped itself in his pupil. It was hard to tell if he could even see out of it or not.

Oddly, something about it was unsettlingly familiar.

“Look, ah know we got off on the wrong hoof the first time around. Or claws, ah guess.” Applejack said as she stepped forward. “Yuh took one of our friends, and we rushed in all hot headed without even trying to talk. This time, we are. Just tell us why y'all are here, and ah’m sure we could work things out.”

They were only a few feet away, holding tightly onto their spears and waiting for the right moment. Every inch of my body was as rigid as they looked, waiting for the moment I would feel any vibration in the ground. I couldn’t shake the nagging curiosity about how they snuck up on us in the first place. Did they come from one of the other tunnels and saw us, then silently followed us to this point? Why wait?

What did I miss?

“Talk, that’s all you ponies want to do. Find how it benefits both of us, only when our problems become an inconvenience to you.” his words hardened as he pointed at Applejack, his other hand clutching so tightly I could see blood dripping between his fingers. “Would you have even bothered to ask why we’re here if ponies didn’t happen to complain?”

“Well, if Pinkie’s family hadn’t told us, we wouldn’t have known you were here in the first place. So, ah guess not. But if ya just asked somepony, ah’m su-”

“So ignorant!” he barked, baring his sickeningly yellow teeth. “You think it’s that easy for us to just ask for help from you ponies? We live in the ground, filthy and don’t have the same privileges you do! We ask for help, and what do you think you ponies will do? Run and hide, afraid of us because we aren’t ponies!”

He slammed his fist against the ground, so quickly and with abrupt strength even the other diamond dogs grip on the spears faltered for a moment. I glanced at Applejack out of the corner of my eye, expecting her to give some angry retort. Instead, she cringed. Biting her lower lip and averting her gaze and dropping her hat.

Limestone caught it too, opening her mouth to say something and then closing it.

“Ah…sadly know what yuh mean.” Applejack whispered, closing her eyes and sharply inhaling. “Ah’d also be lying if ah said ah’d never done something like that before. Ah accused somep-someone of doing something awful because they were a zebra, not a pony. We made amends, but that doesn’t make what ah did right.”

She took off her hat, pressing it against her chest and bowing her head. The diamond dog’s scornful scowl slipped for just a moment, peering down at her with tightened eyes.

“Ah’m deeply sorry that happened to yuh. Ah can’t speak for the pony who did that to yuh, but ah and my friends will help yuh in their place. Not just for them, for yuh diamond dogs too.”

Her words were nothing short of completely sincere, which made it even more painful to hear. We had already tried talking to them, which didn’t work. They wouldn’t even tell me why they were here in the first place, even after killing us. Why would an apology make that much of a difference? No matter how genuine, they’ve made it clear to me how little they want to negotiate.

Still, my rationalizing couldn’t bury the fleeting hope staying just above the water that all of this can be resolved peacefully.

“Your apology,” his voice was hushed, and didn’t carry the same harsh tone as before. The other dogs turned their head towards him, hanging on his words as much as we were. “is worthless. You can’t help us, not even if I believed you wanted to. We’ve had enough of your empty words: Action is the only thing you ponies take seriously.”

The dogs dropped their heads; whether they were nodding in agreement, or because his words saddened them, I couldn’t tell. Nor could I shake the feeling that something about his angry reaction felt off. Why was he so angry, but the other dogs so solemn? The ones that ambushed us before weren’t angry at all; panicked, somewhat reluctant to kill us, and then regretful after they did. The hostility from the first one appeared desperate, not malicious.

Was this one the same? Being aggressive as some kind of farce? I don’t understand; what do these diamond dogs want? If they wanted us to leave, why bother rebuilding the wall and trapping us down here with them?

“So, that’s it, then?” Limestone spoke up as she stepped forward. “Talking’s over? Good, I’m better at punching things than I am at talking to them.”

“Wait, Lime.” Applejack said, raising her head and placing her hat back on top of it. “We can just bust down the dirt wall again and leave. We don’t gotta stay and fight.”

“You could.” the diamond dog whispered, tapping the claw of his pointer finger against a rock in the ground. The guards beside him began moving towards us, lowering their spears to point at us. “The dogs on the other side might have something to say about that though.”

“Oh, now I see how it is.” Limestone began, raising her chin and scowling. “You never wanted to talk in the first place, huh? Right from the start, peace was never an option. Why even fucking bother trying to talk to us, then? Since our words are so worthless.”

“Because,” he flashed a toothy, disheartening grin. The corners of his lips shaking. “I wanted you to know what it felt like for your pleas to fall on deaf ears before you die.”

“Please, nopony’s been listening to what I say since I learned to talk.”

The unmistakable quaking of the ground came, rapidly approaching and from multiple directions. All of which were from behind them, none from the other side of the wall. Were they just sitting behind there in case we tried to escape? Or was it a bluff to prevent us from trying to leave in the first place?

I shook my head and bit the inside of my cheek; it didn’t matter. I needed to warn them, tell them what I could and explain after. As long as they were alive to question me, I didn’t care.

“Applejack, they’re going to come from below us!” I shouted as I turned to her, trying to ignore how similar my legs felt to jelly at the moment.

“Yeah, I figured.” Applejack said as she clenched her fists. Staring at the ground at nothing in particular, evidently concentrating on something. “Yer forgetting this ain’t my first rodeo; I know what they’ll do, more or less.”

“Below us?” Limestone asked out loud, wearing the smuggest grin I’d seen on her face yet. “You dogs really had no idea who was living on this farm, did you?”

She slowly pulled back her arm, clenching her fist and holding her punch. Within seconds, the dogs were right under us, about to unearth at any amount. Limestone didn’t wait, smashing elbow deep into the ground and creating a hole similar to the ones dug by them. There was a shrill yelping noise as she pulled out a medium-sized dog by its collar, holding it with one arm. Despite its weight, she wasn’t struggling to hold it at all.

“Put me down, pony!” it yelped as it fidgeted in her iron grip, taking a swipe at her. With little effort, she grabbed his arm by the wrist and stopped it completely. Slamming him to the ground in a flash, burying him in the ground and leaving only half his face uncovered.

At the same time, another diamond dog shot out of the ground right under AJ’s nose. She darted back, just barely avoiding being grazed by one of the claws. Her boots dug into the dirt, skidding and leaving a small trail.

Her eyes widened as it pulled itself out of the ground, revealing how large it was; arms longer than my torso, and a body to match. It was as big as the gray one, if not larger. However, Applejack didn’t seem deterred by its size at all. She dug her feet in the ground, snorting as she jumped forward towards it. It tried to slash at her, but she ducked under with her hat temporarily off her head, falling back on top perfectly.

She pressed herself against its chest, wrapping her arms around it and tightly clasping her hands together. I watched as she clenched her jaw, bending her knees and lifted the diamond dog off the ground. In an instant, she bent backward, slamming it head first into the ground right behind her. With so much raw force that the upper half was completely entrenched, legs limply sticking out.

Applejack suplexed a huge diamond dog, just because she could.

“Limestone, don’t hurt’em too bad, ya hear? They might be willing to talk after we kick their flanks.” Applejack shouted as she stood straight.

“You don’t have to tell me. Just because I live on a shithole farm in the middle of nowhere, doesn’t mean I wasn’t taught morals.”

I took a few steps back, my gaze fixed on the awe-inspiringly strong ponies in front of me. I knew they were strong before, with Limestone breaking rocks for a living and Applejack bucking trees all day, but this was absurd. Neither of them even look tired from it at all!

I glanced at my right hand, fingers twitching as I considered conjuring a knife to help them. The thought had crossed my mind more than once, even if I knew I’d be more useless than usual afterwards if the first time was anything to go by. The slightest bit of doubt hung in the back of my throat, questioning if these two would really be enough.

That doubt was vanquished, and any tepid desire to help with it. The best thing I could do was just watch and wait for everything to work out.

The armored dogs ran forward, growling and pointing their spears. As their armor clanked and bounced with each step, threatening to come off, the one in the middle just watched. If he was worried, he didn’t show it. All he did was focus his piercing, spite filled scowl on me. Not breaking it from me for a moment, and it instilled an unsettling anxiety in me that grew worse by the second.

I grit my teeth as I looked around, waiting for any sign of other diamond dogs. Why wasn’t he worried about the two that just got taken down? Did he have something still lying in wait? Some kind of trap? He kept staring at me, even though I hadn’t said anything to them. In fact, the diamond dogs shouldn’t even know what I am, yet they haven’t bothered to ask or point it out in any of the loops.

What am I still missing?

Applejack pressed her right foot deep in the ground, the tip of her boots covered in dirt. She kicked up a cloud of it right into the charging dog’s face, blinding the little vision their helmet allowed. Without hesitating, she kicked the spear out of its temporarily loosened clutched. So much force that it pierced the dirt wall it landed in.

Then, with a swift one legged swirl, she spun and slammed her leg right in the center of its body. A grating sound of its armor creaking and bending followed, as it yelped in pain and tumbled backwards. The chest plate, once giving off a minor bit of intimidation, now had a deep indent of Applejack’s log-like legs.

Limestone, on the other hand, didn’t make a single move as they charged her; Just standing still with her arms limp at her side. As soon as the armored dog was in range and made a stab at her, she grabbed the spear by its shaft with both her hands, stopping it and the dog in its place. It tried to pull the spear out, using its entire body, but nothing worked.

In a moment, she stole the spear from it and shoved the unsharpened end into its stomach with enough force to knock the air out of them even through their armor; casually throwing the spear onto the floor afterwards.

“I’ve always wanted to try this.” Limestone muttered excitedly, lacing her fingers together and popping them, flexing her muscles comparable to Applejack’s. “Discombobulate.”

She slammed her hands against both sides of its head, exactly where its ears would be. Its entire body violently shook, starting at its head and spreading to the rest of its body, then stopping. At first, it didn’t do anything. Limestone cautiously retracted her arms, prepared to react at a moment's notice.

Then it just...fell forward. Like a tree being cut down in the forest, collapsing onto the ground with a loud thud. It was hard for me to tell, but I think blood was streaming from under its helmet where its ears would be.

“And then there was one.” Limestone drawled as she turned to the scarred dog, who had remained unmoving.

His scowl had deepened, lips curled into a snarl, yet he still didn’t take his eyes off me. I backed up even further, hitting the dirt wall behind us. Even as they defeated the diamond dogs with ease, he didn’t appear concerned. Frustrated, yes, but not concerned.

Which just worried me more; Why wasn’t he?

There had to be something in store, more diamond dogs coming or something. No matter where I looked, not a single thing was out of place. What was I-

The spot beside me exploded as a claw burst through, grabbing me by the chest like it knew exactly where I was. I couldn’t help but scream as it dug into my chest, blood trailing down my body. Just as I expected it to sink deeper and kill me, the scarred dog whistled and it stopped. Leaving its dirt covered nails in, almost certainly infecting the wounds.

“Chara!” Applejack screamed, turning around as her pupils constricted. “Tartarus, ah’ll-”

She didn’t get over two steps before the scarred dog made his move, much faster than I would have expected. He ran towards Applejack on all fours, snatching up the spear Limestone threw on the ground. Taking immediate advantage of that shift in attention like he’d been waiting for it, stabbing through her from behind.

Although they’re both physically very strong, Applejack and Limestone weren’t invincible. This reality bore itself to me as I watched it go straight through her, covered in her blood as she stopped where she was. Limestone, who certainly could have prevented it if she saw it coming, had briefly directed her attention to me.

She peered down at it, mouth ajar and color draining from her face. Her trembling hands wrapping around it as she grits her teeth, trying to pull it out. Limestone yelled, running over to Applejack. The dog growled, letting go of the spear and slashing the back of AJ’s legs before burrowing into the ground.

“Get back here, you fucking mut!” Limestone roared, smashing her fist where it just was.

Applejack collapsed to her knees, struggling to stay conscious. Limestone stifled her rage, getting behind Applejack and lowering her into her arms. She pulled Applejack’s hands off the spear, ripping off her sleeves and wrapping it around the shaft.

“Don’t try to remove it, it’s the only thing stopping you from bleeding out too quickly.”

“H-help,” Applejack wheezed out, grabbing one of Limestone’s arms by her wrist. “Help…chara.”

I had been completely frozen, trying to process how quickly things had gone wrong. My hands dug into the dirt wall I was pressed into, terrified to even push against the claw so close to being wrapped around my heart. In the span of less than a minute, Applejack was now dying.

All because I got caught in their trap. Now I can only watch.

There was a whistling noise, similar to the one from the diamond dog I’d talk to before. Right after, the dog on the other side retracted its arm, letting me fall to the ground, blood leaking through and coating my pendant. I couldn’t think: my ears painfully rang and breathing was hard. I couldn’t even form words as Limestone shouted my name, laying AJ on the ground and running towards me.

I watched in horror as an arm came out of the ground behind her, reaching up and grabbing Limestone by the tail. She yelped as she was pulled to the ground, forced on her back. She slammed her hooves against the ground, pressing her hands against the dirt and trying to stand up. Putting visible effort as the dog holding her must have been using all their strength just to hold down her tail.

Once again, I felt the ground quake as a diamond dog approached. This time from the other side of the way, and was moving rapidly. I tried to get to my feet, to do anything. However, each time I tried, the gashes hurt more; not to mention my body simply didn’t want to comply, no matter how much I wanted it to.

The diamond dog pounced out, spinning like a drill full of ill intent down at her. She brought up her arms, gripping it by its forearm with the sharp edges inches away. Limestone grit her teeth, the veins on her head pulsating as she tried to pull herself out of the ground at the same time.

As I finally got to my feet, I tried to concentrate on my right hand; If I recall correctly, she said it required an intense emotion and to think of my right hand as ‘the eye of the storm’. I squeezed my eyes as I tried to ignore the sound of Limestone’s struggle, to just conjure a knife in my hands. Even if I collapse afterwards, I can at least do something to help keep them alive.

I’m tired of watching people die.

As the pressure built up in my head, the diamond dog that was holding her tail jutted an arm out of the ground, stabbing her in one of her arms. She howled in pain as the diamond dog above her kept pushing, skewering her throat. Soon, her screaming turned into wet whimpers, then nothing as her movements halted completely. Arms falling limply to the side as blood pooled under head.

I fell to my knees, leaning forward and clenching the dirt in between my fingers. I was almost too afraid to check on Applejack, but I couldn’t help but slowly turn to her; like watching tragedy unfold before me, it was harder not to.

The lifelessness of her eyes was telling enough, along with the puddle of blood she lay in. I wasn’t even paying attention to her, when I could have rushed over to her or Limestone. Instead, I completely froze, and they died when I could have helped them.

Now, it was too late. My inaction cost their lives. I could have done something sooner, I could have tried to do something sooner instead of hesitating. Even if… I killed the diamond dogs, they’d be alive.

I had everything the way I wanted it to be, and things still went wrong.

Because of me.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I lowered my head to the ground, despair swelling up inside me until it reached my throat. I openly sobbed, bordering on unhindered wailing, my stomach twisting painfully. I didn’t care if the diamond dogs were still there, it didn’t matter.

They were just going to kill me, anyway.

“What are you?”

I didn’t even register the scarred dog walking up to me, standing with the antler necklace in his right hand; He must have looted it off Applejack. His hand clutched it tightly, the chain slinking through his fingers. I slowly raised my head, expecting some kind of smug smile, glaring down at me in a sense of superiority.

Instead, I just saw more anger. Maybe even more than when he first showed up.

A glare so deep I wondered if it would stick, teeth pressing against each other so tightly they looked like they would chip at any moment. So much hate flared in his eyes, the burning rage flickering so powerfully from him I nearly felt heat among the cold.

“Why,” I uttered. “Are you still angry? You won, you killed the ponies who came here to help you. Again.”

“…won?” he questioned, voice shaking in loose restraint. “That was never what this was about. We’re not here by choice!”

The smell of his breath was worse than the air; I couldn’t help but stop breathing for a moment. I pressed my hand against my nose, splattering some dirt on myself.

“We aren’t either!” I shouted back, ignoring how much it hurt to speak. “We’re…only here to help you diamond dogs, that’s it. No-”

“You mean get rid of us!” he got in my face, grabbing me by the collar and lifting me off the ground with ease; another reminder of how weak I am. “You ponies help only when it's convenient for you, forcing your elements on us like you're better! Ponies don’t kill, and now they’ve died for that.”

He gestured towards Applejack and Limestone, not daring to look at them himself. Even with all the spite in his voice, all the spewing and screaming, his anger still didn’t have me convinced. It felt so fake, something he wasn’t used to acting out. Shouting just to shout, getting visibly more upset the longer he spoke.

I’ve witnessed the real thing too many times to not see through this.

“Is it that hard for you to just to ask for help? So what if they only came here to help other ponies? They still wanted to help you! Even knowing you wanted to take their lives, they wouldn’t kill you. Because they’re good people.”

“Of course, ‘because they’re good people.’” he said with a hateful chuckle, mocking what I’d just said. “Ponies and their hero complex, needing to save species less fortunate than them to show how good they are! How superior! And it's spread to you.”

I recoiled, squinting my eyes as I tried to pull myself out of his grip. Despite his claws poking into my neck, any movement risking my throat being gouged out, I wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

“What? No, I’m not…” I stuttered out. “The ponies are the heroes, not me. I just wanted to make sure they were ok, I didn’t wan-”

“Then why come here in the first place?! If you only cared about ponies, why just stand there? Why…” for just a moment, the anger was replaced by something else. He winced, breaking eye contact and crinkling his nose. “Didn’t you stop us?”

His voice took an unexpectedly low tone, letting go of the antler necklace in his claw and allowing it to drop to the ground. I glanced down at my right hand, covered in dirt with a sticky sensation that I wasn’t sure was real or not. I still could stop them, or at least him. Conjure a knife in my hand and stab him in the throat before he could do anything about it, watching him choke on his blood and die like Limestone did.

It would be so easy, but what would be the point?

“Because, I wanted to believe them.” I admitted, letting my body drop as I stopped struggling. “I wanted to believe no one had to be hurt, that you could be helped. That no one would get killed, that…” it clicked in my mind how I wanted to play this out.

I understood Frisk more and more every day; words could never express how terrifying that was.

“I could be a pacifist. And everyone can be saved.”

“A pacifist?” he whispered. “When you know your precious ponies are in danger, you still did nothing?”

He stepped away, saying nothing as I dropped back to the ground.

“Then you’re worse: a failed hero, and a coward.”

A genuine hostility coated his words, stinging with a pain unlike anything his claws could do. Nor could I deny the validity of them; I stood there when I could have been helping, when I could have done something. I knew how serious the diamond dogs were, how dangerous they were. All the things I didn’t want to say, if only I just trusted them. I…

This was because of me; I made the same mistake again.

This was my plan in the first place. I convinced Twilight to let me go alone with them. If Fluttershy was here, maybe she could have saved Applejack. Or, if they weren’t with me, they wouldn’t have been caught off guard and would have won.

It was just like with Asriel; I thought I knew better. I thought I could control things. Instead, I got to watch them die again and again. Unable to do anything but stand and watch.

Nothing changed at all.

I haven’t changed at all.

The corners of my lips curled upward, tears streaming down my face. A strange, heavy sensation came over me. So potent, so agonizing. I couldn’t help but chuckle, and I hated it so much. It sat inside of me like poison, spreading to the rest of my body and leaking out of my mouth through a sickening guffaw.

It devolved into inane giggling, until I was painfully pressing my hands against my chest. Gasping for air in between each one, pleading for it to be my last. Just for another grating cackle to force its way out of my hoarse throat. It hurt so much, I could even taste blood.

Every inhale was a sharp pain to my lungs, each one more unbearable than the last. The cold, repulsive air pricked the inside of my mouth like a thousand thorns. A searing migraine pulsating with each heartbeat, made worse following every exhale.

Even as I tried to beg with the few words I could stammer out.

Even as I could make out the scarred dog saying something in front of me.

Even as I called out for help, knowing nobody was going to come.

I couldn’t stop laughing.

There was no burning when I woke up in Fluttershy’s arms this time.

No warmth in my chest, or anywhere else. I could feel the softness of her arms, count each of her heartbeats, but it didn’t feel like I was there. For a moment, there was just the soreness in my throat, and the tightness of being unable to catch my breath.

Then I opened my eyes, and saw where I was.

It was tempting to take in a deep breath, to breathe where the air wasn’t disgustingly terrible and cold.

I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I was terrified that I’d start laughing again.

I removed Fluttershy’s arms, moving to the end of the bed. Gripping the corners so firmly I could feel splinters embedding themselves into the palms of my hands. It got harder not to breathe, but as long as I didn’t take that first whiff of clean air, I could sit still.

No shaking or uncontrollable trembling. Just utter rigidness that offered a silent comfort, even for just in an instance.

“Chara?”

I didn’t turn around; there was no strength left for me to look into her eyes. Her weight shifting as she sat up, stretching her wings and moving closer to me. Staying just out of range of touch.

“What’s wrong?”

I took in a hesitant breath, unable to hold out any longer. The warm, odorless air filled my lungs and replaced the phantom chill that had made its home there. The moment I let go of the bed, that feeling of stickiness in between my fingers came back. So prominent that I couldn’t even feel the dried tears of my face from the night before.

It would be so easy to turn to her, to weep into her shoulder and soak in her kindness. To find just a moment of peace.

But I didn’t have it in me to do that anymore.

“...me.”

Chapter Sixteen: Blood and Dust.

I slowly stood up, reluctantly letting go of the bed as splinters dug into the palms of my hands. Even with the stinging pain, the sticky sensation between my fingers was impossible to ignore. It somehow felt worse than before, like I’d stuck my hands into a pot of goo until I touched the bottom.

I bit the inside of my cheeks as I clenched my fist, nails stabbing into my palms with as much force as I could muster. It hurt a lot, but couldn’t overshadow the feeling of blood that’s not there.

I hated it so much.

Fluttershy walked around the bed, stopping behind me in dreadful silence.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” she said, followed by a flickering noise as one of her wings uncurled. “Please, I want to listen. I can’t do that if you don’t want to talk, Chara.”

Her wing touched my shoulder, gently and barely more than a feather, but it struck a chord of terror in me. I sharply inhaled and jumped forward, out of her reach, with my arms wrapped around myself like a frightened child.

“I’m…” I stuttered, finding myself cold despite the warmth of the room we were in. “sorry.”

Once again, I’d failed her.

I failed all of them.

I convinced Twilight to listen to me, to go along with my plan. Then I led Applejack and Limestone right into the jaws of their death, when I could have talked them out of it, or at least tried to. Instead, I went along with it. I knew the diamond dogs were out for blood, but I wanted to understand why they were there. To know them better.

My curiosity got them killed.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s ok, I promise.” she whispered as she stayed just behind me, not moving an inch. “After last night, I have no right to push you anymore. Even if…” the room got gradually more tense as she took a deep breath. “I know it’s hard sometimes, and you feel like I couldn’t possibly understand. I get it. But it can make all the difference to say it, as pointless as you think it might be.”

I’m weak, so frustratingly weak. It would be so easy to fall into her arms again, to ball like a child for those few moments of relief and comfort that would come after. I wanted to so badly that I couldn’t stop shaking, on top of a handful of other reasons.

But what would that do? Waste more time feeling sorry for myself, just to make the same mistakes again? Enjoy her touch again, just for it to be taken away when I have to enter those death filled tunnels?

I can’t do it again.

I can’t walk down those stairs, knowing they’re waiting for me. I can’t look in their unaware eyes, just for them to die again because of what I did or couldn’t do. I can’t wear that scarf again; it haunts me.

What can I even do? Make another plan again, and just hope it works out this time? Every plan I’ve ever made failed, just ending in more death. I could always tell them the truth, or at least part of it, like with Twilight. Then, at best, all of us enter together. The diamond dogs pull out their anti-magic rocks, or something else I haven’t seen yet, and everything will go wrong in seconds.

Or maybe nothing will go wrong. Maybe we’ll win, at first. Twilight, Fluttershy, or someone else would try to talk to them in vain. The dogs will give up nothing, and take advantage of the mercy offered to them, resulting in more death.

In the face of bloodlust, of those who have clarified that this conflict can only end with bloodshed, they still won’t kill. Because ‘ponies don’t kill’. Time and time again, I’ve seen where that virtuous resolve leads.

I can’t watch them get killed again; I’d rather die a hundred times before risking that happening again.

A freezing realization washed over me, like the first few drops of rain from a storm that had just arrived. I no longer felt like it was me that was cold. Instead, it was everything else.

The trembling stopped, substituted with an unsettling stiffness as I finally let go of myself.

“Fluttershy,” I said as I began walking towards the backpack, ignoring the sharp pain in my hands as I picked it up. “Do you trust me?”

“I…” she hesitated, briefly rubbing her wrist. “Yes.”

“Please, I need that trust now.” I walked over to the window, spotting the corner of the shed Limestone led me to before. “What I’m about to do, I need to do by myself. I know I’m asking so much, but can you keep Twilight and the others here? I don’t care how, just…please.”

I leaned forward, placing my hands on the window and dropping my head. It was taking nearly everything I had to keep my voice steady, trying to not look her in the eyes. I couldn’t let her see how vulnerable I felt, how much I wanted her to stop me from doing this.

I knew I had to. I also knew what the consequences would be.

“I think so. For a little while, at least. Why? I don’t understand, -”

She was cut off as I lifted the window, feeling the contrastingly cold air against my face for what felt like the thousandth time. I’d only been on this farm for one day, longer if resets are counted, and already I was getting sick of it: the emptiness, the cold, the lack of actual sunshine. No others for miles, nor was anything significantly distant. Almost like the farm was an infinite copy of itself that will never end.

I can’t blame Pinkie for leaving, or Limestone for her anger. I can’t save them from this place, but I can save them from what’s lurking beneath it.

“Chara, please just talk to me!”

I froze. The panic in her tight voice as it rose was paralyzing. If I hadn’t been leaning against something, I would have fallen to my knees.

“I can’t.” My voice cracked as I whispered, struggling to get my fingers under the bottom of the window. “Please, I promise I’ll be ok. Just keep them here; it’s important. I can fix everything. You just have to let me.”

“Let you? There are diamond dogs out there. I don’t want to let you just go by yourself! How can you fix everything?”

“I just can!” I shouted back. “I’ll tell you everything when this is over, but this is what I have to do now. Trust me, please.”

My voice shook with desperation, which got harder to hold back the longer I stayed here. Hearing her so blatantly afraid for me was like a needle stabbing my heart with each word, and I hated it so much. I bit my lip and stood in solemn, terror riddled silence. It was tempting to just jump out the window, get what I need, and do what I have to.

As much as I yearned to, some part of me had no doubt she wouldn’t let me.

“Can…” I waited for her to speak. As patient with her as she’s always been with me. “Can you promise me that we’ll be ok? That you’ll be ok?”

“Yes.”

I wasn’t lying; everyone will stay alive and leave here in one piece, eventually. I will ensure it, no matter how many resets it takes.

Her wings tightly hugged her sides, pressing her hands against her chest as she was biting her lip. Without a word, she walked over to the door, moving her mane out of her face. I wondered for a moment where Rainbow was, as she was usually here by now. She likely heard the shouting and went back down, or was on the other side of the door right now and listening in.

“Okay. Just stay safe.”

“I’ll try.”

With that, I hated myself just a little more.

As I tried to open the door, I realized why Limestone had lifted it upward before. Some part of the bottom was stuck to the ground, and needed to be held up to open. The inside looked the same as before, with the beat-up birdcage and all. I took one of the smaller shovels, putting it in the inventory of my backpack. Then snatched the same lantern Limestone grabbed before, almost dropping it when I felt that it was heavier than I expected it to be. I got a handful of matches as well.

The journey there felt longer than usual, but lacked that crippling uncertainty all the previous resets did. In fact, I didn’t feel any anxiety at all. There was nothing to be anxious about, really. I knew what was going to happen, where I was going, and what was waiting for me. I didn’t even shake as the wind hit me, although I knew I was cold.

Somehow, the feeling of unshaking, absolute knowing was worse.

Once I approached the hole, filled only with death and a revolting stench, I removed the lantern attached to my pants. Despite copying Limestone the best I could, it took me a few tries to get the lantern properly lit. I burnt through three matches, those of which took multiple strikes because I couldn’t keep the fire lit long enough before the wind blew it out.

The smell of the tunnels didn’t seem so bad anymore. Maybe it was the anxiety all the previous times that made it worse than it was, or I had just gotten used to it. I couldn’t help but wrinkle my nose a bit, but it bothered me considerably less.

It felt so different being in the tunnels alone, and being the sole source of light. I should have been afraid, or at least concerned. Coming here sooner might have changed things, maybe even caused the dogs to come out of hiding earlier and attack me. There were so many things that could go wrong, many of which I’m sure I wasn’t thinking of.

Yet, I was calm. Nearly to the point of numbness.

I hated it.

Once I got to the wall, I used the shovel to tear it down. A few minutes passed before I’d chunked out enough for it to collapse on itself, falling into piles of dirt. Shortly after, I made my way to the chamber, turning off the lantern I brought and putting it in my inventory.

It was the same as before, down to the placement of the gems and the chest. I opened the chest again, picking up the antler necklace that sat inside. For just a moment, a malicious thought crossed my mind: to wear this necklace, out of nothing but spite for them. I didn’t even know what it meant to them, or why they were here in the first place. Nor did I expect to get an answer.

I simply wanted to take something valuable from them out of sheer pettiness.

However, I decided against it; I already had plans to take something from them.

Instead, I put it in my inventory. Taking a moment to check its description, something I had been neglecting to do. I was hoping it would tell me anything about it, like how so many descriptions of things before had hinted at things, if just vaguely. To my growing frustration, it only added more questions. If it had been just a few words, or even blank, I could have accepted that. In place of that were various symbols, none of which I recognized in the slightest.

Briefly, I almost thought they were wingdings, but they weren’t. It was like someone made an entire language of symbols meant to appear nearly identical to wingdings, but intentionally made to be as close as possible to frustrate anyone who knew wingdings and tried to read it.

More and more, I’m wondering whether whoever sent me here hates me, or just has a thoroughly twisted sense of humor.

I stood in the center of the room for an entire minute. Not a single sound escaped my lips. They didn’t make themselves known, yet I knew they were watching me somehow. If not listening to me, at least.

With tangible purpose, I made my way back to the entrance, leaving the chest open and empty on the table. The dirt wall had been replaced, and I assume a diamond dog is waiting on the other side. As I stood facing the wall, I let my arms limply hang to my side. Leaning back with my hair dropping, and staring at the lantern right above me.

The light burned my eyes, but provided just a moment of nothingness within my mind. No abrupt thoughts pervading me.

There was nothing to do now but wait.

Minutes later, I heard the diamond dogs approaching; the unmistakable sound of their paws hitting the ground as they got closer, one I could never mistake for anything else. They were in no more of a rush than I was, taking their time to get to me with, presumably, a hefty amount of caution.

Once I could tell how close they were, I slowly closed my eyes. Deeply inhaling through my nostrils, the smell stinging my sinuses; I couldn’t face them, not yet. As I clenched my fist, the memories of the previous resets hung onto the inside of my brain like a still picture: a morbid commemorative.

“You are not a pony. Where are they?”

“Away.” I didn’t need to turn around to know whose voice that was. “It’s just me. They won’t be coming.”

The clattering of armor was instantly recognizable, as was the anger practically dripping from his voice.

“By yourself? When you know we were down here? Are you suicidal?”

I couldn’t help but smirk at his question, for reasons I despised.

“No, just determined. Though sometimes, they’re the same thing.” I wiped my hands on my pants, struggling just to keep my breathing steady. “Even after everything you’ve done, I want to give you one more chance. No matter how futile I know it to be, I have to try; Leave. Get the diamond dogs waiting on the west side and go. I don’t know why you’re here, and I don’t care anymore. Don’t…” I grit my teeth, digging my feet into the ground. “Make me do this. You have no idea how much I don’t want to.”

“How did you know about…” his voice trailed off, followed by the sound of him tapping his claw against a rock. “Your threats are as empty as pony apologies. We can’t just leave, not that you’d understand. What do you think you are?”

I figured this was how things would turn out. I was just hoping, like so many times before, I would be wrong.

“Violence just breeds more violence. In the end, I guess it really has to be this way.” I muttered as I turned around to face them. They looked exactly the same, not that I expected any difference in their appearance.

I pictured my emotions as a glass bottle, spiraling like a trapped cloud, pressing against what was keeping it inside. It was easy to pull it out, to let it begin to course through my body like poison in my veins. My skin tingled with a sickening warmth as I began focusing all of it in the center of my hand.

‘Your right hand as the eye of the storm’, just like Twilight said.

That disgustingly familiar pressure reared its ugly head, rising from the back of my mind and spreading to the rest of my head like a growing migraine. With each heartbeat, my brain pulsates painfully, like needles being stabbed into every cell I had above my neck. It was agonizing; it took all I had not to whimper every couple of seconds.

With it, came that sensation of power pouring through me. A red orb appeared in the center of my right hand, condensed and vibrant with energy. It straightened out as I pictured the knife, taking the form of it with every detail I envisioned. The pressure reached my eyes, leaking out with only a fading sense of relief. It dripped down my face, sticking with an oozelike texture that made my stomach churn.

The crimson knife sat comfortably in my grip, my hand functioning as the perfect sheathe. It felt so right there, so fitting. Not only that, but the raw magic filling every inch of me felt so good. Like it was the nutrient I had been missing to be healthy, that being without it would be wrong.

I hated it so much.

The diamond dogs were taken aback, grips tightening on the spears and visibly tensing up. Despite being unable to see their eyes, I could tell there was a hint of fear.

“What,” the scared dog backed up a few inches, letting out that signature whistle. “Are you?”

I lowered my body, coiling every muscle I had as I waited for them to make the first move.

“A demon.”

The ground shook with diamond dogs digging through the dirt and rocks straight towards me. Unlike before, I held firm. This was the fourth time I’d seen them, and they rarely changed how they attacked. The difference was I was alone this time, with no need to be overly cautious or concerned. There was no one here to see what I was going to do, no need to hold on to any sense of self-preservation.

I would do this, no matter how many times it took.

The first diamond dog burst out right under me, the same way they always had before. One of the few benefits of my size was how easy it was to move around, and these diamond dogs were slow. I jumped backwards, swiping with my knife as my feet skid against the dirt.

Twilight’s explanation about conjuration magic was still fresh in my mind, particularly how powerful it was depended on how much magic I put into it. I was well acquainted with knives, and thought this one would be no different.

I was terrifyingly wrong.

I expected the slash I made to only be a surface cut, to scare them into running away. To my horror, it sliced off his arm with barely more than a flick of my wrist. I barely even felt it go through, only realizing what had happened after his forearm fell to the ground and his warm blood splattered on my face.

He howled with pain, the top half of his body sticking out of his hole as he thrashed in it. Blood gushing out in alarming amounts. I taste a sputter of bile in the back of my throat, being reminded once again that these weren’t monsters who would turn to dust; there were organs and blood inside them, and they’d leave their corpses behind.

A reality, whether I wanted to live in it, was the end result of the path I’d just chosen.

The two armored guards started charging towards me, this time without the orders from the scarred dog. The other diamond dog sprung out, this time from the wall. I snapped out of my temporary stupor, running towards the diamond dog and sliding on my knees. It hurt a lot, the pain as I scraped my knees was splitting.

I tried my best to ignore it, stabbing my knife upward into its chest and carving down. Nevertheless, I was grazed, the tip of its claws cutting the side of my cheek, though not very deep.

I heard it hit the ground with a loud thud as I got to my feet as quickly as I could, ignoring the searing pain on the side of my face. It barely made a whimper, laying on the ground with blood pooling underneath it. The cut was deeper than I’d expected, with some of its guts poking out.

It was hard to tear my eyes off of it, but I couldn’t afford to stare; I had to keep fighting.

The scarred dog let out a loud whistle, a cue for the dog on the other side of the wall, who tore it down right after. At that moment of shock, one spear nearly stabbed me. I yelped as I managed to sidestep it, though it cut my shirt and scraped my hip. I twirled the knife in my hand and jabbed upward, straight into the unprotected jaw and into its brain.

At the very least, he died with relatively little pain.

What I failed to account for was where his body would end up; on top of me. I felt the life leave him as the full weight of his body and armor limply collapsed, forcing me to the ground and nearly crushing me. I couldn’t breathe, and there was barely space for me to try to wiggle my way out from under him. The moment I began, the other dog took advantage and tried stabbing my head, missing by inches. I took the opportunity to cut the spear by its shaft, resulting in it becoming nothing more than a stick of wood.

My small stature made it easier for me to get out from underneath the diamond dog and back to my feet, only to immediately be attacked by the diamond dog that had just entered. He tried to grab me into a bear hug, presumably to crush me to death. I impaled his leg, pulling it out just as quickly and spinning on my heel to face him.

I didn’t, no, I couldn’t afford to hesitate.

More blood sprayed on my face as I slashed his throat; the sound of him gasping for air as he desperately grasped at his neck was eerily similar to Fluttershy. I turned back around. The last thing I needed was another death burned into my mind.

The last diamond dog lunged towards me without any thought, yowling in primal rage as it swiped at me. Once again, I was fast, but not fast enough. Three new claws marks donned themselves on my arm, cutting my sleeve and my arm deep enough to bleed.

I slammed the knife into its foot, bringing the diamond dog down to his knees for a few precious seconds. As I leaped over its shoulder, I stabbed into the armor, gripping the knife with both of my hands and using all my strength to swivel around and cut downward as I landed. The metal creaked, but was more durable than I expected. It hardly cut into the skin at all and left me with no time to dodge its arm as he swung behind without looking.

That knocked the air out of me, but I managed to stay on my feet. The diamond dog attacked again, raising its arms above its head and bringing them onto me. However, it forgot that its arms weren’t protected. I sliced upward with the little vigor I had left, cutting off the diamond dog’s forearms as it fell forward. In that instant it was on the ground. I thrusted the knife into its helmet through the top, barely getting into its brain.

As much as I wanted to relax, I couldn’t afford to yet. I knew how fast the scarred dog could be.

I struggled to pull the knife out, turning my eyes towards where he stood. I was expecting him to be on top of me in that instant; not standing in the same spot as before, with barely any change. He was visibly trembling, claws digging into the dirt so deeply I couldn’t even see his fingers, but he didn’t move.

Neither of us moved, standing in a room full of cadavers and silence. I couldn’t stop shaking; the adrenaline made that an impossibility. I didn’t even attempt to hide my heavy breathing, or how much pain I was in. The bleeding was fortunately not that bad. I could keep going. As long as I held onto the knife, I could keep going.

I had to.

I began walking towards him, not even blinking as I watched out for anything else that might pop up. If I was being honest with myself, for once, I expected to die at least once or twice before killing them all. Maybe I got lucky, or maybe learning how to survive in combat after watching Frisk do so helped me a lot more than I thought it would.

Or maybe I would collapse at any moment and die; That’s certainly how I felt. But whatever happens, this was my choice, and I couldn’t stop now.

Instead of lunging at me in a fit of irrational rage, the scarred dog’s crooked sneer morphed into…a smile? His head dropped, hanging low as a guttural wheeze slipped through his mouth like a machine that hadn’t been turned on in ages. I couldn’t tell what it was at first, then it hit me.

He was laughing.

“It doesn’t matter. None of this matters.” he uttered, stating it like an everyday fact. The melancholic solemness in his voice reverberated with despair as they bounced off the wall of the empty room. “There’s no way that bug was ever going to give us our pup’s back, but what choice did we have?”

The despair written all over his face was the last confirmation I needed; these diamond dogs never wanted to do this in the first place. Someone, or something, had forced them here. Not that that made much of a difference at this point; I’d already watched them kill my friends, experienced that chilling touch of death at their very claws. Even if it was justified to them, it didn’t matter.

I can’t afford to care anymore.

Right here, right now, I just couldn’t. I knew how I’d feel when I crash, how every aching moment of this would haunt me, how I’ll remember the sound of their pain as my knife cut into them. I already couldn’t say if I’d be able to bear it. Mercy wasn’t an option.

I, too, was being forced to do this.

“Do your pony friends know you're doing this?” he asked with a grating cough.

“No.” I stood over him; the grip on my knife was as strong as iron. Yet, hovering over him the same way he did to me, a tangible hesitation welled inside me. “They had nothing to do with this. All me: the human.”

“Shame. If you had told them, they might have lived.”

I felt my heart stop for a moment, everything physically coiled to the point of being painful.

“What do you mean?”

He glared up at me. “Those three you mentioned earlier? They should be heading towards the farm right about now. Today was our last day here; if the ponies didn’t come to us, we were going to come to them.”

I lowered myself, inches away from his face. Black ooze dripped onto him. “You’re lying.” I growled.

“No,” he bit his lip, so hard blood dripped down his chin. “I’m not. If you don’t believe me, you’re free to stay here. Not that you’d make it back in time anyway.”

A sense of unrelenting panic came over me as I looked at the entrance, conflicting with the rising doubt that I could make it back in time. Was this some kind of ruse? What point would that have? I don’t know if I had the energy to run that far normally, especially not now.

I peered back down at the scarred dog, who looked like he was waiting for the moment I turn my back to him. Whether or not this was true, I had no doubt he would attack me. I could see it in his eyes; I recognized it too well to mistake it for something else.

As I raised my hand, feeling the blood that coated the knife leak down my arms and drip onto my shoulder, he dug his claws deep into the ground like he was about to pounce. I closed my eyes, letting it drop like rain from the sky.

I hoped it was just my imagination, but for a second, I thought I heard that familiar chime that signaled leveling up I’d heard through Frisk so many times before.

It hurt so much.

My legs, my arms, especially my chest with every breath. It didn’t help that the air outside was so cold, intensifying the burning in my lungs with each inhale. I ignored all of it, pushing through the pain no matter how bad it got.

I could see the house from here; as dilapidated as it was, I couldn’t help but be relieved when it came into sight. It was hard to even say how long I’d been gone, only that I was here now. In the distance, I could see Fluttershy and Rarity standing outside. The flicker of happiness I got from seeing them was just as quickly smothered out; the ground in front of them exploded as one of the diamond dogs attacked Fluttershy.

Rarity reacted a lot faster than I would have expected. Her horn lighting up and forming a diamond-shaped shield in front of them. It cut a noticeable gash into it, but the shield held. Fluttershy yelled as Rarity visibly strained to repair it, already appearing tired.

They didn’t notice me as I ran up, not at first. By the time they did, my legs quaked as a diamond dog dug through the earth beneath me. Without thinking, I gripped my knife with both of my hands, stabbing the diamond dog through the head the moment it came out.

The crunching and then squelching sound that followed made me want to throw up on the spot, the putrid taste of bile in the back of my throat almost too much. Fluttershy’s brief gasp as she witnessed what I’d just done was wrenching; made only worse by the expression on her face that I wish I hadn’t seen.

Those beautiful wings of her were extended to her sides, the same wings she had comforted me with so many times now. Her Hands covered her mouth as her pupils constricted, slight tears welled up at the corners of her eyes; everything froze in that one instance, as what I can only describe as ‘abject dismay’ crossed her face.

It may have only been for a few seconds, but that look was burned deep into me; I don’t think I would ever forget it.

The diamond dog on the other side of Rarity’s shield saw me, glanced at his friend, and clenched his fist. He swiftly reached into his vest pocket, pulling out the anti-magic rock and throwing it at me. A strange, difficult to describe sensation washed over me; numbing warmth encompassed my hand, a tingling weakness that stiffened my fingers and made it hard to keep my hold on the knife.

If it lasted much longer, I was going to drop it and likely pass out.

The diamond dog was baffled, but quickly got over it and leaped towards me. The last tidbits of energy were draining out of me more and more every second; it was a miracle I could even still stand. My vision was getting blurrier; I had just enough for one more swing.

I collapsed to my knees, stabbing upward the same way I had done to one of the armored dogs. The knife slid right into his neck like it belonged there, fitting right through to the other side as it forced him backwards onto the ground. I fell with him, landing on his chest as he gasped for air. With his last seconds of life, he stabbed his claws into my back and raked them down.

I screamed in agony: the white hot burning as he dug into my skin was like being branded from the inside out. I yanked the knife out of his throat, blood draining out of him, along with his essence. Forcing myself out of his arms, I got to my feet; I had to be ready. That wasn’t the last one.

“There’s…” I tried to speak, my voice hoarse. Every single wound of mine bled, the ones on my arm and back being the deepest easily. None of that mattered. If I could just kill the last one, everything would be fine.

“Fluttershy! Are you-”

Twilight’s voice rang out as the door opened, everyone running outside with her. She stopped when she saw me, a nearly identical expression to Fluttershys. Rainbow, Applejack, Pinkie, all of them have various looks of shock or disgust as they laid eyes on me.

My eyes were bleeding with a substance only Twilight and I would know; as most of them were seeing me like this for the first time. My clothes are ripped in various places while the rest of me burns as my skin is covered in wounds. The blood red knife shined in my hand, only a slightly brighter shade than the blood it was soaked in. The few clothes I had remaining were splattered with the gray dirt, and I’m sure my hair didn’t look any better.

“One left.”

As soon as I spoke, I coughed up blood that was much darker than usual. With it, I finally let go of the knife I’d been grasping as desperately as I often did with my necklace. Everything went black; I think I even heard my own body hit the ground, mixed in with the deafening ringing.

I collapsed, covered in blood and dust.

Chapter 17: L.O.V.E.

What’s the difference between a dream and a nightmare?

When I fell down Mt. Ebott, right into the arms of a loving family, the distinction had always been obvious to me; A nightmare scares you, or just leaves you over all bothered. A dream, on the other hand, is usually something pleasant. Both of which are a blend of memories, thoughts, and what we want or fear.

I always found it odd that, even with the happiest dreams, it was always a struggle to remember them when waking up. Nightmares don’t give such leniency, sticking far past when they were wanted.

A few days after I came to Equestria, I started questioning the line between them. Rarely before did I remember my dreams, but now each one stayed in my head like a stain on my memories. The nightmares weren’t as comically exaggerated or nonsensical anymore; closer to a replay of what happened the day of my first death, and every agonizing detail that came with it and after.

Sometimes, when Asriel and I came back just to fall into a pile of dust before our parents, I was still there to witness what happened after; the wails, the begging, the tears. Every word hurt, every cry a discordant note that perforated my being. The two monsters, who had offered me a home and happiness that I never had before, suffered from grief.

It made me wonder if my journey as a regretful specter started before Frisk and all of that actually happened, or if my mind had created that scene to torment me further.

The dreams were often worse, because they were real.

Always starting as a memory; often the day before Asriel and I enacted my ‘plan’, the difference being that, instead of my first death and the failed attempt to kill everyone in my village, we continued living. Enjoying our time, growing old together, and eventually watching as Asgore and Toriel passed away.

Watching Asriel become king, and making the underground better. When the children eventually fall, we help them instead of killing them. Soon, peace between humans and monsters comes under Asriel’s golden rule, without a single soul lost, and with me as the reluctant ambassador.

Not because I wanted peace with humanity, but because I couldn’t bear another war.

Then, I wake up. That line between dream and reality so blurred I forget which is which; it all hits at once what is, and what could have been. Maybe it was an alternative timeline that I was seeing for some obscure reason, or maybe I was making it up to remind myself of what could have been.

Because of the choice I made, that tranquil reality never came to be.

In its place were suffering, dead children, and a never-ending cycle of strife and betrayal that Frisk is likely perpetuating to this very moment. My only relief is that I won’t have to witness it repeating for all eternity, or until he’s bored.

Right now, I can’t tell if I’m in a nightmare or reality.

That cloud of uncertainty lingers in my mind, making it hard to tell if I was awake or not. My vision was always blurred, the rest of my senses often worse; except, of course, the gnawing pain.

It didn’t come in waves of varying intensity like most injuries I was used to; that would have been tolerable. Instead, it was everywhere at all times. Brief intervals of unconsciousness were my only respite, and even those were few and far between. My entire body was warm, hot even, but I couldn’t feel it. A haunting chill clung to me just beneath my skin, leaving me in a constant state of cold.

Occasionally, I’d make out voices. They were hard to distinguish, blending together in a chorus of hysteria. Usually shouting, or muffled whispers. Often screaming, all of which was my own voice. It took me longer to recognize it as mine; so shrill I almost couldn’t believe I was the one making it.

Without warning, it stopped.

A flicker of heat I could actually feel washed over me, and it was gone. Along with the voices, and the dreams, and any sensation in my body. It was like I was stuck in that state of limbo of falling asleep, but without dreams. It was nice, while it lasted.

Then I woke up.

There wasn’t a gradual shift between being asleep and awake like usual, I was just suddenly awake. Laying on the familiar bed in Fluttershy’s room, which still felt too large for one person. It didn’t feel the same at first, with hardly any light shining through the windows and the total lack of animal noises that usually occupied her home. It was sometime during the night; though I could not tell what time it was.

I tried to raise myself upward, only to stop half-through and wince. My back in particular felt the worst, but a dull soreness resided in every inch of my body. I glanced down, finding that a bundle of fluff named Angel had decided to use my lap as a pillow. I didn’t hesitate to pick him up and hold him as tightly as I could manage, ignoring the deep, prickling pain that came with each movement.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.” I whispered into one of his adorably long ears.

He was so warm, so soft and little; he must have spent a lot of time cleaning himself to have fur so perfect. Or maybe he was just naturally like that. That would certainly explain how spoiled he was, along with Fluttershy being his caretaker.

He made an overwhelmingly cute chirping noise, which was somewhat muffled as I pressed him against me a lot harder than I probably should have. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the gift that Fluttershy did and couldn’t understand him. I could only guess he was asking me questions, then lecturing me about something as he pointed one of his paws at me, then crossing his arms and tapping his foot as he awaited an answer.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Angel.” I began tracing my fingers against the outline of one of his ears, biting my tongue as I tried to ignore the agony each movement brought. “ I’m sure I worried you and Fluttershy a lot, I’m ok now, though.”

He didn’t seem satisfied with that answer. In fact, it only seemed to make him more upset. Huffing at me and then hopping off the bed towards the door.

“Wait, Angel please.” he stopped, turning back to look at me. “I…assume Fluttershy’s sleeping on the couch, and told you to get her as soon as I woke up, right?”

He nodded, paw resting on the door. I brought my hand to my necklace, reluctantly clinging to it despite the feeling of blots of hardened blood stuck on it. I couldn’t face Fluttershy, not yet. Not with remembering her expression when she last saw me, and not when I don’t have a single idea of what to tell her. I didn’t even know how long I’d been asleep, or what happened after I passed out.

However, since I was here, that meant everyone was ok and we got back to Ponyville safely. Everyone’s alive, including Pinkie’s family. The diamond dogs are dead, with the exception of one who almost definitely ran away. I was still here, alive and ok considering everything. This was almost the best result; the only way it could have gone better is if they hadn’t witnessed what I did.

So…why did I feel so empty? Shouldn’t I be relieved? Happy that everyone’s ok? That my plan didn’t result in someone dying this time?

“Can you let me take a bath first? Please?” I pleaded, once again becoming further indebted to The Spoiled Prince. “I feel really gross; All I want is a bath. Then you can wake her up.”

He scowled at me for a moment, trying to discern if I was lying. Luckily, I wasn’t. I really did feel gross and sticky all over; I must have been asleep for a while.

Angel nodded, opening the door and gesturing for me to follow him. I gently took the blanket off, hesitantly trying to get to my feet. The moment I did, there was an alarming creaking noise in my legs, followed by an insurmountable agony. I clenched my teeth, trying to suppress a groan as I stood up.

This was the price I had to pay. I can tolerate it. I’ve experienced worse.

Luckily, my backpack was resting on the ground right beside me. I picked it up, but didn’t bother trying to put it on. Somehow I knew that the movement required for that would be more than I could ignore at the moment.

“I won’t be long, Angel. I promise.” I said as I entered the bathroom. He was trying to make himself comfortable on the floor, attempting to finish that nap I so rudely interrupted.

The moment I laid eyes on my reflection, I dropped my backpack and let out a whimper; I was still wearing the same clothes, the claw marks as prominent as some of the bloodstains. There were a lot less than I remembered. Someone, likely Fluttershy, must have tried to clean me the best she could. There must have been too much in some places; These clothes might have even been completely ruined.

I also looked extremely pale, more than usual. My eyes sunken and lips dry, I didn’t even realize how thirsty I was until I saw it. I walked forward, turning on the bath and letting it fill with hot water and then the sink. After drinking some of it, I took off my necklace and examined it. Like my clothes, blood was splattered on it. Which had hardened and become crust like.

It was tainted, and I hated it.

I put it under the water, rubbing it until the tips of my finger hurt more than before, but I got all of it. I dried it, setting it to the side and began taking off my clothes. They felt disgusting to keep wearing, almost burning in a way.

Unsurprisingly, I have scars now. The first for this body, but not for me. The most prominent were the ones on my shoulder, three claw marks that were deep and easily noticeable. They didn’t look fresh. Actually, nearly years old. Twilight must have healed me again. However, she did mention she wasn’t particularly good with restoration; this must be what she meant.

I grimaced as I turned around; the ones on my back were larger than I feared they’d be. Going from my shoulder blades to my hips, it was a miracle I didn’t bleed out immediately after receiving them. They looked comparatively fresher, like they’d start bleeding again if I moved around too often.

I couldn’t say any of this surprised me. I had gone down there expecting to be killed again. Surviving without losing a limb or anything was nearly a miracle. These scars, while disgustingly blatant, were relatively easy to hide. It was lucky that these were the only ones I got.

A storm of dread welled up inside me as something crossed my mind. There was one more thing I needed to check. My entire body began to shake, sweating nervously as I tried to extend my right arm in front of me. I found my entire body, especially my arm, growing gradually weaker. It wasn’t even the pain that prevented me from moving it; just crippling terror.

The menu popped up in front of me, hovering there and appearing unchanged. My stare was glued to one of the corners, trying to force myself to look at my stats; I had to be certain, even if deep down already knew what it was.

I froze as soon as I saw my stats, the tangible reality slamming down onto me like a guillotine blade.

I had leveled up.

The sound as I struck down the scarred dog wasn’t imaginary after all, no matter how much I wanted it to be.

My hp had increased to 32, my attack up to six, and my level up to four. The same level Frisk had been after going through the ruins, after killing all the monsters, after killing Toriel.

I had gained Love.

I didn’t even feel myself fall, or realize that my arm, and the rest of my body, had collapsed. Everything hurt so much, every single part of me. My heartbeat was the only thing I could hear, encompassing my very being and overshadowing every other sense. A tidal wave of emotions forced itself onto me as I trembled, tears streaming down the sides of my face as the corners of my vision darkened.

Nausea hit hard as I tasted bile, less than a moment later I was throwing up into the toilet whatever little was in my stomach. I couldn’t help but cry despite struggling to muffle it, as I didn’t want to wake Angel. Eventually, I tried to get to my feet, needing to use the sink to prop myself up.

As I glared at my reflection, I couldn’t help but stare into my own eyes. Even after Rarity’s compliment, I still hated them deeply. They bled that same black ooze every time I used magic, making the people I cared about most fear me.

Even after all my attempts to change, even after getting a new body, even after my constant striving to not make the same mistakes, I still did. I had gained the harrowing ability to reset, yet I still failed them multiple times. Watched them die in front of me, once again making a revenge fueled plan.

Except this time, it worked. Maybe that was worse.

I’ve learned nothing. There was never even a moment of mistaking whose reflection was staring back.

Because, despite everything, it’s still me.

I reached forward, opening the mirror and pulling out the emergency first aid kit Fluttershy kept in there. The moment both my hands weren’t on the sink, I fell to the ground again. My hands refused to stop shaking as I struggled to open it up, tears puddling the top of it.

“I guess…” I let out a hollow chuckle, which turned into another sob. I finally got it open, picking up the pair of scissors that sat beside the bandages.

“My old habits die harder than I do.”

Chapter 18: To Be Without.

The bath only made me feel marginally better, but at least the full body grossness was gone. The only exception being my hands; I couldn’t stop feeling a residual stickiness clinging in between my fingers; although I knew no amount of washing would make it go away.

On top of which, the clothes I was wearing now were once again the only ones I had. At least until I took the others to Rarity so she could fix them, or have more made if they can’t be saved.

Assuming, of course, she didn’t refuse to even talk to me like she had every right to do.

Angel wasn’t napping in front of the bathroom door, presumably having gone to wake up Fluttershy. On the plus side, it was more or less morning. The sun hadn’t risen completely yet, but the light shining through the windows was getting gradually brighter. The familiar sound of birds chirping was just starting, along with the sounds of various animals that lived here scurrying about and waking up.

I had no idea how much I missed this until I heard it again. It almost made what I did worth it.

Fluttershy was awake, sitting on the couch and holding Angel in her hands. Though she didn’t look to be understanding everything he was saying, as she was still rubbing her eyes and likely trying to get rid of any residual grogginess.

She looked worse than I’d ever seen her before; her mane was a disheveled mess even Angel would struggle to fix. Dark bags under her puffy eyes, And she was much paler than usual. She must have been worried if I’d wake up, or maybe what she saw me do bothered her that much.

Either way, I’m responsible. If nothing else, what I did saved her. Whatever consequences there were, I could bear them. I had to.

As soon as I reached the bottom stair, her ears flickered as she turned to me; I involuntarily flinched as soon her eyes were in my direction. That same expression I saw before flashed in my mind as I glanced away, clenching my jaw.

I peered down at my wrist, adjusting the sleeve to make sure it completely hid the bandage.

“Chara?” Fluttershy asked, her voice noticeably hoarse. “Are you sure you should be up and moving around? You were asleep for two days.”

Two days? That was longer than the wo-timberwolves, I must have been worse off than I felt; still feel, even. Every inch of me still ached with a dull agony, just trying not to limp was a struggle.

“Yeah, I’m,” I walked forward, placing my backpack on the ground and sitting down beside her. The moment I did, she visibly tensed, tightening her grip on Angel and pulling in her wings closer to her sides. “Ok.”

She hung her head, briefly closing her eyes. “No, you’re not.”

It was hardly more than a whisper, but it echoed in the room, like she’d screamed it. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her, dropping my head and fixing my gaze on a random spot on the ground.

“You promised me you’d be ok, you asked me to trust you. Then you came back, covered in blood and hurt all over. You almost died, Chara! Twilight nearly couldn’t…” her words caught in her throat. I saw Angel hug her, staring up at her with wide eyes and pouting. “It’s a miracle you’re even walking right now. She wasn’t even sure if you would wake up, or…what we should do if you did.”

I bit my lip as something Twilight said in the previous loop came to mind, mentioning how she’d have to do something if I killed them, though she didn’t finish saying what. I’m still here; so clearly she didn’t go through with it.

Or it’s something she was waiting to do when I woke up. I won’t really know until I see her.

“What…happened after I passed out?”

“Nothing good. Some of them asked me questions I didn’t have the answers to. Instead, I checked on you, and…” she visibly shuddered. “It was bad. We had to go back to Ponyville with Twilight healing the worst wounds, and Rarity had to suture some of the others. You…screamed every now and again, in and out of consciousness. There was so much blood, I-I didn’t…”

Fluttershy’s voice trembled, hunching forward and wrapping her arms around herself. “I didn’t know what to do! I begged Twilight to make it stop, and she put you in a magically induced coma. She just did it on impulse and didn’t know what would happen; I didn’t want to leave in case you woke up, or worse.”

“Thank you.” I murmured, though it didn’t look like she even heard me. I was tempted to just leave her be, to prevent myself from doing any more damage. However, I knew that would just be putting off the conversation that would come any moment.

The question I was dreading the most.

“Why, Chara?” she turned to me, eyes pleading for an answer. “Why did you lie to me and tell me you’d be ok? Why did you kill them without even giving them a chance? We could have helped them: no one had to die!”

The pain in her words was grating to my ears, and I could do nothing but cower under them; I knew this question would come, even when I was in the tunnels I knew. Not that all the time mattered, since I didn’t let myself think about it.

What could I even say? The truth? Was that even an option? I didn’t know if I could tell the others before this, I certainly can’t now. Fluttershy might be the only one that would trust me to not abuse the reset ability, assuming she even believed it in the first place.

Despite that, there was no way she’d forgive me for how many times I failed her.

This wasn’t like Asriel; I had led her and her friends to their death multiple times. Watched them die in agony not because I couldn’t save them, but because I was unwilling to do what it took until I finally realized there was no other choice.

I could never let her know how many times I caused their deaths. No one has to know but me.

So I’ll lie.

“That night, I got up to use the bathroom, and overheard some diamond dogs outside the window. They were scouting to see how many of us had showed up, and said that they…” I held my pendant, trying to ignore the agony that came with each movement and heartbeat. “They were going to attack as soon as you tried to leave the farm, and that they weren’t even going to give you the chance to talk. There was so much hatred in their words, Fluttershy. I…think they wanted to kill us.”

It was getting harder to speak; making everything up as I went was increasingly nerve-wracking. I had to blend in enough of the truth to convince her, and just hope it made up for how terrible my lying was.

“I knew that you would still try to work things out with them, even if they only wanted to hurt you. So…I waited until morning and followed their tracks back to their den; I was going to find it, come back, and tell you where it was so we could go together, but they ended up finding me. I didn’t have any choice but to…” I trailed off, resting my hands on my knees and tightly gripping them. “You know the rest.”

I felt her weight shift on the couch; her breathing audible and rigid. “I didn’t hear you wake up that night.”

“I’ve,” I coughed, trying to cover the sound of my voice cracking. “Gotten really good at being quiet since living here. You’re a surprisingly heavy sleeper, I-”

“Chara,”

My mind went blank. Every gear stopped turning at the sternness of her tone; I felt frozen, like just a single move would be certain death.

“Please, don’t lie to me. Not about this. Twilight-” Angel chirped something, interrupting Fluttershy. I peeked at her, seeing she was closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. “What you did was wrong in every way I could think of. You killed diamond dogs, you took away their lives and any chances they had to get better. They had friends, families, maybe even children! Please, Chara. Tell me you were forced or possessed or something! I…I don’t,” her mane dropped and covered most of her face; wings extending and shielding her like she was trying to protect herself from something.

“I don’t want to be afraid of you.”

There was a stabbing pain right in the center of my heart. For a moment, I thought it would break in two.

My blood froze as I wrung my hands, as I temporarily forgot how to speak. “Y-you don’t,” my chest got gradually tighter with each breath. I needed to say something, anything, but nothing came to mind. No lie to fix this, no words to make it better.

She was afraid of me, and she had every right to be.

“Then tell me the truth, Chara. Please.”

“I…can’t. I need you to just trust me; it was the only way to save you.”

“Trust you?” Fluttershy’s voice cracked, “I want to, but how can I? You promised you’d stay near me, and one of the first things you do is leave! Then you tell me you’ll be ok, and you come back, slaughter two diamond dogs, and pass out. Now, I ask you to tell me why like you said you would, and you lie to my face. How can I trust you?”

“Because if I told you the truth,” I uttered through gritted teeth. “You’d hate me.”

“I could never hate you!” she shouted, standing up with her wings extended to her sides. Each inhale and exhale was heavy, and just as audible as her swallowing. “But you do. You’ve thrown yourself into harm's way for others twice; I can’t imagine how much pain you were in. Do you care about others that much, or just yourself that little?”

“...” I bit my tongue, pressing my hands into my knees to try and get them to stop bouncing. “I care about you, Fluttershy. More than myself. I had to do that so you wouldn’t be hurt.”

She chewed on her lip, chin trembling as she clenched her fist. “I’m not worth more than you, Chara. Others care about you, I care about you. I don’t want you hurting yourself for me, killing others for me! I…” she paused, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes as she placed her hand on her chest. “Can’t take it. All you had to do was ask for help, Chara. We could keep each other safe, and no one had to die.”

My hand hovered over my stomach; the burning feeling of claws ripping through me in an instant the first time we went down was still agonizingly fresh. “You don’t know that. A-”

“I do know that, Chara! We’ve dealt with diamond dogs. Even if they wanted to hurt us like you said, why would you go in by yourself? Do you think you’re the only one who has to be hurt? And that’s ok?”

“Yes.” I stated. The sticky feeling in between my fingers was getting worse; I futilely tried wiping them against my legs.

Fluttershy was silent, either stunned by the bluntness of my answer, or just didn’t know what else to say.

“Do you…even feel guilty for killing them?” she asked, taking a step closer to me.

“I…” the scars began to burn from moving, I began to worry if I was going to end up reopening one. If I focused, I could still feel what it was like when they slashed me. The sight of Fluttershy choking on her own blood, Limestone having her throat gouged out. The dogs maiming so mercilessly, despite how reluctant they were about it.

“It doesn’t matter. I’d do it again. I had to.”

“...Why? Why would you willingly do something so horrible? Wha-”

“Because there was no other choice!”

I stood up and faced her, holding my arms tightly to my sides. My legs felt like jelly again; it was somewhat surprising I even managed to stand up.

“No matter how much you told me everything would be fine, or that you guys knew what you were doing, or that nobody would get hurt, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong. If anyone died, if you died. I’d rather walk into the jaws of death than risk that happening at all; I would kill them again if I had to. I just…” thick tears began to roll down my face. Every inch of my body screamed at me to rest, shrieked in pain with every movement.

As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t. I’d rested long enough.

“I don’t want to lose anyone again.”

Fluttershy sharply gasped, backing away with her hands covering her mouth and pupils constricting; identical to the one right before I passed out. Something thick hit my hand, and I recognized the texture instantly.

“What? No,” I whispered, bringing my hand to my face and then examining it. Instead of salty tears, it was that same black ooze that leaked like a self-forming mask. It wasn’t nearly as much as usual, but stuck all the same.

I tried desperately to wipe it off, but it just felt like more kept coming. It began to cover my hands, staining my clothes more than they already were.

“Why? I’m not using magic, I don’t…”

“Twilight,” Fluttershy squeaked, “came over yesterday to check on you. S-she said that there was something wrong with your Manik system, that the anti-magic stone the dogs threw at you did something. That it…” she hesitated, pursing her lips in reluctance. “It might be broken.”

“I’m…” I stared at my hands, black goo dripping from my face onto them; I tried forcing my eyes closed as tightly as I could, only for more tar tears to leak through. "Broken?"

“No, Chara. You’re just…lost. And I,” Fluttershy picked up Angel, who had been standing silently on the couch. “I can’t help you, no matter how much I want to. I’m sorry. Twilight said you should go to her for a checkup as soon as you are awake; she might be able to help you.”

She turned away from me, retracting her wings and pressing Angel tightly against her chest. “I think you should go as soon as you can. I need to get started on my chores and feeding the animals, since I fell asleep yesterday.”

“I,” as I stepped forward, her entire body flinched. I noticed despite her trying to hide it; it hurt more than anything the diamond dogs did to me. “...ok. I’ll brush my teeth and go. I should be back soon.”

“Be safe.”

I tentatively picked up my backpack, walking back up the stairs to my bathroom.

Fluttershy was right: she couldn’t help me. I don’t know if anyone can.

After washing my face, again, I didn’t hesitate to begin my trek. Fluttershy had already gone somewhere when I came back to the living room; the few drops of ooze that had hit the ground were already cleaned up.

I didn’t want to leave. Hated it, in fact. I wanted to stay and try to mend things with Fluttershy, do whatever I could to convince her to at least start trusting me again. As usual, I didn’t know how. I said everything I could think of, and none of it could convince her. Trying any more would just make her more afraid of me than she already is.

Not to mention that getting overwhelmed with emotions forces flower residue out of my eyes now; I can only hope that doesn’t work with anxiety too, or I wouldn’t make it five steps into Ponyville.

It was tempting to bring Angel and use him as my emotional support bunny, but I got the impression he was upset with me. After seeing the state Fluttershy was in, he had every right to be.

Other than the handful of glances I’d expected, the ponies didn’t pay any particular attention to me. As nice as it would be to believe they’d accepted me, I knew that wasn’t the case. I looked too different from them, I could never fit in. but that’s ok. It wasn’t that different from living with monsters. Though all monsters had different appearances, making them more open to those not like them.

At least the lack of attention made my anxiety a lot more tolerable. The downside of being more relaxed was it caused my mind to wander, which was the last thing I wanted to do right now. I kept thinking of Twilight, afraid and curious of what she’d do to me. I’d yet to see the ‘secret lab’ Spike mentioned before, but she had enough equipment down there to analyze the black goo and find out what it was. Would she do the same thing to me? Would she do a full body analysis similar to when we first met?

Or...would it be something worse? I couldn’t say at all. Twilight already didn’t trust me; witnessing me kill the diamond dogs with no explanation must have reinforced that for her. If she really wanted to, she could lift me in her magic and do whatever she wants: I’d be completely helpless. She could put me away for what I did, or send me into another ‘magically induced coma’, all of which could happen the moment I walked into the library.

In all honesty, I’d deserve it. If that was the price for saving them, for saving her, then it’s a deal I wouldn’t mind making.

Even so…

I froze where I was, struggling just to keep my breath steady. As I briefly closed my eyes and lowered my head, I tried to clear my mind; pretending, for only a second, that I was back in the void. No emotions, or sensations, or anything. However, it wasn’t quite ‘nothingness’, either. Some limbo in between that put me in a constant state of ‘almost’ peace and ‘almost’ entropy, a balance of imbalance.

It was horrible. It was simple. Sometimes, it was easier.

I looked where I was, having gone off the path I was so used to and ending up in a different part of Ponyville. Apparently I was standing only a few feet away from Carousel Boutique. I glanced down at my clothes, which had semi-noticeable black stains on the sleeves, but was otherwise clean. My other and only set of clothes was so destroyed that wearing it wasn’t even an option, unless I started wanting an inordinate amount of attention.

Twilight didn’t know I was awake yet, so there was no rush to get there. I’d like to have at least one other clean set of clothes in case I start…leaking again, or something else happens. Since Rarity knows my measurements, it shouldn’t take her more than a few minutes to make one.

Assuming, of course, she doesn’t just slam the door in my face and refuse to see me.

“Well,” I sighed as I held my pendant, “I can’t avoid them forever. Might as well get it over with so I can spend more time later brooding.”

I walked up to the door, only slightly dragging my feet as I knocked on it. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw something move in the window, then heard hoofsteps that got gradually louder. I expected Rarity to be the one to open it, but instead Sweetie Belle stood on the other side with a wide smile. She was wearing a white dress with pink sleeves with a red band in the center of her mane.

“Chara! It’s great to see you again!” she exclaimed as she embraced me.

A wave of gut-wrenching terror gripped my heart at the abrupt contact; the tightness of her grip was like warm steel crushing my muscles. I winced, failing to suppress a loud groan. She let go of me, backing away and frowning as her hands fell to her sides.

“Oh, sorry! I’m so sorry, I didn’t- Rarity mentioned you were asleep and didn’t know if you would wake up and I hadn’t seen you since the party and…” she cut off her ranting with a heavy sigh, dropping her head. “I should have figured you hadn’t recovered yet. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s,” I moved my arms behind my back as I adjusted my sleeves, putting on a forced smile and trying not to wince again. “Fine; you didn’t know. I’m glad to see you too, I just wish it was for longer. My clothes got ruined and I was hoping Rarity would make me a second set before I head over to Twilight's for a checkup. Is she home?”

“Rarity? Yeah, she’s here. Hardly left since she got back. One second.” Sweetie trotted to the bottom of the stairs, cupping her hands around her mouth and leaning forward. “Rarity! You have a guest!”

“Guest?” Rarity’s distant voice replied, followed by the sound of a door opening and closing as she got closer. “I wasn’t expecting anypony today. Who could it be, I wonder?’

“Hey, Chara?” Sweetie muttered as she walked closer to me. “Rarity didn’t say a lot about what happened; but, from what she did mention, you saved her from one of the diamond dogs.” she stood in front of me, placing her fist against her chest and smiling with a light blush. “So, t-”

“Don’t.” I blurted.” Please, don’t thank me. What I did was horrible, and I…hate that I had to do it.”

“But,” Sweetie frowned, eyes widening. “How could it be horrible if it saved them? Rarity’s been a bit,” she glanced to the side, pursing her lips for a moment.” Off since she got back, but she seems ok. I don-”

“Chara?” Rarity’s voice came from the top of the stairs; tightly gripping the railing as she steadily walked down, each step erred on the side of caution. “You’re…awake?”

I met her eyes for only a second, they pierced into me with concern before I turned away. “Yeah, just earlier today. I was on my way over to Twilight’s, and I wanted to stop by and see how you were doing.” The scars of my shoulder began to lightly burn. I placed my free hand on them and awkwardly rubbed it, sharply inhaling through my grit teeth.

“I’m…happy to see you doing well.”

Rarity pursed her lips, standing at the bottom of the stairs in tense silence. With a hesitant quiver, the corners of her lips turned upward into a barely noticeable, but welcoming, smile. “You as well. Sweetie Belle, can you go in the kitchen to make us some tea?”

“Uhm,” she glanced between Rarity and I, fidgeting uncomfortably as she backed away. “Rarity, you know I’m not really good with kitchen stuff. Are you sure you want me to do that?”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine, Sweetie.” Rarity sang in an almost too chipper tone. “If nothing else, you’ll at least know whether you have a cutie mark for it or not.”

“I…” she opened her mouth, pausing as she frowned, then nodding. “Alright.”

She waved goodbye to me, and left me alone with Rarity. Rarity didn’t walk any closer to me; I could feel her leer without even looking at her. I heard her take a deep breath, then the sound of her horn lighting up with magic.

“I presume you came here for clothes since your other set is,” she paused, making a ‘tsking’ noise. “Unwearable.”

“...Yeah.” I responded with a shameful nod. “I really am glad you’re ok. But, you’re right, I do need clothes. I’ll get it if you don’t want to; I think I can make these last a couple of days unti-”

“No, no. There’s no need, it’s hardly an inconvenience for something so simple and somepony of my expertise.” Rarity stated, using her magic to pick up some fabric and various objects that I recognized as sewing tools and getting straight to work. “I’ve found myself with more freetime than any lady knows what to do with; and so I’ve spent a lot of it burying myself in my beautiful work. This will take no time at all, I assure you.”

With that, she immediately got to work; turning the materials into the familiar set of clothes I’d always worn. On occasion, I’d thought about trying out new clothes; nothing in particular or that would make me stand out. Sometimes, it just gets tiring seeing the same clothes I wore before. With the same hair, almost the same face…

The same necklace.

But, I doubt I ever would. It’d be too jarring at this point after wearing the same stuff for so long, and I wouldn’t like the potential attention that’d come from it.

I glanced around the room, examining all the various clothes spread about: Dresses, hats, shoes, skirts, garters, more options than I could ever pick from. So many sizes and colors, along with all kinds of patterns. Nothing in here was just casual wear. Which, of course, made sense considering Rarity likely made them all. I doubt any of them would fit me in the first place, so I’d have-

I froze, eyes stuck on a red scarf hung on one of the ponyquinns. It was almost identical to the one Pinkie’s mom made for me, if it wasn’t for the snowflake pattern it donned. I brought my hand to my neck, rubbing it as I recalled how soft and warm it really was. She took one look at me, saw that I didn’t have any fur, and stayed awake just to make me a scarf. It was warm and more than big, making the cold tolerable. I had no doubt she would have even let me keep it afterwards.

All for me: a stranger.

I returned that kindness by leaving the corpses of two diamond dogs on their front lawn.

“H-hey Rarity?” I blurted, trying to think of something to talk about to prevent my mind from wandering. “Fluttershy told me that you helped Twilight keep me alive. Thank you for that.”

She sharply inhaled, magic flickering as she dropped some of the stuff she was holding. She managed to catch all of them but a pair of scissors, which clattered noisily against the ground. I could only see her back, but it was clear how stiff and uncomfortable she was; pressing her legs together, shifting her weight from one hoof to the other, even absentmindedly fidgeting with her clothes.

Rarity was nervous or bothered by something, and it didn’t take twenty questions to figure out what.

She took a deep breath, clearing her throat as she hummed something to herself. “Pardon me, darling. I lost my concentration for a moment there.” she remarked, swiftly getting back to my clothes. “You’re quite welcome. I couldn’t in good conscience let you die, even with…what you did.”

“Are you,” I anxiously swallowed, sitting on the stage in the center of the room. “Upset at me for what happened?”

“...Deeply so.” she stated as she leaned forward. “Even if part of me doesn’t want to be, I am. You broke your promise to Fluttershy, you had us all worried about you, and then you come back covered in blood, injured head to hoof, and kill two diamond dogs. I had my problems with them, but I don’t believe they deserved something as abhorrent as death!”

Her voice got gradually louder as she spoke, vibrating with emotion as it shed that pleasantness it usually held. The magic around her horn briefly flared, along with the materials she was holding.

“But, you saved Sweetie’s life, and you saved mine. I’ve refined my magic skills for fashion, not fighting. Just a few seconds more, and I would have been,” Rarity placed her hand against her chest, glancing at me over her shoulder with a solemn expression. “I cannot be content with what you did, yet I can’t bring myself to condemn your actions in their entirety, either. However,”

I jumped as she spun on her heel, turning to me while effortlessly still making my clothes despite not looking at what she was doing. “Do not take this as a pardon. What you did went against everything I’ve been taught and have been trying to teach Sweetie Belle, along with who we are as the elements of harmony. Ponies don’t kill, and friends don’t break promises. You did both of those things in the worst way possible! I’ve never seen Fluttershy so upset, nor do I ever wish to again. I’ve also never felt so…” her expression morphed into an unfitting grimace; azure eyes constricting as her magic fluctuated again. “Useless! You were dying, and despite giving you everything I could, it wasn’t enough. Fluttershy was crying, Twilight was asking questions, and I just couldn’t…do anything.”

A few tears escaped from her eyes, taking some eyeshadow with it and showing just a glimpse of the dark circles underneath. At that moment, I noticed a few things off about Rarity’s appearance that I didn’t before, likely because of the air of confidence that I was so used to from her; her mane wasn’t as perfectly styled as usual, sticking out in some places and much more frazzled than I’d ever seen it. Her clothes had wrinkles, some of them weren’t even fitted on correctly.

Standing out most to me however, were her fingernails: unpolished and shorter than I remember them being, like she had been chewing on them.

“Rarity,” I whispered, trying to look at anywhere but her. “I’m so sorry. I…no,” I shook my head, getting to my feet as I tried to keep my breathing steady and ignore the aching that came with it. “Nothing I say can make it better, will it? No apology, no excuses, not even the truth would make it ok. What I did was unforgivable, and no justification will make it bother you any less. Maybe,” I turned to the door, tracing the chains of my necklace with my fingers. “I shouldn’t have come here; seeing me must have just made it worse for you. I’ll go, the clothes aren’t that important.”

“No!” Rarity shouted, stopping me right as I took my first step. She outstretched her hand, the magic losing its hold on the materials as they fell to the ground. Rarity retracted her hand just as quickly. “No, please. At least allow me to finish, or start anew, as I seemed to have made a mistake or two with this one. I hate to leave anything unfinished, especially clothing I said I would make.”

She grabbed a box of tissues off, wiping her face with one and then pulling out a small makeup kit and reapplying her eyeshadow and powder with ease in a matter of moments. I might not know much about makeup, but even I was stunned for a second.

“Now, where was I?” she pondered out loud, picking the material back up and floating over some new ones. “It’s true, I have not been my best since we’ve come back; even so, a lady must put on a brave face. I will be better soon, all I need is time, as most great things do. For my friends, and for Sweetie Belle, I must. Regardless, forgiving you is another matter entirely.”

“It’s…ok if you can’t forgive me, Rarity. I won’t hold it against you.”

“I apologize for how crass this may sound, darling; Forgiveness is not about the one being forgiven, it is about the one forgiving. The foundation of friendship is built on trust, and you have broken that. I can not trust you again if I do not forgive you, nor can I move past what you did. If I forgive you, it is because I believe it is something worth forgiving, and because I believe it is something you can be forgiven for. All of which will be done in due time, and with consideration.”

I hung on her words, surprised at the amount of conviction they held; I had always thought of forgiveness as something that needs to be worked for, and that some things can not be forgiven. It had always felt like something for the person being forgiven, letting them know that the ones they’d wronged had felt they had made up for it. When Fluttershy forgave me for Asriel, there was an indescribable relief as that burden became lighter. There were few things I could compare to that feeling.

I had never thought of forgiveness the way Rarity spoke of it, perhaps because I had never forgiven anyone. Not Flowey, Frisk, or even myself. Maybe she’s more wise than I ever gave her credit for.

“Done.” Rarity twirled around, hovering the set of clothes over into my arms. As expected, it was identical to the one I was wearing, not a stitch out of place.

“Thanks, Rarity. I appreciate it a lot, really.”

“No need to thank me, really. I…know this might not be the most opportune time, but may I ask a favor of you? I’m aware it mustn't be easy for you to move around considering you’ve just recently woken up, but I implore you to consider it.”

“Uhm,” I carefully slid my backpack on after putting the new clothes in it; the pain there was worse than anywhere else. “I don’t really think I can help, but sure? I don’t really have plans aside from visiting Twilight and going home, and I…” my voice trailed off as I imagined Fluttershy crying in the living room, or Twilight holding me in the air with her magic and prodding at me; prepared to strike me down at one wrong move. “Can’t say I’m looking forward to either of those.”

“Well, it’s just, ever since we got back Pinkie’s been,” she bit her lip, half closing her eyes as she reticently tapped her finger against her chin. “There’s no easy way to say it; she’s been worse than any of us have ever seen her. She hasn’t left Sugarcube Corner, hasn’t thrown a party, hasn’t even said a word to any of us. All she’s done is bake, and she barely acknowledges when others are around; nothing has worked, so…”

“So you think that seeing me might snap her out of it?” I finished. “I don’t know, Rarity. I’m almost certain that I’m the reason she’s like that, maybe…” Pinkie’s response to things in previous loops hadn’t been too different; she got uncharacteristically quiet when Twilight’s group didn’t come back in the first loop, even more so after what Limestone said to her. I could only imagine what seeing her friend kill diamond dogs must have done.

“I’d just make it worse.”

“In all honesty, I don’t think she can get worse than this.” Rarity asserted. “Rainbow can’t get through to her, and Fluttershy…has been too distracted and distraught to try. Please, all I ask is that you try; it would mean a lot to me.”

“I…alright,” I gave in, spotting a white hand on the kitchen door as I began walking to the exit. “I know it’s not my place to give you advice, but maybe you should talk to Sweetie. She’s smarter than you think, and can tell something’s wrong.”

“...Yes,” Rarity glanced at Sweetie’s hand, which tensed up and retreated back around the doorway. “I should. I just don’t know quite what to say yet. Goodbye, Chara. I hope when I see you next, I’ll have made up my mind.”

I left Carousel Boutique, feeling no better, but no worse either. I could only hope the others would be so tolerant.

Chapter 19: Sour Coating.

Sugarcube Corner, like the rest of Ponyville, remained unchanged. I couldn’t shake the ominous feeling I got just standing outside it; the few times I’d been before were always so welcoming. The smell of whatever pleasant pastry is being baked inside made it hard not to walk in and give in to my sweet tooth. However, while there was still the aroma of baking lingering just outside the door, it was different. Still sweet, but artificially so.

Almost… empty.

It made the weight in my gut just a little heavier. I dug my feet into the ground, idly playing with my necklace as I tried to focus on my breathing; all I had to do was take a few steps forward and open the door, that’s it. One of The Cakes will be behind the counter: they’ll take me to Pinkie when I ask. I’ll say something to try to make her feel better and then I’ll leave. I doubt there’s anything I could say that would make her better, but I told Rarity that I’d try; I’ve broken my word enough recently.

In my head, it didn’t sound that bad. So then, why couldn’t I just walk forward and do it?

“All we needed was a few more seconds, Dash! There were only two of them, we could have handled it with no one having ta die! She di-”

“That’s what I’m saying, AJ! There might not have been a couple more seconds! Nothing against Rarity, but when it comes to magic she’s a filly compared to Twilight! Fluttershy could convince a dragon to leave his horde; which doesn’t mean shit when they don’t listen! I don’t like what she did, either. But Chara saved their lives! I’m not saying to forgive her on the spot, just give her a chance to explain what happened.”

I froze as Applejack and Rainbow exited Sugarcube Corner; not quite yelling, more like whisper-shouting. Walking down the steps and not noticing me yet. Applejack stood with her chest puffed out and arms crossed, face to face with Rainbow, who was hovering a few feet off the ground.

For a moment, I wondered why they were trying to be quiet as they argued; they’d never bothered to do so before, nor did the residents of Ponyville mind. It hit me that it was because they didn’t want the others to know what I did, which in all honesty I should have known; There’s no way the ponies here would let me walk around so casually if they knew.

Some part of me was a little grateful, but the shame made that trivial. They didn’t want anyone learning what I did, to be aware of what I was capable of.

They were protecting the ponies of Ponyville, not me.

Applejack saw me out of the corner of her eyes, giving me a sideways glance as her eyes widened. The clear tension wavered for just a moment, as I let out a relieved sigh as she turned to me. “Chara? Yer awake? That’s… good.”

The beating of Rainbow’s wings slowed down as she lowered herself, retracting as soon as her hooves hit the ground. Her arms tightly hugged her sides. “Well, at least Fluttershy won’t have to worry about you waking up anymore. What are you doing here? Figured you’d head straight to Twilight’s.”

Despite the casualness of her words, there was a near tangible weight to them. I felt like I was being interrogated; they were dancing around the topic that was on all our minds, and were well aware that dancing around it wouldn’t make it any easier.

“I…was going to, I just stopped by Rarity’s on the way there, and she,” I dropped my head, losing whatever little composure I held under Applejack’s stern leer. In a weird way, the physical aching in my body was a welcome distraction; the pain was always there, dull and straddling the line between easy to ignore and barely tolerable. Applying some pressure pushed it right to where I had to clench my teeth and try not to groan, but at least it was easy to hide by rubbing my arm or pretending I was scratching an itch. While I didn’t like it, the familiarity of it brought a sense of comfort.

Although I sometimes preferred it to whatever I was feeling, I knew it wasn’t healthy; another thing on the list of changes I have to make at some point. If I was even capable of change anymore.

“Mentioned how Pinkie was doing, and I’m…not exactly in a rush to get to Twilight’s. So,” I caught myself, a question coming to mind that stopped me in my tracks; would they be mad at Rarity for asking me to come here? Probably not, right? Unless I do end up making it worse, then they might be upset at her, and more so at me; I wouldn’t have come if she hadn’t said anything.

Or maybe I was being paranoid. Again.

“I thought I could talk to her. Seeing me awake might help.”

A lie was safer here. I could take it if they got angrier with me; I’d deserve it, even. I’d put enough of a strain on their friendship already.

“Is that right?” Applejack remarked, narrowing her eyes and tightening her lips. “Ya gotta lot of nerve considering yer the reason she’s like that in the first place.”

I flinched, biting my lips as I tried to make myself look as small as I could. “I know. But I have to try.”

“Like how yuh tried to help Pinkie’s family? Or tried to keep yer promise to Fluttershy? Or-”

“AJ.” Rainbow placed her hand on Applejack’s shoulder, firmly gripping it. “I think she gets it, alright? Listen, I’m pissed too, trust me. But she already feels like shit from the looks of it, and all yelling at her does is make you look like the flankhole.” she said with heavy emphasis, pointing a finger at Applejack.

“Hm,” she grunted. Meeting Rainbow’s tense stare with her own, glancing at me once more, then pinching the bridge of her nose and sighing. “Yer right. Granny taught me better than to lose muh temper like that when there’s no point. Regardless, ah can’t just let what she did go like that, Dash. There’s a lot ah can get over and forgive,” Applejack lowered her voice, whispering like she was ashamed just to say it. “Ah don’t know if killing is one of them.”

I couldn’t bring myself to move or say anything; Applejack had every right to be angry with me. It was Rainbow’s reaction that was baffling. She was protective of Fluttershy at times: they were close. I hurt her, bad. Probably made it even worse by not telling her the truth.

Despite that, Rainbow was calm. That unsettled me a lot more than anger would have.

“I’m not asking you to forgive her, Jack. Just hear her out. You remember what Fluttershy said, right? Do it for her, please.”

“I…” I stuttered out, regretting it immediately as it put my right on the spot. I almost entirely forgot what I was going to say. “I know I broke her trust, all of your trust, but I had to. They would ha-”

“Ah don’t wanna hear yer excuses, Chara.” the pitch of her voice remained the same, yet it hardened with the weight of steel. “There ain’t never a good reason to kill, especially when there are other options. Whatever your reasoning, you coulda told us. We coulda come up with something, we coulda tried. All ya had to do was tell us. But ya didn’t. Because ya either didn’t trust us, or ya didn’t think we could handle it.”

Other ponies started to notice. One or two of them stopped and watched, pairs of eyes going first to Applejack, and then landing on me. I felt like they were sticking for much longer than simple curiosity; like they were trying to pierce right into me. It felt just like when I first came here, only this time with a nigh tangible suspicion of why she was yelling at me.

The familiar sickening chill of anxiety creeped up; a creeping shiver went up my back like my sins had become personified. It was tempting to run past AJ and get inside, which I knew would be pointless. There were absolutely ponies inside, rushing in would just direct more attention to myself.

Instead, I clenched my hands and took it. I could do that. For a bit, at least.

“You’re right.” I admitted. “Nothing I can say will work. If you think Pinkie feels the same, and I’ll just make it worse, I’ll go.”

“No, wait, Chara.”

I stopped right as I turned away and heard AJ’s voice, though I couldn’t bring myself to face her again.

“Ah hate to admit it, but yer assumption might have some ground. Pinkie is a lot worse than ah’ve ever seen her, and ah find that more than a little concerning. Nothing ah’ve said has helped despite muh best attempts. Ah reckon that seeing that yer ok, or as ok as you can be, might snap her out of whatever slump she’s in. Just,” she gestured to Rainbow “Rainbow’s gotta be there to help. Ah don’t trust ya, Chara; Ah just can’t. But Rainbow ah can, more than most.”

“...Yeah,” I closed my eyes, trying to pretend I was alone and there weren’t the curious eyes of several ponies on me. “I understand.”

“Then there’s not much else to say.” She adjusted her hat as she faced Rainbow. “Ah’ll be at the farm if ya need me, Dash.”

As soon as Applejack left, the surrounding ponies lost interest; Going back about their days and business with little more than an over the shoulder glance. Rainbow’s wings flickered as she briefly extended them, holding them there for a few seconds before retracting them.

“Thanks, Rainbow. I-”

“That wasn’t for you.” she interjected. “You saved Scootaloo, and maybe you did have whatever reason you thought was good enough for what you did. Right now, that, Fluttershy, and the fact that you already look like you’re one strong breeze from falling over are the only things keeping me from kicking your flank.”

There was no tone of jovialness, no light sardonicism beneath the graveness; she meant each word and had no intention of hiding how she felt behind a veil of friendliness.

Not that I could blame her.

“I know I broke her trust, but I-”

“You broke a lot more than her trust, Chara.” Rainbow’s face sunk into an angry grimace. Walking up to the door and opening it, keeping her back turned to me. “You broke her heart.”

Despite how desperately I tried to think of something, there was nothing I could say to that.

The inside of Sugarcube Corner was much emptier than I’d ever seen, which I found especially odd considering there were more pastry options than I remembered; almost overwhelmingly so. There were all kinds of sizes, flavors, combinations, so much that it could barely fit on the shelves and display cases.

It also looked like they had been trying to sell them as quickly as possible; desperately so with the sale sign right under the cash register. Reading ‘50% off, buy one get one free!’, which had been crossed out with a red marker and replaced with ‘75% off, buy one get one free, now with free samples!’.

Despite these attempts, no one was interested. There was only one other pony inside: a stallion sitting in the back with a cup of coffee, a very plain bagel, and a newspaper. Mrs.Cake, seemingly ignorant of this, sat behind the register with a wide smile. One that didn’t quite fit her face, and showed an uncomfortable amount of teeth. It was so stiff and borderline unnatural; there was something so incredibly eerie about it that I just couldn’t place.

I couldn’t tell if something was wrong with her, or if she was just trying to make up for how depressing Sugarcube Corner was.

“Oh, hello Rainbow Dash. Back already? And…” as soon as she saw me, her expression faltered as her eyes went down and then back up. Pursing her lips and leaning forward to get a better look at me. “You!”

“Uh, this is Chara.” Rainbow said with a flick of her wing. “You’ve met before.”

“We have?” The chipper tone was completely absent, replaced with a modicum of confusion and nervousness. “Oh, yes we have! I’m sorry, dearie. I’ve just been very… stressed! You know how it’s been with the kids and Pinkie putting in overtime.”

She awkwardly chuckled, trying to make eye contact with anyone but Rainbow, who wrinkled her brow and straightened her head. “Right. Anyway, is Pinkie still in the back?”

“She was last I checked. I thin-”

“Honey? Could you please take the kids? Just for a few minutes.” Mr. Cake’s voice came from the stairs as he followed, carrying one foal in his arms and the other on his head. Both of which were babbling noisily. He was completely worn out; skin pale with dark bags under his eyes, bowed shoulders, and shuffling his steps as he walked like staying upright was just a struggle. “I haven’t been sleeping well recently and could use a nap; not to mention these headaches have been killing me. Please?”

“In a moment, sweetie.” the sweetness in her voice was so artificial that I could nearly taste it. Her smile looked even more forced as she saw her two children, lips quivering for an easy to miss second. “I’m…helping Rainbow and her friend, and other customers! I promise if you hold on for just a little longer, I’ll be happy to watch my precious little Pound and Pumpkin.”

“But dear I-”

“Please?” she leaned forward and batted her eyes. He glanced at her and then the foals, rubbing his face and giving a reluctant sigh.

“Fine. but-”

“Thank you!”

She kissed him on the cheek, causing him to blush and stutter out something out of my hearing range. Then he began his trek back up the stairs, babies babbling all the way.

“Anywho, dearie. Pinkie’s right in the back; same place she’s been since she got back.”

“Alright,” I followed Rainbow as she began walking towards the walkthrough doors right behind the counter. “Thanks Mrs.C.”

“So,” I whispered as soon as we were on the other side. “Is Mrs.Cake ok?”

“Honestly?” Rainbow said as she glanced down at me. “I have no idea. She’s been weird ever since we got back. AJ thinks it's because of how Pinkie’s been and that she’s trying to make up for how lively she usually is, and that makes sense to me.”

That explanation didn’t sit well with me, but I didn’t have another one to offer. “Yeah, I guess.”

I recognized Pinkie instantly, even though her mane had become completely straight and hung off her head like a silk curtain. The normally vivid pink had dulled; her blue eyes were faded and lifeless. She was standing, kneading some dough while something else was already in the oven. I’d never seen her cook before, but I had always imagined there’d be more dancing or singing. Her movements were instead stiff, precise, and cold. Not even a simple hum was coming from Pinkie’s lips.

Although I had seen her like this before, this didn’t bother me any less.

“Pinkie?” she didn’t respond to Rainbow, continuing as if she were stuck in some unbreakable trance. “Chara woke up. She’s here to see you.”

Like a machine abruptly turned off, Pinkie’s movements ceased. Her head slowly shifted to Rainbow, and then to me. They widened in recognition, then closed as she bit her lower lip. Holding that expression for a few unbearable moments, before opening them and giving a trembling smile that I think was meant to be reassuring.

“I’m…glad you’re ok, Chara.” her voice cracked as she immediately broke eye contact. “While I appreciate you and Dashie coming to check on me, I’m fine, really!”

As she spoke, she tightly gripped the edge of the counter, arms visibly trembling.

“No, Pinkie. You’re not.”

Her forced smile dropped immediately, turning away from us and leaning over the counter. Pinkie didn’t hide behind her hair like Fluttershy often did; instead, it covered most of her face itself, leaving only glimpses. Pinkie’s face was scrunched together to the point of looking painful, chewing on her lip with a trembling chin.

“Pinkie,” I took a single step forward. She noticed and visibly tensed up, moving just a step away from me.”I’m sorry for what happened, and that you had to see it the way you did. I also know an apology can’t make it better. I just want you to know I did it because I didn’t have any other choice.”

Rainbow opened her mouth to say something, stopping herself as she shook her head and just scowled at me in silence.

“You didn’t have a choice?” she asked. “Of course you had a choice. You could have told us why you think you had to do that. We could have handled it! Didn’t you trust us? Didn’t you promise you’d stay with Fluttershy no matter what? You didn’t…” Pinkie choked on her words, gradually getting louder and more shrill. Even as she spoke she didn’t turn to me, keeping her stare locked on the pile of dough she was working on moments prior. “You didn’t have to kill them!”

It was the same thing I was aware of and had been told by the others, but this time hit much deeper in the hushed whisper coming from someone who used to practically radiate joy. The shame spread like a poison, gradually corroding me and wearing down whatever I had left.

“...I know.” I uttered.

“They probably had friends and family. No more parties for them, no more birthdays. They’ll never get to have cute little puppies or make peace with ponies. We never figured out why they were there! If they just wanted to hurt us or were scared, or needed help…” she paused, bringing her hands to her face and rubbing her eyes. “Limestone had to bury them, you know. Or what was left of them. Marble’s been too afraid to leave the house, and my parents probably don’t ever want to see me again. And it's…” she hid her face in her arms, a visible tear drifting down her cheek. “Partly my fault.”

“What?” I blurted without thinking, unable to hide the sheer panic in my voice. Rainbow had a similar reaction; dropping her stiff expression as her arms fell to the side, leaning forward like she wanted to jump forward and comfort her, but was hesitant to do so. “No, no. It wasn’t your fault at all. I’m the-”

“Yes, it is!” she declared, meeting our eyes and pressing her hands against her chest. “I asked for help in the first place! I shouldn’t have even brought it up to Fluttershy, then no one but me would have gone. Maybe they only attacked in the first place because we all came, and thought we were there to just get rid of them. If it was just me, they might still be alive, everyone would still be friends, and my family,” she hunched forward, legs about to give out as she desperately held onto the counter with her free arm. “Wouldn’t hate me.”

I clenched my hands as tightly as I could, using every ounce of restraint not to start crying myself; it wasn’t her fault, but I could never convince her otherwise. I should know. What could I say? The truth would just make it worse; If she learned that I died multiple times on that farm, she would just blame herself even more. Not to mention that if they learned, I had such an ability, that might be the last straw to cut me out entirely.

Even if I wanted to tell the truth here, I couldn’t.

“Pinkie, that wouldn’t have made a difference.” I started, nervously swallowing. “I heard them talking the night before, and they mentioned that they were there to kill your family anyway. Us showing up just made them do it sooner. Asking for help saved them, and you.”

I couldn’t keep eye contact, or even stop myself from fidgeting. I’m sure Rainbow didn’t believe a single letter. However, if Pinkie was just as unconvinced, she didn’t show it.

“Chara,” she muttered. “True or not, that doesn’t make what you did any better. The only time I don’t think about it is when I’m trying to bake, and even then I--” she fell to the floor. Rainbow was by her side in an instant, so quickly that it actually blew most of my hair onto my face. She wrapped a wing around Pinkie, leaning down and placing a hand on her back.

“I haven’t been able to sleep for two days. Mrs.Cake has been trying to act normal but I can tell she’s worried, Mr.Cake has been having to watch Pumpkin and Pound instead of me. I haven’t been able to throw any parties, and my f-family’s probably scared to talk to me. Celestia, Limestone probably hates me. She was avoiding me before that. Now I wouldn’t blame her if she hates me.”

“Pinkie, they’re your family. I’m sure they don’t hate you.” Rainbow whispered to her, attempting a gentle tone that I could tell she didn’t use often.

“She wouldn’t…” I grit my teeth, hesitant for a moment whether I should share what Limestone told me in a previous reset. I may have had to lie about how I heard it, but everything else would be the truth. “Limestone wouldn’t hate you. She couldn’t; she told me herself.”

“...She did?” Pinkie asked as she peered up at me.

“Yeah,” I tried to keep eye contact, which got harder with every word that I uttered from my dry mouth. “She was still awake when I went to the bathroom. I asked her why she was avoiding you, and she… told me it’s because she was jealous of you. Of how happy you are. Limestone,” I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and trying to remember exactly what she said, and prevent my mind from drifting to what happened after. “Hates it there. She was mad at you because you left, for a while. Then she got over it and realized that she just didn’t like being constantly reminded of what life for her might be like if she could leave. Limestone loves you, Pinkie. It’s just hard for her to be around you.”

Rainbow showed no signs of believing me or not. Pinkie, on the other hand, relaxed just a bit.

“She… really said that?” Pinkie asked out loud, dropping her head. “Marble never mentioned anything like that. But she leaves all the time! Every holiday, I don’t understand.”

“I…she said something about never being able to leave there mentally, but I didn’t understand it that well, either.” As I took a step forward, she gradually got to her feet with Rainbow’s help. Tears still streaked her face even though she was no longer actively crying. “Maybe I have no right to say this, but I don’t think your family could hate you, even after that. They care about you as much as your friends, and no one blames you for what happened. So, please, don’t blame yourself. It’s,” I absentmindedly rubbed my necklace, trying to ignore the sticky sensation between my fingers, and how easy it was to recall the feeling of plunging my knife into those Diamond Dogs and watching the life leave their eyes.

“Mine. Only my fault, no one else's.”

“...And you’re ok with that?”

The silence in the room was overbearingly empty. I couldn’t tell if there was genuinely no sound, or if I just had gone temporarily deaf. A handful of times I opened and closed my mouth, trying to say something but unable to bring myself to do so.

“Chara, Rainbow and AJ don’t trust you. Rarity hasn’t left her home since we got back, Fluttershy’s afraid of you, I’m afraid of you! And Twilight’s…” she paused. “I don’t know, none of us know what to do. I don’t want things to be like this, I want to help you. Please, just tell me you wouldn’t do it again. Pinkie Promise me that if we’re ever in a situation like that again, you’ll let us handle it.”

“I…” she was begging me, waiting for me to give her the answer I knew I couldn’t; as much as I hated what I did, I would do it again. I was going to do it again, over and over until they were dead and everyone else was alive. I still would.

Even if everyone came to hate or fear me, and I’m not welcome in Ponyville anymore, I’d do it again. As long as they were all alive, I could accept that.

“Can’t tell you that, Pinkie. I’m sorry.”

“Then,” she physically deflated, her hair covering most of her face except for her mouth. For a lengthy minute, she didn’t speak. Her grip on Rainbow tightening, though if it hurt she didn’t show it.

“I think you should go, then. I have some baking I need to get back to.”

“Pink-”

“Please. I’ll be ok.”

I was completely unconvinced. However, even if I stayed, there was nothing more I could say; nothing that would help, anyway. Rainbow glared at me, her eyes darting between the door and I.

With a last nod, I left Sugarcube Corner, hoping I didn’t make things even worse.

I stood outside Golden Oak, wondering if Twilight had already seen me through one of the windows. Or if Spike was inside. He was still afraid of me when I left; if she had told him what happened, any chance of friendship would be crushed.

Not that that would matter if Twilight decided to lock me up.

She was already distrusting of me before what happened on the farm; part of me was surprised she even bothered to heal me in the first place. I would have certainly died if she hadn’t.

Which, thinking about it, would have just led to me resetting and having to do it all again. Over and over until I survived it, and then I’d be here again. Perhaps in less physical pain, maybe even in a timeline where they didn’t witness me kill two of them. It was impossible to say, and pointless to ruminate on.

I’m here now, and the reset point has almost certainly changed.

I raised my hand, tightening my fist as hard as I could to try to stop it from shaking as I knocked on the door. It opened just as quickly, with Twilight on the other side. Her horn was glowing in the same raspberry aura that the door was covered in as it opened.

“Oh, Chara. You’re awake? I guess you’re here for a checkup then?”

“Uhm,” I peeked over her shoulder, seeing that the library was empty and a bit darker than usual. “Yeah. I-if you have the time.”

“All I have is time, lately.” she murmured. Backing away and leaving the door open. “Come on in. I already did daily checks on you, so I doubt much has changed from yesterday, but might as well.”

I expected her to be angry, or afraid, or anything other than the eerie calmness that she exuberated. Even as the magic left the door, her horn remained completely lit. The door felt like it took a lot longer to close than before; its creaking was painfully grating on the ears in the rigid silence.

“Do you want me to-”

“I’m sorry.” She suddenly uttered, taking a few steps away from me as her horn flared.

In an instant, that deathly strong tingling enveloped every inch of me, the weight and density of it pushing down on me to the point of agony with the soreness that was already there. It was lifting me a few feet off the ground as easily as I’ve seen her pick up a book.

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Adrenaline coursed through me, providing so much raw energy that staying still felt unbearably wrong. The only thing I could hear over my drum-like heartbeat was the sound of my shallow, sharp breaths. My lungs felt hot, each cold inhale like a knife stabbing me from the inside. Despite my best attempts to keep my eyes open, the burning became too much as they closed.

I was not met by darkness.

In its place came a memory. Once again, of Judgment Hall. This time, on the ground rather than in the air. Sans stood in front of me, hands in his pocket with that unwavering grin of his. I couldn’t move, even if I wanted to. Time and time again, I tried to tell myself that I was never actually there. That I was only seeing things through Frisk eyes; it never worked.

It always felt real, every single detail was as vivid as a recent memory: I couldn’t feel any physical sensation from Frisk, as always. But I could feel Sans’ gaze pierce into me. As if he was looking at me instead of him, eyes flashing blue and yellow. No movement, no words, no drop of his mask. Only his magic forcing Frisk to stay on the ground.

“Just give up. I did.”

Tears began rolling down my face, tears that I knew were as black as night. I tried to scream, only to be cut off when Twilight dropped me and I hit the ground instantly. She had really only raised me a few inches, not feet. It didn’t even hurt.

“I was right, unfortunately.” Twilight quavered. Her horn still lit with magic, but dimly so. She brought her hands to the sides of her head, hunching forward and whispering something to herself.

“Everything….okay…going to be…”

I managed to make out a handful of words, all of which were said with a shaking uncertainty. Twilight took in a few deep breaths, each one a little quieter than the last. Soon, she turned to face me again, arms pressing tightly against her body as she clenched her jaw.

“I had to make sure, and that was the best way I could think of to force a quick emotional reaction out of you. I’m sorry I had to do that, really.”

I dug my nails into the cold, wooden floor; my head so low my nose almost touched it. I couldn’t bring myself to speak at first, struggling just to catch my breath. My hand gripped my chest as I winced with each heartbeat.

“Am I,” I raised myself, only managing to get to my knees. “Is my Manik system broken?”

“Yes,” she answered. “You kept pushing yourself for too long, forced your body to use magic it didn’t have. That, on top of all the,” Twilight pressed her lips together, glancing away from me and swallowing, so prominently I could see her throat contract. “Abrasions you had, put your body in a worse state than I was capable of healing even at my best. To be blunt, it would have been better if you stayed asleep; I can’t comprehend how you’re even able to walk around right now with the amount of pain you’re in.”

“Oh, it’s,” I pushed myself to my feet, keeping my head hung so she couldn’t see how scrunched my face was. I hadn’t given myself a chance to relax since I’d left Fluttershy’s; being on the ground and just focusing on my breathing was the moment of relief it’d been begging for. Now that it got it, the aching was worse and my muscles screeched with every movement. I buried my head in the sleeve of my arm, wiping the sludge like substance off my face as I groaned into my arm. “Not that bad. Can you fix it?”

Twilight couldn’t meet my eyes, pressing her lips into a fine line. The only indicator of her thoughts or emotions was her horn: still the strongest source of light in the room, and fluctuating in correlation when I talk.

“I can, maybe. I’d have to look into it, which might take a few days. However, like I mentioned before, restoration is my weakest school. Some scrapes and bruises I can handle, but something this complex? It’s questionable. Even if I could,” her eyes narrowed as they looked at me, forming into a near scowl. “I wouldn’t. You betrayed all of our trust, and used that magic to slaughter the diamond dogs when we could have settled things peacefully. Why would I want to give you the ability to do that again? For all I know, maybe my friends are next!”

I gradually got to my feet, taking a step back as my feet dragged along the floor. Twilight’s voice shaking as it grew in anger shouldn’t have bothered me as much as it did; she had every right to be angry, just as the others did.Still, I wasn’t prepared for any of them to trust me so little that they’d think I would knowingly hurt them.

It hurt to hear a lot more than I could put into words.

“Twilight,” I started. Wondering for a moment if saying anything would even matter. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“And how am I, are any of us, supposed to believe that?” she retorted with a wave of an arm, her magic noticeably spiking. Every fiber of my being wanted to get as far away as possible. If she wanted to, she could pick me up and not let me go. Maybe she even has some kind of silencing spell so the ponies outside wouldn’t be able to hear me. She could drag me down to her lab and keep me there.

There really was nothing stopping her. Nor would there be a point in running. The moment my back was to her she could grab me; when I walked in, what happened to me was no longer in my hands, but hers.

“Because I wouldn’t, Twilight. I care about all of you, really. But…nothing I can say can make you believe me, huh?” I rubbed my hands together, trying to use friction to not feel the stickiness for just a few seconds. “So, then what are you going to do with me?”

“I’ve already,” Twilight started, cutting herself off as she shook her head. “Nothing. I promised Fluttershy I’d help you, and I actually keep my promises.”

“I’m,” I gripped my necklace. “Sorry, Twilight. Really.”

We remained in steep silence. She peered at me with furrowed eyebrows; anger visibly ebbing out as each breath was less noticeable. With each exhale, her magic got a little weaker, and her chest less prominent as it rose and fell.

“Can,” her voice was a bit quieter than before, face evidently flushed. “You take off your shirt? I still need to do a checkup on you and make sure nothing went wrong with your healing.”

“Oh. Uhm,” I slipped off my backpack, placing my necklace on top of it. “That makes sense.” I took it off by the bottom; the burning of each scar got worse the more I moved. I didn’t think they would reopen, but I couldn’t say I’d be surprised if they did.

As soon as my shirt was off, I held my arms behind me, pressing my hand against the bandages covering my wrist. Twilight didn’t see it, instead her attention went straight to my shoulder. She grimaced, and a slight tingling sensation spread from the center of my shoulder to the rest of my arm.

“This…isn’t as bad as I thought it’d be.” she whispered under her breath. “The scarring is very prominent, but I don’t think it was as deep as it looked. This is textbook second-hoof scarring if I’d ever seen it, and it healed well enough.”

Her muttering was so muffled and light that I don’t think she was meaning to actually say any of it. Twilight began to move around to my back. In response, I shifted my arms to my front, trying to keep them out of her sight.

“Oh, Chara.”

Twilight didn’t say anything else, nor did she use her magic. I waited in nail-biting anticipation, my stomach coiling tighter with each second of nothing happening. When I felt that familiar numbing warmth, there was just the tiniest blot of relief among the searing pain.

“How can you still walk? The fact that there’s no nerve, muscle, or bone damage is a Celestia bestowed boon in itself. But the subcutaneous tissue grew too fast and it over scarred, it must be agonizing just to move around. This is,” the tingling stopped. Her hoof steps echoed as she walked back in front of me. “A little beyond me. I can’t do anything for you at this point, not without the risk of doing more damage than what’s already done. I’d have to-”

I wasn’t fast enough. Twilight saw me trying to hide my wrist, before I knew it she was grabbing one of them with her magic and holding it there as I yelped. Despite how suddenly she did it, there was still a tangible restraint. I appreciated that she was making an attempt to be gentle, even if she didn’t want to be helping me in the first place.

“This wasn’t here before. Did,” she lifted the bandage, tilting her head as she half blinked. I watched as she realized what it was. “You do this to yourself?”

I couldn’t face her, or bring myself to respond. My arm limply dropped back to my side. Without a word, I reached for my shirt and put it back on. The fabric was still one of the softest things that’s touched my skin, aside from Harry and Angel’s fur. It was easy to feel just how much effort Rarity put into each fiber, how perfectly it fit me.

Not even it brought a sliver of comfort.

“Please,” I begged. “Don’t tell Fluttershy.”

“...I won’t,” she picked up a quill and a piece of paper from her saddlebag that sat in the center of the room. Holding it just out of my sight as she started scribbling something. “But you will, today. While you still can.”

“While I still can? Twilight,” I quietly picked up my backpack, taking a step back closer to the door. “What are you going to do with me?”

“When we got back, the first thing I did after resting was to write a letter to Celestia about what happened and have Spike send it. Don’t worry, he didn’t see it; I don’t want him anymore afraid of you than he already is.” She carefully rolled the letter, placing it back into the saddlebag along with the quill. “She told me to send her a letter as soon as you were awake and able to move around. And when I did,”

Twilight turned to me, pressing her lips together as she reluctantly opened her eyes. “She’d send a chariot the next day to take you to Canterlot.”

Chapter 20: Fallen Star.

“Canterlot?” I asked. I’ve heard of Celestia multiple times, most notably when Fluttershy explained to me that Celestia and her sister were powerful enough to control the moon and sun: a powerful and terror inducing feat, if true. Canterlot, while I’d heard of it a handful of times, was a place I didn’t know anything other than what I read in some of the books it was mentioned in and that it's where Dark was from.

Of course, I wanted to go there at some point along with seeing the rest of Equestria. So much of it sounded amazing. Preferably with Fluttershy and maybe a few others. I really did not like the idea of going there like a prisoner.

“Twilight, you don’t have to do this. I wo-”

“Yes, I do.” The sternness in her statement spoke strongly of her resolve. “Someone who breaks a promise to a friend I’d simply never trust again, but a murderer? Chara, I can’t in good conscience let you just wander around Ponyville like nothing's wrong. Not to mention you’re a conjurer! You walk around with your weapon on you at all times, you could attack someone at any moment!”

“You,” I took a step back, a pain sprouting in my chest like a vine covered in thorns had wrapped itself around my heart. “Think I would do that?”

“Yes! No, I-” she shut her eyes, magic flickering as she clenched her jaw. “I don’t know. I just know you can’t stay here. Not anymore. Celestia will take care of you for a while. Then, when she thinks you’re not dangerous, and we’re ok with it, you can come back.”

My breathing picked up with each word: it took me nearly two weeks to get used to Ponyville, even then I couldn’t walk around for more than a handful of hours; that’s with knowing I can go back to Fluttershy’s and cuddle one of the animals there. Canterlot was new, and I wouldn’t be going with Fluttershy; I couldn’t ask her to do that even if I thought I could convince her. I’m also pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to convince her to let me bring Angel with me.

I’d be alone, with a mysterious person who would be deciding my freedom, surrounded by new ponies in a new place and constant judgment.

“...How long?” I whispered.

“A while. A few days, maybe a few weeks, it could be longer though; It’s up to Celestia. I’m almost surprised she didn’t decide to just banish you or keep you in Canterlot permanently, but I sent her all the notes I’ve been keeping on you and-”

“You’ve been keeping notes on me?”

“Something must have caught her eye.” she finished. “You’re a previously unknown species; Of course I’ve been keeping notes on you. Fluttershy also’s been asking me to,” she bit her lip, glancing away from me. “She’s going to worry about you. Even after what happened, Fluttershy still cares about you a lot. I still haven’t been able to bring myself to tell her about this.”

“Maybe, but not having me around as a constant reminder might be better for her.” I added.

Twilight was completely right; Fluttershy wouldn’t know if or when I’d be coming back, or even hear from me at all. Despite how I hurt her, she still cared. Sometimes too much. Being around would just keep her, and the others, from trying to move on.

“And I have until tomorrow morning?”

She begrudgingly nodded. “An hour or so before noon. It should be a gold chariot pulled by two members of the royal guard, waiting in the center of Ponyville.”

“Ok.” I muttered as I turned around, ignoring the shrieking protest of my body that followed every movement.

I wanted to look at her one more time as I opened the door, to see if there was even the smallest hint of guilt or hesitation, but that was pointless. This is what needed to happen, what she was going to tell me she’d have to do if I killed any of the diamond dogs.

Still, I would have liked a wave. A nod. Some kind of goodbye. Anything other than the piercing silence as she watched me leave.

In the void, a lack of noise had its own kind of comfort. Being alive again made it unbearable.

I’d seen the Town Hall on many occasions, but I’d never been inside or met the Mayor. It was easily the largest building in Ponyville, sticking out amongst all the others. It was tempting to enter just to see what was inside such an enormous structure; but I decided against it. I didn’t even need to go there in the first place.

I just didn’t want to go back to Fluttershy’s cottage. Not yet, not until I have to.

It was hard for me to even start on what to say to her. At this point, another apology would just be insulting. I could tell her I made things right with the others, but that would just be a lie. That could be the case with Rarity, which would be a shaky assumption at best. The others… I think I might have actually made worse.

I wrung my wrist as I tried to ignore the growing soreness in every inch of my body, legs and back worst of all. It was getting harder to ignore, I would be lucky to make it back to Fluttershy’s without collapsing. It shouldn’t have shocked me, considering I hadn’t given myself a moment to rest since I left, despite how much I still needed it.

Perhaps if I just sat down for a little bit, I ca-

“Char?”

I jumped at the sudden sound of someone calling my name. Dark was waving at me, uncaring of the attention he was directing to himself. He casually walked over to me, not looking any different from when I last saw him.

“Where’ve you been? It’s been a few days since I saw you and I was starting to think you were avoiding me after our date.” He started with an awkward chuckle, his smile fading into a slight frown. “I didn’t mess up or anything, right? I know things were a bit awkward, but I didn’t think it was that bad.”

“Our date? Oh,” I drawled, having nearly forgotten about it entirely. “Our date. No, it was fine. I just had to go with Fluttershy somewhere, and I just didn’t have the time to tell you. Sorry about that.”

Everything with Dark had completely slipped my mind, buried under the mound of recent events. I should have left a letter or something, instead of just leaving without telling him at all.

“Yeah, I heard about that. Though I kind of assumed Fluttershy would have made you stay to watch over the animals while she’s gone, not bring you along. When they go to places together, it’s usually pretty crazy stuff, like kicking a dragon out of a mountain or something.”

“What?” I blurted out, waiting for him to laugh or somehow show that he was joking. “Are you serious? They just kicked a dragon out of a mountain, no problem?”

“If what I’ve heard is true, yeah. It was also apparently Fluttershy who came in clutch, lecturing it until it cried and left. If it was anyone other than those six I wouldn’t believe it, but the longer I live here, the less surprised I get at the stuff that happens.”

I couldn’t help but picture Fluttershy flying up to a colossal dragon, hovering in front of its gigantic maw that could swallow her in one bite if it wanted. Even as it sat on top of its horde of gold and jewels, head pressing against the top of the cave it barely fit in, it cowered beneath her unshaking leer.

The image was so absurd, yet so fitting, that I couldn’t help but smile a bit. I held a hand against my mouth as I tried to stifle a chuckle, a tingle in my chest that spread to the back of my throat.

“That’s just like her.” I chortled, trying to keep from actually laughing since I was sure that would be painful.

“I haven’t talked to her myself, so I’ll just take your word for it.” his eyes lowered for a moment, fixating only my shoulder. “So, what happened wherever you went? You look like you’re struggling just to stand up.”

“It,” that flicker of joy burned out. I tried to resist the urge to press down on my shoulder again, settling for just painfully clenching my hands instead. “Went ok. Everyone survived. That’s what’s important.”

I glanced up at the sun, which shined brightly above the horizon. It was a beautiful day outside; lots of the animals were around and the ponies walking around had smiles on their faces. If I had to guess, it was sometime in the midday. While warm, it was colder than previous days as Winter came closer.

For just a little while, I wanted to lie down somewhere and enjoy it. Just a moment of solace to relax, and Fluttershy’s Cottage wasn’t it anymore; as much as I wanted it to be. All that was there for me was an awkward tension that would build up into another argument; I couldn’t handle another one of those.

“Hey, Dark?” I knew it was selfish to ask, but I needed to give myself a break. If I tried going now, I’d collapse halfway there, and with no clue what to actually say to her. “Do you mind if I come over to the observatory for a while? I don’t mind talking; I’ve just been moving around a lot and I’m starting to get tired. Plus,” I hung my head, biting the corner of my lip. “I don’t want to go back to Fluttershy’s yet.”

“Um,” his eyebrows drew together, staring at me for a moment as his horn lit up with cerulean magic. Opening the top of a saddlebag attached to his side and pulling out a piece of paper that he scanned over. “Well, I got everything I needed on my shopping trip today, so sure. It’s not nighttime though, I can’t show you any stars this time around. Unless you want to stare at the sun all day.”

“Just give me a moment.” I walked over to a nearby bird, one that I recognized from Fluttershy’s Cottage and that she’d have watching me when I’d go out. I extended my hands, half expecting it to just fly away. Luckily, it hopped right into my palms, chirping something as it looked up at me and tilted its head. “Can you tell Fluttershy that I’ll be a bit longer? I want to talk to Dark, then I’ll be back.”

It gave me an adorable nod as it flew off, presumably in the direction of Fluttershy’s.

“You can talk to animals now, too?”

“Kinda?” I muttered. “Not any more than anyone else can. All animals can understand ponies pretty well, and you can understand them if you just learn their body language. Fluttershy just doesn’t have to do that.”

“Still, that’s coolio.” he responded, then whispered something to himself. “Never saying that out loud again.”

We walked back to the observatory in silence, and more distance between us than most of the ponies walking around. If it bothered him, he didn’t say anything. I tried to think of something to say, only to come blank. Despite best efforts, my mind kept drifting back to Twilight, or Pinkie; often Fluttershy.

Was it ok for me to try to escape my problems like this? I crossed my arms, pressing my hands against my sides like I was trying to pretend they didn’t exist. Every step was like walking on a bed of dull needles, each patch just a tad sharper. For once, I wished my hair was a little longer so I could hide behind it like Fluttershy did. It was starting to grow back, but still not enough to mask how clenched my face was.

“Hey, Chara.”

“I’m fine.”

I hissed through gritted teeth, regretting it instantly as I saw him visibly recoil. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”

“It’s,” he hesitated, slowly relaxing his arms. “Alright. You’ve had a long day, I get it. I was just going to say we’re here.”

“...oh.”

He walked forward and opened the door, gesturing for me to enter. “Cute girls first.”

“I’m,” I started, shaking my head as I stopped myself. “Thank you.”

He’d clearly put in a lot of work since I’d been here last. All the pictures of stars and comets had been cleaned and dusted so well I could read the plaques from the entrance, some of which I recognized from the books Dark gave me. The boxes that were strung around before weren’t present, neither was the cabinet full of clothes nor the mini-fridge. Even the wall lamps were in better condition, though none were turned on as the dome was mostly open to let the sunlight in.

Although I now knew better, it no longer looked like someone was living here.

“I’m a bit surprised; it’s only been three days and you already made the place look much better. I didn’t take you for the ‘neat and organized’ type.”

He placed his hand over his chest like he’d be hurt. “Ouch. I can’t blame you for making that assumption, but I promise I’m not a total slob. It’s just I figured if you’re going to be coming over every now and again, this place should actually look like an observatory and not a frat house.”

“Yeah,” I trailed off, contemplating whether I should tell him about Canterlot or not. “You did a pretty good job. Where’s all your stuff now?”

“Well, I didn’t do it all by myself: My friend Bulk helped me out. It’s all on the second floor where I live. I should have done it earlier, honestly. Now I don’t have to go downstairs every time I want to cook something.”

“You,” I pursed my lips, voice cracking as I tried not to meet his eyes. “Have a bed, right?”

He blinked rapidly, visibly tensing up as he turned to me. “Yeah, I don’t sleep on the floor. Why?”

“Mm,” I rubbed my shoulder and glanced away. “Can I lay on it for a bit? I swear it’s just for a few minutes. My legs are about to give out, and this concrete floor isn’t exactly inviting.”

“Oh,” he commented, shrugging his shoulders. “Sure, I guess. Beats standing around; follow me.”

It was a bigger strain on my knees to walk up the stairs than I would have liked, but there were luckily not a lot of them. It wasn’t really different from the first floor, just more rails around the edges and pictures of stars. I expected a few small telescopes, but they would likely just take up space since people rarely come that often anymore.

The semi-spacious corner Dark had decided to make home had more than I expected. Of course, the wardrobe was there and open; showing the array of different colored t-shirts and pants with a mirror on the inside of the doorway. The mini-fridge sat beside it with a hotplate on top, and a cabinet stood a few feet away that I assume had all the eating utensils.

Finally, was the bed. I thought it was going to be smaller since he would want to make the most of whatever space he had; this was much bigger than I expected. I could lie in the center with my arms and legs spread and still not be over the edge. Each of the three pillows was perfectly head sized, and the blankets were fitted exactly to the edge. I couldn’t help but press my hands into the mattress right after slipping off my backpack, which sunk straight in like trying to touch a cloud.

“Nice, right?” Dark asked as he walked up beside me. “I got it for exactly zero bits. Bulk said this one was too small for him, so he just gave it to me. Carried it up here himself and everything.”

“Wait,” I shifted around to face him, not wanting to take my hands off the bed. “This was too small for him? How big is he?”

“Huge! Bulk is the beefiest pegasus I know; his arms would probably still be dangling off the side. If you saw him, you’d probably think his wings are small; I swear his muscles are just so big they make his wings tiny in comparison.” he stated with a grin, sitting down on the corner of the bed. “What’s even better is this bed is made out of Echo Stratus, or imitation cloud. Usually, only pegasi can nap on clouds. This is as close as it can get without using magic or stuff.”

“I think I read something about that, but I haven’t seen any of them sleeping on one.” I added as I lowered myself into the bed, wincing as a wave of fresh, searing pain washed across my back. However, as I let my body sink into the welcoming fabric, the feeling of relaxation it’d been begging for was borderline euphoric.

I let out a light moan as the pain faded, all the stress fading and being replaced with almost nauseating fatigue. The bed swallowed me in its gentle hold; if I tried to get up I don’t think I’d have the strength.

It was peaceful.

“Really?” Dark rested his arm over one of the bedposts, briefly running his hand through his spiked mane and raising an eyebrow. “Not even Rainbow Dash? I’ve never talked to the mare, but I've even seen her sleeping on a cloud or two.”

My heart sank as Rainbow’s face came to mind: expression contorted into a scowl as she tried to comfort Pinkie. I closed my eyes, feeling how heavy they were when I struggled to open them again.

“I haven’t seen a lot of Rainbow recently.”

“Yeah, me neither.” he whispered, moving a bit closer to me. “So, do you mind if I ask what happened? I haven’t seen Fluttershy or Pinkie since you got back, and the others look pretty perturbed. And you,” Dark trailed off.

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

He dropped his head, shifting his weight on the bed. “No problem. Sorry for asking.”

“It’s fine.” I muttered. I peered around the room, trying to think of something to talk about and fill the gnawing silence. “What’s Canterlot like?”

“Canterlot?” There was a meek undertone to his response. He pulled his arms close, pressing his legs tightly against the edge of the bed. “It’s nice, I guess. When I was there, everything was so pretty all the time. Every building dressed up, every pony looking their best; you could go anywhere whenever and get pretty much anything. Even at night it was super active with dances and raves if you knew the right ponies. Practically no crime, and you get to live right under Celestia.”

There was a small, cheerless smile on his face as he stared off into the distance. I recognized the expression as the same ones the monsters wore when I asked them what things were like before the war, and they’d reminisce on times that couldn’t have possibly been as good as they claimed they were.

“Do you miss it?” I asked, though his face practically shouted the answer.

“Sometimes, when I’ve got nothing else to think about,” he admitted, taking a deep breath. “Why do you ask? Planning on visiting soon?”

“...” I gripped the bed, the soft fabric almost being enough to overwhelm the stickiness. “Yeah, actually. There’s going to be a chariot tomorrow to take me there and meet Celestia. I don’t know how long I’ll be there or what it's like, so I figured I’d ask.”

“Woah, woah, woah!” he blurted out, moving to face me as his eyes widened. “You’re going to meet Celestia? In the castle?”

“Uh,” the sudden increase in his voice shook off some of the exhaustion. I couldn’t quite tell if it was excitement or nervousness. Nervouscitement? “Yeah?”

“I don’t think you understand how special this is; the majority of ponies in Canterlot don’t even get to see the inside of the castle, and only the snootiest of Canterlot nobles meet her whenever they want outside of special occasions. What in Tartarus did you do to get a chariot come to pick you up and take you straight there? Save The Elements of Harmony by yourself?”

I held my tongue, trying not to physically react to how spot on that was. I reached over to one of the pillows, finding it comfortably cold as I set it under my head. “I can’t say, really.”

His face dropped. “Right, sorry.” he remarks, rubbing the back of his neck. “Are you going to be walking around Canterlot? I,” he paused, licking his lips. “Might have a favor.”

From the way Twilight talked about it, it sounded like I wouldn’t be allowed to leave Canterlot Castle until Celestia says I can; in essence, I was going to be a prisoner. Would I have a cell? A handful of guards to escort me wherever I go? Or would I be allowed to go wherever I want, knowing that I was one mistake away from being banished into nothingness?

There was a very real possibility that today was my last day of freedom. If that’s the case, there really was nothing I could do about it.

“I don’t know.” I rolled over, burying my head into the pillow until only half of my face was visible. “I can try. What is it?”

“My family; can you check on how they’re doing somehow? I know we’re on awful terms, but I still worry about them. Just knowing they’re fine would be a huge relief.”

“What if they aren’t fine? Or,” I pictured my own family; fractured, but fixable. Even with Asriel and I gone, they could be helped. They could be happy. “Worse; they’re happy without you.”

“I,” He opened his mouth to say something, narrowing his eyes as he realized something. Dark tightened his hand as he winced. “Still want to know.”

“No, you don’t.” I muttered under my breath. “If you’re sure.”

The subject kept bringing my mind to The Dreemurr Family; Toriel’s anguish, Asgore’s grief, Asriel’s emptiness.

All because of me, and all got better without me; likely will again when Frisk eventually decides to come back.

Except for Asriel.

“Can we talk about something else?” Dark asked meekly.

“Yeah. Uh,” I pressed a finger into the pillow, watching as the fabric caved in with the slightest amount of force. “You mentioned before that ponies lost interest in stars after Luna came back; what was it like before that?”

“Kind of awesome.” There was a brief spark in his eyes as his voice picked up, using his magic to open the drawer of the nightstand and hovering a piece of paper over to himself. “For the past millennia or so, ponies were super interested in space stuff. Solar systems, distant planets, black holes, aliens. Space exploration would have happened eventually. Until then, these were really popular.”

He showed me the paper, which was apparently a certificate saying that he owned a star called ‘Aurora’, and a bunch of other words I didn’t feel like raising my head to read properly.

“Ponies bought stars?”

“Well, technically ponies bought pieces of paper saying they owned stars, but yeah.” he explained as he rolled the paper back up. “Sometimes they’d do it as a romantic gesture, other times to leave something behind, stuff like that. Of course, officially they didn’t actually own them, so they really only bought peace of mind. And, well, Luna banned these since apparently no pony should have ownership over any part of the night sky, so this is illegal just to own.”

“Sounds like a scam.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it kind of was. When nothing big happens that long, ponies end up just having more bits than they know what to do with. It’s not like they were promised any profit, no pony was hurt.”

My eyes started to burn. I half closed them, finding every breath more relaxing than the last. “On the plus side, you got to move in here since no one comes here that often anymore.”

“That’s true. Certainly much better than where I lived last; I love Bulk, but he’s a terrible roommate.”

I closed my eyes, giving them a short rest. I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but this bed was just as comfortable as Fluttershy’s. If I plunged any deeper into the mattress, I might never come out. The pillow wasn’t getting warmer, staying perfectly cold and tempting me to shove my face in completely.

Unfortunately, I needed air.

“Hey, Char?”

Dark sounded distant, despite being just a few inches away from me. I could make out every word, but it was hard to process them. Like my brain didn’t want to do anything besides just laying here and existing.

“Hm?”

“I’m,” I felt his weight move forward, then something brush against my hand. I winced at the sudden contact, which stopped just as immediately. He stood up, hooves hitting the ground as he walked a few steps away. “Glad you came back.”

I didn’t even realize I fell asleep until I sat up, physically well rested, but panicked at how much time I might have lost. There was still light from the open dome, only significantly less as the sun had started to set. Getting off the bed was less painful than before, but some parts of my body hadn’t quite woken up and were still numb.

Everything felt tough compared to the softness of the cloud bed.

“Huh. I didn’t take you for the bedhead type.”

Dark was hanging over one of the nearby rails, using his magic to clean the lens of the giant telescope in the center. I turned to the mirror of his open cabinet, finding that most of my hair had lost its usual straightness and was sticking in…well everywhere.

Rarity would not be pleased.

“Comb and manebrush above the shirts.” He said casually, floating a rag and a spray bottle over to himself and then on the ground.

After moving a tube of Pinkie’s brand toothpaste, there was a fairly clean hairbrush, or manebrush I suppose. There were no noticeable strains of mane in it; judging from how spiked his hair was, he used the comb a lot more.

“How long was I asleep?” I asked as I tried to brush my hair into some resemblance of what it usually was. It wasn’t being flexible, and required a painful amount of force to keep down. I grit my teeth to stop myself from jerking every time I had to brush through a particularly stubborn curl.

“I don’t know, a few hours? I don’t keep track of time if I don’t have anything going on. You looked like you needed it.”

While I did, the feeling of being well rested was thoroughly overwhelmed by nausea inducing levels of terror; I told Fluttershy I’d only be gone for a little while, not most of the day! She was probably sitting on the couch, anxiously petting Angel while waiting for me to show up.

Or…she might be fine. I did send that bird to tell her I’d be gone for a while.

As I placed the hairbrush back in the cabinet and closed it, I kept my arms against the doors and lowered my head. I still had no idea what to say to Fluttershy, but I had to tell her something, anything that might make things just a little better. I didn’t know when I’d be coming back from Canterlot, if at all.

“You alright? Got pretty pale all of a sudden.”

“Yeah,” I whispered as I stepped away, slipping my backpack on. At least the pain was much more tolerable. “Just stood up too fast. Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed, really, but I wish you didn’t. I needed to be at Fluttershy’s hours ago.”

“You're welcome, sorry?”

“You don’t-nevermind.” I made my way to the staircase, freezing in place when I heard him call out to me.

“Come and see me when you’re back from Canterlot; I’d love to hear if anything has changed!”

“Mhm.” I responded, unable to bring myself to look back at him.

It got dark quickly as I trekked back to Fluttershy’s Cottage, but my legs didn’t complain nearly as much. None of the animals were around, not even the nocturnal ones. I tried to peek into the window, only to find the lights weren’t on and the inside was darker than the outside.

My hands trembled as I pushed open the door, the squeaking of its hinges grating to my ears. She was sitting on the couch, head against the armrest and completely passed out. All things considered, Fluttershy was in much better shape than when I saw her earlier. Her mane was straightened and she was now wearing a new set of clothes. Her skin was less pale as well and the bags under her eyes were less prominent.

I couldn’t bring myself to wake her up, even if she had likely fallen asleep waiting for me. However, Angel made the decision to wake her up for me. He was resting on her chest when he spotted me, quickly getting up and roughly tugging on her mane. She was awake with a jolt, her wings extending to her sides like bouncing springs.

“I’m awake!” she shouted, pupils contracting as they darted around the room and landing on me. Tensing up as she retracted her wings.“Oh, Chara. The birds told me you’d be back soon, but I must have fallen asleep at some point.”

As she spoke, I made sure to pull my sleeve over my wrist, hiding as much of the bandage as I could; she didn’t need to know about that yet, or ever if I could help it. All it would do is make her more upset and worried about me, and I don’t know how much more of that she could actually take.

“Yeah, sorry for taking so long. I got caught up with Dark and lost track of time for a bit.”

“Oh. That’s fine.” she said meekly. “What did Twilight say?”

“She,” I stared at a random spot on the ground, leaving my arms dangling at my sides like wet noodles. “Told me I’d be going to Canterlot.”

“Canterlot?” her body froze while her arms came up, tightly gripping a blanket to her chest. “I should have known. But they won’t,” Fluttershy closed her eyes. “How long?”

“Don’t know.” I responded, noticing Angel eyeing me as he stood on her lap. “Until Celestia says it's ok. I’m supposed to be going straight to the castle and kept under her care, I don’t even know if I’ll be allowed to leave the castle or not.”

“In the castle with Celestia? Oh no,” Fluttershy got to her hooves, causing Angel to jump off and land right beside me. “I can’t do anything to help. If Twilight’s already-”

“I’m going to tell you the truth.” I stated, tightly clenching my fist. “Really, I mean it. When I get back, I’ll tell you everything you want; only you. I don’t want you to be afraid of me, either.”

I crouched down, reaching my hand towards Angel to pet him. He crossed his arms, but didn’t try to stop me or react other than scowling.

I’m going to miss him.

“Chara,” there was nigh tangible relief in her voice; wings fluttering as she took a few steps towards me, though I didn’t want to take my eyes off Angel. “Why can’t you tell me now?”

“I’m not ready.” I gently picked up Angel, smirking as I held him against me and tried to remember the feeling of how soft and adorably tiny he was. “And I don’t want it weighing on you while I’m gone. Please, just talk to the others. They miss you, and with me not around, you can be friends again.”

“You being around doesn-”

“Yes it does.” I didn’t raise my voice, or even move an inch. “I talked to them on my way to Twilight’s, and none of them were ok. Rarity’s burying herself in her work, Pinkie’s depressed, Rainbow and Applejack are furious, and I don’t know if Twilight’s even talked to the others since it happened. Please.”

“Chara,” she extended a wing, placing it on my shoulder. Despite her best attempts to hide it, I felt each tremble. “Everything will be fine, we’ve,” she bit her lip. “Been through worse. I promise.”

Her words lacked any semblance of confidence, but I knew she was just trying to reassure me. I slowly stood up, still holding Angel as I turned to the stairs. “Take the bed tonight. I know how hard that couch can be on your back, and I’ve already been sleeping there for two days.”

“Chara, I couldn’t do that to you; especially on your last day.”

“It’s fine. I passed out at Dark’s, so I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep tonight even if I wanted to.”

“Hm.” Fluttershy grunted, eyes shifting between Angel and me for an egregiously long minute. “Do you want Angel to stay with you?”

I loosened my grip on him, having temporarily forgotten I was holding him and not a stuffed toy. He grimaced at me, lightly slapping my chest as he tried to catch his breath. “If he doesn’t mind.”

Again, he scowled at me, but didn't do anything else to express his disapproval.

“Then, I should be heading to sleep.” Fluttershy began walking up the stairs, her wings rigidly hugging her sides. “Please, wake me up if you need anything.” she stopped as she got to the top, whispering something to herself. “I just wish there was more I could do.”

I collapsed on the couch the second she was gone, still holding Angel in my arms; his ears standing up and poking the bottom of my chin. It would have been so easy to just lay there, keeping my eyes closed and hoping I was just tired enough to sleep until morning.

As nice as that would have been, I was well aware I wouldn’t actually be able to sleep. I can usually tell if I’ll be able to or not; multiple nights and laying in bed motionless with my eyes closed made that an easy distinction.

“You can nap on me if you want, Angel.” I placed him on my head, which he found comfortable enough to not immediately hop off. “I have some stuff to do. Just don’t tell Fluttershy anything, ok? I will when I’m ready, I promise.”

He made some kind of movement up there, but quickly laid down and started sleeping. I laid my backpack in front of me as I sat up, opening my inventory and trying to avoid looking at my level. The necklace still sat inside, its description not having changed from the gibberish that only occasionally resembled Wing Dings.

Even so, there was an odd urge in the back of my mind to put it on. Likely due to it being identical to my own aside from the antler itself. Each breath felt heavy as I inched it close, the cold metal almost burned in my hands. The world seemed to pause as it went around my neck, overlapping with my own necklace. And…

Nothing happened.

I don’t know what I expected; it hadn’t even shown any magical properties. Why did the dogs have it? It was much easier to remove it, putting it back in my inventory and instead taking out my journal. I opened it to the tally page, adding on the one I hadn’t before.

There were still so many pages, so many details left out. So many questions, so much to do. I don’t know what Celestia has planned for me; if there will be a series of tests, or if I’ll just be left to my own devices until she decides what to do with me.

Either way, nothing would come from sitting on the couch and cuddling with a spoiled bunny; pleasant as that sounded. I couldn’t sleep anyway, so I might as well write down everything I know and I try to figure out what I can.

I’m sure there’ll be plenty of time to ruminate on everything in Canterlot.

Chapter 21: Dinner Under The Sun.

Oddly enough, I didn’t even feel tired after staying awake all night. I watched the sunrise through the window; starting as a barely noticeable blue peeking through the curtains, then gradually getting brighter until it illuminated the entire room with sunlight. The sound of birds chirping, combined with various animals scampering on the outskirts of Fluttershy’s cottage, were nothing short of tranquil.

Angel awoke with them, hopping off the top of my head and right into my lap. He rubbed his eyes as he peered up at me, standing right on my journal and stopping my writing where it was. Thankfully, I’d been writing everything in wingdings, so it just looked like I was doodling random symbols to anyone who saw it. Well, I suppose there is the exception of the tally marks, but I’m the only one who would know what those were for.

“Good morning, Angel.” I said as I traced a finger on the edges of his ear. He chirped something back, then put his paws on his hips and leaned forward as he tried to read what was on the pages. He gave up a moment later, scratching his chin and looking up at me. “It’s a language I made up. All my deepest, darkest secrets are in here, and I don’t want any loveable little animals reading them.” I explained as I booped him.

He didn’t take kindly to that, wrinkling his nose and huffing as he hopped off my lap and into the kitchen. I flipped through the entirety of the journal, finding that there were still more empty pages than filled ones. But…that didn’t make any sense. I had counted the pages and knew there weren’t that many. Maybe I had just miscounted?

It didn’t matter, I’ll just get another whenever I eventually reach the end. I already filled it with everything I could think of: from what I’ve heard about The Elements of Harmony, to cutie marks and how they occasionally relate to the ponies they’re on. I’d even had so much time that I could organize it in order of what happened, along with a list of things I needed to test, and various questions I still needed to figure out. I even added an index and put numbers on each page.

It just occurred to me that I may have more free time than I knew what to do with.

Angel returned with a carrot in his mouth, balancing a glass of tea in his tiny arms. I gently took it, enjoying the refreshing drink for what’s likely the last time in a while. With a relieved sigh, I closed the book, finding it noticeably heavier as I lifted it back into my inventory. Once my backpack was on the ground, I crossed my legs and let my body press into the couch. He took immediate advantage of this, hopping into the empty spot and propping himself up on my thighs.

I watched the animals play outside, clouds pass and birds fly. It was around eight or nine, so I still had a few hours to relax. Angel wasn’t as upset at me as before, or wasn’t showing it if he was. Fluttershy should come down at any moment. Well, if she hadn’t completely ruined her sleep schedule worrying about me that is.

What would I even say to her if she did? Nothing came to mind, except for another pointless apology. There was nothing more I could really say, despite all that I wanted to. The only thing waiting for me was more awkward silence and a growing tension; I couldn’t say how much more of that I could take.

I placed the glass on the ground, picking Angel up while he was eating the carrot, much to his dismay. I closed my eyes and held him tightly against my chest. “Angel, I’m going to go now. I’m going to miss you, and Fluttershy.”

He squeaked something, pushing away and letting out a deadly cute noise. Luckily, my weeks of living with him have helped me build a tolerance. I got to my feet, placing him on the couch as I placed the pillows where I saw them originally. Something red poked out from the corner of the cushion. The fabric felt familiar as I pulled it out, laying it across my hands.

It was the scarf, the same one Cloudy made for me.

The length, the fabric, and the shade were all the same; she must have given it to Fluttershy at some point. Why did she keep it? Did she want to give it to me when I woke up and just forgot to do so? That didn’t sound like her, so then what was it doing here?

I chewed my lip, placing it in my inventory. No matter the reason, it was at Fluttershy’s. Pinkie’s mom made it specifically for me, even if I didn’t use it. It would feel wrong to just leave it on the couch, despite knowing I couldn’t bring myself to wear it again.

As I began walking the trail to Ponyville, I stopped and turned, burning the beautiful sight of Fluttershy’s cottage into my mind. Some part of me desperately hoped she would burst through the door, flying towards me and holding me in her soft embrace; telling me I didn’t have to go and that we could work things out, that she could convince Twilight to send another letter to Celestia and let me stay.

Of course, that didn’t happen.

I absentmindedly wandered around Ponyville for the time I had left, much to my body’s protest. It still wanted more rest, although its complaining was tolerable compared to yesterday’s. And if I just sat on the stairs of the town hall and waited, I’d get gradually more anxious until just breathing was a struggle. It was almost fun to see what ponies woke up at what times as I walked around. Most were awake by ten, though some houses clearly housed ponies that worked late. The rest were going about eating their flower sandwiches, talking to their friends, or just walking around like I was.

It occurred to me that, while I had been in Ponyville for a few weeks, I didn’t really know the names of the residents outside of Dark, Fluttershy, and her friends. Maybe I should change that if I come back.

A chariot came just as Twilight said it would; golden and being pulled by two large pegasi stallions. Both of them donned similar golden armor covering everything but their wings and face. After landing, other than a sideways glance, they didn’t acknowledge my presence. They simply started stretching their wings while standing silently.

The dramatic arrival of the chariot certainly attracted the attention of everyone around. Whispering and chattering amongst themselves, the majority of ponies present started eyeing me. I rubbed my pendant, shrinking under their piercing leers. Without a word, I climbed into the chariot, finding the inside cushioned with a comfortable purple material. It had plenty of space, enough to lay down if I wanted to.

The pegasi began walking forward, gradually getting faster as they burst into a full on sprint. I couldn’t help but yelp as I latched onto the side, gripping the edges of the chariot like it was going to try to throw me out at any moment.

It got better the further into the air we ascended, until finally there was no turbulence at all. Soon, it was completely steady; the pegasi flew straight as an arrow towards the city on the mountain, flexing every muscle on their body but showing no real strain. It was actually kind of similar to the train, though less bumpy and a lot more wind blowing through my hair.

It was much nicer than I expected it to be. Almost pleasant actually. Is that what flying was like? If so, I could understand why some pegasi did it all the time. Along with tricks and just hovering instead of standing, it must have been freeing.

I couldn’t help but be a little envious.

I watched the residents as we flew above the city, which was just as well decorated and extravagant. In fact, they all reminded me of Carousel Boutique; Rarity must have styled her home after one she saw in Canterlot. Homes, cafés, clothing shops, all kinds of buildings stood out with their own unique look. While Ponyville’s residents wore primarily casual clothes, Canterlots’ were more formal, suits and dresses; on top of other things like monocles, hats, bow ties seemed to be the norm. All of them looked their best, however some seemed like they were walking around and had nowhere to go in particular.

There were also pegasi that were flying in the sky, some of which were close enough to see me. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but their expressions as they stared at me told me all I needed to know. I’m sure the only reason they weren’t approaching was because I was being escorted by some kind of special guard; at least I assumed they were.

As we landed, the chariot once again got bumpy, but I was prepared. There were several other guards waiting, all wearing the same armor with the addition of long spears. The second my feet hit the ground, two of the guards approached me; both mares. They weren’t particularly tall, but the size of them and their armor as they carried spears that towered over them reminded me of how small I really was.

The one on the right was taller but scrawnier; purple eyes with a blueish-green mane. While the one on the left was shorter, but noticeably wider. Brighter yellow eyes and a purple, styled mane that stuck out from the other guards. Not taking her eyes off me as the one on the left pulled out a scroll with her magic and began reading from it.

“Chara Dreemurr, you’re now in the protective custody of Princess Celestia. While-”

“Protective custody? I t-”

“You’re here, you will do as she says and as we tell you as we work as extensions of Princess Celestia’s authority. A residence will be provided for you, along with all necessities and access to the entirety of the castle; only the castle. You are not to leave without an escort party or express permission. You are also to remain here as long as Princess Celestia deems. Any questions shall be directed only to Princess Celestia, who you will treat with the utmost respect, along with Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Princess Luna.”

Every sentence brought a new question, none of which she acknowledged, as she didn’t dare look away from the scroll she was reading for a moment. While I now knew that I would be allowed to roam the castle, I didn’t know Princess Luna would be here too; along with whoever Mi Amore Cadenza was.

“Why is-”

“Any questions shall be directed to Princess Celestia.” She repeated, closing the scroll and putting it away. “Who is awaiting you in the dining hall. We shall escort you there, and then to where you will be staying. Afterwards, if you wish to explore the castle, one of us will be available depending on whose shift it is. We have been assigned specifically to watch you, and all that yada yada yada.” she finished as she put away the scroll, the purple magic that enveloped her horn vanishing.

“Finally! Ugh, reading those scrolls, like, almost makes the job not worth it.” the pegasus said with a roll of her eyes, flicking her wings and bumping against the unicorn. “I’m Brash Bulwark, and this is my bestest friend in the world: Luster Lance. We’re here to totally welcome you to Canterlot So, like, welcome!”

“Yeah, welcome!”

The stoicness they held before completely crumbled the moment they finished the scroll, though the other royal guards didn’t adopt such behavior.

“Hm,” I glanced between them, unable to shake a blot of familiarity welling up the back of my mind. “Do you know why I’m here?”

“Nope!” They responded in unison.

“Princess Celestia told us that you’d be our first big assignment; we’re supposed to keep our eyes on you while The Princess is busy doing royal stuff!”

“And, like, bring you whatever you need! Take you to The Royal Archives, if you like being bored!”

“Or the hedge maze!”

“Or the sculpture garden!”

“Those are the same place, Brash.”

“Not if you don’t go into the maze, it’s not.”

They talked so rapidly and with so much pep it was hard to keep up. The Royal Archives certainly interested me, but the other locations didn’t sound particularly intriguing since I found sculptures pretty dull and mazes needlessly complex.

Judging from their nonchalantness, they didn’t know why I was here in the first place. Celestia must have decided to keep it to herself, or only inform the other princesses. The pegasi pulling the chariot had already left, leaving only me and the handful of other guards in the area.

“Ok.” I started, taking a deep breath. “I’m ready to meet Celestia.”

The inside of the castle was just as well decorated and furnished: a red rug with occasional sun symbols, variously colored banners on the walls, flowers on every pillar, golden doors and archways; It felt like just entering would be considered a privilege. One section in particular struck a chord of dread that only grew with each step.

A hallway before a large, golden door. The floor was made out of checkered tiles, enormous pillars towering over me with glass windows in between each one. Sunlight was shining brightly through them.

The similarities to Judgment Hall were so uncanny it disturbed me.

When the guards opened the door, I expected Celestia to be sitting on a throne; peering down at me and somehow able to see all of my sins like I had rested them barren before her. Instead, there was a…dining table? Quite a large one that must have been meant for parties or feasts, but it only had three chairs at the moment; two of which were occupied.

The chair on the opposite side from me sat the largest pony I’d seen so far, and the first with both wings and a horn. Her multicolored-mane defied gravity itself, flowing to the side in a way that radiated grace; her coat so pure white it would have been painful to look at in a bright room. She looked at me with magenta eyes that would bring me to my knees if she held a scowl instead of the small smile she currently had.

She was casually sitting in her chair, horn illuminated in a golden aura as she drank from a teacup floating in front of her. When I walked in, her pupils darted to me as they briefly narrowed as she cleared her throat and placed the teacup on the table. The golden crown and peytral I’d seen her wearing in the books sat on the table with the food, well polished but unworn.

“Oh, hello Chara. Hmmm,” she hummed as she looked at me. “Maybe Twilight’s next lesson should be about descriptions. I got the impression you would be,” she paused, pressing her lips together. “Bigger.”

The other alicorn I didn’t recognize was noticeably smaller. A light pink coat with a multicolored mane; mostly dark purple, a darker pink, and the end of it was almost pure white as it curled. It was actually somewhat like Rarity’s manestyle, but longer so more of it was straight. A smaller crown and necklace sat on the table in front of her, which presumably were hers.

“The human’s here? I wonder-” as soon as she turned to me, her purple eyes shrunk into dots. A visible shudder went up her spine, entire body going stiff like invisible hands had wrapped themselves around her.

“Cadance?” Celestia’s relaxed tone hardened. “Are you ok?”

Cadance pulled her chair closer to the table, tightly gripping the sides as her horn briefly flickered with magic. “Yeah. Just felt wrong all of a sudden. It’ll pass.”

“Hm.” There was a burden filled emptiness as Celestia and Cadance exchanged a look, saying something with their eyes that I couldn’t translate. “Very well then. Chara, please,sit.”

Her horn enshrouded a chair in front of me, pulling it out and gesturing for me to sit. I couldn’t help but gulp; Cadance’s leer dug into my soul, making it hard to just breathe properly. It was only made worse by the fact I didn’t know why she was suddenly so apprehensive of me. If she was here, then she must've known I was coming, so why the shift? Was it something about my appearance? I reflexively adjusted my hair, covering my ears and making sure my sleeves covered my wrists, ignoring how sticky my hands were at the moment.

“I,” I started as I placed my backpack on the ground and sat in the chair. I looked over what was actually on the table. Despite its size, very little. There was a plate in front of Celestia that held a stack of pancakes, decorated with various fruits and whip cream to resemble a face. Cadance had a bowl of various vegetables, and what looked like a glass of orange juice. What sat in front of me was some sort of…bread roll? It was a very light brown bread, almost to the point of being orange; Sprinkled with so much sugar it resembled snow, while the inside was filled with a creamy-looking substance with the bread swirling in the center.

“What,” I poked it, finding it soft and warm. “Is this?”

“It’s a pumpkin roll.” Celestia stated. “I heard you liked sweet things, and it was the first thing to come to mind when I was wondering what you could eat that you wouldn’t normally be able to get in Ponyville.”

My hand gripped the end of the fork, a lot tighter than I intended as it dug painfully into my hand. As appetizing as it looked, I couldn’t bring myself to try to eat it; I don’t think I could keep anything down.

“I don’t understand.” I muttered. Meeting Cadance’s gaze, I immediately started shrinking under it as I tried to look anywhere else.

“What do you not understand? It’s made out of pumpkin bread, cinnamon, filled with cream cheese, and some other things. I didn’t have the pleasure of making it myself, as the chef insisted.”

“No, I meant-” I bit the inside of my cheek, finding the various aching in my body becoming harder to ignore. “Twilight told you what I did, right?”

“Of course.” She nodded. “Twilight tells me everything in her letters.”

“Then why are you being so casual with me? I thought-”

“That you’d be treated like a prisoner?”

She finished for me, though it wasn’t how I was going to word it. When I didn’t say anything, Celestia raised the teacup with her magic, taking a drawn out sip. “I suppose, on paper, that would be a fair assumption. However, I think it will ease your mind to know I had planned on inviting you to the castle anyway. Recent events have simply,” for just a moment, her expression contorted into a focused scowl, before relaxing and reverting to her default smirk. “Accelerated things. However, I admit your actions,” she glanced at Cadance, who didn’t appear to be willing to ease up. Celestia briefly inhaled. “Chara, how much do you know about me?”

“Uh,” I tried to think of every detail I read in the books, absentmindedly twirling the fork in my hand. “You’ve been the ruler of Equestria for over a millennia, and in that time you ushered in an era of peace; ponies have prospered under your guidance. However,” I stumbled over my words, recalling some segments that I can’t imagine she’d like to hear.

Celestia noticed my hesitation, leaning forward and tilting her head. “Go on.”

“Other species haven’t,” I held my breath. “Been as fortunate. Many, like the dragons, aren’t on the best terms with ponies. The griffons are worse off than they’ve ever been. While Equestria is thriving, other countries have been suffering. I don’t mean to imply that you had anything to do with that! It’s just,” I felt so insignificant in front of her. All the books spoke her power, and I found it easier to believe she could control the sun while in her presence. Cadance was just as terrifying; While I knew enough about Celestia to fear her, that wasn’t the case with Cadance. Not a mention of her name in any of the books or from Twilight, was she new? Had she just been in hiding until recently for some reason? She could be just as powerful as Celestia.

Maybe that was why they were treating me with such a lack of caution: they’re so overwhelmingly powerful by themselves that I wasn’t a threat. Together, they could light up their horns and turn me into nothing.

“Something I noticed.” I whispered.

“I see. This is a conversation I have had many times before, and I would like to have it with you at a later time. For now,” she extended her wing, placing it on Cadance’s shoulder. She visibly tensed, gritting her teeth and tearing her eyes away from me. She whispered something to Celestia just out of earshot, before picking up her food and drink with magic and leaving the room. “Let’s discuss what I know about you.”

Her leaving should have made me feel better; instead, it only made that bundle of anxiety in my chest infinitely heavier. Was Cadence going to get the guards for some reason? Or just covering the exit so I couldn’t escape? All I could do was guess, and I hate it.

“You’re new.” Celestia started. “When you’re as old as I am, new is very rare. To my knowledge, there has never been a human in Equestria; made only more interesting by the fact that you’re also a conjurer. The first thing you did was put yourself in danger, to no benefit of yourself, in order to help some of my little ponies. You like animals, but have trouble with other ponies; physical contact is your biggest hurdle, and you claim to have amnesia. Although my star pupil has expressed that she isn’t sure how truthful you’re being about that. And,” her horn lit up with that golden aura, lifting something from the ground beside her and placing it in front of me. It was a cup of brown liquid; I held it in my hands, trying to keep them from shaking as I took a tentative sip.

It was chocolate milk.

“You like chocolate. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I prefer vanilla myself. Immortality has shown me that you truly can’t beat the classics.”

I placed the cup back on the table, not able to drink it despite how dry my mouth felt. “Then, what do you plan on doing with me? For,” I tried to relax my hands, to let go of the sides of the ends of the table, but I couldn’t. “Killing the diamond dogs.”

“What would you like me to do with you?”

“I,” my brain struggled to process the question, failing to come up with even a single thought. “What?”

“Well, you came here expecting to be punished, did you not? Yet, you came anyway. You could have run, gone anywhere in all of Equestria. Still, you willingly got into the chariot sent for you. You came with the guards assigned to you without complaint, and you sat across from me without question. Many ponies-” she pursed her lips. “People who feel like they did the right thing wouldn’t walk into a punishment; and those who know they did the wrong thing rarely would either. You thought you would be treated like a prisoner, which didn’t hinder you. So, I’ll ask again.”

Celestia leaned forward, meeting my eyes and locking me into her gaze so tightly that looking away was unthinkable.

“What would you like me to do with you?”

She waited patiently; no magic, no sound, no one else in the room. If I focused, I could even hear the birds in the outside garden. It was almost like Fluttershy’s cottage, but with an added element of eeriness.

“I,” what do I even say to that? Did I want to be locked up? Abandoned and forgotten again? Or just allowed to roam the castle like I’d done nothing wrong? “Don’t know.”

“Yes, I suspected you may not. Then, let’s make this easier on both of us and allow me to explain what I intend to do, and you are free to give suggestions.” She pulled out a letter, extending it and then skimming over it with her eyes. “I do not believe you’re dangerous. If you were, I can’t understand why you would be trying to live so peacefully with the residents of Ponyville when you could have hurt them at any time. Surely, you killed those diamond dogs because you felt you had to; in your eyes it was justified. Yet, for whatever reason, you didn’t tell Twilight what this reason was. However, over my long life of meeting hundreds, if not thousands of ponies, I have become quite good at judging character. The best solution would be to tell me why, but I do not expect you to tell me anytime soon, if ever, really.”

Celestia got out of her chair, throwing away the few of her leftovers. The letter was closed and put away as she walked over to me. “My niece seems to have come down with something lately, but hopefully later you will be able to talk with her while she’s in better shape. Luna, when she has awakened, will be meeting you as well. As I’m sure the guards have already told you, you will be allowed to explore this castle as much as you like. Until I feel that I and the others have reached a consensus on you, you will remain here. We will chat daily for breakfast, and maybe dinner, but otherwise you will be left to your own devices. Luna and Cadance have both expressed their interest, though for different reasons. Your room should have everything you need; unless you would prefer a cell?”

She chuckled as she winked at me. Every word she said had the same playful, yet stern tone; like she was talking to an old friend.

“It doesn’t sound like you’re taking what I did that seriously.” I whispered. “I murdered them.”

“Oh no, it’s quite serious. Murder hasn’t happened in Equestria for quite a while; I assure you, we will talk about that at a later time. That being said,” her smile faltered, eyebrows furrowing as she kept strong eye contact. “There’s very little I could say that you don’t already know. You’ve been giving yourself a harder time than anyone else could.”

It wasn’t a question, but a statement that left no room for doubt. Her wings briefly flickered, like she wanted to extend them out to me. Whether because Twilight told her of my problem with physical contact, or she was just being cautious, I couldn’t tell.

I steeled my resolve, breaking my eyes away from her and trying to look anywhere else. “What about Twilight and the others? Just because you send me back, doesn’t mean they’ll be ok with me again.”

“Unfortunately, you are right.” Celestia added with a sigh. “Trust is so important in friendship, especially for those six who are still learning so much about it. There is little I can do for you, nor would I when it comes to your relationship with them. If I become more than a spectator, then nothing will be learned and nothing will be solved.”

I stewed on her words for a silent minute, finding them similar to what Rarity had told me. My hands didn’t shake as much as I held the fork, managing to slice off some of the pumpkin roll and biting it: it was soft, and the creamy substance it was filled with was exceptionally sweet and blended well with the bread.

It was good, even great. It reminded me of the pastries Pinkie made before we left: filled with care and a nigh tangible passion for baking.

I’d only been gone from Ponyville for maybe an hour, and I missed it so much that at that moment I wanted to sob.

“What am I going to be doing today?”

“Whatever you like. Your room is just to the left outside the door and down the hall, the guards will guide you there if you’d like them to.”

“Then may I go now?”

“Hmm,” she peered down at me, eyes scanning for something. “Of course. You aren’t a prisoner, after all.” Celestia said with heavy emphasis. “Please take your food and drink with you; I’d hate for them to go to waste.”

I nodded, rapidly getting to my feet as I slid my backpack on. The glass of chocolate milk and plate of pumpkin roll were light, and took both of my hands to hold. Celestia used her magic to open the doors for me, departing with a wave and a blithe grin.

Although I didn’t ask them to, the guards had waited for me right outside. Before I could say anything they took the food in my hands. The pegasus held the glass in her wings and the unicorn floated the food in their magic. They followed me as I began walking to my room, my gaze fixed on the pathway and not straying to any of the glass windows or banners on the walls.

The door to my room, thankfully, wasn’t a fancy one. I placed my hand on the curved door handle, holding my breath as I opened it; It was much larger than I expected it to be, enough to hold various pieces of furniture- a bed as large as Fluttershy’s with a huge canopy hanging overhead, and a nightstand with a large lamp. It had a wardrobe that I didn’t need, and a cabinet with a mirror. Two doors leading to a balcony sat opposite of the bed, and another door that I presumed led to a bathroom.

‘Luxurious' didn't feel like a strong enough word to describe what would be my home until further notice.

“Wow, this place is fancy! Even by Canterlot standards.” Luster remarked as she absentmindedly placed the chocolate milk on the cabinet, spreading her wings and flying around the room. “You must be, like, super important! Only some of the nobles Princess Celestia tries to appease get to stay in here!”

“Or the Princess is trying to earn your trust. She’ll send some of the more uptight nobles here too when they’re peeved about something.” Brash added, floating the pumpkin roll over to the glass and setting it down.

“Well, I’m not really important or anything.” I said as I placed the backpack on the ground in front of the bed. “I think she just wants me to be comfortable while I’m here.”

“Of course she does! Princess Celestia personally invited you to her castle. That almost never happens if you’re not an Element or one of her students.”

“Invited?” I asked myself, realizing that’s what she must have told them. Why lie? Does she not want the guards knowing why I was here? Did anyone other than her know at all? “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Welp, we’ll leave you alone now as per our orders.” Brash said as she rolled her eyes, grabbing Luster in her magic and grounding her. “Come on, Lust. As boring as it is, we’re supposed to stand outside her room alllll day.” she drew out as she gestured outside.

“Fine, but we’re finishing that game of O&O! I’ve got the dice on me and everything.”

The door shut behind them before I could hear anything else, leaving me alone in a room far more extravagant than I deserved. As soon as I was alone, I closed my eyes and extended my arms, pulling them back to my sides as I inhaled. Each breath made the weight in my chest just a little lighter, and the tightness in my stomach a little looser.

When I felt like I could keep it down, I sat on the stool in front of the cabinet and began eating the food prepared for me. To my pleasant surprise, it was still warm. The bread was still deliciously soft when mixed with the cream; and it paired perfectly with the thick chocolate milk. A familiar tingling made its home in my heart as I ate. I tried picturing myself back at Sugarcube Corner, with Pinkie and Fluttershy talking about whatever transpired that day.

Unfortunately, I eventually ate all of it, meaning I had to come back to reality. I wasn’t at Sugarcube Corner; Pinkie and Fluttershy didn’t want to be around me.

Despite the food filling me, my stomach still created an emptiness that I couldn’t escape.

I gradually made my way to the bed, collapsing in the middle of it and burying my head as deep into one of the huge pillows as I could. It was as soft as it appeared, though not as much as the Echo Stratus bed Dark let me pass out in. It was warm, only marginally less so than the pumpkin roll. If I pressed my lips together tight enough, I could still taste some of the cinnamon.

“Oh,” I muttered, dozens of thoughts hitting me now that all my emotions weren’t bundled together like a ball of yarn. “I didn’t ask about my Manik system.”

Or probably a handful of other things. On top of new problems, like Cadance. Not only did I know nothing about her, but she already has some problem with me. Considering what Celestia said about reaching a consensus among them, that could only bode poorly for me. Luna too was someone I needed to keep in mind, a meeting with her will happen sooner or later.

What was I supposed to do? Earn their trust? Convince them I wasn’t going to hurt anyone? Celestia already seemed extremely confident that I wasn’t a threat, while Cadance seemed sure of the opposite. So, what, I could convince all the people Celestia wanted me to that I wasn’t dangerous, but it wouldn’t matter because Cadance still thought I was?

Everything was so overwhelmingly exhausting, and I had no spoiled rotten rabbit to absorb all my stress with his floppy ears and pure white fur. No one I could talk to, no new home, no old one either.

I wrapped my arms around the pillow, tightly pushing it against my chest as the corners tickled my face. All the fatigue caught up with me, making it hard to gather the resolve to even take off my shoes. Darkness came easily in spite of the sunlight coming through the windows; the heaviness of the weight in my chest shifted to my eyes.

“I miss you, Azzy.” I murmured as I drifted off into the escape of unconsciousness.

The noise of doors bursting open jostled me right out of my sleep; heart pounding to a painful extent and adrenaline pumping like a potent poison. The sharp wind stung my face and pushed my hair back, though not strong enough to knock over the empty glass I’d left.

The source of the sudden storm was the third alicorn I’d yet to meet: shorter than Celestia, but still towering over me. Her wings were beating to her sides like a majestic display of superiority as she lowered herself onto the railing of the balcony with the grace of a perfectionist ballerina. Resting one leg onto the other, arms resting on the edges as she leaned forward.

“Chara Dreemurr, yes?”

The moonlight illuminated her so perfectly it was almost unnatural; her luminescent sapphire blue mane flowed like a living piece of the night sky, small sparkles inside that resembled stars. Her dark blue coat was a stark, yet complimenting contract. A Black crown sat on her head, paired with a black peytral that held a waning moon in the center.

Unlike Celestia, Luna wore… pajamas? A light gray two piece with various phases of the moon, even an eclipse every now and again.

“Yes.” I responded meekly.

She smirked at that, tilting her head and extending her hand to me. Her horn illuminates with a visceral dark blue magic.

“Come, dance among the stars with us.”

Chapter 22: Stroll With The Moon.

“Uhm,” I found myself speechless before Luna; night embodied with all the colors that entailed. It made me question if I was still awake. I had fallen asleep at some point, only to be awoken by an alicorn in the middle of the night stating my name and asking me to come into the stars with her.

It certainly felt a lot more like a dream than reality. I suppose that could be said about the majority of recent events for me.

“Ok?”

“Glorious.” she stated with heavy emphasis, her horn lighting up with powerful magic. “Then let us go with haste; I have much to discuss with thee.”

That gut-sickeningly familiar tingling hit me as I was enshrouded in a bright blue aura, slowly lifting me off the ground. Shadows licked the corners of my vision, threatening to consume it as a whole and drag me into the abyss of the past.

“NO!” I shouted as I grit my teeth, trying to force my body back to the ground.

The magic vanished in an instant; though her horn remained lit. A spike of relief hit me as soon as my feet hit the tiles, sharply followed by a block of dread as I realized I’d just yelled at one of the most powerful things on the planet.

“I’m sorry. I just,” I adjusted my sleeves, then pressed my arms tightly against my sides. “Hate being levitated.”

She raised her chin, peering down at me with a pause of silence. Then hopped off the railing, her magic concentrating itself on the tip of her horn until it compressed into a circle. “Very well. I have another spell that shall suffice.”

The circle detached itself from her horn, turning into a thick bubble that started floating towards me. An irrational fear swelled up in my chest, warning me to not let the danger bubble touch me. However, it was a tiny fear, and easily overshadowed by my naïve curiosity. I extended my arm, poking the bubble with my finger.

Instead of popping, it expanded; going from smaller than Angel to covering my entire body within an instant. It felt strangely solid under my feet, and against my hands as I pressed against the sides. With a little pressure, they broke through the other side; somehow without the entire bubble collapsing.

“Tis been quite a while since I have put someone in a bubble; if memory serves, it should allow thee to float in the sky with us.”

“Should?” I failed to keep the panic out of my voice as it broke. It was an extremely unnerving sensation to walk without actually moving; like the entire world moved around me every time I tried.

“If something goes wrong, I shall catch you.”

I approached the balcony; I peered over the railing and felt the chilly wind as I gandered upon Canterlot Night: practically a beacon with many of the buildings still shining with light, yet it didn’t make the moonlight seem any dimmer. Nor did the city appear any less active, with plenty of ponies still around. Actually, even more so than the day. I could see more pegasi flying around, much more rapidly and some at faster speeds than I could keep up with.

It was breathtaking. For a moment, I deeply wished I could fly.

“Without your magic, right?”

“If that is how th-” she stopped herself, eyes flickering with a hint of frustration. “You wish.”

“Mm,” I grunted, placing my hands on the railing as I leaned over. If I fell, Luna would catch me. Of course, she was a stranger that I had no reason to trust. The other pegasi might catch me, or they might also not be fast enough.

Maybe I’m overthinking it. What’s the worst that’ll happen? I’ll die again?

There was a nauseating sinking feeling in my chest at that thought that made me want to throw up.

“Ok.” I placed my hands on the railings, lifting myself forward as I tried to keep my eyes straight Despite the cold wind, I found myself surprisingly steady. Putting one foot over the edge, contrastingly solid thanks to the bubble. I held my breath as my other foot left, expecting to plummet.

Which was… somewhat what happened.

I did start falling, but only gradually. By placing pressure on the top of the bubble, it brought me back up. While uncomfortable, I could hold my arms above my head and keep it going in a relatively narrow path.

It wasn’t exactly ‘flying’, more like extremely slowed and controlled falling. Being held in the air and not dropping to my death while my hair was blown back by the refreshing breeze was close enough.

It was even freeing. It almost made me dread when I’d have to touch the ground again.

“Wonderful, is it not? I am sorry I can not give you wings so you may experience true aviation; such spells are designed with ponies in mind, so I could not say what would happen to you.”

“Hm.” The few books I’d read about magic, at least the ones I could understand, suggested the same. I think I’d actually read about the wing spell she was referring to, and it seemed like it might work on non-ponies. Not that I wanted to test it. “It’s very pretty up here.”

“Indeed. Among the many things that have changed in my absence, this is not one of them. The night is, in essence, eternal.” Luna hovered beside me with ease, only moving as I did. I had no doubt she could fly a lot faster if she truly wanted to.

“Absence?” I don’t recall any mention of Luna being absent in the books I read. Although, there’s about a millennia gap in the books where she’s not mentioned at all. I just chalked that up to very little happening in that time, but that wouldn’t explain Celestia still being talked about frequently. I think Fluttershy also mentioned that she was gone for a while, though I never asked where she actually went. “Did you go somewhere?”

“Yes,” she hung her head, holding a pained expression as she glanced up at the moon. All the sounds coming from the city dulled, muted by the gentle beats of her wings. “Somewhere very far away, nevertheless just as beautiful. So much has changed, maybe just as much has remained the same. Many of those who used to revere me have long since passed, and their generations of children have forgotten me like many. It is,” she paused, slowing down for a moment as her wings pulled inward. “Unsettling.”

“I,” It wasn’t hard to tell she was more bothered by it than she’d revealed; not that I should expect her to be open with a total stranger. Still, there was something about what she said that felt disturbingly familiar. It was never clear to me how much time had passed between my death and Frisk’s arrival, but long enough to where I had been forgotten by almost all but a handful. Toriel and Asgore rarely, if ever, spoke of me. Asriel had become nothing more than a husk with memories; maybe they were trying to forget me- the source of their strife. I’m sure, eventually, they would have succeeded.

“Think I understand a little.”

Her eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring as she scowled. “I deeply doubt that.” Luna glowered, the outside air getting noticeably colder. Her leer stabbed me like a sharpened blade, forcing me to choke on anything I wanted to say and hesitate to breathe.

The inside of the bubble suddenly felt like it had no space at all.

“We,” Luna sucked on her teeth, her expression calming as soon as she looked at me. “I am sorry; snapping at you was not our intention. Nigh with such a grave subject. It is a prepossessing night, and such tranquility should be followed with fitting dialogue.”

“What,” I tripped over my words, struggling just to keep my voice steady. The tips of my fingers poked out of the side, brushing against clouds and the cool night air. It was equally pleasant and terrifying. “Did you have in mind?”

“Your dreams.”

I froze, my arms dropping to my chest. The bubble began descending, though only by a few inches as I brought them back up just as quickly. The shaking made it hard to apply just the right amount of force to stay steady, but I managed.

Luna noticed, of course; raising an eyebrow at my sudden shift. “Are you alright?”

“Mhm,” I murmured, randomly focusing on two passersby on the street below us. If she’d really seen my dreams, then she knew everything about me before I came to Equestria: Mt. Ebott, Asriel, the resets. More than enough to hold nothing but scorn for me.

It gradually dawned on me how easy it would be for her to kill me. This bubble was made entirely out of her magic, just one flick of her horn, and I’d-

“I can not see into them.”

“Oh.” I exhaled. “Is that bad?”

“Truly? I do not know.” my heart skipped a beat as a wave of magic washed over her horn, shooting out at me and hitting the bubble. Once more, it expanded; spacing out with enough room to lay down if I liked. I also didn’t need to press my hands against the top to prevent it from sinking, as it started to do that itself. “I have always been able to enter the dreams of any who sleep, although rarely do those outside of ponies accept my help. I knew of you the moment you first closed your eyes, yet all of my efforts somehow proved more fruitless than the last with every attempt. No matter the various methods, each time I tried I always found myself somewhere else: a room devoid of all but shadows with no end.”

I was still trying to calm myself down as she explained, letting my arms rest as I kept walking in place. “And,” I rubbed my pendant, the void coming to mind at her description. “Did you want to ask me if I knew why?”

“No, I did not think you would know. There is, however, something familiar about the sensation I get about your dreams; something I intend to investigate when the mistress of time allows. Regardless,” she stopped flying, hovering in a spot right above the center of Canterlot. “I can tell what you wish to talk about; I see no point in gallivanting around the inevitable.”

My feet dragged against the bottom of the bubble, slowing down until it floated right in front of her. Luna turned to me, her face expressionless as she waited for me to speak. I glanced at the ponies of Canterlot, wondering what would happen if any of them noticed us. Would they stare at us? Ask one of the pegasi to fly up and try to hear what we’re talking about?

“You,” her eyes cautiously followed my hands, tensing up as I tried to find somewhere to put them that didn’t look as awkward as it felt. “Know what I did, right? Cadance too?”

She lowered her chin, eyebrows furrowing into a half scowl. “We do; Tia explained things to us prior to you coming here. I am certain she explained to you the agreement we came to.”

“Yes, but,” I scrunched my nose, gulping loud enough for her to hear. “Why are you being so lenient with me? I don’t understand.”

“A thousand years ago, I would not have been.” She hesitated to continue, her lip curling as she weighed her words. “I had attempted something much worse, and fortunately failed. My punishment was to be all but despised; horror stories taught to untold amounts of little ponies, sowing the seeds of terror that prove bountiful to this very day. Nevertheless, I was given a second chance: Offered my throne back, control over dreams once more, and those who defeated me have attempted friendship. If I judged you as many have judged me, then I’d have truly learned nothing.”

“Wait,” the pieces, with a little force, began to click together in my mind. “Are you Nightmare Moon?”

Luna visibly flinched, briefly baring her teeth before shaking her head. “I am not that anymore!” she snarled through a clenched jaw, holding her chin high as she stretched her neck. “Nor will I ever be again. The transgression I committed will pervert me for the rest of my days, but I will not be referred to as if I am not repenting every night.”

I tried to back away from her, only finding the wind blowing against the nape of my neck as I nearly fell right out of the bubble. My knees gave out, sitting on the bottom which luckily held out.

“Sorry,” I offered, unable to meet her hardened stare. “I didn’t know, until now.”

“The others did not tell you?”

I paused, trying to think of any time Nightmare Moon was mentioned outside the books I’d read, only to come short. “No.”

“Then, I apologize once more.” Luna said with a bow, failing to hide her light scowl. “Sincerely, this is not how I wanted things to go; I assured Celestia you would be given fair treatment.” She turned up to the night sky, eyes slowly scanning it as her lips gradually curled into a smile. “Twilight mentioned that you have an interest in my night sky; I would be happy to discuss this with you another time.”

“Uhm, ok.” I whispered, getting to my feet and trying not to think about how easy it would be to lose my balance. “Did Twilight mention anything else?”

“Many things. She often included you in her letters to Celestia, if only as a small update. Her interest for you was initially born out of curiosity, snowballing into concern the longer you stayed.” she grew still, pressing her lips together in a minor grimace. “You made friends with some of them, Kindness in particular. Fluttershy wanted to help you, but did not know how, and so asked Twilight to assist in any way she could. However,” she trailed off, half-lidded eyelids as she turned back to me.

“The Rock Farm.”

“Indeed. We agreed that, whatever happened there, did not make sense to anything before. My sister believes you did it because you truly thought it was the right thing. Often, her assumptions are correct. There are those in Ponyville whom care for you, many are also afraid of you; your caretaker has been experiencing nightmares since, regardless of my attempts at betterment.”

Fluttershy having nightmares was a punch to the gut I saw coming, nevertheless it settled in my stomach like spoiled food. “You’re helping her?”

“I am trying to. Tis not easy. What she witnessed is something no pony ever should, especially not one so aware of how valuable life can be.”

“Thank you.” I gripped the end of my shirt, twisting the fabric so it dug into my fingers. “Then, what, you’re giving me a chance because Twilight did? Because Fluttershy cares about me?”

“That is part of it, yes.” Luna narrowed her eyes at me, then widening like she recognized something. “You doubt that you deserve one; I can see it.”

“Can you blame me?” I asked with a sardonic chuckle. Awkwardly squeezing my shoulder where the scar was. “It wasn’t quick, you know. Not for all of them. Some of them suffered, and were left without their families ever knowing. I promised Fluttershy I’d stay near her, and then I lied to her face. All of their faces. S-so,” I placed my hand over my mouth, trying to ignore the tingling in my chest as my lips trembled. “Why?”

Luna listened patiently to my rant, her etched expression spoke nothing of the thoughts beneath. She glanced down at those beneath us, then back at the moon. “There is no answer I could give you, as I have yet to reach one myself. Until the end, I still attempted to overthrow my sister like a petulant child. I made no effort to improve, to fix my wrongdoings, or to even apologize until I was already defeated. Because Tia cared about me so deeply, I was accepted back: Every night still I wonder if that was truly the right thing to do. I hope, for both of our sakes, it was.”

I wanted to say some excuse, some counterpoint that made sense to me. Each time I came up with something, it died before I even opened my mouth. We stayed in silence, watching the ponies below go about their night. Well, I was at least.

“I believe that’s enough for tonight.” she broke the silence with an empty statement, turning back towards the castle that had seemed so far away. “There is much we have yet to discuss; I will make time for you every night if it can be done.”

The constellations Dark showed me were still there, most of them I didn’t know the story behind. Whatever I managed to get through of the books he lent me didn’t go into constellations, mostly just comets and a page or two about whoever named them. None of them carried the passion he did with every astronomy related word.

“Alright.” I shrugged, putting the tip of my finger against the bubble as it moved alongside her. Returning to the castle was much quicker than leaving it, making it to the balcony without a word spoken between us. With a flash of her horn, the bubble loudly popped and was gone. The ground was satisfyingly solid against my feet, and I actually moved when I tried to walk.

“There is one thing I should tell you before we depart.”

As she spoke, I entered my room, freezing as I turned to my bed. Laying on top was…me. Same clothes and tightly hugging one of the pillows. While I’d seen my own reflection before, this was surreal. I took a few steps forward, standing over myself. It was tempting to reach out and touch her- or me I guess- but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Nagging doubt warned me that something would go wrong.

“As you can see, you didn’t really leave. Well, you did, but your body did not.”

“So, I’m dreaming?” As I asked, my body dissipated: My clothes and skin faded into a magic essence, leaving a white, translucent outline. I started resembling a sketch that hadn’t been filled yet, except for my bright red heart; the same color red as my eyes. It would beat every few seconds, though without the actual sensation of my heartbeat.

It was just like being in the void again.

“In a way. As I said before: I can not enter your dreams. I can take you out of your dreams. Without interrupting your rest, of course.” she explained as gestured to my body. “Jarring, I know. Do not fret, I have done this on numerous occasions. The moment you touch your body, you will awake whenever there is no fatigue left.”

I watched my lips move, murmuring something too quiet for me to hear. “Just wake me up next time, please.”

“Very well. Then I bid you farewell.”

With a dull exit compared to her entrance, Luna departed. Closing the balcony doors behind her and leaving me with myself. The me on the bed was still, steadily breathing, and I’d even say peaceful.

I couldn’t feel the temperature in the room anymore, or how the ground felt beneath me. In fact, I lacked any physical sensation at all. Somehow, I still felt a stickiness between my fingers that wouldn’t go away.

It was hard not to notice my hair had started growing out again. Not as long as when I came here, but it was reaching my neck. Should I cut again? Or let it get long? It would without a doubt start getting in my face, which was a problem I could solve by tying it up in a bun or something.

Whatever the case, that was an issue for future Chara. Right now, that wasn’t me.

With a single touch, a jolt went through my body, then a flicker of nothingness before finding myself staring up at the ceiling of the canopy. My arms still held the pillow as I lurched forward, coughing as I started to breathe again. It felt like no time had passed at all, sun rising in the blink of an eye as it shined through the windows. I spent far too long just sitting in my bed, staring at the balcony doors like I expected someone to enter at any moment.

“Hello? Chara?” one of the guards asked after knocking on my door. “Are you up yet? Princess Celestia asked us to check on you in the mornings, so we have to come in now if you are.”

I gripped my blankets, struggling to convince myself getting out of bed was worth it. As tantalizing as it would be to stay in bed for the entire day and do nothing but finish the books in my backpack, I had a feeling Celestia would strongly disapprove.

“Yes, I’m awake.”

“Great!”

Brash and Luster entered and immediately began searching: the drawers, cabinet, wardrobe, even under my bed. They weren’t thorough, as most of it was nothing more than a glance, but nothing went unchecked.

“Are you looking for something?” I asked as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, placing the pillow back with the others and trying to put the blanket back how I first saw it.

“Nah, standard procedure. Well, kinda; things got wonky after the wedding, and all the royal guards had to undergo a new training regimen along with more procedures; one hundred and thirty seven pages wasn’t enough, apparently.” Brash offered with an exaggerated groan.

“Wedding? Why would a wedding cause that?”

“What? Don’t tell me you don’t know about what happened with the changelings?” Luster asked as she walked out of the second room, which was indeed a bathroom like I assumed.

“Changelings?” That part sounded familiar; more than just because of the myth my world had about them. Rainbow mentioned something about launching them out of Canterlot; I really should have asked them more about the stuff they’ve done as Elements of Harmony. “Vaguely?”

“Well, to sum it up: the changelings tried to invade Canterlot and got their flanks kicked. Our Captain Shining Armor was mind controlled, meaning we took all the blame and responsibility to toughen up security. Every room now has its own section for inventory, and we’re required to memorize everything in each of them and report anything new.”

“They can mind control?”

“The queen can, as far as we know. Changelings and ponies aren’t exactly on ‘how do you work’ terms. We know a few ways to spot one, and that’s about it.”

“Hm.” It’d been a long while since I’d heard about changelings in my village, even still every harrowing detail was stapled to my memory; fairies that replaced human children with their own, usually identified by odd behavior and acting a lot older than they were. Apparently, you could also look into the eyes of one and find your reflection had been flipped upside down.

It was one of the many tales told to keep us from leaving and venturing too far into the forest. Not that I was ever told such stories. More often, the other children believed I was them; changeling being the most common.

“And how would I know if someone was a changeling?”

“Uh,” Brash paused, thoughtfully furrowing her eyebrows as she pursed her lips. “Their eyes always show the world upside down, so they avoid eye contact, and usually keep their distance if they can. They also sometimes have trouble with names and are more forgetful than usual, assuming they just took over somepony’s place and didn’t learn everything about them they could. And,” she stretched her wings, tapping the tip of it against her chin. “There was something else, but I keep forgetting it. Luster, do you-”

“Foals.” Luster stated as she walked over. “If they’re young enough, foals can just know if somepony’s a changeling; they can feel it. Changelings will stay as far away from foals of any kind or age if they can.”

“Yeah! Thanks, Lust.”

“Mhm.”

A lot of that I already knew, which meant that they worked pretty much identically to the changelings from my world; if they were ever real.

“Welp, we’re done with our daily search; You’re free to brush your teeth or whatever your morning routine is. The Princess has requested you at least attend breakfast, which will be taking place in an hour. Afterwards, there’s nothing left on our side, so you can explore the castle if you want.”

“Only the castle, right?” I inquired as I grabbed my backpack, setting my second set of clothes on the bed. I saw a shower in the bathroom with a multi-colored towel rack, and that sounded exactly like what I needed today. “I can’t go out even for a little while?”

“Unfortunately not. You could ask The Princess, the worst she can say is no!”

“I’m sure there are a lot worse things she can say.” I muttered under my breath. Luster gave me a sideways glance, but didn’t say anything.

I couldn’t leave to check on Dark’s family like I said I would, so I’d have to find some other way to do so. First, I’d have to find their address, or even just an article or two about them would suffice. I didn’t even have their names, either. Dark must have forgotten to tell me, or just didn’t mention them because they share the same last name? Which was odd as ponies didn’t always have the same last names, family or not.

“Then can you take me to the library? Or the closest thing to it.”

“You mean The Royal Canterlot Archives? We could, the only problem is,” Brash and Luster exchanged a look. Without a word, Luster opened her saddlebag and pulled out the scroll, eyes darting back and forth as she skimmed it. “I’m not sure if we’re allowed to.”

“Well, it does say access to the entirety of the castle.” Luster remarked as she read the scroll.

“The Royal Canterlot Archives are a part of the castle.”

“Right, but it's also the most restricted part of the castle; only Princess Celestia’s students and anyone else she gives a pass to are allowed.”

“And the scroll says Chara has access to the entirety of the castle, which would include that.”

“Or,” Luster put the scroll back in with her magic, not breaking eye contact with Brash for a moment. “The Princess trusts us enough to know that doesn’t include The Archives, and didn’t feel like she needed to state it.”

“Then,” I draped my clothes over my arm, leaving my backpack on the edge of the bed. “What if I ask? I know next to nothing about where I’m allowed to go here aside from what’s on that scroll; so she wouldn’t expect me to understand that it’s restricted.”

“Hmmm,” Luster hummed thoughtfully, briefly looking at me and then Brash. “I suppose you could. However, you’d have to come up with where you heard it from.”

“What about just from a guard? That’d work, right?” Brash offered.”

“Yeah, except we’re the only guards she’s really been around. The Princess would be smart enough to deduce that.”

“Uhhhh,” Brash scratched her head with her wing. “What about from one of her students? Well, no. They don’t really walk around the halls other than Twilight.”

“Twilight?” I interrupted, trying to keep the last conversation we had buried in the farthest crevice of my mind. “We spent a lot of time together. I think she actually did mention The Royal Archives once or twice.”

“Wait, you know Twilight?” Brash asked as she gestured to me with her other wing. “Twilight, The Element of Magic who’s saved Equestria at least twice now? And you’re her friend?”

“I,” I froze, biting the inside of my cheek as I stood in front of the bathroom door. “Don’t think we’re friends; not anymore. But I do know her.”

“Huh.” Luster narrowed her eyes, moving her lips as she mumbled something to herself. “Alright, then. As long as Princess Celestia allows it, we will take you there after breakfast. If that’s all, we’ll leave you to your business.”

She began making her way to the door, followed by Brash who spread her wings and hovered her way out instead of walking. “Have a nice shower!”

Like that, I was alone. The inside of the bathroom was much bigger than Fluttershy’s; assorted with a rack of towels colored every shade of the rainbow, and then some. Along with a toilet with a cover for the lid that resembled a carpet.

As I undressed, I hesitated to take off the bandage around my wrist; of course, I knew I had to change it. There was a similar first aid kit in the cabinet above the sink, so it should be relatively easy. Yet my breathing gradually became more uneasy as I placed my hand on the bandage.

Eventually, I grit my teeth and slowly began pulling it off; flinching more from how it had healed than the actual pain. It wasn’t bleeding anymore, fortunately. Having just started scabbing over, not green or yellow meaning it wasn’t infected or anything. Soon enough, it’d grow into a scar indistinguishable from the ones on my back and shoulder.

Something about that thought filled me with a sickening chill.

The shower ended up much shorter than I expected; I found that the longer I was in there, the more I dreaded what will happen when I get out. The clothes Rarity made for me, as I guessed, fit me perfectly. I put the rest of them in my backpack to be cleaned whenever I found a way to, the castle had to have some way to clean them.

This time, there was no Cadance at the table. Only Celestia, who held the same gentle smile as last time. Instead of another pumpkin roll, there were pancakes; decorated with various fruits and berries to resemble a smiling face, with whipped cream as the hair and sliced strawberries as the little ears.

Quite frankly, it was adorable.

I couldn’t bring myself to glance away from it, knowing her patient eyes were watching me-even if she didn’t show it. My hands remained relatively steady as I cut into the pancake, which was extremely soft and warm.

“Is there,” I swallowed, tasting dark chocolate amidst the doughiness. “Chocolate in these?”

“Indeed. I was speaking with the head chief earlier about recipes, and I was pleasantly surprised to learn that chocolate pancakes are something she was more than happy to make. Do you like them?”

“They’re good. Just,” There were more pancakes in the center, much more than I could eat even at my hungriest. “You don’t have to include chocolate in everything I eat.”

“Is that right?” she raised her chin, eyes widening so slightly I barely noticed. “Why so? Wouldn’t you enjoy having one of your favorite things for every meal?”

“Once in a while, sure. If I have it all the time though, I won’t like it that much anymore.” The same thing happened when Toriel first introduced me to sour candy; I ate it until it burned my tongue. Now the thought of even one piece of it makes my stomach churn.

“I see.” she took a silent sip of her tea, not even having touched her pancakes yet. “Very well. However, if you’d like some chocolate, or anything at all, simply ask.”

“Actually,” I placed the fork back on the table, gripping the ends of the chair. “There is something I’d like to ask for.”

“Oh?” Celestia leaned forward, casually lifting a pancake and nonchalantly taking a bit out of it. “Go on.”

“May I,” I gulped, rubbing my hand down my pant leg and pressing it on my knee to keep it from bouncing. “Go to The Royal Archives?”

“Hm,” she half-grimaced, rapping her fingers against the table. “How did you hear about that, and what exactly do you intend to do? The kind of knowledge stored there could easily be put to harm; I’m sure you understand why I am tentative to allow someone in your situation access to the same resources I do for my gifted students.”

Her voice hardened, losing that light tone it often carried. Despite how warm the room was, a cold sweat went down my back at just the tightening of her lips.

“I heard it from Twilight, she mentioned it a couple of times about how it had way more detailed books than Golden Oak. And I’d,” what do I tell her? Lying wasn’t an option, she’d see right through it. I couldn’t even entirely say why I wanted to have access to it other than- “just like to read in my free time.”

Celestia peered at me, the silence getting heavier with every passing second. “Very well; of course, under the condition that Luster and Brash be watching you and provide me with a list of everything you read. I assure you, they will not appreciate the extra work. Oh, before it slips my mind,”

A wave of golden aura washed over me, though it wasn’t the kind that tried to lift me or hold me down. In its place was a tingling numbness that spread, taking with it the dull pain in my muscles that I’d more or less learned to ignore. Converging at my chest; causing my pendant to glow in a flicker of magic.

“There. I intended to fix your Manik system yesterday. However, we got sidetracked and I forgot. For that, I apologize. While I cannot say what the symptoms of that may have been for you, they should be gone now.”

“You,” I lowered my shirt around my shoulder, finding that while the scar was still there, it had been noticeably healed. Even my limbs didn’t feel stiff to move, and the pain in my back was completely gone. “Healed me? Just like that?”

“Certainly. Was there a reason I shouldn’t have?”

“I’m a conjurer. The only thing keeping me from using magic again was that it was broken. Now, if I wanted to,” I clenched my hands, trying to keep the picture of that red knife as far in the back of my mind as I could. “I could use it and attack you right now; why would you trust me with that?”

“Simple; because I know you won’t. For example; If I so willed it, I could harness the power of the very sun and heat up this room to the point where everything would melt like butter on a pan.” she took a breath to sip her tea, expression unchanging aside from a very brief closing of her eyes. “Regardless of what I could do, it does not affect what I will do. Just as you believe I will not do such a thing, I have confidence you will not attack me.”

“Oh,” there was a matter of factness to every word she spoke that made it hard to deny. Whether or not I agreed, she had complete conviction that made it hard to even utter a word of argument. “Then, thank you.”

“No need for gratitude. You are my guest for the time being, hospitality is my obligation.”

It didn’t take me long to finish one pancake, or to start on the second one. They were deceptively filling despite how thin they appeared; the glass of chocolate milk didn’t help either. Celestia had no such issue, scarfing down half the stock without a crumb wasted. It shouldn’t have shocked me with them being generally larger than me; but just how much so was still startling.

“Do you have any plans for me today?”

She tapped a napkin against her mouth, pouring more tea into her cup. “Originally, I wanted to take you with me to my cellar and show you something. However, Cadance and I spoke about what happened before and she expressed how much it had bothered her. Unfortunately, she felt that my presence would make things needlessly complicated. So I would ask you to please go talk to her in the gardens; the guards will know where that is.”

“Why does she want to talk to me?” I still didn’t understand why she reacted the way she did, only that she seemed extremely bothered by my just being there.

“From what I understand, there is a reason she responded the way she did to you; although she has no control over it. My niece wanted to apologize and explain it to you.”

“Hm,” I got to my feet, trying to ignore how weak my legs still were. In all honesty, I didn’t want to see Cadance again. Her reaction to me still stuck out in my mind, and it wasn’t something I wanted to see again “And if I said no?” I asked with a stutter.

Just for a moment, Celestia scowled at me; that signature smile faded, her cup being held with her magic in front of her. “I’d prefer you didn’t.”

I couldn’t breathe, almost afraid to. I nearly collapsed back into the chair, forcing myself to turn around and drop my head. She said nothing as I stood there and just tried to inhale and exhale, taking steps towards the door. “Alright.”

“One last thing, Chara.” I heard her stand up, lifting the rest of the pancakes and anything else left on the table with little effort. “I’m well aware what kind of wound lies under that bandage you have been poorly hiding; We will speak about this matter at another time. If you truly wish to prevent others from knowing about it, then I would suggest longer sleeves or gloves.”

“...ok.”

There was nothing I could have said to that, not without my voice breaking and every word being meek to the point of inaudible. I told the guards just to take me to the garden, remaining as quiet as I could be with my eyes glued to the floor. Only able to follow them by watching their hooves.

I couldn’t help but keep fidgeting with my sleeves, trying to make sure the bandage was completely covered. Was Celestia the only one that noticed? Did Luna or even one of the guards see it and just not say anything? Did any of the others notice in Ponyville? I wore a considerably larger bandage; they might have just chalked it up to something the diamond dogs did to me.

I rubbed my hands against my eyes, letting out a loud sigh. It was dumb to worry about it now, especially with Twilight being aware of it and likely telling the others sometime after I left. Just like everything else I can’t stop thinking about, there’s nothing I could do.

Maybe I really should have just stayed in bed.

Chapter 23: Grown with Love.

The Canterlot Royal Garden prospered with flora; most of which were varieties of flowers. Some I recognized from around my village like Daisies, Lilies, and Tulips. Thankfully, no one had thought to plant Buttercups.

The guards escorted me there without saying a lot to me. I tried to memorize as much of the castles’ layout as I could along the way, finding that the majority of it was similar and left few distinctions; It was easiest to just keep my eyes locked on the windows and use the outside as a reference point.

They let me wander around by myself, Brash and Luster standing right outside the entrance. Despite the garden’s sheer size, it was distinctly empty for the moment. A gardener or two were present, but otherwise the area was barren; well, aside from the abundance of animals among the plants and trees. The few ponies there did little more than give me a brief glance, then went back to their own patch of plants.

Judging from how well separated and maintained everything was, the royal’s made sure to take care of everything here; I could even make out some plaques with names and descriptions of them, few of which I’d heard of.

It didn’t take long to spot Cadance, standing out as the only pink Alicorn in front of a patch of rose; whose colors made me halt for a moment. Red, pink, white, even blue and orange; was it normal for them to be so many different colors? They were arranged in such a pattern that it actually somewhat resembled a rainbow if looked at from a certain angle.

Cadance was humming something to herself, holding a watering can in her hands rather than with her magic. I tentatively approached her, trying to decide whether I should say something or just wait until she was done. That decision was made for me the moment I stepped into talking distance; her wings sprang out to her sides as her entire body shuddered. She dropped the watering can, barely managing to catch it with her magic. Cadance must have lost control in that instance, crushing the can as whatever water was left splashed onto the roses.

I stood with bated breath, taking a step back. If I stayed quiet long enough, I could probably sneak away before she-

“Chara,” Cadance’s voice trembled, not moving an inch other than using her magic to slowly place whatever was left of the poor tin on the ground. “I’m glad you came.”

Her body language conveyed the complete opposite; arms hugging her sides as she pressed her legs together. Her wings flinched as she tried to lower them to no avail. Despite the remains of the watering can already being on the ground, the magic around her horn remained.

“I don’t think you are.” I whispered, just loud enough to hear.

“No, really, I am! I just,” she slowly turned to me, taking breaths with such effort that it was concerning. “Have been feeling sick recently.”

Cadance couldn’t look me in the eyes for more than a few seconds. Her crooked smile was obviously forced and getting worse the longer she tried to hold it.

“You seemed fine before I got here.” I adjusted my sleeve. “Is it how I look? Or,” I trailed off. “What I did?”

“No, it’s,” Cadance furrowed her eyebrows, tightly clenching her fists. “Has anypony told you what I’m the princess of?”

I shook my head. She flinched, biting her lip and squinting her eyes in concentration. With her magic, she plucked one of the roses, twirling it in the air. “It's Love; as broad as that may sound.”

“Love?”

“Yes; romantic, platonic, familial. If it’s a kind of love, I can sense it. It’s like,” I couldn’t tell if she was doing so intentionally, but she began to pick some of the roses with her magic; one of each color. “The feeling you get when the sun first shines on you in the morning, but inside. I wish I could put it into words better than that, or just demonstrate. Sadly, it doesn’t work that way.”

She frowned, eyes momentarily glazing over as her mind went somewhere else. “I can look at somepony and tell you if they love anyone; if the pony they’re with is a relative, a friend, or a lover. I could tell Shining liked me by just being around him, not that he was good at hiding it in the first place.” She chuckled, some of the rigidness in her body loosening ever so slightly. “It has its downsides, and I’m still learning, but I am thankful for it.”

“And,” I didn’t want to ask. The moment she mentioned that she’s the princess of Love, I knew exactly why she suddenly became so bothered when I was around. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to stand in absolute silence either. “What do you feel from me?”

“I,” Cadance swallowed, opening and closing her mouth as she shook her head. The surrounding animals had started to approach, albeit tentatively. Most of them were ones I had seen before; a few different birds and some rabbits. “Don’t know how to put it. You just feel,” she grimaced “wrong.”

“Wrong?” I echoed. I didn’t quite understand what she meant, but I didn’t think I could get a better answer than that. “Then, I guess that makes it impossible for us to get along; or for you to ever trust me.”

“Not at all.” She shook her head, taking a step closer to me; failing to hide the faltering of her smile. “I won’t lie to you and say it doesn’t bother me. But, I can tell it’s not something you’re doing on purpose. I can learn to tolerate it, really. Chara,” Cadance’s gaze lowered to my chest, right where my pendant was. With extreme delicacy, the roses were placed back with the others; inserted into the ground like they’d never been plucked. “There’s a lot of love in you aside from that; especially for that necklace. And,” her pupils dilated for a fraction of a second, head tilting as her lips pressed together. “A partner? Not quite. Huh, Twilight didn’t mention that in her letters.”

“Can you,” I crossed my arms, shrinking under her gaze. “Please stop? I don’t like being analyzed like this,” I turned away, noticing how one of the rabbits looked fairly close to Angel. “Or stared at.”

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to talk out loud, it's a habit I picked up.” she said with an awkward chuckle. “Believe me, it’d be great if I could just turn it off. I’ll try to stop.” Cadance followed my line of sight, smirking as her wings flickered. “Do you like animals?”

I nodded, rubbing my pendant as I cracked it open; the words ‘Best Friends Forever’ were still engraved on the inside.

“Well, the animals here are a lot more shy than anything you’d have met at Fluttershy’s. There’s a story about that, actually. That’s for another time, though.” Cadence extended her arm, whistling a sharp tune as one of the birds perked its head. It flew forward, landing on the tip of her finger. “This is Coliquary; a brave little bird that approached me when I first came here. We’ve been friends since, although it took a few days of getting comfortable with each other before there was any trust. He was terrified of me, until he learned that I had no intention to hurt him.”

“If you’re trying to use the bird as a metaphor for me, you’re not being subtle about it.”

“Oh, I wasn’t trying to be; subtlety is Celestia’s specialty, not mine.” Coliquary chirped at her, stretching out its wings and leaning forward. Cadance quietly gasped, using her magic to lift a small bag of bird feed that sat beside the roses. She poured it into her free hand, letting the bird eat it. “Do you not want to be my friend?”

“Well,” I closed the pendant, raising it and placing it inside of my shirt rather than the outside. “I don’t know. Why do you? I feel wrong to you, don’t I? And,” I closed my eyes. “You know why I’m here.”

“I do.” Cadance grimaced, giving me a sideways glance. “Chara, I’m going to ask you something, and I need you to look me in the eyes and answer me honestly. I like to think of myself as a good judge of character, but I’m not a lie detector. So I’m trusting your word here.”

I clenched my hands, gripping my shoulder tighter than I intended to; only to remember Celestia had healed me and that there was no soreness left. “Ok.”

Coliquary finished, giving another chirp and flapping back towards his bird friends. Cadance’s smile, while somewhat forced, had dropped. Other than a negligible downturn of her lips, her face was blank as she stared into my eyes. The sounds of the animals were drowned out by the harrowing silence of tension. “Did you kill those diamond dogs because you truly believed it was the only way to save Fluttershy and the others?”

Her violet orbs peered into me with discernible emotion and detail. I thought back to the rock farm, as I had many times before. Of course, I’d considered other options. Telling Twilight everything, or trying to convince them to just stay in the house might have worked eventually. I wasn’t a fool though, it would have taken an impossible to know amount of resets. It would have involved watching them die again and again, followed by my own death.

Eventually, it wouldn’t have bothered me at all; I would have come to expect it. The idea of becoming desensitized like that was terrifying though. It would bring me a step closer to understanding, and inevitably becoming, Frisk.

“Yes.”

Cadance squinted, bending forward and getting closer to me than I’d like. My chest tightened with anxiety as I struggled to maintain eye contact, which fortunately didn’t last long as she let out a relieved sigh and straightened her posture. “Alright, I believe you.”

“Huh?” I blurted out. “Just like that? You’re not going to ask me to explain?”

“Would you actually give me one if I asked?”

I bit my tongue, sharply inhaling as I hung my head.

“I thought so. Auntie Celestia told us to trust her to handle that, and Luna and I agreed that’s for the best. Otherwise, I don’t think there’s anything more to say about it.” Cadance walked away from me, her body language getting more relaxed the farther she got. “Don’t you get lonely being the only human in Equestria?”

“Not really. Humans,” I caught myself, remembering that I was supposed to have amnesia. “I’ve never met any, so it’s hard to miss what I don’t remember having.” I tried, and failed, to hide the hint of disdain that tainted my voice. If Cadance noticed, she didn’t react.

“I see,” Cadance bent down, offering a carrot to the bunny I had been staring at earlier. “Are you still interested in romance?”

“Romance?” my mind went black for a moment as I tried to recall when I expressed any interest in it; taking a few moments for the conversation with Twilight to hit me. That had felt like so long ago. “Sorta. Why are you asking? Twilight already told you everything.”

“She only gave summaries when it came to you; bullet points more often than not.” She said with a chuckle, waving the carrot at the bunny. It hopped just a little closer, eyes darting between the carrot and the pink alicorn holding it. “Besides, while I love Twilight, that mare can be a terrible judge of character sometimes. I prefer to get to know others myself.”

“Oh.” I started walking towards Cadance, who did a poor job of hiding how suddenly she gripped the carrot and clenched her jaw. “I read a few romance books, and I couldn’t understand what made romance different from friendship; I still really don’t.”

“What do you not understand? I can try to explain.”

“Well, what makes it different from just being friends? I get that they do certain things that normal friends don’t, but is that really it?”

“You’ve never-well no; I suppose you wouldn’t know if you had.” Cadence cut herself off, mumbling something just under her breath. The bunny took its first cautious bite of the carrot, chewing while still standing on their back legs. “In a way, you’re kind of right; romantic partners aren’t that different from friends. If you ask me, it's actually better to start off as friends in the first place. Although, when it comes to what makes them different,” she hummed, reaching forward with her wing and petting the rabbit. It tensed up, but didn’t back away. “You’re with someone, right? Or want to be with someone? It feels like somewhere in between.”

“I think so.” Admittedly, Dark and I didn’t really acknowledge our relationship outside of the first ‘date;’ and even that was done with uncertainty. “We’ve hung out a couple of times, and he’s let me sleep in his bed; we just haven’t really done anything like in the books.”

“You don’t have to do anything like in those books, Chara.” she exhaled. “I’m as much a hopeless romantic as any mare my age, but a lot of them set expectations for what a relationship is. On top of that, everyp-person has their own pace; you don’t have to feel like you have to do certain things with them after however long you’ve been together, either.”

“Alright.” I said, my head jerking back at the abruptly serious drop in her voice.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to go on a tangent like that.” She whispered, gently picking up the bunny and getting to her feet. It didn’t resist, yet didn’t look entirely comfortable in her hold either. “Romance means a lot to me. While I can try my best to explain it to you, a lot of it is tied to how you feel. So,” the rabbit was stiff, which didn’t seem to impede it from nibbling on the carrot in its arms. “How do you feel about him?”

“He’s nice, I don’t mind spending time with him.”

“But do you want to spend more time with him?”

“I,” Did I? I didn’t really think about him often; mostly only when my mind drifted to astronomy. Of course, I didn’t really know him that well yet. Should I have gone over more often? Not that I really had the chance even if I wanted to. “Don’t know.”

“You got into a relationship and you’re not even sure if you want to spend time with your partner? I hope you didn’t start dating him just because you wanted to know what romance is like. That’d be pretty selfish of you.”

While not in the same motherly tone as Fluttershy, the hairs on the back of my neck stood straight regardless. “I know, and I’m not, really. I just don’t know what else to say.”

“That’s ok. You’re trying, and I can’t ask for more than that. I’d be happy to talk to you about romance if you like.” She approached me, dragging her hooves as she held the bunny. “Do you like bunnies, Chara? I saw you eyeing this cute little girl earlier.”

The bunny glanced up at me, pupils widening as she looked me up and down. Her coat was white like Angel’s, but not as bright white or pure; Along with having brown eyes instead of black. Otherwise, she could completely pass as Angel.

“I do. One of Fluttershy’s rabbit’s is named Angel, that rabbit looks like him.”

“I can’t bring Angel here, and I’m not saying that you should use these animals as a replacement, but,” she put out the bunny towards me, gesturing for me to take it from her. “May I offer you a bunny in these trying times?”

“Uh,” my hands hung tightly against my chest, staring right back in the beady yet adorable eyes of the small animal. “Ok.”

I avoided touching Cadance as I took her, holding her in the cusp of my arm like I did any of the other small animals. She was soft and warm, heart beating so fast I couldn’t count them. My finger trembled as I traced the edges of her ear, which luckily calmed her down. A light warmth began to overtake the anxiety in me, albeit gradually.

It was relaxing to feel her become less scared of me, leaning into me as I spoiled her with affection. However, it felt wrong to do it with another rabbit; almost like I was cheating on Angel or something.

“Thanks, but,” I placed her back on the ground, trying to ignore the sting from her dejected disappointment. “It’s not the same.”

“I understand. Hmm,” Cadance tapped her finger against her chin, staring off into the distance and then bringing her attention back to me. “Say, would you like to hear how Shining and I met? That might help you understand more about romance.”

“Alright, I guess.”

“Ok, so-” she sat on the ground, flexing her wings as she cleared her throat. “Before he was the captain of the royal guard, he was a total nerd; adorkable, actually.”

I didn’t know what that meant, but I knew better than to interrupt someone in the middle of a story. I followed suit, resting on the ground as the rabbit hopped away.

Afterwards, Cadance and I parted ways. Things got awkward; well, more awkward. I left her to her flowers, most of the animals having left or only watching from a distance.

“So, how were things?”

The guards were escorting me to The Royal Archives after I told them Celestia gave me permission, choosing not to mention the part where they have to make a list of everything I check out. We had been walking for five minutes when Brash slowed down, walking by my side while Luster seemed much less interested.

“Alright, I suppose.” I answered with a dismissive shrug. “I’m pretty sure we’re on better terms now, she’s just uncomfortable around me. There was a lot of tense silence and switching between subjects, but she was trying.”

“Huh, that’s odd. Princess Cadance usually gets along with everyone; it’s wonky for her to not be at least civil with someone.”

“I agree.” Luster added with an over the shoulder glance. “We’re not supposed to ask you what you did to come here, but is it related to that? That would make at least some sense.”

“Yeah.” I answered as I tried to make myself smaller, gluing my eyes to the ground. “She wants to try to be friends anyway.”

“That sounds about right; I don’t think Princess Cadance could stand it if someone disliked her; Shining’s one lucky stallion to have a mare as caring as her.”

“Captain Armor’s pretty lucky in general, honestly: Married to Cadance, one of the best unicorns at defensive magic in years, Twilight fricking Sparkle’s brother on top of it all. If it wasn’t for the wedding, I would have thought the guy was perfect.”

“Wait, Shining is Twilight’s brother?” I interrupted Brash. “Cadance mentioned that she used to babysit Twilight, but not that her husband was related to Twilight.”

“Oh yeah, total lovebirds since they met. The only thing preventing them spending as much time together as they want is probably the whole stuff going on with The C-”

“Brash!”

Luster shouted, causing her to jump off the ground as her wings shot out.

“You know we’re not allowed to talk about that outside of the guards.”

“Yeah, but come on! There’s no way Chara’s-”

“No exceptions.”

We stopped moving as they shared a stare. Brash rolled her eyes, retracting her wings and landing back on the ground before she continued walking again. “Anyway; Chara, would you like to play the Random Fact game?”

“Random Fact game?”

“Yeah, it’s simple!” she went to put an arm around me, flinching right before making contact and pulling back. “Just state random facts and we’ll talk about them. Like, uhm, did you know you’re supposed to eat the banana with the peel?”

“Really?” I asked as I tilted my head; the near rubbery husk of yellow peel coming to mind. “Isn’t there wood in the peel?”

“Only at the bottom! You’d notice it before you bit down on it, anyway. Apparently, they’re super nutritious to eat, and can even make it easier to sleep from what I’ve heard.”

“Believe it or not, oranges are the same way.” Luster added, though this time not keeping her head forward. “The peels are actually more nutritious than the slices in a lot of ways, good for preventing a lot of diseases too. Honestly, if you looked into it you’d probably find a lot of fruits are meant to be eaten as a whole, even if some parts of it taste gross.”

“Huh.” I rubbed my hand down my pants leg, trying to think of anything that might be interesting. “Did you know that snails sometimes flip their digestive system as they mature?”

“Snails?” Brash asked with a raise of her eyebrow. “The little slimy things with shells? That’s weird, why do they do that?”

“I don’t know. It was a pretty short book, only really mentioning the facts but not elaborating; some of them were just jokes.”

“What book?” Luster inquired.

“Seventy-two Snail Facts.” I answered reflexively, having read that book so many times I could list each fact in order. Luster’s eyebrows pulled together as she lifted her chin.

“Sounds like a book for foals.”

“It is. I just,” I felt my ears get warm as I blushed. “didn’t have a lot else to read there.”

“Speaking of reading,” Brash spoke up. “Did Princess Celestia say anything else about The Royal Archives? I’m still surprised you convinced her to give you permission.”

“I mean, I just told her I liked to read in my free time. There wasn’t really any convincing to do. However,” I hesitated, trying to look at anywhere but Brash. “She did tell me that you two are supposed to keep a list about what books I check out.”

“Ugh, of course.” She groaned. “More paperwork, great.”

“I assume she wants them to be detailed, right? Book names, authors, edition, what section they were found in. All that,” Luster closed her eyes and let out a sigh. “Wonderful stuff.”

“She didn’t mention that.” I slumped, absentmindedly playing with the chain of my necklace. If I had known they really hated paperwork this much, I wouldn’t have asked in the first place; I didn’t want to be more of a burden. “I’m sorry about the extra work. I’ll just pick two or three to make it easier.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” Brash retorted with a dismissive wave of her wing. “Paperwork comes with the job; can’t kick flank all the time. Unless you’re an Element of Harmony anyways.”

“We’re here.”

Luster nodded at the guards who were waiting, opening the door and gesturing for us to come in. There were rows of books and scrolls, all separated in their own aisles and categories. The air was dry and cold, though not so much so to be distracting. A giant hourglass sat in the center, right under a skylight that worked as the primary light source.

“This is,” I walked forward, reading the various signs. “A lot bigger than Golden Oak.”

“I’d hope so. This is where all of Princess Celestia’s students go to get their sources for papers, articles for their thesis, or to just read through if they have a question on magic. Ponyville’s just kind of…there.” Luster stated, watching Brash as she spread her wings and floated above us.

“What Lust said. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that we’re not allowed to take you outside the castle, I’d tell you not to even bother here. The Canterlot Library is way less boring.”

“You’re just saying that because they have pop-up books.”

“Hey!” Brash flew up to Luster, pouting as she hovered right in front of her. “Somepony worked very hard to make sure those pop-ups fit perfectly in the books and did a good job of it; you don’t have to be a foal to appreciate them.”

Luster was doing a very poor job of hiding her smirk. “Yeah, yeah. Well, there’s no pop-up books here. I doubt any of them even have pictures that aren’t diagrams or models.” she wandered over to a random section, picking out a bunch of random books with her magic. Skimming their titles and putting them back similar to how Twilight would when she was looking for a specific one.

“Here, Chara. I’d recommend checking this one out first and keeping it with you as long as you're here; it’ll help.”

She dropped a sizable book into my hands, which read Equestrian And You: How To Expand Your Vocabulary In A Thousand Ways. The Mareum-Withers Dictionary. I opened the first page, skimming through the index and glossary.

“A dictionary?” I asked as I closed it and glanced up at Luster. “What would I need this for?”

“Well, the books in public libraries are usually pretty easy to understand, since they have the average pony in mind. These ones though,” she gestured to the books surrounding us, of which Brash was reading through them quickly and getting more frustrated with each one. “Are specifically for research papers, studying science to progress it, experiments to test hypotheses, stuff like that. If you’re going to read anything here, they’re going to use a lot of words you wouldn’t find in the average book.”

“Oh,” I held the book under my arm, making a mental note to bring my backpack next time. “Then thanks. I think I’ll only get a book or two on astronomy, so it shouldn’t be too bad.”

“Ha, good luck with that. I actually knew a few ponies wh-”

“What the heck is this?” Brash suddenly asked out loud, turning a book upside down as pages began to flip out. “Ten pages just for a diagram? More book means less book I guess.”

“Brash,” Luster used her magic to press Brash’s wings together and carefully bring her to the ground before gently placing the book back with the rest. “Stop looking for pop-up books here, there aren’t any. Come on, I’ll help you find a book about Mythology or something.”

“Ok, coolio.”

“Oh Celestia, please don’t start saying that again.”

They turned a corner, chatting about something called a ‘harpy’; with mostly Brash explaining how ‘epic’ she thought they were: it made me smile just a bit. I started walking through the aisles, seeing more names for sections that I didn’t recognize then I’d like before finally coming to the astronomy section.

A lot of it was scrolls with just lines and lines of numbers next to letters. Each with a name on it, some of them were extremely familiar, but I couldn’t place from where. The majority of them were old, having left noticeable outlines where I took them out. Maybe they were measurements of some kind? What I did skim mentioned that astronomers spent much of their career measuring the movements of comets or asteroids, though I’m not sure why they’d be here and not in an observatory somewhere.

Thankfully, actual books were nearby, Organized alphabetically and by last name. This made it easy to find one titled ‘Introduction To Astronomy: The Godless Sky.’ I paused for a second, then had to double-check that I read that title correctly.

“Did you pick out something already?” Luster asked as she turned the corner, squinting her eyes as she read the book I’d picked. “Oh, that’s-you know what? Yeah, that’s a great choice for a first experience with astronomy literature.”

“It’s not my first experience, actually. My partner works at an observatory and lended me a couple of books; I just haven’t had the time to get past the first couple of pages.”

“Partner?” Luster asked as she blinked. “Is that why you’re interested in astronomy? They got you into it?”

“Uhm, no I was interested in it beforehand.” I couldn’t meet her eyes, trying to come up with some way to shift the subject to something else. Luster was perceptive; the moment I started telling her about myself, she’d start poking holes in my excuses and that’d make things a lot harder than they needed to be. “So, how do I actually check these out?”

“Just two?” she inquired as I held them under my arm. “You could get more, it's really not that big of a deal for us to make a list of what you check out. I’ll be doing all of it anyway, my work-study was pretty much writing citations for students when they sucked at it themselves, and Brash is Brash; she’s great at memorizing stuff she has to read when she knows its important, but anything she writes is about as organized as a last minute cutie-ceanera.”

I awkwardly laughed, trying to hide the fact that I had no idea what that was. “Yeah. Like I mentioned before: I already have three books I haven’t been able to read through, so this should keep me busy for a bit.”

“Alright.” she responded with a shrug, turning around right as Brash flew around the corner holding a handful of books.

“Lust! Oh, Chara’s got her book? Neat. Let’s check out then, I can’t wait to figure out how to integrate this into O&O! Oh! Don’t forget we need to pick up food on the way back.”

“Yep.”

Brash zoomed to the front, holding the books with her wing as she wrote something on a piece of paper sitting on the desk; eyes darting between the books and the paper. Luster turned around and began walking towards her, gesturing for me to follow.

“What do you want to eat? We can get pretty much whatever you like: Hayburgers, actual burgers, pretty decent milkshakes. The chef here is superb with potato stuff so I’d recommend something with that.”

“Wait, actual burgers? I thought ponies were herbivores?”

“We are, usually. I mean, we don’t mind using animal products like milk, but most ponies can’t stand the thought of eating one. A few of the guards around here have tried it and gotten a taste for it, plus a lot of delegates eat meat on occasion. Not into it myself, I don’t mind if you want some though.”

Fluttershy didn’t mention that, not that I asked her that much about ponies. Maybe I should have, or just tried to learn more about her in general. Looking back on it, I really didn’t spend that much time with her. What did I really even know about her? That she was kind, good with animals, and an Element of Harmony. Really, that was about it.

I should have done a lot of things.

“Chara?” Brash got up in my face, tilting her head in concern. I jumped back, gasping a bit louder than I would have liked. “You kind of just dazed off there. Do you have choice paralysis or something? I could just pick your food for you if you want.”

“Yeah, ok.” I murmured, placing the books on the shelf and holding them to my chest for a moment as I tried to hide how heavily I was breathing. “I just put the names of the books on this?”

“Mhm. Lust and I will look at it after you do and make a list later.”

“Alright.”

The trip back to my room was quiet; mostly because Brash apparently couldn’t wait to read her books until then and was reading as we walked. Luster had to pull it out of her grip and remind her to get me food as soon as we passed a hallway, which she did with urgent swiftness; shooting down and turning the corner so fast it caused a breeze.

Luster was watching me more than before, and wasn’t even trying to hide it. Of course, it’s possible she was the whole time and I’m only just now paying more attention to it. I should be getting more relaxed the longer I’m here, instead I’m just more paranoid. Nothing's gone wrong exactly: all three princesses have been more patient than I deserve, and Celestia in particular has been very lenient. Free food, free home, more books than I can ask for.

And I’m struggling to appreciate any of it.

I sat the food Brash brought me on the nightstand: a bowl of macaroni and cheese, vanilla milkshake, and some chips. They left as soon as I thanked them. Well, Luster did; Brash bumped into a wall while reading a book, then left.

“Ok, where to start?” I asked myself as I sat on the bed, rubbing my eyes and placing the books in front of me. I looked my little literary horde over, crossing my legs and placing the bowl between them. The dictionary was actually the smallest, though I suspected that was because it was compact and had much smaller pages.

Should I start with the books Dark gave me? I’d already begun on one and gotten a few pages in, though that was right before everything happened and I now barely remember any of it; I might as well start from the beginning.

Then again, one of the books was an introduction, so reading it first should help me understand the others. I opened it and started with the first chapter, pausing it as I took the first bite of my food; it was so warm and blended perfectly with the cheese. It could honestly be one of the best non-deserts I’ve put in my mouth.

After the first two pages, I had to check the title again.

“Why is this talking about philosophy?” I asked no one as I flipped through the further pages, finding that pretty much the entire chapter was talking about various philosophers that had studied the night sky and how the ponies of their times thought about them. The next chapter was more of the same, though focusing on the specific ideologies those philosophers had rather than who they were.

I likely should have expected this since it was an introduction; but I assumed it to be a history of famous astronomers and how they forwarded the study. Then again, maybe it was focusing on the philosophers because they were the closest thing to astronomers? Or, at least the earliest contributors to it.

One of the pillows fit snuggly behind my back as I leaned into it, deciding to skip ahead to a chapter that talked about something more recent. Unfortunately, like Luster warned, a lot of the terms that were being used were foreign to me: ‘Empirical data, synastry, natal charts?’

I sighed, leaning forward and grabbing the dictionary. At least this’ll keep me distracted.

It was becoming a habit for me to just doze off, and not one I was fond of; I blame the milkshake. Once I drank it, I felt super sluggish, but kept reading. I swore I only blinked a few times and suddenly the sun was gone and I was being jolted awake by a knock at my window. As I got reoriented Luna politely opened the balcony door, thankfully not choosing to dramatically make an entrance with her magic.

“Good evening, Chara. I was hoping you’d-” she dropped her gaze to the book on my lap. “Ah, the study of the stars, yes? I can assure you no amount of words can express the beauty of them.”

I closed it, placing it on a pile in the bed with the rest. “It doesn’t talk about the stars as much as you think it would.” I added as I got to my feet, smacking my cheeks to get rid of the grogginess and fix whatever parts of my hair got stuck to my face. “Are we going outside again?”

“Sadly, not tonight. There is something I’d like to show you, in fact. Tell me,” she walked towards the door with a noticeable bounce in her stop, smiling as she opened the door with her magic. “How do you feel about crowds?”

Uh oh.

Chapter 24: Medicine For The Soul.

In the day, the light shone through the castles’ windows with a brilliant radiance, yet emitted an air of emptiness. Other than the guards that were with me or standing at their posts, there was no one walking the halls but me. It always felt wrong, like that there should be others around. Why was such a giant castle kept so immaculate, only for no one to see it?

At night, that emptiness turned into a haunting dread; only slivers of moonlight illuminated the dim hallways, leaving shadows behind the pillars that were impossible to make out. Fear sat in the back of my mind, whispering that something could happen at any moment.

I hated how irrational it was, and how terrible I was at hiding it.

Although Luna kept her eyes forward, every now and again I’d catch her glancing at me. Whether out of concern or curiosity, I couldn’t tell. I wanted to break the silence somehow, but I didn’t know what to say.

“So, Chara,” she cleared her throat, which was deafening in the absence of any other sound. “I have heard that things with Cadance went,” Luna paused. “Poorly.”

“Yeah, kinda.” I said as I crossed my arms; a shiver going down my spine despite it not being cold at all. “She apologized and tried to make small talk, but it only made things slightly less awkward. I just don’t think we get along.”

“I see. While I too have met my fair share of individuals that I could not find myself to be content with, my sister and I agree that remaining cordial despite any previous misgivings is usually the best. Especially with Cadance; Tia heavily values her word. Her advice is always given with sincere consideration. May I ask,” we took a turn, facing the end of the next hallway. A large door sat at the end with two guards, light still shining through the undersides. “What is it about Cadance you do not like?”

“I don’t dislike her, she’s fine.” There was more frustration in my voice than I would have liked. Luna raised her eyebrow, but didn’t comment on it. “She’s nice and gives me advice, even if she’s not very comfortable around me; It just feels like we’re both trying too hard.”

“Hm.'' We stopped in front of the guards, who cut off whatever conversation they were having and stood straight as she approached. “Very well. It is not my place to persuade you either way, nor do I believe Cadance would approve.” She turned to the guards, lips shifting into a barely noticeable smile. “I assume there are many connoisseurs tonight?”

“Of course, your highness. Many expressed their gratitude for not only inviting them to the first play in your auditorium, but also doing so free of charge; your generosity truly reaches the same night sky you reign.”

“Certainly,” Luna nodded. “I wouldn’t dareth forgo the pleasantries of the theater by requiring currency we already have in abundance. Just as well, it is my hope that by allowing so many, word will spread and entice more playwrights who will come bearing stories that deserve to be told on a stage!”

She exclaimed this with tangible exuberance, raising her arms in a dramatic gesture. Her passion was admirable, yet familiar. It actually reminded me of when Rarity would talk about dresses, just with a more colorful vocabulary of descriptors and gestures.

“With any luck, your highness.” One of the guards bowed, opening the large door and revealing dozens, if not hundreds, of rows of velvet red chairs on different floors. Lights lined the ceiling that kept the room lit, though only dimly so. The stage at the front was the most well lit by far, a similarly red curtain was closed and would remain that way until the play had started.

Ponies filled the room with a loud, constant chattering that came from each filled seat; Even if I concentrated, I wouldn’t be able to make out a single conversation being had. It was overwhelming. I tried to drown it out, repeating the various definitions of words to myself.

“Ah, things are even more vibrant than I expected; excellent! Shall we go, Chara?”

“Uh, sure?” I reluctantly began following her, tensing up as she lit her horn with magic. A flicker of blue washed over me for an instant and then was gone. “So, you wanted to show me a play?”

“Not just any play, The play. Haylet was a spectacle to behold at the time; there was nothing quite like it. Truly, it would be sublime if by bequeathing this tale upon others, inspiration will manifest more of its kind.”

To my surprise, none of the ponies in the seats seemed to notice us. This was really odd to me since I was sure an alicorn would bring a lot of attention by just existing. In fact, some of the ponies looked at the door when it opened and closed, yet didn’t give it more than a shrug as they went back to whoever they were talking to.

Did Luna cast some kind of ‘not seeing’ spell? One or two came to mind when I was brushing up on magic, just none of that caliber.

I followed her to a door in the back, which I recognized as the backstage of the play. Various ponyquinns with costumes sat in the back, along with mirrors and more makeup than I’d even seen at Rarity’s. There were a dozen ponies or so around too, some were reading pieces of paper out loud or contorting their faces to a wide range of different expressions.

Luna’s horn flicked with magic again, and someone wearing a raspberry beret, a turtleneck sweater, and black-and-white striped pants immediately approached us. Since there wasn’t a horn poking out from her beret, I assumed she was an earth pony. However, Her dark pink coat and bright cyan eyes went well with her clothes; which must have been intentional. She had been talking to someone prior while pointing at a costume, only to drop what she was doing and approached us.

“Y-your highness! I did not know you would come to the play personally!” she lowered her head to bow, only to be stopped by an outstretched wing and a gentle shake of her head.

“No need for such formalities, Raspberry Beret. On this night, I am here only as a fan of the stage, not as a princess. I simply wanted to make sure everything was going well before the first act.”

“Oh! Yes, very well in fact!” Raspberry immediately perked up. “I believe the ponies we have picked for the roles could not be better cast! Their lines have been memorized and spoken with vigor! Alas, the costumes are much less vibrant than the story being told tonight.”

She didn’t even glance at me, so entranced by Luna that I might as well have not existed. I took a few hesitant steps away, spotting a variety of props that sat against the wall. Some of them were types of clothing accessories like hats and necklaces, or enormous books that had nothing in them. It might have been the boredom, but I actually had a mild interest in some of them. I knew what plays were, of course. I just hadn’t seen how they worked behind the scenes.

None of the ponies around cared, or at least not enough to stop rehearsing their lines for the umpteenth time.

Instruments in cases were set against the wall. A few I recognized, like the violin, guitar, and trombone. I paused and scowled at the last one, gripping my pendant as I tried to move on. Many of them I didn’t recognize at all, at least not until I spotted something huge in the corner.

“Is that,” I whispered as I hesitantly approached it, pressing a finger against one key as a high-pitched note came out. “A piano?”

It was, and a well-kept one from what I could tell. Dark black with golden engravings, and a cushioned stool to match; even the keys were ivory. Without even thinking, I slid onto the stool, clenching my teeth at the sudden creaking noise it made; must have been a while since anyone actually played it.

Well, I’ve never quite played it, either.

Frisk did a lot of odd things in their boredom before the repeated slaughter; calling random people at random times and spots, or rapidly walking between rooms like they were expecting a new one to pop up. However, every now and again they’d try to learn a new skill via self-teaching: piano was one of those.

For hours at a time, they’d practice with the piano behind the waterfall just past Snowdin village. That would always start by playing each key one at a time and then doing so again with his hands in different positions. Really, I had no choice but to watch. I couldn’t sleep, or eat, or do anything really; not even blink. The mind-numbingly dull boredom forced me to do nothing but watch every flick of the wrist and pressing of the keys.

After what felt like days, he started playing actual songs.

Whether through sheer perfectionism, or just having nothing else to do, he practiced each one rigorously. If a single note was wrong, he’d stand still in abject silence and then start over. Even when he had done one to his satisfaction, he’d start all the way back to the first song again if he messed up a note on the next song. It was like he had some mental checklist to go through and it became unchecked over even the slightest failure.

Now that I had a physical body, and the memory of every moment of that piano practice so deeply seared into me, I could do the same. Despite all the terrible memories, there were still diamonds in the rough. So much of the music in The Underground was piano focused, and I garnered an appreciation of how beautiful of an instrument it was.

Never would I admit any degree of gratitude to him for what he did. Still, showing me exactly how to replicate so many of the melodies I’d had stuck in my head wasn’t something I hated knowing.

“Ok, so this is,” I played the first few notes of the first song I remember him playing: a somber tune played on a music box right under a statue, taking only an umbrella in the rain before the mysterious melody started. It had always sounded so eerily familiar to me for some reason, piercing me with a clear-

“Chara?”

I slammed all my fingers down at once, causing an ear-rupturing screech of discordant notes that left an even more grating silence afterwards. I couldn’t bring myself to turn around, already able to feel the eyes of those I’d interrupted digging into me. Every muscle in my body stiffened and shook with a painful intensity.

“What are you doing?”

I heard her take a few hesitant steps forward, followed by the continuing of conversations as the various ponies went back to talking. My breath trembled as I exhaled, letting up on the keys.

“My best.” I whispered, trying to keep my voice low, so it didn’t break. Before she had the chance to ask something else, I pressed on the keys again. It was such a simple tune, but how basic it was helped jog the memories of every other one. It would have been easy to go through them in a gradually increasing order according to length, sadly that’s not how Frisk learned them.

After a minute and a half of playing it, I stopped; lacing my fingers together and placing my hands firmly between my thighs. I hung my head, waiting for the inevitable question Luna would ask.

“Chara, that was lovely. I was not aware you knew how to play.”

I gulped, the sinking feeling of regret spread through me like a pulsating poison; I shouldn’t have indulged myself like that. She’s going to wonder how I could play it when I was supposed to have amnesia, as well as where I’d have even heard that song.

I’d created doubt, and with that there would be little room left for trust.

“I kinda can. I can play certain songs, I’d just have to sit down and practice them, if I tried anything else.” I trailed off.

“I see.” Luna stood over me, her magic highlighting some keys as she tentatively pressed on them. There was little time between presses as she tried to play a tune of some kind. Eventually she seemed to give up as her magic faded and took a few steps away. “May I ask you to play another?”

I flinched, slouching as I leaned forward. Could I even play another? That first one was deceptively simple, the other one I knew pretty well was much longer. As I took a deep breath, I placed my hands above the keys; clenching and unclenching them repeatedly. Frisk’s movements during practice were always initially sporadic, taking me sometimes a dozen or so attempts to recognize the pattern.

Instead of staring at my own hands, I closed my eyes and tried to block out the rest of the world, searching for the song. The memory played like a lucid dream: slow and with no sound at first. I followed along, only processing the chimes of each note after I played them. It was upbeat and rapid, yet carried a melancholic undertone that hid a somber meaning behind the facade of joy. I’d heard it so many times, but it wasn’t until Frisk had perfected it that I understood it.

It was the song of someone who never stopped grieving.

“That,” Luna’s voice was distant at first; disembodied and impossibly ethereal. The moment I opened my eyes, it was normal again. I also realized how physically tense I was; so much so I was afraid relaxing would give me a cramp. “Was beautiful. Where did you learn to play with such grace?”

Her grin was wide and genuine, pupils sparkling with intrigue. Some of the other ponies were watching, no longer interested in practicing their lines for the umpteenth time. So many eyes on me, waiting for me to say something or to play another song; it was overwhelming. I pressed my palm to my forehead, practicing the same breathing exercises I had many times before.

“I don’t know.” I admitted, trying to focus on Luna’s horn and pretend we were the only two in the room; which was getting gradually harder as the chatter from the crowd was getting louder. “I saw the piano and just felt an urge to play it, really. Then a bunch of songs came into my head and I just…played.”

“Then I would call it serendipity that I decided to bring you here tonight. You have a gift for this instrument, truly. Regrettably, I have missed most of the past millennia, and with it could not witness the multitude of the musically talented ponies that were prevalent in that time. However, hearing you play an instrument that has unfortunately fallen from the trends of modern song has pulled a weight off my chest I did not realize was there. Intention or not, I thank you for making my night more beautiful.”

“No, really, please; don’t thank me. I,” I got to my feet, pressing the stool back under the piano and closed the lid over the keys. There was a strange warmth that creeped across my cheeks; I sucked cold air through my teeth, which just resulted in a short coughing fit I desperately tried to hide. “It’s nothing that someone else couldn’t do just as well.”

“Nonsense! In fact, unless I am mistaken, the piano is the least played instrument now; I would not be aghast if that piano is there because it had not seen use before you. Actually,” she approached the piano, scanning it with her eyes like she was searching for something. “You said you had other songs come to mind, correct? Then you may use this piano; it would be a simple task for me to bring it to your room.”

“What?” I asked, blinking at how casually she suggested that. “I mean, a few I think, but you really just want to give me an entire piano? What if they need it for something?”

“They will not. At least, I hope not. If things go well tonight, then there will be no such need for it and so it will be gathering dust in that same corner. ‘Tis nothing short of a tragedy, when there is one capable of using it as the muse it was made for.”

“Hm.” I couldn’t just accept this piano. It was huge, way bigger than the one in Waterfall. Incredibly well-made too; really is a shame it doesn’t get much use. “It’s too big, and you’d just have to bring it back down here when I leave. Besides, it’d be really loud; I wouldn’t want to bother anyone with my practice.”

“It would be no bother, I assure you. Still,” she hummed, tapping a finger against her chin. “I suppose you are right. Even so, I would be remiss to not allow you to come here and play if you so will in your free time; with your escort of course. If only I,” Luna slumped, and then just as quickly perked up. “Oh, she does live in Ponyville! Perhaps Moon Strife could contact her; there must be some kind of digital compact version of-”

“Your highness!” The raspberry pony interrupted, immediately bowing to Luna. “The play will be starting very soon, everything should be going exactly as you instructed.”

“Excellent, then I shall proceed to the seating arranged for me.” she flexed her wings, turning a different direction as she gestured for me to follow. “Come, Chara, lest we will miss a spectacle.”

I glanced once more at the piano, an odd longing to continue playing lingered in the back of my mind. I tore away from it, shaking my head as I hurried to Luna.

We walked up an intimidating amount of stairs until we reached the upper part of the auditorium, ending at one of the balconies that stuck out from the top level. It was incredibly fancy, with velvet curtains and matching seats. Luna didn’t hesitate to sit down, peering at me over her shoulder and waiting for me to follow. I found it hard to bring myself forward, knowing the second I did every pair of eyes in the place would turn straight to me; or at least to the princess next to me.

There were so many of them out there, I couldn’t take it.

“I, Luna I ju-”

“The crowds bother thee that much?” she asked, reading me perfectly. When I didn’t respond, she nodded and her horn lit up with magic. A strange, circular wave spread out that folded into a bubble around our booth, vanishing just as suddenly as it came. “There, now you will not be seen. I apologize; truly I did not believe you would have such issue with this.”

“It's fine.” The chair was even more comfortable than it looked, sinking in as I sat down and somehow already comfortably warm.

As I expected, the majority of ponies were staring at Luna; not that she appeared to care or even notice at all. Her attention was locked entirely on the stage, fidgeting as her grin grew wider and wider. She practically squealed when the curtains opened, clapping her hands as ponies dressed in extremely formal attire walked onto the stage now covered in a variety of props that were revealed behind the curtain; all of which were set to resemble a dining room not unsimilar to the one I talked to Celestia in.

From the moment the first line was spoken, every whisper in the room halted- not a single word was uttered-despite how many were there. I’d never seen a play before, aside from the semi-musical Mettaton had done, so it was something I had a vague interest in. The acoustics of the room were nothing short of astonishing: I could hear everything they were saying and the distinct emotions in their words even though it felt so far away. Every physical gesture was exaggerated, yet still fit with the passion that ebbed into every aspect of their performance.

The longer the play went, the less I saw the ponies as actors and more I saw them as their roles; which was something starkly different from reading stories in books. There, they were just words on pages that didn’t exist outside of them. Here, they were ponies giving those words life.

And I hung onto every word.

Kings, Queens, Princesses and ghosts: all of which I understood thoroughly. By the time the first act was over and the curtains closed for an interlude, I actually felt a tinge of disappointment as I sank into the chair; not even realizing I had been on the edge of it.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Luna exclaimed, wings extending to her sides as she grinned so wide it was alarming. “The sounds, the roles, the effects, the lines; they even did the effects with nothing short of beautiful effectiveness. We could not have asked for a better display of how astonishing the theater can be! Look,” She practically jumped out of her seat, leaning over the edge and peering down at the ponies in the chairs. “Our ponies await in anticipation of how the story may conclude; magnificent.”

She gripped the balcony, straightening her posture and letting her mane flow as if there was a strong, sharp wind. “And what did you think, Chara? Twilight told us you were fond of the stories books held, so we-” she flinched, clenching her jaw. “I thought it would be intuitive to show you the impact tales can have when ambition is breathed into them.”

“It was,” I’d read so many books, seen so many adjectives; none of which came to mind really felt fitting. Twilight mentioned that I was good at articulating my thoughts, I was starting to doubt that more and more. “Really great! A lot of those ponies that I saw behind the stage were unrecognizable, it’s like they became their characters! Though, I had a feeling about what was going to be revealed when the ghost was described as looking like the dead king. After all, ghosts only appear when they have unfinished business.”

“Then you are more perceptive than most.” Luna added with an approving nod. “I have always believed the best mysteries can be guessed before they are truly answered; if you do not give the viewer the pieces, how are they supposed to put them together? Just as well, what did you think about the visuals? I have spent copious amounts of time attempting to design the costumes exactly how they were. Alas, I am not a seamstress, and the memories of a thousand moons passed are not as easy to channel as I would desire.”

“Oh, I’m,” I rubbed my shoulder. “Not really the person to ask about that. They were pretty, I guess. I’m a lot more interested in the ghost: how did they do it? It looked so real.”

“That’s deceptively a simple spell! Quite harmless, in fact. I would be happy to teach you if-” Luna stopped, expression dropping like she’d remembered something. “Forgive me, I sometimes forget you are not a pony. Along with this, you are a conjurer, of which is the school of magic I have the least experience with.”

“It’s fine, really. I don’t want to use magic ever again if I can help it.” I bit my lip, taking a sharp breath as I tried to forget what happened after the last time I said that. “Besides, isn’t teaching magic something you’re only supposed to do with your student?”

Luna visibly went rigid, wings receding as they hugged her sides. “I,” she tilted her head downward, pressing her lips together and closing her eyes. “Do not have a student. That is a privilege only my sister has enjoyed.”

I blinked, my gaze wandering as I couldn’t find a place for it to settle. Why did I assume she had a student? Twilight never mentioned Luna having one, nor did I ever read about a ‘Luna’s School for Gifted Unicorns’ with all the mentions of Celestia’s school. Of course, that’s because there was no mention of Luna at all in the books, since she was….oh.

“I’m sorry, I thought,” I stopped myself, already far too deep in the hole I’d dug.

“It is alright; an understandable conclusion to come to. The topic has come up on many occasions, but it would seem any unicorn with the ability and desire was only ever interested in learning from my sister instead of I. Regardless, I have no student, and for the foreseeable future that will not change.”

It was slight, but there was a brief quiver in her voice; a flicker of hesitation. She furrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head and turning back to the crowd. “Furthermore, I see no need in one. Most of what I teach would be in relation to the dreamscape, of which is a burden that I am more than capable of bearing myself.”

“So,” I rapped my fingers against the ends of the chair. “You don’t want one?”

“I do not need one; any who would be interested in learning would benefit far more from Tia. The only school of magic I am superior in would be Illusion, and that is a field few find of interest.”

“It sounds like you just don’t want to say ‘no’.” I muttered, which I immediately regretted when her ears flapped and she snapped her eyes at me; giving a glare Fluttershy would be proud of.

“Making assumptions seems to be a problem you have yet to rectify. Truth be told,” a weary frown etched itself into her face. Or rather, it was more like the boisterous mask she always wore slipped and I was getting a glimpse underneath. “I do not know if I would-”

Luna was cut off by the sound of the curtains opening, signaling that the second act had begun. She loudly coughed, getting back in her seat and turning her attention straight to the stage. I wanted to ask what she was going to say, but even I could tell it wasn’t a conversation that she wanted to continue.

Besides, I was interested in how Haylet would end.

In death.

A pointless death, at that.

Maybe I should have seen that coming from the start, or even halfway through, I should have known there was really only one way things would end. It was devastating to witness, and yet any other ending would have felt wrong.

It was a beautifully written tragedy; some part of me hated myself for watching it through.

“Chara? Are you all right?”

After the cheers and applause, Luna and I left so she could take me back to the room. Of course, that was after she was over the moon about how much the ponies enjoyed her play. Even when she was concerned at my complete silence, there was a small grin on her face that didn’t look like it would ever leave.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure? You appear quite downtrodden. Of course, I suppose that is to be expected for some. When I discovered the story myself while traveling to Griffonstone, It was the first of few that had left me in tears.” She brought a hand to her chest, peering through the passing windows to the garden. “A tale of a son who died pursuing revenge for their beloved father-who had been wronged in every way one can be- until the end; It could make even the most hardened individual shudder.”

“That’s,” I paused, contemplating if I should even say anything or just agree. “Not how I saw it.”

“Oh?” Luna asked with a raise of her eyebrow. “Do tell.”

“I think that, after the wedding and the play,” I sucked in the cold air, shivering at the chill that came over me. “Haylet wanted to die. He didn’t want to live in a world where his uncle had murdered his father and had practically gotten away with it. The part in act three where he contemplated life and death was genuine, not a part of some farce. In act five, I think he knew beforehand that they would try to poison him. At least, he knew there’d be some plot against him. So,”

We stood outside the room, Brash and Luster being nowhere in sight; I couldn’t help but wonder if the princess talked to them beforehand or not. Luna didn’t make a single move, listening intently to everything I said; which was somehow more unsettling than if she had grimaced in disapproval or leaned forward in anticipation.

“He accepted it. Saw it as his way out and didn’t try to fight it, not really. I mean, what was left for him even if he had walked away? The guilt of accidentally killing Pononius was eating him alive, on top of Pononius’s daughter’s death, he couldn’t handle another. Even if he did, he’d have to live knowing he’d left his own mother a widow for a second time. Who, alongside most of the kingdom, thought he’d gone completely mad. It’s not just about seeking revenge and dying for it, it’s also,” I hesitated to say the word, hitching in my throat like I’d forgotten how to breathe. “About suicide.”

The words echoed in the empty hallway, leaving an eerie silence in its wake. It was beyond tempting to just barge into the room, not waiting for whatever follow up she had and just hoped that exhaustion would take me the second my head hit a pillow.

As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t.

It was like my shoes had been coated in glue, and I just couldn’t bring myself to even glance up at Luna as she spoke.

“If so, then why did he tell Horsatio to ‘spread my story’ if he truly only cared about ending his own life?”

For some reason, that question completely floored me. I knew the answer, it felt so obvious to me; but maybe it wasn’t to her? Why did I see the play in a different light than Luna?

“Because,” my heart stopped beating for just a second, but it made the chill in the room so much worse. “Just because he wanted to die, doesn’t mean he wanted to be forgotten. I think that’s what he was scared of the most.”

There was no noise at all, no movement; even the temperature of the room was numb to me. The silence was only broken by the sound of Luna’s amplified first breath, her wings flickering as she turned away from me.

“I see,” she turned away from me, most of her face hidden beneath the spots of shadows surrounding us. “You have given me much to think about this night; I am not sure if I am grateful for that just yet. I bid you adieu, Chara.”

I felt like a doll on a shelf as she left, unable to move my rigid body and do anything but watch. When she turned the corner, I could actually inhale again. Relief washed over me like a long past due shower, taking a few seconds to just stand there and focus on breathing. My hands were sweaty as I fumbled to open the door, collapsing onto the bed as soon as I could make my way to it.

My eyes became unbearably heavy; every muscle in my body began to relax like they’d been tensely coiled for hours. The bed sucked me in with its promise of comfort and rest, and I did not have the willpower to resist.

After waking up, I kept my eyes closed and my head buried in the sheets; hoping I would just slip back into slumber. After ten minutes of listening to the birds, my bladder decided that such a desire was absurd and that I needed to get off the bed and start my day. With a reluctant -and unnecessarily loud- groan, I made my way to the bathroom to relieve myself and do the same routine I always did to feel less gross.

Soon after I was done, Luster and Brash politely knocked but asserted their authority as Royal Guards by coming in anyway. Brash in particular was carrying a small box, swiftly flying over to my bed and placing it right in the center.

“You got mail!” she declared.

“I do?” It was cardboard, but nothing was keeping it closed aside from a seal. I picked it up, surprised by how light it was.

“From Ponyville. If you didn’t order it, I’m assuming one of your friends there sent it. Maybe you forgot something?”

“I don’t think I did.” I muttered as I mentally ran through everything I owned, most of which sat in the seemingly endless void of my inventory. Did Fluttershy send me something? I can’t imagine why, or what.

The seal came off with ease, revealing the clothes waiting for me. I clenched the sides of the box when I saw the red scarf on top, undeniably the same one from the farm. It didn’t take a single thought to move my trembling hands towards it, feeling the soft fabric brought a freezing warmth to my heart. It was weightless as I lifted it, wrapped up to hide most of its length.

As much as I didn’t want to, I shuddered as I choked down a sob. Luster watched quietly, but said nothing as I wordlessly placed it on the bed. Brash’s expression was blank, pretending to not have noticed.

“Oh, you got a letter.” Brash stated as she eyed the inside of the box.

I gave myself a moment to make some attempt at composure, grabbing the letter she pointed out and opened it.

Chara,

Inside, you will find some winter attire that I made for you; These were already finished before we left, and I had truly intended to give them to you for when the cold would set in this winter.

I don’t believe I have to state why that didn’t go as planned.

Please do not interpret this as me forgiving you, for I have not and I don’t know if I will. However, that does not mean I want you to freeze. After all, pettiness is by far the ugliest trait for a lady to have.

Sincerely, Rarity.

As I read, I couldn’t help imaging it in her voice: matter of fact yet still keeping that underlying proper accent and elegance she always carried herself with. Beneath it was a large, green hoodie. A pocket in the front, and two strings with beads attached to the actual hood for making it tighter. The inside was lined with a thin layer of wool that was incredibly soft to the touch. With it, a pair of black pants that was noticeably thicker than the ones I normally wore; it even stretched all the way down to being socks.

“Someone sent you winter clothes? Nice timing, it gets pretty cold up here in Canterlot even during the day. You’d think with Princess Celestia spending most of her time here, she’d adjust the sun a bit to keep it warm.”

“I don’t think you quite understand how the sun works, Brash. Besides, The Princess is far too responsible to do something like that.”

“I dont knowwww,” Brash said in a sing-song voice, tilting her head as she hovered over to Luster. “I’ve heard some of the guards say that, every now and again when Princess Celestia has had a long night, she puts off raising the sun for half an hour or so for some extra shuteye.”

“Hm, I doubt it. Even if it were true, I couldn’t exactly blame her.” Luster’s signature stoic expression faltered, biting her cheek as her eyes wandered around the room until they landed on me. “Regardless, we should wait outside while Chara changes. In fact, Princess Celestia wanted us to inform you that you will be with her today in The Sculpture Garden; after breakfast, of course.”

“Oh,” I tensed up, gripping the clothes a lot tighter than I intended to. “Alright.”

“Come on, Brash.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

It didn’t take me long to slip all of it on. It fit me near perfectly. Which, considering it was made by Rarity, was to be expected. The outfit also came with a matching underwear and bra, colored royal blue instead of the black one she made me before. I stood conflicted for a moment on whether to wear the pendant on the inside where it won’t grab attention, or outside where it’d be a lot more convenient to touch it if I wanted to.

I decided on the inside.

Chapter 25: Knight and Day.

Breakfast with Celestia was considerably quieter than usual. By that, I meant completely silent. I couldn’t bring myself to break it, and Celestia herself was content to watch me squirm under the tension. It was just as well, when she was done she only waited and watched me eat while sipping her tea.

Suffice to say, I wasn’t able to finish.

Without a peep, she stood up and began walking to the door. She eyed the food on my plate, which I hadn’t touched for a grueling five minutes, and then turned her attention to me.

“Have you lost your appetite?”

“A little.” While I had nervously drank the orange juice, most of the oatmeal and biscuits were still there. “Just not hungry today, I guess.”

“Hm,” Using her magic, she picked up the rest of the food and threw it away before cantering towards the door with the briefest flickers of her ears in my direction. “That is a shame. Very well, then I believe it is time for us to have the discussion we’ve both been dreading. I assume the guards informed you we’re going outside today, and that is the reason behind your attire?”

“This is,” I got to my feet, adjusting the sleeves of my hoodie. They had an extra layer of cloth that was so fluffy and gentle on my arms, I couldn’t quite get used to it and fidgeted to get comfortable with the sensation. “Rarity sent me these.”

“How generous of her.”

The Sculpture Garden lived up to its title, being filled with a variety of statues, some of which had plaques on them I could read. One eerily human-like statue had the words ‘The Auspicious Observer’, while the others were all ponies holding flags, staffs, and scrolls. Like The Royal Garden, there were various animals roaming the area; though none went near the statues oddly enough.

Surprisingly, there were very few plants, or really any sign of life aside from the animals. Even as Celestia and I walked around the garden, aimlessly as far as I was aware, there were no other ponies to be seen. Out of a desire to avoid the awkward silence, and a little boredom, I read each statues’ plaque, curious what story was tied to each one: One was composed of three fillies with the word ‘Friendship’ engraved below them, and beside them was a majestic-looking mare with a flag, the word ‘Victory’ on her statue.

“Chara,” Celestia said. “Do you believe there are those above consequences?”

While there was no real tone to her voice, the question still rang with a hollow resonance; like the faintest noise of chimes with no wind. I had once asked that same question to Frisk so long ago, among the many in performing my self-made script. Their answer often changed, likely just to see the slightest of differences in how I’d respond.

To this day, I wonder if he ever even gave a thought to what he did. So inconsistent in his behavior, his expressions, whether he cared or not. Was it all an act? A facade created out of nothing more than a dreadful boredom? Or did he just have an insatiable sense of curiosity? Maybe, he was a husk like Flowey; void of anything but the sickest sense of interest, pursuing it and searching for some euphoric relief. Only for it to never be satiated.

“Yes,” saying that made an impossibly dense weight collapse onto every inch of my body, bearing down nigh oppressively; just taking each step felt harder. “There are.”

If that bothered her, she didn’t let it show. Celestia blinked a time or two as she peered at me, her eyes moving back and forth, before turning away. “What an unfortunate answer. There is, tragically, a kernel of truth to such a statement. At the least, I have met many who did not believe their actions had any consequences. You, however, are well aware of your consequences, and committed those actions regardless. Tell me, did you think about what would happen to you before you killed them?”

I found it eerie how casually she had asked me that; no sternness, no gradual increase in tone, not even a bat of the eye. It was hard to look at her, or anywhere that wasn’t the path we were taking. While her attention seemed locked in front of us, I knew she was watching me just in the corner of her vision.

“Not as much as I should have.” I admitted, ducking my chin as I held my elbows. “I knew I’d break their trust by doing it, and that they might even hate me for it; Fluttershy wouldn’t let me live with her anymore, Twilight and the others wouldn’t want me in Ponyville, and I wouldn’t have anywhere to go. But,” I swallowed, pressing my lips together as my shoulders tensed. “They would be alive.”

“I see.” she paused, something about the sound of her hoofsteps against the pavement filled me with an indescribable dread. “Interesting how much thought you put into how you would be affected, yet how little you put into how it would affect the diamond dogs; Their relatives, or friends.

“They were trying to kill us.”

“Yes, a sentiment supported only by you so far. Do not mistake me for implying I don’t believe you; I only wish to make you aware that there is nothing to go off of but your word that that was truly what their intentions were. It would be easier to-”

Something was wrong.

The moment we turned the corner, an indescribable sensation overcame me and blared out all of my senses like an invisible darkness. A strange, static-like noise forced its way into my eardrums, perforating every ounce of my being. Every syllable that came out of Celestia’s mouth was more garbled than the last, until it was indistinguishable from a completely incoherent string of sounds that were so foreign they didn’t even resemble a language.

Without any thought, my entire body was suddenly forcefully relaxed. All the energy sapped from me, leaving only a cold aftertaste. My sight hovered to one statue in particular, without any input of my own. The statue resembled some unnatural amalgamation of half a dozen creatures that’d been pressed together until they fit. Its serpentine tail was wrapped around the pillar as it appeared to be singing; no plaque to be seen in sight.

Each second seemed longer than the last, and the strange, buzzing force in my ears was only getting louder. A terrifying question planted itself into my mind: What if it wasn’t singing? What if, instead, the statue was screaming? Calling out for help, for freedom, and I could hear it?

And why did I think it had been singing in the first place?

Before I’d even realized it, I had veered off the path Celestia had been guiding me down and right towards the statue. There was nothing inside me but the painfully passionate desire to touch it; so searing that it blinded me to anything else. The rest of the world didn’t matter; the wind, the ground, the fear. I just needed to touch it, to let it feel something.

I took another step, raising my arm and extending it forward as-

“Chara,”

A golden, see-through barrier appeared in front of me. It was as solid as a wall, yet it was wavy like an illusion.

“I cannot allow you to take a step further.”

It wasn’t a statement, but a warning that hardened with authority. I dared not turn to look at her, already trembling as a bucket of unstrung terror drenched me. The statue wasn’t screaming anymore, assuming it was in the first place. The static was receding to a negligible background noise, and the burning in my chest had vanished. I didn’t realize how heavy I was breathing until I could hear myself again, or how much I had been sweating.

My heart was beating painfully fast, I clutched my chest as I tried to stutter out something. “I,” it was difficult to move back to Celestia. My knees didn’t want to cooperate, nor did most of my body. “What happened?”

“You appeared to have stopped listening to me and turned to the statue of Discord, ignoring anything I said and trying to approach it. I would like to know why.”

I made the mistake of turning to look at her, meeting the glare of one who had foregone any reservations or attempts at pleasantry. Celestia had her legs out in a wide stance and was scowling, her wings halfway out as her horn pulsated with a visceral aura. One wrong step or word, and she was prepared to do whatever she thought necessary.

“I don’t know.” I admitted with a shaky whisper, trying-and failing- to grab my pendant through the hoodie. “As soon as I saw that statue, it started calling to me. Or, maybe more likeit grabbed me and drew me toward it. I,” that deep chill that overcame me was still sitting inside me, slowly digesting under the warmth that was slowly coming back. “Couldn’t control myself.”

There was a gradual shift of attention from me to the statue, which somehow made her expression more severe. Celestia unclenched her jaw, pulling back her neck as the magic around her horn -along with the barrier-vanished.

“He grabbed you?” she asked, wings relaxing as she closed her eyes. “That is concerning. Could it be that you’re-” she raised an eyebrow, pursing her lips as she stared at something on the ground. “Oh. Hello there.”

There was the sensation of something pulling on my leg. It was a rabbit, not something I had expected to approach me after what just happened. As I stared at its features, a tingle of familiarity nagged the back of my mind; I recognized it from somewhere. It was the same one from The Royal Garden, with the almost pure white coat and brown eyes. She hung onto the pants of my leg, peering up at me as she pouted.

“Um,” I picked her up, finding her fur just as soft and warm as when I touched it previously. I held her outstretched in front of me, my hands gently holding her by her arms. “Hi?”

“The animals around here don’t usually approach strangers, that is an interesting one.”

“I’m not a stranger,” I pulled her to my chest, tracing my fingers around the edges of her ears. It wasn’t even something I had thought to do anymore. Living with Angel had created something like a second-nature reflex to stroke the ears of any creature I held. “This is the same one that I met with Cadance. I guess she likes me.”

“Is that right? Twilight mentioned you had an affinity for animals; did you give her a name?”

“No, I didn’t want to give her a name.” She was so warm, like a little candle that wouldn’t burn me no matter what. Her whiskers tickled along with every patter of breath she took. “I don’t want to get attached to her when I’m going to be leaving eventually.”

“Well, it would seem she has already gotten attached to you. I don’t believe giving her a name would change that.”

From the way she was snuggling into my chest, it was hard to deny that. I placed her on her back, cradling her in my arms. “Then,” I racked my mind for a fitting name, which was unfortunate considering I’d inherited Asgore’s comically bad naming conventions. “Lumi?” I asked out loud with a slight tilt of my head.

Celestia grimaced, grabbing Lumi in her magic and flipping her back on her stomach in my grasp. Lumi was startled by this, literally shaking in fear as I struggled to keep a grip on her.

“You shouldn’t hold rabbits on their backs; it could damage their spines.”

“Really?” My breath hitched in my throat as I glanced down at her, running my pointer finger where her spine would be. “Fluttershy holds them like that all the time.”

“She shouldn’t. I will advise her as such if I see her before you do.”

If.

The implications behind that single word were subtle, but impactful nonetheless. I said nothing more as Celestia and I continued walking, thankfully not continuing the conversation from where we left off. Lumi was content where she was, having promptly fallen asleep. I flinched when Celestia’s horn lit up, letting out a restrained sigh when I saw she was only using it to pull out a scroll.

“Do you recall when you mentioned that relations with non-ponies have been strained under my leadership?” I nodded, trying not to groan at past me for choosing to bring that up. “The truth is, over the time my sister was away, the circumstances around Luna’s departure had planted seeds of doubt in the trust between us that may prove to never truly wither. I had tried to keep things stable, however I do not carry that same gift of charm that Luna had when it came to negotiations. Hopefully, with my sister's return, along with The Elements of Harmony, things will be better.”

Her eyes narrowed, shoulders pulling low as she sharply exhaled. Whether it was because of what she was reading, or because of something else on her mind, was impossible for me to discern. She quickly skimmed through the scroll, putting it away as fast as she pulled it out and coughed.

“Regardless of my excuses, you are correct. Even if some of the nations, such as Griffonstone, fell due to their vices, there was more I could have done to help. The countless what if’s I could have taken during that millennia may prove to plague me for the rest of my days. Nevertheless, it is never too late to repair a bridge as long as the pieces are still there, and that has been my goal now that I rule alone no more. The Yaks, Dragons, Griffons, all of which hold strife towards us that must be quelled for peace. The Diamond Dogs in particular I have tried to reach out to, and I would have handled the matter at Pinkie’s home personally had I known it was occurring.”

The rigidness of my embrace awoke Lumi, slipping out of it and making her way up my body until she reached my shoulders. Instead of messing with my hair like Angel opted to do, she hopped in the hood part of my hoodie. She fit in rather snugly as she curled up and resumed her nap; I hardly even noticed the extra weight.

“It has not gone well. Gratefully, they have allowed one of my little ponies to live among them in their kingdom in exchange for ‘shiny things’. They have been keeping me updated on what has been happening recently, and I believe you’ll be interested to know that a week prior, little more than a handful of diamond dogs had left without saying so much as a word to the others; Fido, Spot, and Rover are the only names I received.”

I knew where this was going; those exact names had been called out in the tunnels. One of the pluses of owning a hoodie was how easy it was to hide myself in it. Or, it would be if there wasn’t a ball of fluff in the part that I could use to hide my head and retract into my clothes like a tortoise.

“What’s odd is, some of them had family; wives, siblings, children. Diamond Dogs are very protective of their pups, abandonment of this kind is very unusual. When searching their room, they found a brief note in Fido’s room. Only the words “For The pups” were written. What happened next I’m sure I don’t have to repeat.”

“So,” the dying words of the scarred dog came to mind, something about getting their pups back from a bug. “Someone took their pups.”

“Deceptively, no. Their pups had been in the same place they were always kept. Still, it would appear that someone made them believe their pups had been stolen. Perhaps, whoever was behind it, had arranged for them to be at the home of one of the bearers. They suppose the other bearers would come to help, and waited until then.”

“Are you saying you believe me?”

“No,” the ember of hope was stomped out before it could burn by her unwavering certainty. “Only that there is reason to believe. Whether I can has yet to be ascertained. Even so, I am giving you more than the benefit of the doubt. Be aware that your cooperation, albeit reluctant, is appreciated.”

We halted abruptly right before another corner. “Chara, I need your utmost attempt at honesty; did you find a necklace at the farm?”

I reflexively grabbed the one on me, it suddenly dawned on me that I had forgotten my backpack in my room. Celestia immediately took note of my silence, humming something to herself as her eyebrows gathered in.

“It would have had an object at the end. Perhaps a wing, claw, hoof, or even a horn of some kind, any appendage really. Along with a golden chain; not unsimilar to yours, in fact.”

Somehow, the antler had slipped my mind entirely; Maybe intentionally so. The mock-wingdings its description consisted of had boggled me to no end, until other things took priority. Why was Celestia asking about it? Did she somehow know that I had it, or was it something that belonged to the diamond dogs that the scarred dog had stolen?

To make it worse, why did she bring up my necklace too?

“Yes.”

“And where is it now?”

“In the backpack in my room.”

“You,” there was a racking gruffness to her voice as she glared at me, holding a tight-lipped smile that uttered more than anything she could have said. “Brought it here?”

The hushed, yet harshness of that question was a stiffening shot of fear. I reluctantly nodded, chest too tight to even breathe. With a hearty grunt, she pulls out a scroll, this time an empty one, and begins scribbling something down. After a moment of this, she rolled it back, and it vanished in a poof of shining yellow smoke.

The tension between us, and in every inch of Celestia’s body language, was so intense even Lumi could feel it. I clenched onto her as tightly as she did me.

“So,” as soon as I spoke, her hardened gaze turned to me. I inhaled so sharply it felt like the air in my lungs had solidified and sat as heavy ice. It lasted only a second, but the stabbing sensation almost made me not want to speak. “You never said what we were coming out to the garden for.”

One of her ears raised in my direction, moving closer to try to make out the indistinguishable noises that I tried to articulate into words and not just meek murmuring.

“I did not? Apologies, it must have slipped my mind.” There was a nigh sarcastic undertone to her voice, followed by a quiet breath that I wouldn’t have noticed had I not been looking at her when she took it. “There is someone who has been,” Celestia paused, her expression softening as her jaws unclenched. “Eager, I suppose is the best word, to meet you.”

“To meet me?” It must have been someone important if Celestia herself was escorting me. “Why couldn’t we have met at breakfast?”

“Because there is something you must do with them to earn their trust; along with mine. As regretful as it may be, it was the only way that came to mind.”

“Something I must do?”

She nodded, a sullness behind her frown that left me unsettled. It was like she was trying to say as little as possible.

“Then why couldn’t I just-”

“I believe you’ll find the answers you seek around this corner, ” Celestia cut me off, turning the corner and gestured for me to follow. On the other side was a more open area, with hardly any statues at all. Cadance was on a marble bench to the far right, gripping the edges of it and staring at someone I didn’t recognize in the center.

They were standing still, wearing nothing more than a light purple sweater and some moderately poofy pants. Their horn stuck out prominently, right on top of a long, wavy dark and light blue striped mane. The bright white coat and piercing cobalt eyes already made them stand out; as they twirled a short baton in the air with their magic.

“I am sorry for this, but you must spar with my Nephew: Shining Armor.”

Celestia flashed her magic and gently snatched Lumi right out of my hood. Lumi squeaked in fear as she was unceremoniously woken up. Celestia and Cadance shared a worried glance and an exchange before Celestia embraced Lumi, who took kindly to the comfort. In a second, our eyes met and just as suddenly broke.

“Here.”

I flicked my eyes back to Shining, jumping as something slid on the ground towards me. It was a knife, one made entirely out of wood. I couldn’t think, struggling to process what was happening. His expression was blank, waiting and watching for what I’d do.

“What?”

I blinked. Once. Twice. Then stared at the wooden knife on the ground, which might have actually been a dagger instead. A small, leather strap was wrapped around the handle. The dread that stretched out from inside me was nauseating, leaving only a sourness in my mouth that made me want to throw up. Even my face felt numb, the only exception being the fading flicker of the frosty air; the hoodie unfortunately did little to help.

“Pick it up.”

There wasn’t any malice in Shining’s voice, or any discernible emotion really; which was indescribably unsettling. He hadn’t made a single move since sliding it over to me, watching me with squinted eyes and a cautious gaze. Despite his leer, his posture was lax, and his arms hung limply to his sides like he didn’t know where to put them.

I couldn’t tell if he was reluctant to do anything, or just didn’t think I was dangerous.

Celestia stood in the back, watching with an indifferent expression. In contrast, Cadance was blatantly distressed. Holding Lumi- now on her stomach instead of her back like Celestia advised-quite tightly to her chest. She was clenching her jaw as her eyes constantly shot between Shining and I.

Poor Lumi was scared stiff, begging me with her adorably beady eyes to help. Unfortunately, I needed the help a lot more than she did.

“I don’t understand,” I muttered, raising my gaze to meet his. “Why do you want me to fight you?”

“Because I don’t trust you, and this is the best way for me to do just that. I’ve been training recruits for years, and I’ve come to learn that I understand them better that way than anything we could ever say to each other. Besides, talking and asking questions and all that stuff?” He shrugged, tilting his head in the direction of Cadance. “Just not my style. More my wife or Twily’s thing; not that you’d even bother telling the whole truth if you were asked, right?”

His smirk dropped, the indifferent tone of his question did little to hide the accusation underneath it. Not that he was wrong or that I had any right to defend myself.

“As crude as his way is.” Cadance added. Trying, and failing, to look anywhere but at me.

“That’s what I thought.” he lowered his gaze to the wooden knife on the ground, chewing his teeth as he leaned forward. “I don’t get why you’re so hesitant to fight me; was it that difficult when you butchered the diamond dogs?”

“That was-”

“Was what?” he cut me off. “Justified?”

The icy wind wasn’t nearly as sharp as his words. Made worse by the lack of any aggression behind them; only filled with a gripping sureness.

“Life or death.” I finished. Celestia was expressionless, watching me with little more than her breathing to even indicate she wasn’t another statue. Cadance was still tightly clinging to Lumi, Coliquary perched on her shoulders. “It was hard, and I didn’t want to, but I did anyway.”

“Hm,” Shining grunted at that, raising his chin as his eyes flicked to the side. “So if I told you’d die if you didn’t fight me, then you would?”

“No,” I’d put more force in my voice than I intended, causing it to sound brittle and weak. “I hate fighting. I only fought because their lives were at stake, not mine. I don’t want to die, but if it’s that or take a life again,” a glob of disgusting dread spread inside of me as I wondered when my last reset point was; Ponyville? When I woke up in Fluttershy’s cottage, only to find she’d been waiting for me to wake up for two days? Would I have to go through all of that again?

Or, maybe it’d be in Canterlot. In the middle of the night, when Luna had taken me with her to the stars. No matter when, I’d end up right back here; with no way out.

“Then just kill me and get it over with.”

My teeth felt like they’d shatter with how tightly they were clenched together; every inch of my body was so frigid I wasn’t sure I could actually move if I tried.

Shining’s face went slack, his shoulders slumping as he raised his chin. “Is that right?” his eyebrows furrowed, the magic around the baton coming to halt as he stopped twirling it. “Alright, how about this: If you fight me, and win, you can go back to Ponyville. Right here, right now. No conditions, no questions; I’ll even call the chariot myself.”

Celestia scowled at him with such severity even I wanted to get out of her sight. He saw or felt it as his pupils briefly constricted, then he awkwardly chuckled as he rubbed the back of his head. “I’ll even make it easy for you. Just hit me once with that sharpened branch, and we’ll call it there.”

“As if I’d believe that.” There was no way that could be true, even as badly as I wanted it to be. “You’d just let me go back to Ponyville? Just like that?”

“Sure, if you can hit me.” he pointed the baton at me. “Which you won’t, or can’t, whichever you prefer.”

I ignored his mocking tone, leaning down and reluctantly gripping the knife. It was lighter than what I was used to, and had a handle that dug painfully into my hand. I took what felt like an eternity peering at it, a potent wave of nausea threatened to make me relieve myself of the little I had for breakfast.

Whether or not he was telling the truth, how much did that really matter? Celestia said herself that no one could help me fix the trust that I broke with them, being sent back sooner won’t change that.

Still…

“Fine,” I muttered. I had to try, the sooner the better. I don’t know where I’d even start with the others, but I promised Fluttershy I would tell her the truth and I meant it; as long as she wasn’t afraid of me anymore, I could take the others hating me. “Not like you really left me much choice.”

“Believe me, I don’t like it either.” It was cold enough out for me to see his breath as he sighed, straightening his posture and moving his head around as his neck popped. “Come on, then.”

He stood where he was, muscles tensed and magic holding a tight grip on the baton. I tried to keep my hands steady, crouching down as I gradually approached him. Shining didn’t move an inch, or even follow me with his eyes; there wasn’t an ounce of concern. Was he that confident in his abilities? Or did he just not think I could touch him?

Either way, it was worrying; and admittedly a little infuriating.

I planted my foot into the ground, shooting my arm forward in a simple jab at his shoulder. As I did, the magic around his horn briefly flared up, followed by a barely audible flashing noise as a transparent, light blue magical wall appeared. It was similar to Celestia’s, only much firmer and resembling an actual wall.

A dull, vibrating sensation went up my arm; accompanied by a sharp numbness that was accompanied by a prickling stab. The barrier vanished, with Shining’s magic instead bringing the baton to my face. I flinched, waiting for the blunt pain.

Only instead for him to tap me on the end of my nose with it.

“Just a warning: I’m going to hit you a little harder each time. Nothing permanent though, probably.”

The pain -if it could even be called that- was already fading, it wouldn’t even leave a mark. I jumped back, ignoring the dull throbbing in my hand as I held on to the knife. His reaction time was instantaneous, almost faster than I could react. Breaking the barrier was completely out of the question, especially with the wooden knife they gave me.

So, what could I do then? I should forgo trying to hit him hard, or putting much effort into it. Trying to hit him where could see me was also out of the question. Fortunately, he said that he’d only hit me after I tried to hit him.

I once again hunched down, taking careful steps to move around him. As expected, he watched me out of the corner of his eyes. Strangely, he didn’t turn when I got out of where he could see, or even turn his head. Instead, he was just smirking and shaking his head, muttering “Just like my recruits” under his breath.

The second his back was in sight, I took an immediate stab at it, only for the same thing to happen. A magical barrier appeared, though this one was much smaller and resembled a square instead of a wall. It was just as solid though, but the decrease in size was interesting. Did he not have time to form something bigger, or did he just want to show how predictable I was?

I didn’t have time to think about it a sec longer as the baton came swinging around, much lower and aiming for my ankle. I pulled my arm back, pivoting on my feet and narrowly avoiding it. Again, I took a stab at him before the barrier was gone. Just as quickly, he swiveled around to face me, hopping back a foot as he grit his teeth.

“Alright, that caught me off guard, I’ll admit.” he remarked, baton hovering beside him. “I should have assumed since you use a knife, you’re fast on your feet; that’s my mistake. Fine, Twinkletoes, I’ll dance.”

I yelped when the baton shot forward swifter than before, slapping me on both of my ankles. As promised, they actually hurt. Not overly so, comparable to a disciplinary slap on the wrist, but enough to sting.

Shining’s eyebrows deeply furrowed, the magic around his baton was now more condensed and it constricted around the grip. He was shooting an occasional glance at Celestia, who still held a grimace. His horn didn’t lose its blue sheen, retaining its illumination. If nothing else, I had his attention. Which would only make things more difficult for me, I’m sure.

Although the throbbing in my hand wasn’t getting any better, the leather grip prevented any splinters from digging into my hands; which would have been another nuisance. No matter how desperately I tried, I couldn’t recall any enemy Frisk fought that used magic quite like this. One or two that used shields, sure; but none that moved to where I attacked the second I moved.

For a harrowing second, a tingle of curiosity questioned if my vorpal blade could pierce it or not. It cut through the diamond dog’s armor with terrifying ease; I’d honestly barely even felt it slice through them.

The inside of my cheeks soured as I tried to hold back a gag, pushing that rancid memory down to plague me another time.

“What’s wrong? You got pale all of the sudden.” He asked with a glib undertone.

“Nothing.”

I was oddly out of breath, sucking down the frigid air so heavily it hurt. With one more deep inhale, I pulled as much of my hair back as I could, hoping it was still short enough to not be too much of an annoyance. The only thing I could do was be fast, try to hit from multiple angles and outspeed how swiftly he could summon his shield.

If I couldn’t even do that, then maybe I just didn’t deserve to go back.

I leaped forward, no hesitation or cautious movements this time; there was no point. He reacted immediately, preemptively summoning the barrier the second I coiled my arm. When I made contact, I dropped the knife and caught it in my other hand, bending my knees and trying again.

The barrier disappeared and reappeared, this time bigger and less solid. I nearly lost my grip on the handle as it vibrated, biting the inside of my cheek so hard I tasted the familiar copper tang of blood. With a heave, I gripped it with both hands and attempted another jab.

Which ended up just hitting his shield once more.

Like a sword, his baton came swinging down. I tried to block it with the knife, forgetting that’s not what knives were for at all as the force of the baton slapped it out of my grip with a numbing thud. Dizziness and spreading agony overcame me as he hit me in the side with his baton, then against the back of one of my knees which forced me to the ground. I nearly fell forward, holding my side with my right hand and my left down to keep some balance.

My very bones ached; it felt like there was so much force behind his strike it left an imprint. It didn’t fade, making my side feel so hot it practically burned. I tried to stand up, only for my leg to scream as more pain shot up, informing me that that wasn’t an option at the moment. The knife sat just a few inches away from me, cracked at its tip and barely holding together. It had one or two more attempts in it at most, while I wasn’t even certain if I could take one more hit from that baton.

Shining followed my gaze, leering at the dagger in a glimpse of contemplation. In that second of eye contact we made right after, there was a shimmer of something in his face. Pulling his head back and wincing, he let his arms fall to the side as he closed his eyes. The magic around his horn faded as he holstered the baton back in his pocket.

“Alright, this isn’t working.” Shining turned his head to Celestia, who was practically resembling one of the sculptures we passed on the way here. They clearly said something through their expressions, as she silently stared back at him and then nodded as if saying yes to something.

“I’ll be straight with you; the spar was a pretense. I just needed to get you to use your magic, and I thought giving you an impossible challenge would get you to do that. I didn’t expect you’d keep trying with that glorified branch until it almost broke; the majority of my recruits just give up after their second try, so I’m a little impressed. You’re a lot more determined than most ponies I’ve met.”

I tried not to squirm at his word choice, counting each breath I made until the pain was more of a background noise. “My magic? Why?”

“Can’t tell you that; not until after you use it. I don’t like it either, believe me. I wasn’t entirely lying about the ‘hit me and you get to go home’ bit though. Doing this is the only way the Princess will come to a final decision about sending you back. I know you’re close to Fluttershy, but you also hurt my little sister and her friends, so I can’t say I’ll be particularly bummed if you end up staying here the rest of your life.”

I let go of my side, staring at the palm of my hand; bright red and shaking regardless of my efforts otherwise. The feeling of the conjured knife's grip was so vehemently vivid, along with the wet, sticky sensation of blood that had coated it. I dug my fingers into the ground, trying to stop myself from thinking of it in too much detail.

“So, either I use my magic and hope that whatever happens is a good thing, or I don’t and I never get to go back to Ponyville?”

“That’s the gist of it, yeah.”

“Then it’s more of an ultimatum than a choice.”

He frowned at that. “Maybe, but it’s how it is.”

I didn’t want to use my magic even before the rock farm; I’m sure Twilight mentioned as much in her letters. Of course, I found myself in a situation where free will was an illusion, a lie I was being told for my comfort. Celestia wouldn’t just casually let me go back to the castle if I refused; I could see it in her face. Cadance refused to look in my direction, and Shining was struggling to keep some semblance of stoicism.

As I got to my feet, pressing my hand against my side hard enough that the pain made it difficult to think, I traced my necklace through my hoodie. “Then what? I just use it and we go back?”

“Depends on how things go. If well, maybe you really will go back to Ponyville today.”

I scoffed, letting go of my side again. It was impossible to say if I could believe even a syllable that came out of his mouth. Unfortunately, I had no real choice but to indulge.

“Fine.” With a shudder and some shuffling of my feet, I recalled Twilight’s instructions to the letter. It felt different this time; less charged, less heat. It didn’t course through my veins with the intensity it did before. Even as I tentatively opened my eyes and watched the knife form, I felt nearly nothing; fortunately, that also meant that disgusting prick of pleasure that came with it wasn’t there either.

I held my breath as I waited for my eyes to start leaking, only for nothing to happen. I wiped my cheeks with my free hand, feeling nothing but the desperate warmth of my skin. Why was it different this time? Was it because I was less emotionally charged? Or because Celestia ‘fixed’ it? It didn-

The second my knife was finished forming, Cadance threw up; Lumi jumped off her lap and ran into the bushes. Her usual pink coat had gotten so pale it was closer to grey, scaring away all the animals except for Coliquary, who was loyally still perched on her shoulders and chirping frantically.

Celestia’s hardened demeanor dropped along with her mouth, pupil’s dilating as her horn lit up in a rush of magic; grabbing Cadance’s mane and pulling it back as she placed a cautious wing around her.

“Caddy!”

Shining’s voice carried so much abrupt and raw panic it startled me. I lost my grip on the knife for an instant, which caused it to evaporate into nothingness. As swiftly as it came, the magic was gone; leaving behind only this sinking feeling that something was missing. Fatigue suddenly hit as my adrenaline drained away, causing me to shiver. I really should have worn more for this.

The cold began to sting with more severity than before; had my teeth been chattering the entire time? Every breath I took was visible, but somehow I had failed to notice that until now. Wrapping my arms around myself helped so little it was negligible. The clothes did some, if nothing else.

Cadance stopped right as Shining reached her, panting and slowly getting her colors back. Celestia offered her a napkin, which she promptly used as she placed a hand on Shining’s shoulder.

“I’m,” she cleared her throat, shrugging off Celestia’s wing and putting her hands on her hips in a display of false bravado. “Fine. Sorry to make you worry like that, ”

“Are you certain it wasn’t-”

“I’m fine.”

There was a heavy emphasis as she cut off Celestia, making direct eye contact and tilting her head in my direction. Celestia frowned, biting her lip before sighing and turning to Shining. “Very well. Did she pass?”

He frantically looked between the two of them, rubbing the base of his neck as he raised an eyebrow. “Uh,” he glanced at Cadance, who just nodded her head. “Yeah.” he coughed, peering over his shoulder at me. “She’s not one.”

“Are you certain? I can not exaggerate the severity of this enough.”

Shining peered at me over his shoulder, yet not looking at me. He narrowed his eyes at my chest -right where my necklace was- as if searching for something.

“Yeah,” he repeated as he turned back to Celestia. “It’s pretty distinct. I’m sure, Princess.”

The heavy breath was so large it made a cloud that obscured her face for an elusive second, only to evaporate with the oncoming breeze. Her lips parted as a small smile slowly crept up her face, which quickly departed as she turned to approach me.

“Chara,” her horn flashed with magic, her voice held a note of caution. “Would you like me to teleport you to the castle?”

I didn’t turn to her, a voice of uncertainty whispered that I might not have the energy to. I trembled as the frigid wind threatened to knock me over, staring at Celestia out of the corner of my vision.

I hesitated, questioning why she’d become so nonchalant; was seeing my magic really this important to her? What was she looking for in it? My thoughts cut off as the temperature seemed to drop another few degrees. My shaking was growing worse as my body apparently refused to try to keep up with what I needed. How warm it would be in the castle right now filled me with a sense of desperation I despised.

“Please.”

With a nod, the lighting of her horn, and a magical popping noise, we were back. I shuddered as the deep chill vanished, along with any fatigue my muscles had; Celestia must have used that healing spell on me again. In fact, after less than a minute, I was actually starting to feel a little hot. Maybe Rarity’s hoodie was too effective.

We had been teleported to the same room Celestia and I often dined in, though this time instead of food being on the table, my backpack sat. Shining and Cadance sat down immediately, having a hushed conversation where he asked questions about if she was ok and she kept insisting she was.

“About that necklace you mentioned earlier, Chara.” she used her magic to lift my backpack, hovering it over to me and dropping it in my arms. “I would like you to show it to me.”

Shining’s ears flickered, cutting off his conversation with Cadance and shifting towards me. I tried to ignore his leer, flipping open the backpack and hiding my hand behind the cover to open my inventory; if they noticed anything they didn’t let on. I checked the necklace’s description to see if anything had changed, only to find it was still that gibberish of symbols I’d seen the first time.

It came out with a clatter, just as cold and crude as before. Oddly enough, that morbid desire to put it on was absent.

“You,” Shining jumped out of his chair, teeth grinding together so hard I could hear it. “Do you know what that is?”

“More importantly,” Celestia stepped forward, stabbing the necklace with a glare I’d collapse under. “Did you put it on?”

“I,” Every cell in my body screamed to lie, to say anything but the truth. However, lying to Celestia would undoubtedly be one of the worst mistakes I could make. “Yes.”

“And it had no effect on you?”

“Yes.”

“What?” Shining shouted, slamming a hand against the table. “Horseshit! I’ve watched one of the most iron-willed sergeants I’d ever met lose his mind after putting one of those things on!”

“Shiny.” Cadance whispered, resting her hand on his.

“I don’t believe Chara's lying, Shining Armor.” Celestia stated loudly. “She’s usually very bad at it.”

There was nothing I could say to that, so I remained silent. He peered at me for another grueling second, deeply inhaling as he sat back down.

“Sorry.” he mumbled, leaning into the consoling hug Cadance offered as she whispered something in his ear.

“All is forgiven. Chara is alien to us, it would be quite unwise to apply what we know to something almost completely unknown. Besides, we agreed she would be given a degree of trust if she passed, did we not?”

“Yeah, but you didn’t mention she brought one of the pieces of Discordwhere nobles and guards walk around every day.” he enunciated, shaking his head. “It’s a blessing some poor pony didn’t wander in her room and pick it up.”

“That was never an issue; I and many other ponies have been around that backpack and exhibited no draw to it. Perhaps that does not occur within this backpack?”

She wasn’t asking me, but more herself out loud; I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s where Twilight picked it up from. I didn’t dwell on that thought as what Shining said stuck out.

“Discord? As in the statue Discord?”

“Can you,” Cadance tried to speak up, her words catching in her throat as she stared at the necklace. “Put that away. Please.”

I glanced at her hands, which had been gripping Shining’s shoulders so tightly they trembled. Her wings quivered as they embraced Shining, who was struggling to hide his cringing. Celestia shot them a worried glimpse, then back to me as she gave a nod.

Without another word, I put it back in my inventory, leaving my backpack empty as I sat on the ground. Cadance tensed up, and then pulled her elbows in and let her shoulders slump. Shining watched every movement I made, only allowing himself to relax when it was completely out of sight.

“Yes, that Discord,” the certainty in Celestia’s expression wavered. “Hopefully, the only one.” She walked to the table, sitting in the large chair at the front and using her magic to pull out the chair I usually sat at. “Rest, I insist. There’s much to tell you now that we know what you are not.”

“What I’m not?” I didn’t realize how weary I really was until I sat down, finding every muscle thanking me for giving it the rest it was begging for. The chair threatened to suck me in, and I nearly let it as I sank into it and sleep threatened to take me over as I closed my eyes for a treacherous second. It took digging my nails in the palms of my hands to keep from passing out. I straightened my back and shook my head briefly. “Was it something you really needed to hurt me to learn?”

“Yeah, that’s,” Shining sucked air through his teeth. “My fault. It’s always worked on my recruits, and I admit I lost my temper near the end and hit you harder than I meant to. That’s my bad, really, sorry again.”

“No, the blame is more on me, if not entirely. I asked for ideas, and I accepted yours when surely there were alternatives that could have been considered. You were more unwilling to use your magic than I thought; if I hadn’t doubted that you would because of what my faithful student informed me, I would have asked. However,” she used her magic to lift a teapot that had been left there for breakfast, heating it up until steam rose from the lid and poured herself a cup. “I won’t ask for your forgiveness, just for you to try to understand. If you hear what we have to say, and still feel we were not justified, then so be it.”

“Hm,” I could see Cadance watching me from the edge of my sight, waiting for my response. Shining’s apology sounded genuine, along with his guilt as he was trying very hard to not look at me. The pain wasn’t there anymore either, and it’s not like I haven’t been hurt more for far less.

“Ok.”

Celestia drank from the cup, pursing her lips as she pushed it away; for a moment she had a staring contest with it before setting the cup back on the table. “A thousand years ago, Discord laid siege on Equestria with the chaotic powers of a mad god. It took the powers of The Elements to stop him, and even that only turned him into the most unsettling decoration I’ve had the displeasure of witnessing. Even so, the effects of his entropy struck fear in the hearts of many ponies for centuries. I’ve managed to curtail most of that over the years, only those who were there and ponies who study the history of this nation know of his short but cruel reign. With his display of power however, came something new I could not have foreseen.”

She brought a tea bag and some water over from somewhere, mesmerizing me with how intricately she moved each item as she disposed of the old tea and poured in hot water, and dropped it in the tea bag all at the same time; Rarity was the only pony I’d see who could do so many precise movements magic wise with so little effort.

“He had gained worshippers. Many ponies, and some others, saw his ability and disregarded the twisted mind behind it. These cults have been few and far between, along with incidents relating to them. Casualties have not been avoided entirely though, as they rarely can ever be with chaos magic, but they have been minimized.” she paused as she poured the new tea into her cup, pleasantly smiling as she took a sip from it. “Over time, they’re activity has become erratic at best and very manageable. At least, Until The Elements of Harmony selected their new bearers, that is.”

That grin of hers fell right as she mentioned the elements, replaced with a frown as she leaned into her chair and set the teacup back on the table.

“Ever since Nightmare Moon was banished, they have become a flaring thorn in my side that has turned into an infected wound. They’ve spread chaos everywhere they go, and have ended the lives of so many ponies in the name of their greedy goal; Shining has been trying valiantly to fight against them. I fear it may not be enough. Madness is catching among them, and you cannot cure madness.”

“It hurts me to say, but The Princess is right.” Shining shifted in his seat to face me, adjusting his mane so it wasn’t so much of a mess after our sparring. “They’re not getting new members by the day or anything, it’s just that the ones that are around are just,” he sneered, muttering something under his breath. “Tartarus is too good for them; depraved and morally bankrupt. Half of the things they say barely make any sense, the other half would make even the raunchiest sailors I’ve met upchuck whatever alcohol they drowned themselves in to get through their day.”

“And they’ve been targeting The Elements? So, The Diamond Dogs were one of them?”

“We had our suspicions of such for a few reasons, yeah. That,” Shining glowered at my backpack. “Thing confirmed it. I mean, showing up at the home of the family of one of the known element bearers and staying there for days when they usually avoid ponies? Nah, no way.”

“Then,” I learned forward, trying to piece together everything they were giving me. “What’s their goal? And how can they have pieces of discord when he’s in the garden?”

“With Discord, it is impossible to say. That statue out there could be more like a casting, and perhaps those are truly his, or were his in the past, at least. That would explain their macabre attraction and tendency to derange any who give in. As for their goals: they seek the resurrection of Discord and the destruction of the elements. They have convinced themselves he would grant their wishes for their efforts.”

“Would he?”

“Yes, of that I have no doubt.” Celestia acknowledged, turning her attention to the outside. “Just in such a convoluted way, that they would be asking for their own damnation; but he would grant them.”

“And all the necklaces have the same golden chain design?”

“Indeed.”

“So,” I reached into my hoodie, finding that my hand was shaking so much I struggled just to get a grip on my necklace as I pulled it out. “Did you,” I hesitated to ask, some part of me already knew the answer before the question even formed. “Think this was one?”

Shining and Celestia shared a glance, while Cadance’s expression actually appeared to soften. After a moment, Celestia sighed and narrowed her eyes. “Initially, yes; we conjectured it may be his heart. Cadance’s physical reaction in your presence, which was similar to how she reacts to the pieces, was what we believed to be an indicator of that. However, Cadance informed us after your talk in The Royal Garden, that was not the case.”

“Oh,” I blinked at Cadance, who gave me a warm smile. “Thanks.”

“It’s not worth thanking me over, really.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just nodded and awkwardly placed my hands on my thighs.

“How many pieces are they missing?”

“If their deranged rambling is to be believed, only a handful. The ones they do have are worn by a select few who call themselves ‘zealots’, of whom are by far the most dangerous. There is one secured here that I’m certain they will come for when they have the others. Now, as I’m sure you understand why we can’t allow you to keep the one you have.”

“Then why are they,” something wasn’t clicking to me. The more I thought about it, the more my mental exhaustion was matching my physical. “I assume they’re targeting the bearers since The Elements of Harmony were what stopped Discord last time, but why would they only start gathering the pieces after they showed up? Why wouldn’t they have been spending that entire time collecting the pieces?”

“I would tell you if I knew,” Celestia said with a solemn shake of her head. “There is no making sense of the senseless. All I can tell you about them is that they have a very distinct magical signature; that is why we decided on forcing you to use your magic, it was the hallmark for us to trust you with any of this. Shining has encountered several of them and has unfortunately become quite intimate with their magic.”

“I’m pretty much the closest thing there is to an expert on them; as shitty as that is.” Shining commented under his breath.

“So, now that you know I’m not one, you trust me?” I asked, allowing just a shimmer of hope to stutter itself to life in my voice.

“Not quite.” she stated. “You still slaughtered those diamond dogs. Yes, we can ascertain with almost complete sureness you aren’t one of Discord’s followers; this does not mean you aren’t dangerous and can be trusted completely. There will be a discussion soon to determine how to proceed from here.”

“Alright, just let me process this for a second.” I fell back into the chair, letting out a breath I’d been holding through every word she’d said. “You thought I was a member of this cult that worships a chaos god, and ended up letting Shining confirm that by forcing me to use my magic. Now that you know I’m not one, you’re going to have a conversation whether I can be trusted to be sent back to Ponyville or not?”

“Succinctly put; yes.”

Her voice was as firm as her gaze, watching me with a cautious intensity. I was trying my best to just mentally compartmentalize everything, making sense out of the pieces of a puzzle that were only vaguely connected. I wanted to believe that some of them were coincidences, like the similarities of the necklaces to my own, but the description being nearly identical to wingdings made that hard to justify.

Burnout hit with a screech as my brain paused my thoughts right where they were; body slumping in the chair as I muttered a flat ‘ok’ under my breath. I used whatever energy that hadn’t been sapped out of me to stand up, putting the-luckily weightless- backpack on.

“Chara?”

“I’d,” I paused, using the table to stay steady until I got some resemblance of balance. “Like to go back to my room now.”

“Oh. There was nothing else to discuss, so if you’d like. We were about to have lunch, and you hardly put down this morning's breakfast; would you like it to be sent to your room?”

My stomach tightened with a wave of queasiness at the idea of trying to eat something. Despite the blaring pit of hunger that was in my stomach, I didn’t have the actual appetite to match it nor did I think I’d be able to get any of it down.

“No thanks.”

“Very well, Brash and Luster are waiting to take you back to your room. If you change your mind, do not hesitate to tell them so. As for the antler,” Celestia glared at my backpack. “Since, for whatever reason, your backpack has some special containment properties, you may keep it until we have something that can hold it without risk. One of us will come for it sooner or later.”

I nodded, leaving the room and finding guards waiting for me right outside.

Brash and Luster didn’t say anything as they escorted me, at least not in words. Brash certainly wanted to; opening her mouth to say something only for Luster to shoot her down with a look. Whatever it was, they must have been ordered not to ask about it.

Or maybe they just saw how out of it I was and decided to let me drag my feet like a recently awakened zombie. I wasn’t complaining either way.

As soon as I shut the door, I hastily took off the hoodie, collapsing on the bed and trying to block out as much of the daylight as I could. My legs dangled off the edge of the bed as I sunk into it, the warmth of my breathing filling the inside of the hoodie as I used it for a makeshift blanket. I kept my head empty, pushing every plaguing problem and thought away into a box for future-Chara to deal with.

For now, I slept. It was the closest thing to the void I’d spent so much time in, and part of me missed the only thing it offered: peace.

Chapter 26: Sonata.

I want to listen to music.

It was an odd desire, stuck in the recess of my brain and unwilling to recede. There was no buildup, no train of thought that had derailed into somewhere else entirely. I’d just been laying on my bed, trying to process everything that happened: Discord, his cult, the necklace, all of it.

As always, the answers came with more questions, which would inevitably lead to more question-spurning answers; a cycle that was sustained by itself in a disturbingly parasitic way. Of course, being aware of this didn’t make my curiosity any less potent; if anything, it made it worse. Like a poison that killed me a little quicker the more I ate it.

Maybe it was playing that piano, or Luna praising me for it, that made me want to just block out the rest of the world. To drown it out with the pleasant tune of familiar patterns, just until things started making sense again.

For a while, I was content to lie in my bed like a depressed sloth; combing through every song I had memorized with some humming and tapping of fingers. Unfortunately, that lost its appeal pretty fast. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, staring into the alluring nothingness as the moonlight was once again the only thing stopping darkness from consuming every inch of my room.

With heavy reluctance, I got to my feet, strutting over to the balcony door and opening it. I immediately regretted it as the cool night air made me question if I was still wearing clothes. Every night felt like it was getting colder and colder, I was sure that anytime now there would be snow. Alongside this thought came the reminder that many of Fluttershy’s animals will be going into hibernation, even sweet, spoiled Angel.

She gets lonely without them, I’m sure.

Canterlot was, as I last saw it, lively; with various ponies flying around, wandering the streets, or just enjoying themselves in some way. It was cold, but not cold enough to snow quite yet. In all honesty, I never liked snow; hated it, in fact. In my village, every winter might have well been a death sentence for a select, unfortunate few. No matter how much of my body was covered or how many layers, it always pierced through the feeble barrier of warmth I was using to keep it out.

That was, until I met Asriel; who loved snow to a feverish extent.

A town called Snowdin, as its name would imply, always had it in abundance. It never got more snow, and it never got less. At least once a week, Asriel would beg Toriel for a visit to Snowdin. Every now and again, she’d cave and take us; bundled in so many clothes we almost had to roll there, but we’d go nonetheless.

He did just about everything one can do with snow: eat it, make snow angels, snowmen, and to my dismay, snowball fights. It wasn’t like the snow there was less cold or anything; even Toriel’s overprotective clothing could only do so much.

It was something about the joy he radiated when I played with him. It was purer than the snow, and filled me with a heat that was enough to make me tolerate it. At times, I may have even looked forward to it.

“A magnificent sight, is it not? No matter how many times we see it, it always leaves us entranced.”

At some point during my trip down memory lane, Luna had apparently appeared by my side, staring at the city beneath us. I stiffened, gripping the railing of the balcony so tightly the cold practically reached my bones. Luckily, it passed as I tried to just focus on my breathing for a moment and forced my heart back in my chest instead of the back of my throat.

“It is, yeah.” I agreed, letting go of the railing and cupping my hands together; blowing air into them for warmth. “Are you here for the antler?”

She pursed her lips, wings ruffling as she glanced at me. Her horn lit up and covered me in her magic with a sheen that spread across my body. With it came a tingling that wasn’t heat so much as the absence of it, or any real temperature. I didn’t feel the cold anymore, which was weird considering I could still see my breath so I knew it was still cold out. Did she cast some spell that just made it to where I can’t feel the cold anymore?

“Indeed. Although, I would prefer to leave that for last. We would like to just talk with you, if you find that acceptable?”

“Oh,” I tentatively placed my hands back on the rails, finding that they weren’t cold anymore. They just felt like metal without the icy chill I usually associated with it; and it was jarring to say the least. “Ok.”

“I have been thinking about the conversation we had about Haylet; that has been one of my favorite pieces of literature. I’ve spoken with passion among many who’ve read it, I spent much of my time on the moon thinking about it, I’ve read many renditions, yet none have offered such a different interpretation on it. Part of me wants to offer my gratitude for opening my mind, alas it has changed how I look at Haylet as a whole; and I may not be able to perceive it the same again.”

Luna crossed her arms over the rails, resting her chin on her forearms and staring off into the stars. Her voice dripped with somber, completely lacking in that confidence that she carried with every word; it was beyond unsettling.

“I’m sorry.”

Luna must have found something funny about my uncertain apology as she laughed, shutting her eyes and shaking her head as she turned to me. “No need to apologize. You have a unique mind and shared it with me when I requested so; that is not something that requires forgiveness.”

She moved closer to me, stretching out her wing to touch me and, like Brash, froze in the middle of it and tried to play it off as a gesture. Luna retracted her wing before pushing some of her mane out of her face. Her hair was moving with a gorgeous fluidity as always, regardless of the breeze being relatively weak, if chilly. It was hard to say how it took me so long to notice, but she was missing her black crown and peytral today. It was nowhere in sight, so she must have left them somewhere before coming here.

I found myself staring at the sparkles in her mane that resembled stars, drawing patterns among them with my imagination until they vaguely resemble shapes.

“There are no constellations in my hair, if that is what you are searching for; many have tried and none have succeeded.” Luna stated with a tilt of her head, seemingly unbothered by my leering.

I tore my gaze away, avoiding eye contact and repeatedly swallowing as I tried to find something to focus on; I’m sure if it wasn’t for the spell I’d be able to feel how warm my ears had gotten.

There were some performers in the streets of Canterlot, gathering a crowd from their playing. I couldn’t make out what the instruments were, only that one was being held in magic and another was being held and played with wings, but I could vaguely hear what they were playing if I concentrated and tried to tune out the rest of the idle chatter; it was loud and upbeat, with lyrics being sung too out of earshot to make out from here.

What they were playing lacked any consistency or pattern, it felt mostly, if not entirely, improvised. Even so, the vigor in their playing was tangible to anyone who heard it. The performers were putting their heart and soul into every note, and that passion -and how rowdy they were being- was attracting a lot of attention.

It was hard not to smile at it.

“I don’t think there’s anything unique about my mind.” As I peered down at the city, I saw the crowd getting larger and larger. “I’m just,” I tapped a finger against my chin, trying to think of a word that fit best. It was sharper than I recalled, I should really cut them.

The urge to chew them down to nubs poked its ugly head, and I held it down for as long as I could.

“Pessimistic? Or cynical might be a better word for it.”

“Is that right? I’ve heard cynicism is simply the lack of ignorance, or perhaps ‘hyperperceptive’ would be a better descriptor? Whatever the case, I believe you are giving yourself far too little credit.” Luna flew up briefly and landed on the edge of the balcony, sitting on the railing with her legs dangling. “I mentioned prior that there are shockingly few piano players in Equestria; what I realized later was that you were the first I’d heard since my return. For that, I have no qualms in thanking you for reminding me of my fondness for that musical muse.”

She grinned at me, her midnight orbs widening with an infectious sincerity. “Just as well, you often partake in consuming literature with your free time; I dare say you even have aspects of many artists I have known. It is tempting to see you try your hand at writing or even drawing.”

The conversation with Twilight about the ‘plan’ I made came to mind.“Oh no no no,” I stuttered out with a dismissive wave of my hands, hiding however much of my face that I could behind my hair as I recalled her remark about them being childlike. “I…can’t draw. Twilight said as much.”

“Truly? I do not recall her mentioning such in her letters.” She raised an eyebrow, leaning backwards and somehow managing not to fall over. “Very well, then what about writing? You gain a new understanding and appreciation of literature when you’ve tried to create it yourself.”

“Writing?” I considered it for a moment; I’d kept a journal to keep track of everything, but that didn’t compare to trying to write a story. Creating characters, a world, plots, and trying to manage it all with competence and consistency? “I wouldn’t even know where to start. Sometimes, I suck at even finding the right words to say, much less what to put onto paper.”

“That’s the greatest thing about writing: you can start anywhere. Tell any story, any way you like. It is like honing any skill, it will take practice and the patience to learn. If you truly wanted to start somewhere, then poetry may be best suited for you.” Luna lifted her chin to the sky, moving her eyes back and forth between the stars. “Of course, it is up to you to decide whether you are interested enough to indulge. I’m simply making you aware of the possibility; it would be a shame for you to be hesitant in a hobby you may enjoy due to a lack of confidence.”

“I’ll think about it.”

A lack of confidence? It wasn’t that; I just couldn’t imagine myself ever getting into writing. Not just because I wouldn’t be good at it, I doubt I’d have the time either. Maybe when I first came to Ponyville and was reading or spending time with Fluttershy’s animals, I could have done so. Now, even if I got to go back to Ponyville, I had a feeling things would be different.

Luna’s face was absent of any real expression, her gaze weightless as she didn’t linger on any part of the night sky for more than a few seconds; there was something peaceful about it. I opened my mouth to say something, but I was reluctant to as I couldn’t bring myself to ruin her mood.

Instead, I watched the street performers gain more and more attention. Inevitably, they fizzled out. Eventually, their music lost what I could only describe as passion, settling into something that sounded similar, but more clinical almost. The ponies lost interest and went back to whatever they were doing prior, while the performers eventually stopped and propped their instruments against the wall, just resting where they were. I couldn’t make out what they were doing exactly, still I presumed they were talking about what they just did and how they could improve.

I tried to ignore the tinge of disappointment when the last note played, wishing it had gone on for just a little longer.

The later notes of their impromptu melody grabbed something in my mind with the tug of familiarity; the motif specifically if I was using that term correctly. It was reminiscent of one of the songs Frisk played, although which one was stuck on the tip of my tongue like a lingering bad taste. I mentally went through the song, humming along the way and tapping my fingers on the railing.

It felt wrong playing air piano, especially after playing an actual piano myself rather than watching someone else. There was no actual sound, just the hollow notes that were only a fraction of what I was trying to replicate. Nor was there the feeling of the cool keys being pressed down with each flick of my finger, albeit some hesitation in each movement as I was playing it for the first time. When Frisk had them memorized, he played the song with a fluidity that made me admittedly jealous of how much he’d refined his playing.

She mentioned that writing can garner a stronger appreciation of literature; does the same apply to music? If I learned how to play each song, would I come to enjoy it in a way I couldn’t before? It would take time, so much time, and maybe more patience than I could muster.

Luna’s offer came to mind, one I gave far less thought to than I should.

“When you said that I can go down and play the piano whenever I want,” she barely reacted to me, still staring at the painted canvas that was the night sky. “Did you mean it?”

“Indeed, I would not jest about such a thing. The sentinels there have been informed that you may ask for entrance at a given moment, and they have been told to allow your entrance. Unless it is in use, which has not been for the better part of a dozen moons if what I have been told can be believed. In such a case, I apologize, but I would not ask you to be taken priority over someone else.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to. I-” I shut my mouth, deciding to leave my half-formed words in my mind before I stumbled over them. “Thanks. I wish there was something I could do for you.”

“There is: never stop playing piano. You truly have a gift, and gifts can turn into burden’s if you let them. From the way you carry yourself, I do not believe you can handle anymore weight.”

Despite whatever temperature spell she cast on me, a chill went down my spine at the bluntness of her words. I wanted to ask what she meant by that, but I wasn’t sure if she’d tell me.

I don’t think I wanted her to.

Luna hadn’t moved for a tense moment, her lips curled into a brooding frown. Now her gaze was locked onto one patch of stars, rigidly gripping the railing.

“When I return with the appendage of entropy, Celestia wants to discuss how to proceed with you.”

It wasn’t a surprise, really; both of us knew that's where the conversation would have to go sooner or later.

“And,” My breathing hitched, forcing the question out that I didn’t really want an answer to. “What are you going to tell her?”

“I have been thinking about that very question since I came here. To be frank, I had trouble believing you had slaughtered those diamond dogs; not that I doubted Twilight’s word of course. It was difficult for me to see you as capable of it. Now, however,” her mane dropped like a curtain as she stepped off the railing, facing me fully for the first time tonight. “I agree with my sister that you can be trusted, and that you should be given an opportunity to earn our trust. It will take further contemplation and well-formed words during discussion to come to any conclusion beyond that.”

I chewed on my lip, pulling my chin to my chest and rolled my shoulders. My hands felt stuck to the railing, though that might have been because it was just that cold and I couldn’t tell. I let go, meeting her eyes for at least a few moments until that tingle of discomfort that forced me to look anywhere else.

“You don’t think I’ve been lying?”

“Not at all. I can not speak for the others, but I believe you've been truthful to me thus far.” Luna’s jaw clenched as she closed her eyes, her wings hugging her hips. “It is yourself you should be more honest with.”

“Honest with myself?” I repeated, touching the base of my neck. “What do you mean?”

“If I had to explain it to you, then it would be pointless.” Luna said as she began walking into my room. “I should depart soon. While Tia has more patience than anyone in Equestria, Shining Armor and Cadance are not so tested. Where is the antler?”

I found my backpack slouching against one of the bedposts and picked it up, opening my inventory as usual and retrieving the crude accessory. As I did, I saw a plate of food on the nightstand, one of the guards must have delivered it while we were on the balcony. It looked to be a pile of small sandwiches and a glass of some creamy, yellow liquid. The sandwiches themselves had a variety of things in them, everything from different kinds of flowers and vegetables to some that had meat of some kind.

Celestia likely didn’t know what I ate exactly and so gave me a little bit of everything. At least she’s considerate.

“That is,” upon seeing it, Luna lost her composure and tensed up so rigidly she briefly resembled the statues in the garden. It was already fleeting as she recovered in a matter of seconds, her chest greatly rising and falling with each breath. With a trembling hand, she pulled out a small box from one of her pajama pockets that strongly resembled the chest that was in the diamond dog’s den.

She visibly relaxed after the antler was in the box and clicked shut, giving a small sigh of relief once the box was out of sight. “I had underestimated the discomfort of being in its presence; the descriptions I’d been given do not do it justice. Your immunity to its putrid aura is enviable.”

“Uh,” I stared at the box until it was gone, finding more of its tiny details identical to the chest; just a bit larger and I don’t think I’d be able to tell a difference. “Thanks?”

“One last thing before I go; you recall when I mentioned that Kindness is experiencing nightmares, yes?”

“Fluttershy?” I perked my head up, giving Luna my undivided attention. Her nightmares had completely slipped my mind, getting buried under the mass of everything else that hung around my head and made itself known when least convenient. “Is she ok?”

“Very, that’s what I wanted to let you know. I’ve been checking on her every night and doing what I can, she’s getting better; The nightmares have become less frequent and severe. Even more good news, she has started talking with the others and gradually helping them to her utmost. Given a week’s time, she won’t be completely recovered I think, but I am confident she won’t need my help anymore either.”

My legs gave out as a wave of relief washed over me; with the grace of a falling squirrel, I landed right on the bed. I pressed my palms to my hands and just counted my erratic heartbeats for half a minute that seemed to go on for an exceedingly long time.

“Are you alright?” Luna approached me, concern etched on her face like a glowing object in the dark. “I hope I was not mistaken in believing that was good news.”

“It is good news. I’m just,” a shaky laugh slid through my lips, which filled me with a sense of colossal terror. I immediately slapped my hand over my mouth, holding my breath and ignoring the growing pressure in my lungs that begged me to inhale. “Glad she’s ok.”

Luna was visibly straining to not reach out physically to console me, wings shaking as she restrained them like I’d seen Fluttershy do so many times. “She still cares for you, Chara. The others do as well, but, from my understanding, you were particularly intimate with her. No matter what decision we come to, I give you my word I will look over her and the rest.”

“Thank you Luna, really.” I held on to the blanket, vaguely able to tell how cold it was now. Luna’s spell must be wearing off. It still felt incredibly foreign though, like hearing a familiar sound from a distance but instead with temperature. “It means a lot.”

“Of course.” She nodded, giving a slight wave with her wing. “I must go then. Au revoir, Chara.”

She left through the balcony, closing the door behind her and flying off into the night. Perhaps I could attribute it to my imagination, but the moon got just a little brighter after she left. Even through the doors I could make out some parts of the city, though the lights were becoming dimmer and it was dying down. Less noise could be heard until there was only a silence, leaving me with no background noise except for the faint ringing in my ears that was always there.

After the boredom set in, I continued the books I had checked out; or at least tried to. I was still trying to wrap my mind around a lot of the stuff past the first couple of chapters in the introductory books, skimming sections of the other books whenever I needed a break from that. My body, specifically my stomach, decided that having something to eat while trudging through an entire chapter describing the difference between astronomy and astrology would have been ideal.

I set aside the books, separating the sandwiches with meat or vegetables from the ones with flowers. It repulsed me at first, until subsiding to a level of tolerance where the knots in my chest uncoiled one by one. The drink itself was unlike anything I’d tasted before, yet also familiar? It was milk-like but had a creamier texture and a much more concentrated taste to it. There was a label on the back of the glass that read ‘eggnog’.

“Huh.” I muttered to myself as I stared at the glass, deciding that I liked it and took another drink.

By the time I finished most of the books, it was morning. I hardly even saw that fog-like haze of sunlight come about until there was that signature chirping of birds, and a tingle of weariness came over me at the realization I had spent the entire night reading books about stars until the sun rose. I wasn’t even sure how interested I really was in astronomy, or maybe I had just needed something to keep myself busy. I could always try to go back to sleep; the problem being I’ve already done a lot of that recently and too much usually made me feel worse than a lack of it would.

“You up, Chara?” Brash asked following a loud knocking on the door.

I closed my eyes and shut the book I was coasting through, letting the fatigue course through me, taunting me with the allure of temporary unconsciousness. It was so tempting to give in, and I wasn’t even really tired; I just didn’t want to be awake or do anything.

“Yeah, I am.” I replied, scooping up the books and placing them in my backpack. “Unfortunately.”

I whispered that last part.

They opened the door, with Brash giving me a wave and then proceeding to check the nightstand. Luster did the same, though was watching me more out of the edges of her vision than whatever she was sorting through.

“Wow, all of this stuff is exactly where it was during the last inventory check. Do you just,” she shut the drawer, turning to me with a tilt of her head. “Not touch anything in here?”

“No, not really.” There was a gross taste in my mouth that made itself known when I talked. It was easy to forget how needy having a body was at times even after close to a month of having one again. Hardly two days and I already felt dirty and in need of a shower. Admittedly, that was partly because of how much of a nervous wreck I was while talking to Celestia, and then having to ‘spar’ with the head of the royal guard didn’t help. “Everything I need is in my backpack. I don’t really know what’s in most of this room.”

“A hairbrush, comb, mane ties, and a ribbon.” Luster listed off, walking up to my bed and scowling at one corner where the blanket had been pulled off the corner. She fixed it with her magic, along with the rest of the bed, until it resembled how it looked when I first came here. “It's more of the same in the dresser. Just with some added accessories, some makeup, and stuff like that. This room is typically reserved for nobles, and so they like having an abundance of options despite knowing they’ll never really use them.”

“Hm,” I got my second pair of clothes from the backpack, which I had neglected to have cleaned. I couldn’t really change into them, but I couldn’t see Celestia with what I was wearing now either. “Is there somewhere I can do laundry? I only have one other set of clothes and it isn’t clean.”

“You only have two sets of clothing?” Brash questioned, raising an eyebrow like it was the most out of place thing she’d heard. “Huh. You struck me as someone who would over-pack whenever they go somewhere. Anyway, yeah there’s a laundry room just down the hall. We can go ahead and take it there and it should be good whenever you’re done talking to Celestia, or we can do it now and it’ll probably be done when you’re done taking a shower; unless you take really brisk showers.”

“Celestia?” I assumed she would have wanted to talk to me after whatever decision she settled on, I’d just not given any thought to what I’d do if that decision was to stay here. Would they continue to provide me with everything they have so far, or would my living conditions become more restricted? I suppose living in the castle wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

Not being able to see Fluttershy, Angel, or any of the others might just be though.

“Yeah,” I clutched my clothes to my chest, then offered them to Brash. “A shower sounds like what I need right about now. They usually only take half an hour, is that long enough?”

“Ehhhh,” she took it in her wing, rubbing the fabric with the tips of her feathers. “Probhaps. I’ll ask Squeaky Clean to prioritize it since she owes me a favor for setting her up with Resounding Vibration. Should be enough time to wash both sets of your clothes actually.”

“Wait, that was you?” Luster’s head drew back as she turned to Brash, her typically stoic expression faltering with a widening of her eyes and parting of her lips. “I should have known she’d never be able to approach a thestral by herself. Still, you’re the last pony I’d expect to play matchmaker.”

“Hey, give me some credit! They’re still together, aren’t they?” Brash shot back, tossing my clothes onto her shoulder. “You’d be right though: I’m really not. She just asked me out drinking one night and got really plastered and started crying about- oh! That reminds me.” With a beat of her wings, she was hovering in the air. She floated over to the door and beckoned for Luster to follow as she glanced at me over her shoulder. “Chara, you’ll actually be meeting Princess Celestia in the basement today; Breakfast will be served afterwards this time around.”

“Why?”

“I dunno, didn’t ask. Princess stuff I guess.”

She’d mentioned once that there was something in the cellar she wanted to show me, it could easily be that. I’m sure there were dozens of worse-case scenarios I could have thought of if I indulged my paranoia for long enough, but I was honestly so mentally wiped out from the reading that I needed the shower just as a breather.

When taking off my clothes, I froze when it came to my shirt; I hadn’t seen my wrist since Celestia healed me. Even when I changed into the hoodie, I averted my gaze to anywhere else. There was no logic behind it, really. The marks on my shoulder even when healed weren’t gone completely, yet there was this irrational fear that the cut on my wrist had. That, the second it wasn’t covered with my sleeve, it wouldn’t be there anymore.

I wish I could put into words why that idea shook me with such riveting dread.

I held my breath as I peeled the bandage off, finding the blood had been long dried, and the cut had healed into a faded scar. It felt like the rest of my skin as I traced a finger across it, it was hardly noticeable. Fluttershy would only see it if she knew what to look for, so she likely won’t have to find out.

Unless Twilight learned that I didn’t tell her about it like I said I would, and decided to inform her in my stead.

I forced those intrusive thoughts out, tying them to the back of my mind until it tore itself free and declared its existence.

For now, I just wanted to take a shower without crying or having a near-nervous breakdown. After putting my clothes outside for Brash to clean, that’s just what I did.

My image of a cellar had always been the same; dark, damp, and really only used to store things that no one really cared about. This cellar was quite a contrast, being well lit and maintained; nary a speck of dust on anything. It didn’t even have that musty odor to it, smelled quite pleasant, actually.

Much larger than I’d seen before as well, stretching for miles with aisles of barrels and crates full of bottles of something. Different colors and sizes, all labeled with tags for each category; some of which were in a language I didn’t know.

“Wow, this place is way bigger than I’d heard. Does this all really belong to Princess Celestia?” Brash asked out loud, flying up to some of the bottles with an expression of astonishment.

“Not really, it’s mostly just for parties or whenever she needs to appease some nobles. The Princess has actually sent me down here a couple of times to get some very expensive bottles. By expensive, I’m talking more than I make in a year, expensive.”

“That’s hard to believe considering how much you make in a year.” Brash muttered as she pulled out one of the bottles to read it, only for it to slip out of her wings and almost break on the ground. Luster jumped forward, catching in her magic and clenching her jaw so hard I was briefly concerned she’d shatter her teeth.

With the care of a mother holding her child, she lifted it back into the slot it came out of and let out an exasperated sigh. Brash opened her mouth to-presumably apologize, only to be silenced by a soul shattering stare from Luster.

“When Shining told me I should put a sign down here saying ‘Do not touch Brash’ I thought it was some inside joke among the guards. Perhaps I should start taking things at more face value.”

Celestia was leaning against one of the aisles, holding a silver chalice that was filled to the brim with some thick, purple liquid. There was a nonchalantness to her posture, not a single tensed muscle or attempt to be regal. Like Luna the night prior, she wasn’t wearing her crown or peytral.

Regardless, Brash and Luster bowed to her; Brash in particular was practically quivering.

“Princess Celestia, I’m so sorry. I didn’-”

“Please, just Celestia right now, I’m on break; or the closest I can get to it.”

“Yes, your highness. Forgive me for-”

“You are forgiven. Curiosity is something I understand to its fundamentals, and the bottle was caught and put back into place, so there was no mistake made.”

Every word felt meticulously well chosen, yet somehow rehearsed. There was a warm, gentle undertone like she was caressing them with just her voice, and I could tell they were relaxed by it. In contrast, she wasn’t even looking at them as she spoke; taking a sip from her chalice and swishing it around as she silently pressed her lips together.

“Besides, that was one of the cheapest ones; very little would have been lost.”

“Five hundred bits is cheap?” Brash asked in a hushed tone, turning her head to Luster for confirmation. Who could only shrug in response.

“For the nobles of Canterlot, they wouldn’t even consider that pocket change.”

She stepped forward, eyes flickering to me in a short instance before peering down at them. Celestia smiled and nodded at them, which was the cue for them to get back to their hooves and stand at attention.

“I would like to speak with Chara in private. Would you two mind waiting outside until we’re finished?”

“As you wish, your highness.”

‘“No problem, Pr-Celestia.”

They bowed and promptly left, waiting right outside for whenever we were done. With a whisk of her magic, Celestia pulled a seemingly random bottle of wine from one of the many and ripped out the cork; pouring it into her chalice right to the brim and somehow not spilling.

“Do you drink Chara?”

“I try,” I fidgeted at her question, scrunching my nose as I tried not to think of all the times Fluttershy reminded me I needed to drink more water. “I forget to sometimes.”

Celestia stared at me, tilting her head and furrowing her eyebrows. Then she snorted, which turned into a chuckle as she shook her head. Her eyes softened as she looked at me, chalice enraptured in her golden aura and floating just in front of her chest.

“If you don’t know what I’m referring to, perhaps you shouldn’t be.”

She began to walk down the aisles, leaving me confused as I followed her. The chalice hovered along, not a single drop going over the rim no matter how much it moved around. To me, the cellar was a maze where every corner turn made me question if we weren’t just going in circles. The lighting was the same, along with the wine bottles and the number of aisles. It was like being trapped in a loop of following someone without knowing if there’d ever be an end.

“Would you like the good news, or the bad news first?”

Celestia stopped where she was, as did I when her question made its way from her mouth to my ears and registered in my brain. She didn’t turn around or carry that same modulated tone, only an ambiguous monotone that didn’t imply favoring an answer either way. Even the goblet of wine stayed frozen in the air as her magic tightened on it.

There was really only one thing she could be talking about; The problem was I had no idea what the good or bad news could be. If the good news was that I’d be going home, then the bad news might be something that’ll make me not want to go back to Ponyville. Reversed wasn’t appealing either; if the bad news was that I wasn’t going back, what could the good news be? That I was getting a bigger room with more stuff I wasn’t going to use?

I might just despise questions like that.

“The good news.”

I needed to know if I was leaving; desperately so. The not knowing was nibbling away at me more with every passing moment. Just the definitive answer would steel me for whatever the bad news was.

“I see. Cadance is better at reading others than I thought.” She muttered, taking a silent sip from the chalice and letting out a satisfied sigh. “We decided that you will be allowed to return to Ponyville tomorrow; with the added condition that Twilight will include a detailed section about you at the end of the week. Well, more so than she was already doing I suppose.”

“And,” the corners of my lips tingled with the urge to smile. I pushed down the bubble of elation, bracing myself for whatever she was going to say next. “The bad news?”

“There is no bad news.” Celestia smiled at me with bemusement over her shoulder, winking at me. “Isn’t that relieving?”

A popping sensation in my chest sapped all the energy out of me. I placed a hand on one of the barrels, just standing and reveling in the short period of numbness I was experiencing.

“I’m going home?”

It came out as rhetorical, which was not at all how I intended it to sound. She didn’t show if she could tell, or visually change at all from what I could see. Leaving me in a drawn out anticipation that was borderline nauseating.

With another-though this time much quieter-chuckle, she nodded. Celestia stretched out her wings, keeping her relaxed smile and stare. “Yes, you’re going home.”

Small splinters of wood entered the tips of my fingers as I gripped the barrel, the pain was hardly noticable buried beneath the borderline-euphoric sensation of solace that filled me. It was like a boulder had been tied to my heart and finally cut loose; I didn’t realize how heavy it was until how light I felt without it.

However, beneath the joy was a stain of doubt and fear that threatened to pollute the whole thing. I didn’t suspect that Celestia was being dishonest, only that Ponyville may not be my home anymore. Fluttershy might take me back in; the others won’t be nearly as forgiving. Rainbow’s stern glare was fresh in my mind, along with Pinkie’s-

I clenched my fist, pressing the shards of wood in until they hurt. All I’d done lately is worry and ruminate on the same problems. For once, I was just going to enjoy the good news and leave it at that.

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah,” I leaned off the barrel, plucking out the shards of wood that had implanted themselves into my fingers. “Just a little overwhelmed.”

“I can see that.” Celestia noted. “I’d like to show you something, if that’s alright? Although, since you’re free now, you’re welcome to leave and do whatever you want otherwise; with the caveat of an escort. I won’t hold it against you, really.”

It was beyond tempting to do just that. Heading straight back to my room and collapsing in my bed until it was tomorrow. However, Celestia’s borderline bubbly demeanor was so offsetting compared to how she’d always been around me thus far, that my nagging curiosity made leaving out of the question.

“Is it why you’re in such a good mood?”

“Not at all. I’m feeling particularly jovial today because, not only did we come to a decision regarding you, but Twilight’s latest letter has shown that my student really is growing as a pony and is repairing her relationship with her friends as we speak. I was worried the miniscule but mighty rift that had formed between them would stretch into a crevice. Knowing it will not has made this day one of the better ones.”

I couldn’t picture Twilight initiating that, not with how she was when I last saw her. One of the others must have; Pinkie maybe if she had gotten out of that depressed stupor. Even if I told Fluttershy that’s what would happen after I left, hearing it wiped out any hope that I’d be wrong.

“Then,” I spoke without thinking, trying to stop that line of thought before it dived in the rabbit hole of self-deprecation. “Yeah, why not?”

“Excellent.”

She then reached into her chest, retrieving a key that had been stored there, and turning the corner with it in tow. On the other side was, surprisingly, not another aisle of wine and barrels. Instead, there was a wooden door that would have blended in perfectly with the wall had it not been for the sun symbol that I’d seen on the various banners and rugs.

“Tell me, Chara; how are you with keeping secrets?”

“Uh,” It wasn’t an accusatory or even interrogative tone. Nonetheless, I was tentative to answer it. “Ok, I guess?”

“I despise wine.” as she practically spat that, there was a clicking as the key unlocked the door, and it swung open; the loud creaking giving away how old it was. “Luna likes it, as does every noble I’ve come across, but it is a taste I’ve never quite acquired.”

“Then why do you keep drinking it?”

“I’m hoping,” she flicked on a light in the room, revealing it to actually be quite small. “That one of these days, I’ll finally understand why they enjoy it so much.”

There were no barrels or anything, only a singular shelf with circular holes for bottles. Unlike the ones outside, this one wasn’t full. While the majority of them held bottles, a few were empty. In the small space between each one, dark black, almost charred words were engraved. A white paste had crossed some out, others were big enough to be legible from a distance.

‘Discover what happened to Starswirl’, ‘When Sunset is saved’, ‘Star in a play!’. None of them seemed connected. Starswirl I recognized from various books I’d read, and Sunset was probably a name since it was capitalized; not that knowing that actually told me anything about them.

“What are these?”

I caved and just decided to ask. Celestia hummed to herself, using her magic to grab a bottle from the higher part of the shelf where I can’t make out what’s engraved under it. As she popped the cork, she simultaneously lifted a cup from the ground beside the shelf that was much smaller than the chalice.

“I’m not quite sure what to call them. Milestones? Rewards? I suppose souvenirs is fitting, but it doesn’t quite roll off the tongue as well either.” She scrunched her nose in thought for a moment, shrugging as she took a swig from the freshly opened bottle and stood in silence as she processed the taste. “When you get as old as I am, you run out of things to look forward to. While having a conversation with my sommelier, I had the idea of setting aside wine to age and to open when I achieve certain goals. This one was one of the first goals I made; ‘discover a new species’, and it’s one of the better tasting. Of course with my loathing for the poor excuse of a drink, I would say that says quite a bit.”

She poured some of it into the mug, floating it over to me. I took it and peered inside, finding the thick, purple liquid only filled maybe a quarter of it.

“If it’s so horrible, why are you offering me some?”

“Because I promised myself that if the new species was sapient, I would at least offer them some of the wine if it turned out well. It’s non-alcoholic, of course. You can refuse, I won’t make you. Perhaps you have an aristocrat’s taste, who knows?”

A crippling apprehension hit at the mention of alcohol; I should have known that’s what she meant by asking me if I drank. It was like the air in my throat had solidified into shards of glass, stabbing into my neck as it constricted. There was a whiff of phantom alcohol that almost made me gag, regardless that I knew it wasn’t real.

I couldn’t drink this, I didn’t even want to touch it. I know what it can do to someone, what it did to him.

I managed to place the mug on the ground, finally taking a breath that didn’t reek of that putrid stench. Alcoholic or not, I couldn’t touch it, couldn’t smell it without reacting.

It was too similar, too much. Too close.

“Not a fan of the smell, I see.” Celestia noted, her face devoid of any expression. Without looking away from me, she put the cork back in the bottle and placed it back where it was pulled out. She opened her mouth to say something, paused for a few long seconds as if she was reconsidering, then tried again.

“Chara, I’d like to apologize.”

“What?” I blurted out. “For what?”

“Cadance and I talked about you a bit last night. She made me realize that I’d been harsher on you than I intended, and, as always when it comes to hindsight, I could have handled things better.”

She approached me, bowing her head and placing her hand against her chest. “Whether you intend to come back here, you are welcome. Brash and Luster’s reports have shown a liking to you, or perhaps just an interest; I assure you will be treated as a guest like the others. I am truly sorry.”

If a breeze somehow managed to come from all the way outside to here, it could be heard clear as day with the lack of any other noise. Celestia, the leader of Equestria who held the fate of countless lives during her reign in her hands, was apologizing to me? Was it because of the wine? Her good mood? What could Cadance have said to her that led to this?

Both everything and nothing was going through my mind, resulting in the only word I could produce.

“Ok.”

She straightened her posture, narrowing her eyes as they met mine. “I expected you to try to argue that you deserved however harshly you were treated because of what you did.”

I winced at the accuracy of her statement.

“You said yourself how rare murder in Equestria is. And I-”

“I’ve noticed you have this problem of choosing select parts of what others have said.” She didn’t raise her voice or flavor it with a warning tone, yet the way it hardened made just the idea of interrupting far out of reach. “I also said that even before you came that I didn’t believe you were dangerous and that you must have had a reason that you truly believed was justified. As such, I tried to treat you the best I could despite knowing the severity of what you did. In that, I failed.”

“But, you,” I fumbled over my words, struggling to come up with something to say. “You’re a Princess; you probably make dozens of choices a day. A mistake or two isn’t something you need to apologize for.”

“I am a pony before a Princess. Besides, I’m on break right now. I am apologizing as Celestia, not The Princess of Equestria.” Her horn flickered with magic as she lifted the chalice, taking a mindless sip. “You don’t do well with receiving apologies I take it? Do you believe everything that goes wrong around you is your fault and your fault alone? That you are the sole reason for the bad things that happen to you and those around you?”

“No,” I admitted, finding myself mentally backed in the corner. “Of course not. I just-”

“Believe you have control over everything that happens, and that you can somehow prevent them from happening as if you can see into the future?”

I chewed my tongue, biting back any thought that threatened to form into words that would just dig me deeper in this hole. That familiar ilk between my fingers made them feel stuck together, and no amount of rubbing them against my clothes made it better.

“I have seen this mindset and the problems it causes time and time again; I’m trying to help you, Chara. You do not want to keep thinking like this. If not for you, then for Fluttershy. I’m certain she couldn’t bear seeing you do this to yourself.”

She was far more right than she knew. Fluttershy wasn’t doing so well when I left; Luna telling me about her improvement was the only thing preventing me from worrying more. There were so many things I could say or do, one of which was just walking out and ending this conversation now; which was partly due to the discomfort of some of the admittedly truthful things she was saying.

However, if I did that, I can’t imagine that would be good for whatever relationship Celestia and I have.

“I’ll try.” I said as I slumped my shoulders, turning towards the shelf and trying to make out more of the words that were engraved. That was pointless since none of them meant anything to me. “What are you going to do when you open them all?”

“Retire, maybe?” she breathed as she followed my gaze. “I’m sure I could come up with a few substitutes, but I’d still run out eventually. Oh well, I’m on break right now.” Celestia took a sip from her now empty chalice, glancing over at me. “I did not mean to steer this conversation where it did, and I can tell it’s made you quite uncomfortable. You may leave if there’s something else you’d rather be doing.”

“There’s not really,” I could go play the piano, Or talk to Cadance maybe? I’d have to eat first and then return the books from the library, after that I don’t know. Dark might-

I wanted to smack myself in the face for forgetting.

“Am I still allowed to visit The Royal Archives?”

“As long as you take Brash and Luster with you. They still need to send me whatever you check out.” she tilted her head. “Why do you ask?”

“There’s something I told someone I’d do for them while I’m here; not that I know how to actually go about it.” I opened the door, mentally mapping the path Celestia took to get here and reversing it. Just as I was about to take my hand off the knob, I pursed my lips and peeked at Celestia. She was facing the shelf and staring at it with a blank expression, but her head was leaning in my direction. Probably to keep me in the corner of her vision.

“Thank you for letting me go home, and,” I lowered my head, resisting the urge to chew on my nails. “Thanks for trying to help me.”

“You are a friend of a friend of my dear student; it’s the least I can do.”

Brash and Luster were waiting outside, repeating a story about the time Brash got a ‘nat 20’; Whatever that meant.

They stopped whenever I opened the door, exchanging a tense glance as they turned towards me.

“So, what did Princess Celestia say? Are you going home or nah?”

“Yeah,” I grasped at my backpack strap, only for it to not be there. I must have left it in my room. “Tomorrow. Brash, do you mind getting my backpack for me, please? The books are in there and I want to turn them in before I forget. We can get breakfast afterwards.”

“Oh, sure. Sucks you didn’t get to finish them first.”

“I did finish them.”

“What.” Luster stated. Not in the form of a question or even rhetorical; just a single word as her eyes narrowed. “You’ve already read them? What, did you forgo sleep and spreedrun the chapter?”

“No. If anything, I’ve been sleeping too much lately.” I admitted, clearing my throat as I tried to remember how long the books were. The one Dark gave me was the shortest by far, the others were mediumish length? I wasn’t really paying attention to the page count as I read them. “There were a lot of pictures and charts.”

She didn’t buy my excuse.

“Did you actually understand any of it, or did you forget everything an hour afterwards like Brash does?”

“Hey! How dare you say something absolutely true?” Brash remarked as she hipchecked Luster, who responded with a roll of her eyes and a smirk as she used her magic to flip Brash the other direction.

“Go get Chara’s backpack you big goof.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

With a snort she flew off, muttering something to herself.

“I have a,” I tried to recall a word one of the books used, questioning if I should use it when I only knew the context I read it in. “tenuous grasp of it. There’s probably some stuff I’m misunderstanding, though; I always talked to Twilight after I read something and she was good at explaining stuff to me.”

Luster stared at me, raising an eyebrow and dropping her chin. “You had casual conversations on what you read with Twilight, and you actually understood it? Yeah, reading that much sounds believable now.” She said with a shake of her head. “Come on, let’s head to the library before Brash gets there first and makes fun of us for being slow. One of these days I need to sit down and learn how to levitate myself with magic just to rub it in her face.”

“Wait, unicorns can actually do that? Use their magic to fly?”

I’d never heard of that in any of the books or seen it. Then again, the only two unicorns I interacted with were Rarity and Twilight. Rarity didn’t seem interested in flying, and Twilight would probably only do it once to see if she could.

“Technically, yes; but most won’t. It takes an intense amount of concentration and practice, and that’s just for a little hover. To actually fly even half as well as the average pegasus takes refined skill and comes with a lot of danger. If you lose focus for even a second it could be death; catching yourself comes with severe whiplash that isn’t pleasant either. I like the challenge, though.”

“Oh.” I wanted to ask how that would apply to a conjurer, then Twilight’s explanation came to mind and I realized how pointless that would have been. “Doesn’t sound like Pegasi would take that very well.”

“They generally don’t; Brash is one of the good ones, though. She’d probably be pissed at first, then ask me how I did it and be a little impressed. Then a few hours later she would start manipulating the weather or napping on a cloud or something, and dare me to replicate that. Of course, I can’t. There’s no spell that’ll do that stuff, yet.”

I expected her to go on, only for a deafeningly awkward silence to sit in the air. Luster’s stoic as always expression was impossible to read and even more impossible to approach. Instead of speaking, I tried to think of how I could even get started on finding out how Dark’s family was doing; He didn’t give me their names. Either because he forgot to, or because I fell asleep before he could tell me.

Assuming that his family had the same last name that he did. I kept forgetting that some pony families don’t, and how different they really were.

“Hey,” as we rounded the corner with the archives in sight, Brash standing beside the entrance and balancing the backpack between her wings with ease, I spoke up. Luster’s eyes darted to me for a second, bouncing between me and the backpack like she was expecting it to fall at any second. “You wouldn’t happen to know how to find someone’s family with only their name, would you?”

I got a few feet ahead before I realized she’d stopped; No longer shifting her attention between Brash and I. It lasted only a second as she inhaled, stepping forward and flickering her horn in her magic as she pulled the backpack out of Brash’s grip; much to her dismay.

“Go on.”

Chapter 27: Pen Pusher.

“So, lemme get this heterosexual;” Brash stated as she hovered above me, which elicited a stifled chuckle from Luster. “Your coltfriend asked you to check on his family, not telling you their names or anything about them other than they ‘live in Canterlot’?”

“Well, when you put it like that,” I trailed off as I put a book on the shelf, silently thanking whatever considerate stranger organized this place and made it so easy to find where things are supposed to be. “Yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

“Why didn’t you think to ask him for their names?”

“I fell asleep.”

“Ok, but what about when you woke up?”

I pursed my lips, not wanting to tell her that I forgot in my rush to leave. As I hung my head, I skimmed over the last book in my hand: the dictionary Luster suggested. It did end up coming in useful at first, then it became easier for me to just look at the words around the one I didn’t know and try to infer what it meant. At least, for all the ones that weren’t technical terms.

“What’d you say his name was again? Shadow moon?”

Luster asked as she walked forward, interrupting whatever question Brash was about to follow up with.

“Dark moon.”

“Hm. There’s a lot of Moons in Canterlot: Moondancer, Crescent Moon, Blue Moon, Sailor Moon. Those are just the ones I know off the top of my head. If his family doesn’t have someone prominent in it, or you don’t give me something that’ll narrow it down, you might as well be asking me to find a hay straw in a hay pile.”

I tried to think back to our first date-which felt like a lifetime ago- and recall anything he mentioned about himself before he came to Ponyville, which was frighteningly little. I was hesitant to ask him too much about himself because I didn’t want to come off as nerdy, yet I started off the date talking about how Fluttershy said first dates are often about getting to know each other.

Celestia was right; you always do think about what you could have done better in hindsight.

“He went to college, and his parents are both scholars. He also mentioned he’s an only child.”

I peered up at Brash, who hovered above me in uncharacteristic silence. Eyebrows scrunched in concentration as she thoughtfully rubbed her chin. I put the dictionary where it belonged, closing my backpack now that it was empty.

“That would help if this wasn’t Canterlot, where pretty much everypony is a scholar, noble, or student. Did he happen to mention which college? There’s a handful of them.”

I slumped my shoulders. “No.”

“Of course not.” Luster deadpanned.

“Dark Moon. Dark Moon.” Brash muttered to herself over and over again like a mantra. Falling to the ground in slow motion as her wings receded to her sides. “That name sounds really familiar. Did he move away or run away?”

“He,” I swallowed my words, rubbing my pendant through my shirt as I recalled how reluctant he was to tell me. “didn’t say, just that he moved.”

“Well, assuming he ran away and his parents filed a missing pony report,” She began to trot over to the door, oblivious to my lie as she stretched her wings and looked at some index at the front desk. “How long ago did he say he dipped?”

“Dipped?” I tilted my head, perking up when I realized what she meant. “Oh, he just said a few years ago.”

“Then,” her head shot up along with her wings, opening the door and zooming out. I turned to Luster for clarification, only to get an uncertain shrug in response.

She was back just as swiftly, holding a bundle of papers with faces and words on them I couldn’t make it. Brash placed them on the desk, skimming through them and then setting them aside into a different pile.

Out of curiosity, I peered over her shoulder and tried to see what they were. All of them were the same; pictures of ponies I didn’t recognize with dates, descriptions, and a jumble of other word salad sprinkled about. Some had the word ‘found’ imprinted in big, red bold letters; They must have been the missing ponies reports Brash mentioned. Why wa-

Dark’s face showed up as one of them. Just as well, one of the ones that didn’t have ‘found’ stamped on the front.

“Aha!” Brash exclaimed, holding up the piece of paper like it was some lost artifact of a long dead civilization. “This is him right?”

She pushed it in my face, eyes wide as she waited for the confirmation she was already certain she’d get.

At a second glance, I noticed how different he looked in the photo compared to when I last saw him. Younger, but there was a prominent sadness in his features. His pupils were dulled to the point of being closer to gray than blue, and were almost obscured by the bags under them. There was an attempt at a smile, the corners of his lips tugging upward. Rather than come off as an expression of joy or even a flicker of ecstasy, it felt more like how a fish looks when it made the fatal mistake of nibbling on some bait and getting a hook curved into its mouth for its mistake.

“Yeah,” I took the piece of paper, reading through some of the description about where he was last seen. “That’s him. He ran away?”

“Yuppers. In fact, when I just started as a guard, I was mostly a bail bonds pony of sorts. Problem is, the majority of ponies in Canterlot have no trouble paying fees if they ever get any and always show up to court just to save face. So, instead I tried to help with some missing ponies cases. Almost always it's some foals that barely graduated highschool that drank too much in a field somewhere and the parents overreacted. This time though,” She flew above me, peeking over my shoulders this time as she pointed at Dark. “This was a genuine missing pony. I figured this guy left Canterlot entirely after a week of nothing; glad to know I was right.”

“Does that mean,” I gripped the piece of paper, trying to hold back a grimace. “You have to tell them?”

“Well, yeah. I’m obligated to-”

“Please, don’t.” I begged, pushing down the urge to vomit at how pathetic my quivering voice made me sound. “He didn’t leave on the best terms with them. If he wanted to let them know he was ok, he would have sent them a letter or something. Dark asked me to do this because he trusts me; I don’t want to break that.”

I couldn’t bring myself to look at her; so there I stood in something akin to shame as her hooves hit the ground. Luster took a few steps forward, crossing her arms and shifting her weight like she was trying to lean on an object that wasn’t there.

“I-”

“You know, Brash. You could just say you heard from an anonymous tip that Black Moon was spotted traveling through Ponyville, not that he’s actually living there. After all, it’s not like we can say for sure that Chara’s a reliable source,” She winked, which just came off as intimidating more than anything else. “Right?”

“Dark Moon.” I corrected under my breath. Luster didn’t acknowledge it in any noticeable way.

“Yeahhhh,” Brash drawled as her eyes narrowed, smirking in a way I could only describe as mischievous. “That’s no problemo. Only issue is I don’t recall the names of his parents; they all kind of blend together after a while. Just remember them being some kind of bigwigs in astronomy, dad in particular was some famous star charter. Something star maybe? Stargazer, Starcloud…or was that his mom’s name?” She asked herself, tapping a hoof rhythmically against the floor until stopping with a frustrated stomp.

“I’ll have to go through my old reports. Their names should be in one of them, if I can find the right one.”

“You kept your old reports? I think you’ve got a hoarding problem, Brash. It would certainly explain your pigsty of a room.” Luster remarked, rubbing the base of her neck as she flexed it. “Come on, then. Chara and I can go there with you and help sort it out.”

“Nah, you’d just get in the way really. It’s one of those things that only I know how it's organized, and it's easier if no one else messes with it.”

“That sounds like an excuse so Chara doesn’t see how much of a slob you are.”

“Psha!” Brash exasperated with a dismissive wave of her hoof. “That’s not where my insecurities lie, Lust, you yolk for brains. How about this: I’ll go to my room and find out their names and then try to find a recent newspaper on them or something, then I’ll come meet up with you and Chara wherever you guys are and we can go from there. Aight?”

She got up in Luster’s face, batting her eyelashes and beaming a grin Pinkie would be proud of. Clearly, Brash had done this multiple times, since Luster was completely unfazed. Or, maybe that was just Luster’s default expression and I was as awful at reading her as I was at lying.

“Depends. Chara, where were you wanting to go after this?”

I flinched, being put on the spot. I looked away from Luster, mind blank as I tried to form a coherent answer. The same thoughts came to my mind earlier; should I talk to Cadance and say goodbye? She’s probably in the garden. Whether she was or not, it was gorgeous and I wouldn’t mind seeing it again; Lumi might even be there.

I noticed my fingers tapping against my thigh to a silent tune. For once, my body did something for me.

“Piano.”

“Piano?” Luster repeated with a tilt of her head.

“There’s a piano at the theater. Luna told me I could go there and play it whenever I want since no one else plays it. There isn’t one in Ponyville, and I’d like to play it.”

“You can play pi-”

“You got permission from Princess Luna to go into her theater without supervision?!”

Brash’s banana-yellow eyes were all I could see. I let out a far too girlish yelp as I jumped back, only to shove myself right into a shelf of books. To my relief, none of them fell out and stayed firmly in their assigned places.

“N-no,” I wanted to shrink into my shirt. Compared to the hoodie, it felt so short and restricting. Instead I bit the corner of my lip and shirked away, unable to escape her gaze regardless of where I looked. “She said that I’d have to have my escort with me and that the guards there already know I’m coming.”

“Nuh uh, Princess Luna is super protective over that theater and everypony who goes in there. Are you close friends with her or something? She’s nev-”

“Brash, you’re being your name again.”

Luster’s magic grasped Brash and stiffened her like a doll, pulling her away from me. Brash didn’t fight it, crossing her arms as she was lowered to the ground.

“Sorry, it's just that I’ve never met Princess Luna. What’s she like?”

“She’s,” I savored each breath, the flushness in my face receding with every inhale and making my heart more like an organ than a drum. “Really formal. And polite; she tries really hard to talk to others as Luna and not as a Princess.”

At least, that’s how she came off to me.

Every interaction with her had a degree of genuineness to it. While at times I could tell there was more she wanted to say that she didn’t, it never felt like she was trying to be someone she wasn’t. Then again, I suppose the same could be said for Cadance, who I’ve spent far less time with.

“Really? That’s not what I’ve heard from the night shift at all. Huh.” When the outline of magic vanished, she began collecting the papers she brought in until they were in a relatively neat pile; doing that thing I’d seen Twilight do where she taps the bottom of the pile against something to straighten it out. “I really should go ahead to my room and find what I can. That should take me,” Brash stuck out her tongue, flicking it up and down as she narrowed her eyes. “Two hours? Threeish? Depends if this guys parents are as popular as I remember. Either way, should give you plenty of time to flex your fingers.”

“You know where the theater is, right?”

Luster asked as Brash made her way to the door.

“Yeah, I have the layout of the castle mostly memorized. If I somehow can’t find it, I’ll just leave whatever I find at Chara’s doorstep and take a nap or something. See ya.”

Once Brash was gone, Luster walked up to a seemingly random shelf and pulled one of its books off with a tug. She then began floating a pencil in that same magic and writing something out on the sheet of paper.

“Do you take requests?”

“Requests?”

“For piano. I like Beethoofen, do you know any of his?”

“Oh. I can’t actually,” I rapidly blinked, wringing my hands. “Do anything like that. There’s only a couple dozen songs I can play; anything else is out of my reach.”

“Really? Sounds like that’d get boring after a while.” she dropped the pencil, slipping the book into the saddlebag attached to her side. “I haven’t listened to piano for a while, so it might be nice to hear it again. Are you ready to go?”

She slanted her eyes as she glanced at me, standing by the door and fidgeting with her saddlebag. I slipped my hands under the straps of my backpack just to have something to hold on to, tapping the tip of my shoes against the ground until I didn’t feel uncomfortable in them anymore.

“I guess.”

Entering the theater implanted an eerie dread that only grew the more I looked around.

Not that long ago it had been thriving with ponies in every seat, indiscernible words bouncing off the walls like the chirping of crickets at night. Seeing it without a single soul or sound was so unnerving, so wrong.

Luster was visibility unfettered by the devoidness of this place; walking a similar path Luna did when she brought me backstage. When we got there, it was empty of even the stagehands that feverishly moved from place to place to make each play the perfection Luna had in mind for it. Many of the props and instruments that I saw set against the wall were also absent, giving the backstage an abandoned atmosphere that became denser the more I tried to trudge through it.

At least, until I saw the piano.

With less lights on, I nearly missed it. Then its resplendent engravings might as well have sparkled when I spotted them. The cushion hardly scraped against the floor as I pulled it out, hovering my arms over the keys as I made the memories in my head converge with reality.

“Wow, that’s a really pretty piano.”

Luster’s voice sounded far away despite being the only sound in the entire theater. A tension that was condensed entirely in the tip of my fingers held it in the air like invisible strings; cutting a little deeper the more I struggled against them. Until, eventually, I touched the reassuring cold sensation of the keys. I played a short motif from the first song that came to mind, which was more upbeat than I remember.

“Yeah, it really is.” I flicked my wrist, pressing my thumb on each of my hands onto my fingers until I heard that satisfying crack. “Hopefully, I can play music just as pretty.”

That same tune from last night slid right to the precipice of my thoughts. This time, I obliged and began playing it. There was no rigidness to my movements like before, which I’m sure I could attribute to all the mental rehearsal I’d been doing and the gestures that went with it. I wasn’t nearly as fluid as Frisk had become in his strive for perfection, but it was enough to be satisfied.

If Luster had moved or made any kind sound, it was blotted out by the reverberation of each note. I didn’t play the entire list, that would take hours, but I managed the first chunk. Two of the songs, while I played them quite far apart, actually transitioned quite well into each other. I played only those two songs, finding that, if I didn’t know any better, it resembled one song.

I stayed there in tentative silence as I held down the keys of the final note, letting it draw out far longer than it needed to. Likewise, I wonder, how many more of the songs worked together rather than separate? If I learned to play them all in one go, would I tie together tunes that I never would have before?

It was a struggle not to impulsively answer that question right then; to start from the top and work down the mountain of memories melded into my mind. That would take time, however. Along with practice, and resolve. Neither of which I really had.

Not right now, anyway.

“You should smile more, Chara. It’s nice.”

The past echoed as I slammed my fingers on the keys, producing a discordant noise that was admittedly easier on the ears than the last one. My legs dug into the seat as I let up on the keys, recognizing the voice before Luster said who it was.

“Princess Cadance?” Luster said, a panic to her voice that would have gone unnoticed had I not become so used to its stagnating stoicness. “Apologies, I was told Chara had express permission to be here. Had I known you were-”

“That’s alright, I know you’re allowed to be here. And, please, just Cadance. I’m not even really the princess of anything, anyway.”

I heard the creaking of Luster’s armor as she made some gesture; likely bowing or saluting like with Celestia. Cadance’s approaching hoofsteps stopped abruptly just a few feet away. I already knew why, but some morbid part of me needed that confirmation.

It almost made me sick.

Luster was standing straight, leaning forward with a narrowed gaze. Cadence appeared stuck, slouching with her head hung and indistinguishable. Her shoulders were rolled forward and her fingers were laced together so tightly that they paled and trembled; her wings fluttered like they wanted to spread out but invisible glue was preventing that freedom.

I’d seen that same body language on Fluttershy so many times, still I could never figure out what it meant. With Rainbow, it was mostly nervousness or unease. Brash’s was always excitement, when she was actually letting her wings stay at her sides and not flying around. With Cadance, it was so disgustingly obvious I could taste it.

It was fear.

“Princess?”

“Cadance, please.” Her teeth grit together, words being forced out with a sharp note between that was similar to a hiss. She recoiled, placing a comforting hand on Luster’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I’m just-” Her constricted pupils darted to me for an instance; one I wouldn’t have noticed had I not been staring right at her. “Not feeling too well today. In fact, you wouldn’t happen to know any spells for nausea, would you?”

Past the surface tone of politeness, there was a quiver of desperation in her voice I’m certain even Luster could make out. The tip of her horn sparked with magic, resembling a dying lightbulb as it faded out.

“I do not. That would fall under restoration, which is a school that very few unicorns are particularly strong in. Forgive me.”

“No need; you shouldn’t ask for forgiveness about something you have no control over.”

Cadence retracted her hand, holding it close to her chest as her nostrils briefly flared. She turned to me, gaze dropping to the instrument in front of me.

“Could you leave us alone for a moment? I’d like to talk with Chara in private.”

Luster pressed her lips together, taking a step away from Cadance in abject silence.

“Of course. I’ll be outside if you need anything.”

Like with Celestia, she bowed and began to walk away; keeping me in the corner of her vision until I was out of sight.

“Sorry about that. Everytime I look at you, I keep forgetting. Then, when I get close,” she trailed off, sucking air through her teeth.

I closed my eyes, telling myself that the cold was the reason behind my goosebumps. As I shifted in my stool, I tried to pretend Cadance wasn’t there for a moment; strumming the keys and garnering a further appreciation for whoever had designed it with such deliberate precision and passion.

“What does,” I chewed on my tongue, part of me wishing I hadn’t even let that much slip out. I was curious of course; it was maybe my biggest vice. Right next to my lack of self-control when it came to indulging in it. “It feel like? Other than just being wrong, that is.”

More silence. Well, that wasn’t true. I’d been trying to understand the body language of ponies, and some of them made noises: clacking of hooves as they shifted their weight, clothes ruffling as they moved their arms around, it was the little things I found myself paying attention to.

“It’s like whatever I ate just suddenly spoils in my stomach,” she gulped. “And while it tries to make me throw up, it never quite reaches my throat. It just stays there and tortures me. Even my heart’s beating so fast it’s painful, and I can’t stop sweating; I regret not bringing a drink with me because of how dry my mouth gets. Of course, no matter how bad I make it sound it’ll all stop with just a few hoofsteps away from you. It’s so bizarre. The artifacts leave an after effect, but with you it's more like turning off a light switch.”

She awkwardly laughed, falling flat and into silence rather quickly. I put my hands between my thighs again, enjoying the small warmth even if it was just in my hands.

“I guess you’re relieved that you won’t be running into me again then, huh?”

“Chara, you shouldn’t say things like that. Whether you mean it or not.”

Cadance stood beside me, trying-and failing- to hide how much worse it made her feel. She stayed on the edge of my vision, putting noticeable effort to not physically touch me. Her wings held in, so firmly it must have been beyond uncomfortable, if not painful.

“Casual self-deprecation like that is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Regardless of if you’re serious, joking about it is the first step to believing it. I’m not relieved you’re leaving so I won’t have to talk to you anymore, I’m relieved you’re leaving because you’re going back to your friends and you don’t like it here. Except for when you’re playing piano, apparently.”

She leaned forward, hand trembling as she played a few notes on it. It wasn’t on purpose, but she rubbed shoulders with me. It’d been so long since I’d touched someone that I nearly forgot that lurching terror as it gripped me, forcing me to tense up to a painful extent as I jerked away from her.

“Oh, I’m sorry! Twilight’s letters mentioned you didn’t like physical contact; I should have tried harder.” In a pitiful act of irony, she extended her wing to comfort me, and then grimacing in realization as she retracted it just as swiftly. “I-”

“It's fine.” I blurted out through clenched teeth. “Really. You didn’t do it on purpose and you and the others have been trying not to. Please, I don’t want to talk about it.”

Cadence opened her mouth to retort with something, but swallowed her unspoken words when she spotted my fingers clutching my sides. She shook her head, arms going limp.

I would have been content to lay in that stillness until she left, or I did; whatever happened first. However, I didn’t want to leave things like that. Not after she’d been so persistently nice to me, along with I’d wager being one of the biggest reasons I was getting to go back in the first place.

“What did you want to talk about?”

I broke the tension with a murmur, locking my stare on the keys of the piano. I only knew that each note had an assigned letter thanks to a couple of sections about music in the books at Golden Oak’s, but I never memorized them, since I didn’t think I’d need to. If I got the chance again, I would. For now, I had to make due with playing each note and trying to discern it from the others while burning into my memory which key played that note.

“I wanted to give you some advice on Ponyville. I’m sure Auntie told you that even if you went back, things wouldn’t just go back to normal with Twilight and her friends. Especially,” she paused. “I’ve only met her friends once, and while I liked them, I couldn’t even begin to tell you how they’ll respond to you. Twily though, I’ve known since she was a filly; I was her foalsitter, in fact. I’ve watched her grow into a mare and soar through all the expectations everypony’s had for her. ‘Proud’ doesn’t cut it.”

“Has she changed a lot?”

“Not as much as you might think.” Cadance remarked with a smirk. Her horn lit up in that light blue aura, pushing down on each key much longer than with her hands. Being so close to her, I could make out her chin trembling and jaw tightening. They eased up only when she stopped playing a note, just to tense up again when she started on the next one. “It wasn’t until she went to Ponyville and made some friends there that she really started to grow. She used to stay in her tower with Spike all day and read books; Now friendship is the most important thing in the world to her. Which is why,”

She clenched her fist, shaking her head as the magic vanished. I began counting each breath I took, focusing on the numbers instead of the growing silence as I waited for her to continue. There was a rough idea in my head of what she wanted to talk about, and I’d been thinking about it on and off since I’d got in the chariot.

None of that ruminating had put me a step closer to an answer though.

“Twilight won’t trust you. Even though she looks up to Auntie more than anypony else, you betrayed her, and there’s no sugarcoating that. She’s never been betrayed before; not like this. She’ll struggle a lot. I can’t say for sure what she’ll do, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she avoided you entirely.”

I waited for her to go on, only instead to be followed by a gradually more unsettling silence.

“Then,” Cadance wasn’t looking at me, perhaps intentionally so. “What can I do?”

“You have to convince her to give you a second chance. Not that she can trust you again per se, only that she should give you the chance to earn her trust again. However, even if you try that, I don’t think it’d work. Mm,” she let out a distressed humming noise, tugging at her mane as the skin around her eyes bunched. “I hate to bring it up, but if you and Fluttershy are still on speaking terms, that would help a lot. Ju-”

“I don’t get it.”

I didn’t mean for that thought to leave my mouth, yet it did; Much sharper and more harsh than I would have liked. I tightly gripped my knees, pushing down on them and forcing them to stop shaking. There was a heat in my chest, coiling like a snake trying to suffocate me from the inside.

“Why are you trying so hard to help me?” There was a tremor to my voice I just couldn’t shake; I hardly mustered more than a whisper. “You tried to give me advice on relationships, then I’m sure you convinced Celestia to let me go back, and now you want to tell me how to fix things with Twilight? I just don’t understand.”

She just sat there for a long time, unmoving and undeterred. Without even an utterance, Cadance stood up and took a few steps away; a tentativeness in her gait that wasn’t present before. Once she walked a few feet away from me, her wings visibly unwound.

“When Twilight first mentioned you in her letters, she was really interested. Of course, with you being a new species and having amnesia, I’m sure that was obvious to you. I’m sure it would have stayed like that, if Fluttershy hadn’t asked for Twilight’s help with you; Fluttershy didn’t say it was you, but Twilight figured it out sooner than later.” she chuckled, whispering something under her breath. “She genuinely tried to help, but it just wasn’t something she had a grasp on yet; which frustrated her to no end. It wasn’t until you and her started talking after you read books in the library that she started getting close to you herself. I’m not sure if she ever saw you that way, but you were friends. Until,”

She didn’t go on.

“Until I killed those diamond dogs?” I finished for her.

“Yes. Twilight’s never seen something like that; not even the wedding got that bad. I’m sure she’s struggling just like the others.” Cadance paused, taking a deep breath. “I won’t lie and say that helping you has nothing to do with helping Twilight. Even so, that’s not all it is, I promise.”

Her voice briefly cracked like mine often did, firm only with an underlying conviction. I finally stood from the stool, ignoring the fleeting dizziness that always came with standing up too fast.

“I know you don’t like being analyzed, but I can tell there’s good in you; it hurts to see you so unwilling to acknowledge it.” she put a hand on her chest, facing me as she dropped her chin.” I can’t defend what you did. Despite that, looking at you, I’m sure you did it because you thought you had to; yet it’s tearing you apart. I’m helping you because I want to help you! Isn’t that,” her eyes rapidly darted back forth, searching for something I couldn’t see. Eventually stiffening as she closed her eyes. “Enough of a reason?”

“‘Because you want to?’” I repeated as I turned to face her; the words foreign on my lips like a different language. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything; I don’t even know what to tell you with Twilight. Really,” she rubbed her shoulder, breaking the eye contact I hardly noticed we’d made. “Just tell me you’ll make things ok with her. Please.”

“Well,” My body felt heavy as I moved. Not sluggish, exactly. More like the glob of emotions that threatened to spew out of my mouth solidified into some horrid metal as cold as Canterlot was at night. Every nerve-wracking second that passed without saying anything made it infinitely more dense until collapsing seemed inevitable. “I planned on that anyway. I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask.” She let out a shaky breath, clearing her throat. “I should really be getting back; Shining’s going on an assignment tomorrow and he should be done polishing his armor by now. One of these days I’ll let him know I know that’s just code for him reading comics, but tonight is not that night.”

Cadance began walking towards the exit, perking up after getting a few steps.

“Oh, I almost forgot. Do you like surprises, Chara?”

“Uhm,” I wanted to say ‘no’ outright, but I guess I didn’t find the idea of a pleasant surprise too upsetting. “A little, if it’s a good one.”

“This is a good one, I think. I have a gift for you tomorrow before you go. Until then.” She smirked, giving me a small wave.

I tried to wave back, only to realize too late that I’d never actually waved before. What resulted was some stiff, almost robotic attempt at mimicking one; made only more awkward when I saw that she was already gone by the time I finished the gesture.

The room felt just a little warmer as I breathed with every ounce of my body. Without looking, I stroked the piano, letting the random stream of notes ring out in the mostly empty hall.

I think that’s enough piano playing today.

Brash didn’t bring much about Dark’s parents; just the report she gave to them after she gave up the search, which just said that she found nothing in a lot of words, and a newspaper article on them from a couple of days ago. His mother didn’t appear in it, but his father Polaris Starcloud did; along with his daughter, Nebulous Shift.

I combed through it as I sat on my bed, not even bothering to read whatever else had been going on in Canterlot that day. From what I could understand, he was being interviewed about some discovery he’d made thanks to bringing his daughter to work that day. The picture of him was the definition of proud: wearing a concerningly large smile and holding her in his lap. Nebulous herself seemed very uncomfortable and clearly didn’t want to have her picture taken.

She was so young; even younger than Sweetie Belle. She couldn’t have been older than three or four if my fragile understanding of pony ages had any weight. I rest my chin on the palm of my hand, reading the same section over and over again; scraping the pieces of information I had together until they fit.

The article mentioned that they’d never had any more kids, yet clearly they did. It’s possible Brash got the wrong pony, but considering how long she spent making sure she had the right one it wasn’t likely. Dark also said their fight was about him inheriting their legacy; something he didn’t want to do and was why he left. Come to think of it, a few years ago would have been when he left and when Nebulous was born.

A harrowing thought scampered into my mind: what if they replaced him with her?

It’d make sense. With their sole inheritor gone, they would need someone else. After Brash couldn’t find him, maybe they decided it would have been easier to have another child than t-

I closed the newspaper, cutting myself off before I divulged in my pessimism a second more. I didn’t know Dark’s parents, or really anything about them except what he’d told me about them. Not that I thought he was lying to me, just that they didn’t leave off on good terms; I shouldn’t judge them because of that.

I put the paper into my backpack before collapsing into the oversized bed; A few days of using it only slightly helped the discomfort of being given a room far more extravagant than I really needed. I thought about the music I played today, of all things. The conversation with Celestia or Cadance should have lingered more, or my worries about how things will go at Ponyville tomorrow. It was bewildering for them to be so far back, while the handful of songs I’d managed to churn out hovered around instead.

As I fell asleep, I pictured Fluttershy. It was comforting to know that soon, I wouldn’t have to picture it anymore.

Chapter 28: Sticky

I hadn’t been dreaming recently.

Well, by ‘recently’, I meant since I first came to Canterlot. I’d noticed it each time I slept, but I usually had more pressing issues yelling at me from behind my eyes. Even when I gave it more than a few second’s thought, I dismissed it as something Luna was doing; which might have been exactly the case and I could just be overthinking it.

Still, I couldn’t help but ponder it when I woke up. Was I giving myself a break from dreaming? Or maybe I just didn’t remember them anymore. Asking Luna crossed my mind, only to be stunted when I realized that meant she’d likely have to peer into my mind and possibly find out just how intact my memory actually was. That wasn’t worth the risk.

With a rub of my eyes, I got out of bed, stretching until there was that satisfying popping sensation in my spine. I tried to fix the sheets and adjust the pillows to how I saw them when I first came in, only to get frustrated when none of them stayed where I wanted them to and the blankets kept pulling off of the corners.

I gained a newfound admiration for whoever’s job it was to do that every day.

“Chara? I sure hope that’s you in there and not some intruder I would have to tackle to the ground and arrest.”

Brash’s loud voice in the morning had become less startling each day. I smirked a little, shaking my head as I pivoted to the door.

“It is. You can come in.”

“Sweet.”

As they opened the door and began combing through the room, I placed my backpack on the edge of the bed and searched through my inventory; keeping my hand close to my chest so they wouldn’t think anything was off.

Though I’m sure anxiety was going to make me check again before I left, everything was there. The only thing that gave me pause was a cupcake near the bottom, the description only reading ‘a caramel treat for the weary’. A few seconds went by of me completely blanking until it dawned on me that it was the cupcake I’d brought from Sugarcube Corner before we went to the farm, and I could have sworn I’d eaten it. More than once, even.

It was just the last reset where I’d forgotten about it.

I selected it, holding it in my hands. It was still exactly how it looked when I plucked it from the kitchen. In fact, it was even still warm. Maybe the backpack had some sort of stasis effect that keeps whatever I put in it exactly how it is? At some point, I’m sure I told myself to figure out how it worked.

“Yep, everything’s exactly where it's been since before Chara came in; told ya there wasn’t a point in checking. Lust, it's her last day, so let’s just-woah!” The moment she spotted the cupcake in my hand, her wings shot out to the sides as if they’d broken through invisible restraints and she zoomed towards me. Within a second, she was hovering next to me with her eyes locked on the treat. “That looks delicious, are you going to eat it?”

“I-” While I wasn’t hungry, it was certainly tempting to start my day with Pinkie’s baking. I could even describe exactly how it would taste: the sweetness of the caramel, the tenderness of the frosting. All culminated together with the softness of the dough into something that could satiate my hunger and I’d still want another.

Even with all of this, something deep in my stomach told me I wouldn’t be able to get much of it down.

“No, it’s too sweet for me. Here,” I offered it to her. “You can have it.”

“Oh hay yes.”

I didn’t even feel her take it out of my hands. One second I had a warm pastry in my palms, the next it was mostly in her mouth as she entered some visible state of bliss. Luster walked over, not even raising an eyebrow at Brash.

“Don’t mind her; she doesn’t get sweets often. Don’t tell anyone, but Brash is a lot more insecure about her weight than she looks.”

“Am not.” She retorted, still scarfing down the cupcake.

“Anyway, do you have everything? Princess Celestia told us to take you back to Ponyville right after breakfast. However, you are permitted to stay until dusk if you like.”

“I do.” I confirmed as I slipped the backpack on, finding myself startled by its weightlessness no matter how many times I wore it. “Did Celestia say she wanted me to stay longer?”

“The Princess didn’t express an interest either way.”

“Oh.”

There was a small, bizarre prick of disappointment in my chest. I decided not to dwell on it, glancing at the bathroom as I contemplated taking a shower first, then shaking my head. I could do that at Fluttershy’s.

I stifled a smile at the tingle of joy that thought sparked.

“Will I be going back in a chariot?”

“Yes, but not directly into Ponyville. You will be dropped on the outskirts and then we’ll be escorting you there.”

I squeezed the straps of my backpack, furrowing my eyebrows as Brash finished speaking and used some tissues on the nightstand to wipe her face. “Why? Did something happen?”

“Probably not. Miss Twilight sent The Princess a letter just the other day.” Brash spoke up as she placed the box back on the nightstand. “Whatever it is, you’re stuck with us just a little longer. Sucks I didn’t get to hear your piano playing.”

“It’s pretty good.” Luster added, horn flickering to life as she adjusted the tissue box to exactly where it was before Brash used it. “I’ve gone to a couple of performances and auditions for my sister, and you’re better than most of them. Could make a living off of it if you wanted.”

“I don’t,” I pursed my lips, fidgeting as I tried to ignore the growing heat in my face. “I’m not that good, but thank you.”

“Are you sure? I could get you a gig easily; Cres is always looking for piano players. She could even get you a small crowd for your first time.”

“Crowd?” I whispered, picturing Luna’s theater filled with ponies staring at me, watching and judging every stroke of the piano, just waiting for me to make a single mistake.

A wave of sickening anxiety rippled through me.

“I think I’d rather die.”

Luster raised an eyebrow at my mutter before glancing down at my hands and then to Brash, saying something that only her eyes could convey before turning back to me. “I see; I didn’t realize your stage fright was that bad. Sorry for even suggesting it.”

“You really shouldn’t say stuff like that, Char. I don’t know if it's normal wherever you’re from-though I guess you wouldn’t know either- but saying stuff like that tends to make ponies worry about you.”

There was an almost sardonicism to Brash’s voice, which did little to bury the layer of concern underneath. Her words were strikingly similar to what Cadance told me, in fact. Had I really been saying things like that often enough to be noticed?

‘Do you care about others that much, or yourself that little?’

Fluttershy’s words stuck out like a face scar; ringing with a stabbing accuracy. She’d tried so hard to get me to stop bad habits and care about myself, yet I couldn’t even do that much for her.

“You’re right.” I said with a slump of my shoulders. “I’ll try to stop.”

“That’s not-” Luster nudged Brash, shaking her head as they once again had a brief conversation with only their expressions. Brash sighed, lowering her head as her wings ruffled. “Yeah, okay. We should get going; should have been at breakfast three minutes ago.”

With a tilting of her head, Brash began walking towards the door with Luster at her side. I had expected Luster to watch me out of the corner of her vision like I’d occasionally catch her doing. Instead, she hardly glanced at me; or anything, really. Her and Brash often had some idle chatter while they escorted me, but that was completely lacking now.

It wasn’t quite a tense silence, either. Her mind was somewhere else, body just going through the frequently repeated motions and pathways. Had I just lost her interest? Not that I was certain she was ever really interested in me, anyway. It felt like I’d messed up somewhere or said the wrong thing.

Problem was, I didn’t even know where.

My last breakfast with Celestia didn’t carry the rigid awkwardness all the previous ones had. Maybe it was because of what we talked about in the wine cellar, or just as likely that I didn’t hold this cloud of uncertainty about what would happen to me and how careful I had to be with what I said around her anymore.

It was nice to just relax.

I stared at the two burritos on my plate; somewhat astonished at how filled they were with various things without any of it spilling out. Even as I picked one up, nothing fell out. Just as well, it was comfortably warm to the touch. Living at the castle for the short time I have has led me to appreciate just how skilled the staff really were.

“Have you never seen a burrito before?” Celestia asked from the other side of the table, placing various fruits from a bowl in the center and adding them into her oatmeal.

“I have. Just not one so well rolled.” I replied as I took a bite out of it. I could make out the eggs, cheese, and potatoes pretty easily. They blended together very well despite being distinct from each other flavor wise. “Never had them for breakfast, either.”

“I actually had not until rather recently. The chef informed me his assistant had returned from vacation with a few recipes they wanted to experiment with in the kitchen; I was more than happy to test the first sample. It’s not something I’d have every morning, but I thought you might want to give it a try.” Her lips curled into a smile as she took a bite from her oatmeal, apparently satisfied with it. “Do you not like it? It would hardly be an inconvenience to have something else made if you’d prefer.”

“No, I like it. I guess some part of me expected you to give me something with chocolate in it before I left.”

“Oh?” she tilted her head. “Even though you said you didn’t want to have chocolate all the time because then you might not like it anymore?”

“Mm,” I hummed, twirling the fork on the table as I lowered my head. “I did say that, didn’t I?”

“Unless my age is finally catching up to me, you indeed did.” Celestia cleared her throat, pouring herself a cup of tea and lifting an empty one in my direction. I waved my hand, happy with just the small mug of apple juice. “Now then, I’m sorry to ruin the mood, but there is something I’d like to discuss with you before you go.”

I popped whatever was left of the first burrito in my mouth, abruptly swallowing at the shift to seriousness in her tone. My fingers shook as I gripped the mug, taking a much louder and longer sip than I first intended to.

“As you might have guessed, I would have liked to keep you here much longer. Even before what happened with The Diamond Dogs, many things about you warranted concern: Your supposed amnesia, that your conjured item is a knife, the flower residue that leaks from your eyes.” Celestia closed her eyes. The sound of her cup hitting the table echoed throughout the room. “I can think of only a few things that would explain your aversion to physical contact, none of which are good. I won’t dare to guess; it would be nothing more than conjecture after all.”

I practically shrunk under every word, slouching into the chair and trying to retain some fragment of composure. As she opened her eyes, she didn’t look up, locking her gaze on the cup like she was expecting her reflection to tell her something. I couldn’t help but wonder how much was what Twilight suspected, and how much was what Celestia had concluded after watching me.

“It couldn’t be more blatant to me you need help, or at least some kind of guidance. For not being able to give that to you, I am sorry. Time truly has been something I have too much of but never enough.” Her half-lidded eyes stared into nothingness, posture wavering as her eyebrows gathered into a painful grimace. “There’s really never enough.”

Her uttering was weary and unsettling, heavy with a contagious exhaustion. My muscles felt heavier as I moved, trying not to bite down too hard as I grit my teeth.

“Is that why Luna and Cadance have been so nice to me?” I asked, ignoring the chair digging into the back of my knees. “Because you told them I needed help?”

“No, not at all.” Celestia took a tentative sip of her tea, which seemed to reinvigorate her. “They did that of their own volition. Their actions and their reasons behind them were their own; Luna in particular had quite the interest in you after she took you to that play. Alas, my direct attention will be needed far more immediately than I feared. It is somewhat relieving that Twilight and her friends are in one place so close to Canterlot. Regardless, I don’t want to bore you with frivolous details in our last conversation for quite a while.”

“For quite a while?” I echoed. “Do you want me to come back?”

“My wants are irrelevant. While I extend an invitation for you to visit whenever you want, I’d hope it’d only be because you want to be here. However, I don’t want to diverge too much from my original point.”

She glanced to the side of me where my now empty mug sat; I must have been nervously drinking it while she talked and not noticed. Celestia lifted the second teacup in my direction and filled it after I gave a reluctant nod.

“Relevantly, signs here and there have led me to believe you aren’t particularly fond of yourself. I would even wager that’s where Fluttershy and Twilight’s concern stemmed from; I can’t imagine this most recent incident kept that self-loathing at bay. Do you have an inkling to change, Chara? Or will you keep hurting yourself even though there are those that care about you?”

No matter how many times I’d spoken with her, the way she’d perfected saying anything in a casual tone was always off putting; all while keeping eye contact and hovering the tea over to me. I held it in my quivering grip, not even registering the heat as I bit my tongue.

“I’ve been trying to.”

“I’m sure you have; by yourself. In that sense, you remind me of Twilight before Ponyville.” She set her bowl of oatmeal to the side, straightening her posture with her horn going just a few inches over the top of her large chair. “Chara, as someone who has seen this time and time again, I can not suggest highly enough to confide in someone. Just having one person to bare yourself to can be the greatest push for growth.”

As I took a sip from the sweltering tea, the first night at the rock farm creeped its way to my thoughts: how I’d confessed to Fluttershy and she forgave me for it without a second thought. How she trusted me the next morning when I begged for it, and even gave me a chance to explain after I lied to her.

She even believed my promise to tell her everything when she had every reason not to.

“Ok,” The tea was as sweet as it was hot. It singed a little as it went down my throat and settled in my stomach, but was lukewarm compared to the burning that came with resetting that I’d unfortunately gotten used to.

“I have an option that I believe you should consider. To be concise, this is not an ultimatum. There is nothing I expect you to do, nor are there any expectations I want you to meet. If you want to pursue this, tell Twilight before she sends her next letter that ‘you’re interested’, and I’ll have things arranged.”

I couldn’t imagine saying something so ominous to Twilight without her getting suspicious, assuming she didn’t bombard me with questions on the spot; or just ignored me.

The idea of being ignored pierced me with a disgusting terror, tremors going down my arms as I squeezed myself still; unable to stop myself from imagining her and the others doing just that. I could only desperately hope that’s not what they’d do.

“Have what arranged?” I whispered, staring at my reflection in the tea like Celestia had. The moment I saw those cursed crimson pupils of mine, made only more prominent by the paleness of my skin and the bags under my eyes, I placed it back on the table and pushed it as far out of sight as I could.

“There’s a friend of mine, or perhaps I should say Sunny Shores, who specializes in treating problems such as yours. She owes me a favor, and most of her current patients are approaching the end of their issues. My friend’s name is Clear Mind, and she’s one of the better therapists I’ve encountered in my olden lifetime.”

She crossed her legs, adjusting herself as she leaned forward and looked at me expectantly. I lifted my chin, raising an eyebrow as I waited for her to explain what a ‘therapist’ was. An awkward moment of staring and blinking at one another followed.

“What’s, uh,” I tapped a finger against one of the chair grips. “A ‘therapist’?”

“You don’t know what a therapist is?” I shook my head.

She responded by curving her lips into an ‘o’ shape.

“It’s someone who helps others through their problems by talking about them; usually the pony is well studied and trained in a specific methodology for particular issues.”

“So a stranger that I tell everything about myself to?”

“A well-informed and capable stranger, but yes. I would personally recommend her if that would ease your worries.”

“Why would I tell everything about myself to a stranger if I already have someone I’m confiding in?”

“Because not only are they prepared to help you, but since they’re strangers, you don’t have to worry about them judging you for whatever you tell them or for it possibly hindering your friendship with them. There’s a certain security in baring yourself to a stranger, as bizarre as that may sound.”

“That’s,” As initially absurd as that statement sounded, a few seconds of thought didn’t bring any obvious fault to mind. “I guess that makes sense.”

“The strangest things in life make sense, even when you feel they shouldn’t.” She stated with a polite drink of her tea. “That’s all I wanted to discuss. Now, we can sit in silence as you eat that other burrito. Or you can leave if you’ve lost your appetite, the choice is yours.”

Celestia nonchalantly slid the bowl back towards her, covering it in her golden aura with a flash. I shifted my attention to the remaining burrito, expecting it to be cold when I picked it up.

To my delightful surprise, it was still very warm.

It was roughly noon as I left the castle, once again escorted by Brash and Luster. Canterlot at the peak of daytime was overwhelmingly active from what I could see; streets overfilling with ponies like a river bursting through a dam. It was loud, but not with ambitious music like the night prior.

I think I preferred it at night, or perhaps just the night in general.

The chariot was waiting right outside, and was larger than the one I was brought in; only one pegasus was attached to it. Brash galloped up to him, trying to strike up a conversation as she strapped the harness to herself. He didn’t react at first, responding without so much as glancing at her while keeping a stoic expression. However, after a couple moments of consistent prodding, he cracked and started interacting with her, the slightest of smiles on his face.

“Good morning, Chara. I hope breakfast went well.”

I recognized Cadance’s voice instantly, along with that quiver of fear just underneath that she only held when she talked to me. As soon as I saw her, my eyes dropped to her chest where a familiar frightened bunny was held.

“Lumi?”

She responded immediately to the name I’d given her- or maybe just my voice- as she hopped out of Cadance’s hold and into my fumbling grip; if she wasn’t adorably light, I would have dropped her. Lumi was as warm and soft as any other time I touched her, if a bit frightened. Every stroke of her fur brought a relieving peace to my body, leaking out tension I’d gotten so used to being there.

“Lumi? I didn’t realize you’d named her.”

“I didn’t want to originally, but Celestia convinced me it was a good idea.” I said as I stopped holding her by her back, instead pressing her against my chest and just playing with her ears. “Why’d you bring her here?”

“She’s your gift!” Cadance made an attempt at enthusiasm, giving me a smile that came off more as a painful wince. “Animals here are really shy and rarely warm up to anypony until they’ve been around for weeks. Lumi clearly likes you a lot, and you like her, so why not bring her back with you to Ponyville? I’ve already asked Auntie for permission, of course.”

“What? I can’t just-” I cut myself off as I looked down at the bunny in my arms, who was still stiff in my grip. I gently placed her on the ground, trying not to giggle as she sat on my foot and her fur rubbed against my leg. “Doesn’t she belong here? I already have a rabbit waiting for me at home.”

“That may be so, but what about a jackalope? There are already plenty of those here, and Celestia doesn’t mind losing one. Especially when that jackalope is going to be staying with Fluttershy, who I’m sure would be ecstatic.”

“Jackalope? But Lumi doesn’t,” I recalled hearing about rabbits with deer-like antlers named jackalopes in some of the books at Golden Oak. As I reached down to pet her, I paid attention for any bumps or anything that stuck out, only to find nothing. “She doesn’t have any antlers.”

“Not yet. She’s quite young, they should be growing in any time now though. Of course, if you don’t want her, then I can take her back.”

“Chara,” Luster spoke up, causing me to jump as I’d nearly forgotten she was there. “Refusing a gift from a princess is considered extremely disrespectful, I wouldn-”

“This isn’t a gift from a princess.”

Her jaw slammed shut as soon as Cadance spoke, despite her voice lacking in any seriousness.

“This is a gift from a pony named Cadance, that is all. If Chara doesn’t want to take Lumi with her, then that’s the end of it.” she turned to me, tightly clasping her hands together and trying to hide her shaking beneath her wings. “I can take her back to the garden right now.”

“Hmm.” I droned, peeking at the ball of fluff at my feet. She stared at me with those sweet little beady eyes, similar to Angel’s but carrying a uniqueness I just couldn’t find the right words to describe. I couldn’t help but imagine Fluttershy’s expression upon seeing her; I couldn’t lie to myself this time either and pretend I had no attachment to her at all. Fleeting or not, she offered me moments of tranquil bliss that I needed.

“Ok, I’ll take her.”

Cadance’s lips upturned into a hesitant yet sincere smile, taking a few steps back and letting out a sigh that turned into a shaky giggle. “That’s great. Then I’ll leave her in your hands; there’s unfortunately some business I have to attend to. I hope you have a safe trip back.”

“You as well, Princess.” Luster said as she bowed.

She winced, clenching her jaw as she tried to look anywhere else. With a nod, she went inside the castle, leaving Lumi entirely to me. I let out a breath I’d been holding since I heard Cadance’s voice, then picked Lumi up and walked towards the chariot. The desire to talk to Luster poked me from the back of my mind, stirred by a hazy curiosity and urge to leave on relatively good terms.

“Thanks for helping me with Dark.” I had waited until we got in the carriage, letting Lumi rest on my lap and hop around a little until she was comfortable. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s not a big deal. It was that, or sit around and listen to Brash talk about her O&O ideas she’d run if we got a few more players.” She deadpanned, intensely watching Lumi.

“We good back there?” Brash shouted.

“Should be.” She glanced at me for confirmation, to which I nodded. “Yeah, we’re good.”

“Sweet.”

Brash and the other pegasus began running forward, pulling the carriage with ease as they picked up pace. After spreading their wings and hopping off the edge, we were soaring through the sky of Canterlot. The wind was so strong it stung whenever we turned, pushing back all my hair and popping my ears. Poor Lumi was freaked out by it, and pressed against my stomach while shaking like a leaf.

“What’ll you guys do after you get back?”

“Actually, after that business with Umbra Moon-”

“You’re doing that on purpose.”

She glanced at me for a second, the corners of her lips curling into what I’d hesitantly describe as a smile before just as quickly dropping. “I might be. Brash mentioned she wants to get back to being a bailbondspony if she can. I’m going to apply and work with her if I can. If that doesn’t pan out, I’ll probably just take up Captain Shining Armor’s offer since I haven’t really been out of Canterlot for a long time.”

I tried to speak, only to feel a tiny, disgustingly warm object shoot down my throat and lodge itself there; I realized when I felt it start moving what it was. I immediately started coughing, stifling a gag as I spit it out.

“Oh yeah, probably shouldn’t be talking. You’ll catch bugs.”

“I noticed.” I sputtered out.

While the rest of the ride was silent, at least it was short. It must have been the trepidation during the first ride that made it seem so drawn out. There were more birds flying around than pegasi soon enough, some of which were kinds I’d never seen before. As I watched them fly, I saw that they all were going away from Ponyville. Many were in flocks like they were migrating.

We landed a lot sooner than I expected, with Ponyville still somewhat far and just on the outskirts of a forest. Brash immediately started unstrapping herself as the chariot hit the ground, whispering something to the other pegasi as he nodded and stiffened.

“These are the outskirts? It’s not as close as I thought it’d be.” I asked out loud as I scooped up Lumi.

“Princess Celestia’s orders: We’re to park a mile outside Ponyville, escort you there, and return to the carriage.” Luster answered in a monotone voice, opening the chariot door and then stepping out as she waited for me to follow. “I’ve never been here before. It’s very pretty.”

“Really?” I looked around the forest, placing Lumi on the ground and experiencing a short burst of fear as I questioned if she’d just run off into the wilderness. Luckily, she stayed near me as I took a few experimental steps forward and stopped. “I think Canterlot is pretty in its own way. Then again, I’d lived near a forest like this for a while and I hadn’t seen a city until now.”

“All I’ve ever seen are cities.” She muttered, taking a deep breath. “That’s partly why I’m thinking about going with Captain Shining Armor; he travels all around Equestria and occasionally outside of it. I’d like to see something new.”

“We can do that as bailbondsponies too! There’s plenty of missing ponies outside Canterlot.” Brash exclaimed as she walked up to us, gesturing with her wing towards a pathway that led to Ponyville. “We’d have to get traveling visas, which is a lot of paperwork, but probably not more than we usually do.”

“Didn’t you mention that you’d only be able to work as a bailbondspony in other places because of your experience as one? How do you expect me to come with you?”

“Already got that covered,” Luster walked alongside Brash. I shuffled behind, keeping an eye on Lumi as she hopped within one foot of me. “By a technicality, you do have experience; by shadowing me! Since we’ve been working together for as long as I’ve been a bailbondspony. At least, that’s what you’ll put on your application, right?”

Brash wiggled her eyebrows, nudging Luster with her elbow.

“Of course, you’ve taught me so much about finding a Canterlot noble that didn’t show up in their fanciest attire to a court hearing.”

As they bantered, I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to ignore the growing worry in my chest. There was an eerie lack of sound as we walked, one that had never been present before. Birds chirping, animals scurrying, branches breaking, some kind of sound was always being made; there was never any silence. I rarely paid attention to it before, but now that it was gone I couldn’t help wonder where all the noise had gone.

Soon, Ponyville came into sight; which did little to lessen my unease. The buildings all appeared exactly how I remembered them. It took a few seconds for the reason it felt so off to finally click.

“They knew we were coming, right?” I asked.

“Princess Celestia told Twilight you would be coming sometime today, and she likely told her friends, so yes.”

“Then shouldn’t they be waiting for us?”

“Not necessarily, but,” Luster abruptly stopped, followed by Brash. “It is a little weird that there aren’t any ponies walking around; are they having a town meeting or something?”

“Could be having their monthly monster attack? I’ve heard they have those pretty often since they live beside The Everfree Forest.” Brash leaned back on her hooves, hopping into the air and spreading her wings as she hovered there. “I could shoot forward and check things out; shouldn’t take more than three minutes or so-”

Luster craned her neck, clutching her fist and spinning on her heel. Her pupils shook as she leered into the forest, tightening her jaw and opening her mouth as her horn began sparking with purple magic.

“Take Chara to-”

There was a flash of bright green, then I was on the ground. No transition, no sensation of falling or even pain; just the world shifting upward until all I could make out were a few rocks on the path and the distant Ponyville. Once the green had vanished, lurking shadows snuck up on my vision until what I could see was limited to an ever shrinking hole. Of which all I could discern was a smaller blaze of magic and then nothing.

Just as well, I was deaf to any sound that didn’t come from my body. My heartbeat, reminiscent of a hammer being slammed against my skull with gradually more pressure, only got louder with my shallow breaths. The time between each one grew shorter with every inhale, to the point where I was hyperventilating. The darkness pulsated and consumed more of my vision until I couldn’t see anything at all.

With one last exhale, followed by a desperate attempt to move anything other than my eyes back and forth, I lost consciousness.

Instead of dreaming, or a lack of it, there was a string of memories. None of which followed any pattern, or were around long enough for me to piece together when it was from. Some came from my village, but most were from my time with Asriel. They continued on until my memories of The Rock Farm came into focus briefly.

It was hard to believe how recent it was, and how long ago it felt.

I tried opening my eyes, finding it to be much more of a struggle than anytime before. Despite doing so, the inside of wherever I was barely had any light aside from some glowing that I couldn’t move my head to see.

Actually, I couldn’t move at all.

No matter how much I struggled, it was like trying to move through mud that turned into rock the second I resisted it. It was also really warm, sickeningly so. My head wasn’t covered in whatever it was, leading to it being contrastingly as cold as wherever I was. I managed to raise my head enough to see what was encasing me, only to have more questions: it was some kind of…gel? One that kept a sort of spiral shape around me, and was completely transparent; So much it was like looking in a mirror.

After a few feverous blinks, my eyesight adjusted enough to make out that the glowing was coming from above me. Several of the same kind of pod things were hanging from the ceiling, though these ones were completely covering the heads of those in it. Mostly animals of varying size, many of which were in much smaller pods to accommodate.

Two though were actual ponies, farther than I could move my head enough to make out properly. They were both blue, albeit different shades, and one of them had a horn. Anything past that was indistinguishable.

“Took you long enough.”

A grating, spite filled voice cracked the layer of silence. I mistook it for a pony at first, only for that misconception to be tossed aside when they had literal holes in them; mostly in their arms and legs. None of which affected their mobility as they moved towards me. A black carapace taking the place of a coat, complimented by a gradual shift into a brilliant green at there hands and hooves.

Just as horrifying were their wings, also having holes, which seemed impractical. Light blue and translucent, fluttering rapidly as it flew over to me.

“How curious, you’re much punier than I expected.” It remarked with a scoff, harlequin eyes poking through vines of dark cerulean hair. It took slow, drawn out steps as it circled around me; each stomp followed by a strange clacking noise I didn’t recognize. “You killed those diamond dogs by yourself? I’d laugh if it wasn’t so pathetic.”

Once it faced me again, I found the source of the clacking: a lion’s paw. It was decently sized, and slapped against her carapace with every movement. Attached to its neck via a golden-chain necklace; put on the outside of its tattered white gown, as if to display it to the world.

I sharply inhaled, trying to jump back and, in my fear, briefly forgetting how futile that was.

“Are you,” My throat was so dry it hurt to speak, voice cracking as I broke into a coughing fit. I couldn’t turn my head away or even look anywhere but her eyes, showing a flipped version of my reflection. “A changeling?”

“Oh? You’ve heard about little old me?” She said in a mocking tone, bringing her hand to her chest and rolling her eyes. “What a daft question; of course I’m a changeling. In fact, I’m the Queen of changelings, the same queen who’s meticulous planning you’ve been foiling!”

Her forked tongue resembled a snake as she hissed at me, somehow not getting any spit on the only part of me not obscured.

“What?” I haven’t,” I croaked, trying to get my head as far away from her as possible. As I tried to look anywhere but my distorted reflection, I saw familiar, jagged obsidian rocks spread out on the floor. All of which, while being different sizes and shapes, were made of the same material.

There’s no way that bug was ever going to give us our pup’s back.

The scarred dog’s raspy words whispered in my ear from far beyond the grave, resonating with a meaning that only truly clicked when it was far too late.

“It’s you,” I mewled, lowering my head as I clenched my fist; or at least tried to. “You’re the one who took the diamond dogs children.”

“Well done, you’ve managed to ascertain the obvious.” She jeered, spreading her punctured wings as she flew up to the pods hanging from the ceiling. “Yet you haven’t pieced together that I never stole those curs in the first place; that would have been far more effort than they’d have been worth. No, it was far simpler to have some of my drones change themselves to resemble the pups and convince those muts with some photos.”

She attached herself to one of the pods, aligning her head with the animal's chest as she extended her jaw. With a whisk, her curved horn lit up in the same green magic I’d seen earlier and a pink mist flowed out of them. I could only watch in horror as she ate it, smiling with what I could only describe as glee while the strange smog slid down her throat. The animal inside scrunched its face, but didn’t wake up regardless of its essence being consumed.

“And you had to kill them. Couldn’t even do that right since you missed the one who reported everything to me.” She remarked as she closed her mouth, hovering by each of the pods and prodding them. “No matter, they served their purpose. In spite of your tampering, I triumphed. Like a boon from chaos himself, you walked right into my sentries with three meals and a gift-wrapped chariot. For that, you have my reluctant gratitude.”

“Meals?” The thought of summoning my knife crossed my mind, which I dismissed just as quickly. Even if I managed to conjure it, it’d be useless since I can’t move. “Where are Brash and Luster?”

“I presume those are the two lapdogs that were with you? They’re currently in the woods somewhere, soon to add to the feast I’m preparing for my hive. I can hardly wait to see Twilight Sparkle’s face! I was so close in Canterlot! This time, she won’t be given the chance to sleuth me out.” The Changeling Queen cackled to herself, snacking on every individual in the pods. “First, her precious friends will perish, rendering the elements of harmony useless. Then Ponyville, and soon after, I can finish Celestia after she’s drowned in trepidation. Whether Discord is actually resurrected and willing to grant a wish is just a bonus.”

She could only be referring to Fluttershy and the others. Once again, I squirmed in the goop that entrapped me. With every movement, it was sapping whatever little strength I had. It wouldn’t work, nothing would work.

Brash and Luster must be trying to warn them right now, assuming they didn’t already. I couldn’t tell how much time had passed while I was asleep, but considering they weren’t in here as pods it can’t have been that much. The moment they tell Twilight, she’ll formulate some plan to deal with them, and everything will work out.

Without a doubt, Fluttershy would try to convince them to save me first. I doubt they would, and I’d be stuck until the changelings were dealt with, and that was fine.

I just needed to buy them as much time as I could.

“He won’t grant your wish.” I whispered. It was quiet enough that I knew she’d hear me no matter how meek my voice was. “Not in the way you want him to.”

“Oh, please.” She said with a scoff, landing on the ground in front of me. “I couldn't care less about the tarnished hopes the other zealots carry. They strive to resurrect a long dead god, I want to feed my kind on the nigh infinite abundance of love Equestria thrives with; it just so happens our methods of achieving that are the same. I’m not foolish enough to believe an entity of entropy would fulfill any desire.”

“Then they’re just a tool of revenge for you? Why can’t you just talk to them? I’m sure Celestia woul-”

“What, comply? That we’d come to some kind of accord? Don’t make me laugh. How ignorant of you to think that’s never been tried numerous times before me, and yet we’ve still been reduced to feeding on feral animals while Celestia holds more nourishment than we could ever need!” Her face contorted into a hate filled scowl, horn sparking with magic so bright it hurt to stare at for too long. “Here you are, having been pampered and sheltered by the very ponies you killed for, lecturing me on how there could be a better way. You’ve caught their revolting hypocrisy, as if you have any idea what it's like to wager peace with a species that holds only animosity to your very existence.”

“I,” I winced, each word stabbing into me with a sharp resentment. I wanted to tell her she was wrong, that I understood all too well. It was because of my understanding that I knew reason had been long thrown out the window.

There were very few things as irrational as revenge fueled by anger and indignation.

“Then why are you even bothering to talk to me?” I let my body float in the slime, closing my eyes so I didn’t have to see her anymore. “Just to boast?”

“No, nothing so shallow. The changelings who brought you here told me there was an odor to you before you were put to sleep; one supposedly similar to the putrid stench the other zealots irradiate. I wanted to confirm this myself. However,” She narrowed her eyes, dropping her leer to my necklace. Pupils darting back and forth frivolously, clearly searching for something. I swallowed the urge to try to hide it from her, knowing it would be as pointless as anything else I’d try. “If that was the case, then I’m certain I would have detected it by now. Oh well, just another minor mistake that clawed its way to the top of the totem pole.”

Before I had a chance to say anything, her horn lit up in less than a second and struck me with a spell. My eyes rolled in the back of my head, and I felt myself fall forward before losing consciousness once more.

There was thumping.

Distant and muffled, but distinct. They came in intervals, and I found myself counting the time in between each one.

Thump.

One, two.

Thump.

I was smothered in a nauseating heat, floating in an enrapturing nothingness. The sensation seeped its way into my mind until I could hardly think; I was only awake because of the thumping.

Thump.

One, two, three, fou-

A ripping sound tore me out of my stupor, leaving me on the floor in the piercing cold. The warmth was gone, along with the haze it held over me. Left behind was a pervasive stickiness that covered every inch of me; so vile the only thing preventing me from throwing up was an agonizing tingling in my throat that threw me into a coughing fit.

As I desperately tried to breathe, I found myself forced onto my back and having something shoved in my mouth. I tried resisting, only for some pressure to pull my hands to my chest and keep them there.

“I know, I know.” a vaguely familiar voice said. “But you need this.”

An icy nectar poured down my throat, tasting better than any water I’d had before. I swallowed as much of it as I could, which ended up being frighteningly little. Every inhale was cold and pricked the inside of my lungs, but at least I was breathing.

Two purple eyes became my focus, connected to Luster’s rugged face; A couple of scratches and dirt didn’t stop my relief. I raised myself from her lap, pressing my hands to my head as I tried not to groan at the pain that came with every pulse of my headache.

“Where’s Brash?”

“Don’t know.” She got to her hooves, stumbling a bit as her knees shook and appeared moments away from giving out. “We got separated by the changelings. If she followed protocol, she should have gone straight to Twilight as soon as she was able and evacuated Ponyville.”

The tip of her horn sparked with magic, only to fizzle out soon after. Luster scowled, clenching her fist and raising her head; visibility straining as her horn lit up again. Only to dull and die out.

“That won’t work.” I muttered as I stood up, clutching the sides of my head as the pain receded. “These things,” I gestured to the black, rock-like objects scattered on the ground of the cave. “Are anti-magic. I think only changeling magic works with them around; The Queen used a spell to put me to sleep without any issues.”

“Anti-magic?” She repeated, picking up one of the rocks and examining it. “How do you know that?”

“The diamond dogs had one.” I tried to rub off some of the goo on my face, which didn’t work since my hands were just as covered. The only good part about it was my hair being stuck in place and not getting in my eyes. She reached into her saddlebag, getting a small piece of cloth and handing it to me. “The Queen mentioned how she had her changelings pretend to be their puppies; I think she tricked them with that and forced them to go to Pinkie’s farm.”

“And why, pray tell,” She narrowed her eyes on me, lowering her chin to her chest. “Did you not mention that the diamond dogs had anti-magic? That’s very dangerous information to leave unspoken.”

“I forgot about it.”

I didn’t even bother to run my mind for some excuse, every other pressing issue taking priority. It hurt to move my body, parts of it asleep and sluggish and the rest painfully rigid. Bones creaked as I tried to stretch, only to find that it was painful.

“Hmm,” Luster made a humming noise, picking up one of the rocks and examining it for a moment before tossing it to the side. “Whatever the case, The Queen herself being here means Princess Celestia needs to be notified as soon as possible. I have the emergency scrolls here, but this anti-magic might make that problematic.”

She glared at the pods hanging from the ceiling, shuffling through her saddlebag and mumbling something far too quiet to make out.

“How well do you know these woods?”

“Well enough.” I watched as Luster pulled out a bundle of cloth, unfolding it until it was as long as a blanket. Then tying the corners together and creating a sort of pouch. “Why?”

“Like I mentioned before: Brash has almost certainly reached Ponyville by now. However, with this being a changeling invasion, it’s also a distinct possibility she hasn’t. I have to stay here and get as many ponies out as possible, but I can not do both. If Brash hasn’t reached Ponyville, that means Twilight and the rest of the bearers are unaware and in danger of being attacked at any instant; I can not express how urgent it is for them to be warned as soon as possible. I hate to ask this of you,” She unhooked the saddlebag from her hip, offering it to me. “Are you able to reach Ponyville on your own?”

I winced as I grabbed the bag, a painful numbness shooting up my arm and up to my shoulder. The bag wasn’t even particularly heavy, my body was just extremely averse to any kind of movement.

“Maybe. What about the changelings? Wouldn’t it be safer if you went with me?”

“No, it wouldn’t.” She glowered, pinching her lips and shaking her head. “In the state I’m in, I’d hardly suffice as a meatshield. The changelings-queen included-could come back at any moment, and I’d struggle just to muster up basic levitation; assuming I spent whatever time we have throwing out these anti-magic pebbles. You might be in more danger just staying here. I’d,” she grit her teeth so tightly it was audible, closing her eyes and taking an agonizingly long inhale. “Just slow you down. At least in Ponyville you’d have a chance. I didn’t run into any changelings after the initial ones, so I don’t believe there are that many in the woods.”

I checked the inside of the bag, finding only bundled up scrolls and leftover crumbs. Without thinking, I reached for my backpack, grasping at nothing. It was likely in the cave somewhere, or just left on the trail when they dragged me away.

Thankfully, Lumi wasn’t among the pods. They must have not bothered with her and let her run into the woods. I could take solace in that, if nothing else.

“I,” I struggled to attach the bag to my side, unable to stop my hands from shaking even as I held my breath. “Don’t want to just leave you here to die.”

“I won’t die, probably. They’ll want to keep me alive as a food source. Besides, even if that is what’s going to happen,” she sighed, slumping her shoulders and taking a few steps away. “What good would it be for you to die with me?”

I wanted to say ‘plenty’, but that retort didn’t make it past the back of my throat. I took a tentative step forward, only marginally wobbling that faded with each one I took. There was an underlying soreness to every movement, the fatigue was tolerable in comparison. Fear crept up on me, riddled with images of Fluttershy being mind controlled by the queen and replaced just as swiftly.

It could have been too late already. I could have been out for anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, and going there might end up doing nothing but delaying whatever the changelings planned on doing with me.

Even so, if there was a chance I could save them, save her, I’d take it. I could bear whatever pain I needed to.

For her.

Judging from how much the sun had dropped, it had to have been a handful of hours or an entire day since I was ambushed. The forest itself was barren of any kind of life, leaving only that same silence that unsettled me before. As amiss as it was, any changelings lurking in the forest were just as reluctant to make any noise.

Or had already infiltrated Ponyville. I tried really hard not to think about that possibility.

Eventually, parts of it started looking familiar, and I gradually made my way there. Twilight mentioned once that these were The Whitetail Woods, though only the tail end of it. It was far less convoluted than The Everfree, and didn’t have anything nearly as dangerous as Timberwolves. Although, I’d only been in it two or three times with Fluttershy, so all I could do was wander around until I found some part of the path we always took.

I didn’t take any breaks, even though I could feel how much I needed them. It wasn’t until I saw the schoolhouse that I stopped moving, resting against a tree and taking breaths so rapid and shallow I was lightheaded. The building itself was distinct, everything around it was smaller and blurry; vague shapes that I could only guess the identity of until the vertigo-like feeling passed.

When it did, the lack of ponies made my growing dread worse. I got closer, hoping that they had just gone into the center of the town for something, passing vendor stands that had been abandoned with products sitting just behind them. Ponies had left in a hurry, produce was crushed and splattered along the ground, unfinished meals were left to the elements; even an ice-cream cone was splattered in the dirt.

There was nobody at the town hall, barely even a trace that anyone was there recently. I collapsed to my knees, keeping my hands against the ground for support. There was nothing suggesting there was any kind of struggle, no blood or anything destroyed.

Luster must have been right: Brash already got here and warned Twilight. With Ponyville evacuated, the changelings must have gone back to that cave. By now, she’d hopefully got everyone she could from the pods, or left before they showed up. A reticent relief rose above the trepidation, and with it an odd and terrfyingly familar urge to laugh. I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around myself as I relaxed for the first time in hours.

“It seems I missed one.”

I didn’t recognize the voice at first; so devoid of any emotion it didn’t feel natural. Followed by the distant beating of wings, gradually getting louder until it was just behind me. I reflexively gulped at the sound of hooves hitting dirt, and the fluttering of wings retracting I’d grown so familiar with.

Celestia stood over me, sun hovering just above her head in the sky. Her magenta eyes were absent of any light; completely dull and half open like curtains trying to obscure some horrid sight. Though she was looking at me, her pupils lacked any real focus; she might as well have been staring at the distant horizon.

“Since you’re wearing her face, I suppose that means she never made it to Ponyville.” She stated, just as monotone. Not even a flicker of her eyelashes as she spoke, or any real movement aside from the slight parting of her lips. “I want to believe that this occurring the day she was supposed to come back is a coincidence; if only this wretched evening hadn’t deprived me of such buoyancy.”

I met her hollow leer for only a second, resulting in the longest second of my life. I’d gotten so used to being around Celestia on a daily basis that it was easy to forget how large she was, especially compared to me. Just her shadow covered my entire body, wings could wrap themselves around me if she so wished.

“Are they,” I tore my eyes away from her, gripping my hands so tightly against the ground I could only feel the cold dirt between my fingers. “Did everyone get evacuated?”

“Evacuated?” she repeated, raising her head and slowly moving her eyes around the town. Her gaze soon made its way back to me. “Very well, I’ll indulge your farce. No, none of my little ponies were saved. By the time Spike sent that letter, it was far,” I felt the air around me get warmer. “Far too late. I’m sure you know this already, considering you sit in the center as if you were waiting for me.”

“No, there must be,” I gave the buildings a desperate once over, trying to find any sign of life hiding in them. “Someone must still be-”

“There’s nothing here but talking corpses.”

My heart sank to my stomach, coiling as I leaned down and hung my head. A piercing, shrill ringing overshadowed any other noise in the area. I raised my trembling hands to my ears, covering them as much as I could in a desperate attempt to block it out only for it to have no effect. I half opened my mouth, trying to form something coherent other than a hushed squeaking.

“They’re,” every breath was as dense as it was loud. “Dead?”

“What is this?” Celestia asked, taking a single step forward. The ground beneath me wasn’t cold anymore. In fact, it was starting to get hot; more reminiscent of sand than dirt. “An attempt to elicit more sorrow from me? To further entrench despair? You’ve already won; I didn’t realize your kind was capable of pettiness. Unless,”

An intangible energy grasped the back of my hair, yanking my head upward and firmly holding it in position. A painful sting blew into my eyes as a tear rolled down my cheek, an aching in my body that made the very idea of moving an impossible feat.

“Is that you, Chrysalis?” Her eyes were completely open now, holding her chin high and a flushness to her face that wasn’t there before. Even her mane, which had always been flowing graciously regardless of where she was, had lost its vigor and hung limply from her head. “Is this your way of gloating? You defeated me at the wedding, was that not enough for you? Is it ever enough for you?”

The air became so dry that it hurt to breathe, sweat on my face and chest; my very skin was irritating. It soon became more than just my eyes that stung with the wind. Strangely, the front of my body was much hotter than the back, being lukewarm in comparison. Though, regardless of if Celestia’s magic was keeping me in place, I couldn’t move. The raw intensity in her stare was more than enough to prevent me from going anywhere.

“I’m not,” speaking got harder with every syllable. It felt like the little moisture I had was getting drained every second, leaving a scorching pain in my throat. I reached for my necklace, raising it for her to see. “A changeling. I’m Chara, really! I can show you where they’re hiding, please just-”

“How foolish do you think I am?” her magic bound my arms to my sides, slamming me to the ground. “Six times your kind deceived me since I’ve been here. Let me believe that, for just an instance, that someone could be saved. Again and again, I chose to follow that false hope, for it was far easier than accepting my failure. Now, you sit in the center of town after it's been scoured for survivors, just as I’m about to depart?”

I began to hyperventilate, breaking out in cold sweats as I tried in vain to break out of her grasp. No matter how much I struggled, I couldn’t even raise my chin. The heat radiating off Celestia got hotter, until just being in her presence burned as much as every inhale.

“How convienient.”

I made the mistake of closing my eyes, needing just a second without the stinging. The ground beneath me changed to cold tiles, checkered and occasionally broken with bones protruding out of them like spears and spikes. Light shining through the windows singed where it hit me, leaving my skin cracking and turning bright red.

The pink sandals I’d seen so many times were now replaced with white hooves, wearing golden engraved sabots. Her horn was alit with a magical glow, one that had darkened and became closer to orange than gold. Celestia’s scowl emanated an anger matched only in potency by the temperatures she was producing.

A scream never left my mouth, only a pathetic attempt at asking for help.

But nobody came.

“Please.”

“There will not be a seventh.”

With a stomp, I was back in Ponyville. Celestia’s magic surged like a flame given fuel, her mane blowing back with the tips singed black. Steam coming off of her body, as well as my own. I moved my eyes down to my arm, clenching my teeth as I tried to endure the pain. In less than a second, the steam sparked and lit on fire, quickly spreading to the rest of my body.

It hurt, so much more than I could have ever expected. My flesh slowly melted as it spread, the smell of my own body burning was so rancid it made me want to throw up. I squirmed in her clutch, blowing on the fire to try to stop it from spreading.

“No, there’s been enough suffering today. I will not let myself fall to your level.”

As if on cue, the fire vanished with Celestia’s whisper. The agony was still there, along with the lingering stench of my cooked skin. Her magic as well was gone, as I was able to raise myself to my knees. I knew that even if I tried to stand, I wouldn’t have the strength.

Assuming that Celestia even let me.

I hesitantly touched my arm, whimpering as any movement was as harmful as contact. The only good thing about burn wounds was the lack of blood, instead leaving the skin a charred, disfigured mess that I didn’t even recognize as what used to be my arm.

“Before you perish, know that in spite of what you’ve done here, the sun will rise with or without you.”

The blackened part of my arm began to crumble, evaporating into ash that polluted the air. This disintegration spread to the rest of my arm, yet wasn’t painful in any way. I could feel its loss as I tried to move it, but nothing else. There were still sensations on my shoulders, sweltering under the heat and drenched in sweat.

I yelped as I collapsed to the ground again, this time because most of my legs were no longer there to support me. So eerily similar to when I first came to this world, I was left limbless on the ground; a cadaver that held onto the little life it had. I mumbled a wordless apology to Fluttershy, unable to even form actual words.

All I could do was sob tearlessly, any that I could form would just turn into more steam. Despite the lack of pain as my body turned into nothing more than dust, it was unbearable. Any attempt to move my absent limbs lacked the feedback I was so used to with them, no matter how much I told myself they weren’t there anymore. Soon, it made its way to my torso, and I could no longer breathe. Only making desperate gasps to suck in the humid air that never made it to my non-existing lungs.

Celestia only watched; eyes losing their spark as quickly as I was losing parts of me. When it made its way to my head, all that I could see was being corroded away by specks of black. Her expression was growingly more solemn, and then apathetic as she began walking away. She said something to me, but my ears had long since left; I would never know what her parting words were.

As I passed, I gained a horrific new understanding of how the monsters Frisk slaughtered must have felt when they passed. To experience your body becoming nothing, unable to do anything to stop it. Aware of the entire process, helpless with the only option to wait for the inevitable demise.

It made me hate Frisk even more.

Every death I’d experienced before, from the Hydra to The Diamond Dogs, had been unforgivingly cold. Likely because of blood, the core source of heat in my body, leaving me. Or perhaps death itself was just cold, smothering the warmth of life; That could very well explain the burning in my chest that came with every reset.

This one, however.

This one was hot.

Chapter 30: Sweet Surprise

Talking to Celestia was much more difficult than I would have liked. Every word, a landmine. Each sentence, a pit trap. She was perceptive enough to realize I’d died in the future I told her about, and very possibly more that she just didn’t say.

It rattled me enough to where my knees gave out the second I was alone. Leaning against the wall for support was all I could do, besides just trying to think. Brash and Luster were right outside my room, waiting for me to ‘pack’. Really, I was ready to go after I was done talking to Celestia.

By far, it was the most draining dinner I’ve ever had.

After a while, I hobbled over to the bed and just let myself sink into its softness. My head had left a dent in the pillow, making it fit perfectly. So tempting was the desire to fall asleep, to leave the changelings and the burning to someone else’s plate.

If only I could live with myself with how things turn out.

With a little self motivation, I managed to make myself get up. The longer I took to get there, the more likely that this is just another dead loop.

The chariot now had two pegasi attached to it instead of one, leaving Brash by my side instead of taking up the mantle. They’d been relatively silent on the trip there, but not distantly so like before. Maybe Celestia told them something after dinner? It was hard to say. I just know there’s not the same tension as before. It doesn’t feel like I’d done something wrong this time.

In retrospect, it must have been something I said to them. But now it was too late to ask what.

Cadence stood in the corner of my vision, lacking the bunny in her arms that she had last time. She was speaking to one of the guards, one who hadn’t been there in the last loop, with the closest thing resembling a scowl that I’ve seen. Her eyes darted to mine for a fleeting second, relaxing for just as briefly before turning her attention back to the guards. She said something with a nod and the guards bowed to her, making their way inside as she began walking towards me.

“Chara,” Her expression relaxed until she got within a few feet of me, then her shoulders pulled in and her pupils constricted in that signature onset fear. “I’m sorry, I meant to bring your gift before you went off to Ponyville. Now with this changeling stuff…”

Brash and Luster promptly bowed to her, which Cadance hardly noticed. She waved her hand, causing them to straighten their posture and take a few hoofsteps back.

“It’s fine. I’m sure Lumi would be better off here, anyway.”

“Lumi? Is that what you named the bunny?”

“Yeah.”

“How did you know it was going to be Lumi?”

Cadence narrowed her gaze, stabbing into me with a staggering curiosity. I mentally cursed myself for saying that. Considering I just mentally berated myself for not being more careful with my words, I should have actually made more of an effort than that.

I ran a hand up my chest to my neck, adjusting the collar of my shirt as it felt much tighter than it was a few seconds ago.

“Um, Celestia mentioned it at dinner?”

Cadence raised a single eyebrow. “Really? Celestia told you I was going to let you take Lumi home with you when I explicitly asked her not to tell you?”

Uh oh.

“.... Yes?”

The cracking in my voice was as well hidden as the fidgeting I was doing. Luster was watching just as intensely as always, Brash conveniently was counting the clouds.

Cadance crossed her arms, wings unfurling as she tapped a hoof against the ground. “Lance and Bulwark, right? Can you leave Chara and me alone for a moment?”

“Of course, Princess.” Luster said with a half bow, wandering over to Brash and tugging on one of her wings. “Come on, Brash. You still need to tell me what I can file as a business expense on my taxes while being a bailbondspony.”

“Oh, well, just about anything!” Brash walked alongside, a noticeable pip in her step that wasn’t there before. “It’s all about wording and objectivity. You have to make it sound like a scientist making logs on an experiment or something.”

Cadence watched them until they were at the chariot, getting closer to me as a cobalt blue magic shrouded her horn. Before I had the time to so much as blink, she’d cast some spell on me. A creeping tingle fell on my skin, spreading to every corner of my body and digging its way into me like millions of tiny worms. A disgusting warmth traveled up my spine, ending at my neck and making its way to my brain.

All of this was happening in the span of the longest second in my life.

I took a few steps away from her, wrapping my arms around myself and stabbing my nails into my skin until the pain was stronger than the fading disgust.

“What did you do?”

I didn’t even blink. The burning was preferable to what might be lurking in that darkness.

“I,” Cadance glanced down at my hands. “It was a scanning spell. When I heard about the changeling stuff I was worried you might have been mind controlled to—”

“Don’t ever do that again.”

She flinched, unfurling her wings as her horn remained lit. Sucking in her cheeks as her arms dropped to the sides. Her entire posture grew rigid.

“Okay, sorry. I’ve just had some awful experiences with changelings and I know firsthand what it can do to a pony.”

I stood there for what seemed like hours before reluctantly pulling my nails out of my arms and rubbing my necklace. The cold air made them sting, but I’ve ignored much worse.

“You have?” I rubbed my pendant, counting in my head as I steadied my breathing.

“Yeah. The queen mind controlled my husband, left me in the caves under Canterlot to starve, took my place, tried to kill Celestia, and very nearly turned all of Canterlot and the ponies who live here into her personal food source.” A gradual anger took hold of her voice. Cadence’s mouth morphed into a sneer as she scowled, her eyes closing as she presumably remembered the event. “Shiny puts up a front when Chrysalis is brought up, but I can tell he still feels really guilty about it. If you’re right and changelings are in Ponyville, and something happens to them,” her chin dropped to her chest, her right arm reaching around and grabbing her shoulder. “He’d never forgive himself.”

I tried not to think back to Ponyville. To its abandoned streets, void of any life. It was so humid just imagining it made my throat itchy. A phantom heat slicked up my spine, covering me in a bone-deep warmth.

The chilly wind did little to soothe the urge I had to take a shower that never ended.

“Did you just want to check if I was mind controlled?”

I came off as more impatient than I meant to. I bit my lip, glancing at the chariot. Brash was chatting with the two pegasi it was attached to, and Luster was resting her head on her hoof and staring in a random direction.

“No. I wanted to ask a favor of you.”

Once I turned my head back to Cadance, all my little movements froze when I saw her bowing her head to me. Her arms straight as a pole against her sides, her rose mane obscuring most of her face except for a single closed eye.

“Chara, if Chrysalis really is in Ponyville, I’m begging you to let Shining handle it. He’s been preparing for this day ever since the wedding. I’m sure as we speak he’s pulling out every stop and is tunnel visioned on this. Please, don’t get in his way.”

“Okay, okay. Just,” I held up my hands, receding them to my chest as I saw the guards shift their attention to me. Brash, Luster, the chariot pegasi; all began staring at me as soon as they saw Cadance bowing. Eight pairs of eyes were focusing on me, staring at me, waiting on me.

The sharp poison of anxiety was as potent as ever, never dulling no matter how many times it stabbed me.

“Please stop bowing to me. You don’t have to do that just to ask something.”

“I don’t think you would have taken me as seriously if I hadn’t.”

Their looks lingered after Cadance straightened her posture, though after some passing seconds they at least appeared to be looking elsewhere. Most of them, anyway. Luster didn’t make any attempt to hide how much of her direct attention was on me.

“What are you asking me to do exactly? Stand by and let him do everything, even if there’s changelings right in front of me?”

“No, of course not. I’d never ask you to put yourself in danger like that.” She pressed her lips into a line, shaking her head. “Shining will be in Ponyville after you by about an hour or two at most. The moment he does, he’s going to want total control over the situation and not take help from anyone who isn’t in his squadron; especially none of the bearers since they will without a doubt be targets. When he does, don’t try to help.”

“Why would I?”

“Because,” She interlaced her hands, clenching her jaw and breaking eye contact. “With the diamond dogs, you tried to handle the situation by yourself. I know I couldn’t possibly understand the situation even if you told me. Regardless, I have to ask that you don’t do anything this time. It won’t go well for anyone.”

Of course.

It made sense why she’d think that. The situation with the changelings isn’t overly different from the ones with the diamond dogs. Really, there were just more of them and more lives at stake. Along with there being the leader of the nation I could ask for help, who had dozens of trained guards at her disposal.

Yet I’d asked for help before in that situation, time and time again; none of those worked. I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t hold this ball of dread that something similar was going to happen again. The changelings were much smarter than the diamond dogs, and leagues more dangerous with what they can do and already have done.

As much as I wanted to air those fears, I held my tongue.

“Alright, I can do that.”

“Good.” She let out a relieved sigh, adjusting her clothes and tightening her wings. “Then I’ll leave you to it. Remember what we talked about last night with Twilight? Just,” Cadence moved her arms forward to mine, reaching for them before stopping herself and pulling them back. “Be patient with her. She’s going to be difficult with you being around. It’s because she cares.”

“I know.” I fiddled with one of the straps of my backpack, constantly having to remind myself it was there. “Thanks for the advice.”

I started walking towards the chariot, struggling to come up with what I’m going to say to Twilight in the first place. Or Limestone, or even Luster who was right in front of me. Celestia didn’t even tell me if she was letting Twilight know that I was coming straight to Sugarcube with two bodyguards. I should have asked Celestia about the letters Twilight sent her about her changeling fears, maybe that woul—

“Chara?”

Cadence called out to me right before I climbed into the chariot, standing in the same place. I waited with my hands on the edges, Brash getting in beside Luster as the pegasi attached got into position.

“If Twilight’s right and changelings really infiltrated Ponyville, then it could be anypony there. Be careful.”

“I will.”

The chariot was as comfortable as I remembered it being, though less spacious now that Brash was inside of it instead of flying. I went to pet Lumi, only for my hand to touch air instead of her fur. It was startling how quickly I’d gotten used to her. She must have been in The Royal Garden with the other jackalopes, where she was around plenty of animals she’d be far more comfortable with.

And in much less danger, at that.

I briefly considered asking Celestia if I can come back and get her when everything’s settled, whenever that may be. However, by that time I’m sure she’ll have forgotten all about me. With how much danger I consistently get myself in, that might be for the best.

The pegasi took their running start, and the chariot was off the ground in seconds. The strong wind stung the same as before, popping my ears and leaving me gripping the edge of my seat. Once more, we soared over the city of Canterlot. It was as beautiful as every other time I saw it.

I could only hope enough loops wouldn’t pass to where I can’t appreciate that anymore.

“What was Princess Cadance apologizing to you for?”

Luster was watching the buildings as we flew over them, Brash doing the same but sticking her head farther out so the wind blew her mane much harder.

“She wasn’t.” I answered Luster, trying to talk as little as possible so I didn’t get a fly in the back of my throat again. “She was asking me a favor.”

“Oh? As a Princess or as Cadance?”

“As Cadance, I think. She asked me to let Shining Armor handle everything.”

“Ah. Yeah, that’s probably for the best. The Captain isn’t a big fan of—” Luster choked on something. Pupils constricting as she beat on her chest until she hocked it out. “Sharing authority.”

“We should probably stop talking.” I muttered, watching the beautiful scenery pass us by along with all its beatific inhabitants. “You’ll catch bugs.”

Luster rubbed her throat, moving around in her seat. “I noticed.”

A severe sense of déjà vu sat on my brain.

The trip, while a tad longer, was lacking in conversation. I leaned over the edge once we started approaching Ponyville, a weight slipping off my chest once I saw ponies walking around. A good half dozen or so, wandering around the town like they did every other day.

I wasn’t too late this time.

The chariot touched down in front of Sugarcube Corner, coming to a firm and loud stop a few feet in front of the store. Every pony around immediately stopped what they were doing, preemptively bowing as they clearly expected royalty to step out of it.

As soon as they saw that it was me, they raised their heads with obvious perplexity. They chattered amongst themselves, staring more at the guards than me. Mostly.

“Oh man, I’ve heard fantastic things about Sugarcube Corner’s pastries. Never got to try one till now.”

“Yes you—” I bit my tongue, turning my head as I realized that wasn’t in this loop. “I guess you haven’t. They’re great. Especially ones made by Pinkie,” I glanced at the entrance, a coiling in my chest as I recalled how bleak the inside was the last time I was inside. “If she’s feeling better.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Luster hopped off the chariot, knocking her hoof against the rim as the pegasi attached flexed their wings and began moving forward. The guards swiftly took off now that it was three people lighter and they made their way back to Canterlot.

“Guess that means their smoothies aren’t anything to write home about.” Luster said, sticking to my right. “Chara, protocol dictates we need to be walking on both sides of you a lot closer than we have been. I’m not going to like it anymore than you, but it's leagues ahead of becoming a love source for a changeling.”

Brash trotted up to my left, close enough to where if she extended her wing she could wrap me in it like one of those burritos at breakfast. Luster was just as close on the right, though her attention was more on the surrounding citizens than me.

I brought my hands to my neck, tenderly rubbing it as I just focused on my breathing. Some part of me deeply wished Chrysalis didn’t wake me up in that pod; I would have been much better off not feeling my body covered in that grotesque green goop and its awful warmth.

For the first time in my life, I wished it was colder outside.

“I know.”

They didn’t hear me say that, fortunately.

I took a deep breath as we walked up the stairs to the door, recalling easily how dreary the place was when I last saw it. I still had no idea what to say to Twilight, or even Limestone. Limestone was incredibly protective of her family, and I broke Pinkie’s trust along with Twilight. The best advice I got was to ‘convince her to give me a chance to re-earn her trust’, which I didn’t know where to start with.

Had it really only been a handful of days since we saw each other? It felt so much longer. The last thing Twilight and I talked about was…

I glanced down at my wrist, tugging at the sleeve and pulling it up to the palm of my hand. I can’t imagine she’d bring that up around others. So there’s that, if nothing else.

I didn’t notice what was wrong at first when I walked in. All the furniture was in the right place, and a new sign was under the cash register that read ‘90% off, buy one, get two free, and we pay you one bit per sample!’. An abundance of food was on the other side of the window in the counter.

It took a few seconds before I realized it was the lack of color in the room. There wasn’t a new shade of paint on all the furniture or anything, but the colors that were there seemed duller somehow. There was also next to no smell, at least compared to what there was normally. Sugarcube Corner always had the sweet aroma of baking and pastries being made with love.

Now, there was barely a whiff of cinnamon. Even less than the artificial one the last time I was there.

Mrs.Cake looked even worse than last time. Her light crimson mane, which was usually in a swirl like the frosting of a cupcake, was now a splayed mess. Her coat was not much better, being hardly obscured by an apron that wasn’t on right. Mrs.Cake’s mouth occasionally moved as if she were speaking, but no sound came out.

I decided to steer away from that.

Twilight and Pinkie were in a corner booth, apparently the only customers in the place. Pinkie had completely gained her vibrance back, along with her pink hue and curls in her mane. I couldn’t see her face, yet I could tell she was wearing a grin that was hard to frown around.

Twilight, on the other hand, was very easy for me to be hesitant about approaching.

She was content enough talking to Pinkie before seeing me, but right after she fixed me with an incredulous stare and pressed her back against her seat. Pinkie noticed this of course, shifting around in her seat to face me.

In that single second of eye contact, where her beam dropped and I couldn’t tell how she would feel about me being back, I was left stuck in uncertainty. I couldn’t begin to guess how she’d react, if she wanted to see me, if she continued to blame herself. I expected so many ways.

A smile and wave wasn’t a single one.

“Chara, what a surprise! Come on, come on, I wanna hear what Canterlot’s like this time of year.”

Pinkie moved over on her bench, patting the spot she was just sitting at.

Right across from Twilight.

Great.

“Um, sure.”

“Yeah, uh, Luster and I will just kinda-” After I awkwardly sat down, looking everywhere but at Twilight, Luster and Brash stood on both sides of the bench. “Stand here I guess.”

“Princess Celestia gave you an escort?” Twilight peered up at them, raising an eyebrow and lowering her eyes back to me. “Why? Is she worried about something?”

“Just protocol, ma’m.”

“‘Ma’m’?” Twilight’s eyebrows drew together as she pursed her lips. “Please just call me Twilight. I’m not nearly old enough to be ok with being called ma'am.”

‘Just protocol’?

Was that true, or did Celestia order them not to tell Twilight about the changelings? What would be the point of that? Twilight already suspected there were changelings in Ponyville, why not just tell her she’s right?

Luster must have guessed what I was thinking, staring at me out of the corner of my vision and subtly shaking her head.

Brash was much less subtle with her head shaking.

Twilight noticed, which didn’t make her frown go anywhere, but she didn’t say anything.

I did see Mrs. Cake shuffle her way from the counter to the kitchen, wearing a shaky smile and rapidly blinking as she inched her way to the door. Within seconds, she had quietly slipped out.

“Well that was weird.” Brash noted out loud.

“What, Mrs.Cake? Nah, she’s been like that since Limestone started cooking. Limey’s burned more food in the past couple of days than I have in my entire time here. That’s ok though, she’s getting better. The last cupcake she made was barely edible!”

“Pinkie, you threw it up.”

“I got it down in the first place though, didn’t I? Enough about that.” She fidgeted around in her seat until she was facing me, her eyes brimming with light. “How was Canterlot? I heard Luna’s got her own personal theater now, and she’s doing modern renditions of stories in play forms. Did she show it to you?”

“How do you know about that? Princess Luna only just opened it to citizens, mostly nobles, a few days ago.” Luster asked with a raised chin.

“Oh, I’ve got friends just about everywhere! Not any nobles, just a few ponies in Canterlot that are really into theatrics so of course they’d tell me about it.”

“Luna did mention that she let so many ponies go to the first showing because she was hoping they would tell others.” I muttered as I scanned the food that was on the table, finding that Pinkie’s plates barely had crumbs while Twilight’s had two hardly touched donuts on it still.

“So you have been to it.” Pinkie’s voice brimmed with enthusiasm, directing all of her attention to me. “What was it like? I heard it was really dramatic.”

I swallowed my urge to get away from her, having to readjust to Pinkie’s energy. As different as it was from Canterlot, there was a tinge of relief at seeing her so bubbly again.

It was tempting to ask her why. I couldn’t deny there was some part of me that wanted to know if what I told her about Limestone helped cheer her up, or if it was the reason Limestone was even here.

Just not enough to voice it.

“It was Haylet. So calling it ‘dramatic’ is an understatement.” A hole of peckishness poked at me from my stomach; I really should have eaten something at breakfast.

“You got to watch Haylet?!” Twilight jumped out of her seat, hands slamming on the table. “I’ve been wanting to see that in person for ages! If I had known that, I would have gone myself.”

“You’re a fan of plays, Twi? I never would have guessed.”

“Well, I’ve never seen one, but I’ve read tons of popular stories translated to novel format and in their original screenplays.” Twilight sat back down, taking a nibble from one of the donuts. “Haylet is arguably the most influential story told from that era; experiencing it in the way it was originally meant to be told is something I’ve always wanted to do.”

“It was depressing.” The conversation Luna and I had after the play retained a vividness to it that most other memories didn’t. Most of the ones with her were like that. “In a good way, I think.”

“That’s what I thought after I read it. Awesome! Guess that means it's a good translation. Did you do anything else cool?”

“Uhm,” Twilight was staring at my wrist. I caught her right as I looked away from Pinkie, transfixing her purple eyes right where my scar would be. Folding her ears and giving her attention to a random spot on the table.

I could only guess how many times she’d done that before I caught her.

“I learned I could play piano, kinda.” I tapped my fingertips against the table, reminiscent of the tempo of the first song I played on it. “There’s this list of songs in my mind that I can perform on a piano, but nothing else really.”

“Piano, huh? Neat, that’s one of the only instruments I haven’t managed to master yet. My twin sister Marble has though!”

“Piano? Huh.” Twilight was looking anywhere else but at me. I could feel her hooves tapping against the ground, very muffled clacking with each one. “I think there’s a musician in Ponyville who has a piano, actually. Octavia Melody is her name, I believe?”

“Octi? Yeah, she has one on her side of the house. She’d probably be thrilled to hear someone else interested in it. I could probably convince her to give you lessons for free if you—”

“Calm down, Mrs. Cake. I’m going. Shit.” Limestone came back-first through the revolving doors of the kitchen, rubbing the side of her head and muttering something under her breath. Swiveling on her hooves and drawing her eyes to our table.

Settling right on me.

“Oh.” It felt like Limestone had set her sights on my soul, staring straight into my eyes with her own hardened pair. I could make out the way she clenched her teeth, tightened her body, and leaned back on her heels. “It’s you. Didn’t realize you were coming back from Fancytown so early.”

“We got orders from Princess Celestia to do so. It’s protocol.”

“And I see you brought some buddies with you.”

“We’re her escorts.”

“I thought Canterlot got rid of their escort problem?”

“Ha, ha.” Brash fake laughed, wings flexing as she turned to Limestone. “What an original joke I’ve never heard before. You really must be Pinkie’s sister with that sense of humor.”

Limestone took the blatant sarcasm about as well as others took hers.

“Pft, whatever. Move starbutt.”

Limestone brushed shoulders with Brash, who stood her ground at first before giving way.

Twilight scooched to the other side of the bench, skidding her plate across the table with her magic. Limestone scavenged the surface, failing to find anything either of them left.

“You know, for being such a small thing, you left a huge mess. But, hey, at least you left them in one piece. Sorta.”

The smile on Pinkie’s face faltered as she leaned into the table, pulling in her shoulders with her nails digging into the edges of the table. “Limey, we agreed not to talk about that when she just came back.”

“No, you two agreed not to talk about it when she first gets here. I called bulls—” She glanced at me, clearing her throat. “Bullcrap. You wanna play ring around the rosy and act all nice? Fine, cool, whatever. But don’t act like not talking about it isn’t going to make her worried. I met her once and even I know that she’s going to be thinking about that shit every interaction until somebody says something. I just decided it should be me.”

I flinched when she gestured to me, failing to recede into my t-shirt; I should have worn the hoodie Rarity made for me.

“Fluttershy asked us to give her a chance. We should at least let her settle before we talk about…” Twilight hunched over, crossing one leg over another. “What happened.”

“We don’t have to talk about the farm.” I muttered, slipping my right hand in the sleeve of my left arm as they intertwined into one long sleeve. It was warm enough to make the goosebumps on my forearms go away if nothing else. “I just want to know if you’re better. If you guys are still,”

The word was on the tip of my tongue. I hated it. I wanted to say something else, some alternative.

I failed to come up with one. I really should read more.

“Fighting.”

Pinkie made a very quiet whimpering noise. Limestone and I were seemingly the only ones who noticed. The corners of Limestone’s mouth caved in, groaning as her eyes darted between Pinkie and I.

“We were never fighting. Each of us were just dealing with it in different ways.”

“Applejack and Rainbow were.” Pinkie mewled in a solemn tone, toying with the plate inattentively. “For a few days, at least. When Fluttershy started coming out more, she talked to Rainbow and got her to calm down some. Then she came here, we talked, and they’re on better terms now. They still argue about it on occasion, but they’re good.”

The argument in front of Sugarcube Corner I stumbled into came to mind, and the discomfort it left me with. That stainless steel in her eyes when she leered at me was as unwavering as it was intimidating, unshaken in her anger. She didn’t hate me; Applejack didn’t have it in her to hate someone no matter what they did.

But she was disappointed in me because of what I did. She didn’t trust me, and I’m not sure she ever can again.

I was worried about Twilight never forgiving me. Instead, I should have been worried about Applejack.

“Are they doing ok?”

“Yep. I saw Applejack just this morning with Rainbow who was helping her. It’s Rarity I’m more worried about.” Pinkie stayed uncharacteristically motionless. No gestures, no bouncing mane, no smiling. Staring out the window at nothing at all. “Fluttershy went to talk to her not that long ago. Since then, she’s been out more often, but she’s still burying herself in her work. I think she partly blames herself for it.”

“What?” Saying that was familiar for a reason that felt gross on my tongue. “Why?”

“Like we told you: Rarity herself had The Diamond Dogs handled the last time we dealt with them. After you left the house, Rarity wanted to go in the middle of the field and start whining as loud as she could until they showed up. Then she’d whine them into submission and make them find you and bring you back. The only thing stopping her was Fluttershy, who convinced her that you’d be fine and you would be back soon.”

I did that.

I told Fluttershy to make sure they stayed in the house for as long as she could get them to.

I laid my arms on the table, burying my head into it and just closing my eyes. Once again watching the scattered spots of light enveloped by darkness, leaving nothing left. I try to do the same with my hearing, picturing shadows crawling into my ears and stuffing it so no sound could make its way inside.

The calm it provided was fleeting just as quickly as it arrived.

“I’m sorry.”

I couldn’t see their faces or their body language. I could, however, feel the tangible awkwardness.

“I know.”

Twilight’s voice, and the way it didn’t even rise above a whisper, was easy to recognize.

What was harder to recognize was the hand that rested on top of my head.

A nauseating fear rippled into my soul, spreading devastatingly fast. I reminded myself over and over that it was Pinkie touching me, but that brought little comfort as always.

“I forgive you, Chara.”

There was a certainty to her voice that was almost calming, petting me like how I had Angel and Lumi countless times. It was such an odd sensation, like she was brushing my hair yet only a specific part of it as gently as she could.

Her hand receded to her chest as she smiled at me. There were no teeth in this one; it didn’t even reach wide enough to make her dimples visible like they always did. It was just…

Warm.

“Sorry about touching you. I’m an expert at smiles, not so much at anything else. Touching is a lot easier for me sometimes.” Pinkie chuckled as she tilted her head.

I placed my hand where hers just was, stroking it the same way she had. It didn’t feel like anything.

“It’s alright, I get that. I know you’re not trying to hurt me.” I ran my hands up my neck, a tinge of frustration as I made out my hair. It’d grown longer again, having reached its way to half my neck. It’d be doing that for the rest of my life, and it’s just something I’ll have to deal with.

Sometimes, I wondered what was the point of bothering.

“I don’t want to have t—”

“Hello!”

My knees hit the bottom of the table at Mrs.Cakes' greeting.

None of the others jumped, so they must have seen her coming with the various colored cupcakes. Her grin was abnormally large, covering the entirety of her lower face and quivering with the same energy her eyes were.

“It’s been forever since we’ve had so many customers in our shop at once, so I thought I’d offer these to celebrate.” Mrs.Cake set the platter in the center of the table, each one having a color matching the ponies at the table. Including Brash and Luster.

Except for me.

“And this one,” She picked one that was nearly completely yellow, handing it to me. “Is for you, Kara!”

She said it with such confidence I hardly registered how wrong it was.

“It’s…chara.”

“That’s what I said.” She chuckled nervously. Looking back and forth as she began to back away.

“No, you pronounced it car-uh. It’s pronounced char-uh, like charcoal. Asriel used to get that wrong a lot.”

“Who’s Asriel?”

I recoiled at Twilight’s question, pushing my back against my seat as I chewed on my lips. The cupcake was hot in my hand as I held it, failing to come up with any answer that didn’t lead to more questions from her.

“A friend.” I turned to Mrs. Cake. “Why yellow?”

“No reason. I didn’t know your favorite, so it'd be as good a color as any, right?”

Favorite color?

People have favorite colors?

Asriel always mentioned having one, which constantly changed, but I’d yet to hear anyone else say that. He’d always been an odd kid in the best ways.

I thought about it for a few seconds as I stared at the cupcake, shifting through all the ones I knew and the various shades they each tended to adorn.

It was hard to say. I don’t think it’s yellow, at least.

“I guess.”

It tasted like banana as I bit into it. Not artificial banana like some of those candies I’ve tried; actual banana. The breading was also incredibly soft, as if I was biting into a cloud. It wasn’t better than the cupcake I had in my backpack, however it was pretty close.

“Wow. Mrs. C, I haven’t had cupcakes this good in a while. Why don’t you make them more often?”

“Well, Pinkie, then they wouldn’t be for special occasions.”

There was an underlying snarkiness to Mrs. Cake’s response that threw me off guard, making me stop chewing and peer up at her. She’d inched herself away from the table, now a handful of feet away. Her eyes had closed, and the half-smile she wore was gone. An almost peaceful-expression took its place. She looked calm.

Something about that was beyond unsettling.

“Holy shit.” Brash swore, not even having swallowed her first bite yet. “This is the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.”

Limestone’s lips trembled, making brief eye contact with Pinkie who was shaking her head.

“It’s pretty good.” Luster added. Having already finished most of hers. “I don’t usually enjoy overly sweet things, so that’s saying something.”

“Eh, you had one cupcake you’ve had’em all. Lacks the hardiness of rock soup; and the crunch.” Limestone set aside the half of hers she didn’t eat.

As I swallowed my second bite, I went into a coughing fit right after getting it down. It didn’t last very long, leaving a lingering scratch sensation that lined the inside of my throat. I disregarded it as just being thirsty, since I didn’t even drink anything today other than apple-juice with Celestia.

I couldn’t shake the fear that that wasn’t quite the case.

“Wow. If that’s actually how you feel about pastries, maybe that’s why you’ve stagnated on your cooking progress.”

Brash choked on her cupcake. I couldn’t tell if it was because of what Twilight said or because she was eating it too vigorously.

“It’s not that bad, Twilight. Even you—” Pinkie coughed, beating on her chest. “Said it was good!”

“I said it was good enough. I’d been sampling her food for hours until my tongue went numb, and I said it was good enough when I tasted something that I could, well, taste.”

In the middle of talking, blood trickled from her nostrils; dripping onto the table. Her pupils switched between dilating and constricting, head wobbling as she lost more of her balance every few seconds.

“Twilight, are you okay?”

Pinkie’s voice dived a few pitches, becoming unrecognizably deep. I twisted my head to glance at her, only for my entire world to go blurry and start spinning. I couldn’t feel myself slip off the seat onto the ground, hitting my head against the ground that made it worse. No darkness invading the corners of my vision like so many times before when I went unconscious.

Just a wet, dripping sensation as something ran down my nose. Then my ears, and soon my eyes and mouth. It was warm and sticky, and I still couldn’t breathe. I scratched at my throat hard enough to bleed; the pain was not half as agonizing as the need to inhale. I could make out the distant sound of coughing, frantic with desperation and wet with what I could only assume was a mixture of blood and phlegm.

It took a few seconds to realize it was more than just my own coughing.

Pinkie and the others must have been struggling like I was.

I made some guttural noise as I raised my head, pushing through the pain as much as I could. Every inch was excruciating; I didn’t even manage to get my shoulders up as I collapsed back down.

My organs were shutting down; I could feel it. It was familiar in a way I despised. So similar to when I killed myself with buttercups, shoving as many of them into my stomach as I could manage until my arms were sore. Then I laid in bed, bleeding out of my face and holding myself as I felt my body give up on me section by section.

This was much like that. Except I didn’t do this to myself.

I could see a green flash right on the edge of my murky site, bright enough to burn had I been looking directly at it. I couldn’t tell what it was, as I shut my eyes at some point just to keep the coming migraine at bay. The coughing had stifled, leaving nothing in its wake.

As I died, there was laughter. Shrill, bumptious, and all encompassing.

I only wish I knew where I’d heard it before

That cold pool in my heart returned with this reset. Along with it an unassuageable urge to breathe as I woke up coughing.

Once again, I lurched forward in my bed, wrapping my hands around my throat as I attempted to push out air. It took me a few seconds to realize nothing was in my throat, and that I could breathe with no problem.

For a few minutes with an empty head, all I could do was lay under a messy blanket with my palms around my neck, just inhaling and exhaling. When I calmed down, I let my arms slump to my sides and my head ease back to the pillow. The underside of the canopy's roof was so well-attuned into my mind that I could close my eyes and describe it in detail.

I was tempted to do that right before shooting myself with an array of questions.

It must have been a changeling that poisoned us. That green flash is the same kind as when I was paralyzed in the woods; assuming that's the color of their magic for when they change form as well as casting spells. I hadn’t seen one do so yet, I can only assume.

Was it the food? Twilight and Pinkie had already started eating when I got there, it could have done so there. If that was the case, then why was it so fast acting? I reached into the inventory of my backpack, writing down everything I could remember as soon as I could in my journal.

It couldn’t have been the food they were eating when I came in. It started working on me just as soon as them. Unless they used a different poison on them than me? Assuming, that is, it’s poison in the first place. I know next to nothing about changelings; If they have spells that can kill someone like that, if it was something else entirely.

I can’t even say for sure who was the changeling there. It can’t have been me, and it can’t have been Twilight since her nose bled. Or was that some kind of ruse?

My heart hurt.

I rubbed my chest as the pain from moments ago lingered, making me heave and suck in as much air as I could before I lost that privilege. The clothes on my body were restricting, I wanted to take them off. To just lay in my bed and listen to my organs until I was convinced they wouldn’t die one by one again.

My fingers were sticky. I didn’t bother wiping them.

Twilight went through that. Very likely Pinkie did as well. They had to struggle to breathe, to writhe on the ground, to feel as their body decayed. Not knowing what happened, who betrayed them, to make things better.

They suffered.

The changelings could have killed them in any way. With a spell, in their sleep. They chose to make them suffer.

She chose to make them suffer.

I needed to get to Ponyville as soon as I could. Not in the morning, that could be far too late. I stared out of one of the windows at the night sky, focusing on the moon in the middle of the stars. I couldn’t say how long I had before the sun came up and I had my third breakfast with Celestia.

The book fit snugly in the backpack pocket dimension, just as fitting on my back. The bathroom was right across from me, with it could come another shower. The showers I took—hot or cold— were always soothing, at least for a little while.

But they took time. That’s not a luxury I have anymore.

I hopped off the bed, opening the balcony doors and peering over the edge. Canterlot was lively as usual, not lacking in night owl ponies to wander the streets, living their own lives. However, none were those street musicians from the other night. They could have been down there, but it didn’t seem like they were playing tonight.

A piece of me longed for that passionate improvisation again.

I gripped the cold balcony, leaning over to look at nearby buildings. None of them were close enough to drop down on; not without breaking both of my legs. What then? Crawl to Ponyville? Not like I could really make it to Ponyville on foot. I didn’t know where to go, or if I could even make it in time.

What was I thinking?

My eyes watered as the chill hit me, strength going out of my knees as they gave out under me. Holding my head against the railings, listening for something to tell me what to do.

I couldn’t make it there on time. So am I just supposed to-

“Chara?”

Following the sound of a door opening, Brash’s raucous voice called out to me. I wiped my face, staggering to my feet as I tightened my backpack straps. Often, I’d fiddle with them for no real reason. It wasn’t even pleasant to do. I just…needed to keep them moving.

It helped ignore the stickiness.

“Sorry, just heard the balcony door open and wanted to check in.” Brash trotted over to my bed, tilting her head at how messy it was. “Needed some fresh air, I take it?”

“Something like that.” I murmured, staring at the entrance. “Where’s Luster?”

“Oh, we just switched shifts. She went off to take a nap or something. Why?”

Brash was a pegasus. She could fly me to Ponyville. Albeit, not nearly as fast as the chariot, but far more quickly than any alternative I have right now. In fact, I don’t think I’ve seen Brash actually just fly. Pulling the chariot, sure. Not just flying by herself, though. I couldn’t say if she was particularly fast or not.

“I need you to do something for me. It’s really, really important.”

With Luster not here, I might be able to convince her to take me there. How do I even start? A lie? No, I’m awful at that. They’ve spent enough time with me to tell when I’m blatantly lying. The truth then? That worked with Celestia, sort of. That was closer to a version of the truth, just like Celestia assumed.

“Ok…” Brash’s eyebrows very slowly furrowed. Dragging her hooves as she shifted to face me, crossing her wings. “I can listen, at least. Though if you’re asking this specifically because Luster’s not around, I imagine she’s not going to like it.”

“Alright, well, I need—” I nearly bit my tongue, stuttering over myself. If I just told her everything, what’s to stop her from reporting it directly to Celestia? Then everything would happen again, this time with Celestia not trusting me at all since I tried to go behind her back this time. “I need you to promise me you won’t go to Celestia with this? If you do, Twilight and Pinkie will die.”

“What?!” Brash moved towards me, so fast there was a skidding sound as she took off the ground and flew right up to my face. I choked down the need to jump away, digging my heels into the ground and leaning my head away. “Chara, if there’s a threat to The Element Bearers and you tell me about it, I have to tell Princess Celestia. I’d lose my job, and so would Lust! I can’t just-”

“T-telling Celestia would only make sure they die.” I took a few steps backwards, once again wishing I was wearing that hoodie. “Please. Hear me out, and if you won’t help me, I’ll figure something out. Just don’t tell Celestia. I’m,”

I couldn’t put into words how desperate I was to convince her. Any composure was void and I couldn’t stop every word from coming out as a quivering whisper, no matter how frigidly I tried to speak with an ounce of confidence.

Words couldn’t convey how much this means to me. As someone recently taught me.

“Begging you.”

I hung my head, bowing my entire body to Brash. An uncomfortable heat bloomed in my face, reaching to my throat and forcing me to hold the air in my lungs. My arms against my sides with a suffocating rigidity.

“Woah, woah. Stop that. I hate being bowed to. You don’t need to beg me.” She lowered herself back to the ground, waving her arms back and and forth while frequently swallowing. “Look, I’ll just write it off as you sleep talking or something, ok?”

I nodded, raising myself and blinking as I avoided eye contact at all cost.

“That works.” I stared at my feet, tugging at the sleeve on my wrist. Where do I even begin? “There are changelings in Ponyville. And I-”

“What? How did yo-”

“Need you to take me there right now. Or it’ll be too late. I have to warn Twilight so she can evacuate Ponyville in time.”

Brash’s eyes darted to the balcony door, left open as the cold breeze made the tension more potent.

“How do you know?”

“I can see th—a future.” I gave the obvious answer to the obvious question. It was still the truth. Hopefully, not an unchangeable one. “It happens in my dreams. A few hours from now, they’ll poison Twilight and Pinkie in Sugarcube Corner. After that, the rest of Ponyville…”

With my next blink, came a glimpse into that desolate version of the place. No life, no death. Heat and smoke filling my lungs and cutting into my skin. It was so dry, so empty.

My throat was itchy.

“They invade. There’s nopony left.”

She grimaced, folding her ears as she lowered her head. I could hear her sucking on her teeth, tensing so vehemently I could make out the veins in her neck like lines drawn on a paper.

“And in this,” She hesitated to continue, placing the tip of her wing against her chin and tapping it. “‘Future’, why didn’t you tell Princess Celestia?”

“I did.” I couldn’t fight back the urge anymore. I took off my backpack and angeled myself to keep it out of Brash’s sight, yanking the hoodie out of my inventory and tossing it on. Not only that, but I could always tell when it was something Rarity made by how perfectly every thread fit, snuggly and pleasantly warm. Sitting right outside the barrier of making me remember that burning.

“We got there too late. It’s now or not at all.”

Brash groaned at that, tapping her hooves against the ground. I waited as she squeezed her eyes shut, wordlessly saying something to herself. Without opening her eyes, she approached me, wings staying holstered at her sides.

I walked backwards in tandem, inevitably hitting the wardrobe and having nowhere else to go. I froze as she opened her eyes, squinting them and peeking into mine.

“As a bailsbondspony, I’ve met a lot of individuals who lie to me; most much better at it than you tend to be. In that line of work, either you get really good at learning when people are lying to you, or the only thing you’re catching is someone else’s dust.”

I could only listen as she ‘examined’ me, for lack of a better word. Displaying no interest in anything other than my eyes, occasionally craning her neck before adjusting her armor. Nodding her head and moving away from me back to the bed.

“I don’t think you’re lying. So you’re telling the truth, or you’ve lost your mind. Though, I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting crazy since I used to date a lot, I think.” She gave me a last once-over, then nodded her head. “Alright, I believe you.”

“Really?” my voice cracked with disbelief, which I failed to hide. “You don’t need proof? You’re just…going to believe I’m clairvoyant?”

“Yup. I haven’t known you for very long, but from what I have seen and what Princess Celestia told us about you, this isn’t something you would lie about. Besides, I was planning on retiring as a guard and putting in Lust and I’s paperwork to become bailbondsponies again tomorrow, anyway. Losing my job would only look bad on my resume, which would suck. Luckily, I have years of experience that would overshadow it, and I can help Luster by telling a very slight fib.”

Brash trotted over to the door, turning the lock and testing the knob to make sure it was actually locked. I made sure the pendant was inside the hoodie, not visible to anyone even as a bump. I knew where it was based on the coldness of it pressing against my chest, sticking out amongst the warmth the hoodie provided.

That, and Brash believing me, brought a relief that was as short-lived as any other.

“So,” She swiveled to my direction after locking the door. “What’s the plan then? How are you going to get to Ponyville before a chariot can.”

“You’ll…” A heavy realization sank in as the words translated from my mind. I paused before continuing, laying my hands together and bringing them to my chest. “Fly me?”

“What.” She deadpanned. “Chara, I can’t fly you to Ponyville myself. Well, I could, just not faster than the chariot would. Like,” Brash walked out on the balcony, gesturing with her wing for me to follow her. When we reached the railing, she pointed to a spot I needed to lean forward just to see properly. “Right there? That would take me fifteenish minutes, and that’s normally while not carrying you at my top speed. Plus, I need to take breaks if I’m going full speed. I’m not like Loyalty; I can’t casually do a sonic rainboom and keep going for more.”

“A sonic rainboom?”

“Yeah, it’s—” Brash stopped herself, rubbing her face with her wings and sighing. “Not important right now. Look, I can’t, not won’t, can’t fly you that far. At least, not sooner than if you waited to tell Celestia at breakfast and got on the chariot.”

In a bout of silence, she let her words hang in the air. Something about the way she chewed on her lip and shuffled her hooves made me think she was going to add something to that. I waited for her to continue, pressing my sleeves into each other and creating one large sleeve to interconnect my arms.

“However, there is—” Her nostrils flared, the breath she was taking so deep I could feel it. “Somepony who told me she’s already on her way to Ponyville. Technically, she’s a CI, but please don’t bring that up or she’ll stronghoof me into paying her for this. Of course, I’m going to have to pay her anyway, because that’s what I get for making a nomad a confidential informant.”

Brash reached into her saddlebag, getting a satchel that was bulging with coins. Practically shoving it into my hands. It was a lot heavier than it appeared, the bits stabbing into my palm as they jutted out of it.

“Here, that should be enough to bribe her into taking her with you after you wake her up.”

“What? Brash, I can’t take this. This is more bits in one place than I’ve ever seen! Ho-”

“Nah, I have plenty saved up, it's not a problem.” She pushed the bag into my chest, refusing to take it back. “You need it or there’s no way she’s going to let you on her wagon. Just put it in your backpack, alright?”

I made a droning noise, taking my backpack off and dropping it in normally instead of into the pocket dimension.

“Good. Listen, you’ll know her when you see her I promise. Tell her that I’ll owe her a favor, then show her the bits and say that you need to get to Ponyville now. She knows better than to ask questions; there shouldn’t be any problems there. And, uhm,” Brash stared off into the distance, rhythmically bumping her hoof against the ground in a burst. “That should be it? Yeah, yeah that’s it. She’s relatively easy to handle. Don’t touch any of her stuff, and you should be fine.”

“So,” I peered back at the spot she pointed to earlier. “You’re going to fly me to her, I give her the bits, and she’ll take me to Ponyville before morning?”

“Well, actually, I’d rather not talk to her again if I can help. We,” Brash rubbed the back of her head with her wing. “Had a disagreement last time we talked. She probably won’t mind hearing my name, but seeing me might set her off. Otherwise, yeah, that’s about right.”

I failed to picture the pony Brash was painting. They didn’t sound trustworthy at all if they needed money or a favor just to take someone with them where they were already going. That being said, It was that or run Brash ragged trying to get to Ponyville as soon as possible.

Not exactly a good ultimatum.

I needed to trust Brash’s judge of character. Fluttershy’s life depends on it.

“Alright.” I tipped over the edge, finding that the streets were becoming more scarce of its residents. Most of the more nocturnal ponies must have already made their homes somewhere. “Then let’s go. The sooner the better.”

“See, there’s still one problem.” Brash maneuvered behind me, preemptively stretching and flexing her wings. “I have to touch you. We’ve been explicitly told not to touch you unless it's life or death; Luster specifically got told she can’t use magic on you. I’d have to disobey that order, that’s not a big problem though. I’m guessing there’s a good reason Princess Celestia made that so clear to us in the first place.”

The spiky air seemed to sting more for a moment. I held on to the balcony, its unliving chill numbing my fingers even though my clothes.

“It doesn’t matter.” I extended my arms, clenching my hands as I held them as still as one of the statues in the garden. “I have to get there. I can deal with it, just be quick.” She didn’t move, staying barely a foot behind me. The little vigor I had was fading, leaving my arms occasionally dropping only for me to yank it back up.

“Please.”

After a few seconds of nothing, I was quickly lifted off the ground by my underarms. An immediate terror came with the contact, demanding that I escape Brash’s clutches; even if it meant falling to my death. No amount of telling myself Brash wasn’t going to hurt me worked; it never did.

It was just as difficult for me to learn.

I made the mistake of closing my eyes, hoping to convince myself I was on the chariot instead of being held by a pony. What was awaiting me in the darkness wasn’t the taste of smog or the cold of a hole in my stomach, but him.

Darkness wasn’t behind my eyelids this time. In its place a wide open door awaited, he stood in it. Leaning against it to support himself, a mug leaking something foamy on the ground in his hand. The white and red of his bloodshot eyes loomed over all of that, skewering me with a rage so visceral it set my heart into a painful beating.

“Chara,” We slowed down enough for me to notice, now passing by most of the later buildings in the city. “Are you crying?”

I was, and I hadn’t even noticed.

“No.” I curled in on myself as much as I could, managing to throw my hood on so my hair wasn’t blown back as much by the wind. “I’m ok.”

I could feel her relax her jaw to say something, then it went rigid as she decided not to. I concentrated on the buildings under us as Brash gradually picked up speed again, blowing cold air in my face and forcing me to face downward or deal with the sharp winds.

It wasn’t quite like flying in the chariot. I could actually feel the breeze in every part of my body, blowing against my skin. The strands of hair that stuck out from my hoodie couldn’t stick to my face. Combined with the complete lack of weight on my body, it was so incredibly freeing.

I was flying.

A tingling sensation pricked the corners of my lips; a smile snuck its way to my face. I actually forgot I was being held as a giggle slipped out. I covered my mouth, but the way Brash went stiff was informative enough.

“We’re here.”

There was a little disappointment as my feet touched the ground again, landing on a trail a mile or so outside Canterlot. The forest was rampant with nighttime life, an applaud of crickets filled the otherwise silence with their music; an occasional frog’s ribbit placed itself in those few gaps of nothing.

It was refreshing after the quiet of the last forest I was in.

“Where’s the wagon?”

“It’s right around the corner. She—oh Celestia I’m out of shape.” Brash leaned against one of the trees, using a wing as a sort of pillow as she loudly wheezed; eyes bulging as her mouth struggled to suck in as much breathe as she wanted to. “likes to park it in places with shade.”

I followed the direction she pointed at, spotting the end of a wagon’s tongue poking out like the branch of a tree. It took both of my hands to carry the bag of bits out my backpack, being much heavier to hold and move than I really expected it to be.

“I’m just gonna—” She pressed her back to the tree, slumping down to the ground. “Yeah. Chara, you can go on. I’ll just rest here until I can get back before Luster comes to take her shift.”

“Are you going to be okay?” I walked up to her, lowering my hood and shivering as the cold pricked my face.

“Yeah, yeah. Need a few seconds though. Luster’s right, I really should start doing cardio again at some point. Or just not fly on an empty stomach.”

“You haven’t had anything to eat? Hold on.” I placed the bits on the ground, angling myself so it just seemed like I was reaching into the backpack normally and got the cupcake out of my inventory. It always bothered me how warm it still was. “You can have this. It’s the least I can do.”

“A cupcake? Did you just have a cupcake sitting in your—” She loudly inhaled, her eyes bulging as her nostrils widened. “Is that caramel?”

“Uhm,” I blanked, staring at the pastry in my hand. “I think so?”

“I really shouldn’t.”

“Oh.” I went to place it back in my backpack. “That’s fine. I’ll p—”

“No, wait. I’ll take it.”

It was out of my hands concerningly fast, and in her mouth just as quickly. I heard her say a ‘thanks’ somewhere in between her consuming.

“No problem.” For what felt like the millionth time today, I readjusted my backpack; resting my thumbs under the straps. “I can’t stand around any longer. I’ll save them, I promise.”

She nodded, watching with one eye as I made my way to the wagon.

It was smaller than I expected it to be. Also being much more colorful than any wagon I’d ever seen. Purple with a blue roof, and splattered with stars; A little chimney poking out of the top. A door in the front and a single window on the side.

It resembled a mobile home more than a wagon.

I took a few steps before the whole thing started shaking back and forth. The door bursting open, a stallion was suddenly pushed out of it with a ball of blue magic onto the ground.

“Trixie is not that kind of stage mare!”

A blue pony walked out, wearing a pointed hat that was slumped at the end and a matching cape that was just as purple and splattered with stars. Her light blue coat and silver mane stood out even amongst the palette of the night, her violent eyes piercing into the stallion like light from the moon itself.

“To think, I thought your request for a ‘private backstage meeting’ was a business proposal and that somepony had finally realized Trixie’s magnificent abilities. Tis why I put on this unbearable suit.” For emphasis, she tugged on the purple and white suit she was wearing, grimacing as she scoffed to herself. “Not what you were requesting. Trixie is disappointed and disgusted, which is not a conflux often experienced.”

“I mean, i-it is a business proposal if you want to stretch the definition a bit.” He reached into a pocket, showing Trixie a bag of bits that was a fraction the size of mine. “See, I’ve got money! This doesn’t have to be a one off thing, either. I can steal some from my parents fortune then we can-”

“Perhaps you should spend that money improving your hearing since you clearly didn’t hear me the first time. But you are blessed, for Trixie loves repeating herself.” She placed a hand on her chest, clearing her throat so loud it was dramatic. “Trixie is not that kind of stage mare. No amount of bits can buy my dignity. Now,” her horn spiked with magic. “Trixie is as kind as she is great, so you will get one last chance to leave. Before you find your ‘wand’ is no longer capable of producing spells.”

“My wand?” He glanced down. Raising an eyebrow before the other one followed in fear. “Y-you can’t actually do that, can you?”

She just smiled at him.

He scrambled to his hooves, running off the opposite direction that I came from. Trixie let out a sigh, relaxing as she stepped back up into her wagon and started to take off her suit before noticing me.

“Oh, hello there. Are you one of Trixie’s fans?” I opened my mouth to respond, only for her to continue. “I charge for autographs. Five bits a—” she saw the large bag of bits I was holding, eyes stretching so wide I thought they were going to pop out of her sockets. “Or that amount will do.”

“This isn’t for an autograph. This is for…” As soon as I started, something clicked about her name. I could have sworn I’d heard it somewhere before, something about a living constellation.

“Wait. Trixie as in Trixie Lulamoon?”

“That is Trixie’s great and powerful name, yes.”

Now I remembered.

This was the pony Dark warned me about.

“As in the Trixie who brought an Ursa Minor to Ponyville and left?”

The response I got was some squeaking noise that came from her mouth, to which she poorly tried covering with a cough. She lowered her hat, inching into her wagon until I could only see her head.

“That was not Trixie’s finest moment.”

Oh boy.

Chapter 31: A Magical Showing

That sheepish, shame-ridden reaction of hers was enough to make me consider getting to Ponyville some way else.

If there was another way to consider.

Trixie was now much less eager to take my money, or talk to me in general. Her magic wrapped around the edges of the door and prepared to slam it on me at a moment's notice.

“Wait!” I jumped forward, barely moving an inch with the bag of bits in my hand. “I don’t care about whatever you did in Ponyville right now. Please, just take this—” I offered the bag, hands trembling for the few seconds I had my arms outstretched before they fell. Luckily, Trixie caught it in her magic with only a slight flinch. “And get me to Ponyville.”

“Hm.” She eyed the bag, loosening the band and peeking inside. Her jaw unhinged as she stared, shaking it in her magic for seemingly no reason other than to hear it jingle. “You must be quite desperate to get to Ponyville. Trixie just paid for a powerful artifact with a bag half this size.” She casually floated it into the wagon, a thumping sound following as she set it on something and opened the door. “Trixie assumes it is also hush money so she does not ask why you are paying so much for a simple trip?”

I held my tongue.

It didn’t feel right not telling her about the danger she’d be walking into by taking me there, even if she was going to Ponyville with or without me, according to Brash. Then again, if I told her there were changelings in Ponyville, that might be more than enough to convince her not to take me no matter how much money I had.

She ran away from the Ursa Minor, why not this?

“Yes.” I responded slowly. I would just warn her when we get closer so she can drop me off instead of going in herself; one of the only benefits of being as small as I am is that I’m relatively fast. By myself, I should be able to get into Ponyville once I’m on the outskirts.

Hopefully.

“Then, we shall be off; just as soon as Trixie gets out of this suit her father left for her.”

Trixie began undoing the tie of her suit with magic as she entered her carriage, gesturing for me to follow. In a few tentative steps, I was inside and immediately shuddered as an aura of heat washed over me. It was a huge contrast to the bitter chill of the night air, which my hoodie helped against. Now, with the warmth, it was more of a slight nuisance. The inner linings'
softness didn’t mesh very well with heat.

Trixie was half-naked when I saw her next, the suit hanging off a random nightstand that sat between a bed and a large chest.

A different kind of heat rushed to my face as I tore my eyes away, forced to keep her on the edges of vision of how small the inside of the wagon really was. All of Trixie’s belongings were visible and laid out, from the few sets of clothes she wore to her toothbrush sitting in a cup. There was barely any room to walk, so much as sit.

How could someone live like this?

“Ah, finally; my apparel!” With a last tug of her pants, Trixie swung around to face me; newly adorned cape flapping behind her. She was wearing a different suit now, this one the typical black and white without an overshirt. It ended in a long-skirt that went down to her knees, and two extremely large boots that gave Trixie more than a few inches to her height.

Despite being black and white, this suit was somehow much more flashy than her other one. Maybe that was just Trixie.

“Now, feel free to make yourself at home in Trixie’s wagon. Trixie has her attire, her greatness, and her wand.” Trixie nodded her head, eyes darting up to her horn as she made her way to the door, just barely scraping past me. “Unless there was anything else Trixie needed to know?”

“Uhm,” I climbed up to the bed, fitting perfectly in it. While that’s nice for me, that meant Trixie was somehow sleeping in a bed half her size. I placed my hands on my lap as I met her waiting gaze, unable to meet it. “Not really.”

“Then Trixie shall begin her trek. This time,” the singular pillow Trixie’s bed had wiggled, something small and black flying out from under it towards her. I couldn’t get a good look at it until she put it around her neck, standing out with a dark black in contrast to her sparkled cape and hat. It was an amulet of some kind, the necklace part made with a dark black material that resembled a collar more than anything else. A little pony head at the top with a horn poked out, the edges were red and black wings that I think were also meant to be the ponies.

A red gem in the center stood out; so shiny light reflected off of it in a sort of sheen when the back of it connected to her cape. For a second, I thought I saw a tinge of red in Trixie’s eyes. But at a second glance, there was nothing there that I could see.

“With a very expensive boost. Now then, Trixie will be just outside the front window should you be in need of her services. Just don’t touch anything in here peanut butter flavored, and we shall get along greatly.”

She didn’t give me the chance to respond, shutting the door behind her with a thud. Trixie’s hoofsteps were clear and loud, in spite of the chorus of crickets outside. So was her grunting as she got to the front, along with the sensation of the wagon picking up and moving forward. Slowly, at first; a snail’s pace.

Following the sound of a spell being cast from just outside the wagon, that changed immediately. The uptick in speed actually knocked me on my side, leaving me laying down on the stiff bed. It was hard to tell without seeing outside, but I think we were going even faster than the chariot was.

Half a minute passed where I just stayed there on my side, adjusting to the turbulence of the wagon. I really wanted to just fall asleep, to get as much rest as I could before getting to Ponyville. As refreshing as that would be, I couldn’t risk Trixie getting on the outskirts while I was asleep and getting ambushed by changelings. Then this would all be pointless, and I’d be responsible for another ponies death

With a groan, I ignored the heaviness of my body and sat up, clutching the backpack to my chest. The emptiness in my stomach made itself known, annoying me with its existence. The cupcake should still be in my inventory, warm and brimming with caramel sweetness.

My stomach churned, a sourness reached up from my throat and filled the inside of my cheeks.

“Water it is, then.” I murmured to myself as I reached into my backpack, choosing instead one of the handful of bottles that had been sitting in there. They came with the backpack, and so stayed cold in there for as long as they stayed as per the nature of a pocket dimension inventory.

I didn’t think I was that thirsty before taking my first sip, then it was impossible to stop myself until all the water was down my gullet. My breathing got noticeably heavier as I held the crumpled bottle, catching it relatively quickly as I decided to get off the bed.

I just as swiftly ended up on the ground. Clearly, I underestimated how fast Trixie was going. A dull pain throbbed in my backside as I sat there, getting back to my feet with trembling legs and knees I didn’t trust not to buckle out from under me. I held onto whatever I could as I made my way to the window inside the wagon, leaning on a counter and pushing it open.

The sharp wind pricked my face with thousands of miniscule needles, blowing my hair back with just as much abrupt force. Trixie was speeding down a pathway, making turns and drifting with incredible ease. The wagon was connected around her waist, and with an aura that covered every inch of her body, she barreled towards Ponyville with no visible strain.

While the air stung my eyes, I could still make out the oddities of Trixie appearance. To my understanding, and from what I’ve read, a unicorn’s magical aura does not change color. Yet, Trixie’s was starting to. A crimson red had tainted the edges of her magic, including the wisp of it on her horn. It was still mostly pink, just the ends of it were darker and it was spreading.

Her cape too had started changing color. Like her magic, it was just the corners. Unlike her magic, it wasn’t red but black. Most of it had stayed purple and speckled with glitter in the center, with the parts around her neck fading to a black cutting off whatever stars that were there. In fact, I think it was starting right where the amulet connected to her cape.

Was it because of the artifact? Was it doing something to her?

“T-trixie.” Right as I tried to speak we hit a corner, and I had to clutch onto something as I clenched my teeth together so tightly it was painful. Those few seconds of silence as the wagon dragged against the dirt were rigid. I could make out a few of the words she muttered under her breath. Something along the lines of ‘Twilight’ and ‘recompense’.

That didn’t exactly instill confidence.

“C-can you slow down?”

“What?” Trixie yelled as she did just that, glancing back at me with a half-sneer. “Oh, you. Yes, Trixie can abide by your request.”

Instead of sprinting full force, she paced it to a more speedy-jog. We were still going fairly fast, but I wasn’t at risk of tumbling on the floor with each turn or second I wasn’t holding on to something. Trixie wasn’t even breathing heavily, fixing her cape and readjusting the tongue of the wagon.

“Trixie has an admittedly offensive sounding question. Assuming you don’t prefer the uncomfortable silence and lullaby of the crickets?”

The cricket didn’t sound like they cared either way.

“I,” It was going to be something I couldn’t answer. There were so many things that made me suspicious, from the hoodie I was wearing to how I just showed up in the middle of the night knowing exactly where she was. I could say no, of course. If I wanted to be more suspicious.

“Sure.”

“What are you?”

Ok, that wasn’t even on the list.

“What do you mean?”

“Trixie has been traveling Equestria ever since her and Celestia’s School Board had a disagreement about ‘closed note testing’. As a magician, she’s been just about everywhere and seen griffons, yak’s, goats, even a dragon on one occasion. You, however,” She peered over her shoulders at me, eyes falling to my body for a second before back up to my face. “Are new. And tiny. What species are you?”

“Oh.” It’d been months since someone had asked me that. Now that it’s in mind, none of the ponies in Canterlot seemed to care that I was a different species. Canterlot must have gotten a lot of foreign visitors and they’d become desensitized to new species, or Celestia just instructed them to act casual around me?

Whatever the case, it made me feel awkward. I raised my hoodie, triple checking that my ears were tucked inside.

“I’m a human. I came from The Everfree Forest a month ago and I’ve been living in Ponyville since. Well,” I poked my head out of the window, trying to crane my eyes around and see how far Canterlot is by now. I couldn’t bend my neck enough to see it. “Until recently.”

“A month ago? So, you weren’t there then when I was during,” She paused, her back tensing up as she shuddered. “The incident. How did you hear about it?”

I was reluctant to continue, seeing all the signs of how much talking about it bothered her: hiding her face under her hat, keeping her arms tightly against her sides, the way her hooves began to drag.

Of course, I was worse at changing the subject than I was at lying.

“My partner told me about it. Do you mind if I ask…”

The wagon had come to an almost complete stop as Trixie scraped her hooves against the dirt, whispering something just under her breath. With every mutter uttered, the crimson teetering on just the edge of her magic spread further in. More and more of her cape faded to a black so poignant it would have been hard to make out in the night had it not been moving.

I choked on the air in my lungs as the shadows of her cape seemed to reach out to me, grasping me by my throat and squeezing it with an unfathomable, phantom strength. I tried to stop it by grabbing the wrist, only for my hands to phase through.

I couldn’t breathe.

My hands were sticky.

Is this where this loop would end? Strangled by the ebony limbs of nothingness? I tried to struggle, lifted off the ground by its strength; or maybe I was just that small. Like the oxygen in my lungs, warmth began to sap out of my body. The corners of my vision slick with the same darkness that was draining it.

“What happened?”

For whatever reason, those last words of a now pointless question caused them to vanish. The soles of my feet hit the bottom of the wagon as I drew in as much air as I could, just for it to be too much as I went into a coughing fit.

“Oh, I am more than happy to tell you what happened.”

Which Trixie didn’t even notice.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie was on her tour of Equestria, showing off her proficiency for magic that no other unicorn has dared try. Yet this backwards town Ponyville could not stand her well-deserved flaunting, and gave Trixie the worst encore she’d ever received.”

Trixie began walking again, albeit with much more force as she was literally kicking up dust with each step. The crimson wasn’t spreading anymore, nor was the cape fading; though the parts that had turned black were staying that way.

“And, yes, Trixie may have told a fib that she did something she actually hadn’t; she’d done that in a thousand towns before! None of which decided to go out and actually get an Ursa Minor just to call Trixie’s bluff! Snips and Snails must share the same brain-cell to have come up with something so amazingly asinine.”

“Snips and Snails?” Those names, if that’s what they were, didn’t sound familiar at all. “Dark didn—”

“Once the dust of the Ursa settled, they blamed Trixie for the whole ordeal. Kicking her out and spreading the same lies they conjure for herself. Now, everywhere Trixie goes she must deal with these accusations spurred by the foul mouth of Celestia’s star pupil!” Trixie stomped on the ground, the aura around her horn now completely crimson. “Twilight Sparkle. The bane of my existence.”

“That,” Trixie’s seething voice held with a spiteful resolve, holding her chin up in an unblinking stare against the sky itself. I could practically see the tension in her muscles as she moved, half of face in a scowl. “Doesn’t sound like Twilight.”

There was no mistaking it, no playing it off as the moonlight or just blurry vision; her pupils had turned crimson. The white of her eyes stayed that color, fortunately. Like steam from a fresh bowl of soup, a wispiness hovered from her eyes that matched her pupils.

I didn’t know what I was seeing, and that’s what made it scarier than the shadows.

“I’m sure she’s normally on her best behavior since her precious mentor may always be watching.” She responded in a mocking tone, sticking out her tongue like just parodying Twilight disgusted her. “You’ll see once we get to Ponyville what she’s really like. Then, Trixie will defeat her in a magic duel, and bequeath herself the greatest unicorn that’s ever lived! If I can beat The Princess’ best student, who could possibly be better!”

“You’re,” I took slow, quiet steps back as I grabbed my backpack off the ground. Leaning over the window and holding on to it. “Going to kill her?”

“What? No!” She swung around to face me, the crimson vanishing from her eyes and horn. “I don’t want to kill her; what would be the point of that? How could I watch her live with the shame of defeat if she’s just a corpse? No, I’m going to beat her at her own game and leave that trashy nowhereville and its residents in the dust of my magical prowess.” She flicked her cape, which she had somehow failed to see was now half a different color, as Trixie drifted around another corner. Keeping an eye on her shoulder. “I hope Trixie’s plans do not interfere with yours for Ponyville.”

“Not exactly. I—” Is that really how things went down? It’s not like I ever asked Twilight or any of the others about it after Dark told me, who wasn’t even there when it happened. None of that sounded like something they’d do.

Then again, I’d known them for maybe a month. Dark wasn’t even really there for it, he only heard what everyone else did about what happened. Would Twilight really do that? Throw somepony out of the town because of something she did on accident?

I wanted to say no, almost desperately. But I couldn’t say yes with as much confidence as I’d like.

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Wonderful.”

If she just wanted to challenge Twilight to a duel, then I wasn’t going to try to stop her. What choice did I have, really? Trixie was already going to Ponyville with or without me, meaning all I could do was go with her and try to stop the changelings from attacking. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t stop her. I knew firsthand how irrational the desire for revenge is, and I was already bad with words.

Besides, Twilight’s the best unicorn I know when it comes to magic. If she could handle the Ursa Minor and Trixie couldn’t, then she shouldn’t be able to beat Twilight.

If it wasn’t for that amulet, that thought would have been reassuring.

My hands were still trembling from the lingering sensation of that limb-like magic around my neck. She hadn’t been looking at me when she did that; leading me to believe it wasn’t even intentional. Something about that amulet must have been granting her some kind of power, flaring up whenever she was angry or just emotional. Any more discussion about the Ursa Minor incident was off the table if I wanted to keep breathing.

I fiddled with my sleeves, waiting for Trixie to say something else. I kept expecting more questions about being a human, or how Twilight had been in a mocking way. To my relief, she didn’t say anything else. Seemingly content to just chug along towards Ponyville without another word on the subject.

I certainly wasn’t going to break the silence.

I propped my head on my hand, gazing up at the night sky I’d become so familiar with. The moon was full, shining brightly and illuminating the path we were taking so well I’d almost think Luna herself was guiding us.

My attention drifted to the stars, and inevitably constellations. I recalled my date with Dark, and how he spent most of the night showing me each one. It was a lot harder to make them out without the telescope, nevertheless I managed. With my offhand, I drew an invisible line connecting them; it helped to picture the images. I could see The Big Dipper, then The Little Dipper by proxy.

Inevitably, I found the Ursa Major and Minor. I didn’t notice it the first time, but it was a very motherly depiction. With the Minor hiding right under the Major, who was much larger and took up a good chunk of stars. I guess it’s a good thing that it was an Ursa Minor and not an Ursa Major that came to Ponyville.

In retrospect, Starboy is a terrible nickname. Especially for a first date. I haven’t had a chance to read any more romance books since then due to, well, everything. Even so, I’d wager none of them involved giving nicknames on a first date, nor would any of them include it being so forced. A lot of that first date was forced. Heck, it even being a date was something I ended up making it into.

The newspaper from earlier flashed in mind, like a reminder that my next meeting with him wasn’t going to just be pleasantries. Should I show him it, or just try to tell him? That’s what he asked me to do, but I don’t really understand what it meant. Mayb—

We’d entered Whitetail Woods.

I was so concentrated on daydreaming I didn’t see that more and more of the trees had become birch instead of oak until one passed by in my periphery.

“Trixe!” I scream-whispered, hoping not to notify any of the sentries that were lurking in the trees. It was a miracle they hadn’t attacked us already. “There’s something I need to warn you about. We—”

“We’re just outside of Ponyville and you wish to convince Trixie to not humiliate your friend. Yes, yes, I know.”

“No! There’s ch—”

It was too late.

I spotted that gut-wrenching familiar green flash, then a whistling as a spell was shot off. The entire wagon rocked as it was hit with something, knocked on its side along with everything in it; including me.

I screamed as I was slammed into the wall, a throbbing pain hit the entire left side of my body with an agonizing thud. Everything Trixie owned came crashing down onto what was now the ground, including me. Pots, pans, and Trixie’s bed buried me, just not in that order. The bed hit me first, being relatively soft and taking the brunt of it.

I couldn’t hear anything for a few moments, the headache and agony in my ribs pulsated so loudly no other sound carried through. I dug my way out of the pile of Trixie’s possessions, then out of the front window of the wagon where I expected to see Trixie already knocked out.

In place of that, two black bug-like creatures were on the ground. Resembling Chrysalis quite a bit, just much smaller in all aspects including their horns. Trixie stood over them, breathing heavily with scorch marks in the ground that had turned patches of grass black.

“A-Are these,” she looked between them and me, horn staying a lit and steaming. “Changelings?”

“Yes. There’s going to be more of them.” I got to my feet, one hand on side as I checked how many of my ribs hadn’t broken. As far as I can tell, none of them. “They’re all in these woods and plan on invading Ponyville this morning.”

I stared at my right hand, palm open as I contemplated summoning my knife. Celestia fixed me, I should be able to do it now. Just like with the diamond dogs.

Just like with them…

Despite being cold out, my hands felt warm.

“What? Ponyville’s under—then how can Trixie?” She stopped, narrowing her eyes as her jaw went slack. “You knew there were changelings lying in wait, yet you didn’t warn me? Are you a changeling?”

Her chin dropped to her chest, horn sparking as that crimson aura leaked from the edges of her eyes. I recognized that burning leer, that emotion so potent it made her pupils shake. The way she dug her hooves into the ground, entire body coiling as she waited for me to make one wrong move.

I was seconds away from being as charred as the ground just a few feet away from me.

“No, no! I promise, I’m not a changeling. I—” I desperately tried to come up with a way to prove I wasn’t a changeling. In my ferver, one of the times Brash was searching my room came to mind. “You can look in my eyes. With changelings, your reflection is upside down. Please, give me the chance.”

“Hmm.” Trixie stared at me for far too long. Raising her head with each syllable until the magic around her horn vanished with a pop. “Trixie does recall reading something along those lines during her studies. Very well, Trixie will give you the pleasure of staring into her endlessly beautiful eyes. Just,” she pointed a hand at me. “Stay where you are. If she thinks for a moment that this is a trick, Trixie will make sure you join your potential friends.”

She gestured to the changelings, who were still twitching.

“Of course.”

I couldn’t hide how terrified I was of Trixie at the moment. The gleam from the red gem in the center of her necklace burned my eyes, telling me to get as far away from it as I could. There was something deeply wrong about it, yet I couldn’t look away.

Trixie trotted up to me, standing just a few inches away as she leaned in. I got that strange discomfort in my brain to look away from her eyes as she peered into mine, having to chew on my tongue to keep myself from doing so. I clenched my fist, gritting my teeth with so much force they began to creak.

“Well, Trixie’s reflection appears as gorgeous and un-upside down as she last saw it.” Trixie straightened her posture, taking a few steps away from me. I let out a sigh of relief as I let the tension ebb its way out of my body, a sharp pain in my palm as I’d apparently dug my nails in it too tightly. “However, that doesn’t explain why you decided to leave Trixie in the dark while she was…in the dark. A bag of bits or not, Trixie needs to be informed if you’re paying her to put her life in danger.”

“I tried to earlier.” I leaned against the tipped over wagon, watching the darkness in the treeline for any kind of movement. “They attacked right as I was. I should have told you sooner, I’m sorry.”

“Yes, you should have. Had Trixie known Ponyville had a bug infestation, she would ha—”

A whistle, then another green flash blasted out of the woods; this one shaped somewhat like a spear. Trixie reacted sooner than I did, pivoting and waving her head as she cast a counter-spell. A veil of see-through magic appeared in front of us, cutting off the transparent spear as it rammed into it and dispersed into the air.

I didn’t even feel the force behind it, so completely stopped by the glass-like shield it might as well have not been cast. It stayed afloat as the changelings came out of the forest, at least a handful of them from the side we were facing.

“Never mind. Can you defend yourself, or must Trixie play babysitter as well as escort?”

“N-No, I can.” I pushed myself off the wagon, glancing down at my open palm. It trembled as the image of that vorpal knife, as red as the blood it was last covered in, hovered in closer as I took in the painfully cold air.

I hated doing this again. So much.

Once the knife was in my hand, I waited for that inevitable sticky sensation of ichor leaking out of my eyes and dripping down my chin. To throb with that sickening power that pulsated with my heartbeat.

It never came.

I reached up, feeling dryness and a total lack of liquid flowers decorating my face. There wasn’t any blood or buttercup residue, just my face.

“A conjurer?” Trixie commented as she took her eyes off of the changelings for just a second. “Trixie hasn’t encountered one of those for quite a while. How fortuitous.”

The changelings took that moment to pounce on her, thinking she had dropped her guard for that precious second. To both of our surprise, she was waiting for it.

Trixie snapped her head to one of the changelings, wrapping it in her magic and slamming it into the other one. They tumbled to the ground, hissing as their horns lit up to cast a spell, only to be blasted with a wave of purple and red magic. They made some sort of wheezing noise as it crackled across their bodies, scorching their already black carapaces and the ground beneath them.

Soon they stopped moving entirely, going limp as visible steam evaporated off their body. The blue light in their eyes faded to an empty gray.

Before I had the chance to so much as speak, there was the sound of grass crunching and a branch snapping as another changeling—this one alone from what I could see — stepped out from the sect of trees behind us. It immediately lit up its horn, a green light that morphed into a small, spiky ball. The changeling raised its head, bringing the ball with it as it dropped and threw it towards me, spiking with a visceral energy.

I thought about jumping out of the way, and my body listened with much more complacency than it had before. In fact, after summoning the knife this odd numbness began to spread from my hand to the rest of my body. Weirdly, I could still feel every sensation where it reached, except for weight. It was like every pound had vanished, creating this lightness that took next to no effort to move.

It was such a bizarre feeling, being disconnected from my body in such a manner. But, it meant I could move fast. Faster than I was able to normally.

Unfortunately, moving fast didn’t mean stopping the spell that the changeling threw at me.

It hit Trixie’s wagon, lighting it ablaze with a green flame that spread faster than any fire I’d seen before. Trixie screamed, casting a spell that covered the entire wagon, placing small wall-like objects where the flames had yet to reach. A torrent of magic came from her horn, spraying the wagon like a fire-hose.

I couldn’t watch anymore as the changeling moved closer to me, another green flash as it cast a spell.

Without thinking I leaped forward, swiping at its neck with the knife. I heard that accursed noise of hitting something, then the ding of gaining EXP. It might have been in my mind, or it might have been another cruel joke by whatever deity put me here in the first place, but it rang as clear as day.

I swallowed the bile in the back of my throat as it chimed in my ears.

The changeling’s head was separated from its neck for a second before falling back on it, tilted by a few inches as blood began to leak from that cut, a luminescent green compared to the red I was used to seeing. Then, they just…collapsed, twitching on the ground as a pool of blood gathered under the head that’d landed a few inches away. The wings buzzed, as if the body was still trying to get away from the threat, not realizing it was already dead.

Some part of me kept waiting for it to turn into dust. Even after what happened with The Diamond Dogs, those years of slaughter had conditioned me to expect every corpse would turn into specks bound to be blown away in the wind.

Then came that ding. That sound indicating that I’d level’d up.

I wanted to scream.

“My wagon!” I heard Trixie cry from behind me, her usual confidence replaced with utter dismay.

I pursed my lips together to a painful extent, breathing as loudly as I could through my nostrils just to drown out the sound of my own riveting heartbeat. It didn’t work, my organs were louder. They always were.

I dragged my feet as I moved to face her, eyes darting to the treeline for any more changelings as adrenaline painfully coursed through me.

“Trixie.” My voice was quiet, more because I didn’t want to break into a sob than because I didn’t want the changelings to hear me. “There’s more of them. A lot more. We have to get to Ponyville so we c—”

“Do not tell me what to do!”

Her eyes flashed red, this time lasting much longer. I took a step back, clenching the handle of my knife as I held it to my side.

Trixie stayed on her knees in front of her burnt wagon, a tear going down her check as the red aura coming from her eyes flared up.

“Is their queen here? The queen of the changelings who ruined Trixie’s chance at retribution and nearly her precious carriage and home?”

Trixie’s words quivered with held back anger, her hands digging in the dirt as she grimaced. It was nigh tangible how much rage she was holding on to, and visible with most of her cape now being black and hardly any purple left in her magic.

“Yes.” it was a struggle not to bump into the changeling just behind me. Its blood must have started seeping into the grass by now, no longer spreading. Hopefully. “She’s in a cave in the woods.”

“Good.” Trixie got to her hooves, adjusting her hat and pulling her cape tighter. “Take Trixie there. This is an opportunity; if Trixie can defeat the queen, a feat even Celestia herself could not accomplish, then she will become Ponyville’s hero. Leaving Twilight forgotten in her great and powerful shadow! With this amulet,” She touched the gem as it shined brightly, corroding any last color in her cape that wasn’t black. “Trixie can do anything.”

She could. I could feel it.

It was petrifying. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, out of fear that the wrong sentence would direct that power in my direction. Especially considering I couldn’t take her to Chrysalis, as much as I wanted to. We were in a completely different part of The Whitetail Woods, and Ponyville wasn’t anywhere in sight. In the last loop, we must have landed on the other side of the forest or something.

“Hmm,” I couldn’t tell her that, of course. I don’t know what she’ll do. I have to lie and hope she won’t catch me in it. “Ok. It’s,” I scanned the treeline once more, internally begging for something to be familiar.

None of it was. I had no idea where we were.

“This way. It’s far though.” I pointed in a random direction.

“That’s a trivial tribulation for Trixie.”

There was no chance we’d run into the cave by accident, not on the other side of the forest. My hope was that we’d either kill enough changelings on the way there, or at least get Chrysalis’ attention and deal with her directly.

The problem was I had no idea what would happen even if Trixie does manage to defeat Chrysalis. Will all the other changelings just flee back to their home, or are there other queens? If not, would one of them take up her mantle? Will we have to kill all of them?

I had this yearning to check my level, just to see how much L.O.V.E. I’d gained off that single changeling; how close was I to leveling up again?

It was so quiet in the woods without any animals. The crickets had long gone silent, and every other nighttime noise was absent. I wanted to hear something, a crunch of a branch or chirp of a bird; some sign that the changelings hadn’t completely sapped the life out of this place.

Fluttershy’s heart would break.

“So, Trixie has to ask,” Trixie stayed just behind me, following in my steps with little more than her lit horn and my glowing dagger to light our way. “Why a knife?”

I should have expected that question. I’m sure it’s one Twilight’s wanted to ask countless times.

“I don’t know.” The lie came out of my mouth with a painful tingle, holding it out in front of me like a lantern. “I have amnesia from before The Everfree.”

“Is that right?” Trixie cleared her throat, her hooves shuffling as she quickened her pace. “That must be convenient for certain questions.”

“Not really. It’s,” I couldn’t hide my voice cracking, struck by the tinge of doubt in Trixie’s tone. As I fumbled to come up with something, the bushes ended and we found ourselves in a sort of clearing. Like the pathway to Ponyville, it was well lit in the moon’s evanescent light.

It was eerily empty, almost unnaturally so. Some of the nearby trees had markings on them, but it was far too dark to make them out.

“Really hard sometimes. Where are we?”

“Not at the cave, from Trixie’s understanding of caves. So she doesn’t see wh—”

A green flash, this one brighter despite being a much darker green, jutted out of the treeline straight towards Trixie. With barely a second to spare, she summoned that magical shield. Except this time it began to crack under the strength of this spell, forcing Trixie to dig her heels in the ground as she skid back in the dirt. Gritting her teeth as she made a trail with her hooves from being pushed back in the dirt.

Her back hit a tree with a yelp, but the shield held; if just barely. It crumbled into magic dust the moment the spell dissipated into the air. Trixie’s arms lay limp at her sides, her neck craned as she sneered in the direction the spell came from.

“Of course, it would be you who’s skulking around the forest and killing my drones.”

That bitter, boisterous voice paired with the crackling of each step. A strange warmth rubbed against my skin, reminiscent of that slimy pod I woke up in. It was sticky, so sticky, spreading to my hands and suffocating me in its pleasantness up to my neck.

Chrysalis stepped out of the woods into the clearing, her chest puffed out and her chin high in complete confidence. Those harlequin eyes of hers stabbed invisible daggers into me, her wide posture and spread wings daring me to make the first move.

To my surprise, no changelings came to her side. Did she come alone? No way, not in a forest full of her changelings. I glanced to my side, peering into the darkness between the trees before spotting exactly what I was afraid of.

A single pair of blue eyes stuck out. Then another. Then dozens opened all around us, every bit of the clearing on its edges had a pair of eyes. In every direction, everywhere I turned.

We were completely surrounded.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Canterlot? And you,” Chrysalis didn’t even give me the time to process her question, shifting her attention to Trixie. “I have no idea who you are. Somehow, this pain in my existence has convinced you to help her foil my plans. And that—” She scowled, dropping her leer to the amulet. “Thing around your neck makes you more than just a nuisance. I will give you one chance to take it off and leave here with your life. Or become food for my servants who you haven’t killed.”

Her crooked horn throbbed with magic, her eyes narrowing into a scowl as her wings began to flutter, gradually lifting her off the ground.

“Your choice.”

I backed away from Chrysalis as far as I could, at least without bumping into one of the changelings waiting for us. Why weren’t they attacking? She must have ordered them specifically to surround us. We didn’t run into any of them after we started our trek, but that might have been intentional.

Whatever the case, it was clear Chrysalis planned on killing me here. Trixie too, if she didn’t leave.

“You haven’t heard of The Great and Powerful Trixie?” Trixie stepped away from the tree, placing a hand on her shoulder as she stretched. She walked towards Chrysalis with matching confidence and swagger. “Then now is the best time for an introduction.”

Trixie widened her stance, digging her hooves into the ground as she took off her hat and doffed it to Chrysalis. It was only for a second as she placed it back on, grabbing her vantablack cape in her magic and letting it flow in the non-present wind.

“I am Trixie Lulamoon; the greatest illusionist spellcaster who’s ever lived! Now, with her expertise at its best, Trixie will be a heroine better than Twilight Sparkle by squashing Ponyville’s infestation!” Trixie spread her arms as the magic from her horn spread to the rest of her body, enrapturing her in a red aura that was so vibrant I could feel it. “So go on and give Trixie your best. It’ll make the tale they sing of her that much more legendary.”

“Oh, is that right?” Chrysalis laughed, tilting her head with a sneer. “How cute. You think that disgusting little trinket giving you a boost with its revolting magic will be enough to defeat me.” She grabbed the lion’s paw that was around her neck, clutching it deeply in between her claw-like fingers. “I’ve been feasting on the love of every creature in this forest, as well as the pony who we’ve already replaced, all in preparation for tomorrow. You’re nothing more than a meal that lacks self-awareness.”

She lifted her head, a whirring noise coming from her horn as the atmosphere in the clearing seemingly got hotter. Green magic thrummed as it gathered at her horn, charging with so much energy the hairs on the back of my neck stood straight.

“Then you’ve bitten off more than you could ever chew.” Trixie retorted, a smug smile taking hold of her face as the red mist from her eyes concentrated in her horn.

Chrysalis’ magic concentrated into a fireball as she flung at Trixie. Slow, but with a temperature hot enough I struggled to breathe just in its presence. Trixie surrounded herself in her magic, then disappeared with a whooshing sound, no trace of her to be seen.

The green fireball hit the tree Trixie had been pressured into, not even burning it. Instead, just searing into the wood and turning straight into ash. A pile of burnt dust sat where the tree did, no wind to blow it away.

“Yes! Trixie’s always wanted to teleport!”

Trixie appeared in a flash on the ground beside Chrysalis, who didn’t give Trixie the opportunity to revel in her magical feat. A beam of magic came straight toward Trixie, who teleported away just as quickly. This time, ending up above Chrysalis a few feet in the air.

“Trixie also always wanted to do,” The red in her pupils grew stronger with every spell she cast. Her horn shined with magic as she summoned some sort of pipe-shaped object, curved with two holes on each end. “This!”

She caught the spell in one of the holes, the entire pipe violently vibrating as it traveled through and shot out the other hole with a schlinking sound. It was sent straight back to its caster, this time faster and pulsating with magic.

Chrysalis’ entire body tightened as she withdrew her wings, plummeting to the ground faster than a rock in water. It was just barely fast enough, with the top of her seaweed-like hair getting singed at the top. A look of absolute despair came over her as she patted the top of her head, finding a small bald spot where her own spell grazed her.

The growl she sent in Trixie’s direction was so hate filled it was feral.

I glimpsed at my dagger, stretching my fingers as I had to remind myself they were there. Chrysalis wasn’t paying attention to me anymore. I needed to help Trixie. Even if she could match her in magical power, I couldn’t risk going through another reset. This is my last idea, I don’t know what to do if this fails.

Besides, I can’t just stand by and do nothing. Not again, not ever again.

I clenched my fist, inching my way forward as I stood on the tips of my feet. Before I could convince myself otherwise, I ran towards Chrysalis, holding my knife the same way I did against the diamond dogs. It was invigorating to finally move with all the energy that charged me, the magic that made me feel alive.

I somehow hated the pleasurable sensation more this time than I did under the farm.

I jumped into the air, bending my wrist and bringing it down onto her. I tried aiming for her wings, getting rid of her ability to fly if nothing else. Unfortunately for me, she was ready for that. Summoning a green shield of her own, though a much smaller one than Trixie did.

I expected my knife to cut through it. After how easily—to my chagrin—it cut through the diamond dogs and their armor, it was hard to imagine it’d have trouble cutting through anything.

So when it bounced off her shield, I was entirely unprepared for it.

The very tip went through, leaving a small gash in the magic, but not nearly enough to break it. A dull, tormenting vibration shook my hand and traveled up my body. The recoil so strong it knocked me right on my back, desperately holding on to the knife. I knew that if I let go of it, even for an instant, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t be able to conjure it again.

“That’s it? That’s how you killed the diamond dogs? Ha!” Chrysalis lowered her shield, literally laughing in my face. I tried standing up and getting away from her, but was suddenly caught in a restraint of green magic that captured me in its steel clutch. “I don’t know what’s more pitiable; that I spent so much time arranging for those curs to be on the farm, or that they were so pathetically killed by you!”

In that single second she mocked me, I held my eyes open, well aware what awaited me if I closed them. She flung me across the clearing with such ease, aiming for one of the nearby trees. I managed to adjust myself enough to stab the ground, holding onto the handle as the momentum slowed me down to a complete stop.

The palms of my hands burned from the attempt. I may not be able to feel my weight, but pain was just as visceral.

“Diamond dogs? As in the same diamond dogs Trixie was once the queen of?” Trixie asked as she looked at me. “They’re harmless, why would you—never mind. Trixie doesn’t want to know.”

“You? The queen of diamond dogs?” Chrysalis guffawed even harder, placing a hand over her mouth and then pointing at Trixie. “Trixie Lulamoon, heir to the kingdom of mutts. How fitting for a unicorn who needs a shiny trinket to reach the level of any competent creature with a horn.”

Trixie let out an offended scoff, hand on her chest as she scowled.

“Please, your jabs are as annoying as your spells. You’re just upset that I’ve held the same title that you do. Except over creatures that can think for themselves!”

“Don’t you dare compare yourself to me!” Every single one of Chrysalis’s teeth were visible as she hissed at Trixie, already preparing her next spell. “You have no idea what it's like to be the queen of a starving kingdom, all while you ponies thrive with abundant amounts of love. Your very existence is a joke; one far more insulting than funny!”

A wave of raw magic barreled its way in Trixie’s direction. However, Trixie didn’t teleport away or try to deflect it. She stood her ground, coiling her body as magic centered in her horn. Trixie met Chrysalis’ power with her own, ebbing all of her strength into a blast of blood-red aura.

The pressure when they collided was enough to blow my hair back. If I hadn’t still been holding onto my knife perched in the dirt, I would have gone tumbling right back into the changelings that surrounded us. The bark of the trees started to creak, leaves began to fall as my eyes stung from the cutting edge of the breeze.

“Thanks to this ‘shiny trinket’, Trixie is getting more great and powerful by the second!” As if to prove her claim, Trixie walked forward, leaning her body into the spell. Chrysalis didn’t move an inch, tightening her jaw in strain.

“You petulant fool. Do you have any idea what you’re toying with? You will lose your mind far before you get even a fraction powerful enough to overtake me!” Chrysalis’ took her eyes off Trixie, steering her leer to a seemingly random group of changelings in the dark. “Of course, not that you’ll get that far in the first place.”

She spread her wings, curling her spine forward as her eyes widened. Trixie’s mouth shut as soon as she opened it for some comeback, getting pushed on her knees as Chrysalis’ spell grew in size and color; becoming so bright it was painful to look at directly. It was overpowering Trixie’s magic rapidly. So fast that Trixie had to dash out of the way to avoid it.

The spot Trixie was just standing at was vaporized. Not turned into ash like the tree, but gone. A crater that reached deep enough to hit the rock deep underground was in its place, crackling with a green flame that may never go out.

I got to my feet now that I could, struggling just to regain my balance. Chrysalis didn’t show me her back this time, standing sideways so she can keep both of us in her line of sight. I couldn’t just attack her this time, I needed to wait for Trixie to give me another opportunity.

Assuming there will be one.

Trixie was trying to catch her breath, only for the changelings behind her to end their passivity and tackle her to the ground. To my surprise, they didn’t try to attack her or hurt her in any way. Going for her necklace primarily. Using their magic to try to lift it off her neck, and when that didn’t work, physical grabbing it and trying to lift it off.

It didn’t budge.

Trixie lifted them in her magic, conjuring a purple cylindrical object that was twice her size. A see-through gate began opening, leading to a spinning box which zapped with an electricity-like energy. She threw the changelings inside, closing the gate as the changelings were electrocuted.

“Nice try, but Trixie doesn’t pay top shelf bits for something that can just be stolen off of her. This amulet only comes off when Trixie takes it off, no one else.”

Chrysalis was grimacing. Not at Trixie, but at the two changeling corpses. The queen was trembling, chewing on her tongue as she dared me to make a move.

“Is that right?” She sidestepped to face Trixie, leaning down so much that I could count each vertebra. “That’s fine. Then I’ll simply break it.”

Another spell from her horn, this time with no flash before it. Trixie teleported out of it, ending up on the edge of the treeline once more.

This time, it was a lot more than two changelings that attacked her. There was a deafening buzzing noise as a swarm of them came straight out of the forest at full speed, grouping up and attacking her. She tried to summon a shield, seconds too late as they began to pile onto her. Spurts of red magic would blast a changeling off the pile, only for another to take its spot.

I wanted to help, but Chrysalis had her gaze on me. The second I tried to move, she would blast me. If I tried to help Trixie, I might get caught in the crossfire of her magic and end up just another corpse on the ground.

This was much worse than The Diamond Dogs. I really can’t do anything. I might as well be a specter all over again.

“G-get off me!” They got Trixie to the ground, her head placed on the side against the ground; a familiar black rock placed beside her. The mist was still coming from her eyes, yet no more magic was sparking from her horn. She squeezed her eyes shut in concentration, her horn sputtering out small embers of red magic that dissipated as quickly as they spawned.

“I should have brought these out earlier.” Chrysalis picked up the anti-magic rock, tossing it up in the air and catching over and early. “In fact, I shouldn’t have bothered challenging you when I realized you were using dark magic just to stand a chance. Nevertheless, it’s done, and so are you!”

A ray of magic centered on Trixie’s amulet, specifically the gleaming red gem that was in the middle of it. Trixie yelped as if she herself had been hit with the spell, curling up as much as she could with the changelings holding her down. The more the gem began to crack, the less Trixie’s screams were coherent.

Each one was more strained and gut-wrenching, curdling my blood and piercing my very soul. Breaking the gem was torture to Trixie, and Chrysalis was enjoying every second of it. Her smile grew with each yelp, each audible agony that shone through.

I couldn’t watch anymore.

For a second time, I tried attacking her. Taking the widest steps I could as I rushed forward, loosening my grip on my knife as I held it by the edge of the handle. If I threw it, it might get to her fast enough. The question crossed my mind if it was even possible for me to throw it, as Twilight mentioned the moment I stopped touching it it would disappear.

Maybe there would be just enough time before it does wh—

“It’s going for the queen!” One of the changelings shouted, flying away from the dogpile and towards me.

I acted before I had the time to think, bending my knee and pivoting my body in the direction of the changeling as I swung upward. Like with the one before, there was that phantom noise when I hit it, followed by a disgusting squelching noise as the blade cut through its carapace, into its body, and came out the other side.

I didn’t level up this time. At least, there was no noise.

It wasn’t breathing as it landed on me, assuming they did breathe in the first place. They were much lighter than I expected, or that could have been because the hole in its body where some of its organs had fallen out. I could feel its warm blood pooling on my hoodie, while its body slowly lost any semblance of heat and became a cold carcass.

It was dead, and I was feeling its last bits of life leak onto me.

I wanted to cry.

“Stop.”

Trixie’s crying halted as Chrysalis spoke. A single word in a steely tone that froze all of the buzzing of changeling wings. I managed to get the dead changeling off of me, shoving it to the side as I saw that several changelings had surrounded me; none of which were the ones that were holding down Trixie.

Their hexagonal eyes quivered with that same anger Chrysalis had when she was leering at Trixie. Horns lit with a violently vivid light, not killing me only because their queen had commanded them not to.

I could only fear why that is.

“Not yet. I have questions for her. First,” She sharpened her gaze, powering more of her magic. “This must be handled.”

With the sound of glass breaking, and a final shriek from Trixie, the gem broke into pieces; the rest of the amulet following as the gem was what held it together. Trixie fumbled desperately to try to put the pieces back together, like a broken jigsaw puzzle.

“No, no no no.” she whimpered, none of the changelings that held her down before were stopping her from futily attempting to fix the one thing keeping her alive. Eventually, she gave up, glancing up at Chrysalis in abject terror. “Y-you know, Trixie was just doing this because she was paid to. She didn’t wa—”

“You’re pathetic.” Chrysalis nodded at one of the changelings, who hit Trixie with a spell. Seconds later, Trixie stopped moving, having been put to sleep on the ground. “I’ll make sure to take my time feeding on you. And you?”

I groaned as she snapped to me, approaching me with something closer to a march; resolved in whatever she had planned for me.

“You’re a disappointment.” She bent down, lifting my chin with a single claw. I just barely stifled a gag at the touch, jerking away from her as much as I could with my back against the ground. “You know, when I first heard that some mysterious new creature single-handedly killed nearly all of the diamond dogs, there was this sickening sensation in my stomach. I almost didn’t recognize it at first; it took a few moments of rumination to realize what it was.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the changelings begin to drag Trixie off into the woods. Very few were left in the clearing, other than a handful of them that stayed in a circle around me. Not once did their horns stop being lit, blue orbs filled with contempt waiting only for the order.

“It was fear. Just a tiny, obscure little blob of uncertainty that’s been resting in my chest ever since I heard of you. I admit, some part of me expected you’d find your way here anyhow; your sleuthing mangled my previous plan, why not this one? But seeing you here now, shaking like a newborn drone,” Chrysalis fixed her mane, scowling as she placed a horn over her bald spot.

“It’s obvious to me how absurd that very notion is. You’re more feeble than that unicorn; I’m embarrassed to have had you be the pitiable thorn in my side. I have so many queries about how you’ve managed such obnoxiousness. However, I have this inkling that you wouldn't answer them honestly; which is fine. I’ll have all the time in the world to ensure your honesty once Ponyville is mine. Now,” She extended her hand, placing her pointer finger against her thumb. “Any last words? Before the rest of your life is served as a source of sustenance that is.”

The knife felt cold in my hands.

An invisible heat wrapped itself around my neck, sticking out among the warmth of the drying blood on my stomach. I knew what she was referring to, being in those pods again. Except this time, she wouldn’t wake me up until after Ponyville is invaded. Days, or maybe even weeks, of being stuck encased in that slime.

Maybe so long that my save point would reset; I still haven’t figured out when it does. She’ll get bored of me eventually, and once I die, I’ll just find myself stuck in a loop of her torturing me to death and resetting.

I couldn’t go through that.

I’d break.

“Y-you won’t,” I raised the knife, pointing the tip of it at Chrysalis. “Take me.”

“Oh, ho! Is that right?” She gestured for the changelings to back up, leaving herself a few feet in front of me. “Are you going to pointlessly try gutting me with that dull thing?” She mocked, spreading her arms to the side as if to welcome me. “Well, go on. Slash me to your heart’s content, if you think you can.”

My arm felt weak. Fatigue starting at my shoulder and spreading to my elbow, making it difficult to keep it outstretched. I’d been using magic too long, my body was giving out. I pulled it into my side, letting my chest rise and fall with a deep breath as I mentally prepared myself.

I’d done it once before, I could do it again.

I flipped the knife in my hand, plunging it into my chest right where my heart was. It was an excruciating sensation as the knife skewered my heart, blood coming out of the slice as it continued to beat for just a few seconds. I didn’t have the energy to scream, or really do much of anything but let go of the knife and slip onto the ground.

It was odd, having a body without its rhythmic drum. I could make out the warmth leaving me, the cold blanket of death taking its rightful place. No more blood, no more heat, nothing. Just a chilling nothingness.

Sound followed a similar pattern. I could see Chrysalis saying something, shouting in fact, but I couldn’t hear it. Not clearly, at least. Distant, like an island at the end of the sea. There was a strange tingling as some of the changelings hit me with a spell over and over again, nothing came of it.

It was a cold death this time.

Some part of me was relieved at that.

The heat in my chest when I reset was painful as usual, I just found it more tolerable. I slowly raised myself up in the bed, a weird stiffness in my bones that made every movement extremely rigid and effortful.

Brash and Luster were just outside of the room. It was the middle of the night, I was a bit hungry and my throat was just as dry. My hands were warm and sticky, accompanied by a similar sensation around my neck like a collar and on my stomach. I could take a shower, but my intuition told me even the most frigid water would struggle to soothe the discomfort that plagued every inch of me.

I extended my arms, staring at my open palms. I wondered for a moment what to do now, with all my other options exhausted. I couldn’t tell Celestia, and getting there at night was pointless with the changelings having completely secured the forest. Trixie, even with that amulet, couldn’t beat Chrysalis. And I couldn’t help.

My fingers curled in one at a time, then unfurled and repeated the process, all to an invisible tune in my head.

I guess my body had answered me, in its own way.

I swung my legs over the end of the bed, hopping off and making my way to the door. It was heavier to open than I remembered it being.

“Chara?” Luster stated as I stood on the other side of the open door, quickly exchanging a glance with Brash. “I didn’t even hear you wake up.”

Brash tilted her head as she turned to me, awkwardly rubbing the back of her head with her wing. “Did you want something? I can fly to the cafeteria to get you some food if you’re hungry.”

“I don’t want to eat right now.” I shut the door, looking past them to the right hallway. The pathway to the theatre was a vivid line in the picture I had of the castle.

I deeply hoped that Luna didn’t have another play tonight.

“I want to play the piano.”

Chapter 32: Enargeia.

Luna wasn’t hosting another play tonight. For once, I was lucky.

The guards at the entrance didn’t try to stop me, though they did give a second glance at Brash and Luster who followed behind. I passed by them into the theater, ignoring whatever whispering they exchanged with each other.

Seats were empty, the curtains were closed, and no stories were being told in this place tonight. My eyes were drawn to the booths, specifically the one Luna took me up to when she showed me Haylet. She was so passionate about the play, so happy to see its rendition before her in her very own theater.

Was that really only the other day? How many times have I died since then? Three at least, but they were starting to blur together. The deaths always stuck out, for how poetically cruel they were, if nothing else. However, just a handful more of resets, and I fear that may not be the case anymore.

Did Frisk try to keep count at first? That fading question could never possibly be answered, yet I knew it would be as melancholic as it was terrifying.

I placed the tips of my fingers on my chest, scraping where my heart is. Were those occasional stabs of miniscule pain real, or were they too just a leftover? My hands, my neck, the warm and the cold, all skewered by a future that was and could never be again. I once more found myself wondering how Frisk dealt with it all. If they ever had any lingering sensations, or really felt anything.

My disgust for them was morphing into a morbid curiosity, and I hated it.

Brash and Luster followed me to the piano, staying just a few feet behind. Every now and again, they—usually Brash—would say something. Of course, it being Brash; it was less of a whisper and more like a hushed shout. That being the case, I didn’t pay attention enough to make out whatever it was she didn’t want me to hear. I didn’t care.

Nothing mattered but the piano. I was tunnel visioned on getting to it, an itch on the tips of my fingers yearning to scratch against the keys.

Very soon, there it was. In its golden-patterned beauty, the darkness of its wood standing out even in the dimly lit back area. I pulled the cushioned stool out from under the keyboard, lifting the cover and strumming my thumb across the keys.

It felt…right.

“Chara, if something's wrong, we ca—”

“Luna gave me permission to play this piano whenever I want; I’m choosing to play it now.” I interrupted, closing my eyes as the comforting cold of the keys pressed against my hands. “Please don’t talk to me while I am right now. I don’t know what I’ll say.”

I heard Brash raise a hoof off the ground and then slowly placed it back on the floor with a clack.

I pictured myself in Waterfall, sitting at the hidden piano Frisk used to perfect his skills. In my mind, I replaced him with myself. The silence of the theater was gradually replaced with the rushing of water and followed by the sounds of the many creatures that lived there. The frogs croaking, the fish jumping out of the water.

As I imagined it, I could see the glowing of the flowers in the darkness behind my eyes. Distantly, but somehow just as within reach. There were so many of them, all standing out in their own way. The rocks in the walls were just as shiny, yet not brighter than the flowers that were scattered along the place.

I knew what song I wanted to play.

It was the same one we always heard in Waterfall. Simple, but solemn. At least, that's how I always heard it.

I didn’t need to open my eyes, moving my fingers to play the notes as easily as I breathed. I teetered the line between remembering how Frisk played this song and all the memories that came with Waterfall. There were so many good ones, from singing with Shyren to the first encounter with Woshua.

Then there were the bad ones. There were so many bad ones.

Instead, I focused on playing the song. It wasn’t in the order Frisk had performed it, being much farther down the list. That didn’t matter, though. Not really. I wanted to play this song, the one paired with water and singing.

It was peaceful.

Maybe that’s what Frisk was looking for when they started playing the piano. I could only wager a guess at their thoughts or feelings, but during those moments between their genocide and their ‘mercy’, they would often wander aimlessly. Searching for something new, for something to do, for anything, really.

Except, when they were playing the piano, it was never aimless. They even seemed content.

I wonder if they’ve found peace now, wherever they are.

“Your music is as majestically somber as before, Chara.”

I opened my eyes, holding a note as it rang out. I didn’t turn to look at her, I didn’t need to; I knew when I walked past those guards there was a near guarantee she’d be notified. I just wish I had more time first.

“Luster and Brash, may I ask you to leave us? I believe Chara and I have much to discuss tonight.”

“Uhm, well we—”

“Of course, your highness.” Luster bowed, giving Brash a glare until she did the same. Brash glanced at me, pursing her lips as something she wanted to say sat in the back of her mind. Whatever it was, she swallowed it with a shake of her head, following Luster out of the theater.

Luna watched them with her eyes, though she still faced me. As soon as their distant hoofsteps went silent, she approached me. Not sitting down in the seat like Cadance did, but just towering over me. Her wings tucked into her back, and once again missing the jewelry I often saw her with.

“They say artists, no matter the medium, always produce whatever their soul reflects. In writing, this is sometimes obvious. However, with music,” She reached over my shoulder, playing a few notes. The tinge of familiarity stabbed my mind; I’d heard that tune somewhere before.

It took me far longer than it should have to realize it was the starting melody of the first song I played.

“Words, symbols, and to an extent even colors, will lose meaning. Music is the only timeless art. Thousands of years from now, when the name of the artist is forgotten, two ponies from two different times could hear the same song and still know the emotion poured into it. So, tell me Chara,”

The top of my knees scraped against the underside of the piano, my hands trembled as they stayed in the position I left them in; ready to play the next section of my sonata.

“What has you playing so sorrowfully? Shouldn't you be happy that you are going to see your friends tomorrow?”

“There’s,” I play the first part of the next section, just listening to it play out. “Nothing for me there. Not really.”

“Is that right?” Luna chimed, waiting for me to continue. Only for more silence to perforate the room. “Oh, I see. You believe that the incident with The Diamond Dogs has irreparably destroyed your friendship with them? Well, I can assure y—”

“It’s not that at all.” I finally lifted my hands off the piano, resting them on my upper thighs. I couldn’t feel my own body warmth, a chill lingering in my hand that plagued them with an unflinching steelness. “They’re going to die, anyway. No matter what I do.”

I expected my voice, and in turn my body, to be quivering. There wasn’t a shred of fear in me, no rope of anxiety in my stomach. Just this void inside me.

It was such a horrifyingly familiar sensation.

“You sound quite certain of that. I’m sure you have reason to believe such?”

I ignored her questioning tone, digging my nails into my pants. It didn’t hurt, it didn’t even sting. Instead, a burning sat in the back of my throat. The intensity of which spread to my face, leading to this numbness that demanded I keep speaking.

I didn’t have the resolve to stop myself.

“You know, ever since I woke up in that forest and realized I was alive again, I’ve been wondering ‘why me’?” There wasn’t a single line of thought in my brain, very little effort put into speaking. I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t. “Asriel was good, and didn’t deserve to die. Why wasn’t he brought back? Why me? It’s not even the first time; I climbed that mountain to kill myself, and got a happy family that gave me everything I wanted. I screwed that up, and, what, I get another chance at life when I didn’t even want to live in the first place? I didn’t ask for any of this, regardless something makes certain not a single one of my deaths is the last.”

With there being next to no sound in the room, I could only listen to my own words; even my heart wasn’t loud enough this time. I didn’t even notice how tightly my fingers had clenched my thighs, leaving an imprint of my hands.

My breathing was heavy and hitched in my throat, coming out of my mouth in heaves. I could feel my eyes burn, throbbing with a painful vehemence.

It wasn’t enough.

“I can’t do anything. Which isn’t new, that’s how it's always been. Even with the ability to reset, even with a knife that I thought could cut through anything, I can’t save them. Couldn’t save Asriel, couldn’t save the monsters in The Underground, I couldn’t be their angel. Now, Twilight, Pinkie, Fluttershy, they’re all going to die. And I-I can’t,” I didn’t even feel my fingers push down on the keys, a discordant note stabbing into my ears. “Take it. What was the point of bringing me back? To burn again, to be poisoned again, to die again over and over fo—”

It hit me.

I should have guessed it from the start that’s what this was. Or maybe some part of me had suspected it from the beginning. This strange sense of relief rocked my body, pleasurable in only the sickest of sense.

It spread to my sides as I held them, gripping my hips as tightly as I could. Reaching up to the back of my throat, and slipping it in a disgusting giggle.

Sans was right.

“This is,” When I tried to talk, another chortle snaked its way through my teeth. It was vile. “Hell. This is hell; I should be burning. Of course that's what it is, why would I out of everyone be given a chance at happiness for free like this? How stupid of me to think that. The flower sandwiches, the armored dogs, the conjured knife, the bleeding eyes. Even this necklace,” I held the pendant in my freehand. Its warmth burned the numbness of my hand, the chain dug into my neck with a suffocating heat.

I tugged at it, desperate to get the scorching to stop. I didn’t want to wear it anymore; I didn’t want to see it anymore.

It stayed, no matter how hard I pulled.

I didn’t have the strength.

“They’re all reminders, all mockery. The second I try to forget, to move on, something else shows up to make sure even pretending isn’t an option. I can’t move on, I can’t look back, I c-can’t—” No matter how much I tried to stifle it, a guffaw would erupt in between my words. On impulse, I shoved the top of my hand in my mouth, biting into it until all I could taste was skin and sweat.

Despite that, the corners of my lips pricked with the urge to smile.

“Stop laughing.” I wheezed, leaning forward and trying to hide as much of myself as I could. I stayed inches off the keys, my hand wet with saliva as I choked down any air that squeezed its way out.

I couldn’t breathe.

“Chara,”

She placed a hand on my back, and everything went black.

I screamed.

It was shrill and from the bottom of my lungs, so girly and childish and pathetic I felt bad for myself. The stool I was on tumbled to the floor as I jumped away from Luna, placing my free hand on the edge of the piano to prevent myself from keeling over onto the floor. I bit down so hard on my hand it drew blood, that rancid taste of crimson tainting my tongue.

I caught a glimpse of Luna’s expression, just for a second. I didn’t recognize it at first. The way her eyebrows separated, her neck appeared to shrink as she lowered her chin. Eyes narrowed as the color drained from her face, mouth half open as her arm remained outstretched.

It was the same kind of expression that Fluttershy had when she saw me kill those diamond dogs.

“D-don’t,” I spat out my hand, wiping my face as I hid behind my hair as much as I could. It’s the one benefit I get from it. “Touch me. Ever. Please.”

She retracted her arm, taking a hoofstep back. Her wings briefly flickered, ears folding and tucking in so well with her mane they were hardly visible.

“Of course, forgive me. Tia mentioned that—” Luna closed her eyes, nostrils flaring as she took in a deep breath. She muttered something, her body slumping with tension so rigid it was visible. “Never mind. I will not claim to understand anything you are going through. If the letters from Twilight are anything to go by, then asking for help would be—”

I laughed at that. The sound was foul on my lips and grating to my ears. I barely resisted the desire to slam my hand back into my teeth.

“You think I haven’t fucking asked?” I spat, covering my mouth just as swiftly as those words came out. I sobbed, an actual tear rolling down the side of my cheek.

At that moment, I felt more like him than I ever had in my life.

I fell to my knees, the little bits of strength I had sapped out of me. I stared at my hands, one warm and sticky with my spit and the other cold and numb. I wanted so deeply to close my eyes and shriek again.

I couldn’t bring myself to do even that.

“I’ve asked so many times. On the farm, Brash, Celestia,” I ran my hands up my arms, trying to give as little attention to the dull pain on my legs as they sat against the unfeeling ground. “Fluttershy. After Azzy, I shouldn’t have. But I guess I will never learn. It’s more than just my circumstances that haven’t changed, I haven’t changed. Not one bit.” I raised the sleeve on my left hand, tracing my pointer finger over the scar that was there. It was hardly noticeable, barely even a bump in the skin. I didn’t even really need to hide it, no one would look close enough to see it unless they knew it was there.

Like Twilight did.

I held a flicker of relief that I wasn’t alone at that moment, or it might have been joined by a second.

“Truly? Well, I do not recall you asking me for help!”

I flinched when she raised her voice, recognizing the flare of anger she was holding back beneath it. Though my eyes were firmly fixed on the floor, I saw her hooves as she took two steps forward. The sound of the feathers on her wings fluttering as they spread to her sides following soon after.

“Half of what you have said is an unknown to me. About being in ‘hell’ or burning, but you sit before me. You got out of your bed and came here, knowing my guards would tell me. If you did not want help, then why did you even bother? I showed you my theater, I expressed my love for art with you, and you returned it with a genuineness I had not expected. Of you, Chara, I thought a friend.”

There was a hardness to her voice that bordered on brittle. I blinked as I raised my head, finding something between a glowering frown and a grimace adorning her face. Her lips trembled as her hands clenched, entire body shaking with an emotion I couldn’t recognize.

“It hasn’t just been Fluttershy’s dreams I have been perusing. Your other friends, including Twilight Sparkle, have been thinking about you to various extents. I do not know what you’ve convinced yourself of, but they care; 'tis why they were hurt so much about what occurred. You are not alone, stop trying to take on whatever burdens you speak of as if you were.”

“I’m not—” my voice cracked as I tried to get to my feet, the jelly like-sensation persisting and keeping me on the ground. “I know they care, ok? It’s not like I haven’t—” Another chuckle. I wrapped my hand around my neck, squeezing tightly as I contemplated choking myself to make it stop. “It doesn’t matter. You’re not going to understand.”

Why should I even bother?

As we speak, Chrysalis is sucking the love out of every animal in the forest and about to invade. Everyone there will die or become food for the rest of their life, and I’ll be here, stuck in a loop of experiencing it again and again.

Trapped in the home of royalty once again. How ironic.

“I do not understand? You think I do not recognize what this is?” Luna spread her legs, digging her hooves into the ground as she gestured towards me. “No, I believe you are the one who doesn’t understand. I am very familiar with the self-loathing that shrouds every ounce of your being. Since the day I’ve come back, I’ve—” Luna loudly swallowed, shuffling her hooves as she lowered her chin. “Hated myself for what I did to thine sister; the tantabus I manifested is a guarantee I’ll never forget the depths of deprecation I feel for myself. Thou speaks of constant reminders of sin? Every meeting with Celestia is a reminder of what I did! Every foal who was warned of Nightmare Moon, every Nightmare Night, every time I remember a friend from millennia ago, I must remind myself that their descendants are terrified of me. I—”

That air of confidence around Luna evaporated more with each word. The corners of her eyes were wet, just not enough to cry. She wasn’t looking directly at me, turning her face to the side as her half-lidded eyes stared into the distance. Her right arm pressed against her side, wings curling in and embracing herself.

“Almost killed my sister in a bout of petty revenge and petulant rage. What could you have done that I would not understand?”

I sat there in silence, my hands face down on the ground and hesitating to stand up. The laughing had stopped on its own, for now. Out of irrational fear, I restricted my breathing, taking one short breath every half a minute. It left me in this semi-struggling to breath state that made it hard to think.

It was the only alleviation I had.

“I did kill mine.” I managed to get to my feet. My arms felt dead, hanging limply in front of me. “In a petty and petulant revenge scheme I manipulated him into.”

Luna’s eyes widened, snapping towards me as she rapidly blinked. “Is that,” her mouth closed as quickly as it opened to speak. “Do the others know?”

“Fluttershy does. She—” I played a random key on the piano, not glancing to see which one it was. I just needed to hear something else. “Forgave me for it.”

“But you have not forgiven yourself.”

It wasn’t a question, nor did Luna hesitate to say it.

More silence between us. What could I say to that? Instead, I fixed the stool and replaced it in front of the piano; a pointless endeavor when I was still standing as I played random notes. I didn’t have the mental capacity to play any songs.

“Then I have an answer to your question. Why you were given another chance, despite feeling as if you do not deserve it.”

I peered at her, furrowing my eyebrows as I waited for her to continue.

“Be better, not sorry.”

I stayed my hand, holding down a note until it was painful. I glanced at her through a gap in my hair.

There it was.

That glint in Luna’s eyes that made me not want to look anywhere else; it was like she had captured two stars in her pupils. It reminded me of Pinkie’s smiles, so real it was contagious. She finally unclenched her hands, the tension leaving her face as I saw her jaw loosen.

“I understand dwelling. I understand rumination. Tartarus, every night when I visit the tormented dreams of the ponies in this land, I find myself questioning so many things about myself. That is why, more than anyone else, I know that you must not spend your time torturing yourself over your mistakes, lest you will repeat them.”

“So you’re telling me to move on? I can’t jus—”

“Of course you can, you just don’t think you deserve to! As to whether or not you do,” She sharply inhaled. “I can not give you an answer I do not have. You must decide for yourself if you deserve redemption, if you can forgive yourself, as I must come to.”

Forgive myself?

That sounded like something Rarity would say.

My mind couldn’t help but drift back to the conversation with Rarity about forgiveness. The more I think about it, the more I realize how right she was.

I just wasn’t sure if I agreed. ‘Cannot condone or condemn’ indeed.

“Someone told me once that forgiveness is about the person forgiving. I have to believe that what I did is worth forgiving.” I played a theme on the piano. The same one I’d heard in the waterfall on the statue with the umbrella.

For some reason, it always reminds me of Asriel.

“What if I can’t?”

“Then you become someone who can. I am not asking you to give yourself absolution, I am asking you to try. If not for yourself, then,” Luna reached towards her neck, grasping for something that wasn’t there. She glimpsed downward, flexing her fingers as she scoffed. “Do it for Asriel. For me, I do not know if I’ll ever be able to convince myself I am deserving of this opportunity. However, every morning when I see my sister’s face, it is a refresher. Even now, in this new era, I learn of how many have come to appreciate the night in a way they did not just a millennia ago. Please, Chara, I’m pleading with you.” Luna went to outstretch her hand to me. I expected her to pull it back, to apologize, to play it off as a gesture.

Instead, she let it stay there. Holding eye contact, her stare pierced into me.

“‘For Asriel.’” I repeated, opening the pendant. We took so many pictures together in The Underground; Toriel had even made a book filled with them I’m sure she kept even after leaving Asgore.

I wished the pendant carried just one of those. I would give anything to see his smile one more time.

I glanced up at Luna’s extended hand, a yearning to reach out and grasp it burned inside me. I could say no, of course. Go back to playing on all the songs on Frisk’s list until I’d successfully managed it all in one go, just for breakfast with Celestia to roll around once more and for me to return to Ponyville.

Or, I could give it one more try. Take Luna’s hand, her help, and go through one more loop.

For Asriel.

“Ok.”

I took her hand, and all the anguish that came with the contact; gritting my teeth until they made that cricking noise. I tried to focus on the firm grip of her hand as I stepped away from the piano, how gently she pulled me towards her. I briefly thought she was going to pull me into a hug, and I couldn’t recall the last time someone did.

Luna let go of my hand. I swallowed the prick of disappointment that came with.

“Now, I think we should speak about this threat you speak of? Whatever it is, I will personally ensure the royal guard will be ready by sunrise.”

“That’d be too late.” I murmured as I rubbed my hand on my shirt, noticing a splotch of red that would likely dry into a stain. “Luna,” My chest rose and fell with fresh air. If I was going to give this a chance, it's only fair I be as honest with Luna as I was her sister. “I can see a future. There are changelings around Ponyville, and they’re going to attack in a few hours. No matter how I try to change it…”

“Oh? Thou has visions like Celestia’s?”

“Visions? I guess, they’re kinda like—” I paused, catching the implications of Luna’s words. “Celestia has visions of the future?”

“On occasion. Less often does it prove anything of use. We have shared them, and they seem auguring in nature, but I can not say in all honesty if they have really made a difference.” Luna crossed her arms, wrinkling her muzzle as her eyes wandered. “I only hope your branch of clairvoyance is more prophetic.”

“It’s not.”

She winced, head pulling back at the sudden anger in my voice. I sucked cold air through my teeth, wrapping my arms around myself as I hung my head.

“I’m sorry. I just,” the scars on my body burned a bit. I wondered if that was real. “Hate prophecies. The ones I have aren’t really that useful. They only really show me what doesn’t work, not what does.”

“I see.” Luna stared at me, tightly pressing her lips together. “And how many of these futures did you have my help?”

“None.”

A boisterous smile curled its way on her lips. She puffed out her chest, raising her chin and gesturing to herself.

“Then I will make sure this will be the future you’ve been striving for. Chara Dreemurr,” She dropped her head, bowing to me. “You have my word that, to the best of my abilities, I will help save the element bearers and stop this changeling invasion. I could not help with the previous one, so I will rectify that mistake this time.”

“Alright, I believe you. Can you,” I mentally thanked Luna for asking Brash and Luster to leave, swallowing in an attempt to fight how dry my throat was becoming. “Stop bowing to me? I don’t like it.”

“Of course. My apologies.” She straightened her posture, adjusting her mane with her magic. “'Tis simply the best way to show sincerity.”

“You don’t need to show me your sincerity.” I whispered under my breath. “I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but there are dozens, if not hundreds, of changelings in The Whitetail Woods surrounding Ponyville. There’s too many of them.”

“I agree. Which is why we’ll be using the night guard at my disposal.”

“There’s a nightguard?”

“There is. The fact that you do not know about them tells me they are doing their job well.” Luna walked off to the side, moving the velvet curtain and peered out to the seats of the theater. “While not as numerous as The Royal Guard, I guarantee they are just as capable and more loyal. With your foresight, this should be trivial. Though the queen herself may be another issue.”

“Well, what about Shining?”

“Shining Armor?” Luna glanced over her shoulder at me with a raised eyebrow. “What about him?”

“Cadance,” I bit my tongue, having to remind myself that wasn’t in this loop; how did Frisk keep track of it all? “Mentioned in the garden the wedding and how much of a grudge he holds against changelings. Shouldn’t we ask him to help?”

“Hmm,” Luna hummed, leaning back on one of her hooves. “He would be quite useful. Unfortunately, it would be hard to get his strict compliance; acting on vengeance does not a good leader make.”

“He’d want to be in charge.”

“Correct.”

Cadance warned me as such. She really does know him well.

“Is that really a problem? The nightguard will listen to him if you tell him too, right?”

“Of course. I respect Shining Armor deeply and am well aware of his capabilities as a leader; for the average changeling I suspect he’s prepared himself to handle any situation. However, when it comes to dealing with the queen herself, who I’m sure is thriving on the local fauna…”

She’s right. A magically enhanced Trixie could barely hold her ground against Chrysalis. Even with my help, as little as I could contribute, I couldn’t do much about the rest of the changelings.
But maybe…

“What if we just handle all of the changlings in the woods first? He won’t like it, but if he’s helped I think we could beat her. I’d rather he be alive, at least.”

“‘We?’” Luna spun to face me. “Are you implying you will be fighting alongside us?”

“Well, yeah.” I shuffle my feet, placing a hand around my shoulder and on my side. “I can’t stay here, not while knowing I could help. Besides, only I know where their cave is, but I have to be there to find my way back.”

Luna hummed, scratching her neck and pressing her lips together into a slight grimace.

“I don’t like it. If we’re going to proceed with this, I need more than just your word.” Her horn lit up in a cobalt blue, a scroll and floating pen appearing just in front of her. With writing speed I’ve only seen Twilight match, she began to write something on it, taking hardly a minute before flipping it around and offering it to me.

“This is a binding contract. Once you sign it, it will give you authority equal to mine for the next twenty-four hours in regards to the nightguards. I will assign you a detail, which will include Shining Armor, that you will personally take to the cave. Knowing Chrysalis, she is as likely to rush to Ponyville and attempt to take the life of Twilight or one of the others as to hold her ground in her hole; she knows just ending one would be enough to render the elements useless.”

The contract was as long as my forearm, floating in Luna’s aura just a foot in front of me. I tried skimming through it, only to find it written using a lot of terminology I didn’t recognize; I should really read more. I ended up skipping to the end, writing my name on the blank space at the bottom.

“In exchange for what?”

“Why, your soul, of course.”

My heart fell to my stomach, and very nearly the pen with it. My free hand reflexively went for my chest, all sound halting in my ears like a calmed storm.

Then came Luna’s laughter.

“Relax, I jest.” A hand reached for her face, poorly covering the grin on her face. “I haven’t taken enough of a liking to you to ask for your essence just yet. No, what I ask for is something I suspect you are much more reluctant to give; the truth.”

“The truth?” I said with a pant, placing the pen in the curl of the scroll. She hovered it over to herself, picking up the pen in her own magic and writing something else at the bottom. “About what?”

“Everything.” With a poof, the scroll was gone. Leaving Luna and I alone once again. “Your supposed amnesia, what truly happened with The Diamond Dogs, Asriel. I want to know it all. Once this is over, that is all I ask of you.”

I twirled the chain of my necklace in between my fingers, shuddering as I found the energy to take it off. I held it in front of me, both of my hands quivering as it rustled. It hardly weighed anything at all, yet the longer it rested in my grip the more tired my arms got.

“And, no matter what I tell you afterwards,” I slipped it back on, finding little strains of my hair getting stuck between the chains. I needed to cut it again. “I won’t be punished?”

“Nay. You are already atoning for your sins on your own. No action of mine would further that, nor feel justified. Just as well, I have no right to judge when I still bear the burden of my own.”

Well, I already promised to tell Fluttershy. Luna is offering a way to save all of them so I can do that.

Maybe it was due to the brain fog that was plaguing my thoughts, but I couldn’t find a good reason to say no.

“Alright.”

“Excellent!” With one wing extended, Luna spun to face the exit, waving her arm in a gesture to follow her. “Then let us depart, partner.”

The mixture of dread, nostalgia, and deja vu that hit me at being called that was as nauseating as it was painfully potent. That despair that riddled my heart began to dissipate as I followed Luna, a throbbing sensation that I couldn’t recognize.

Or maybe I didn’t want to.

The pulsating in my chest, spreading to my very veins. The way it elated my eyes, made me tense my neck and clench my fist.

I was determined.

Chapter 33: Crest.

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Chapter 34: Seeing Black

Author's Note

Yahallo! Sorry this took so long, I got very sidetracked with gaming. Anywho, please leave your thoughts in the comments, thanks for reading, and enjoy!

Chapter 34: Seeing Black

Walking through The Whitetail Woods for the third time wasn’t any easier than the times before. In fact, with Shining breathing down my neck quite literally, and two bat ponies not far behind, it might have been worse than before. It was only a small relief to know that a few dozen other night guard were in the other parts, likely taking out every changeling sentry along the way.

Mind you that didn’t mean we wouldn’t run into any on the way to the cave. Just that we wouldn’t have to worry about any others pouncing on us once we do.

A lot of it looked the same, but every now and again I’d spot something familiar; a rock with a particular shade of moss covering it, a tree with a hole in it for some creature that lived there, all of which helped me recall the way to the cave. I wasn’t entirely confident it was the right way, but I got the gist enough to know I’d get there eventually.

It was just a question of if i could get there soon enough, the uncertainty of not having an answer left me with the putrid taste of discomfort in my throat.

“Chara.”

I jumped a bit as Shining quickened his pace to meet mine, walking alongside me and whispering so quietly I wouldn’t have been able to hear it were it not for the fact that I’d gotten used to nigh silent conversations talking with Fluttershy.

“You mentioned that they have at least one changeling in Ponyville, right?”

Though he was clearly talking to me, his eyes darted back and forth with every step we took, scanning as far as he could in the dark. His free hand tightly gripping the already drawn sword, with his horn dimly lit to guide us.

“Yeah.” I thought back to when I was in the cave, encased in that cocoon of disgusting slime and looking at the pods that lined the ceiling like some kind of organic stalacites. Two came to mind, which had captured ponies aside from the animals. Maybe it was something the goo was doing to me, or just the position I was in, or just the fragility of memory, but I couldn’t remember anything that stuck out about them aside from both of them being blue. “But they have two captured ponies.”

“Two? But you’re sure there’s only one changeling in Ponyville?”

There was a streak of panic in his voice, hooves briefly dragging before moving swiftly again.

“I know there’s at least one. There,” my tongue felt heavy in my mouth as I tried to speak, made denser by the drifting thoughts churning into realization. “Might be another one. I don’t know.”

“Why didn’t you tell the princess that?”

I recoiled, hearing how tightly he said those words through clenched teeth without having to look.

“I didn’t realize it until you asked.” I stopped for a moment, mentally cursing myself as my muscles felt weaker. I very nearly stopped entirely, before shaking my head and reminding myself there wasn’t a second to be spared. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s,” He loudly sucked in air, before just as audibly sighing. “Fine. It doesn’t change what I was about to suggest.” Shining moved a little faster, overtaking me by inches. He didn’t move any farther, likely because, as much as he wanted to lead the way, I was the only one who knew where the cave was. “There’s two ponies it could be, and we have two nightguards. Princess Luna needs to know as quickly as possible who the imposter is, the sooner she knows the safer we’ll be. I think we should have the two with us fly to Ponyville with the two ponies intact and inform the Princess when they do.”

“What?” I asked a bit louder than I intended to, causing said Nightguards to flicker their ears. “And Chrysalis? Don’t we need them to fight her if she’s in the cave?” My heart leaped to my throat as I very briefly forgot how to breathe.

“If she’s in the cave, which is a big if, they’ll prioritize saving whoever’s been captured over fighting her.. So there’s no problem there.”

“And if we run into her on our way back without them?”

“If that happens…” he trailed off, biting his lip before hanging his head. He moved closer to me, a lot more so than I was comfortable with, but I tried to ignore it. “I didn’t want to mention this to the princess, but I think they’re more of a liability than they’d be useful. Chrysalis can mind control. If there’s even a chance that I’d have to deal with fighting two trained nightguard on top of the queen, I can’t risk it. I’ve trained too hard every day since my own wedding to risk it, especially when Ponyville’s in danger.”

His voice grew more intense with every sentence, somehow staying at the same volume. If the nightguard heard they didn’t show it.

The term ‘mind-control’ sparked a fear in me that gripped my very soul. Changelings from my world didn’t have such a horrifying ability in the stories I was told. Then again, nor did they feed off love in such a direct way. She didn’t do that to me or Trixie in the previous two resets, maybe because she didn’t feel like she needed to.

If we put her in a corner, I had a feeling that’d change.

My throat tightened as I tried to imagine what that was like. To lose control of your very mind, to be forced to watch as you move and do things you have no say in. All at the whim of someone else.

In an odd way, I suppose that wouldn’t be all that different from what I experienced with Frisk; minus all the sensations. I’m certain that was why the idea of it made me want to stop where I was.

“What about me? What if she,” I found myself wringing my wrist, more on my right than my left. The symbol on the back of my hand glowed as dimly as a firefly in the night, and growing weaker every time I checked it. It was hard to believe it would last until tomorrow. “tries to mind control me?”

“No offense, but I’ve seen how you fight. I’m fairly confident if she get’s desperate enough to try that, I’m confident I could handle it. At least, more than two trained night guard. Especially if Chrysalis has her anti-magic rocks.”

“That reminds me.” I contemplated asking for a weapon, the context would make it more than awkward. Still, we could run into her at any moment, and a little awkwardness wasn’t something I was unfamiliar with. “Can I have your dagger? Luna suggested I should have it for self-defense if nothing else.”

He gave me a sideways glance, grip tightening on his sword as he clenched his jaw. Then he unfurled his right hand, reaching down and grabbing onto the handle of a knife attached to a sheathe; I hadn’t even noticed that there.

“Here.”

He steered his gaze back to the front of his, tossing the dagger at me without even looking. It caught me off guard as I fumbled to catch it, managing to hold it in my left hand. It was…smaller than the one I conjured, and thinner too. The handle was made out of a softer material, not digging into my skin nearly as much as I was used to.

Out of morbid curiosity, I pressed my pointer finger against the tip, trying to gauge how sharp it was. With a prick that somewhat burned, it poked into my skin until it hurt. I didn’t bleed, but just a bit more pressure and I would have.

My knife was much sharper than this one. Then again, this knife wasn’t likely to leave me exhausted the moment it left my grip, nor could its existence be wiped out by a rock.

“Thanks.”

In a moment of absent thought, I tried to pocket it, only to realize it wouldn’t fit in the pocket of the pants Rarity made for me. I could hold it, but that would get uncomfortable very quickly. My only other option…

I tugged on my backpack strap, reluctance to put on the hoodie heavier than the weapon in my hand. I stopped for a moment, biting my lips before sighing and closing my eyes. The nightguard waited as I pulled out the hoodie, its soft fabric tight on my skin for a moment before I settled into it. I let the dagger sit in my hoodie pocket, barely noticing the added weight.

I got lucky, finding the cave before Shining realized I was doing little more than fumbling around in the dark. The entrance itself hidden behind some bushes, only found because we were actively looking for it. It was just large enough for one person at a time to go on through, devoid of any light aside from the one Shining provided for us.

Like a match dipped in water, that snapped out once we got farther in. The floor was littered with the pointed rocks that had painted my demise more than once, spread out and hard to count. Fortunately, we didn’t have to shuffle in the dark for very long. There was a very faint glow around the corner, coming from the pods that hung from the ceiling.

It was the same amount as last time, with animals of various shapes and sizes, and two ponies. They were too swamped in the green goo for me to recognize them. The nightguard didn’t hesitate in flying up to them, one making a wide incision into the pods while the other hovered under it. With incredible caution, they pulled the ponies out and floated them to the ground, gently placing them down.

I walked up to them, trying to make out their features. I had to squint my eyes, made only more difficult by the slimy layer of mucus they were covered in. Eventually, it was the swirled, pink mane that led to my realization of who I was looking at.

It was Mrs.Cake.

I took a step back, my eyes widening as it hit me how obvious it was in retrospect. The forced smile, her forgetting my name, how much she didn’t want to be around her own foals.

Everything really was clearer in hindsight.

“Do you know her?” Shining asked as he crouched down, placing a hand on her chest. She was just barely breathing, the rising of her chest barely noticeable.

“She works at Sugarcube Corner. She must…” I trailed off, picturing Mrs.Cake approaching the table in silence with her tray of cupcakes. Of course it was the cupcakes. “The one who replaced her must have been the one who po-”I choked. “Who was going to try to poison them.”

Shining’s leer darted to me for a moment, narrowing before dropping back to her.

“Then I guess we know who the imposter is.” Shining stood up, walking over to the other pony on the ground right as the night guard set her down. “What about this one?”

While also being blue, this one was a unicorn, and covered in a much lighter gleam of goo. They were wearing a familiar hat and cape, with sparkles and stars I couldn’t mistake for anyone else.

“Its—”

Trixie started coughing, jumping upward and just barely scraping her head past Shining’s without colliding. Her eyes shot between him and me before she moved as far from us as she could, not quite managing to stand up. It was too dark to make out her face with any degree of accuracy, but her frantic movements were obviously those of panic.

I heard a familiar clacking noise as she moved, drawing my attention to her neck. My spine went cold once I saw she was wearing that amulet, the same one that nearly strangled me once I asked the wrong question.

It was made worse by the fact that she intended to use that amulet on Twilight, whose brother was standing right beside her. I couldn’t let her say that, or Shining might insist on doing something drastic.

Or, would that be for the better? If we just took her back to Ponyville with that amulet with everything going on, and she was dead-set on enacting her revenge, then it would make everything a thousand times worse. Then again, if he tried to forcefully take the amulet from her…

I needed to get that amulet away from her.

“Is this—” Trixie tried to speak, only for her hoarse voice to crack as she cleared her throat. “Some kind of trick? Are you attempting to deceive Trixie?” She wrapped her arms around herself, literally shaking as she kicked away as many of the rocks as she could. Her eyes shot between Shining and I in a frantic burst, scrunching her eyebrows as her horn sparked. Embers of blue magic flew in various directions from the tip, but none of them condensed into a spell.

I glanced at the nightguard, who were checking over Mrs. Cake once more. Shining had an expression I hadn’t seen on him yet, scrunching his brow and leaning his head forward. It was like he was trying to recognize something he forgot. I could make out him muttering something, barely intelligible and along the lines of ‘couldn’t be her’ before it got too quiet to hear.

“T-this isn’t a trick.” I stepped forward, holding up my hands and trying to appear as non-threatening as possible; which wasn’t very difficult. “The Nightguard is in the forest clearing out the changelings, we were sent to save anyone they’d captured in the hive.”

I could feel Shining’s confused leer drag to me, piercing into my back with questions that only grew with every word that I spoke.

After a few seconds of tepid silence, broken only by the sound of desperate grunting as Trixie tried and failed to cast a spell, she opened her eyes and scanned the room, eventually resting on me as her stare bounced up and down.

“What in Tartarus are you? Some kind of deformed minotaur?”

I recoiled a bit, the memory of some of the minotaur pictures I saw in Twilight’s books came to mind. I ran a hand up my face, hovering over my ears before shaking my head and burying my insecurity back into my mind to bother me later.

“No, I’m a human. That’s not really important right now. Listen,” For just a second, the gem in the center of the amulet gleamed, and I saw my reflection. Barely more than a vague outline, with my crimson eyes sticking out like two torches in the void. They captured my attention, pausing even my words in my throat as I could look nowhere else.

There was a tugging at my heart that dragged my entire body with it, pulling my hand outward as I took a step forward. Without a sound, it had called to me.

“Hey.” Shining moved up to me without a sound, or maybe I was just too zoned out to notice. He placed a hand on my shoulder, his whisper like an amplified shout. “What are you doing? You’re talking to her like you know her.”

Fatigue and terror spread from where he touched me, yanking me out of the strange stupor I found myself in. That churning in my soul faded away, leaving me dazed as I couldn’t even muster the strength to shove Shining’s hand off of me.

“I…” My voice was weak, struggling to condense everything I was feeling into words that suited them. I shuddered as I took a step away from Shining, which prompted him to retract his arm. “Kinda do. She did a favor for me once, I owe her.”

“Really? Trixie Lulamoon did you a favor?” He said through clenched teeth, keeping his voice just low enough to where Trixie didn’t hear us. Though her face did contort into one of confusion as she watched us. “The same Trixie who brought an Ursa Minor to Ponyville because her ego was bruised? Who endangered not just the element bearers, but all of Ponyville? What favor could she have possibly done for you that’s worth excusing that.”

“She didn’t…” the idea of bringing up Snips and Snails danced on my tongue, but carried the weight of doubt. Trixie told me that in another loop, and I couldn’t even say how true that was. I couldn’t explain to Shining how I knew that. I peered over my shoulder at the entrance, thinking for a second that I caught a glimpse of something moving in the dark. “We don’t have time for this; the changelings could retreat to here at any second. We can’t just leave her here.”

“We can’t just take her to Ponyville, either. Think about it: she just so happens to be near Ponyville when the changelings show up to be abducted? No way,” He wasn’t even bothering to mask what he was saying anymore, raising his voice as he gave Trixie a leer that would stop anyone from speaking a word. “I guarantee you she was here because she had some scheme in mind. The second we take her back to Ponyville, that’s the first thing she’ll do!”

I swallowed the urge to correct him, biting on my lower lip until the cold air stung the wound. I couldn’t verbally admit it, but he was completely right. The only thing he hadn’t guessed was that the amulet was exactly the ‘scheme’ she was planning. Though, that meant if I could get it away from her, then there’d be nothing to worry about.

“Please, let me talk to her first. I think I can convince her to leave Twilight alone.”

“Do you now?” He scoffed. “I really doubt that you—”

I brought my hand to my mouth, chewing on my thumb’s fingernail, which stopped Shining mid sentence. He glowered at my hand, his lips curled into a sneer as he tightly clenched his jaw.

“Seriously? You’re pulling that on me?”

It took me a moment to realize what he meant, my heart sinking to my stomach when I realized it was my right hand and I was flashing him the symbol on the back of it.

“No, no. I didn’t mean to—”

“Sure you didn’t.” The spite in his voice was visceral, eyes stabbing me with guilt. He began walking toward the nightguard, pausing only next to me as he sharply inhaled. “Fine, have it your way. But the second I think she’s going to do something that endangers the bearers, I’m arresting her on the spot; crest or not.”

Shining didn’t give me the chance to defend myself as he moved back to Mrs.Cake, barely giving the Nightguard more than a glance. I rubbed my pendant, awkwardly meeting Trixie’s trembling eyes as she stared at me with a mixture of dread and expectation on her face. Like it or not, I was getting the chance.

I carefully approached Trixie, getting as close she would let me before she tried to further dig herself into a corner. It was hard to tell if it was because she thought we were changelings messing with her, the conversation she heard at least half of, or that she had no idea what I was.

In all honesty, it was likely a mixture of the three.

“Um…” Trixie pressed her lips together, making a groaning noise that I could only barely hear. What should I say? The first time we met, I had a bag of money and that was a good enough impression for her to not care about anything else. The closest thing I had to that now was a single cupcake in my backpack. “I’m Chara, a human. Luna sent The Nightguard here to rescue anyone the changelings abducted. And I—” She didn’t relax at all, either not believing me or just too afraid to listen properly.

My eyes once more lingered to the necklace. It didn’t reach out to me this time, no shadowed reflection, no gleam. Just a stone in a pendant.

Something about it still unsettled me.

“Need your amulet.”

Like every other awkward thing I’ve said recently, that was met with a few moments of silence. Trixie blinked, visibly tensing up before somewhat relaxing as she reached for her amulet, holding it in her hands. Dropping it and letting it clack against her chest as she glanced back up at me, tilting her head as her muzzle twitched.

“First, prove to Trixie you are not a bug. And to do that, you should, hmmm,” Her chin fell to her chest as she tapped the gem, briefly frowning before her eyes widened as she turned back to me. “Look into Trixie’s eyes! Yes, she recalls reading somewhere that changeling eyes reflect the world as upside down. If that is not the case, then Trixie will trust you don’t have plans to put her back into those,” she stroked her throat, curling her lips as she leaned back. “Pods.”

I should have expected that’s what she’d ask, it’s the same thing she asked of me last loop. I mentally braced myself, running my hands up my hair and closing my eyes to suck in the dry air. I curved my back, bending down close enough so Trixie could peer into my eyes; our faces inches away from touching.

That familiar burning sensation in my brain that came with eye contact seared my mind with a growing intensity, made only worse when Trixie moved closer in like she was trying to read a word she’d never recognized before. I tried focusing on the spot between her eyes like countless times before, but that was getting harder with every second.

“Hmmm, Trixie’s reflection looks fine.” She pulled away, shambling to her hooves and managing to get her balance. Trixie fixed her cape first before the rest of her clothes, then tried her best to wipe off the layer of goo that encrusted her skin before placing her hands on her hips and facing me. “Very well, Trixie is willing to hear offers, but this amulet cost Trixie a bag that weighs likely as much as you do. Not to mention its instrumental in her plan of revenge against Tw—”

“Don’t!” I jumped forward, outstretching one hand and placing my finger against my lips in a shushing motion. Trixie recoiled, but stopped talking. I peeked towards Shining, who was helping the nightguard as they released animals from the pods. Some of which stayed unconscious, others woke up immediately and ran out from the cave.

“That’s the Captain of The Royal Guard, and Twilight’s brother. So, please don’t talk about your revenge scheme against his sister.”

I pleaded with her, trying to keep my voice to a hushed whisper. The surprise on her face that I expected to see passed very quickly, slipping into a sneer that lingered on him and hovered over to me.

“Of course. Her mentor is Princess Celestia, her friends are the Elements of Harmony, and her brother is the fucking captain of the royal guard.” Trixie swore, glancing away for just a moment before her eyes darted back to me like she noticed something. “What was that?”

I raised an eyebrow, peeking down at my clothes to see what she was referring to.

“What are you talking about?”

“Trixie…” she paused, staring at me before slightly shaking her head. “Nevermind. She doesn’t plan on giving up this amulet. If the shopkeeper is to be believed, it should give her powers to match that of an alicorn; which is more than enough to handle Twilight.”

“Wait, so,” I idly moved my tongue in my mouth, trying to better understand her logic. “You just want the amulet to beat Twilight? You don’t actually care about being powerful?”

“Of course not! Trixie is already far more great and powerful than the average unicorn. Twilight is just…” She scoffed, crossing her arms and tapping a finger against her elbow. “Not the average unicorn.”

“Then, why don’t you,” It dawned on me that I had no idea how a unicorn's magical skill actually worked. If it was something they were born with, or they honed it like any other skill, or if it was some mixture of the two. I almost didn’t want to finish my question, if only I had something else to say in its place. “Get better at magic? Wouldn’t it be more satisfying to earn it?”

“It would be satisfying to beat her in general. But, you’re correct that getting the same opportunity she has and beating her to show my superiority would bepreferable. However,” Trixie raised a single finger, tapping it against her horn. “Trixie’s magical potential is unmatched, but she is restricted by self-tutelage. Twilight Sparkle was taught by Princess Celestia herself, there’s no better teacher in all the world than that. So, unless a new Alicorn that can do illusion magic has sprouted up, this amulet is not leaving Trixie’s neck.”

“Ilusion?” I repeated, more to myself than her as I tried to jog a memory. “You specialize in illusion?”

“That is what Trixie meant to imply, yes.”

“Where have I…”

Luna.

She specifically mentioned her expertise in illusion, and how she’d never had a student before. Would she even want one? The way she talked about it, she seemed almost jealous of how Celestia had an entire school and Luna hadn’t even had one student. Then again, that could be just because she didn’t want one.

Luna was really indirect about answering that, I should have tried asking her again.

“What if,” could I really just say on her behalf that Luna would happily take on Trixie as her student if I just said so? If not, she’d be really upset at me; I might end up ruining whatever relationship we have.

The alternative was letting her keep it, which would put Twilight and herself in danger. Really, it just came down to what I was more willing to risk. That was a question with an obvious answer.

“I could get Luna to teach you?”

Trixie stared at me.

Then continued to stare at me.

And kept staring.

Then, she started laughing. Really, really obnoxiously; catching the attention of Shining and the Nightguard. Eventually, she stopped, her smile dropping once her eyes met mine again.

“Oh, you’re serious.”

I nodded.

“Alright, Trixie wil humor you. How is she to believe you even know Princess Luna in such a way?”

“Uhm,” I wringed my wrist. “This.”

Trixie craned her head, examining the moon on my hand.

“A luminescent tattoo? Trixie could get one of those for five bits.”

“It’s not a tattoo. It’s a symbol of authority that Luna herself gave me.” I examined it again, finding that the glowing was getting dimmer and it was resembling a moon less and less. “I can ask her to meet you, but I can’t guarantee she’ll take you as her student.”

For once, I had no idea what she was thinking. Her face contorted into a half-sneer, the only sign she was conscious was the occasional flaring of her nostrils as she breathed. With a particularly hearty sigh, she held the gem of the necklace, peering down at it before squeezing her eyes shut.

“Trixie wants this in writing. We will form a contract.”

I couldn’t help but let out a sigh, a very brief respite of relaxation washing over me.

“Ok, though I don’t know how t-”

“You will do your utmost to assure a meeting takes place between Luna and I. If not,” she placed her finger on my chest, causing my heart to skip a beat as my breath hitched. “Not only will you return Trixie’s amulet, you will assist her in her endeavors until T—” she paused, eyeing Shining before pulling away and turning back to me. “Trixie’s adversary is humiliated, defeated, destroyed and… whatever other words that end with ‘ed’ that Trixie can think of in that time. Are we clear?”

I chewed on the urge to back away from her, the way she poked me lingered on me a lot longer than it really should have.

“Yes.”

“Good. Then all that’s left,” Trixie raised her chin, horn briefly sparking just to burn out again within seconds “is to get out of this cave so she can cast her magic and produce a contract. And find her wagon, and take a bath. Trixie feels,” she ran a hand down her side, pulling it away and then flicking whatever substance was on her at the ground. Sneering with a barely held back gag. “Gross.”

“Alright.”

Trixie started to make her way to the exit of the cave, spotted by Shining who said something to one of the night guard and began following her. I too paced behind, though keeping an arms length from her and the batpony to the best of my abilities.

It didn’t take us very long to get outside, the beams of moonlight that shone through the trees didn’t illuminate very much, but Trixie approached one of the lit up spots and raised her arms in triumph; leaning on her hooves and stretching every inch of her body.

“Ah, the moon has never been so succulent! Now then,” with a twirl, Trixie pivoted to face me, horn glowing with vibrant blue energy. With a poof, there was a scroll in front of her, though noticeably smaller and paler than the one Luna had made. With a concentrated scowl, she formed a pencil in her magic and began writing. “for the contract. Give Trixie a moment to write it up. It’s been quite a pause since she’s had to evoke one.”

She began writing. Though, at a much slower pace than Luna or Twilight; they may have spoiled me for the average writing speed for a unicorn. I turned to the nightguard and he just looked…bored and frustrated at the same time.

“So,” A tingle of curiosity sat on my brain as I realized that I’d signed a contract without even really knowing how they worked. There wasn’t even any mention of contracts in the books I read. “What exactly is a contract?”

Trixie’s writing stopped, she leaned away from the contract and peered at me.

“You made a contract without knowing what one is?”

“Uhm,” I was tempted to bring up that I’d already signed a contract without entirely understanding what they were, but I felt that wouldn’t make her less upset. “Maybe.”

“Stars, who is Trixie making pacts with?” she said to herself as she continued writing, hiding most of her face behind her hat and the scroll. “A contract is the most basic of basic; any unicorn with the ability to cast a spell can do it. They are deceptively binding and versatile, however. Once your name is signed, the conditions must be met and terms set forth must be carried through. If failed within the set time parameters, the one who did not carry through their side will suffer established consequences. Trixie has already informed you what shall happen if you disappoint. For Trixie, she fully intends to give you the amulet, however just to dot all the wonderful I’s in her name,” she got to the end of the contract, scrunching her nose as she wrote something down and then pulled away the pencil “There. If Trixie does not give you the amulet, you may have her other prized possession: her wagon!”

With that, she flipped the scroll around to face me, grinning with apparent pride. It hovered over in her magic, lowering it to my hands for me to hold while I read as her pencil placed itself between my index finger and my thumb. Trixie’s writing was the most egregious I’d seen, so many letters scrunched together that they looked like foreign symbols of some long, forgotten language. I had to squint my eyes just for them to seem legible.

As I signed my name, I wondered what fail conditions Luna had set on our contracts. In the moment, I had trusted her completely and barely skimmed it, made worse by my ignorance at anything to do with said contracts. Would she even put one in?

What would happen if I go back on my word and decide not to tell Luna the truth? Or even lie to her?

Was I really considering that as an option?

My hands trembled as I finished the ‘a’, pencil and contract vanishing before my eyes with an audible whooshing noise. With that, Trixie brought her hands to her neck, taking a trembling breathe as her hands quivered, hesitating for just a second before touching the amulet. I saw her pupils constrict, her chest tighten, and every muscle coil as she placed fingers one by one on the edges. She actually struggled to lift it, her face paling as the amulet came off of her.

“Here.” the suave had left her voice, despite her attempts to speak with some semblance of her usual confidence. “Take it.”

As soon as the amulet fell into my hands, I felt that pull again; that tentative tug at my very essence. I didn’t let my gaze fall to my reflection again, pocketing the amulet and stuffing it as deeply in as I could manage to.

Trixie stared at me oddly for doing so, about to say something before peering past me at Shining and the other Nightguard coming out of the cave with Mrs. Cake in tow. He first turned to Trixie, then to me, and then to the nightguard.

“Shadow,, help Vola escort these back to Ponyville and guard them until the princess informs you the emergency is settled.”

“Sir.” the nightguard nodded, approaching Trixie and extending a wing in a direction.

“Well, Trixie guesses anywhere’s better than here. Even if that anywhere is…Ponyville.”

“What about you and Chara?” the other night guard asked, carrying Mrs.Cake’s unconscious body with relative ease.

“We’re going to search for any stragglers and then make our way back to Ponyville.”

“Sir, our orders were to—”

“Your orders were to follow my orders. And I am ordering you to take them back to Ponyville.”

Shining barely flexed, hardly raised his chin or tightened his jaw, yet his voice reverberated with such authority and stainless steel that it was like the Night guard had been struck. He tensed up, straightening his posture as his wings held closer to his sides. With a reticent nod, he and the other Night guard guided Trixie and Mrs.Cake through the woods. Leaving Shining and I in what was very likely the most awkward silence I’d experienced in my life, which was saying quite a bit.

“Chara, if you want to go with them, you can.”

Shining waited until they had just left our sight to say that, horn sparking as he retrieved his sword from its sheath. It hovered beside him, moving up and down so slightly I had to look for it to notice.

“Why?” I turned to him “What are you going to do?”

“If I know Chrysalis, as well as how these zealots tend to work, she’ll prioritize herself over any of the changelings. She’s a lot of things—cruel, conniving, desperate—but she’s not stupid. She won’t take on Luna and the entire nightguard at night. Especially not when it was by total surprise and she wasn’t expecting it. Her forces are spread out and completely unprepared, fighting back at this point would be stupid. Instead,” he scanned the forest moving over to a seemingly random bush. “She’d try to escape and regroup with the other zealots if at all possible. Likely having some escape route planned out from beforehand. Sure, she could turn into a bird or something and just fly away, but then she’d be leaving all these anti-magic rocks around. So,” he began poking around bushes, scraping the tip of his sword against the dirt and making a trail before abruptly stopping. “She’d take as many as she could with her; they’re too valuable not to.”

I took a few steps forward, trying to peek over his shoulder and see what he was poking. They were tracks of something with hooves, but not as deeply as ponies. They went off into the woods, where the tracks ended as soon as they met grass.

“Jackpot. I think these are hers. Changelings are a lot lighter than ponies, you wouldn’t recognize the difference if you didn’t know what to look for.”

“You’re going to follow her?”

“That’s why I suggest you go with them.” he said as he stood up, gesturing towards the direction the nightguard went. “I’ve already explained why I want to handle this alone, but I can’t force you. If you want to come with me, then at the least I’d like you to try to take away her anti-magic rocks and hide them somewhere she likely has them in a bag or a container of some kind. You’re fast, I can give you that much.”

My hand fell to the dagger in my hoodie pocket, pressing against the handle as I imagined using it to attack Chrysalis. There was an odd prickle in my chest, right where I’d stabbed myself. I began tracing my finger on that spot, expecting the bump of a scar in that spot; it never appeared no matter how many times I traced it.

“I,” it would be so easy to go with them and leave it to Shining, to catch up with Fluttershy knowing that Luna was guarding us and that everything was going to work out. Shining was as well able to defeat her as Trixie was, and I thought things would work out then. Me being there may not have helped much, but the last time she had the advantage of every changeling at her disposal.

Maybe this time, I could be useful.

The weight of the amulet in my pocket felt heavier, for just a second.

What was the alternative? Letting him fight her himself, and taking the chance he’d fail? That he could have succeeded if I had been there? If I could help, shouldn’t I?

“Want to go with you. I’ll stay out of your way, I promise.”

There was a small upturn of his lips, just a barely noticeable smirk.

“Good. Then let’s go.” He turned around, following the tracks in the direction they went, quickly sunk into the trees and bushes until he was barely visible.

I hardly had time to start moving, stumbling over my own feet as I tried to catch up. He wasn’t moving particularly quickly, but with such drive and fluidity it was hard to tell which way he was going to go next. Shining kept lowering his head, eyes bouncing between in front of him and something on the ground or on a tree or bush; I couldn’t even see what he was examining so closely.

Despite how cold it was in the woods, there was sweat on my back that had me biting my tongue just to ignore. My hand had slithered its way into my hoodie pocket and held tightly onto the handle of the dagger, more out of a need to hold on to something than any actual desire to use it; and to keep it from falling out.

Any moment now, we’ll run into Chrysalis, who’s been backed into a corner and onto the retreat. No changelings to help her, but maybe that’s what made her all the more dangerous. I wanted to ask him what his plan was, how he was going to beat her. Problem being that, even if some cohesive words came out of my quivering lips, he wouldn’t respond or just signal for me to stay quiet.

All that preoccupied my worries was the knife in my hoodie, and the emptiness of night. The lack of sound somehow left me more unsettled than anything before, every step amplified like a light would be surrounded by shadows.

“Wait.”

Shining halted, raising his chin and peering into the darkness. I did the same, leaning down and trying to hide behind a tree the best I could. He shifted around in the dark, the only thing illuminating him was the magic coming from his horn, and the sword enshrouded in the same blue glow.

There was a green flash, and then a small bolt came out of the woods towards Shining. He reacted swiftly, bringing his sword around and catching the brunt of the magic in the center. The blade held before reflecting the magic towards a nearby tree, vaporizing a hole in it as it gave in to its own weight and fell.

Enough force was behind the spell that forced Shining off his hooves, tumbling outside of the bushes we were hiding in right out of sight. I followed, finding myself in a clearing.

The same clearing Trixie and I were in the last loop.

“Of course it's you two! The little troublemakers that were.”

Chrysalis entered the clearing opposite of us, her horn steaming as that clacking noise rang out in the night. This time, a small saddlebag was attached to her side, closed but filled to the brim with those same jagged rocks in the cave.

“Chara,” Shining stumbled to his hooves, the magic around his horn flickering out until eventually disappearing entirely. The sword fell to his hands, falling into his grip as he twirled it to face Chrysalis. A furious scowl etched its way into his face, practically snarling as he sneered. “Get the bag. I’d feel a lot more confident in my sword skills if you did. I’ll handle the rest.”

Chrysalis’ vibrant eyes turned to me, then glanced down at her bag as she held it closer to her side.

“Just you try it. I’ll do to you what those mutts couldn’t.”

She dug her holed hooves into the ground, entire body glowing like a firefly as she began to condense her magic, a bubble-like shield forming around her.

I pulled out my dagger, barely able to hold it in my hand from how sweaty my palms had become. As soon as I did, I felt this tug from my pocket. This absolute yearning.

It was like with that statue.

For a moment, there was a disconnect between ‘me’ and ‘my body’. I watched as I reached for the amulet in my right pocket, bringing it to my neck. Maybe it was just the moonlight, but it seemed to radiate some kind of black light.

It was cold to the touch, and made me shudder when I placed it on my neck. Reaching around and hearing the click of the clasp.

Right where it belonged.

Chapter 35: To Dance.

Shining hadn’t noticed me put on the amulet, completely focused on Chrysalis. It must have been because of the anti-magic rocks, but I didn’t feel any different after putting it on. It was heavier than I expected, otherwise there wasn’t much of a difference.

Even that strange compulsion to wear it was gone, I couldn’t even really say why I put it on.

“Oh, a trinket of some kind? That won’t help you, not with this in your proximity.” Chrysalis tapped the bag, “And I’ll make sure, even if you manage to get close, you won’t be able to touch me!”

Her crooked horn sprinkled with a brilliant green before a bubble-like shield encased her and a few feet around her, just like she did with Trixie.

“No.” I muttered under my breath. My vorpal knife couldn’t cut through her shield, the one Shining gave me likely wouldn’t be able to do much else. I grit my teeth, glancing at Shining once more in hopes he’d have some solution.

Instead, all I got was a very small grin.

He leaped forward, landing on the shield as his hooves scraped against it, slamming the sword down on the center. I half-expected it to bounce back like my knife did, and for Shining to tumble to the ground. To my surprise, with a deafening clang the sword dug into the bubble, cracking at the source of impact and spreading to the rest of the shield; threatening its entire structure.

Whatever mockery Chrysalis had died on her lips, her mouth ajar as she recoiled like she’d been hit by the sword itself. Soon, the magic gave in to his weight and crumbled to the ground in shards as Shining descended on top of her, taking once more another swing at her. Chrysalis managed to duck away from it, a few strains of her seaweed hair getting snipped.

“You whelp!” she began to hover in the air, horn charging so bright for a second I saw spots. Shining kept his sword up like a shield, baring his teeth as he peered at me.

“Chara, now!”

My knees nearly buckled under my weight, I tried desperately not to give in to the unease and collapse on the ground. I held my breath, trying to stop shaking so much as I leaned down and took the first steps forward. Maybe it was the alicorn amulet, or how I felt the last time I conjured a knife, but I felt so heavy, so sluggish, as I moved. Slow, and like getting to Chrysalis would take far too long.

Regardless, I pushed through it, shifting my weight with each step and practically jumping to get to her. Halfway there she turned her attention to me, sneering before enveloping herself in her magic and just…vanishing.

I mentally froze, trying to comprehend what happened; surely she didn’t just disappear. Then I recalled how the amulet gave Trixie the ability to teleport, and that she at least matched Chrysalis in power. With a distant thud, my head snapped to the side where Chrysalis had landed, grinning as she stood proud.

“She can teleport now?” I heard Shining mutter, readjusting the grip and bending down his neck. “Great. At least it’s draining, she can’t do it forever.”

“No, but I can do it much longer than you can keep struggling!” She shouted as she glistened in magic, once more creating a barrier around her. This time it was much smaller, covering basically just her and a few inches of the grass around her. “Go ahead and try breaking it this time. I want to see you give in to despair this time, to give up. I should have dealt with you back at the castle. Or, maybe,” she placed a hand on her chest, the other on her hip as she raised her chin. “You just can’t get enough of me?”

Shining audibly gagged, spitting at the ground beside him as he grimaced.

“You’re disgusting.”

“And you’re a pain in my ass that won’t fade.” She glared first at Shining, then her pinprick pupils shifted over to me, scowl only deepening. “Both of you. I see that you’re alone, and reinforcements would have helped you by now after that display. Hmm,” she extended one of her wings, placing the end on her chin. “Perhaps, with the odds in my favor here, I should end you here now, before you prove to be even more trouble than I suspected.” Her horn, while constantly staying a lit, began to charge more as a hole formed in the barrier. “Yes, I think that would make this entire catastrophe worth it. Die!”

She shot out another bolt of energy, this time aimed at me. I jumped out of the way towards Shining, just barely getting scraped by it. I winced as a burning sensation stabbed me in the hip and traveled all the way up to my neck, searing me with an agonizing intensity before finally fading. Part of the hoodie had been singed black, burn marks on my skin from where the spell had grazed me.

Rarity wasn’t going to be happy about that.

“Chara, I need you to listen to me.” I placed my free hand on my side, sucking cold air through my teeth as I tried to assuage the pain. “We can’t beat her like this; she’s just going to keep blasting us with her magic and staying in her shield until we die. So, I have a plan.”

In the moonlight, something reflected off of Shining’s sword. Small markings were on the blade, mostly lines that occasionally formed circles or squares of some kind. Runes, maybe?

“I’m going to carve the biggest hole I can in her shield. Once I do, I need you to get inside, grab the bag, and get out. Then, you run as far as you can. I can handle the rest.”

“By yourself?” I kept Chrysalis in the corner of my vision. She bent her neck, ears flickering like she was trying to better hear us. “What if she tries to control you like you mentioned?”

“If she hasn’t yet, I don’t think she will. Besides,” he twirled the sword in his grip, swinging it around and pointing it towards Chrysalis. “I’d rather not put you in danger if she does. If you could get away, that’d be enough for me.”

“I can’t ju—”

With a zap, another bolt came out. Shining was ready this time, getting in front of me and taking most of it with his sword. He dug in his heels, clenching his jaw so tightly I could hear it.

“We don’t have time to argue! Get ready, because I’m moving in.”

I could see his muscles coiled, his entire body bracing and going rigid as he dug his hooves into the ground. Any words I could muster would fall deaf on his ears, all I could do was follow suit. The dagger’s handle buried itself into the palm of my hand, I made myself as small as I could; a skill I’ve garnered quite well over the course of my multi-life.

Not a single noise broke the silence of the woods for a few seconds, it was overbearingly tense. Just as suddenly as it started, Shining leaped forward, lowering his sword as the tip sliced passing grass. I barely had time to react, once again stumbling over my feet like a baby as I moved behind him.

With steam coming off of her horn, Chrysalis charged up another blast. This time, Shining preemptively moved to the left, tilting his head as if to gesture to me to follow. Once I did, he turned the sword upside down in his grip, skidding to a stop as he slammed the end of the sword into the shield. Sparks flew with the force as they met, the tip just barely poking into the other side.

With a grunt, and a low scraping noise that was grating to hear, he swiftly cut a hole in the barrier. It fell to the ground with a crack and split apart, but the rest of the barrier stayed and the small opening he’d made was quickly closing.

I didn’t need to be signaled this time.

It was a tight fit, but I managed to slip through. Chrysalis once more was encompassed by blindingly bright magic, giving me just the smallest window to do something. I didn’t try to grab it, instead opting to swipe at the straps with my dagger. I closed my eyes once I made the motion, hearing the clunk of my blade clashing against her shell, then a ripping noise, a thud, and the whoosh of teleportation before I felt the shards of the barrier trickle onto my face and dissipate.

Once I opened my eyes, the bag was right there on the ground. Straps cut and the top half was completely gone, somehow it hadn’t tipped over and was just sitting there. I blinked, panic striking my brain as I moved without thinking, dropping the dagger and picking up the bag; which was much heavier than it looked.

That shouldn’t have surprised me really, it was literally a bag of rocks.

“What?!” Chrysalis, now on the other side of the clearing, reached for the bag only to notice that just the straps were still on her. “No! Give that back you thief!” Her forked tongue jutted out of her mouth as she let out a reptilian like hiss, leaping off the ground as her wings buzzed, much faster without the rocks weighing her down.

“Chara, run!” Shining met her halfway, taking a swing at her with his sword and very nearly clipping one of her wings. My arms held the bag closer, as I wondered for a moment what if I just put it in the pocket dimension in my backpack. If it works, then that should mean it's otherwise immune to the effects of the rocks.

Then again, even if it does, I’d have to explain what I did with the bag to Shining. And I couldn’t see that going well. Mayb I shou–

“Chara!”

Chrysalis, barely being held back by Shining, shot a beam at me. Shining managed to hit her with the pommel of his sword, knocking her off balance as it just barely missed me. The edges of my hair getting burned due to my absentmindedness, I could actually smell it.

“Run, now!”

I didn’t need to be told thrice.

I picked a random direction and started moving as fast as my legs could carry me, which wasn’t very fast with the combined weight of the amulet and the bag.

Right as I got to the edge of the clearing, Chrysalis made an attempt to chase me, only to tumble into the ground as Shining tackled her.

“Enough of this!”

With a wave of fire over her body, Chrysalis transformed into some kind of creature. Head like a lion but with horns, the tail of a scorpion, and with wings. Not nearly as big as the hydra, but it towered over Shining just as effectively.

It hit Shining with its tail, knocking him to the ground and sending the sword a few feet away from him. Chrysalis’ new wings spread as she took flight, coming towards me with fangs bared and horns pointing towards me like a spear.

Right as I got outside of the clearing, I saw Shining’s horn spark to life. A huge, bright blue barrier formed in the clearing, trapping Chrysalis on the other side. She hit head first into the shield, fracturing it but not nearly enough to break it.

“You!” Chrysalis screamed as she turned to Shining, who chuckled in response.

“Should have flown away when you had the chance.” He stood up, picking up his sword in his magic this time. “Chara, I won’t tell you again; get out of here.”

I faltered for just a second, before one of the rocks dug into my chest. Not enough to bleed, but hurting enough to take my attention.

I pivoted on my heels, going into the darkness of the woods without a second thought. I had no light source other than the occasional beacons of moonlight, so all I could do was move in one direction and stay that way. Eventually, I came across a fallen over tree with a hole in it; the abandoned home of some poor animal.

Once I placed the bag in, along with a few rocks that had slipped out, I had a choice to make: Fumble through the woods until I got to Ponyville, or go back and help Shining. It would be so easy to abandon him, to find my way to Ponyville and rest somewhere until everything was over. To finally make things right with the others.

To see Fluttershy again.

However, if I did that, there’s a good chance Shining would die, or worse; That would tear Twilight apart. Even worse, if she found out that I was with him and I let that happen…she’d never forgive me.

And I’d never forgive myself.

“Heh.” A chortle made its way out of my throat “Stuck in the woods with the chance to flee or to save a pony that I barely know. My life really is a constant reset, huh?”

No one responded. Not even the late night bugs.

I closed my eyes, slowly spreading my arms as I took in every iota of the cold-night atmosphere. With a spin so abrupt it nearly gave me whiplash, I spun in the direction I came, moving before those anxiety-riddled thoughts could infect me. The second guessing and paranoia could be kept at bay with some counting and reciting.

The dictionary I got before came to mind. I repeated words I hadn’t found a use for, doing so in alphabetical order and trying to come up with sentences that fit them. It kept me preoccupied and my mind away from worst-case scenarios, if nothing else.

It wasn’t until I saw the blue barrier did I stop moving and realize how tired I was. My breaths came out in heaves, pricks of cold air stabbing the inside of my lungs as I just tried to not die. I leaned against a tree, only barely able to see Shining and Chrysalis through the other side of the barrier.

I saw their outlines more than them, really. The light coming from Shining’s horn, feet away from his hovering sword. He was keeping his distance from Chrysalis, who was still in the same form as before, was a large shadow that only stood out because of the magic coming off the sword.

If I didn’t know better, it almost looked like they were dancing in the dark.

With a sharp inhale, the amulet called to me. Not with words, nor with telepathy. It was more similar to the kind of narration I often gave to Frisk. It was immediate, and the message was received with no barrier, no room for interpretation.

Use me.

I could have said no. I could have refused. I could feel the tug, the rope around the palm of my hand, digging into my skin and burning the tighter I held on. I could let go.

But if I did, then why did I bother putting it on?

It was even easier to conjure the knife then last time; I pictured the knife in my hand, and it was there. Tints of blacks speckled in the red, and just the slightest bit of green in the handle. The bizarre thing was I didn’t feel that wave of thrumming energy through my body like before. Not that sense of lightness, not that pressure.

In fact, I didn’t feel anything at all. That same disconnect when I was summoned towards the statue, that same dissociation when I put on the amulet, it was there more potently than before in every inch of me. It spread to my mind like a fog, blotting over every thought and emotion.

I was numb. I was nothing.

Just like the void.

A drip.

I glanced down, noting a splatter of something black and viscous on the shield. Then more of it. I peered up, half-expecting that it started to rain, only for a tingle to rub my brain and remind me that I’d seen that residue before. I brought my hand to my eyes, pulling it away and finding it drenched in the same black, putrid bile like liquid.

I fiddled with the amulet, glaring at my reflection in the amulet. I was bleeding from my eyes again, but not just them this time. My nose, my ears, some of the pores on my cheeks, even my mouth; though I couldn’t taste it. It was so thick and constant I couldn’t even see the paleness of my own face, just my eyes.

They were still red.

The void inside of me was leaking.

I needed to cut something.

With no sensation at all, I reached forward, holding the knife like a pencil as I drew a half of a circle. It was big enough to fit me, and that’s all that really mattered. Once I stepped through, Shining jumped away from Chrysalis, taking his sword with him and standing almost the opposite side of the barrier. I could tell he was facing me now, but whatever he said was as silent as the rest of the forest.

Chrysalis, on the other hand, got…smaller. The holes in her stature were visible again as she bent over, resembling a large candy cane with chunks poked out of her. A dark green, glowing liquid came from her mouth and spewed on the ground. Although dull, I could make out every other word she was saying.

“Vile…rancid taste…what…” she wiped her mouth, leaning in my direction with a single glowing eye that poked out from the ripped curtain of her hair. “are you?”

I was tempted to answer ‘a demon’ like I had to the diamond dogs; it was true, after all. But, with Shining here, that wouldn’t have made the best impression. Oddly, Cadance came to mind. Specifically, how she described me as wrong.

It finally hit me what it was that felt like that to her.

“You feed on love, right?” My voice sounded wet, like I was talking underwater. I couldn’t even say if she heard me properly, but I continued to speak anyway. “Choke on mine.”

The way her eyes half closed as she fully faced me was all I needed to know my message got across.

There was a flash, a very brief torch in the darkness, as her horn lit up. I heard it before I saw it, a bolt of raw magic coming towards me, with full intent to erase me.

To turn me to dust.

I jumped to the left, my arms swaying left and right like branches in the wind as my feet hit the ground. Again, I didn’t feel light, but I didn’t feel heavy either. It was the same as the amulet talking to me; a command. I spoke, it obeyed. No hesitation, no feedback, no sensation.

Even that stinging in my hip was gone.

A small, disgusting laugh came out of me. I raised my arms in a shrug motion, closing one eye as my slick lips broke out into a condescending smile.

“What, did you expect me to stand there and take it?”

The words didn’t feel right in my mouth; like a mock impression of somebody that I’d only heard of second hand. However, it did just the trick for pissing Chrysalis off and getting her attention on me.

In an instant, she’d teleported in front of me, about to cast another spell before gagging. Wrinkling her nose and curling her lip as she began to charge her horn. I steeled myself, tightening my grip around the blade, which felt natural in an unsettling way.

Luckily, I didn’t need to do very much. Shining quickly fought through that brief falter to attack, swiping at Chrysalis’ wings. With a deep growl, she yelped in pain as she noticed at the last second and flew away; but not unscathed.

In that clash of blue and green, I saw the tip of the sword slice off the ends of her wings, it falling to the ground like a leaf from a dying tree. It wasn’t enough to stop her from flying, but it was something.

“What are you doing back here?” Shining’s voice was gruff and came in between breaths. “And what have you done to yourself? That amulet, I can tell its…” he paused, jutting his chin as his mouth hung open for a few seconds with a leer at my neck. “Wrong.”

“I came to—” My words were cut off as something climbed up my throat, dispelling out my mouth as I nearly fell to my knees. It was, for lack of a better comparison, as black as the night. Wetting the grass in a puddle at my knees. I wiped my mouth, finding my sleeve was now covered in my blood. “Help you.”

“You shouldn’t have. You’re here for a few seconds and you already look like you need more help than I do. But…” he trailed off as he shifted his attention back to Chrysalis, whose borderline incandescent eyes were scanning the entire inside of the barrier over and over again. “You’re here, and I doubt I could buy you another chance to escape, at least not without giving her the same opportunity, so thank you. However, you look like you’re about to fall over any minute, so i’d prefer it if you stayed back.”

“I’m fine.” I said through a gargle. “Really.”

“I don’t believe you. That being said, I can’t afford to keep my eye on you either. So do what you want.” In a final exhale, he caught his breath. Dropping his head and reestablishing his posture. “Like you do anyway.”

He muttered the last part, which was pointless in the silence of his shield.

“Enjoy your respite?” Chrysalis asked as she spread her arms, another wave of green magic traversing over her body. “It’s the last one you'll get.”

With her own casting working as a torch, we watched as she broke and bent in ways that were gratingly unnatural to watch. Crick and creek, bend and break, we stared as she grew and grew into something terrifyingly recognizable.

A hydra.

Not as large as the one I’d encountered in Boggy Bottom, as she was barely large enough to hit the roof of Shining’s shield, but she had all the unique heads and features otherwise. On appearance, I should have felt something. Maybe a phantom pain in my leg, or a churning of my stomach.

But there was nothing. Nothing at all.

“Oh, great. A Hydra. Small one, at least.” Shining spun his sword. “Listen, we need Chrysalis alive. She’s the newest zealot, she could know about the pecking order. The thing about changelings is whatever you do to them when they’re transformed doesn’t transfer over to them normally; it just wears them out. So what I’m saying is, as long as she’s a hydra,” he swallowed as it started coming towards us, the magic around his horn sparking as the barrier became smaller. “Go for it.”

One of the heads pulled back, coiling like a spring and prepared to launch. Knowing what was coming, I held my arms to the side and leaped to the left, feeling the specks of dirt hit me as the ground combusted with force. Without looking, I swiped with my knife, expecting to encounter some kind of resistance or friction or even just to bounce back.

Instead, there was a loud thud, as it was like I cut through the air itself.

Once I landed on the ground, all I saw was a decapitated hydra head. No blood, or organs, or even a skull. It more resembled a paper-mache outline. It took a few seconds for it to register that I did that, much like when I cut open that diamond dog.

This time, however, there was no lingering shock; no underlying disgust at what I’d done. Just this sense of acknowledgment that almost bordered on pride.

If I could think properly, I might have hated it.

Another head leaped at me, this one I managed to jump over. It was strange, but I’d never hopped that high before. Was my body lighter, or did not feeling its weight just mean I wasn’t restricted by it?

In the air, I watched as Shining avoided his own head of a hydra, stabbed a sword into its neck deep enough to support his own weight as he climbed on its neck. I followed suit, stabbing my knife into the neck of the head below me as I tried to stay on my feet. All three of its remaining heads let out a howl as they began to shake, rising with Shining and I on it.

I held on desperately to my knife, barely having the strength not to fall off and hit the ever more distant ground. Very soon, I’d be hitting the roof of the shield, and I’d be forced off.

I needed to move.

While holding on to my knife, I began running up the neck like a hill; slicing open its scales along the way. Halfway there, one of the remaining heads tried snapping at me, forcing me to jump off and try to land on the top of its torso. I used my knife to catch myself, hanging onto the handle with one hand and digging into the scales of the hydra with the other. I was strong enough to pull myself up, only to be greeted by the reptilian face of the creature I was standing on.

I couldn’t smell its breath, but I had no doubt it was as rancid and vomit inducing as the last one.

“Chara!”

Shining shouted as he stabbed it in one of its eyes, preventing it from swallowing me whole. The head he had climbed on earlier curled around to face us, coiling in the same way it had before in my direction. I rolled behind the towering neck beside me, hearing the sound of my shirt getting torn but not feeling any pain.

Its teeth had ripped a hole in my hoodie and left a deep gash in my other hip, which was leaking blood just as black as the one coming from my face. I must have lost a lot at this point, but I couldn’t feel it yet.

I raised the knife over my head, stabbing down into one of its nostrils deep enough to pierce through and hit its tongue. I flipped over and landed between its eyes, yanking back with all my strength as I tore its face open.

And then, just as quickly as we’d gotten on top of the hydra, we were falling. With a woosh and the burning flames of transformation, Chrysalis had changed to her normal self and the ground we were standing on was gone from under us. I couldn’t even feel the wind blowing against me, or the stickiness of the blood on my face as my hair blotted my vision almost as much as the blood that was constantly wetting my eyes.

Chrysalis, barely more than an outline of black and green, stood below us. Her body moving up and down with heavy breathes as she leaned her head upward, horn alighting that showed her weary scowl as she grimaced at us.

She said something under her breath that I couldn’t hear, then made another barrier. This time, so encased around her she didn’t have any room to move; like a full body corset made of magic.

I brought the knife to my stomach, holding it as tightly as I could manage in between my soaked hands. There was this strange snapping noise as I landed on the top of her shield, jamming the tip of my knife into the top of it; right where her horn was. It pierced the shield, but with more resistance than I’d have liked. I skewered the shield, missing her horn by inches and instead nearly gouged out her eye. The tip was millimeteres away, her pupil constricting as it approached.

“Are you stil—” I tried to speak, cut off by a cough as black painted a puddle on her shield. I could feel my legs shake as the knife struggled to support my weight. “Afraid of me?”

I stared deep into Chrysalis’ eyes, so deep that I saw my own reflection. Red standing out among the array of black, even as black as it was. Specks of white poking out, with the blood making it appear like I was smiling.

Is this what Frisk saw before I took their soul at the end of their slaughter?

Chrysalis’ pony-like ears splayed back, the tendons in her neck stood out to the point of being visible; I could even count her pulse if I tried. She opened her mouth to say something, only to hold that tight, silent stare.

Then, with a wheeze, she caught her breath.

She teleported away, leaving me to once more stumble on the ground and just barely catch myself. I tried to stand up, just to fall to one knee as my left leg refused to cooperate. I peered back to see why.

My foot was broken.

At least, I think it was broken; it certainly wasn’t supposed to bend that way. I once more put pressure on it, my leg giving out and putting me back on the ground the moment I put in the effort. I shifted my weight to my non-broken leg, able to hobble on it well enough with my other leg barely scraping the surface.

“What is this for you!?”

Chrysalis yelled, not as far away from me as she had been before. Shining’s barrier was smaller now, leaving maybe enough room for me to run across once. If it really had, or that was just my imagination, I couldn’t tell.

Either way, the enclosed area had this sense of familiarity to me. I had nowhere to go but enough space to dodge a magic attack if it was sent towards me.

It’s like I was in a box.

“Do you think this makes you some kind of hero, to defeat the queen of changelings? My kind will starve without me!”

I didn’t answer her, too preoccupied in finding Shining. It was hard to tell if my vision was getting worse as it was tainted with liquid shadows, or if he had just stopped casting magic, but I didn’t see him anywhere.

“No, maybe your goal lines up more with that of Shiny. Hatred, is it? You hate me for what I tried to do to your pony friends on that pathetic farm, and now that you have the chance to strike me down before I could do it again, you felt that familiar taste of hate and acted on it just like he did. That’s right isn’t it? You’re as driven by hate as I am.”

“Hate you?”

Did I hate her? Maybe, if the amulet wasn’t keeping me in a state of dullness, there would have been a spark of something. Hatred for killing my friends, for making me watch, time and time again. For forcing me to betray Fluttershy, to betray all of them.

For killing me, so many times.

But I didn’t.

There was nothing at all.

“How could I hate you?” I took a step forward, letting my right arm fall and stay as limp as my leg as I held my knife entirely in my right. “You’re just a number.”

Something about that drove her to rage. She sneered, raising her chin as the air particles around her became visible. She charged her horn, extending her wings as she bared her fangs.

“Die!”

Something was off with the color of her magic, or maybe it was her color in general. It seemed…paler, almost faded. In fact, as I managed to dodge her beam and watched her prepare another one, it continued.

She was becoming white. Everything was.

The ebony tentacles of night still plagued everything else in sight, however Chrysalis herself was pure white except for her magic, which had stayed its green. It was so odd, yet so bizarrely familiar. It was exactly like what Frisk used to see.

I could only assume the amulet was doing this. That, or I was finally losing my mind.

I got closer to her with each attack I managed to evade, proving far more difficult than before with only a leg and a half working. Every time I did, I kept hearing this rattling noise. Like everything else occurring tonight, there was a strange sense of familiarity to the sound. I heard it every couple of seconds, it was just a problem of telling where it was coming from, and where I’d heard it before.

By the third attack, I recognized as it grew louder that it was coming from me.

After the fourth, I remembered where I’d heard it before. It was on my deathbed, when my body was fighting despite me having given up. It was coming from my throat, my failing lungs, my living corpse.

I was dying then.

Was I dying now?

Before I realized what I was doing, I swung at Chrysalis. She didn’t even try to conjure a shield, putting up her hands like she was surrendering.

Maybe she was as I sliced off one of her hands.

I heard that same noise when I struck the diamond dogs, that ‘ping’, and some part of me expected numbers to follow.

It fell to the floor with a thud, green blood pooling where it landed.

Chrysalis shrieked, backing away from me until she hit the wall of the shield. More blood spurting from her nub. Her shrieks of pain were only momentary though, as she clenched her teeth together with so much strength I could have sworn I saw one crack.

What I saw instead, however, gave me far more pause.

It was a sign. Two, to be specific. The large, orange x with the word ‘mercy’ on it hovered to my left, while the sword with the word ‘fight’ was on my right. Like the menu, they were within an arm's reach, though I had the inclination that this choice couldn’t be made by touching my hand against one of the buttons.

There was a noise that blocked out the rattling, gradually going louder with each space between. It wasn’t Chrysalis. While I could see she was saying something, her words didn’t reach my ears; or didn’t register if they did.

The only thing I could was the rapping, the drumming, the thumping, of my heart beat.

Thump, thump.

Thump, thump.

Thump, thump.

I raised my right hand, the two buttons still hovering before me, with the ‘fight’ button blinking on and off. Chrysalis’ eyes once more constricted, pushing herself against the barrier as much as she could, pupils darting back and forth to find a way out. Her horn sparked with magic, whatever attempt she made at casting magic fizzled out before it could turn into something.

In the instant before my arm came down like the guillotine of an executioner, the shield behind her dropped. Chrysalis uncemeronously fell backwards, landing on her wings with a grunt as she looked upwards.

Standing above her was Shining, who was gripping only the blade of his sword in his magic. With a single thrust, the handle was slammed into Chrysalis’ face, her entire body briefly jumping off the ground before going limp. Her eyes remained closed and body still as Shining walked around her, keeping his sword at the ready and gaze locked on her before turning to me.

“Chara, I said we needed her alive! Alive! You were about to kill her, weren’t you? What were you thinking?!”

“I…”

The knife slipped from my hand, either because it had grown too slick or I just didn’t have the strength to hold on to it anymore. Once it left my grasp, it turned into red specks of dust and blew away, in spite of the fact that there was no wind.

“Wasn’t.”

He started saying something, but I couldn’t hear him over the rattling of my own wheezing. Or I could be choosing not to.

I was going to kill her. I would have leveled up, I could feel it.

It was still the only thing I could feel.

“Shining.” I interrupted whatever he was saying to me, bringing my hands up to my neck. They were trembling violently, I could see it. “I’m going to take off this amulet. When I do, I want you to take it from me and make sure no one ever touches it again.”

His chin fell to his chest as he scowled at me, or maybe he was scowling at the amulet itself? I couldn’t tell.

“Is that an order?”

“Don’t make it.”

He scoffed.

“Fine. but I want to know everything you know about that amulet, and why you made a contract with Trixie to get it.”

I gripped the amulet, slowly lifting it off. Whether it was because I had no energy left in me, or the amulet itself was resisting, but I had to strain to finally get it off from my neck; like a choker that was the only thing keeping me breathing. The second I could see it in my hands, I tossed it towards him. It slid across the ground, landing at his hooves.

I expected pain, a lot of pain. Or some sort of sensation at all. Instead, there was still this sense of nothingness, in me and in my mind. My body shook, but there was no cold, no shock, no shiver, there was nothing at all.

It would have terrified me if I could have felt it.

When I took the first step, the blackness coming from my face consumed my sight, and overtook everything.

I passed out, with a final thump from my heart.

Chapter 36: One Step Forward.

There wasn’t burning this time, neither was there that heart-clenching cold. Just like with the amulet, there was this dull nothingness that lingered in my soul, sapping away the determination.

Then, there was warmth.

Not heat, not searing, not any kind of sensation that’d come from a fire. More like water, really. It reminded me of when I first took a bath in Fluttershy’s cottage.

The sensation reached my throat, and I began to drown.

With a coughing fit, I woke up, only to be surrounded by darkness once again. A lighter darkness, sparkled by a tint of blue as the moon began to fall and the sun took its place. Shining stood over me, more than just an outline now that I could make out some of his features. Most distinctly, the scowl of concentration that sat on his face.

“Hey, you’re finally awake. Good.”

I slowly raised myself, once more expecting all the pain to hit me at once. It never came, nor did any sense of sensation at all.

I still couldn’t feel anything.

“You’re lucky I’m good at restoration; it’s the only thing I’ve got over my sister. Besides some real experience with the field medical training we got.” The light around his horn faded to nothingness as he stepped away, eyes scanning over my body before settling on my right leg. “You broke your foot, you had what I’m pretty certain is second-degree burns on your hip, and saying you lost a lot of blood doesn’t cover it. Like, you shouldn't be alive, let alone conscious, amounts of blood.”

I gave in to the urge to touch my face, bringing my hand to my cheek and running my finger down it. I could vaguely feel the sensation, so I was starting to get some back at least. The blood had somewhat dried and hardened, but was still kinda wet to the touch; like recently dried paint.

“You,” my voice didn’t sound quite right. Scratchy and dry, and hard to form my words properly without breaking into a coughing fit. “Saved me.”

“Well, I don’t know if I’d say that. Here,” he reached into his hip-pouch, pulling out a waterskin and offering it to me. “You’re probably extremely dehydrated. Feel free to drink the rest of it.”

I didn’t feel that thirsty at first. Then, as soon as the cold liquid touched my tongue, it was like divine nectar. The entire world failed to exist for a few precious seconds of me chugging the water, feeling every drop of it travel down my throat and into my stomach. When it was all gone, I let the waterskin fall to my lap as I breathed heavily, finally hearing the tail end of what Shining was telling me.

“...Basically, you were dead for a solid half-minute there.”

“I was dead?” I placed my hand against my chest, waiting for that rhythmic thumping noise of my heart. After a few terse seconds, it was there; though not nearly as intense as it was when the amulet was on.

Maybe that was for the best.

“Did you not just listen to the explanation I gave?”

I opened my mouth, only to be cut off with a sigh.

“Nevermind. Can you walk? That splint I gave you should let you get to your feet, at least. We need to get Chrysalis to Canterlot as soon as possible.”

The ‘splint’ he was referring to were two pieces of oak wood strapped on both sides of my right leg with gauze, firm enough to hold it in place. It wasn’t bending anymore, so maybe I could put some weight on it?

I glanced behind him, spotting Chrysalis prone on the ground. Her barely clipped wings were tied together with rope, and a small, black ring had been placed on her horn going all the way down to the base. Her hand was no longer bleeding, and was in fact reattached where I’d cut it off with hardly any blood showing it’d been sliced in the first place. The hand was held there by layers of gauze similar to the ones on my splint.

I was tempted to look around for where the dismembered hand had landed to see whether she grew it back via changeling biology, or if Shining had reattached it and just…healed it. In all honestly, my understanding of what restoration could do was lacking considering it’s saved my life at least twice now.

“I think so.” My legs, particularly the right one, wobbled a bit more than usual as I stood up. I took a tentative few steps, nearly tripping on the first couple before realizing I had to half-limp and lean my weight to the left side of my body. If I did, I could walk well enough; though at a much shorter pace than usual.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Shining watching me with his horn lit, flinching every time I nearly tumbled onto the ground as his horn sparked.

I stood there for a moment, flexing my fingers with no real purpose in mind. There were occasional sensations that broke through: the sting of the cold air on my face, the slight throbbing in my right ankle, the odd heat radiating from my hip.

But no pain.

There was, however, one burning question on my mind that was nigh painful to not have an answer to: If I’d died, why didn’t I reset?

“Good. I’ll carry Chrysalis. We’re heading to Sugarcube Corner where Luna said to meet up once everything was settled, along the way you have an explanation you owe me about this amulet.” With his magic, he opened the hip-pouch and floated the amulet out, still slick with a layer of black blood. “I can’t sense any magic from it, which would mean the average unicorn couldn’t, either. So, I’d really like to know not just how Trixie knew what it was, but how you did.”

I couldn’t answer that.

Not without telling him about the resets, at least. And that was a conversation I wasn’t prepared to have with anyone, less so someone I barely knew and who likely hated me. I brought my right hand to my necklace, receiving little comfort as its cold warmth hardly registered in my hands. Something on it did stick out in my vision, however.

The crest was still there, faintly glowing in the dark and ticking down; borderline shrouded in the dark shadows of the night. I could use it to make him drop the subject, if I wanted. But that’d be a bad idea. Not only would he tell Luna and Cadance about it anyway, just as well any chance of him coming to trust me would be gone.

Once more, I needed to tell the truth.

“I, um—” I tried to think of what I could say that wouldn’t be a lie, starting to move only to for a sharp pain to shoot up my side.

“You really didn’t hear me earlier, did you?” Shining tossed Chrysalis over his shoulder, keeping one arm on her and his other one free. “You can’t move too much or your wounds will open. I managed to keep you from dying, but you need actual medical attention. Or the second best thing: an alicorn’s healing. For now though, you can use me as support.” He outstretched his free arm, gesturing for me to lean on him.

Then, he bit his lip, retracting his arm and shaking his head. “Wait, ‘no physical contact’, my bad. Here.” His horn came to life once more as he summoned some sort of…floating rectangle? It hovered beside me, and was almost my height. “Lean on this, it’ll follow you until we get back to Ponyville. Luckily, I have these woods memorized, and we’re not that far out. First though,” he grunted, readjusting Chrysalis and turning away from me. “Where did you stash the anti-magic rocks? We need those to stifle any chance of the changelings getting their hands on them again. Just point in the direction and we can go from there.”

With a bit of hesitation, I put my body against the wall, moving one step at a time as it followed me. Most of my weight was taken off my legs, making it more tolerable to walk without having to move the rest of my body. Like a moving wall, it came alongside me, hovering just above the grass and staying next to me no matter what.

My arm trembled a bit as I raised it, though it didn’t feel particularly weak.

“There. Straight ahead until there’s a fallen tree.”

“Lets go then. I’d prefer to get to Canterlot before she wakes up.”

Like before, Shining took the lead, walking at a slightly faster pace than me. I couldn’t tell if that was on purpose, or if Chrysalis really weighed that much. He was noticeably limping, leaning towards one side of his body more than the other. It was hard to notice, but impossible not to with nothing else to look at. A few minutes of rigid silence went by as we entered the woods, before he cleared his throat, gesturing for me to explain.

“I…heard about Trixie from a friend of mine, Dark Moon, and what happened in Ponyville. I recognized her from his description, and,” ok, telling the truth so far. I gulped, scratching at my neck with my freehand despite no real sensation of itchiness. “Well, she really did me a favor once, I’d rather just not go into what that is; but I did owe her for it. Once she started talking, she told me about how the amulet would help her beat Twilight. So…”

“You signed a contract with her to get her to give you the amulet.” Shining finished for me, relaxing his shoulders as he glanced at me. “What did you give her to make her do that?”

“I promised her that Luna would,” I could see him tense up, ears flickering in my direction. “Meet her and consider taking her in as her student.”

“What.”

It wasn’t a shout. In fact, he didn’t raise his voice at all; speaking through gritted teeth and clenched jaws. Despite that, it carried this absolute stillness that stopped me where I was, trying to hide behind the wall like a child behind a curtain.

“You promised someone who endangered the entirety of Ponyville, and planned on taking revenge on not just an Element of Harmony, but my sister!”

“She didn’—”

“Didn’t what? She didn’t cause an Ursa Minor to attack Ponyville? She wasn’t going to use that amulet against Twilight?”

I stayed quiet, muffling a whimper as I looked away. I could have defended Trixie, but to what end? I only knew pieces of the puzzle, not enough to make a solid case either way. Even if I could, everything I knew about Trixie’s side of the story came from my last reset. If I tried to defend her, he’d without a doubt press me and ask how I knew; which I couldn’t answer.

“Just,” his breathing calmed down with each second passed, until finally culminating into a single sharp inhale. “Tell me this: did you help her just because you owed her, or did you care about Twilight at all?”

I’d have crossed my arms if I could, but one of them was preoccupied keeping me from falling over.

“Hm,” I rubbed my necklace, trying to ignore the growing aching in the left side of my leg. “Both. I didn’t want Twilight to get hurt either. It was the only way I could think of getting the amulet away from her. I’m sorry.”

I didn’t mean to make my voice so disgustingly meek and small, but talking was proving to be a little more difficult with each sentence I tried to utter. Whether that was the dehydration, or my body was just exhausted from doing anything, I couldn’t tell.

Something about what I said, however, made Shining’s gaze soften. His eyebrows pulled away and his shoulders relaxed as his chest caved in.

“No, I’m sorry. Fuck.”

I tried to hide my flinch, holding my breathe and pressing as much of my body against the wall as I could. If he noticed, I couldn’t tell.

“You’re trying to help. You were trying to help by getting that amulet, you were trying to help by coming back and fighting Chrysalis, even if it nearly killed you; and I’ve been nothing but a hard ass since we’ve met. Caddy was right, I can be a dick when the helmet’s on.” He said with a sigh as he reached up with his free hand, undoing the clasp around his neck and holding his helmet under his arm. “Look, if it wasn’t for you changelings would have attacked Ponyville, and i…might have died in that fight back there. So thanks.”

He put the helmet back on, turning around on beginning our trek in the same direction.

“But I can’t help you with Trixie or Princess Luna, that’s out of my ballpark; I’d have to roll a nat 20 for any chance.”

“A…” I raised an eyebrow. “Nat 20?”

“Oh, you don’t play? I would’ve thought with Brash as one of your guards, she would’ve introduced you to—”

With no warning but a swift flicker of his horn, the wall vanished, and I fell to the ground. Well, almost. Before I even had a chance to put my arm in front of me, Shining jumped back, catching me in his magic that had reactivated. My entire body experienced a semi-whiplash, a painful heat that centered in my chest that made me want to cry out and close my eyes.

I dared not, knowing what awaited me in that lapse of darkness.

“Don’t move, let me check your wounds.” Shining raised my shirt, using his horn as a light to examine my hip. “Ok, they didn’t reopen as far as I can tell. I’m guessing that was the anti-magic rocks? And that,” he raised his head, squinting his eyes in the distance. “Is the log you were talking about.”

I nodded, leaning once more against the wall he’d conjured.

“Good. Then I just have to do this.” He reached into his hip-pouch, pulling out some sort of gun. It wasn’t like the revolver Frisk found, instead being a much older design. It had the look of old scratched metal cobbled together into the vague shape of a gun; I’d be surprised if it fired without falling apart.

He pointed it to the sky, shooting out a ball of sparking fire that produced a shrieking whistling noise that made me want to cover my ears. It got more and more muffled as it ascended into the sky, curving until eventually stopping in the sky. Spreading its light and staying there before fading, like a shooting star from the ground.

It was pretty.

“Alright, that should signal the nearest night guard; if not the princess herself. Until then, I’m gonna do what I can for your wounds while we wait for someone to pick up the bag of rocks and get the ones in the cave later, then put them in a hole somewhere far away. After that, you can tell Luna all about the deal you made.”

“What deal?”

A shiver went up Shining’s spine as he jumped away, barely landing on his hooves as he fumbled to bow. Luna had appeared behind us, holding her arms behind her back with her wings tucked into her sides.

“P-princess! I didn’t hear you teleport.”

“Yes, tis the point of silent casting; It's how I have fun in these tense times. However,” she began to walk, tilting her head as she moved in front of us. “I meant to teleport here infront of you. Why did i—oh.” She stopped, tensing up as her wings curled uncomfortably. “I see you found some stowed away rocks. That’s…” Luna slowly stepped back, holding her breath until getting behind us again and finally letting it out in a loud sigh. “Relieving. Now, what is this about a—”

She stopped as soon as her eyes landed on me, her star filled eyes widening as she grew still, then leaning closer as her eyebrows drew together.

“Chara, you’re…stand still.”

The very air around us grew warm, any cold on or in my body dissipated and was washed over as a blackish aura encased my body. Condensed on my hip, the soreness in my body ebbed away, along with the fatigue that had been plaguing it. I gradually leaned off the wall, moving my arms with more vigor than I had moments ago.

I felt better.

I felt…good.

But, my face was still…

“Sticky.” I muttered as my hand touched my cheeks, dry and yet wet at the same time. I hated it.

I had the near overwhelming urge to bathe myself.

“Sticky?” Luna asked with a curl of her lip, shaking her head as the expression wavered before falling entirely. “Nevermind. I have not healed you entirely, only time can accomplish such a feat; I’ve merely given you the ability to walk to your next place of rest.”

“Ma’m, what about the rest of the changelings?”

Luna sidestepped, turning to halfway face me and Shining as she wrinkled her muzzle.

“There are no rest of the changelings in these woods. When we received the nightguard escort with Mrs.Cake and Trixie, all of the night guard had returned with prisoners of their own. After they’d been handled, there was a second scouting done just to ensure there were no,” Her eyes dragged to Chrysalis as she scowled. “Stragglers. I see you caught the queen.”

“With much difficulty, and Chara’s help, yes.”

“Chara helped?” Luna glanced at me. For a second, I thought I saw a smirk on her lips. “That would explain the state she is in. Very well, you have both done more than your part for this mission. I believe we can declare it a success, huzzah!”

Luna raised an arm above her head, wings spreading to the side as she peered up into the night sky.

“Huzzah?” Shining raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, huzzah. It is a celebratory phrase.”

“Well, yes Princess I’m aware of that. But I think it’s far too early to be celebrating.” Shining picked up Chrysalis, once more throwing her over her shoulder as she let out a groan.

At the noise, we all tensed up, expecting that to be a sign that the latent queen had awoken. When she remained quiet, Luna lowered her arm and her wings once more hugged her hips.

“We have to get Chrysalis along with the other changelings to Canterlot as soon as possible. All without letting the residents of Ponyville know how close they were to being overtaken.”

“Hmm, thou is—” Luna coughed, clearing her throat as she looked in a random direction. “You are correct. Just as well, you and the nightguard deserve rest. Chara, you especially deserve rest. I will come to collect your side of the contract soon enough.”

Shining’s eyes widened at the word ‘contract’, pupils darting between Luna and I before constricting in comprehension. He didn’t audibly say anything, but I could see his mouth speak something wordlessly.

“Actually, Luna, I…” My conversation with Fluttershy the night before I left for Canterlot came to mind; the goodbye that wasn’t. I couldn’t say with an ounce of confidence I was more ready for that conversation now than I was then, but it was here regardless. “Owe Fluttershy the same thing.”

“Oh?” Luna raised her chin, her mouth parting. “Is that so?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, shuffling my feet as I tried to shake the discomfort in my body. “I know she’s not awake right now. Even so, do you think you could meet me there when she wakes up? I’d,” I brought a hand to my chest, feeling a strange bump there that I hadn’t noticed before. “Rather not have to repeat it. Besides, I could really use a bath. I feel,” I gave myself a once over for the first time since I took off the amulet, standing in the fading moonlight I was bathed in.

My clothes were drenched in my own black blood, only patches of green to be spotted in between. Hands, especially my right one, caked in a layer of it. It was a miracle I could even move them properly. A dry itchiness came over my face as I imagined how it must look, glad more than ever that I didn’t have the chance to peer into my reflection.

“Dirty.”

“Yes, I imagine you would.” Luna stared at me for what I was sure felt much longer than it was, before her horn glowed in magic that surrounded Chrysalis, hovering her off of Shining’s shoulder and leaving her floating beside Luna with hardly any strain. “Captain Armor, please escort Chara to Fluttershy’s cottage and then make your way to Sugarcube Corner; she should know where it is. I will take Chrysalis back to Canterlot personally, fret not.”

“Understood.”

Then, Luna was just…gone. No woosh, no popping noise, no magic coating her before she vanished. One second she was there, and the next she wasn’t.

It was more than a little unnerving.

After finding myself transfixed on the spot Luna was, I turned to Shining, who had already made his way to the log. He reached in, quickly finding the bag I’d stashed there and placing it in his hip-pouch.

“Fluttershy’s Cottage is…'' he closed the hip-pouch, looking up in the sky at the stars before and not saying anything before dropping his eyes in a direction. “That way, I think. Right? I only know this place from the maps I have memorized.”

“Um,” I didn’t know how to tell him that I didn’t know these woods very well. There was still this underlying anxiety that we’d get lost or run into some animals, but Luna letting us know that the changelings were no longer a threat made it somewhat more managable. “I think so.”

“Good. If you can walk, then let’s go.”

At a noticeably faster pace than before, we began trekking through the woods. I was able to stay a few feet behind him at all times, which meant I had no idea what he was thinking. Minutes of silence passed before he cleared his throat, more than loud enough to startle me among the nothingness of the woods.

“So, you made a contract with the princess? You’re the first to do so in a thousand years, so I’m guessing you can’t tell me what it is you owe both her and Fluttershy .”

Despite the ambivalent feelings of good and bad inside and outside of me, some part of me couldn’t help but smile at his question.

“My soul.”

__________

By the time we made it to Fluttershy’s cottage, the sun had mostly risen and the moon was gone along with the stars. Shining had left to go his own way, leaving me in front of the treehome that she lived in.

I should have felt something; a sense of accomplishment, or happiness, or even just relief.

Instead, there was nothing.

Just like the void.

Just like the woods.

I began to wonder what exactly that amulet did to me.

I opened the door, half-expecting Fluttershy to be on the couch waiting for me again. Having fallen asleep on that uncomfortable couch, surrounded by the animals she cared for.

Instead, there was a bunny.

Angel Bunny, to be specific.

He was napping on the couch, using a pillow as…well a pillow. He raised his little head after I shut the door behind me, failing to muffle the noise to not reach his adorable ears. Angel rubbed his eyes, once while seeing who was at the door, and then once again as soon as he saw it was me.

He made a chittering noise, then squeaked as he jumped off the couch and made his way to the stairs.

“Angel, wait!” I hushscreamed, outstretching my arm and begging for him to stop. He listened, halting on the first step and very slowly glaring over his shoulder at me.

“Please, don’t wake Fluttershy yet.”

Just as slowly, he took a single step off the stairs, facing me and crossing his arms as he made a chirping sound.

“I, uhm,” I still didn’t know what he was saying, but I could take a guess. “I’m sorry for being gone so long?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“And I’ll pet you for hours without expecting anything in return?”

He tapped his foot repeatedly.

“Please?”

With a sigh, he chittered and gave me a nod. Then he began to walk up to me, no doubt expecting that petting I promised.

“Wait, wait. Not right now. I’m,” I placed a hand on my opposing shoulder, the urge to clean myself getting stronger the closer I was to a bath. “Really gross right now. Can you get me a towel and help me sneak into the bathroom? And, uhm,” I glimpsed at the crest on my hand, which was glowing as faintly as a dying firefly, but glew nonethless. Fluttershy would ask about it, and I couldn’t lie to her.

Not anymore.

“A pair of gloves?”

His ears curled in, titling his little head at me before shrugging. He gestured for me to follow him, taking very slow and silent hops up the stairs, waiting for me to take a step before he took the next one. It was a rarity, but I was briefly thankful for my small stature.

Once we made it to the top of the stairs, he opened the bathroom door for me, somehow doing so without making any noise. With a salute, he was off, leaving me alone in the room. As I shut the door, I felt this sense of dread well up in my chest reaching my throat.

There was a mirror to my left, I remembered the layout of this bathroom too well. I got in the habit of placing a towel on it and Fluttershy was content to leave it there without bringing up the subject, but I could tell out of the corner of my eye it wasn’t there.

Now, more than ever, I couldn’t stand my reflection. I don’t know what would happen, and that was leagues more terrifying than expecting anything.

“Ok, ok, ok. It’s ok.” The mantra never made me feel better, but it was preferable to doing nothing at all. “It’s ok.”

I turned the water on, as hot as it could go. Once it began to form something resembling a puddle, I stepped away from the tub and began taking off my clothes. They put up more resistance than usual, an odd dryness in between that made it much harder to take them off.

The second I had, it was obvious why.

Inside my clothes was a layer of black that had dried like paint, without a doubt a sight that would make Rarity scream to see. By the time I got all of them off into a pile, it was like I had taken off my own skin. It didn’t hurt, but what was left were splotches of black that wouldn’t come off. It was my blood.

All over me, all over the clothes. There were brownish spots on my hip where Chrysalis almost burned me, likely the scars Shining referenced. My knees were shaking, begging for me to relax, arms hanging at my sides as I was almost too afraid to move them.

And I was scared of my reflection.

My shadow.

I sighed as I dipped my body into the hot water, every fiber of my being, which had been coiled and rigid since I walked beneath those hordes of leaves, finally getting to unwind. They unrolled, and I watched as the water turned black.

I curled into myself, bringing the knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I lowered my head and placed as much of my face into the water as I could, breathing out of my nose and staring straight ahead to not see myself in the water.

Waiting.

I was waiting. For what? Anything, really.

The bathtub was soon filled with blackwater, making the mirror the only place where my reflection could hide.

I was home, I was safe, I was warm. Fluttershy was just down the hall, the changeling threat was over, and Luna would be here any moment. Waiting for the truth I owed her, that I owed Fluttershy. That the others deserved, too.

And I still…

“Can’t feel anything.”

____________

The second pair of clothes Rarity had for me were now my only ones.

I didn’t know what to do with the original pair, so I put them in my backpack, coming up as ‘dirty laundry’ in my inventory. The ‘gloves’ Angel had slipped under the door were dark green, and not plural.

“Just one?” It was a right handed one, so at least it was the one I needed. It was dark green, so dark I wouldn’t be able to see them at night.

Question was, were they dark enough to conceal the glowing of the crest?

I slipped it on, trying to recall the last time I wore a glove, if ever. The only time that came to mind was when Toriel prepped me before going to Snowden, since I didn’t have the benefit of fur like Azzy did. Those gloves were oversized, and probably could fit Asgore, these were much smaller and fingerless. Fitting around my hand like…well like a glove.

Were these Fluttershy’s? Did she need them for something?

“Chara?”

I literally jumped at Fluttershy’s voice and knocking, despite how many times I’d heard it before.

“Angel told me you were in here, weren’t you supposed to be here around noon? Did something happen?”

“Hmmmm,” I droned, bringing my hands to my neck just to feel the vibrations of my breathing.

“N—no, I just ended up here early. Can you wait for me on the couch? Luna’s going to be here soon.”

“Luna? Princess Luna is going to be here soon? Oh my, no no no, I’m not ready. Mmmm,” I heard her tap her hooves against the floor. “I have to put out the candles and make sure all the animals are fed. Are you okay by yourself? I’d love to catch up but I’m not presentable, to you or the princess.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you actually fine or are you just saying that?”

“I’m,” I placed my hands on my ears, trying to, just for a moment, to hear nothing.

I never thought I’d miss the void.

“Not ready. Please.”

“...Ok.”

There was tapping that grew more distant, until I didn’t hear it at all. I was fully dressed, my back facing the mirror. Inch by inch, I stood up, straightening my spine until I felt good enough to walk.

I sat on the couch, watching Fluttershy spruce up her living room with a fervor I’ve never seen from her before. Setting candles that gave the room a lavender scent, and cleaning every scrap that was out of place in the room. I asked once or twice if I could help, but Fluttershy barely gave me more than a glance, a shake of her head, before continuing.

Near the end, she ran up to her room and returned with a plushie, setting it in the center of the couch between some pillows. It was a small lamb, with baby blue eyes and a dark blue ribbon tied around its left ear. I picked it up, finding a strange sense of familiarity as I held its artificially soft fur in my fingers.

“Who’s this?”

“Ah, that’s Gossamer. He’s my lucky lamb! I,” Fluttershy awkwardly smiled, sitting beside me. “Set him in your bed when you first came here. He’s half my age and has been with me since.”

“Really? Huh.”

Its beady little eyes stabbed into me, piercing my very soul with its lack of one. It was comforting, and yet unnerving at the same time.

Before I could lose myself in those orbs of blue, there was a knocking on the door. I could see Luna’s large figure through the window, standing out among the light.

“She’s here! Oh, uhm, can you answer the door for me, Chara?”

“Yeah.”

I gave her Gossamer, opening the door and seeing Luna waiting patiently. Her peytral and crown were gone, making her seem smaller; though not by much. She gave me a small smile, before dropping into something hard to read as she noticed the glove on my right hand.

“Oh, I see. You wish to conceal your crest so Kindness won’t suspect your involvement. It suits you well.”

“Please, just,” I rubbed the glove, plucking at it as I tried to get used to the feeling of its clotch against my hand. “Call her Fluttershy. I think just calling her Kindness freaks her out a bit; it’d be like if I just called you Princess.”

“Truly?” She tilted her head. “But, many individuals call me Princess.”

“Even your friends?”

“Well, no, I don’t believe you’ve ever referred to to me as anything but Luna.”

My mouth fell, a heat tingling my face.

“I—I didn’t know you considered me,” I cleared my throat, curling my hand into a fist and tapped it against my chest. “A friend.”

“I have ever since I took you to see Haylet. Is that an issue?”

“No, no—not at all. I,” the intent was in my mind, but it trembled and fought against being transformed into words. “Consider you my friend, too.”

“Wonderful.” she walked past me, approaching Fluttershy, who was surrounded by pillows and holding on to Gossamer for life itself.

Angel rolled his eyes. He was not impressed.

“K—Fluttershy. Tis nice to meet you outside of your dreams, and not in a castle forgotten by time.”

“Y—you, too.”

Fluttershy’s entire body vibrated as they shook hands, which lasted a very long few seconds before they sat down on the couch at opposite ends.

I approached the chair beside the couch, directly facing them. The moment I sat down, Angel hopped up on my lap, resting his head in his paws and gesturing to his stomach. I couldn’t help but giggle at the display, placing my hand on him and as gently scratching him as I could.

I hope he and Lumi get along.

“Chara.”

Luna broke me out of my stupor, yanking my attention back to them. Luna waited with crossed legs, one arm resting on the couch itself and the other across her legs. Fluttershy was pressing her legs against each other, fidgeting as she occasionally glanced at Luna.

This was pretty close to my worst nightmare.

“I…don’t know where to start.”

“That’s easy; at the beginning. Who were thou before you came here?”

“I was just Chara, no Dreemurr yet. And I was,” my hand cramped up, more from the throbbing tension throughout my body than anything. “The most hated child in my village.”

I could actually hear Fluttershy stop breathing, those beautifully green and bright eyes of hers constricting as they focused on me.

“It was a small village, nothing really notable about it; it was hell for me. I’d really,” I picked up Angel, holding him to my chest. He didn’t resist. “Rather not go into the details of why. At least, not for a while. All that’s important is that near my village was a mountain, named Mt. Ebott. There were stories about monsters that lived in those mountains, and every child who went there never came back. So, I left my village, and went to the mountain.”

“You went knowing your life would be in danger?”

“I went because I knew my life would be in danger.”

I’d only ever told Asriel why I went to the mountain, though in an admittedly much more direct way. It took Luna a moment to understand what I was saying, but Fluttershy seemed to grasp it immediately. Wringing her wrist and keeping her eyes on me like I would vanish at any second.

“I,” her eyelids fell, nostrils flaring. “See. Continue.”

“When I fell down, I thought I’d died. Instead, I found the monsters. And they,” I gripped the necklace, holding as tightly as I could into my palm until the edges dug into my skin. It didn’t hurt. “Were kind. They adopted me, and I became a Dreemurr. I had a family, and I was happy. For a while, at least.”

“They were monsters?” Fluttershy leaned forward, raising her legs to her couch. “What does that mean?”

“It was a general term for them; they were basically animal people. The Dreemurrs in particularly were pure-as-snow goats. Just my luck at the time, they were the rulers of the underground, with my new parents the king and queen; Asriel the prince. It was fun learning how different they were from humans, yet how similar. At least, until I learned about the delta rune prophecy.” I uncurled my fingers, scraping the fingernail of my thumb against the symbol on the heart. “It said than an Angel—” Angel perked his head up at me. I smiled a bit as I ran my free hand on the edges of his ear. “An angel who’s seen the surface would make The Underground go empty. They thought it’d be me, I thought it’d be me. But the problem was, I hated humanity. Maybe, just as much, I hated myself.”

Why was this so easy for me?

I should have been a sniveling mess, stuttering over my words and unable to get past a sentence without some memory stopping my thoughts where they were. Yet, I didn’t feel anything. Not any unease or anxiety or even my heartbeat, which was as calm as I’d felt it.

Something was wrong with me.

“I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to do that. See, the reason humans feared monsters so much was because monsters had the ability to absorb human souls and become really powerful, but only when they had just died. The barrier keeping the monsters locked in the mountain needed seven human souls, but just one would be powerful enough to get that many from a nearby village. And the nearest was mine, so…”

Luna grasped the implication of what I was saying before I had to finish my sentence.

“You were going to kill six of the humans from your village?” Luna leaned forward, her wings unfurled.

“That’s what I told Asriel to convince him. Really, I was going to,” I still vividly remembered how long it took to convince Asriel to go along with it, how many tries it took me to learn the right words to use and the right buttons to press; how manipulative I was.

A sour taste filled the inside of my cheeks.

“Kill them all. Every single one.”

“Chara,” Fluttershy remained uncharacteristically stiff, gripping her wrist so tightly I could see her skin begin to pale. “Tell me you didn’t.”

“I certainly tried.”I laughed. Why did I laugh? I hate laughing. “But no, I didn’t even kill a single one; besides myself. Asriel took control of our shared body after he absorbed me, and he took my body there to my favorite batch of flowers. Of course, the humans thought that he had killed me and attacked him. They threw spears, bows, stabbed him, and yet he never fought back. In the end,” I stopped petting Angel, staring into the empty eyes of Gossamer on Fluttershy’s lap. “Maybe he was the Angel. With our dying body, he took us back to the underground, and we died in front of Toriel and Asgore. He turned to dust, as monsters did when they died, and I was buried.”

I couldn’t bring myself to look at their face, what expressions they had, what reactions. I was briefly thankful that my hair had gotten long enough to obscure most of my eyes, leaving only Luna and Fluttershy’s lower visible.

“I have a feeling that isn’t the end of this tale, is it?”

Luna spoke up, eager to break the silence that had fallen upon us.

“It’s not.” Angel raised himself, the look of satisfaction on his face shifting to that of concern. “Many humans fell down after me, but one in particular named Frisk literally brought me back from the grave as a ghost. To this day, I’m not sure why that was. Were we matching souls, was it some twisted form of destiny? Or maybe just some comedic, cruel comedy, as my life always seems to be.”

Angel hugged me.

I can’t remember the last time he did that. It might have been warm, soft even; a gesture of sweetness. But it barely registered to me.

“This may sound odd even to you, but humans have magical abilities unique to every one of us. Frisk’s was the ability to reset, he could turn back time at given points as many times as he felt like. Usually, him and I were the only ones who could remember, with a few exceptions.” I placed my hand on his head, playing with the fur between my fingers. I gave him a small smile, but I could tell by his frown he knew how hollow it was. “Things were fine, happy, even. For a lot of resets, they just kept spending time with them. Showing me how they’d lived all those years without Asriel, without…me.”

I couldn’t speak for a moment. I tried, my mouth opening and closing over and over again, but it was hard. Frustratingly so.

Neither of them pushed me to continue, not even so much as a gesture. They waited for me, with complete and utter patience.

I wet my mouth, setting Angel to the ground. He was reluctant to leave, but eventually obliged. Making his way to the kitchen and getting himself a snack from the sounds of it.

“Eventually, he got bored. And when people get bored, they do things. Terrible, terrible things.” I leaned back in the chair, wrapping both of my arms around my sides. “He started slaughtering them, just for fun. Over and over again, he betrayed them. Toriel, Asgore, all of his friends, just to do it again and again. Until one day, he just stopped. For years, he never came back. And—”

Angel returned from the kitchen, using all of his body to carry a plate of something. He stopped in front of me, jumping up and down and begging me to take it.

It was a piece of pie.

Cinnamon butterscotch pie, the same kind Toriel made for me. The same kind I begged Fluttershy to make for me after we talked to Twilight. It wasn’t hot, but not quite cold either. She must have made another one in preparation for me coming back.

Judging from the way I noticed her blush and look away out of the corner of my eye, that was exactly the case.

“Oh, Angel. That was meant to be a surprise.”

Angel chirped something angrily at her, to which she pulled her eyebrows together but didn’t say anything else as she pursed her lips.

“Quite a mouth on that one.” Luna added.

I was tempted to ask her what he said exactly, but somehow I felt like I was better off not knowing.

“Thank you.” I took it from him, placing it on the nightstand beside me. I was probably hungry and couldn’t feel it, so when I could I’m sure I’d be swallowing it faster than I could taste it. For now, however, I didn’t have it in me to eat.

“See, when I wasn’t haunting Frisk, I spent most of my time in a literal void as, well, a ghost. I couldn’t feel anything, couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything until Frisk came back. And he didn’t for six years. “

Six years.

Why did I know that number?

I paused, placing my hands on my knees and pressing down in a futile attempt to stop them from shaking.

“Then, I woke up in The Everfree. In this new body, with a backpack and the necklace I was buried with, in a patch of flowers. Like some kind of joke.”

The room went silent again, this time because I didn’t have it in me to continue. At least, not without vividly remembering my first death.

I couldn’t decide if that was the worst one or not.

“So, you do not know how you came here?” Luna once again broke the silence. “You just…did?”

“As far as I’m aware, yeah.”

“And,” Fluttershy coughed, placing a hand on the tip of her wing as she fiddled with a feather. “That’s when you ran into Applebloom and the others?”

“No, that’s when I went into Boggy Bottom Bog.”

Luna’s face pinched in confusion, while Fluttershy’s did the opposite.

“How did you—”

“And that’s where I died for the first time.”

Her jaw closed.

“I came back, for the first time. And then again to the timberwolves. Then, later to the diamond dogs. I can reset, but only when I die. I don’t get to choose when I go back to either, so every death is a gamble. Once it changes, I can’t go back to the previous one. Or, at least I haven’t figured out how to.”

“That’s how you knew about…” Luna glanced at my hand, and then to Fluttershy. “Well, everything, I suppose. “

“So, you really did try to,” Fluttershy muttered, closing her hands over her mouth. “With the diamond dogs?”

“Yeah, I did.” I rubbed my stomach, a phantom cold stabbing my gut. “Three times.”

“I see.” Luna closed her eyes, uncrossing her legs. “Magic capable of sending someone back to a set time is not unheard of; I believe Starswirl had an unfinished spell that does exactly that. However, for death to be the catalyst, that is,” she stood up, briefly spreading her wings. “Beyond cruel.”

“You believe me?”

“Of course. The contract we made declared that you give me what you believe to be the truth, and I trust that you’re telling that.” she stretched, turning to Fluttershy and bowing. “Fluttershy, it has been a pleasure to be in your home. I must depart now, I am needed in Canterlot for celebrations.”

Fluttershy barely responded, biting the corner of her lip and nodding as she trembled.

“Chara, you have a day here before you are required back in Canterlot to…settle matters. Just as well, Cadance has a gift waiting for you there. I think you’ll be,” she smirked. “Pleasantly surprised. Or perhaps not, knowing what I do now. We will discuss this at more length at a later time,” there was a gleam in Luna’s eyes as she leaned down, whispering something in my ear that sent a shiver down my spine. “Princess Chara.”

My entire body coiled as I sharply inhaled, raising my chin and digging my nails so tightly into the chair I almost got them stuck.

Then, Fluttershy and I were alone. Angel had skittered off somewhere, leaving no sign he’d been around except for the pie on the nightstand and the tidbits of his fur stuck to my shirt. Fluttershy herself was silent and as unmoving as a frozen tree, not even messing with her clothes like she’s opt to do when she was anxious about something.

“How many times?”

I let go of the arm chairs, resting my hands on my thighs.

“‘How many times?’”

“How many times have you d—” Fluttershy bit her tongue, hiding behind her mane. “H—how many times have you reset?”

“Oh.”

That was a good question.

I reached into my backpack, pulling out my journal and flipping to the page with the tally marks. With a dragging hand, I added one to the count, writing a small note beside it.

“Eight.”

Fluttershy whimpered.

It hurt my ears.

It hurt my heart.

She stood up, making her way to my chair. In one swift motion, she picked me up, holding me tightly against her chest. Her arms wrapped so tightly around me it was painful, but somehow, I didn’t mind. Wings, too, extended from her back and gripped me tightly like a second, gentle pair of arms.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

I almost couldn’t breathe, couldn’t quite hear her fervent apologies. It was muffled, distant, and in between choked sobs.

“You tried, didn’t you? You tried so many times with the diamond dogs to rely on our help and it didn’t work? That’s, that’s why you…”

It was warm.

I could hear her heartbeat, erratic and calming, but clear as day.

I wasn’t afraid she’d hurt me, even though she was.

I held onto her as tightly as she did to me, and I felt something.

This relief.

This warmth.

Deep in my soul, deep in my heart.

It was light.

“I did!” I began to cry like a baby, hot tears streaming down my face as this immense pressure built up in my chest. I gave into her hug entirely, sniveling with snot coming out of my nose and on her clothes. “I tried, I tried, I tried! I c—couldn’t, I—i didn’t.”

“It’s ok.”

Fluttershy placed a hand on my head, resting it there as she ran a finger down my face.

“You don’t have to talk anymore.”

Our eyes met for that instance, and I saw that she was crying as much as I was.

I gave in.

I trusted her.

I cried.

I was home.

Chapter 37: Cronos

I fell asleep crying in Fluttershy’s arms.

This has happened twice now. The first time was cathartic, this time was something beyond that. The amulet left me numb, dead, like a walking cadaver.

Fluttershy’s kindness brought me back to life, to be just a little dramatic.

When I came to, Angel was trying to squeeze his way out of my grip, slowly replacing himself with Gossamer. I pretended to still be asleep, stifling a giggle as his fur tickled my skin, eventually being replaced with the, somewhat soft, but noticeably artificial, fur of a lamb.

I waited until he went outside one of the windows before I raised myself, placing Gossamer on a pillow beside me and twirling the blue ribbon on his ear in between my fingers.

The pie was still on the nightstand across from me, likely cold but still good to eat. My face felt sticky, like it always did after I cried. Beside the pie, Fluttershy left a box of tissues, and a small sticky note that said ‘left to feed the animals, enjoy your nap. :)” on it.

I picked it up, pursing my lips as I tried to decipher the symbol at the end. I eventually tilted my head, realizing it was meant to be a smiley face; kind of like wingdings. The tissues were easy enough to use, and I was clean in a minute, setting them back on the nightstand and digging into the pie.

There were so many things on my mind at the moment, but all of them were out of reach. They didn’t hover over my thoughts like they tended to, holding a dagger of uncertainty to stab me with at any given moment or word. My anxiety, and the rumination that also accompanied it, had taken a backseat for the time being.

Though, that didn’t entirely prevent me from making a mental checklist of things to do before I go back to Canterlot.

“Let’s see, do I still have that- oh my gosh that’s so good.” I paused as I chewed on a hefty chunk of pie, the swirled taste mixing together so succinctly that nothing else really compared. “The newspaper?”

I checked my inventory, not bothering to look for Angel or any other observer as I shifted through it. The newspaper was somewhere near the bottom, being selected and appearing in my backpack with a wrinkle. I scanned over it again, rereading the section about Dark’s dad and his sibling that he possibly doesn’t know about.

I could have done so many other things: make up with Pinkie Pie now that I know she’s already forgiven me, or to work on convincing Twilight and the others to at least give me a second chance.

I just have to figure out how to do that without apologizing. ‘Be better, not sorry’, as Luna told me.

“Whole lot easier to say than to do.” I muttered as I put the eraser end of the pencil in my mouth, moving it up and down rapidly as I read over the section again and again. Trying to formulate what to say to Dark and how to say it.

I jumped at the sound of the door opening, Fluttershy having returned from feeding the animals. She placed a hand on my shoulder, giving me a small grin. I tensed up at the contact, but only due to the initial suddenness of it. There wasn’t that punch in the gut sensation, that riveting fear, that compelling terror.

I even closed my eyes, just to be met by darkness instead of him.

For a moment, my heart fluttered, and I believed myself to be cured.

“You’re smiling. I don’t think I’ve seen you smile like that before.”

I brought a finger to my lips, feeling the indent in my lips.

“I guess I am.” I traced the grin, engraving the bumps and grooves into my fingers. “How was feeding the animals?”

She sat on the couch, which summoned Angel from whatever room he was lurking in. He hopped up on the largest pillow, which happened to be the one I placed Gossamer on. Angel, in what I can only presume was an act of absolute spiteful resentment, kicked the lamb off the pillow and took its place.

“It went as well as usual. In fact, it's when I do most of my thinking, and I’ve been thinking lately about what you told me.”

With that, my smile was gone. Gradually, it fell from my face, and I placed the rest of the pie I hadn’t devoured back on the nightstand.

“yeah?”

“Yeah. I, I think,” Fluttershy interlaced her fingers, placing them on her legs as her wings flickered. She bit at her lips, unable to keep her hooves steady as they kept fidgeting. “I think you should tell the others what you told me. About resets, and that you die whe-”

“No.”

That was maybe the only time the word ‘no’ had slipped through my lips so quickly and with such certainty, It hurt to see that look of dejection on her face, that half-closing of her eyes as she flinched.

But there was no way I could even consider that. I’d been down that route in my own mind too many times.

“Why not?” her voice trembled, a quackiness to it that was grating on my ears. She lurched forward, holding her sides as her wings coiled. “If they knew that you did try to rely on them, then I’m sure they’d understand why you did what you did and forgive you.”

“Maybe they would, some of them. But,” I toyed with my pendant, trying not to picture Frisk’s piercing, blank face. “All it would take is just one of them not to trust me, to think that I would use it for whatever; like Frisk did.”

“You wouldn’t do that though!”

“No, I wouldn’t. But only one of them needs to distrust me to think I might. That’s why I told you.”

“You’re-“ I could tell that Fluttershy wanted to tell me I was wrong, and almost impulsively did so. Then, her nose wrinkled as she thought on it; eyes darting back and forth like she was reading names in her head. “I wish you were wrong.”

“Me too.” I hung my head, briefly capturing Angel’s eyes before I turned elsewhere. “Maybe Pinkie and Rarity, but Applejack and Twilight? They probably trust me the least right now. And Rainbow is hard to read.”

“She’s not…well, I’ve known her for years and even I know she can be difficult. ” Fluttershy hummed, eyebrows knitting together as her chin dropped to her chest. “Then, why did you tell Luna if you don’t want to risk it?”

“That was,” I couldn’t explain that; not without mentioning the stuff with the changelings. I didn’t promise Luna not to tell it to her per se, but if I did I can imagine the reaction wouldn’t be well.

That being said, I did promise Fluttershy I would be honest with her from now on. Telling her my past and then starting with a lie by omission would defeat the entire point of that.

Out of curiosity, I slipped my hand under the glove and lifted it to check the crest. It was no longer glowing, which meant the timer was up, but what Luna neglected to mention was that the symbol itself was still there.

I suppose that meant the glove was staying for the foreseeable future.

“You have to promise me you won’t talk to anyone about this, Fluttershy. Especially,” There was a throb of pain in my right foot, though I had a suspicion that, like the stickiness that flared up in between my fingers, it wasn’t really there. “Me. I don’t want to talk about it anymore than I want to think about it.”

“Of course.” she extended her wing, placing the tip of it against her chest. “I promise I won’t tell them anything you aren’t comfortable with.”

“I’m not, well,” I pressed my lips together, reaching around with my right hand and placing it on my left shoulder, flinching at the feeling of the glove. “There were changelings in Ponyville, and Luna offered to help me with them if I told her everything.”

“Changelings?!” Fluttershy’s entire body straightened, wings spreading out as she almost jumped out of the couch, glancing around the room before shifting in her couch once more. “There were changelings in Ponyville? That can’t be right, Twilight’s been casting a spell every night that should prevent changelings from coming into Ponyville.”

“A spell?”

“Yes, she’d been casting it since Canterlot. Well, not stop them per se, more like detect them as soon as they enter Ponyville before they take anyones place. So, there’s no way-“ Fluttershy trailed off, rapping her fingers against her thighs. “The diamond dogs. When we were away for the day and Twilight couldn’t cast the spell. Did Chrysalis know that, was it on purpose?”

“It was on purpose, yes.” There was a trickle of something warm on my neck, I scratched at it deeply until the pain overrode it. “She told me such in one of the resets.”

“One of? Chara,” She reached forward, first hesitating to touch me, then placing a hand on my leg. “How many times did you…” she bit her lip. “Reset to the changlings?”

I opened my mouth to say ‘three’, only to realize that wasn’t entirely right. The first time was to changelings, yes. The second wasn’t, and the third was to myself. I couldn’t tell her that; I know exactly how she’d react.

“Three.”

So I lied.

I couldn’t be honest about everything. It’d break her heart.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I reall-”

“Stop.” there was a stabbing sensation in my throat as my voice separated into shards, breaking as it left my mouth. “Stop apologizing. You couldn’t have done anything, not anything that you didn’t already try to do. Because I,” I touched her hand, a sense of warmth that tingled its way to my heart at the contact. “Didn’t tell you. I should have, but I didn’t. And that’s my fault. So, please, stop apologizing.”

“Alright, I’m sorry.” Fluttershy smirked a bit, chuckling at her own joke.

She pulled her hand away, and I found myself missing it.

“So, Luna helped with the changelings? There aren’t any more of them in Ponyville?”

“No.” Mrs.Cake came to mind. I could only imagine what that was like; to find someone had taken your place, interacted with everyone you know, none the wiser that you were still around.

Maybe the idea wasn’t so foreign to me.

“I think.”

“Good, then I’m glad Luna helped you. Though, I can’t help but worry about you going back to Canterlot. You just got here. Angel missed you.”

Angel chittered angrily, jumping up and batting at one of her strands of hair. She muttered something under her breath at him, which he cut off with another bout of angry chirping.

“I missed you.” Fluttershy’s face blushed, her cheeks half as red as mine were normally.

There was a warmth in my face, but I didn’t feel nearly as flustered as I expected to.

“I missed you too, and I’d love to spend all day with you. But,” I picked up the newspaper, placing it back in my backpack. “I have some things to do today, starting with Dark.”

“Oh? I suppose it has been a while since you’ve seen each other. You must want to see him so bad its the first thing you’re doing; that’s very sweet of you.”

“T-that’s not it. Well, I do want to see him, but that’s not why I’m going to him first.” That time, I did get a bit flustered. I blinked rapidly, tapping my finger against my cheek over and over. “I told him I’d look into something for him while I was in Canterlot, and I want to tell him about it. It’s the easiest, and I prefer to build up to things.”

“I see.” She picked up Angel, idly petting him as she pressed her lips together. “Would you like me to go with you? I haven’t met Dark yet, I’d like to.”

I shook my head, standing up and slipping my backpack back on my shoulders.

“No thanks. I need to start doing things by myself, I need to be,” I closed my eyes, taking in the warm air around me. “better.”

Fluttershy raised her head, tilting it as her eyebrows drew together.

“Chara, I’m proud of you for wanting to improve yourself, but please don’t take that mindset to think that there’s something wrong with you now.”

“I won’t.” I paused, considering what she meant by that for a solid few seconds before deciding to dwell on it later. “Besides, you should go to Sugarcube Corner; Twilight and Pinkie should be there soon and they’d really appreciate talking to you.”

“How do you-” I saw the way her jaw slacked as she realized, standing up and holding Angel a bit tighter to her chest. “You reset there? What happened?”

My throat closed a bit, a foreign taste danced on my tongue with a malicious sweetness.

“I’d rather not talk about it, sorry. Just know it's safe now.”

“Well, alright.” The concern was still obvious on her face, but she seemed to leave it alone. “Do you not even want your guardian Angel?”

She held her arms out, showing off Angel like he was some prize trophy. He scowled, placing his paws on his hips and trying his best to not look as adorable as he always did. Unfortunately for Angel, adorable was his default state of existence.

“Hmmm.” I held a laugh in my mouth, my cheeks briefly puffing up before pushing them out in a gush of hot air. “As tempting as that is, I really shouldn’t. He’ll distract me with his cuteness too much.” I pet him, to which he rolled his eyes.

“That is a perk of his. Very well, then I guess I’m off. We can walk together until we have to separate, if you like?”

She extended her hand, an invitation to take it.

I stared at it for a moment, before smiling, interlacing my fingers in hers. There was no shaking, no sense of fear to her like before. Just a calm, strong certainty.

“I would very much.”

_____

As I stood outside the observatory, I couldn’t help but want to see my reflection. It was an odd desire, and not one I was really that familiar with; couldn’t even say why I wanted to.

While I brushed the urge down, swallowing it to the recesses of my mind, I opened the door.

“Dark?”

The observatory looked cleaner than before, barely a speck of dust or thing out of place. All the plaques were cleaned, all the furniture had been rearranged in such a way that left a lot more space than before.

It made it more obvious how empty the place was.

“Chara? You’re back already?” I heard his voice from the second floor, followed by his heavy hoofsteps. “I would have thought you’d be gone for weeks, not days. Did you check on my-woah.”

Once he got to the bottom of the stairs, he stopped, mouth ajar as he just stared at me. I quickly began to fidget under his gaze, holding onto my necklace for life itself as I waited for him to say whatever it was that had him stunned.

“Your hair’s longer now. It’s pretty.”

‘Pretty’.

I knew the word, I’d applied it to so many things. Monsters, ponies, the stars. I’d called them pretty many times.

Never had anyone called me pretty before.

It was euphorically overwhelming.

With it, came this bizarre, crippling sense of horror. I couldn’t be ‘pretty’, I wasn’t a star, I wasn’t a monster, I wasn’t

“I’m not pretty.”

I blurted it out, uttered with a sureness I’m not sure I’d ever managed before. A rigidness burrowed its way into my muscles, making it hard to move any part of me without feeling like I was trying to push through mud.

Dark flinched, his ears curling back as he tensed up.

“Oh, my bad. I thought,” he bit his lip, taking a step back as he desperately tried to look anywhere but at me. “Sorry, complimenting is what I do when I’m nervous, and you liked when I called you cute before so I figured you might have liked being called pretty; I thought girls like being called pretty.”

“I didn’t-” a warmth came rushing to my face. My hands felt cold in comparison as I rubbed my cheeks. “I didn’t say I don’t like it, just that I don’t think I am pretty. Especially not because of my annoying hair.”

“Your hair’s not annoying, its pretty.”

“It’s not.” I batted away a strand, holding it up with my hand. “It’s not pretty; I’m not pretty.”

“You are, and I’m going to keep telling you that until you realize it.” He gestured to the stairs behind him, bowing while dipping his head. “Wanna talk upstairs? My bed’s much more comfortable than standing around; pretty girls first.”

I sucked in cold air, puffing up my cheeks as I crossed my arms. There was this tinge of discomfort in my chest when he called me ‘pretty’, at the same time, a tingle came with it that left me ambivalent about telling him to stop.

All that went away once I sat down on the echo stratus bed, sinking into it with my body inch by inch. I was originally just going to sit on the side and dangle my lower legs over the edge, but I eventually gave in and let my upper body fall into the bed. A louder sigh than I intended slipped out.

A couple of seconds later, Dark joined me as I felt his weight on the opposite side of the bed. Not close enough to touch, but the tips of his spiky mane very nearly grazed the top of my head. Inches away from touching each other, but just far enough to not make me uncomfortable.

My heart throbbed for just a second.

“So, how was Canterlot? Was it as fantastic and gorgeous as I told you it was?”

I thought back to the various times I gazed upon the city, most of the times being at night. In spite of the multiple resets, how pretty it was never got lost on me. The lights, the buildings, the shadows, the ponies who each had their own stories and adventures.

“It really was.” I stared up at the sky, focusing where the looking glass was poking out from the top. Most of the light in the room was coming from that gap, a window to the outside that showed an occasional flock of birds or a passing cloud.

“Walking around the streets is the best part of Canterlot.” Dark began, rubbing his chest. “Seeing all the snobs walking around with their chins raised high rubbed me the wrong way, but hearing what they talked about out of context as we passed by each other always left me feeling like we lived in a different world. It left me trying to come up with scenarios where it made sense. I’d end up creating entire stories around single sentences that probably weren’t anywhere near the case.”

“Actually, I didn’t get to explore the city.” I could feel the disappointment as his body shifted, slightly weaving as he raised his head. “I was stuck in the castle most of the time. I'll be going back tomorrow though."

“Oh, that sucks.” he tried to hide it, but without any other noise in the place he really shouldn’t have bothered. “You missed out on the best part of Canterlot. Well, that and the view at night. You got to see that, right?”

“Yeah, a few times.” I found my hand traveling to my chest, once more toying with my pendant. I sucked in cold air, letting go of it and tracing my finger up to my hair, twirling a strain of it until it curled. “It was beautiful.”

“You'r-“ he cut himself off, muttering something under his breath. “Nevermind. How was seeing Princess Celestia? I’d imagine overwhelming.”

“Yeah, a little.” It couldn’t have been just a few days when that happened, right? Three breakfasts, one that I repeated a few times, and a meeting in a cellar for a drink I didn’t participate in. “She’s a lot more of a pony than a princess after a while. She offered to drink with me before I left, though I don’t drink so-”

“Woah, woah, woah. Celestia offered you a drink and you said no?” Dark lifted himself off the bed, turning around and sitting on it while crossing his legs. He leaned his head over mine, blocking most of my vision with his concerned expression. “Did anyone see? Did a noble see?”

I tried to press my head as deeply into the mattress as I could, desperate in my attempt to create more space between us as I had to catch my breath.

“No, it was just us alone in a wine cellar.”

“Oh, good.” I could feel the hot air leave his mouth as he relaxed, bringing a hand to his forehead and wiping it as he creased his brows. “Yeah, when it comes to royalty stuff like that everything is a gesture. I doubt Princess Celestia herself would care that much, but any nobles would have seen it as extremely disrespectful.”

“Really?” I thought back to the wine cellar. I could still remember the exact path we took to get to the backroom, and all the words written under the bottles Celestia took me too. “Why’s that?”

“Because drinking is like…how do I put this?” he rubbed the bottom of his chin, stroking the stubble of a beard that hadn’t quite grown in yet. “When ponies drink, they’re usually at their most vulnerable because drinking kinda stifles your reasonable thinking. So, when someone as important as Princess Celestia asks you to drink with them, it’s an invitation of vulnerability; she must have really trusted you to do that.”

“Oh.” there was a stab of guilt in my chest as I placed my hand there, picturing Celestia extending the drink to me. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Why did you say no anyway? Do you not drink?”

“No, I-”

Again and again, I made the mistake of closing my eyes at the worst moments. This time, some specks of sunlight stayed through, meaning I wasn’t drenched in total darkness when I mentally vanished.

What did come through was the stench. That putrid odor of alcohol on his breath.

I shuddered, swallowing the sourness in my mouth as I tried desperately not to vomit.

“Don’t.”

“Hmm.” he stared at me, jutting his chin as he chewed on his tongue. “Alright, that’s fair. I think I’ve put off the elephant in the room long enough. What uh,” he ran a hand through his hair, poking the very tips with his fingers. “What’d you find out about my family? Are they doing ok?”

“They’re, um,” I opened my eyes, tearing myself away from the divine comfort of Dark’s bed. I pulled my backpack off from the floor, reaching in with a quivering hand. The newspaper crinkled in my grip as I clutched it. “Fine, I think. They seem happy, at least.”

He raised an eyebrow at how tightly I was holding onto it before taking the newspaper out of my grip and reading through it. I watched with growing apprehension as he flipped through the pages, eyes darting back and forth as he searched for its prize, before finally settling on the picture.

“Nebulous?” Dark uttered to himself, bringing the newspaper closer to his face. “I have a sister? They must have had her after I left, but I don’t remember mom being pregnant. Hmmm,” he read through the rest of the article silently as I watched, begging wordlessly that he wouldn’t come to the same biased conclusion I did.

That, despite our differences, we wouldn’t have this in common.

“She must be four years old, which would be right around…”

The magic holding the newspaper in place tightened around the edges, threatening to tear the very material that it was made from. Just as abruptly, the magic vanished, leaving the newspaper to fall to the bed.

“They had her after I left. They,” his voice cracked, he began to shake. “Replaced me.”

His entire body slumped as he craned over, bringing his hands up to the sides as he let out a shaky breath. Dark’s arms dropped to the bed, then hovered in front of him for a few moments before wrapping around his shoulders.

He was trying to hug himself.

I wanted to raise my hand and place it on his shoulder, but a shard of uncertainty and doubt stayed me. Would touching him make it worse? To some extent, I understood what he was going through. I’d been replaced several times by my foster parents, not to mention my best friend had told me how much he wished I’d been replaced with someone else.

Even if I could have been touched at the time, it would have only made me feel worse. Maybe that was because of me and my aversion to touch, or maybe it just wasn’t something I could help. The fear that you’ll be replaced is one thing, but facing the reality that you already have?

What could I possibly say to that that wouldn’t be a lie?

“Chara,”

His voice cracked, like ice put under sudden pressure. It was so new, yet it sounded so familiar to my own voice on numerous occasions. I hated hearing it come from someone else’s mouth.

I raised my head, pursing my lips as I tried to figure out if I should say something or just nod my head. I ended up just staying silent as I waited for him to continue.

“I know you have a,” he sharply inhaled, puffing his cheeks before letting it all out of in a loud heave. “thing with touch, and I completely respect that. But,” he glanced up at me with watery eyes, pleading in a way I’m not sure anyone ever has to me before. “I could really use a hug right now.”

He begged. He was begging; I could hear it in each word.

His arms unclenched for just a moment, before going rigid and tightening once again.

I gulped.

It wasn’t that long ago that I was finally able to enjoy one, to completely give in to someone else's warmth. To trust somebody.

I needed it far more than I realized, especially then. Even now, there was this coldness in my skin where her touch had been.

I missed it.

“Ok.”

I scooted a few inches closer. Not enough to touch quite yet, but within arms length. I tried to remember the last time I physically comforted someone, and not just an animal. Asreil cried a lot over the smallest things; when we played too rough, when there was a sound in the dark, or not for any real good reason. In fact, I might have spent more time in his bed than my own.

I closed my eyes as I leaned forward, feeling the softness of his fur before the warmth of his skin. I had hoped with bated breath that physical contact wouldn’t bring on that wave of fear, at first it didn’t. It was like touching a pillow, a pillow that breathed, that had a heartbeat, that relaxed under my touch.

Then the pillow sobbed.

I tensed up, trying not to say anything, to not make a sound, to not hear him trying so desperately not to cry. I couldn’t picture him as Dark, not in that moment. Instead, I imagined that his black fur was white, and that he was much smaller. I wrapped my arms as much around him as I could, which was hard with how much bigger than me he was; I never really noticed that until now.

Without a word, he brought his head down to my chest, and he started crying. I awkwardly place my hand on the top of his hair, just playing with it the same way Fluttershy toyed with mine at the rock farm. I had to swallow the urge to trace my fingers along his ears like I did with Angel.

Like I always did to calm Asriel down.

Dark needed me.

I was needed.

And that was enough.

The Lusty Draconian Maid

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Core

Author's Note

Yahallo! So, this is the second side story chapter in the fic, but this one is unique as it only really appeal to people who were heavily into the undertale fandom and its aus, and won't make sense otherwise. However, you are free to read it aside from that! Anywho, please feel free to inform me of any errors, ty for reading, and enjoy!

Core

Time stopped.

For me, at least, it did.

It was like the time with that strange statue in the garden. There was a pull deep inside me, and I could focus on nothing else but the ground. Then, by the time I snapped out of it, everything had stopped. Birds paused mid-flight, ponies stopped mid conversation, and I was with them.

At least, for a moment, then the pull stopped, and I could move again.

First, I tried walking up to the ponies, waving my hands in front of their faces and poking them with sticks in a vain attempt to get them to do anything. It was trying to get a statue to move.

“Hello?”

No response. Because of course not; if they didn’t respond to being poked, why would they my voice?

What was most bizarre was the total lack of draw to anything. At least with the statue in Canterlot I knew I was being attracted towards something, but not this time. For ten minutes, I got as creative as could, all of which were futile. Eventually, I walked towards the other side of Ponyville.

Or tried to, before I tasted death.

At seemingly random, I got really cold, like all the warmth in my body had been sucked out; it felt like dying all over again.

“Oh, I wouldn’t suggest continuing; it only gets more unpleasant with every inch.”

I didn’t quite recognize the voice, yet something about its tone was familiar? I couldn’t place it, and it was unsettling. With a few steps back, my body heat came back, and I could breathe again.

That is, until I saw who spoke. Then it was ripped out my lungs.

“Frisk?”

It was something nearly identical to Frisk, if nothing else. At first glance, I thought it was them. Their eyes, however…

Their eyes were the void.

They were black, like two holes in their head. No pupils, nothing. If I stared too long, I feared I’d never be able to look away.

What also stood out was the colors, or the total lack of it. Their hair, their clothes, their hands, all were gray or black. It was…wrong, in a way I couldn’t put into words.

“Hm, that’s not inaccurate, I suppose.” as they spoke, they held their hands behind their back. Walking up to the ponies and tilting their heads as they investigated them. “Though, it would be as accurate to call me Gaster. Perhaps a unique name would be appropriate?” They brought a hand to their chin, stroking it as their void eyes half closed. “Yes. You can call me Shrodinger if you don’t mind.”

“Shrodinger?” I clutched my right hand, briefly considering summoning my knife; assuming I could even do so right now. “So, you aren’t Frisk?”

“I am a version of Frisk, as well as a version of Gaster. It’s quite complicated, and not something I’m particularly interested in explaining again. Hence, calling me Shrodinger. But, if you must know, yes, I am Frisk. Just not your Frisk.”

“My Frisk? I don’t understand.”

“Yes, you rarely ever do.” Shrodinger stepped away, humming to themselves as they approached me. “To give the simplest explanation; there are many Frisk’, and there are many Chara’s. Sometimes, you have the same start, sometimes not. It may not entirely make sense, nor will not entirely not make sense, either. Capiche?”

“Uhm,” I felt…itchy, everywhere. Not the scratchy kind of itchy, but the kind where my arm falls asleep and in the process of waking back up. It kept me on edge in the worst way possible. “I think so? I just need to know then; are you a version of Frisk that slaughtered all the monsters?”

That unwavering smirk on their face had finally fallen, slipping into a frown I could hardly read.

“What an interesting inquiry for a Chara. No, in fact, I am not. In my timeline, I only saved the monsters until I was tossed into The Core.” Shrodinger placed a hand on their chest, making a motion I couldn’t quite read. “Since then, I have become everything. I see everything, everyone, every timeline, every you. Infinite possibilities, infinite resets, infinite possibilities. That being said, you may be one of the most unique Chara.”

There was a static of relief in my chest at that, then just as quickly was replaced with more confusion. The concept was more than familiar to me, being something Gaster had explained to me more than a few times. I just didn’t expect to hear it again from someone else, or at all.

“You do sound like him.” I muttered, awkwardly tugging at the glove around my hand. “Why am I unique?”

“Because, you got away from everything.” Shrodinger outstretched their arms, twirling in a circle as they moved over to one of the nearby ponies, tugging at their wings. “You went to a different world entirely, full of these creatures and a new kind of magic. I’ve been watching you just as I’ve been watching the others, and while you are not the first of your kind I’m sure, you might be one of the most entertaining.”

“Entertaining?” something about the way they said that put a bad taste in my mouth.

“Yes, and its synonyms. Amusing, pleasing, enthralling? Something along those lines.”

“Watching me suffer,” I pinched my lips together, clenching my jaw. “Has been entertaining for you?”

“Oh no, not at all. Pardon me, I misspoke.” they let go of the wing, walking over to one of the other ponies and reaching up to a horn as they poked it. “Do you know how many Chara’s have been consumed by who they are? Your origins vary, yet the path is often the same: you end up with The Dreemurr Family, you perish, and you take Frisk’s soul. That is usually the end of it. You, however, have moved past where you’ve come from; or at least are making attempts at so.”

I kept glancing at the ponies, expecting them to move or react in some way when being touched by Shrodinger. Nothing happened, of course.

“Then, what are the other Chara’s like?”

Shrodinger paused, grimacing as their arms tensed up. “Do you truly want the answer to that?”

Monotone, and as cold as I was just moments ago; I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand straight. I swallowed, trying to ignore how dry my throat was becoming with every second.

“Yes.”

“Hmmm.” Shrodinger tugged at their clothes. “‘Cruel’’ is the best word I can think of to describe most Charas. Whether that be to others, or to themselves. Perhaps that could be said about most versions of Frisk, as well. But that is closer to ‘apathy’ than ‘cruelty’. Or is that semantics?” they made a muffled droning noise, tapping a finger against their chin rhythmically to an invisible tune. “Nevertheless, you are not the first who has strived to be better than yourself, but, at the risk of repeating myself, you are the first who got away. ‘The Child Who Escaped.’ Or, well,” it peered at my chest, or more specifically, the necklace I was holding onto. “Physically, at least.”

I let go of the pendant, letting my hand drop to my side and fidget awkwardly as I tried to figure out what to do.

“Do the other Charas, the ones who try to get better,” I licked my lips, a staleness in the air that sucked the moisture out of me with every breath I took. “Do they?”

“...you’re not quite grasping the concept of infinite realities, are you?” It shook its head, placing its hands against its face and pressing up. “Some do, and some do not. Before you ask, I can not tell you if you will. And even if I could, I wouldn’t; I am an observer. Much like…ope.” It placed a single finger against its lips. “I shouldn’t reveal that quite yet. Not that you’ll remember this encounter in the first place. However, while I’m here,”

In an instant, they appeared in front of me, grasping forward with their hand. Though I didn’t feel anything, I could see them reach into my chest, grabbing onto something and then yanking out…strings?

“Oh, you’ve been busy. I see you haven’t quite broken your habit of dealmaking. Two of these I accounted for, the others…”

Each of the strings were a different color and length, stretching out in various directions with no end in sight. One was red, one was black, one was blue, and the last one was some amalgamation of colors that was painful to look at.

Shrodinger held them in their hands, lifting them gently as if weighing them. Eyebrows scrunching together as they twisted and tilted their neck, mouth moving slightly as they uttered something to themselves.

“Curiouser and curiouser indeed.”

“What, um,” I wanted to reach out and grab one of the strings, but I had the inclination that I wouldn’t quite be able to. “What happened to Gaster?”

“Your Gaster, you mean? There are many Gasters doing many things, or many nothings.” Shrodinger let go of the strings, and they vanished once more into my chest. “Your Gaster is experimenting with a universe; a dangerous game for a dangerous entity indeed. I wonder how it will all end?”

They asked out loud like they expected me to answer.

As they inched toward me, I found myself unable to look anywhere but at the gaping holes in their face where their eyes should be, an endless blackness that held no light. It filled me with this morbid terror I couldn’t shake.

Then, without so much as a pop, they vanished. Now sitting on the shoulders of a nearby pony. Stretching their wings like a blanket.

“Oh well. One of the few things I can not do is see the future, but I suppose that would make things very boring and predictable.”

“Wait.” My breathing quickened as something they said registered to me. “What do you mean I won’t remember any of this?”

“Self explanatory. Unless I have to tell you how memory works?” They hopped down, placing their hands behind their back; leaning in my direction while on the tips of their toes. “No? Good. As I said beforehand, I am an observer. It is rare for me to even interact with someone, when I do I don’t want to have any outside influence so I make sure whatever conversation we do have is remembered by I and I only. It’s that simple, really.”

“Then,” I grimaced, furling and unfurling my fingers. “Why even talk to me then?”

“To satiate my own curiosity. In fact, there’s one question I’ve been pondering that I want to know how you’d answer.”

Instead of just…appearing like that had before, they actually decided to walk up to me. Keeping their distance and lowering their body until their posture resembled an L.

“If you could go back and do it all again, would you?”

I blinked.

“From…The Everfree?”

Shrodinger shook their head.

“Farther back than that. Mt.Ebott, to be exact. If you could go back, to that golden flowerbed, and meet The Dreemurr Family once again with everything you know now, would you?” They began walking a circle around me, taking long, drawn out steps with every passing second. “Take your time; you have all of it.”

I opened my pendant, placing my thumb on the picture of Asriel’s and I’s face. It was strange to say that, despite all of the resets blurring together into one conglomeration, I still remembered everything that happened when I first fell down in painfully vivid detail. The feeling of the flowers on my face, Asriel’s soft fur against my skin, the warm pie Toriel made for me as soon as they took me in.

I really thought I’d never feel that comfort again, that sincerity. Then, I woke up again in a bed of flowers, taken in by someone too kind for their own good. She fed me pie, she indulged my lies, and she let me play with her animals.

Would I give up one for the other? That was an impossible choice, but I had to make a lot of those recently.

I’d like to believe things would go better, that I’d do better; maybe no children would have to die.

Then, what would happen to Fluttershy? Would her and everyone else just die on that farm? Pinkie’s family would die? If I hadn’t met them, I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

But I had met them. I’d met all of them, I’d seen all their sides. I’d seen what they do at their worst, and the amazing people they are at their best. I couldn’t leave them to die, but I couldn’t stay in that mountain either.

If I got another chance, if I could reset and meet them all over again, would I?

“I,’ Would it be torturing myself, spending time with them again just to know how it ends? I couldn’t have both, I couldn’t have The Dreemurr Family and Fluttershy, as happy as that would make me.

I couldn’t be the angel, and I couldn’t be the demon.

“No.” I closed the pendant, the image inside of it burning into my mind. “I wouldn’t.”

“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.” They hummed for a very long time, each second that passed they spun their head in a circle, unnaturally twisting like an owl’s. “That’s not what I thought you’d say at all. Astonishing.”

Shrodinger stood straight, their body going limp like a marionette with its strings cut.

“Very well. That is satisfactory. I will be watching you in particular with a percentage more interest than the others.”

They began walking in the other direction, each step echoing with a reverbration in tune with my heartbeat. I tried to muster the strength to chase them, kept in place by that same cloak of cold that seeped into every iota of my body.

“W—wait.” I tried reaching out, barely able to outstretched my arms without it being crushed under the weight of invisible ice. “That’s it? You’re just going to leave?”

“Wellllllllllllll, not leave so much as no longer allow you to know I’m here, but yes.” they peered over their shoulder at me. “Did you want something? I suppose I could drip feed you a droplet of information that you can retain. What shall that be? Something hinting toward the bbeg? Words of reassurance? A warning? How about,”

They were once more in front of me, wearing a devilish smirk.

“All in one?”

The rest of the world faded away, like the shadows lurking in their skull had reached out and snuffed every light it could grasp. I could still feel the ground beneath my feet, but it was like the rest of my body had lost any weight or form as I floated in nothingness.

For just that second, for just that instant, for just that fleeting moment, I was in the void again.

And I couldn’t look away.

It was looking back.

“You are not alone.”

A single sentence. Spoken with no emotion, no tone, no timbre; it didn’t sound like it came from a person. The words didn’t enter my ears, but my mind, etched like a scar.

Then, they were gone. Everything was gone.

The ponies moved again, the birds flew again, I breathed again.

After a few seconds passed, I blinked. Again and again.

A fog lifted from my mind as I asked myself why I was staring at the ground, standing in one spot, and had stopped my walk to Carousel Boutique.

I shrugged, dismissing the lapse of attention and turning myself around.

The moment I did, I felt a pair of eyes dig into my back, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched.

Chapter 38: A Fashionable Rainbow

Author's Note

Yahallo! So, we're currently in the time between arc 3 and arc 4, giving our heroine some much needed downtime. A lot this will be spenting resolving and starting subplots, so if that's your thing, yay! If not, I sorry. :(. Anywho, tell me if you spot any errors, thanks for reading, and enjoy!

Chapter 38: A Fashionable Rainbow

He fell asleep in my arms. That happened with Asriel countless times, but never with anyone else. As Dark’s entire body laid into me, I began to shudder under the weight. I tried to redirect him to the bed as carefully as I could, placing his head on the bed and letting it take the brunt of his weight.

There was a vague soreness in my chest as I rubbed it, getting to my feet and just trying to catch my breath. I took one more look at Dark’s face before I left, a tickle of curiosity in the back of my mind demanding it.

Dried tears sat barely visible on his face, which was slightly scrunched and becoming more relaxed the longer I stared at him. Head tilt back, with a slack jaw and parted lips.

He looked peaceful.

Is that what I looked like last night?

As I walked to Carousel Boutique, I tried to ignore the lingering warmth in my cheeks, keeping my head lowered and eyes locked to the ground as I counted each step I took. Every now and again, I’d glance up to see if the residents of Ponyville were paying attention to me at all. They weren’t, of course, as they hadn’t been the more they got used to me.

That background anxiety was still there though, as it always was. But it was tolerable compared to normal, it was closer to a rock in the back of my throat than a torrent rushing against my ribcage. It was manageable, if nothing else.

I was somewhere near content.

I nearly walked face first into the door of the Carousel Boutique, jogging right past the windows with my nose scraping the wood. I paused, glancing to the backyard behind the building. The CMC were back there with…jars? Various sized jars, some open and some of them had the lids off as they were swinging them around in the air at seemingly nothing.

My gaze lingered on Scootaloo’s wings, which were extended as she hopped around swiftly; cutting the air with her fluid movements. Then, it inched over to Sweetie Belle, whose horn was poking over the edge of the doorway when Rarity and I spoke before I left for Canterlot; She must have heard everything.

And yet, there she was, playing with her friends and smiling the same way she did at the party she threw for me.

I couldn’t let her see me.

I couldn’t take away that smile.

I entered the boutique, as quietly and carefully as I could so I didn’t ring the bell; I was small enough to just fit. Inside, Rarity didn’t have any customers, at least none that I could see. I vaguely heard talking coming from the kitchen, one voice undeniably Rarity’s and the other one I couldn’t make out yet. I took gradual steps towards them, peeking around the corner until I could see where they were.

There was Rarity, of course, sitting at a table closest to the window. She didn’t have any of her sewing stuff on, no tape measure draping her neck like a thin scarf or red pair of glasses that looked more attuned for reading than anything else. She was serving a pot of tea and her fanciest cups, pure white with stripes of blue sparkles in a spiral that came together at the top.

She was laughing, smiling, and not working.

It’s who she was serving tea to that froze my heart.

“Come on, I could totally pull off any dress you’ve got in here. I’ve got a rainbow mane; I go well with all colors.”

Rainbow’s chair was halfway off the ground as she leaned into it, the front legs hovering off the ground as she used her wings like pillows. Holding a half-empty cup of tea that she was idly sloshing around, just barely not spilling over the edges.

“Truly? Well then, why don’t you put your bits where you bite?” Rarity placed her cup on the table, leaning forward and resting her head on her hands with a half-smug smile. “In fact, it’s been far too long since we’ve had a good old fashioned soiree. Let’s have a fashion show, you and I, with Sweetie Belle and her friends as judges!” She got to her hooves, placing her hands on the table as she leaned forward. “I have far too many dresses to spare recently, I’m sure we can scrounge something together.”

Rainbow glared into her tea, clenching her teeth together as she sucked in cold air.

“I don’t knoooooow, Scoots has never seen me in a dress before; might ruin the whole ‘role model athlete’ image she’s got in mind of me.” There was a semi-sarcasticness to Rainbow’s words, almost like she was challenging Rarity.

“Oh, come now. Scootaloo is a gorgeous young filly, and she’s going to grow up just as beautiful. Don’t you want to be the one to show her how fashionable an athlete can be? Or, maybe,” Rarity pursed her lips. “You’re scared.”

“I am not scared; you’re on!”

The chair Rainbow was sitting in flew back as she sprang into the air, spreading her wings to hover just above the table.

They held each other’s eyes for a long second, until the door shut behind me and I heard three pairs of hooves come in.

“Rarity, I got my dress dirty can you—Chara?”

“Chara’s here?”

“Chara’s here! Where ya been?”

And just like that, I was in the crosshairs of Rainbow and Rarity. I vaguely felt the sensation of Sweetie giving me a side hug, which didn’t quite register as all of my senses were enraptured by raw terror as they stared at me.

Perhaps in poor taste, but the only thing that felt comparable was when I first ran into that hydra that came out of the water like a moving mountain in the Everfree Woods. Back then, I feared for my life. I’m not sure what I was afraid of at that moment, but it was worse than anything that could have happened to my wellbeing.

“So she is.” Rarity stated, all the enthusiasm that was dripping from her voice just moments ago completely absent.

“I thought you’d be in Canterlot longer.”

Rainbow did little to hide her disappointment.

I could see the sincere grin on Sweetie’s face fall. It hurt.

“Is something wrong? I thought you’d guys be happy to see her back!”

“Oh no, Sweetie. I am! It’s just,” Rarity and Rainbow exchanged a very brief look. Rainbow shook her head, and Rarity nodded. “Bad timing. Uhm, Sweetie Belle why don’t you and your friends go to your room and you can pick whatever dress you want from my workshop? Leave yours there and I’ll clean it later. Alright?”

“Rarity…” Sweetie Belle trailed off, her brows creasing together.

“Please, Sweetie.”

Sweetie Belle puffed her cheeks, then whispered something to Applebloom and Scootaloo before the two shrugged and began walking up the stairs.

“Fine, meanie.”

I paid far too much attention to their hoofsteps, honing in on their hoofsteps like I was expecting some huge sound or something to go wrong. Instead, it got quieter and quieter until the only sound was the occasional beating of Rainbow’s wings.

“So,” Rarity stood from her chair, going over to a cabinet and retrieving a third cup, pouring the steaming tea into it before hovering it over to me in her magic. I accepted it, bringing it to my mouth and taking a tentative sip. It wasn’t as hot as it looked, and kind of tasted like hot water with sugar sprinkled in. “How was Canterlot?”

Rainbow said nothing, not with words anyway. She lowered herself to the ground, moving over to the chair and bringing it back to the table before sitting in it, all the while keeping her cerise eyes on me. Like she was afraid I would try something.

She didn’t trust me.

“It was pretty, from what I saw.” There was nowhere for me to sit, which was fine. I propped myself against the doorway, holding the cup in my hand as I stared at my reflection in the liquid. I couldn’t really see myself, just a vague outline with the color red in the center. “I didn’t really get to leave the castle that often.”

“Really? That’s a tragedy, Canterlot is gorgeous day and night. I’ve been futily trying to convince Rainbow Dash to come with me for a trip there sooner or later, but she’s of the mind that it’d be boring and there’d be nothing to do there.”

I glanced at Rainbow, making the mistake of eye contact. Even behind those bright eyes of hers, there was a stern anger that stuck out. She wasn’t nearly as upset as when I last saw her, but enough had lingered to unsettle me.

“Well, I mostly just,” I cleared my throat, taking a hefty swig from the tea. The burning on my tongue was immensely preferable to the stinging in my brain the longer Rainbow and I stared at one another. “Read books. Luna took me to her first showing of her theater and I got to see Haylet, which was fine.”

“Princess Luna’s private theater?”

“You got to see Haylet?!”

Rainbow’s reaction was much more surprising than Rarity’s; nearly identical to Twilight’s, actually.

“Rainbow Dash? You’ve read Haylet?”

“I…well, yes, once or twice.”

“Really now? I thought only eggheads enjoyed reading anything as old-fashioned as that?”

“They do! Twilight dorks out about Haylet every time it comes up. Thing is though, ugh.” Rainbow awkwardly rubbed the side of her head, peering outside the window as she pursed her lips. “A.K.Yearling said she grew up reading the scripts for those plays, and that Haylet is her favorite. So I knew there had to be something awesome in there!”

“And was there?” Rarity asked with a smirk on her face.

Rainbow opened her mouth to say something, her wings retracting to her sides and hugging them tightly as her chin dropped to her chest. Then, gave a reluctant huff as her wings bounced.

“Yeah, it was pretty cool.”

“I can, um,” I made a droning noise, immediately regretting interrupting their banter as they both stared at me. I set the tea on the counter, tucking myself in the corner of the kitchen. “Luna and I are friends—I think— and I have to go back to Canterlot tomorrow. I can ask her to invite you and Rarity to the next showing, and Pinkie, and Twilight, and…” I tried to picture Applejack sitting in the theater completely silent as she watched the play; something about that filled me with a strange dissonance. “Applejack, if she’s interested.”

“Really?” Rarity was in front of me in a few seconds, eyes sparkling like stars as she placed her hands together. “You’d do that for me? For us? That’s—”

“Not going to make us forgive you, you know.”

There it was.

My heart sank, yet at the same time a weight had been lifted off my chest; like a predator that’d been following me had finally made itself known.

Rarity looked back, her expression souring as she said something to her wordlessly.

“What? We were all thinking it and—”

“You’re right.” I pressed my back against the wall, gritting my teeth and trying not to slide down on the floor like I was tempted to. “No amount of ‘I’m sorries’, or gifts, or anything like that can earn your forgiveness. And if it could? I,” I reached for my necklace, catching myself and dropping my arm to my side as I creased my eyebrows. “I wouldn’t want it. I don’t want to be sorry, I want to be better.”

Rainbow’s head jerked back as her ears lowered, the scowl on her face faded into something that looked like she wanted to say something she’d regret.

Rarity was somehow just as speechless, a prospect I’m not sure I’d ever get used to.

With little more than the sound of her hooves scrapping against the floor, Rainbow sat back down in her chair, crossing her arms and propping herself up.

“That doesn’t sound like something you came up with on your own. Who gave you that tidbit of advice?”

I pursed my lips, spinning the pendant in my hand into a circle that made the chain around my neck get tighter with every turn.

“Luna did. And,” Rarity and I made eye contact, just for an instant. “Maybe Rarity, a little bit.”

Rarity placed a hand on her chest, the corners of her lips inching upward.

“It seems Canterlot did you some good then. Chara,” Rarity reached forward, hesitating at first, then shaking her head as she placed a hand on my shoulder. “I’m proud of you.”

That initial terror hit me, then it faded away like a cramp. Each time, it got just a little more tolerable. I still forgot how to breathe for just a second, before sharply inhaling as my entire body tensed up.

Beneath all of that was this tiny pinprick of relief, but it didn’t grow. It sat there, floating like a bubble.

I liked it.

“Thanks.” I muttered as I backed away, breaking the contact as I glanced over her shoulder at Rainbow. “I just want the chance to earn your forgiveness, please.”

Rainbow stared at me for what felt like forever, creasing her eyebrow as she leaned her head in her wings.

“Have you talked to Fluttershy yet?”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Did she forgive you?”

“I think so.”

“Hmmm,” Rainbow stared at her half-consumed cup of tea, tapping her hooves against the ceramic floor before sighing and standing up. “Ok, fine, for Fluttershy.”

“Rainbow, I—”

“For Fluttershy.” I could feel every syllable as Rainbow uttered them, hitting me with a timbre that froze anything I wanted to say. “She cares about you a lot. I don’t know what you said to her to make her give you a second chance, but if you hurt her even half as much as you did on that farm;”

She lowered herself to my eye level, placing the tip of her wing against my chest.

“We’re done. And so are you. Understood?”

I couldn’t form any words in response to that. Even if I could, I had a feeling anything that would have slipped out would have just made things worse. Instead, I nodded.

“Good.” she broke eye contact, straightening her posture and fluffing her wings. “Before you ask, no, I can’t help you with Applejack. I respect her enough to know that, when she’s made up her mind on something, no one in all of Equestria can change her mind.”

Applejack.

Out of the six, she was the one I had the least idea on how to approach. It had crossed my mind to ask Rainbow for help considering how well the two get along, but if she refused I had no idea how to even approach her.

“Unfortunately, Rainbow is quite astute with that; Applejack has buried herself in farmwork more than usual recently. It’s hard to say what would snap her out of it. Regardless, it's out of my capabilities. I can, however, offer you a manecut if you so need it?”

With an aura of light blue, Rarity placed her floating teacup beside mine and floated over a pair of scissors and a handheld mirror. I saw my reflection in that mirror for just a small second, and I was reminded of what Dark said to me.

I fiddled with a random strain of hair, stretching it forward as much as I could as I twirled it in a circle. It hadn’t grown that long, only to just about my chin, but it was noticeable to just about anyone who saw me normally.

Out of instinct, I wanted to say ‘yes’, to let the nearly invisible weight of my hair vanish.

The words that came out of my words instead were—

“No.” I fixed my bangs, letting the entirety of my hair down as I dropped my arms. “I think I’ll let it grow out a little longer.”

Rarity blinked, her glasses dropping to halfway down her face,

Then, she grinned. I could taste the smugness in her voice, yet it didn’t bother me one bit.

“Lovely.” In an instant, the mirror, scissors, and glasses were gone. Rarity puffed up her mane, placing her hands on her hips. “Well then, Rainbow Dash, my deepest apologies, but I think it best we put off our little fashion show to a different time. I think it would be far more beneficial for us to go with Chara to visit Pinkie and Twilight in Sugarcube Corner today. It’s been much too long since I’ve seen them!”

Rainbow’s eyes lit up, shifting from me to Rarity with a fervent enthusiasm.

“Really?” her wings began to beat as she hovered off the ground, smiling so wide I could count each of her shiny white teeth; it reminded me of one of Pinkie’s infectious grins. “Pinkie’s been wanting to get together with everyone for a while now. If only Fluttershy would be able to join us.”

“Actually…” I raised a hand, this time regretting drawing the attention to myself much less. “Fluttershy should be there right now; she came with me to Ponyville and we separated.”

“Oh!” Rarity squealed, clapping her hands together so fast I feared a fire would start from the raw friction. “How splendid! Then, all that’s missing is Applejack! Hmmmm,” I watched as Rarity’s grin died, slowly blinking as her face scrunched up and she tilted her head. “Chara, you’re going to go speak with Applejack, aren’t you?”

I lowered myself, interlacing my fingers as I brought my arms to my back.

“Yeah.”

“I see. I’d offer to come with you, alas I fear my presence would only…deter things.” Rarity pressed her lips together like she wanted to say something else, before reluctantly closing her eyes and sighing. “However, I’m sure Rainbow and I would have no issue escorting you there at the very least. Could you perchance ask her to come to Sugarcube Corner? I’d appreciate it greatly.”

Rainbow shrugged, seeming indifferent either way.

I picked up the tea again, taking a reluctant sip just to make sure it wasn’t as hot as before. Once I was certain it wouldn’t burn my tongue, I drank the rest of the cup, finding that it went down with a pleasant warmth that lingered all the way down to my stomach.

“I’d appreciate that.”

It didn’t strike me until we were halfway there how odd it was that I’d spent so long in Ponyville, and yet I never visited Sweet Apple Acres.

Not for any particular reason, I just never had the urge to see it or visit Applejack. Though, now that I was making my way there, I couldn’t help but think about the last time I’d even been to a farm. Before Mt. Ebott, certainly; my village had a rather large one. Issue being I wasn’t allowed to tend the fields, or plant, or even go near it.

For reasons I’d…rather not linger on.

Rainbow led me down a dirt trail, taking only a few minutes before the surrounding trees became mostly apple. Fences sprouted up around the perimeters, with the only animals I could see being the occasional bird that was perched on the branches.

Without a sound, Rainbow spun around in the air to face me, pointing towards the ground.

“Wait here.”

I stood exactly where she gestured, watching as she flew off in a seemingly random direction. It didn’t take very long for her to come back, this time with a pony I didn’t recognize. By far the biggest I’d seen so far, taller than Applejack and with arms as thick as my torso. He had a dark red coat and emerald green eyes; identical to Applejack’s.

What stood out most was the thing around his neck; not a necklace or peytral, but some kind of huge, wooden collar. It was big enough for parts of it to rest on his shoulders, the back of it sticking out from over his head. If it bothered him, he didn’t let it show. Walking alongside Rainbow Dash casually , a completely blank expression on his face while he was chewing on a piece of wheat.

Rainbow was talking to him about something as he walked towards me, though I couldn’t tell if he was listening or not. While his eyes were staring in my direction, they weren’t focused at all, like he was looking through me.

“She’s taken on your workload? I know she’s stubborn, but geez.”

“Eeyup.”

“Don’t you ‘eeyup’ me! I nee—nevermind. Here, this is Chara; let them talk it out or whatever.” Rainbow gestured to me, then started gradually floating in the other direction. “Chara, I’m gonna be at Sugarcube Corner. If you need him to take you out of here, just ask him and he’ll guide you, alright?”

I nodded.

Her eyes darted between Big Mac and I one more time before she flew off, leaving us in a silence so tense it weighed me down. He stared through me, waiting for something I couldn’t fathom.

“You’re going to….take me to Applejack?”

Like shattering glass, I broke the silence. His ears plucked upward, then furrowed back as he raised his chin.

“Eeyup.”

He turned on his hooves, walking down the dirt trail he came from and hardly doing so much as tilting his head in that direction; I could only assume that was his way of telling me to follow him.

I reluctantly did, and was soon drenched in the same absolute silence that draped over us just moments ago. I wanted to say something, or ask a question like ‘how’s Applejack been’ or ‘So you’re her brother?’, but I couldn’t bring myself to even clear my throat.

He seemed just as intent on staying quiet, not so much as looking back at me while we walked. I tried to preoccupy myself with the flora and fauna, staring at the various birds that relaxed on the nearby trees; some of which were sporadically missing apples. There wasn’t another pony in sight, or even any buildings aside from the huge one in the center. I presumed that was where The Apple Family lived.

The closer we got, the more fields of crops I could see, and the more bushels of apple trees in the distance became visible. All throughout there was this background of warmth and smell of dirt that was somehow toeing the line between familiarity and being totally foreign to me.

It was almost…peaceful.

“Here.”

Big Mac stopped, and with that I heard a distant thudding noise. It came in intervals, and wasn’t any louder when it happened the first time. I could tell it was coming from somewhere within the crowd of trees, but not where exactly.

“Straight ahead, should find’er.”

He pointed, not really moving from the spot; resembling one of the trees as he rooted himself to the ground.

“Applejack?”

“Mhm.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

He nodded, then turned the direction we came from and started heading back, soon leaving me alone with nothing but the recurring thudding noise. I came to the conclusion, or maybe I just hoped, that the thudding was also Applejack.

I took a deep breath, and began my trek into the forest. There was plenty of space in between the trees, so much so that I could hide behind them if I wanted. Most of the trees I passed lacked any apples at all, having already been harvested presumably by Applejack.

Then, I found her, and with her the apples. Many baskets sat under trees nearby her, most filled with various colored apples except for the ones around the tree she was currently standing in front of. She sized the tree up, peering up at the top of it and then slowly tracing her eyes to the ground before placing three baskets in a sort of circle around the tree in seemingly random spots.

I watched as her entire body coiled, her muscles tightening and her jaw clenching as she raised her right leg, pulling it back like a spring.

Some part of me knew what was coming as I brought my hands to my ears, shielding them as best I could.

Applejack slammed her leg against the tree, and with it the wood actually vibrated with the sheer force that went through it. Yet, just enough was given not to shatter the bark on the surface. Within seconds, apples fell from their home, falling straight into the baskets she had laid out prior. The thudding was followed by the heavy thumping of apples, and then nothing.

Not all of the apples were willing to leave, however. A fair few stubbornly stayed attached, moving back and forth but not quite falling.

“Well I’ll be.” Applejack whistled, lowering her leg and reaching for her hat as she wiped her forehead. Her eyes wandered as she just stood there and breathed, eventually spotting me with widened eyes. “Yer here sooner than ah expected. Ah though you would have spent more time with Fluttershy.”

“I,” Do I start with an apology? Ease my way into it? With the others, I knew how to approach it. Applejack didn’t feel nearly as easy. “I have to go back to Canterlot tomorrow. I wanted to try to make things right while I’m here.”

“Pfft.” Applejack scoffed, putting her hat back on as she shook her head. “‘Make things right’? So, what, yer here to apologize to me? To ask for my forgiveness?”

She brought up her leg again, this time not taking as long before slamming the tree; this thud echoed through the forest and I regretted not placing my hands on my ears tighter. There was an indent in the tree this time as some of the wood snapped, though only on the surface as the tree didn’t break or bend. The last of the apples fell into the baskets, some of them tumbling into the grass. Applejack bit her lip, going around and picking up the ones on the ground.

“Not exactly.” I lowered my arms, watching as she tossed the apples into the baskets without even having to look. “I’m sorry, yes, but I don’t expect your forgiveness. Not yet, at least.”

Applejack paused as she bent down, tossing the last apple in between her hands back and forth. She glanced at me, raising an eyebrow and leaning her back against the tree.

“Alright, ah’m listening.”

“I…I know what I did was wrong, and unforgivable, and I shouldn’t have broken your trust like that—”

What was I even saying? Repeating all the same stuff I told Rainbow, when that barely even worked? It was the truth, but it’s not what she wanted to hear. I stared at my feet, taking in the fresh, warm air of the farm as I ran through my head what I did multiple times.

What Rarity taught me about forgiveness.

What Luna taught me about being sorry.

Strangely, the conversation between her and Limestone came to mind. It felt fitting.

“I’m not happy with who I am, Applejack.”

Applejack pursed her lips to say something, her gaze fixed to the apple in her hands. She slowly leaned forward, taking a hefty bite out of it as she stood there. I watched her chew, trying to read what she was thinking; a failure on my part from the start.

“I make promises I can’t keep, no matter how much I want to, with people who have done nothing but be kind to me. I hurt them,” I grabbed my pendant. “Time and time again. I can say sorry as much as I want, but if I’m still the same person, I’ll just make the same mistakes. I don’t want that.” I let go, making a mental note to stop doing that so often. “If you don’t want to give me that chance, then I’ll understand.”

She half closed her eyes, turning the apple and taking occasional bites out of it until there was less and less of it left. Her eyebrows stayed scrunched, looking at me maybe once or twice before going back to the apple.

“Have ya talked to the others?”

“Yeah, everyone but you.” I said that before I realized that that was only true on a technicality; I met Twilight and Pinkie in a different reset. I glanced elsewhere, hoping Applejack wouldn’t notice my hesitation.

“Mhm. And what did they say? Did any of’em forgive ya off the bat?”

I bit my tongue, my eyes darting to the side as I wrapped my arms around myself. My first instinct was to say no, since Fluttershy only ‘forgave’ me after I told her everything. Then, Pinkie came to mind.

I still distinctly remembered the way she patted my head, looked me in the eyes, and forgave me. I brought my right hand up to my hair, trying to mimic the motion, and failing in flying colors.

“Pinkie did.”

Something about that must have been funny to her, as Applejack let out a chuckle; tossing the apple core to the ground.

“Yeah, that sounds like’er.” She leaned off of the tree, walking towards me with a casualness to her gait. “Well, ain’t my place to question the Princesses, who decided you should be allowed back here. Ah take it Rainbow was the one who brought you’ere?”

I nodded.

“And did she decide to give ya the chance to ‘be better’?”

“Yeah, but…” I shrank, making myself as small as I could. “She said she was doing it only for Fluttershy.”

“Figured. Hmmmm.” Applejack picked up two of the baskets, leaning her head in the direction of the third. It took me a few seconds to realize what she wanted me to do. The hard part of carrying the basket full of apples wasn’t actually the weight, it was keeping all of them balanced and not falling out. I ended up having to hold some of the apples against my chest.

“Alright, I’ll tell yah what; ah’ve been thinking about this since you were gone, and ah don’t think ah forgive yah. Not now, and not for the foreseeable future. What you did to those diamond dogs was unforgivable; yah could work every day for the rest of your life to make it right and yah can’t because they’ll never come back. Fluttershy, even if she forgives, will never forget what yah did. Neither will I, and neither will the others.”

The wood of the basket dug deeper into my palms as I held onto it, the pain of it stabbing into my skin hardly registering as each of Applejack’s words stabbed into me. All of it were things I was well aware of, just hearing them being said was much more agonizing than I expected it to be.

I couldn’t refute a single word, so I held my tongue.

“That being said,” Applejack stopped, and I followed. She leaned over, taking some of the apples that were on the edge of falling out of my basket and placing them in her baskets. “Ah’m not one to say no to second chances; making mistakes is less of a problem than refusing to learn from’em. If yer willing to try yer darndest to be better, and the others are willing to give ya the chance to do so, who am I to say no?”

“So…you’ll give me a chance?”

“Oh no, ah’m not the one who decided to give yah a second chance; the princesses and mah friends were. If it were up to me, ah’d have nothing to do with ya after what ya pulled.”

I winced at the sternness in her tone, even though I expected it.

“I understand.”

“To be honest, ah don’t know if ah can ever be friends with you again. But, ah can settle for a friend of a friend, at the very least. Maybe, one day, ah can bring mahself to forgive you.”

“I…” That’s really all I could ask for, wasn’t it? The chance of forgiveness? That’s what I’d been asking for from the start, and she was giving it to me despite not wanting to. I sucked in my cheeks, puffed out my chest, and took the deepest breathe I could manage. “Understand. Thank you.”

“Good, takin’ it on the chin. Ah can respect that.”

We made our way to the house in the center of the farm without another word said, luckily not being very far. Once we did, Big Mac was waiting outside, taking baskets already placed there to the inside. I put my basket on the ground as carefully as I could, making sure not a single apple was out of place.

“As much as ah’d appreciate the help, ah’m sure you have better things to do than to help me out on yer last day. Ah can escort you back to Ponyville if ya need it.”

“Actually,” I rubbed my hands, trying to assuage the numbness that lingered in my fingers. “Rarity asked me to invite you to Sugarcube Corner. Everyone else is there.”

“Everyone else? As in all the girls? Even Twilight.”

“Yeah, even Twilight.”

“Huh.” Applejack scratched her cheek, staring at me and then turning back to the baskets as Big Mac approached to pick them up. “Hey Macintosh, can you cover mah workload for the next two hours or so while I go visit the girls?”

He leaned down to pick up the baskets, fitting two on his forearm and one in his actual hand, leaving his other one free.

“Sure.”

“Alright then. Let’s go, Chara. Ah’ll walk you there.”

Chapter 39: Potent

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Chapter 40: The Tree of Laughter

Author's Note

Hello! So, big announcement, we have a patreon! The benefits of such are in the tiers, if you can afford to and would like to support me feel free; the link is on my profile. Also, I'm currently funding a personal animation project for this fic! Updates on such are, as you might expect, tied to the patreon (I sorry). Anyway, please tell me if you spot any errors, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments, and thanks for reading!

Chapter 40: The Tree of Laughter

What.

“What?”

“Yeah, uh, can I come in? It’s,” he shivered, wrapping his arms around himself and rapidly rubbing back and forth. “Really cold out here and I’m not the biggest fan.”

“Oh, I don’t know if…” I had no idea if Fluttershy would be okay with letting him in or not. Of course, she knew of him, but hadn’t met him because of…everything. Though, she had mentioned wanting to meet him at some point, so maybe it’d be fine? “Ok.”

“Thanks.”

I stepped away from the door, letting Dark enter as he shut it behind him. He just stood there for a few seconds, shuddering in what I guessed was warmth before tilting his head back and scanning the room. He began settling on a chair right in front of the couch, before quite literally sinking into it with a loud groan.

“Oh wow, it's been a hot minute since I actually sat down in a chair this comfortable.”

“Maybe you should get one?” I suggested as I made my way back to the couch, picking up the mess of a blanket and swirling it together until it resembled ice cream with a hole in the center; made just for me.

I fit in perfectly, wrapped in an artificial hug made of cloth. It didn’t have that intimacy that a real hug carried, but it was warm, so it shall do.

“Eh, I don’t know what I’d use it for. At least, not anything I don’t already use my bed for: reading books, napping, contemplating existence, the usual.”

He laughed like he told a joke. Maybe he did and I didn’t catch it.

We sat there in awkward silence for a few minutes, most of it I spent just holding the blanket around me like a cape. It didn’t break until Angel wandered into the room, munching on a carrot with half-closed eyes and not a care in the world. He took one look at me, then glanced at Dark, shrugged his shoulders, and turned the other direction.

What I’d give to know what was going on in that adorable little head of his.

“So, Canterlot,” He said as he tapped against the arms of the chair, eyes still lingering on where Angel just was. “Do you think I can come with you?”

“Uhm, I’d probably have to send a letter to Luna first, but probably.” I pursed my lips, the thought of asking Twilight to send a letter to Luna for me filled me with lead-laced dread. I hadn’t had time to even think of what to say to her, not like I’d come up with anything even if I had all the time in the world. “Why do you want to come?”

I was close enough to Dark to see every muscle in his face grow rigid, his jaw clenching up as his eyes darted away. He sharply inhaled, closing his eyes and whispering something wordlessly to himself before opening them again.

“I want to see my family.”

There was a sincerity in his voice so visceral I could taste it; it haunted my tongue like the distant memory of a food I’d only ever had once.

I gripped the edges of the blanket, pulling it closer to my chest.

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

The question came out without having to think about it, like a reflex I didn’t know I had. While he tried to hide it, I saw him flinch at the question; like he didn’t expect it to come from me, or just didn’t want to hear it in general.

“I…have to, sooner or later. They probably just think I’m dead at this point, which is fine honestly. But, I have a sister now, who’s going to go through all the stuff I did; prodigy or not.”

Realization crept its way to the forefront of my mind as my stomach sank.

“...You’re moving back to Canterlot with your parents?”

“What? No! No, no.” His voice cracked as pupils turned to pinpricks, leaning forward in his chair. “I just want to visit, let them know I’m ok, and talk to her. Let her know that I get what she’s going through, what she’s going to go through. Let her know that there’s someone out there she can write a letter to or just someone who…understands. That’ll be a weight off both of our shoulders.”

My heart constricted, and then just as quickly relaxed, like a cramp that left as soon as it came. For a moment, I sat there and breathed, letting go of my blanket and rubbing my chest with my free hand.

“So you’re just going to visit? Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Did you…” His eyebrows furrowed, stroking a very small beard. “Ever go back to your family after you ran away? Or at least think about it?”

For whatever reason, I completely forgot that I told him that in the first place; it felt so far away. I should have expected that question, yet it startled me. I let go of the blanket completely, letting it fall to the couch and partially to the floor.

“Once.” I let my head fall to my chest, my legs joining them as I lifted them off the floor. “I went back to them once.”

“Really?” his posture stiffened, his mouth slightly falling open. “How’d that go?”

Tragically.

I swallowed that word before it had the chance to leave my mouth, knowing full well the elaboration I’d have to do if I let it out.

A ghost of the raw anger I felt as I directed Asriel and I’s body back to my village peeked over the depths of my mind, threatening to infect me once more with its putrid heat. I dug my nails into my legs, just deep enough to hurt but not to draw blood.

It was another bad habit of mine I needed to break.

“I regret it with every inch of my body.”

“Oh.”

“But,” I couldn’t help but smile a bit. “If I’d never done that, I would have never ended up here.”

“So it was a good thing?”

That question hovered in the air for a while as I tried to figure out how to answer it, at least without losing my temper. I could never call what happened ‘a good thing’, as tempting as it would be to justify my own actions. Even so, there was a smidge of truth in that statement.

As much as I hated to admit it, some part of me was glad that I died; just not the method.

“In some ways, it was for the better, yeah.” I muttered, feeling my cheeks puff as I held my breath. “But I wouldn’t do it again.”

“You regret it, but it was a good thing, but you wouldn’t do it again?” Dark scratched his head as he tilted it, placing one leg over the other. “I’d ask you to elaborate, but I can tell that it’s not something you want to talk my head off about.”

I buried my head deeper into my knees, trying to hide as much as my face as I could manage.

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize.” He shook his head. “I get it. It’s not my business. If you wanna talk about it, you’ll tell me.”

I went to say something, only to instead nod. I didn’t know what to say to that, as per usual.

I heard a creaking noise at the top of the stairs. I couldn’t help but fearfully look in the direction, though I wasn’t sure what I was afraid of. There was nothing there.

“Alright, then I guess I better go get ready. I gotta tell Bulk I’ll be out for a few days and I won’t be able to spot for him this week.” Dark made his way to the door, adjusting his backpack as he looked back at me. “When are we leaving?”

“Um, around noon at the town hall. Luna should be sending a chariot.”

“A chariot?” He blinked. “I’ve never ridden in one before, neat. Anything I should bring?”

“Hmmm,” I droned, tapping my fingers against my legs to the tune of the umbrella song. “A second set of clothes, I’ll probably be there for a day at least. Need to talk to Luna, Celestia, and Cadance, and probably Shining too regarding—'' I choked as the image of the amulet appeared in my mind. “Something.”

Dark’s eyebrows wrinkled as he moved a step closer, looking down at me and opening his mouth before closing it.

“Alright then. I guess I’ll be going then.” He opened the door, stopping halfway through as he peered over his shoulder at me. “You know, Char, I can handle a lot of things. If you give me the chance.”

I placed my teeth on my lower lip, about to bite into it before halting myself.

“I know.”

With that, I was alone again in the room. For a few minutes, at least. I once more heard that creaking sound from the stairs, this time seeing Fluttershy walk down. She didn’t so much as glance at me, focused entirely on each step she took down the stairs with what I could only describe as a…sodden expression.

She sat down beside me, wordlessly extending her left wing and embracing me with it.

“Good morning.”

Fluttershy barely responded, scrunching her eyebrows as she stared at a spot on the ground.

“You never told me that you ran away from your first family.”

It wasn’t said in an accusatory or even angry tone, it was just stated. I could feel every muscle in the wing wrapped around me tense up as she said it, curling around my shoulder and holding me tight as she pulled me just a bit closer.

I hadn’t? I guess not if she was bringing it up. I had told her about my life before here, about resetting, but not about my first family. If they could be called that. I hardly even thought of them in the first place, so much as talked about them with anyone.

The fact that I brought them up with Dark at all was still a mystery to me.

“It wasn’t important. It still isn’t.”

“Then why did you tell him instead of me?” Fluttershy’s neck shrank, the color sapping from her face.

“I didn’t tell him anything other than that I ran away from my family because,” Should I tell her? Did I have the right to? It wasn’t my secret to give, but I promised no more secrets with her.

With bated breath, I spoke.

“He ran away from his. Dark is from Canterlot, originally.”

Fluttershy blinked, pressing her lips together as her eyes flickered.

“Oh.” Her face grew slightly red, cheeks resembling my own for a few fleeting seconds. “I’m sorry then, I overreacted.”

“It's ok.”

“Well,” she cleared her throat, her chin dipping down as she loudly swallowed. “H—he seemed nice.”

“He is, I think.”

It was odd, despite the awkwardness between us in that moment, I didn’t actually feel uncomfortable. Not even where there was silence did I feel that tingle in the back of my mind that told me I needed to say something, to keep the conversation going.

I was content to just be around her.

I hadn’t felt that since Asriel.

“Do you have any plans before you have to go to Canterlot?”

She eventually spoke normally, retracting her wing and standing up; I missed it immediately.

“I have to talk to Twilight and Pinkie; I didn’t get to yesterday. While I’m there, I need to send a letter to Luna about bringing Dark with me.”

“And when do you have to do that?”

I looked around the room for the clock, eventually spotting it in the form of a wooden bird’s nest.

“Two hours.”

“Perfect.” Fluttershy smirked, gesturing to me with her wings to follow her as she trotted towards the kitchen.

Angel was sitting in there, nibbling away at a carrot twice his size. He saw me behind Fluttershy and chittered something, raising an eyebrow when she started opening various cabinets and pulling out what looked like…ingredients?

“Chara, I think more than anything, you need a hobby. Aside from reading, that is. And since you like pastries so much,” she set a jar of peanut butter, a glass of sugar, a roll of cookie dough, and then a tray of eggs on the counter. “I’m going to teach you how to bake!”

“To bake?” I walked up to the ingredients, picking up the jar of peanut butter and reading it for no real reason. I watched Toriel bake tons of times, but I never paid particular attention to what she did exactly other than mix things and put them in the oven. “Could I…make my own butterscotch cinnamon pie?”

Just a tingle of excitement sparked up my throat, a ghost of the pie’s taste lingered on my tongue, and I felt a wave of hunger hit me.

“That’s the end goal, yes. That being said,” she turned to me, raising a wing and curling it. “If you don’t want to ruin it for yourself, save it for special occasions, ok? Think of it like cake; you only make it for parties, which aren’t that common. Well,” Fluttershy chuckled, her eyes drifting as her mind went somewhere else. “Outside of Ponyville, that is. For now, we’re going to start with something simple.”

She opened one of the drawers, reaching in and pulling out a notebook dotted with dozens of butterflies on a yellow background. Fluttershy opened it and began to skim through the pages, inevitably stopping on a page and showing it to me.

“Cookies!”

“Cookies?” I took the book, reading the page she showed me which was written in a steps format with four words at the top that grabbed my interest. “‘Magic Peanut Butter Cookies.’ Fluttershy, I don’t think my kind of magic can make cookies.”

She actually laughed. I felt my ears burn.

“No, Chara, that’s just the name. It’s because the peanut butter is in the middle. And, it just so happens that they’re Twilight’s favorite.”

“Twilight’s favorite cookies are Magic Peanut Butter? And that’s what you want me to start baking with?”

“Mhm, unless there’s something else you’d like to start with?”

She innocently blinked, smiling as she began preparing the ingredients.

“Fluttershy, did you…” we exchanged a very brief look, one that confirmed exactly what I was thinking.

“Thank Pinkie, not me. “

I smiled back.

It was one of the few times it didn’t hurt.

Baking was…much easier than I expected it to be; it was like reading a book in a way. Although, that could very well be chalked up to how well organized Fluttershy had written down the steps. A lot of it was really just multitasking, a conglomeration of waiting and preparing to do more waiting and doing something while waiting.

I ended up telling her more about Canterlot, about Luna and Cadance and even Lumi, whom I neglected to mention I’d be bringing to her cottage when I got back from my second trip. I wanted that to be a surprise, a good one like Cadance said it would be.

She told me about everything she caught up on with the others, about what they’d been up to and doing while they were apart. It was nice to hear her laugh again, to see her smile again, so genuinely.

Every now and again, her eyes would pan over to my face, her smile would waver, and she’d just…stare. It only lasted a few seconds or so, but I could see the flicker of fear on her face. Then, she’d shake her head and go back to smiling.

I didn’t like it, yet I couldn’t ask for more.

Now, I held a small box with half a dozen cookies in it, standing in front of Golden Oak. It was still warm as I kept it under my arm, my free hand stuck outstretched right before knocking on the door.

I had no doubt Pinkie and Twilight were inside just like Limestone said, which was only half of the reason for my reticence. Spike was likely in there as well, and I hadn’t hardly seen him since…my first magic surge, and then before I left for Canterlot. I seriously doubted that that was entirely by coincidence, not with how terrified he was after seeing me.

What a first impression to make. Hopefully, he likes Magic Peanut Butter cookies as well.

Finally, I forced myself to knock on the door; a panicked rap that ended up being much louder than I would have liked. There was a piercing silence, and then the sound of scraping against the floor as Spike moved towards it. He opened it, first with a smile and then with a half-grimace as his eyes glistened with recognition.

“Oh, Chara. Hey.” He rubbed his head, taking a few awkward steps back to either get out of my way or because he didn’t feel comfortable being close to me; I chose to believe it was the former. “Pinkie and Twilight are inside talking about classic literature, of all things.”

Spike tilted his head in and gestured behind him, presumably at Pinkie and Twilight. I couldn’t see them, so that must have meant they were up in her room talking and Spike was managing the library in her stead.

“I—”I went to say something, only to realize nothing I’d say could really help. He was Twilight’s assistant, I have to make things right with Twilight before I have any chance of him not being afraid of me anymore.

The idea of someone fearing me…was disgusting.

“Here.” I reached into the box, getting one of the cookies and offering it to him. “I baked these, this one’s for you.”

He raised an eyebrow, slowly reaching for it before grasping it in his claws.

“Huh, is this…Magic Peanut Butter?” he took a single bite into one of the edges, a bit of peanut butter gooping out. “It is! Sweet, I haven’t had one of these in forever; the few times Twilight gets them she hoards them all to herself. Thanks so much!”

He beamed at me before proceeding to devour the cookie before my eyes. There were crumbs everywhere, to which Spike immediately noticed and began bouncing back and forth on his legs in strife. The creature from myth zoomed off somewhere, muttering something under his breath I don’t think Twilight would be very pleased to hear.

As I walked towards the back of the library, I noticed him come back with a mop and bucket, going straight to work.

I felt just a tweak of guilt, but it was buried under the bit of satisfaction at seeing someone enjoy something I made.

I’d never actually been up to Twilight’s bedroom before, despite the countless hours I’d spent in the library itself. She’d come down from it numerous times just to talk to me, but never invited me up. Whether that was because she didn’t like me enough to invite me up there, or the idea just never occurred to her, was a toss-up.

“...don’t know, maybe Spear Shaker was just a shared name of many writers. Or, maybe, just maybe, he misspelled it a few times? It’s not that strange.”

I heard Pinkie say as I made it halfway up the stairs.

“For any other pony in that period, sure, but Spear? The inventor of dozens of words of the Equestrian lexicon that we use to this day? Who wrote so many classics that modern literature is still being influenced by the stories he wrote and told? No way in Tartarus!”

Twilight practically yelled, lightly stomping her hoof as she came into view. She was standing in front of her bed, pacing back and forth beside a window. Pinkie laid on her stomach at said bed, kicking her feet with her head propped up on her hands with a huge grin.

“Really? I know I’ve misspelled my name a few times.”

“What? How? It's just ‘pink’ with an ‘ie’ at the end?”

“Eh, I forget the ‘I’ sometimes.” Pinkie rolled her eyes. “I mean, come on, you’ve never misspelled your name?”

“No!”

“Not even once?” She leaned her head forward, half-closing her eyes in a faux-leer. “Reaallllllyy?”

“Never!”

“Hmmm, I don’t know if I believe you.” she stroked a beard that wasn’t there.

“I promise that not once have I—”

That was the moment Twilight noticed me, blinking and then her eyes flickered in my direction. I saw the enthusiasm drop from her face as she fully turned towards me, her arms tensing up as she held them close to her chest.

“Chara,” she leaned away from me, drawing back and making herself smaller. “I thought you’d be back in Canterlot by now?”

Pinkie’s smile twitched, just barely noticeable, but it was still there. She stayed facing Twilight, her eyes peering at me from their corners, then dropping down to the box I was holding.

“I am, in about two hours or so. I wanted to come by first and,” I reached for the box, opening it and offering the remaining cookies to Twilight. “Bring you these. Fluttershy’s started teaching me how to bake.”

Pinkie perked up, glancing at the cookies and then at Twilight, as if gauging her reaction. Similar to Spike, her face lit up along with her horn, levitating the cookies up to her face to get a closer look.

“Are these…Magic Peanut Butter?” She tried to hold back the excitement in her voice, but I could make it out with a just barely restrained quiver.

“Yes.”

“These are my favorite, I only have them when Pinkie makes them for me.”

Pinkie reached up, snatching one of them out of Twilight’s magic and taking a generous bite out of it.

“Swilly, that’s because if yu eat them all the time, they won’t be as schpecial!” She tried to say with her mouth full, clearly having mastered the art as she was almost completely understandable.

“I know! There just,” she held all of the cookies around her head, spinning in a circle just waiting to be consumed, except for one she kept floating just a few inches away from her mouth. “Hasn’t been a good special occassion in a while. Are you sure it's ok for me to eat these?”

“I’m sure; I made them for people to eat. And, well, just to make them.”

Twilight stared at the warm pastry in front of her, leaning forward and taking a considerably smaller bite than Pinkie had. The second that she did, there was a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes that I hadn’t seen in so long.

It reminded me of the first time we met.

“Oh wow, these are splendid!”

Before saying another word, she devoured it in a series of small bites until her face now had a few artificial freckles on it. She glanced at Pinkie to say something, only to pause when Pinkie giggled and pointed at her own face, then gestured to Twilight’s. Twilight furrowed her eyebrows as she saw her reflection in the window from the corner of her eyes, briefly blushing before floating over a napkin and cleaning herself.

“They’re pretty good; especially for your first time.” Pinkie consumed hers whole, leaving not a spec behind. “Though, they are cookies; pretty hard to mess up. It’s the baking equivalent of making cereal wrong.”

“It’s strange, why is Fluttershy teaching you to bake instead of Pinkie?” Twilight asked as she turned back towards me. “Not to say that Fluttershy is bad per se, it’s just that Pinkie bakes for a living and Fluttershy bakes to pass the time.”

“She said I needed a hobby.”

Pinkie chuckled, her eyes bouncing from Twilight to me.

“Seems pretty obvious to me.” Pinkie sat up, crossing her legs and leaning towards me. “You’ve been gone awhile and she missed you, so now she wants to spend more time with you to make up for it!”

My ears burned as her words, brimming with absolute confidence, hit my ears with an intensity that made me stumble. I fumbled to say anything, dipping my head as I twirled one of the strains of my hair.

“That’s probably true. I missed her too.”

“Regardless, why did you come here?” Twilight cleared her throat, stepping forward and standing just a few feet away from me. “As much as I appreciate the cookies, I doubt that’s the only reason. We’re the only ones you haven’t talked to since you’ve been back, right?”

Right to the point, as Twilight as ever.

Pinkie’s smile fell entirely, replaced with a frown that I was becoming all too familiar with.

“I…” the warm air didn’t make me any more relaxed as it filled my lungs. You’d think I’d have thought of something to say on the way here, but my mind was just as blank as a canvas. “I want you to give me a chance.”

“No,” Twilight’s voice was steady, spoken with a firmness that I’d rarely heard from her. “I’m not going to hand you forgiveness on a platter like they did. I—”

“That’s not what I’m asking for!”

I couldn’t hear it again. That same spiel about what I did and how awful it was, how I betrayed them.

I knew that better than any of them, and I didn’t want to keep being reminded of that.

I’d never move on from it that way.

“I don’t want…” I grit my teeth, feeling my words tremor as I struggled to keep my voice half as strong as I wanted to. “Empty forgiveness. I know it’d be empty, because what I did was horrible and it did hurt you, all of you. That’s why I was in Canterlot in the first place, that’s what I spent days there trying to do; forgive myself. And I,” all the talks with Celestia, all the advice they gave me, the resets I went through just to get here; I finally told someone the truth.

I couldn’t let that be for nothing. Even if Twilight couldn’t find it in herself to give me a second chance, I’d prefer that honesty over her giving me something she couldn’t.

“Can’t. I haven’t earned it. I can’t forgive myself, but I can try to be better.”

I wasn’t enough for my first family, and I couldn’t be good for my second.

This time, I had to be better.

I closed my eyes, asking myself how things might have changed if I’d just realized this sooner.

“That’s all I’m asking of you.” I raised my chin, straightening my spine and clenching my fist as I tried to force myself to stay as still as I could. I looked her right in the eyes, ignoring the igniting sensation in the back of my brain that came of it. Her ears flicked back as her pupils constricted, taking a single step back. “To let me try.”

I kept expecting Pinkie to say something, to intervene, to try to ease the tension. Instead, she just watched patiently.

It was almost unnerving.

After minutes of bone-breaking silence, Twilight recomposed herself, looking once more at Pinkie before turning back to me.

“The reason,” she gulped. “I sent you to Canterlot, was because we didn’t trust you, Princess Celestia didn’t trust you; and her letting you come back here doesn’t change that for me. I respect her more than anypony in Equestria. She decided you weren’t dangerous, and that’s fine, but I can’t just be ok with you now; even if I want to. You hurt me, hurt my friends! You broke a promise; you murdered for us when you didn’t need to. And I can’t…”

Twilight’s lips trembled as she glanced away, her eyes squeezing shut as she pressed her legs together.

“Accept that, accept you. Not as you are, as you were.”

There it was.

Rejection.

I had expected it, I could taste it on my tongue like a word I couldn’t quite remember. Even so, it was so bitter; I could feel my eyes tearing up.

It hurt.

It hurt the same way smiling did.

I wanted to cry.

But I didn’t, not in front of her.

I stifled whatever noise was trying to force its way out of my mouth, digging in my heels and holding my lips as tightly closed as I could. I was about to spin and make my way out, unable to handle any more, before Twilight spoke again.

“That being said, I can tell you’re trying to change.”

I could tell by the way she took a long breath there was more to say, so I held mine.

“Well, everyone is telling me you’re trying to change; Princess Luna, Cadance, and even Princess Celestia vouched for you. The day you come back we all get together again when we haven’t in days. I’m sure we would have done that on our own eventually, but I know you tried for that. And I just…” her eyes hovered over my hands, perking up just a bit. “What’s with the glove? Are you—”

Her eyes fell to my wrist, panic hit me like a green fireball as soon as our eyes met again.

“You never told Fluttershy, did you?”

I reflexively tried to hide it, moving my sleeve over my hand; maybe I needed a second glove? Pinkie followed Twilight’s stare, turning her head to face me as her eyebrows drew together in what I thought was confusion, then they pulled apart as she grew still.

Her lips moved, but she didn’t make a sound. I think she said my name.

I couldn’t bring myself to face Twilight, and that was an answer enough.

“Of course not.”

She scoffed, and I felt a twinge of pain in my chest.

“I meant to, really. But then…” I placed my hand over my glove, tracing the outline of the symbol that was underneath. “Everything happened.”

“Sorry, but it’s hard for me to just believe that. I asked you to do something, and again, you didn’t do it. How am I supposed to believe that you’re trying to change if you’re doing the same thing?”

“I’ll tell her today. Twilight, please.”

Twilight’s mouth pinched together as she took a step back, turning around and peering out the window. I opened my mouth to say something, but I caught Pinkie shaking her head back and forth and stopped myself.

So, I waited.

I couldn’t help but give in to my curiosity, scanning the room to see what kind of state she kept it in. Unsurprisingly, it was as neat as the library tended to be. Everything had its place: every book in the bookshelf was as straight as it could be, missing only one. The nightstand had a lamp perfectly in the center, not a speck of dust visible. There was a beanbag in the corner, with a very small, dragon shaped imprint in the center that told me who it was mainly for.

It didn’t take me very long to spot where the missing book was, lying in the windowsill just in front of her with a star bookmark sticking out of one of the last pages. I couldn’t see her face, but I could guess that she was staring at it out of the corner of her vision.

Eventually, she lowered her head, took in a deep breath, shuffled her hooves, and turned to face me.

“Ok.”

“Ok?” I repeated, just a smidge of hope tainting my voice.

“Ok…” for one reason or another, she couldn’t face me. Looking instead in Pinkie’s direction, as if searching for support. “I’ll give you the chance to earn my forgiveness.”

I felt like I was in those tunnels under the rock farm again, nostrils filling with that stale air that reached deeper into my lungs with every inhale. Then, when Twilight said that, it was as if I was tasting fresh air for the first time.

“Thank y—”

“To be clear, you don’t deserve it.”

And then that air turned to ice.

“On this, I agree with Rainbow: but I’m not doing it for Fluttershy. I’m doing this…I’m doing this for me!” She stuttered just a bit, tapping a hand against her chest as she tried—and failed—to hold a firm stare. “My friends are going to mess up sometimes, and I have to forgive them. If I can’t do that, then I’m the bad friend.” Twilight cringed, her face pinching as she clenched her teeth. “Besides, Princess Luna got a second chance and she’s done nothing but make the most of it. What kind of pony would I be if I couldn’t do that for someone who was my friend?”

The ‘was’ hurt more than I expected it to.

Not that she was wrong for saying so, it just….made me very briefly consider telling her everything.

It took just as briefly to realize how bad of an idea that would be.

“I understand.”

I couldn’t put any enthusiasm in my voice, as much as I tried. It came out as mild as always.

“Good. Then, I think I’m going to spend today reorganizing my books. Unless there was something else?”

“Uhm, there is, actually.” I reached into my backpack, pulling out the page of my journal I had ripped out. I raised it in front of my face, feeling it gently slip out of my hand as it was encapsulated in Twilight’s magic. “I need to send a letter to Luna. Can you do that for me please before I go to Canterlot?”

“Oh, a letter?” Twilight initially hovered it up to her face to read it, only to shove it down once I told her what it was. “I can do that; shouldn’t take more than a minute if I bring it to Spike now.”

Twilight made her way to the stairs, letter in tow before stopping and turning to Pinkie.

“Sorry to cut things short, Pinkie. You can tell me about your ice cream flavor ideas next time!”

“Yeppers! No problem.”

There was a short-lived moment of awkwardness between us before Pinkie got off the bed, making her way towards me and just…standing there for a second. She tilted her head, lips parting despite no sound coming out.

“Chara, I—” She literally bit her tongue, forcing whatever she was going to say to come out like someone had slapped their hand over her mouth. I waited for her to say something I could understand, only for her to outstretch her hand and place it on top of my head. Patting it as gently as she had before; though I was the only one who’d remember that.

“Thank you.”

Then, it was gone.

She looked like she wanted to say something else, holding it in for whatever reason. Pinkie waved at me, walking down the stairs soon after Twilight.

As soon as I was alone, I brought my hands to the spot her hand was at, tapping at the center with my fingers.

It was even warmer than before.

“Holy crap, you’re getting the V.I.P treatment, huh?”

Dark sat down in the golden chariot, more than enough room for him and the backpack he brought which was the size of my torso.

I joined him on the other side, taking my own backpack and placing it in my lap; more just to have something in my hands than anything.

“Not really. They’d do the same for anyone coming from Ponyville to Canterlot I think.”

He gave me a sideways glance, raising a single eyebrow.

“Uh, no? Chara, most ponies who go to Canterlot do so on train. They don’t get a private chariot ride straight there.”

“Doesn’t Twilight?”

“Twilight is Celestia’s personal student. She’s, like, the exception of exceptions.”

“Oh…”

Was it really that abnormal? A lot of the ponies did stare at me each time I left and came in with it, but I just kinda assumed that was because of me; not the chariots themselves. Was it really that special of a thing?

I didn’t have time to ponder on that anymore as the pegasi attached to the front of the chariot started running, soon taking off and lifting into the air. I preemptively tensed up, gripping the edges of the chariot as the wind stung my face in patches.

Dark wasn’t so prepared, getting pushed back into his seat with his backpack smooshing like a marshmallow. His lips pulled back and flapped in the wind, showing his teeth as he tried to fight against it. His eyes slowly turned to me as he tried to force his mouth open, only for the chariot to curve and clench them shut.

“D—don’t,” I said with my teeth closed, squeezing my backpack as tightly as I could as I felt each vertebrae in my spine vibrate. “Talk. Bugs.”

I tried, and failed, to point at my mouth.

I think he understood. At least, he didn’t try talking again.

Once we landed and the very air wasn’t trying to fuse us with the seat of the chariot, I glanced around to see that there were many more guards to greet us than I expected there to be. Last time, there had just been two. Now there were at least half a dozen, two of which approached the chariot as soon as it screeched to a halt.

“Wow, that was…” Dark shook his head, running his hand through his mane as he hopped off the chariot; briefly losing his balance as he held on to the chariot. “Intense.”

I got the strangest sense of deja vu.

Once I joined him off the chariot, I recognized the two guardsponies who approached us immediately as Brash and Luster.

“I take it this is Dank Moon?”

Dark frowned at that, scratching his head as he grimaced.

“Uhm, my name’s Dark Moon? Not D—”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Come on, Princess Luna managed to get you a guest room beside Chara’s, I’ll take you to it while she speaks with the Princesses.”

Brash began escorting Dark inside, going down the opposite direction Luster was taking me. Soon, he was out of my sight, and I was left with the familiar tension that was being in Luster’s presence.

“I don’t even get the chance to unpack?”

“No.” Luster’s voice was more stern than usual. I couldn’t quite place it, but there was this underlying authoritative tone to her voice that I would have attributed to anyone else except her. “The princesses, along with captain Shining Armor, wanted to speak with you as soon as you landed.”

I gulped.

“All of them?”

“All of them.”

Instead of the throne room like I’d expected, Luster took me to the dining room, where the three princesses waited for me on the opposite side. I was guided to the seat across from them all, with Shining and Cadance sitting just a few chairs away from me.

She did a poor job of hiding her wretching as soon as I entered.

What grabbed my attention—and my fear— more than anything is what sat on the table in a glass container right in front of Celestia.

The Alicorn Amulet.

“Chara,” Celestia glanced down at the amulet, then at me with that terrifyingly impossible to read expression of hers. “We have much to talk about, it seems.”

Chapter 41: Bishop Takes Knight.

There were so many things I should have been feeling in that moment.

Anxiety.

Crippling trepidation.

Or maybe just a dread so potent it was rendering my legs useless.

But, even as I stared into the face of Celestia, who held the trinket that nearly turned me into Frisk, I only felt relief.

Of course, there was this lingering burning sensation in my right arm that I knew wasn’t there. Hovering anxiety forced me to keep my free hand on my right forearm, having to constantly scratch it just to keep some sort of sensation.

Double checking it wasn’t charred.

That it was still there.

That I wasn’t burning.

That I wasn’t in hell.

My throat felt just a bit dry.

“Chara,” Celestia snapped me out of it, that usual polite tone of hers absent. “I would like you to start at when you arrived in Ponyville.”

I looked at Luna, who drank heavily from a thermos with steam coming out of it.

“Didn’t Luna tell you what happened?”

“She did,” Celestia and her sister exchanged a very brief look. “As well as Shining, who gave me an entire report starting from when his hooves hit the ground to when he was back here in Canterlot. And now,” she peered back down at the amulet, staring at it like she could melt it with her very eyes.

Speaking from personal experience, maybe she could.

“I’d like to hear your side of the story. First, how did you know of this changeling invasion taking place under the nose of my student, all while being confined to Canterlot?”

Starting off with the easy questions, I see.

Luna already knew the answer to this, and likely all of the ones Celestia had for me. Of course, because of our contract, I couldn’t tell her all of that. It really seems like every time I make things just a bit easier on myself, something in the future becomes that much harder.

The good thing was, I’d already lied about this before. I was a tad better at reusing a lie than coming up with a new one.

“I can see a future.”

“A future?” Celestia’s chin raised just a little. “Not the future. Interesting choice of wording.”

“There is no ‘the’ future, just many; it’s never set in stone.Or maybe its many futures. It changes every time I look at it..” my tone was so clinical Twilight would have been proud. I’d had this exact conversation with Gaster so many times it was like reading a script off the back of my mind. When you keep talking about the same things, you always circle back to the same points and same conclusions.

After a while, it felt more like we were going through the motions of a conversation than actually talking.

“You speak as if you are an expert on the subject.” Luna spoke up, an odd haughtiness to her voice that gave her words a distinct shallowness. “Do you claim to be some kind of clairvoyant like Laughter?”

“Something like that, I suppose.” I couldn’t help but narrow my eyes, trying to put together the puzzle of where Luna was going with this. “It’s a bit different from Pinkie sense.”

“I see. Then, can you prove that you have this ability? Can you, say, predict what I’m going to say next?”

“Uhm, no. I’m not,” I knew what I wanted to say, but I hated it. I really wish there was a better term, this one felt rancid on my lips. “A prophet, please don’t treat me like one. I see a version of the future, and I try to change it from what I saw. With this, I saw that the changelings were invading Ponyville and…told Luna.”

True enough to not be a lie. Of course, I left the part out where I had to die to reset. Outside of Luna and Fluttershy, I didn’t have to tell anyone that.

At least, I hope not.

“Yes, instead of me.” I couldn’t tell if Celestia was upset as she said that. Somehow, that was more terrifying. “Which, to my understanding, you did because you believed you didn’t have enough time. Hard to say if that’s true or not.”

She let her words settle in the air for a moment, before curling her wing and gesturing at me with it.

“Go on.”

“Well, after we landed,” My lips were dry, why were they so dry? “Luna decided to split us up so she could protect the others. Shining, two nightguards and I went into the woods to find the hive. We did, and saved a bunch of animals and two ponies. The two nightguards took them to Ponyville, and Shining and I—”

“That’s all that happened with the captured ponies?” Celestia cut in, her words as sharp and cold as shards of ice. “Nothing else?”

She knew.

Of course she knew, why wouldn’t Shining tell her?

Why’d I even try?

“I…” I gulped. “Made a contract with Trixie to get the amulet away from her. If I hadn’t, she would have used it against Twilight.”

For a fraction of a second, Celestia scowled.

“And you know this how?”

“She…” It was becoming far too common for me to become uncomfortable in this exact chair. “Told me. It was part of her conditions that if I didn’t carry through with my side of the agreement, that I’d have to help her take revenge against Twilight.”

“I see.” I expected some sort of concern that Trixie had a plan against Celestia’s star pupil, but there was hardly even a flicker of her eye. She must have had that much faith in her. “And what, per se, was your side of this contract?”

I dipped my head, lowering it so far down that the bottom of my jaw scraped against the amulet.

“It was,” I tried really hard not to stare at Luna, my pupils dragging in her direction once or twice before I forced them straight again. “To arrange a meeting between Luna and Trixie and…try to convince Luna to take her in as her student so she could get good enough to beat Twilight.”

My voice got so low that I didn’t even feel the vibrations in my throat anymore, only a thudding that left me wanting to clear my throat for the next minute. Celestia leaned forward, and Luna just…closed her eyes.

“So, let me parse this correctly: under Luna’s authority, you went with The Night Guard to save Ponyville from a changeling invasion, and during which, you promised tutelage from my sister in order to defeat my personal student in a duel?”

I raised my legs to the chair, leaving my shoes dangling off the edge.

“I…promised to try?”

“I had hoped that my nephew-in-law was wrong in this regard. I have never done that before.”

I glanced at Shining, who was closer to Cadance than I’d ever seen them before. His arm wrapped around her shoulder, which was under a wing she had wrapped around herself. She was shaking again, but she wasn’t looking at me at all. Instead, it was like someone had taken a photo of her transfixedly staring at the amulet, so entranced by its presence that it was like nothing else existed.

“And where is this Trixie now?” Luna said in a much louder voice, like she was in a shouting match with the tension in the room. “Is she still in Ponyville?”

“No, she’s,” Shining shifted in his chair, his body freezing in place. “After Chara informed me of the contract she’d made, I knew one way or another she would make her way here, so I had one of the night guard bring her to Canterlot and assign her to a guest room. She’s waiting for further notice.”

“I see.” Luna’s nostrils briefly flared, her chin dropping to her chest. She took a deep breath, then placed her hands on the edges of the table, pushing the chair back and getting to her hooves. “Then, I should handle this with haste. We have greater things to worry about than a stray unicorn with ambitions, don’t we?”

“That we do. However,” for the first time since I’d entered the room, Celestia’s attention shifted to someone else. “Do you not wish to hear the entirety of what Chara has to say? After all, you are entitled to the truth behind why she made a contract under her authority, are you not?”

I could tell by the way Celestia narrowed her eyes she was saying something else under her words. What that was, I had no idea. All I could do was try to keep it from crushing me as Luna made her way to the door, stopping only when it was half open.

“Perhaps I am, and I assure you I’ll be hearing it at a later time when this climax has reached its recourse. However, I trust that Chara did everything in my best interest while under my authority. After all,” most of her body dived behind the door, leaving only a fraction of her night-sky mane and a single, half-lidded eye visible. “I did have enough faith in her to form a contract.”

She said that in a half sing song voice, putting an emphasis on it that I didn’t quite understand. Whatever it was, it caused Shining to wince and Cadance to gasp.

“A contract?” Celestia stared at the spot where Luna just was, raising her chin high and briefly forgetting the amulet below her even existed. “You made a contract with my sister?”

Celestia’s voice went down an entire octave, and I found myself not wanting to utter a word.

Not that I had a choice in the matter.

“Well?”

If it was possible, I shrunk even more into myself.

“I did. That’s…why she helped me.” I tried counting my heartbeats, like Fluttershy suggested as a ‘grounding technique’. It didn’t take me very long to get to double digits.

“And what did you offer in return?”

“I…can’t say.”

“You can’t say? Is this a restriction of the contract, or are you choosing not to say?”

I made a squeaking noise Angel would have been proud of, and nodded.

“That wasn’t a yes or not question.”

I flinched, the sterness of her words like a rope getting tighter around my throat.

Or maybe, more appropriately, a fire getting just a little closer to my skin.

“both.”

“The first contract with an alicorn in over a millennia, with my sister after her return, which resulted in the obtainment of an amulet just as old, the capturing of a just as dangerous foe, and the saving of The Element Bearers, and I can only hear half of which?” Celestia laughed. It was the first time someone else’s laugh was as painful to me as my own. “What a week this has been.”

I recoiled when her horn lit up with magic and faced my direction, forgetting how to breathe. For a second, I thought I felt a burning sensation at the end of my fingers.

Instead, it wrapped around a teapot that had been resting in the center of the table.

“Tea, anyone? Shining, Cadance? It’s chamomile.”

Cadance went to open her mouth, raising her head, her eyes constricted, only to close it and nod her head.

Several cups began to hover as Celestia poured them, steaming hot, light brown liquid filling them to the brim. With precision garnered over lifetimes, she floated the cups to herself, me, and Cadance all at the same time and without spilling a drop.

More out of a need to have something in my hand than anything, I picked up the cup and blew on it, getting a whiff of its floral fragrance.

“Please explain something to me, then. Why, despite it being in your best interest not to, did you decide to put on the amulet and help fight Chrysalis? Did you not trust the captain of the royal guard, who had been training rigorously for this exact occasion, to handle it himself?”

Yeah, that was enough to make me take a drawn-out sip.

Beneath the burning of my tastebuds, I could taste the tea. It was almost…applejuice-like? With a honey-like sweetness that almost made me wonder if I was drinking candy, yet there was a silkiness to it that was like putting a curtain in my mouth. It felt almost like drinking a flower.

My hands trembled as a wave of soothing warmth traveled through me. I found it a lot easier to place the cup back on the table before sagging my back against the chair.

“I did. I just, if I left Shining alone and something happened to him,” I couldn’t lie. Well, I couldn’t lie normally, but I especially couldn’t lie here. She knew everything, and even if she didn’t, she was more than perceptive enough to catch me. I thought back to what my reasoning was in that moment, and what part of it I could actually say. “Twilight would never forgive me. And I’d never forgive myself.”

“It was for Twilight, then?”

Shining looked like he wanted to say something, but held his tongue.

“Yes.”

“So you nearly murdered Chrysalis in my student’s name?”

I choked, the second sip of tea not going down nearly as smoothly as the first.

“In Chara’s defense,” it was Shining who spoke up, though he lowered his head as soon as he raised it. “The moment she realized what she’d almost done, she had me take the amulet from her once she took it off. If what’s known about the amulet is accurate, that’s not easy to do.”

“Hmmmm.” Celestia’s pupils scanned something back and forth, drinking a concerning amount of tea despite how hot it still was. “I suppose there’s truth to that. Lest be, that amulet’s corruption can only work off what is already there. Which means, if Chara was truly corrupted by it, some part of her wanted to kill Chrysalis in the first place.”

“I…” as much as I wanted to deny that, I couldn’t. There was this part of me that, ever since she told me she was behind the diamond dogs, hated her. Maybe in the same way I hated humans; it certainly sparked the same kind of anger.

I’d given in again, and look where it got me? Well, at least it wasn’t dead like last time.

“Can’t argue that. You’re right, I wanted Chrysalis dead so she couldn’t hurt them again; hurt me again. Because of the amulet, I almost did. So,” I tried to smile, which was more forced than usual. “Thank you, Shining. It would have been another thing I could never forgive myself for.”

Once again, Shining looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t bring himself to do so.

“Hurt you? You’re feeling for a future version of yourself? Peculiar.” Celestia paused, stirring her tea with a hovering spoon before glancing down at it.” So you know you would have regretted it if you had followed through? Interesting, then tell me something:” Celestia refilled her cup, arching her back as she sighed. “If you were in the same position, without the power of the amulet, and Shining wasn’t there to stop you, would you have gone through with it?”

I hadn’t thought about that nearly as much as I should have. Or, at all, really.

It was hard to deny how intentional that was.

I tried to picture that image. No weight around my neck or chest, a wall instead of a magical barrier preventing her escape, and no captain of the royal guard to save the crooked queen. In front of me like a wounded animal, unable to flee, unable to fight, alive thanks to my mercy.

The world around me black and white, just like the void.

If I so picked that button.

I felt stuck, arms outstretched and frozen between two impossible choices.

When I stopped thinking about it, I almost found myself relieved to be back in front of Celestia; all the color rushing back into the world. For better or worse.

“I don’t know.”

Celestia blinked.

She lowered her head, peering at me with an evaporating intensity. Then, she let go as her chest rose and fell.

“Well, at least you're honest.” Another sip of her tea. This one was so quiet, if I hadn’t seen her do it I wouldn’t have known she had. “One last question regarding this, then; did you truly order Shining Armor to take your amulet and ensure that ‘no one ever touch it again’?”

“I didn’t order him to,” I scratched the top of my right hand, unable to get the glove to fit better no matter how much I pulled at it. “But yes.”

“Then, in my nephew’s stead, I will oblige your request: this amulet is going to the vault where it should have stayed. I will say Chara, I must thank you for inadvertently tracking down one of the most dangerous trinkets that ever escaped my grasp. It’s the slightest bit of ease off my shoulders.”

I waited for her to continue, expecting some kind of punishment or scolding. When nothing came, I awkwardly picked up the cup again, tracing the edges with my middle finger.

“So, I’m not in trouble?”

“Not per se. After all, you were under Luna’s authority when all of this occurred. What you did was for the best of almost all parties involved; heroic, one could eve—” her eyebrows drew together as she stopped for a moment, tilting her head and keeping her eyes in my direction. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” I unclenched my jaw. Strange, I don’t remember clenching it. “I’m fine.”

“Hmmm.” Her face scrunched together a little more, before taking another sip from her tea. “Very well. To cut to the chase, you are forbidden from making any more contracts with any individual without consulting me first. This is non-negotiable. Tell me, are you on speaking terms with my faithful student again? Have you outstretched the metaphorical branch?”

Cadence’s ears perked up.

“We’re…on talking terms, I think.”

“Excellent, then inform Twilight when needed that you have permission to send me letters. That being said, please do not send me a letter unless it is an absolute emergency or a contract has been offered to you by a third party. Of which, inform me of the circumstances and conditions of such so I have no questions, and I will inform you if you have my permission in such a case.”

“Uhm, okay.”

I didn’t plan on making any more contracts, anyway.

I watched as Celestia focused her magic on the glass encasing the amulet, picking it up with the same ease she did the teacups and floating it behind her. Once it got a certain distance, I heard Cadance take a deep breath, her wings fluttering as she shuddered.

“So,” a tingling in my throat was telling me that I shouldn’t ask this question, but if I didn’t know, the ignorance would eat away at me. “What would happen if I made a contract without consulting you?”

“Well, then you’d have broken my trust. Over the course of my life, many have done so. Very few have earned it back. And, until you do, you’d be spending a lot of time in Canterlot under constant watch.”

“Oh.”

“This time around, there is something I need of you while you’re here. Then, you’ll be free to explore Canterlot City itself to your heart's content; the guest room is yours until your business here is finished.”

“Y—you need me to do something?” I rubbed my throat, realizing that drinking hot tea in an already warm room might not have been very good. “What is it?”

“Do you recall when I mentioned we had a zealot in Canterlot?”

I hummed, tapping my fingers against the table.

“Vaguely.”

“Well, they requested you.”

My heart stopped beating.

“They requested me?”

“They did. By name.” Celestia flexed her wings, pouring herself a third cup. “I’m not particularly concerned with whether it’s the first thing you do after leaving this room, or the last thing you do before you leave Canterlot, as long as you do so. You will be provided an escort there and as long as you are in the castle. This time, however, you have my permission to leave and explore the city itself should you so wish.”

“Why did they…” Why would a zealot request me by name? I didn’t know any of them, and I’d prefer to keep it that way. The timing couldn’t be worse, it certainly didn’t help Celestia’s trust in me.

“Why did they ask for you by name? That would have been my next question, though your expression answers it for me.” She stood up, stretching her wings and using her magic to gather up everything on the table. “That was all I was interested in discussing. Judging from the letter you sent my sister, I assume you have other business to attend to. You are free to go, Chara.”

“I am?”

“You are. You as well, Cadence. Though, Shining?”

“Yes, princess?” Shining slowly stood up, still keeping a consoling hand on Cadance’s shoulder.

“I’d like to speak with you privately regarding the amulet. I am trusting you in escorting the amulet to the vault, but I feel there’s more we should discuss regarding it.”

“Of course.”

He leaned down to Cadance’s ear, whispering something far too quiet for anyone but her to hear before giving her a silent kiss on the cheek.

I contemplated what to do, breathing heavier with every inhale. My chest felt just a bit tighter, as I realized this was a bit more complicated than a checklist. I closed my eyes, and while I saw darkness, that was all I saw.

It reminded me of The Void, oddly enough. If I really pretended, maybe I could even vaguely see the outline of Gaster, practically shaking in excitement to tell me about a new universe he’d stumbled across.

It was comforting, in its own way.

“I’ll see the zealot; I wanna get it over with.”

“Wise choice.”

“Chara,” I was a bit startled by how quietly Cadance had gotten out of her chair and made her way to my side. “Can I talk to you before you go? Privately.”

“...yeah, sure. Uhm, Celestia? Can you,” I sat the half-empty cup on the table, pushing it towards the center. “Send some of that to my room? I kinda like it.”

“Oh? Have a taste for tea, do you?” Celestia grabbed my cup in her magic and put it with the rest. “I’d happily do so. In fact, should you wish to participate in breakfast with me once again, I’d be content to offer you a new type of tea.”

I’m not sure my nerves could handle that.

“I’ll…think about it.”

Celestia nodded, and watched as I made my way to the door; Cadance was already opening the door and left it open once she left.

As soon as I was on the other side, I set my back against it and let all of the pressure on my chest through my mouth. It was tempting to let my knees give out and just fall to the floor and take everything in for a bit, if I didn’t have someone standing right beside me.

“What did yo—”

She hugged me.

Out of everyone I’d met in this new world, Cadance was the last person I ever expected to hug me. Because of how uncomfortable being around me was for her.

Because I was wrong.

And yet, she hugged me.

“Thank you.”

I barely registered the whisper in my ear, my body having gone as stiff as a tree in her grip. It was over as soon as it started; I didn’t even have time to close my eyes or respond before she pulled away.

Cadence was the one with tears in her eyes.

“Sorry to hug you like that, I just don’t know how else to show how thankful I am.”

“T—thankful?” I coughed, rubbing the center of my throat. “Thankful?”

“Yes.” she extended the tip of her wing to her face, wiping the tears away as she smiled at me. “Thankful that you did all of this to save Twilight and her friends, and, intentionally or not, you saved my husband too. You helped Shining get over something I never could. So, thank you.”

‘Something he never could?’

I wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but I decided to pocket it for later.

“You don’t have to be thankful.”

“No, but it’d be rude if I wasn’t.” she said with an awkward chuckle. “Though, we’re both busy po—people, and that’s not the only reason I wanted to talk to you.”

Oh, this was about the jackalope.

I didn’t think she’d bring that up until I was about to leave, but I guess that was just me making assumptions again. I didn’t have the vigor to pretend to be surprised about it, plus she was in the room when I mentioned being able to see a future, there wouldn’t be a point.

I took a deep breathe, steeling myself for the reaction that would follow.

“I know about Lumi.”

“I need to ask another favor of—” Her eyes widened, then compressed as she squinted. “What?”

“I…” I raised my hands up in front of my chest, tapping my fingers together. “You need a favor?”

“You know about Lumi?” her nostrils flared as she extended her wings, crossing them. “Who told you?”

“Well, technically Luna did. But I alread—” I managed to catch myself, clenching my teeth like a beartrap. “Luna did.”

“You already…what? You already knew because,” her eyes widened as quickly as they narrowed.” You can see the future. Of course, that ruins the whole thing.” Cadence rolled her eyes, her lips flattening as she shook her head. “Nevermind, that’s not what I was going to ask. The thing is…” she peered over her shoulder, spotting two distant figures that were getting closer at the end of the hallway. “Oh, you’re escort’s here; that was quick. I’m, listen, I just…” she stepped forward, getting so close I could hear her breathing. “I need you to talk to Shining before you leave, okay? He’s the type who feels like he owes anyone who helps him with anything, especially when it's a life or death thing. If he doesn’t pay you back somehow, it's going to eat away at him. Can you do that?”

“Uhm, sure?” I wasn’t even entirely sure what she was asking, but it just sounded like she wanted me to talk to him about something. “Talk to him about what?”

“Well, just try to convince him he doesn’t owe you anything. Or, if you can’t, just let him help somehow?”

“What? Help me with what? I don—”

“Oh, Chara, you’re the one we’re escorting to Shadow? I should have guessed.” Brash cut in, flying over to me and turning to Cadance. “Princess! I didn’t see you there.”

“You never do, Brash.” Luster wasn’t very far behind, moving to my side but keeping distance like she always had before. “Can we help you with anything, Princess Cadance? There’s no rush on when we need to get Chara to the zealot; it’s not like they’re going anywhere.”

She chuckled, backing away and pulling her wings inward.

“No, I was just leaving.” she made it a few feet before glancing over at me, saying something with her lips without any sound.

I think it was ‘please’.

“You’ve been busy, huh?”

I shook off the familiarity of those words as Brash asked them, turning towards Luster and opening my mouth to say something, only to find she’d already started her trek and was barely waiting for us to catch up.

“I guess so.”

“So how did you know about the chan—”

“What can you tell me about this zealot?”

I cut Brash off, much to her disappointment. I really didn’t want to broach that topic again, because it only branched out two ways: I lie, or I tell the version of truth I gave Celestia that I’ve repeated again and again. Both of which are exhausting.

Brash was about to continue, but was cut off by the distinct sound of Luster clearing her throat.

“His name is Shadow Lock, he is a unicorn of unknown age and origin; he claims its unknown to even himself. The reason behind that is because he knows a spell to wipe books and the memory of which from anyone who’s read them. Which, ironically, includes himself. He claims to not even know why he’s doing it himself, but he’s being driven by such purpose regardless. It's almost poetically sad.”

“He…” my eyebrows contorted uncomfortably as I stopped for just a moment. “Erases books? Why?”

“Weren’t you listening? He doesn’t even know why.” Brash landed on the ground alongside Luster as we turned the umpteenth corner, eventually hitting a flight of stairs. “Anyway, yeah. It’s why we can’t transcribe any of the interviews done with him. Well, that, and he doesn’t really say anything new. Just that he won’t talk until ‘the angel who’s seen the surface’ shows up. Whatever that means.”

My heart actually stopped.

Once I got to the bottom of the stairs, I had noticed I was out of breath despite it being relatively short.

I placed both my hands on the wall, clinging to it like letting go would send me into a chasm of my demise. I slid down to the floor, knees hitting the ground with what felt like the weight of the world.

“Chara?”

Ringing. So intense it was shredding the inside of my ears, I wanted to shove my fingers in them until there was anything else.

“He said that? Those exact words?”

At least, thats what I think I said. I felt my mouth move, and that’s what I wanted to say, but I wasn’t sure what actually came out.

All I could tell was that Luster nodded to whatever I had said, as they both waited for me.

Neither of them tried to strike up a conversation once we started moving again.

We eventually made it to what looked like a medieval dungeon, where at the end was a steel door that was bolted shut to the wall and the ground; a small, barred window that I had to stand on the tip of my toes just to see through.

There was a figure in there that I could only make out a handful of details. A horn sticking out with some kind of ring around the base, all their limbs were cuffed to the table with mandables, and the clothes he was wearing were as black as the raggedy mane sticking out.

“How…am I supposed to—”

With a flash of magic, Luster began unscrewing the bolts from the door, floating them away to the side and placing them in a container attached to the wall.

“He requested you to speak with him in private. The room is silent proofed with a spell from Princess Luna herself, so we’re unable to hear anything spoken of in there. That being said,” with a creak that echoed in the hallway, the door opened. The figure inside raised his head ever so slightly. “We can see and will be watching the entire time. He has also stated he doesn’t particularly care if you share whatever is discussed in here, so Princess Celestia has requested that you provide all details immediately after coming out.”

I stayed in the hallway, rubbing my necklace through my shirt. Even without seeing his eyes, I could tell he was staring at me.

With a gulp, I walked in and sat on the chair across from him, which made a grating noise almost as loud as the door as it shut behind me.

“H—how do you know who I am?”

I questioned if he heard me as minutes passed, then I realized that was in my mind.

“Before I answer any questions, I’ve been ordered to deliver a message to you.”

He leaned forward, placing his arms on the table. His face poked out from his mane, revealing green eyes and a scar across his face cheek to cheek.

“Can you feel your sins crawling on your back?”

💣︎♏︎♋︎■︎⬥︎♒︎♓︎●︎♏︎

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Chapter 42: Dialogue With A Shade.

Author's Note

yahallo! Sorry this took a bit longer to come out than expected. Anyway, please feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments, tell me if you spot any errors, and enjoy!

Chapter 42: Dialogue With A Shade.

I wanted to be back in the void.

That was the only way for me to describe what I was feeling right then.

I’ve had fading thoughts about it, fleeting moments of envy for when I was little more than a spirit that could feel nothing and resembled my human form.

In that moment, I truly yearned for nothing more than to be a phantom again.

“Who—” my voice quivered, cracked, wavered and faltered in every way it could; it was a miracle I could form words. “Told you that?”

He laughed.

He actually laughed.

“You could ask me any question you like, and you choose to start with one of the few I can’t answer?” he chuckled again, leaning back in the chair. “You are predictable.”

He spoke with such a bone chilling certainty, it reminds me of someone I have tried so desperately to forget.

“Who,” I gripped the edges of the table so tightly I could feel the wood embedding itself into my skin. “How do you know about me?”

“There ya go, that’s better.” Shadow’s chest sharply rose and fell, tapping his hoof to the side of his chair to a hauntingly familiar tune. “The person in charge, who else?”

“Do they know everything?”

“No, of course not.” He scoffed, lowering his jaw. “They know what they know. Maybe, when it comes to you, they know everything.”

I racked my mind, trying to decode whatever half-gibberish he was speaking in. A boiling pit sat in my stomach, spewing steam in the back of my throat that laced every word that came out. It was one of those rare occasions where I wanted to give in to the frustration, to let it converge into that bitter anger that would taint my tongue.

But I didn’t.

Once, twice, too many times I did.

“Why are they the one in charge?”

“Because they’re the only one who could be.”

I tried really, really hard not to groan.

“Are all of your answers going to be this…” I reluctantly let go of the table, bringing my hands to my chest and turning my palms so I could see them. I began counting each piece of wood I could see sticking out of my skin; it was oddly calming. “Enigmatic?”

He chuckled again, it was somehow more sickening than last time.

“Yes. I’ve spent my entire time since I’ve got here thinking of how to answer your questions in the worst way possible.”

Of course he did.

I held back a groan, wiping the —fortunately red— blood from my right hand onto my pants, starting on the left leg.

Very briefly, I was tempted to try to think of the most absurd question I could just to spite him. But, it would take more time and effort than I was comfortable with to do so, nor would it really even be worth it.

“What is their wish?”

He paused, tapping a hoof against the ground rhythmically.

“They don’t have one.”

“What?” I paused mid-splinter, glancing up at them. “Isn’t the whole point of the cult for Discord to grant their wish?”

“That, amongst other things, is what enticed others to join, yes. It’s not, however, why they started this whole thing.”

“Then why did they?”

He smiled that disgusting grin.

“Because they could. And, because they could, they—”

“Have to.”

I whispered, finishing the sentence without hesitation, without thought. My hand darted to my mouth, the taste of copper licked the tip of my tongue.

“Some of my responses, as you can see, were provided to me.”

That same gut-sinking feeling hit me, leaving me trapped, drowning in a sea of dread. I couldn’t breathe, so I bit down on the end of my hand.

It didn’t help much.

“T—the person who told you all this,” I placed my hands on my thighs, trying to focus more on the pain in my hands than the lead in my throat. “Were they….a skeleton?”

For just a moment, I saw a flicker of hesitation in his eyes as he tilted his head.

“I’m not allowed to answer any questions regarding them. Orders.”

His eyes dropped to my chest, pulling tighter as they landed on my necklace. His mouth opened for a second, leaning forward and squinting, before catching himself and yanking his head back.

I hadn’t even been touching it this time. Maybe I was getting better about it.

“Have you,” I raised the pendant, moving it towards him. “Seen this somewhere before?”

“I…” Shadow squirmed in his chair, grinding his teeth together so loud I could hear each tooth. Then, he froze, curling in one himself as he turned to me with an almost tangible smugness. “No, I haven’t seen your necklace before.”

The emphasis on ‘your’ didn’t escape me.

I swallowed my agitation.

“Fine.”

It was cold in the room, I couldn’t tell if that was just me or not.

I wrapped my arms around myself in a faux-hug, rubbing it back and forth to create some heat. I should really wear that hoodie Rarity made for me more often.

“Hmmm,” I hummed as I tried to think of a question. I had more of a problem with too many to pick from than anything. “What is your wish?”

“For Discord to destroy my ancestor once he returns.”

“Ancestor?” A chill went up my spine at the grimness in his voice. “What ancestor? Is that why you’ve been erasing books?”

“That’s why I was erasing books, yes.” He placed his forearms on the table, his shoulders pulling low as if a weight had fallen on them. “Until I met them, and told them that Equestria was doomed, so they should give the wish to me.”

“‘Give the wish to you?’”

He flinched, biting his tongue and pressing his lips together so tightly they were hardly visible.

“I thought the zealots were doing this because they think Discord will grant all of their wishes?”

With the slowness of a tree falling, he shook his head.

“Please, I wouldn’t believe Discord would be willing to grant one wish if I hadn’t met…let’s call them The Interloper.”

“...ok.”

I wanted to ask if they came up with that themselves on the spot, or if they were told to tell me that name, but I didn’t want to waste a breath on it.

“The Interloper convinced each Zealot one by one to join their cause; all of us were skeptical at first. They convinced us not just that we should join them, but they had something that would sway Discord to grant our wishes. And, yes, we’re all aware he’d likely twist it in some way, and that’s fine. However, once I brought attention to the direness of my ancestor, they informed me that what he had would only allow for one wish, and I would be the one to achieve that.”

“And…they had no interest in the wish themselves?”

One wish.

God, what I would give for just a single wish; twisted conditions or no.

I hated to admit it, but there was some part of me that understood that motivation.

“No, they didn’t. So, you see, all of this is necessary. If I don’t do this, then Equestria will fall. You wouldn’t understand.”

“I would, actually.” My chin fell to my chest, a familiar phantom soreness flaring up in my stomach. “Better than you might think.”

“Somehow, I doubt that.” he didn’t even try to hold back his scoff. “Do you know what its like to be haunted by your heritage? To live for the sole purpose of carrying a burden multiple people have dedicated their lives to?

He waited only a second for me to respond, before cutting me off.

“No, I didn’t think so.”

I had the strangest desire to touch my eyes. Well, maybe it wasn’t that strange.

“Why didn’t you ask the Elements of Harmony for help?” I tried to change the subject, a pleading desperation begging me to keep it from straying any closer to home. “Isn’t defeating ancient evils their whole thing?”

“Depends what you mean by ‘defeating’.” His expression soured, head snapping back as he let out an exasperated sigh that he cut off. “They ‘defeated’ Nightmare Moon by giving her a second chance, they ‘defeated’ Discord by separating his body in six parts. If they used the elements here, all they’d likely do is throw it back into whatever hole it's waiting in just for it to climb out again.” Shadow grit his teeth, leaning forward and slamming his hands on the desk. “I won’t burden my family with this curse a generation more. I will be the one who bestows oblivion onto my ancestor once and for all; even if that price is courting chaos itself.”

Beneath the anger and the ranting, there was a genuineness to his words I recognized. It was contorted, but not beyond recognition just yet. He really just wanted to prevent this ‘ancestor’ from destroying Equestria, assuming he hadn't gone mad and that it was real.

I couldn’t figure out what to feel towards that, a bizarre blob sitting in the back of my throat made up of an emotion I didn’t recognize.

“And you really think this Interloper is the best option?”

“At this point,” he slumped in his chair, hands falling off the edge like they were a cliff he was losing his grip on. “It’s the only option for me.”

That, I recognized.

It was resignation.

He’s accepted that there’s no going back, he’s just as stuck in a hole as his ancestor. Except there was no climbing out for him.

“I see.” I rubbed the symbol on my pendant, something Celestia said came to mind. I raised it so he could see it clearly. “Is this one?”

“No..”

He didn’t even give it a second glance.

“What pieces do you have?”

He furrowed his eyebrows, reaching into his cloak where his neck was and pulling out a necklace with a golden chain just like mine. At the end of it was some kind of yellow, bird like claw.

“Two.”

“Two? What about Chrysalis?”

He blinked.

“Who?”

What.

“The changeling queen, she had his right hand.”

“Oh, uh. Yeah, probably as good a time to mention this, but I don’t….know the other zealots.” He placed the necklace back in his cloak, awkwardly fidgeting with the hood. “I’ve never met them.”

“You’ve never met them?” I furrowed my brow, growing more confused by the second. “You’re a cult and you haven’t met each other?”

“We’ve never actually called ourselves a…cult.” he said the word ‘cult’ with a noticeable reluctance, wetting his lips and swallowing so hard I could see it. “Really, we’re more like…independent contractors all hired by the same person? Yeah, that sounds right.”

“So…there’s no hierarchy, no pecking order, you guys are just strangers to each other?”

“To my knowledge, yes. And, before you ask,” he tilted his head, clearing his throat with an exaggerated loudness. “Who becomes a zealot is entirely up to The interloper, who is not inclined to inform us every time someone new gets added to our rank.”

“Then,” something about this wasn’t making sense to me. Maybe I just wasn’t getting it? It was like all the puzzle pieces had been handed to me, but some of them were crooked. “How do you get your orders? How do you know what to do?”

“Don’t know what they told the others, but my orders were very straightforward.”

I crossed my legs, clasping my hand to my chest as I waited for him to go on. It took him whistling for me to realize he wasn’t going to.

I didn’t try very hard to suppress my irritated groan this time.

“What were your orders?”

He shifted around in his seat, muttering something wordlessly to himself before inhaling.

“‘Get taken in by Shining Armor and brought to Canterlot Castle, wait exactly one month and then request to see someone by the name of ‘Chara Dreemurr’, and answer any questions they direct towards you except for these specific ones.’”

He lifted up his cloak, reaching into a pocket on the inside and pulling out a folded piece of paper.

“Here, I was told to make sure you see this before you leave.”

I hesitantly took it, unfolding it until I could make out the words on the paper. Only to notice they weren’t words at all, but symbols. Wingdings, to be exact.

“What…what is this?”

“It’s a code. I don’t know about the other zealots, but I was taught this before receiving any orders.”

I tried to straighten out the paper, making sure not a single line skewed any of the symbols.

“📂︎📬︎ 👎︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ♋︎■︎⬧︎⬥︎♏︎❒︎ ♋︎■︎⍓︎ ❑︎◆︎♏︎⬧︎⧫︎♓︎□︎■︎⬧︎ ♋︎♌︎□︎◆︎⧫︎ ❍︎⍓︎ ♓︎♎︎♏︎■︎⧫︎♓︎⧫︎⍓︎📬︎

📄︎📬︎ 👎︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ♋︎■︎⬧︎⬥︎♏︎❒︎ ♋︎■︎⍓︎ ❑︎◆︎♏︎⬧︎⧫︎♓︎□︎■︎⬧︎ ♋︎♌︎□︎◆︎⧫︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ■︎♏︎♍︎🙵●︎♋︎♍︎♏︎⬧︎📪︎ ⧫︎♒︎□︎◆︎♑︎♒︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ❍︎♋︎⍓︎ ⧫︎♏︎●︎●︎ ♒︎♏︎❒︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ✋︎ ♒︎♋︎❖︎♏︎ □︎■︎♏︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ♎︎□︎ ♋︎⬧︎ ⬥︎♏︎●︎●︎📬︎

🗏︎📬︎ ✌︎■︎⬧︎⬥︎♏︎❒︎ ♒︎♏︎❒︎ ❑︎◆︎♏︎⬧︎⧫︎♓︎□︎■︎⬧︎ ♋︎⬧︎ ❖︎♋︎♑︎◆︎♏︎●︎⍓︎ ♋︎⬧︎ ◻︎□︎⬧︎⬧︎♓︎♌︎●︎♏︎📬︎

🗐︎📬︎ ❒︎♏︎♐︎♏︎❒︎ ⧫︎□︎ ❍︎♏︎ ♌︎⍓︎ ♋︎ ⧫︎♓︎⧫︎●︎♏︎ □︎♐︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎❒︎ ♍︎♒︎□︎□︎⬧︎♓︎■︎♑︎📬︎

🗄︎📬︎💣︎♋︎🙵♏︎ ⬧︎◆︎❒︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎⬧︎ ●︎♏︎⧫︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎ ❒︎♏︎♋︎♍︎♒︎⬧︎ 👍︎♒︎♋︎❒︎♋︎🕯︎⬧︎ ♒︎♋︎■︎♎︎⬧︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ⬧︎♒︎♏︎ ❒︎♏︎♋︎♎︎⬧︎ ♓︎⧫︎📬︎

⌛︎📬︎ ♎︎□︎ ■︎□︎⧫︎ ♎︎♏︎♍︎□︎♎︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ❍︎♏︎⬧︎⬧︎♋︎♑︎♏︎ ♋︎⧫︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ♌︎□︎⧫︎⧫︎□︎❍︎ □︎♐︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎⬧︎ ●︎♏︎⧫︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎📬︎ ✋︎⧫︎ ♓︎⬧︎ ■︎□︎⧫︎ ♐︎□︎❒︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎📬︎

☞︎♋︎●︎●︎♏︎■︎ 👍︎♒︎♓︎●︎♎︎📪︎”

That last line…

I felt a lurching in my entire body, the cold, unmistakable hand of death run its finger on my spine and infect me with its bite. I almost threw up, I could taste the acid in the back of my throat. The letter scrunched up with how tightly I gripped it before I managed to place it back on the table, my hands shaking like leaves subject to strong winds.

“That was the last thing I was told to do.”

Shadow’s voice was distant, so much so I forgot I was in a room and not a cave. Those caves. The ones under the farm.

The ones where I left their bodies.

I couldn’t separate my fingers.

“Unless you have any questions I can barely answer, you’re free to go.”

I had so many. They plagued my mind like knives, stabbing into my brain and demanding to be pulled out. They hurt. They hurt. They hurt.

I couldn’t grab them, there were too many. My hands were too small, too heavy with dust. Too sticky.

“I—I don’t…” I tried to stand up, only having to slam my hands into the table as a wave of vertigo so intense the room spun and turned black; I almost passed out. “Have any.”

I stood there heaving like I’d never breathed before, staring at the letter. I didn’t feel connected to my own body, not even as I extended my hand and grabbed it. It was like staring through a window.

Shadow Lock said nothing as I stumbled my way to the door, not offering a word of help or a hand. Not that he could, exactly.

Luster opened the door with an uncharacteristic panic, gritting her teeth as her entire body went rigid. I hardly heard the door open, a ringing that burrowed into my senses; making it impossible to hear anything but it. It was familiar, so familiar, and yet I couldn’t place it.

Wait, I didn’t even have a phone.

Brash was saying something to me, but I wasn’t exactly skilled in the act of lip reading. Luster took the letter out of my hands, with her magic of course, and only looked more perturbed. If she said something, I couldn’t tell.

I pressed my back against the wall, sliding down so roughly I could hear my own skin scraping against the concrete, but I didn’t feel the pain.

I don’t know how long I sat there until the ringing stopped. Until I wasn’t hyperventilating, until I realized the aching in every part of my body.

I was finally able to speak.

“I know them.”

Chapter 43: A Debt Owed

I think I passed out.

It was hard to say. I recall the ringing stopped, like someone had picked up the phone, and then darkness encroached my vision. A lightheadedness filled my brain, and then I was in the guest room. Now I was staring up at that same canopy, in the same room, in the same position.

Almost as if I’d never left.

For just a second, I thought I’d reset. But there was no burning, no cold, no weight on my heart.

I didn’t die. At least, not this time.

I raised myself like a zombie from the grave, tossing my legs limply over the edge as I just sat there and processed the last few hours. I could have sat there until someone came to check up on me, badgering myself about all the implications of what Shadow Lock knew and what they meant.

Or, I could compress what I need to do into a list and do them in an organized fashion, like Twilight would.

I opened the journal, flipping past the pages of wing dings.

And the tally marks.

And the list of questions.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

“Chara?”

Brash’s voice cut through the door, causing me to tighten my grip from shock and press the pencil so tightly against the paper that the tip snapped in half. At least I was mostly done with it.

“Yeah?”

“Just…checking if you’re awake. Heard some scribbling. Mind if I come in?”

“Not at all.”

Brash entered, surprisingly not followed by Luster, and trotted over to the bed. She saw a glimpse of what I was writing, leaning over my shoulder with a perked up body.

“What’s that? A dream journal?”

I flinched. We’ve had this conversation before.

“Yes.”

“Do—”

“It helps with my nightmares.”

Her mouth closed just as quickly as it opened.

I shut the journal, placing it back in my backpack and slinging it over my shoulders. I stared at the door for a few seconds, expecting someone else to come through.

“Where’s Luster?”

“Oh, she had to deliver that letter Shadow gave you to the D.I.C..”

“The..” I swallowed, a blush coming to my face that made my cheeks redder than normal. “Dick?”

“Yeah, the Discord information center. It’s where everything related to Discord and the cult goes information wise. Messages we receive, intercept, and decode.”

“Oh.” The pressure in my chest faded along with the heat as I exhaled. “Are all the messages coded?”

“Probably. No one but people sought out specifically for cypher-breaking have access to whatever they find out in there in case they learn something less than pleasant. Couldn’t tell ya if they’ve managed to decode it at all, or they have and just haven’t revealed anything to us that we don’t need to know.”

They’re all in wingdings.

They have to be. Which meant there was no chance they’d have decoded it; it wasn’t even a language, it’s a font!

The idea of translating everything for Celestia came to mind, maybe that would reveal something about them. Or, just as likely, it would just oust myself. If they knew I could read wingdings, the code the cult is using, then they’d question why.

Of course, if I don’t tell them, and they find out anyway that I can read it, that would be infinitely worse.

I was feeling a headache come on, reaching from the depths of my mind and wrapping its grip around my brain like a strangling hand.

One thing at a time, Chara. One step at a time.

“Where’s,” I placed a hand on my temple, rubbing it in a circular motion. “Shining Armor?”

“The captain? Should be in the war room; that's where he said he’d be for the rest of the day after he was done talking to The Princess.” I began to walk towards the door, and Brash hovered alongside me. “What do you need to talk to him for?”

“Cadance wanted me to talk to him.”

“Princess Amore did? Hm, she rarely requests anything.” Brash flexed her wings, moving in front of me by just a few feet. “Come on, I’ll take you to ol’ cappy. Shouldn’t be far.”

I glanced to my left, frowning as I tried to shake off the feeling.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Luster?”

“No, Princess Celestia came by while we took you to your room and said we shouldn’t leave your coltfriend without an escort. Not because they’re in any danger, but because they might get lost. So, Luster’s going to be staying with him when he’s by himself.”

It somehow just hit me that Brash would know who Dark Moon is upon seeing him, and that if she did, she might be obligated to report that he’s no longer missing and is back in Canterlot to his family.

For once, there was just the slightest glitter of luck in my life.

“Oh, uhm, alright then.”

We took a few turns in silence, before Brash slowed down and just floated beside me.

“‘I know them.’”

My foot scraped against the ground, losing my balance as I nearly fell on my butt. My arms spread to the side in an attempt to establish equilibrium.

“W—what?”

“‘I know them.’ That’s what you said before you blacked out.”

I did say that, didn’t I?

I recall the words coming out of my mouth, and the sound of what I said, but that was the last thing that happened.

Why did I say that?

“I,” I don’t know. I didn’t have an answer. I couldn’t say what I meant then, I couldn’t even say what I was thinking “don’t remember.”

“Hm.”

That neutral grunt of Brash’s was more alarming than anything else would have been. Accepting or suspicious I could have dealt with, but now I had no idea what she was thinking.

Somehow, I think I would have preferred Luster.

“We’re here.”

Brash opened the war room, which was almost as empty as the first time I saw it. The lone exception being Shining Armor, out of his armor and sitting at the front chair of the table. Piles of small, brown colored pieces of paper strewn around his chair. He hadn’t even noticed we came in, a few strands of his mane standing up as he muttered something to himself.

“Captain?”

“Yes? Oh!”

In one sweeping motion, whatever papers that had held on to the surface of the table were brushed to the side. Whether that was out of frustration, or because he didn’t want us to see what he was looking at, I couldn’t say.

“Chara wanted to speak with you. I can, uh, wait outside if you like?”

His gaze turned to me, narrowing with an intensity so potent I could Almost see the cogs in his head clicking into overdrive.

“Chara,” There was a heaviness to his voice, carrying his words with an implication I couldn’t understand. “Do you want Brash to leave?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brash stifle some noise, glancing at me with…expectation? Fear? I couldn’t recognize it, but I knew it was putting me on the spot in a way I hated.

“Uhm,” every day, I wish just a little more I’d wake up with the miraculous ability to turn invisible. “I think so? It’s about what happened in Ponyville. I don’t know how much she’s allowed to know.”

“I see.” he closed his eyes, leaning back in the chair and running his hands up the sides of his mane. “I’m in charge of who’s allowed to know about stuff involving that. So,” Shining made a droning noise, nostrils flaring with cold air. “You know what? Since you and Luster are going to be Chara’s escort for the foreseeable future, you might as well be aware of the dangers you might be facing. Just, don’t ask any questions; I don’t want this taking any longer than it has to. I have to,” he leaned forward, grabbing some of the papers and placing them in the center of the table. “Find a location.”

I wanted to ask what he meant by that, if only my brain wasn’t on the cusp of information overload.

Brash tilted her head, about to ask exactly what I wanted to, and coming to the same conclusion that she was better off not parsing that particular inquiry.

Shining sat in silence as he combed through each piece of paper, looking for something unknown to anyone but him.

“Cadance,” I wasn’t sure the best way to say this, or if I should even say it. “Said you feel like you have to pay me back for helping you with Chrysalis.”

He stopped in the middle of a piece of paper, his ears flickering backwards. I heard Brash make some movement, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn my head enough to see what.

In that moment, I swore, I saw Shining’s face redden.

“Caddy told you that?”

His voice squeaked, losing that weight it carried just a sentence ago.

I nodded.

He cleared his throat, straightening his posture and standing out of the chair. Shining walked around the side, turning his back to us and learning forward until his arms were on the table.

“Yeah, I guess I do.” All the air in the room turned cold, though it admittedly wasn’t that warm to begin with. A rose aura grabbed onto all the paper, lifting it into lines that folded in on themselves into a neatly piled stack. “I spent every night after the wedding thinking about what I’d do to her given the chance. Then, I finally was, and I almost messed it up. If you hadn’t shown up, I don’t…I don’t know if I could have carried through.”

There was something to his voice I recognized, subdued and hardly more than a mutter. It was filled with a weariness that showed in his body, shoulders pulled in as he slightly swayed side to side.

“I’ve been playing it in my head over and over, and I can’t figure out how I would have taken her down without killing her. As much as I hate to admit it, you showing up might have been for the best. I know I said it already, but thanks, really. So,” he reached into his pocket, pulling out a white piece of paper and scribbling something on it with a hovering pencil.

Brash and I just stood there awkwardly, unable, or perhaps just unwilling, to break the noiselessness set down by him. The only thing that would have made it more awkward is if Brash and I made eye contact.

“Here,” there was a tearing noise, and then folding it as it levitated in front of me. “We’re even now, alright?”

I didn’t know how to tell him that I didn’t feel like he owed me in the first place.

I didn’t air that inconvenience, pocketing the paper and trying to bury my urge to read it.

“Now, take Brash and go give that to Princess Luna; she should be in her room. Just tell the guards to let you in, and when they ask why, say because I say so and you shouldn’t have any more problems.”

“Alright.”

“Good.” He tapped his hoof against the ground, laying out the pieces of paper bit by bit on the table. “I’d like to be left alone now; I need to concentrate. Bulwark, take her to Luna’s room and then you have the rest of the day off. I trust Chara to be by herself for a few hours.”

“Yes, sir.”

He trusted me? That was…why? He didn’t have any reason to, he had plenty of reasons not to. I couldn’t explain what I was feeling, whether it was relief or some other foreign emotion. I turned to follow Brash, halfway out the door before I heard Shining mutter something.

“Chara,” I stayed facing the outside of the doorway, still grappling with what just transpired. “I promise no one will ever wear that thing again.”

I didn’t immediately understand what he was referring to, not until a foul smell rose up from the grave and filled my every sense.

Very faintly, the taste of buttercups sat on the edge of my tongue.

“Thank you.”

___________________________________

Brash let me enter Luna’s chambers alone, leaving without saying much of anything.

Her bedroom was sparse of much of anything but the basics: a bed smaller than mine, a single wardrobe, and not so much as a lamp in sight. It was so dark, I had to squint just to make sure I wasn’t bumping into anything. I eventually walked up to a window, pulling away the curtains for just the sliver of moonlight it provided.

“Luna? Shining told me you’d be here?”

I didn’t hear anything, or see anything, or hardly feel anything. It was nostalgic, in its own way.

“Oh, perfect timing!”

“AH!”

Out of the darkness came the princess of night, horn unlit and her blue coat working like camouflage in the shadows. She must have gotten some devious sense of joy out of my reaction, bringing a hand to her mouth and briefly chuckling.

“You’re adorable, truly.” Luna walked past me, sitting on her bed and lighting up her horn. The magic dispersed into a small, circle-like orb. It hovered up to the ceiling, spreading its light and covering the entire room with a soothing glow. “Come, sit with me.”

With the new light in the room, I had no chance of hiding how bright red my cheeks turned. That was the second time I’d been complimented on my appearance since coming here, and it wasn’t any easier than the first time.

“S—shouldn’t you be going to bed soon?” I reluctantly followed her to her bed, taking long, stretched out steps.

“Au contraire, my night has just begun.”

Her bed had very little on it, only a single blanket and pillow. Which, oddly enough, was even less than what was on my bed. As I sank in, I was once again reminded how much larger Luna was than me. My head barely reaching her chest, and she was slouching.

She didn’t push me to talk, making as little sound as I did while I just sat there and breathed.

“Thank you.”

She chuckled again.

“You’ve much to thank me for, what is it in this instance?”

“Telling Celestia you had faith in me. That meant a lot.”

“I have done many,” I could see Luna’s chest raise on the edge of my vision. “Many things to my sister. But none of them are lying. If you were not judged with nothing but the truth in mind, it would have been a worse trial than even our lowest criminals receive.”

“I didn’t realize I was on trial.”

“Every conversation with Tia is a trial when she's on that throne.” She tilted her head back, mane hanging down and almost touching the bed itself. “I digress. You mentioned Shining? Did he need something? Though, if he did, I do not see why he wouldn’t come for it himself.”

“I don’t know, he told me to give you,” I got the piece of paper, to which she grabbed in her magic and floated above her. “This.”

She quickly skimmed through it, her face growing more rigid with each word. With a flick, she was on her hooves, now holding the paper directly in her hands.

“When did he write this?”

“Ten minutes ago. Why?”

“Stay here.”

She was gone, vanished and leaving the piece of paper to float to the ground. I gave in to temptation, picking it up and reading it over.

Some part of me was just relieved it wasn’t in wingdings.

‘Give her the azoth sword.’

That’s all it said.

Before I had time to do anything, Luna was back. She was standing so close to me I could feel her fur tickling the end of my nose until I nearly sneezed.

“Kneel.”

I jumped back, rubbing the end of my nose as I noticed something hovering just above my head. It resembled a knife, but the blade part wasn’t made out of any material I recognized. It was bright pink, and reflected moonlight like glass. It wasn’t a dagger so much as dagger shaped, pointed near the end but dully so.

“W—what?”

“I said kneel.”

My body obeyed before my mind did, forcing my knee to the ground with a throbbing pain. I craned my neck, focusing my eyes on the spot right in front of Luna’s hooves.

“Give me your right hand.”

I did so without hesitation, every muscle in my body contracting with fear to think what might happen if I didn’t. She took off the glove, flipping my hand with my palm and placing the dagger in it. I nearly dropped it, its weight the first thing I noticed.

“Repeat after me, word for word.” Luna paused, a sternness in her tone I hadn’t heard since I first met her. “I am the bone of my sword.”

I gulped.

“I am the bone of my sword.”

“Steel is my body, and fire is my blood.”

“Steel is my body, and fire is my blood.”

“I have created over a thousand blades.”

The words hung in my throat, a chill tied to them like a million icecubes.

“I have created over a thousand blades.”

“Unknown to death, nor known to life.”

“Unknown to,” I rubbed my neck with my free hand, trying to ignore the pricking just under my skin. “Death, nor known to life.”

“Good. You may stand.”

I stayed on the ground for a moment, waiting for something, anything, to happen. The knife to get lighter, the room to get warmer, for there to be just a nudge less tension.

Of course, it didn’t.

“You are now the first wielder of the azoth blade since my return, congratulations. If Shining Armor trusted this to you, I can only assume he has as much faith as I do.”

I stood up, placing the knife in my left hand as Luna handed me my glove. With a bit of effort, I managed to slip it back on, now only slightly suffocating my fingers.

“Why did I have to say all that?”

“I am uncertain. It is a ritual that has been carried through since the very first proprietor. It is unknown whether not performing it would bestow some curse upon who touches it, or if it is a tradition done just for the sake of it. I would rather not find out with you.”

“Oh.” I stared at the center of the dagger, seeing just a flash of my reflection before I glanced away. “But I can already conjure knives.”

“You can manifest a dagger capable of killing, yes. The Azoth blade has no such ability.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Luna walked back to her bed, sitting down in the same spot as before. “Are you familiar with the term ‘death by a thousand cuts’?”

There was a tinge in my hip, I bit my tongue to ignore it.

“Vaguely.”

“That blade stops at nine hundred and ninety nine. It has been enchanted to be permanently dull, capable of slashing but only as deep as a puddle; it is why it’s been unsheathed by so few. Its purpose is so niche, few get the opportunity.”

Out of some morbid sense of curiosity, I traced my finger along the edges of the blade. It didn’t hurt, not so much as a prick; the skin of my finger didn’t even redden. Even so, I felt noticeably weaker.

“Besides, from what Magic and Cadance have told me, you have issues with magic dispersion and control. Every time you’ve created a knife, your body has suffered the consequences for such. And, well, I will not be there to help you every time. This is an alternative.”

I thought about that for a moment, recalling, with dread, every instance I’d done so. As much as I’d like to, I couldn’t refute it.

“So, why give it to me?”

“Shouldn’t that be obvious?” she patted the spot beside her once more. “Because you detest killing.”

I stared at the distorted reflection in the blade, messy like a dirty pond. I couldn’t see my eyes, as the color of the blade was too close for it to be distinct. I made out the outline of my face, but no details.

“So, this knife can’t kill anyone?”

I placed the knife in my pocket, fitting actually rather snuggly.

“No, but it is capable of absorbing the mana from anyone who it slices. It also glows just a little brighter when it absorbs any, up to a limit. Of course, when it reaches said limit, that mana must go somewhere. So, it will eventually disperse into whoever is holding it at that time.” She ran a finger up her neck, tracing the bottom of her chin. “Whenever it does, I would suggest getting rid of that excess mana by whatever means possible. Or you will burn with power.”

I once again sat beside Luna, sinking into the bed as I placed my backpack on the ground.

“Why would someone make a knife that doesn’t kill?”

“Perhaps they were a pacifist like you? Impossible to say. We have it regardless, and now, you are its bearer.”

“Am I…” I crossed my legs, putting my hands on my lap and awkwardly tapping my fingers against my thighs. “Really the best person for this?”

“I believe so. If I didn’t trust Shining Armors judgment, I would have simply refused.”

“Mmm.”

Luna stood up, twirling on the heel of her hoof to face me.

“Now then, as pleasing as it would be to spend the night with you, I have many dreams to peruse. If there’s nothing else, I must end our dance tonight.”

“There is, actually.”

“Oh?”

I opened the flap of my backpack, reaching in and grabbing my journal. My fingers quivered as I picked at the edges, questioning whether I should really show her or not. Once she saw, there was no going back.

I held my breath until it burned, squinting my eyes until they were almost closed.

I just had to have faith in her. The same way she had faith in me.

“Look,” I flipped through the pages, stopping only when I got to the symbols that were starting to haunt me. I turned the book around, showing it to her.

“This is…”

She yanked the book out of my grip with her magic, and very nearly me along with it. Luna brought it so close to her face I couldn’t tell what expression she was making, hidden behind the diary of what must have seemed to be a madman. Considering who I learned the font from, that isn’t too far off.

“I know the code the cult’s been using. I can read it for you, if you like.”

She muttered something to herself, floating the book a few feet away and glaring at it like it had deeply offended her.

“If what you’re saying is true, then you could be the break the DIC’s been looking for.” She closed the book, levitating it back over to me. “Or, you could reveal what I suspect; that there is no sense behind the messages in the first place.”

I closed the book, placing it back in my backpack.

“What do you mean?”

“Simple; if I were them, I would send coded information that was useless even if they somehow decoded it. It would be a waste of the enemies time and resources that cost me next to nothing. Tis why I have tried to convince my sister to divert DIC’s staff to something useful.”

There was an underlying irritation to her voice, one that I could only be thankful wasn’t directed towards me.

“You really think it's just a bunch of useless gibberish?”

“I do, Celestia, Cadance, Shining Armor, and few others believe on the off chance there could be a scrap of something useful there.”

“Well,” my shoulders dragged, pulling together until they almost touched. “Couldn’t there be?”

Luna squinted, then her eyes widened as she shifted towards me.

“If you’re offering, and can do so with minimal effort, I suppose I could arrange to give you a random sample before you leave and go from there. Hmmm, if I’m correct then I can claim there was a brief breakthrough and finally convince Tia to do something much more fitting. If I am wrong, then we get an advantage against the enemy that may tip things in our favor. A downside I do not perceive.” She closed her eyes, bringing her hand to her chin and tapping the end of it. “What do you want in exchange?”

“What? Nothing, I don’t want—”

“Neigh, that is not how I do things.” She walked up to me, her wings flickering as the moonlight she created reflected off of her. “I do not accept charity; I didn’t a millenia ago, I will not now. Even if we’re friends, at the very least, I will be content with owing you a boon. Or,” her lips curled into a devious smirk, extending her two wings in different directions. “You can let me choose how I repay you. ‘Surprise you’, as it were.”

She didn’t even attempt to hide which option she wanted me to pick, tilting her head to the right.

My curiosity aside, I wasn’t the biggest fan of surprises. That being said, Lumi was a pleasant one, though it wasn’t much of a surprise at this point. Somehow, the idea of Luna owing me a favor was more unsettling. Shining being indebted to me was discomforting, but Luna? She has been more than a friend to me, she convinced me to keep going. She helped me save them, for better or worse.

It would stay on my mind until I settled on something, and then I’d feel awful about making Luna do something she might not have wanted.

“Uhm,” what was it that Spike said when I met him? ‘That’s a problem for future Chara.’ “Surprise me?”

Luna let out a hearty laugh, her wings drawing in like the curtains of a window.

“I was truly hoping you’d say that. I have just the thing in mind.” A letter floated in from the edge of where the fake moon shone, followed by a pen that was already writing before it even made its way to her. As quickly as it appeared, it vanished in a puff of smoke. “And it is done.”

“Already?” I raised my head, eyes scanning the room searching for anything new. “What did you do?”

“Chara, I’m shocked. You know I can’t reveal that to you; then it wouldn’t be a surprise.” Luna smirked, gesturing towards the door. “Now, the night waits not even for me. I must away.”

She opened it with her magic, the light in the room starting to fade. Despite having lights attached to the walls, the hallway somehow looked pitch black in comparison.

I tightened the straps of my backpack to my shoulder, slipping some of my fingers under it to get a better grip.

“Thank you, Luna. Really, you’ve been incredibly helpful.”

“Please, you’re too modest.” She tilted her head. “I’ve merely been myself.”

As I entered the hallway and the door closed behind me, I once more got out my journal, flipping to the list I made just an hour prior. Luna ended up helping me take care of things.

Leaving one remaining.

_____________

I knocked on the door to Dark’s room, finding its curves and patterns identical to mine. I waited in the hallway, counting the amount of lights on the walls just to keep myself preoccupied. Actually, now that my mind was drifting, I realized that this was the first time I was left alone in the hallways. No escort, no princess, just…me.

I couldn’t decide if I hated it or not.

Before I could dwell on it, I heard the thumping of hoofsteps getting ever closer. I pulled down my shirt, adjusting my hair to where they covered my ears and only spent a second or two questioning why I was bothering to do that before the door opened.

“Oh, I’ve been wondering when I’d actually get to see you, Char.” Dark was wearing the same t-shirt and sweatpants I usually saw him in, stepping to the side and opening the door a bit more. “Come on in. I was going to bed soon, but we can chat for a bit.”

“Thanks.”

The lights inside were on so the room was well lit, though set to a ‘dim’ so it wasn’t overly bright. I didn’t even know they had a dim setting.

“How’s your day been? I’ve been having to tell anyone who recognizes me that my name is actually ‘Light Glow.’ As long as none of them are ex-bounty hunters, I should be good.”

I tried not to bring up Brash, which brought my mind to his escort.

“Where’s Luster?”

“Who? Wait, that’s the name of the guard who was with me I think. Princess Luna came by and said she was relieved for the night, so she went off…somewhere.”

He walked over to his bed, which was already a mess, and adjusted the pillow and blanket to be relatively straight.

“Huh, the same thing happened to me. But it was Shining Armor.”

“The captain of the royal guard? Wow, you just know everyone, huh?”

He said with a chuckle before sitting on the bed, gesturing to the bed like Luna did.

“I don’t know any of them that well, really.” I sat down on the opposite side of the bed, placing my backpack on the floor. “How’s your first day back in Canterlot?”

“Well, I’ve been stuck in the castle all day being briefed about what I am and am not allowed to do while staying here; so it's been very nostalgic of my childhood.” He leaned back, raising his arms and stretched until there was a satisfying crack. “Yours, Mrs. Important human girl?”

“I’m not…” a word came to mind from the dictionaries I read through last time, though I’d never heard it actually said. “You’re incorrigible.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “You sound just like my mom.”

“I didn’t do that much today.” That was maybe a lie? I learned some important stuff, but I couldn’t do very much with it except give it to people who can actually do something with it. “I talked to Celestia and Shining, then Luna, and came here. That’s really it.”

“You say that like talking to the princesses is a daily occurrence. I know nobles who’d backstab their own mother just to see them once a week. If that doesn’t make you special, I don’t know what the word means.”

“I’m not special, I just know a lot of special people.”

“Well,” Dark’s voice lowered, gripping the edges of the bed as he leaned the opposite direction. “You’re special to me.”

Whatever I tried to say to that came out as a squeak, my face as hot as the tea Celestia served me.

“So, um,” after a few seconds of increasingly tense silence, I inched closer to Dark. “Are we…going to see your family tomorrow?”

“Yeah, at some point. I want to go around Canterlot City a bit though, visit some places and see if they’re still around. Maybe take you to a few places.”

“Like a date?”

“Not like a date, is a date.” He moved a bit closer to me, our shoulders nearly grazing. “If you’ll have me, of course.”

“One that ends in meeting your parents.”

That comment seemed to sap the bravado right out of him, his grin fading to something almost unrecognizable.

“Yeah, there is that.”

“Most of the books have them wait until way later to introduce each other to their families, if they can help it.”

“Chara,” he turned towards me, placing one leg on the bed with its bottom half hanging off the side. “I wouldn’t recommend using romance books as reference for actual relationships, they’re kinda, well, romanticized.”

“Well, yeah, they’re romance.”

He snorts, waving his hand as it landed on my own. It was soft, wrapping around my own with a gentleness that reminded me of Toriel. I swallowed my urge to pull away, trying to imagine his hand as a pillow.

“No, I meant they make it unrealistic to the point where they can’t be compared to reality. I read a couple, and a lot of them depict it in a very idealistic way. You shouldn’t look at it as a point of reference for yo—our relationship.” Intentionally or not, his grip tightened on my hand, and he made eye contact. I held it for as long as I could, getting more and more used to the burning in my brain. “If you don’t feel like you’re ready to meet them, you don’t have to. Heck, I’ll head back to Ponyville on the next train if you want me to.”

“No, I want to talk to them with you. I just,” I thought back to when Pinkie showed up to Fluttershy’s the night before we went to the farm, gripping the chair until I left nail indents in the fabric. “I kinda suck at being supportive.”

“That’s fine.” He raised my hand, clasping it in his other one. “You just being here is all the support I need, seriously. That’s all you have to do.”

My hand was getting sweaty, buried in a blanket of black fur. Despite him trying his best to be gentle, the gesture only made me more uncomfortable. I couldn’t tell if he didn’t notice, or was just waiting for my answer before letting go.

“...alright.”

He let out a sigh, releasing my hands as they fell to the bed. I instinctively yanked them to my chest, taking a breath that prickled the inside of my dry throat.

“You’re the bestest.” Dark leaned forward like he wanted to hug me, but then noticed something and went rigid, rubbing a hand through his hair as his shoulders dragged. “And…I can tell you’ve had a busy day. Listen, I appreciate you finding time to come by and check on me, but you look like you need sleep more than I do. So, if you wanna go ahead and leave, I’ll get it.”

“Are you sure? I left you alone all day.”

“And tomorrow I have you all to myself, so it’s fine.”

“Mm.” I rubbed my elbow, still trying to figure out how I felt about that. A few hours I can deal with, spending the night making a mental list of topics to go through, but a whole day? I don’t know if I could manage that long. It took me months just to function by myself in Ponyville. “Alright. Can I at least know where you plan to take me tomorrow?”

“Um, well, I don’t know what’s still in business. There’s the coffee place called ‘Cofe’s Canterlot Coffee’ that had the best cold brew I’ve ever had. They also have some good bagels if you want to go there for breakfast?”

Well, it was that, or have an incredibly awkward breakfast with Celestia. Because I didn’t get that enough times last time I stayed in Canterlot.

“Sure.”

“Awesome. Then, after that I guess we could check out the clothes store I used to get my stuff at, then the bar I used to drink with the colts with, which we can’t go to since you don’t like alcohol. Um,”

“W—we can go to the bar. I just will drink something else? Uh, do they have eggnog?”

“Yes, but not the non—alcoholic kind. Or, well, I guess I could ask them to not put alcohol in the eggnog?” He scratched his chin, stroking the beard that’d more or less formed there. “Eh, we’ll deal with it then. Then, after that, we can go get lunch. Finally,” His jaw clenched, closing his eyes in a fleeting moment of contemplation. “Meeting my family while a little buzzed and on a full stomach. Like any good family reunion.”

“As long as they don’t have flower sandwiches, that’s fine.”

“Well, it’s not exactly a,” Dark ground his teeth, placing his chin on his knee. “Pony lunch place, exactly. It serves uh,” he coughed, rubbing his adams apple. “Meat.”

“Meat?” It somehow didn’t occur to me that I’d never heard it uttered by ponies. Read, sure, but never said. “Like from animals?”

“Yeah. I, uh, sort of expected you to be more…horrified?”

“I, uhm, hm.” Is that what most ponies thought of it? I suppose I’d never seen them eat anything that contained meat, or really mention it. Then again, neither did Toriel. “I’ve…had meat before.”

“Oh.” I could see the muscle in his shoulders relax just a smidge, his head moving back until it hit the headboard with a light thump. “Huh. I would have figured since you lived with Fluttershy, you’d be totally against it.”

“I don’t,” I also couldn’t recall a time Fluttershy and I talked about that. “Actually know how Fluttershy feels about that. I’ve never seen her eat meat. Or really talk about it aside from her animals.”

“I guess that makes sense. So,” he scratched his neck, pulling at his shirt. “How do you feel about it?”

“The same way I feel about any other food I eat?” I shrugged, playing with a wrinkle in the blanket I was sitting on. “I used to eat meat every other day in my village.”

“Cool. Then, I guess I know what we’re doing for lunch.”

“So, why are you ok with it?”

“I…” his knee bounced a bit, the corners of his lips twitching. “I used to experiment a lot in college with stuff, food was one of them. I just found out during them that I didn’t mind certain kinds of meats in like, a sandwich or something.”

He stood up, extending his hand to me. With bated breath, I took it, stepping off the bed and finding my footing relatively easily.

“Do you want me to walk you back to your room, ma’lady?”

I couldn't help but chuckle at his blatantly fake accent.

“No thanks, I’m a big girl.”

“I don’t know about that, you can barely reach up to my chest.”

I pursed my lips, refusing to comment on that.

Dark walked me to the doorway, leaning against the entrance as he watched me leave. Soon, I didn’t feel his gaze at all, and I was once again alone in the bedroom. My head sank into a pillow made for one twice my size, staring up at a canopy that could swallow me whole.

I could tell that, if I really tried to sleep, I might get an hour or two. At that point, I’d wake up more tired than if I didn’t sleep at all. There was something better I could be doing with my time.

I sat up, getting my journal out and flipping to the next cleanest page.

Now, to start thinking about conversation topics.

Chapter 44: Eggnot.

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 45: The Morning After

Author's Note

Yahallo! I'm sorry this took longer than usual, I've been working on a lot of projects and this chapter I was very hesitant to write because it could go very wrong in a lot of directions. Anywho, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments and tell me if you spot any issues, and thanks for reading!

Chapter 45: The Morning After

The world was blurry, disfigured, and racked with pain.

I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, without experiencing agony rupturing throughout my body. Every blink was like the blood in my very veins turning into ice, every movement like my bones were turning into wood.

The pain sat in my brain, spreading to my senses and souring all of them like spoiled milk.

I was hungover.

Or, at least, that’s what Brash told me I was.

Ever since I woke up, I’ve been trying to force myself back to sleep; only for my bladder to yank me back to reality every couple of minutes. I’ve never been as dehydrated as I was today, no amount of water ever felt like enough.

Which was saying quite a bit considering I asked for Brash to bring them by the bucket full.

“Ughhhhhhh.”

I wanted to move, my back sore from laying down for so long. Everything was hot but my body was cold, chills like I was on the train all over again.

The door opened, its creaking amplified a thousand fold.

“I’m back with the potion!”

Brash, being much more considerate than I would have given her credit for, entered the room speaking in a whisper and closing the door at an almost painfully slow pace. Despite her attempts at being reserved, the door shutting made me want to put cotton balls in my ears and never hear again.

As she made her way to my bed, I gripped the sheets for dear life and forced myself to get up, groaning and creaking with every movement. I’ve experienced death itself several times, but this was an agony in a category of its own.

By the time I managed to sit on the edge of my bed, it was like I’d ran miles. Fatigue in every muscle and thick like molasses, mixed with sweat that drenched me so thoroughly I could smell myself, I’ve never wished I was a spectre more in my life.

“Now, Chara, I need you to promise me you’ll never drink again.” Brash started as she hovered in front me, tossing the bottle in the air and catching it over and over again. “Otherwise, I’ll just leave you to go through this on your own; it's the only way you’ll learn.”

As much as I wanted to tell her how horrifically wrong she was, my track record showed she was dead on.

I wrapped my arms around my stomach, a twisting feeling in my stomach as if my intestines had become a pretzel.

“Oh, believe me, I don’t plan on—” I tried covering my mouth, pushing down the bile so I didn’t have to taste it again. That was pointless, of course. I grabbed the trash can and vomited, tears rolling down the side of my face as I tried to breathe through my nose. “It. But, I don’t know if I can keep anything down right now.”

“Well, manage to keep this down for thirty minutes, and you’ll feel good as new.”

“Hmmm,” With a shaky hand, I grabbed the bottle, spinning it to the back and skimming through the ingredients. Which, as I should have guessed, was pointless considering pretty much everything there were plants or materials I wasn’t familiar with. “Does it taste like medicine?”

“Nope. Tastes like, uhm,” She lowered herself to the ground, wings tucking into her sides. “Pink? I don’t know how else to describe it. It just tastes like the color pink.”

I opened the bottle, bringing it to my nose in a trembling grip. It didn’t really smell like anything? It was clear, so clear I could see my reflection in it if I brought the bottle to my eye.

My stomach grumbled, either hungry or trying to void itself only to find nothing was left.

Here goes everything I guess.

I brought the bottle to my lips, taking a tentative swig before consuming the entire thing. The texture was like water, and the taste was…fruity? Not strongly so, but with a much more intense aftertaste.

It really did taste like the color pink.

Out of fear of upsetting my stomach further if I drank too quickly, I consumed it in sips. Brash waited patiently, wandering around the room and examining every inch of it like she hadn’t done so half a dozen times before.

With each swallow, I felt it travel down my throat and hit my stomach. It hurt a little, but the relief it arrived with made it worth it.

“Ok, I’m,” I burped a bit, setting the bottle on the counter. “Done. Now what?”

“Now, you take a shower. You stink.”

My cheeks burned more than my throat did, crossing my arms as I tried to make myself smaller.

“I know, but,” I grabbed the edges of my bed, forcing myself onto the ground with as much hesitance as if I was jumping off a cliff. The ground hurt my feet, moving hurt my body, and I could barely take a step without using a post for weight. “I don’t know if I can take a shower right now. Doing anything is a lot.”

Brash walked over to me, extending her wing to me.

“I could help you get there if you want. You should be all better by the time it's over.”

It was a genuine gesture, and kind; on the surface at least.

I was well aware of what she was actually asking. That, at least, was obvious to me.

I stood there, wobbling and moments away from losing my balance.

There wasn’t really much choice, was there?

“Ok.” I begin making my way to Brash, not letting go of the bed for as long as I could. “But just with your wings.”

“That was the plan.”

She stretched her wing, wrapping it around me just enough to touch both of my shoulders and the back of my…well, back. Brash kept as much distance as she could, escorting me to the bathroom and opening the door for me.

“Do you need me to help you take off your clothes?”

“Probably, give me a second.” I took the necklace off, setting it on the sink. I went to take off my shirt, my hand scraping against a weight in my pocket I forgot was there. “Oh, this thing.”

I lifted the azoth sword from my pocket, setting it right beside the faucet.

“Woah,” Brash leaned towards it, getting as close as she could while keeping me within her wing. “Shiny. What is that?”

“Magic dagger; Luna gave it to me.” I folded the last of my clothes, leaving only my bra and underwear. “Can you get my backpack? It has my clothes in it.”

“Huh. Cool.” Brash moved towards the door, hesitantly retracting her wing while tensing up. “Yeah, no problem.”

As soon as the door closed behind her, I took off the rest of my clothes, adding them to the pile. I managed to use what little strength I had to to turn the valve for the shower, only to immediately reverse it the second I felt the hot water touch my skin. It was like I was wearing leather that didn’t fit quite right, and every drop made it tighten on my body.

The cold water wasn’t exactly a good alternative. Every drop was like a sharpened icicle stabbing into my skin, embedding themselves into my very skeleton. I spent what felt like an eternity just adjusting the valve until something tolerable was raining on me, and even then it was only tolerable to a point.

I began to drink some of the water, quenching the irritation in my mouth for only seconds at a time. If nothing else, it sustained me for a few moments. The soreness was overtaken, the headache was dulling, and fatigue was easier to ignore.

Issue being, now that my senses weren’t prioritized on not dying, other things came to light; like my tongue.

It didn’t feel right in my mouth.

It wasn’t too wet or dry, that wasn’t the issue. No matter where I placed it in my mouth it never fit, on the left or the right or in the center, some part of it didn’t feel quite in place. It reminded me of doing a jigsaw puzzle, except the piece I found just barely didn’t fit with the other one.

I didn’t even realize how long I’d been fumbling with the organ in my mouth until I saw my skin pruning, resembling a turtle more than my appendages.

Brash entered the room, placing what sounded like the backpack on the ground. I then heard her hoofsteps, sounding like they were approaching the sink. The sound of something clattering, and then yelping.

“What the fuck?” Something heavy clattered on the ground, followed by Brash taking deep breaths in between hissing, blowing heavily and loudly on something. “What kind of shitting sword burns its wielder?”

Panick riddled my lethargic body as I was tempted to yank the curtain to the side

“What happened?”

“I wanted to see how your sword feels, and it burned me!” She shouted from the other side, hissing and taking loud steps.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s not that bad. Just take your shower, I’ll be fine.”

I heard the sound of the door opening and closing, then Brash taking steps away from it. A few moments later, I turned off the water and dried myself, seeing the sword had landed on the ground as I put on my clean clothes.

I approached the sword, a morbid curiosity to touch it tickling me; even if I knew what the worst outcome would be. Yet, the question wouldn’t stop pestering my brain; why didn’t it burn me?

Piercing cold air stayed in my lungs, my entire body dripping with a similar chill. Despite all of that, all I felt was this warmth in the center of my hand, drawing me to the handle of my blade.

I picked it up.

And it was as cold as the water I was just showering in.

I moved it around in my hand, looking for anything that might have been hot or looked like it’d burn. Nothing did, it was as cold as the blade itself.

“Maybe it's enchanted? It’s not burning me.”

I placed it back on the sink, turning to the door.

A bizarre nausea came over me that condensed in my brain, causing the world to tremble as I nearly fell to the floor I gripped the edges of the sink, leaning forward and preparing for another stream of bile, that familiar sourness on the inside of my cheeks were sign enough of that.

I felt it rising, crawling up my neck, its vile taste passing over my tongue and out of my mouth. And then…

A bubble.

A pink bubble, at that.

It sort of just…floated in front of me, hovering in my face like it was waiting for something. I raised my pointer finger, poking at it tentatively with a little more strength each time until it inevitably popped.

I stood there and waited, half-expecting another bubble to climb its way out of my throat. Soon enough, the dizziness dissipated, and I could let go of the sink again.

I took one wobbly step, which wasn’t as difficult as I feared it would be. I found myself counting each step to the door, and then the bed, expecting to lose my balance at any moment. Before I knew it, I was lying on it, where the only obstacle was my drying hair getting in my eyes.

I looked around the room for a mane tie, finding some of them hanging off the edges of the wardrobe. I was about to go and grab one, but Brash followed my line of sight and flew over, grabbing a couple in her wing and hovering over to me.

“Want me to braid your mane?”

I glanced at her, briefly noticing the bandages that had been wrapped around her horn.

“You know how to braid hair?”

“Look,” Brash’s face flushed a little as she moved behind me, placing some of the bands on the bed beside me. “Every mare’s had their phase where they wanted to look the prettiest they can for a certain stallion or mare. Some skills just tend to stick.”

“Did it work out for you?”

A pause, though she didn’t stop braiding my hair from what I could tell.

“No.” Brash cleared her throat, picking up one of the bands. “What about you? How’d your cute little date go last night? Assuming you remember it.”

I pressed my lips into a fine line, skin on my face stretching as I struggled to recall what I could.

“Bits and pieces.” Everything up to the bar itself was clear as any other memory, then afterwards it was like trying to recall a dream. Except, with this, all the feelings were still there, for better or worse. “I remember cuddling against something really warm and soft, and walking around a lot. Then everything smelt weird, there were stars on the floor and books everywhere, and I couldn't move? And then…”

What happened next was more vivid, maybe because it was later in the night, or just the whole ordeal was so intense it sobered me up. But I remember the important moments.

Me trying to kiss Dark.

Him telling me I was drunk.

How hard it became just to breathe.

The wetness of the grass against my knees.

How cold it was.

How tight my chest was.

Thinking about it now, I could almost feel it again in my heart.

“Brash, why do people drink if it makes them do horrible things?”

“What kind of horrible things?”

“Like,” My hand went to my side, holding it and counting my ribs just to make sure they’re all there and whole. “Hurting people.”

Another pause, this one much longer. She even stopped braiding my hair. I heard her hooves creak against the floor, her wings rigidly pressed against her sides.

“Chara,” she shook her head. “Alcohol doesn’t do that.”

“It doesn’t?” I couldn’t help but think of him, chugging from his chalice of frothy poison. “Are you sure?”

“Hundred and twenty percent. I’ve been around a lot of drunk ponies for a lot of reasons, and while they sometimes do and say stupid shit, it’s never been malicious. Sure, sometimes people do hurt others they shouldn’t when they drink, but that kind of pony…”

She tugged my hair a bit harder than I would have liked, eliciting a yelp out of me that was girly enough to be shameful.

“They’re just looking for an excuse to hurt others; usually because they’re hurting themselves. Not to say that ever makes it right. Drinking just,” she was close enough for me to hear her grit her teeth. “Brings out more of a person, for better or worse.”

“Oh.” I pulled on my necklace, forcing it to tighten around my neck. The cold metal was icier than normal. “So, if I get drunk and hurt someone, then I was already going to—”

“Shut up with that.” Brash’s voice was stern, lacking that underlying playfulness that carried every word. “I don’t care what you did or said, you aren’t the type to hurt someone intentionally. For Celestia’s sake, you flinch when someone swears. Whoever you are when you were drunk is just as much you as the you that's sitting in front of me right now, just less stuck in your own head.” Brash grabbed the final band, twirling it on the tip of her wing as she took a few steps back. “Done. Nothing fancy, but it shouldn’t be getting in your face anymore.”

I instinctively reached the back of my head, running my fingers over the bundles of hair they’d been arranged in. I just as quickly got to my feet, moving around a bit to make sure none of my bangs would get in my eyes.

“Wow, thanks a lot.” It felt just like when I tried putting my own hair in a ponytail, though admittedly my hair was much longer at that point. “For everything, Brash. Really.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m a mare of many talents and skills; comes with being single.” She moved around the front of the bed, placing the band on her wing back on the wardrobe. “What’s on the agenda for today? Princess Celestia mentioned you’re more than welcome for breakfast, but she understands if you’d prefer not to. Otherwise, you have the whole day free; even let the chariots know you might want to go back to Ponyville if you like.”

As tempting as that was, I couldn’t say if I was ready to go back there quite yet.

Not to mention I wasn’t sure if Dark was ready to go back, or if he even wanted to.

I wasn’t ready to have any conversations with him just yet.

Or anyone, really.

“Are there any plays in the theater today?”

“Today? No, just later tonight.”

I tapped my fingers against the air, an energy in them that I was all too familiar with.

“I’d like to play the piano. It feels like it’s been forever.”

It wasn’t there.

Because of course not.

In its place was a dusty outline of the piano, though all the other instruments in the backstage were still there.

What a day this is turning out to be.

Instead, I decided to make my way to Luna’s room. I was a bit curious about the azoth sword, as well as hopefully getting an update on the decoding stuff.

Admittedly, I was getting a little interested in whatever ‘surprise’ she had in mind for me. Of course, there was no chance that she’d actually tell me what it was even if I did my best.

On our way there, Cadance turned the corner, shuddering at the sight of me which she tried to cover by stretching her wings.

“Chara! What a pleasant surprise, I just ran into Dark not that long ago.”

Brash bowed out of the corner of my vision, not raising her head until Cadance gestured for her too.

I wore a shaky smile, leaning against a wall rather than standing directly in the middle.

“Really? How was he…” No, too obvious. “What was he doing?”

“Catching up with some friends. He apparently knew some of the royal guards while he was in college. Although,” her smirk fell, glancing at Brash and then back to me. “Can I talk to you in private for a moment?”

“Uhm,” There’s at least half a dozen things that came to mind, none of them were things i wanted to talk about today, or ever. “Sure. Brash, could you leave us?”

“Of course. I’ll be waiting for you at Princess Luna’s door.”

Cadance followed Brash with her eyes, waiting until her hoofsteps couldn’t be heard before directing her attention back to me.

“What happened on your date last night?”

That…was not one of the half dozen.

“How do you…” I clasped my arms, holding my elbows tight at my sides as I ducked my chin. “Can you read minds?”

“No, just emotions. Even then, it’s just vaguely. It’s…” She copied my posture, leaning against the wall using her wing as a cushion. “More of a curse than a blessing, to be honest. You know that smell when its about to rain?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s like that, sorta. Nevermind.” She shook her head, waving with her free wing. “I heard about your date with him, and when I brought you up at the cafeteria he got really…” She bit her lip, placing the tip of her wing against her chin. “Upset. I didn’t push him on it. I wanted to ask you at least. But if it's none of my business, I’ll leave it alone.”

I didn’t say anything for a long time, tapping my fingers against my elbow to a mute melody.

“I don’t really know what happened, exactly.” I ran a hand up my neck, scraping across my rapid pulse. “I don’t remember a lot of it.”

“You don’t remember a date? What, did you get blackout drunk or something?”

Her chuckle cut off as soon as my chin fell to my chest.

“Oh, Chara. Tell me you didn’t.”

“I didn’t…on purpose.” My body was getting hot. “I don’t remember saying enough that made him too upset, but we did go to see his parents and they aren’t on the best terms. Maybe he was upset about that?”

I had this sinking feeling in my stomach, made only worse by not knowing why it was there.

“No, it wasn’t that. Well, it wasn’t just that.” Cadance scrunched her muzzle, eyes darting back and forth as she sucked on her teeth. “I didn’t take you as a drinker.”

“I’m not.”

“Hmm.” she closed her eyes, shuffling her hooves like she was unable to sit still. “A topic for another day then. Regardless of what happened, you really should go and talk with him at some point. There’s nothing a couple can’t get through with proper communication. What were your plans for the day?”

I couldn’t help but search for every sign of unease in her body; never looking directly at me, swallowing hard every few seconds, eyes going concerningly long without blinking. It was a little better each time, and some part of me hoped that I wouldn’t notice it anymore.

“I was going to talk to Luna, then Dark. After that, maybe catch up on some reading? I don’t exactly feel like doing a whole lot.”

“Yeah, if you got that blackout I’d imagine you’re still mostly hungover.” she pushed herself off the wall, taking a few steps to the left and turning her back to me. She brought the tips of her wings to her chest, just standing there and breathing before facing me again. “Auntie Celestia and I are supposed to meet in the garden, after that Shining and I have the day together if you need anything. When are you going back to Ponyville?”

“I don’t know.” I tried to picture a list of things I needed to do before going back, imaging a floating pencil checking the boxes beside the ones I’ve already done. “Tomorrow, maybe?”

“A bit soon, but I can’t blame you. There’s not a whole lot to do in Canterlot. I’ll make sure Lumi is ready.” Cadance started walking away, stopping as her head jerked back. “Oh, and Chara?”

I was still leaning against the wall, clenching and unclenching my fist. I pushed myself off it, my feet scraping against the floor as I briefly met her gaze.

“Yeah?”

“I love your mane. You look cute.”

She said with a wink.

Lethargy returned to my body with a vengeance.

“Luna?”

The door was left open, all the curtains were closed and there were only occasional patches of light. Though the room was mostly shadows, it wasn’t nearly as dark as the last time, and I was able to immediately tell where the princess of the night was.

Sitting on the bed in moon and star pajamas, laying on her stomach and reading a book. I managed to glimpse the title, ‘It Can’t Be Taught.’

“Are you reading?”

She closed the book, placing it on top of her pillow and standing up from her bed.

“I was, yes.”Luna walked around like she was dancing, avoiding every spot of light in her room. “What did you think I did in my free time?”

I laced my fingers together, awkwardly tapping my knuckles.

“Princess stuff?”

“Well, usually I would be busy doing ‘princess stuff’, but daytime is when I am at my least productive. Not to mention that Tia has informed me she’s quite busy today and wishes to not be bothered, so I can’t do very much today. That being said,” Luna closed the door behind me, placing a hand on her wing and running it from the top to the bottom of her wing as she extended it. “How may I help you today?”

“I…” I moved away from the door. “Brash can’t hear us, right?”

“Correct. I had this room sound-warded the day I returned.”

“Alright, then,” I took off my backpack, placing it by the wardrobe. “I want that sample now. I need to know what I’m getting into first.”

“Ah yes. That would be wise. One moment.”

There was a pop, one I’d come to expect, as Luna vanished. I took a few seconds to open my backpack, getting my journal and opening it to the page where I was using my pencil as a bookmark.

As soon as I turned around, Luna was back again, holding a few pieces of paper that was about as large as her head.

“Here. I got the closest few I could find.”

I took it from her, scanning over the lines of wingdings as I placed it on the bed.

“You just…took it?”

“No. I asked for a random sample from the first pony in charge, then they sighed and handed me a few from the stack”

“Oh.” I moved on the bed, slotting the wingdings page in the left page of my journal and starting the translation. “Uhm, can I ask you something before I start?”

“Always.”

“The sword you gave me, it burned Brash whenever she tried to touch it. Is that something its supposed to do?”

“If she tried to wield it, yes.”

“But it doesn’t burn me?” I straightened the papers, organizing them in order from longest to shortest.

“Correct. It burns anyone who tries to hold it that isn’t the one who took the oath.”

“...huh.”

That was good to know at least.

I placed my journal on the pillow, resting the papers on my lap.

“Should I write all of it down?”

Luna retrieved a chair with her magic, placing it in front of the bed and sitting down.

“Please do. It will make persuasion much easier.”

I started with the shortest one.

“‘You equipped the glasses!’’

What.

“What?”

Luna voiced my thoughts exactly.

I took a moment to try to process that, before placing the paper at the bottom and reading the next one.

“‘You reached maximum hp!”

I creased my brow, reading it again under my breath in the hope it’d make sense.

Judging by Luna’s scowl, she was just as confused as I was.

I sat up, placing it on my lap and placing a finger on the first letter. “‘Snow can always be broken and rebuilt into something more useful.’”

Luna squinted, wings flapping once as she pursed her lips.

“I don’t get it.”

“I don’t…”

Something clicked.

It started as a prick in my mind, spreading to the front of my head and condescending into a bubble of realization that popped.

I said that.

Not just now, but six years ago; countless times.

This was narration, my narration.

“Either.”

This time, getting an answer was worse than the question.

“Was there any sort of hidden message? Or indication that the other messages might contain one?”

I didn’t answer at first, my finger hovering over the ‘r’. For some reason, it was red. In wingdings, that meant nothing; it was the same as highlighting. However, above that was a number, which was more than just a peculiarity. Numbers worked normally in wingdings, but above a letter like that?

If that served a purpose, Gaster certainly never told her such.

“Chara?” Luna asked again, leaning down just a few inches away. “It’s rude to ignore someone when they’re speaking to you.”

I tried not to jump this time, slamming my journal shut instead.

“I’m sorry.” I placed it on the bed next to me. “There was a highlighted letter with a number above it, but I don’t know what it’s for. I might need to see more of them?”

“That’s,” she slowly closed her eyes, chest rising and falling as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “What I was afraid of. Fine, I’ll arrange to have some sent to you every week; which will include paperwork. Paperwork for paper, what hath become of this nation?”

She shook her head, stepping away from the bed and opening several drawers with her magic.

“I’d rather get this done and over with. When do you depart?”

“I’m not sure yet.” I placed my journal in my backpack. “Tomorrow if nothing else comes up?”

“So soon? I understand; there’s little to do in a castle this large when the nation is not on the cusp of collapse.” paper circled Luna, multiple pencils wrote on them at different speeds. “Then I would request you depart. The more I concentrate, the sooner this will be finished.”

“Oh, alright.” I wrapped the straps around my shoulders, pushing the translation to the back of my mind for now. “Thank you for, well, everything.”

“Of course. And thank you for braiding your mane; you should be as proud of your beauty as any mare.”

“Why do you and Dark keep saying that? I’m not…nevermind.”

Luna only responded with a smile, which quickly faded to a grimace as she eyed one of the pieces of paper.

I opened and closed the door as quietly as I could, pressing my back against it and just breathing. Maybe it should have bothered me more, left me as shocked as Shadow did. For whatever reason, it just didn’t.

Was there something wrong with me?

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” the back of my head rubbed against the door, some part of me missing when I was just hungover. “Been a long day.”

Dark’s door was left slightly open.

I stood outside it for an uncomfortable minute, stealing glances inside to see what he was doing. I knew I should just knock, or open the door, or do something other than waiting for nothing to happen. I told Cadance I’d talk to him, and I did want to, there was just this feeling that it would be too soon or I wouldn’t know what to say.

If I was being honest with myself, I wasn’t sure more time would even help me with what to say.

Brash didn’t say anything, instead her attention was much more locked on my right hand.

I pulled it to my chest, tugging at the end of my glove and scratching the edges.

I saw Dark walk past the door from the creak I was peering into, not noticing me standing there.

I eventually brought myself to push the door open, breaking that tepid silence with a creaking that echoed through the hallways.

He was standing at the edge of his bed, an open luggage case sitting on it that he was folding clothes, humming a tune with a barely noticeable smile.

His eyes darted to me in a glimpse, the skin around his eyes bunching together before just as quickly relaxing.

“Hey Chara! I thought you’d be in bed all day. You got pretty plastered.”

I closed the door behind me, walking a few steps in the room before taking a look around. The room was identical to mine, only mirrored. There was nothing in the room out of place, making me wonder if he cleaned up or hardly even used it in the first place.

“Plastered? Oh, yeah, I guess I was. I don’t really…remember most of it. Did I,” the tension in my body was like a drying coat of paint coated on my bones, making me question every movement before I made them. “Say anything that made you upset? I remember you being upset about something.”

“I mean, I was and still sorta am. Just,” he placed a folded shirt into the luggage, letting out a sigh. “You don’t remember what you said, do you?”

“Not,” My memory wasn’t any clearer, no matter how deeply I dug. “Exactly.”

“Chara,” he turned to me, his shoulders slumping as his lips pressed to the right. “You told me you might only be dating me because you want to learn about relationships.”

It felt like I swallowed my tongue.

“I…I d—didn’t mean to—”

“But, you also said that you did genuinely like me.”

I choked on my words, my half-baked apology never leaving the oven.

“I did?”

“You did.” he nodded. “You said and did a lot of things, it was kind of cute. Would have loved it if we weren’t also seeing my family.”

I cringed, pulling my sleeves over my wrists.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, I shouldn’t have taken you to a bar. It’s more my fault than anything.” He placed the luggage on the ground, sitting on the bed while holding the edges. “Do you at least remember when I told you that my family invited me to stay with them for a bit.”

“Vaguely.”

“Well, I’m taking them up on that. For a few days, at least.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

He looked away, puffing up his cheeks. “Not really. But if I go back to Ponyville, it’s going to bug me for months. I mean, what would you do in my position?”

I’ve thought about that so many times.

If I had the chance to go back and live with the Dreemurr family, leaving the life I’ve made here in exchange, would I take it?

I had an answer.

“You should go.”

“Really?” His eyes flickered, rising to meet mine. “You’re not going to try to convince me to come back to Ponyville with you?”

“No,” I shook my head, copying the patient smile Fluttershy’s given me so many times. “I’m the same way. If you want to stay with them a few days before you decide to move back, then I understand.”

“Huh. I uh, I expected you to try to convince me to come back to Ponyville. Alright then.” He rubbed the back of his head, getting to his hooves. “I think…I think we could use some time apart anyway. I have a lot to think about.”

The corners of my lips shook, barely holding.

“I get it. Last night wasn’t exactly the best date, from what I can remember.”

“Don’t blame yourself. All alcohol does is make you honest, and I appreciate honesty. Just,” he half-opened the bag, reaching in and grabbing a bundle of clothes. “I’m gonna take a shower. I can write you letters if you like while I’m there?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

Neither of us had much more to say, so I opened the door behind me and left as soon as he entered the bathroom. I didn’t stand outside of the door this time, walking down the hallway with no direction or goal in mind. Brash followed behind, doing a terrible job of hiding her curiosity.

“Where we going, boss?”

“Back to my room.”

“To do what?”

I stopped, the smile dropping from my face.

“I don’t know.”

She didn’t ask any more questions after that.

Chapter 46: Gift.

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter One: Suffering In A Different World

Author's Note

Yahallo! Sorry this took so long to get out, college is starting for me soon and I've had to do some preparations. I would like to give fair warning that this is the chapter where the gore and violence tags will be coming in. Some chapters will be like this, others will have a more slice of life aspect to them, that is the kind of story this is. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments, please tell me if you spot any issues such as grammar or writing. Thanks for reading, and enjoy!

Chapter One: Suffering In A Different World

I’ve never been teleported before, and that still might be the case, since I'm not sure how I came to be where I am.

One moment, I was in the empty abyss, waiting for Frisk to pull me out just to watch them go through the same routine I’ve seen dozens, if not hundreds, of times. Then my eyes got heavy, which in itself was a red flag considering I didn’t have a body and shouldn’t even be able to get tired, and I closed them.

The next, I was on my back in a clearing, the sky lacked a single cloud and the sun shone so brightly it burned my newly opened eyes. It’d been so long since I’d been outside that I’d actually forgotten what it was like. This was what everyone in the underground wanted so badly, what Asriel and I tried to obtain.

The warmth of the sun on my face, so soothing it could overwhelm any kind of cold.

The feeling of the soft ground against my back.

The cool wind blowing against my face.

“Eh, it’s overrated.” I said as I raised my body, wincing as a sharp pain stabbed me right in my thinking organ. “Oh headaches, how I didn’t miss you. Wait...headaches?” I realized what that meant as I glanced down, my legs, which were longer than I remember them being, were right there. I quickly stood to my feet, raising my hands, which were also bigger than I remember, to my face. I struggled to stay on my feet and balance myself enough to walk around. it had been so long since I’d done so I’d somewhat forgotten how, but it came back to me quickly.

“Am I...is this a dream?” I recalled a saying that if you think you're in a dream, then you could pinch yourself because you could not feel pain in a dream. I pinched my cheek, sharply inhaling at the sudden sensation. “I’m...alive? I...have my own body? I have my own body!” As I shouted, a tingling sensation went through my neck as it vibrated. It felt so different speaking with an actual body, I had honestly taken it for granted.

A rare wave of happiness washed over me as I let out a relieved chuckle, frantically rubbing my hands against my body as I enjoyed having one again. “How? Why? Actually, you know what? I don’t care!” I pumped my hands above my head, so filled with relief that I couldn’t help tearing up. “You hear that Frisk? I’m free! And I…” I stopped as I glanced around, noticing my surroundings.

I was in the middle of a clearing of some sort. Surrounded by trees so large and thick I could barely see between them, and I could also see that there was a patch of sunflowers where I was just lying. Whoever or whatever brought me here had a clear sense of humor.

“..don’t know where I am. This isn’t the forest near the mountain, where am I?”

I looked around for any kind of landmarks or anything that might tell me where I was, but I really couldn’t see anything because of how tall the trees were. I tried to think back to the last thing I could remember: it was at the end of yet another reset, whether Frisk was looking for something or was just doing it for fun, I still didn't know.

Now I was in the middle of a forest I didn't recognize, for a reason I didn't know. I carried a fear in the back of my mind that Frisk was going to show up like a specter, returning the favor I’d given to them and following me around, narrating on my adventure with a tint of pessimism.

I waited tensely for a solid minute for any sign of that uncaring freak, holding my breath as I hoped that I was just being paranoid. Frisk didn’t show up, which meant only one of two things: Frisk had absolutely nothing to do with this, or it worked the same way it did with me where they just kind of see everything through my eyes. If it was the second, then I could at least hear them saying something. Regardless, neither really gave me much in terms of answers.

I decided to give myself a once-over, hoping something there would give me a hint of some sort. I had an exact replica of the clothes I wore when I died, though sized up to fit my new body. My green and yellow striped shirt, brown pants and shoes, all of which didn’t have a single stain or anything and seemed completely new. I'm noticeably taller now, my head farther from the ground than I was used to seeing. My arms and legs had grown longer, my hands and feet bigger, and the rest of my body followed.

Speaking of appendages, I apparently got two new ones on my chest.

“Yeah, those...those are different.” I murmured to myself as I cautiously brought my hands to the unfamiliar curves, giving them a gentle touch to confirm to myself they were there.

I vaguely remembered seeing these on Toriel and some of the other female monsters. At the time, I didn’t know if that was something unique to monsters or females, but now I guess I’ve got an answer for that question. Don’t know what they’re for other than being kind of odd, but they’re here.

The last change to my body that I could notice was my hair: It had always been short, but now it was longer, going down to about my shoulder. It was honestly kind of annoying; my bangs kept getting in my eyes and pissing me off. First chance I got, I’m cutting it.

I really wish I had a mirror or something so I could see more. Right now, I could only assume my age. I was about twelve when I died, which was in no way my current age. Maybe I'm around my late teens? Hard to tell.

As I was walking around, I saw out of the corner of my eye something attached to my back, completely weightless as I couldn’t even feel it there. I reached my arms around and tried to grab it, only needing two attempts before finally getting a hold of it and lying it on the ground in front of me.

It was a cloth, brown backpack, about half the size of my torso with several pouches. I found myself curious where it came from, and how it carried no weight at all. I opened it and peered inside, only for there to be nothing in there.

I raised my eyebrow, questioning what the point was of giving me a backpack that had nothing in it. However, seeing it did remind me of something. I stood up and extended my hand, mocking the motions I’d seen Frisk go through countless times to access their menu.

I genuinely did not expect it to work, it was a long shot that by some miracle hit the bullseye.

I jumped back when I saw the small screen appear in front of me, vanishing just as I pulled back my arm. I hesitantly extended my arm again, the screen reappeared in front of me. It seemed identical to the one Frisk used at first glance, then I saw some things were missing. There was no cell, which made sense since I didn’t have a cellphone, only stat and items. My name, level which was just one, my hp which was ten, and gold which was zero, all at the bottom left. In the stats itself were my AT and DF stats, both at five. My weapon and armor, which were nothing, and my zero EXP along with the ten I needed to level up, a goal I didn’t intend to pursue. My kills were also at zero. If I can help it, they were going to stay that way, I refuse to become anything like them.

I poked on the item tab with my finger, opening it and seeing what I had. A couple of bottles of water, some gauze and bandages, a few loaves of bread, and…

“A heart shaped necklace? No, it can’t be…” I tried equipping it, only to hear a shuffling noise from the backpack like someone had just slipped something in there.

I furrowed my eyebrows and opened it, seeing that something had appeared inside. I reached both my hands in and took it out, holding the necklace as gently as I could. It was exactly as beautiful as I remembered it being; The gorgeous golden chain that connected to a heart shaped pendant at the end, the delta rune symbol engraved perfectly into it; a painful reminder of a prophecy that I foolishly believed I was fated to carry through.

My fingers trembled as I opened the locket, letting out a choked sob as I saw the words ‘Best Friends Forever’, a hot tear rolling down the side of my face. A flash of anger at the memory of Asriel, with a hard swallow I pushed it down again, leaving that icy sharpness to weigh down my chest like I deserved. It wasn't his fault. I was the one dumb enough to think Asriel could kill so easily. Of course I would get a new family and tear it apart over a stupid hope. I was angry at him for failing me, but hated myself more for asking in the first place.

Yet I couldn't ignore how deeply I still cared about them, I could never bring myself to hate him or The Dreemurr family. Even after everything that humanity did to them, they treated me with nothing but kindness and accepted me as one of them. They cared for me as if I were their own child. Asriel was the closest friend I’d ever had, he made me believe that life was worth living.

And what did they get for it? Despair and death because of my selfishness and inability to let my hatred for humanity go, only my childishness was to blame for thinking my plan would actually work. The worst part was that I knew Asriel would probably forgive me for it.

I wiped the tear off my cheek, slipping the necklace on as the pendant dangled onto my chest, right where it belongs.

I took a deep breath and closed the backpack, picking it up and putting it on by the straps, still completely weightless. I didn’t have time to think about the past. I knew that if I did, the anguish would cause me to collapse and I’d break down right here.

At the very least, I wanted answers. I needed to know who, or what, decided that I of all people deserved a second chance.

I didn’t know anything about directions or survival. I’ve only ever left my village once when I went to Mt. Ebott for...the reason that I did, and that was only because it was a giant landmark. All I could do was do the same thing and hope I made it to somewhere with people.

If worst comes to worst, this place looked like it would have various kinds of plants and berries. I might be able to live off of that until I could find somewhere, assuming there were any close by.

I went off on my first adventure in this new life, still burdened with the memories and regrets of my last one.

Since I wasn’t even sure what time it was when I woke up, I couldn’t tell how long I’d been trudging through these thick woods. It was about dusk now, the sun had almost completely set, leaving me with very little light left. The noises of the night followed with various animals and bugs, making it impossible for me to tell if I was being hunted by predators in the dark.

The strange thing was that the landscape had started to change, less of a forest and more of a swamp. I’d never been to one myself, but some of the occasional stories I heard from the other people in my village and the books I read gave me descriptions that fit here.

There was thick, discolored water that likely carried all kinds of diseases and leeches. The air, so rancid it burned my eyes and I couldn’t help but scrunch up my nose, by far the worst thing I’ve ever smelled. The deeper I got the more I could hear the sounds of dozens of frogs croaking.

I stopped in the middle of a path I was on. There was no way I was going to sleep in a swamp, nor did I think I could stand being here for much longer, it stretched on long past what I could see. Not to mention I still wasn’t used to having a body again, or all the problems that came with it. I’ve had to pee at least four times, THAT was not fun to relearn- and I'd only had one bottle of water. My legs hurt, and it turns out my now long hair absorbed heat too well, and the hot swamp was only making it worse.

I had no idea how Frisk dealt with having to walk everywhere; one of the many things I’ll never understand about them.

Luckily, I had only walked in one direction, so it was just a matter of backtracking and finding a nice, cool tree to sleep under. Maybe I’d be attacked by wild animals in my sleep, maybe not.

As soon as I turned to go back, the ground beneath me began to rumble as my entire body vibrated. A deep, animalistic growling came from behind me, louder than anything I’d ever heard before.

Cold, piercing fear overwhelmed me as I slowly glanced over my shoulder, hearing the danger but still not seeing it. The swampy waters around me slapped harshly against the shore as I recognized a creeping vibration gently shaking the ground. All the water I could still see was rippling, something big was coming. Just as I was getting the sense to run, everything stopped.

Then the water to my right exploded, covering me in the thick, disgusting slush of the swamp.

A shadow, gargantuan in size, emerged. The dying lights pierced the trees in small bursts, glinting off of scales as whatever it was continued to ascend from the swamp, towering over me now and still growing. Murky water ran off the behemoth like waterfalls. It was taller than anything I’d ever seen besides a mountain itself, about the size of two full grown trees before it finally stopped. I almost couldn’t believe it was alive, praying a tower had just decided to erupt from the swamp until I saw it moving.

The shadows around its head began swaying as I peed for the fifth time that day. I barely noticed. My eyes desperately worked to get used to the darkness that was quickly descending on the forest, letting me see the monstrosity had not one, but four reptilian heads. Each slithering like a snake as its glowing green eyes stared down at me; the only remaining light as the sun abandoned me and left me in the darkness, alone with this thing!

I was terrified, frozen stiff by the monstrosity before me. Even back in the underground, there was nothing like this. Its huge body was so large it could eat dozens of people my size and not even be close to full, its tail was bulky enough to rip through several trees with ease.

There were various books in The Underground, some of them came from human stories and mythology, one of the few things created by humanity I was interested in. Only one came to mind that matched this creature's characteristics, coming from the many disturbing stories of the Greeks.

This was a fucking Hydra!

It let out a foghorn like roar as one of the heads reeled back like a catapult about to launch, teeth shining big and sharp enough to rip through me like wet paper.

Adrenaline pumped through my body as I realized what it was about to do, my flight or fight response kicked in, and I was not fighting this thing. I coiled my legs and jumped as far as I could, feeling the force of the hydra’s head flying forward and biting in the spot I was in just a second ago as the explosion of air from its passing pushed against me, forcing me farther away.

I grunted as I hit the ground a few feet away, getting my first taste of actual pain; I still hated it. I opened my eyes and glanced back at the hydra, half of my face now covered in mud. There was blood on their maw, red blood.

My face scrunched up in confusion, lowering my gaze as I was pretty sure-

All the color left my face as I saw that, just below my knee, my right leg had been chomped off, blood quickly pooling as it leaked out of the nub that was my leg. Debilitating pain hit me as I screamed, gritting my teeth as I had to fight the urge to throw up at the sight of my mangled limb, trying to raise it up with my hands and to bleed less so I wouldn’t pass out.

I barely had time to think as I saw the hydra’s three other heads begin to move toward me, eager to pounce on its prey now that it was crippled.

“NO! ST-stay away!” I shouted as I feebly tried to crawl away, unable to get more than a few inches before one of their iron maws bit down on my arm, eliciting another shrill shriek from me as their carnivorous teeth tore into my skin and bones.

Horrible teeth lifted me into the air. I flailed my two uninjured limbs, bile forcing its way up my throat and out of my mouth as I vomited. Once I was in the air, I could actually hear the sound of my flesh ripping and bones crunching before it happened, all I could do was scream as both of my arms were ripped off.

The pain was like nothing else I’d ever felt before, it was like losing a part of myself, agonizing in a way nothing else I’d ever experienced physically had been. I’ve seen Frisk die in hundreds of different ways, but none that came to mind were nearly as gruesome as what I was experiencing. My body began to get cold as blood poured out of me, I would have thrown up again if I had anything left in my stomach. All I could do was scream and cry

“I...please, I don’t want to die, not again.” I begged weakly, my face sticky with my own tears and puke. My mind was getting dizzy as darkness slowly took over my vision, the time between each of my heart beats getting longer, the entirety of my body shutting down and unable to stay conscious with the blood loss.

Of course, they didn’t listen to me. Feeding on my limbs like rabid dogs that hadn’t been fed for days. All I could do was sob and cry as despair became the only thing I could feel, accepting my fate that this is where I would die. No one was coming to save me.

They let go of me as I began falling through the air, looking down and seeing that I was dropping into the only of the four heads that hadn’t consumed a part of me yet, I could tell due to the lack of my blood on their teeth. I could see down it’s throat, so large it resembled a cave more than the mouth of an animal. Large, daunting teeth that were so big parts of me would likely get stuck in between them.

“I’m sorry, Asriel.” I mumbled my last words, unheard by the person I wanted to say them to.

I descended into the gaping maw of death, darkness taking over my vision and the endless hole of their gullet being the last thing I’d ever see.

The worst part about it was, the very moment before their teeth came down upon me like an executioner’s axe, I think I could hear my own skull being crushed.

After I could no longer feel my body, something stirred deep inside my soul. It was a desire to not die, a determination to stay alive. An inferno of passion coursing through my veins like raw fire as I pushed with my mind, refusing to accept that this was how I die!

I opened my eyes, finding myself back in the clearing I woke up in earlier, the sun in the sky again. I was breathing heavily, my heart beating so rapidly it was the only thing I could hear. I looked down at myself, seeing the necklace around my neck and my backpack resting on the ground.

My arms extended out in front of me, not a single sign of injury and thoroughly attached to my shoulders. I let out a shaky, relieved chuckle as I saw my arms still there, my legs trembling so violently that I couldn’t keep standing, my knees giving out as I fell down.

The solace was temporary, however, as the graphic memory of brutal death was fresh in my mind. The immeasurable pain, the nausea as I was losing blood much faster than my body could make it from the nubs where my limbs used to be, covered in my own tears and vomit. I broke out into a cold sweat as I wrapped my arms around myself, my entire body shivering and my teeth chattering uncontrollably.

I gagged and threw up again, the little food I had in my stomach spewing onto the ground beside me. I wiped my face as I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.

What did this mean? Why was I back here? I died. That was undeniable, I was eaten alive by a mythological monstrosity, the memory much too vivid to be a dream. Did I...have the reset ability now? Like Frisk did? That was the only explanation I could think of that made sense. Still, there shouldn’t have been anything to load as I hadn’t come across a save point or anything, nor did the option even come up after I died like it had so many times for Frisk.

I stood to my feet and extended my right arm, the screen I was quickly becoming familiar with appearing in front of me. Everything was the same as the first time I checked it, with the exception of the necklace I'm now wearing. I decided to test something and clicked on the bottle of water, hearing it appear in my backpack. I flipped it open and saw it appear in there, pulling it out and seeing that it was the same one I had drank before, which could not have been a coincidence.

I placed the bottle back in the backpack and put it on. I did feel a sort of burning feeling inside me before I appeared here, but I’d never experienced it from Frisk’s perspective, I couldn’t say if it was the same.

When I followed Frisk around, it was more like being a backseat in their mind than anything else. I know they could hear everything I said, but they never showed any signs of acknowledging it. I could see and hear everything they could, but I couldn’t feel anything they did. Not the warmth when they were hugged by my foster mother who cared about me when I didn’t deserve it, or the pain as they died multiple times because they refused to fight back.

However, if that was truly what this was, then...how could Frisk go through that so many times? I’ve watched them die countless times to enemies just to come back unfazed, going head first into the same battle and completely unhindered from their previous loss. How? What was pushing them to keep going like that? They were a child who shouldn’t have been able to take the horror of dying over and over, again and again in different ways. That kind of drive...quite frankly, was terrifying.

I’ve experienced death only once myself before the hydra. I’d eaten bushels of buttercups, until I was too weak to even move or stay awake, falling unconscious until my organs shut down and I passed away. My only relief was that I had passed out before the real agony of it set in, coming to when Asriel absorbed my soul and, in our shared body, carried my poison-riddled body to my village, then watching as the humans killed us mercilessly.

Of course, that was only after I tried to convince him to slaughter all of the humans there. No doubt that would have resparked a war that wouldn't have ended. Another whisper of manipulation I had to carry.

I didn’t want to go through that again. The burden of living through death was overwhelming, and I knew I would never forget it. But, if the rest of this forest had things like that, and I now had ability to turn back time like Frisk did, it was unavoidable. I know for a fact I was alive now, I needed to know if I had this hellish power too.

I walked up to the nearest tree, reaching down and picking up the sharpest rock I could see. I carved a tally mark into the bark, representing my first, and hopefully only, death in this new world. If something went wrong and I perished once more, this place was my save point, and I would come back here. If the tally mark wasn't on this tree, then I'd know for sure.

“Now, if I remember right, I went in the direction opposite of the sun. This time, I’ll go towards the sun. There’s no way anything could be worse than…” A shudder went down my spine, I tried to push down the memory, keeping it off my mind along with half a dozen of other things I wasn’t prepared to deal with. “That.”

I really wish I had a hair tie to put my hair back or something, or at least had something sharp enough to cut it off. I put as much of my hair as I could behind my ears, which didn’t really do much since it just kept falling in my face anyway. After about thirty minutes of going through the forest, getting all kinds of plants on my clothes that wouldn’t get off without a lot of effort and almost tripping over several stray roots, I heard something much different than anything I’d heard so far.

This pathway I was going through was much more clumped with trees, bushes, and various other things, making it harder to get through. There was also a lack of animal noises or any signs of wildlife at all, which made the silence all the more deafening and eerie.

That was when I heard screaming, distinctly different from an animal, almost human even. I followed the direction that it came from, arriving to a clearing not unlike the one I woke up in, minus the yellow flowers. The yelling had come from a group of...people? They were humanistic, yes, but not entirely. Their entire body was covered in a layer of fur instead of skin, hooves instead of feet, and somewhat longer faces than normal. They were standing on their back legs and cowering against a tree, eyes wide and mouths open as if they were afraid for their lives.

They looked like...well, horse people. Some variant of monster from Mt.Ebott if I had to guess. Actually, they were very similar to Aaron, a total jock of a monster Frisk encountered once, minus the bulging muscles and fish tails. They couldn’t be older than maybe twelve, and were smaller than me. They were also wearing relatively clean clothes, which meant they were surely from a town somewhere nearby and had a family waiting for them.

I had little time to pay attention to anything else, hearing what sounded like dogs growling, but much deeper. My eyes widened when I turned to the source; a pack of wolves, five in total. The thing that surprised me the most is that they were made completely out of wood from head to toe, with spring green eyes and leaves for eyebrows. I saw that one of them had blood on their mouth, with orange feathers in between the wood that made up their teeth.

I glanced back at the horse-people and saw that the orange one had a chunk bitten out of one of their wings that I hadn’t noticed before, big enough to where it’d be almost impossible to ever fly with it. I also noticed that the white one had a horn sticking out of their forehead, jogging an old memory I had of reading about unicorns and pegasi. Judging from that hydra I met before, this world had mythological creatures in it, though I can’t say I remember hearing or reading about dogs made out of wood.

From now on I would refer to them as wood dogs, as good as a name for them as any.

It would have been too easy for me to abandon them and move on, no reason for me to endanger myself for these children I didn’t even know. Yet the very thought of it caused a pit of guilt to open in my stomach. If I left them there, they’d die without a doubt. I don’t know how much of a difference I could truly make. But if I left here without even trying, I would never stop asking myself what would have happened if I had helped them, it would haunt me for the rest of my life.

“Dammit.” I mumbled to myself as I jumped out of the bush I was in, right into the clearing. “HEY! Look over here!” I shouted to try to get their attention, which worked.

Some of the wood dogs heard and turned towards me, growling and trying to ward me off from their rightfully earned prey. Two others continued to move in on the girls, ensuring that their prey would go nowhere. The girls themselves glanced at me and only became more afraid and somewhat confused. To them, I must have looked like another predator or something, since I didn’t have fur or a face like theirs.

The closest one pounced at me, its jaw opening as it aimed for my throat. It was much slower than I expected it to be, and I'm good at dodging from having watched Frisk evade attacks I didn’t think they could. I managed to jump to the side, though I was still getting used to this body and couldn’t move as fast or as well as I’d like.

I saw out of the corner of my eyes one of them lowered its body, preparing to pounce onto the girls like that one did to me. I refused to let that happen, I would not have another child’s blood on my hands. I ran towards them. I had no weapons on me, not even a stick, so all I could do is use what I had. I clenched my right hand and reeled it back, sending it forward with all the strength I could muster when it leaped towards them, punching it in the jaw.

I sent its body flying, slamming it into a tree with a loud thud. I winced as I pulled my hand to my chest. I’d never punched something before, I didn’t expect it to hurt so much, but there was a certain...satisfaction to it. I also noticed that while their bodies were hard, they were surprisingly very light, I could probably pick one up and throw it if I wanted to.

“Are you...here ta help us?” The yellow one said with a heavy drawl in her voice.

I glanced back at them, trying to ignore the stinging in my hand. They were huddled together as close as they could be, the color drained from the orange ones face and their teeth gritting as they tried not to show their pain from the bite wound, but they were a bit less afraid than before.

“As little as it’s worth, yeah.” I responded as I turned back to the wolves, seeing that they were quickly surrounding me, they had deemed me a threat. “I’m really lost in these woods. I’m hoping that if we get out of this, you guys will take me to whatever place you’re from.”

I knew that was an excuse I was telling myself as much as them. I didn’t want to admit that I just wanted to help them and trick them into thinking I was a good person. I just...couldn’t take the guilt of another child dying because of me.

Another wood dog tried to attack me, failing when I grabbed it by its throat, its teeth grazing me when I moved my head after it tried to take a chunk out of my face. I spun around and threw it at another one, a sound similar to a log falling onto another log when they connected. I saw another running towards me at full speed. I sprinted and met it halfway, kicking him in the muzzle and hearing something akin to whimpering.

Compared to the fights I’d seen Frisk in, how he memorized every move, dodging these guys and hitting them after was a piece of butterscotch pie. The problem is I didn’t want to kill them, and I’m not even sure if I could. I can recognize that these were wild animals, they weren’t evil and hunting for sport like humans would, they were just hungry.

Even if I wanted to…

I saw the one I punched earlier get up, and other than shaking its head, unaffected by my attack, reinforcing what I was thinking. I don’t know what made and kept these things alive, but I knew the only way to kill them would be something like fire magic, which I'm incapable of.

I could keep fighting, sure, but to what end? I couldn’t even say whether these things could get tired or not. If it came down to a battle of attrition, I’d lose. I couldn’t run either, these girls behind me were too terrified to move, they’d die. There was only one chance I had. From what I understood of wolves, every pack had an alpha, who they saw as the strongest and the leader. If I could beat the alpha into submission, they may decide to retreat and find weaker prey, leaving us alone.

Now just to figure out which one is the alpha.

The wood dogs were starting to surround me from all directions, more than likely intending to attack me all at once, having realized one at a time wouldn't work. If I could tell which one the alpha is I could attack them first, and do as much damage as possible. Making it harder is the fact that they all looked the same! None were bigger or had any change in their color scheme, could have been clones of each other for all I knew.

My only hope is to guess an-

A loud, primal roar interrupted my thoughts, even the woods dogs had stopped their advancements on me and lowered their heads. Ice cold fear filled my body at the sound, immediately reminding me of the hydra, the only thing that came to my mind that could make a sound that loud.

I fearfully looked to my left, the tops of the leaves shaking as something approached. I first saw large, circular green eyes in the darkness, then the rest of the body followed. The good news is that it wasn’t the hydra, the bad news is it was a wood dog big enough to come up to the hydra’s stomach, much larger than me and more than enough to eat me in one chomp.

As it approached, all the others began to back away, out of respect or fear of it, I couldn’t tell. The alpha walked up to me, opening its mouth and breathing hot air onto me, its teeth half the size of my body. While I wasn’t nearly as terrified as I was when I saw the hydra, I still couldn’t stop shaking as I knew there's just as little I could do to fight this thing.

“Oh, sh-” I was interrupted when it used one of its massive lumber legs to try to hit me, just slow enough to allow me to get out of the way.

It wasn’t even half as fast as the hydra, but if that had hit me, I’m sure most of the bones in my body would be broken. I got to my feet as fast as I could after leaping to the side, my mind running as fast as possible as I tried to figure out what to do. My thoughts were interrupted by sharp, intense pain as one of the woods dogs bit into my shoulder from behind, eliciting a yell out of me.

I was so focused on how to deal with the alpha I had forgotten about them, just assuming they were going to leave me alone and let the alpha deal with me, which was my fatal mistake. I pushed through the pain and wrapped my hands around its throat, lifting it over my shoulder and smashing it onto the ground in front of me.

“Look out!”

I heard one of the girls behind me yell, turning just in time to see one of the other ones lunging at me. I brought up my left arm defensively as it sunk its teeth into my forearm, I screamed as I slammed my fist against its nose to try to get it to let go, but it wasn’t budging. I could do nothing more than shriek as a similar pain came from my ankle, another wood dog digging its teeth deep into my leg and forcing me to my knees.

The second I collapsed, the others took advantage and bit into different parts of me. I fought back the best I could, but the pain was becoming too distracting. The one I had thrown onto the ground earlier decided it wasn’t done with my shoulder and sunk its teeth right back into it. I screamed as they took sizable chunks out of me, blood soaking through my clothes as I sobbed. I’d been defeated. I couldn’t stand up, I could barely fight back, not like it would get me anywhere anyway.

I closed my eyes as I accepted my fate, expecting one of them to rip my throat out. After a few seconds though, I was still alive. I opened them to see why, seeing that the wood dogs had stepped away from me, chewing on whatever parts of my flesh they had torn out. The alpha was approaching me again, the ground shaking slightly with each step.

I understood what was happening now. The wood dogs had weakened me, making sure I could not run or put up much of a fight. Then, they were going to allow the alpha to eat me, likely letting the lesser ones feed on the remains of my corpse and those girls I was about to die trying to save. It lowered its head with its mouth agape, about to consume me.

I didn’t want to stare into the maw of death again, not when I would be fully conscious this time. I turned my head to the girls, seeing that two of them had tried to shield their eyes and not witness my fate. One, the snow white one, had her eyes wide open, too horrified to close them or look away.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

My last words, yet another apology. This time, I did not hear the crunching of my own body as I did with the hydra. One moment I was alive, the next nothingness as it smashed me between its teeth.

I woke up, the closest term I could think of that fit, back in the clearing from before. My heart was erratic and seemed ready to beat out of my chest, but my body is whole again. I acted fast, putting my backpack on and running towards the tree.

When there were no tallies on it, it confirmed what I’d been dreading: I was now cursed with the ability to reset. I fell to my knees as this terrible reality hit me, wrapping my arms around my shoulders to try to comfort myself.

I thought that being brought here was a blessing, but the truth was that things were just worse. Now, not only was I not allowed to die, but I must experience agonizing death over and over. And to what extent? What was the end game? For Frisk, there was a goal in mind: Be the angel who’s seen the surface and make the underground empty, the delta rune prophecy, which they were the ones to fulfill.

To think, that absolute monstrosity was considered the angel. And I, Chara Dreemurr, the demon. It was so ironic it almost made me want to laugh, if I didn’t hate laughing.

What was the point for me? Would I just keep resetting until I grew old? Would I just die over and over again until I lost the determination to continue? What is the endgame?! What cruel being did this to me?

I sat there for five minutes on the verge of tears, clutching my head and my nails digging into my skin as I asked myself question after question, spiraling. Panic rose as I began to hyperventilate, the implications of my questions getting worse with each one.

The image of those three girls’ faces flashes in my head, their terror stricken expression begging for someone to help them.

I began to calm down. Now wasn’t the time to panic or ask myself questions I couldn’t get answers to, those girls needed me. If I didn’t go, they would die there, and it would be my fault because I could have done something.

I took a deep breath and got to my feet, picking up the same sharp rock and carving two tally’s in the same tree. I would save them, that was my goal for now. I would think about everything after when lives weren’t on the line, when I had time to ruminate.

I wasn’t saving them to try to be a hero, I learned long ago what happens to those who try to be heroes. I was doing this because I'm human and selfish. I would save them to relieve my own guilt and so they would lead me to a town or something, nothing more.

After all, humans were trash, especially me.

I gripped my necklace in my hands as I walked towards the backpack, slinging it over my shoulder and attaching it. I went full sprint in the same direction I had before, this time knowing exactly where the tree roots were and the quickest path.

It was hard to keep track of time, but I think I got there a few minutes before I had earlier. There was no screaming this time, probably a good sign. I hid in the same bush I had previously, the three girls already being there, I tried to make my panting as quiet as possible. The orange one didn’t have a chunk missing out of her wing this time, which meant this must have been before.

I couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but they had eager smiles on their faces and were happy. The orange pegasus said something with a sly smirk to the white unicorn, causing her to playfully shove them. She moved back a few inches into a tree, bumping it slightly. Familiar green eyes opened beside it that they didn’t see, its gaze rising to the orange one’s wing.

My heart skipped a beat as I knew what was going to happen.

“MOVE!” I screamed as loud as I could, startling them as they jumped and looked into my direction.

I grabbed my backpack and held it in front of me, shoving the orange one to the ground right as the wood dog jumped out of the bush with its mouth open. It bit down right onto my backpack, its teeth penetrating easily and threatening to tear it apart.

I used all my strength and pulled the backpack towards me, thrusting it forward into the tree and slamming its head into it as hard as I could. How light they were is ridiculous, like having a pillow fight with a cloud against a wall.

I grunted with each thud, until its head was crushed as it crumbled into a pile of sticks, tossing the backpack to the side. It was useless to me.

“Who the heck ‘re-”

The yellow one was interrupted by growling that came from all directions, more wood dogs came prowling out of the trees and bushes totally surrounding us. This made it clear to me that these wolves were already planning to attack before, and had just decided to cover every spot before ambushing them. How I didn’t run into one when I came here, I had no idea.

They didn’t hesitate this time, the closest one running straight towards us. I didn’t hesitate either, not this time. I ran toward it and slid on my knees under him, which hurt a lot more than I thought it would. I grabbed it by the tail when it went over me, biting the inside of my cheek to try to ignore the splinters digging into my hands. I jumped to my feet and swung it overhead, its body hitting the ground with a sickening thud as it let out a high pitched whimper.

“Behind yo-”

I didn’t even let the white one finish before I reacted, clenching my hand as hard as I could and swinging behind me with enough force to turn my entire body around, closing my eyes and just hoping I was right. I felt the painful vibrations in my knuckle as my fist met wood dog face, its body twirling in the air like a spintop as it crashed to the ground.

The punch hurt a lot, but I was more prepared for it this time and dealt with it better. Though it was made worse by the splinters stabbing into my hand. I was breathing heavily, already tired enough to want to pass out, one of the many cons of having a body again.

“Holy horseapples!! Whatever you are, you are awesome!” the orange pegasus yelled, pumping her hands in the air as if to cheer me on.

I really wasn’t. I was just copying what I’d seen Frisk and the monsters they fought do countless times. Frisk had become an unquestionable master at dodging, and since I experienced the same things they did to an extent, so have I. The monsters they fought were no slouches either, Undyne was a hardened warrior that proved just as much of a challenge as that trash bag comedian did. I really was just mocking them, combined with the fact that the wood dogs were easy to read and predictable, I'm confident that I could last long enough if I stayed focused.

Even still, I was doing poorly. I was getting too tired too quickly, everything hurt and I just couldn’t get my breathing under control. But, I was determined to keep going as long as I could, even if just to learn more for the next time. I didn’t want to die and was terrified of it, but I also accepted that with how weak I was now, that it was a possibility I couldn’t ignore.

“Listen to me: You guys...need to go to wherever you’re from...and get help. Before...the alpha gets here.”

They looked at each other with confused expressions, like they didn’t understand a single word I’d just said. The white unicorn turned to me. “The alpha? What are yo-”

Like this was some kind of messed up play and that line was a cue, I heard the unmistakable battle cry of the alpha. I could see the trees in the distance begin to shake as it moved through them, the same direction as before.

In sync with it, all the wood dogs I had knocked down were getting back up, even the one that had collapsed when I crushed its skull. The broken apart wood and sticks began to manifest and form back together. The beast ignored the colorful trio and came straight towards me. The only wood dog that I hadn’t hit yet had remained in the back, patiently waiting for its chance to attack.

“It doesn’t matter, just go! I can hold them off as long as you need, please, just get someone who can take care of these things!” I shouted as loud as I could, narrowing my eyes and pursing my lips in an authoritative scowl.

They shrinked away from me when I screamed at them, looked at each other, and then nodded. They ran off in a random direction, which I found somewhat odd why the orange one didn’t use her wings, but maybe she was just panicking so much she didn’t remember she could do that.

The alpha pushed through the trees, much more aggressively than before as it knocked some of them down.

“Hey, big guy. Was just talking about you.” I said sardonically. Of course, it didn’t react in any noticeable way.

Just like last time, they began surrounding me, the alpha planning to kill me when I’m weakened like the coward it is. But I wasn’t going to stand by and let them, not again. I ran towards the closest one, kicking it right in its ugly, bark snout. Another pounced on me, going for my ankle. I quickly raised my foot and brought it down on its head, then picked it up by the throat and threw it into a third one that was trying to sneak behind me. The crunch of them hitting one another was quickly followed by the sound of wood clattering.

The last two tried pouncing on me at once, I managed to stop one by uppercutting it and sending it into a backflip onto the ground, but the other one sank its teeth into the front of my shoulder. I yelped out in pain, but I didn’t intend to give it the chance to take anything out of me this time. I placed both of my hands on its underside, prying it loose before it really set in its grip and tossing it on the ground behind me. These things had surprisingly weak bite strength and needed a few seconds to really get in whatever they were trying to eat. Whatever was giving these things their sentience did a good job of giving them shape, but a poor one of giving actual structure.

Before the wood dogs could attack me again, I extended my arms outward, puffing my chest out as much as I could and raised my head. I only had one idea for how to deal with the alpha, the same way I prevented Frisk from destroying everything: Bluffing.

“What’s...wrong? Have to have...your pups fight for you? You’re just a...big coward.” I’m sure I didn’t look or sound nearly as intimidating as I was trying to be, especially since I couldn’t catch my breath. By the way, it could tell I was challenging it.

The Alpha let out a loud bark, which I presumed was telling the others to back off. They listened, the ones on the ground got to their feet, and they backed away with their heads lowered. When they were back hiding in the bushes, their green eyes the only part that was visible as they watched, that was when I made my move.

I know I couldn’t run, there was no way they would let me. I couldn’t win either, there wasn’t a Snowdin’s chance in hell that even if by some miracle I beat the alpha, the remaining wouldn’t pounce on me to try to become the new alpha. My best chance was to hold out as long as possible, and hope that those three could bring back help.

I ignored the pulsating pain in my shoulder, the blood soaking through and staining it red, as I jumped off the ground and latched on to its ankle. If I was lucky, I could pull off enough of the wood to where it would cave in under its own weight. I don’t know if individual parts could reform, but all I could do was try.

It shook its leg as it tried to force me off, but I held on tight to one of the logs, digging my nails in and gritting my teeth. I pulled with all my might, using all the strength I could muster, but it wasn’t enough. I don’t know if I wasn’t strong enough, or if the magic that bound it together was just too powerful, but I couldn’t do it.

Before I even had the chance to try anything else, it raised its leg, slamming it into the ground. The vibrations violently reverberated throughout my body, loosening my grip. It pulled its leg back and kicked forward, launching me off it like I was a flea it had just flicked.

I crashed straight into a tree with enough momentum to where I could hear some of the wood crack on impact, along with my spine. I screamed as immense pain coursed throughout my entire body. My arms went numb, which could not have been a good sign. All I could do was scream, my ears ringing and I barely even realized how hard I was biting the inside of my cheeks to try to block out the pain, the coppery taste of my own blood filling my mouth. I couldn’t tell if my body was trembling from the severe pain or the fear of dying.

I could, however, make out the sound of the alpha’s footsteps approaching. I ached and the anguish exploded in my head turning it to a blinding whiteness, causing me to go dizzy and my vision blurred as I saw multiple wood dog alphas approaching me, which wouldn’t have really affected my odds of survival even if it were real.

I actually felt the slightest sense of relief, glad that I was going to die and this agony was going to end, giving me a chance to do this all again. Then a steaming pile of shame hit me: That was the same kind of mindset Frisk had. How could I allow that thought to even come across my mind? Death is horrible. Pain is horrible. Resetting is awful. I hated this. I hated being so weak. I hated having this power. I hated having to die over and over again to get anything done. I hated that I knew I would become desensitized to it like Frisk. I hated that dying had always been the only thing I was good for.

Most of all, I hated being human.

“STOP!”

Right as unconsciousness was taking me, I heard a voice that sounded distant, it was impossible for me to tell whether they were really far or if that was just from the concussion I probably had.

I raised my head, blurrily seeing a figure landing in front of me, their wings flapping as the gentle breeze coming from them hit my face. Darkness at the very corners of my vision, but I could make out some things about this figure. They were a pegasus like the orange girl from before, meaning they were probably another horse person. Their pink hair, or mane I guess, straight like silk. Their fur was yellow and probably just as soft as her mane looked.

Like a golden god that came to save me, they stood against The Alpha, their wings spread out like I was their child. I could see it stop in front of her, vaguely hearing the figure saying something in a lecturing tone, though I was unable to to make out what they were saying.

They walked up to the alpha, not an ounce of hesitation or fear in their body as they pointed their finger in its face. It actually pouted and sat down like a dog being scolded by its master. It might have just been the dizziness, but I think it was whimpering.

I began to fade in and out of consciousness, a few minutes could have passed as easily as a few seconds to me. When I opened my eyes again, the alpha was gone, and I assume so were the other dogs. The figure began to walk towards me, but my vision had become so blurry, I’d have had a better time of making them out during a heavy rainstorm. I couldn’t make out any of their facial features, just that their wings had receded and weren’t visible anymore.

They bent down in front of me, bringing their right hand to their face and pushing a strain of hair behind their ears. I could make out their smile. It was small but gentle, and carried so much kindness behind it.

“Are you alright?”

Her voice was distinctly feminine and soft spoken like she was speaking to a crying child. Her voice and smile felt so familiar to me, I couldn’t help but think of my mother, my real mother. The one who treated me with unyielding kindness no matter what I did, the one who made me enough pies to stuff me full, the same one who had an unhealthy obsession with snails.

“T-tori..el?”

I slurred out, losing consciousness completely this time and passing out, my last thoughts were of my mother who took me in as her own child, even when my real ‘family’ didn’t.

Chapter Ten: Train To Misery.

I could count on one hand the amount of times I’ve heard Fluttershy’s softly spoken voice drop to a serious tone. Every time I’d heard it before, it stifled my thoughts and I straightened my body, hanging onto whatever she was about to say.

Now wasnt any different. As soon as she spoke, a shiver went up my spine that coincided with a lot of goosebumps. I held my arms to my side as I pressed my lips together, trying to recall if I read about anything called ‘Diamond Dogs’, but nothing came to mind other than a mention here or there.

“What are Diamond Dogs? Are they like Timberwolves?” I asked as I trudged to the chair beside the couch.

“Not really. I don’t know much other than what Rarity told me at the spa after she was ponynapped by them. They’re smart enough to wear clothes and talk, but spend almost all of their time underground because of their obsession with gems. We didn’t really get to talk in between them trying to force us into being ‘horses’, and then begging us to take Rarity back since they apparently couldn’t handle her whining.”

I wondered for a moment why a bunch of intelligent dogs would want gems. It made sense for dragons since they eat them, but not dogs. Did they just like them because they’re shiny? “Then why are they at Sugarcube Corner? Are there a lot of gems in Ponyville or something?”

“I love the Cakes, but they aren’t my family. Not by blood, anyway.” Pinkie stated, her monotone voice more than a little unsettling. “I grew up on a rock farm not that far away from here, and it’s where they still live. I get a letter from Marble at the end of every month, but I haven’t been there myself in years.”

She kept her head lowered as she talked, pulling her hand out of Fluttershy’s grip and awkwardly laced her fingers together. I hadn't known Pinkie very long, but seeing her like this was almost heart wrenching. When she's happy, it's almost infectious. Even I found it hard to be upset around her.

However, now Pinkie’s the one that needed cheering up, and I didn't know how.

“Are…” I hesitated in asking Fluttershy more about the Diamond Dogs. Pinkie’s clearly already upset. Talking about them couldn’t be helping. Yet, I didn’t know what else to say. The rigid silence was killing me. “-they dangerous?” I asked as I turned to Fluttershy, noticing that my knee was rapidly bouncing. I tried to stop it, just for it to start again as soon as I looked back up.

She pursed her lips and furrowed her eyebrows, not taking her worried gaze off Pinkie for even a second. Judging from how stiff she looked and how strained her smile was, she wanted to help Pinkie, but is just as stumped as I am. Though I’m sure she felt a lot worse about it than I do.

“Not usually.” she whispered. “They only took Rarity because she knows a spell to locate gems. They’ve never harmed ponies before, as far as I know. But they’ve never lived so close to where ponies have before, either. It’s odd.”

“Which is why I don’t want to wait anymore!” Pinkie abruptly said, her voice rising as she raised her head and turned to Fluttershy. “Maud’s on the other side of the country, and we don’t really have any other relatives. I’m the only one that can help them!”

At first, I mistook Pinkie as angry. Then I heard the strain in her voice and saw how tightly she clenched her hands, and realized it wasn't not anger; it was desperation.

“That doesn’t mean you should go by yourself!” Fluttershy retorted, her wings slightly expanding as she spoke up and startled me. “At least let Rarity and I go with you! I can try talking to them. If that doesn’t work, they’re afraid of Rarity, and she can at least whine at them until they leave if they won’t listen to me.”

“But what if they don’t? What if they try to make us work for them again? Rarity has The Carousel Boutique to take care of and Sweetie Belle, plus she hates getting dirty. You have your animals, and I know how much you worry about them when you’re away. You’re my friends, I can’t put you in danger like that! Especially if it ends up being something little that I can fix myself.”

Pinkie’s lips trembled as she spoke, clenching her hands to her chest as the color continued to fade from her.

“Your family could be in danger, that’s not something little!” Fluttershy’s wings fully spread out as she stood up. Her eyebrows knitted into a deep frown. “Of course I worry about my animals, but I worry about my friends just as much!” she took deep breaths as her voice shook, tears welling up at the corners of her eyes. “When Spike told us they took Rarity, I don’t think I’ve been that afraid for somepony else in my life. I don’t want to feel that again. Please, Pinkie. Let me help you.”

While her voice still had a gentleness to it, it surprised me as much as Pinkie. I think it even scared her a bit. Pinkie recoiled when Fluttershy stood up, flinching as she lowered her head. Her mane had become straight enough to cover some of her face, leaving only her mouth visible, which she was biting.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

My heart dropped at how meek Pinkie’s voice had become. If she hadn’t been sitting in front of me, I wouldn’t have believed it was hers. I gripped the ends of the chair, gritting my teeth as I tried to come up with something, anything to say.

I wanted to make Pinkie feel better, but I didn't know how. Not only that, but I hated seeing Fluttershy so distressed, I didn’t know how to help her either. However, I was terrified to ask the wrong question or say the wrong thing and make everything worse. Didn't help that I was already exhausted after today, but that’s no excuse.

I’ve been useless so many times, yet I’ll never get used to it or hate it any less.

“No... I’m sorry.” Fluttershy closed her eyes and sat back down as her wings relaxed, trying to recede behind her hair like a turtle into its shell. “I shouldn’t have raised my voice. You’re just afraid for your family and don’t want to put your friends in danger either. I’d probably do the same thing if my parents were in danger. Though, maybe not for Zephyr.”

Fluttershy glanced outside the window, yawning when she saw how dark it was. “We’re both tired, and probably at least a little cranky. If it’s ok with you, how about we call it a night? In the morning, we’ll go ask the others if they’ll come help your family with us. Ok?”

Pinkie kept her gloomy gaze glued on her hands, twiddling her thumbs and pursing her lips. She opened and closed her mouth a handful of times, wanting to say something but then shaking her head as she decided against it.

‘Ok.”

She didn’t say another word as she stood up and began walking towards the door. Fluttershy cleared her throat right as she reached it.

“Pinkie? Can you Pinkie Promise me you won’t get on the train without me?”

Pinkie stood still in the door, arms tightly at her side, almost afraid to turn around. Then, she hesitantly faced Fluttershy and gave a smile so small I almost didn’t notice it.

“I cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” she made corresponding gestures as she spoke, marking an x on her chest and then pressing her hand against her eye.

I couldn't tell if she’s faking it for Fluttershy, or if the motions actually made her feel better, but Pinkie gained some of her color back. I think some of her straight bangs had even curled upward as she left.

Admittedly, a small wave of relief hit me when the door shut behind her. While glad that I didn’t have to deal with trying to come up with the right thing to say, it was just as quickly replaced with a creeping dread. Knowing me, when I least expect it, I’ll be flooded with ideas for what I could have done or said.

At least I’m good at ruminating. Have plenty of practice.

“Poor thing. I haven’t seen her that upset since she thought we didn’t want to be friends with her anymore.”

Fluttershy stared at the door as she spoke, like she expected Pinkie to come back through at any moment. I glanced around the room as I searched for a certain snow-white bunny, but he’s nowhere to be seen. I’m sure he’s somewhere eating a carrot or taking a nap. Oh well, I guess I have spoiled him enough for today.

“Are you sure she won’t just get on a train without you? I don’t think I could wait an entire night if I was in her position.”

She responded with a warm smile, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “She won’t. Nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise. Especially not Pinkie.”

“Is she going to be ok?”

Her smile dropped as soon as I asked that. She glanced to the side, tilting her head and pausing. “I hope so. Pinkie doesn’t talk about them a lot, but she really cares about her family. I don’t know what she’d do if anything happened to them.”

I brought my hand to my pendant, making the mistake of letting my tired eyes rest for just a moment. The image of that day came to mind in vivid detail; the day Asriel and I shared a body and became one of the most powerful beings possible.

Carrying my own dead body to the hellish village I was raised in, just to be attacked by residents there because they believed Asriel had killed me. I could feel every arrow, every spear, every stab pierce my body as if it were my own. Which, in a way, it was.

Then, I reexperienced death as Asriel shattered to dust, spreading over the bed of flowers I cared so much in front of the parents who offered me my first home. Just to come back and watch history repeat, again and again and again.

“Nothing will.” I whispered as I opened my eyes. “Not with our help.”

“Our?” Fluttershy turned to me and furrowed her eyebrows. “Chara, you’re staying here. I’d rather you be with the animals. I don’t want to put you in any danger.”

“It won’t be dangerous with you and Pinkie around; Especially if the others end up coming along. Besides, I’d feel a lot safer with you than staying here...”

“I don’t know if the others are coming or not. But, even if they are, these Diamond Dogs aren’t like the Timberwolves. If they want to hurt you, it’ll be a lot more than a scratch or a bite. They could easily break pony bones, I don’t even want to think of what they would do to you.”

A picture formed in my mind of what Diamond Dogs look like, and I couldn't say I liked it. The tingling sensation in my spine spread to the rest of my body as I shivered, trying to cover it by standing up and stretching.

“If I stay near you, I’ll be fine. Besides, didn’t you say that being around you is as safe as I can be since you’re an element of harmony? You won’t have to worry about me. And I…” my cheeks got uncomfortably warm as I fidgeted. I peered away from Fluttershy as I awkwardly rubbed my shoulder. “Wouldn’t have to worry about you while you’re gone.”

“Chara, I’d only be gone for two days at most. Maybe less. I know you enjoy spending time with the animals; Angel would certainly miss you spoiling him the way you do, though I'm sure he wouldn’t mind being in charge while I’m gone. It’s not very nice out there either. I don’t think coming along would be a good idea. Are you sure you want to?”

I took a deep breath, the last bits of energy sapping from me the longer I stayed awake. I had to go. Not just because I can barely last a handful of hours away from Fluttershy, but also because Pinkie needed help. If there’s even a slight chance the Diamond Dogs were dangerous and will hurt them, then I have to be there to help them in any way I could. Not to mention the waiting would kill me if the separation anxiety didn't do it first.

“I am. I’m not ready to be away from you for that long. Plus,” I tried to come up with something to say. I didn’t want to lie to her, she’d see right through it. My chest tightened as I could feel my pulse race. The best thing I could do is say whatever comes to mind.

“I’d miss you.”

My ears burned and my rosy cheeks were likely indistinguishable from the rest of my bright red face. I wanted to leap onto the couch and bury my head in it until I passed out, but I couldn’t bring myself to move an inch. Even my knees were shaking and felt like the bones were replaced with jelly again.

I’m not even sure why it made me so flustered to say that.

Fluttershy’s eyes widened as she raised her head, blinking rapidly as her wings fluttered. A slight blush appeared on her face as she gasped, her eyes darting back and forth nervously.

“I’d miss you too.”

My heart actually stopped, my grip on the necklace so tight I was almost afraid it would rip off the chain. Her voice was so meek that I wouldn’t have heard it if I wasn’t standing right behind her in a quiet room. I nearly didn’t recognize the sensation filling my chest. So potent I struggled to resist the oncoming smile.

It's joy. Hearing Fluttershy saying she would miss me made me feel undeniable joy.

“...ok.” Fluttershy whispered after sharply inhaling. “But, you listen to what I say when I say it! You stay near me or Pinkie. If something goes wrong, you run. We can handle whatever happens, but I don’t want to see you hurt like that again.”

“I’m not sure that I could be away from you even if I wanted to.” I traced my finger around the symbol on my pendant. Failing horribly at getting my erratic breathing under control. “I’ll listen to everything you say. As long as you let me go with you.”

“Then I won’t keep you up any longer. Get some rest. I want to hear all about your new boyfriend on the way to the train station tomorrow.”

“He’s not my...I don’t know if we’re even really together or not.”

“Goodnight, Chara.” Fluttershy said with a giggle as she walked up the stairs, waving at me with her wing.

I sighed as I turned off the lamp, collapsing on the couch and digging my head into the pillows. The fatigue hit me hard, unable to hold my eyes open for even a second longer.

For once, in recent memory, I didn’t have any issues falling asleep.

I thought that with how tired I was, I'd be asleep for a while. However, ironically enough, I woke up earlier than usual. That typically happened when I’ve had a lot of water before falling asleep, but not this time. I actually felt somewhat well rested, which wasn't something I’ve experienced often.

I got my spare set of clothes from my backpack. Since I have no idea what it's like where Pinkie’s family was, I might as well take a bath while I still can. Should probably pick up some other stuff on the way to the train station too: I ran out of those butterscotch drops pretty quickly, and only had one bottle of water left that I keep for emergencies. A few more bottles were a must, but should I get anything else? Maybe a cupcake or something since we’ll have to go to Sugarcube Corner, anyway.

As I walked up the stairs towards the bathroom, I noticed Angel through the window. He stood on a tree stump in the backyard, rapidly chittering something to a crowd of various animals. Whatever he’s saying must be pretty important, judging from how intently most of them are listening. Except for Harry, who gave it little more than a roll of his eyes.

After a relaxing shower, it didn’t take long for Fluttershy to get ready. She came down with a satchel on her side, dark blue with her cutie mark on it. Not saying much about it other than that she’s hoping we won’t need anything that she put into it.

Before we left, I gave Angel the tightest hug I could. As I pressed his pleasantly soft fur against my chest, he said something to me. I don’t know what it was, but just the sincere tone made my heart flutter.

I’m going to miss pampering him like the adorably spoiled bundle of fluff he is.

When Fluttershy said she wanted me to tell her about Dark Moon, I didn’t think she was serious. Or maybe some part of me just wanted her to be joking. I did a poor job of hiding my nervousness when she asked how the date went, especially when I got a little ranty. I ended up spilling pretty much everything I knew about him and the date, despite her only asking a handful of questions.

I couldn’t tell if some part of me secretly wanted to talk about it, or I just disliked the awkward silence that much.

At least Fluttershy’s a good listener. She kept a content smile and occasionally nodded. If she disapproved of him or anything that I told her about the date, she didn’t show it.

Pinkie looked noticeably better. Her mane wasn’t as vibrant as usual, but she didn’t give off the same disheartening aura either. She mentioned she asked the others to be at the train station if they wanted to help, so there wasn’t a reason to wait any longer. Other than being surprised and somewhat hesitant that I’m coming along, she didn’t say much else.

I asked if I could have something from Sugarcube Corner before we left. Pinkie said I should take something that I could put in my backpack, like one of the chocolate bars they keep in the kitchen for baking. As tempting as that was, a batch of caramel cupcakes on the counter were just as appealing. I put one in my ‘inventory’, double-checking by selecting it through the menu and pulling it out to make sure it would be fine.

Once I saw that it was, and that my backpack didn’t have frosting stains on the inside, we made our way to the train station.

Unsurprisingly, Twilight and the rest were waiting for us. While I didn't know all of them particularly well, I can’t say I had any doubt they’d all want to help. After Pinkie’s voice began to break, they had a group hug that some part of me wanted to join in on, but couldn’t for a number of reasons.

Now, we’re on the train itself. I’ve never been on one before, but it’s what I pictured from the books I’ve read; Big and loud. At least the part of the train we’re in was fairly empty. Other than us, there’s only two other ponies, staying in the corner and not giving us more than a glance. We sat on the right side, with Fluttershy and I sitting on a seat together and Twilight on the one across from us. Pinkie, Rarity, Rainbow, and Applejack sat in the section in front of us.

When they sat down, the first thing they did was try their best to cheer her up. Rarity bragged about how she tamed the Diamond Dogs, while Rainbow and AJ talked about how they wouldn’t have any problems dealing with them if things went wrong. Pinkie gave them the best smile she could muster, but something about it didn’t convince me. Still much brighter than last night, her color had a gray hue to it that wouldn’t fade.

She saw through my fake smiles with ease. Maybe that makes me one of the few who can see through hers?

“Should I have gone over the checklist with him again? He said he’d be ok, but I don’t know if he’s ready for that much responsibility.”

Twilight’s voice is so low that I barely made out. Which, judging from how she keeps shifting her position in her seat and rapidly reading and re-reading a list she’s holding, she’s probably just saying what she’s thinking without meaning to.

“I’m sure Spike’s going to be just fine, Twilight. He’s very smart for his age, he won’t have any problems running a library that doesn’t get many visitors. We shouldn’t be gone longer than two days at most.”

Fluttershy said as I peered out the window, watching the landscape change as we moved. It’s strangely peaceful, just staring outside while sitting in a giant machine going faster than I ever thought possible.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Twilight responded as she sighed, placing the list in the same satchel she had when I first met her. “I should be more worried about Owlowiscious. He tends to get in trouble if he’s not attended to.”

“Who’s Owlowiscious?” I asked as I turned to Twilight. The name didn’t ring any bells, which I found odd since Golden Oaks was, without a doubt, the second place where I spend most of my time.

“My pet owl. I’m not surprised you haven’t met him since he’s nocturnal. He’s incredibly smart, if a little mischievous.” she reached into her satchel, pulling out a picture of an owl perched in the library while reading something. “Since he’s nocturnal, he works as my nighttime assistant, so Spike gets a break. He’s particularly into mystery, though I’m not sure what he does when he’s not in the library.”

“I’ve seen him around the cottage a couple of times.” Fluttershy mentioned. “Usually socializing with other birds. He and Angel have talked; They’re friends.” she paused, glancing downward and pursing her lips. “I think.”

Fluttershy dismissively shook her head and stood up, wings briefly extending to the sides as she stretched. “It should only be a few more minutes until we’re there, so I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

The idea of being left alone with Twilight made me a little anxious, but much less than it would be for anyone else. I turned my gaze to outside the window again as I heard Fluttershy walk to the back of the cart we’re in. This time, I noticed that the landscape became more barren as we traveled; few trees or plants of any kind, along with more clouds in the sky so there’s less sunlight.

It replaced that miniscule sense of peace with an eerie dread that grew the closer we got. I tried my best to ignore it, but I couldn’t shake the feeling in the back of my mind that something bad is going to happen.

“I didn’t think Fluttershy would bring you along. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you came. I just…” she awkwardly placed the photo back in her satchel. “Thought you would have wanted to stay with the animals, where it’s safe.”

“You’re right, I did. It would have been easy to listen to her and stay back in that cottage. It was hard to convince her to let me come with you guys.” I took a deep breath as I pried my eyes away from the window, unable to handle the sinking feeling in my stomach that got worse the longer I looked out it. “As nice as it would be to sit in that cottage and spoil Angel all day, the waiting would kill me. I was also there when Pinkie asked Fluttershy for help. Seeing her like that…” I frowned as I glanced to the side, resting my hands on my thighs and gripping them tightly. “I want to help however I can.”

Twilight’s head dropped as she closed the satchel, biting her lip and solemnly grimaced. “I know what you mean. I took as many books with me as I can on Diamond Dogs, but there’s barely any at all. While I appreciate a second chance to make peace between them and ponies, I can’t say I’m pleased by the circumstances it’s happening under.”

We sat in silence for half a minute, aside from the four others talking about something, anyway. I genuinely couldn’t think of anything to say, but Twilight’s entire body was tense and she kept opening and closing her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but couldn’t bring herself to.

“Chara,” after her eyes met mine, I couldn’t help but look away. Eye contact has always been hard for me, somehow even worse now. “I’m going to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me.”

She put heavy emphasis on ‘honest’, and something about it unnerved me. I held the pendant in my hand, but it failed to quell the rapid thoughts racing through my mind. “Okay.”

Twilight closed her eyes, her chest rising and falling, followed by heavy exhaling. “After what happened with your magic attunement, I got curious and kept a sample of the black…” she paused, fidgeting uncomfortably. “Goo. I hypothesized that if it came out during your surge, then it could help me understand why your magic overpowered that symbol. Or, if I was lucky, what that wrong feeling magic was. After analyzing it, I found it wasn’t actually magical at all.”

I found myself hanging on every word, the ends of the pendant stabbing into my hand as it shook and got tighter. It’s almost like when I would get near the ending of one of the horror books, anticipation wracking me as I got closer to the conclusion. Except this time, it’s riddled with terror so intense I can’t help but hold my breath.

“It was flower residue. Ranunculus Buttercup, to be specific.”

I’m certain my heart actually jumped up into my throat, which would explain why the booming drum of my own heartbeat was nearly the only thing I can hear. Some part of me always suspected that’s what it was. All those times it happened when I was a ghost, and when it happened at the library, I tried my best not to think about it. It never happened when I was alive, and it’s undeniably similar to when I died the first time.

Hearing it said so blatantly is like remembering something I didn’t forget in the first place. Yet, for whatever reason, I’m a little relieved to hear it.

“Buttercups are toxic in large amounts. Otherwise, they aren’t any different from other flowers. I assume it would take less to kill a human. Do you have any idea why you...leak flower residue when you use your magic?”

I wanted to tell her the truth, but I knew I couldn’t. There’s nothing I could say that would explain it and not sound as made up as it would be. Telling her why would be worse, especially since I didn't entirely understand why myself.

“I…” the intense way Twilight watched me as she waited for an answer struck me with sheer guilt, paired with shame as I knew that as much as I hated it, I had to lie. “No idea. I still can’t remember anything. Maybe it’s a human thing?”

I shamefully broke eye contact with Twilight, crossing my arms and hoping I would spontaneously gain the ability to turn invisible.

I did not.

“Right.” Twilight said with a sigh, saying something under her breath I couldn’t make out. “Chara, we really should talk about your-”

She got cut off by the sound of the door opening and closing, Fluttershy coming back as she sat down beside me. I glanced at Twilight, who was trying to look anywhere but towards me.

“Chara, are you ok? You look pale.” Fluttershy asked as she leaned forward, briefly placing her hand against my forehead. “You don’t feel hot, which is good. Right now would be a terrible time to get sick.”

“I’m fine.” my voice cracked as I recoiled. “Just...my stomach isn’t doing so well. I think I might have motion sickness.”

It’s fortunate that Fluttershy kept books about animals and the various ways they could get sick, motion sickness being one of them. I understand its symptoms well enough, but I have no way of knowing if humans can even have it. Then again, neither does Fluttershy.

I brought my knees to my chest and did my best to recede into myself, doing a poor job of hiding my guilt. Fluttershy’s stare pierced into me, but didn’t last long as I heard her inhale and rest one of her wings on me.

“That’s ok, it’ll pass soon.”

While it helped calm me down, her soothing tone and gentle touch just weren't as effective as they’d usually be.

The rest of the ride was short, but done in overwhelmingly awkward silence. Whatever conversation the others were having was cut short as the train slowed down, coming to a screeching stop. We got off the train and joined up with the rest of the group, but I couldn’t shake the queasiness that made it hard to talk. I clung to Fluttershy’s side, keeping my head down and listening to their conversations as we walked.

The first thing I noticed is how silent it is. I’ve spent a lot of my time alive, both in this life and the last, in areas thriving with wildlife. I typically just tune them out, but in Ponyville I could sit down basically wherever and just listen. Not here. There’s no chirping of birds or the sound of twigs breaking as smaller animals run around. It would have been totally silent if it hadn’t been for them talking.

That ended too when we got to the farm, which lacked almost any kind of life. There are trees near the edge, but their color was so faded it's barely even green. The farm itself was somehow even more lifeless: A stone building that I assume was the house, a large windmill standing beside a gray silo, and all of it surrounded by a fence that clearly hasn't been maintained. It looks to have completely collapsed in some places.

The only other thing is rocks, hundreds of them. They litter the barren ground in various sizes, some of them even larger than my head. I know Pinkie mentioned earlier that her family lived on a rock farm, but what I pictured didn’t come close. Seeing it in person was somewhat surreal, but also makes me realize the ground here was undoubtedly too infertile to grow anything else.

I almost couldn’t believe that Pinkie, without a doubt the most upbeat individual I know, grew up somewhere so overbearingly...depressing. It made me even more apprehensive to meet her family. Then again, after seeing how she was just the night prior, maybe it wasn't that unbelievable.

It really makes me wonder what could even happen somewhere as boring as this.

Chapter Thirteen: Unescapable

It’d been so long since I’ve reset that I’d forgotten what it was like; a blessing in its own way. It wasn’t quite like waking up from a dream, but not unlike it either. There was no desire to go back to sleep or any sense of grogginess, no brief confusion if I was awake or not. It’s much closer to having temporary amnesia, only a short burst of it no longer than a minute or so, and then remembering that lost time all at once. It makes it hard not to question if it had really happened or not.

The plus side of resetting is it’s very obvious when I have the burning in my chest as a major indicator that it happened. Sometimes it was just an annoyance, comparable to a heartburn. This time, it was much more intense, a searing scorching that wouldn’t simmer. It felt like someone had used a fresh branding iron straight against my heart, yet there was no pain, only the heat.

Strangely, that’s what I always felt from Frisk when they reset; That same burning every time, but never anything else.

I had no way of knowing if it was more consistent for Frisk, but I still can’t tell why its severity varies each time. The best assumption I have would be the brutality of my deaths, which was nothing more than a dull shot in the dark.

I lurched forward, yelping and grabbing my chest as I tried to do anything to quell the inferno between my lungs. Everything in my body felt impossibly tense and my throat so tight I could barely breathe, part of the reason I was exhaling and inhaling so heavily.

“Chara? Are you ok?”

Fluttershy’s voice, much clearer than the last time I heard it, came from behind me. She hesitantly placed a hand on my back, which I reflexively reacted to by jumping to my feet, unable to turn around to face her. I wiped my watery eyes, looking around the room I was in.

I recognized it as the guest room Fluttershy and I slept in during the night, and it must be morning now judging from the light shining through the windows. My reset point must have changed to here, whether it would hadn’t even crossed my mind when I was fading. The wave of relief that washed over me was hard to describe. If I had to start all over again in those woods, I’m not sure what I would have done.

The bed creaked as Fluttershy got to her hooves, cautiously standing behind me. I rubbed my hands over the center of my torso; the surreal sensation of my body being completely fine despite what happened still deeply unnerved me to experience firsthand.

“I’m…fine.” I tried to steady my voice, which was absurd to even try when I couldn’t stop physically shaking. “Just another nightmare.”

It wouldn’t have been noticeable if the room wasn’t so quiet, but her breath hitched, along with the growingly familiar sound of her wings flicking. “Was it about Asriel?”

I didn’t need to see her face to tell she didn’t believe me. However, she played along. To her, just the night before, I caved and told her something honest about myself. She must have felt like we’d made progress and didn’t want to push anymore. To me, we were just in a tunnel where my life ended. Hers more than likely followed. A chill went down my spine as I pictured what happened to them after they died; whatever other diamond dogs were lying in wait must have pounced on them too, and were just as brutal.

“No, it wasn’t.”

My response didn’t ease her worries at all. She didn’t have time to ask anything else as Rainbow banged on the door. I didn’t jump since this time I was expecting it.

“You guys up? Twilight’s got a plan, and s-”

“We’ll be out in a minute, Dash.” I interrupted her this time, the realization that I’d have to sit through Twilight’s ranting hitting me as I tried not to let out a groan.

There was a longer pause than before from Rainbow, and a disapproving frown from Fluttershy.

“Aight.”

As Rainbow’s hoofsteps got more quiet, I pulled my cupcake from my inventory, taking solace in the deliciousness of Pinkie’s baking.

“That was rude of you, Chara. Nopo-” she paused as she shook her head. “Nobody likes being interrupted.”

I was about to mention how she’d interrupted Rainbow before, stopping myself when I remembered that hadn’t happened. “You’re right, sorry. I just didn’t wanna hear her mention that gross rock soup stuff.”

“What made you think she was going to talk about that?”

“I…” I should be more careful with what I say. It is worryingly easy to mention something that hasn’t happened yet or that I shouldn’t know. Maybe that’s why Frisk rarely talked? “Just had a feeling.”

Unsurprisingly, she didn’t believe that. Luckily, she didn’t ask me about the cupcake this time, and was content with just letting me eat it. I didn’t end up finishing it this time, mostly because of a lack of any real appetite. I placed half of it back into my inventory, not wanting it to go to waste.

As I did, I remembered what I did the first time I died with the tally marks. I felt an odd desire to continue doing so, though there’s no tree this time. I reached into my inventory and pulled out my journal and the pencil, which was titled ‘wooden blade’ strangely enough.

As I flipped to an empty page and drew the three lines, Fluttershy glanced over my shoulder and raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. I didn’t have any explanation in mind if she did. I quickly put them back in my inventory, slipping the weightless backpack on and mentally preparing myself to experience all the same things again.

Everything in the living room was exactly as I had seen it the first time. Twilight was sitting on the couch and drinking her coffee, while Applejack, Limestone, and Rainbow were having their arm wrestling contest. Pinkie, Rarity, and Marble were in a corner talking about what I’m now certain was me. This time, I noticed that Marble was talking much less than them, but she was talking. I had little doubt that’s because Pinkie was there encouraging her.

“Oh, Chara. Good morning.” Twilight said, her horn lighting with magic as it enveloped the scarf and brought it towards me. “Pinkie’s mom finished this and told me to give it to you when you wake up.”

The scarf’s fabric still bothered me as soon as I felt its touch; I bit the inside of my cheek to try to prevent it from showing. I knew it was coming, and yet the idea of it being so identical to another scarf not being a coincidence still crossed my mind.

“I’ll make sure to thank her for it later.” I responded with my best fake smile.

Twilight furrowed her eyebrows for a brief moment, but didn’t have an obviously suspicious reaction like she did the first time. Fluttershy was watching me out of the corner of my eyes, as per usual. I’m sure if I had been watching out for it, I would have seen her doing that since we first came here.

Everything with the arm wrestling contest played out the same, since I didn’t interfere with it at all. Everyone sat in the same places; Pinkie started leaning towards me to apologize for telling Rarity.

“I forgive you for telling Rarity about my date.”

She stopped, her body stiff and eyes widening to a comedic extent. “How did you know that’s what I was going to say? Can you see the future too?”

I raised an eyebrow at that choice of words. “No, it was just a well-educated guess. What do you mean ‘too’?”

“Twilight hasn’t told you about Pinkie’s Pinkie sense? I figured she would have by now.”

Twilight’s lips curled into a half sneer as she took a drawn out sip from her thermos. “If I’m being honest, I try my best not to think about it. Just because I’ve accepted it's a mystery that can’t be solved, doesn’t mean I’m not irked by the fact I couldn’t solve it.”

I could tell there’s a story there, but that would be for another time. “Ok, what is ‘Pinkie Sense’?”

“It’s…well, hard to explain without having an example. Basically, when my body twitches and does stuff in a certain way, it means something is about to happen. Like, if my tail twitches.” she raised her cotton candy resembling tail, which I didn’t even notice until now how big it was. “It means something’s gonna fall on somepony nearby. Sometimes it’s other stuff, like my back being itchy means it’s my lucky day! Or sometimes combos when it's more complicated.”

“How come I haven’t seen it before then?”

Something like that would have been useful in those tunnels, but probably not by much. We all knew that the diamond dogs would come at any moment when we were down there.

“Cuz you’re not around me that much, silly! It’s not like there are a lot of things to fall on you around here: It’s about as spontaneous as I am.”

“It might be more accurate to say she can sense the future rather than see it. The problem is, it's not always reliable, nor is it always obvious what it’ll be. Sometimes, it's not even something that can be predicted, which makes it kind of pointless.” Twilight muttered.

I compared Pinkie’s ability to my own, which felt absurd at first. Her future is more definitive, something that’s going to happen for her no matter what. Mine is different. I can see the future, well, a future. Certain details are consistent, but it's never the same. To see the future, I have to experience it first, and only then can I change it at the price of my life.

When the threat isn’t life or death, Pinkie’s would be better. When someone might die, mine would be, but only when I fail. The thought of failure terrifies me, yet I have to accept it. I can only hope I die before I have to watch someone else die first. It’s the only way I’d say I’ve been ‘fortunate’ with my deaths so far.

Twilight’s ranting went exactly the same, though I barely paid attention as I tuned her out and focused on the map itself. I tried to figure out what could have gone wrong with Twilight and Rainbow in their tunnel, if maybe they said something to provoke the dogs, but somehow I doubted that. Rainbow might have been by accident, and that would have been my guess if Twilight wouldn’t have been there.

However, she was. With her insistence on doing things peacefully, she would do everything she could to avoid violence and keep Rainbow from pushing things to violence. Which meant either negotiating failed, or they attacked them out of the blue like they did us. I’m not sure which possibility scared me more.

If they just attacked them, that meant peace really wasn’t an option with them. But, if they did try negotiating with them and failed, that meant they beat Twilight and Rainbow somehow. With what I’ve heard about Twilight’s magical capabilities, and how strong and fast Rainbow is, the implications of that are more terrifying. Although, if the diamond dogs are out for blood no matter what, then I’d have to try to convince them of that. How would I do that without mentioning my reset ability? Especially since Twilight’s already skeptical of me.

“Chara, stop that.” Fluttershy whispered in a scolding tone.

I glanced at her, not understanding what she meant until I noticed I had been chewing on my fingernails. “Sorry.”

The only thing I could do was try to go to the same tunnel that they did, which meant pulling a different stick and hoping I got it. There’s a decent chance their den is there, or a trap. If it's not there, then it has to be in the fourth one, like Twilight said before. I’ll have to figure out how to deal with them when I find them. Until then, just keeping them alive was a problem of its own.

I carried a faint hope in the back of my mind that, if I die again, it’ll be me first. Watching Asriel die was the worst thing I’ve ever had to witness; I’m not sure if I can handle it again. Especially if it's Fluttershy.

“This time, I really am done. Go ahead.”

This time, I pulled the first stick, the same one that Rainbow had pulled. If I luck out this time, it’ll be Marble’s.

Once again, I didn’t.

In fact, I did the opposite of lucking out and got Twilight. Which meant we’d go to the same tunnels they did, but that the trip would be even more tense than it was with Rarity. Marble likely wouldn’t say anything at all, which I could be fine with. Twilight, on the other hand, has wanted to talk to me ever since the train.

I don’t know what she wants to talk to me about, and that’s what bothers me most.

With Rarity, at least I knew that she would approach me first. Twilight won’t unless I’m alone, telling me that whatever it was she doesn’t want Fluttershy to be around for. I’m sure Fluttershy could tell that something had happened between us when she left, but hadn’t asked either of us about it. At least not yet. Which made me grateful that Fluttershy and I were on one stick, so that meant we’d be together pretty much no matter what.

The section of the farm we went to was a tad farther than the previous one. I slipped on the scarf as soon as we left the warmth of the house, making the trip more bearable. Well, making the weather more bearable, the rigid silence only got worse.

I was also surprised Twilight was ok with one of the pie sisters not being with us. Considering what Limestone mentioned, I would have assumed she’d insist on it. Twilight herself actually brought this up, stating that she made a mnemonic with the map of the farm, and was confident that we at least wouldn’t get lost.

I didn’t understand how someone could make a mnemonic of a map, but I would be better off not asking. Her answer would fly right over my head.

When we got there, I suggested going into the tunnel that we did before. At least, I’m pretty sure it was. They’re only distinguishable by size and not much else. I have no way of knowing how many they searched before, or if that was the first and only one they searched. All I could do is point us towards the one I knew for sure something happened in.

Twilight opened her mouth to question why I wanted us to go there specifically, but decided against it. I’m certain she’s been paying close attention to me and keeping in mind things I’ve said and done that she was going to ask me about later. It would be too easy to be annoyed at her suspicions if they weren’t completely justified.

I’m a new species that came from The Everfree, and the first non-pony to use magic like theirs. She just recently learned that I leak liquid flowers from my eyes, which is already abnormal on top of the fact that the item I had the strongest connection to was a knife. She has every right to be suspicious of me. Despite this, she still respects me enough to not corner me every chance she gets, something I imagine was hard due to her insatiable curiosity.

Despite the consideration her inaction would imply, I couldn’t help but be apprehensive since that also meant she had more time to think of how to word her questions in a way I can’t lie out of.

Knowing what had happened in the previous loop didn’t help, either. As soon as we entered, I knew how long it would take to get to the spot where I had died. I was so filled with dread and watching every inch of the tunnel for when they popped out. I recalled every indent and rock, using them as milestones to know where we were.

Time seemed stretched when filled with crippling fear, but I’m certain we were only five or so minutes away. Five minutes of me knowing that, at any given moment, the diamond dogs could burrow through the ground beneath us and begin their slaughter. Twilight and Fluttershy weren’t aware of this, only that I was evidently more paranoid than usual, which only reinforced Twilight’s suspicions of me, I’m sure.

I couldn’t take it. I needed some kind of distraction, something to think about other than not what’s waiting in the dark, or what’s waiting in the ground. If I didn’t think of something, Fluttershy would either ask me what I’m so afraid of, or try to do her best to calm me down. Which wouldn’t work.

“Twilight,” I muttered, a conversation topic crossing my mind that just as quickly left my mouth. Though it filled me with uncertainty about where it would go. “Do you think you could tell me more about conjuration?”

She paused for a moment as she glanced over her shoulder at me. “I thought you didn’t want to do magic anymore?”

“I don’t. But if things with the diamond dogs go sideways, I don’t want to be helpless.”

“Chara,” Twilight’s voice lowered into an almost warning tone. “The only thing you can conjure is a knife. Even if we have to resort to violence, Ponies. Don’t. Kill. No matter what.”

The heavy emphasis on each word was her trying to make that message clear to me, but I’m not a pony. As much as I wish I could say I haven’t killed before, I can’t. More than anything, I hope it won’t come to that.

After what happened last loop, that hope was rapidly becoming nothing more than a remaining ember after the fire had already burned out.

“Then…what if I conjure something else?”

“You’ve only done it once, and I really doubt you even can. It…” Twilight took a deep breath as her horn flashed, spreading the light coming from it a bit more. “Do you remember when I first told you about conjuration, how the most complex item ever conjured was a crossbow?”

I nodded, mentally preparing myself for the long-winded explanation I willingly asked for. Fluttershy inched a bit closer to me, remaining quiet but always watching me.

“His name was Far Seeker, and he was, to date, the most proficient conjurer in Equestrian history. Most of his background is unimportant, even the reason it was a crossbow wasn’t written anywhere I could find. He was an expert in archery even before he conjured that, afterwards even more so. His crossbow never needed maintenance or adjustment, not once locked up or had any problems that would be expected to use one as often as he did. Every time that crossbow was conjured, it was brand new.”

Her voice was hushed, but still carried that same passion that came anytime she explained something or had an interest in a topic. I fixed my gaze on the path in front of us, morbidly expecting the ground in front of us to explode at any given moment.

“Conjuration is one of the rarest schools of magic, along with necromancy and mind magic. Those two are rare also because they’re forbidden. Conjuration, while dangerous, is not. Most of the time, magic is used to make a perfect replica of an actual item, but it cannot make anything new. It has to be known to the user. However, the strength of it is linked to how much magic they put into the object. Most times, they are better than the authentic version, with none of the drawbacks.”

While I was intently listening, my eyes darted upward to the lanterns lining the ceiling. If this was their den, wouldn’t these have been recently lit up? The diamond dogs spend a lot of their time in the dark, so their eyesight likely wasn’t the best at the price of being able to more or less see in these tunnels. With how close they were to each other, they must not be very bright. It also made me wonder why they bothered to put them up in the shooter tunnels, or what their overall purpose was.

“Conjured items need constant connection to the caster, otherwise, they dissipate. At first, this made the crossbow useless. The bolts he would conjure would disappear as soon as they were shot. He tried to attach thin threads of magic to each bolt to counter this problem, but it ended up limiting the range, so he turned to normal bolts that he’d carry on him. Through this, he learned that no matter the type or weight of the bolt, it never affected his aim like it would a normal crossbow. This surely contributed to his immaculate accuracy, as he constantly broke his own records for longest distance shot. He managed several hundred yards with bullseye accuracy, a feat few have ever approached.”

It started to sound more like she was admiring his feats, though I have no point of reference to compare and understand just how impressive they were. I was tempted to ask if it's possible for unicorns who don’t have innate conjuration magic to learn how to conjure things, but I had a feeling that would delve into much more Twilight ranting than I could handle at the moment.

“What about conjuring different kinds of objects? Since he made bolts, does that mean he can conjure other stuff?”

“Well, yes and no. It's more complex than that.” Twilight muttered as she pulled the thermos out of her saddlebag, still keeping the area surrounding us well lit with no trouble. “A crossbow without bolts is useless, they came as a set and little trouble to create. He was given a list of various objects to conjure, but few of them got past vague shapes. The only ones that have some kind of usability had a connection to him, albeit many were quite tenuous. That’s the most consistent thing about them, along with the fact that they’re always the same color as the unicorn’s magic.”

Fluttershy, much like when Igneous was explaining the value and versatility of rock farming, nodded with a light smile as Twilight spoke. I couldn’t help but wonder how often she does that and how much she’s actually listening and understanding, and what she thinks about when she does.

“So I should be able to conjure things I have a connection with? Hm.” I said, mostly to let Twilight know I was listening. Nothing came to mind that I could even try. Then again, neither did the knife until I tried it, regardless of how fitting it actually was. “Did you ever try conjuring something?”

“Actually, for a couple of moons I-”

In a moment of pure comedic timing, as soon as Twilight turned her head to look at me, she bumped into a dirt wall. Letting out a disgruntled whinny and then rubbing the tip of her muzzle.

“A dirt wall?” she asked out loud in a somewhat nasally tone.

It was the same kind of dirt wall as the other tunnels, which I wasn’t expecting there to be. We passed the spot where Limestone found the blood and nothing happened. I actually found this more worrying than less. I must have picked out the wrong one.

“That means their den isn’t here, right?” Fluttershy questioned.

“Maybe, it’s hard to say.” Twilight murmured, scanning the wall with her eyes and pressing her hands against it like I did the first time. “I still don’t understand why they made so many tunnels across the entire farm in the first place; they have to be searching for something, but what? Why make these tunnels?”

Twilight’s frustration became more obvious as she spoke; being sleep-deprived couldn’t have helped. She took another drawn out sip from her thermos, which she had yet to notice was empty as she furrowed her eyebrows at the wall like she expected it to do something.

“Maybe all the other tunnels were them searching for something, and we picked the one that found it?” I parroted Rarity, turning around and watching behind us as I tried to come up with something.

They hadn’t approached us yet. This was either the wrong tunnel, or they’re waiting for something. I have to assume they know we’re on the farm at least, but aren’t eager to talk or else they wouldn’t have been avoiding Pinkie’s family. Were they scared of ponies? No, that doesn’t make sense with what Rarity said about her encounter with them.

What are the chances these are the same diamond dogs they met before?

I don’t know much about their encounter with them, but if I go with the line of thinking that they are, why would they come here? It wouldn’t make any sense, and it was a hard to believe coincidence that they just happened to move in near Pinkie’s family.

I tightly gripped the end of the scarf, absentmindedly twirling it in between my fingers. All of this was making less sense the more tunnels I explored. They have to be searching for something since they’ve presumably been digging tunnels ever since they’ve been here, right? What else would they be doing?

My train of thought was interrupted as I saw something move just on the edge of Twilight’s light. I almost didn’t notice it and blamed it on my paranoia, if the darkness in this tunnel hadn’t been so consistent.

It was scampering towards us, but looked small. It had to be a diamond dog, yet this time it was approaching instead of attacking us outright. Maybe Rainbow and Twilight really had messed up negotiations with them somehow?

“Twilight, something’s coming.” I warned as I slowly backstepped, trusting that what I’ve heard about Twilight was true and she could protect me if things get bad again.

Fluttershy followed suit, standing beside me as close as she could with her hands pressed against her chest. She tried to give me a reassuring smile, but I’m certain even Twilight could tell how afraid she really was.

Twilight swiftly turned around, eyebrows furrowing as she cautiously peered into the dark. After a few moments of pregnant silence, her lips pursed and opened as she prepared to speak, stopping as her gaze fixed in a seemingly random spot. I followed the direction and made out a small, grayish leg move just outside the surrounding circle.

My heart dropped at the confirmation it was a diamond dog; I almost couldn’t breathe. The only reassurance I had was that its fur was a distinctly different color from the one that killed me, but I knew others were undoubtedly soon to follow.

I covered my eyes as her horn intensified in magic, spreading the field of light further until it was in sight again. She didn’t hesitate to grasp it in her magic and lift it off the ground, identical to when we first met. It howled and whimpered, thrashing and clawing at the magic like it would bleed.

I was, unfortunately, very familiar with how pointless its actions were.

As she hovered it above us, my fear quickly settled down at its size. Somehow even smaller than me, but disgustingly unkempt. Its fur is matted and speckled with dirt and bits of rocks. Oddly, It is wearing a dark gray vest that was marginally cleaner but didn’t cover its front; the only other piece of clothing was a black collar with various sized diamonds embedded into it. The claws were dull but still sharp enough to cut, and teeth so yellow I’m certain it never had access to a toothbrush or any kind of basic hygiene in its life.

Yet, despite all of this and its beady eyes, I found it almost cute; in an ‘it's so ugly that it's cute’ kind of way.

I hate how my brain works sometimes.

“Put me down, pony!” its voice was kind of gravely, like it’d never cleared its throat before.

“Now, now. Twilight will put you down if you promise not to run away. We just wanna talk an-”

“We do not want to talk with you! Talking leads to whining!”

“Hold on, I think I recognize you.” Twilight said as she brought him lower to get a better look, still keeping him well out of swiping range despite his best effort. “You were one of the diamond dogs that took Rarity! What are you doing all the way out here?”

It halted its movements, peering around the room like it was looking for something. “Miss Rarity? Can still hear her whining in my dreams.” he murmured to himself, a slight tremble and sliver of fear in his voice. Just as quickly, he turned back around towards us. “Nevermind, you do not need to know why we’re here! Just go away!”

Instead of just screaming again, he made a low-pitched whistling noise. It sounded like a signal for something; Why else would he suddenly whistle like that? I shifted my attention to the ground and floor around us. If there was any shaking, I couldn’t see or feel it, which did little to get rid of the goosebumps covering every inch of my body or lower the hairs standing up on the back of my neck.

“I promise, we’re not here to hurt you. Can you at least tell me your name? I’m Fluttershy.”

Despite the tender smile and friendly tone of her voice, the only response she got was more growling as he pushed against the field of magic entrapping him.

“Why are you here? If you tell us maybe we c-”

“We don’t want your help! Why won’t you listen? All you ponies do is talk, talk, talk, but you never listen!”

He leaped forward, teeth snapping together as Twilight tightened her magical tether on him. Fluttershy twitched as her wings opened to her side, but she stood her ground and tried to keep her composure.

“Everything is so easy for you ponies! You don’t like the weather? Then you just change it. You want gems? You use a spell to find them. You never have to live in the dirt! You never have to struggle! You want to help? Then leave! Don’t you ponies have enough?”

The hostility was genuine enough, yet there was something beneath it that left me unconvinced. Maybe it was the way his voice cracked or how he couldn’t maintain eye contact, but it didn’t sound like he genuinely wanted to hurt us.

In fact, I’d say it was more like he was trying to get us to leave. Desperately so. Why?

“We can’t leave.” Twilight stated. “This farm belongs to my friend's family and they need it. As The Elements of Harmony, we’d be more than happy to discuss terms and listen to whatever you have to say. First, you have to calm down and talk with us. I can even get in contact with Celestia if-”

She was cut off as the ground beneath us shook. Lightly at first, then gradually increasing until it got harder and harder to keep my balance, just like last time. I was stunned still in fear, my paranoia confidently whispering to me what we both knew was coming.

“Is that an earthquake? Down here?” Twilight inquired out loud, asking herself as much as the diamond dog.

He dejectedly shook his head, dropping his arms and completely losing all the fight he just had.

“It’s too late.”

The inside of my cheeks turned sour from his words; the anxiety nearly made me throw up if it weren’t for the raw adrenaline coursing through every vein in my body. I tried to focus on the source of the vibrating, only able to tell that it wasn’t coming in my direction this time, I think.

The pebbles around Twilight were bouncing more rapidly than anywhere else, and I realized who their target was.

There was no time to say anything. I tackled Twilight to the ground, who yelped and completely lost her concentration, dropping the dog onto the ground with a thump and a whimper. I was just barely in time; As soon as I pushed her away, the dirt beneath her ripped away and revealed a large, clawed arm that aimed for her life bursting upward.

I groaned as it scraped my side; though it wasn’t very deep, I could still feel the warmth of blood seeping through my shirt. The dirt burned the wound as we tumbled into the ground. I can only hope it didn’t get infected.

It didn’t take long for the enormous creature to burrow itself out of the ground.. My trepidation only grew as I began to see how large it really was. I was reminded of my encounter with The Hydra as it stood over us, though thankfully it was not as gargantuan. It was also wearing a vest and collar like the smaller one. I couldn’t tell its height, I was too baffled by the absurd size of its arms, so large it leaned forward with them placed on the ground as its support instead of its almost unnaturally small legs.

Its height was creepy, but that isn’t what stilled my heart. My eyes slowly continued to trail over its furred, muscled arm. its gray furred arm. That was the arm that killed me. This was the same diamond dog, and it almost did it again.

It might still.

“Chara!”

Fluttershy spread her wings and was by my side in an instant. At the same time, Twilight shook her head and relit her horn, magic encompassing both of them before they had a chance to do something else. She scowled and showed some of her teeth, but I couldn’t tell if that was because it was taking genuine effort to hold them or if she was mad that I got hurt.

“Just hold still; this isn’t that bad! I was hoping I wasn’t going to have to use this first aid kit..”

I barely heard Fluttershy’s worried words over my own heavy breathing as I held my side. The diamond dogs weren’t resisting this time or trying to break out in the slightest. Nor did either of them make eye contact with us.

It only unnerved me more.

While the ground was no longer shaking, I still felt there had to be more. Why else would they be so calm about being held like that if they didn't know more would be coming? I tried to watch the walls. If they can tunnel through the floor so easily, there was no reason they couldn’t come from anywhere else.

The problem was that the ground was relatively easy to tell with. The wall wasn’t so much. The ground also had loose pebbles, while the rocks in the wall were deeply embedded and weren’t so easily moved. All I could do was watch and tell Twilight the moment one burst through.

Even then, it might be too late.

Twilight was also on the lookout, glancing between the walls and my wound as she was torn between healing me or not. Fluttershy just began cleaning it when a spot above us ruptured, a third diamond dog shooting out with ease. Its body limber and arms were straight ahead of it as it spiraled, landing on the ground.

It was around my own size, though possibly a few inches more. The most obvious difference I could quickly see between it and the other two was its red vest instead of a black one, along with a small, yellow star-like object dangling off the front of its collar. I had no clue if they had some kind of ranking system and that's what that was. Could it be the alpha or something similar? The scleras of its eyes were a sickly green and stuck out in the dark.

Twilight was on it as soon as it landed, pointing her horn in its direction as she tried to wrap it in the same magic as the other two. It levitated off the ground for roughly two seconds before dropping back down, her magic dissipating as soon as it got to its torso.

“What? I’m not even close to my limit, why can’t I?” she cut herself off as she tried again, some of her magic on the other dogs fluctuating. Once again, it vanished once it reached the diamond dog’s torso. “Why?”

As if to answer her question, it reached into its vest pocket and pulled out a small, jagged black rock. It was sharp and had chunks missing, like it’d been ripped out of something. Twilight’s expression only got further perplexed.

“No use. Anti-magic. Makes this easier.”

There was no tone or his voice or emotion behind his eye; he was eerily empty. Without another word, he tossed the black rock towards her.

“Anti-magic? But that’s…we need to go. I-i didn’t think…” she stumbled on her words as she became wrought with panic. The magic around the two diamond dogs vanished, transferring over to Fluttershy and I. There was no force behind it, only a tingling sensation.

It lasted as briefly as when she tried to lift the third diamond dog. One moment, all three of us were swathed in her magic, and just as fast it was gone. When that black rock landed just under her, her horn flickered like a dying light, barely leaving any room for us to see.

“I can’t teleport us?” she asked herself as her gaze dropped to the source of anti-magic just under her nose. “What is this rock? W-”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the small one jump off the ground towards her. My heart stopped as I screamed for Twilight to watch out. She raised her head, the tip of her horn sparking with magic that spread to the rest of it like a coat of paint, pointing it straight at the soon-to-be attacker.

But she wasn’t fast enough.

It grabbed Twilight’s horn with its left paw, slamming the other into her face and smashing her into the ground. Just as swiftly it got on top of her shoulders, using its claws to slit her throat. There was no hesitation, no second thoughts. Just deep gashes as blood spurted from her throat; disgustingly wet gurgling came from her mouth as she tried to scream, or just to breathe.

There was absolutely no sound as I watched this unfold. Somehow, I had forgotten that other creatures bleed too. Not just flinch as an imaginary number hovered over them, or collapsed into dust as they died.

They weren’t monsters.

I couldn’t move. So riddled with crippling fear I couldn’t do anything but collapse to my knees, holding my stomach and keeping my mouth closed out of fear of losing the contents of my stomach if I opened it.

“Twilight!”

Fluttershy screeched as she tried to get to her as quickly as she could, the open first aid kit held tightly in harm's way. She howled as the large diamond dog grabbed one of her wings, having more than enough strength to lift her a foot off the ground. Tears streamed down her face from the pain as he brought his other paw over her shoulder, using his knife-like claws to slash her throat open. The wound was much deeper and wider than Twilight’s. So deep in fact, I could see bone and even some kind of hole. I heard squelching noises as blood spurted out of Fluttershy; she must have been choking on it.

It happened so fast, in just a handful of seconds.

He dropped her like an inanimate object, the first aid kit dropping with her as various medical materials scattered. The desire to save her was almost as strong as the fear.

Almost.

I bit my tongue excruciatingly hard to try to push through, so hard all I could take was copper as blood dribbled down my chin, but it was enough. I jumped forward, by Fluttershy’s side as fast as I could be. The diamond dogs didn’t stop me for some reason.

They likely didn’t believe I could save her. I’m not sure if I did.

Nothing in Fluttershy’s first aid kit could help her here, at least nothing I knew how to use. The first thing that came to my mind was to stifle the bleeding, but I’d be too late if I got up to get the gauze that had unrolled itself and was a few feet away. I had to improvise with what I had on me.

“Don’t die, don’t die, don’t die.” I kept repeating, hoping my words would do anything to keep her alive just a second longer. I don’t think she could hear me, not even turning her eyes to look at me as her tears mixed with her blood. I unwrapped the scarf around my neck, pressing it against the wound on her neck as tightly as I could. “Please don’t die!”

The warm tears streaming down my cheeks were a distraction I couldn’t afford to give a second thought to. My voice got more shrill, hands shaking with desperation as blood darker red than the scarf itself bled through. It covered my hands, but I didn’t let up. Not even as I got gradually weaker thanks to my own wound, feeling colder and like I’ll pass out at any second.

The idea of losing Fluttershy kept me wide awake.

“I’m begging you, don’t die. Please, please, please, please. I…I can’t…” I begged like I was praying to some god, as pointless as I knew it was.

After all, what kind of god would bother to listen to the prayers of a demon?

“I can’t watch someone die again.”

Fluttershy turned her head to face me, at least as much as she could. Her breathing had become nothing more than wheezing, even as she tried to say something to me. No noise came out at all, nothing I could make out.

Before I even had the chance to lower my head in the hopes I could make out her dying words, she was gone. Her wings fell flat onto the ground, limbs following soon after. I watched as the light left her kind eyes, and I could even feel her last heart beat. Though that only slowed the blood flow a bit.

The second mother who had given me a second home was dead, and all that’s left was a corpse. I had blissfully forgotten how much worse that was than a pile of dust. Having other's blood on my hands wasn’t something I had ever experienced before.

Words couldn’t describe how horrifying it was when the person who it belonged to had just been alive and talking to me minutes ago.

I raised my hands from the scarf, unable to tear my gaze from my hands. The stream of tears never even slowed down, but I wasn’t filled with the urge to scream either. There was an unmistakable emptiness inside me when I felt her heart beat for its last time. It sucked everything inside of me into it until there was nothing left.

Or maybe that was the gashes on my side. I couldn’t tell or even form a coherent thought.

The third diamond dog stood on the opposite side of Fluttershy's body, I think. The light had gone out along with Twilight’s, and the cave was nothing more than pitch black to me. I was only guessing based on the sound of his movements.

For what felt like a long time, there was no noise at all. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything; my mind was as void as everything else was.

“I’m sorry.”

I blinked.

“You’re…” I raised my head in the direction the voice came from. “Sorry?”

“Yes.”

The sincereness in his voice had no trace of veneer. What would even be the point of that? They had no reason for deception; they had been upfront about their intentions from the start. The only questions I should be asking is why haven’t they just killed me? Why is one of them apologizing?

“My friends came here to help you, to try to work out some situation where everyone benefits. Even when you yelled at us to leave, they stayed despite the danger because they wanted to help you. Then, you spit in the face of their offer, killing them like cattle. And you’re sorry?”

There was no anger in my voice, no malice or any fleck of ill intent. I truly carried none. Why should I? I could try to kill them, but that would be pointless. They can see, but I can’t. I would just be flailing in the dark, and they’d have no problem putting me down like a rabid wolf.

Besides, what would be the point? I don’t want to live in a world without Fluttershy.

“...yes.”

“And…you won’t even tell me why you came here in the first place, will you?”

A long pause this time. “I can’t do that. I am sorry.”

I scoffed in response.

Part of this was my fault. I knew what was going to happen to us when we came down here. I could have tried to warn Twilight, or at least Fluttershy. She would have listened to me, even if I couldn’t explain everything. Twilight would have listened to her, and we would have been ready. I don’t know how differently things might have gone, but it couldn’t have been worse than this.

All I had to do was talk! Why is it so hard for me?

“Then…” I dropped my head and closed my eyes. “Get it over with.”

I didn’t want to see it coming; I’d witnessed enough death already.

I reached forward in the dark, my hand nudging the unmistakable softness of her wing. It was still warm, and stained. It took both of my arms to lift them up, mostly due to their size since they were practically weightless. I tried to wrap it around my body like she had many times before, but it was stiff and limping. I had to hold it in place or it would fall off.

If I pretended she was just unconscious, it helped. Just a bit.

“Fido.”

The bigger one approached. I could tell by the fact he used his arms to move instead of his legs. Once again, he was the one to kill me. I’m not sure how this time. One moment I was alive, the next I wasn’t.

There was no pain. They were efficient, if nothing else. Not that my preference really mattered. No matter how much death I’d witnessed, how much pain I’d endure, there would always be more to see. Now, instead of being a spectator, I’m being pulled personally to experience it again and again.

Angels have blessings.

Demons have curses.

And this was mine.

The burning wasn’t as intense, and I still couldn’t tell if that meant something.

I opened my eyes in the same room again. In the arms of Fluttershy again. Wrapped in her wings meant to help me with the past, but they could do little for the future.

I could still feel her blood on my hands, the lukewarmth of it and the stickiness in between my fingers. Hours of washing wouldn’t be able to get rid of this feeling. Nothing ever did.

The sound of her heartbeat snapped me out of it; so soothing to listen to, like a lullaby. I was so tired mentally, but physically I had just woken up. I never wanted to get out of bed again, away from the safety of her embrace.

I shifted around, pressing my head into her chest and wrapping my arms around her. She made a light groaning noise, adjusting herself on the bed.

“Chara?”

I recoiled at her voice, free of her own blood and choking. No slashes in her throat, no large dog holding her by her wing.

“Please, hold me.”

I began crying again, maybe even harder than last night. I knew it wouldn’t be the last time.

Chapter 29: Second Last Breakfast.

There was a delay this time.

The transition between resets had always been a seamless weave, devoid of anything but a flicker of heat that charred my very soul. Followed by, not a coldness exactly, but an absence of sensation.

Instead of that, there was almost an echo of The Void. The burning from the remnants of Ponyville seeped away along with any other feeling; leaving me in a state of hollowness that was more similar to being in the pod than I liked. It was like the entire world was moving for me, while I remained as still as the statues in the garden. Just mustering up the desire to move was impossible.

Then, with the abruptness of a bonfire sparking to life, there was warmth. Not in my chest as I’d come to expect, but all over my body. The same singe I’d experienced with heartburn, yet spread out to the very tips of my fingers. It didn’t hurt. At least, it wasn’t supposed to hurt; warmth had never been painful before.

With the return of my body, pulled back together from the ashes that had no doubt blown away in the searing wind, came a shriek that pierced every fiber of my being. I couldn’t breathe, the tightness of my chest and inflammation of my lungs would have made that agony. While I could tell I was lying on something, my mind refused to care about anything else. Grounded only in the reality I was in.

It was hard to tell if I even had my eyes open, so much darkness corroded my vision that I briefly questioned if I had gone blind. Underneath the screeching there was a thud, accompanied by vaguely familiar voices that were getting rapidly closer. Soon they were by my side, saying something as indiscernible as a foreign language.

A nauseating pressure pushed down on my arms, restraining me as a similar force kept my head still. It was a freezing contrast to the singe that had branded itself into me, calming me enough to register the rest of my body and where I was. With each fast breath, I darted my eyes around until the darkness wasn’t as hard to see in. The canopy was easily recognizable, as well as the absurdly fancy decor and style of the bedroom I was in.

“When-” I tried to speak, only to find my throat painfully hoarse. I gulped down air like it was water, trying desperately to clear my throat of the stabbing itch that had made its home there. “-Do I go back to Ponyville?”

I raised my head just enough to see whatever force was holding me, predictably being small bands of purple magic wrapped around my arms and legs, firmly pinning me down. Not painfully so, there was plenty of wriggle room and I could flex my fingers. Luster stood to my right, her alit horn easily being the brightest light in the room. A mostly stoic expression was on her face except for a crease of her brow that’d be impossible to notice if she wasn’t so close to me.

Brash, who was standing just a few feet away with her wings tightly coiled to her sides, exchanged a brief glance with Luster.

“In a couple of hours after breakfast with The Princess.”

Which meant my reset point had changed to the night before going back to Ponyville. That didn’t give me a lot of time, but I can take solace in that it wasn’t in all the worst places and times I could name.

“Good.”

That caused some odd looks.

I let my head sink into the pillow, sucking the cold air in between my teeth and trying to focus on it over the warmth of the bed. Fortunately, the blanket only covered my lower half and made that easy. I practiced the breathing techniques Fluttershy taught me, inhaling and exhaling loud enough to drown out any other noise for just a few precious seconds. Eventually, the inside of my chest stopped feeling like someone was trying to nail a painting to the inside of my ribs.

I tentatively tugged at the ethereal bindings, finding every movement made it a little more restrictive. Almost snakelike in the way it twisted around me.

“You didn’t have to restrain me.”

My eyes stayed closed for a few moments longer. All that awaited me were the curious and concerned expressions of Brash and Luster, failing to hide the plethora of questions they undoubtedly had.

“Unfortunately, I did.”

With barely a whisk of her horn, the restraints were gone. I fidgeted a bit, slowly raising my arms and wringing my wrist.

“You were experiencing some kind of night terror; quite a severe one I might add. By the time Brash and I got in here, you were thrashing in the bed and scratching your own arms. As much as I would have preferred not to, it's standard protocol when someone is blatantly a danger to themselves.”

“Wait, Lust weren’t we supposed to avoid using-”

“Only levitation.”

Underneath the steel composure Luster's voice often had a warning undertone, cutting off Brash before she said something that I wasn’t supposed to know. Brash flinched as she glanced at me, her wings unfurling as she started walking to the other side of the bed. She bit the corner of her lip as she brushed against the bedpost.

Now that she mentioned it, there was a painful stinging just under the sleeves of my shirt. I raised it to find small, red scratch marks on my forearm. Deep enough to start bleeding, some of it having gotten under my nails. Luckily, it wasn’t nearly bad enough to last and would scab over before I knew it. I rolled my sleeve back down to the wrist, hovering over the scar there as my mind blanked. It was strangely smooth as I traced it, barely even noticeable if I hadn’t been staring at it.

“If you’re experiencing night terrors, you could speak to Princess Luna and she should be able to-”

“No.”

It came out as a breathless whimper; a plea from someone who could do nothing else. It was pathetic, and I couldn’t stand how much raw fear leaked into it. I gripped my legs hard enough to be painful, trying not to make any more pathetic noises.

“They, um-” I loudly coughed, throwing the blanket off of me and swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. “-They happen every once in a while, and rarely bother me for another couple of weeks; I don’t even remember them. It’s not that big of an issue, so please don’t tell Luna.”

Every word came out frantically and with a coated layer of desperation, faster than I could think of them or even breathe in between; I wasn’t sure why I was trying so hard just to convince them not to tell her. I didn’t even know how her powers worked, if she could see into my dreams or if it was just a spark of her horn and the nightmares would be gone. Whatever the case, just the idea of her probing my mind and finding not just what I experienced in the last reset, but potentially anything deeper than that…

It made my stomach churn. I couldn’t stand it.

“Very well. I can tell you feel strongly about this. While I won’t push it any further, I do suggest you talk to a therapist about it. Night terrors are not something that happen for no reason.”

“I can handle them.”

“No, Chara, you can’t.”

Brash moved in front of me, extending her wing to the side as she scowled.

“You would have hurt yourself more if we hadn’t come in. It might be none of my business what happens to you after you’re back in Ponyville, but you should at least try to take better care of yourself for your friends back there. What about Dark Moon? Would you really just tell him that ‘you can handle it’?”

“No, probably. I’d just-” I had to choose my words carefully, trying to avoid picturing that scenario with just as much caution. Instead of trying to come up with some excuse, I let my burnt out brain rest and pressed my hands to my eyes with a sigh. “-You’re right. Celestia mentioned a therapist she recommended;I'll try to talk to her if I can.”

“The Princess did?” Luster asked, likely with a raise of her eyebrow.

“Huh. I didn’t know The Princess saw a therapist.” Brash tilted her head, eyes furrowing for a moment. “Makes sense though. I can only imagine how stressful running the country by yourself for so long can be.”

I chewed on my tongue, trying to keep from saying anything about her. Celestia’s face came to mind, her silent rage coming off of her in sweltering waves. I could still hear her words, the relentless tone stabbing me as sharply as her empty gaze did.

I shook my head, reaching for my backpack and pulling out my journal. Without a word I began scribbling down footnotes of everything I could remember, scraping together the last shard of my willpower to not dwell on them for too long.

And, of course, adding another tally mark. I’ve reset six times now. Incomparable to how many times Frisk had, yet I couldn’t stand the thought of experiencing it even once more.

“Is that a dream journal?”

I paused, halfway through drawing the smiley face for J.

“Sure.”

“So you write down all the dreams you have in that?”

“I try to.”

“Does it help?”

I got to the bottom of the page, scouring over what I’d written in my frantic need for escapism. It was sloppy, with most of the symbols resembling cave paintings more than wing dings. The circles weren’t straight, the space between each one was smaller than it should be, and there were smudges that obscured some of them. It wasn’t until I stopped writing that I realized how painfully I’d been clenching the pencil between my fingers.

It rolled into the center of the book. Brash scrunched her nose as she leaned over, attempting to decipher what I’d scribbled down. With trembling hands I shut it, placing it back in the backpack and letting my hands rest in between my thighs so they wouldn’t notice how much they were shaking.

“Not really.”

“Oh.” she awkwardly stepped back, scratching her neck with her wing as she looked around the room. “So, it’s two or three hours before breakfast and I’m guessing you’re not going to try to get back asleep. Mess halls are still open, you want me to get you a well-past-midnight snack or something?”

“Mm,” I was just planning on sitting in the bed and turning my brain off as much as I could until breakfast. However, the mentioned food did make the emptiness in my stomach more prominent; I also wouldn’t exactly mind a shower either. “Do they have anything with cinnamon or butterscotch? Both would be nice.”

“I wish. The sweetest thing I can probably get you is a pumpkin roll. Doubt it though, those things are some of the first that get swiped up when dessert rolls around ever since the chef introduced them a few days ago. Do you mind if I just get you whatever's left that sweet?”

I nodded, getting to my feet and nearly falling over as a wave of nausea hit me; coupled with a lethargic weakness that only made itself known when I tried to move. Brash looked prepared to catch me, leaning forward on her hooves with her wings clenching so tightly they shook. I luckily didn’t, gripping one of the bedposts as it passed.

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Uh, cool. I’ll just-” she hovered off the ground towards the door, slowly opening it and checking outside for something before peering over her shoulder at Luster. “-Go on then. Should be back in fifteen at the most if it’s busy.”

“Get me a mango smoothie if you don’t mind.”

“Blegh.” Brash opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out in feign disgust. “Sure, whatever your dead taste buds desire.”

The tension set in immediately as soon as Luster and I were alone. While I didn’t feel as torpid, the jagged sensation of her acute stare kept me where I was. My brain, for once, failed to come up with something to break it.

She’s dangerously perceptive like Pinkie or Celestia; though they’re much less obvious about what they notice and when they notice things. No matter what I say or how I say it, she’ll pay attention to the way my voice wavers on certain words or how I shift my body weight. I had too much to think about to bother with the mental minefield navigating any conversation with her would be.

The best thing I could say is nothing at all.

“I’m going to take a shower.”

I retrieved my clean set of clothes from the backpack, moving towards the bathroom as swiftly as I could. Luster was quiet until I opened the door, taking an audibly loud breath and clearing her throat.

“Chara,”

I could tell the doorknob would leave an imprint on the palm of my hand as I clutched it. As much as I wanted to shut it and pretend I didn’t hear her, I couldn’t bring myself to move another inch. Fussing with the sleeve around my wrist just to keep my hands occupied as I leaned forward on my toes.

“There’s people who really care about you.”

Beneath that unpliable firmness was a soft undertone, a sincere concern I rarely got to hear from her. I let go of the doorknob, clenching and unclenching my hands after wiping it on my shirt. No matter how much I did, the stickiness didn’t go away.

“I know.”

I shut it behind me, putting my back against the wall and just sitting on the ground for a moment. I tentatively rubbed my pendant, a source of warmth that touching me didn’t feel wrong like the blankets had.

Like everything started to.

Despite how much I wanted to sit there and shut out the rest of the world, I stood up and undressed myself; not bothering to place my clothes neatly somewhere. The water was hot within seconds of turning it on, steam already fogging up the mirror above the sink. I reached forward to touch it, heart palpitating with such ferocity that the pouring water sounded more akin to a distant waterfall.

It didn’t burn, yet as soon as the water touched me I half shrieked and stumbled away from it as I hit the wall. I waited with bated breath for Luster to barge in, only to be left with the roaring torrent of water.

After convincing myself, I begrudgingly approached the valve and turned it as far to the left as it would go. Only when there wasn’t any steam left did I ease up, able to feel how cold it’d become just from standing near it. It reminded me so much of Snowdin, only lacking the icy wind blowing in my face and the looming threat of a snowball to the face.

Asriel made it tolerable, but he wasn’t here anymore.

I hissed as the freezing water hit my hand, reminiscent of hundreds of tiny ice cubes embedding themselves under my skin and melting to my very bone; I grit my teeth to just stop myself from jumping back again. It got tolerable the longer I left my hand under it, reaching a more cooling feeling that was actually somewhat pleasant. Inch by inch, I slipped the rest of my body into the shower with a painful hesitance.

Regardless, I still hated it. Still, it got rid of any warmth. For now, the cold wasn’t that bad.

“Have you never seen a burrito before?”

I couldn’t even meet her gaze.

Celestia was sitting in her highchair, mixing various fruits into her oatmeal; It was a miracle I’d even made it to the chair with how terror-stricken I was upon seeing her. Wearing her usual mask of contentedness and etiquette, lacking that spark of untethered loathing I now knew she was more than capable of.

It was so stupid, but I couldn’t bring myself to get over it. Her magic, now a shining gold instead of rage-fuelled visceral orange, made me flinch each time she used it to lift something. That she’d use it to lift me, or bound me to the ground and light me ablaze with her burning fury.

Or, what scared me most of all, was that the light in her eyes would be blown out like the last candle in a dark cave. Accompanied by her flowing mane growing stiff, and then a snap of her eyes in my direction, daring me to move just an inch.

In reality, she was humming harmlessly across from me without an ounce of intent to hurt me. I had to keep reminding myself that.

“N-no, I have. Just-” I reached forward to grab one, only to pull my hand to my chest once I felt how warm it was. The pumpkin roll Brash brought me last night was smaller than I’d like, leaving a tinge of hunger that was more annoying than anything else. However, I’ve ignored worse. “-Wasn’t expecting it for breakfast. I’m not hungry though, thank you.”

“Are you sure? I could easily have the chef make something else to your liking. I’d hate to send you back to Ponyville on an empty stomach.”

I tried to slink my hand into the mug of apple-juice, having to grip my wrist with my freehand just to keep it steady.

“I’m sure, really.”

“Hmm,” Celestia placed her fork in the center of the oatmeal, leaning it left and right as she stared at me with furrowed eyebrows. “You really are quite terrible at that.”

I narrowed my eyes, raising my chin while placing the mug back on the table. She idly twirled the fork in her magic, staring at a spot on the table as her mind wandered somewhere else. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and took a bite from her oatmeal.

“Very well. Then I suppose there’s no need to dally around what I’d like to speak with you about before you go. Your time here has made it clear to me that you need help, along with being far too short for I or my sister to offer you anything other than some basic guidance. In this same line of thinking, I have an option I’d like you to at least consider.”

Identically to the before, she pushed the oatmeal to the side and straightened her posture as she put her more serious expression on. I broke away from the leer, fidgeting in the chair that I noticed for the umpteenth time made me look smaller than I already was.

“There’s a friend of mine, or perhaps I should say Sunny Shores, who specializes in treating problems such as yours. She owes me a favor, and mo…”

I started tuning her out, already finishing the next thing she was going to say in my mind. In a way, it was like the play Luna took me to: each scene needed to broach a certain amount of topics before the next one could start, every line of dialogue a cue for the next. Should I just play along? Say my lines until I’m supposed to head for Ponyville?

I didn’t even know where to begin. Telling Brash and Luster about the changelings lurking in the woods was the first thing that came to mind. Assuming I convinced them to believe me, there’s no way they could beat all of them by themselves. Maybe with the help of Twilight and the others, they’d find a way to manage; they’ve done it before. There was just no way to talk to them without running into the changelings along the way.

Even if I did, why would they listen to me? Best case scenario I tell them about my ability to reset, then they’d know how many times I failed them. Or, knowing Twilight, she’d realize I could have kept resetting to find a peaceful solution and get more upset at me than she already was. Not to mention that if we don’t get there soon enough,

When it comes down to it, there really are only two options. Try to convince Celestia there were changelings in Ponyville and to help, or I have to somehow get there myself as early as I can and hope it's soon enough.

Celestia was staring at me, having finished offering the services of Clear Mind. I could play dumb and ask what a therapist is, but I didn’t have the heart to feign ignorance or repeat all the meek half-answers I did the first time around. I couldn’t bring myself to even try that.

“There are changelings in Ponyville.”

I didn’t give myself a chance to think, to convince myself not to say it, to come up with all the ways it could go wrong; I just blurted it out.

As a consequence, her previously concern-riddled face contorted to a much more grave scowl. The temperature in the room, being well above lukewarm to my discomfort, dropped so heavily that goosebumps crawled up my arms.

“That’s quite a thing to say.” She leaned back in her chair, wings ruffling awkwardly as she brought her chin to her chest. “I truly hope you can elaborate.”

“They’re in The Whitetail Woods around Ponyville, making sure nothing gets in or out. The queen is there, in some cave nearby and feeding off the love of animals until they attack tonight. They have anti-magic rocks that only changeling magic works around, and spells that can instantly paralyze whoever they’ve cast it on.”

Every word I wrote down in my journal flowed out of my mouth in a panicked rant, though not in wing dings or that would arouse more suspicion than I could possibly explain. Once I’d stated everything I could think of, I dug my nails into the chairs of the seat so deeply I feared I’d have trouble getting them out.

“I see.”

I waited for her to go on, to ask the questions I’m sure she was running in her mind. Some part of me expected to be enshrouded in her magic and forced to answer every question she had.

None of that happened.

I was left with an impossibly rigid silence in place of them. So much so that I could even hear the sound of birds chirping from just behind the window, muffled by the shallow breaths I took that were only amplified by every passing second of nothingness.

“Aren’t you-” I didn’t want to say another word, but the idea of sitting in this mind-breaking tension for a second longer was much more intolerable. “-Going to ask me how I know any of this?”

“I’ve considered that. The thought crossed my mind that you had somehow obtained the letter Twilight sent about her fear that a changeling had infiltrated Ponyville, and for some reason you were trying to reinforce this to me as fact. What I concluded was that, regardless of if you were able to steal and read it without me knowing, that wouldn’t explain how you know about changeling anti-magic. That’s classified information that not even Twilight knows because they’ve never taken it farther than their hive; until now, apparently.”

“Wait, Twilight think-”

“You’re not showing any tells of fibbing, either. Leading me to believe that what you’re saying is the truth, or a version of the truth, and I have no choice but to trust there is something concrete in your words. Regardless of that, unless you can tell me how you got this information, I can’t act on it. So, please, enlighten me how you learned all this without leaving Canterlot or so much as having contact with any of my little ponies in Ponyville?”

I could have accepted the casual tone she often used, but not the grave one that she didn’t modulate every word of. It was hard enough to read her normally, borderline impossible when she erases any shred of politeness or attempts at collectively. Celestia could be right on the cusp of losing her temper and I wouldn’t know it.

It was like closing my eyes and walking across a tightrope without knowing where the ground was.

I had to tell her the truth. Or, as Celestia put it, a version of the truth.

“I can see the future.”

In one loop, I tried that with Twilight. It got her to listen to me long enough to try something; it was just unfortunate that I was the one who came up with the plan. As history showed, it was doomed to fail for that reason alone. This time, with Celestia having the entire royal guard and the sun at her disposal, the best thing I could do is give her all the information I had and let her act instead.

“Oh? Clairvoyance is it?” she asked with a hint of sardonicism. “I’ve heard that claim quite a few times, very rarely have I seen it come true. Pinkie is the most recent I’m aware of, who just so happens to be an element. I’m far too old to believe such a thing is a coincidence.”

“It doesn’t work like Pinkie sense. It’s more like-” I held the mug in between my hands, rubbing it with my fingers just to keep myself occupied. “-You were going to tell me about how the chef came back from vacation and wanted to try out new recipes, then you were going to explain to me what a therapist was and how relieving it can be to ‘bare yourself to stranger’. Cadance is going to give me Lumi as a pet before I leave, and she said that she already cleared it with you.”

She stared at me without any shift, unmoving like a painting without a frame. Undoubtedly waiting for me to tell her more. In my haste, I’d spewed out everything I know for sure at once and was fumbling to come up with anything else. I could maybe tell her about Brash’s plan to retire as a guard and start being a bail-bondspony, but that was a lot harder to prove off word of mouth alone.

Once she realized I wasn’t, Celestia leaned forward and stretched her wings to her sides before clasping them back together.

“You could have easily heard about Cadance from the guards; it's not exactly something she was trying to hide. Perhaps, if you’d thought about it enough, you could have guessed a therapist is what I would have recommended before we part ways for whatever amount of time. Of course, that’s a more complicated answer when you’re providing me a simpler one. Hmm,”

Without looking away from me, she lifted her teacup to her mouth and took a tentative sip from it. Scrunching her nose as she glanced down at it, flashing her horn and causing steam to evaporate off of it.

“In the name of parsimony, along with it coinciding with my dear students letter and a handful of reports I’ve received recently, I’m going to choose to believe you have some prophetic abilities and what you’re offering can be taken as such. So-”

“Don’t call it that.”

I didn’t mean to snap at her.

Usually, I try to swallow my anger; the last time I gave into it made it clear it should be the last time. I hadn’t thought about the delta rune prophecy in so long, even though its symbol was etched into the center of my necklace like a taunting reminder.

I held it in the palm of my hand, squeezing it with such intensity its edges dug painfully into my skin. A white-hot anger fuelled a burning in my chest that I hated. At fault as I was, I was foolish enough to believe that words spoken by one that time and memory had abandoned. I chose to take in the expectations thrust onto me by it and all of the monsters it influenced.

An angel made the underground empty indeed, set in place by a demon who was arrogant enough to think it was them.

“Prophecies are nothing more than cruel riddles. They don’t predict the future, they trick others into creating it and convince them it was meant to be.”

The resentment in my voice was as visceral as the resigned anguish. I couldn’t stop my hand shaking as I clamped my sticky fingers onto it, no matter how much it hurt. Moments of agonizing oblivion passed before I was relaxed enough to let go, placing the necklace back in my shirt where its lifeless chill stuck out among my body heat.

Taking the place of my rage was the familiar cloak of terror wrapping itself around my heart, elongating itself into every inch of my body until I felt like its puppet. I could only sit in the chair that seemed bigger each time I noticed its size, waiting to see how Celestia would respond.

“Cadance was right, you really do get more intriguing with everything you say.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, peeking through my growing bangs at her. While still tense, there was a tiny smirk on her lips as she met my gaze.

“What does that mean?”

“It means I want you to tell me everything you can about this ‘future’ you saw. If we can’t do something to prevent it, then what's the point?”

“Oh, well,” I rubbed my hands down the front of my pants, frowning as I tried to think of anything useful that I didn’t already mention. “Chrysalis mentioned that she’s the one who forced the diamond dogs to attack Pinkie’s family. She had changelings pretend to be their pups and blackmailed them with it.”

“And you know this how?”

“She,” my voice trailed off as I realized what I was about to say. “Told me.”

“She told you?” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “And why, per se, did Chrysalis bother talking to you in the first place?”

“It was already after she captured me on our way to Ponyville. She mentioned-” I brought my hands to my neck, rubbing the sides of them as I recalled being inside those disgusting pods. I made the mistake of closing my eyes for just a few seconds, only for that disgusting warmth to tingle over my body.

For a single second, I thought I heard that thumping again.

“-That I smelled like the zealots.”

“The zealots? How would she- Celestia’s half-lidded eyes drifted to the side, then constricting and coming to a still close. “-she had one of the appendages, didn’t she?”

“Yeah,” my arms dropped limply to my lap. “It was a lion’s paw.”

“His right hand?” A wry chuckle slipped through her lips. “How ironic. You have no idea how many gaps of information you just filled for me; I might have come to that conclusion regardless if I had enough time. Of which we have little of.”

The scraping of her chair legs against the ground startled me as she stood up, cleaning the table in a near instant with the sole exception of the mug that she hovered to me. There was very little left in it; I hardly remembered taking as many sips as I apparently did.

“Lets see, by the time you get there Twilight should be in Sugarcube Corner. Checking on Limestone and Pinkie If she’s adhering to her schedule like she often does.”

“L-limestone?” I coughed as I drank the remainder of the apple juice, stumbling to my feet as I placed it back on the table. “Why’s she in Ponyville?”

“Visiting Pinkie from what Twilight told me. I don’t know the details aside from that, nor is it overtly important. Unless that's a problem?”

“No, not at all. Just,” It was easy to recall how furious she was when Marble didn’t come back in one of the resets. Her protectiveness over her siblings was intimidating, and I’d hurt one of them. Not to mention that I’d left two corpses in front of her home, and I held no doubt she was the one who had to clean it up.

I can’t imagine she’d be ecstatic to see me.

“Wasn’t expecting to see her again so soon.”

“Ah, I see.” Celestia’s featured softened as she gave me an understanding nod. “If it’s any consolation, both her and Pinkie are doing quite well. Your apprehension is to be expected, however from how Twilight’s spoken to me about you returning I don’t believe things will go as terribly as you’re convincing yourself they will.”

“It’s not.”

She retrieved a letter out of seemingly nowhere, writing something down on it at a speed I could only dream of before just as quickly sending it away in a puff of smoke.

“I’ve sent an emergency letter to Shining. He needs to be informed about this so we can send guards to Ponyville and comb the area for this ‘cave’ you speak of. The problem is, I must act under the assumption a changeling has already infiltrated Ponyville, there hasn’t been a single instance of them invading without one of their own learning everything they need to and there’s no reason to suspect this is different.”

In that fleeting moment she turned to me, I stared into her eyes, and I was reminded how large she was as she loomed over me. One wing would be enough to embrace me, and one flicker of her horn would be enough to turn me to nothing more than ashes in the wind. I’d always known she must have been capable of such, but experiencing it and how easy it was for her painted her in a new light that blinded me.

“Brash and Luster will be going with you and protecting them as well until such can be arranged. I’ll have to go against Twilight’s landing suggestion but I’m sure she’ll understand. Chara,” Celestia took a few steps backwards, her posture stooped as she stared at me. “Are you ok? You’re paler than usual and your teeth are chattering.”

I tightened my jaw to force my teeth still, muscles aching with tension the longer I kept it locked that way.

“No.” I muttered as I turned away from her, counting as I pretended she wasn’t there.

“Chara,” her voice dropped, taking on a gentler tone that she masked whenever speaking to her guards. “What happened to you in that future?”

I froze up, unable to so much as peer over my shoulder at her. I pulled in my shoulders, hanging my head as I wrapped my arms around myself.

“Oh.”

She stayed as void of any noise as I did. Eventually broken by tepid hoofsteps that approached the door. I saw out of the corner of my eyes her back, then ears flickering as she opened the door.

“I’m sorry.”

I sharply inhaled at her apology, running my brain ragged to form a coherent response. She couldn’t have known, regardless of how insightful she was. Some irrational part of me wasn’t convinced, offering doubts and suspicions that she somehow realized she was the one who killed me in that future.

I traced my fingers on the chain of my necklace, soothing me the same way it was bound to do countless times more in the future.

“I know.”

She didn’t hear my whisper, which was for the best. Without another word she let me walk past her and leave the room, heading towards my room to get my backpack and leave for Ponyville.

This time, I won’t be too late.