Twilight Get's Hit in the Face With Balls

by Funkyfresh

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Violence, Sex, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2600

The Mare. The Myth. The Legend.

Anon challenges the mane 6 to a simple game of soccer.
Twilight The Mare. The Myth. The Legend! gets hit in the face with balls as per the title... not much else here aside from some light RGRE and crude humor in the form of a shitpost-like story.

Warnings are mostly for references except for violence... because Twilight is getting hit in the face with balls as the title implies... if you really don't get that bit by now I don't know what to tell you.

Cover is edit I made from this which was made by some cool artist bros. (ericneomatrix and seniorpony

Published 2021-01-12 17:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-01-12 17:20:01 UTC

The One, The Only, The... oh whatever who even reads chapter titles.

The usually empty stands of the Ponyville stadium were packed with mystified mares and stupefied stallions as bits were bet and treats were tucked away. The air was ripe with excitement and the scent of cheap goods hastily produced for this once in a lifetime event. Everypony was here for one thing and one thing only... You. For you see you are the greatest-

"Oh hurry the buck up and kick the dang ball already Anon!" A raspy voice disrupted your thoughts as Rainbow Dash glared at you from inside the goalpost with her usual bravado in pieces.

"C'mon Dash really?! I was in the middle of a really cool inner monologue there!" You see the sporty pegasus roll her eyes before locking them back to the ball at your feet. "Besides are you really that eager to lose like the others?"

Upon you saying this she looks back to the four other element bearers present at the sideline. They are all sweaty, tired, and best of all had the wonderful look of defeat that you so savored as they looked on.

"We only lost because you cheated Anon!" Rainbow has started to lose her temper at your goading... just as planned. "You said that we would be trying to score, not be the goalies!"

"No I said, 'You girls better get training if you hope to score.' See I left it a bit ambiguous to see if any of you were thinking with your heads rather than your teats." You grin as they all start to flush at their blunder as you notice them trying to come up with something.

"M-my word Anonymous whatever do you mean?" Rarity was the first to stammer out her excuse as she looked around nervously. "A true gentlemare would never try to do something too untoward to a stallion... Ahehe?" She looks up to see if you bought her fib so you stride over and crouch down to eye level.

"Well gee Rarity why didn't you say so! I had thought from the looks of things that you had spent the whole of last night brushing and conditioning your tuft to look extra poofy today, but I guess I was wrong there." You give a smile and turn to go back to the ball before stopping again, tapping a finger to your chin. "Although I could have sworn that I smelt a bit of that special coconut brand tuft softener that came out recently on y'all."

"So what if we didn't think with our heads on this one?" Rainbow regains your attention as she stands there with renewed bravado, albeit with her chest tuft angled away from you with a wing covering it nonchalantly. "I still think I can win this thing now that I know your moves!"

She... did have a point with that one. After all she was the last of them that had come to compete today and after watching you beat the others with minor tricks or feints you had been forced to bring out the big guns for Rainbow. The first goal on her had been almost too easy when you had done a feint, then turned on your heel to drive to ball into the opposite corner. However once she got a read of your true kicking speed you'd had to bring out the ol' razzle dazzle and followed up the same feint as before with a curving kick that sent it barely into the top corner that she dove away from.

"Oh Dashie, don't you know that I still have one trick left?" You smile smugly as you flick your gaze to Applejack waiting for her to-

"He's lying Dash! He doesn't have any tricks left." Ah there's the trusty ol' lie detector that you can depend on. You see RD grinning as she looks back to you until what she sees on your face causes her smile of victory to falter.

"Oh that might be true in a sense Rainbow, but here's the trick..." Your grin is wider than a Cheshire cat as your finger raises to point dead center of the goal where she stands. "I'm going to hit the ball straight at you and you won't stop it."

Her confidence wans and your own grows as she looks back to her friends, but Applejack doesn't say anything this time aside from a light stammer of confusion. As a last ditch attempt to save herself from the encroaching dread of defeat she shouts at you again, "Oh really? What's the big bad stallion gonna do to get past me, show me a peek of your ball bra?"

"The heck's a ball bra?" You say in confusion, much to her chagrin.

"Oh hardy har har Anon. Very funny like I'd fall for the whole, 'I'm not very one' technique. I know that you're bluffing on that and with the shot!" She looks at you with a newfound gaze of determination that would daunt any foe... perfect.

You slowly waltz to the ball and throw one last poke at her to set her down the path of defeat. "You sure this is going to be a bluff Dashie? AJ didn't even say that I was lying so why not just sit right there in the middle where I want you?" This gets her teeth grinding and before she can shout at you again you launch the ball into the air. She starts to follow the ball for a moment before settling her eyes on you again to try and spot which edge you'll kick it to, her gaze intently focused on your lower body in a probable attempt to read your movements. Then as you bring your leg up to deliver the kick she freezes as you send the ball right over her head and you stand there on one leg for a moment in confusion.

"Dash? I know that was supposed to psych you out into diving to either side, but I didn't think you would just freeze." Slowly you bring your leg down and turn from the pegasus as her wings stay rigidly up to look at her friends. "Well either way a bet is a bet girls and unless you have another play-"

"Sorry I'm late girls!" An all too familiar voice sounds from behind as all turn to see Twilight striding onto the field. "I heard that everypony was having a friendly competition and I wanted to see if I could still join in."

You look disbelievingly at the others as Twilight comes closer. "None of you told her about the bet?" All of her friends gave non-committal responses and excuses about either being too busy preparing or thinking that one of the others would tell her.

"Wait you all had some bet with Anon? So that's why you all had me help practice your goal shooting these past few days!" Twilight looks each of her friends in the eyes until they look down except for Rainbow who is still frozen. She finally starts to levitate RD over to the sideline where the stunned pegasus just repeats the words, 'he wasn't lying...' over and over for another minute or two.

Looking down at the poor bookish pony you couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for her and decided to do something for her. "Well since you all decided to leave her out of the loop how about this? Twilight I will give you two additional chances to block my shots to make up for their mistake. As long as you block one you win your side of the bet, but for each goal you block you will also win one of their shares of the prize to give or keep." You offer your hand to her with a smile knowing that she wasn't going to be able to do it but you decided that you'd throw the last one for her.

"Um, Twilight? You sure this is a good idea sugarcube, because we know how y'all perform on goalie." Applejack tries to dissuade her friend but Twilight shakes her head and then shakes my hand before trotting to the goal.

"It doesn't matter Applejack, I'm going to win all of my friends shares back even though you went behind my back. Because that's what friends do!" You can't help but admire her tenacity and dedication to her friends... too bad you weren't going to give her the chance to give them their winnings, after all then no lesson would have been learnt.

"Careful Twilight, his leg is like a cannon when he kicks..." A soft whisper offers up from the sideline as Fluttershy peeks out from behind her mane.

The crowd is going wild for Twilight so you decide to open up with a simple but effective kick to the left side of the goal once she's ready to go and...

*Smack!*

Twilight dived after it and gets smacked dead in the nose as everyone assembled goes quiet...

"She did it!" All of her friends shout in unison as they rush over to her and swarm her with questions about if she was okay and such. You approach too and kneel down beside her, "Listen Twilight I'm sorry that one got you like that but a deal is a deal so you've earned your prize. If you want to back out now I'm sure they'd all understand." You give her some space as she clears her head before shaking it resolutely.

"No! I said that I'd get them their share and I'll try my hardest to achieve it!" It would be very touching if you weren't fairly certain that there was almost no chance her nose wasn't broken right now. Either way you were going all in now that she had her victory, no reason to throw now that she had lucked in a win.

"Okay fine." You throw up your hands in defeat as you walk back to the kicking line and look at her. A bit worse for wear but still in the game so you decide to kick to the other corner with more strength in an attempt to confuse her and...

*Smack!*

Again she dives after the ball only to yet again receive it directly to the face! The crowd is going crazy at her second victory after your winning streak earlier and her friends dash over once more to make sure she's okay.

"Oh! Oh! Twilight how many fingers am I holding up?" Pinkie buzzes and bounces around her friend in concern.

"Pinkie you don't have any fing-" Rainbow gets interrupted by Twilight looking at the party mare and answering.

"Four?" Twilight slurs out as she sways for a bit before moving to curl up in a corner of the goalpost. All of her friends shrug and look to you now.

"I don't even care about denying y'all the win now, but I know she wouldn't accept it half done so I'm just going to kick it to the far edge away from her." Thus the five others leave for the sidelines and continue to cheer for their friend as you try to do just that.

*Smack!*

"Oh come on I wasn't even aiming inside the goal!" You shout in frustration as the crowd goes wild once more as the ball bounces off the edge of the goalpost and sails directly into Twilights head as she peaked up. This was starting to get weird as by now everyone just waited for Twilight to either give in or stand back up. Instead she motions for her friends and it looks like they are going to carry her out. No wait! They're propping her up on a chair so she can continue!

"Alright I just have to kick anywhere but where she is sitting right now..." You can feel your eye twitching as you line up a simple slow kick to the side, but as you move to kick you slip and...

*Smack!*

Somehow the ball sailed straight dead center into her face as she's blown clean over and onto her back before she stands up for the final shot.

"I can't believe this mess." You shake your head as the crowd is absolutely going crazy as the tension builds for the last shot but... Twilight has begun to stumble away from the goal in her confusion! You look at her so far from the goal now and back to Rainbow Dash, your eyes narrowing. "I can at least teach Ms. Loyalty a lesson about treating her friends better." You mutter under your breath as you angrily kick the ball as hard as you can at the empty goal now that there's no way that...

*SMACK!*

The ball rebound off of the top edge of the goal and sails right into Twilights face for the last time as she plops over and the crowd rushes the field. Her friends hoist her up shouting her name along with the crowd and somewhere and announcer you hadn't heard up until now shouts out. "There we go everypony! Twilight Sterling Sparkle, the Mare, the Myth, the Legend, and her face of steel!"

You push the announcer out of mind and push through to Twilight as you gingerly pick her up in your arms and turn towards town. You stop and give her friends a pointed look. "You all are going to give her your share of the bet for what she did for you all right?" They nod in agreement as you start to slowly walk off. "Also, no one was magicking the ball into her with telekinesis so they'd win right?"

"Oh darling no! The rules of the bet said that the only magics we unicorns could use were of the self affecting or enhancing sort... Though I think Twilight did have one idea for magnetizing the ball to her body during practice but she kept saying the force was always off." They all look to their near unconscious friend in realization and appreciation as you shake your head in disbelief.

"What'd we win anyway girls?" Twilight had gained barely enough of her faculties back to ask, her head nestled in your arm.

"Well the terms were quite loose, but in general it was for a single request or favor to be made of me." You reply as you start turning towards the nearby medic to get her checked over. "So I guess you have six requests you can make of me now."

As the group of you all head over to the waiting medic Rainbow speaks up once more, "Still I can't believe he was telling the truth..."

"Now Dash I know you're a sore loser sometimes but I did tell you he wasn't lying about kicking it straight." Applejack bumps Rainbow on the side in good fun.

"N-no not about that..." Rainbow looks down with a flush on her face as the girls look back towards you as you ask Twilight a question that had been popping up recently regarding local fashion.

"So Twilight? What the heck is a ball bra anyway?"

Author's Note

Hey hey it's another random story that popped into my head while trying to work on my main stories! Hopefully now that I have this down I can return to my regularly scheduled procrastination instead of also having a block on top of it.

Either way thanks for the read! Hope ya got a chuckle out of it and for those who somehow don't know this was referencing this.