Class Portrait

by Ice Star

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Horror, Twilight Sparkle, Cheerilee, Princess Celestia
Length: 2392

The Cutie Mark Crusaders get an important talk from Princess Celestia after the Gabby Gums incident. Nothing whatsoever goes wrong in the process and zero extra-credit assignments are given.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders get an important talk from Princess Celestia after the Gabby Gums incident. Unfortunately, this means that they have to stay after school when all their peers have left. Nothing whatsoever goes wrong in the process and zero extra-credit assignments are given.

Preread by Gay for Gadot and NorrisThePony. A previous version of this originally appeared in 'Missing Pages & Scrawled Footnotes' on March 22nd, 2020 but it has since been removed and published as a stand-alone piece. Contribute to the TVTropes page!

Published 2021-03-28 13:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2021-03-28 13:50:02 UTC

Right Upon the Wall

The first thing that came to Apple Bloom's mind was that she was just like the portrait. Not the portrait of students. A half-dozen of those hung on the wall to show all the classes of Ponyville's schoolhouse since the schoolhouse had first been built. Monochrome faces of teachers and students alike peered out from those, unaware of the literal goddess currently crouching behind Miss Cheerilee's desk, dwarfing it and everypony else gathered in the painfully simple building.

No, that wasn't the portrait on Apple Bloom's mind. Her thoughts were stuck on the other portrait. Only Ponyville's one-room schoolhouse had a photograph of Apple Bloom and her friends with a stiff-smiling Cheerliee. Every school in Equestria had a portrait of Princess Celestia hanging inside, and maybe the front of every classroom did too. Maybe it was law, but Apple Bloom wasn't about to ask about law right now. Not when two pairs of eyes belonging to two Princess Celestias and the eyes of Miss Cheerilee were already watching her and the other Crusaders.

Right under the princess portrait, the words 'Our Sun' in framing the sun princess and all, Twilight Sparkle was pacing. She may be an anxious mare, but Apple Bloom knew that Twilight Sparkle was an adult. She was also an adult who had faced down dragons, chaos gods, and hydras. When she was worried, everypony else should be too.

"Now, my little ponies, I understand that everypony in town received their apologies?" Princess Celestia smiled at the three little fillies, her eyes held somewhere between Apple Bloom and the other Crusaders and the Foal Free Press issues scattered on Miss Cheerliee's desk.

"Yes, Miss Princess." Apple Bloom piped up before the other Crusaders. Miss Cheerliee looked calmed by her manners.

Even though the princess smiled back, Apple Bloom couldn't help but feel that the goddess was doing what Applejack did when she knew Apple Bloom hadn't completed her chores: asking for the answer to something she already knew.

"That's very good," said the princess quietly. "Oh, Twilight, you needn't be so worried. This is only a little chat."

Twilight Sparkle forced a smile. "Ah! I'm so sorry—"

"There's no need to apologize, Twilight."

"Sorry, princess!" Twilight replied bashfully, and Apple Bloom saw Cheerliee look to the schoolhouse roof. It was the exact way she did when students accidentally called her 'mom' or said that timberwolves ate their homework.

The princess made a clucking sound with her tongue. "Oh, my Faithful Student. With the way you're fretting, it's like you're the one who published such things instead of these three nice little fillies sitting in front of us today. Isn't that so?"

"Hmm?" squeaked Sweetie Belle from next to Apple Bloom, pressing her forehooves together tightly upon the desk, all folded and polite for the princess. "D-Do we have permission to not-be-lectured right now?"

"Not that your lectures are bad, Your Most Highness and Awesome Princess-y Majesty!" Scootaloo cut in, wings buzzing like a bee's. One of her ears flicked nervously.

Princess Celestia neither smiled nor frowned, and Apple Bloom's blood went colder than a snowcone at the peak of Mount Canterhorn in a January blizzard. That was bad, wasn't it? "My little ponies, you are all worked up over next to nothing, I assure you. Please, I'm sure that after hearing what I have to say, you'll realize that nothing is wrong. We all just had an itsy-bitsy misunderstanding, and that's nothing to fret about."

"N-Nothing?" stammered Sweetie Belle, her jaw just short of hanging agape. "Gabby Gums was n-nothing?"

"Having to stay after school is nothing?" Scootaloo whispered, voice heavy with earnest confusion. Apple Bloom had to wonder if all that fidgeting Scoots had been doing had unscrewed her head or something.

"Well, I suppose nothing is something of an exaggeration. Let's all just sit and chat about it, hm?"

It had to be no big deal if the princess herself said it was so. Apple Bloom knew that the princess had to know more than just whatever secret reason why they were here — even if Gabby Gums wasn't much of a secret to anypony in Ponyville — and she probably had a magical answer for it too. Ponyfeathers, she probably saw everything through those portraits, right? Did the princess know that Apple Bloom got a C+ on the last spelling test? Or that Scootaloo had been chewing gum last week and stuck it to the bottom of her desk when she was done?

"There is a very serious matter I must discuss with all three of you, but none of you are in trouble right now."

Sweetie Belle's eyes said she knew that when a grown pony said 'right now' it usually meant 'you will be later' when it came to mentions of the word 'trouble' and all its ugly cousins. Apple Bloom knew that too. Only Scootaloo seemed pretty confused why something like 'right now' was added. It was a magic word of parents and Applejack alike — also, probably Rarity — not whoever Scootaloo lived with. She had never said anything other than 'not parents' and when anypony saw that it didn't bother her, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom didn't ask again. After all, it was two fewer ponies who gave out a curfew and chores. Plus, Scootaloo never said anything bad was happening — and the girls trusted their fellow Crusader.

"Do any of you little fillies know what the word 'libel' means?" Princess Celestia asked, her tone with that deceptive lightness that Apple Bloom knew Rarity used sometimes. It was the kind of tone that meant Sweetie couldn't play much longer and that she had to take a break from Crusading for homework, chores, or something equally boring.

"Ohnoohnoohnoohno!" was what rushed out of Sweetie's mouth as her forehooves flew to her face. "We have to stay for a surprise vocab quiz?"

Sweetie Belle's voice cracking on 'quiz' made Scootaloo snicker into one of her own forehooves.

Twilight Sparkle turned close to seven shades of purple lighter, while Miss Cheerliee looked like she might start nibbling at her hooves from where she stood behind the princess. This was the exact moment that Apple Bloom knew she would normally chime 'girls' and bring them back from whatever trouble and craziness — or both — that they had gotten into.

Princess Celestia pursed her lips. Her mane was sparkling differently now, and before Apple Bloom could say what about it was different, the glittery tail of the princess distracted her by coiling around the front of the desk. It almost reminded her of a rattler, except no snake was ever as nice as the goddess. She gave them no time to guess what the word might mean, or say anything beyond Sweetie Belle and Scoots having their little outbursts. It was like being spoonfed.

"Libel is when you say mean things about somepony," Princess Celestia clarified pleasantly.

Twilight Sparkle's brow almost furrowed. "Mareiam-Wordhoof's most recent edition of the Dictionary of the Equuish Language actually defines 'libel' in multiple ways, the first definition being 'a written statement in which a plaintiff in certain courts sets forth the cause of action or the relief sought' though—"

"Twilight," Miss Cheerliee whispered, "I'm not sure if now is the time."

"—however, I think that the second definition regarding false statements is a little closer to what the girls did." Pausing, Twilight Sparkle flicked an ear back and forth, breathing a few breaths in too quickly. "Isn't that right, princess?"

That nervous smile was back, and Apple Bloom shared her confused glance with her fellow Crusaders, only to see that their expressions mirrored her.

Without further ado, Apple Bloom raised one of her hooves. "Miss Princess?"

"Yes, my little pony?" The princess smiled as pretty as a statue, even though Apple Bloom couldn't read her eyes to say if she felt as happy as she looked.

"Ain't lyin' a mite different than sayin' somethin' mean?"

"Not particularly," replied the princess, smiling. "And especially not in the case of libel. Have you girls ever heard the rule 'if you don't have anything nice to share, say nothing at all' from any of your teachers over the years?"

"I think so," Sweetie Belle murmured. "I heard Rarity say that when somepony didn't like her Saturday hours. Mom and Dad say it all the time too. It's super up there, just like The Golden Rule!"

Scootaloo gave a helpless grin and shrug when the princess looked coolly to her.

"My big sis says I should always be honest," Apple Bloom said innocently, unsure why the princess smiled a little smaller at that answer. "I know bein' mean is wrong, princess. I really do. Ain't lyin' wrong too? Which is little, then?"

"Libel," Twilight Sparkle corrected.

"Both," the princess said after a short pause. "Libel is when you write something mean about somepony and show it to the world. Because it is mean, that is what makes it a lie, my little ponies. You wouldn't believe something mean you heard about your sisters, would you?"

"I guess not," Apple Bloom relented.

"Does this mean we b-broke a law?" Scootaloo whispered. "Is that what liver is fancy for? A law?"

"Libel," Twilight Sparkle insisted. Cheerliee just brought her forehoof to her forehead in response.

"Not in the case of fillies as young as you three are," said the princess, her smile back and big again. "Thus my visit to all of you! I'm here to explain something very big to the three of you. Publishing libel about somepony is breaking the law, especially when that particular somepony has protections under the law. Can you girls guess who somepony like that might be?"

"Sapphire Shores?" Sweetie Belle guessed.

"The Wonderbolts!"

"Uh, you and Princess Luna?" Apple Bloom answered, offering her guess as clearly as she could. "You're the princess, right? If you ain't protected from mean words, who is?"

"Scootaloo and Apple Bloom," said Princess Celestia, reading from Miss Cheerilee's list of student names, "would be correct. Military and partly military ponies as well as royalty like myself all have these kinds of protections under the laws of Equestria. When somepony else decides they want to publish something that breaks these rules, they can be punished."

"And being mean is breaking the law?" asked Sweetie Belle, her green eyes filled with dawning understanding.

"Yes, writing mean things about royalty is against the law. Of course, all three of you would never have to face such punishments. No foal ever would. But you need to know that what you say can be illegal, especially if you're a grown-up pony. Can you imagine how terrible things would be if anypony could say whatever mean thing comes to mind about me or the other members of the royal family?"

"Yeah, I 'suppose that kinda makes sense," Apple Bloom says, "but what counts as mean?"

"What do you mean, my little pony?" Princess Celestia blinked, either in surprise or confusion. Apple Bloom found that it was very, very hard to read anything other than the smiles of Princess Celestia. "Do you not understand what counts as mean? Have you ever had peers say something mean about you, or something pops up in your head that you know would be mean to your peers, so you simply never said it?"

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are both already nodding, each needing no more to be said. But Apple Bloom was not done, much to the lingering looks of confusion from Twilight Sparkle and Miss Cheerilee, there were still things about the situation Apple Bloom did not understand.

"I mean, being all unlawful an' the like would be like if somepony started saying Applejack was a liar and she wasn't the Element of Honesty or my amazing big sis, right?"

"That is right, my little pony. I'm so very glad you're starting to understand."

"Okay, princess. But Applejack is one of them ponies like you with name protectin' stuff in this. What if somepony said they didn't like my sis?"

"As in, that they hated her?" Princess Celestia's forehoof tapped patiently on the desk like a clock ticking. Apple Bloom still couldn't read her eyes, but golly did she have the nicest smile.

"Nah, just that they didn't like her. Or that they don't agree with her and thought carrots were a better breakfast than apple cinnamon oatmeal or somethin'." Apple Bloom smiled back at Princess Celestia. "Oh, and AJ is a princess in this, Miss Princess. She's the princess of rodeos!"

"I remember you saying so," said the princess with a smile. "Both of those situations would count as libel under the lèse-majesté laws of Equestria."

"Huh," went Apple Bloom. "Does that fancy word also mean the same thing? Sure sounds like somethin' big an' important."

"Yes, it most certainly does. Now, I'm sure all three of you understand just what kind of things aren't very nice to write about an old royal mare like myself in the future, and that this is something a grown pony can face serious consequences for?"

"Yes, Princess Celestia!" Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo chimed in unison.

Apple Bloom gave her affirmation too, but hers came only a few beats later, while Princess Celestia's class portrait stared down at her.

Author's Note

Did no one else ever spy the portrait of Princess Celestia in the Ponyville schoolhouse?

Also, I'm sorry for inflicting any amount of French on y'all but I just had to do it. I have a vocabulary and I want to use it. One of my pre-readers to this revised and expanded version suggested that I add another chapter, and another didn't. If any readers would like to see more added to this story in the form of a continuation or sequel, please let me know. This story is obviously meant to be focused more on the CMC, and I had an idea for a CMC-related chapter too, but a Celestia-focused one has been suggested. Any thoughts about the matter are welcome in the comments.

I do have two one-shot sequels. One deals with the other CMC and the other carries on with a concept in that story. Both are already written and will be released eventually.

[This was revised for print on 12/22/2020 by the way.]