Hearts and Hooves Day is often seen as the day when you find your very special somepony, and when love fills the air. In fact, the mere thought of Hearts and Hooves Day approaching was enough for anypony to be excited. Buying flowers and candy for each other, sharing a romantic candle-lit dinner, even staying up late snuggling in front of a warm fire while whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears. Yes, Hearts and Hooves Day was definitely the favorite holiday of the year for any romantic.
Just outside of town, however, four ponies were basking in the knowledge that love, true love in fact, could happen at anytime. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Soarin, and Cheese Sandwich were sitting around an unused fire pit next to Cheese's party wagon. They were having a picnic under the warm, late spring sun with a feast that only Pinkie could muster up while reveling in the news that had recently spread throughout Ponyville; Rainbow Dash and Soarin had just announced their engagement.
“So, when's the wedding, lovebirds?” Cheese asked giddily.
Rainbow could only blush and looks towards Soarin. She had been trying to maintain her reputation as the brave, confident pony that she was. Yet, in light of recent events (the dating, the kissing, the private times for cuddling and snogging), her tough exterior was slowly crumbling, gradually revealing more and more of her sensitive side. Of course, this meant talking about personal, sensitive things was all the more awkward for the pegasus.
Seeing the look on her face, Soarin took the hint and spoke up.
“We haven't really decided yet.” He leaned in to Dash and wrapped a foreleg around her in a light hug. “Neither of us thought this could ever happen to us, so we want to make sure to take our time, to do things right.”
“Aww, that's so sweet”, Pinkie chimed in, her heart all aflutter. “So, does that mean you're going to get there slow and then take it fast?” This got Cheese laughing, while Rainbow blushed even harder.
“Geez, Pinkie”, Soarin chuckled. “I thought the lyrics were 'get there fast, and then we'll take it slow.'” He recognized the words from that song by The Beach Bums, one of his favorite...wait, did he just unintentionally imply something? One look at the lewdness in Pinkie's eyes gave him his answer. But before he could correct himself...
“Of course it is, silly”, Pinkie said. “We just figured you two would be fast either way.” This caused her to join in Cheese's laughter. Soarin simply shook his head in amusement while Rainbow's blush had spread across her whole face. After what felt like a lifetime of laughter finally began to slow down, Dash spoke up.
“So, are you two done?”
“Yes!” Cheese proclaimed. “No more sex jokes and double entendres!”
“Good.”
“Until the next one!”
Rainbow facepalmed with a grunt of irritation as Pinkie, Cheese, and now Soarin, all burst out laughing. Normally, she could handle herself in matching wits with anypony else, but her engagement with Soarin, mixed in with future plans and prospects, made it difficult for her to maintain her confident exterior, and her composure. After a while, she felt the foreleg around her pull her in a little tighter, as well as a pair of lips giving her a light peck on the cheek. She opened her eyes and saw Soarin looking at her with a slight look of regret in his eyes. Giving one last chuckle, he turned to their friends.
“Alright, guys”, he said. “I think we've embarrassed Dash long enough.” Dash looked to the earth ponies. It took them a little longer to calm down, but they too eventually got their laughter under control.
“Alright, alright”, Cheese said, just managing to suppress a giggle. “We're sorry for messing with you, Dash, and we didn't mean any offense.”
“Of course not”, Pinkie piped in. “We're just getting it all out of our system now so we can focus on what's to come.”
“'What's to come'?” Soarin asked, a look of confusion on his face. “What are you talking about?”
“That's right”, Cheese answered, his own face taking on a look of gentle seriousness. “Guys, Pinkie and I have been talking about this for a while, and we've decided to be the first to make you two this offer.”
“What offer?” Dash asked, just as confused as Soarin.
“Pinkie and I would like to offer our services in organizing and throwing your reception party”, Cheese said, drawing Pinkie into his side.
Dash's jaw dropped and her eyes grew as big as saucers. Did she really just hear that?
“Rainbow?” Soarin asked, waving his hoof in Dash's face. “You okay there?” Dash shook the thoughts from her head as she turned to face him.
“Soarin”, she began with awe in her voice. “You know how great Pinkie is at throwing parties, right?”
“Well, yeah”, Soarin said. “Who doesn't?”
“Soarin, when it comes to throwing parties, Cheese Sandwich is like the stallion version of Pinkie. In fact, they both threw me my birth-aversary party a few years ago.” This caused Soarin's own eyes to bulge as he looked back and forth between the party planners. They both smiled back, excited looks in their eyes, and nodded.
“Well...uh...wow”, he finally managed.
“I know, right?”
Soarin rarely came to Ponyville, but he had heard plenty of stories of Pinkie's party planning skills, and he knew how great a baker she was. But to have two party planners of this caliber organizing the reception? How could he possibly say no? Then again, it wasn't completely up to him, so it felt right to check first.
“Well, I have no objections, Dash. As long as it's okay with you, that is.” If he had planned to say anything else, it was interrupted when Dash, giddy with excitement, tackled him to the ground and wrapped her forelegs around him in a tight hug.
“Oh thank you, Soarin!” Dash chortled. “I was hoping you'd say that!” Soarin responded by returning the hug. So caught up in the moment were the two that neither of them heard the collective “Aww” coming from their friends.
“This is going to be so sweet”, Pinkie said excitedly. “And it's going to be even more sweet with Vinyl providing the music, Applejack lending us the barn for the party, Cheese and me baking the super special wedding pie, Twilight providing the-”
“Wait, what?” Dash asked, raising her head suddenly, looking at the earth ponies. “What do you mean 'wedding pie?'”
“Well, yeah”, Cheese said. “No reception would be complete without the customary wedding pie, after all.”
“Unnh. Pinkie, do we have to go through this again?” Dash groaned, sitting up.
“Wait a moment”, Soarin said, also sitting up. “Rainbow, I thought you didn't like pies.”
“I don't”, she answered through clenched teeth. This brought a pair of prolonged gasps from Pinkie and Cheese, who were holding their forehooves to their faces in a show of exaggerated surprise.
“Daaaash?! Cheese exhaled with false shock in his voice. “You don't like piiiiies?!”
“Uh”, Soarin said, confused. “She's never liked pies.” The earth ponies gasped again as they turned their gazes towards each other in melodramatic horror. He turned to face Pinkie. “Pinkie, how could you not know that? Don't you remember all those pies you brought to the Academy for her? You know, the ones you-”
His words were interrupted as Dash put a forehoof to his mouth. He looked over to see his fiancee looking up at the sky, shaking her head.
“They know”, she deadpanned. “They're messing with us again.” Soarin looked over and saw Cheese and Pinkie glancing their way and giggling. As soon as his gaze met theirs, they broke out into another fit of laughter.
Sighing, Rainbow stood up, took Soarin's hoof, and pulled him up.
“C'mon”, she said. “Let's get a little privacy.”
Soarin didn't object as he let her lead him to the other side of the wagon.
※ ※ ※
Rainbow and Soarin lay together on the ground in a tender embrace. The wagon didn't provide as much privacy as Dash would've liked, but she was at least grateful to be out of sight of the party planners. It had taken the earth ponies some time to come down off their latest laughing fit, and she was relieved when it had finally died down.
“I had no idea Cheese was as crazy as Pinkie”, Soarin said, running a hoof up and down Rainbow's side.
“Yeah”, Dash chuckled. “You should've been there for the Goof-Off.”
“The...Goof-Off”, Soarin said, trying to remember where he'd head that word before. “You mean the challenge to see who would host your birth-aversary party?”
“That's the one. It was the talk of...the town...for...uh, Soarin?”
“Yeah?”
“Could you not go so low with the hoof?” Dash asked uncomfortably.
Soarin froze. “Wha-?”, he began. Then he looked down and saw his forehoof had glided over Dash's teats. He had been so lost in thought, trying to remember the details of the birth-aversary, that he didn't realize what he was doing.
“Oops”, he chuckled. “Sorry about that.”
“S-Soarin?”
“Yeah?”
“Could you, maybe, pull it back up?”
“Why?” Soarin asked playfully. “I thought you liked getting frisky once in a while.”
That was true. The two would sometimes sneak off somewhere for a little alone time together, and more often than not, the moment would turn at least a little physical. Neither pegasus could deny the enjoyment they had during those moments, or how much closer they bonded as a result.
“In private, Soarin”, Dash hissed, trying to pull Soarin's wayward hoof back up. “When we're alone, and when there isn't somepony a few feet away who can hear us.”
“Really?” Soarin snickered, managing to keep his forehoof in place. “I always thought you loved having an audience.”
Dash could feel her blood pressure rise. She didn't mind the occasional hazing between them, or when the moment would get physically intimate, but having this happen when two of her friends were nearby was getting to be too much. She especially didn't like the fact that her fiance was seemingly unaware of her discomfort. By Celestia, if she wasn't so much in love with him, she would've decked him by now.
Coming to a decision, she glared at Soarin.
“Soarin?” she deadpanned.
“Yeah?” he answered, a smirk spread all over his face.
“Do you know what the word 'gelding' means?” Soarin froze, his eyes bulging out. He knew that word all too well. He remembered back to his days as a cadet. He showed up to a training session drunk one day, and his antics had caused some damage to the Dizzitron. Spitfire was absolutely furious about his conduct. “If you ever show up drunk again, I'll have you gelded to make you more aerodynamic. Got it?” she said.
“Uhhh” was all he could manage.
“Because if you don't get your hoof off of me in five seconds”, Dash began. Soarin quickly retracted his hoof, not wanting to hear the rest. He didn't even want to think about what Dash had in mine. Lucky for him, she didn't finish her sentence. Instead, her glare turned into a smirk as she patted his head.
“Good boy”, she said condescendingly. “Now, don't do that again in public and we won't have any problems. Understand?”
“Y-yes, ma'am”, Soarin said nervously.
“Good”, Dash said, her smirk growing wider. Finally, she was able to get in the last laugh today. She reveled in her brief victory as she leaned in and gave Soarin a quick kiss. “Love you.”
“Love you too”, Soarin sighed in relief. “But, maybe next time we talk, perhaps you could leave out the 'gelding' part?”
“Sure thing”, Rainbow chuckled.
Just then, the pair heard two voices letting out a unified “Aww” from nearby. It didn't take long for them to realize that the sound had come from the other side of the wagon. They shared a brief laugh.
“Oh shut up, you guys”, Rainbow called out with mirth in her voice.
A grunt was heard from the other side of the wagon. What was that, Rainbow wondered. She was about to ask if Pinkie and Cheese were alright, when she felt something small hit her on her muzzle before dropping to the ground.
“Hey, what was-”, she began. Her thoughts were halted when she looked down and saw what had hit her. It was a plump, red cherry, and it lay between her and Soarin.
“What was what?” Soarin asked, still looking around.
Dash picked up the cherry, nudged Soarin's shoulder, and showed it to him.
“They must've tossed it over the wagon”, she chuckled.
Soarin returned the laugh. “Very funny, you guys!” he called out to the earth ponies. This got a round of snickering in response. He then turned his attention to Dash, who was holding out the cherry to him.
“You want it?” she asked. “Cherry's not exactly my favorite flavor.”
“Don't mind if I do”, he answered with the tone of the consummate gentleman. “You are too kind.” Dash smiled as she held the cherry up to Soarin's lips. Soarin took it between his front teeth and, with a sultry grin, bit down and ate it. As if on cue, two gasps could be heard not from behind the wagon, but off to the side. Dash and Soarin turned around and saw Pinkie and Cheese staring at them with the most shocked looks on their faces.
“Did you see that?!” Pinkie whisper-shouted.
“I sure did”, Cheese answered, as in utter surprise. The expression on his face suddenly went from shocked to barely contained mirth. “He just...*snicker* popped her cherry!!” This sent the earth ponies falling onto their backs, erupting with laughter.
Dash and Soarin, however, just sat there completely stunned. Neither of them would've guessed that Cheese would use that kind of humor; it just didn't seem like his particular brand. Dash was even more surprised that Pinkie even knew of it. Today seemed to be full of surprises, and this was definitely no exception.
A full minute had passed before either pegasus could get past the last joke, when Rainbow stood up and pulled Soarin up to his hooves.
“I think I've had enough jokes for today”, she said nervously.
“Y-yeah”, Soarin answered. “Let's, uh, find somewhere more private.” He turned to face the earth ponies. “Alright, you weirdos, we're done for now. We'll talk to you later.” With that said, the pegasi headed back to town.
※ ※ ※
Pinkie and Cheese continued laughing until their friends were out of ear-shot.
“So Cheese”, Pinkie said through her giggling. “I wouldn't have figured you to dabble in that kind of humor.”
“Well”, Cheese said, trying to get a hold of himself. “I actually don't. You know how I travel a lot, right?” Pinkie nodded. “Well”, he blushed. “I tend to pick up a lot jokes and stuff while I'm on the road, and I have to admit that not all of it has been...foal-friendly.”
“Oh really?” Pinkie said with a devilish grin on her face. “Like what, I wonder?”
“Now, now”, Cheese cautioned. “I really shouldn't be telling those kind of jokes around here, especially with all the foals around here.” Pinkie shot him a toothy sideways glance. “Yes, even the cherry joke.” Pinkie chuckled at this as she leaned over and pecked Cheese on the nose.
“So?” she asked.
“So, what?”
“When do you want to tell everypony about us becoming an item?”
Cheese chuckled. “In time, Pinkie. In time. But right now, we have our friends' reception party to plan.” He paused as a mischievous smile spread over his face. “Speaking of our friends.” He stood up and buried his forehooves into his mane.
“Ooh, what do you have in mind?” Pinkie asked curiously.
She didn't have to wait long, when Cheese pulled something out of his mane and set it on the ground. Pinkie wasn't quite sure what to make of it. It appeared to be a gun of some kind, set on a wheeled platform. Its barrel was short and squat, but it was also rifled and appeared to be of high caliber.
“What is it?” she asked, confused.
“I call it my 'party mortar'”, Cheese answered, patting the barrel. “Its range isn't as far as my party howitzer, but its angle guarantees that nopony will hear it coming until it's too late.”
“That's neat!” Pinkie exclaimed. “I just might have to make one myself. But how does it relate to our friends?”
“Glad you asked”, Cheese said excitedly. He reached into his mane again and pulled out a freshly baked cherry pie topped with whipped cream. “Watch this.” He strode to the front of the mortar, slid the pie into the barrel and, after making a few calculations, he turned the mortar in the direction of Ponyville and raised the angle of the barrel.
“That's it”, he said, grabbing the lanyard. He looked at Pinkie with a devil-may-care grin on his face and pointed towards town. “Now watch.”
He pulled the lanyard, setting off the mortar with a ground-shaking blast. Pinkie watched with amazement as the pie was shot into the air at a high angle. It soared majestically over Ponyville, reaching its peak just on the outskirts before turning downwards and plummeting at break-neck speed. It disappeared behind the buildings, followed by a slightly audible 'splat'.
Pinkie turned to Cheese to marvel at his mortar. Cheese, however, had turned his ear in the direction of Ponyville and was listening intently. She looked towards the town when she heard a certain rainbow-maned pegasus' voice filling the air.
“PIIIIINKIEEEEE!!!”
This sent the party ponies into their latest round of laughter, rolling on the ground.
“Bullseye!” Cheese cheered.
“No! Not bullseye” Pinkie returned. “Pony's eye!!” The two continued to laugh, unable to speak, until their sides hurt. After what felt like an eternity, they eventually began to calm down.
“That...that was a good one”, Cheese said, trying to regain his breath.
“Yeah, it sure was”, Pinkie said, also out of breath. She rolled over to face her friend. “So, what do you want to do now?”
Cheese picked himself up as he thought about it. His face suddenly lit up as he got an idea.
“Sex?” he asked.
Without missing a beat Pinkie answered. “Okay.”
“Cool!” Cheese said, stuffing the party mortar back into his mane. He helped Pinkie up and led her into his wagon for some fun.
