This Is How I'll Remember

by Petrichord

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 4170

That snow globe Discord left lying around - who is it for, really?

Fluttershy wasn't expecting to find a snow globe in her closet; even if Angel Bunny pointed it out to her, it most certainly didn't come from him. The most obvious candidate is Discord, but if so - why is it there? Who is it for?

And why does the snow globe have a figure of her inside it, dancing amidst the perpetually falling snow?

*********************************

A very belated Hearth's Warming gift for the ever lovely Nailah. This story was written for Jinglemas 2020; For more information about Jinglemas, check out our group!

All of my thanks to Flashgen for his help.

Published 2021-01-13 13:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-01-13 13:30:00 UTC

Surrounded by Winter

Fluttershy stared at the snow globe atop the music box, watched herself dance an impossible dance to an otherworldly tune in an outfit that she’d never dare to wear and marvelled at how she was more beautiful than she could ever imagine being.

It wasn’t flattery. The pony in the contraption had enough of her characteristics — coat color, mane color and shape, cutie mark, and so on — that it was safe to say that the pony was at least based on her. But manes didn’t flow like silk in the wind recorded in slow motion, and bodies didn’t move without the slightest tremor to disrupt the weightless glide of their limbs. Her lashes were never quite that full, her eyes not quite that large or brimming with unadulterated joy, and she was never that curvy, especially her…

Fluttershy blushed, shook her head a little and continued to watch herself dance in the snow globe.

Could something like this exist in Equestria? All the requisite parts existed, after all. Snow globes were so easy to manufacture that anypony could buy them for ten bits at a market stall near Hearth’s Warming or two bits from a shop trying to clear out their surplus inventory during the hot summer months. Music boxes weren’t too hard to make or shop for, either. Elegant and detailed figurines, while more expensive, could certainly be commissioned from the right sort of sculptor of the right sort of materials. But the animation of the figurine and its movements, both graceful and precise?

The only ponies Fluttershy knew with that level of talent wouldn’t have thought of making something like this, either as a gift or for themselves. Which left—

A short, sharp cough behind Fluttershy made the world around her come rushing back. Suppressing a squeak of apprehension, she turned around.

Angel Bunny — Fluttershy’s pet rabbit and companion of dubious loyalty and affection — stood in the closet doorway, arms crossed, tapping his foot and fixing Fluttershy with the sort of stare that implied she’d been staring at the globe for hours, rather than minutes.

“Oh! Angel!” Fluttershy squeaked, straightening up and silencing the globe’s built-in music box with the flick of a small switch. “I’m sorry! I was just looking for you, because I didn’t know how you wanted your salad prepared today, and I thought I saw you run into the hall closet, so…”

Angel continued to stare at Fluttershy. Somewhere in the back of Fluttershy’s mind, a switch flipped.

“Wait a minute…” Fluttershy set the globe down in front of her. “Angel, did you hop in here because you wanted me to find this?”

Angel rolled his eyes, turned away and bolted off towards the kitchen. Gritting her teeth for a moment, Fluttershy set the globe down and followed him.

Fluttershy had just finished setting both teacups and saucers down on her table when the soft poof of something magically materializing behind her broke the silence in her cottage.

“Oh! Discord!” Fluttershy turned around and smiled. “It’s nice to see you again.”

And today, it most certainly was—moreso than it had been on some of the other days that month, anyway. It was always a delight to have Discord over for tea, but he’d taken to the curious habit of showing up in some sort of elaborate costume or outfit these past few weeks. Some of them — the industrial-era long coat and top hat came to mind — looked rather charming, almost fashionable. But the halo of candles had accidentally lit her drapes on fire, and the “living fir tree” robes the week after leaked a surprising amount of needles onto the floor that took a while to clean up.

Today, though, it seemed as if he had settled for something comparatively restrained. That wasn’t to say it wasn’t elaborate, of course: a brilliant, form-fitting uniform halfway between military dress and royal clothing, complete with glittering pauldrons and an excessive amount of gold trim. But it didn’t leak needles, wasn’t a fire hazard, and even on Discord’s mismatched body it looked rather fetching.

“Здравствуйте, Fluttershy!” Discord replied, puffing out his chest pridefully. “I hope you’ve had a wonderful winter season since last we talked?”

Fluttershy giggled. “You saw me last week, Discord.”

“Exactly! An entire week! One could fit an entire lifetime’s worth of incredible experiences into a week if they knew the right venues to attend at the right times. But I’m sure that, limited as your chances may be to encounter the life-altering and eminently memorable moments that define the highlights of one’s existence, you’ve certainly had a fascinating week in and of yourself. So! Tell me — what have you been up to, Fluttershy?”

Discord leaned in as an excited smile spread over his face, but the smile didn’t entirely match his eyes. Fluttershy had seen that expression on her self-absorbed brother’s face far too often to mistake the message on Discord’s mug: I actually want to talk about myself.

“Well, um…” Fluttershy sat back in her tableside chair. “M-maybe you could tell me where you got your uniform from first? If that isn’t a bother, I mean…”

Discord’s chest puffed out in pride. “Most certainly! Of course, I’ll have to give a little bit of context first. Roughly a week ago…”

“...And the two of them sailed upward and onward on their sleigh, off into the nighttime sky!” Discord dipped his head and flourished dramatically with his paw in the pantomime of a bow. “Cue applause.”

Fluttershy sipped her tea, then smiled. “It sounds amazing, Discord.”

“It was simply phenomenal! Perhaps someday you’ll have the chance to experience such things. But I suppose the mundanities of day-to-day living must tether you to this cottage, mustn’t they?” Discord sighed softly. “Not to denigrate your lifestyle, of course. I understand that your caretaking duties are quite important to you.”

“It is in my cutie mark, Discord.” Fluttershy tilted her teacup towards her mouth again, but her lips met nothing but air. Quizzically, she looked down at her teacup, only to discover that its contents had been drained dry. Setting it back on her saucer, Fluttershy reached for her teapot and tipped its spout towards her teacup.

Nothing.

Fluttershy’s face tinged ever so slightly pinkish in mild embarrassment. “I’ll go make us some more tea.”

“May I…?” Discord probed, holding his empty teacup out towards Fluttershy.

“Of course.” Hooking the handle of Discord’s teacup around one wing and her teacup’s handle around the other, Fluttershy walked towards the kitchen. Her gait was a little ungainly—she didn’t have as much wing control as pegasi who lived in places like Cloudsdale, much less Rainbow Dash—but she still managed to carry both cups to her kitchen counter and set them down without incident. Refilling the kettle by the sink and putting it back on the stove, Fluttershy turned the stove’s burner on again and poked through her cupboards for her tins of tea leaves.

Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Cheeks flushing steadily brighter with every tin she opened, Fluttershy peered into the last of her five tins, desperate to find even the smallest smattering of leaves at the bottom.

Empty.

Rosy-cheeked, Fluttershy poked her head out from the kitchen. “I-I’m sorry, Discord, I forgot to…”

Discord had readjusted his seat to stare directly at her, peering as if he was analyzing the composition of a painting at an art museum. Upon making eye contact, Discord blushed and straightened up in his seat.

“I forgot to buy tea.” Fluttershy sighed. “I knew there was something I was forgetting when I went out for groceries yesterday. I-if you like, I can head out and—”

“Oh, nonsense! That’s quite all right!” Discord chuckled weakly. “Here, I’ll just nip off to my place and bring something back for the two of us, shall I?”

Before Fluttershy could reply, Discord reached up, pinched the air like he was grasping a zipper and unzipped reality. A gash opened up in Fluttershy’s cottage, revealing a blotchy purple void within, and Discord leapt through the tear like a porpoise before it sealed itself shut again.

Fluttershy blinked, shook her head a little and sighed. Not that she didn’t appreciate the offer, but he could have at least given her a chance to respond. And he’d been getting so much better about being respectful and thoughtful these past few months, too—was he just excited about the idea of being able to provide for her, or was it something else?

Thump.

Fluttershy turned her head. Angel Bunny was standing by the closet door again, foot planted on its grainy surface like a drummer’s hind hoof on a bass pedal, staring directly at her.

“Angel?” Fluttershy cocked her head. “I thought you didn’t like being around Discord. Is there something you want?”

Angel nodded, looking slightly exasperated.

“Did I forget the croutons in your—”

Angel rolled his eyes and slammed his foot against the door again.

“Is there something you want from in there?”

Angel shook his head and pointed at Fluttershy.

“Is there something you think I should get from in there?”

Angel nodded.

“Well, what do you…ohhh.” Fluttershy trotted over towards the closet. “The snow globe, right?”

Angel hopped back from the closet door, spreading his forepaws and chittering in a way that couldn’t possibly be mistaken as any other sentiment than “Finally!”

Opening the closet door, Fluttershy picked up the snow globe, lifted it up onto her back and shut the door again. “Angel, do you know who this belongs to? Is it Discord?”

Angel nodded.

“But how did it get here? Did you put it here?”

Angel took a deep breath, puffed up his chest and went into one of the most elaborate pantomimes that Fluttershy had seen him perform in months. In it, a crooked-limbed and ugly-faced creature proceeded to throw its fur all over the place while applauded by a stern-faced pony, before said pony forced a small, helpless rabbit to clean up all of the creature’s fur. By chance, the helpless rabbit discovered a fragile bauble, and decided to hide it away for safekeeping.

Fluttershy resisted the urge to point out that she’d cleaned up the majority of the needles from Discord’s living fir tree robe fiasco. “But why did you tell me about it now? Why not earlier?”

Angel indicated, in no small gestures, that Fluttershy could whip up a mean salad.

“Ahhhh.” Fluttershy sighed softly. “Well, I suppose I should hang onto this in case Discord comes looking for it. I mean, assuming he knows something about it, but…”

Angel stared at Fluttershy.

“...And yes. I’ll go get more croutons for your salad, okay?” Fluttershy added, setting the globe down on the tea table.

Angel beamed.

Discord hadn’t returned by the time Fluttershy had finished re-preparing Angel’s salad.

The kettle was whistling in the kitchen, and Fluttershy silently readjusted the heat to keep the water to a low boil. As the whistling tapered off, her cottage fell into an eerie silence. Wordlessly, Fluttershy tried to keep herself occupied while waiting for Discord to return: rinsing the teacups, tidying up the living room a little, poking through the closet again to make sure that nothing else was out of place or sneakily relocated there by Angel…

Discord was still gone.

Fluttershy returned to the table, sat down on her chair and picked up the snow globe again. Even with the music turned off, the figure inside of the globe continued to dance, and Fluttershy’s eyes remained fixed on its elaborate, intricate movements.

Could she learn to dance like that? The more she watched it, the less impossible it seemed. Sure, ponies almost weren’t supposed to spend that much time on their hind legs, but all the motions flowed together in ways that both defied belief and made sense. Impossible didn’t seem like the right word for it, really; more like it followed dream logic, or—

Reality pulled itself open like taffy, revealing an ugly violet gash right in the middle of Fluttershy’s rug, and Discord slunk back through the gash before pinching the air at the base of the portal and zipping it closed. In one paw, he held an open, unmarked packet the same size and shape as a packet of seeds; on his face, he wore a furtive expression.

“Ah! There you are, Fluttershy. I’m so very sorry about the delay.” Peering down at the packet, Discord swirled its contents around with one finger. “I’ve found us a nice set of tri-tree three tea leaf seeds that I’m sure you’ll love to try. I do hope you’ll apologize for my lateness?”

“It’s fine.” Fluttershy replied, smiling. “I’m sure they couldn’t have been easy to find.”

“Oh, nonsense! I’ve had them lying around for eons!” Discord chuckled. “No, I’ve been searching for something else that I seemed to have misplaced. An inconsequential bit of nothingness in the grand scheme of things, but I’d prefer to have these sorts of affairs squared away…”

Discord looked up and caught sight of Fluttershy and the snow globe.

Instantly, Discord froze. His hands went slack, dropping the packet right onto the floor, and seeds began to roll out of the packet and scatter as Discord stared at her.

“I, um...this…” Fluttershy held out the globe. “I think this is for you, Discord.”

Mutely, Discord took the gift. As the seeds started to burrow into Fluttershy’s wooden floor, Discord peered down at the globe, then back up at Fluttershy, looking much, much more fatigued than he had mere seconds ago.

“That’s right,” Discord replied as clutched the globe tightly. “It isn’t for you. I’m sorry.”

“I…” Fluttershy blinked. “That’s okay.”

“It’s a gift,” Discord clarified. “For myself.”

“Okay.”

For a few seconds, neither said anything. The smattering of seeds, having fully burrowed into Fluttershy’s floor, began to sprout. Discord seemed utterly unfazed by the tiny copse growing around him.

Finally, Discord cleared his throat. “I am planning on getting you something for Hearth’s Warming Eve, for the record.”

“Okay.” Fluttershy nodded. “Um...Discord? Why do you…?”

Discord chuckled weakly and rubbed his eyes. “I was rather hoping we wouldn’t have to have this particular discussion. I’m already feeling most addlebrained and foolish for having the thoughtlessness to forget where I’d left this and not bothering to look for it again for an entire week. Where did you find it?”

“Angel Bunny did. The two of us were cleaning up last week, and I guess he found it buried under one of the piles of pine needles and hid it away on his own.” Fluttershy tilted her head. “I guess he didn’t know how important it was to you.”

Discord’s brow furrowed. “That, or the conniving little trafficker was holding out to extract extra favors from you. I don’t suppose he let you know about the globe after he thought that he could receive something extra from it?”

Fluttershy’s cheeks colored. “Well…”

Discord sighed and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I suppose you’d likely have found it all the same.”

“So then, um…” Fluttershy paused. “Why is it…”

“Important to me?”

Fluttershy nodded.

Discord set the globe down on the table. “I suppose that my innately theatrical side recognizes that showing is preferable to telling, and thus a small demonstration wouldn’t be remiss. That said, I’ll have to pick my brain a little to fully express myself. You aren’t entirely squeamish, are you?”

“Taking care of animals is part of my cutie mark, Discord. Sometimes, it’s, um...unhygienic.”

“Touché.” Discord chuckled, then reached up, grabbed the horns on top of his head and yanked. With a pop, the top part of his head came off, skull and all, just above his eyebrows. Only his brain remained, wrinkled so intricately that trying to sculpt it would be utterly impossible. Seemingly unfazed by his partial deconstruction, Discord jabbed his talon right into the middle of the squishy mass and swirled like he was rearranging the contents of a packet of seeds. Fluttershy did her best not to gag, wrinkle her snout or grimace as Discord swirled, before he finally reached in and pulled out a small glob of something rainbow-colored, pearlescent and shimmering in the afternoon light. As his paw reached up and slapped the top of his head on again with a soft clunk, Discord held the glob out towards Fluttershy. “Here we are. Non-toxic and suitable for general audiences.”

Despite herself, Fluttershy winced slightly. “But what is it?”

“My memories,” Discord replied matter-of-factly. “Or surface level visual impressions, same difference in this case. You can touch it if you want. It won’t hurt you.”

Fluttershy hesitated. Dimly, a small voice in the back of her brain informed her that if almost anypony else asked her to touch a strange blob that came out of their head, it would have been a bridge too far. But part of being friends with Discord was being willing to cross over those bridges and trust that whatever was on the other side would be worth it.

Sucking in a mouthful of air, Fluttershy touched—

And the mare danced

She danced and she didn’t even see it, every motion, every step and swish of her tail and nod of her head part of the intricate ballet of the seemingly infinite possibilities of mortal existence

Articulated movements flowing seamlessly together like water poured from a pot into a cup with every sip and every smile and every fumble she made to find more tea leaves and everything was like silk in the wind recorded in slow motion unadulterated by the slightest tremor

She was weightless she was full lashes and piercing eyes and abundant mane and curves in perfect proportions in perfect detail from her snout down—

Fluttershy jerked her head back, nearly banging her head against the back of her chair. The flush on her face lingered, but not from embarrassment. Seconds passed, and neither of them spoke.

Wordlessly, Discord took the shimmering mass and pressed it against the top of the snow globe. The mass disappeared without a trace, and the globe’s surface seemed unmarred by even the slightest speck; for a few moments, there was no sign that anything had changed. Then the snow within changed from milky, featureless flecks of white to a deluge of miniature prisms, scattering brilliant refractions of light about its self-contained world in an invisible, impossible gust of wind.

“This is your gift to me, for the record” Discord clarified as he reached down to flip the music box switch. “You’ve given me everything I needed to make it. It wouldn’t be possible without you.”

“I…” A lock of Fluttershy’s mane fell in front of her face, and she tucked it behind one ear. “I still don’t understand why you made this, Discord. I-I mean, is there some special reason, or…?”

“Do you know what my gift to you was going to be? Or will be, possibly?” Discord cocked his head as he flipped the switch, and that song—a song unlike any Fluttershy had heard before in Equestria—began to play once more. “I dare say I’d hate if a surprise was ruined for me, but you seem more amenable to spoilers.”

Fluttershy shook her head and leaned forward slightly. “It’s okay, Discord. If you want to tell me—”

“I’ve been telling you all along, actually. Week after week, at all these weekly tea times we’ve partaken in together. Did you think that there might have been something more to my questionable fashion choices than archetypal eccentricity? Or my recent insistence on recounting such a towering catalogue of events might be due to something other than conversational self-indulgence?”

The wrong words bubbled up behind the tip of Fluttershy’s tongue, but she bit back the impulse to state the blunt truth. “I think...whenever you try something I’m unaccustomed to, but it’s something just between the two of us...the best thing for me to do is to accept it and trust that the explanation will be worth it.”

Discord chuckled. “That’s certainly a polite enough way of phrasing a casual acceptance of my essential nonconformity.”

Fluttershy nibbled her lower lip. “I don’t like arguments, Discord.”

“I know. And that’s something I’d find most detestably dull on anycreature else, and I’m slightly baffled as to why I find it so charming when it comes from you. But I suppose it’s easy enough for our minds to get muddled when our thoughts tend to wander, isn’t it? Point aside…” Discord looked down, as if realizing for the first time that he was still wearing his atypically dashing formalwear. With an irritated snap of his fingers, it vanished, leaving behind an unadorned and unvarnished Discord; nothing more, nothing less. “I suppose my attempts at ornamentation don’t particularly impress you? Forgive my assumptions if they’re incorrect, but I’d assumed that you valued experiences over material possessions. Generally speaking, of course.”

Fluttershy hesitated briefly, then nodded. “I-I guess so. I don’t think that’s wrong.”

“Then why give you some trinket or bauble you won’t think thrice about when I could treat you to an unforgettably delightful experience? I’ve not plucked my choice of entertainment out of a hat, you know.” Discord snapped his fingers again and deftly caught a top hat that fell from the sky, flipped it upside down and pulled out a small smattering of notes. “Every event I’ve attended has been an event that I thought you would enjoy: A journey through the Primeval Forests of Tomsk, a Soiree with the Ten Enlightened Philosophers, a feast at Adler II’s castle—the last two as an honored guest, of course—front row seats at a production of Herr Drosselneigher’s Toy Box…you seemed particularly taken with that one. Unless I misread things?”

“No! Not at all!” Fluttershy shook her head. “I just, I mean...I didn’t think this was for my sake.”

“Our sake, really. I’ve been to many different events as many different creatures of all shapes and sizes, but I haven’t gone anywhere as myself. Not so far.” With a flick of his wrist, Discord’s top hat disappeared, as if he was a stage magician performing a particularly impressive trick—except, of course, that this time the magic was real. “It wouldn’t be the same without you. If I’m going to go as Discord, I’d...I’d much prefer to travel with the only pony I know who outshines me in all the most important regards.”

Any reply that Fluttershy might have made was drowned out by the furious blush that bloomed up in her cheeks. Upon seeing her blush, Discord smiled, but the smile didn’t quite match his eyes.

“And that’s why I have this.” Discord reached over and lifted up the music box and the snow globe attached to it, carefully watching the figurine inside of it dance. “A small smattering of my memories of you, its beauty ensconced in something more tangible — more understandable to other ponies. A testament to the way you move. The music you bring to my heart, wittingly or unwittingly. Amidst the turbulent elements of mortal existence, your presence is a constant, your impact is a constant, even when you’re not around to appreciate it.”

Discord’s voice cracked slightly. The tri-tree three tea leaf seeds had bloomed into full plants; the way Discord stood amidst them reminded Fluttershy of the first time she’d been in a prairie, and her juxtaposed fear of getting lost amidst the tall grasses with her fascination of the lush biome around her.

“I’ve lived for a very, very long time, Fluttershy” Discord said. “To me, you’ll live for no time at all. But I’d prefer not to fear for the days when my memories of you wither and fade, so this is how I’ll remember you: forever young, forever beautiful, dancing to life’s invisible symphony among the cold truth of mortality.”

Discord stared at Fluttershy with earnestness so intense that it almost burned. Fluttershy didn’t dare look away for several long seconds.

Then she giggled softly, shattering the oppressive tension in the cottage.

Discord blinked. “I...I beg your pardon?”

“It’s...it’s just that I’ve never learned how to dance properly. I’ve never had a teacher.”

Discord stared at her. Then, simultaneously, they began to laugh. Something maddening and mirthful overtook them in a wave, redoubling their laughter over and over until Fluttershy started wheezing and tears started running down Discord’s cheeks. The squeezing, clutching atmosphere of minutes before wavered and waned as seconds ticked by in mutual hysteria, until all the solemnity disappeared in the last sputtering chuckle.

“Well, then…” Discord set the snow globe down and extended his claw. “Would you like to?”

Fluttershy took his paw and let him guide her up onto her hind legs. As his claw guided her forehoof outward, his paw cupped her back for support and guided her out of the impromptu cottage in the garden.

And as an otherworldly tune echoed up softly from the snow globe’s music box, the two began to dance.