Boogie ain't boutta go like that
DeMarcus Cousins was furious. No, beyond furious. Words couldn't even describe his anger at his current situation.
It had started off like shit. He got an unfair call in an NBA game against the Lakers, so he pointed out his side of the argument to the ref. The result was a technical foul on him, which then turned to an ejection. He was furious at this and stormed off the court. A crazy sequence of events followed that led him to the shithole called Equestria. He hated it. He had tried to find answers but was annoyed that none of the creatures here(called "ponies") knew anything. He ended up getting into a fight, and then into jail. Or pony prison as the "princess" called it.
He had been forcefully restrained by the ponies and put in a jail cell. His cellmate looked muscular for a pony, but he bet he could drop him in less than a minute.
"So what you in for?" it asked him. He turned, slightly surprised. This pony didn't question his species. Guess he's seen weirder things.
"I fought a pony." said Cousins. He didn't need to say any more. The other pony looked amazed.
"W-what?" it stammered. Cousins looked back over at it, confused. "W-why would you do that?"
"The hell you shocked for?" he replied. "This is prison. What did you do?"
"I-I shoved a mare," he replied. "But I would never fight anypony. That's messed up."
Cousins raised his eyebrows and chuckled."Seriously?" he said. "That's why you're here? Is everyone here in for a pussy crime?"
"Watch your language dude!" the pony said. "I-I'll get the guards!"
"And who the hell are you?" said Cousins, getting up from the stiff bed he was sitting on. The pony was small compared to him.
"M-my name is Iron Bars," He replied. The pony was light grey with a tattoo of iron bars on his flank. Cousins sighed and sat back down. He wanted to snap, but he needed to be smart. No way in hell he was spending two years here in this lightweight "prison". He hated this world.
"What's your name?" asked Iron Bars.
"DeMarcus Cousins," he said, trying to take the "nice guy" route. Everyone here was probably a lightweight here for small crimes, but given the way the ponies restrained him in order to get him to his cell made him consider the possibility that they might have some pretty bad punishments in store for him if he didn't behave. He didn't know these ponies.
"Mind if I call you Cousins then?" Iron Bars asked.
"Whatever," Cousins replied. He sighed again and lay down on his bed. It felt like it was made of a block of metal rather than a mattress. He spent the next hour contemplating possible escape plans and studying the guards. Some looked strong, enough to overpower him if there were a lot of them, and some looked more tame and laid-back, with hardly any muscular qualities. He also noticed some guards that appeared to be female.
He was wishing he was still under the rule of Adam Silver and the league when the cell doors opened. A guard came in and said, "Lunchtime! Move it!"
Cousins studied the guard. He seemed alert. He was light blue with a darker blue mane and a tattoo of a speech bubble on his flank. He decided to try something.
"Nice hat," he said.
"No," said the guard, pushing them towards the line of ponies waiting for whatever "lunch" was going to be.
Cousins was angry at the guard's response but held it in. He wasn't going to ask for anything. He was trying to get the guard on his side, hoping that that would aid him in his escape. But it didn't work. Now he needed to think of a different method.
Lunch turned out to be slop. A small mountain of beige slop that resembled oat gruel. He took it and sat down on the extremely small cafeteria benches clearly not meant for humans. For the third time today he sighed. He was still wearing his red Rockets warmup jacket, which attracted some brief stares from the other inmates. He looked down at his black warmup pants and had a realization so obvious he wanted to smack himself in the head for not realizing it sooner.
He had pockets! He dug his hand into his left pocket and found his car keys and a 5-dollar bill. Both were useless now. In his right pocket was his phone and wallet. He wondered for a minute why he kept all these things in his warmup suit, then remembered that he was in a hurry to leave the arena before he landed here.
He turned on his phone. The screen came to life, and his lock screen showed. He unlocked his phone and was about to call his brother Jaleel when he heard a voice behind him that made him jump.
"What you got there?" it was a guard. It was a mare with a yellow coat, an orange mane, and a horn. Her large green eyes stared at DeMarcus Cousins as he quickly shoved his phone back into his pocket.
"Nothing," he replied.
"Let me see," the guard said. Cousins stood up and spread his arms a bit. It didn't go unnoticed.
"The guard stared him down for a minute. "I'll be watching you." it said, then walked away. Cousins sat back down and chuckled to himself. He took his phone back out of his pocket and had typed 2 digits of Jaleel's number when his phone began to glow yellow. The phone then began to wrestle with his grip. Cousins tried to hold onto it but failed as the cell phone wrenched itself free and floated over to the guard from earlier, who had indeed been watching him.
DeMarcus Cousins was bewildered. "The fuck?" he said. "Really?"
"Watch your language!" said another guard.
"Fuck this!" Cousins said. He jumped up and made a run for the exit door. He burst through it and found himself in a hallway leading to a lobby, He sprinted down the hallway and was about to make it into the lobby when a muscular pony jumped on him from behind. He wrestled with the pony, trying to get back up. As soon as he managed to throw the guard off another one jumped on him. A minute later he was buried under a pile of ponies. He struggled to breathe as they pinned him down.
"Fuck!" he tried to say. His voice was so muffled it was unintelligible. He was once again tied up with a rope, and taken to a smaller cell, this time without a cellmate. He was in solitary confinement.
At least here he could sit without another pony up his ass. He was losing hope. If only he had managed to reach that door...
He laid down on the stiff bed and sighed. It was going to be a long sentence.
Author's Note
DeMarcus Cousins has been getting ejected a lot lately so I made this.
*Don't* Expect a sequel to this one, I've got an idea for it.
